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#be okay knowing that bucky was being tortured and brainwashed by hydra
onceuponastory · 10 months
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if you believe in me - the winter soldier x reader
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Part 2 of my Ghost Story AU - Read the previous part here.
Plot: Y/N and Bucky flee her grandma’s house, and with the help of Steve and Sam, soon make it back to Avengers HQ, to safety. And there, Y/N learns the truth. Pairing: The Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: Mentions of death, violence/abuse, trauma, blood, pain, torture, brainwashing, weapons, and everything Bucky did as the Winter Soldier, and had done to him by HYDRA. Please use your own discretion. As always if I miss any triggers, let me know. Notes: This is the very requested part two to my fic Ghost Story, so please read that first if you haven’t already. Thank you for loving this story so much and for wanting to see more! Not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.
“Ready?” Bucky smiles. And without even thinking about it, Y/N nods. Even though they've only known each other for about a week, she’d follow him anywhere. 
“Okay. We’ll get the jet sorted. Wheels up in less than two hours. We’ll be back at HQ by tomorrow morning.” Sam explains. And then, Y/N and Bucky are alone again.
“How are you feeling about all this?” She asks, and Bucky raises a brow.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You’re the one who’s had your whole life upended for the second time already. Sorry about that, by the way.” Y/N shrugs.
“Bucky.” She soothes. “You don’t have to be sorry. I understand why you did it. You were terrified of going back to HYDRA and thought I posed a threat. You were just trying to protect yourself.” Bucky nods. But he still feels awful about scaring her so badly, and making her think for even a second that her life was in jeopardy. At least now he knows that Y/N could never hurt him. Honestly, he doesn’t think she has an evil bone in her body. Not like him, with all the blood he has on his hands. No matter how much he tries to repent, that blood will still be there. He’s always going to be the Winter Soldier. A murderer. “Well, your life has completely changed in less than an hour. You’re going home with your friends who love and care about you. It’s probably a lot to take in.” Y/N continues. And she’s right. Honestly, Bucky feels like he just got his old life back, handed to him on a silver platter. Or at least, he’s on the steps to it. “I’m glad you’ve got it back, Bucky.” She’s so kind. Even when he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Honestly, he’s not quite ready to live this new life yet. At least, not without Y/N. She’s a big part of his life now, too. 
Yet, he notices that there’s something troubling her.
“Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing.” He can tell that she doesn’t want to take away from his happy moment with his friends by talking about her problems. But Bucky wants her to know how incredibly grateful he is to her, and that she means a lot to him. And that includes her feelings and her worries. 
He doesn’t know what angel was looking down on him the day he found Y/N’s grandmother’s house, but he’s so glad that they were. After all, if it wasn’t for Y/N, he wouldn’t have his life back. She saved his life.
“Y/N. It’s okay. Just tell me the truth. We’ve been through a lot already, remember?” He points out, and Y/N chuckles. Some may find it strange that they’re laughing about everything they’ve been through, but he already feels close enough to her to do so. And that’s why he’s even more glad that she’s coming with them.
“I just.” She sighs, still clearly unwilling to admit her feelings. Yet, when Bucky prompts her further, she explains. “I feel weird about leaving all my grandmother’s stuff here. It’s the main reason I came here after all. What if you’re right, and HYDRA comes looking for us? I don’t want it being destroyed. That's all I have left of her.” Bucky nods. He understands her worries, of course. If there was anything that reminded him of his past, he’d want to keep it safe too. He just wishes there was something to remind him of his old life, when he was still Bucky Barnes, not the Winter Soldier. But since he can’t do that, the least he can do is help Y/N keep her grandmother’s memory alive.
“Well, how about you bring a few things with you, and I’ll help you put some stuff away and hide it? And once this is all done, I promise that we’ll come back and get her stuff. Whatever you want, and whatever you need. Just us two.” Y/N nods, smiling softly. Although that’s all she wants, she knows that Bucky’s just trying to keep her morale up. Honestly, she’s not holding out much hope for her grandmother’s things if HYDRA does come knocking, whether they’re hidden or not. Ideally, she’d stay here, keeping them safe whilst trying to live as normal a life as possible. She knows there’s no way Bucky can promise something like that.
Yet, she appreciates Bucky’s effort to cheer her up all the same. Because she knows the alternative is much worse than what he’s proposing. And besides, she knows that when it comes down to it, her life is worth more than some photographs. And of course, her grandma would’ve wanted her to stay alive too. “Just us two.” Bucky’s voice echoes in her mind. Deep down, she hopes that will be their future. Her and Bucky, just like it was before.
“Okay.” She nods. “That sounds good.”
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Despite the cramped jet, Y/N is glad to be on the way to safety. Or at least, what she hopes is safety. During the ride, there is mostly silence with the occasional bit of small talk here and there. But Y/N is glad to be sitting in silence. Being in such close proximity to Captain America and the Falcon is making her heart race already, let alone the thought of making small talk with them. Y/N looks at the lights below as the sky darkens, once again realising how different her life has become since going through everything with Bucky. She’ll never be able to return to a normal life after this. Whatever ‘normal’ is now. What if HYDRA hunts them down for the rest of their lives? What if she can never go home again? …Wherever her home is now, that is.
But despite that, she’s glad that she and Bucky have been brought closer together. They’ve really made a connection, despite how they met. And at least she’s going through this new and unfamiliar experience with him. After all, she trusts him. 
Some time later, Bucky glances over, checking on Y/N. She’s asleep, softly snoring as her chest slowly rises and falls. He smiles, watching her for a little while. It reminds him of the night she took care of him, cleaned his wounds, and made him some food. That night was the night everything changed, and he started to see Y/N in a new light, as a carer rather than a danger to him. Maybe, Bucky thinks, he was wrong. When he said an angel was looking down on him when he found Y/N’s grandma’s house… maybe Y/N was the angel all along, sent to show him that there’s still good in the world after everything he went through.
The morning after, he had woken up feeling more refreshed than he ever had before. And then, he noticed Y/N fast asleep in the armchair beside him. Without even thinking about it, he had wrapped a blanket around her. Even thought it was a small gesture, it was the least he could do after all she had done for him. After that, he didn’t even focus on his mission, or make sure that HYDRA wasn’t tracking them. He just watched her. Making sure she was okay. She seemed so at peace, compared to the first time they met. As the sun rose and its golden glow shone on her face, Bucky registered his heart beating ever so slightly faster. And this time, it wasn’t because of fear. He’s started to get that feeling a lot more, he’s realised. At least, whenever Y/N is around.
But before he has time to dwell too much on that feeling, Steve interrupts with a “We’ll be there in about an hour.” Sighing, Bucky nods, and his stomach begins to churn. God knows what awaits him when they land, when he’s brought back in front of the Avengers after killing so many innocent civilians. Of course, Steve and Sam reassured him they would stand by him and explain that it wasn’t his fault, but Bucky knows it won’t make much difference. Controlled or not, he still did it. He looks back over at Y/N, still fast asleep and completely unaware of just how deep this goes… and all the violence that Bucky is capable of. 
Ideally, she’d never know, because Bucky doesn’t want Y/N to be afraid ever again, especially not of him. He doesn’t want to lose her, either. She’s done so much good for him, more than he could ever deserve, and he’ll protect her from everything bad in the world.
Even him.
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Avengers HQ, Y/N soon learns, is a lot bigger than she expected. As soon as they arrive, someone takes Steve and Sam away for questioning. And with that, she's also reminded of just how unimportant she is compared to her companions. An innocent civilian who had her life turned upside down overnight, someone who doesn’t fit in this life full of superheroes and secret agents. As people mill about the building, looking at her curiously, she wonders what they’re thinking, and what’s going to happen to her. 
“Are they going to want to question me, too?” Bucky shrugs.
“Maybe. Steve and Sam are the Avengers, so they’re the ones who are in high demand right now.” But before Y/N can say much else, a group of guards suddenly swarms the pair. Two of them grab Bucky’s arms.
“Sir, come with us.” One of them orders.
“Wait, what’s going on?!” Y/N calls, trying to jump in and stop them. Steve and Sam hear her cries and come rushing. Yet, the guards ignore her and start dragging Bucky away. And the whole time, Bucky doesn’t fight it. Instead, he gazes back at Y/N sadly. And then, he just lets them take him. “Bucky!” Y/N calls after him. She tries to go after him, to make sure that he’s alright… but a guard angrily gets in her face.
“Ma’am. Move back, or we will make you move.” He snaps, the heat of his breath against her skin making her flinch. 
“But-” Yet, before she can plead Bucky’s case any further, Steve steps in, gently pulling her back.
“I understand, sir. I-I’m sorry.” Y/N tries to wriggle out of his grasp, to run after Bucky down the hallway, but Steve’s firm grasp on her arm stops her.
“Steve, where are they taking him?!” she demands. Steve sighs, his shoulders slumping. For a moment, the first time she met Steve flashes in her mind. His tall, confident pose, the image of a hero. Now, he looks the complete opposite. He can’t even look her in the eyes.
“He’s going into a holding cell, Y/N.”
“Why is he in a cell? Have they taken him into custody?”  When she sees the nervous glance Steve and Sam give each other, her brow raises. 
“It’s just a precaution.” 
“For what?! Sure, he scared me at first, but he did nothing to hurt me. He’s not dangerous.” She insists. “I can go explain to them, Steve. Just let me go!” Yet, both of them are still quiet. And Y/N feels her stomach drop. “Guys…what’s going on?” Steve sighs, releasing her arm and running a hand through his hair. 
“There’s something you should know about Bucky.”
The pair sit her down first, making sure she’s comfortable. Despite knowing their actions are coming from a place of kindness, they only make her more nervous. Whatever they’re about to tell her, it can’t be good. And then, slowly, they explain everything that Bucky did whilst under HYDRA’s control. All the blood that stains his hands, and all the lives he’s destroyed. Even everything he tried to do to Steve and Sam before Steve managed to get through to him. Y/N sits there, silent as she takes everything in. 
“He told me about HYDRA, and what they did to him. Why didn’t he tell me about this?” She gasps, suddenly grateful to be sitting down. If she hadn’t have been, she swears she may have collapsed. 
“He probably didn’t want you being even more frightened, especially after he already pointed a gun at you.” Y/N takes a few breaths to calm herself down, her heartbeat racing. Although she knows she has no right to demand more information about Bucky’s trauma, she would’ve rather heard this from him, on his terms, instead of after he’s been dragged down a hallway by armed guards like some sort of animal.
“B-But it wasn’t him, was it? At least, he wasn’t in the right state of mind. He told me they wiped his memory, so they must’ve done something to make him like this, right?!” she demands, not even realising how shaky her voice is. Sure, they got off on the wrong foot at first, to put it lightly, but Bucky has been so kind to her. The idea that someone like that could be responsible for something like this…. 
And then, she remembers their first meeting, and the gun pointed directly in her face. At first, she put it down to how terrified Bucky must’ve been to hear her walking into the room, and when she learnt just what he’s been through, that confirmed it for her. All this time, she assumed he thought she was a HYDRA agent, but stopped when he realised she was just a civilian. Now, she sees it in a new light. He really was about to kill her, after all. She was a witness to him, and he was told that witnesses need to be silenced. After all, he silenced everyone else.
No wonder she thought he looked like some kind of super trained assassin. He’s been one this whole time. 
“We don’t know the full extent of what HYDRA did to him, but now we know that yes… they brainwashed him, and manipulated him into doing it. It wasn’t Bucky’s choice.” Sam confirms. Y/N nods. That makes her feel a little better about the situation, but it still doesn’t help calm her. The same fears she had when she first met Bucky, about how she was going to die and wondering just what sort of monster she was suddenly sharing her grandmother’s house with, now rear their ugly heads once more. She tries to push them down, to picture the memories she has with Bucky now. Smiling, laughing, happy times.
He’s not dangerous. He can’t be. She saw the way he looked at the world, and at her. 
“The three of us know Bucky’s not dangerous, but in the eyes of the law, he is. He killed a lot of agents too, not just civilians. So for now, he has to be treated as such.” Steve adds. Y/N doesn’t respond.
She could’ve died.
She should be dead.
But something stopped him. Somehow, she got spared.
“Look, it’s been a long day. How about we get you some food, and find a place to-”
“Why didn’t he kill me?” She asks, cutting him off. When neither of them replies, she continues. “You said it yourself. HYDRA sent him out to kill their detractors and told him not to leave any witnesses. I’m a witness. Fuck, I surprised him in his safe hiding place. He could have shot me right away without a second thought, but he didn’t.” Her voice gets louder and louder as she speaks, almost yelling.
“We don’t know either.” Steve shrugs. “Hell, I’m his oldest friend and he still tried to kill me at first, even when I told him who I was. Maybe his brainwashing was fading, and he felt safe around you. Or maybe he took pity on you.”
“You took care of him, too.” Sam points out. “That probably helped him not see you as a threat.”
Despite nodding her head in agreement with their explanations, Y/N still can’t understand why she was spared while others weren't. Sure, perhaps Bucky’s brainwashing was wearing off, and that’s why he took pity on her, but given what she’s heard about him and what he’s capable of, she’s still surprised that she survived their first encounter completely unscathed without so much as a bruise. Maybe there’s more to it, another reason she could bring him back and convince him to let her live where others failed.
And she wants to know what it is.
A few moments later, a woman approaches the trio. Her brunette hair is tied in a pristine bun, and her eyes pass over the three of them. When she reaches Y/N, her brow quirks. Y/N gulps. Here it comes. Is she going to be hauled into an interrogation room? Or arrested for knowing too much about all of this? She could make a break for it, but she’s already seen the weapons their guards carry, and she definitely does not want to be on the receiving end of them.
“Maria. Nice to see you again.” Steve chuckles. She doesn’t laugh.
“Fury wants to see you in his office. Immediately.” She states. Judging from her stance, Y/N can tell she’s important, and that she means business. In other words, do not get on her bad side. As Steve and Sam start walking, Maria raises her brow again, glancing over at Y/N. “You too.” She beckons. Quickly, Y/N follows behind them, murmuring a ‘sorry’ to Maria. 
The office is pristine, and full of tech that Y/N could only ever dream of affording. God, she definitely does not fit into this life. A figure stands at the front of the room.
“Rogers. Wilson.” He speaks, and both nod. And then, the man notices her. “You must be Y/N Y/L/N.” Y/N’s brow furrows.
“How do you-”
“I know everything there is to know.” The man replies. “I’m Director Nick Fury. I’ve heard a lot about you, and how you helped Barnes.” Still surprised, Y/N nods. Guess she has to get used to people knowing every little detail about her life now. And if the Avengers know every aspect about her life, that means HYDRA will too, if they’re looking for her. Because that’s not terrifying at all.
“I did. So, what happens now?” 
“Well, we have to monitor him for a while until we’re sure he’s not a threat. I assume Rogers and Wilson told you about the Winter Soldier?” She nods again, too afraid of saying the wrong thing. “Good. As for you, you’ll be moved into a safe house until things are under control. We’ll put agents around you to make sure nothing happens.” When she blinks in surprise, Nick’s brows furrow. “Is there a problem with that?”
“Not at all, it’s just….” She sighs. “I wasn’t expecting all this. Honestly, I didn’t realise I was worth the trouble.” She chuckles awkwardly. Nobody else laughs. When she first came here, Y/N didn't know what she expected. But it definitely wasn’t this, to have so many people trying to protect her of all people.
