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#bc people are socialized the way they are and that affects all their experiences
dingusships · 11 months
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bigass vent over general life things
things in general are really not great i don't really have any optimism for the future or making a life for myself. like i don't really have any drive or ambition to look forward or work towards anything good/meaningful because as time goes on there are going to be really bad life events that i just don't think i can keep facing anymore. and theyre going to be worse. i'm just dragging along life solely on the basis that i was plopped here to just Exist and that's my task at hand that i'm reluctantly upholding. just exist until it's over
#when i say 'i'm 25' 'i'm going to be 26' it does not feel right coming out of my mouth. i do not feel just 25 or 26 i feel far far older#mentally and physically#when i'm around other people my age i just feel on a completely different plane of experience from everyone else#idk. i've always been a naturally anxious and socially stunted person & def have some kind of lingering trauma that keeps me from connectin#w people. but also having no family members or relatives anywhere near my age (~17 yrs older than me at the least) while i was growning up#probably did something to me as well. my entire life has just been witnessing family members decline and die like dominoes over the course#of 25 years. like i know all about end of life care and legal paperwork and shit like that. i know what grief is like and#seeing how it affects people. i know the stages of dread and worry and numbness & guilt-ridden relief that comes with being terrified 24/7#for an ailing family member over the course of years. knowing what it's like to grieve people who arent dead yet but you know it's coming#and then when the inevitable happens it's horrible. but also you're so exhausted from the strain that you're mostly numb. and then you feel#a sense of relief that the worst is over they're not suffering anymore you don't have to dread it anymore. which obviously makes you#question if you're some kind of deranged asshole for feeling that way. idk#25 for me has been a very eye-opening age where i'm fully realizing how fast time passes. i thought i was at around 18-20 but i was really#just first becoming aware of it.#i know how to view the world from that lens bc that's all i know. i only see life as a preparation for the end#instead of a beginning. or at least see it as a beginning at this current point in my life#covid/lockdown has definitely been a source of mental drain on me as well. the constant fear and paranoia of getting sick AND what sort of#long term consequences i could have due to getting it twice. and what i could have if i get it more than twice#add that with the general social and political climate right now and it's just...so very bleak. home life is bleak & outside world is bleak#vent
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dabwax · 3 months
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Thinking abt the times I've been told all about my cis privilege bc I use the word cis to define the fact that I was assigned Girl and identify as Woman and the privilege I was told I have is that I can just shave any day and start passing as a woman, ignoring that I was frequently misgendered and faced societal and medical intersexism before I ever allowed my beard to grow.
Bc my beard isn't my entire intersex body, my whole body is one that I've been told time and time again is wrong for my gender - by doctors and peers and exes and queers at bars. My fat distribution is wrong for a woman, my shoulders and arms and legs are wrong for a woman, my ass and tits are those of a fat man allegedly. Have you considered you might actually be a man? You might be. You probably are. You look just like me before I figured it out. You look like my ex who transitioned. No woman would want to look the way you naturally look. Have you seen a gender therapist? Have you considered vocal training? What do you mean you want to rip me apart for suggesting your body isn't okay for a woman?
I've felt the impact of being intersex since I was a child and it has affected my ability to socialize with my peers, to get jobs, to go to gendered events including just pool parties and sleepovers, to even allow myself to be touched kindly by another human. Allowing myself to accept my body opened doors to better people in my life but it also opened doors to be scrutinized and degraded and mocked by violent transphobes and by queer people who don't give a shit about intersex people alike.
Is it a privilege to have to work every day to alter your appearance to pass as a woman lest you face violence and extreme social ostracization? Is it a privilege to fail to do these things and fall through the cracks of society the way I have? Is it a privilege to face the full weight of discrimination that a person perceived as one gender who is actually another faces, and have to weigh the risks of divulging the truth? Is it a privilege to have a crying meltdown in a uhaul after a day and a half of driving because there's no safe place to piss indoors for a freak like me? Do y'all think that calling myself cis somehow erases all of this?
"Why even call yourself cis then" "you're just calling yourself cis to align with cis people" I call myself cis bc I identify as the gender I was assigned AND bc this is how people react and that needs to change. Cis and trans people both look at me and see someone who couldn't possibly be A Cis Woman because NO cis woman would want to look like me, obviously. NO cis woman COULD look like me, naturally, without medical intervention, right??? Wrong. And fuck yall for being so limited on the human experience honestly. This is a function of intersexism.
