Whenever Charmonroe isn’t home, Ai loves to play games. She’s so used to being on her own. At least as an artificial intelligence program, she doesn’t need much to entertain herself.
Still, she is excited about the newest game. It’s an online game with multiple players. Except she plays by herself. Charmonroe notices this and asks Ai why she is by herself. Ai thought the point of games was to win, and it’s too unpredictable with many people. The college student encourages Ai to branch out.
So, Ai starts off by inviting the friends she already has to play in her small group: SummerSue, WinterWill, and Peppermint. She likes the challenge of having “other variables” when others play with her. She shares some of the play highlights with Charmonroe - as well as some quirky or funny moments.
Charmonroe is worried that Ai is sticking too close to what is familiar, so she encourages her to try playing with strangers. Ai likes it, and she’s more than willing to give pointers to other gamers. But a few of the gamers start spreading rumors about her, even going so far as to report her for cheating and bugs.
Ai insists that she wants to go to the company’s live-stream to officially meet everyone and to clear up any confusion. The night of the stream, Ai feels anxious. She’s never felt a mix of emotions at the same time. Thankfully, Charmonroe is there to help her through the live-stream.
Once the stream starts, Ai joins right away, snuggled into her own bedroom in cyberspace. She becomes popular right away. Ai likes these new feelings and moments. Later on, she tells Charmonroe that she wants to be out of her bubble and join the larger world.
Connections
-In the Reflection for Shy Confession, Ai describes being created (her version of being born). Charmonroe is her programmer, but rather than a mother-figure she acts like a big sister to Ai.
-You’ve already met Ai’s best friends: Peppermint, Susan (SummerSue), and William (WinterWill).
-The players comment on Ai’s avatar: a girl in a school uniform. In the Reflection for Shy Confession, you learn that a school uniform was Ai’s first design, as well as her favorite.
Fun Facts
-Ai’s name comes from the initials for “artificial intelligence,” but it’s pronounced like the English word “eye.”
-Ai is also a Chinese (and borrowed in Japanese) word meaning “love.”
You can't fear judgement. Its literally poison to your system, because when you fear judgement you paralyze yourself and you stunt your own growth. People will always judge you, no matter what you do. You can breathe and people will nitpick it and you cure cancer and they will still have shit to say.
People will always judge you because, as humans, we are naturally wired to scrutinize others. It has its uses evolution wise, and judgement can be very useful in small doses. We call that constructive criticism, where people give you valid judgements so you can better yourself. But judgement can also be weaponised by insecure people as means of feel better about themselves.
Your job, as someone aspiring for great things in life, is to read the intentions behind their words and take what you can to build yourself up. If its constructive criticism then use it to build yourself up, to sharpen your skills, perfect your persona, and become the person in your head. If it's just hate, use it to build up your confidence. Because people hate on you because you have something they have, and that should make you feel proud of your hardwork.
As someone who regularly fights with the urge to be self-deprecating with regards to their fics, I ask of you
Please please please
Never call your fics bad. In either the tags or the summary. No matter how much you may believe that to be true. Because by virtue of you putting them into a public space - whether that be AO3, tumblr, Twitter, wattpad, etc. - you imply that you want other people to read them. And, just speaking for myself, I don’t find myself running to read a story where the writer says something like ‘well this sure is awful but here you go’.
It might feel like it keeps you humble, but it’s not worth it. Being confident and taking pride in your art is not a bad thing.
I really hate it when I’m shopping for clothes, or I’m with someone and mention my weight or check myself in the mirror and the response is always “just be confident”, “you need to stop worrying about your weight just rock that shit”, “you’re so pretty, you shouldn’t even worry about those things”.
JUST BE CONFIDENT thank you! Because why didn’t I think of that! It’s just so simple, as if being torn down for my appearance wasn’t a daily part of my life for however many years, as if body dysphoria isn’t a part of my disorder in general.
I get it, you’re trying to help, trying to be nice and make me feel better but it doesn’t. Your compliments make me genuinely uncomfortable because I know you’re doing it to make me feel better and I think you’re lying.
No amount of compliments will make me see what you do, considering what you see and compliment on is real and not just something you’re saying to make me feel better.
Just let me check myself in the mirror. Seriously.