#beautifully broken part 7

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Til Death Do Us Part | Part 7

Series Masterlist

Astarion x f!reader, Arranged Marriage AU

Word Count: 9k

(CW: brief descriptions of past trauma/sexual assault)

Summary:

And there, tucked deep in the back of the drawer, sits the object you had secretly been hoping to find- the unassuming little leatherbound book that you had spotted that day you had broken into Astarion’s office. You slide the book out from the drawer, the expensive leather binding soft and cool against your skin.

You shouldn’t open this, you think, as you carefully snap open the clasp on the book. 

You aren’t entirely sure what you were expecting to find- perhaps some sort of ledger which describes Astarion’s shady dealings in excruciating detail or perhaps a simply written ‘this is what I am looking for and why.’ 

Instead, you are met with pages upon pages of Astarion’s beautiful, looping handwriting, overcome by a sense of guilt and dread and shame. You should not be reading this.

But your eyes are darting over the words on the first page before you can stop yourself.

Read on ao3 here.

Astarion was right- you did tend to get yourself into trouble when you were bored. And with him gone, you were completely consumed by that nagging feeling that he has still been lying to you. 

You’ve been sitting at the chair in his study for the past half hour, just staring at that little locked drawer in the upper corner of his desk. You desperately want to open it but that little voice in the back of your head has been whispering that you shouldn’t- that it would be an invasion of Astarion’s privacy and would betray his trust. 

The longer you sit, the quieter that little voice gets, until all that is left is the burning desire for answers. 

You make a final deal with yourself- if you can pick the lock, you get to look at what’s inside. If you can’t, you leave this room and never snoop around in Astarion’s study again.

It’s a loaded deal. There are very few locks you’ve met in your life that you haven’t been able to pick with enough time and dedication. And sure enough, after you weasel your hairpin into the lock and wiggle it around a bit, you hear the telltale little click that allows you to carefully slide the drawer open. 

The first thing you see is the drawing of Astarion’s scar that you had once found on his desk. After pulling out the paper, you trace along the lines and squiggles that you have long since memorized. It’s a poor substitute for the feel of Astarion’s cool skin underneath your fingertips- you don’t get to watch his whole body relax as you run your hands along the scarred tissue, taking care to chase away any knots and tension that might be present in his back. 

Staring down at the sheet of paper, your chest aches with how badly you miss Astarion. 

Gods, you were going insane. It had only been a few days, you needed to pull yourself together and stop fantasizing. 

There’s a few other miscellaneous papers that you pull out next but they don’t tell you anything helpful. They mostly consist of brief notes and intel that only refer to whatever Astarion is searching for as ‘it.’

After moving all the papers to sit on the desk, your gaze catches a beautifully embroidered handkerchief that appears to be wrapped around something inside. Gently peeling away the edges of the silk, you reveal a little collection of rose petals. They’re dried and a bit shriveled and the vibrant red has faded to a rich burgundy but you would recognize those petals anywhere.

Had Astarion been saving these from the bouquets you had made for him?

After walking together in the gardens at night, you had been overcome by grief that Astarion wasn’t able to see them during the day. Without sunlight, he would never be able to fully appreciate the bright colors and the blooming flowers. In your mind, it had only seemed natural that if he could not go to the gardens during the day, you would bring the gardens to him. 

At that time, months ago, it felt like a foolish way to feel close to Astarion while you were pining after him. It was a selfish way to bring that lovely smile to his face and know that you were the cause of it. So as you made Astarion bouquets, you had poured your heart and your love into every stem and flower you picked. 

Admittedly, it had gotten a bit harder to bring him new flowers every week as fall continued to creep into winter and flowers became more and more scarce, but you made due with what you had. You were still determined to give him something pretty.

And Astarion always appreciated the bouquets. He always displayed them proudly in his study and always got a goofy little grin on his face when you brought him a new one. 

You had never dreamed that your gesture meant this much to him. Your heart dances inside your chest.

The dried petals are just another reminder of how deeply the well of love that exists inside of Astarion runs, showing his innate need to keep you near to him at all times. He could be so secretly sentimental, as if he was afraid of scaring you away with the full force of his love. 

And more than that, the petals are a reminder that this drawer was not for your eyes.

You feel a guilty pit in your stomach and chew on your lip- one of those bad habits that always managed to rear its head when you felt nervous or ashamed. You should just leave, should just close the door to Astarion’s study behind you and confess what you have done the moment he comes home…

But one more little peak wouldn’t hurt, right? 

You just want a better look at the embroidery on the handkerchief. Astarion must have been the one who embroidered it and you simply wish to appreciate his talents. Surely, if you praise him enough about his masterful handiwork, his ego will be so inflated that he will completely forget to be mad at you for prying into his secrets.

Satisfied with your logic, you turn back to the drawer. You’re sure to be extra careful when you touch the thin cotton handkerchief so you don’t accidentally damage the delicate petals held inside. 

Along one of the edges of the handkerchief, the beautiful white embroidery stands out against the sheer white cotton. There’s a collection of flowers whose stems are joined together by a lovely, sprawling ribbon in the corner. The flowers extend outward along the edges of the handkerchief and into the middle- it looks like there’s roses, some chrysanthemums, some little flower that looks like a daisy or an aster, and little clumps of tiny flowers. Oh…. Are those heliotropes? 

Astarion had recreated the first bouquet you made him. The surge of emotion inside you nearly has you weeping. 

When had Astarion even made this? 

Perhaps it had been done in a moment of madness months ago, when he too had been overwhelmed by the depth of his longing for you. Perhaps he had sat down and let his emotions spill out through his fingers, interweaving them in the handkerchief alongside the thread. 

Or maybe he had somehow managed to sneak away and work on this recently? But since you had confessed your love, the two of you had been so engrossed in one another that you hardly spent any time apart. And even before then, you had spent the majority of your days with Astarion- reading together in the library and offering him your blood and sleeping in his bed. 

The only real time the two of you had been separated, apart from the past few days, was during the time after your fight, when Astarion had attempted to push you away. You picture Astarion, despondent, with messy hair and deep circles under his eyes, pricking his fingers as he continues to sew, as if in a daze. You don’t like that image. 

So instead, you picture Astarion working on the handkerchief while you were sleeping beside him. He was probably leaning back against the headboard while he sewed, the blankets sliding low around his waist and his pale skin shimmering in the moonlight, sneaking glances over at you while you slept. You like that idea much better. 

Now that you have seen and fully appreciated the craftsmanship of the handkerchief, you should be closing the desk drawer and locking it tight. 

You don’t.

Spurred on by curiosity, you continue rifling through the drawer. 

And there, tucked deep in the back, sits the object you had secretly been hoping to find- the unassuming little leatherbound book that you had spotted that day you had broken into Astarion’s office. You slide the book out from the drawer, the expensive leather binding soft and cool against your skin.

You shouldn’t open this, you think, as you carefully snap open the clasp on the book. 

You aren’t entirely sure what you were expecting to find- perhaps some sort of ledger which describes Astarion’s shady dealings in excruciating detail or perhaps a simply written ‘this is what I am looking for and why.’ 

Instead, you are met with pages upon pages of Astarion’s beautiful, looping handwriting, overcome by a sense of guilt and dread and shame. You should not be reading this.

But your eyes are darting over the words on the first page before you can stop yourself. 

I am unable to close my eyes in fear that Cazador might appear to me again. I hate that he still holds this power over me, even now. 

He had control over my mind and my body and now he even owns my memories. I never know when one might return to me and leave me shaking and paralyzed by its stunning realness. There’s just so many to choose from- centuries of nothing but agony and pain and torture.

It happened again today. 

I don’t know what caused it but suddenly, I was back in that place.

Gale found me huddled in the corner of the library. He said that I nearly ripped his head off when he tried to soothe me. 

I don’t remember that happening... 

All I know is that the idea of someone putting their hands on me makes me sick to my stomach. 

Gale told me I need to start writing about the memories, that I need to get them out of my head and onto paper. He’s seen this same thing, he said, in soldiers and generals whose minds never return from the battlefield. 

I can’t possibly imagine how war is worse than what I went through.

So these are Astarion’s innermost thoughts. You should respect that, should leave these words to belong solely to him. But there’s a dangerous thought wriggling in the back of your mind. 

Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted- a glimpse inside his mind? To finally know the truth without doubting every word that comes out of his pretty mouth?

And it’s that nagging, curious part of you which seizes control and forces you to continue reading the first entry. 

At this point, I’m desperate enough to listen to Gale, of all people. So, here goes:

I can’t even see my scar, but I constantly feel its weight upon my back.  Yesterday, when I finally returned back to my body, I felt my fingers tracing along the marks that I can reach over my shoulder in a trance, as if that foolish action would help me free myself from the prison of my mind.

Cazador carved the scar into me over the course of a night and I constantly find myself stuck in that memory. 

That night was agony. Every cut he made was careful. Deliberate. If I screamed too much or if I moved too much, he would start over immediately. He would wait, watching my skin stitch itself back together before he set to work again. He butchered me, over and over and over again.

For practice, he had said. He had wanted his ‘poem’ to be perfect.

And after an endless night of the worst pain I had ever felt, Cazador finally brought out the precious silver blade that he called his ‘needle’ and he etched this scar into my skin forever. 

You would think that at a certain threshold, your brain would tell your body to stop feeling pain or that the pain couldn’t possibly get worse. I never seemed able to find that limit. The pain always got worse.

There’s a final note written at the end of the page. The handwriting is small and almost shy.

Warm baths help.

Oh, Astarion. 

From the little pieces of information he had revealed to you, you knew that his past was filled with pain and torment, but you had no idea it was this horrific. 

The idea of being cut even once has an unpleasant shiver running down your spine. Astarion’s scar spans nearly the entirety of his back. How many cuts was that across his skin? How many hundred and thousands of times did this man, this Cazador, mutilate him?

And that was just over the course of one night. 

You can’t even begin to fathom the cruelty Astarion had suffered, the pain he had withstood. You feel your mouth hanging open a bit in shock and horror. 

How terrifying it must be to live in a state of perpetual fear, to never know when your mind might betray you and transport you back to your most miserable experiences. 

And beneath all that, Astarion was still trying- he was still fighting to learn how to live again after his trauma. He was still writing himself little hopeful notes like ‘warm baths help,’ that would help his future self know how to find his way back from those memories a little easier the next time. 

It’s so easy to imagine Astarion, knees pulled up to his chest as he stares at nothing in the distance. It makes tears prick at your eyes. It makes you want to hold his head against your chest so he can time his breathing with the beat of your heart as you run your fingers through his lovely white hair and reassure him that he is safe now.

And you are faced with another, far more worrying, question. How often do episodes like these happen? The entry is dated a couple years ago but you are certain they have happened during the time you have been married. It is the only explanation for Astarion’s horrible thrashing and screaming when he was injured and in a state of blood madness. 

The animalistic wails that tore themselves from his throat will be imprinted in your own memory forever.

And some nights, Astarion would jolt himself awake in such a state that it woke you up next to him, as well. He would practically scramble out of the bed, eyes wide and glinting a blood-curdling red in the darkness of the bedroom. And for just a moment, when he looked at you in a panic, you could swear he didn’t recognize you. 

You are struck immediately by the thought that you need to do something. There’s an intrinsic desire to take this pain away from Astarion. 

Isn’t that what marriage is supposed to be? A way to lessen your burdens by sharing them with the person you trust most.

But Astarion didn’t trust you. And a part of you is deeply hurt by the fact that he does not believe that you are capable of helping to carry the weight of his past. Did he view you as too weak, too naive?

Astarion should know that you had your own past- you know better than most the damage that an angry, manipulative man could do. It had not been an easy life being raised by your father. 

And worse than the fact that you now have proof that Astarion doesn’t trust you, he had lied to you. You had asked him explicitly whether silver hurt him and he had deliberately deflected your question with some silly answer about how he preferred gold. A lie by omission is a lie, nonetheless. Silver does hurt him. Silver is what created his scars. 

You aren’t sure if you keep reading out of spite or a desperate need to learn how to help Astarion.

The next entry is dated about a week later. 

This house is a graveyard and I am doomed to be its crypt keeper. 

Well… That’s bleak. And rather melodramatic. It’s so completely Astarion that it almost pulls you out of reading for a moment.

There are ghosts around every corner. At times, I could swear that I smell my mother’s perfume or hear my father’s booming laughter echoing in the halls. 

Still, this house feels as barren and loveless as Cazador’s palace.

I was just a boy the last time I was here. An eager young thing, ready to set off and explore Baldur's Gate.

I always knew I would return here, but I never imagined it would be under these circumstances. I had dreams of becoming a magistrate, of making a name for myself, of finding love. And then, some day in the distant future, I would return home and my parents would welcome me with open arms. I would take over as patriarch of the family and allow my father to spend the rest of his days in peace. 

But now, this place is too big. Too dark. Too cold. 

Gone are the days of sunlight streaming through the windows. The gardens that my mother cherished so dearly have decayed into nothingness. A thick, suffocating layer of dust has settled over the entire manor. 

Now this house is yet another miserable reminder of how much I have lost. It feels as if I am seeing someone who has died whenever I find traces of my old self. Even then, the memories I do have of my childhood are so mangled and fragmented that my past can only whisper to me and remind me that I am a stranger in my own home. 

What has happened to me? 

What have I become?

Cazador is always there in the back of my mind. Waiting and watching. There is no escape, no freedom- not really. Not when Cazador’s presence still follows me like a shadow.

I fear coming back here was the biggest mistake I could have made. I should have just stayed in Baldur’s Gate. 

The aching and the sorrow in Astarion’s words has your stomach churning uncomfortably. It seems silly, but you can’t help but imagine the Astarion before- the young man who was so excited to go to the city and begin his life. He wanted love, even then. It fills you with a deep melancholy. 

No part of you should be grateful that Astarion became a vampire- you should not celebrate that he suffered and was brutalized by that monster, Cazador. 

And yet… if he had not been turned, you can’t help but wonder if your paths would have ever crossed at all.

It rattles you to your very core. Astarion had become a certainty in your life- there is no future that you could ever imagine that does not invovle him.

The more you read, the more you learn about the tortures that Cazador had inflicted on Astarion. You discover the punishments he suffered if he didn’t obey, like the time he attempted to escape and was buried in a casket underground for a full year. The way he writes about that time has you feeling claustrophobic, you’re practically clawing at your own throat, desperate for fresh air. 

And you find out he had very little opportunity not to obey. For centuries, Astarion had no choice, no freedom, nowhere to run but his mind.