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likedovesinthewindd · 9 months
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peter parker wirh a black cat! gf (blinks and flutters eyelashs)
of course dear. i decided to write a few ideas down instead of like a fic i hope you don't mind.
peter parker x fem!reader
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★ You've heard just about every rumor concerning you. The ideas that people had about you and how they perceived you. You were often described as mean-looking, intimidating or even off-putting.
★ You didn't try correcting them either, it didn't particularly bother you. It bothered Peter, though. He'd always tell you how he didn't like the way people saw you, and made it his daily mission to correct any person unfortunate enough to say anything bad about you in his presence.
★ He defended your honor better than you did yourself, and in return he'd always get the same replies:
"She seems so mean, though." "What do you two have in common anyway?" "Does she ever talk?"
★ Yes, he'd think. You do talk, a lot actually, though that was usually reserved for your closest friends and family, a group Peter fortunately found himself in. He knew everyone else knew she talked too, they'd see her talking with Peter every morning when they make their way through school, her soft hand in his as she rambled about whatever lay heavy on her heart.
★ And he'd listen attentively, giving pointers where he thought necessary and laughing at the joke or two you'd always throw in. He'd walk you to whatever class you have, greeting you goodbye with a chaste yet affectionate hug. You'd spare him a small smile, and as soon as you made your way into class, the smile would disappeared, giving those around you slight whiplash at the sudden change.
★ A party wasn't something you often found yourself at, the idea alone enough to deter you completely. You much rather preferred the company of your boyfriend, him being one of the few people you enjoyed being around. In this way you were similar, because he himself wasn't the most social person around and he understood that you didn't always want to be around a lot of people, so he'd never say no to night in with his favorite person.
★ He brought the best out of you; one of the few people fortunate enough to experience your unabashed humor and personality, and relish in your affection--reserved just for him. In return he doted on you; dousing you in an ocean of unconditional love and utter adoration. Perhaps this was his way of telling you he admired you, just as you are; regardless of whoever's opinion of you. Because in all honesty, when did Peter ever care about anyone's opinion?
a/n: might write a bit more on this bc this is so little.
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calicocoffee101 · 5 months
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I ring my tongue and I get accused If I become socially awkward, I’ll be witch-hunted You act hero-ish, I’m sure that’s so easy for you Where is “beyond the society?” Fuck money and love
レヂイメイド/ Readymade – Ado、すりい
..hi :D more Readymade Sigma because this has infected me I'm obsessed
Added the old one for the sake of evenness
A few disjointed rambles below
So first I wanna start with earlier when I doing these listening to the song (i had just done my asexual week drawing so it was already on my mind) looking at some of the some lyrics it isn't hard to connect with asexuality or.. aromancy? Aromanticness? Anyway lemme show you the ones I mean
I’ll blend in growing up, and dance with money and love
This with added context of later lyrics already sounds a lot like aro/ace person pretending to be 'normal' (as is the queer experience I suppose) or maybe they don't understand it and are trying to force themselves
1.2.3 it popped off Hit stereotypes with a bat! How is it? How is it? If it’s easy, I’m fine Readymade heartstrings Distorted and mixed in noise Regret? Regret? Stop and shut up!
So here's the first chorus, and the whole bat thing which is recurring theme, is pretty self explanatory, just saying F you to society trying to box people in, but I'd to focus on the second half.
So with the assistance of the mv it's pretty clear to see the character here is stressed out, and warring with herself. "If it's easy I'm fine." It's not easy. She's trying to fit into readymade heartstrings and pretending to be somone she's not, and it's clearly affecting her. I personally think she's scared to stop masking. (The shot I'm talking about is the third picture up there if you'd rather not seek out the MV) whereas she wants to say fuck it and "hit stereotypes with a bat".
