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bellaxgiornata · 10 months

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All These Years [Part 5: "Graduation"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: You met Matthew Murdock unexpectedly at Columbia University and you couldn't deny that there was an instant attraction–for you. But for Matt, you became as close of a friend to him as Foggy did. As the years pass by, your feelings only grow for your best friend, but all you can do is watch as he dates and sleeps with every other woman on campus and eventually in New York City but you.

Warnings/tags: 18+ for this series; contains emotional hurt with no comfort until the final installments, angst, pining, friends to lovers, slowburn, and eventually smut

Word Count: 4.2k

a/n: This one hurts a little differently than the others. But oh, the next installment will be interesting...and that one is tentatively titled "Jealous and Impolite," but the title may change a tad when I have it written out. And we're pretending Foggy and Matt briefly get an apartment together at the beginning of their internship but then have their own place shortly before they open their own firm (but it's not really important besides Matt's upcoming nighttime hobby). The list of installments for this series can be found here. And feedback is always appreciated!

Tag list: @acharliecoxedfan @theetherealbloom @rotscinema @magnumstyles @roseallisonparker @ofmusesandsecrets @readerhead @paracosmic-murdock @v4leoftears @why-always-me-gosh-please @redbircl @keepingitlokiii @yarrystyleeza @mattkinsella2 @ms-murdockswift

Weaving your way around the crowds of people milling about in different directions outside on the campus lawn, your hands nervously fidgeted with the powder blue cap held between them. Your robes swished around your bare calves as you navigated the uproar around you, the weight of them uncomfortable over your dress on this warmer late May afternoon. All the while your eyes searched for Matt and Foggy among the chaos as you maneuvered your way around group after group of people.

Your graduation ceremony had finished just before theirs, but you'd stayed behind in order to watch the pair of them walk, just like you’d promised them you would. You hadn't had a chance to see either of them before graduation this morning though, having been too busy getting ready yourself while trying to refrain from vomiting from the nerves swirling in your stomach. And when Matt's name had finally been called out and you had seen him walk across that stage in his own powder blue cap and gown, your heart had nearly stopped in your chest at the sight. It was like time had slowed down to a drag, your eyes following his every movement. He looked so handsome and happy, a broad smile on his face as he accepted the diploma cover. It wasn't until he'd walked off the stage that you had realized you'd been holding your breath, a wide smile spread across your own mouth.

After his breakup with Elektra, Matt’s motivation had significantly plummeted. He’d been a mess for weeks, barely ever wanting to leave his bed and attend classes. He often said it wasn’t because of her, trying to deny it everytime you or Foggy tried to comfort him over the situation, but you and Foggy knew better. Matt hadn’t been himself for a very long time after Elektra had broken his heart. He’d even almost missed an important exam that he needed to pass in order to graduate the other week. If it hadn’t been for Foggy forcing him to get out of bed and get dressed and then practically dragging him to the exam himself, Matt would surely have missed it and he wouldn’t have been walking across that stage today.

And the thought of that killed you, knowing just how much it had meant to Matt to graduate with this degree. How hard he’d been working for years for it. He had always been so incredibly passionate about law and about wanting to help those who weren’t fortunate enough to be able to afford good legal representation in the future. He’d been like that since the day you’d first met him in the library. You had spent many a night over the past couple of years listening to him and Foggy debate different topics in their dorm room–ethics often being a big one between them. And the way Matt always spoke so eloquently and intensely about his love and desire to help others had only steadily grown your love for him in return over the years you’d come to know him. He had the most compassionate heart of anyone you’d ever met and he had the most brilliant mind to accompany it. So it only broke your own heart further seeing him giving up on his dreams ever since she had disappeared. Which had once again only given you further reason to hate Elektra–she’d come into his life in a whirlwind and left a mess of the man he’d once been in her wake.

Though while she’d certainly crushed his spirit–withering it away to almost nothing–she hadn’t broken him completely. You and Foggy had spent plenty of time picking up the pieces and putting him slowly back together. Encouraging him to focus on his studies and to let her go. Eventually he’d done just that, and now him and Foggy were off to intern at a large law firm–Landman and Zack. The pair of them had even gotten an apartment together lined up. Meanwhile, you were still waiting to hear back about the position you’d interviewed for last week, hoping you would have the funds to continue to pay for the apartment you’d recently leased. You were waiting on that news to come some time today, though.

The sound of your name being called out from behind you drew you to a stop and pulled you straight from your thoughts. Your brows furrowed as you spun in a circle, searching for whoever it was that might have been calling for you. A few seconds later, your eyes scanning the throngs of people around you, you finally spotted Foggy and Matt emerging from the masses. Both men were grinning wide, Matt holding onto Foggy’s forearm as Foggy led the pair of them over towards you. They were clutching their diploma covers under an arm, the sight still surreal.

“I didn’t think I’d ever find you two!” you exclaimed, making your way towards them.

“It’s a goddamn madhouse here!” Foggy shouted back, the grin never leaving his mouth. “And don’t you look stunning in that baby blue potato sack!”

You laughed, shooting Foggy the finger before your eyes shifted to Matt. The pair of them came to a stop just before you and you felt your heart speed up in your chest as your eyes took in the sight of Matt in his cap and gown. His dark glasses were covering his eyes, but nothing could hide the glow of sheer happiness and excitement on his face as he beamed back at you. You tried hard to fight the ridiculous smile on your own face as you stared at him for a moment, but you noticed Foggy beside him had certainly caught the stupid, dopey smile you were aiming at Matt. Heat rose up to your cheeks as you glanced down in embarrassment, grateful Matt couldn’t see it himself.

“We fucking did it!” Foggy cried out.

“I can’t believe it still,” you admitted, running a hand through your hair. “Like, I feel like I still have classes next week to attend. Projects to finish. More boring lectures to heavily caffeinate before so I don’t fall asleep.”

Matt chuckled, the sound warm and comforting to your nerves. He was always so comforting to you, though, you thought. And he never even realized it.

“It might be awhile before it sinks in, but you certainly don’t have all of that to worry about anymore,” he assured you.

“No,” Foggy cut in. “Now we just have to worry about getting jobs and paying bills.”

“Speaking of,” Matt began, his head tilting to the side as he focused in on you, “did you hear back from that company yet?”

Shaking your head a little solemnly, you replied with a soft, “No.”

“Ahh, well,” he said, the smile never leaving his face, “I’m sure you’ll hear back later today with good news. You’re amazing and they’d be morons not to hire you.”

“If only I could put that on my resume,” you joked.

Someone hit your elbow as they barreled past you from behind. You winced, rubbing your arm as you shot them a glare at their back. Beside Matt, Foggy sent you a sympathetic look.

“Why don’t we get out of this post-ceremony chaos?” he suggested. “Before the next one starts?”

Your eyes darted around, taking in the neverending streams of people. There was a sea of powder blue almost everywhere you looked.

“Yeah, I think that’s a great idea,” you agreed.

Matt quickly shifted his diploma cover to his hand, extending the arm he wasn’t hanging on to Foggy with out towards you. Your eyes dropped down to it, your brows drawing together in confusion.

“Here, you want to hold on to me?” Matt asked, his arm still offered towards you. “I don’t want to lose you out here. I know I can’t actually see the chaos ensuing, but I can certainly hear it. Sounds pretty bad.”

Switching your own diploma to the other hand, you reached out and looped your arm through Matt’s. He drew you in close to his side immediately after, taking you by surprise when your hip bumped up against his thigh under his graduation gown. Foggy peering around Matt completely cut off whatever reaction your body was about to have to that contact instantly.

“Hey, you want to come with us to grab lunch?” Foggy asked. “My family wanted to celebrate last minute and I know yours couldn’t be here today. You want to join us?”

The three of you began walking, Foggy and you navigating the group of you around the masses of people as Matt fell in step between you both. Your hip kept brushing up against Matt’s thigh though and it was taking every ounce of your focus to ignore it as you walked.

“Oh, lunch?” you asked, hip yet again bumping Matt’s solid thigh.

“You’d make me feel less like the weird, adopted child,” Matt joked.

You laughed lightly, turning your body just at the last moment towards Matt to avoid bumping into a couple walking past you. You felt his arm tense around yours as your chest briefly pressed against him before you swiftly pulled back away.

“I uh, I can’t,” you answered quickly, trying to ignore whatever weirdness you’d just caused. “I haven’t finished packing up my dorm fully. Sort of wanted to get it done before dinner tonight.”

Foggy peered around Matt again, catching your eye. “You’re still coming over to celebrate tonight at least, right?” he asked. “Because I’ll be mad at you if you don’t.”

You scoffed loudly, rolling your eyes. “Are you kidding me, Nelson? Of course I’m coming over to celebrate our last night in our dorms. Why the hell would I miss that?” you asked.

“Just making sure,” he said.

The three of you finally made it away from the ceremony location, coming to a stop just before one of the main paths on campus. People were still milling about, but it was at least vastly less populated here. You slipped your arm out from underneath Matt’s, his head snapping towards you at the loss of contact.

“This is where we part ways for now then, boys,” you said. “Enjoy your lunch and I’ll see you both later. I’ve got some packing to finish.”

“You’re missing out!” Foggy called after you.

You turned, heading the familiar path back to your residence hall, your heels clicking along the sidewalk as you went.

“Don’t I know it,” you muttered to yourself, your mind already wandering back to Matt.

Legs crossed on the end of Matt’s bed, you were staring at Foggy across the room. He was passed out, lying half upright against the headboard of his own bed, his mouth hanging open as he snored lightly. The empty pizza box of the pizza the three of you had devoured a bit ago sat open on the end of his mattress.

“Told you he’d be the first to pass out,” Matt said behind you.

You rolled your eyes at his comment, your head turning back towards him. He was leaning against his headboard, one leg crossed over the other in his dark sweatpants. His arms were behind his head, a smile on his mouth. He looked the picture of relaxed as he lay there, his eyes fixed near you on the end of his bed. It never ceased to amaze you how unfairly attractive he was at all times.

“Foggy always passes out first,” you pointed out. “Not really anything new there, Murdock.”