It’s horrific. 

The life of a spawn has no real happiness. It doesn’t sound like much of a life, at all.

And through everything you read, you can tell Astarion is clearly struggling to deal with the aftermath of his trauma far more than he lets on. You follow his journey as he tries to find what events cause him to slip back into his memories and what rituals help pull him out of them. 

An entry a couple months later makes you pause. 

My body is my own. I choose what I do with it. I choose who touches me. 

So why do some days feel as if I’m still in the haze of Cazador’s control? When I am trapped in a memory, why does my body still react involuntarily? Why do I feel as if I still have no power over myself?

I feel like a stranger in my own skin. I hardly even remember what I look like and the skin I’ve been left with is scarred and ruined. I can’t even look at my own hands without remembering what I have done with them. 

I wish I could shed this body and start anew.

I’d still have to be beautiful, of course, because how else does anyone ever get anything done without batting their eyelashes and having others fall at their feet? Seems tedious.

Of course, even in his mind, even with just himself, Astarion has to deflect with petty vanity and a touch of humor. 

You had not fully appreciated the horror of being unable to see your own reflection. No wonder Astarion didn’t like his portrait- he probably didn’t even recognize himself when he first saw it. It must still feel like a disembodied image, rather than a true likeness.

The next entry that catches your attention is a few pages later. 

My bed is too soft.

Vampires don’t even need to sleep, so it’s ridiculous why that would even matter to me. 

It was a nightmare today. I woke to phantom hands surrounding me, suffocating me.

Cazador demanded blood and us spawn were meant to bring him victims. By any means necessary. Cazador had said it should be easy for me, I already had such a pretty face. All I had to was make it seem real, make them believe it.

So I did.

I hunted for new victims in the dark of night. Taverns and brothels and gambling dens. I was never allowed to say no. Anything they wanted, they got. 

I fear I have been treated as an object for so long, I have forgotten how it feels to be a person. 

It feels as if your veins have been filled with ice. There had been hints or suggestions in other entries, but it was so much worse than you could possibly assume. There is only one thing which Astarion’s words could imply- he had been forced to use himself, to use his body and his sexuality as a means of luring people back for Cazador. 

You hate how easily it explains so many of Astarion’s behaviors. No wonder he always fell back into that practiced, seductive tone when he felt he was losing control over a situation. It was what was comfortable, it was what he knew how to do, even if he was truly in agony.

How many times had he put on this performance for you? How many times had he placated you when he did not want to, simply because you were too insistent and he feared what would happen if he said no?

You had been the one to move his hand under your chemise that night. You had made assumptions based on his flirtatious nature and the hungry reverence with which he drank your blood. And now, you’re mortified that you might have put him in a situation where he felt he couldn’t refuse you in fear you might take away his easy access to your blood. 

It feels horrible to know you might be the last in a long line of people who had taken advantage of Astarion. Your skin feels like it’s crawling.

You hadn’t known, you hadn’t known, you hadn’t known, you repeat to yourself but it does little to quell the bubble that’s building inside your chest.

You can’t breathe. Your mind races.

You think back to Astarion’s promise. It all makes sense- he was always so worried about you being able to say no. You had done the same, of course, always checking in with him and listening to him during sex. But you should have been more proactive. You should have given him more opportunity to decline your advances. 

Astarion never writes too explicitly about those kinds of memories and you think it’s mostly as a means to protect himself from falling fully back into them. But past that point in the diary, there are enough entries on the subject to give you a rather… grisly picture of exactly what Astarion suffered through.

You read them all and weep with sympathy. You wish you could kill Cazador yourself.

And for a moment, you almost consider stopping and putting the diary away, but you catch an entry about how Astarion was turned and your interest is piqued. 

Cazador always liked pretty things. I think that’s why he always liked torturing me the best. 

I always wondered if that’s why he decided to turn me. Sometimes, I ask myself if that day was all orchestrated or if fate was simply laughing at me. 

That night. The Gur. A useless, spiteful people.

Did those Gur that attacked me really take issue with my ruling that day or did Cazador simply pay them to ambush me in that alley? Did he tell them to beat me and taunt me or did they choose to do that on their own?

And when I was spitting up blood and could hardly move, they just… left me. And my stupid heart just kept beating and I wouldn’t die. 

It felt like a miracle when Cazador found me, claiming that he could smell my blood. At the time, it felt as if he was my last hope. 

It’s even worse that he made me beg for it. A torture to look back upon and know that I begged for the miserable life he granted me. 

It was painful at first. My body warped and writhed with pain as death overtook me. For just a moment, it black and blissful and then I had to scrape and claw my way out of the earth. I was choking- drowning in an endless ocean of dirt. 

And when I resurfaced, vomiting bile and dirt and congealed blood, Cazador was laughing. I could already feel the invisible string tying me to him. The eternal contract that he had neglected to mention.

Astarion had written the next part so hard that there were tears in the paper on some of his downstrokes.

Fuck him. Fuck him for turning me into this. Fuck everyone in the world for never caring enough to help me. 

Fuck the gods, for I prayed to every one that existed and they all abandoned me.

How heartbreaking, you think- to believe yourself completely alone in the world. You can only hope that Astarion knows how adored he is now. There is you, of course, but you also see his friendships- with Gale, with Shadowheart, with Lae’zel, and Karlach, and Wyll. Any one of you would do anything in your power to keep Astarion safe and happy.

You had not expected that the story Astarion’s turning would be quite so excruciating. All the times you had talked about vampirism, Astarion had never mentioned how gruesome of a process it truly was. 

It’s as if everything about his past is infinitely more unspeakable than you could have ever imagined. 

There’s a pause of about two weeks before the next entry. 

We found the second gem today. Luckily, that idiot Envar Gortash had been so terribly loud about showing off his new collectible. His house was far too easy to break into and he was annoying, so I don’t think anyone really minded when he turned up dead. The elite of Baldur’s Gate viewed him as a lowly wannabe who unsuccessfully attempted to infiltrate their ranks and the rabble viewed him as a class traitor. In the end, no one wanted to claim him.

But I hate that I must spend my precious time looking for these gems. Am I truly free if I’m just working as Raphael’s errand boy?

So that’s what Astarion is looking for? Gems for somebody else? It seems so completely out of character.

And now, with this entry, you have found the answers you were searching for. You should be shutting this diary. But why this Raphael character was forcing Astarion to look for these gems had unraveled a new mystery you need to solve. And that can only be done by continuing to read.

Raphael was lucky to find me at a time where I would have agreed to do just about anything to rid myself of Cazador. When he approached me, who was I to say no? It’s not as if my life could have gotten any worse.

And that one night, someone had approached me in dark brothel and lead me back to a room. It was easy, it was routine- I knew what they wanted.

Only, in the room, Raphael was there, asking me if I’d like to kill Cazador. He reassured me that the walls weren’t listening and told me that I could answer honestly. I didn’t believe him at first. Obviously. It felt just like the kind of convoluted trap that Cazador would set so he could have a reason to punish me. Or, even more likely, I’d still be tortured for not falling for it.

But Raphael gave me something that night- a little pouch of strange herbs that he slipped into my hand as I was leaving the room. ‘A sign of good faith’ he had whispered to me before I was passed along to the next customer, still searching for a victim to bring back to Cazador.

And later, when Cazador had asked what had taken me so long that night, for the first time in 200 years, I didn’t feel compelled to give him an answer. For the first time, I was able to lie to him. 

And oh, how terribly I had missed lying. 

I bided my time, then, waiting patiently for Raphael to bump into me again. Within a fortnight, he was sliding up beside me in a tavern, leading me away into some dark corner to talk. 

He explained to me that he was a devil- the son of the demon Mephistopheles and born to a human woman. It was easy to believe that explanation. Vampires are real, after all, so why not devils?

Raphael had it on good authority that Cazador was preparing some sort of ritual using an artefact that Raphael wanted All he needed was someone with inside knowledge of the Szarr palace and detailed information about Cazador’s whereabouts.

In return, Cazador would be dead.

I expected he’d want something more from me, of course. Help is not offered freely- that is not how this world works. You are only good to people so long as you serve some purpose to them. 

The question was why Raphael needed me. Why was he willing to go through the effort of killing a vampire lord just for my help? And why now? Why after 200 years of torture and misery was someone finally answering my desperate pleas. 

He had purred my name so beautifully- Astarion Ancunín- with a wonderful emphasis on my last name.

My title, my birthright allows me to move in ways which are not available to him.

I gave him my conditions then:

I get to one the one to kill Cazador (and oh, how I intended to draw that out)

I get to drink Cazador’s blood before he dies and become a true vampire. No longer would I be cursed to live as a lowly, disgusting spawn. I would finally rise to the power that was owed to me after all my suffering.

Raphael had set his own conditions, too. And it really doesn’t seem like that bad of an idea to promise your soul to a devil when you’re an immortal vampire who is practically impossible to kill. His second condition was more of an inconvenience than anything- I wasn’t allowed to make any spawn. 

In hindsight, I probably should have anticipated a bit more trickery from a devil, but I was so overcome by the idea of killing Cazador. And it really had been a long time since I studied law…

Honestly, I always just assumed the details would figure themselves out. Turns out, they don’t. Devastating. 

And in the end, it had all been a misunderstanding. The ritual Cazador was preparing to perform had nothing to do with the Crown of Karsus that Raphael so desperately desired. When I had arrived with Raphael, Cazador had nearly laughed us out of the palace. The ‘crown’ that Raphael believed that Cazador possessed was nothing more than a single, useless green gem.

Raphael was enraged, but I was still the one who killed Cazador. Devils are bound to their contracts just as much as the person signing. And so I feasted on the way the dagger plunged into Cazador’s chest. I channeled all of my pain, all of my suffering into every thrust of my blade. There would be no doubt that he was dead- I would make sure of that.

And afterward, newly infused with the blood of my former vampiric master, I expected that I would be able to walk free as a true vampire. But my contract was iron-clad. I had signed that I would help Raphael find the Crown of Karsus, not the single gem that Cazador owned. 

I would not be freed until I had helped Raphael retrieve all three gems.

And it wasn’t until after Cazador was already dead, when I was left to search for information on the remaining gems by myself, that I came across all the spawn caged in the bowels of the palace.

There were hundreds of them. Thousands.

When I told Raphael, he didn’t even have the decency to act shocked. He had known Cazador was amassing power, preparing to perform some sort of ritual. Raphael had originally assumed it was related to the Crown of Karsus- which would allow the owner of the Crown to unify and rule over the hells. But after we found that Cazador only had the one gem, Raphael knew instantly what ritual Cazador had actually wanted to perform.

Cazador has aspired to become the Vampire Ascendant.

All those victims that the other spawn and I had lured back to Cazador were turned into spawn, themselves. They, too, had been marked with scars like the one upon my back.

Cazador was preparing to sacrifice 7,007 vampire spawn to Mephistopheles in exchange for unprecedented power. And he had been growing dangerously close to the required number of souls.

And I was denied the opportunity to seize this ritual for myself because Raphael was a step ahead of me the whole time. Even after Cazador was dead, I couldn’t go about completing it on my own because that damned contract prevented me from creating the remaining spawn needed.

If only I had known before…

I could have walked in the sun. I could have tasted food and enjoyed wine again. I could have finally been safe. No one could have ever hurt me again. 

And now, I am still stuck in an eternal contract. I am still not truly free. Even after I find this final gem for Raphael, he will still own my soul in death.

I resent ever giving Raphael power over me. He doesn’t deserve it. 

It feels surreal. All the answers you have been desperately searching for were laid out before you in Astarion’s lovely cursive. 

You’re stunned. Astarion believed he had a way to free himself and he got stuck in another bad contract almost immediately. It seemed to be a horrible, vicious cycle. You could completely understand the depth of Astarion’s lust for power. There is a false sense of safety when people are more scared of you than you are of them.

You continue reading through the next several months’ worth of entries. They are all short, scattered fragments of even more horrible memories that make your heart ache.

You slow down again when you recognize a date. The day of your wedding. Astarion had written about you.

I am to be married tonight.

My fiancée is less than pleased, to say the least. 

There’s so much I wish to tell her that I will not ever admit aloud. She doesn’t need to know that her father was selling her off like cattle. She doesn’t need to know the disgusting, horrific things that decrepit old man was saying about her or planning to do to her when they were married. 

It triggered something in me to hear them talking- it was so similar to the way people used to talk about me.

I don’t know why my brain proposed marriage as a solution. Perhaps I abhor beautiful things going unappreciated. Or perhaps I saw a part of myself in her. Perhaps I saved her the way I always hoped someone would save me. And at the time, marriage seemed the easiest way to do that- it would placate her father, who seemed desperate to sell her off, it would allow her to escape a fate married to a goblin of a man who would treat her horribly, and it would give me something wonderful of my own to look forward to.

I had a whole plan for wooing her that night and she ruined it and for that, I should have killed her. I have certainly killed people for far less. The logical answer is that I am growing weak and sentimental and that is unacceptable. 

I do not cry for the plights of the sorrowful. Nobody cried for me.

There’s more in there about you. Pages and pages immortalizing all the little interactions the two of you had shared, things you had said or done that made Astarion smile, his feelings about you along the way. It all feels tainted now. You have betrayed him, continually. You have read his diary. You had essentially forced yourself on him. You had not done more to show him how loved he truly is if he still believes himself so alone in the world. 

You can hardly bring yourself to read through the entries during the time after the fight where he had pushed you away. There are jagged tears where pages had been ripped out in a rage. It pains you to think of the vile, self-loathing thoughts that Astarion had written. You can only hope those words burned away in a fire, never to plague his mind again. 

And even more recently, his entries are full of love and silly, flowery language about how pretty your hair looks in the moonlight or how it’s as if the gods made you just to ruin him. It almost seems like he’s writing out lines that he wishes to practice before he says to you. 

And more than that, he writes about the burgeoning intimacy between the two of you. 

The crushing guilt you had been feeling lessens a bit when, through Astarion’s own words, you are reminded that he was the one reaching out to you for physical comfort more often than not. He was the one who always wanted to hold your hand or wrap you in his arm or gently graze his fingers along your cheek. In his own words, it was a grounding force- a way to remind himself that you were here, and you were real. 

I was wrong. Sex is wonderful. Apparently, it just depends on the person.

I’m not sure what makes it so different with her.

Love, you think to yourself. Trust. That’s the difference. Trust which you have broken.

All I know is that I’ve never craved another’s touch the way I crave hers. My mind has never felt clearer. 