Dirty… Dirty… You tell me to swallow my words Then you tell me I’m good I’m just scared of how you’re feeling Oh baby.. Your twisted love So arrogant wearing those order-made brands
I don't have anything to add here I think, if you take it literally it almost sounds like she forced herself into an unhealthy relationship to be considered normal, but I'm having issues interpreting this one, I just think it does have some value towards what I'm saying
Won't pull down the whole lyric block bc it's irrelevant but if we yoink "fuck money and love" from the end of the pre-chorus that's already a very straightforward development from this: "I’ll blend in growing up, and dance with money and love" :D
And if we then jump to the bridge
See? It started again Being compared is boring I just don’t wanna be a grown-up Ah.. I’m twisted, leave me alone I… I have realized
DO YOU GET ME. "I'M TWISTED" SHE'S NO LONGER IN DENIAL COME ON THIS IS SO AROACE PERSON THINKIMG THEY'RE BROKEN COME ON
1.2.3 it popped off Hit stereotypes with a bat How is it? How is it? If it’s easy, I’m fine Readymade heartstrings Distorted and mixed in noise Regret? Regret? Stop and shut up 1.2.3 it broke up Paint stereotypes in red In my brain, In my brain! I was actually crying Readymade life extension Set gate and cut noise Problem! Problem! Don’t solve them, just keep singing
So this is the last chorus and it's kinda a mashup of the previous two with some added lines, "paint stereotypes in red" I take this as her kind of realizing that it's a messed up situation how you always have to be a certain way to be acceptable
"I was actually crying" so in the previous chorus this was "stir it up and keep laughing" and it feels like an acknowledgement of how much suppression and masking really hurt her and it's just ugh <3
Although the whole vibe is still kinda "I'm running on 2 hours of sleep and an Oreo and I'm ready to fight god OR BECOME HIM"
The whole aroace theory my personal thing though, unless Ado's secretly queer I doubt that was the intended meaning. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
All the identity stuff gives me so much brainrot still, queer or not, the whole song reeks built up frustration and self-acceptance issues
OO OOOH I ALSO WANNA ADD the experience is way better with the MV! THE ANIMATION'S BEAUTIFUL AND BRINGS SO MUCH COMPREHENSION TO IT SERIOUSLY (there's also a scene where ado sends a baseball into the faces of other characters in the mv which is funny, but also looks like she's taking out her anger which is interesting because they aren't human. All the other characters are stylized and anthropomorphic. It personally struck a chord with me because I've never properly gotten angry with someone who didn't ignore my feelings and get defensive or brush me off, most of my venting methods are nonexistent or superficial. Again that might be coincidence.)
AND ALSO AESTHETICALLY IT'S SO COOL THE ANIMATION STYLE IS A BIT CHOPPY AND IT WORKS SO WELL A D THE WHOLE VIBE IS LIKE OLDSCHOOL BASEBALL BUT ALSO GRUNGY BAR KINDA??
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Wow that was longer than intended uhm. I should also mention that if you have epilepsy then be careful if you want to check out the MV, there's flashing in some parts and sometimes an edge blur effect thing on the characters, so be safe! <3
Also I'm really not sure that i have good reading comprehension so this may not be the most accurate thing.
SO GO WATCH IT IF YOU HAVEN'T AND IT'S SAFE FOR YOU TO DO SO I LOVE IT SO MUCH
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lakesbian · 9 months
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💝 for Rachel (for the ask meme)
💝 A headcanon about their love language
yeah these are def just shaping up to be analysis of canon vs. headcanons for most of 'em because we already have interesting canon answers for a lot of these questions but that's ok because that's fun too. this is gonna be a bit messy bc i'm real tired but anyway:
the long and short of it is that she's a dog. she loves like a dog. and i love how that behavior interacts w/ the specific way taylor is fucked up. it is So meaningful and compelling. taylor is for the most part absolutely incapable of admitting or even noticing when something has hurt her, let alone reaching out for support. she's very similar to brian in the sense that people verbally acknowledging that she's upset (generally synonymous with 'weak' in her mind) is intolerable to her, because ignoring and repressing that emotion is critical to her ability to force herself to stay standing & push herself thru the agony to achieve what she wants to achieve. there's this moment during the echidna fight where she sees wards verbally checking in w/ each other and she thinks that she's glad that her team would never ask if she's okay because she wouldn't be able to stop from breaking down if they did.
and the thing abt rachel's love language is that she's Direct About Everything All Of The Time Forever because she doesn't know how not to be. but it's not in a "asking if someone is okay" way, because even that is a level of indirectness, of giving someone the option to say "yes" and reject comfort! she instead directly notices when taylor isn't okay, and moves straight to offering comfort without forcing taylor to experience the weakness of admitting that she needs it. she's not great with words--she frequently feels frustrated by not knowing how to communicate what she wants to communicate--so instead she shows love through simple, blatant acts of physical affection, devotion, and trust. she's the equivalent of a big ole dog that just silently huffs and climbs into your lap when you're sad, and you can't do a damn thing about it because you're getting cuddled now and that's just how it is. she doesn't force taylor to acknowledge the situation to her, she simply notices when taylor needs a hand to hold and very firmly grabs taylor's hand. she's silently, unobtrusively understanding. she sees things as they are, and responds not with social niceties, but with firm and direct kindness. if you start crying while she's sitting next to you, she won't make a big deal out of it, she'll just keep sitting next to you. and that's exactly what taylor needs--affection and comfort sans expectations for her to have any sort of coherent explanation or conduct.