He laughed lightly, nodding his head. “You have a point,” he agreed. “Suppose it wouldn’t be our last night here if it didn’t involve Foggy passing out early after a handful of beers.”

A heaviness hit you in the chest at Matt’s words, your eyes dropping down to your lap. Your fingers played with the hem of your jeans, a soft sigh leaving you. Matt’s foot gently nudged your knee, drawing your attention back up to his face. His dark brows were drawn together, a deep crease forming on his forehead. His head tilted to the side as he studied you with a slight frown.

“What’s up?” he asked. “Thought you’d be more excited. We just graduated. You got the job you wanted–which I mean, I already knew you would. But this is supposed to be a good night. Why the sullenness?”

Because I also won’t have nights like these ever again.

“I am excited,” you admitted slowly. “But I mean it’s–it’s a little bittersweet, isn't it? Hanging out with you and Foggy was my routine for a couple of years now. Coming over here and studying with you guys. Or just drinking and hanging out and ordering incredibly strange combinations of takeout.”

Matt broke into a laugh, the bright sound cutting you off. “Certainly some strange combinations. Foggy is a genius when it comes to ordering the right food when you’re drunk though,” he mused.

“Yeah, he is,” you agreed, a sad smile on your lips. “And that was our thing for years. But now?” You shrugged lightly. “I won't be able to just walk to the residence hall beside mine and hop on an elevator to reach your guys' place. There's no more sitting around eating pizza and drinking beer late at night after tonight.” You felt your eyes welling up with tears and you immediately focused back on your fidgeting hands. “Now we’re getting apartments and jobs. Becoming adults. Needing sleep because we work."

And I’m losing you.

Your heart twisted in your chest at the thought. Sure, you weren’t leaving New York City and neither were they–hell, you were all moving into Hell’s Kitchen. But how long before your lives went in separate directions? Before they settled down and became successful lawyers who ran in entirely different circles than you? When would your friendship suddenly fall away?

“Hey,” Matt said softly.

The tone of his voice caught your attention and you looked back up at him. You watched him scoot over on the bed, his left hand coming down and patting the space beside him. Your lip slipped between your teeth as you nervously chewed it.

“Come sit with me?” he asked.

Unable to ever refuse Matt, you uncrossed your legs and made your way gradually over to the top of his bed. Sitting down beside him, you leant your back against his headboard and settled in next to him. It took you by surprise when Matt easily slipped his left arm around your shoulders and drew you further into his side until your head inevitably rested along his shoulder. Your hands awkwardly clasped together in your lap, feeling unsure what to do with them. Matt had never really been this forthright with you before.

“It is a little bittersweet,” he agreed gently. “You and Foggy have become like the family I never really had while I’ve been here. And you–you both mean a lot to me.”

He blew out a breath slowly, your head falling with the movement of his shoulder. You noticed he smelled really good, as if he’d put on a faint bit of cologne today. Something you never really noticed him doing before. Your head turned just a bit in towards his neck as you tried to breathe in the scent of him a little more, committing it to memory.

“Things are changing, sure,” he continued, “but I still plan to be here as long as you are. I don’t think anything can separate the three of us.”

“You say that now,” you mumbled. “But you don’t know how the next few years are going to go.”

His arm lightly shook you, your name falling from his lips so softly. The sound of it drew the corners of your mouth up ever so slightly.

“You are one of my absolute best friends,” Matt admitted. “And as long as you want my dumb ass as your friend, I’ll always be here.”

You snorted in amusement, shaking your head against his shoulder and ignoring that dull ache that always hit you when Matt called you his friend.

“You’re the furthest thing from being a dumbass,” you said. “Especially with your fancy new law degree now.”

He chuckled, the sound a pleasant, deep rumble in your ears. You smiled, eyes dropping closed as you leaned further into him. You wanted to memorize every detail of this moment with him, to commit it to memory in your mind forever, because you were certain you’d never have another moment like this again with Matt. Not after college. He'd certainly be bombarded with beautiful women left and right, especially as a successful lawyer. Eventually he’d find someone and settle down with them. And you would slowly fade from his life no matter what he said.

Your eyes tightened a little harder, fighting back the threat of tears at that thought. You didn’t want to think about the day Matt was no longer a part of your life.

"We can still get together on the weekends," Matt told you. "Maybe Saturday nights? We can make it a thing, even."

"Fog said you guys were going to be insanely busy at that internship," you pointed out, fighting to keep your voice from cracking. "Working weekends even."

Matt shrugged in response, your head rising and falling with the movement yet again. You felt his hand begin to gently rub along your arm, the gesture confusing as much as it was comforting you. Matt had never touched you like this before, had never wanted you close to him like this. He must have been experiencing that same bittersweet nostalgic feeling you were with knowing both your lives were about to change drastically.

"We'll figure it out," he promised you. "We're bound to take breaks at some point, right? We'll make it work. I'm not losing you."

Your hands balled into fists in your lap, your jaw tightening at what he’d said. Those last four words hung heavy in the air between the pair of you. The desire to suddenly spill forth your feelings to Matt was almost unbearable. Whether it was from the excitement of the day, the three beers you’d had tonight, the nervous fear of how things were about to change, or the way Matt’s hand was still soothingly gliding back and forth along your arm, you somehow found yourself wanting to tell him how you felt. You desperately wanted him to know how much you’d loved him for years.

Your fingernails dug into your palms from where your hands were still balled up. The thought of having that weight lifted from your shoulders was so tempting. You just wanted to stop hiding it from him, to stop holding yourself back. You just wanted to say it, just once.

But you knew you couldn't ultimately say anything at all. Matt had said it himself multiple times tonight already–you were his friend. Like family to him. He wouldn’t want to hear you express your love for him in any way that wasn’t strictly familial and platonic.

“I wish my dad had been here today,” Matt whispered.

With a shaky exhale, your eyelids flew back open and you pushed your previous thoughts aside–as you'd done many times before. You focused on Matt instead. Shifting your head along his shoulder, you looked up at him beside you. His lips were pulled into a deep frown, the sorrow written plain as day in his eyes as he stared blankly across the room. The sight had your heart squeezing in your chest exactly like it had done that day you’d seen him after Elektra had smashed his heart.

You knew how much he loved his father and how much he missed him. He’d had a very deep conversation with you one night, a little over a year ago, spilling his heart to you about his father's death. He’d told you how it had affected him. He’d even confessed that he hadn’t ever told Foggy all of that before, that he’d only ever told you. And you had felt honored he would even open up that much to you, expressing such deep, personal feelings. Especially because Matt didn’t let people in easily.

“He was here in his own way today,” you assured him. “And he’d be proud of you, Matt. You graduated at the top of your class. From an Ivy League law school.”

"I just wish I could tell him," he whispered. "Hear what he'd say to me."

Hesitantly you tested his boundaries, lifting your arm and carefully wrapping it around his waist. When he didn't protest, you gently squeezed him in a hug, drawing yourself closer.

"He'd say you're still his smarty pants son, I'm sure," you answered.

A small, almost sad laugh fell out of Matt, his other hand coming up to cover yours. A warmth gradually felt like it filled you as Matt’s thumb lightly stroked the backs of your knuckles. You had no idea what it meant that the pair of you were cuddled up on his bed together like this, but you were just going to let yourself enjoy it tonight. You didn’t want to ruin this moment with reality.

"I can't believe you remembered that I told you he called me that," he whispered.

"I remember everything you tell me, Matty," you replied. “Especially the important things.”

There was a moment of silence before both of Matt’s hands stopped their absent, almost affectionate movements against your arm and your hand. You frowned, wondering if he’d finally decided the pair of you had crossed some boundary too far out of friendship, especially with what you’d just said. But then his hand released yours, landing gently and almost hesitantly on your neck. You swallowed hard when his fingertips took a slow glide up the length of your throat until his palm could cup your cheek. Carefully he pulled you away from his shoulder, angling your face up towards his as he whispered your name.

He was looking down at you with his brows slightly drawn together, something unexplainable hidden in his eyes. You couldn’t quite make sense of what it was, your own eyes narrowing back at him as they jumped back and forth between his. His face was so close to yours though, you quickly realized. The warm exhalations of his breath from his slightly parted lips falling against your own mouth each time.

Was he going to kiss you? Surely not…

“You are…absolutely amazing,” he whispered. “And I–I–”

Your heart sped up in your chest, that almost fight or flight reaction abruptly coursing through you. You were almost afraid as you sat there gazing back at Matt, terrified you were steadily letting yourself get your hopes up for something that wasn’t going to happen. You could feel it happening already, that desperate yearning for more only rapidly increasing your panic.

Matt’s gaze shifted from yours, darting across the room towards Foggy for a moment as he winced. His eyes closed briefly before he turned his focus back on you, his sightless eyes falling along your left cheekbone. He winced again–the action incredibly minute this time–before he spoke.

“And I don’t ever want to lose you as my friend,” he finished. “And I just–just want you to know that.”

Your heart sank to the floor at his words. You knew they were coming, you knew it, yet they still managed to hurt. That panicked feeling inside of you quickly dissipated, your body quickly trying to become numb to this moment. Of course he wasn’t about to kiss you and confess his feelings to you. How unrealistic would that have been.

But you realized he was still staring back at you, an expression on his face that further confused you as he clearly waited for you to respond. Pulling away from him, the moment entirely soured to you now, you forced a smile onto your face as his hand fell from your cheek.

“I uh, I don’t want to lose your friendship either, Matt,” you said, forcing to keep your voice even. “But it’s–it’s late. Maybe I should let you get some sleep. We’ve both got a big move tomorrow.”

“Right, yeah,” he said softly, nodding.

You slid away from Matt, making your way to the edge of the bed before climbing off of it. Awkwardly you turned back around towards him, your eyes taking in the sight of him on his dorm room bed for what would be the last time ever. A flood of emotions struck you all at once like a punch to the gut, the weight of this being the end of an era really hitting you in this moment. Things were changing.

“Don’t be a stranger, Matty,” you whispered.

He shot you a tense, sad smile. “I won’t,” he promised.

