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#because 'youre equating lesbians to their oppressors'
pumpumdemsugah · 6 months
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As black women who has always felt lost in black women's spaces due to their negligence of misogyny, your blog is really a bliss!
One of your recent responses about the curious tradition of the antifeminism from het black women was very on point and made me reflected once again the interconnection between race and sexuality but this topic is barely touched and when it's, it's usually approached in a way that places race above other systems of oppression or any other concerns towards misogyny, homophobia and capitalism is dismissed as “engaging in white supremacist theories” in some black activism circles.
However, as sad as it is, there are plenty of reactionary rhetoric among black women (and it doesn't really matter if they identify as feminists or if they're are openly antifeminists) and these untouchable topics don't get discussed. And the worst part is, we, Black women who do see these tendencies, sometimes even doubt what we're actually seeing. In some cases we even think we're in reality buying a white perspective for simply being able to see that a lot of black women can also reproduce the dominant culture like everyone does because we were all socialized into it.
But, imo, what makes sexuality really relevant when the topic about why so many black women dismiss misogyny, is because het feminists from all branches of feminism tend to equate womanhood to heterosexuality. In het black women's case it happens added to the notion that they are black women IN RELATION TO WHITE WOMEN! The race changes the flavor of the misogyny but it doesn't erase black womanhood neither downplay the importance of the misogyny for us. In reality, it makes our situation even more oppressive. All the talks about intersectionality but a lot of them fail to grasp that the concepts about white feminity/black masculinity don't exist in a vacuum neither separated, specially in western countries.
Race was used as a tool to divide women in deep hierarchies of power that even classes divisions alone couldn't do it. But this fact is just ignored. Instead, these het black women try to prove that misogyny isn't that bad because since they were left out of the specific ways the upper-class white women were oppressed, the oppression just don't exist. This vision ironically reinforce the idea that they claim to oppose, that only white women are “real women”, to the point of their oppressor race status canceling out misogyny not only for them but also for us. It's weird how somehow misogyny against white women become positive and something to aspire to have because if it happens to them, it's, in reality, white supremacy and in an equal society, the oppressed groups should have the same rights that used to be restricted to the oppressors. This is why a lot Black women will sell the myth of the romantic het love to their audience as a core part of black women's empowerment(ignoring lesbians and bi women experiences), but their whole talking about race/white supremacy usually just reinforce misogynoir.
!!!
It's so hard to get through to straight Black women and they love being wrong and strong. There are so many anti-feminist Black women that call themselves feminist and claim they empower Black women. They're just interested in benevolent sexism and want the rest of us to follow along even if our sexuality means it complicates this delusion
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burningtheroots · 10 months
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Hey, I'm a cis lesbian and I used to be a radfem. I was sexually harassed by a man during my middle school years and it made me so angry at the world, and thus I started hating all men and thinking they were evil and they should die. Despite the fact I had male relatives and friends who were nothing but kind and supportive and loving to me.
After some therapy and reflection, I realized that I was just taking the easy way out. It's easier to turn your trauma and fear into hatred and anger towards a scapegoat group instead of actually doing the hard work of self reflecting.
Are there evil men? Of course. Is the patriarchy a problem? Definitely. Are there transgender people who are only trans to pray upon others? Inevitable.
But just as there are bad people in every group of people, that doesn't define them. Most trans people I've met know genitalia preference is a thing and respect that. The ones who don't are just full of themselves. Most of them just want to live their life the way they want to live it. In such a short amount of time on this earth, why waste it being hateful to others?
Continue to fight for female-sex rights, that is important. Fight for gay rights, fight for women rights. But all of these can be achieved without fearing or hating all men and transgender people. If anything, that just gets in the way of achieving real change.
Sorry for sending such a long ask. I'm not trying to be rude or mean. It's just, I worry sometimes about the young people in this community because I see myself in it, and how scared and unhappy and angry I was all the time because I refused to actually work through my trauma....and of course, like I said, this is not me saying there aren't things wrong with the world. There are. But not everyone is out to get you, this world is beautiful.
I'm not trying to invalidate in feelings you may have. As women we are dealt the short end of the stick from birth, and it is important we keep fighting. But fight against the real enemies; the lawmakers, the corporations, societal expectations. But "men" and "transgender" as a group as a whole are not your enemies...and using intentionally proactive language like that, it harms your chance of people wanting to listen since you're insulting people based on something as fundamental as their gender or sex. I think all of you could achieve great stuff for women if hating the "other side" wasn't in the equation.
Anyway, sorry again for the length. You might think I'm being ridiculous and this may never change your mind. And that's fine. I just felt sharing my perspective as an ex-radfem may be interesting or helpful, or something.
Hey! I‘m sorry for the late response, I wanted to have enough time to reply throughoutly & was quite busy this week.
First of all, I‘m sorry that this happened to you and I‘m glad that you had support from your family and friends.
However, I think the assumption that radfems, and me in particular, blindly turn their trauma into hatred is incorrect and doesn’t take into account that radical feminism is a feminist theory which analyzes, exposes & fights systemic oppression.
It‘s a fact that every man is complicit in & benefits from misogyny and patriarchy to a certain degree, which doesn’t mean that we think every man is an evil predator. As for me, my standard is that a man has to be 0% misogynistic — which is the minimum, I expect further allyship — to be "good". Somehow women are looked down upon when they have such "high" expectations when it comes to members of their oppressor class, and I‘m aware that it‘s nearly impossible to find a man like that in our current world, but does that mean I should tolerate even 0.00001 of misogyny from a man? No. It means I‘m perfectly justified to center women & particularly like-minded women in my life.
As for transgender people, I don’t hate any dysphoric (!) person for being dysphoric and trying to live their life. I actually care a lot about the well-being of dysphoric people, but I‘m also well-aware that the TRA ideology (which doesn’t equal individuals with actual dysphoria) blatantly attacks women‘s rights & protections, and while many trans-identified people respect sexualities as they are, my criticism of the movement is still valid.
And I understand & respect where you‘re coming from, though I think that radical (=root) feminism is often falsely mistaken for extremism, which it is not. Since discovering radical feminism and other radfems, I actually feel much more understood and safe.
Women‘s rights & liberation don’t have to be palatable to men, and everything I share and say on my blog is backed up by facts. I don‘t "hate men", I hate misogynistic men — and it‘s on them not to be one of those.
Anyways, thanks for sharing your experience and being friendly. It‘s quite refreshing. xx
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haggishlyhagging · 9 months
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Radical feminists are fundamentally agreed in the advocacy of total elimination of sex roles. As Anne Koedt points out:
Basic to the position of radical feminism is the concept that biology is not destiny, and that male and female roles are learned - indeed that they are male political constructs that serve to ensure power and status for men.
The logical conclusion of this is that "the biological male is the oppressor not by virtue of his male biology but by virtue of his rationalizing supremacy on the basis of that biological difference."
Radical feminism cannot be simply equated with the gay movement. One problem is that lesbians, as well as male homosexuals, frequently assume sex roles. The only difference from "normal" heterosexual role playing then becomes the fact that the parts are assumed by the "wrong" sex. Such standardization of persons into roles is antithetical to radical feminism, which is concerned with overturning the sex role system. Lesbians may also be radical feminists, but the fact of choosing women rather than men as sexual partners does not of itself necessarily challenge sexist society in an effective way, any more than choosing men as sex partners necessarily supports sexist society.
The categories of heterosexuality and homosexuality are patriarchal classifications. Because men in our society have been socialized to be destructive in their relationships with women, some women have come to the conclusion that authentic personal relationships with men under prevailing conditions are extremely difficult and perhaps impossible. However, doctrinaire insistence upon exclusive homosexuality fails precisely because it is not radical enough, for, as Anne Koedt shows, it lends support to the notion that it does matter what the sex of your partner may be. At the same time, it would be unrealistic to abstract ourselves from the present historical situation. As Phyllis Chesler points out: "At this moment in history only women can (if they will) support the entry or re-entry of women into the human race." Women in groups are repeatedly asking whether, given our conditioning as women, we can ever wage a feminist revolution as long as we are psychosexually bound to men. There are no easy answers to such a question. It is important to repudiate the old dogmas concerning sexual behavior and it is also important to avoid setting up new ones.
-Mary Daly, Beyond God the Father: Toward a Philosophy of Women’s Liberation
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janersm · 1 year
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Every hashtag that an ableist, aphobic, biphobic TERF has made about me (so far) because she didn’t like that I said relationships involving bisexual people are inherently queer & told her not to call me bihet.