I can never let her see me for who I used to be- a pathetic, weak spawn.

But not with her, never that with her. She sees me as I am now. And it’s so wonderful to pretend for a while that my past doesn’t exist. I spent so long trying to escape my life that it feels entirely novel to exist solely in the present and to long for a future again. 

And I had forgotten how I missed being touched. So many years without a hug or a gentle caress and now, I feel as though I need to make up for lost time.

If I can drown in her touch, perhaps I’ll be able to emerge a new man, unbound by my past. 

“What in the world are you doing in here?” Astarion’s voice calls out, pulling your attention from the book.

Fuck.

This was going to be even worse than you anticipated because now, it is not you who is approaching Astarion with the truth of your wrongdoing. Instead, he has caught you in the act.

He saunters into the room, a bright smile on his face. “You sent me on a wild goose chase around the manor looking for you. And here I was, hoping to find you naked in our bed upon my return, little flower.” 

“I’m sorry,” you say, because you can’t perceive anything else other than your overwhelming shame at having read his diary. You look up at Astarion from your place in his chair, your neck protesting the motion, sore from your hours of staring down at the leatherbound book. You can already feel the guilty tears sticking to your lashes and blurring your vision.

Astarion sees your distress almost immediately and his eyes are darting around the room to find the cause, his hand snaking down to one of the daggers on his belt. His voice is sharp and urgent when he asks, “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Oh. He had been so eager to see you, he hadn’t even bothered to change out his armor. And there’s not a speck of blood on him. You let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. 

He was home, he was safe. 

“No, Astarion, I-” the words escape you. How could you even begin to explain what you had done to him? How you had violated him? It’s all too much and not enough. 

You watch Astarion’s gaze fall to your lap. The pieces click into place in his brain as he sees the open drawer and the book in your hands and his eyes harden, all blood red and dangerous. He looks like a predator, ready to pounce and kill. 

He crosses the room to you in quick strides, ripping the journal from your hands. 

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have,” you rush to explain, desperate for him to hear you through his fog of anger. You need to spin this, you think, make it seem like this is a good thing. “But don’t you see? I finally understand, now.”

“NO!” Astarion yells. His voice is booming and he’s practically vibrating with rage. He’s never been this angry before. Not at you.

“You had no right. That was-” Astarion’s voice cracks, his breath coming out in angry pants. “That was mine. That was the one thing I had. The one thing I could keep just for myself, and you took that one bit of comfort away from me. What, because you’re nosy? Because I didn’t tell you every painful detail of my miserable existence? Newsflash, darling, but we’ve only known each other a couple months. You hardly know me!” 

The way he hisses the word darling at you makes it sound like an insult.

“I do, Astarion, I know you,” you’re crying and trying to reach out to him, but he keeps moving further and further away from you, like a wounded animal. 

“Obviously not or you would have known how important it was not to read this!” He shouts back, throwing the journal into the drawer and slamming it shut. You hate to think about those lovely rose petals inside, which were surely damaged and cracked in the commotion. 

“If you would have just told me what-” you start, trying to justify your actions to him in the hopes that if he sees reason, he will forgive you.

“How did that excuse violating my trust?” Astarion cuts you off. 

He’s right, but you can’t help growing frustrated that he’s not listening to you, not trying to hear your side. 

“You never tell me anything, Astarion!” You shout back at him, finally standing up so he isn’t towering over you quite so menacingly. You square your shoulders and challenge him, “You promised me honesty and yet you still brush me away with vague, insincere answers. You are still lying to me by omission.”

“I was trying,” He implores. “I would have told you everything, in time.”

But based on his last entry in the journal you read, you know this is absolutely not true. He would have kept you in the dark forever because some misguided part of him believes that he is protecting you in some way.

“No, you would not have!” you argue back.

“We’ll never know! You took that choice away from me.”

Damn him. For all your talk of being angry at Astarion for making your choices for you, you had just done the same to him. You are angry at yourself and the only way you know how to deal with that is by continuing to lash out at Astarion. 

“I have known you at your worst, Astarion, and I love you, still. And now, you have seen me at my worst, too.”

Astarion chuckles darkly. “Darling, you couldn’t even dream of me at my worst.”

The two of you stare at one another, chests heaving, neither one of you willing to back down. Astarion is radiating anger, and you are swimming in a deep pool of regret and despair. 

“I have loved you and you have repaid that love with betrayal.” Astarion finally snarls, fangs glinting in a purposeful reminder that he is a beast of prey, first and foremost. You know he’s deflecting and trying to hide behind a shield of power because he feels vulnerable.

But your heart catches on that one word. 

“Loved?” You ask.

Past tense. 

It threatens to shatter your already aching heart, to scatter the pieces so far and wide that you have no hope of ever piecing it back together. 

“How could I love you now?” Astarion shakes his head, his lovely white curls dancing in the candlelight. The disgust and betrayal twist his pretty face into something hideous. “How could you love me now that you know what I am?”

What scares you most is that you do not know if he hates you or himself more.

You don’t know how to reassure him that his diary has not changed anything- that all it has done is given you a more complete picture of the man you love. But you are hurt, and you are angry and that is a dangerous combination that leads you to speak without thinking. 

“And you’re unwilling to find it in your heart to ever forgive me?” you ask. “I know I have hurt you and I am sorry. But how many times have I forgiven you, Astarion? You threatened to kill me, you kept me locked in my room for days, you forced me to marry you, you lied to me constantly, you called me horrible names and pushed me away right after I had been vulnerable with you. I forgave you for everything! I loved you in spite of everything you did to me! I’d love you matter what!”

“I never asked you to do that!” Astarion’s brow furrows in frustration. “You can’t demand that I forgive you simply because you’ve chosen to forgive me.”

You hate him because he’s right.

You’re speaking before you can stop yourself. “Gods, you’re such a hypocrite. You act like you’re better than everyone, like you know what’s best for everyone, but you hate yourself. I won’t let you do this again. I won’t let you push me away as some form of self-punishment.”

“That’s not what this is,” Astarion says, and his voice is deep and cold. “This is me being rightfully angry that you have violated my trust.”

“I know,” you say, bringing your hands up to brush away the tears that have started rolling down your cheeks. “I am truly sorry. But how much did you really trust me anyway, Astarion? You were hiding so much from me.”

“I was trying to keep you safe!” He shouts back defensively. He takes a deep breath, bringing his hand up to pinch his nose and attempting to calm himself down. “I think it’s best that you leave, at least for a little while. I think we need some time apart so we can both cool off and we don’t just keep arguing in a circle. I have a country home in the South. You’ll like it. I’ll have Shadowheart pack your things, the two of you will leave in the afternoon.”

Astarion nods, his decision made. He doesn’t even wait for you to say anything before he’s turning on his heel to leave. 

“No, that’s not what I want,” you say, catching his arm so he must turn and look into your imploring eyes, “We need to work this out, Astarion. You don’t get to keep making my decisions for me!” 

Because he was the one who decided you would be married. He was the one who pushed you away and decided your relationship was over the first time. And now, apparently, he was deciding again.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I am your husband, and you will do what I say!”

And in that moment, all your fears about marriage have been realized. You had grown so comfortable with Astarion that you had become complacent. You had forgotten the control he could wield over you as your husband. You had foolishly trusted that he understood your innate desire to make your choices yourself. 

And even after all this, after you had just read about the years he yearned for freedom and the ability to choose as he suffered under Cazador, he still had the audacity to give you orders. He still chose to use his legal authority over you as a punishment.

“Very well, husband,” you spit the word out at him and his body flinches at the jab. “I see I am forced to obey you.”

You take off your wedding ring and slam it onto a table before you leave the room. 

—----------

As you sit in the carriage, stewing in your anger, you realize that up until now, Astarion had conveniently neglected to mention the cottage he apparently owned.

On your wedding night, when you had gone to confront him because he had not yet come to consummate your marriage, he had assured you that you were free to carry on with your life however you would like. You had told him that you had nowhere else to go. The cottage was not even mentioned. He had trapped you in his manor.

And yes, you know that he wanted you to stay with him because he was lonely, and he was drawn to you. But by not mentioning the cottage, he had not given you the opportunity to choose to stay with him. It was yet another example of how he kept making your decisions for you. 

You and Shadowheart were loaded into the carriage that afternoon, just as Astarion had ordered. The past few days had been sunny, and the lovely snow was starting to melt away. You stare out the window as the carriage bumbles and rolls along the road. It’s funny to think that the last time you had been in a carriage was with your father on the way to Astarion’s ball.

So much has changed since then. There’s so much you wish you could tell your past self.

“Will you stop sighing? It’s getting annoying,” Shadowheart interrupts your thoughts. 

“Well, I’m sorry my melancholy has brought down your mood. You do seem to get such joy from being complacent in my imprisonment,” you hiss back at her, not even bothering to tear your gaze away from the window.

“Imprisonment?” Shadowheart snorts out a laugh. “Don’t be so dramatic. We’re going to spend a fortnight in a lovely house by the sea. You’ll get some fresh air and some warm weather and some time to clear your head.”

Damn her and her good points. 

“He had no right to order me around,” you say instead.

Shadowheart hums in acknowledgement. “Agreed. And I told him such. But he does have a right to be angry with you. And you seem to be forgetting that and rushing right to the ‘he needs to forgive me’ part.”

“That may be true. But he shouldn’t have sent me away against my wishes!” You say, turning to look at her with narrowed eyes. Whose side was she on here?

“Look,” Shadowheart says, her eyes softening a bit. “Astarion is just giving himself space to sort through his thoughts. He does it all the time. He’s a loner at heart. He’s not used to being around someone all the time.”

“But I don’t want him to be alone!” you exclaim. “I want to make him feel better, even if I am the one who caused him pain.”

“That’s quite the dilemma,” Shadowheart agrees. She looks like she’s about to say something more when-

Bang.

There’s a bump in the road. A nasty one, that causes your head to smash painfully against the window you had just been looking out of.

“What was that?” you ask, rubbing at the sore spot on your forehead, but Shadowheart is drawing a knife, gesturing for you to keep silent.

There’s a horrible, uncomfortable silence that makes you scared to even breathe. You can hear muffled voices and the sound of weapons clanging against each other outside the carriage door. For a moment, there’s nothing but silence. You almost have hope that you will make it out of this unscathed. 

And then, the carriage door is wrenched open. A man roughly grabs your arm, pulling you out. You kick and claw and bite with everything you have, but it’s not enough.

----------------

Notes:

Oh no! Another cliffhanger! Sorry (not).

Ugh, this chapter was a SLOG to write. I tend to structure my outlines around dialogue and as you have all read, this chapter has very little dialogue. But since the beginning, this arc has always been where I've wanted to take this story. Hopefully none of this plot is coming too far out of left field, I really tried to drop breadcrumbs along the way. I know diaries can be a bit of an easy way out when it comes to solving a mystery in a story, but I genuinely don't see Astarion offering up any of this information willingly and I just love the idea that he has a healthy outlet for sorting through all his trauma. And I also wanted it to come across that tav/the reader isn't perfect, either. She's just as capable of making mistakes as Astarion and they're both challenging each other to do better.

Hugest thank you to my beta-writer AliensNSuch on ao3 for listening to my insanity and helping me to think through potential plot holes (hopefully we got most of them)!

And thank you to everyone for reading and sharing your comments and love! I cannot even begin to explain how much I appreciate you all- I genuinely get so excited to post every week and see your reactions.

Taglist: @ayselluna @idkbrodontaskme @maruichio @fanfic-share @the-littlest-bruja @asterordinary @divineknightmare

Feel free to let me know if you would liked to be added/removed from the taglist for future chapters!

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #bg3 fanfiction #astarion fanfic #x reader #til death do us part

[fujiihime]

Stranger Things Reading List (Series/One-Shots) - I (Full)

I made a list of currently reading and recommended Stranger Things fanfics here on Tumblr. All were beautifully written by amazing writers. These writers are incredible and full of brilliant ideas, so please visit their blogs and check all of their works. Happy reading! Don’t forget to comment and reblog their works. You may also reblog this list to share with everyone/blog mutuals. Thank you! (For 18+, MDNI)

Reading List - Part II

Series

Steve Harrington

* Oblivion by @wisteriaah * Upside Down Feelings by @aristrocrat * Steve Harrington Series/One-Shots by @harringtown * In The Dark I Will Call Your Name by @americaswritings * Soundtrack Of A Life by @mackenzie-is-loading * Defiance by @wintersxani * 003 by @homeofthepeculiar * The Divorce by @asgardwinter * Strange by @damn-stark * A Place In This World by @outerspacebisexual * Touch by @poeticandors * Dare | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | by @fan-fantasies * Head Over Heels by @theowritesstuff * Into Your Arms by @thegettingbyp2 * Ethereal by @rekiilysm * Out For Blood by @kerstynn * ST Series: Kate Hopper by @stranger-marauders * Sex Education by @sortagaysortahigh * Unlucky by @agentjemmafitzsimmons​​ * New Journey by @suckerfordylansstuff​

Eddie Munson

* Munson’s Mixtape by @burgundybmw​​ * Right Where You Left Me | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 by @fairy-asian​ * TBSY | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 by @edwardmunsonsimp * Faded Memories | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 by @herroyalhighnessqueenmomo * Scotty Doesn’t Know by @munsonsbbyg * Dancing With Myself by @ambrossart * Eddie Munson Series by @baddiewiththebook * I’m Not Above Begging | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | ED by @chvoswxtch​ * Teenage Dirtbag by @kaiasyko * Meet The Munsons by @mypoisonedvine * More Than A Feeling by @dingusfreakhxrrington​ * Heavy Metal Love Of Mine by @morwap * Why Can’t This Be Love? by @screwtoddstevesherdaddynow​ * My Favorite Henderson by @luvfae​

Billy Hargrove

* Lonely Is Our Lives by @thewordswewrite​ * Hell’s Bells | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ED by @fan-fantasies * 18 Series & Billy One-Shots by @perpetuelledaydreaming * Show Me How by @phobiics * Biology Of Billy Hargrove by @thatonecurlygirl * Stranger Than Fiction by @multi-fandomfuckboy * BH Series & One-Shots by @takemepedropascal * She’s A Runner | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 by @latelyanobsession​ * The Leather Jacket Effect by @beetboxx​​​