“Well, there isn’t much choice. You’re not an Avenger, so you can’t stay in the compound with the others.” The casual nature of his tone surprises her. As if her staying with Iron Man, Captain America, the Falcon and their friends was ever a possibility. “But you are a witness, and you’re interlinked with Barnes’ life now, arguably just as much as these two.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far-”
“To HYDRA, that makes you incredibly valuable. They want to get their soldier back, and they won’t hesitate to go after his friends to get him. And that includes you.” He insists, cutting her off. Her cheeks heat up slightly at being called Bucky’s friend. She never saw herself as that. Bucky was just a guy she was sharing her life with, and they slowly got closer to one another. Yet, after how close they’ve become, and how she followed him here with little prompting, he’s right. Obviously, part of her decision making was because she didn’t want to have to fend off a mass of HYDRA agents on her own, but the majority of it was because she didn’t want to leave Bucky. It feels like their time together has only just begun, and she wants to stay and help him with his healing journey as much as she can. Honestly, calling Bucky her friend feels right. “Understand?” Nick asks.
“Yes.”
“Good.”
As Fury continues to explain the situation and where she’ll be staying, Y/N’s mind goes back to Bucky. God knows where he is. Hopefully somewhere safe, where he can heal. What if he gets hurt? Or he gets shoved in jail and she never sees him again?
“Any questions?” Y/N takes a breath, unsure of how this is going to go. But it’s all she cares about.
“Can I see him?”
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Downstairs, Bucky sits in his cell, strapped in as much and as tightly as possible for everyone’s safety. He doesn’t even know how long it’s been since they brought him here, since he saw Steve, Sam…and Y/N. Although he knows that they’re safe now, and he’s going to get what he deserves, he wishes he was back at her grandma’s house with her. Just the two of them. Sure, HYDRA was probably hunting them down, and they likely still are, but at least they were both happy together. He would have fought tooth and nail to protect her. He would fight tooth and nail to protect her.
So why didn’t he stay there, with her?
Why didn’t he fight for her?
Groaning, Bucky tries to readjust himself into a more comfortable position. Although, considering both his hands are shackled, that’s easier said than done. The metal handcuff digs uncomfortably into his skin, and he hisses in pain. Of course, he knew that after what he did, he wouldn’t be allowed to move around freely, or be entitled to any comfort. His time as an assassin is finally catching up to him. 
Right on time, he registers the guard outside murmuring something to his colleague, and then they glance back at his cell. Bucky can only pick up a few words from their conversation, but he can tell what sort of things they’re saying from the way they look at him. Although he can’t say that he’s surprised. Who would be okay with being forced to watch over an assassin 24/7? Even though he escaped HYDRA’s grasp and is slowly starting to remember who he is, there’s no way anyone is going to trust him ever again, or see him as anything but a monster. 
And even though he isn’t surprised by their judgemental looks, it still fucking hurts to be stripped of your identity over and over, tortured and brainwashed just for someone’s sick fantasy. And even after escaping all that pain, he’s forever tainted by something he never wanted to do. Something that wasn’t his fault, while the people who did this to him escaped or were killed before they could be brought to trial. Despite the things he did, Bucky’s a victim too… and yet, he seems to be the only one being punished.
Frustrated, hot tears stinging at his eyes, Bucky closes his eyes, hoping he can at least imagine something better, more comfortable. And then… he remembers the softness of Y/N’s grandma’s couch. After so long running, he could finally sleep, and it was the best damn sleep of his entire life. Until Y/N woke him up, that is. Y/N. Where is she now? Hopefully, she’s safe. Even though he knows and hates how everyone is going to see him as a monster now… all he cares about is what Y/N thinks of him. Although they only met a week ago, somehow, she means more to him than anything in the world. Even thinking about her and her smile makes him feel a little better.
Then, a memory of them both replays in his mind. 
“You want some music?” She asks, sorting through some records and tapes. “My grandma was a huge fan of all different genres, so we have plenty of choices.” She chuckles. Bucky doesn’t reply, transfixed by the sheer number of records in front of him. Some names trigger some recognition in his brain, but nothing too intense. He peers down at the ones in front of them, reading the names aloud.
“The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, The Beatles….” 
“If you see anything you want to play, just tell me. Your choice.” 
“I’m sorry Y/N… I-I don’t know any of these.” He sighs, disappointed by his inability to choose something.
“Hey, it’s okay.” She reassures him, placing her hand on his forearm reassuringly.
Even now, Bucky remembers how that touch felt. The comfort and the support behind it. He misses that warm touch more than anything.
“I have an idea.” She smiles, picking up a record and putting it on the player. “My grandma loved this one, and I think you’ll like it too.” Soon, the vocals of Ella Fitzgerald begin to play, and recognition dawns on Bucky’s face. 
“W-Wait! I remember her voice.” He furrows his brow, listening closer. “I think I remember this song, too.” Y/N grins. 
He remembers Y/N’s smile too. As bright as the sunshine. And despite how cold and alone he feels right now… that smile still makes him feel as warm and comfortable as he did the first time he saw it. “Say it's only a paper moon, sailing over a cardboard sea.” Bucky sings to himself softly. “But it wouldn't be make believe, if you believed in me.”
And he does have someone to believe in him. Y/N. Even after everything he did, she still treated him with kindness, and saw him as more than he was. He just wishes he saw himself that way, too.
The door to Bucky’s cell opens. Closing his eyes, Bucky braces himself, waiting for whatever’s in store for him. After being under HYDRA’s control for so long, he’s almost expecting the same abuse that he suffered at the hands of his superiors. Yet, when he opens his eyes again, focusing on the figure that just entered the room, his eyes widen.
“Y/N? W-What the hell are you doing here?”
“Oh, my god… Bucky.” She gasps, taking in the sight in front of her. And how tightly they have strapped Bucky in. When he sees the look of guilt and shame on her face, Bucky’s heart sinks. Although Y/N believes in him, he hates that she has to see him like this, like some sort of caged animal.
“Y/N. You shouldn’t be here. You need to leave.” He tells her, but she ignores him.
“Why have they strapped you in so tightly? You’re not dangerous, and you’re not going to hurt anyone. Steve and Sam told me it wasn’t your fault.”
“We can’t take that risk. After my past, they want to make sure they know everything about me and what I’m capable of first. And then…” He pauses, as the full weight of the situation dawns once again. “They’ll decide what to do, and how to punish me.”
“Is there going to be a trial?” She asks. “I-I’ll testify. Say that you aren’t dangerous.”
“Y/N-”
“If they had just seen the way you looked at me, or how we laughed-”
“That’s not going to be enough!” He insists, his voice coming out harsher than he intended. Sighing, Bucky clears his throat. “We still don’t know the risks, and the last thing I want is you getting hurt. So, you should go.” 
“It is! It is enough! And I know you’re not dangerous.” She exclaims, tears falling down her cheeks. “I know that because you spared me, despite all your training and the things you’ve done before. For some reason, you didn’t kill me.” She’s right. After all the victims he’s had, Y/N is the only one where he let them go free. And he still doesn’t know why. But despite that, he knows that isn’t going to do much to help his case. One victim spared, compared to the thousands he killed, is purely a drop in the ocean.
“Y/N.” Bucky sighs. “I appreciate the offer, but really… it’s not worth it.” He takes a deep, shaky breath. “It may not have been my choice, but I still did it. And I deserve whatever I’m about to get.”
“You promised me, remember? That we’d be back in my grandma’s house again, listening to music or going through old pictures. Just the two of us.” Bucky’s stomach twists. “I’m not giving up on you.” She tells him, and something deep in Bucky’s stomach flutters. “We may not know why you spared me, but there has to be a reason. And I’m going to find it. Because it proves that you’re not the monster everyone thinks you are.” Stepping closer, she places her palm against the glass. Bucky’s arm twitches, almost as if he was about to place his hand on the opposite side, over hers. “We’ll get through this. I’m not giving up on you.” She repeats, and Bucky can’t keep a smile from growing on his face.
Say it's only a paper moon, sailing over a cardboard sea.
But it wouldn't be make believe, if you believed in me.
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fandomfluffandfuck · 6 months
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As a smut writer with a vagina, I always struggle a bit to explore the sensations that penis-havers experience during arousal. I know what’s getting hard looks like, but not what it feels like internally.
Combining my research and, echem, other needs, a writing prompt: Steve explaining to a formerly chemically castrated recovering Bucky what getting hard feels like, and how to recognize arousal. What it feels like when he wants him. Reminding Bucky of those feelings and talking him into his first erection in 70 years.
Ah jeeze, I sent that writing request for Steve explaining to Bucky what it feels like to get hard and I just realized how completely invasive and assuming some of that ask was. I really apologize.
You're okay! That's a fair question/request, and this is the place to come with it, lol.
First, though, I do have to say that, coming from my personal experience, the way smut writers without dicks (as far as I'm aware, lol) describe dicks and erections is usually pretty on the money. It's hot [temperature wise]. It's throbbing. It's tight and, well, hard. It's also often annoying when an erection just... happens. Because it happens randomly, too. It's not just a teenage thing, unfortunately, lol. (I mean, it's (usually) not a full erection like it can be in teendom, but it's still a thing as you get older.)
Second, I could've sworn I read a fic where Bucky was castrated surgerically and was struggling with arousal/erections but I can't find it again :/
Okay, onto this prompt:
*trigger warning for off screen, insinuated HYDRA Trash Party/HYDRA typical violence
This would be a fucking challenge for them. Not only because recovery is tough--recovery from anything--but especially recovery from 70 fucking years of brainwashing and torture.
Also, this is challenging because Steve very much is also deprogramming from his own trauma as well as struggling with his Catholic upbringing. That shame runs deep. Steve is very, very good at feeling shame and guilt.
When Bucky presents him with the question of, "what is it like?" As they're discussing the reversal effects, returning libidos, and coming off of the chemical castration drugs, pamphlets spread out messily over the kitchen island counter, Steve is absolutely tongue-tied. He stammers and blushes and squirms in his kitchen bar stool.
Bucky, in contrast, is sitting still. His voice is even. Fine. "Getting an erection," he clarifies without issue, "what does it feel like?" There's a crease between his dark eyebrows. It's the look he gets when he's thinking, specifically, when he's trying to remember something that's fuzzy--just out of reach and slipping from between his fingers more and more by the second.
Steve isn't sure if that tone of voice and the neutrality is Bucky being Bucky--he never had much shame before. Before... all of this. He always was a flirt, a charmer. As soon as he had an experience, when they were old enough, he told Steve things about girls that Steve felt like would cause God to open hell directly underneath them. Earth gaping. Swallowing them whole. He couldn't ever explain why he stuttered out the words to ask again and again and again, though. He knew he didn't care about the gals. He didn't... he doesn't like women that way.
It was about Bucky.
It's always been about Bucky.
Or... if it's maybe something that was burned out of Bucky by them? HYDRA. Steve desperately hopes it's not that. He wants the fact that he's fine discussing such private matters because he's always been that way (maybe with a tiny mix of being too old and seasoned to give a shit).
Right now, Bucky and him are perfect opposites.
Bucky is easily getting the words out, asking for some from Steve in exchange. Meanwhile, Steve can't get say a word, no matter how loud and clear Bucky is.
It's not that Steve doesn't want to have this conversation with Bucky. He wants to give Bucky every tool he needs to help aid him in recovery; he wants to be honest with him; he wants to open himself to Bucky like a book so he can read and glean what he needs from him. It's so fucking difficult, though.
Bucky's doctors warn Steve and Bucky both what coming off of the drugs causing his chemical castration will mean. A surge in sex hormones as his body resumes doing what it should, resulting in a, hopeful, return of his libido and physical sexual functioning along with possible hot flashes, racing heart, and a handful of other assorted side effects. A roll of the dice. They won't totally know until they get there.
Chemical castration isn't permanent, usually. But, usually, people aren't chemically castrated for 70 fucking years. Also, usually, the people in question aren't super soldiers. So, there's things working against Bucky and with him.
Bucky's body should bounce back.
Steve closes his eyes for too long to just be a blink, picturing the scars around Bucky's shoulder. Flesh seared to metal. No choice but to adapt.
Bucky's body should bounce back.
"Good as new," one of the medical students working in tandem with the team of doctors had said. Steve thinks that student could use more bedside manner training.
"Steve?"
"Uh--" Steve clears his throat, "yeah. It's..."
"You don't have to."
Steve nods tightly, "I want to. I just." He swallows noisily, he figures he'll just be as honest as he can, "I don't know how to say it," he runs his fingers through his hair, musing it.
Bucky nods back. After a moment he volunteers, "I remember getting them, I just..."
"You just?" Steve prompts, leaning forward to grab his hand and squeeze.
"I don't remember anything else. I got them. Didn't I?" Bucky looks at his wearily.
"You definitely did," Steve's voice is huskier than he intends. He can't help it. A full-body shiver takes over his muscles. He remembers Bucky's erections almost as much as he remembers his own.
Sharing the same tiny, ratty-sheet-covered bed. Bucky pressed up against his back, his breath hot and humid on his neck, an arm thrown around his waist, with his dick regularly hardening in his sleep and pressing even more insistently against his boney ass.
Wrestling on their shitty, creaking wooden floor. Bucky on top of him, laughing brilliantly. Dark hair falling from its careful, swept-up style. Leaning up to kiss him to distract him, the only way he could win. Kissing and kissing until Bucky would melt, groaning, falling onto him, chest to chest, their erections sliding together. Hard. Hot.
Listening to Bucky stumble in drunk and smiling to himself, stifling the expression in the flat pillow under his head, pretending to sleep until Bucky stumbles into their bed. Then, pretending to wake up slowly and prettily as Bucky pawed at him. Sometimes, Bucky'd be hard already. Sometimes, he would get hard deliciously slowly, the alcohol affecting him, making it a challenge. And sometimes he wouldn't get hard if he had too much.
(Steve secretly loved it when he didn't get hard. Soft and vulnerable and perfect for worshipping. Steve would fall to his knees and rub his face against his soft cock and suck and suck until Bucky came without getting hard at all. It still felt good. Steve should know. It's not like his Johnson worked all the time back then, anyway.)
Steve jostles himself from the memories, trying, only half-successfully, to not feel guilty over the fact that he can remember all that with perfect eidetic detail while Bucky can't.
He re-crosses his legs in the other direction.
"Okay," Steve tries to push his energy from memories to words, "okay. It's, like, it... it almost feels like." God, why does he suck so much at this? "Like, it-it's blood rushing into your dick, right?"
Bucky has the gall to roll his eyes.
Steve wants to call him an asshole. And he would if he weren't too busy untangling his words, trying to spit them out no matter how much shame tugs at him. "So it's swollen. It gets hot, too, because, well, your, your blood is hot. Body temperature. Y'know. Whatever. It's... just... swollen and hot and, uh, stiff?"
"It is a stiffy," Bucky says dryly.
Steve dryly laughs, "jerk," he bites his lower lip, clearly that's not enough to satisfy Bucky's curiosity, "you know, so, okay, you know when you finish in the gym and your muscles are just beginning to get sore? Like. It doesn't hurt. But your muscles are tight and pumped and hard because you just used them?"
"I'm familiar." Steve's pretty sure Bucky's being an asshole on purpose now. Just to give him something else to think about. Fucker.
"It's like that," he finishes the thought, "but. It's your dick, not your usual muscles."
"So... does it get sore? Like your muscles?"
"No." Steve answers automatically, then, "it, uh, throbs. Pulses, kinda. I mean, it, it can hurt. If you have it for a long time."
"Right," there's a minute pause. Steve knows without asking that they're both picturing all the goofy pharma ads that're on TV nowadays. Contact your doctor if you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours... "You said it's tight?"
"Yeah. Tight and heavy, too. 'Cause, because it fills with blood. It gets engorged. Swollen."
Bucky nods, but it's clear he wants more.