the devotion & trust is also Sooo. auugh. ough. when taylor turns herself into the PRT and she's unquestionably faithful that taylor has a plan, regards everyone else like they're idiots for having even the slightest sliver of doubt in her. during gold morning, when she willingly steps into taylor's field of control, saying that taylor is smart & to let her do what she needs to do. there's this moment during the behemoth fight that i think a lot about where rachel says "you have a plan" in response to taylor, y'know, having a plan, and taylor sort of confusedly reads it as smug & then satisfied without really grasping why. and the reason why is that rachel has put up with so much social bullshit she doesn't understand--the way the undersiders interact w/ her, coil, the prt--and taylor, without fail, has made things make sense. she's the only undersider to successfully speak to rachel on terms she fully understands, the one to kill coil, the one who soundly trounces the heroes every time. whenever things are confusing or scary or nonsensical, taylor, smart and strong taylor, fixes them with her plans. the earth is cracking and coming apart around them, because There's A Fucking Kaiju, but it's okay, because taylor is there, and rachel knows taylor will always make sure things turn out alright. genuinely doglike levels of unquestionable devotion, where there are ways she understands taylor more intimately than anyone else on the planet, and there are ways she can never understand taylor, but she still unquestionably trusts her enough to place her life in her hands. taylor even remarks that rachel trusts her too much when she steps into her radius during gold morning--and the reason that rachel trusts her too much is because she trusts like a dog trusts their person. i've seen ppl say that taylor is rachel's dog, but no, rachel is 100% taylor's dog. she loves that girl like a dog would. it rocks. autism forever.
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morose-marble · 2 months
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Incoherent ramble bc I have the brain worms about Apo
I am very annoying and also unwell, which is why I have taken to scrubbing through a not-insubstantial amount of episodes from Apo's lakorns (without subtitles) to form some kind of picture of what kind of roles he was cast in while employed by channel 3, and sending screen caps to literally anyone with a messaging app in my immediate social circle (they are in hell, thanks for asking). So, now that I have run out of people to torment with my obsessive tendencies, I am left with posting into the void on good ole tungle dot com.
So far, it seems that Apo's bread and butter was a wholesome, boy next door, nong type character (this is based on quite shaky interpretations of Sut Khaen Saen Rak, Buang Banjathorn, Chaat Payak and Prakasit Khammatep) with some exceptions, such as Tiang in Chat Suer Pun Mungkorn, a hot-headed young gangster. These aside, I have not yet formed a comprehensive understanding of his profile as an actor, as I can't seem to get my hands on some of the dramas at all.
The aforementioned roles were all supporting ones, and I could only find episodes for one of his two lead parts, that of Pong Khun Boon Jirakit in Pra Teap Rak Hang Jai, an enemies to lovers story(?). His character sells artisanal traditional Thai silk(?) and ends up falling for a rich woman (Preeyakarn Jaikanta) down on her luck who needs to become independent and better herself as a person(?). Quite a straightforward premise. (He wears a bunch of plaid in the show, he looks uncomfortable.)
Now. What I have noticed about Apo's career in supporting parts is that the male leads he supports are very...narrowly masculine, in comparison to him. Apo has talked about having faced homophobia/general cishet discriminatory nonsense in the industry at that time, and flicking through these shows really illuminates how rigid the concept of a lakorn romantic male lead was (maybe still is, I don't know). Obviously, I gathered that lakorn gender roles were a tad more conservative, but I still struggled slightly with understanding why Apo was treated the way he was, bc I feel like he is relatively conventionally masculine (my european perspective impacts my perception of what constitutes normative gender roles, I know) to the point where picking up on any ~queer~ vibes would be a gays only event. However, I feel like I get it a bit better now.
Apo is very handsome. He is also beautiful in a way that a lot of these leads aren't. They are pointedly conventionally masculine, not necessarily hypermasculine, but going towards that direction, something that is emphasised by their role in the narrative and acting style. Lots of stoicism and displays of quiet suffering and anger. I know, it's very reductive to place gendered presentations onto a spectrum etc etc, but if one were to operate within rigidly delineated binary requirements for gender presentation that exist in media (and society, there's nuance), Apo does not quite fit the criteria of a leading man within the given parameters. Which is terrible, of course. I can absolutely understand why Apo got fed up with the industry and decided to leave it all behind.