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[Alt text for nine screenshots posted above:
#get a life you fucking loser #you're harassing me in my inbox like an insecure pathetic baby and self-victimizing yourself #and lying #who actually experiences oppression and vitriol is homosexuals #wah being told im privileged is oppression and hate #you're calling all gays hateful and evil saying they oppress you for being in het relationships Imao #you think sexuality is based on gender and not biological sex bc ur homophobic #once again by this logic straight men are gay if they date bi women and lesbians are het if they date bi women #stfu #stop erasing ppl bc you wanna be oppressed so bad #white woman cringe #gays have it easier because when they get hate crimed at least they know their entire sexual orientation #we're so lucky #for being validated before getting killed and beaten <3 #you can tell which bis have been w women be at least some of them will acknowledge the privilege they have when with men but still very few #and ive seen other bis dogpile them and accuse them of having internalized biphobia for saying they have privilege when dating and marrying #men #the white ppl of sexuality tbh
#can u imagine if you told a straight man he is feminine and in a feminine relationship or some shit for dating a woman #thats how crazy you sound #closest kinda of analogy i can think of at 4am #jfc #stop oppressing me for having a bf my relationship is gay so treat me like a gay person if you don't it's discrimination and erasure #but also according to her #heterosexual relationships are gay #braindead comment #i face the most homophobia bc i have a bf it's true #sorry gayz #???? #liberal brainrot #just switch words around and call it oppression #why are liberals all so narcisstic and toxic #they're so obsessed with telling minorities they are privileged and finding a way to say they aren't privileged be they think oppression is #fun and being privileged is boring #white as hell but acting like they're the biggest anti racists or anti oppression while they perpetuate it and deny their privileges and #intersections of their privileges #she's gonna say she's authority on racism now bc i can't say trans ideology and community is racist and white #w their own white supremacists
#and according to her the nasty gays (dirty perveted genital fetishists) and the monosexuals (straights) are harming the most oppressed and #neglected 'minorities' asexuals and bisexuals #imagine equating bisexual struggles to asexuals Imaooo #yikes #a self drag #don't erase yourself then complain :)) #stop saying hetero relationships are gay :)) #everytime a bi person says they're gay you're committing homophobia and erasure of two groups of people :)) #one of whom who faces real oppression for their sexuality #hint it's not the woman w the bf #she thinks she's authority on lesphobia/ homophobia then calls all gays biphobic privileged oppressors #even poc understand we have different struggles and privileges #it's so funny #how pathetic they are #so offended by having privilege #if you're gonna call yourself gay and your straight relationship gay #complaining about bihet is so hypocrital #i didn't even just say she's het Imao #i was gonna write up a post about this but it feels like a good place to discuss this #bi women just keep slapping us in the face acting like this and saying shit like this
#homegirl also said i ruined her sleep and made her take more meds #i didn't force you to stalk n harass me #i had this post so long i had to cut down so much of what i said #god she's annoying af #such a manipulative sad pathetic person obsessed with being a liberal victim #while she's literally mutals with TYGRESS #why can't they ever talk about how homophobic and misogynistic they are #i feel like for one thing #truly if bis stopped acting like women are just for fucking or not real partners / people for not being men then things would be different #i have a butch lesbian friend in kentucky #it's more unsafe to be a poc #anyway #bisexuals stop gasligting gay people challenge #she said she was going to bed and now she's watching her phone and refreshing my blog every second #YOU'RE CREEPY #looks like white men are rubbing off on you too much #your disability doesn't make you homophobic or a creepy stalker #that's 100% you #you're so creepy tbh #i dont think you know how blocking works #you literally brought it up as an abusive tactic to control a minority Imao when it isn't relevant
#to deflect from accountability and silence them #white behaviour #next you'll say being gay is an excuse to be racist #stfu #you're so obsessed with what ithink #it's really funny #you think lesbians can have dicks or like dick #you're pro conversion therapy #stay away from women but you probably will anyway thankfully #the fact you care so much what i think while speaking over me #if i acted like you a decade from now #at your age #yikesss #you're straight up stalking me and harassing me at this point Imao #<3 #you wanna play the liberal oppression card when you're a homophobic moron #i'm also a brown woman #so stfu #YOU STILL HAVE ME BLOCKED AND YOU'RE ENGAGING #HOW PATHETIC ARE YOU? #liberal cringe #gaslighting queen <3 #no patience #ur 95 percent and higher in het relationships exclusively #shut the fuck up #you don't know what vitrol or hate or oppression is #thats why you talk like this and act like #being hatecrimed makes you privileged <3 #i mean the gays practically do by denying my relationship isn't gay #so funny….they use the world queer
#by funny i mean sick #A SLUR AIMED AT HOMOSEXUALS FOR BEING GAY #WHO DIED OFTEN AFTER HEARING THAT WORD OR GETTING BEATEN TO NEAR DEATH #haha my relationship is queer <3 ur not even GAY ur bi and never date women or seriously #then you complain erasure #racist/homophobic/ misogynistic content my bi heart <3 #says people some get treated worse but then denies privilege #bc funny who is it they argue who always have privilege? FEMALES AND HOMOSEXUALS #NOT BISEXUALS AND MALES #B & T community are evil #males and osa are the most oppressed and females/ homosexuals are the most privileged <3 #what is gay privilege #you can't name one #bc it doesn't exist #if you deemed content biphobic you'd lose ur shit and never watch it tho #but heterophobic content doesn't exist :)) #and i'm every single terf when i'm not even a radfem #i think this drama is really funny tbh #you might as well be bc ur all cliche and homophobic #cry #if you cared about being productive you wouldn't be here
#it's so funny how your media consumption is literally all about misogynistic/ homophobic/racist white men #it's funny how cliche you are #you're so mad that i have a brain and you don't #keep crying <3 #talking about homophobic people and calling them out is doing something also tbh #you're such a hypocrite #you think you're fighting heterophobia #but you're just homophobic #spreading bs #you're really narcissistic and manipulative <3 #i'm glad you don't have a gf #you're homophobic and are obsessed with victimizing yourself #there is no such thing as discrimination for opposite sex attraction #it's a privilege #how aren't het women more offended that bi women act like they're suffering so much bc of het woman while y'all live the same lifestyles #for the rest of your lives... #oh right it's that homophobic pact. #they seem to have #remember when a bisexual woman married to a man said she was JEALOUS of gay men at pride #your pride is there everyday every second of your life and rewarded and centred #privileged #ifcc
#you're erasing gay people and being a hypocrite #and you're erasing straight people #so funny you're so pissed off youre called out on how stupid you are you're stalking my blog #if you were so confident you wouldn't take me seriously #you're in a privileged relationship #you have osa privilege #your relationship is straight even if you aren't #you're gonna call gays and straights bis #then don't whine when you feel erased #calling ur relationship het isn't even erasure #biphobia isn't real #you just think heterophobia is real and that gays oppress you #run to your boyfriend and cry how some actual gay person thinks you aren't oppressed #this is the straightest bio i've ever read #you can tell which bis have been w women bc at least some of them will acknowledge the privilege they have when with men but still very few #and ive seen other bis dogpile them and accuse them of having internalized biphobia for saying they have privilege when dating and marrying #men #the white ppl of sexuality tbh #can u imagine if you told a straight man he is feminine and in a feminine relationship or some shit for dating a woman
#thats how crazy you sound #closest kinda of analogy i can think of at 4am #jfc #stop oppressing me for having a bf my relationship is gay so treat me like a gay person if you don't it's discrimination and erasure #why are bihets like this... #holy shit #my straight relationship is gay/queer and if you don't agree you're heterophobic]
She has her friends monitoring my blog and encourages people in posts to bother me, but accuses me of stalking and harassing her when I haven’t said a damn thing to her in weeks. The only reason I even go to her blog is to make sure I have blocked every single person who she’s talking shit about me with & encouraging to come after me.
Also, who even is tygress? And how does she know who I’m mutuals with? My following list is private.
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biblicalhorror · 3 years
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Just saw an absolutely terrible take on tiktok that bi women who wish they had a gf are "fetishizing lesbians" and "begging for a crumb of oppression" and I just feel like I need to lie down
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onlyfangz · 3 years
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not to keep talking about this, but i just read an article about the british equality minister wanting to turn away from issues pertaining to race, gender, and sexuality, calling them “fashionable”, and well what can i say, i got mad.
the narrative that trans women are better than, more worthy of saving than, and more oppressed than other people in the trans community is inherently a white, suburban, blue-state american narrative, and the worst thing is that it’s not often pushed by trans women themselves, it’s typically pushed by cis ‘allies’ and self-flagellating trans mascs. 
america is not made an equal country, some places it’ll seem better than others for certain groups, but these groups don’t seem to understand that their experiences are in no way universal. in the uk nobody gives a shit what’s between your legs, if you identify yourself as trans, you’re fair game. this goes from socially -- the amount of people, regardless of where they fall under the trans umbrella, who i have personally known or know people who knew them, that have been beaten, raped, killed through both suicide and murder would honestly shock you, -- to institutionally -- if you ever want to put me in a mood, ask me about my time in college as the only out trans person in the department at the time, -- to structurally -- ask me about the time i asked the police who were interviewing me about the domestic violence i’d suffered to stop calling me she, being ignored, and having my case labelled as violence against minors and violence against girls before you ever tell me that trans men are not silenced and left out of crime stats, -- to politically -- i don’t even have the energy to describe to you the bullshit that just went down with stripping trans people -- all trans people, but most importantly minors -- of their rights.
how can you really look trans men in the eye and tell us that we don’t matter? that we benefit from the patriarchy? why are you so insistent that trans men are raging misogynists, or if they’re not yet, that they’re always dangerously close to becoming one by virtue of associating ourselves with men? why are you so insistent that trans men, who hold no power, certainly not socially nor structurally, are the oppressors of trans women, who also hold no power in society? especially when you start adding in intersectionality to the equation. i’ve got no right to speak for trans men of colour, not now, not ever, but i personally wouldn’t feel comfortable looking them in the eye and telling them that they’re safer now that they’ve transitioned. why are you? if a trans man is a misogynist, that’s his own individual moral failing, not a by-product of being a trans man. a lot of us have lived at least a portion of our lives as being read as girls, we’re not about to hop onto treating others like we were -- and still sometimes are, depending on situation, stealth, etc., -- treated when we were younger.
not to mention transitioning. 
i’m not sure about england or northern ireland, but there are only three GICs in scotland, and there are none in wales as of writing this. the waiting lists are so long that the wait times are currently being signified with an infinity symbol. there are TERFs in nearly every (if not all) major political parties, and they have weight in the government, having spearheaded the aforementioned attack against transgender children. i would love to be read as male to strangers, but it just doesn’t happen. i know that i look like a butch dyke. i make fun of this. my lesbian friends have taken me in their ranks for my own goddamn safety, because as it stands, medical transitioning is a pipe dream, and even if i get there, there is no guarantee that the doctors, or the panel -- yes, you read that right -- would allow me to transition if i don’t come off as “trans enough”.
trans people understand each other in the uk. we’re not spending our days arguing about who has it worse, because we’re all in the same boat and we’re sinking. i would love to live in this magical fantasy land where being a trans man is acceptable, if not a little inconvenient, and i am able to live as freely as a cis man, but it’s just not real. we know that there are things that only really affect trans women, and things that only really affect trans men, and things that only really affect non-binary people, but even that falls apart when you start asking individuals rather than taking it as a group consensus. regardless, just because someone isn’t affected in the same way as another does not mean one is inherently better, or more manageable, i promise you it’s not.
you are doing a transphobes job when you try to divide the community like this. it leaves us separated, weak, vulnerable, and ready to attack each other at a moments notice without anyone else needing to lift a finger.
white, (often) teenaged, middle-class, suburban, blue-state americans are not the voices of the community, or the paragons of the trans life experience, and to sum it up, yes, trans men are men, but trans men are trans, and you better start remembering that.