"Yeah," Steve struggles, his face burning. "Kinda, kinda, like..." he pulls a face just thinking about the way he's about to describe an erection. It's visceral. It makes him want to squirm a little bit. But, it's the only thing he can think of. "If you stuck a balloon under your skin and started to inflate it. It gets tight and hot and stiff as it stretches. And the more the, the, uh, balloon inflates, the more sensitive it gets--"
Bucky makes a considering noise.
"--But then. Then, once you've started, it's hard to stop. It gets fuller, stiffer, and more sensitive. When you touch it, because it's sensitive and tight and you need to do something about it, it gets stiffer and then more sensitive because it's stiffer. So you touch more. Until. Yeah. It's, uh, it's a positive feedback loop."
"Oh."
Suddenly, as happens sometimes, Steve's mouth runs away from him. He's embarrassed, and his brain decides that the only way to fix it is to get all the embarrassing words out. "It throbs. Like. With your pulse. If you get. If you get hard enough, it th-throbs with your pulse. And it feels like it comes from your, like, core. Like. Not just your balls. Inside you."
"Hm?" Bucky interjects, eyebrows drawing together.
"Like, when you get, ah, a-aroused. It comes from your stomach almost. And it goes up your back and down your balls, too. It's, it's not tingling but, more, more like when you really have to pee and you can't help but shiver. A much hot, hotter version of that."
"You-" Bucky's eyebrows come together. "You can't pee when you're erect, right?"
"No, no. It--that does hurt. It kinda burns? If you try to pee with a hard, hard--if you try to pee with an erection. It doesn't work like that."
"No," Bucky agrees softly.
"But it doesn't burn otherwise. It, it when you're really hard, feels like, like you might explode. It gets so tight and, I'm trying to think of anything but hard, but it really just feels hard."
Bucky snorts.
Steve's big mouth keeps motoring, of course, "oh, and, uh, it gets wet." Steve is going to explode, not in the fun my-dick-is-hard way, in the vibrating-with-embarrassment way. Oof.
Bucky just looks intrigued. Not embarrassed.
Dammnit.
"I, I, I don't mean," Steve lowers his voice, "cum."
Bucky laughs at his expense.
"I mean... when you're erect. It can leak. It's just pre-cum. It's not. It's nothing to be worried about. Just so you don't--" he bites the inside of his cheek, "I don't want you to worry."
Bucky tips his head from side to side, considering. "What if I--"
"What if you?"
"What if I let you know when it happens? So you know I'm not worried."
Steve flushes the hottest he has yet. He coughs. "Y-yeah, that'd be, that'd be... good."
I hope that's satisfactory for what you had in mind! I didn't really know how to tackle this prompt, lol.
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bethdutten · 2 years
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Weakness
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requested!!
summary: after being blackmailed by hydra, you betray the team and put steve’s life in danger to protect bucky from being taken back into their control. when the team finds out, they want nothing to do with you. including bucky.
words: 2.9k
warnings: none, swearing?? angst!!
You spit out a mouthful of blood, tears running down your cheeks as the man in the black mask placed a burner phone on the table in front of you. 
“You will text the number in this phone any information you receive regarding Hydra, or we will capture him, reprogram him and the first person we send him out to kill will be you.”
You let out a sob, tugging on the restraints keeping your hands tied behind your back, but it was no use. The very thought of them getting to Bucky, laying a single hand on him, making him into the Winter Soldier again... you felt sick. And you knew that betraying the team was going to get someone hurt, maybe even killed. You were trapped.
They released you, with another promise that if you told anyone about this, Bucky would be taken and tortured until he begged to be brainwashed again just to make it stop. 
When you got out of Hydra’s custody and turned your comms back on, you let the team know you were ambushed by a group of men but took them all down, and you'd be back to the meeting point soon. You listened to Steve tell you where to go, the whole time thinking of what exactly you would have to do to keep Bucky safe.
---
You were in medical when Bucky came over, a look of worry on his face as he checked you over.
“Jesus, I didn’t realize it was this bad,” he murmured, hand cupping your face as his thumb traced under your eye, the black and blue bruising dark. You shrugged, trying not to wince as he put pressure on your busted lip.
“I’m fine.” Your voice came out shaky, but you hoped he would chalk it up to the difficulty of the mission. You studied his face as he looked you over, the blue of his eyes and the way he so easily stood in your space, finally comfortable enough to feel safe with you. You would do anything for him. Even if it meant someone else getting hurt.
He hummed, taking a seat on the bed beside you. “We’re heading out on another one tomorrow. Tony found some intel during this one, we know where we need to go next.”
You nodded, swallowing. “Oh?”
“Yeah, Sweden. Kiruna. He thinks this might be a big one.”
You nodded again, and were distinctly aware of the burner phone tucked away in your tactical vest pocket. Bucky noticed your expression, mistaking it for hesitation about the mission.
“You’re sitting this one out,” he said softly, leaning in and giving you a kiss, barely brushing his lips against yours. “My girl needs to rest.”
You felt tears prickling at your eyes, but you hoped he thought it was from the cut in your lip. “Okay. Yeah. Probably a good idea.”
He sighed, kissing your forehead before he stood, giving your hand a squeeze. “We’re leaving tonight. I’ll come by before we go, okay?”
You forced a smile, but clutched onto the sleeve of his jacket, pulling him in for one more kiss. You ignore the throb of pain, tangling your hand in his hair and keeping him close almost desperately. You pulled away, whispering, “Be safe. Please.”
Bucky looked at you questioningly, but nodded. “Always.”
As soon as he left, you pulled out the phone and sent a text to the only number it had saved.
Kiruna. Tonight. 
---
It was a disaster. When the team arrived, the entire Hydra base was empty, not a single soul in the fortress that Tony knew was supposed to be filled with all their top men. Every five years, their biggest leaders came together to meet about their plans, and this mission would have meant potentially ending Hydra right at the source. Only, there was nothing but an empty building and corrupted computers left.
As the team scoured the base for anything useful, Natasha found a single piece of paper next to a printer. It was in Russian, detailing an Avengers infiltration plan, with your name on it, and the text that you had sent with a timestamp. 
“Hey, Steve, what is--”
Suddenly, an explosion on the other side of the base sounded, and Clint came running down the hall. “We set something off, it’s a trap! We need to get the fuck out of here!”
“Shit,” Steve hissed, looking at Natasha and Tony. “Both of you, get out. Now.”
“But what about--”
“Bucky’s still in there, I’ll meet you on the jet. Get out, now!” Neither of them ignored the Captain’s orders, taking off after Clint as another explosion hit even closer than the last one. Two others followed immediately after, and Steve headed to the last place his saw Bucky, in one of the containment units looking for useful tech to take.
Only, he couldn’t find Bucky anywhere. He couldn’t believe they had fallen for this trap--the second they realized the base was empty after Tony had been positive it would be full of top-ranking Hydra officials, it should have been clear. They’d been made.
An explosion hit so close to Steve that the ground shook under his feet, and he realized that he needed to get out of there now, or both he and Bucky were going to be dead. 
He made a break for the stairwell, but as soon as he opened the marked EXIT door, he heard a rapid beeping. Steve had about two seconds to realize what was happening before the explosion hit and his vision went black.
—-
You paced back and forth in front of the medical wing, nervously chewing on your nail. Bucky was in there with Steve and Banner, getting his broken arm reset and the cut on his head stitched. Steve was still unconscious—he’d had broken ribs, a broken leg, punctured lungs, a head wound and internal injuries that took four hours in surgery to get stable. The serum was slowly working to heal him, but not fast enough for Bruce’s liking.
This was completely your fault. You let Hydra know the team was coming. You might as well have set the trap yourself. And now Steve was so injured Bruce wasn’t sure he was ever going to wake up, and Bucky was hurt trying to save his best friend from dying because of your actions.
You just wanted to keep Bucky safe. But at who’s cost?
The med doors slid open, and Bucky came out with his arm in a sling, face covered in blood and dirt and smelling of smoke from the fire. You let out a breath of relief, immediately wrapping your arms around him and squeezing him as hard as you could.
He let out a wince, but hugged you back with his metal arm, resting his cheek on top of your head. “Sorry, baby. Tried to be safe, I swear.”
You shut your eyes, unable to hold back the tears anymore. This was all your fucking fault. “it’s okay, Buck. You’re here, that’s what matters.” You pulled away with a sniffle, looking up to meet his eyes. “How’s Steve?”
Bucky pursed his lips, shaking his head. “It’s not looking good. I don't-- I don’t know if there’s anything Banner can do for him anymore. It’s just up to the serum.” His voice was getting quiet at the end, like he didn’t want to finish the sentence.
“I’m so sorry, Bucky,” you whispered, not knowing what else to say. If Steve didn’t make it... you don’t know what you would do.
He sighed, tugging you against his side and giving you a kiss. “We still need to debrief, figure out what went wrong. Come with me?”
You nodded, keeping a hand on Bucky’s chest, just so you could feel his heartbeat, remind yourself that he was okay and he was here. “Sure.”
The team sat around the conference room table, Tony taking Steve’s spot at the head as he glanced around the room. “Okay. What the fuck was that.”
Clint rolled his eyes, glaring at Tony. “You fucked up, clearly. Whatever intel you had was bullshit, and almost got Cap killed.”
“Hey! My intel was rock solid, something went wrong,” Tony defended himself, pointing a finger at Clint. “If I didn’t think it was legit, I would have never sent this team in there.”
Natasha hummed, and when you looked over, you noticed her staring right at you. Bucky raised an eyebrow, his arm tightening slightly around your waist. “What?”
She kept her piercing gaze on you, taking out a folded piece of paper from her uniform and throwing it down on the table. “Tony, your intel was right. I think we just have a rat on the team.”
Everyone had various looks of shock on their faces, and it was clear from who Natasha was looking at, that she was insinuating it was you.
You couldn’t even deny it. Bucky looked from you to her, then finally grabbed the paper and unfolded it. He frowned, eyes flicking to you.
“What--what the hell is this? Did you tell someone in Hydra what we were planning?”
You couldn’t even meet his eyes. Your gaze drifted down, eyes squeezing shut as you thought of Steve, struggling just to live, and the rest of the team, knowing they would never trust you again.
“Yes,” you whispered.
All hell broke loose. Tony was yelling, Clint looked like he was ready to kill you, Natasha was muttering something in Russian that you were pretty sure were death threats--
But the worst of all was Bucky, who dropped his arm and moved away from you, staring at you like you’d broken his heart into a million pieces. You couldn’t even meet his eyes. You only wanted to protect him--and now he probably hated you.
“Why? Why the fuck-- how long have you been giving Hydra secrets? The entire time you’ve been with the team?” Tony growled, standing up.
You shook your head, tears falling down your cheeks silently. “Last mission, they... they got to me. I had no choice.”
Natasha scoffed, crossing her arms. It was her closest teammate that was gravely injured. “You always have a choice. What could they possibly have on you?”
You finally looked up, catching Bucky’s eye. He was looking at you so brokenly, wounded in a way that you don’t know if you’d ever be able to fix. “Everyone has a weakness. They just figured out mine,” you whispered.
“Well, if Steve dies, I hope you know it’s all your fucking fault,” Tony snapped, and abruptly left the room. Clint went stomping out after him, and Natasha gave you one last death glare before she followed.
Bucky stood and walked out quietly, not turning around to look at you once. 
--
The following days were bad. Steve finally woke up--he wouldn’t be able to go on missions for awhile, but he was healing slowly. The team filled him in on what you did, and you weren’t allowed to visit him.
Everyone either ignored you or actively seethed when they spoke to you. You felt so alone; but you didn’t blame them at all. You hated yourself, too.
But you didn’t regret what you did. If you hadn’t, and Hydra had recaptured Bucky-- you couldn’t even think of that as a possibility. No, you had to protect him. You were so in love with him, and so scared of him losing the life he fought so hard to get back. Even if it meant the entire team never spoke to you again, you would do it all over again.
You were still part of the team, but missions were tense; no one had your back, and Bucky refused to go on any with you. You were sure everyone did, but someone always drew the short straw.
In training, no one held back, and you felt like you were being attacked by enemies, not teammates. You tried not to cry when Natasha dislocated your shoulder, just biting back the pain and popping it back in because at this point you were sure even Bruce wouldn’t treat you. 
It was getting to be too much--you were completely isolated from everyone, but the worst was not being with Bucky. He hasn’t spoken to you since you admitted to what you did, and you missed sleeping beside him, holding his hand, feeling his skin on yours... 
You finally had enough when not a single person wished you a happy birthday, not even Bucky, who usually went way overboard for things like that. You waited all day for him to come to you, or maybe just acknowledge the day so you could hear his voice. But nothing.
The next day, you went to his room and knocked, not sure what you were going to say. Apologize? How? What would he even say?
You heard him say to come in, and carefully cracked open the door. He was lounging on his bed, one leg out while the other was bent at the knee, a book in his flesh hand. At least his arm had healed quickly. 
He looked up, eyes going cold as soon as he saw who it was. You closed the door behind yourself, clearing your throat.
“Hi.”
He didn’t reply, eyes going back to his book. You made you was over to his bed and sat in the chair beside it, nervously twisting your ring around your finger. “I really need to talk to you, Bucky. I miss you.”
He ignored you, flipping a page. You felt tears fill your eyes, the thought of him hating you like this forever making you want to die. But you remembered why you did this, and knew that you’d still take this over letting Hydra ever get their hands on him.
You took a deep breath. “Look, I know you don’t want to hear it, but I did what I did because I love you. I love you so much, Bucky. They were-- they threatened to hurt you, I couldn’t let that--”
“That’s bullshit,” he snapped, eyes staying on his book. “Steve almost fucking died. The entire team was put in danger. If you were there, you could have died. Don’t say you did this to protect me.”
“It was to protect you. They said they would recapture you, reprogram you, make you into the Winter Soldier again,” you tried to explain, the words hard to come out even now. “I couldn’t let that happen.”
Bucky finally looked at you, book falling to the bed and he planted his feet on the ground and sat facing you. “And you thought risking the entire team was worth that? Fuck, what is wrong with you? Do not let me be your weakness, because that will only end in blood and death.”
You shook your head, biting back a sob. It hurt how little he thought of himself, like he didn't think he was worth protecting. “Bucky, you are my only weakness. I know you don’t think you’re worth it, but I do. I do. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe, and so what if they know that? They can kill me, then, because they’ll have to do that before they get me to do anything that will hurt you.”
“No!” Bucky burst out, and it was like something finally broke, because his face lost that mask of cold indifference and was filled with desperation, a sadness you hadn’t seen before. “Do you know how sick it made me to think of you being held by Hydra? Being used by them? I would rather be a prisoner and brainwashed by them for another hundred years than let that happen.”
You could’t stop the tears now, reaching out a hand to him. “I’m so sorry--”
He took your hand and pulled you into his lap, wrapping his arms around you and tucking your face unto his neck. You cried, completely engulfed in the feel and smell of Bucky, finally, the comforting circles he rubbed onto your back and the closeness he kept you. 
“I’m sorry, too, baby, I’m sorry,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I would have done the same thing, if they were threatening you. I would do anything to keep you safe.”
You sniffled, tears soaking in to Bucky’s shirt as you tried to catch your breath. You nodded, pulling away enough to meet his eyes. “Everyone hates me. Steve will probably never speak to me again. They’d kick me off the team if they could. But as long as I have you, I don’t care.”
Bucky sighed, his hand coming up to rest on the nape of your neck, guiding your face to his so he could kiss you. It started soft and slow, but you were desperate to taste him again, tilting your head and sliding your tongue along the seam of his lips until he opened for you with a moan, licking into the warm heat of his mouth. The kiss stayed languid and deep, and when he pulled away, it was to rest his forehead against yours and stay as close to your space as possible.