You spun on your heel, crossing your arms across your chest tight as you made your way out of their dorm room for the last time. It wasn’t until you’d finally made it back to your own building that the tears began to fall.

Maybe, you thought, it was time for you to let Matt just be your friend. Maybe now it was time to crush that ridiculous lingering hope you’d had for there to ever be something more between you two once and for all.

Maybe you needed to move on.

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock angst #matt murdock x f!reader #matt murdock x fem reader #matt murdock series #matt murdock fic #matt murdock fanfic #daredevil x female reader #daredevil x reader #matt murdock

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berrieluv · 1 year

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cw. sex, fights and man thinking they're in the right when they're not. I enjoyed writing this silly things about matt murdock, who's my current obsession in this little break I had for Día de los muertos, tomorrow I'm back at school and work :c

"... and there isn't a small part of yourself that tells you; and listen, this may sound incredible insane" Karen continued with a bit of sarcasm in her voice after Matt shut up for a second after complaining for ten minutes straight "But maybe you're wrong?"

Matt looked at her and mocked her, because how could he be wrong.

Y/N isn't sleeping at my place at the moment.

Was what started all this talk. Foggy asked why the place suddenly felt quiet and dark when he got used to having your colored stuff around and your voice echoing the brick walls.

"How can I be wrong, she's the dumb one"

He simply asked, as if Karen's accusations were completely out of this world.

"Maybe you could start respecting her, and you wouldn't be in this situation"

She hasn't talk to me in two weeks.

Matt said, trying to look as it didn't bothered him when in reality he had no idea on what to do with himself. He got so use to you being there to put him back together that now that he was by his own again he didn't know what to do.

"I respect her..." He started, and Karen looked at him, incredulous "I don't call her dumb in her face"

"Is not... Is not how you direct at her but how you express yourself of the one you love in front of other what is a key on respect" Matt groaned, as if it was the most complicated thing to do. "Everyone like their partner talking wonders about them, I can tell you she does. You're a hero for her"

"I'm kind of a hero"

"You're an imbecile"

You helped Matt inside his apartment and drop his arm as soon as the door was closed, his face is 'looking' at your direction and you see him frown.

"Are you mad at me or something?" He started, and you look at him incredulous, forgetting he can't see the look in your face "You haven't talk to me the whole way here"

You revolved around the place, picking up some of your things and trying to ease your anger. Knowing it wouldn't take you far to speak to Matt like that.

"Why were you making fun of me the whole night?"

You ask, calmly, trying to maintain yourself together. He hates when you do that, he hates how you start those type of questions with a 'why', with a low and almost breaking voice, as if he had been wrong, as if anything he does is enough for you. Trying to get him to feel guilty about the way he decides to express himself, trying to make him feel guilty about being him.

"You disrespected me... In front of people who are, incredible important for me... for my job"

He is about to talk and you cut him, knowing he's about to excuse himself, as if you knew he wasn't thinking of an apology "Is almost as you don't think I'm good at what I do"

"Darling..." He starts, mocking, "You're an assistant" You open your mouth and look at him with a frown "You- you can't be possible be good at your job... you're just... at your job"

You were done. You closed your mouth and started packing the things you left there just last night, knowing Matt could sense you moving around and not talking to him, making him go crazy because he heard your heart racing fast but he didn't know what you were thinking, how you felt about the, well, the truth he just said. Because he was firmly believing it was the truth.

"And for the record... My job really is important... I– I do a lot of things Matt and if you were paying attention and weren't too busy in mocking me you would've heard that I am up for a promotion. I– I'm next to have my own office and– why am I bothering explaining this to you" you say when you look the stupid smile planted in his face, as if he was waiting for you to finish and disregard any feelings you have towards this "You wouldn't get shit done without Karen, your assistant"

"Karen isn't–"

"God, shut up!" You raise your voice, throwing a mascara to his face, a bit disappointed that he stopped it before it could hit his face. You wanted to hurt him the same way he was hurting you "I'm tired of... of everything, of people telling I'm too dumb to notice things, of people thinking I'm just made to be someone's pretty wife when I'm– I'm so much more than that..." you sigh "I know, I know I can be dumb but I'm so smart, I'm so dedicated and hardworking and pretty and if people started to focus less in the last part and start acknowledging the others..."

"Baby, you don't even need to work. You're stressing yourself over nothing" He starts, missing completely the point of your speech "I'm making a lot of money, and when Nelson and Murdock is on its peak I'll be able to buy you everything you want"

He smiles, as if he just said the thing you wanted to hear, and the worst of this is that he was proud of what he just said.

You stop talking, tired, knowing he couldn't possibly understand because he was a smart, handsome white man, things came served in silver tray for him.

You get close to him, bags in hand but he can't possibly know that, he just smiles at your closeness, your heartbeat slower this time and next thing he knows his back is arching and his hands go straight to his crotch. You knew damn well it wasn't fair from you to hit a blind man, but you didn't hit him because he was blind, you did it because he was an asshole.

"I'll be back when you learn to respect me. My feelings and what I do. When you show me you know I'm not a trophy and just like you I want to be showed off for my merits and not just for being your pretty little bimbo girlfriend"

Of course Matt didn't tell the story like that to his friends. And he didn't acknowledge the mascara still laying on the floor, he knew it was somewhere around the apartment, he has step on it a few times, but he believed you had to come and pick it up, since you were the one who left it there.

"Why don't you apologize" Foggy said, eating from the Chinese food that was delivered, knowing that if you were they would be eating one of the best home-cooked meals. "I mean, you were kinda wrong"

Matt looked at him, incredulous "How- How was I wrong? For lighting up the place with my jokes and stealing the spotlight? I'm sorry I'm funny and handsome"

"I just don't think that was happened" Karen said.

"What kind of jokes were you making?" Foggy asked, with the fork pointing at Matt "Because I just know you're not good at jokes if they're not to make fun about people"

Matt gets suddenly nervous, maybe his mistake was saying the word 'joke' in the conversation.

"Oh, God, Matt" Karen said again "You fucking asshole"

Matt liked to make fun of you. Everyone knew that, and most of the time they were harmless jokes, even you laughed at them, and the moments you pouted Matt would kiss you, reassuring you that you were the best thing that happened to him, and he couldn't be happier.

So he didn't know what went wrong this time. Maybe it was your uncomfortable look telling him, begging him, to stop. Maybe it was how you pulled away from his kisses, trying to show a professional behavior to the people around. Maybe it was how you murmured a little 'stop it' in his ear, with a fake smile he couldn't see and a tone of anger in your voice. Or maybe it was how you dragged him away from the people and asked him to stop with the tasteless jokes. But how was he supposed to read your mind.

"Maybe I was wrong" He says, starting to repeat the events of the night in his head, and not knowing how all your signs of discomfort passed by him. "God, I was an ass"

You hated spending time alone. You hated how big your department was and you hated how your dad called you every five fucking minutes to ask why Matt wasn't around.

You hated how Matt wasn't there to hug you from behind and leave a walk of kisses on your neck while you were working, you hated how much you missed him and how much you wanted to run to him and forget everything that happened.

But he deserved this. And if he wasn't one to apologize this time, and show you he was mature enough to be in a relationship, maybe this was the end of you both. Because you couldn't possibly picture yourself in a relationship where you had to admit you were wrong because he couldn't possibly grab his balls and accept he wasn't in the right.

Your bell rings and you let it go, thinking it was the packages you ordered, then it goes again, and again, this time more insistent. And you rolled your eyes at the insistence.

When you open the door the first thing you see is Matt, standing with ordinary clothes, a tight shirt, making his muscles notorious and reminding you why you didn't last much mad at him. You were lucky he was wearing a loose suit that day. You cross your arms and look at him.

"What do you want, Matthew"

"I'm sorry" He starts, and that's the only thing you wanted to hear, but it took him two weeks, and now it wasn't enough. "I'm really sorry I– I disrespected you and I shouldn't have done that and I, I know you're mad but you said you will be here when I learned my lesson and I, I really love you"

"Yeah, good for you" You start. Still on the door frame, not making space for him to go in or inviting him.

"I really mean it, Y/N. I was an asshole and it took me too long to realize it and– You know I'm not good with... feelings"

"Oh, no, you're amazing at feelings, Matthew. You fall in love with every girl who talks nice to you and shows you a bit of decency, hell you even fall in love with those who doesn't, you're a manwhore. So don't come to me saying feelings aren't your thing because I just know they are"

"I–"

"You need to learn to admit you're wrong"

"I was wrong"

You look at him and sigh, you wanted to hear a sincere 'I was wrong', you wanted him to be really sorry, to show you he could grown into a man who admits his mistakes, a husband, maybe a father.

"How can I believe it when you don't believe it yourself?" He quickly falls at his knees and you look around, it's not everyday that you have Matt Murdock, the Daredevil, begging on his knees. "Don't be ridiculous, Matthew. You look pathetic"

"Baby, baby, baby..." He prays, hugging your arms and murmuring 'sorry' a thousand times.

"Get up"

And he does, after saying 'Anything you want' and taking your face in his hands. "How can I make this better? How can I make you believe me?"

And you believed him, because Matt wasn't one to tell you lies. He has never lie about anything in your relationship and you couldn't get to believe he would start today. Because if he decided to lie over this fight, he would've done it days ago, but he took his time, he worked in his case and got to realize he was really wrong. But you loved seeing a pretty man in pain.

"Matt, get in" You told him, and he obeyed, and just as quickly as the door closed your lips were in his. Wildly devouring him, taking his face with both of your hands and showing him how much you missed him.

Your hands hit his when he tries to touch you. You guide him to the couch and throw him there, getting rid of your pajamas shorts and pushing his chest so his back was touching the couch again. Matt could smell your arousal, your neediness, and he grinned, proud of himself.

You take his glasses and throw them to some place in your department, hoping they break so he would finally get another ones. A pretty ones this time.

Now your hands are on the base of the couch and your pussy's on Matt's face, and he eats it, like a starved man, which he kinda was, he haven't taste you in so long he needed this.

He didn't complain, he couldn't possibly know you were about to ride his face, but how could he say anything about it, when his hands were holding your hips, making sure they were leaving marks.