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kuromichad · 3 years
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different subject that’s heavy on my mind rn but since i’m already being harsh let’s get into it. i wish it wasn’t automatically presumed to be some kind of truscum attitude when someone tries to express that different parts of The Trans Community have like, different needs and different risk levels and different experiences and that we have the ability to talk over each other, harm each other, etc... like when i put it that way people generally are like ‘of course that’s true!’ but is it ever really understood in practice? a number of people (not a large enough number, but still) are able to loosely understand ‘you can be trans and transphobic’ when it’s applied to the matter of transmisogyny but when a trans person tries to express distrust of or frustration with afab nb people due to how common it is that that category of person will, despite being trans/nb, espouse bioessentialist, anti-medical-transition, radfem-adjacent if not outright cryptoterf rhetoric, suddenly ‘trans people can be transphobic’ gets applied to... the person with a complaint about transphobia. 
because he’s clearly an evil truscum man! regardless of if the person making the complaint is a trans man or trans woman, oops, lol. he’s a bad person who is attacking and invalidating and totally hatecriming the heckin’ valid, equally at-risk transgender identity of “an afab woman who isn’t a woman except when she pointedly categorizes themself as a woman because being afab makes them a woman who is ‘politically aligned’ with women but she’s not an icky unwoke cis woman because they don’t like being forced into womanhood although Really When You Think About It 🤔 all women are dysphoric because obviously the pathologized medical diagnosis of gender dysphoria in transgender people is something that equally applies to cis women just default existing under patriarchy 🤔, and no, equating these things totally does not imply anything reductive about or add a bizarre moral dimension to the idea of being transgender, whaaaaat, this woman who isn’t a woman doesn’t think there’s anything immoral or cowardly or misogynist or delusional about being transgender, they would never say that because THEY’RE transgender, except when she feels it’s important (constantly) to make clear that she’s Still A Woman Deep Down Inherently Despite Not Identifying As One, and none of this ever has any effect on how they treat the concept, socially and politically, of people who actually wholly identify with (and possibly medically transition to) a gender different from the one they were assigned at birth, be it ‘the opposite gender’ or abstaining from binary gender altogether or ‘politically aligning’ with the ‘opposite’ gender from their asab. never ever!”
and like maybe that sounds like a completely absurd and hateful strawman to you! but in that case you’re either like, lucky, or optimistic, or ignorant. i’m literally not looking at random nb people and declaring that in My Truscum Opinion they’re ‘really a woman’ just because they’re not medically transitioning or meeting some arbitrary standard of mine. i am looking at self-identified afab nb people, who most often use she/they because, y’know, words mean things, especially pronouns, so people who are willingly ‘aligned with womanhood’ typically intentionally use she/her (sorry that i guess that’s another truscum take now!!! that pronouns mean things!!! the bigender transmasc who deliberately uses exclusively he/him wants it to invoke a perception he’s comfortable with!), who actively say the things listed above (in a non-sarcastic manner). 
like, the line between a person who says “i don’t claim to really not be my asab because i know no one would ever perceive me as anything else” because theyve internalized a defeatist attitude due to societal transphobia, and a person who says that because they... genuinely believe it’s impossible/ridiculous/an imposition to truly be transgender (in the traditional trans sense, beyond a vague nb disidentification with gender) and are actively contributing to the former person’s self loathing... is hard to define from a distance! i think plenty of people who are, in a sense, ‘tentative’ or like ‘playing close to home’ so to speak in their identity are ‘genuinely trans’ (whatever that may mean) and just going through a process. they might arrive at a different identity or might just eventually stop saying/believing defeatist stuff, who knows. but there are enough people saying it for the latter reason, or at least not caring if they sound that way, that it’s like, dangerous. it is actively incredibly harmful to other trans people. and it’s fucking ridiculous that it’s so difficult to criticize because you’ll always get the defense of “umm but i’m literally trans” and/or “well i’m just talking about ME, this doesn’t apply to other trans people” when it’s an attitude that very clearly seeps into their politics and the way they discuss gender.
because it’s just incredibly common for afab nb people (most typically those that go by she/they! since i’m aware that uh, i am also afab nb, but we clearly are extremely different, so that’s the best categorization i’ve got) to discuss gender in moralized terms, with the excuse of patriarchy/misogyny existing, which of course adds another difficult dimension to trying to criticize this because it gets the response of “don’t act like misandry is real” (it’s not, but being a dick still is) and “boohoo, let women complain about their oppressors” (this goes beyond ‘complaining’). a deliberate revocation of empathy/sympathy/compassion from men and projection of inherently malicious/brutish/cruel intent onto men (not solely in the justified generalizations ‘men suck/are dangerous’, but in specific interactions too) underpin a whole fucking lot of popular posts/discussions online, whether they’re political or casual/social, and it absolutely influences how people conceptualize and feel about transness. 
because ‘maleness is evil’ is still shitty politics even when you’ve slightly reframed it from the terf ‘trans women are evil because they’re Really Men and can never escape being horrific soulless brutes just as women can never escape being fragile morally superior flowers’ to the tumblr shethey “trans women who are out to me/unclockable are tolerable i guess because they’re women and women are good; anyone i personally presume to be a cis man, though, is still automatically evil, and saying trans men are Just As Bad is progressive of me, and it’s totally unrelated and apolitical that i think we should expand the concept of afab lesbianism so broadly that you can now be basically indistinguishable from trans men on literally every single level except for a declaration of ‘but i would never claim to be a man because i’m secure in the Innate Womanhood of the body i was born into, even as i medically alter that body because it causes me great gendered discomfort.’ none of this at all indicates that i feel there’s an immense moral/political gap between being an afab nb lesbian vs a straight trans man! it says nothing at all about my concept of ‘maleness’ and there’s no way this rhetoric bleeds into my perception of trans women and no way loudly talking about all this could keep trans people around me self-loathing and closeted, because i’m Literally Trans and Not A Terf!”
again, if that sounds like a hateful strawman, sorry but it’s not. i guess i’m supposed to be like ‘all of the many people ive seen saying these shitty things is an evil outlier who Doesn’t Count, and it’s not fair to the broad identity of afab shethey to not believe that every person who doesn’t outright say terfy enough things is a perfectly earnest valid accepting trans person who’s beyond criticism’ but like. this cannot be about broad validation. this can’t be about discarding all the bad apples as not really part of the group. we can’t be walking on eggshells to coddle what are essentially, in the end, Cis Feelings, because in the best cases this kind of rhetoric comes from naive people who are early and uncertain in their gender journey or whatever and are in the process of unraveling internalized transphobia, and in the easily observable worst cases these people are very literally redefining shit so that ‘actually all afab women are trans, spiritually, all afabs have dysphoria, we are all Equally oppressed by Males uh i mean cis men <3’ because, let’s be honest, they know that the moment they call themselves trans they get to say whatever they want about gender no matter how harmful it is to the rest of us. and those ideas spread like wildfire through the afab shethey “woman that’s not a woman” community that frankly greatly outnumbers other types of trans people online, because many of those people just do not have the experiences that lead you to really understand this shit and have to push back against concepts of gender that actively harm you as a trans person.
like that’s all i want to be able to say, is Things Are Different For Different Groups. and a willful ignorance of these differences leads to bad rhetoric controlling the overall discourse which gets people hurt. and even when concepts arise from it that seem positive and helpful and inclusive, in practice or in origin those ideas can still be upholding shit that gets other people hurt. like, i don’t doubt that many people are very straightforwardly happy and comfortable with an identity like ‘afab nb lesbian on testosterone’ and it would be ridiculous and hypocritical for me, ‘afab nb who wants to pass as a guy so he can comfortably wear skirts again,’ to act like that’s something that can’t or shouldn’t exist. it’s not about the identity itself, it’s about the politics that are popular within its community, and how the use of identities as moral labels with like, fucking pokemon type interactions for oppression effectiveness which directly informs the moral correctness of your every opinion and your very existence, is a shitty practice that gets people hurt and leads us to revoke empathy from each other.
like. sorry this is all over the place and long and probably still sounds evil because i haven’t thought through and disclaimered every single statement. but i’m like exhausted from living with this self-conscious guilt that maybe i’ve turned into a horrible evil truscum misogynist etc etc due to feeling upset by this seemingly inescapable approach to gender in lgbt/online circles that like, actively harms me, because when i vent with my friends all the stuff i’ve tried to explain here gets condensed down to referencing ‘she/theys’ as a category and that feels mean and generalizing and i genuinely dislike generalizations but the dread i feel about that category gets proven right way too often. it’s just like. this is not truscum this is not misgendering this is not misogyny. this is not about me decreeing that all transmascs have to be manly enough or dysphoric enough and all nbs have to be neatly agender and androgynous or something, i’m especially not saying that nb gender isn’t real lmao or even that it’s automatically wrong to partially identify with your asab; this is not me saying you can only medically transition for specific traditional reasons or that you don’t get a say on anything if you aren’t medically transitioning for whatever reason, now or ever. i just. want to be allowed to be frank about how... when there’s different experiences in a community we should like. acknowledge those differences and be willing to say that sometimes people don’t know what they’re talking about or that what they’re saying is harmful. without the primary concern being whether people will feel invalidated by being told so. because these are like, real issues, that are more important than politely including everyone, because that method is just getting vulnerable people drowned out constantly.
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Lesbian Politicization
This was published 1990 in a book called Dykes-Loving-Dykes: Dyke Separatist Politics for Lesbians Only and illustrates exactly the long-standing issue with women appropriating lesbianism, using their political beliefs to try to define female homosexual existence in relation to opposing men. The agenda, of course, is to say fuck males and to fight the ever elusive and ever changing culture of patriarchy. 