Additionally, as pointed out above with the repeated archetypal character traits, I feel that he did not get to flex his acting muscles in the narratives of these shows, which is another thing he has commented on, though maybe not in those words exactly.
Thinking about all of this makes his recent successes with Kinnporsche and Man Suang terribly interesting and delicious. I recognise that narrativising a celebrity's experiences as an affective story like this is mad parasocial brain rot behaviour, but the idea of him taking something that he was disparaged for earlier on in his career (perceived queerness) and turning it into a factor of him surpassing that which held him back is very attractive in a story sense. Like, what a triumph?
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense or if this is completely old news to everyone, but for some reason I had to get it out somewhere. I'll probably read this back in the morning and cringe mightily.
Anyway. What an interesting time to follow his advancement and the changes in the Thai BL industry, namely the increased attention from the government. I have fears, but I don't know how to articulate them yet. Therefore, I will focus on enjoyment for the time-being.
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yaoiboypussy · 3 months
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Recently I was on call with some transmasc online friends and one of them asked “what are y’alls opinions of people who say female socialization isn't real” - and it started a long debate. All the responses they gave made me realize they don’t actually know what people mean when they say “male/female socialization isn’t real”. A lot of them responded that they felt that saying female socialization isn’t real erased their trauma with being raised female/as a woman, or that it ignored the things pushed onto kids who are assigned female at birth. 
I’ve seen similar things expressed by trans men/transmascs - especially on tumblr in transmasc/trans man circles. So i’m going to post the explanation I gave to my friends that made them understand. (this is word for word copy pasted from the message I sent, so there is refences to things people said in the group chat btw.) :
I want y’all to know that when people say “male/female socialization isn’t real” they aren’t saying “Transmasc/Trans men’s trauma from being sexualized and having societal rules and expectations pushed on them because of their agab isn’t real” they are saying “There is no universal experience based on sex. The way that trans people and cis people internalize and interpret the societal rules and expectations they are taught based on agab is different and socialization is a life-long thing. As trans people discover their gender, come out, and transition they are still experiencing socialization.”  Like i get y'all have histories with people ignoring the trauma y'all got from the rules, expectations, and ideas forced on you by society bc of your agab, so I sorta understand the jump to hurt and anger when you think that's happening. But y'all need to be listening to other trans people - especially trans women - when they tell you certain ideas are transphobic/transmisogynistic.
Half the stuff y’all listed as examples of 'female socialization' like being sexualized, having your experiences being ignored by men, having your autonomy being taken away, being forced to over perform femininity, and having to be careful about your words or else you’d be labeled as a ‘crazy bitch’ are all things trans women experience too, it's not 'female exclusive'. That stuff is just misogyny. The other stuff y’all listed aren’t ‘universal female experiences’ but very specifically trans experiences. Cis women don’t hear “in the future you’ll be a beautiful woman and be married to a husband” and start thinking something is wrong with them because they don’t want to be a woman, and start fearing their future because they think they will be forced to be a woman - that's a trans thing. Your relationship with your sex and the expectations forced on you because of your sex as a trans person is wildly different then a Cis person’s. Also saying ‘female socialization’ is real is saying ‘male socialization’ is real. The whole idea of 'male socialization' is terf BS abt how trans women being 'raised as male' means they are just as violent, misogynistic, and bigoted as cis men. Which isn’t true, just as the things y’all were taught affected y’all differently than cis women, the stuff trans women were taught growing up also affected them differently than cis men. 'male socialization' Ignores how trans women experiences with gender, misogyny, and transphobia causes them to have different experiences with socialization then cis men. Plus trans women, just like us, also have trauma related to being forcibly raised as their agab and the expectations of their agab being forced onto them. They aren't ignoring our trauma when they say "The idea of male/female socialization is transmisogynistic." - they are saying the lens which y'all interpret your experiences and trauma is a flawed one.
Socialization is life long, y’all have talked about how you have had to change your behavior around cis people when you came out as trans - thats socialization!! “a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to their social position”  <- dictionary.com. Y'all are experiencing socialization that Cis women never get, so y'all's experiences with socialization aren't 'female'.
Y'all's experiences and traumas are real, but they aren't 'female socialization'. It's being a trans person raised in a misogynistic, transphobic, and cisnormative world. Your experiences with being forced to fit into a box based on your agab is something that Cis women don't experience. And if you spent some time around trans women you'd realize they have some similar experiences and trauma.