He moved his hands to your thighs and caressed them, completely forgetting Foggy and Karen where downstairs in the car, waiting for him to tell them if he made it right or things were finally over.

You started moaning louder, knowing Matt hated when you tried to be silent. Your chest rests in the wall of the couch while Matt keeps moving his tongue down there, tasting your wetness and making you cum. This time in surprise, no adverting him, not asking for permission because this was for your pleasure, and it was for you to do what you wanted, you needed him to understand control could play both parts.

When you need to get down, feeling your sore pussy begging for him to stop, he holds your thighs stronger and continues eating you out, your body shaking, and he knows what he's doing, because he knows your body and he knows how sensitive you get after coming.

"Need you, baby" He says "Need you in my cock"

You shake your hand, this wasn't about him and what he needed, and he didn't seem to understand it yet.

"We do what I want this time, Matt" You moan "We– ugh, fuck– you do what I want"

He nods, getting your pussy off his face and coming closer to yours, kissing your lips and putting one of his hands in your neck.

"What do you need, princess? What do you want, my love?" And he knew what it was, his cock, but it needed to be cleared that this was because you needed it, and not him. "You need my cock, don't you? My pretty baby needs my cock? You– fuck you got it, princess. You need my cock just take it, it's yours and only yours"

You're quick to lower his sweatpants to his knees, being greet by his big and pink cock looking at you, your mouth drools and you can't decide if you want it in your mouth or your pussy first.

"Let me fill you up, doll" He says when you start taking his cock in your pussy "Fuck, fuck, you, you're so good at this"

You chuckle, because you were barely moving but he was so needy it was almost funny. It would be funny if you weren't in the same state. And you could mock him, but you would be spitting up.

"Matt..." You start "I need you to understand, fuck, that you can't be thinking things for this long I– I need you to know what you want and where– God, yes, yes, like that– where, where we stand"

"I love you" He thrusts into you "I love you and–" He thrusts again, this time his finger was in your clit, circling it and making imposible for you to keep your eyes open "And I'm sorry, I was, I was wrong. I was wrong and you were right"

And know you understood why man loved being right, why they loved dominating over anything, because Matt saying out loud what you already knew was hotter than anything you've get him to say.

"Say it again"

He frowned, and you repeated your words "You– you were right?" You moan "You were right and I was wrong" He says as he feels you riding him faster "I was so wrong, princess. I'm so–sorry, you were right"

You moan and nod, resting your hands in his soft chest and impulsing yourself to go faster, making Matt moan when his cum finally taints your walls.

#matt murdock one shot #matt murdock angst #matt murdock smut #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x fem!reader smut #matt murdock x plus size reader #daredevil x female reader #daredevil x you #daredevil x reader #daredevil smut #daredevil x y/n #daredevil imagine

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jtl-fics · 9 months

Text

Fluent Freshman - Part 32

He had the first week back from Thanksgiving break off from both classes and practice.

The week off of classes leaves FF feeling like getting stabbed has been a net positive experience for him.

First he feels like it really cemented the apparent friendship he had with at least Andrew and Neil. Second, he technically had a job offer in his Freshman year. Third, and most important, his language professor who had wanted him to come and speak to his gen-ed Latin class of over 100 students told him not to worry about it and that he had gotten one of FF’s friends to agree to the presentation instead.

His relief was so immediate and all-consuming that he hadn’t even had the energy to pretend he was upset that he had been replaced. Thankfully his teacher just chalked it up to relief that he wouldn’t have to stand up and present when his stomach was healing from the surgery.

Coach Wymack and Abby wouldn’t even let him go to the Court. Kevin had tried to argue quite a few times on Sunday when that decision had been made. Argued that he could sit in and watch for strategy purposes if nothing else.

However, even Kevin couldn’t guarantee that FF wouldn’t get accidentally run into / knocked against considering his complete lack of presence.

Matt had rushed into Abby’s house having made a bee-line for it upon reaching the airport. “Smiths! You got stabbed!” Matt yelled as if informing him of his own predicament.

“Yeah.” FF agreed as if it were something that could have been debated.

“What happened?! Nicky just sent a pic of the flowers he got you and the card?” Matt had asked pulling his backpack off his shoulder and to his front as he unzipped it and rooted around for something before pulling out an orange envelope. “This is from me and Dan, you remember her right?” Matt had asked.

FF thought of quiet conversations he has overheard over the phone and not so quiet noises Matt makes when engaging in some phone sex with his girlfriend.

“Yes, I remember Dan.” FF had said diplomatically and accepted the card.

The card was sitting on the nightstand at Abby’s house next to the card the Monsters, his grandma, other teammates, and some cards from friends he had made outside of Exy. It feels nice to look at the multiple cards all wishing him well.

His Grandma was going to stay for two weeks and Abby was being incredibly kind to put them up

He spent most of that week sleeping, spending time with his grandma, getting yelled at by Abby for trying to do chores, and spending time with the Foxes that came to visit him.

Nicky had come over to hang out every day without fail. Most of the upperclassmen who were on the original ‘miracle’ team of the Foxes stopped in to see him regularly. Even Jack stopped in to complain about how Captain Neil presented a danger to the rest of them before giving him a Get Well Soon card and leaving.

It was a strangely thoughtful card that he’s near positive Jack’s girlfriend picked out for him. When the end of the week and the first game that FF would need to sit out from approached Coach Wymack asked if he wanted to come.

“You can’t play, but you’re still a Fox.” Wymack had said and his grandma had encouraged him to go and spend time with his friends. She’d hold down the fort for Abby, cook up a bunch of food for the the team to enjoy when they got back late.

So FF climbed onto the bus and sat next to Nicky who had declared himself FF’s bodyguard for the evening who’s safety he would only pass off to Coach Wymack during the game proper.

***

They’ve come so damn far from the worst team in the Division. His kids are thriving and because of that he’s gotten a larger budget. A larger budget to better help his kids with. David would be lying if he said he didn’t spend some nights wishing he could tell himself of a few years ago just how good it would get.

Still, the match is a lot closer than it should be.

He looks to his side and sees FF sitting there watching the game with rapt attention.

He looks as Sheena fumbles a pass that his newest problem child had mastered the timing of a month before. He sees Kevin’s shoulders go up in anger but Neil’s quick reflexes save it before the play is fully fumbled.

Neil makes a feint to pass to Kevin and the goal lights up putting them in the lead by 2 goals. David thinks of the numerous plays that would have gone smoother with the kid next to him playing instead of Sheena but there was no point in wishing for things that couldn’t be.

FF wouldn’t be playing until the Spring Championships started up and David would need to address FF’s medical hiatus and Lisa’s ‘family emergency’ that had her leaving the team.

It always stung when a Fox left but it hurt less when it was of their own volition instead of in a body bag.

He looks to the side again and thinks of the numerous decisions he had needed to make as Kevin slept in the car on the way to the hospital. Honestly, if he still was thinking about going after the hospital.

How the fuck did the hospital just leave the damn kid in a hallway for over an hour? He hates the thought of FF laying there in pain and bleeding watching as people went by.

He’s grateful that the kid didn’t seem to remember it.

He wasn’t going to mention it to any of the other Foxes, not even FF if he could swing it. He has no doubt that at the very least Andrew and Neil would go on a rampage and he’s near positive that Kevin would take special delight in it considering a week on he was still bitching about what he had seen in the Nutritionist office.

He’s not sure what Nicky would do but he knows it’d give him a headache.

Nicky takes a hard hit that has him subbed out for one of the freshman backliners. Nicky’s a little woozy and Abby confirms a very slight concussion that she’ll keep an eye on during the trip back.

They win by slimmer margins than they should but it’s to be expected.

“Coach Wymack?” FF asks.

“What’s up?” David asks.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom. It...uh...well it takes a while now.” FF says and David can read the embarrassment.

“Meet us at the bus. Be careful.” he orders.

FF nods and heads off.

Neil and Matt are on press duty and David preps the press to let them know about FF and Lisa. There are some questions about what kind of medical hiatus but David declined to answer knowing that Neil and Matt wouldn’t let it slip either.

His last two players get showered and on the bus.

He does a count and gets the correct number and starts the bus.

They’re just about to get on the highway when there’s a shout, “Wait! Where’s Smithy?!” Nicky exclaims full volume over the general conversation that had been going on throughout the bus.

David frowns, he had counted-

Abby. He had counted Abby’s head next to Nicky.

“Oh god dammit.” he says.

***

FF looked at where the bus should have been waiting for him.

He closes his eyes and hopes that the bus will appear between blinks.

He opens his eyes again and finds...nope just fans milling about heading to their own cars and home. He gives a hopeful look across the parking lot wondering if the bus maybe just got moved back somewhere so that they could get out easier after he went and made them wait?

A lot of people. Some kids. Some disappointed Belmonte fans. Some excited Fox fans. Some general Exy fanatics who were discussing what the Belmonte team would need to do to stay in for the Spring Championships.

No Palmetto State Fox team bus.

He swallows a bit of disappointment and moves past it.

He pulled up his phone to plug in Abby’s house and saw that it would be a 4 day hike from Belmonte. He looked down at his shoes contemplating if they’d make the over 300 miles of walking. The doctors and Abby had been very clear not to do too much exercise but surely it wouldn’t count since he was just going to walk? They said walking was fine right?

FF sighed at the thought.

Yeah, it wasn’t going to work.

His stomach hurts at the thought of a 5 hour car ride. Maybe there was a bus station nearby and he could make his way back via greyhound.

He was looking at his phone again when it started to ring and Nicky’s face was on his screen to let him know who the caller was.

He hit the answer button, “Hello-“

There was an inhale and FF had been on the receiving end of this quite a few times at this point so he held his phone the entire length of his arm away from his ear, “SMITHY, ARE YOU ON THE BUS OR DID WE FORGET YOU?!” Nicky screeches and it hurts his ears even from an entire arms length away. He wonders how in the world Nicky can stand being that loud with his minor concussion.

He stares at his phone dubiously for a few moments, worried that Nicky may shout again.