That’s 100% relevant and helpful for actual homosexual females....not. 
I’ll make this short though, this is just to show how feminists been appropriating lesbians and applying their values to lesbian existence.
In the 1980’s, a decade of reactionary politics, femininity became an accepted value among many Lesbians. Even many politically radical Lesbians, who I would most expect to support Lesbian self-love and self-respect, who usually call male bullshit for what it is, began to openly admire feminine ways of dressing and acting. Femininity! A patriarchal hype if there ever was one.
Lesbians who didn’t look the way you personally think is more useful for your cause probably didn’t care to make a political statement out of their existence. The point of lesbians seeking lesbian communities is to find other lesbians - with the exception of those who WANTED to seek out political radical lesbian communities. That is not an inherent aspect of our existence, and to be honest, it’s not even a large part of it as women appropriating lesbians usually populated those communities. Here is a recap of the origins of radical “lesbian” separatism: *** [ In the late 70s a group of lesbians in Leeds, known as revolutionary feminists (RFs), made a controversial move that resonated loudly for me and many other women. They began calling for all feminists to embrace lesbianism. Appealing to their heterosexual sisters to get rid of men “from your beds and your heads”, they started a debate, which reached its height in 1981 with the publication of an infamous booklet, Love Your Enemy? The Debate Between Heterosexual Feminism and Political Lesbianism (LYE). In this, the RFs wrote that, “all feminists can and should be lesbians. Our definition of a political lesbian is a woman-identified woman who does not fuck men. It does not mean compulsory sexual activity with women. It’s no surprise that the booklet was so controversial. “We think serious feminists have no choice but to abandon heterosexuality,” it reads. “Only in the system of oppression that is male supremacy does the oppressor actually invade and colonise the interior of the body of the oppressed.” https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/30/women-gayrights “Political lesbianism originated in the late 1960s among second wave radical feminists as a way to fight sexism and compulsory heterosexuality. Sheila Jeffreys helped to develop the concept when she co-wrote “Love Your Enemy? The Debate Between Heterosexual Feminism and Political Lesbianism”[3] with the Leeds Revolutionary Feminist Group. They argued that women should abandon support of heterosexuality and stop sleeping with men, while encouraging women to rid men “from your beds and your heads.”[4] Heterosexual behavior is seen as the basic unit of the patriarchy’s political structure, lesbians who reject heterosexual behavior therefore disrupt the established political system.[5]Ti-Grace Atkinson, a radical feminist who helped to found the group The Feminists, is attributed with the phrase that embodies the movement: ‘Feminism is the theory; lesbianism is the practice.’[6]” ] ***
Lesbians’ acceptance of anything “feminine” is part of the weakening of Lesbian politics—a Lesbian parallel to the right-wing trend of het politics.
LOL good. Being a lesbian does not mean representing anything political. Also what the fuck? This is where queer activists got their penchant for calling lesbians Nazis lol. Where’s that meme that’s like, anyone I don’t like is a Nazi? lol great homophobia, Queen/dumbass.
Those Lesbians who act out the feminine model and claim it’s a contribution to Lesbian culture, a flowering forth of their “real selves,” are of course Fems
So feminine lesbians’ real selves aren’t acceptable within your framework because they trigger your contempt of gender presentation that you yourself do not have to take part of? But your “real self” - a non-lesbian pretending to be a lesbian - is commendable because you want other lesbians to act and look exactly how you do which supposedly is off-putting to patriarchy AKA you use our sexual orientation to say fuck you to men? I think not. 
The het media is full of stories about the het feminist who “realizes that she doesn’t have to give up being a woman to be a success in life,” who “regrets having tried to be like a man,” and is now “rediscovering the excitement of feminine seductiveness, the fun of dressing up in high heels, make-up and skirts, and her deep need for the joys of motherhood.”
“Realizes she doesn’t have to give up being a woman to be a success in life”; “and her deep need for the joys of motherhood.” So you understand femininity = heterosexuality. This is the 80s/90s, I wonder what her opinion is now that ‘femininity’ has changed: heterosexual women wear gym clothes, lift weights, have short hair, wear no make up or minimal make up etc., and men love it. And yet I see feminists also say that heterosexual women who are like this are still trying to please men and so are still feminine even though what they’re doing and how they’re looking is not “feminine” according to the original perception. So what’s the truth about ‘femininity?’ It’s equating it to anything that heterosexual men find appealing, which changes constantly. You really want lesbians to spend time to think about how to be as unappealing to males as possible when they’re not even relevant and so don’t dominate our every thought and action (unlike you maybe because you’re not homosexual and so have to try harder?)? Please, get real.
She’s a threat to the Big Lie of “feminine woman,” and so men and their women collaborators make up all kinds of ridiculous, hateful fictions to explain away her existence. The pressure is meant to humiliate and bully her into accepting femininity, and it must put her through soul-shaking self-doubt, even if she knows other Butches. 
While I do know this happens, the reason behind that is homophobia 100%, being “masculine” appearing is a red marker of homosexuality. The threat is the big lie of heterosexuality. “Feminine” lesbians were assaulted when with their partners or if found out that they are indeed homosexual, they were just less of an obvious target than “masculine” women. It’s not Oppression Olympics, this should be used to understand hate crimes against homosexual women.
Meanwhile, girls who accept femininity—the vast majority, unfortunately—are accepted as “real girls” and encouraged to take pride in their feminine ways. There are degrees of femininity, of course. Some Fem girls accept the complete emaciated drag queen sex-object ideal while others take on just enough feminine identity to still be accepted as real girls.
“Real girls.” I was definitely acknowledged as a “real girl” when I was still  more “unfeminine” in my appearance and not out than I am right now being out. What degree of ‘femininity’ am I considered to exhibit now according to feminist praxis, who knows. Either way, my relatives disagree that any amount of femininity would make me a ‘normal’ female. My mother was sad toward the end of her life because she felt conflicted that I wasn’t a ‘real’ female. You know what would’ve changed her perception? Being with a man and having kids.
It means spending time, energy and money on nail polish, perfume, hair-do’s, dresses, diets, body-shaping exercises, poses and games; fantasizing  yourself as the center of sexual attention, making everything into a sexual game, getting yourself further and further away from female reality, from real female Lesbian power. It means identifying more and more with het values and choosing to see yourself through men’s eyes.
I thought femininity was clothes, makeup and seeking to attract men. Then it’s wanting a family and diet and exercise, which aren’t exclusive to heterosexual men and women. But because heterosexual males find that appealing in their lives it’s considered feminine? So, again, “femininity” is anything heterosexual males find appealing in females. Got it. And that answers my question about what her thoughts probably are on contemporary “femininity.” 
Most importantly, choosing to be an obvious Lesbian is about living with integrity. A Butch’s choice to resist femininity is the choice of a female who’s being true to herself, choosing to be as alive to her female self as possible, regardless of the punishments inflicted on her as a result. I find in that resistance a key to Dyke power, Dyke beauty and Dyke love.
A lesbian being an actual lesbian - not pretending to be one or basing her existence on her capability to spite heterosexual males and females - and living her damn life is living in integrity period.  Associating a lesbian’s life with political intent and political values has no integrity, is manipulative and is suspect as hell.
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afro-freyjan · 3 years
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women talking about how horrible the porn industry makes u wanna call them terfs? how about you shut the fuck up you misogynistic creep, bet you watch porn
I’m glad I took a few days from this hell site and I plan on taking more, but I’ll respond because it’s always useful to educate people who will see this; I don’t care what you think, I have no intention or concern about changing your mind.
So the post you’re referring to, you misread lmao. Like, let’s start there. The reason I said the post was terf-y was because it equates men/male-bodies people with [white] cis-hetero-patriarchy. That’s a classic radfem take, and terfs and swerfs are a radfem subgroup. Not all radfems are terfs and swerfs, but at this point they’ve become so wound up together, it’s not worth trying to separate the soup from the stock.
In this day and age the basis of radfem theory is still valid (that women [originally and historically only cis (and white) women constituted as class who is in struggle with an oppressor class—men/patriarchy, and therefore seek liberation from being second-class, as it were].
However, if anyone knows anything meaningful about feminist theory, intersectional feminism—though I’m frustrated at liberals for watering down it’s important contributions, became the more popular ideology, for a good reason; it lets those who experience different, interlocking forms of oppression find voice and ability to examine and discuss their experiences and build community visibility. This was happening while radfem theory was spending its time doing political lesbianism and lesbian separatism, building trans-antagonist women’s shelters, etc.
Back to my previous point tho. That take, in a dangerously simplistic sense, isn’t “false”, it’s far from being true. Similar to white supremacy, cisheteropatriarchy is a cultural institution, which means it’s a cultural logic where it draws its power. It’s a way that particular culture space functions, how, why, who it impacts and in what ways. To say that men are also deeply wounded under cisheteropatriarchy, because hyper-masculinity, glorification of violence and domination, and inherent elitism led the way for colonialism, genocide, capitalism, imperialism—the list goes on.
To blame men, on the surface, is understandable, but men aren’t a cultural institution, however, the thousands of messages the receive through out their lives and how those differ from people with different bodies, is the cultural institution.
So when men are blamed for the destructive nature of the porn industry, as opposed to larger systemic institutions for instance, The State, Late-Stage Capitalism, Cisheteropatriarchy, Colonialism, it’s either a misguided take, or a dangerously bad take.
The porn industry is trashhhh. The trafficking of women, or anyone, is absolutely tragic and should be stopped. The degradation of femme bodies, the hypersexualization of human bodies, the pornification of intimacy are all bad things!!
But if ever wanted to do something about it, do you understand how blaming men/male-bodied people seems so useless in the fight against whatever conditions make this possible???
This also doesn’t even take into account how (or even why) women and germs actively choose sex work, or join the adult entertainment industry. It’s a swerf take to mock the concept of female empowerment through sexuality, even my friends, comrades, and former partners have used it as a form of healing, self-exploration, and income.