One-Shots / Short Series

Steve Harrington

* Losing Game by @mcybank * Tolerate It | 2 | 3 by @multi-writer * Ultimatum | 2 by @ficsaregettingstranger * Tongue Tied | 2 by @sinclaiirs * Heartstopper by @forever-rogue * It Must Have Slipped Out | 2 by @girasollake * Well Don’t | 2 by @skyebounded * Put It Into Practice | 2 | 3 | 4 by @she-is-juniper * Unspoken Feelings by @appocalipse * Kiss Me With Your Fist by @forever-rogue * VHS Player | 2 by @adriannamunson * Adult Education | 2 | 3 by @chestharrington * Micro Touch | 2 | 3 by @bvckybanres * Kiss In The Rain by @magicchai * Falling All In You | 2 by @sophia-busch * The Way I Loved You by @lurkymurker * Deja Vu by @maximoff-pan * Operation Love Me by @justburningdaylight * August by @londonharrington * Breakups and Makeups by @bellatrixscurls * The Things We Don’t Say @bimrwolf  * Mean It by @maxmybeloved * You Belong With Me by @peterbenjiparker * I Wanna Be Yours by @ourautumn86​​

Eddie Munson

* The Broken Hearts Club | ED1 | ED2 by @multi-writer​ * CBCC | Tears In The Rain | Gone With Sin by @queers-gambit​ * Eddie Munson Mini-Series by @strangermarvelss * Hold On To My Heart by @mypoisonedvine * Memories by @ur-local-geek-fest * You Look So Good In Green | 2 | 3 by @shiorinotshiori * Marigold | 2 by @fallen-stark * Separate Ways | 2 | 3 by @theveryfires * False God | 2 | 3 by @goldustwomun * He Loves Me Not | 2 by @hxneybimbo * Deja Vu by @marvelsswansong * I Could Be Your New Spring  * FWB To Lovers  * Love Me | 2 by @steviebears * Break A Leg, Not A Heart | 2 | 3 by @robynnnhooddd * They Don’t Love Me | 2 by @neverinadream * There Are Worse Things I Could Do | 2 by @once-upon-an-imagine * Safe | 2 | 3 by @loeyparker * Boyish by @hauntlikeaghost0 * Eddie Munson Mini-Series by @dahliarose3 * Right To The Bone | 2 by @havecourage-darling * I'll Watch Your Life In Pictures | 2 by @forever-rogue * Hurt | 2 by @hufflepuffobsessedwithmarvel * Heartstring Mayhem by @thisismynerdyself * Baby Munson by @webslinger-holland * A Little Push | 2 by @ladyfogg * Eddie Mini-Series/One-Shots by @xcatnapsx * More Than Friends by @1-800-munson * I’m A Fan Of Cheerleaders by @coolnamestillpending * This Could Be The End Of Everything by @andvys * The Freak And The Cheerleader by @moonlightsolo * Take You Home | 2 | 3 by @strangernstranger​ * Love On A Wire by @mooncakesofpan ​

Billy Hargrove

* He Needs Her by @steveusesfaberge * It’s Just Sex | 2 | 3 by @erosso * The Good, The Bad & The Billy | 2 | 3 by @babyprincessharrington * No One But You by @waiting4inspiration * Dark Horse by @greatlampfestival * Respect And Responsibility by @andormeddows * Baby Do You Want To Come Home With Me? by @hellfirewhores * The Biggest Asshole in Indiana by @stever-things * Ready For Forever by @harcove 

Jonathan Byers

* I Wish I Was Her by @lightininglydia * Drunken Regret by @eddiemunsons-girl * Jealousy, Jealousy by @lizzie-boo * Miss You by @iovesteveharrington * Inside A Photography by @inviswounds * Back To The Old House by @nancys4gf * Breath Of Fresh Air by @supervoldejaygent * Seven Minutes In Heaven by @brighteyedbushybrowed * Camping by @proudharrington * Teenage Dirtbag  * Late Night Calls * Be My Mistake by @steddiehickeys​​

Mixed Masterlist 

* Summer Write-a-thon by @greetings-and-salutations * Steve/Eddie One-Shots by @upsidedownwithsteve * Billy/Steve One-Shots by @darling-i-read-it * Billy/Eddie/Jonathan Series/One Shots by @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl​ * Hanahaki Disease Series by @xoxoavenger​​​

#steve harrington x reader #eddie munson x reader #billy hargrove x reader #eddie munson angst #steve harrington angst #billy hargrove angst #steve harrington #eddie munson #billy hargrove #eddie munson x female reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #billy hargrove x female reader #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fic #stranger things imagine #steve harrington fluff #eddie munson x you #steve harrington fic #steve harrington x you #billy hargrove x you #jonathan byers x reader #eddie munson fic #steve harrington series #eddie munson series #billy hargrove series #eddie munson fluff #billy hargrove fic #jonathan byers fic #jonathan byers

[unreadpoppy]

down by the river - Chapter 7

Raphael x Warlock!Tav

Read on AO3

Warning: Torture (breaking of bones and branding).

A/N: Not the greatest chapter ever but I needed to get this over with already.

Chapter 6

The dungeon was small, cold and there was no way of getting out of it without magic. There were no windows, the only door was part of the stone wall, only opened by the Master’s command. 

Tav was frightened. She tried calling for help, and it only resulted in a sore throat. She tried finding a way to escape, but it ended up bruising her fingers. Her clothes were wet and she trembled. Tav brought her knees close, closed her eyes and hummed a song, trying to calm herself. Maybe, if she closed her eyes hard enough, it would all turn out to be a terrible nightmare. 

When she woke again, to the sound of stone moving, she was still there, and that dungeon would end up becoming Tav’s “home” for the years to come. 

She would only be allowed out for a few hours everyday, and when she did, it was to service her Master.

He was a tall, aging man, who wore long red robes and was letting his beard grow. He extended a hand towards her. “Come. You must be hungry.” 

Almost as if on cue, her stomach rumbled. She only looked at his hand, not trusting him. He huffed. “Fine. Do it the hard way.” 

He roughly grabbed her arm and raised her up. She tried to scream but with a flick of his wrist, her voice was gone. “Soon you’ll learn your place,” he said. “For now, this will have to do.” 

The man dragged her around what seemed to be a tower, filled with long and confusing halls. He shoved her into a room. “Now. You will be a good little girl and you will sit on that chair and drink the tea I serve you.” He pointed towards a green chair beside a large table. Tav gulped, nodded and did as she was told.  

He seemed pleased. The man sat on the chair across the table and gave her a teacup, quickly filling it. She brought it close to her lips and gave a small sip. 

“I understand you might still be weary because of yesterday but trust me. This tea will make you feel better.” Tav didn’t trust him but there didn’t seem much that she could do and so, she drank everything. 

As she did, he spoke. “I know you must have a plethora of questions, and they will be answered in due time. For now, there are a few things you must know.” He cleared his voice as Tav finished her drink. “You will remain in your cell for as long as I want you to be there. You will obey my every command and you will refer to me solely as Master. Do you understand?” 

Her eyes widened. Did he intend on keeping her here?

He flicked his wrist. “I can see you have a lot of questions. I will allow a few. Speak up.”

“Why me?” Was the first thing she said. “Why bring me here?”

“You have a purpose that will come to fruition in due time. Until then, you will remind here.”

“But-but- you can’t do that to me!” She shouted. “Please, sir, just let me leave and I won’t-”

He raised a hand and stood up. “You will refer to me properly, young lady. And cease your babbling, I do not enjoy it.” 

Tav shook her head. “You don’t understand. I have a life, a family, you can’t just take me.” She tried to reason with him. As she kept talking, he began to walk closer to her. “I won’t tell anyone what happened here, you could get someone else but please, sir, just let me go.” 

The man grabbed the back of her hair, twisting it. She hissed. “I already warned you once, girl, and you’ll learn that I do not repeat myself.” He once again denied her speech, grabbing her free wrist. “You played that lute so beautifully last night.” The man looked at her fingers. “It will be a shame that you won’t do it again.”

Before she could react, he shoved her down and took a hold of her dominant hand, placing it on the table. A hammer appeared in his hand. She tried to break away from him but he was much stronger. 

Without her voice, the only sound heard in the room was of her broken bones. 

She fell to the floor, clutching her injured hand. She cried, and if she could make noise, her sobs would have echoed in the halls. 

He once again grabbed the back of her hair, making her face him. “Now. If you don’t want the same fate to happen to your other hand, you will address me properly and obey me.” She nodded. “Say it.” 

Tav took in a shuddered breath, still overtook by pain. “Y-y-es…M-m-aster.”

“Good. We will go back to your cell so you can think about what you’ve done.”

…

The next few years were a blur to her. She’d go days without seeing the sun, or food and water. Her hand never healed properly and Tav would often cry herself to sleep, grieving the life she used to have.  

She barely spoke, the Master rarely allowing it. The few hours she’d be granted outside of her dungeon were to clean his massive library. He always said that when she finished cleaning every book there, he’d let her go before her time. Tav knew it would never happen. 

Some days, she’d hear the Master talking to himself, reading inscriptions in an unknown language. He would tell her it would all make sense soon, that she had a greater purpose to fulfill. 

The Master always seemed to be working with iron and fire. She once tried to ask about it but all he said was that soon, she would understand. 

That night, she awoke strapped to a chair. She didn’t remember how she got there, theorizing that he must have messed with her drink again. 

He entered her line of sight, holding a long iron stick that at the end, flattened with some written in that strange language. She noticed how the tip was red hot. Tav tried to shake in her chair but found she couldn’t move even an inch.

“Do not worry, dear. It shall only take a moment.” 

Next thing she knew, she had been branded in her collarbone, the smell of burnt flesh in the air. This time, she was allowed to scream until her throat hurt. 

“Shh, relax, your purpose is coming soon.” The Master smoothed her hair in a fake attempt at comfort. 

Tav closed her eyes and cried. 

…

It was funny how dreams work. In the future, whenever Tav dreamt of this moment, she saw herself helpless, always dying by his blade. 

The reality had been different. 

She was tied to the altar, the blade in her master’s hand shining. Tav panicked. ‘He is going to kill me. He’s going to kill me and no one will remember me.’ Her thoughts raced. ‘I won’t let him do this. I can’t.’

Tav began to struggle in her bonds, shaking, trying to loosen them enough. She took advantage of the Master being too distracted by his own words to see how poor the restraints were. 

As the room grew hotter, and Tav began to sweat profusely, her hand free. When the Master raised his blade, ready to strike, saying “I give you this offering!” Tav summoned all her strength to move her body out of the way, the blade embedding itself on the altar. While the Master was distracted, coming out of his trance, she freed herself from her bonds, rolling out of the altar. 

“How DARE YOU!” He picked up the blade, menacingly walking towards her. “After all the work I did, I will NOT let you ruin this!”

Tav crawled backwards, trying to get away from him, until a strong smell of sulfur and cherries hit her nose and her back was met with a pair of boots. When she looked up, she saw a devil. The wound in her collarbone ached. 

This must be whom the Master was trying to summon, and judging by his face, the devil was not pleased. 

“What in the Nine Hells is the meaning of this?!” He roared, his voice filling all the space in the room. 

The Master let his blade fall to the ground. “It worked.” He was quick to recompose himself. “You are now tied to me, fiend. You must obey your master.” 

The devil began to laugh and after a moment, he spoke again. “You truly believe that this measly attempt at a binding ritual would work?” He asked. 

Master gulped. “But I did everything as instructed.” It was the first time she saw the Master become undone. “I was going to sacrifice a tortured soul, I read the incantations, I did the branding. I-”

The devil walked towards him, raising a hand. “Oh but you see, the brand should have been in your flesh, not this girl’s.” He said, and Tav noticed how his long tail wrapped itself around the fallen blade. “Not only that, but your sacrifice is still very much alive.” He grabbed the Master’s neck, now holding the blade. “Since you so desperately want to see a devil, I’ll grant your wish.” 

The devil stabbed the Master in the chest, twisting the blade. Blood oozed from him and the man fell to the floor.

…

Raphael turned his attention towards the girl on the floor, who had begun to cry while putting a hand on her chest. He noticed how the fingers were twisted, broken, how her skin clung to her bones and how terribly dirty she looked. That poor excuse of a man had put her through the mud. 

He walked towards her. Before Raphael could say anything, she threw herself at his boots. “Please, I’ll do anything, anything you want, if it means I’ll be free!’ She sobbed. Raphael turned around and noticed that the wizard was still breathing. “Please help me and I’ll forever be in your debt.” 

Raphael placed a clawed finger underneath her ching, raising her head towards him. “Do you understand what you are asking?”

She nodded, tears rolling down her face. “This man robbed me of my life. You have the means to make me live again.” Her face twisted as she looked at the man on the floor. “All I want is to see the world again, and I will never do that while he lives.” She looked at Raphael again. “Please, save me.” 

Under different circumstances, Raphael would have found all of this rather pathetic. After all, he liked it when his prey put more of a fight. But today was different. The wizard had irritated him far too much and this girl had endured enough. 

Raphael never considered himself a saviour, but when such a potential, devoted client presented themselves like this, he simply could not refuse. He let go of her and quickly ended the wizard. 

Walking back towards the girl, he gently lifted her up, one arm wrapped around one of her shoulders and the other holding her hand, helping her stand on her own feet. She was cold all around, almost as cold as a corpse. Using one of his wings, he covered her, noticing how she sighed at the warmth. 

With a snap of his fingers, Raphael opened a portal. “Come. We have much to discuss.” He told her, taking a step forward. 

#raphael bg3 #raphael x tav #raphael baldur's gate 3 #raphael the cambion #tav #warlock!tav #baldur's gate 3 fanfic #my writing #tw torture

[hometothecanyonmoon]

rating and reviewing BLs i have watched so far (unupdated as of april ‘23)

hi this is just a post that i wanted to include in my page but it was getting too long lmao. this is just like a list of all that i’ve watched so far, in order. i won’t be including their plots here, but there might be spoilers. these are just my opinions in case someone new wants to bond over shows and wants to know what i thought 🤌🏽

we best love (both seasons) - 10/10. first BL that i watched, lowkey changed my life. absolutely obsessed with it, comfort series that i keep rewatching. absolutely amazing acting by everyone involved.

history3: trapped - 8.5/10. tang yi. no words. beautiful acting and cinematography, the plot was handled pretty well and i was pretty much broken by the last episode. jack and zhao lian are my children. i’m still obsessed with the OST, i listen to it multiple times a week. just goes to show how much a good soundtrack can still keep a show in your mind even if you watched it months ago.

bad buddy - 1073392729/10. HOE MY GOD. where do i start. all i’ll say is i’ll never be the same, this series is IT for me. THE show for me. nothing will ever come close. one day i’m gonna meet p’aof and cry on my knees. i will never be able to put into words just how much this series means to me, or just how important it is to me, or just how influential this has been for my life. i’ll never be able to get over it.