“Smithy?! Smithy?” He hears Nicky’s not quite as loud but very concerned voice. FF decides to bite the bullet.

“Hello Nicky, I am not on the bus.” He says.

“We fucking LEFT SMITHY!” Nicky yells and FF can hear a collective groan from across the line.

He may even hear Coach Wymack yelling something about ‘again’ and feels shame burn in his stomach. He should have just held in his pee. He hadn’t really needed to go that badly and it’s not like Coach Wymack doesn’t take bathroom breaks.

“It’s okay.” He rushes to assure Nicky. “I can…grab a bus or something. You don’t need to come back, I’m-“

“Young man, if you say that you’re fine I can not be held responsible for what I will do when I see you in the next 20 minutes.” Nicky threatens. “I also can’t be held responsible for what I’ll do to Neil since I feel like he’s infected you somehow.” He says.

He hears a distant “Hey” followed by an even more distant “Man, I hate to say it but I think he’s right.”

“I don’t want to bother you.” He says.

“Smithy, you are so far from a bother it is insane. How about I stay on the line with you okay?” Nicky asks but something has caught his eye.

Two kids haven’t moved as the rest of the world continued to. He watched as they clung to one another and no one seemed to take notice of them. He doesn’t understand how anyone could miss them with the bright orange children’s jerseys they had on. One sporting 01 - Josten and the other 10 - Josten on the backs.

“That’s okay Nicky. Call me when you’re close.” He says and makes his way over.

He can see the little boy’s hand holding the little girl’s hand tightly and is careful to walk around them in a way so that he wouldn’t appear out of nowhere. “Hey,” he squatted down to their height and the little boy still jumped slightly, dropping a small book to the ground, and the little girl hid her face in his shoulder. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just noticed you looked a little lost.” He says and his muscles won’t pull in a way to offer a reassuring smile but he hopes he can convey it through his tone.

The little boy visibly swallows down nervous spit, “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.” He says holding on tighter to the little girl.

“Smart, continue to do that.” He says immediately, “Can you just nod yes or no for me?” He asks instead.

The boy thinks for a long moment before nodding affirmatively.

“Great, good job.” He says, “Did you come to the stadium with your parents?” He asks

A nod in the affirmative.

“Do your parents know where you are?” He asks.

He shakes his head in a negative.

“Are you lost?” He asks.

Another negative.

“So you mean to be right here?” He wants to clarify.

A nod in the affirmative this time.

FF takes a moment to piece together what he knows and looks down at the book.

An autograph book. “Oh, you wanted to get an autograph from Captain Neil?” he asks.

The little boy looks up but it’s the little girl who answers. She finally takes her face out from his shoulder. FF’s eyes can’t help but see the large burn scar on her cheek but also see how her eyes sparkle with delight, “You know Captain Josten?!” she exclaims in delight.

“Millie!” The young boy says. “He’s a stranger!” he hisses.

“Nu-uh!” she shakes her head, “Number 14!” she points at his jersey he had worn in solidarity. “He passes to Captain Josten!” she says brightly. “See Brandon?” she smiles.

It could just be a fan jersey though FF highly doubts that anyone would buy fan merch for him. He is no Kevin Day, Captain Neil Josten, or Andrew Minyard.

Still the little boy, Brandon, looks at him with wide eyes, “You’re Smith?” he asks.

“Yeah.” FF nods, “Captain Neil is my Captain.” he says.

“I love Captain Josten! I wanna marry him!” Millie says and FF can’t help but wonder if Andrew would squash such adorable competition. “His face is like mine!” she giggles.

“Yeah, your face is as cool as Captain Neil’s is.” FF agrees with completely sincerity.

“We came out here to get Captain Josten’s signature” Brandon says with a pout, “All the adults were in the way and it was...kind of scary.” he admits with a flush.

A thought occurs to him. He doesn’t want to leave these kids and brave the crowds to find someone to announce the lost kids. It would only be about 12 more minutes before the bus comes. Coach Wymack would be able to help and...

“They’re coming to pick me up pretty soon. How about we stay right here and we can get Captain Neil’s autograph together?” he asks.

Both kids light up at the idea. “Really?” they both ask.

“Yeah, I also want Captain Neil’s autograph.” he says because he does. He’s wanted Captain Neil’s autograph for AGES but had been too awkward to ask. Then Greg had come and made it seem like FF would want it just to sell it or something.

Now he has the perfect excuse.

***

David pulled into the spot he had left almost half an hour ago and barely managed to put the bus into park before most of his more senior players were prying the door open to go look for FF.

Nicky had called but FF hadn’t picked up and it had set his more paranoid players’ teeth on edge.

The only one that stayed on the bus was Nicky since Abby had a firm grip on him.

David sighed and told everyone else to stay put before exiting the bus and began the herculean effort of trying to spot FF in a crowd.

It actually wasn’t too hard as he found his players standing and watching as FF crouched with his back to them as two little kids in orange Fox jerseys were re-enacting something for him.

He’d be tempted to let them keep going if he didn’t remember Abby’s list of specific things FF shouldn’t do with his still healing stomach and squatting like that was definitely on the list.

“Smith.” he says and watches as the Freshman jolts and tips over, thankfully onto his side, from his squatted position.

The kids get nervous when they see him but then their eyes both lock on Neil’s face. For a moment his heart aches for his player, plenty of kids have cried about Neil’s scars but then his eyes land on the little girl’s face more properly and...

Oh...

Those are stars in her eyes. David looks at the two different Josten kids jerseys that the Palmetto store had released.

FF recovers from his tumble admirably, “Coach Wymack,” he says getting up onto his feet. “These two are lost, can you see if there’s a way to contact their parents?” he asks.

David nods and pulls out his phone and steps away slightly.

He watches over the interaction that happens next.

As promised, FF had taken the awkward lead of asking for it and had them form a line. It had been weird but he watched as understanding dawned in Captain Neil’s eyes as he saw the two Josten jerseys. It had felt even less weird to get Captain Neil’s autograph when Matt had jokingly gotten in line behind Brandon because he too wanted Captain Neil’s autograph.

FF felt a little bad that Captain Neil had been so flustered by the requests but at least he finally had the Captain Neil autograph he’d wanted since last March. It also felt nice when Captain Neil had smiled the way he did at Millie when she babbled about how they matched.

Andrew had bumped into him in the way that FF was learning meant that he was pleased with whatever FF had just done. Kevin and Aaron had been the ones to ask if his stitches were okay after his startled tumble.

Millie and Brandon’s parents were incredibly grateful and swore to continue to be lifelong fans of the Foxes. Millie and Brandon themselves had been more excited about their Captain Neil Josten autographs than being reunited with their parents. They had waved goodbye with Millie loudly proclaiming that her and Captain Neil would get married someday.

Climbing onto the bus he was subjected to a check over by Abby when both Kevin and Aaron dragged him to her. Then he was sat down next to Nicky who shoved him into the window seat and cuddled up. “I won’t lose track of you if I’m on you.” was his logic.

The bus ride resumed.

“I didn’t know you liked kids.” Nicky says head on FF’s shoulder. “I’ve watched you go to the other side of the street to avoid middle school kids.” he adds.

FF feels ice in his stomach.

“Middle school kids are mean.” FF says and doesn’t properly answer the question but Nicky is just concussed enough to not call him on it.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Like I said in my last part I will be tagging people separate from the actual update going forward. Still any requests to be added to the tag list feel free to put in the replies here.

#Fluent Freshman AU #Nicky was getting ready to call any and all local dairy farmers #to start the 'have you seen me?' campaign #Nicky was also trying to figure out how to tell Aras that he lost her entire grandson #He may have been freaking out in the bus with Abby #'I'm gonna lose GRANDSON PRIVILEGES ALL OVER AGAIN #Thankfully FF wasn't far and now Nicky knows to just truly superglue himself to FF. Buddy system for life #Yeah so you may have caught it in the previous bit #part 27 #Andrew and Neil's concern about FF getting forgotten in a hallway did actually happen #and FF passed out there #Only Wymack's call for an update galvanized them to find him and start helping him #The Foxes get back and GS has a bunch of Tupperwear #full of delicious food for them since it's so late #Nicky and Matt are halfway through getting her a custom 'Foxy Grandma' Jersey #She's discovered quite a bit more knitting to be done for FF's friends #That sweet boy Matt deserves a knitted present too #Maybe even that brash young man Jack should get in on the GS knitted presents train #Well now it's out there in the world that FF is on a medical Hiatus #I'm sure nothing will happen #this is a lie I know the chain of events that are to follow #AFTG #AFTG AU #AFTG OC #Andreil #FF - Part 32

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all-thestories-aretrue · 1 year

Text

There are many jokes floating around the shadowgast nation about the nature of Caleb and Essek's relationship (eggplants and winky faces abound), and most of them are good natured and perhaps true (eventually or at some point). I find most of them entertaining and sweet, but some of what I have stumbled across post-reunion have highlighted that it's only a joke up to a certain point to me.

Please keep in mind that everything in this post is my opinion and my opinion only. I'm not asking that anyone agree with me. This post is mainly for me because I felt like I needed to make it.

I have seen several comments/posts/tags in many different places talking about Essek and Caleb and that scene in the reunion, and describing it as horny or saying they can't keep their hands off each other or following up that conversation with sexual intimacy. I know a lot of these comments or conversations are not malicious or ill-intentioned, and I understand that people are excited for the first new content in nearly 2 years.

But, one thing I have appreciated about Critical Role is the variety of sexuality and genders represented, including various asexual and aromantic identities. Essek is confirmed by Matt on Twitter to be demi (romantic or sexual is unclear to me so it could be taken as either. If anyone has any other sources I would greatly appreciate them). As someone who identifies as aspec, I deeply appreciate the representation that Critical Role has given me.

The shadowgast scene in the reunion was not sexual to me. It's only been six months since the end of c2, which granted, I have not completed yet. As of this writing, I am in the middle of episode 133. Whatever is going on between Caleb and Essek is still very new, especially for two people who thought they would never have love. An aspect of being demi is that it takes time and closenes and a strong emotional bond for romantic and/or sexual feelings to develop. Six months, to me, feels like an incredibly short time for those feelings to take root for Essek even if he is on the path of developing them.