And again, in this day and age, where there are radfems, there are swerfs, and where there are swerfs, there are terfs. Hell, it’s becoming, where there are terfs, there are now-conservatives and fascists.
But go off I guess...
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star-anise · 5 years
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“Equating TERFs and lesbians is lesbophobia” is TERF propaganda.
Lesbian does not equal TERF, though. The actual reality is way more complicated--most lesbians are NOT TERFs; many people can fall for TERF arguments without being lesbians. But the majority of TERFs, especially hardcore establishment ones, self-identify as lesbians.
Janice Raymond? Sheila Jeffreys? Germaine Greer? Julie Bindel? Cathy Brennan? All TERFs with significant institutional privilege and large platforms, all lesbians.
That’s because the RF in TERF is radical feminism. A major philosophical thread of TERF ideology is radical feminist political lesbianism, which encourages all women, regardless of sexual orientation, should cut all social ties with men and devote their lives to women entirely. 
TERFs have argued that they’re not trans-exclusionary, they’re pro-lesbian. TERFs say that to oppose them is to oppose lesbianism itself. 
Pointing out that there is a problem is not equivalent to creating the problem. Saying that the lesbian community has a TERF problem is not lesbophobic, any more than saying that the feminist movement has a race problem is misogynistic. It’s pointing out to a group of people that they’re capable of lateral violence and internalized oppression, and need to work to be better on those fronts. It’s calling in, rather than calling out.
Lesbians do have to work to keep the lesbian community from being transphobic and biphobic. Even trans and nonbinary lesbians! It’s really easy to internalize your oppressor’s point of view, sometimes without even knowing you’ve done it. 
Bisexuals and trans people are talking about problems we’ve faced from and in the lesbian community because we know lesbians can do better. Lesbians aren’t inherently any more likely to be hateful or exclusionary than any other group of people! If we can all deal with this issue together, we will be much better neighbours and allies in the future.
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space-feminist · 4 years
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how is it watered down terf rhetoric? not disagreeing just genuinely curious since i don’t know a ton abt what terfs actually believe lmao
the basis of terf ideology is biological determinism, the idea that your biology defines who you are. they believe vagina = woman = oppressed and penis = men = oppressor. this is, of course, transphobic because it equates gender and genitals, but it also means that not only are trans women presumed to be men, they're presumed to be oppressors to cis woman. there's no concept of someone assigned male at birth being not the oppressor. it's not a framework that understands systems of oppression. instead, men themselves are seen as the problem.
and so the watered-down version of terf ideology is "all men are trash", and so i see the whole "all men are trash except this decent guy who i'm going to call a lesbian as if he's not a man" as terf-y, even though it's probably not intentional.
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I am pretty sure I was blocked by the OP of this post, so. 
tervenwitch
the brain sex theory is inherently misogynistic and was debunked years ago. Try reading Cordelia Fine for a change instead on blindly clinging to the delusions of misogynists
@tervenwitch You mean the feminist philosopher? Why would I get any information on neurology from her, she’s not a neurologist? Studying the philosophy of science does not equate to studying science itself.
Also, we’re a sexually dimorphic species. Down to a cellular level, our organs are different between males and females. As a transsexual I am extremely aware of the female-ness of my body, it’s in my vocal chords, my fat distribution, and the size and thickness of many body parts. Why is acknowledging that one of the things that’s bigger in males is the brain stem “misogyny”? Brain sex isn’t about how smart you are, or whether you’re naturally emotional, or anything of the sort- it’s just about the physical differences between the physical organs, and there are several of those. I’ve compiled a list of sources for this claim, and if you’d like to read what actual neuroscientists, not philosophers, have to say on the topic of brain sex, feel free to give it a look.  
realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives Firstly its not possibly to be “neurologically a woman” because there is literally no such thing as a “female brain”. Brains are not gendered. The only human organs that are gender are sexual reproductive organs. The idea of “lady and gentlemen brains” is antiquated Neurosexism akin to eugenics or phrenology. So just stop that nonsense.
I can’t tag her, unfortunately, so apologies for that. I’m not sure you understand that, as stated above, we are a sexually dimorphic species. Voices, for example, aren’t at all related to the reproductive system and yet, in males, vocal chords are thicker than in females. Most organs have a differentiation between sexes. Now, maybe when you think “brain” you think “intellect,” but that’s only a small part of what brains do, how they function. The brain is a physical organ, and there are many small differences between male and female brains. It’s been shown, in transsexuals, that our brains are the same as those of the opposite sex. Here’s my list of vetted sources again. 
realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives Women’s historic and continued subordination has not arisen because some members of our species choose to identify with an inferior social role (and it would be an act of egregious victim-blaming to suggest that it has). It has emerged as a means by which males can dominate that half of the species that is capable of gestating children, and exploit their sexual and reproductive labour. This is why Title IX protections exist.
No, it’s got a lot to do with the fact that testosterone makes you a lot more physically strong and in less advanced societies that matters quite a bit. However, in the current first world countries, women are absolutely not oppressed. Women graduate every level of education at higher rates than men, are imprisoned far less frequently for the same crimes, are more likely to be hired, and have every legal right that a man has, plus a few that men don’t have, such as the right to refuse genital mutilation, and human rights that are not contingent on signing up for the selective service. As a matter of fact, most Title IX violations this year have been all-female groups that don’t allow men in. Ohio State was sued this year for discriminating against men, and Title IX was the reason. 
realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives The term “terf” is a manipulation intended to reframe feminist ideas and activism as “exclusionary”, rather than foundational to the woman’s liberation movement. In other words it as an attack on women centered political organizing and the basic theory that underpins feminist analysis of patriarchy.
What “feminist ideas,” exactly? Because first off, y’all never actually proved patriarchy theory, so if we’re going after antiquated theories here... 
But I digress. What exactly would you call yourself? You have an entire blog dedicated to the exclusion of a small minority of people. You seem obsessed with trans people, and our exclusion from your group (well, at least, trans womens, I’m not sure your thoughts on me, but it’d be a bit funny if it was only the straight guy you found to be acceptable, all things considered). Why do you put so much time and effort into excluding trans women, and then get upset when people point that out? It’s ridiculous to me. 
realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives ‘Cis’ is a term that has been hijacked from the field of chemistry. It basically refers to isomers of the same molecule on the same side of a plane. This term was never meant to be used to erase the differences between biological women and biological men who want to be biological women, whether from a dysphoria or anything else.
No, it hasn’t been hijacked. It’s a prefix. It’s Latin for “this side of,” and the opposite of the prefix “trans,” which means “across” in Latin. “Transsexual” means “crossing sexes,” whereas “cissexual” means “remaining on the same side of sex.” It’s not altogether that deep. 
Also, believe me, we’re aware of the differences. We wouldn’t go through all the trouble of getting surgery and taking hormones for the rest of our lives if we weren’t very much aware of the differences. However, those differences can be altered to a pretty dramatic effect, and ignoring that seems dishonest at best. I highly doubt you’d look at me, for example, and think “woman,” and I haven’t lived socially as a woman for years. There’s also the fact that my brain is physically male, but we’ve already covered that... 
realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives No one – women, men, children, or transgendered persons – should be subjected to any form of exploitation or targeted for discrimination. Transsexual and transgendered persons are entitled to the same human and civil rights as others.
Thanks, I agree. Everyone should have human and civil rights, no matter what, and I believe everyone should be as kind as possible to everyone else. That includes you. 
realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives Recognizing these rights, however, does not mean that we must accept that hormones and surgery transform men into women and women into men; or that persons who self-identify as members of the opposite sex are what they subjectively claim to be. So stop suicide baiting.
Where did I suicide bait? I’m sorry if that seemed to be apparent in anything I said, but I’m very much against any kind of suicide or self-harm. If you’re feeling suicidal, I’d recommend calling a mental health hotline: 1-800-273-8255 is the number for the American National Suicide Hotline. 
That said, HRT and surgery aren’t completely perfect, but they can get us pretty far- by the end of transition, I’ll be closer to biologically male than biologically female, for example. Not entirely biologically male- I’m still going to have a lot of sexual difficulties, and to have biological children will require an invasive surgery involving bone marrow- but closer. 
realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives “Cis” implies that women—lesbians, call center workers, single mothers—have an inherent privilege over trans people. Again, let’s not forget that trans is an umbrella term. A gender non conforming male is not more ‘oppressed’ than a lesbian. The cis/trans dichotomy obscures that and allows men to shout ‘oppressor’ at women. Sex change is impossible and unnecessary. Stop using trans activism to perpetuate your misogynistic internalized homophobia.
I don’t believe any group has an inherent privilege over any other group. Being a member of certain groups might change your probabilities of experiencing specific forms of oppression, but no group is entirely full of oppressed people, and no group has no oppressed members- except, perhaps, the billionaire class. When it comes down to it, privilege is based in money, and there are people of every race, sex, sexuality, and religion living in poverty, and people of every race, sex, sexuality, and religion in the ruling class too. The percentages, however, are a bit different.
So no, being trans doesn’t make someone oppressed, and being cis doesn’t make someone not oppressed. However, being trans does increase chances of oppression, particularly being a trans woman, as they’ve almost all been forced into sex work up until the late eighties to early nineties, which is closely associated with poverty and low quality of life in countries where it’s not regulated legally, such as America. 
And for the record- transsexual is not an “umbrella term.” Don’t lump us in with drag queens or GNC people in general. Trans means someone suffering from gender dysphoria, nothing else. 
Sex change is not impossible, and it’s absolutely necessary for trans people to have any quality of life at all. We have a serious neurological disease. We cannot physically change our brains yet. I’d love to be able to be a normal female woman, that would be a great thing for me, it’d be a lot easier than this, and to be honest, I made a damn pretty girl, life is very easy for pretty girls. Unfortunately, my chest tissue makes me so dysphoric that I’ve taken a knife to it multiple times, can’t concentrate if I don’t bind, and as for my genitalia, well, let’s just say that I really wish that was in a better order because being a teenager with a sex drive and dysphoria is extremely, unendingly frustrating. 