“Don’t worry about them, I’ll take care of it. This will give us an advantage over Hydra. You can give them false information and we can set our own trap.”
You sighed, clinging to Bucky like you were never going to let him go. “Let’s get rid of them for good. Then I never have to worry about them hurting you.”
Bucky smiled softly, kissing you and murmuring against your lips, “I love you.”
You tasted a salty tear in the kiss, carding a hand through Bucky’s hair to keep him close. “Thank you.”
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cricket-reader · 9 months
Text
Sabotage
Masterlist | A03 | Wattpad | Recommendations | Inbox | Taglist
Summary: after a particularly rough mission and some gaslighting, you’re there to help Bucky pick up the pieces.
Warnings: language, Bucky’s negative thoughts, Bucky getting harassed and bullied, Bucky’s conditioning as the Winter Soldier, past abuse/torture, Bucky trying to recover, fluff
Word Count: 1130
Prompt: "Don't lie to me." | Accident | Doubt | Gaslighting
A/N: Day 17 of June of Doom by @juneofdoom
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They say accidents happen, it’s what makes us human. And while that does hold true, this wasn’t an accident.
Bucky went on a mission with three SHIELD agents. They split into groups of two and set the rendezvous point. You were monitoring the communication system like usual. Two of the agents must have forgotten that anything and everything they said was being monitored.
“Okay, you remember the plan?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m not an idiot. All I have to do is make sure Barnes takes the downfall.”
“Which will be easy because everyone knows he’s fucked up in the head.”
Hearing those things about your boyfriend makes your blood boil. How dare they? They have some nerve talking about him like that with you on the other end of their conversation. You paused before replying. Maybe they didn’t realise that you could hear everything they were saying. The comm system got an upgrade because everyone realised how dangerous it could be if someone was trapped and couldn’t get their hand up to their comm device.
You sat back. This would all be recorded. After the mission you could send it to Fury and these two idiots would be discharged.
You sat back with a smug look on your face. Karma was a bitch, after all.
When the mission was done, Bucky was confused as he took out his comm and placed it in the box. What went wrong? Everything was going perfectly fine. There was no way things could have gone that wrong.
When the agents began griping about how this was all Bucky’s fault, he had doubts. He didn’t do anything wrong. So, he said exactly that.
The agents stared at him with a palpable anger and hatred. Bucky assumed it was because he somehow messed up the mission. It was really because they loathed Bucky with all their being.
“You probably just can’t fucking remember what you did wrong with that block of Swiss cheese for a brain,” the one had grumbled.
“Yeah, even I saw what you did wrong.” The agent that had been with him the whole time joined in. “You probably just don’t want to get in trouble. Are you going to blame it on the newbies so we get in trouble instead? That’s really shitty of you.”
“But… but I–“
They all sighed. He looked like a kicked puppy, which only brought them joy.
“Listen. I know you are supposedly a good guy now, but I’m not sure if I think that’s true. You just completely ruined the mission, and now you’re trying to blame it on us?”
“Why did they even let you come on missions in the first place?”
And with those words, the seeds of doubt had left. He was still messed up from everything Hydra did to his brain. Maybe they were right. Maybe he did mess up.
He froze.
He knew that you were on the communication system. What did you think of your failure of a boyfriend now? You would probably berate him just like the SHIELD agents. He deserved it.
When he got back, he went straight to his room to shower. He didn’t want to talk to you like he usually did when he got done with missions. You’d probably just remind him of his failures.
Is his brain so messed up that he can’t even remember what he did wrong? After spending an hour in the shower thinking over everything he did, Bucky still couldn’t for the life of him remember what he did. But he had to have done it. Three stable agents cleared for missions that important versus an unstable, brainwashed ex-assassin that somehow also got clearance to go on a mission that important.
Even if he didn’t do anything wrong, the chances of anyone believing him were nil.
“Bucky?”
Shit. It was you. From the sound of it, you were right outside the door. He didn’t want you to come talk to him about how he just messed up a really important mission. He felt like a failure as it was. He didn’t need you rubbing salt into the wound.
He couldn’t hide from you forever, though. Since he was dressed he didn’t have an excuse to hide away any more.
He opened the door to see your concerned face. You smiled at him as if he didn’t just colossally fuck up. “Hey, sweetheart, you okay?”
He frowned. No he wasn’t okay. Of course he wasn’t okay. He truly thought he was getting better. Maybe that was stupid on his part. He was hopeless. Steve should have killed him when he had the chance. Hell, even Tony should have killed him when he had the chance. He’d deserve it.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, honey?” You pulled him to your body, carding your hand gently through his wet hair.
He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve you. He deserved punishment. He messed up the mission. He’d be beaten and put into the chair. Hydra doesn’t tolerate mistakes.
Bucky dropped to the ground as he had been trained to do after missions that went awry. He waited for the kicks and punches but they never came.
“Bucky? Honey, what’s going on? Talk to me, baby. You’re okay, you’re safe. Everything is okay.”
You saw him hyperventilating, clearly in a different mental space. If you had less resolve, you would have marched back to those three agents to kick their asses. How dare they put Bucky in a state like this!
You knelt down on the ground in front of him. A few minutes passed before Bucky’s eyes met yours. They were red and tears were begging to be released.
“It’s okay, Buck. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Don’t lie to me.” His voice sounded so heartbreaking. He truly thought that he was at fault for what had happened.
“I’m not lying, Bucky. Those agents tricked you, they gaslighted you into thinking that you messed up when in all reality, they purposely sabotaged the mission just to hurt you. None of it was your fault.”
“How can you be sure?”
“I heard everything they said. It’s all recorded. They were stupid enough to discuss the plan whilst they had their comms in.”
“So… I didn’t ruin everything?”
“No, Bucky, of course not. You’re a good man and you’re getting better every day. Don’t let those stupid agents get to you. You are doing so good, okay?”
His shoulders relaxed from their hunched position as if the weight of the world had been released from his shoulders. “Can you… can you maybe hold me for a bit?”
You smiled at him. He was still working on asking for things that he needed and wanted. You were so proud of his progress. “Of course, baby.”
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Bucky Taglist: @harleycao @hallecarey1
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stucky-til-the-end · 1 year
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Um, yeah, hi.
Bruce Banner had clear hold ups about the Ultron project that Tony Stark ignored.
Wanda was effectively brainwashed through childhood with propaganda.
Tony Stark did it (despite Bruce’s warnings) because he thought it would be cool.
At the end of Civil War, T’Challa chose forgiveness. He forgave so hard, in fact, that he offered Bucky asylum in Wakanda. And Bucky didn’t kill his dad.
Wanda and Pietro, again, we’re brainwashed with propaganda since they were children, and were in the house when Tony’s bombs blew it up. They witnessed their parents die at the hands of Stark first hand as children. And ultimately they chose to fight Ultron and become Avengers anyway because as soon as they were exposed to the truth they adjusted themselves accordingly.
Bucky Barnes didn’t kill Tony’s parents; the Winter Soldier did. HYDRA did.
I’m CA:TWS, Nat released all of HYDRA’s files onto the internet. Tony would have to live under a rock to not know that Bucky was tortured for 7 decades. He had no choice in the matter. His brain was literally rewired.
Despite being a grown ass adult and having the same if not more information about his parents deaths than T’Challa did about his dad, Tony still decided it was okay to attack Bucky for something Bucky clearly felt terrible about (despite the fact that he didn’t do it).
TL;DR: If someone steps on your toe on purpose or doesn’t apologize, you blame them. If someone steps on your toe and didn’t intend it and apologizes, you forgive them.
That’s the difference.
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imaginedreamwrite · 2 years
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Barnes, Barnes & Barnes: Part 11
There was a steady thump that came from his fist making contact with the punching bag in front of him, that had been a kind of white noise to the chatter in the background.
All he had seen was the punching bag in front of him that was swaying slightly as the contact had been made more powerful with the aggression that was coursing through his veins. He was hyper-focused on the sound of the bag being struck, by the slight pain that had broken through the wraps around his fists, ignoring the stares penetrating his back.
“We should at least talk about this-“ The chain had groaned as a particularly powerful punch had been landed against the middle of the bag, the soft grunt coming from the other side was the only sound that had broken his focus, and as he had caught the bag once more, he had looked around the girth and saw familiar green eyes staring back at him.
“You’re just as guilty.” His accusatory tone had come with acid dripping from every word, from every syllable and beat. “You overstepped your bounds.”
“You wanna talk about overreaching? Stark?” Natasha had raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest as she studied the avenger in front of her with suspicion and irritation. “You had kept him locked in like an animal.”
“He’s a danger to us all, and until the proper procedures-“ Tony had bent down to pick up the water bottle resting near the punching bag, his actions stilled when Natasha kicked it out of his reach, the power behind her kick sending it flying into the wall.
“You didn’t bother talking about this with anyone on the team. You decided by yourself, without consulting anyone who could have had a difference of opinion.” Natasha had stepped closer, her green eyes narrowing into an icy and potent glare, looking over the avenger with distaste.
“I did what I needed to do! I did what should have been done! The Winter Soldier-“
“-has done nothing to prove he is any more of a danger than you are. And yet, you thought it would be okay to completely lock him down.” The tension between the two had heightened and spiked, almost tumultuously so, drawing attention from anyone that remained in the training room.
“The Winter Soldier cannot be commanded without the Red Book, and you had that destroyed. Didn’t you?” Natasha had cocked her hip and raised her eyebrow in question, analyzing the response that had come from the man rich with arrogance.
“You think HYDRA just had one?” Tony had blatantly danced around the subject before he huffed and lift his hand to wipe the sweat from his brow.
“Keep dancing around the subject, Tony. No one, and I mean no one, thinks what you did was the right move. And if you try and punish L/N for what she did, you should know that there are more people against you than for you.”
** **
“You know his fragile ego will take a hit,” Bucky was wording it lightly, using the tentative method to describe how pissed off Tony Stark would be when he found out you’d busted Winter out of his cell, “and you are gonna face the brunt of it.”
“I should be the only one facing punishments. I was the one who decided to break him out.” You nudged your hip into Bucky’s and turned your head, your attention falling to the sight of Winter combing through the history of your Bucky, the events that were largely shared between them before Bucky was broken out, and Winter had continued being used.
He was lighter in his guilt, in the trauma that had afflicted him. It seemed as if time away from the constant torture and brainwashing had been doing him good. Without the constant pain and torture, without the constant flux of those dreaded words that pushed him into the role of a seemingly mindless assassin, Winter was healing in his own — albeit slowly.
“You shouldn’t face punishments at all,” Steve had countered your fact and Bucky’s, his blue-green eyes studying the assassin pouring over the details of the life he could have had, the gentle whirring of his arm as he flexed his fingers was an indication that it was affecting him, everything he couldn’t have.
“Well, we all know how stubborn Stark can be,” you sighed and had lifted your hands to the sides of your head, placing pressure against your temples. You had begun massaging the area with your fingertips as an attempt to rid yourself of the headache that was surely going to creep up the back of your neck and take over every sensation.
“We are going to have to remove everything inside there, ya know the stuff that makes him comply.” Steve had leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, glancing at Bucky and then yourself. “Shuri and Wakanda are off the table, while I’m sure they would understand-“
“There’s a lot more people to involve and more opportunities for Winter to fall into someone else’s hands.” You had agreed with Steve on the decision to keep him here under a watchful eye, however, it wasn’t as a punishment but to keep him out of the hands of others. “But how do we remove everything they had done to him? Being out and without that constant torture and brainwashing is helping but the roots are still there, the trigger words are still engrained in his mind.”
“Dr. Banner and Dr. Strange are coming up with a plan to help him. They’re going to attempt to break off the synapses-“
“Synapses?” James had questioned in passing, entering the kitchen for a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “Not that I’m eavesdropping…”
“Synapses are a bridge between two nerve cells that transmit impulses.” Steve had drawn his arms tighter across his chest as he spoke, the underlying tentative rush to have this done quickly and safely was ever-present.
“So…these synapses…are like wires of a bomb. If you can safely pull the right wire, there’s no explosion.” James had cracked the lid off the bottle, tossing the clear plastic lid in the air to catch it again.
“That’s the hope.” You had sighed again, the sound weary and exhausted as it fell from your lips. The sound had prompted Bucky to slip his arm around your shoulders and pull you into his side. You had leaned into him and brushed your lips against his cheek, the buzz of electricity that moved swiftly from him to you, and back again, was a perfect and synonymous match for the flutter of your heart. He was everything to you, they all were, and it was almost difficult to believe how quickly things had happened in the last few months.
“They have the red book?” You wondered, drawing all three sets of eyes upon you. “The Red Book, was it burned?”
“I didn’t know they had the Red Book?” Steve had drawn speculation and the simple message had confused you.
“Natasha told me they had the Red Book. She told me that Tony was going to burn it.” Bucky’s arm had tightened around your shoulders, and you could feel the tension building in his chest, the clench of his jaw pulling your attention away from Steve to Bucky, and then back again.
“Tony didn’t burn the book..?” Your mouth had gone dry, your heart-rate spiking at the silence that had filled the space, the lingering and unseen threat of what that red book could do. You had thought it was burned, you had thought it was destroyed because that is what Tony said he would do.
“Tony didn’t mention the Red Book to Steve or me.” Bucky’s voice had dropped an octave, the unnatural eeriness of his words falling like a thinly veiled threat from a phantom unknown.
“Natasha told me that Tony would burn it, she believed that he would burn it. And yet Tony never told you about it. Is he still holding onto it?” You felt as if you already knew the answer, you felt as if you had already known what to expect, and the longer that silence had gone on, you knew you were not alone in that thought.
“There is nothing in the Red Book that will help us. There is nothing new that we don’t know.” Steve had pushed himself off the cupboard he was leaning on and brushed past you and Bucky, stalking toward the front door. “If he has the book, I’m going to kick his ass.”
“Stay here with them.” Bucky had pulled away from you, only stopping to cup your cheek and tilt your head back, placing a soft and quick kiss on your lips. “We’re going to get that book back.”
You nodded your head and watched Bucky following after Steve. You listened to the rattle of the walls as the door was shut with force unnecessary, the handle itself warped from the strength used. There was so much animosity in the degradative nature of Stark’s mistrust in the agents who worked for SHIELD and his avengers. Tony Stark had believed he was the one to make all the decisions, he was the one who thought he could call all the shots. By not destroying the book the moment it had fallen into his hands, he had set in place the ability to take control of another Winter Solider, only this one was under control for longer and had more shit ingrained in his mind.
“Things bad, huh?” James’ question about the book had felt innocent and loaded all at once, the nature of what was or could happen to teeter on the edge of abysmal.
“That book,” you glanced toward Winter, fully aware that he was listening, “is cruel. It’s evil, in the simplest terms. That book can take someone like Bucky, before he was fixed, and Winter and turn them into a machine that takes orders of whoever is in control. There is no free will, there is no fighting it.”
“The Red Book, that’s a Hydra thing, isn’t it?” James had come to lean beside you, his left hand reaching for your right hand, his fingers caressing yours. “I mean I know I wasn’t…tortured like them, but I was taken as a prisoner of war and I was…tested on.”
“I almost forgot about that.” You had frowned, your mind reeling. “You weren’t turned into a weapon but you were still…tortured. Some.”
“Doll,” James had angled himself toward you and reached out to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone, “my ma used to say that the world is full of pain and misery, the more pain you focus on the more you’ll feel. It’s hard to see the good in people when they’ve committed such tragedies, but it is good out there.”
“Your ma was smart.”