Seeing people make light of Essek's sexual attraction or feelings for Caleb or treat them as common place or casual, even innocuously, has made me feel as though this aspect of Essek really is ignored or forgotten about sometimes. Not by everyone nor, I would even doubt, the majority. Maybe not intentionally or maliciously or maybe it's a lack of understanding about demisexuality or aspec identities.

This is a feeling I have had for a while, and I mean this about nothing in particular but rather a sum of the parts I have encountered over the months.

In addition, I think Essek's sexuality can be overshadowed by how sexual Caleb can be/is. He makes comments throughout the entirety of the campaign that directly or indirectly reveal his sexuality, and that part is clearly important to him, even if he has not acted on it in a very long time.

I am not saying that Essek is NOT sexually attracted to Caleb or that their relationship does not involve sex at some point or at the time of that scene. I do think, at the very least, that Caleb and Essek would have a conversation about it as some point, and I find it likely it would turn sexual. At the very least, Caleb is attracted to Essek. Liam has confirmed that. I would guess those feelings are a combination of romantic, sexual, platonic, etc.

But I cannot imagine, and again this is my opinion, that feeling sexual attraction or acting on it for the perhaps first or second, maybe third time, is not a life-altering moment for him, let alone acting on it. From what see of his character, he's extrmely gaurded, extremely lonely, extremely shameful. Showing his emotions and attraction to Caleb, or to anyone really, is an extreme show of trust and vulnerability, and I don't think it should be taken lightly.

Treating it, at least in those early months, as though it is common or casual, something taken for granted, feels, to me, as though it undermines the importance and gravity of Essek's feelings, whatever they may be. Further, it undermines aspec identities, relegating them to sidelines if it is even acknowledged at all. I feel as though a lot of the jokes ignore Essek's demisexuality and how integral it is to how he builds relationships and interacts with people.

As someone who is aspec, I find it disheartening to see these sort of jokes and offhand comments being circulated about a character who is confirmed, canon aspec whose identity centers on deep bonds that take time to develop. Applying sexual under/overtones to scene where a small chaste kiss and an innocent pet name are shared feels like, in a way, a forced sexualization of a new, developing relationship that may never turn sexual.

There is such little aspec representation in media, and Critical Role does a fantastic job of showcasing a variety of aspec identities which is so, so rare. To turn around and have the fandom ignore or disregard these identities (intentional or not) that the cast and crew work hard to incorporate feels bad. It makes me feel as though I still have to fight for my identity to be seen and understood by people who, theoretically, support and want to understand and respect various identities, who claim to love Essek and Caleb and their relationship. It hurts.

I have spent a lot of time convincing myself that I and my sexuality belong in the queer community, that I deserve to have a voice, that I deserve to be respected and heard. With my feelings about Essek and his demisexuality, I didn't feel right standing by any longer and remaining silent when these portrayals were bothering me.

I am not asking anyone to change their opinions, to agree with me, to change the fic they write, the art they draw. The Critical Role fandom is beautiful and amazing and absolutely incredible. I have met so many kind, caring, wonderful people since joining. It's an experience unlike any other. But, I needed to make this post for me and anyone else who was feeling like me.

#critical role #shadowgast #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #mighty nein reunited #mighty nein #cr2 #oh boy am i inviting the disk horse by posting this???#probably 😬😬😬#but this is something that has been bothering me for a few months and the reunion just confirmed it #please be kind if you choose to interact #this is not meant to be mean or ill intentioned toward anyone #i just needed to get it off my chest #if one other person who feels similar sees this posting it will be worth it #i understand my own experiences heavily influence my opinions here #but really the cr fandom overall has been so welcome and wonderful and kind #its been amazing!#thank u for reading this long ass post if you make it to the end #oh boy i am nervous about posting this #which is exactly why i feel like i should post it

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historia-vitae-magistras · 2 months

Note

5, 8, 11, 15 for Mattie if you’re still doing the ask game 🥹

5) A cherished personal belonging.

Baby's first pair of skates are still in a museum somewhere. There's a very playful, puckish part of Matt that's a bit of a hellion even when he's got clothes on. The French Regime had to ban ice skating in the streets because teenage boys kept plowing into priests and then skating away before being caught. Baby Matt cackling as he skates circles around anyone who dares challenge him in his own domain, and adult Matt smirks a bit as he outskates Jan is a rare nice moment I'm willing to grant him lmao.

8) What kind of car they would drive.

I feel like he drove some piece of shit until the government made him replace it with something electric or at least with better gas mileage. Probably something that looks like a clown car with his giant gangly ass getting in and out.

11) This character’s favourite piece or pieces of clothing.

Besides the coffee and cumstained hoodie he's been wearing on and off for two weeks at any given depressive episode? Things that were purchased or made specifically for him. François would purchase and ship clothes over occasionally, or governors or his guardian would be given a budget. Still, the French fabric industry was shit for the wintery needs of a few acres of snow. Mercantilism said there was no legal way to get better wool, so most people smuggled theirs from New York. English merchants made a killing in wool fabric. A shortcut Arthur took to get Matt on his side and keep him there was clothing him. Not so nicely that anyone would mistake Matt for Arthur's child. And as petty as he is, probably unflattering or plain colours Francois would find offensive. But English boots were better than anything produced in New France; they took skates much better, ice skates that the English imported from the Dutch. A solid wool coat, even if it was a shitty colour with buttons, Matt hadn't hacked off in slides from a deer horn himself? That had him very pliable and obedient. He's a bit of a fucken loser (affectionate), and if anyone makes him anything, it will be his favourite item of clothing until it's literally falling apart. He's got a very nice shawl collar sweater with horn toggles that's been out of fashion for 40 years, but he won't stop wearing it for love or money until it's disintegrated.

15) What cologne or perfume they would use

Those around him are lucky when he doesn't smell like roadkill. Probably something incredibly basic though. Maybe something like Zoologist's Beaver (I'm not even joking thats a real thing.)

#the ask box || probis pateo #matthew || my country is winter

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louisupdates · 5 months

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YOUR SUPPORT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH - Louis Tomlinson

Wyss [Stefan Wyss at Gadget ABC Entertainment] adds, “He’s kept the ticket prices reasonable – and he never wants to do any gold circle or VIP tickets. I think that’s why he’s so close to his fans, because it’s not about maximising profits. Another reason for his success is that in addition to attracting a mainstream audience, he’s also getting the music lovers because he’s just a very good songwriter and has brilliant songs.”

“In terms of the show growing, our biggest challenge is keeping costs down, because we’re extremely cautious on ticket pricing,” says Vines [Matt Vines, Louis’ manager]. “We don’t do dynamic pricing, we don’t do platinum ticketing, we don’t do paid VIPs, we don’t increase ticket prices on aisle seats – all those tricks that everyone does that most fans don’t know about: we don’t do any of those.”

Rowland [Holly Rowland, Louis’ touring agent] reveals that, at the artist’s insistence, a safety team has been added to the tour to ensure everyone that attends his shows is looked after. “They manage all the safety within the shows for the fans,” she explains. “They came in for the Wembley show last year and have been with us ever since - they’ve been beneficial to the running of the tour.

Dowling [Jack Dowling at SJM] adds, “Louis really looks after his fans. On the last tour, they did a deal with Greggs to give free food to the people waiting in line, as some of them camped out for days in advance.”

With Tomlinson determined to meet a duty of care toward his fans, Vines says that the team now sends a “considerable advance package” to promoters ahead of their tour dates. “Our safety team goes into venues in the morning, and basically ensures that a number of different things are in place – making sure that water is given to the fans, where the water comes from, and at what points in the show it happens.”

- IQ 123, 8.11.2023

Louis via Twitter, 6.2.20, 14.1.20

The festival is being held in celebration of the return of live music this summer following more than 16 months of Covid 19 restrictions. As his own world tour is completely sold out, Tomlinson wanted to make tickets for this event completely free for fans via a prize draw.

Louis Tomlinson said: "I’ve been sat on this idea for the last 12 months at least and now to see it come to life makes me very excited. Personally, playing live shows is the best part of what I do and it’s been far too long since I've seen my fans, so I wanted to put this festival on to say thank you for all the support and celebrate the return of live music. I’ve got a really good feeling it’s going to be a really special night. We all deserve that!"

- Music Week, 30.7.2021

Whoa, whoa, wait. There's one last thing. Listen, arguably the most important thank you, and I do this every night, but let me do this in a special kind of way. Anyone who's been to any of these shows on this year. Anyone who's supported any of the shows online and maybe couldn't make it to a show. I feel your fucking support every single day and let me say how grateful I am. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This year has been incredibly special. I hope it's been alright for you too.

- Louis Tomlinson, FITFWT23: Birmingham [18.11.2023] video harrystyles.k on TikTok

#louis tomlinson #your support is more than enough #19.11.2023 #afhf 2021 #iq magazine

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saintmurd0ck · 2 years

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poly matt murdock and frank castle as dads | headcanons

more poly matt x frank here | part two

a/n: my ovaries exploded writing my thoughts down, i hope you enjoy <3 (also let me know if you want a part 2/other head canons cause i got more hehe)

warnings: gn reader, pregnancy, birth, frank castle's past

you decide to tell them you're pregnant on your anniversary date together to central park, the picnic under the trees being the perfect setting

frank looks confused as you pull out a shirt, with nothing on it except for braille bumps you created using puffy paint pens

"go on," you say, gesturing to frank to put it on, and he does so, grumbling because it's too small and threatening to rip at the seams

"what's it say, red?" he turns to matt, who is waiting to feel the dots with his outstretched hand

and matt gasps, audibly gasps. "no.... no... you're not serious--"

"goddamn it red, what is it??"

and matt's face is pink, his lip wobbling, his eyes red rimmed. and frank's eyes widen, impossibly so.

"i'm pregnant," you say, chewing on your lip as your face heats up.

and matt has his hand on frank's knee, squeezing it as frank tries his best to hold himself together, knowing the significance of this news

and in an instant they're tackling you to the ground, absolute messes, punching each other in the arm.