As for internalized homophobia on my part- I genuinely thought I was bisexual until I started taking HRT. I didn’t even know I only liked women before. Maybe I didn’t. Who knows? But yeah, if you actually believe I’m a lesbian, or that I’ll be a lesbian next year... well. Have fun with that. 
Have a nice day!
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1/3 I need some advice and I need to talk about this but I'm afraid to give too much detail because I'm afraid of being hated and attacked for this. I can't say this to anyone I know because they'll hate me. So I'm a lesbian, 0% attraction to men, I love women ONLY and I'm repulsed to penises. I have a family member who I absolutely adore, who is experiencing disphoria and I try to do my best and be unconditionally supportive. The thing is, since she got more involved with the trans community,
2/3 she became very lesbophobic and I tried to stay silent to not make her upset but since I expressed that I just can’t like someone with a penis, she says I’m a terf, bigot, transphobic and an oppressor because all lesbian HAVE to be attracted to trans women or we’re bad. Her ideas are full of hatred towards lesbians and ultimately towards everything I am. I really love this person and I don’t know what to do,how to handle this. How can a lesbian manage a situation like this,having a nonbinary (3/3) close family member who believes that lesbians have to change who they are (so I’m not accepted for who I am and I’m a horrible person unless I find males attractive) just to not hurt the feelings of “trans women”? I’m even scared of expressing anything related to my love for women because I prioritize this person’s well being and I don’t want to say anything she finds hurtful but by doing this I hurt myself and deny who I am. I appreciate any advice, thank you for taking the time to read 🌸
————
This one is going to be a long answer but it’s important. That’s a toxic situation anon, thank you for reaching out to this blog. It’s a safe space for lesbians so we can talk freely here without fear of retribution. It doesn’t surprise me that someone who became more and more involved with the trans community became simultaneously very lesbophobic. I wish it wasn’t the case, i really wish it wasn’t, however we all collectively came to the realization (if not already they’ll realize it sooner or later) that trans activism in mostly the past ten years has been actively hurting lesbians as a community and even as a sexual orientation, to the point where it’s unbearable. When people insist that genitals don’t matter or are “a social construct” it impacts negatively a lot of people, women and especially lesbians being the main target. It’s terrible because we’d think that under our acronym some kind of respect would be accorded to each of the four letters by everyone here but it’s not the case, it cannot be when reality is denied and deemed as bigotry. You should talk to this family member and demand to be respected as much as you respect them, because you shouldn’t be loosing in that equation, it’s unfair. 
I have no doubt that you’d do that with respect, as you’re the one in fear of being attacked (fears that are legitimate) and i really hope that this person will listen and understand. It’s not normal to not accept homosexuality, especially in North America (i suppose) in 2019. They act like they’re “on the right side of history” but can they tell us again what’s the difference between traditional lesbophobia “you need to be with a man or you’ll go to hell” and liberal lesbophobia “if you wouldn’t have sex with a trans woman then you’re a terf, a transphobe and you’re a literal nazi” ? We sure don’t see how the second is supposed to be accepting of lesbians because, flash news : lesbians aren’t attracted to males, to penises, to everyone who isn’t a female.
Try to talk with this person by really putting empathy first because i bet they’re in need of respect and listening and if you don’t do that they could become angry and just stop the conversation, but nevertheless you should be very clear about what being a lesbian is about, you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself and your well being to accommodate their feelings. Homosexuality is based on our sex, not on gender identity, tell them that you really appreciate them but that you cannot and shouldn’t accept the lesbophobia (and homophobia, more generally) that they display and that they need to stop it. The heart of the problem lies in believing in gender (gender does not equal sex, which they seem to think is the same) but you cannot tell them that as there would too much to unpack and again, i think this person is not emotionally stable enough to hear it. So stay basic and empathetic but stand your ground. Wishing you good luck with that, anon, don’t hesitate to give me news about it in anon messages or in dm if you want. Xx
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rametarin · 3 years
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If I had the ear of South America..
I would say, “Latinx is only the beginning.”
Yeah. It’s perceived as an anglo plot to colonize and imperialize the Spanish language, as it was born in the US thanks to a bunch of cultural marxist shitheads that are shamelessly trying to argue against gendered language on some futurist utopian transhumanist bullshit, white claiming it’s purely, “for diversity and inclusion of the transgendered and non-binary gendered people.”
But you aren’t going to stop or stem this tide of stupid by writing it off as some anglo plot. It just.. it won’t stop.
Here in the United States a guerilla cultural war went on. As a child I was exposed to radical feminists that took careful measures to engineer my experiences and get me to draw conclusions. That white people were evil, as individuals and as a group. That white people were destroying the world. That white people were soulless, cultureless imperialist monsters that just wanted to subvert all the innocent and harmless brown people and verifiably undeniably had enslaved everybody and everything.
That togetherness you enjoy under the label Hispanic and/or Latino? These people that formulated Latinx are working to subvert that, too. Here in the states, “I don’t see race” became controversial because the supposed progressives don’t like the egalitarian model that eliminates race and class from the equation to address if an individual is free or not based on their own personal merits, poverty level, education, etc. They DO like to ask, “Are these COMMUNITIES and MINORITY GROUPS (self identified) thriving and growing? If not, is it because the majority isn’t helping them grow at their own expense?”
In the United States, for the longest time, the narrative was that Spanish colonialism was irrelevant, at least in the US conversation about race and oppression, because, “Spanish speakers are marginalized and oppressed.” And also implied to be synonymous with being as different from white people as Asians and black Africans. So giving the Spanish the same stigma as they give, say, people descended from the English, or the French, or the Germans, was considered wrong.
But now that they’ve decided they want to cement more ties with drug cartels and guerillas across South America, the conversation and discourse has progressed. Now they want to kick up activity in Latin America to make society divisive and talk about how the black Latino is inherently oppressed by the white Latino. Rather than the discourse assume everybody south of the border is some big happy singular culture and family, it’s becoming clearer they don’t like white Spanish, and want the progressive and hip and cool kid view that white Spanish people, regardless of their origins or immigration status, are oppressors of people with different skin, solely on account of their, “privilege.”
This mentality that encouraged minority groups to militantly self-segregate and declare themselves separate cultures unto themselves, being oppressed by a white majority, is being used to sell social theories and scapegoat majorities for any and all problems being faced by a community .Exploiting the very real colorism and history of discrimination, but not for the ends of ending it, but for exploiting it to motivate division, discord and violence.
Feminism’s surface stated values and goals in and of themselves aren’t all bad. Obviously, there are backwards and exploitative or outright misogynistic views, values and social policy put in place to prevent women from living independent lives or progressing in work or business. The concept of a niche of interest that covers that WOULD be good, except it has been co-opted and platformed by these same marxist guerilla people for the purposes of selling dialectic materialistic views on what is unfair and what is unjust, and they’re harnessing that anger to create a culture that makes women feel oppressed as a class and under the auspices of what they’re learning from the Marxists.
They use and exploit this niche, this legitimate advocacy towards equality and advancement for women, the way a horror movie monster wiggles into the skin of a crewmate to characterize itself as something it is not while sabotaging the environment and exploiting the situation for its own ends. Infiltration. So female uprightedness and empowerment in and of itself is not the problem, but ‘feminism’ as a social organization is. The banner has been platformed and tained, and a lot of the literature mixed in with it is more of the same Critical Legal Theory crap that tells them certain things are true and absolute based on arbitrary theory.
It is important to not see this egalitarian undertone as the problem. It is not. The egalitarian element that is appropriated by these conspirators and guerillas is not the issue. The issue is the people that have exploited the conversation of female equality, are doing so to stick lenses over the eyes of the people with the only outlet of social organization they can see or know to do anything about it. And that’s how you get populist radical feminism as the only or biggest, loudest game in town for their organizing.
That’s how you get buzz cut self-proclaimed radfems rioting and attacking churches and other, “patriarchal organizations.” That’s how you get the same sort of woman taking the liberty of telling young girls (whom then go on to see young boys so dourly and poorly) that “society is corrupted and evil.”
It is so, so important going forwards to fight shit like Latinx in the correct way. If you make the wrong arguments, you won’t break through to your daughters or sons. They’re being told that white people (and this now includes Spanish-Latinos) are monsters. And they’re being told that men are shit. Little boys (like I was) are being cornered by their female age-group peers, their peers older sisters, aunts, mothers, other peers, that men by default are oppressive, woman-hating monsters by default and by society/culture.
You need to understand that the things these supposed progressives try to fight for, they do it solely to take the niche away from anybody else and DEFINE progressivism as what they want, and anything they do not, to be more of the same oppression by race, by sex, by religion, by culture, by money. It’s a propaganda game, and the more any of you try to preach about Jesus or the church knowing best, or ‘things are just naturally a certain way and you need to understand that,’ the more you play into their hands.
Your enemy is radical, and it is only secular on paper. But they’ll induct people to have “important conversations” with your children and community that appeal to what they only call science and logic, that are in fact only loosely that. And really just subjective opinion, philosophy. Social science. You try and appeal to religion to argue their stuff, they’ll beat you like a drum and you’ll just prove them right in the developing hearts and minds of a generation that is trying to not be stuck with the stigma of their parents or ancestors in the eyes of their friends.
This is not an enemy you can just sing a song about Jesus and Mary and defeat. These people will take and twist any real or even perceived and interpreted flaw in your society and those that suffer from the ills the most will internalize it, if what’s made to appeal to their sensibilities takes.
In America, that comes in the form of mixing racial separatism and supremacism with conflating it for the struggle for black freedom and equality. And I cannot imagine it being any different south of Mexico, whatsoever. They’ll work on the girls and tell them that to be born white-Latino is to be an oppressor, tell the girls they’re largely exempt from this because women are a marginalized and oppressed minority/demographic, and tell the misc. non-white groups across South America that they should organize against the hegemony of white people and “whiteness.”