2gether the series - 6/10. didn’t watch the second season because s1 was so disappointing even if i finished most of it in one night. brightwin are cute and all but they were giving brothers i’m sorry 💀 their chemistry just sizzled out halfway. and they both need acting lessons i’m sorry

love in the air - 9/10. fort thitipong simp forever. first show that i watched while it was ongoing. came for payurain, stayed for prapaisky. although it’s lowkey rapey (which is to be expected from mame) i loved how well they handled the characters

tharntype - 6/10. started because i had heard so much about it, but abandoned it halfway. aside from the dubious consent (again, mame, people can’t consent when they’re asleep), the internalised homophobia got too toxic

star in my mind - 7.5/10. joongdunk are adorable, but they could’ve done a little more with the plot. the Feels™️ were lacking a little bit. cute show overall though. and i’m one of the five people who will die on the hill that seanmaitee are canon and deserved an official kiss

semantic error - 8.5/10. first KBL that i watched, finished it in one day. very beautifully done, all the colour symbolism etc was interesting as hell. pretty cute, although i do wish we could’ve gotten more fluff

love mechanics - 8/10. saw a short on yt and was convinced about the angst. boyyyy was i wrong, it was so much more angsty than i thought. highkey toxic and unhealthy too, but i’ll let it go. forever simping over p’bar. the parents angle was annoying but eh. i will say though, i had to take a lot more breaks while watching than usual, it became too much at points. we did get a little fluff at least though so

my tooth your love - 9/10. yes i hate the title. very very nicely done, the perfect representation of how trauma affects you even when you’re older and just how much it holds you back. convos about mental health, therapy, not letting your lover treat you like shit, AAAAA 🤌🏽🤌🏽 finished this in one day too. they didn’t magically have a moment where they forgave each other and kissed after confessing. they both worked to prove they were in this for the long run, and xun’an didn’t hesitate to hold bai lang accountable for being a jerk. really breaking all the BL barriers sjdhsjh 😭😭 the only part that annoyed me was his dad beating him up like hello?? he’s 30?? 💀💀 fucking vile. but bai qing is an icon and i love her and i would die for her. simp for alex speaking in english randomly. him and rj deserved more scenes and they need to be canon now!!!!!

roommates of poongduck 304 - 7.5/10. i had heard SO much about this so i had high expectations but i was kind of let down, i mean we really only got them together in ep 7. the chemistry, acting and side characters were great but tbh i feel like i’d have loved this a lottttt more if it had been a little spaced out, more episodes, had better conflict resolution and just better overall detailing. still a cute watch though

currently watching:

never let me go - this series is going to break me, i already know. phenomenal acting, symbolism and cinematography. every wednesday you can find me crying because it is just so excellent, the brainrot is real. can’t wait for more episodes

my school president - OBSESSED with them for real. they’re the toned down version of bad buddy, which i have proven in a post. can’t wait for them to be their high school’s power couple. very very wholesome

those are all for now! i’ll keep updating this post as i watch more. my to-watch list is already overflowing but i’d love your recommendations too!! and i’m always willing to scream about any given show so feel free to join me. :) x

#we best love #history3: trapped #bad buddy #2gether the series #love in the air #tharntype #star in my mind #semantic error #love mechanics #my tooth your love #never let me go #my school president #phewwwwww #roommates of poongduck 304

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

MidnightsWithDearKatyTSPB’s Recommendation List: April PT. 2

Welcome to part 2 of April’s recommendation list, down below you will find the link to part 1. Please send me a moodboard request for your work. I love making them. If you are interested in having your writing challenges featured here, your stories, or even your blog, please feel free to tag me in your works, message me, or use the hashtag MidnightWithDearKatyTSPB. I hope you are having a lovely start to spring or fall, depending on where you live.

<< April Pt. 1 🌷

May Pt. 1 💐 >>

Masterlist 📜

In My Hometown (Moodboard) >> Joel Miller x Reader - "I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay."

More Than Just An Heiress (One-Shot) >> Dougie Poynter x OFC!Greer Smith - Summary: Greer Smith, the best friend of Dougie Poynter, is turning another year older. She needs reminding that she is more than what she is labeled.

BLURBS/DRABBLES:

Easter Egg Hunt by @look-at-the-soul >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: The Shelby family has an Easter egg hunt for the children, and you have a special one for Tommy. (my summary) | It's so fluffy and sweet. I love it!

March Madness Drabble Challenge 2023 - Peaky Edition: Day 25 by @acewritesfics >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Gif Request - Sneak Preview: “Then you know what to do, Tom,” she reminds him of what they last spoke about. | This needs to be shared again because, sometimes, Thomas Shelby needs to be told.

Takes One to Know One by @zablife >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: You are Lady Sarah of Connemara. At least that’s what you want everyone to believe. | You know the gif where the girl flings the newspaper and dances? That's me. Love it.

Tommy Shelby + Secret - Mood Board by @acewritesfics >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Tommy Shelby has a secret he's been keeping close to his chest. (my summary) | Tommy Shelby is never late to anything, and I absolutely adore this moodboard and drabble.

ONE-SHOTS:

Home by @shelbyssins >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Request - Sneak Preview: Her eyes widened as he started to speak to her again, she couldn’t focus on his voice over the sound of her blood rushing in her ears, “If you tell me to leave you alone, I will,” is all she heard him say. | Prepare to have your heart broken and put back together within less than 8 thousand words.

Loud Sounds by @runnning-outof-time >> Tommy Shelby x Reader ft. Daughter!Thea - Summary: Gif Request - Sneak Preview: “Mumma’s not going to be happy that you got your shoes and pants wet,” she pointed out in a warning tone, making Tommy realized that the lower half of his legs were now submerged in the pond. | K writes what I feel would have happened in an episode had Tommy had a PTSD episode while being a wonderful father to his daughter Thea.

Pen Pals by @little-diable & @zablife >> Tommy Shelby x fem!Reader - Summary: Tommy and the reader have been pen pals as teenagers, though ripped apart by the war. Now, as she is trapped in an abusive marriage, she finds Tommy's old letters again, and she can't help but wonder if he had made it home from war, and if so, could he be the helping hand she's desperate for? | I thoroughly enjoyed reading. I just about melted right where I sat.

Ruined by @areyenotfondofmelobster >> Arthur Shelby x Reader - Summary: Arthur wants to love you, your scars, and all you are. (my summary) | The is beautifully written, and as someone who has scars and is self-conscious, I would love to have Arthur love me like this.

This Storm Will Also Pass by @runnning-outof-time >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Tommy manages to calm down (Y/N) after he finds her hiding and riddled with anxiety during a late autumn thunderstorm. | K knows how to write a piece that could have occurred on the show. I'm not sure which is my favorite part, the ending or when he comes home to her.

SERIES:

A Different Sort of Man | Chapter 7 | Epilogue | by @evita-shelby >> Tommy Shelby x OFC!Eva Shelby - Summary: Or where Eva plays around with magic and Tommy wakes up in a universe where Grace is his wife while that universe's Tommy discovers just how different his life would have been if he pursued the pretty witch in 71 Watery Lane | What a perfect way to end the series with both Tommy and Thomas getting a happy ending, which they deserve. Very much enjoyed this series, and I think you will enjoy this read.

Family Ties | Chapter 17 by @peakyscillian >> Modern!Tommy Shelby x f!reader - Summary: The Shelby’s will do anything for family. | Such a beautiful way to end the series.

ONE-SHOTS:

soft morning sex with Frank? by @amhrosina >> Frank Castle x Reader - Reader sleeps in and wakes to Frank, and what follows is a pleasant morning together of soft morning sex. (my summary) | Love a sappy love-drunk Frank.

TED LASSO:

Begin Again Ch. 3 | Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 by @teds-mustache-wrangler >> Ted Lasso x OFC!Penny Fletcher - Summary: When Penny starts working at AFC Richmond as their new head photographer, she catches the eye of a certain mustached, happy-go-lucky, head coach of the team. But can their spark endure through the season’s pressures and the demons of their past? | I feel so lucky to get to read this story before everyone else does. Because I get to be so excited for you guys. Wren does such an amazing job forming relationships with her characters. You just can't help but to want more.

PEDRO PASCAL CHARACTERS:

DRABBLES:

Booby Trap by @zablife >> Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: Gif Request - Sneak Preview: "This is more than I bargained for," he said with a shake of his head. | I requested this from Lee, and she had me all smiles by the middle of it. It's a must-read Joel drabble that you don't want to miss.

ONE-SHOTS:

Breaking The Girl by @cinematicgf >> dom!Joel Miller x sub f!reader - Summary: as a casual photographer, you find the opportunity to go with your neglectful boyfriend to his hometown for the summer thrilling. Taking photos of his neighbors and friends whilst not blowing money on a huge vacation sounds perfect. A small job with his mum, neighborhood summer get-togethers, and weekend beach trips accompanied by your trusty camera, why not?! But when a certain charming Southern man, known as your boyfriend’s old boss, enters the mix, you can't take your lens off the fine older man, and he can't seem to take it off you either. | This piece was so scorching and enjoyable.

Editorial by @just-some-random-blogger >> Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: "Can I read your diary?" "No." "Please." "I said no." "Pretty please?" "Ellie." "P l e a s e?" "No." | You got your angst and fluff. It's too adorable for words.

Just Keep Breathing by @swiftispunk >> Javier Peña x f!reader - Summary: Javi finds it harder and harder to keep up with the more physical aspects of his job. Reader offers him some love and words of comfort. | It's so soft and fluffy. 🥹🥹

Let Me by @swiftispunk >> Javier Peña x f!reader - Summary: Reader is inexperienced, Javi helps you out. You know, like a gentleman. | Someone, please cool me down, stat.

Rare by @swiftispunk >> Joel Miller x f!reader - Summary: A rare find on a supply run leads to some new and unlikely experiences. | You guys are in for a treat with this one. It's all porn. I consider this Dom!Joel, and it's perfect. *chefs kiss*

Soaked by @joelscruff >> Javier Peña x f!reader - Summary: It's hard being an intern for a man who won't even look at you, but maybe there's something else to it that you don't see. | If people don't get soaked reading this, I don't even know.

Ultraviolence by @devilmademewriteit >> raider!joel miller x fem!afab!reader | Summary: Thank god—a handsome stranger saves you from the grips of a pack of cruel, cruel men. Unfortunately, said stranger, Joel Miller, is cut from the exact same cloth as the rest of them. | Sometimes you need some dark!Joel with filth in it, and this was it.

What I Need by @swiftispunk >> Joel Miller x fem!reader - Summary: Reader has a bad day. Joel gives you what you need. you know, uh, fuck it, Joel Miller knife play. | It's hot 🥵 and it's dirty. I love it! 🥰

SERIES:

Apothecary | Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | by @atinylittlepain >> Joel Miller x witchy!reader - Summary: Joel becomes curious about the woman running the medicine shop in Jackson and the strange rumors swirling around her. | I'm so excited to see where this goes. Witchy + Joel? Yes, please!

Fallacy: Reject Me, I Get It by @cherry-clafoutis >> Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: You're young, sick, and vulnerable after getting rid of your family with your own hands. Trying to survive in a broken world. When Joel Miller finds you, you swear he is your guardian angel. Falling in love with him was wrong but inevitable. | This series has everything you need in a reader insert for The Last of Us. Adventure, Action, Angst, Love, and Family. It’s just perfect. It was my binge of the day, and I’m glad that I did.

*In My Hometown | pt. i | pt. ii | @swiftispunk >> neighbour!dbf!Joel Miller x fem!afab!reader (+ platonic!Tommy and platonic!Sarah) - Summary: Tomorrow, you leave town for good. tonight, you cross the line with your neighbour, Joel. | This ripped my heart out, but like in a good way? It's the writing okay and the playlist that goes with it. Just oomph. It's a must-read.

Need To Know That I Want You by @joelscruff >> Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: Joel calls you his good girl for the first time. (Takes place after this) | This series continues to get hotter and hotter.

Night Walks by @toxicanonymity >> dark!creepy!Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: Joel, an older neighbor you've been walking with late at night, asks you into his basement to sell him weed but has other intentions. | Sometimes you just want some dark and creepy Joel, and @toxicanonymity does not let their readers down.

*September by @wheresarizona >> Joel Miller x f!reader - Summary: Joel Miller was the love of your life, your plans to spend the rest of your days with him derailed by the world ending. You got separated on the day of the Outbreak and never saw him again, not knowing if he survived until you find out the smuggler Marlene hired to bring an immune girl to your research hospital is none other than the man you thought you'd lost forever. | You will go through every possible emotion while reading this series. It's still in progress, and I love it so much.

TRIPLE FRONTIER:

BLURBS/DRABBLES:

A Better Person by @musings-of-a-rose >> Santiago Garcia x f!reader - Summary/Request: "You made me a better person." | The hopeless romantic in me was squealing. You're going to love it.

ONE-SHOTS:

Champagne Fulled Confessions by @violentdelightsandviolentends >> Will "Ironhead" Miller x Female Reader - Summary/Request: I have something to tell you and coming home drunk scenario. | I can never get enough of Will, but add Porn and I'm in heaven.

Save Tonight by @psychedelic-ink >> Santiago Garcia x f!reader x Frankie Morales - Summary: Frankie has a proposal for you that you're eager to accept. | This is very hot. 😅🔥🥵

MOODBOARDS:

Arthur's Angel, Everybody Eleses White Devil by @call-sign-shark

Arthur Shelby Modern AU by @call-sign-shark

John Shelby and Dangerous by @cillmequick

Tommy Shelby and Angel by @cillmequick

Tommy Shelby and Serene by @cillmequick

@swiftispunk - Hannah is a great writer getting you sucked into her various Javier Peña and Joel Miller works that she has written. Her current Joel Miller story, In My Hometown, comes with a playlist that helps you feel every bit of emotion she tries to relay through her writing, from the heartbreak to the angst. I highly suggest giving her masterlist a read-through and turning on her notifications.

@wheresarizona - Arizona writes for various Pedro Pascal characters, and through her works, she takes you to far-off destinations you never thought imaginable. I feel various emotions that keep me returning for more of her writing. When in need of a break from this reality, Arizona provides you one through her masterlist with various stories and one-shots. I suggest reading September, a Joel Miller series that is still ongoing, and Learned Something New, a Jack Daniels blurb that got me into Agent Whiskey. Whether in need of something long or short, Arizona has you covered.