"we're gonna be dads????"

your eyes are shiny with pure joy. "we're gonna be a family"

they already take care of you like nobody's business, but pregnant? frank and matt dote on you, making sure you're comfortable, taking care of your every need

frank gives the best foot massages, and matt makes incredible ginger tea for the nausea

they take turns talking to the baby, planting kisses on your growing stomach

you catch them both, smiling all the time, so genuine and so deep that it crinkles the corners of their eyes

matt and frank sit on the couch every chance they get, laughing and talking about how perfect this baby is going to be for them, how it'll change their life, and what they think the baby will grow into

"i can't wait to take her to the aquarium," frank says, sniffling, reminiscing about how he took lisa and frank jr when they were kids, and matt presses his lips together, patting him on the back. "you're gonna be a great dad, frank, and i know they're looking down, so happy for you"

and frank loses it, so you're both comforting him, supporting him through this wave of emotions

matt making homemade baby food, letting frank taste it and laughing as he scrunches his nose up at the mush on the spoon

you already know they'd be the best dads, prepping the apartment for a child, babyproofing everything

discussions about whether or not you're going to raise your baby catholic, and frank objecting because "i don't believe in this red", but matt insisting "it's important"

regardless of matt and frank's quarrels, god forbid anything happens to you or your child, because they're gonna have hell to pay

and when your daughter is born, they are over the moon, completely smitten

they gush over her at the hospital, introducing them as her dads, frank watching as her tiny baby hands look so small wrapped around his fingers

frank tries to take a million pictures on his 2007 nokia but they all turn out blurry

frank saying "damn red, your genes aren't that bad after all"

the three of you, gathered around her, and you say, overjoyed. "she's ours"

#matt murdock #frank castle #daredevil #the punisher #poly matt x frank #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x reader x frank castle #frank castle x reader x matt murdock #frank castle x matt murdock x reader #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock imagine #frank castle fluff #frank castle imagine #frank castle x reader #rhi writes 💻#x reader

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vaguely-humanoid-form · 3 months

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thanks, Matt

matpat means.... a lot to me, to say the least. I was raised in a single parent household and l haven't really considered myself to have a dad for a long time. while yes, I do technically have a dad, that's only really in the context of genetics. and my daddy issues but that's not important.

what is important is that matpat was my father, in a way. he was dubbed the title of "internet dad" long after he had already been one to me. he's part of the reason that I am the person I am today.

this piece exists because of matpat, for many reasons.

one, because I sobbed watching "goodbye internet" and want to do something special for his retirement.

two, because fnaf is the entire reason that I create what I do today, and that is partially heavily credited to matpat for overanalyzing a game about murderous animatronics in a pizzeria that I was obsessed with the moment I found out about it. 7 year old me was hooked, man.

and then I think through that, I found even more creators, which led to even more hyperfixating on weird nerdy shit, which led to me making more and more art.

and now, here I am. I'll be 17 years old in April. I graduate high school in one year.

I'm growing up.

not that I haven't been for my whole life because, well, that's how that works.

but I am nearing the true "end" of my childhood.

this year is fnaf's ten year anniversary.

this year marks a decade with game theory.

this year marks the beginning of the end.

I look back on my childhood. I went back to make one quick edit of my incredibly old Instagram account that I had way before I should've even had it.

I look back on the friends I had. I look back on all of the early-mid 2010s shit I posted and I smile. because it's cringe. it's cringe as hell and it's beautiful because of that.

and the nonsense theories are beautiful, and every single theory is beautiful because it exists. because it stems from the need to learn and think and have fun.

because that's what theorizing is about, in the end.

having fun.

matpat means a lot to me.

matpat is the reason that I am the person typing out this post. matpat is the reason that I am the person who spent 6 hours and 45 minutes drawing a piece featuring undertale and fnaf characters in it.

matpat inspires me to exist. and create. and think and learn and seek and everything.

yes, it's a bit parasocial. but it's hard for it to not be considering that I've spent more than half of my life growing alongside this man, seeing him grow in real time in tandem with myself.

I'm growing up.

but I still feel like a kid.

that's good and bad.

the bad is the part of my childhood that I didn't get to have because of my puberty hitting early. it's the fact that some of me is still a 12/13 year old in 2020. it's how the internet affected my growth.

the good is the part of me that still gets unreasonably excited when one of my interests gets brought up "in the wild." it's the fact that I love stuffed animals. it's how the internet affected my growth.

I look back on myself as a kid and, yes, I do indeed get embarrassed or genuinely cringe at how I was in some aspects. but I smile.

because it's me.

despite everything, it's still me.

despite everything, I'm still me, and matpat is still matpat, and despite every single thing that we've all gone through,

we're still us.

I remember one year, I bought myself the theorist varsity jacket with some Christmas money or something.

my best friend has the theorist backpack, I'm pretty sure.

hell, matpat's probably one of the reasons that they are my best friend.

two absolute geeks of GT kids, bonding over the nerdy stuff they liked, probably talking about theories. I don't remember super well, that was elementary school, man.

but isn't that incredible?

the fact that I'm still friends with someone I met in the first grade because of nerdy people like matpat.

I am forever grateful that I found the game theorists and became part of that group. so much of who I am is because I am a theorist. because I found one guy on the internet making overanalytical videos about games.

matpat means a lot to me. and if in case he somehow reads this whole weird ramble prose post open letter thingy, then I hope it means something to him.

but, hey, that's just a theory.

thanks for everything, Matt. <3

#ripley doesn't say stuff #ripley doesn't know how to draw #my art #game theory #the game theorists #matpat #im not gonna cry again. but i kinda want to #fnaf #undertale

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utilitycaster · 7 months

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Hi I read your tags what character do you think it'd be fun for Travis to play if Chet dies in his sleep?? I kinda want Hardcore Caster Travis because Travis as a player with an abundance of spell slots is a delicious idea but idrk!

also throwing in this which I got in the interim!

[id: anonymous ask reading

I have a question/wondering about if (when if statistics have any thing to say about it) Chet dies what class you think Travis will play? Or your thoughts on type of character you would like to see?

(I myself kinda hope he goes for another high int character - maybe a gunslinger would be interesting to continue to balance out the martial classes with spell casters?

But I do think it would be interesting to add another cleric to the party as well. Maybe cleric of the Moon Domain from Taldorei reborn?)]

-----

Ok so Travis is, as I've discussed, on the (noncomprehensive) Emily, Aabria, Lou list of "I trust you implicitly with whatever character you make and even if I'm not initially won over I believe in you." With that said: I agree he should stick to high intelligence in terms of party composition. I also, anon #2, have really liked the idea of cleric. I know a two-cleric party is a lot to DM for but also I think Matt enjoys being able to really throw something big at the party, and while there are two full healers, Fearne is often better used in high damage and FCG's subclass does still make it difficult, plus were Chet to die that would be the loss of one of your three tanks. However, I think moon domain is a little too on the nose for this campaign. I actually would love to see a high-intelligence knowledge cleric: this would grant expertise in some of those key intelligence checks, and while it's far off, the level 17 ability is not unlike grim psychometry, which has already been an absolute delight to watch. I happen to think the read thoughts ability is obviously redundant in this part...but it also is, to be fair, fucking funny to have. Erathis or Corellon for the deity perhaps? I also happen to love twilight cleric just conceptually and for being incredibly powerful, AND for fixing the whole "no darkvision in the party" problem.

Other options: Eldritch knight, though that might be a little similar to Fjord in some of the flavors; or a wizard who is not too much of a glass cannon. Travis is on the short list of people for whom bladesinger would not make me roll my eyes because I think he could actually manage it (as Emily did so well in ACOFAF). I also would love to see another ranger on CR; the class has come a long way since Vex dealt with the unfortunate limitations of Beastmaster, I feel like a Horizon Walker would be attuned to the Moon Bullshit in a way that is different than anyone else in the party, and like...dump charisma and be smart to address the INT needs, and have twin scimitars like Drizzt except with less goofy names to address the Travis Needs Melee To Live (and He's Valid) needs. Really what I think is important is smart, not too glass cannon, low charisma for comedic purposes, and also I think playing someone younger and more obviously shippable even by cowardly people would create chaos in the party and the fandom in ways I would find highly amusing.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag

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awigglycultist · 3 months

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Do you like Epic the Musical or Pulp Musicals?

If yes then you should also listen to the other one I mentioned if you haven't yet!

Epic The Musical is a musical based off The Odyssey and told solely through songs, as in you can just go listen to the songs on Spotify and understand the full story, it's not something done on stage or anything. The story is broken up into sagas with 4 songs in each saga. Currently it is on the third saga, so far there's been The Troy Saga, The Cyclops Saga and The Ocean Saga. The 4th saga, called The Circe Saga, comes out February 14th!

Pulp Musicals is inspired by pulp fictions from the old newspapers and radio and bases its stories off of both real life events and old stories. It also tells its stories purely through song, again meaning you just have to listen to the songs, there is no on stage performance or anything. Pulp Musicals also breaks its story up into several different musicals, or episodes, with 24 songs each. So far there has been The Great Moon Hoax, The Brick Satellite, and The Ghosts of Antikythera which just got put on Spotify today!

Both of these musicals are great and easy to get into since you don't have to worry about missing any of the story. They both tell very grandiose stories that are both fun and emotional. The music for both is absolutely incredible. Every song from both Epic and Pulp are just amazing in my opinion, they make you really get into the feeling of the story and make you feel the emotions the characters feel, and they're all just absolutely bangers like truly no skips.

If you want to become an Epic fan I suggest following Jorge Rivera-Herrans on tiktok and/or instagram. He's the creator of Epic and also plays Odysseus. He posts a lot of videos about the process of making Epic with cool facts about the music and he releases trailers whenever a new saga is coming out so you'll be able know a new one is out.