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spacelazarwolf · 1 year
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ngl i fucking hate most conversations around “socialization” bc there’s like three ways it goes: 1. they assert that all trans people were socialized as whatever gender they were assigned at birth with no nuance or exception, 2. they assert that all trans people were socialized as whatever binary gender they most closely relate to, or 3. they assert that all trans people were “socialized trans.” and like. idk how to get it through y’all’s heads that socialization is a wildly fickle and individual experience.
i am autistic. i am also a trans man. i was socialized female. the mask i developed, the social rules i was given to follow, they were for women. the way i learned to speak, to interact with others, the way my life was supposed to go, it was based on how a woman should sound, should look, should feel, should act, should live. i didn’t realize i was some flavor of trans until i was in my mid 20’s, and didn’t realize i was a trans man until i was 28. i’m only 7 months on t and still do not pass. there is literally no planet on which i was “socialized male.” i was also not “socialized trans” because i didn’t even know being trans was an option until well into adulthood. i was given no other option than to conform to gender norms, so i didn’t spend my youth and teen years being bullied for being gender non conforming because i quite literally was just not allowed to be gender non conforming. when people insist i wasn’t socialized female, it erases the trauma i experienced from growing up with such strict gender roles, it ignores the fact that i have had to put in active effort as an autistic adult to start the process of unmasking (which is exhausting and traumatizing) before i can even begin to learn a “male mask” that will be safer in public if i start to pass. it ignores everything about my individual life and boils me down to my genitals, which i could have sworn we didn’t like when ppl did.
does that mean that everyone’s experience has to be exactly like mine? fuck no. there are plenty of trans people who come out very young and do get to grow up presenting as their actual gender and therefore are “socialized” as that gender. there are plenty of trans people who have always been gender non conforming and therefore experienced a lot of backlash that gender conforming cis people of the same assigned gender at birth wouldn’t have. there are as many trans experiences as there are trans people. and this doesn’t even begin to take into account things like race or ethnicity or fatness (hoo boy did that affect gender shit for me) or disability or any other kinds of intersections of identity.
basically, we have got to stop acting like there is a way to determine what a trans person’s experience has been based on nothing but their assigned gender at birth or gender identity.
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adhd-worlds · 9 months
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Which diagnostic criteria are you referencing when you say that ADHD and autism don't have an overlap? As far as I've seen, they do: sensory issues, perception, executive function issues, and so on.
I have two answers for you. The short answer is:
That is simply not true at all. Two Google searches ("autism DSM-V criteria" and "ADHD DSM-V criteria") can easily disprove that.
The long answer is as follows:
I saw you got diagnosed with ADHD recently and congrats! idk about your assessment, but mine didn't ask me about my sensory issues. Nor do they ask about my perception on social cues, or the way I understand things. Most of the questions were geared towards executive dysfunction, how my life has been affected BC I get distracted or the things I struggle with or questions about being hyperactive and impulsive.
Because those questions get the answers needed to see if someone meets the ADHD criteria. The only time they did ask questions about social cues, imagination, sensory issues etc etc was on the pre-assessment questionnaire I had to fill in, there was a part for an autism study,,, it wont even be used or brought up my assessment, it's just that some dude is working with the clinic doing a study.
The overlap that ppl are seeing/report on is more than likely due to the fact that ADHD and autism are comorbid and there are a lot more ppl who have both rather than one or the other. Some countries and areas will only give ppl the diagnosis for one of these and not let them get tested for the other. Other countries, such as Wales, won't let autism folks get annADHD diagnosis because the NHS there sees ADHD as a stepping stone to an autism diagnosis. Some healthcare systems only believe you can have one not both.
Outside of that, there will be people who are more affected by their autism than their ADHD and vice versa and don't realise they have both. So, for eg, when they see autistic people saying "oh, I have autism and I experience these things" and they relate to it,,, they assume it's because there's this massive overlap. But if the overlap was that great, it would be much harder to diagnose ppl with one or the other. It's more than likely that they need to do some research into autism away from the idea of "it's similar to ADHD" and see if they relate to it.
There are a lot of ppl with ADHD who refuse the idea of having autism BC deep down, they have a lot ableist beliefs about autism and it's time for the ADHD community to stop doing that.
TL;DR: ADHD and autism have two very distinct lists of criteria that don't overlap. Even the testing doesn't really focus on (if at all) the criteria for the other dx. Most ppl don't know they have both or think that it's a possibility BC they are (unknowingly) ableist towards autism, haven't read into ADHD properly, their healthcare system doesn't allow for both dx, the list goes on.