#ted lasso #peaky blinders #pedro pascal #joel miller #midnightswithdearkatytspb #fanfiction recommendation #fanfiction rec list #tommy shelby x reader #2023 fic rec #ktk recommendation list #ktk rec '23 #moodboards #my recommendations #ted lasso x ofc #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #peaky blinders x reader #javier peña x reader #javier pena x reader #javi peña x reader #javi peña #joel miller x reader #dbf!joel miller #dbf!joel miller x reader #dougie poynter x ofc #frankie morales #frank castle x reader #will miller x reader #santiago garcia x reader

[justrainandcoffee]

This is just a what if... What if Rose was indeed reaped for the Hunger Games.

We know the ending but not how.

Tw:A N G S T. Not happy ending.

If Alfie was part of the 53th games, then Rose participated a year before when she was 17.

Her name was in the bowl a lot of times. Near 150 at that time. The odds weren't in her favour.

District 8, despite its grey buildings and streets it's a colorful place thanks to people who are always wearing vibrant colours. And that reaping day everyone could see girls and boys beautifully dressed despite the horrible event. And Rose wasn't the exception. She sewed that dress herself and she was proud of it.

After her name was selected, the silence after it was interrupted by a female scream. It was her mother and hugging her knees was her youngest son, also crying. Despite his age, 7, he understood very well what was happening. Her other brother, Samuel, was with the boys and the chance of being reaped as well. He was trying to calm himself because he was ready to kill them all. Anyone but his sister.

Her heart was pounding. She didn't understand at all that probably her days were numbered. Her mother, her brothers... Probably she'll never see them again. She wanted to cried, but she didn't. Her eyes were on Samuel and she shook her head. She knew him.. Samuel was very capable of volunteering just to be with her. But without Rose, her mother needed him.

The boy that was selected as well, wasn't her brother. Nor Samuel said the infamous phrase "I volunteer as tribute." She saw him walked away towards their mother who was still crying.

The minutes she had to say goodbye to her beloved family, were devastated. "You can win, Rosie" little Louis said. No I can't, she thought. But just nodded to him. More than once she said that she hated district 8. A city full of factories and bricks... But gladly she was ready to accept any offer to travel across those familiar streets again.

Her rebel soul was furious. She was nothing but a piece of meat for that people. Cheering, clapping, throwing flowers... She wanted to puke.

Her stylist was a disaster. Rose thought she could do it better herself, but of course she hadn't the option to speak. Just accept the rules.

Her mentor was focused on the boy because, of course, was physically stronger and more ready to face the Arena. What were the chances of a girl like her? None. She spent most of the time alone and studying the different strings, cords and ropes. And types of knives as well.

Her mind knew one thing: she wasn't a murderer. She couldn't do it. Never.

The Arena was a swamp. A dense fog covered the landscape, it was hot and humid full of mosquitoes and thin trees and pines. The bang started the chaos. All tributes started to run, Rose too. She was escaping, she wasn't interested in the backpacks yet, but she found one on her way, so she took it. She managed to hid inside a broken a tree and waited. She didn't know how many minutes passed since the beginning but it seemed a lot. She opened her backpack and found a dagger, cord and two apples. It could be worse.

She heard 10 cannons. That was the end of the bloodbath. And she did it better than those poor souls.

She spent the first night hidden there. Four more died before the gamemakers could show the faces of those who were dead. She spied the sky. District 5, 7, 9 and 11 lost all their tributes. The rest were part of different districts, including 8. Her mentor's favourite was dead. And she wasn't.

Her last thought of the night was that she wasn't the first to die.

And she had a plan.

The next two days four more died. District 1 lost its boy and 4 lost its girl thanks to a poisonous gas near the cornucopia. Just where the water was. The other two were killed by the careers.

And because of her traps.

It was relatively easy. She worked with different types of fabrics for a lot of years and ropes were just another one. She was very skilled tying knots. The constant fog helped her to not be seen the others were focused on killing those stronger than her.

She hid snare traps across the Arena. Two of them trapped two tributes that ended hanging heads down and they couldn't escape. The more they tried, the more tightened the knot was. Easy target for those ready to kill.

Only five remained. Both from district 2, the girl from 1, the boy from 6 and Rose.

It was late in the night when she heard something. Like a growl. She was hidden preparing another set of traps (several were around the Arena) but dropped everything to heard. Along with the growl, she heard a boy screaming. It was a horrific scream.

Crocodiles were getting out of the water. But they weren't normal, they were mutts. Their sharpened teeth were bigger than the ones you could see in a normal animal. And they were quicker. Rose had a second to see how one of them attacked and killed the girl from district 2 like she was nothing but a piece of paper. The image was grotesque.

"Run!" the voice in her head screamed and she listened to it. A cannon in the distance announced the death of that poor girl.

The mutts were guiding them to the poisonous gases. Only four... Boom! Three now.

The last three tributes from 1, 6 or 8. And only one victor.

The crocodiles mutts disappeared as soon as the three of them were near the cornucopia. The gases were around them, mixed with the eternal fog. That place she avoided so well for almost five days. The three of them were coughing. The difference was the height.

She was closer to the ground. Every time she inhaled air, the poison get into her lungs as well. She fell on her knees and then lied on the mud.

At least no one killed her. At least her mother and little brothers didn't have to witness that. It was like she was sleeping.

She closed her eyes.

Alfie won the following games but he never met her, of course. No one was waiting for him year after year and his life was just a circle: tributes dying and him losing his soul in the process. The revolution didn't work and thousands died. Not him, because apparently he couldn't die but his friends did. The games continue and harder than before. The new rules said that the kids could be reaped at the age of 10.

After Snow died, a new one took his place. Because there's always a new one.

The survivors eventually died, too. Even Alfie. After decades and decades of being mentor, with very few victors and a lot of remorse.

_

Taglist @call-sign-shark @emotionalcadaver @evita-shelby @peakyswritings

#my oc #rose coldwell #hunger games au #what if... #moodboard #district 8

[unohanabbygirl]

This is how I imagine Jace and Cregan seeing each other again for the first time, everything moves slowly, and then the memories flood back in and bam! FMN AU or maybe canon in the original 😏….part 2 FMN continuation 😏 jk though only if that’s in the works for you, you’ve got enough stacked on your plate.

Jace and Cregan reunion would be even more emotional than many others seeing as their love never even had the chance to fully flourish the way it should’ve before Jace died. Meeting again would he like coming home in the most beautiful yet heartbreaking of ways. Cregan broken down in tears, repeating over and over again that he kept his promise to protect Aegon as Jace strokes his cheeks, whispering that he knows and never once doubted that he would. Their story is too beautifully tragic to not dive into further detail.

I have so much more planned for the FMN verse! It’ll probably end up having 7 or more works so a continuation that focuses on another couples story is very likely. Especially since Jacegan is more than likely gonna blow up in season 2

#asks

[cosmereplay]

Stormlight Pride fanfic recs - Mature/Explicit Edition

(Looking for the General/Teen rated version? Click here!)

Happy Pride month! Here are some Stormlight fanfic recs, and this one’s the Mature and Explicit edition! Looking for the General and Teen recs? They’re here. Starting with KalMoash and ace!Kaladin fics because they were requested!

Let’s start with a steamy KalMoash: Fanfic#1 Day#1 by GhostKey Rated Mature, 200 words, WoR era

And to balance it out, a dark KalMoash, beware tags for dubcon, suicidal thoughts. Nothing Loving by Anonymous Rated Explicit, 2000 words, RoW spoilers Moash is broken, and in a desperate moment, he looks back on his connection and history with Kaladin. (This is also the prequel to a very good Kal/Adoliln fic)

Sexuality is complicated, and so is Kal. Choose your own adventure for him, including aroace, sex positive ace, demisexual, and bisexual options as he figures out what to do with bi Shallan and Adolin! The Call to Adventure by cosmere_play Various ratings based on choices, all choices are warned for ahead of time. Each storyline is about 7-10,000 words. Modern Canada AU.

Gotta get Raboniel/Navani in the mix! Research by BlindRadiant Rated Mature, 2000 words Ace Raboniel decides to do some “research” on bi Navani

Love me a bi acespec Jasnah: when you don't have to think about it (love me at the ungodly hour) by gaybrial Rated Explicit, 4000 words, canon divergent but maybe I’ll say RoW era why not just in case Established Shallan/Jasnah relationship. Jasnah makes a suggestion to appease Shallan’s urges.

Showing some trans (self)love: A Strapping Young Man by whoreship Rated Explicit, 5000 words, modern Roshar AU Renarin is a trans man trying to figure himself out, with the help of Fuckform Rlain’s signature sex toy line.

And some more difficult trans experiences too: An Edgedancer's Tale by Susanoko Rated Mature for violence, self-harm and thoughts of suicide; 22,000 words. A beautifully-written original character goes through a bonding and a healing when it’s still not safe to transition.

Have a night of orgies: A Wild Night by notsafeforkaladin Rated Explicit for rough sex, getting drugged, dubious consent; 7000 words. Adolin accidentally gets dosed with something that makes him insatiably horny, and he needs whoever’s nearby to help him out.

You think one night is good? How about years of them: Old Friends by rarepairs_only Rated Explicit, 18,000 words. Set in the conquest era with a focus on Dalinar/Sadeas but also includes other partners and loves and losses.

And a kinky time for our blessed kinksters: Cherry by SlutweaverElhokar Rated Explicit, 2000 words. Humiliation kink, losing virginity, cuckholding, bondage, tentacle sex, gangbang, dubious consent… What can I say, it’s a story about Elhokar. Part of last year's Planterlanche.

I couldn’t get to all the gender stuff I wanted to post, so here’s a list of favourites. If you're interested in a rarepair, kink, or theme, check out the Stormlight kink meme on Dreamwidth (you can post anonymously!) and/or send me a message and I'll see if I can find a fic that meets your criteria. I'm always down to hype some Stormlight fic!

#stormlight fanfic #my fanfic #not my fic #stormlight kink meme #happy pride month #fanfic friday #fanfic friday thursday lol

[headlineawards]

2023 Headline Award Winner Giles Fanfic

Fanfiction Awards Giles

Watcher Watchers Award  [Best Gen Fic]

​Winner - humble abode by ifonlyiwaswittier “There is a wealth of fanfiction that delves into the dynamic of Giles and Buffy's relationship in later seasons, but it's rare that a writer tackles their season 1 relationship. This fic does exactly that, and it is an absolute gem. Giles is flabbergasted by how to handle the teenage charge that has been dropped into his life, and Buffy for her part also seems unsure how to interact with this not-quite-father-figure who has been saddled with the responsibility of training her. The resulting study of both characters is beyond endearing. It speaks to the "accidental child acquisition" trope that so many fanfiction readers adore while executing the idea in a fresh and delightful way.”

​Runner-up - How Wars Are Won by TheScholarlyStrumpet

“Canon doesn't do season 7 Giles any favors, especially with his choice to betray Spike. This story gives us deep and believable insight into his state of mind during that infamous scene and allows us to see that he was truly doing what he thought was best for Buffy. The relationship between Slayer and Watcher that has grown tense over the years is expertly represented here in a way that makes the reader's heart ache for both of them and the circumstances that have brought them here.” Twosome of Cuteness Award  [Best Romance]

​Winner - Connected by RoselynnThornwood

“In the aftermath of Eyghon, we start with Giles’ heartbroken and contemplating the rift in his and Jenny's relationship. When they end up in the same place at the same time, we get to witness their reconciliation as Jenny teaches Giles how everything is connected through magic. Beautifully written, you can feel the desire that Jenny and Giles have for each other despite all that they've recently been through.”

Runner-up - (What’s a little pain) between friends by Melacka

“It’s fun to see these two oddly comfortable with each other in a morning-after scenario, considering their past. Ethan steps into an unusually domestic role to make them breakfast and it’s lovely seeing Giles let his guard down to enjoy the situation for what it is. Ethan has several charming, smarmy lines in this that won us over. The story has a healthy serving of flirtation and teasing between the two and we loved seeing the softer side of Giles and Ethan combined with the edginess from their canon relationship.” Good Squirm Award  [Best Smut]

Winner - biological necessity by The_Eclectic_Bookworm

“A wonderfully written piece, watching Giles fall apart as he tries to fight the demon venom and the desires it caused. The tension builds until it erupts into a purely raw moment between Giles and Jenny as they figure out that they both have feelings for each other even without the influence of the venom.”

Runner-up - La Petite Mort by Ilovehowyouletmefall “A rollercoaster of a story, starting with Jenny and Giles fighting for their lives with Angel, neither willing to leave without the other. The adrenaline culminates in a truly intimate moment, reminding themselves that they are alive and they are together. You can feel both their tension and their relief as they recover from their nightmarish night.”

Dark Age Award  [Best Dark]

Winner - Nattens Stillhet by Nooty

“The language in this story definitely evokes the spiraling, inescapable feeling of deep depression and obsessive regret. We see the typically logical, practical Giles who only cares about the needs of others irrevocably cracking and falling away in his weakest moments, leaving a bitter, broken man at the end of his rope. When Giles loses control alone, harming himself and desperate for his life to be over (if it can’t be different) in a way we rarely if ever see in the show, it’s devastating to read and will stick with the reader for a long time.”

Runner-up - Gone by Witchee_writer

“It’s wistful and tragic seeing Ethan magically projecting himself and Rupert into the space they once shared together to see him one last time. The decades of problems between them are put aside for Ethan’s dying moments, where almost no one will know his heroic last acts. The author ensured we can feel the love Ethan has for Rupert under the antagonism he’s always displayed. Afterward, we see Giles’ love in return as he goes through denial and carries on as normal through his shock and grief, which felt true to how the character would act, putting aside his own feelings to focus on Buffy and the mission. This story functions well as part of the comics-universe canon or can be read as a post-show standalone.”

The You Were the One I Loved Award (Fan Favorite Giles Story)

Winner - What You Make by The_Eclectic_Bookworm 

Runner-up - Going to Bed by The_Eclectic_Bookworm

Thank the to thenewbuzzwuzz for making our award banners!

#anthony head #headline winners

[h0n3yk1tt3n]

7 8 10

Ahhh the joys of reblogging multiple ask games with numbered questions within a day and not being able to tell which one is the current subject <3 (this just means you're getting the answers to six questions instead of three! Plus I'm bored and I don't mind lol)

7. Share a line or paragraph that you don't think will ever actually be posted in anything! (Or, if you don't hoard cut sentences and paragraphs like I do, share anything you want that has yet to see the light of day!)