“I’d like to think that no one, not even a man who was turned into a weapon, is incapable of fighting against the evil that keeps us down.” James leaned in and brushed his lips against your own, the kiss tender and sweet, soft and gentle.
“You think he has a chance?” You spoke against his lips, the stroke of James’ fingers against your hip bones endearing and comforting.
“You said he was better already, without the constant torture.” James’ was reassuring with even the softest words and the most subtle embraces.
“I think he is.” You had leaned back in for another kiss, the first brush of his bottom lip against your own was starkly interrupted by the steady pounding of a fist on the door.
You had pulled away from James and moved toward the door, your feet dragging across the floor as you approached the only barrier between you and the exterior.
“Agent L/N!” You had furrowed your brow as you gripped the warped metal and turned, opening the door to come face to face with an agent you had seen often.
“What’s wrong?” You noted her frantic appearance, her raggedness as you opened the door wider, your attention moving past her to the hall.
“The Winter Soldier, is he here?” The question hadn’t been finished, the words falling from her tongue before you started to close the door, the hair on the back of your neck standing on end.
“No, he’s not.” You answered coolly, the agent on the other side ripping a tool from her thigh holster, the glint of the end and the electricity that started to spark between the posts drawing your ire.
“Don’t start anything.” You gave her a mild warning, your hands gripping the door, and as she tried to bust through with the long taser, you slammed your shoulder into the door.
The edge of the door had broken her hand, the sickening cracks chilling you. When the taser had fallen from her hand, you bent down and scooped it from the floor, curling your fingers against the handle, swinging it once to knock her back from the threshold of the door.
While she had flown into the opposite wall, another agent you had seen lurking in the training room recently, took the place of the first agent that was trying to bust in with a minimal and well-hidden electrode hidden in his hand.
“You have a choice,” he had stepped toward you, slamming the electrode against the door, effectively turning the barrier to a completely useless obstacle at keeping him out, “give us the Soldier-“
“Not happening.” You swung the taser again, using the momentum of his hand catching it mid-strike, to propel yourself forward. You had caught him in the chest with your shoulder, breaking the hold he had on the taser, and the door.
“Get him out of here!” You called over your shoulder to James, briefly able to watch him loading a gun that had been ripped from the wall safe. “James-“
The agent has used the moment of distraction to twist your arm behind your back and kick your feet from under you, the sharp and iron-hot flash of pain from a baton being driven against your lower back was immediate.
“Let her go.” James cocked the gun, stepping toward the agent and yourself, his fingers hovering over the trigger. “Back off and let her go.”
“What the fuck is this? Huh? Some soldier that’s supposed to be dead?” The agent laughed with north, clearly unthreatened by the appearance of James holding a modern gun while facing off against a deadly and trained agent.
“Let her go now, you arrogant son of a bitch.” James had threatened again, taking a step toward you. “You ain’t getting the other guy.”
“You gonna stop me? This little bitch can’t stop me.” When he started to yank you to your feet, you had leaned forward and then forced your head back, cracking the back of your skull against his nose.
It was enough to get his grip to loosen but as you struggled to step over the debris, the agent had grabbed a hold of your hair and smashed your head into the nearest wall, your vision fading in and out.
“You’re gonna be next-“ the agent had taken a single step, a single step toward James and then he had dropped instantly with the thundering crack of a gun, the ear-shattering split of a bullet being fired and the spurt of warm blood on your cheeks as he fell.
“Winter,” you attempted to brace your hands on the floor, attempted to bring yourself to a sitting position, “where is he?”
Pain flooded your body and you fell pathetically to the floor, weak and weary.
“We’re leaving.” His voice, Winter’s voice had echoed in your head as you were lifted, set against a chest. “We need to leave now.”
“You need to leave,” you groaned as you were jostled, being held by James and escorted toward an emergency elevator by Winter, “they’re after you-“
“We are leaving.” He has spoken with finality, addressing you and James. “All of us.”
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takarahase99 · 1 year
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Unexpected Return pt. 2
I gazed up at the ceiling above me as I replayed the events from last week through my mind. A soft knock on my door pulled me from my thoughts. I turned to the now opened door to see Steve standing in the doorframe. 
“How are you feeling?”
“Mentally or Physically?”
“Both?”
“I’ll start with physically. The amount of pain I am in is indescribable. It feels like I’m continuously being stabbed again.”
“And mentally?”
I turned my gaze back to the ceiling with a sigh. Mentally, I was a mess. A broken mess. 
“Mentally… I’m not okay. I keep replaying what happened last week. It’s a broken record in my mind. Losing him destroyed me and now? I’ve no idea what to do. They’ve brainwashed him, Steve. 
“I know, but we cannot give up on finding him.”
“How do you suppose we do that? Stark has practically forbidden any of us from searching him out!”
“Tony has his reasons. All we need to do is trust his process. Besides, you’re in no condition to be out and about anyways.”
“Not even for some coffee and fresh air?”
“Now that’s over exaggerating. Get dressed and meet me out front.”
Before I could say anything else, he was gone. I wasn’t intending to go now. Seems like I’ve no choice now. 
~Time Skip~
The cafe that Steve brought me to was nice. The atmosphere was exactly what I needed at the moment. However, there was this unsettling feeling sitting in the pit of my chest. Something wasn’t right. 
“Something doesn’t feel right, Steve.”
“I sense it too.”
With his response, I activated my power and did a quick mental sweep of the area. I let out a gasp upon my results. 
“Steve. It’s not safe here.”
“What did you find out?”
“I think it’s Bucky. I’m not entirely too sure, but it’s the same mindset from last week’s fight.”
“And you’re positive?”
“I can’t say for sure. There’s something off about it. It’s not entirely the same mindset.”
“Almost like something, or rather someone, altered it?”
“Do you think?”
“Your powers are very strong.”
The idea of my powers actually affecting Bucky caused my heart to race. Using my power again, I locked onto the targeted mind. Maybe I can get him to communicate with me. 
‘James? Is this you?’
No response. Just silence. 
‘Who are you and how do you know my name?’
Yes! A response. It’s him. With my heart racing I looked around in an attempt to physically locate him.
‘You’re not going to find me. Now answer my question. Who. Are. You?’
‘y/n l/n.’
‘Impossible. She died a long time ago.’
So that’s the story they told him. How am I going to explain to him why I am still alive? 
‘Sorry to break the news to you, but whoever told you that story lied. I am y/n l/n and I am very much alive.’
His aura changed. The emotion he was feeling was the same glimpse I got from him last week before passing out. He was more than confused. 
‘Your mindset is right though. I shouldn’t be alive. I should’ve died of old age and natural causes just a few years back. Unfortunately, the cards were not on my side for the life that I wanted. I was abducted by hydra, who used me for their experimental gains. They altered my DNA causing my, from what I’ve assumed, eternal life. The powers I have come from them. I suffered years of torture before being deemed an unfit, or in other terms failed trail. Fortunately enough, my life was spare and I was dumped in the middle of no where.’
‘How do you expect me to believe that?’
‘Fair enough. Okay then. Explain to me how you’re still alive.’
Nothing but silence. I attempted to search for him again. This time I was able to spot him.
‘You want to know the only difference between the two of us? You had the luxury of having your mind wiped of all of our memories. Myself. Well I had to suffer a hundred years without you. I remember everything about you almost as if I met you yesterday.’
I watched his movements as he looked up. Steel eyes meeting my e/c ones. 
‘I’d give anything to have you by my side again.’
‘We could never go back to the way we were.’
‘No we can’t. But that’s why the future is called the future. I’ll give you the time to ponder. But it won’t be long before Tony Stark and law enforcement finds you.’
‘And when they do? What happens then?’
‘Well lets hope they all bring the right mindset to the battlefield. Because one thing that never changed about me. Is how much I’m willing to sacrifice for you.’
‘Why though?’
‘Because I fell in love with a man named Bucky Barnes. And I never stopped loving him.’
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jessybarnes · 1 year
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That time my 10 year old made a little boy cry because he disrespected Bucky in front of her.
Let me preface this by saying that my little girl may be short for her age. 49 inches tall to be exact, and she's usually pretty shy. But when it comes to Bucky... hoo boy... my daughter DOES NOT PLAY when it comes to "her Bucky Bear." (That's what she calls him.) Anyway, this happened the other day and I just had to share it. My friend who works at the school saw the whole thing too. See below the cut for my daughter and I's conversation.
Dava: "Momma? I know you said I won't get in trouble if I defend myself when people are mean to me, but is that still true if someone is mean to someone I love?"
Me: "Yes, baby. If you see someone being mean to someone else it's okay to defend them. In fact, I want you too!"
Dava: "Well, this one kid that bullies me and my other friend said mean things about Bucky today and I couldn't help it, Mom. I just lost it."
Me: *thinking to myself: Oh, lord that was a mistake.* "What happened? What did he say?"
Dava: "We were at recess and I took my Bucky Keychain off my backpack because I wanted to bring him outside for some fresh air. And that boy came up to me and said, "You know he's not a hero, right? He's not even an Avenger. The only cool thing about him was when he was the Winter Soldier, but the Black Panther people took that away so now he's just a dumb dude who was born in New York."
Me: *thinking: Is...is this little boy still alive?* "And what did you do?"
Dava: "Well, I jumped off the monkey bars and stomped up to him. He's a lot taller than me, but I stood so close our toes were almost touching. I looked up at him and said, "Wow, I knew you were dense, but I didn't know you were stupid and blind too. James Buchanan Barnes IS a hero. Look it up, dummy. Marvel confirmed it months ago. He may not have been named an OFFICIAL Avenger, but I'll bet you any amount of money that Sam Wilson will make him feel like he is one in Captain America: Brave New World. Oh, and if you think it's cool when someone is literally TORTURED AND BRAINWASHED to be a freaking murderous puppet then you need to see a doctor because Bucky didn't deserve ANY of that bull crap that Hydra did to him! And another thing! The 'Black Panther people' you mentioned are called the Dora Milaje so get it right! And you wanna know what else? Bucky wasn't born in New York you stupid jerk! He was born in Shelbyville, Indiana! Yeah, that's right! Here in Indiana! So go educate yourself and keep Bucky's name out of your mouth because he's a KING!"
Me: *Jaw on the floor* "And then?"
Dava: "He cried and then I don't know what happened after cause I went back to the monkey bars."
Damn she's brutal.... I pity anyone else who says something about Sebby or Bucky around her 😬 lol.
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mamabear32 · 1 year
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whatever you wanna tell me tbh or what you think i should know..but why does he have metal fingers ? bc rn what im imagining in my head seems kinda messed up..sounds kinda odd saying it out loud tho
Okay so here are the basics of what you need to know about Bucky for the story to make sense:
He was born in 1917, but he was taken captive in 1944 and became a super soldier (enhanced strength, speed, etc). He lost his arm along the way and was given a prosthetic made of vibranium which is the strongest metal on earth. He was taken captive by an organization called Hydra that tortured and brainwashed him into being an assassin. He eventually escaped and ended up an Avenger with Steve, who’s his best friend. (Steve was also given super soldier serum, but by the good guys.)
This is obviously an abridged version of events so please let me know if you have other questions!
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@ EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THE MAKING OF ENDGAME: I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR STEVE’S ENDING. I’M STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS TWO YEARS LATER; THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW YOU MESSED UP 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😫😫😫😩😩😫😩😩😩😩😩😔😔😔😔😡😡🤯🤯🤯🤯😑😑😑😑😑🤮🤮🤮🤮🤡🤡💩💩🤡🤡
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luna-rainbow · 2 years
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This rather unpleasant comment turned up on my recent meta and I don’t want to start a fight (with a guest account, no less) on AO3, so uh, sorry Tumblr mutuals, here's my 1000 word rant.
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Like okay, maybe my writing sucked and gave you that impression. The whole point of that meta was to tease out why he said the "I'm invisible, I'm turning into you" line despite it seeming out of character. And the reason it felt jarring was because we don't expect Bucky to be someone who says that. As opposed to, say, Tony-Manchurian-Candidate-Stark.
Disregarding why you thought it appropriate to leave a comment bashing Bucky when the story has "Bucky Barnes" tagged all over it, and why you'd conclude he's self-centered when he spent my entire meta worrying more about Steve's safety than he did his own, how do you watch the movies and not see that Bucky is one of the least self-focused people in MCU canon?
During much of his very limited screen time he's either being forced into certain actions or has absolutely no autonomy, but the few times he's had the ability to choose, he's never centered himself in that choice.
Here's 15 instances Bucky put himself last. Because I'm that annoyed.
1) He waded in to fish Steve out of the back alley and fought off the bully, and it's suggested that this happens frequently -- like, are we just going to dismiss this because Bucky is bigger than Steve? There are plenty of people who would have stood back or would have waited until help arrived, by which stage Steve would be in hospital.
2) He spends his last night before shipping out setting Steve up with a date, then half of that double date chasing after Steve and arguing with him because he was worried that Steve would either get arrested or successfully enlist and get killed. He didn't ask Steve to make this night about him, while a more entitled person would have because it was his farewell and not Steve's.
3) His first words to Steve when Steve untied him from the gurney was to ask Steve "Did it (getting the serum) hurt?" Even when he was the one barely able to walk.
4) "No, not without you!" even when the factory was exploding around them.
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5) Despite being captured, tortured and experimented on, he didn't even hesitate when Steve asked him if he was going to be part of the team. I even covered this in my meta, he's tired and he's disillusioned and he just wants to get away from the war, but he doesn't because Steve asked.
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6) He picks up the shield when Steve was down and moves/shoots to draw the Hydra agent's attention away from Steve and towards himself, which results in him being blasted out of the train.
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7) He offered to move in with Steve despite the stigma around tuberculosis (and being poor and Irish and sickly) at the time.
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8) The line that made Bucky break out of 70 years of brainwashing. It wasn't when Steve called him Bucky, it wasn't when Steve said "Your name is James Bucky Barnes", it wasn't when Steve said "You're my friend". It was only when Steve said, "I'm with you til the end of the line" because that was the oath of companionship and service that Bucky had made to Steve. The line wasn't about Bucky, but about what Bucky had promised to do for Steve. Like. This alone should prove my point.
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9) He pulled Steve out of the water holding onto Steve with his one good hand while his other arm was broken (how did he even swim), even though he knew every moment wasted would put him in danger of being killed or captured, even though for him everyone was now an enemy. Despite all this, he pulled Steve out of the water and waited to see that he was breathing before he left.
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10) Faced with an entire kill squad in Bucharest, Bucky still stuck to his rule of trying not to kill anyone.
11) His first words when he came out of Zemo's control was a horrified, "What did I do?" Instead of, you know, self-centeredly focusing on how horrified and upset he deserved to be that he had his autonomy ripped away again just when he thought he had been safe for two years.
12) He willingly went back to Siberia with Steve to stop the other super soldiers, despite it being the place where he was held, tortured and mind-wiped, and despite it being the place where he was made into a training puppet for the other soldiers.
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13) Even injured and with his arm severed, Bucky grabbed onto Tony's foot to stop Tony from blasting Steve in the chest.
14) Bucky choosing to go back into cryo because he's afraid someone else with the Code Words will use him to hurt people.
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15) Despite being in retirement, he took one look at the vibranium arm and all he said was "Where's the battle?"
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I'm stopping here because I refuse to recognise EG!Steve and I also have trouble accepting TFATWS!Bucky's arc as canon.