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wonyscafe · 1 year
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my observations ✿𝆬 aspects + a few asteroids
↳ Please note that these are my own, personal observations and that they're all from my own experiences!! <33
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
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─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
𓂃 ִֶָ︰People with sun conjunct jupiter laugh so much and find everything humorous
𓂃 ִֶָ︰ascendant square venus 🤝🏻 not being able to pick one certain aesthetic
𓂃 ִֶָ︰people with a gemini juno have such a cute and spontaneous love language :(
𓂃 ִֶָ︰idc what you say, asteroid aphrodite conjunct venus are so damn gorgeous
𓂃 ִֶָ︰individuals with saturn opposite ascendant might have family problems
𓂃 ִֶָ︰lmao calling myself out w this one but sun conjunct venus really REALLY cares ab their social relationships
𓂃 ִֶָ︰venus sextile jupiter fall in love very quickly
𓂃 ִֶָ︰ I once had a lil fling with someone who had their pluto trine lilith, and I didn't even know that this person was in a relationship?? My friend also had this with someone who ALSO had that exact same aspect…
𓂃 ִֶָ︰I know many people with mars trine pluto and they are always very good leaders
𓂃 ִֶָ︰ALSO I have a close friend of mine and he has his asteroid nemesis in the 11th house and he has beef w so many people 💀
𓂃 ִֶָ︰I'm a sucker for good communication skills, so no wonder that I'm always drawn to people with cupido in aquarius
𓂃 ִֶָ︰mercury square mc are so curious 😦 I have a 9th house stellium (plus mercury in 9th house) and I can say with CONFIDENCE that people w thid aspect are more curious than me
𓂃 ִֶָ︰individuals with moon conjunct neptune make me a bit scared… like how are you this dreamy… how are you so empathetic… what's your number…
𓂃 ִֶָ︰omg I have a friend w venus conjunct saturn and she's so bad at showing affection?? I don't mind bc I know she cares ab me but do other people with this aspect have the same thing??
𓂃 ִֶָ︰off topic but virgo & taurus placements give mirrorball vibes (the taylor song)
𓂃 ִֶָ︰people with asteroid industria in virgo might become dieticians
𓂃 ִֶָ︰I've noticed how individuals with saturn square ascendant often aren't taken seriously by people (honorable mention: leo moon)
𓂃 ִֶָ︰people with moon square jupiter tend to be too… too much for me sometimes- like there's alot going on- idk
𓂃 ִֶָ︰individuals with mercury sextile saturn give really interesting speeches and just the way they talk is so interesting
𓂃 ִֶָ︰another thing about mercury sextile saturn is that they also make excellent leaders
𓂃 ִֶָ︰no cuz people with moon opposite pluto somehow have a rather… complicated relationship with their mother
𓂃 ִֶָ︰and finally I would like to give a shoutout to all the venus sextile jupiter natives out there, you guys are seriously the life of the party
↳ a/n : Man school has really been putting a huge amount of pressure on me :( being stuco secretary makes it even worse :') I'll try to note down as many observations as I can!! Thank you for your patience ♡
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Therianthropy Alphabet
credit to @local-xenogender-icon for the alphabet!
A - awakening
I always remember running around pretending to be a deer and always drawing/seeing myself as a deer. I used to push these away when I was older and never thought about it until I realized that therianthropy was a thing and I wasn’t the only one experiencing it. After that I narrowed my theriotype down to a caribou (yes, I know there are subspecies but they’re all very similar so I just say caribou).
B - balance
My therianthropy affects the way I communicate with other people, and my hobbies. It doesn’t affect my work/school/life balance as much, aside from little “quirks” like being afraid of loud noises, being very attached to people, etc
C - city
I don’t live in a city, I live in a rural area, which I’m very grateful for.
D - diary
I do have an alter human diary! It’s mostly just documenting shifts or drawing, and also functions as a regular journal.
E - experience in the community
I’ve had an extremely positive experience in the alterhuman community on Tumblr, and I’m eternally grateful for this because it helped me untangle my therianthropy identity and figure out who I am. Other social media platforms, not so much.
F - friends
None of my friends know I’m a therian, but I have a friend who is a furry who I think suspects.
G - gear
I don’t really feel the need for gear, but I get why people like it. If I had enough money, I might look into buying something, but mostly gear is centered around foxes/wolves/cats, and it would be hard to find caribou gear. I would have to buy a commission which is very expensive.
I - identity
I only have one theriotype, which is a caribou. I’ve yet to meet another caribou, but I have met so many other deer, who have all been super cool!
J - jokes
I love making little jokes about my identity, because it is very silly if you think about it.