Prefacing this by saying I know that Jake is implicitly an only child in canon. Counter argument, shut up /j oldest child syndrome made worse by absent parents. My defense:

Alana kept her voice as level as she could, despite her frustration. "Can you be an adult for just a couple minutes, please?"

A fist hit the table. "I've had to be the adult since I was thirteen!"

Alana startled at the harsh constriction in Jake's voice, his once casual and flippant demeanor turning so fast that it just about gave her whiplash.

A mirthless laugh choked Jake as he threw a hand out. "Criminal parents fucking off to who knows where all the time meant that someone needed to grow up! Someone needed to be responsible and make sure that the kids were happy and safe! And sometimes-"

His voice wavered, breath shaking as he looked off at the wall instead of at Alana.

"Maybe sometimes I just wanna be a kid. Get excited about Kiddie Land. Go down a Giant Slide. Just," he gave a hopeless shrug, "pretend things aren't so fucked up, at least for a little while. Long enough to not... burn out on being the adult, right when I really need to be."

—Tales From the Lagniappe

This is really rough atm but hopefully it gets the point across dbdjebdh

8. Is there a story idea that you would love if it could appear fully realized but that you do not think you'll ever write yourself?

Halo au would be fun. I say, as if I have a real Story in mind for it besides a couple scenes and Vibes lmao. I have so many Concept stories that I just never actually touch in any meaningful way, hell it's a miracle if I ever doodle anything for them.

10. If you could banish a single trope to live at the bottom of the ocean, never to be seen by any human eyes (or at least your own), which trope would that be?

The simple fact that I don't know by virtue of not reading super often goes to show that I don't feel strong negative emotions about any particular trope (and that im not adventurous lmao /hj.) Anything can be executed beautifully or terribly.

I once criticized coffee shop and adjacent aus for being nothing burgers by (generally, i can think of at least one exception) ending after character A gives B their number, but like? I don't have enough vitriol to cast such aus into the ocean lol, they can stay

7. A fic of yours you think is underrated?

Besides my 4 year old coping-with-quarantine project that spiraled into almost 330k words of length and became So Personal, probably Joyride. I blame its lack of attention on the fact that I just shat out a one-sentence summary and assumed that would be enough for those that had already read Weakness lol (hi becca)

8. What's the best summary you've come up with?

The fact that the L2C summary was so long that it wouldn't fit into ao3's character limit (but that it wasn't long enough/was too summarizey to be its own chapter or part of the prologue) and had to be broken into the summary and beginning notes goes to show how much I cared about making it Perfect™️ lol

10. Do you read your own fics for fun?

Not super often but yeah! Usually as a post-upload riding the high ya know? Swallow Up Your Heart of Gold actually keeps popping into my brain and I gotta get a hit of that sweet sweet hurt/comfort <3

In fact I would often reread rps that a friend and I did so get that same hit

I'm lonely and touch starved I bet you couldn't tell

#asks #mj says shit #writing #fanfic #left 2 chill #be more chill #dear evan hansen #jake dillinger #alana beck #the origin of me coming up with oldest kid jake was So Dumb and yet i got So Attached #if anyone wants to unlock that lore im down to share it

[daddysfangirls-marvel]

Scars (7)

Chapter 7: Rule one

Warnings: angst, cursing

Tony didn't say anything he just paced in front of her and repeatedly ran his hand through his hair and over his face. Alice sat at the edge of her bed, holding her teddy bear close. Her father was angry that much she could tell she knew better and stayed quiet, waiting for him to finish collecting his thoughts and calming himself. Finally, he stopped pacing and took a few deep breaths.

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? WERE YOU EVEN THINKING? NO. NO, YOU OBVIOUSLY WEREN'T BECAUSE IF YOU WERE WHAT HAPPENED WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED. ONE RULE ALICE ONE FUCKING RULE, AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN FOLLOW THAT" Tony was livid

Alice flinched hard and backed away until she was pressed against the headboard. Tony had never ever yelled at her before his voice had never raised in her presence. He had never been angry with her before. Tony turned his back towards her and took a few deep breaths "don't leave this room" and then he left slamming the door behind him. And then her tears began.

Alice laid down curled up with a teddy bear buried in her chest she cried and cried she choked on her cries as she tried to silence herself it pained her throat but she tried to keep herself silence. As she always did

"Ms. Stark are you alright?" Jarvis asked, such a caring machine, "Jarvis ?"

"Yes?"

"c-could you play me a s-song... Classic p-please"

"Of course, ma'am".

Alice let out a shaky sigh as the music filled her room. Silence by Beethoven. Jarvis took it upon himself to turn off the lights and open the blinds. The city lights below lit her room so beautifully in the dark. Alice took tonight to really admire and appreciated it.

"Thank you, Jarvis"

"Anything you wish Miss"

-

Tony stomped his way to the bar and pulled out the strongest thing he could find, it was something Russian and aged. "yo what's wrong with you?" Clint said, watching Tony pour himself a strong glass "I thought you weren't drinking around - woah" After pouring a glass, Tony brought the bottle to his lips and chugged it once finished with the bottle, Tony threw back the glass.

"dude"

Tony ignored him "Jarvis set up a flight for Alice she's going back"

"Sir, I don't think-"

"you're a computer you don't think YOU DO" Tony shouted the lost part as he stumbled into the elevator Clint followed. "Tony, what happened?"

"I gave her rules. They were simple easy to follow, but she couldn't even follow them. So she's going back."

If she had broken any other rule she would have been scolded and done with. But she had to break the rule he didn't want her to break the one rule he couldn't let her break and get away with.

"what rule did she break, come on, it can't be that bad?" Clint said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He didn't want Alice to leave. He had grown fond of her like the rest of the team. But he was also concerned for her well-being. Going back into isolation would not be good for her.

"don't act like you don't know. You were when she broke it "

"wha-"

"SHE CAN'T USE HER POWERS. She can't use her powers. She's not allowed. That was the number one rule. Number one. And she broke it so she's got to go"

"Tony"

"Nope, no, don't" Tony stumbled out of the elevator to find himself in the lab where everyone else was. He groaned and turned around, trying to leave. But the elevator closed and wouldn't open one name came to mind. Jarvis.

"Tony, what's going on?" Steve asked but Clint answered for him "he's sending Alice away because she used her powers."

In that moment the whole room was silenced you could hear a pin drop in the next you couldn't even hear your own thoughts. Everyone was arguing Tony couldn't take it anymore.

"SHE IS MY DAUGHTER... I do what I want with her. I know what's best for her." Tony said, a few tears slipped down his cheek.

"taking her away isn't best for her. Have you seen her medical observations" Bruce pulled a graph on the screen it was zig-zag but going down but towards the end, it went up "Tony, your daughter is depressed, she's mentally ill. These high points are when you visit, but every time you leave, they drop lower than before. Before she came here, Alice passed the line, and if she had seen a Therapist, they would have medicated her. Heavily. Since she's been here, she's been doing better little by little," Bruce flipped through the screen "See, locking her up isn't healthy if anything, it's damaging her mentally and emotionally."

"Thought you weren't that kind of doctor" Tony mumbled

"I don't need to be a therapist to see this. Just have to have some experience and I have more than enough experience." Tony wiped his face and sighed.

He never looked at her charts. He knew there was something wrong but never thought it was this bad. He knew she was a bit ill but he didn't know to what extent. His paranoia and protectiveness was literally damaging her health. He started to think of all the bad signs he saw but ignored them.

Touch. She shied away from touching any and everyone the only person she really touched was her father but after a while that two become uncomfortable. Talk. She didn't talk a lot she only spoke when spoken to even then her response was short and she never talked above a whisper. Crowds. The Avengers wouldn't consider themselves a crowd, but if there were more than three together, Alice always tried to hide in corners or leave too many people always made her uncomfortable. Loud sounds. Alice spent years alone in a very quiet place which lead to very sensitive hearing she avoids any and every situation involving loud sounds. Anxiety. Any and all these situations brought her anxiety which left her more alone.

What had Tony done?

"She isn't to leave her room for the next two weeks. And to leave her floor ... ever"

No one said anything. Tony was on edge and they were going to push him to do something to case more harm. This was the best they were going to get for now they couldn't complain.

"Jarvis cancel the flight"

"never booked it, sir" Tony chuckled

"one of these days I'm going to turn you off and not turn you back on"

"That would be unfortunate"

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Material List

Permanent

@lovely-lollipops-blog @totallyweirdsam @sexysamsungl @lilylovelyxo @iamwarrenspeace @geeksareunique @that-random-emu  @supreme-leader-jazlo-ren @stone2576 @lil-dino-trash @metal-armed-dino @dylanobrienmoviekid @theshortegg @dontevenblink-badwolf-tardis @mandylove1000  @isnotashtonstan @broitsmydick @onceaballeralwaysaballer1213 @mypage-myfandoms @jordynhartley2001 @midnightdream83 @cookies186 @i-am-marvel-trash-forever @marvels-queen-bee @aebeessun @gabriels-gumdrop @the-best-alchemist @smile-my-bean @valeriae2903 @cassiopeia-barrow @uberduber-loulou @spideyboiiiiiii @lookinsidemyhead @actors-hot @lokilvrr @5aftermidnightdaily-blog @captainamerica-is-bae

@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

MCU

@acupofhotlatte @actors-hot @drakesfiance @sambucky8

@purplekitten30 @goneghost123 @quietgeekygirl

#fanfiction #avengers #avengers fanfiction #scars #scars series #Scars7 #tony stark daughter #Alice Stark #fanfic

[rinadragomir]

Poor book fan reacts to IWTV episode 1 🧛

Timeline in question. Daniel is an old man he always feared to be AND without his Armand🥺 and it's their 2 interview cause?... I don't understand, why you had to fix something that wasn't broken in the first place?

1910😒

God bless Jacob Anderson

Obsessively religious Paul check ✅

RIP Lestat's silky hair, you were forgotten by the showrunners, but never by me 🪦

Miss Lily who?

I must say all the actors do a good job but Sam Reid's acting is just on another level, he understood his character so well that it creates a problem. Every time he's not on the screen I'm getting bored. So far, he's the most charismatic character in this show. (I chose to ignore the hair yes ;-;)

"He's not white he's French" Louis—

Louis family at dinner was like

Lots of people say they made Louis less sophisticated and more rough without a reason. I would say that's pretty canon Louis but they made him more...resolute? That's not a bad change ONLY if in the future Louis doesn't accuse Lestat of manipulating him. Cause book Louis was kinda suggestible and show Louis makes all his choices consciously.

And if you read books you know that LOUIS HAD SOME ANGER ISSUES when it came to Lestat so it's canon. I'm just upset he doesn't suffer enough, HE SHOULD SUFFER EVERY SECOND OF HIS LIFE it's his thing🤌🏻

"The Earth's a savage garden" NO YOU DUMB WHORE U WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY "Beauty was a Savage Garden" or "The mind of each man is a Savage Garden" YOU CHEAP COPYCAT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

I'm sorry I can't control it🙇🏼‍♀️

Sex scene was interesting. Everyone's talking about flying gays but I wanna talk about how Louis was eating Lily out and she just fell asleep. I know Lestat made her do it but if I were Louis I would cry😦

Why does Louis react so casually to all Lestat's vampire shit? He's just like 🤷🏾"he's French" it's funny and all but why tho?

Paul's death was HILARIOUS 😭✋WHY DID THEY MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THIS my roommate laughed for like 3 minutes straight

Family blaming Louis check ✅

Thank God Lestat's back I was dying here. No wonder he's the main character in most books

Oh the final is honestly the best part of this episode. Lestat goes mad and violent so beautifully 😍 my little meow meow

Louis voice-over fucked up that scene. Like I'm not this stupid, I can understand what he's thinking right now without you explaining it to me thanks showrunners

My blood kink feels seen and appreciated 🥰

In conclusion: 7/10 - worth watching

Pros: Lestat's acting, Louis/ Lestat chemistry

Cons: old Daniel without his Armand; interview scenes (voice-over) pop up when we, as an audience, don't actually need them; not enough Lestat/Louis scenes where we could see their connection. It's a tv show, not a podcast, I don't wanna listen to what great moments they shared together, I WANNA ACTUALLY SEE IT OKAY? Like Louis was sitting in the car counting money with a satisfied smile bit the voice-over says he felt terrible 🥺 like WHERE

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #lestat de lioncourt #the vampire chronicles #louis du pointe du lac

[phoenixlionme]

Thank You, Dana Terrace and the TOH Cast and Crew for “The Owl House”

1. For being an original story - For so many reboots, remakes, and sequels (many of them blatant cash grabs), you were a breath of fresh of air.

2. For the animation - Enough said. You had GREAT animated sequences. And you used it effectively.

3. For the characters - All of them complex, dynamic, and well-rounded. Each one getting a moment to shine. And the character development of many of them was well-handled. And the character designs were great as well.

4. For making actual strong female characters - Tying into the above, the female characters of the story were each given depth and flaws just as much as their male counterparts. And they were interesting because of that! You made them strong not by having them win ALL  the time; but by making them vulnerable, relatable, and struggling...and then overcoming it. And not being afraid to ask for help or learning that doing that wasn’t weakness. And when they messed up, they were properly called out.

5. For the casual representation - Either through LGBT, racial, disability, gender, etc. You (not Disney execs, and I still say fuck them). You weren’t afraid or deterred. And you didn’t make it their whole personality. Yes, it’s a part of them but not all of them.

6. For the lessons - Value in friendship/family, choosing your own path, fighting unfair systems, unlearning toxic attitudes, apologizing for wrongdoing, gaining loved one not through changing yourself or by force but by simply being yourself; things won’t just come to you, you have to work on it; while there are people worth befriending there are some who won’t change their cruel ways and you shouldn’t bother with them; forgiving yourself for your mistakes; finding something that you are truly passionate about, not something you were forced to like. I can go on and on.

7. For the three specials - You were screwed over by Disney (again, fuck them) and yet you were able to make it work. You managed to give a great and widely acclaimed ending despite the unfairness. And while you couldn’t do all the subplots you wanted, that’s not you fault (again, fuck Disney). And even you pulled it off beautifully.