Like, I know MCU writers are pathetic at sympathy, but I never expected the same from someone purporting to be Loki's fan, of all people. To call Bucky's singular snide remark "pity party"? Bucky did not, for the entire CATFA, complain about his 2-3 years of war experience (and if you haven't been at the frontline then please don't even attempt to belittle how horrific it had been), nor did he complain about the forced labour they had been put through in Azzano or the experiments Zola did to him on that gurney. Bucky also did not, at any point after CATWS, talk about the horrific experiences he went through under Hydra, nor did he ever ask anyone to give their attention to his pain or his trauma. His "I'm turning into you" remark is literally the closest he came to making it a "what about me" moment, and my meta was about why he emotionally came to that breaking point. Not once since that moment did movie!Bucky ever try to take a moment and turn it into something about himself.
And just to finish off, acting in self-interest is normal human behaviour on the spectrum of self-preservation, but that isn't even the pattern for Bucky. Bucky has always focused his choices on making life easier or better or more right for Steve. Bucky is not self-centered, but he is most definitely Steve-centered, and on that point I will accept no objections.
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Warmth
Pairing: Alpha Beefy Bucky x Female Mutant Reader
Summary: Being paired off with Bucky Barnes on a mission was hard enough. Hell, the two of you being a part of Hydra a long time ago was already hard enough. But when the two of you are forced to seek shelter in an Avengers safehouse, it gets even worse.
Because there's only one freaking bed.
Will you survive the night with the grumpy Alpha by your side? Or will you rip your hair out?
Who knows. The nights are unpredictable.
What you do know is, is that Bucky Barnes is too fucking hot for his damn good.
Maybe you just might pull your hair out.
Warnings: Heavy A/B/O dynamics. Mentions of past torture from Hydra for both Bucky and the Reader. This Bucky is sort of a mix between CW!Bucky, (hence the beefy!Bucky), but also TFATWS!Bucky bc I love grumpy old man, sassy Bucky. Some angst/hurt/comfort, because I'm a hoe for angst. No heats/ruts in this lil fic, just good ole rough smut. Some biting and some mild blood too. This sex would be considered unprotected irl, but in the a/b/o verse, I don't think you'd need protection??? Who knows. Italics are for when Bucky and the Reader are talking in Russian. The Reader also has a nightmare, which ties back in with the whole mention of past torture from Hydra. If I missed any other warnings in this, let me know and I'll make sure to add them!
Additional Notes: This was written for @agentofbarnes's writing challenge! Congrats on 7k, Zee! I'm sorry this took so long. I started writing this in July, and let it marinate for far too long. But it's here now. I hope you enjoy!
All writing mistakes in this fic are mine, as usual.
Word Count: 4,602
Hell.
This was absolute pure fucking hell.
As you and the former Winter Soldier, James "Bucky" Barnes himself stared at the front door of one of the safehouses for the Avengers in case of emergencies, you couldn't help make eye contact with him.
Great. This was just great.
No one, not even Clint had told you that it would be snowing in freaking January in rural Ohio, of all places.
Then again, you had faintly remembered doing gymnastics before you had been taken by Hydra with some arrogant Alpha guy named Lance. He had been a real pain in your ass and you remembered you had made him cry once. After you had escaped from Hydra, you had bumped into him again. Funnily enough, he was still just as scared of you as he was all those years ago. Which, you know, was nice.
But what was not nice was the Alpha that was currently looking back at you. James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky, Buck, White Panther, Jesus, Bionic Staring Machine- (the last three nicknames, all given to him by the Alpha Sam Wilson himself), scowled at you. His blue eyes even narrowed at you.
You wouldn't call what you and Bucky had a friendship. You two weren't even enemies. Heck, colleagues? Teammates? That was just putting it lightly, the relationship you had with the Alpha. Even when you had been captured and brainwashed into serving Hydra, the two of you had never crossed paths. It had been only after Hydra had fallen, did the two of you actually meet in person. Other than that, nothing. Nada. Nope. No with a capital N.O.
"Come on, let's go." Bucky all but grumbled. Realizing he didn't have the key to get inside, he looked at you. Like you had the key or something.
"James, I don't have the key." Bucky groaned. "Do you have a bobby pin, Omega? Something?" He asked in Russian. You plucked a bobby pin from your hair. A stray piece of hair fell. Putting the flat side in, you managed to unlock the door. You turned to look at him, giving him a toothy grin.
"Learned that from Pit Pocketing for Dummies, 101."
Bucky rolled his eyes at that. You just sniggered as you opened the door, greeted by cool air smacking against your face.
It made you shiver.
Because, unlike Bucky, you did not have any of that good ole supersoldier serum in your veins.
You were a mutant that could control water. Sometimes, you wished that you had the ability to control fire, because then, at least you could be warm in such dire situations such as these.
Taking your shoes off and putting them at the door, you surveyed the place.
It was a small house. Like a cozy little cottage. Probably only had at least two rooms at the max. It certainly gave off that vibe. There was a fireplace in the living room. A fully furnished kitchen, complete with a little wooden table with benches instead of individual chairs near the window.
Your grip on your bag of clothes became tighter as you realized that you needed to take a shower. Your stomach grumbled, alerting Bucky that you were hungry. Your comms had died. The two of you could contact no one until you charged them.
Which meant for at least tonight, or whenever the snowstorm outside stopped, you only had Bucky Barnes for company.
Well. That certainly would be pleasant.
"Go and shower first. I'll make dinner."
***
After your shower, you walked back into the kitchen, your sweet smell that reminded Bucky of deserts that his Ma used to make for him and his younger sisters back in Brooklyn drifted towards his nose. Thanks to the serum, he had already smelled it a mile away.
Cinamon rolls. Apple turnovers. Apple pies. Pumpkin pies. Bucky felt his Alpha rumble at the smell. Even Winter stirred at the familiar scent he loved so much.
When Bucky had gotten the trigger words wiped away from him due to Princess Shuri's genius, the Winter Soldier hadn't gone away from him. Rather, Winter had become a part of Bucky. Winter had been what Bucky became to survive Hydra. Winter was Bucky, only darker. More possessive. The deepest, darkest thing of him that the Wakandan Elders had helped him find again and reconcile with.
It was during times like this, making dinner in the kitchen that reminded him so much of his time back in Wakanda. Taking care of his farm and his pet goats, (that he sadly couldn't bring back with him when coming back to America), that he missed the most. It was domestic, in a way. He could almost feed into the fantasy, the thought that you were his Omega, his Bondmate, and that he was just making dinner for you.
From an outsider's perspective, it might've looked like Bucky didn't like you. That he just tolerated you. Treated you like how he treated everyone else in his life.
But it was the contrary.
He liked you.
He liked you very, very much. Other than Steve, Natalia, and heck, even the winged pigeon- you were one of the only people to truly understand him. You were probably even on the same playing field as Natalia, because you knew what it was like to be controlled by the Russian government. You held him at an arm's length at most, and you never treated him like he was some fragile, broken man. When you treated his wounds, you never fretted like other Omega's. Nor did you dottle. Ask him if he was okay every five seconds. It was disappointing in a way.
Bucky turned his head, just as you hopped yourself onto the counter, away from the conduction stove.
The smell of butter pasta was filling your nose. You watched with rapt attention as Bucky shut off the stove, grabbed the freshly grated cheese, and dumping it in. To hell with calories. Stirring quickly for a few seconds, he stopped. Turning his head to look at you, he gave you a low smirk. His scent of something sandalwood, oceany filling your nose. It made your Omega preen.
"Get some bowls, will ya doll? And forks too." Hopping off of the countertops, he heard a chirping, yet sarcastic reply.
"Yes, Sarge."
He felt his pants tighten at the thought. Hearing you grab all of the stuff, he swallowed.
Not that he would tell you that.
No.
Never.
***
"Oh, you've gotta be fucking with me."
So, as luck would have it. There weren't two bedrooms.
Nope.
There was only one.
Not only that, the entire room was fully furnished. A closet was on the left side of the door, against the wall. There was a window and just a bit to right, in the middle of the room, was a queen-sized bed, all made up with all the fluffiest blankets, comforters, and pillows imaginable.
"And you're sure this is the only room?" Bucky said. "Yeah! It's the only one, James. It's either this or the couch. And I'm not sleeping on the couch. It's too cold. Whoever built this safehouse didn't have any heaters built in either. Fuck, is this how I die? Freezing to death?" Your voice was getting higher with concern.
Bucky just rolled his eyes.
"No, doll. You're not to freeze to death. We're going to share that bed."
You turned your head towards him like he had just grown a second head. "What?" you exclaimed. "No. No, no, no. Noooo. James. Nu-uh. Uh-uh. I'm not going to sleep with you in my tank top and underwear. the least you've seen me in is a pair of short shorts and a tank top."
Bucky inhaled deeply through his nostrils.
Get yourself together Barnes.
Don't throw her over your shoulder.
Don't do that.
"You're a water mutant, doll. You're not a fire mutant. You aren't a supersoldier either. I'm not letting you freeze to death. I'll keep you warm all night. Better yet, don't sleep in your tank top and shorts. Our body heats will do just fine." Bucky snapped at you. You were still trying to collect your thoughts.
And then the realization, the reality of your situation, smacked you right across the face.
Bucky was asking you to sleep naked.
With him.
In the same frigging bed together.
Oh you were going to die. You were going to die and go up to wherever other spirits went to after they died. You weren't really all that religious nor spiritual.
But tonight though?
Yeah. Maybe you believed. Maybe a little.
Just the slightest bit.
"Okay, okay," you grumbled, "I won't wear any clothes. Better yet, I'll even give you a show. That'll even out the odds, James."
***
Warm.
He was just oh so warm.
Your back was flush against his front, feeling skin-on-skin.
You had stopped shivering about an hour ago.
Bucky had scouted the safehouse, to see if there was actually a heater, in case you had missed anything.
Nope.
There were no heaters in the safehouse.
Absolutely none.
Not to mention, all of the blankets weren't as thick. From what Bucky had observed a few hours ago after dinner while you had tackled the task of doing the dishes, was that the safe house had been abandoned for a while. It was either that, or nobody had stocked this place up for a while.
He had chosen the latter.
With his strong arms wrapped around your stomach, he pulled you close. You were asleep. Dead asleep. Bucky felt and saw your body rise up and down as you slept, your breaths all evened out.
It was nice, almost. Outside was quiet. Bucky could hear other than your breathing only the soft wind blowing due to the snowstorm outside.
For a moment, Bucky was lulled into a sense of calm. His mind was clear. His Alpha and Winter were quiet. He didn't have to fret. Or look over his shoulder. Didn't have to second guess himself or his actions anymore.
And then he heard it.
Soft whimpers coming from the sweet-smelling Omega that he was currently holding in his arms. You had begun to squirm, arms thrashing out. Your legs smacked on his knees, trying to desperately claw yourself free from his tightening grip on you.
"... I'll be good... just don't chuck me in the freezer again... please sir... I hate it there... please don't chuck me in the freezer, please..." you were sobbing in your sleep. You started to blubber, continually trying to claw yourself out of Bucky's grip. The metal plates of his Vibrainum arm shifted as his metal fingers tightened around your stomach. Bucky knew not to apply too much pressure on you- you weren't like him, Steve, or Natalia. You didn't have the serum in you.
"Doll? Hey, doll. C'mon, wake up. It's not real." Bucky tried shaking you awake to no avail. You had continued to thrash in his arms.
Sniffling loudly, your Omega was thrashing in her cage, in the confines of your mind. She was whispering, yelling at you to wake up.
"Omega. Wake up."
Bucky didn't mean to use his Tone. But you were being so hysterical, shaking, and crying to the point where it was beginning to worry him. Your sweet scent had begun to twist and turn into something more burnt. Singed. It made his eyes water.
You stopped thrashing in his grip. Your body froze up at his use of his Tone. Your Omega stopped throwing her temper tantrum too. She had paused for a second.
Her Alpha had given her a Command.
So why wouldn't she listen?
Peering from her cage in the confines of your mind, she sighed happily.
Alpha. Alpha cares about us. She whispered in your ear.
Slowly returning to consciousness, you struggled to know where you were for a second.
You had been having a nightmare.
A full-fledged nightmare.
You hadn't had one of those in a while.
"... Where am I?" Your voice was gentle but confused.
You still didn't know if you were still in that godforsaken Hydra facility or not. But you just wanted to make sure.
"Here, doll. You're here with me. We're in Ohio, remember? Sharin' one bed together cause I don't wanna be a bad Alpha and letcha freeze to death." Bucky said.
You couldn't help it. You snuggled into him, hearing a deep rumble coming from his chest. Bucky's Alpha was pleased. Very pleased. Winter was quiet. Which surprised Bucky. The little shit was usually more vocal about his own needs these days.
For a moment, it felt okay. You felt that weird fog lifting. Your brain slowly settling in your current surroundings. Your sweet, filling scent that had twisted and burnt into something smoky and burnt was slowly wearing off.
You were still a little shaken up. You could still hear your screaming echoing in your head. Your voice trembling, and because you didn't know if you were still stuck in the facility, "How long?"
"Not long."
Bucky watched as you lifted your head up, blinking once. And then twice. And then again, just to be sure.
Your body felt like it still wasn't physically here. Your body still felt like it was back in the cryo chamber, stuck in that damn freezer. Bucky watched your chest heave up and down. Taking in deep breaths.
Then you flopped right back into your previous spot, your back facing his front. Bucky pulled you back with his metal arm. You heard the metal plates in his arm readjust and move. You couldn't help it. Your vagina throbbed at the sound. Chewing on your bottom lip, you wiggled a little bit.
A deep rumble had come from Bucky.
The metal-armed Alpha had pushed a little bit of his weight down on you. Making you feel all warm and safe with the sandalwood and salty scent wrapped all around you like a cocoon.
You wiggled up against him again, trying to get comfortable. Your eyes closed.
A deep groan came from Bucky.
Was he asleep?
You stopped moving.
Another groan came from Bucky. His arms were wrapped around you. Not tightly, but still. It was kinda nice in a way. You could feel every muscle on his broad chest against your back.
Maybe Bucky had the right idea to sleep naked after all.
You shifted again. Trying to wiggle out a little out of the embrace.
A deep growl rumbled from Bucky. His grip on you tightened. You squirmed against him again.
Voice gravelly, "Stop moving."
Your eyes flew open.
He was awake.
And you had been-
Letting out a hiss, Bucky pushed his entire weight onto you and grinded his half-hard cock against your ass cheeks. Not even caring about if his entire weight would crush you, because of the serum.
He saw red.
Pure absolute red.
You choked. A needy little whimper filled the room.
Bucky's metal hand traveled down, all the way down to your pussy, his knee pushing your legs apart. You were panting in anticipation, eyes wide as saucers. His metal fingers were shoved deep, all the way to the knuckles. A pitiful whine left your lips. A needy whine too.
When he entered you, a choked sob escaped from your lips. Your hands curled into fists, eyes rolling into the back of your head as the formerly brainwashed assassin let out a growl.
"So sick and tired of you teasin' me," was what the former Winter Soldier growled under his breath, hissing at the way your cunt wrapped around him. Slick was smeared around your inner thighs, and you couldn't help but sob at the feeling of being so full.
Bucky was groaning above you, his hands nearing shaking.
Never had he ever thought he could ever get to do this again.
Because Bucky very much still liked sex. He very much so was a sexual creature. Being inside you gave him flashes of his life before Hydra. It made him remember a much skinner, smaller Steve. A much duller, war-stricken Brooklyn. It made him remember the giggles of Omegas. It made him remember his Ma's cooking growing up. Rebecca's giggles in his ears. Just like the old times.
Not for the first time in his life, he didn't feel trapped.
He felt free.
This was freeing to him.
And when he began to move, position his hips against your back, smacking roughly. Good enough to leave marks in the morning.