They’ll do it while pretending their attempts and desire to spread disunity and hostility is “sticking up for the little guy.” They’ll do it while confronting overbearing actual patriarchal culture and binary gendered culture (so long as it’s white)  and write off ALL of Catholicism in South America as equal to the WORST of examples of bad Catholicism.
American conservatives continue to struggle dealing with these people because they see an opportunity to polarize and capitalize on the totalitarian nature of this polarization. They see it as a way to incentivize people to vote for more conservative, religious and similarthings, because if their alternative are literal communists and socialists, they can afford to ask for more.
Meanwhile they lose when it comes to hearts and minds of the young because their messages are just utterly worthless when as a 2-13 year old, you’re being told religious, old, white, capitalist people are oppressing everybody and destroying everything and trying to force everybody to live and society to work under the totalitarianism of religion.
When the angry political lesbian type corners you as a small child and explains that men are why women are so afraid of men, and you can’t even rebutt that it’s a feminist talking point without them talking about how that’s a Nazi/conservative propaganda view, and the young girls they’re grooming go with that interpretation of the world and events because it holds more romantic value for them, things they want to be true and things that they’ve been given just enough facts and reason to think are true, it doesn’t help when competitive arguments are either, “you’re too young to think about or talk about social issues or political discourse,” or, confirm every negative suspicion they now have with, “well they’re right, we are oppressing them, but we have every right to.”
The only way to truly beat these manipulative, lying, exploiting animals is to beat them at their own game.
youtube
They do not care about minority welfare or rights beyond their solutions on how to address any given injustice they can think of. Whether it be by making society respect the establishment of different racial communities again solely to provide financail welfare to people on the basis of race, or rules that say they’re free to discriminate against groups of people in the name of hiring and defending others. They care only about using those struggles to give the state more power over not just people, but groups, and even how communities are defined. Right down to trying to demand biological sex be marginalized in importance of terms like gender solely because less than .4% of the human population claims to not be defined by the biological sex/gender binary.
So the only way to defeat them is to address the problems in a way that route and solve them, while you still have power and the means by which to solve them the proper way. For if you don’t, the Marxist village idiots will.
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libraford · 7 years
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"I made a quick icon for queer creators" if you wanna call aces lgbt fine i guess even though i disagree but why do you think they can reclaim q***r? the q slur is a slur that has been used explicitly against gay/bi/trans people. nobody has ever been called q***r for not feeling sexual attraction. like historically speaking that's just not something that has happened routinely (if at all).
This is what you basically just said: ‘You must be THIS oppressed to claim an identity.’
First off- I know a LOT of ace-spectrum people who have been not only been called ‘queer’ by oppressors but have also experienced sexuality-based oppression in the form of erasure, corrective rape, and coercive social conditioning. Just about every Ace I know finds themselves thinking 'something is wrong with me’ because formative sex education does not include topics of non-attraction or sexual repulsion, and this lack of representation often leads to hazardous emotional issues as they grow up. I am literally talking about suicide. 
Your claim that they don’t belong in our community, even, actually is evidence that they deserve representation- simply because despite all the evidence that Aces experience sexuality-based violence and oppression, some of y'all can’t get your heads out of your asses to see that there’s fucking room for them. Every time I get someone hollering up my inbox about how 'aces aren’t queer’ I get about three dozen aces in chorus on how they’re queer as fuck. 
 Aces belong in the LGBTQIA community. Full stop. 
But let’s get to the real meat of this discussion. I’m going to summarize my feelings on the matter of ‘queer’ being starred out like this. Because this shit has got to stop.
I’m gonna start off this part by saying that there are plenty of other people who have said this better than I have. 
Item A
Item B
Item C
Item D 
Item E
Item F
Item G
Almost all the words we use to describe ourselves come from a place of pain. Lesbian, dyke, and gay have all been used as slurs at one point in our history. Why are 'gay’ and 'lesbian’ acceptable labels, celebrated by our community, and the word 'queer’ is not? We reclaimed those, why can’t we reclaim this? If I can’t use 'queer’ because it used to be a slur, then you’re going to have to give up every word that has ever been used to describe us and start from scratch. 
Queer activism has historically been about taking the labels that have been put upon us and turning them into weapons. “I wasn’t recruited, I enlisted” was a classic slogan during a time that people were afraid to be near us, lest we 'recruit’ them into our unsavory lifestyle. Embracing a word used against us removes the pain it creates. Calling myself 'queer’ means that no one can use that word to hurt me. 
I will build my house with the stones thrown by those who seek to hurt me.
But let’s put history aside for the moment and talk about the future. As the study of gender and sexuality progresses, the definitions of terms become more gray and it benefits us to have a word that exemplifies the blurring of terms. I mean… am I really a lesbian if I’m genderfluid and experience the occasional attraction to people who are not female- even though I’ve only had relationships with women? And what about when I’m feeling masculine? Am I a lesbian then? Christ- what am I?
I’m fucking queer, friend-o. 
Queer is an incredibly useful term that encapsulates the vagueness of the relationship between gender and attraction. There are so many different terms in the LGBTQIA community that we often question which letter we are. 'Queer’ is a useful term for people whose intersectionality puts them in an indefinite area of identity. 
What better word to describe a person who does not fit than one synonymous with oddness? We gather together in our strangehoods and we are queered together. 
Up until the 2000’s, 'queer’ was a perfectly acceptable word to use in the community and was in fact used academically to describe the movement. The slogan was 'We’re here, we’re queer: get used to it.’ Queer as Folk. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. It was THE WORD. Its use as a slur had been diminished to the point that very few people even equated the word with violence anymore- it was just the word that we used to describe ourselves. 
Don’t think I don’t see a correlation between the shunning of queerness and the rise of intersectionality. When we started seeing more gender nonconformists, more poc, people of religious inclinations, more variety of ability, of age, of mental state, variety of sexual activity and attraction. When we started seeing a rise in demand for representation, when we started calling for more diverse discussions, when we started calling out supremacy in our community. 
That was when I started seeing people rally against the word 'queer.’ Because it was these people, who were so radically not homogenous homosexuals, that were using the word loudly and proudly. And the LGBTQIA community can call itself as welcoming as it wants- but don’t think for a second that this wasn’t about gatekeeping. The battlecry of queerness just suddenly isn’t cool anymore, guys.
I’d be willing to believe that most people don’t see it that way. That they hear 'hey, 'queer’ is a slur and you shouldn’t use it’ and think that this isn’t just yet-another gatekeeping method. But that is where it comes from. It comes from not wanting a us to be proud of our ambiguity and our intersectionality. 
I’m not going to make anyone call themselves anything, but you can’t stop me from calling myself the one thing in a long, long time that fit so right in the seat of my soul. You cannot censor me. You cannot stop me. 
Just like you can’t stop Asexuals from reclaiming queerness. 
We’re here, we’re queer- and you can pry my queerness from my cold, dead, ace-loving, skyward fist.
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winterywitch · 7 years
Text
anyway heres a summary of my discourse beliefves:
cishet aces/aros do not belong in gay spaces, bi spaces, lesbian spaces or trans spaces
for me my whole life the LGBT community has been more than that. my perspective is not that of some sad brainwashed child, forced into being more ~tolerant~ than i should be. i genuinely believe and have always believed the LGBT community is more than that, and im not just gonna drop that anytime soon, because i dont think the right to only consider the LGBT community as for “SGA and trans” people is liberation.
therefore cishet aces/aros belong in ace/aro spaces, which for me, count as LGBT.
but not gay, bi, lesbian or trans spaces.
there will be overlap because they are LGBT. but no, cishet aces/aros should have no claim to anything specifically for the L, G, B or T of the community.
for me the community is
Lesbians
Gay men
Bisexuals [SGA or not - as an SGA bi person, i get to speak on this.
Pansexuals
Trans people
Nonbinary people [counting agender, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc. non-cis, non-binary identities]
Intersex people (of course should they want to - the point of this list isn't YOU HAVE TO BE LGBT it's You Can Be Included)
Queer people [anyone who isn't cis or isn't het, including aroace people. non sga bi people im a little iffy on re: them 'reclaiming' queer]
Allies [i think this is important for people in the closet, as long as we dont let cishets get too big for their britches]
Aroaces
and hell, here’s a + to include anything i might have forgotten
aroaces are not functionally cishet.
straight privilege is straight privilege. it isnt not-homophobia privilege. to experience straight privilege you must be straight.
they definitely benefit from not experiencing homophobia. they can be absolute dumbasses abt homophobia for that exact reason.
but they dont experience straight privilege, because they’re not straight. that is all straight privilege has ever meant for me in my LGBT community.
cishet aces are cishet, and also aces. this means they benefit from cis privilege and straight privilege, but aphobia weighs down that straight privilege because they dont perform straightness in the Right way. i dont believe this necessarily makes them systemically oppressed the same way we are. but i dont believe aro or ace identities are privileged either.
there is no coherent Ace Community boogieman that is unanimously a bunch of homophobic, transphobic, racist jackasses, and if you believe that, you are a complete dumbass
yeah, the ace community is comprised of white cishets but, im gonna wager even more commonly, its comprised of literally every LGBT identity and race you can imagine. the ace community is not the white cishet community. it’s the community of everyone who IDs as ace or aro. this is not white cishets as a rule, as a majority, or even half the time.
that being said, inclusionists can say some stupid, shortsighted shit sometimes that is completely ignorant of LGBT history/oppression. i dont agree with the implications that i dont stand for every single thing they say and will not be held accountable for every single thing they say.
similarly, unless you wanna be held accountable for every single thing your side says/does before being allowed to call us out, uh, dont expect the same of us. the onus for this is on exclusionists, i have been around long enough to know you guys started this one. it is up to you guys to start being decent on that one, and then we’ll follow suit. those of us who dont are jackasses.
you are never at liberty EVER to explain to an ace person why their abuse or rape took place. that is called gaslighting, and no, you don’t get to throw a fit when someone calls this what it is. when you call a rape/abuse survivor an annoying disgusting freak for daring to talk about why their rape/abuse happened (since they factually know why it happened and you dont) and then proceed to insist that your headcanon of their trauma is the correct interpretation and theirs is not because theyre a filthy cishet ace (which they rarely are), that is quite literally the definition of gaslighting. and hey, don’t do it.