8. For the music - Just that. You had great music

9. For the humor - I can’t keep track of the MANY funny moments from the show I loved.

10. For the worldbuilding - Consistent. A simple magic system. All of it was good.

11. For the maturity- You didn’t coddle your audience. You respected them. You managed to tell a story dealing with numerous and heavy themes without being edgelord dark. And no matter what some idiot exec or hypocritical parent said, the fact that you didn’t dumb it down, makes it even more memorable.

12. For avoiding these tropes - The Chosen One, the disabled get rid of their disability, the MC turns out to be secretly from royal whatever, the bad guy gets a sob story that magically excuses their behavior, the magic system is broken despite clearly stating the rules at the start, etc. Now while I don’t have a problem with SOME of these tropes (that being The Chosen One, MC secretly from royalty), you avoiding them made TOH more interesting and subversive.

And just thank you in general for you hard work, sacrifice, love of the show, and putting up with bullshit from Disney and homophobic “fans”. I truly hope you and the crew do something else you love in the near future.

#disney #toh #dana terrace #list of reasons to watch #my posts #disney critical #fandom critical #renew #mymedia #media analysis

[sparkiekong]

Running with the Tide 7/7

“Mama Kevari sat on the beach; her vision, usually akin to blurry blobs, marveled as her sight suddenly became clear. She believed that the spirits had meant for her to see this with clarity. That this one instance, was to be marked forever on the tapestry of Fate. She marveled as Morrigan’s body floated above the ground and her body began to glow as brilliant as a bioluminescent creature from the deep oceans. Then her eyes strayed downward towards the ground where a spirit appeared and began mimicking Morrigan’s movements. Mama Kevari could see the power transferring from Amphitrite to Morrigan as something akin to thin ice formed in a bubble around Sulani.”

The narrator replied, “While Mama Kevari was witness to all these things. Morrigan was nearly overwhelmed by the amount of power she could feel in the water, in the air, and the very minute particles of electricity in the clouds. She could feel all of it! She felt the currents, the very heat from the impact miles away. She could feel the whole of the waters and they were hers and she knew what to do. She reached out and made a giant hand in the waters and as she moved her hands the giant water formed hand moved in kind.

“Morrigan pushed her arms forward, moving it forward with such a force that the tidal wave nearly split in half, like the biblical stories of old, the wave was parted. The wave now broken; the two halves turn in the direction of their new course set by the hand. The two sections swirl with so much force that the action nearly canceled the whole event out. With that last rush of power, Morrigan collapsed onto the ground in a heap. Rain began to pour from the sky and the seas returned to normal, albeit a bit angrier than they were before the impact. Whatever Morrigan had done, had conjured a storm instead. It was better than the alternative, she thought. Sulani could always weather a storm.”

---

“The boy be doing his part perfectly and you be doing your part beautifully as well! Praise be, my Paragon. It be a beautiful remarkable sight, that power ya be having. That grandmother be proud of you, surely. Ya be saving that sister of yours and the whole world!” Mama Kevari smiled wide at her. Morrigan was too exhausted, the sounds of the rain and ocean had grown too loud to really hear what she said.

Mama Kevari looked from the girl to the spirit that had sat down next to her. The two watched Morrigan who was sprawled out on the ground, panting and breathing heavily. Morrigan smiled weakly at her before passing out. She rarely spoke of the day, but she did once mention that she might have seen her grandmother beside Mama Kevari but dismissed that as something imagined from using the tremendous amount of force she used. Mama Kevari however knew exactly who was sitting beside her even as her eyes started to return to her regular blindness. The two shared silent words while Morrigan recovered, and the King returned.”

#ksu #tac #the axiom conclusion #the tomorrow men #crossover #helenofsimblr #sims 4 story #sims 4

[kitkatpancakestack]

2022 writing review

I know it's 2023 now but only, like, barely, so it still counts.

Tagged by @ttimbradford and @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels i love you both so MUCH MWAH! <3

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: LMAOO considering I didn't start posting fic until late 2021 like basically all of my fics were posted this (last) year so: 17

2. Word count posted for the year: 201,629 (for serious?!?!?)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 9-1-1

4. Pairings: buck/eddie, chimney & co., Hen & her Cake Guy

5. Story with the most: 

kudos: Despite it all, Because of it all - 1,511

bookmarks: Despite it all, Because of it all - 622

comment threads: Breathe - 202

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Wait for me there was the longest fic I've written and gave me the most anguish. I wanted to do a good job with the au aspect while also making the characters true to their voices, and the style of the fic was something new for me. It was so frigging challenging but I'm very happy with the way it turned out.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): I won't use the word "proud," because I'm proud of everything I have written in some capacity, but I guess the work I am least fond of would be Sit with me in the dark. It was pretty well-received but idk, it just never felt like I was able to produce the writing that I wanted for it.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Nothing specific, but Dev, I always deeply appreciate your reviews, so thoughtful and kind, ily

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: Right now! It is excruciating to get words on a page, and it's incredibly disheartening, so it is something I'm really going to try to work on and make time for in the new year

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Eddie's breakdown in How Beautifully We Fall. I was just sort of plodding along with the fic, and suddenly I was like, "Oh, I'm going to make this man have a whole entire nervous breakdown," and it's one of my favorite scenes I've written.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: umm how about:

This one is from the home inside my chest, my chimney-centric fic, one that is so very close to my heart:

“Everybody has a home inside their chest, and some people have a little one-story ranch house, while other people have sprawling mansions that are always under construction. Everybody you meet who becomes special to you gets a room, whether you move them in or not.” Hen looks at him, lips pulling up in a smile. “I think you need to move Kevin out of that box in your head and into the home in your chest.”

I was also very proud of this part in Hold on, Let go

It was fear.

Stripped down to its bare bones, it was fear. There wasn’t anything deep or insightful or poetic about it. Buck was scared and Eddie was scared and they were too broken to try and be scared together.

So—

The fear: that love exists in dark corners even if you don’t believe it should grow there,

The fear: that it finds you even if you don’t think you deserve it,

The fear: that love begins and ends and begins again and ends again,

The fear: that sometimes love isn’t enough,

The fear: that sometimes it is.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: Allowing myself to write what I want even if it's heavy and angsty, exploring different voices and stylistic choices.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I don't know! I guess we'll see. Hopefully it will involve writing and not just staring at an empty google doc :D

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc): oh man, all the support you guys give is so amazing and really drives me to be better and sit down to write. shoutout to @ttimbradford @eddiediass @hetrez @rewritetheending @yramesoruniverse and I know I'm missing some of y'all, but whether it was your supportive words, hashing out character points or plot ideas, or just being an ear, I have so appreciated you <3

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I am in everything I write

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: the best thing you can do is just sit down and start. Whether you're new to writing or in a slump or it's been a while. Be a writer and not an editor; allow yourself to just spill words on a page and forget about if they're the right words or in the correct order or if it sounds good. Just write. Write about anything. Write in any tense you want. Be goofy, be serious, be dramatic, be heavy. Just write.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I have a Lucy Chen-centric fic I'm working on! It's really gotten me back into writing. Hoping I'll be able to write some more buddie as well

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: It's late so i'll throw it to anyone who wants to participate! Please say I tagged you and go for it. Love ya'll, and thanks for the support <3

#fic things

[layanasstories]

Dearest readers,

It's been a while... like a long while. But I did find some inspiration to continue my story 'If not in this lifetime..'

I did delete the last part (part 7) to replace it with another. Which I believe is much better.

I will try to keep this newfound inspiration alive, somehow .. hahaha..

Anyway... Enjoy the renewed chapter 7! 💕

----

If not in this lifetime...

---

Taking changes is scary but there is something that should scare you far more than anything:

Missing out on something truly wonderful because you were scared.

- Katherine Matheson

---

Chapter 7

At the beginning of this year, the invitations were sent out. The ceremony is expected to take place in the fall of this year. The clothes were chosen not long after. Ruby is not the type for a long princess dress, she chose a trouser suit. The pants has very wide legs, and a strepless corset as the top. The belt of a somewhat darker shade separated the two pieces. The satin sheen contrasted so beautifully with the matte ivory white of the suit. Her beautiful copper-brown skin, like a windfall autumn leaf, completes the picture. Well actually, the picture was only completed by how much she beamed with happiness.

Emily, on the other hand, was the quintessential example of a princess. She opted for a long, wide dress with a train. The skirt was smooth silk, a little lace started just below the waist and continuing up to the off shoulder top with wide long sleeves, which was completely lace. Her dress was also in ivory white so they wouldn't stand out too much. Her milky white freckled skin and her red curls half up, made it look like she just walked out of a fairy tale book.

Today is their day, the day they get married. I think the nice thing about the two of them is that they always want to do everything a little differently than traditional. Like walking to the altar. No one was given away, no, they walked hand in hand down the aisle and threw flowers themselves. I was waiting at the altar with Alice, both of us had been asked to be maid of honour. Which made it easy for me to look around the small picturesque church where the ceremony took place. Panic gripped my heart when I saw Jake sitting between all of their friends and family.

---

Our first date was three months ago, in the park. Where we gave our first kiss. Although everything about him felt good and was right, it was also what scared me. Which made me distance myself after the date. I stopped responding quickly and often to his messages. And in the end I told him I didn't want to continue dating. I cried my eyes dry. How stupid could I be, to let go of someone so great. Only the fear that he would eventually leave too, that my heart would break, that I would be alone again, stopped me. I couldn't beat that fear. So better break it off now by myself then later by a broken heart. But who was I kidding.

Best of all, he didn't give up. He sent a good morning message every morning and a good night message every night. He never missed a day. He didn't run away as I had expected, he was always there. Even if I only responded sometimes, or told him to stop. Not that I wanted him to stop, but pushing him away was what I did. He respected the distance, only he refused to cut the line. No matter how hard I kicked, he stood his ground and didn't move an inch.

---

Alice had also found someone who was perfect for her. And when she introduced him to us, I was surprised. She had walked into the cafe on a Saturday night, with a big guy, long hair, beard and a big playful smile on his face. She introduced him as Daniel, but we had to call him Dan. "It's a small world" Dan and I had said to each other halfway through the evening. And now Jake and Dan sit side by side, both dressed up, ready for the ceremony to start.

I poke Alice in the side and whisper "What the hell is he doing here?". She glances at me briefly and then looks back at the approaching bridal couple. "Daniel insisted the he would come along, let's worry about that later okay?". I hummed in agreement, she was right, now is not the time to worry. Although the tightness in my chest didn't completely disappear, I turned my attention to the lovebirds whom about to get married.

---

The ceremony was beautiful, the pastor's talk was funny and was mainly about the love between the two. After the yes and the kiss, there was a round of applause. The newly married couple would now go for a photo shoot, which would take about an hour and a half. Then dinner and after that the party would start. They had arranged for a bar to open for guests who had to wait for dinner.

And there I am now looking around at the group of people in the restaurant with a drink in my hand. I know them all, especially the families. And despite the fact that they are all equally loving, I have just that little bit more connection with Ruby's family. Her mother took me in as her own daughter after my parents passed away. I was fifteen and lost, but Ruby's mother immediately got up and took me under her wing. I owe a lot to her, probably even the fact I am still alive.

Of course I already had seen Jake standing on the other side of the room, next to Dan and Alice. Totally relaxed and at ease, talking to Ruby's mom and Emily's dad. I stared at him, the feeling of regret giving way to the fear I felt. He was always attentive, patient and still in my life, well sort of in my life. He hadn't run away, he hadn't given up. Who was I kidding? Myself, I know the answer. Only it's so scary to give in and let my walls fall to let him in completely.

Deep in thought, I am startled when Dan next to me says something. "Are you going to thank me or what?" he looks at me with a smug smile. "For what?" I ask him sincerely not knowing what he meant. "For bringing your loverboy!" he winks. "Yes, thank you very much!" I say as sarcastically as I can. "Come on! We all know you two belong together, only you don't see it yet." he didn't sound cynical or accusatory, he was sincere. "But what if he gets tired of me later, or finds someone else he likes more." I couldn't even finish my sentence because he interrupted me. "What if he doesn't. What if he stays with you forever and you will never experience that because you listen too much to your fear. Fear is a very bad counselor. But oh what do I know." he shrugs, rubs my arm briefly and walks away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

---

I fought all the alarm bells and the voice in my head that said 'turn around!' as I made my way to Jake. He was standing with his back to me, but turned around slowly when I get close enough. "Hey" I say nervously to him. "Hey" he greets back and waits. I hadn't even noticed from all the tension how damn good he looked in his suit. A three-piece dark blue suit, with a white shirt but without a tie and the top two buttons unbuttoned. The steely white sneakers underneath made it a bit casual, but it was a perfect match. It looked like the whole suit was made for his body. His hair had just been cut and a week or two-old stubble was neatly groomed. Goddamn this man was divine.

"You look beautiful" are his next words. "Thank you" I answer him, and can beat myself in the head. My entire thought stream and plan of what I was going to say disappeared in a heartbeat. I shut down completely. Without saying a word, I turn and walk away, toward the door to the restaurant patio. As calm as I can be because I don't want to disturb anything of this day. Trembling with nerves, I close my eyes and take a deep breath of fresh air. "Still running away I see?" I hear Jake say behind me, with a respectful distance between us. "No, I just wanted to get some fresh air." I am disgusted by own my weak lie. He's absolutely right, I did run away. "Don't lie to me. Until now you've always been honest, don't start lying now. It doesn't suit you." the disappointment dripped from his words. "I am sorry, you're right. Yes, I'm running away. I'm scared." I didn't dare look at him. "It's okay to be scared. I'd just like it if you told me what for." his voice is soft, not coercive or pleading. He is genuinely curious. A deep sigh escaped "Afraid that if I let you come close, you'll eventually leave me and I'll be left behind broken and alone again.".

He puts his hands in his pockets and sighs too, the silence that fell did not last long. "I get that, I really do. I'm scared too, of the same things you are. I'm just more scared that if I don't give us a chance, I'll miss out on something wonderful. That's why I try not to run away despite that my head is screaming at me that maybe you'll hurt me and leave me.". I was startled by his answer. Which makes me react without thinking "Why would I hurt you? I don't want to hurt you, ever." I stop talking abruptly because the realization hits me like a sledgehammer blow. "Oh god. I've already done that, have I?" I can feel my eyes start to get teary. He narrowed the space between us with one step "No, you haven't. Chin up, we'll figure it out okay. For now let's focus on this great day and leave things as they are. Tomorrow we can figure it out.". He was right, again. With one last deep sigh my nerves subsided for the most part and to my own surprise I threw my arms around him in a hug.

#duskwood #duskwood everbyte #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood game #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood jake x player #iamjake #duskwood fanfiction