Wet, squishing noise echoed noisily every time he bottomed out of you. Every thrust in, filling you, completing you. It sent you gasping and crying out into the pillows. His hands- both metal and flesh, reached under you, to grab ahold of your breasts in a tight grip that only made you sob for more.
"More, more, more, please James, please-"
Something snapped in him.
Broke.
Bucky had never felt this feral before. The last time he felt this feral had been the hours when he first presented.
You whined loudly when he slid out of you, crying out at the empty feeling. Your Omega screeched in alarm.
Why had her Alpha stopped? Why?
Grabbing ahold of your legs, he lifted them up. Before he thrusted back in again, filling you up to the brim. It was deeper than last time, and his cock hit that spongy part. Hit your g-spot so good that you screamed into the pillows.
You were coming. You were coming so fast, that deep coil inside you snapping like a bomb wire being cut that you never got the chance to feel your programs. Your body jolted, spasmed. Your legs lifted off of the bed or at least tried to. Bucky's body weight was still keeping you down. So all you could do was grip the bedsheets when Bucky started to pound into you again, taking all he could.
You couldn't help yourself. You glanced back, just to take a glimpse of him.
James Buchanan Barnes looked downright feral and your pussy clenched around him deeper at the sight. as if she knew.
Every thrust made him go deeper, hitting your cervix every time. It made your second orgasm piggyback off of your first one, sobbing into the pillows. It was only when your second orgasm came, your walls clenching down onto his cock that Bucky's teeth sank into your shoulder, shattering, breaking the skin there. The taste of copper filling his mouth. Bucky let out a grunt as he came. Filling you up with so much of his jizz that he was sure it would drip from you tomorrow morning.
Bucky lifted his mouth from your shoulder.
Pants filled the room as the two of you tried to regain yourselves.
Bucky shifted, moving off of you and lying beside you. His eyes weren't black anymore. They were back to their normal blue. They reminded you of the sea in the morning on a peaceful day.
Your hand came to touch his face. Your hand faltered, trembled though. Because you were nervous.
"It's okay," his voice was deeper, huskier. It made your pussy throb. "You can touch me. It's okay."
Your hands came to touch, cup his jaw. You leaned in, pressing your lips against his. His lips were soft. Your lips moved together, his tongue slipping into your mouth. The kiss became deeper. You hadn't expected it to become deeper. You had been just going for an innocent kiss.
You swore.
Like- you really did.
You didn't expect to be fully making out with James Buchanan Barnes.
But it wasn't like you were complaining though.
Because you weren't.
Bucky was the first one to pull away. He could see how red, bruised your lips looked. He didn't recoil from your gentle touch on his face. He welcomed it. He truly did. Hands holding your hips, he looked at you.
His lips traveled down to your mating gland. He touched over it with his tongue, giving it a broad lick. His teeth sank in, piercing the skin.
Your ears popped. You cried out. His grip on your hips didn't falter.
"Yes, yes, yes," you gasped. Bucky lifted his mouth up from your gland, before sinking his teeth back in and biting again. Making his mark all that deeper.
It was only when he lifted his mouth from your gland, wiped your blood off of him with the blanket did you come at him, sinking your teeth into his gland. It made him grunt, even groan. His flesh hand came to your head, pushing your head down, making you sink your teeth even deeper into his gland.
"Yesss," hissed Bucky, his flesh hand sinking into your hair, gripping it. "Deeper, doll. Go deeper."
Winter and his Alpha completely agreed.
Theirs.
You were theirs.
After what seemed an eternity, you lifted your head up. Wiping your mouth on the blanket, you spoke.
"I missed you. What did you do to get us paired on this mission? I thought I was going with Sam," you said to your Alpha. A smirk stretched over Bucky's lips. "Ah," your Alpha said, still smirking, "I might've put something in his drink to make him vomit his guts out. He got sick."
A noise came from you.
"You gave him food poisoning? James!" You scolded him. Bucky leaned back against the headboard. "Don't worry doll, it'll wear off when we come back to the Compound. Bird Brain won't even know what hit him."
You shook your head in disbelief.
"You're unbelievable, Sasha. Did you teach Natalia that trick, too? Hmm? She and all of your Widow students?"
Bucky was still grinning ear to ear at you when he responded back.
"Well little bird, someone had to teach them. After all, I was their teacher. They all called me Yasha. Speaking of my Widow students..." he trailed off in Russian. You looked at him.
"You've contacted one of the KBG? About that leaked Russian tape with the orange man that is, unfortunately, our President?" He asked you. You nodded. "Yeah, Sasha. Everything's going as planned. Although, I think assassinating the orange man would've been a much better option. We would've gone in there and made it a done deal by now! Fuckin' Steve and his righteous self." You grumbled unhappily.
"Hmm. It would've been great as a date night. Don't you think, doll?" Bucky drawled. You gave a serious nod.
"Although... seeing him freak out on Twitter is much, much better. The tea is better when it's hot." You grinned. Bucky just let out a sigh.
"I'm restricting your phone privileges. And your TV privileges. You need to stop watching those drama channels, Mega."
A noise of deep discomfort came from you.
"Sasha!" you whined, "then what will I do while you're gone on missions?"
"Wait for me to come back?" Bucky suggested. You just sighed. Even shook your head in fondest. You happily snuggled up to your Alpha, your nose rubbing up against your Mate's gland. "I always wait for you to come back, Sasha. I wait and I worry. I love you, James."
A deep rumble came from your Mate.
"I love you too, Little Omega."
Your head peeked up.
"So, can we tell the rest of the team when I leak the tape?" You asked, your eyes glimmering with mischief.
Bucky burst out laughing.
"Yes, yes, yes. We can tell them once you've wreaked havoc, Omega."
"Good." You were nodding seriously, in complete agreement. "It'll be fun. And... also, I forgot to tell you."
The joyful expression on Bucky's face was suddenly replaced with one of worry.
"What? What is it?" He asked gently. "When you were gone for your last mission two months ago... I... I came off of my suppressants. I'm ready, James. I want a family with you."
Shock flickered over Bucky's face. And then he was shoving you back into the bed with a shriek coming from you.
"When's your pre-heat?" He demanded.
You felt it. A cramp. It made you whimper.
"N-Now, James. Now," you stammered. Your Alpha pulled your legs apart roughly before he thrusted back into you, making you gasp.
"Say it," he hissed. "Say you want it. Say you want my knot. Say you want my pups."
"I want it, James." Your voice was a low whisper, even staggering a little bit. "I want your knot. I want your pups. Please. Please, Sasha."
His hands, both metal, and flesh gripped your shoulder tight as that vein of his neck nearly popped. His eyes were black with want. Soon, his Rut would be upon him and he'd breed you. Put his pup in you. You'd carry his pup. He'd have the pack that Winter and his Alpha desperately wanted after all these years.
A whine came from you when he pulled out, only to let out a scream when he thrusted back in. Hitting that part of you that made your eyes roll into the back of your head. Your mouth fell open, but no words came out.
His pace was brutal, not even letting you hold onto him. Your hands were left to grip the bedsheets again. You gripped them so tight that your knuckles turned white and you thought that they were going to pop.
Bucky continued to push, continued to shove his ejaculate deeper and deeper inside of you. A mixture of your slick and his ejaculate smeared all over your thighs and trickled down your legs, and you just didn't know what was happening. Your hindbrain was telling you that this was what was needed. That your designation wanted, nay, demanded this. After all the shit you had gone through, your Omega had found her Alpha and now, now she was determined to have a family. Have the pack she desperately desired.
"Mine."
A harsh thrust made you sob.
"You're mine now. I waited for you for so long. Wanted you for so long. You're mine now. Got my Mark. Got my clothes in your nest. Gonna give you my name. Gonna give you my pups. You're mine. All mine. Say you're mine. Say it!"
You came screaming. Your orgasm making you see white. Bucky continued slamming into you, the wet, squishing noises coming from your pussy becoming louder and louder the more he pushed in. Your teeth sank into his flesh shoulder, shattering and piercing the skin there. You tasted copper in your mouth.
Bucky came with a shout. He shoved you back completely, making you shriek. And then he was leaning in again, sinking his teeth into your gland. Making another deep mark. It made you fall limp into the bed as his knot swelled, locking the two of you in place.
He lifted his head.
Being inside you... knotted inside of you... it was bliss. It was just as good as cockwarming. His cock all nestled deep inside of you whenever you two would sneak off to sleep together.
"Bite me again. Give me your mark, Omega." he panted. Slowly, your head went up, you slowly sat up, before taking in a deep breath and sinking your teeth back into his gland.
Home.
You had brought Bucky home. He held you tight, whispering in your ear how much he loved you and how much of a good Omega you were.
"I love you Omega." His voice was rough.
Lifting your head from his gland. Blood still trickling down the corners of your mouth. You offered him a smile. A genuine one. One that made his stomach all fluttery.
"I love you too, Alpha."
786 notes · View notes
saryasy · 2 years
Text
Here's a little snippet from a WIP I'm working on:
This is going to be fun, Sam thinks. “Oh, you’re high high.”
“Am not!” Bucky pouts, and for a moment Sam is stricken by the vast contrast between the man sitting in front of him, and the man he read about in half redacted files in dingy motel rooms. He’s more open nowadays, smiles easily, talks endlessly. And yet, sitting here, in a hospital bed, the harsh neon lights reflecting off his face, he looks young in a way that makes Sam ache. And suddenly, he can see that little boy from Brooklyn, being shipped off to the unknown, with no idea of what the future was holding for him. Suddenly, there was no Hydra, no Winter Soldier, no brainwashing, or torture. Nothing but him.
Nothing but Bucky.
“Sammy.” Bucky’s voice brings him back to the present. “I’m gonna tell you a little secret,” he says in a hushed, conspiring tone.
“Okay..” Sam says, drawing the word out.
Bucky takes a deep breath, steeling himself. He stares right into Sam’s eyes with the determination of a skilled sniper. He’s wearing a serious look that Sam has never seen off the field before, and his heart starts beating wildly. He doesn’t know why, or what sort of secret Bucky might be keeping from him, but he is suddenly scared.
Bucky finally breathes out. “I love you,” he says with the same deadly focus still on Sam. It’s a weird contrast to be told such soft words while looking at the expression of someone who’s ready to fight a war.
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lesbian-deadpool · 2 years
Note
okay you know what here comes nothing…
steve's character NEVER made sense to me and never will.
first in the avengers movie: who the hell out him in charge when he's the least qualified after bruce. like clint has had like 20 years of experience in shield and nat has had at least like 15 years of grueling training in the red room and then like 5 years in shield okay? so these two know how to lead a team and how to act on a battlefield and come out victorious. next we have tony who has been iron man for 2 years and he has fought terrorists and maniacs all around. and then we have thor who has HUNDREDS of years of war experience. steve on the other hand has like a year of war experience. so i don't get why HE is the leader and the one calling the shots in the avengers when you have three people WAY more qualified than him.
then in catws i just do not get how he just simply recruits people to join him in his suicide mission like… if sam had a couple additional working brain cells and wasn't fanboying hard, he would not have joined him. and listen there is loyalty to friends and then there is steve who multiplied it by four hundred thousands which leads us to the shitshow called
cacw… like where do i start. did steve have a point in opposing the accords about not wanting to be on a leash, yeah he did. but instead of keeping him emotions in check and talking it out he instead worked on splitting the team up and beat up the ones who don't agree with him. i know tony is not an angel and he made mistakes but the accords were gonna happen whether they liked it or not and if the team stayed together then they can show up as a united front and demand changes in the accords. but once again steve saw bucky and he couldn't see anything or anyone anymore no matter who he hurts in the process.
so half the avengers ended up in jail and wanda treated like an animal. like even if bucky got arrested, if he had been honest with the team and especially tony, you want me to believe that they wouldn't have all helped him get bucky out. so that's why agree mostly with nat's take on the events and when she emphasized the necessity of the team staying together.
and then he goes out calling the shots in aif like he's the man in charge, and his biggest mistake is always counting on luck to solve his problems… he always has this stupid optimism that everything is gonna work out simply because he is captain america like that is supposed to erase all his failures and flaws and mistakes.
and last but not least you cannot convince me that steve went back in time KNOWING that bucky was being TORTURED and BRAINWASHED and turned into a mindless soldier by hydra and steve sat around looking pretty for peggy who he couldn't have known that well to fall this hard for. like he let all the awful things happen around him and he just watched from the sidelines eating popcorn when throughout all the movies he is shown as that self righteous hero who would not let anything slighty bad happen on his watch.
honestly i can go on and on roasting every single one of the characters in the mcu except most the women cause women are always right but i'll just stop here :)
so after my rant the important question is… where the hell is my tshirt??!
Okay, so this is gonna be like an essay to match yours, so get ready for that under the cut lol
The first point: You are so right about that and I've never thought about it that way before.
Thor, Clint, Nat, and Tony have the most experience and qualifications out of all of The Avengers to run/be the leader of a team like that.
While Steve has maybe a single year of out of date war strategies and experience.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love Tony, but at that point in his life (during the first Avengers movie) he was not yet ready (be that bot experience and some forms of maturity) to run The Avengers.
Same goes for Thor, as we were shown in his movies.
He's not a King/a leader, even if he is worthy to be one. He is a fighter. So that's him out of the running.
So, that just leaves the logical option of Clint and Natasha sharing the position.
But no. It had to be Steve. Why?
Because of his over-glorified title of 'Captain America'.
That's the only reason.
Now, on to your second point. I honestly don't have a problem with him recruiting more people to take down H.Y.D.R.A. controlled S.H.I.E.L.D..
But! What I do have an issue with in that movie, is Steve thinking that he needed to know everything that happens in S.H.I.E.L.D., even when it's above his clearance level.
His reasoning?
He's Captain America, so he has to know this stuff.
I couldn't agree more with your points on Civil War.
The Accords are flawed at best.
But they could have kept a level head, stayed together, got the best lawyers and have all the human rights violations removed from the Accords. While still doing what's right by the civilians.
But no.
Steve wanted his way or the highway.
And the thing is, I honestly don't think he understood that the bad things of the Accords could have been changed and/or scrapped entirely. Because that's how laws and stuff work. That you can fight to have them changed, the right way. And not be on the run to do it. Especially in more modern times.
But, let's be entirely honest here, he wouldn't know as deeply as the rest of us.
He went under the ice in WWII.
He never lived through most of the Civil Rights Movement's (be that the Civil Rights for black people, the LGBTQ+, the disabled, for mental health etc..), nor did he grow up with the knowledge, and the change of the world after they had happened.
He only found out about them once he had gotten out of the ice. When they were all very much still happening back in the Mid '40s.
So, that only leads me to believe that he doesn't get the full extent, or the full sense, of how fighting the legal system can work.
But yeah, you're also right, he did just get tunnel vision when it came to Bucky (once again) and thought, "fuck all my other friends and people who care for me, they're not my Bucky!"
Also, side note, I hate it when people demonize Tony and his team for fighting Team Cap when they were the ones pulling their punches the whole time and Team Cap were in it for the kill if needed (sans Clint to Natasha).
And people rag on at Tony for bringing Peter into the fight (when they didn't even want or intend for it to be a fight), because he was a minor.
While yeah, I get that, having a teenager there wasn't the best decision. But at the same time, he was meant to just be there to "web them up" if anything started to stop them from fighting them, and not to get into the actual thick of things.
Granted, that didn't happen.
But hardly anyone talks about the fact that Steve could tell that Peter was a kid, and still threw a like four tone container crate on him, then walked away when he was buckling under the weight.
If Steve would have had a sit-down and a long talk with Tony about Bucky, his brainwashing, and what happened to his parents, in a controlled environment, I guarantee you Tony would have been fucking pissed beyond belief, but he would not have snapped the way he did when he actually found out about it and in that way.