you are never at liberty EVER to explain to an ace person why their parents forced them into Therapy Specifically Designed To Convert Them Away From Asexuality (which may have a more efficient, shorter name). you dont know how that therapy worked or how the therapist worked because you werent there. you dont know that it was only because of homophobia so therefore this person has no right to claim their own trauma.
not everyone you hate is a cishet ace. don’t call people cishet aces unless you know for a fact they are cishet aces. i imagine you wouldnt want to call a trans lesbian a cishet, which exclusionists have done too many times for me to count. your platform should not be “you said something stupid and harmful, youre a cishet ace,” it should be “you said something stupid and harmful, end of statement.”
for some reason this is a controversial point in some discourse circles, but no one owes you sex. your partners don’t owe you sex. relationships do not equal sex. relationships do not even equal romantic love. relationships are a decision between multiple people on closer emotional intimacy.
if romantic and sexual aspects of a relationship are necessary for you, that’s understandable and okay! but you aren’t OWED that. people don’t need to out themselves as aro or ace for you. people dont need to feel pressured to give you anything they dont want to give. and you dont need to stay in relationships that dont make you happy.
allosexual privilege is not real. no one but white cishet men are 100% celebrated and privileged for experiencing sexual attraction. even white cishet women are oppressed for their attraction in many ways, and repressed from early childhood - so you can imagine how absolutely horrific sex-based oppression is for the LGBT community. we are not celebrated for sexual attraction, we are treated like we are dirty, and we are sexual predators.
WITHIN THE COMMUNITY, yeah, sometimes we are definitely, blatantly favored over aces, and people run around saying asexuality is unnatural, and sexual attraction is what makes us human. this is harmful and damaging, and it shouldn’t happen. i dont consider it systemic oppression and it definitely does not make allosexual privilege a thing.
calling people allosexuals is not something i condone. its not comparable to “cis” as a label, because cis people are an actual oppressor class towards trans people - non-ace LGBP folks are not towards ace people.
intracommunity bigotry is real and it is traumatic. people devalue it constantly and pretend it’s just a slap on the wrist, but it is an absolutely traumatic thing to have to face every day of your life. but it isnt the same as OPPRESSION, and we dont have to conflate the two concepts for intracommunity bigotry to be treated with the seriousness it deserves.
similarly, dont call people REGs unless they are not only aphobes but also truscum or TERFs. i also personally dont really believe in equating aphobes with truscum/TERFs but i dont believe in silencing trans people who openly talk about the similarities, either.
dont call people AERFs unless youre a trans woman holy shit
as someone who was directly affected by the truscum discourse when it happened [not debatable, by the way], this is pretty much recycled truscum discourse in my eyes. you dont need to lecture me on how its not.
just because someone on the “other side” called something you did ableist, misogynist, homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc., does not mean you get to shut your eyes and plug your ears. ESPECIALLY if you are part of a privileged class relevant to that accusation. for example as a white exclusionist you dont get to ignore the concerns of inclusionists of color or lecture them on the racism of the ace community. for example as a cis inclusionist [or honestly, even just a non-trans-woman inclusionist] you dont get to ignore the concerns of trans exclusionist women or lecture them on the similarities between TERFs and exclusionists.
“aspec” is not exclusively for the autistic community and i have NEVER seen claims that it was until ace discourse started. thats transparent as fuck to me and youre not fooling anyone. dont just make shit up lmfao
jokes about how Oh Lol Cringe aces inherently are, arent funny especially considering how many of these Jokes are steeped in anti-autistic ableism
idk when this happened but recently ableist jokes are the new Hot Topic of Comedy and thats like, mind-numbingly bad
i dont care what side youre on, IF YOU ARE USING THINGS LIKE FICTIONAL CP/PEDOPHILIC SHIPS/INCEST/RAPE CONTENT TO COPE WITH YOUR TRAUMA, YOU BETTER BE DOING THAT SHIT IN PRIVATE, ONLY SHARING IT WITH LIKE-MINDED, ADULT SURVIVORS, AND NEVER LETTING THAT CONTENT CIRCULATE OUTSIDE OF THAT GROUP. end of story. no ifs, ands or buts about it. speaking as a survivor who uses stuff like this to cope, being a survivor does not give you a free pass to, inadvertently or not, contribute to the pedophilia and circulation of grooming material on the internet. it is your RESPONSIBILITY as a survivor to not continue that cycle. if you avoid that responsibility, you have no right to play victim or pull the “im a survivor ;-;” card when people call you out on this.
educating kids on asexuality is not pedophilia, grooming or sexual abuse. jesus christ lmfao you dont have to assume people word it in a way thats inappropriate or predatory just because theyre pro-ace. kids NEED label/identity options, they are discovering who they are and without a label that fits for them, theyll likely feel like shit. let them have their labels. knowing about asexuality might greatly improve their life if it fits them!
for this reason, stop being weird about mogai labels/trying to “ban” them from everyone’s vocabulary/trying to turn them into some Cringe Joke that is only about Cishets Trying To Be Special. they didn’t fuck over EVERYONE.
inclusionists, in advising kids and questioning people who ask you for answers, be more open-ended. the insistence of “oh youre not a lesbian you’re a quioromantic demi-homosexual!” without also making it ok to just be a lesbian is what hurt and confused so many people on their journey to discovering their identity and its why they resent the whole mogai thing, fairly so. make it okay to just be a lesbian, or just be gay, or just be bi, or just be trans, while letting people know their other, more specific options.
asexuality is not an NSFW or TMI orientation
ace headcanons arent INHERENTLY homophobic, racist or ableist. they absolutely can be and ive seen that shit with my Own Two Eyes [pure innocent baby ace autistic papyrus headcanons back in the undertale fandom (shudders)], but they are not INHERENTLY so.
headcanons for characters with marginalized identity labels that arent identical to the ones you headcanon that character with are not oppression. and you dont get to police this shit as if its factually wrong
absolutely zero sexual interactions with minors ever, thanks!
trying to Bother The Pure Aceys by talking about sex is unacceptable
posting bullshit in ace positivity tags is unacceptable
stop calling people doing nothing but talking about their experiences “freaks”???
dont engage in the whole Oh There Are Valid Identities And There Are Special Snowflake Identities thing its not a very good look
biphobia is its own thing independent of homophobia
biphobia perpetuated within the community isnt necessarily systemic oppression but its traumatic and wrong and shouldnt be treated like some Lol Cringe Joke
you cant just say UM THAT LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENS???? when someone calls your side out on shit lgfkhghgfh especially when it literally does, all the damn time
ace [IRL person, whether or a celebrity or god forbid a flat out bigot] moodboards arent funny
you shouldnt agree to sex that you as an ace person dont want in a situation that you can control if the sex happens or not, but the pressure to provide sex to a non-ace partner is very real. stop blaming ace ppl for that pressure lol speaking as a victim of coercive sexual abuse, you cannot blame the one who didnt want it, even if they COULD have spoken up.
you’re not a bad person for wanting sex if your ace partner doesn’t. there is nothing immoral about not being ace. you just dont get to have sex anyway and you arent owed it if you are set on this committed, monogamous relationship - if sex is a big deal to you, you need to leave that relationship or work out an open situation.
laughing off peoples’ experiences as The Discourse is completely unacceptable, it encourages people to shut up and never analyze themselves and their identities
its not cute in your ace ship headcanons if the ace character is an asshole that rolls their eyes @ or judges their non-ace partner
similarly its not cute in your ace ship headcanons if the non-ace partner is an asshole that rolls their eyes @ or judges their ace partner
you dont get to tell people “ok you identify as heteroflexible but ACTUALLY you’re [insert identity]” literally ever, i understand the concern with people using “safe” identity labels to avoid facing their LGBT identities but acting on that concern in that way is not concern, its concern-trolling and its not fuckin okay.
legitimizing your own identity by delegitimizing the identities of others is bad
DO NOT, AND I REPEAT, DO NOT, BLANKET-TERM PEOPLE AS QUEER, LITERALLY EVER. DONT DO IT
DONT FUCKIN DO IT!!!!! NOT EVERYONE HAS RECLAIMED THAT SLUR, AND IT IS 100% A SLUR ON TOP OF BEING A CULTURE WITHIN THE COMMUNITY
JESUSS CHRIST DONT FUCKIGN DO IT!!!! WHEN YOU REFERENCE THE QUEER COMMUNITY YOU BETTER ONLY MEAN PPL WHO CALL THEMSELVES QUEER AND HAVE RECLAIMED IT/ARE PART OF THAT SUBCULTURE
we need more nonsexual, non-alcoholic spaces for LGBT folk that are safe for minors, trauma survivors and ace people, but thats not our fault, the prevalence of sexual and alcoholic spaces exists because we were literally not allowed to exist anywhere else until very, VERY recently, and even now it’s a Barely thing
you cant tell someone their experiences didnt happen like my god
we think ace discourse is about more than cishets because exclusionists make it about asexuality as a whole. you guys cant make it about more than cishets and then be like But Ok It’s Just About Cishets You IRrational Crazies?? :/
yes self harm through exposing oneself to the discourse tag is possible, no it’s not funny, no it’s not just ~cishets~doing that, triggers are not exclusive to PTSD survivors, shut the actual fuck up
you dont have any room to comment on the validity of quasiplatonic relationships if you’re not in one, most of the time you guys complaining about them and saying theyre Special Snowflake Things dont actually know what they are. mind your own business lol let people live
if youre not intersex, you dont get to tell people that the intersex community doesnt wanna consider itself LGBT, so they are wrong for saying intersex people are allowed to consider themselves LGBT. youre not being a good ally. sit down, shut up and let intersex people talk amongst themselves.
[to be added to at some point im sure]
asexuals STOLE dragons from CHILDREN to make themselves seem PURE AND INNOCENT, the MONSTERS
64 notes · View notes