Similarly, if you want to become a Pulp Musicals fan I suggest subscribing to their YouTube channel and/or instagram. They also release trailers so you can know when episode come out but also they have these things called transmissions where Matt Dahan, creator of Pulp who also plays the narrator and ensemble, explains things about the upcoming episode. It's also important to subscribe to their YouTube channel because when new episodes are released they come out in three parts on the channel for 24hrs, then after that you'll have to buy the album or wait until it comes out on Spotify. Also on their Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr they post portraits and drawings of the characters if you want to get a visual of what they look like.

#epic the musical #pulp musicals

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demcnsinmymind · 2 months

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a thing that Lance should be called out on :))))

Over the past couple of years, I've sort of developed the notion that Lance hates Friedkin and blames him for everything that happened in canon and everyone who got killed. He mostly doesn't blame himself for it, and he doesn't blame Aza/thoth. At times, he almost puts it on a pedestal, almost as a savior and friend, because stockholm syndrome is real and Azzy is damn good at brain washing. And in parts it kinda is a 'savior' and 'friend', so that makes things complicated. HOWEVER, I feel like I don't talk about the Sasha problem enough. And I think Lance is purposely avoiding the topic, be it talking about it or just thinking about it, because it puts such a huge dent in his general strategy and view of Aza/thoth.

Fact is, Lance cared about Sasha. A lot. He was gentle with her. He kept her close. Despite his flaws, he really tried his best with her because she was important to him.

And because of that, the building/Azzy did this to her:

TC and Houston went somewhat fast in comparison. Matt went on his own terms. But Sasha? It dragged things out with her. It drew blood. It took her slowly, and last, because it knew that this would hurt him the most and break him and it did.

Fact is...this thing is incredibly cruel and sadistic and slow with people Lance genuinely cares about. It wants those people especially to not just die, but to suffer. It doesn't want him to care about anyone else. So it tries to get rid of those people. And I find it super interesting that Lance purposely chooses to ignore that/not talk or think about that. Because he knows there is no talking this away and shaking this off. There is no excuse for this, and this is the one thing that should make him turn on it and hate it. Yet he tries so super hard to avoid that elephant in the room.

#do you have any idea what ten years in here can do to a person? : character study #headcanons #hc : aza/thoth #hc: relationships #blood tw

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kitkatopinions · 1 year

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Anyways, I'm trying to forget the drama and the hate anons who were attacking me, so I'm going to talk about one of my stupid kind of niche little ships.

Don't ask me why I ship these two little idiots so much though it probably has something to do with the fact that I was and still am deep into the definitely not true but fun to think of Rory-is-the-Master theory.

But seriously, I wish everyone would watch the Matt-Smith-Amy-Rory Era of Doctor Who through the lens of a Doctor-Rory slow burn, because the pining. Like, just imagine it. The Doctor starts having feelings for Rory right around the Hungry Earth and then he DIES and the Doctor is the only one who can even remember it, so maybe he indulges a little in his feelings because who is he hurting when Rory doesn't even exist anymore but then he comes BACK and the Doctor literally calls him a miracle and then Rory is two thousand years old and married to Amy, and the Doctor has that moment where he bittersweetly calls Rory 'the boy who waited' while he watches him and Amy dance and reading that as the Doctor pining for what he can never have is so good! And right after that the Doctor is like 'maybe I should go and you two should stay here,' and that's not supposed to make he think he felt guilty about his feelings and also didn't want to watch Amy and Rory be happily in love? And then I'm sorry but the Doctor in season six almost always treats Rory like a peer who he respects and he hates when Rory is mad at him and then there's the whole thing where Rory was talking about Howie overcoming his stutter in the God Complex and 'not all victories are about saving the universe' and the Doctor is just so soft about Rory, and then he remembers Rory's favorite car, and he's always a little too super supportive and happy for Amy and Rory and tries to get them back together when they break up, but every time they kiss he's all annoyed? Huh, fancy that! And Rory is less obvious than the Doctor (I say 'obvious' but most of this is nothing but headcanon even though the Doctor also did kiss Rory full on the mouth) but at the same time, here's the thing for me. Rory tries so hard to be the guy who doesn't fall for the Doctor or his way of life, and yet he fits into it actually incredibly well, he's super intuitive when it comes to the Doctor and no matter how jealous he got, he never actually disliked the Doctor and actually believes in him a lot! I feel like Rory spent so much of his life making Amy the most important thing and revolving around her, but then when it comes to the Doctor, Rory works as a duo with him easily and does things like go back for the Doctor in Vampires of Venice. It's like he's always getting pulled in two different directions, part of him wanting to avoid the Doctor and TARDIS life and the other part of him just gravitating towards it and towards him anyway. I think that making headcanons for Rory in regards to this ship, I'd say that he probably just blocks out his feelings because obviously he loves Amy and he doesn't understand that he might be able to love more than one person, and the way he loves Amy is different than the way he loves the Doctor so he doesn't even make the connections. And also, the whole scene in the Wedding of River Song where Rory doesn't remember the Doctor or Amy or his regular life and the Doctor is like "you should date Amy," Rory can be read as interested in both Amy and the Doctor, and inwardly being like 'the attractive and amazing man we've been trying to get in contact with is telling me to date the attractive and amazing woman I work for wow.'

And I really don't know if I ship them as eventual endgame or if I just ship them as this underlining never spoken tension that just hurts the Doctor even more when he loses both of them, but either way, I can't get over it and I just really really ship it. Also I have so so so many problems with volume 5-7 DW, but the actors are all amazing standouts who made the characters great and I love all of them but I can't properly write for them and it's frustrating! XD

#rory x doctor #rory x eleven #I really don't think many people are gonna be interested in this #but I AM OKAY?#Lol

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just-another-frender-blog · 1 year

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Do you think that the Hulu revival is going to correct any of the issues that the other seasons had, like the queerbaiting and "Haha Leela and Amy secretly hate each other because they're women!"? I have a liiiittle hope because the cultural landscape has changed so much. Unfortunately, I feel like the writers are a little set in their ways, and some of the fans definitely are. Can you imagine the meltdown if the show outed Bender? (Which would make it even better.)

I personally don't believe that Futurama had any queerbaiting. Like most other Western cartoons in general, I believe it has queer coding with many of its characters. Queerbaiting has a more negative connotation, while queer coding is much more neutral. And it's possible a lot of what I would consider queer coding is on accident, or me reading into things as a queer woman. The main reason I don't think Futurama has any queerbaiting is that it wouldn't make any sense at all. An adult cartoon that came out in 1999 for the more conservative Fox network would not try to market itself toward queer audiences at all. Hell, I would argue that one of the reasons Futurama got canceled back in the early 2000s was because it was too liberal for the network.

I would also like to consider Matt Groening's history as an artist. Before he did The Simpsons, he wrote a comic called Life in Hell. This comic was about funny-looking rabbit creatures, and I believe two of the characters lived as a gay couple (the rabbits cameo a few times in Futurama). Not to mention Smithers in The Simpsons who was clearly meant to be gay back when characters like these weren't portrayed in mainstream media. I just can't believe that they would put queerbaiting into the show with malicious intentions. I have to wonder if he wanted to put more LGBTQ characters into his projects like The Simpsons and Futurama, and was held back by Fox. However, there are a lot of people who worked on both shows, so I can't say for sure.

I don't even think that queer coding has any malicious intentions (for the most part). For example, when Fry acts as though Bender is cheating on him in The Honking, I don't think that the joke is that they are acting like a gay couple. I believe the joke is that Fry's reaction is so out of the left field for the situation at hand, to the point where it circles back as charming. I see this goofy, playful type of queer coding in a lot of cartoons, such as Wander Over Yonder or Looney Tunes Show. It doesn't bother me, but I also respect that it might bother others. The fanservice with Amy and Leela bothers me, but it would bother me less if they had a closer relationship like Fry and Bender.

I'm not sure if I would say the writers of Futurama are "set in their ways" as much as I would say that aspects of Futurama have aged very poorly due to the time it came out. That's not to say that these aspects shouldn't be criticized at all. I think that it's important to warn people when recommending the show, and it's important to discuss negative portrayals of minorities in fiction. I don't know much about the writers of Futurama so I have no idea what their beliefs are and I also have no clue how much freedom they were given with the show. It's possible that they had the best intentions and they fumbled with certain aspects.

Futurama is over 20 years old and it ended nearly 10 years ago. I think that this is a lot of time for the people who created the show to reflect and grow as writers. And I think every good writer wants to improve their flaws and listen to feedback. I've seen incredibly famous writers state that they could've done better. And then they take strides to improve on their older mistakes. I could definitely see the writers for this show reflecting on the way Amy and Leela's relationship was handled or the trans jokes made in very poor taste. Not to mention, it's very possible that they may bring new writers on board to get a more diverse writing room and a fresh perspective.

I admit that I have a great deal of respect for the writers of Futurama as an aspiring writer myself. Comedy is considered to be one of the most difficult genres to write, and Futurama has some of the tightest writing I've seen on TV. I think that can only be achieved by a great deal of effort and a strong writing team. The dialogue is fantastic; each character has a very distinct voice. I was impressed by the continuity in an episodic format, as well as the complex concepts they executed so well.

I adore how this show is "smart" but it never talks down to its viewers. I like how it can take jabs at itself from time to time without being too overt about it. I've always felt that even through all the dark humor, the heart of this show is kind, and you don't often get to see that with adult cartoons. There were so many instances when I finished an episode of Futurama and thought "I hope I can write like that one day." Maybe this is naïve of me, but I really do think the writers can fix some of the older issues that the show had now that time has passed. And maybe they will want to push for queer representation this time.

As for Bender being portrayed as queer; I definitely would like it if some of the more bigoted fans were pushed away from this show. I have to admit, seeing bigots get something they enjoy taken away from them always fills me with this vengeful glee. I would love it if Bender was confirmed queer; I fully welcome an unhinged and morally dubious queer character. However, the idea of backlash makes me incredibly nervous. This is mainly due to the way I've seen people talk about the LGBTQ community online and in real life, especially recently. I always want more representation in media, but I'm starting to feel worn down and depressed by the constant backlash anything remotely queer (or anything with minorities at all) receives.

#futurama #analysis post #long post #queer analysis #thoughts on the revival

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