So, all in all, yeah.
Nat was right.
Yet another reason that she should have been the leader of The Avengers from the start, and not Steve.
Honestly, Steve going back to be with Peggy is one of the most stupid things he (and the MCU) has ever done.
He kissed her once, started to and pretty much did get over her, buried her, kissed her niece, then went back to her.
In what fucking universe does that make sense??
Not to mention all of the bullshit he pulled for bucky, just to leave him in an unfamiliar world, because lbh, he's not fully used to it either, basically alone (like Steve was) to go back to Peggy, while Bucky was getting tortured at that time.
This is what makes me believe that wasn't really him.
Oh yeah, most of the characters, minus most of the women, are 100% flawed and can be problematic.
Like, I love Tony, but he's not perfect (when truly nobody is). But I still love him, bc he has a personality and some of, if not the best growth out of all the guys.
So, T-shirt, jacket, hat! Whatever you want!
Welcome to the club!
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euphoric-barnes · 3 years
Text
his solace. — b. barnes
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synopsis: in bucky's list of people he wanted to make amends with, there were two names that he considered as his 'top priorities'—his friend, yori and you, his girlfriend.
pairing: bucky x fem!reader
genre: fluff fluff fluff—okay maybe a pinch of angst
warning(s): mentions of nightmares, a bit of tfatws spoilers, mentions of insecurities, violence, soft bucky, non proof read HEHE, one swear word
wc: 1,367
notes: idk what this is but... ive been wanting to post this so- also i suck at titles lmao
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bucky enters his apartment to see you on his couch sleeping, probably waiting for his arrival. ever since he tagged along with sam on the mission about the flag smashers, he's been texting you non stop—giving you updates because he felt bad for departing without telling you. bucky silently drops his bag on the ground, beside the couch as he walks towards you, kneeling on one knee as he watches you sleep with a smiling forming on his face.
then, he remembers what sam said.
but you gotta make them feel better. you gotta go to them and be of service.
bucky sighs, gently brushing the hair off your face. bucky vividly remembers his nightmares to the point even though he is awake it haunts him. especially when he's with you as you smile widely at him, after all, you are the happiest when you're with him. how many times has he heard you say that? probably a lot more then sam made fun of his staring problem. bucky would smile widely but the moment you turn your head away, bucky's smile would slowly slip off with his guilt eating him up.
he couldn't believe he hurt you back then.
it was so clear. you were younger, probably in your teenage years. you were on the ground, staring at him with wide eyes as you quiver in fear while he slowly walks towards you. other hydra agents who were with him in that mission were sabotaging innocent people. then, bucky would wake up, not seeing how he hurt you. but that wasn't the point, he knew he has to tell you the truth.
bucky didn't expect you'd be one of the avengers, fighting alongside steve to defend bucky—hide him away because people couldn't get that he was brainwashed. then the rest was history. bucky have slowly hut surely fell in love with you.
"bucky, stop staring." you mumble as you open your eyes, turning your head to him. bucky cracks a smile as you grin at him. bucky leans in, kissing your lips with his arm draping across your stomach as you cup his jaw with your hands. bucky pulls away, staring at you loving eyes, admiring your beauty. "how was the mission?"
then bucky pulls you up, sitting behind you as he lets your back rest against his chest with his arms around you as he holds your hands, playing with your fingers while he tells you all about the mission, from breaking zemo out if prison to taking the shield from walker. then, he gets to the part where he and sam talk about his amends.
slowly, he trails off then he pulls his arms away from you. "doll, we have to talk." bucky says seriously as you sit up straight and turning to him. bucky stares at the ground as he tries to build the courage to tell you. he takes one deep breath in before starting, "you know how i have a list of names that i'm making amends to,"
"yes,"
"and i have a person in my list i haven't been really truthful to."
"yori?" you ask and bucky sighs, shaking his head.
"there's another one." bucky says as he takes the small notebook, turning to the right page as he gives it to you. you grab it and look at it. right at the very bottom was your name, just like yori, it had been encircled a couple of times, emphasizing that it was a priority.
"why's my name here?" you ask and bucky sighs, running his hand through his hair.
"doll, i hurt you back then." bucky admits. "i don't know how, but i think i hurt you bad. most of the times it's what i see in my nightmares. you were so young back then, everyone was being beaten up and shit, i saw you. you stared right back at me when i was walking towards you. i- i'm so sorry, doll."
you stare at him, sighing. you close the notebook, putting it on the coffee table as you look at him. "buck, you really have got to stop beating yourself up with the things that you did as the winter soldier." you simply said that got bucky looking at you as if you were insane.
"y/n, doll, i kept this—"
"bucky, tell me about that nightmare." you said and bucky looked at you. you smile at him and bucky sighs. how could you be so kind?
"the whole town was a mess because hydra messed the whole town up, barging in people's house and then i saw you. you were looking at me with big wide eyes as i slowly walked up to you." bucky said. "that's it."
"bucky," you softly call. "i was 17 that time—"
"it was a long time ago but it doesn't mean you should just forgive me right away!" bucky exclaims.
"oh my god, james buchanan barnes, let me finish!" you exclaimed, laughing and bucky got even more confused. how the hell are you taking this lightly? you offer your hand out to which bucky hesitantly places his. "i was 17 that time. i was confused and scared at that time. a man pushed me, running off. i was at the ground, crying because i didn't know what to do. then, you saw me. not the winter soldier, you."
you look at bucky as he stares back at you. "you helped me, bucky." you mumbled. "you think i wouldn't remember that kind of thing happening to me?" you asked and bucky just listened to every word you said. you scoot closer, cupping his jaw as your thumb slowly caresses his cheek. "you were surrounded by hydra agents. they could have knocked you out, tortured you right at the spot, but what did you do? you took me away and hid me somewhere."
bucky couldn’t believe it. “no.” he mumbles.
“yes.” you contradict. “they give you these orders, turning you to some kind of weapon but bucky, if you were awake in those times, would you have done that? no, you wouldn’t.” you softly say. “i always go wherever natasha goes. the first time that i didn’t was when i fought alongside steve to protect you. steve was confused why i did it but he didn’t question it.”
“so, i didn’t..?” bucky trailed off and you gave him a smile, shaking your head off.
“stop beating yourself up and start seeing the good in you. you’re not perfect, i know but they are still a part of you and i love you. so much.” you said and bucky tugged on your hand lightly, making you wrap your arms around his shoulders as he wraps his arms around your waist. bucky softly sighs, hiding his nose on your neck as he takes in you soft scent that never failed to give him solace.
“i love you, doll.” bucky softly says as he closes his eyes savoring the moment as if you’ll go away. but he knows you won’t, it’s just that no matter what he can never get enough of you. “so much.”
“come on,” you said, giving his shoulders pats as you lightly pull away, cupping either sides of his jaw. “what do you want to do?” you ask and bucky bites his lower lip, smiling as his eyebrows move up and down. you let out a groan, “you want to watch the hobbit again, don’t you?”
“thanks, doll!” bucky enthusiastically says as he pulls you closer, pressing his lips against your cheek, his stuble tickling you causing you to giggle. bucky pulls away as he sets up the movie just the way you taught him how to. when he’s done, you look at him with a wide smile, opening your arms wide as he plops on the couch beside you and wrapping his arms around your waist.
bucky feared that you would have left him after telling you the truth, not knowing he would be happy with the information he got. he was relieved that even though the winter soldier took over him through those years, he knew that somehow he still fought against him even though it was difficult.
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did i went ooc? i’m sorry it’s my first time writing for him 😭
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rachaelswrites · 3 years
Text
Home Again
Bucky Barnes x Daughter!reader
Word Count: 1,857
Requested By: Anonymous
yk how Bucky was hiding In civil war and Steve came and found him! Can you write blurb about that with Barnes reader ??
A/N: Reader is about 8
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You didn’t even think that after all these years, you’d have some sense of normality again. Sure you were still on the run from HYDRA and the government and yes, you’re dad still wasn’t completely himself but it was better. Better than before. 
When word of Bucky’s escape from HYDRA, you knew it wouldn’t be long until he came back for you. Even with all the brainwashing and torture he was put through, in his moments of clarity, he always remembered two things. You and Steve. You waited day after day and finally, after almost a year, Bucky came back. You didn’t know how but it didn’t matter to you. 
After leaving HYDRA behind, you and your dad hid out all over the place, trying to lay low and not be seen. It was difficult at first for Bucky to keep not only himself under the radar but an eight year old as well. After a few months, the two of you had a routine that worked for both of you. 
Most of the time, it was Bucky who went out to get anything that either of you needed. It was much easier for him to blend into a large crowd than an eight year old could. Even though that was your area of expertise and HYDRA trained you to be practically invisible, Bucky didn’t want to risk it. Instead, he made you stay back wherever you were hiding out. Most times, it was a small unoccupied or abandoned apartment. 
This system worked for months as the two of you moved from place to place spending days here and maybe weeks there. You didn’t mind all the moving and sneaking around, it was better than being locked in a HYDRA cell and doing their dirty work. You enjoyed the quietness of the apartments when your dad was out. It was so much different than being in the cells. Even when Bucky was with you, most of the conversations between you two were him asking you about everything. 
His memory was scattered and he needed your help figuring things out. He asked a lot about life before the war. What he was like, what you were like, and your family. You started to ask him questions about anything he could remember. There wasn’t much you could tell him, seeing as you were so young but you hoped that you could jog his memory this way. 
~~~~~
By now, you had made your way through Europe and to Romania. You were starting to get restless of all the moving but you knew there wasn’t anything Bucky could do about it. It was the only way to keep the both of you together and safe. 
“Can I go with you today? Please?” you asked your dad as he made his way to the door. 
“I’m sorry but you can’t Y/n,” he said. He made sure to grab his baseball cap before turning back to you, “It’s not safe. You know that.”
“But I want to go with you. I don’t like being alone,” you whined. You grabbed onto his arm to try and stop him from leaving. 
Bucky froze for a second before gently shaking you off of him. He crouched down in front of you so he was eye level, “I’ll be real soon okay? Just stay here and keep watch. Remember the rules?”
You nodded, “Stay quiet and out of sight and if someone knocks, don’t answer. I remember them daddy.”
Bucky smiled softly. He was still getting used to being a dad again and hearing you call him that made the whole thing more real, “Good,” he kissed the top of your head before standing up and going to the door, “I love you Y/n. I’ll be back okay?”
“Okay. I love you too,” you went back into the kitchen so Bucky could leave the apartment. He looked out the peephole first to make sure it was clear before he silently slipped out the door, leaving you alone. 
~~~~~
There wasn’t much to do in the apartment so you had to get creative with how you stayed entertained. There was a small radio but you couldn’t listen to music, since it broke one of your dad’s rules. There wasn’t a TV and there weren’t any books that you hadn’t already read. You spent most of the time you walked around quietly, thinking of what your friends from the past would be like now or maybe you imagined what life would be like if you were a princess or if you were famous. 
Every once in a while, there would be footsteps in the hallway and you’d have to stop walking and brace yourself, in case they either knocked or tried to get in the apartment. Most times the steps would fade as quickly as they came and you had nothing to worry about. 
After your dad was gone for only twenty minutes, your senses told you something was off. You couldn’t explain why but you had a hunch and your dad, even before the war, told you to always follow your instincts. So you did just that. You instantly hid in one of the back rooms. It was almost too small to fit you but you managed to squeeze in it. 
There was a loud crash and you ducked down even further into the room. You heard footsteps in the apartment and you held your breath. You weren’t going to get caught by HYDRA again and if it came down to it, you’d fight your way out. You didn’t want to but you’d do it if you had to. 
You heard the person speak to someone and the voice made something click in your head. It was familiar to you but you couldn’t place why. You didn’t realize your mind had already made up it’s mind until you were standing and already opening the closet door. Your mind overruled your body’s training of laying low. 
Once you stepped into the main room of the apartment, the person, a large man with blonde hair, turned around to face you. His face fell but it quickly changed to confusion and then happiness, “Y/n?” he asked gently. 
Your eyes went wide. Who was he and how did he know your name? And why did he look and sound so familiar to you. Before your mind could think of anything, his name slipped past your lips, “Steve?”
The man smiled softly at you, “It’s me,” he took a step forward, reaching his hand out for you but you jumped back, almost tripping over your feet and falling, “Hey it’s okay. I won’t hurt you. Do you remember me?” Just because you knew his name didn’t mean you knew he wouldn’t hurt you. 
You shook your head and took another step back but you ran into something this time. You whipped around, panicked because you knew this apartment better than the back of your hand and there was nothing you should’ve run into here. When you spun around, you were met your dad. You hadn’t even heard him enter the room. You grabbed onto his hand quickly, something you always did when you were scared. Bucky lightly squeezed your hand, knowing the sign before his attention was turned to Steve. 
“Do you know who I am?” Steve asked him. 
Bucky nodded, “Your name is Steve. I read about you in the museum,” he said. You stepped closer to your dad when there was another voice coming from somewhere on Steve. It must’ve been a radio or something he was using to communicate with other people. You could feel your dad tense up as well, so did Steve. 
“I’m not here to hurt you. This doesn’t have to end in a fight,” Steve said.  
You heard footsteps coming from outside in the hallway and you gently tugged on your dad’s sleeve, “Daddy,” you whispered quietly, just loud enough for only him to hear.
Bucky nodded again, “No, but it always does.”
~~~~~
After Bucky and you tried to escape Steve and his new group of friends, they had to take you and him away. On the ride to wherever they were taking you, they had you and Bucky locked up in cells with your arms and legs strapped down. They separated you from him and you tried to get out but you weren’t strong enough. 
Once you reached the building, Steve had convinced them to let you out of the cell and into a more suitable one for a child. He couldn't do the same for Bucky, since he was wanted for the UN bombing. 
You were escorted into a small interrogation room and handcuffed to the table. After a few minutes of waiting, Steve came in and sat down on the chair across from you. You tried to scoot back but you didn’t get far, seeing you were cuffed to a metal table. 
Steve scooted back in his own chair to give you the space you clearly wanted, “Y/n do you remember me? It’s okay if you don’t.”
You shrugged and slouched down in your seat, “I don’t know,” you mumbled. 
Steve gave you a small smile, “That’s okay,” he said. 
“Were you from before?” you asked, “I recognize you but I don’t know where.”
Steve nodded, “I was. Do you want me to tell you more?”
You nodded. For some reason, you felt safe with Steve and you felt complete with Steve now and like you were home with him and your dad again. 
“Me and Bucky were best friends when you were born. The three of us spent a lot of time together. You used to call me Uncle Stevie all the time. Do you remember that?”
You shrugged again, “I called you Stevie?”
“You did. Your dad used to tease me about that all the time,” he said. You smiled at the idea of Steve and your dad being friends, “And you and I hung out a lot too.”
“Really? Were we friends like you and daddy?” you asked. 
“Don’t tell him but you were my favorite between you two,” he joked, making you giggle slightly. Steve’s smile grew bigger hearing that sound. He never thought he’d get to hear again after he went in the ice and later when he found out you had been taken. He thought he’d lost the last piece of his old life but now, he had both you and Bucky back. 
“I wish I remembered more,” you said sadly. 
“You will,” he reached across the table for your hand, forgetting that you were still unsure about him. Instead of recoiling like you had before, you slowly reached your hand out for his and held it. 
“How long will it take?” you asked. Just holding onto Steve you were already starting to remember certain things. Days at the beach, running around at the carnival, and watching baseball games. 
“Just give it time. Same with your dad. He’ll remember soon enough,” he said, gently squeezing your hand. 
You smiled and reached across the table to hug him the best you could, “I hope so.”
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