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#because I probably never will
collaredkittyboy · 2 months
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astraldemise · 1 year
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why do pigeons like the train station so much. theyre never hanging around the bus station or the airport. why do they like train station
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inkskinned · 9 months
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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bottombaron · 7 months
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The scarest thing about Nandor being actually smart in all things Guillermo is that this is the reason why he'll never make the move to be with him:
Nandor already knows how he feels about Guillermo.
He's not even repressing it. He's just made peace with it. Because Guillermo was never an option.
Guillermo is human. He'll choose to stay human. He's fleeting. He'll always leave in some form or fashion. Nandor doesn’t choose to act on his feelings for Guillermo for the same reason why he never turned him. It would just be a curse.
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spr1ng-b0y · 1 year
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Don't ever hold me accountable for finishing drawings lol
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spielzeugkaiser · 8 months
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How it started-
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How it's going!! They are a family and I am!!! also draw the hug you want to see in the show but they are forgiven because them meeting in brokilon was still soooo tender my HEART-
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thedreadvampy · 1 year
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Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.
"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."
translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"
It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!
very this
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#red said#it's just. I'm obsessed.#everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong#this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT#because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION#i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this?#why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered#but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances#then she left and nothing else occurred'#if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING#i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened#because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all.#a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman#b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening#c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that?#you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much#it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'
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i-am-trash-10 · 8 months
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What I really loved in the Barbie movie was how you knew what Ken was becoming.
Because it wasn’t just Ken saying, “hey over here men can be doctors” or “hey I feel respected and seen here,” it was Ken saying “over here men rule the world, and I like that.”
There was a kind of futile knowledge of what Ken was going to do. We saw him discover this point of view, fully believe it and we just knew that Ken was going to share this point of view to the other Kens.
It was kind of like seeing a young boy discover a men’s rights YouTuber and have his insecurities feel seen and his thoughts validated. And it’s so hard to stop it, because it feels good to be seen, to rule the world! But those things shouldn’t come at someone else’s expense!
I honestly felt sad when I realised what was happening, because it is sad when people turn to hatred and contempt to gain self-respect and self-esteem.
The real world tainted Ken, because that’s what this world does, it’s tough and cruel and it’s so easy now to find someone who shares your point of view, no matter how divisive.
But, Ken changed! He realised that being Ken was enough, that he didn’t need to be Barbie’s and Barbie wasn’t his. People change and that’s beautiful. This world changes us, and sometimes that’s sad, but sometimes it’s also amazing. And I think that’s such a beautiful message.
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rendevok · 9 months
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“Take my hand” pages 5-11
1 - day 2 - truth - 3
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carlyraejepsans · 3 months
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when i was around 9 my family cat died and i was understandably upset about it. so a few days later in my elementary catholic class (italian thing. ask mussolini about it and then hang him again) i drew a picture of "what i thought heaven looked like". and what heaven looked like to me was god standing around with an arm around jesus' shoulders being like "and THEN my wonderful son did this..." with jesus looking visibly embarrassed, because that's how a good dad is supposed to act, while all the angels and souls of the departed sat at their feet looking impressed in their wings and haloes. various pets being among them, such as my cat, my grandpa's old dog etc, also behaloed and winged. except when i went to show my drawing to the teacher explaining my artistic thought process, she looked at it and went "nice. but animals don't go to heaven because they don't have souls like us."
i wish. oh how i wish every day of my life that i'd been the hypersensitive, quick-to-tears kid that would've undoubtedly triggered a whole class religious schism when my classmates found out why i was screaming and sobbing my eyes out. but alas, i just discarded her theological theory altogether. what a silly woman she was. she must've never had pets, otherwise she'd clearly know they DO have a soul. boy, was she gonna get a surprise when she got to heaven.
now that i think back on it, you have to laugh at the heartless, eye-opening cruelty of looking a grieving child in the eye and saying "sorry kid, little mina's not getting into heaven." what a succinct summary of catholicism. anyway, I'm not christian anymore.
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somecunttookmyurl · 6 months
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i'm not reblogging the whole post again but @zorilleerrant you are so real for this
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holyvirgilscriptures · 5 months
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When a person belonging to a minority group says or does something bad, you are, of course, free to criticize them. But it still does not give you the right to be a bigot. Noah Schnapp sharing stupid, careless, and uninformed geopolitical opinions deserves to be called out, but it does not mean that you suddenly get to tell him that he should have been gassed by Hitler or killed by anti-Jewish hate groups or terrorists — both things I've read on Twitter and on Tumblr. It does not justify you calling him homophobic or antisemitic slurs.
"But he deserves it!" you argue. First of all, why do you think so? What makes it okay for any person to be given the green signal to get called slurs, or have people advocate for them to get hatecrimed? And more importantly, you are only signaling to your Jewish friends that you are actually capable of antisemitism. Same thing goes with your queer friends, or any friends belonging to a minority group. When you justify one form of bigotry, even to just one person — you justify all forms of bigotry.
So if you find yourself doing any of these, ask yourself why it's so easy to slip into bigoted rhetoric instead of simply focusing your criticism on what a person did/said.
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ghirahimbo · 5 months
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evil time loop escape conditions where you can't get out until you've fuucked up your life in the most spectacular way possible, confident that the next night will reset the slate as usual.
instead, the next day comes.
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monakisu · 3 months
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light gets it from his mom… “it” as in “two-faced backstabbing snakery” ˘ᗜ˘🐍
(late) gift 3/3 for my secret santa @llawlieta !!! for ur prompt of yagami family Fucked Up goodness ( ͒•·̫|💚🍭🎀 hope u enjoy!! HAPPY HOLS! * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊
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entrope-y · 4 months
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I see your “Eddie actually had a crush on Steve from the very beginning of high school and he’s mortifyingly embarrassed about it” and I raise you: Steve didn’t land on Eddie’s radar UNTIL Steve came back beat to shit and haunted by the horrors post s1. THEN it was all:
Eddie: oh my god…he’s so pathetic and mysterious….
All of Hellfire: ?? He has a black eye because he lost a fight with high school weakling Jonathan Byers? What the hell are you talking about?
*Steve, trying to get lunch and instead tripping and eating IMMENSE shit when the lights flicker. Food is everywhere, he has noodles in his hair. Everyone is snickering and staring as he stares haunted up at the ceiling*
Eddie, already fanning himself with a stack of character sheets and making goo-goo eyes: I can’t NOT fuck him
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