K - knowldege
On a scale of 1-10, I would say my knowledge of alterhumanity is a 7 or 8. I still have a lot to learn.
L - liking, loving
I don’t think I could’ve had a “better” theriotype, a caribou is a lovely animal that I am grateful to be.
N - nature
My theriotype lives in northern parts of North America, and in Europe. They are migratory, so they don’t have one specific territory or anything.
O - otherhearted
Tbh I don’t really know the difference between otherhearted and therianthropy but I don’t think I’m otherhearted.
P - popularity
My theriotype isn’t very popular (unless it’s Christmas). Fun fact: in North America, caribou are called reindeer when they’re domesticated, but in Europe, they’re always called reindeer.
R - real body
I get species dysphoria from time to time.
S - sex
I never really thought about the sex of my theriotype? It’s kind of hard to tell really.
T - traits
-fear of loud noises/sudden noise
-foraging for food (gardening mostly)
-head butting things
-communicating with grunts, moving my head, pointing with my feet, or flicking my “ears” (that don’t exist bc phantom shift)
-running/hiking in the woods and swimming
-flight instinct
Urges
I think this question was centered more towards therians with prey drive instincts, because my urges are mostly just to run away, swim in random bodies of water, eat the grass, and restlessness.
W - wondering
Leaving the question here for context: “How do you think you would look like, if you could psychically shapeshift into your therio/kintype? (Describe or put an image here!)”
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Y - yarn
Leaving this question for context too: “If you wanted to buy/make a tail, would it be real fur or fake/yarn fur?”
Caribou don’t have tails…
Z - zoo (as in the place)
I like zoos that are there for protection of a species or rehabilitation. I think there can be a lot of abuse involved, though.
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autistic-af · 7 months
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this is a question coming from curiosity ONLY, and to learn. it is not intended to come off as mean, shaming, or hating. i am only curious. just putting this here so we get no misunderstanding, because lord do i hate being misunderstood and people often take me questions and wonders as hate, shame, anything negative, ig it has with my tone to do rly which i cant seem to help but ONWARDS TO THE QUESTION...bc i always end up blabbering on lmfao...
but YES...so you said some time ago that your psychiatrist (? i think it was, i could be wrong and if i am i apologise) or who did your autism evaluation(? again, could be wrong!) but she said that you are severally (iirc thats what you said, asks been close too long for me memory to remember) disabled by your autism. how is that? how are you severally disabled by it?
i know we're all disabled by it in various ways because it is a spectrum, but i'd like to hear your thought or how you experience it as severally disabled. i am thinking, and i know it might be wrong, but you have a drivers licence and a job, sure it comes with its downhills, like meltdowns and such.
but im really curious as to how you are severally disabled by it, because really when i see people who say they are, they are also most of them non-verbal, have other physical issues (im sorry im not native english speaker so i lose words a lot, my english like my swedish is very basic, and i often dont know how to word stuff correctly, so my question might be weird or wrong) like chronic illnesses. im also not trying to be a douchebag saying "you cant be possibly severally disabled because you have no other "so and so issues and you have so and so which many of them dont have!!!" i do understand people can be regardless.
again this question is coming from a non-hateful way, i am merely curious. because i like to hear other peoples experience with their autism. i am autistic aswell.
Important Note: I am a late diagnosed autistic with low/moderate support needs.
Hi, Nonny. Thank you for explaining that this is a good faith (ie honest) question. You're safe here, so don't think I'm angry at this. It's actually helpful to show others.
Also, you noted that English is a secondary language, so please don't hesitate to ask me to explain anything.
Firstly, yes I can drive and work a full-time job. Those are high masking activities.
And that's all I can do.
Those two activities take up all my energy and internal resources.
So, one helpful resource is my autism assessment.
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As you can see, my abilities (outside of masking and in a general environment) are very low. I have many more pages outlining the many scores I was labelled "Below Average" or lower.
These social and language difficulties mean that I can't function on most days. My frequent meltdowns/shutdowns and burnout are extremely damaging to my mental health, not to mention that the chemicals released during these episodes are bad for the body in such frequent and prolonged states.
To top it off, I'm disabled whether I'm working or not. Many would say "you'd be better without a job then", and to a point I would be.
However, I still can't socialise, I still can't go to the shops without a shutdown, or go for a walk, or clean my house, or cook for myself, or shower easily, or dress myself without nearing meltdown, or handle most sounds (I'm writing this wearing my ear defenders because my husband has the stove top fan on) or cope with bills/money etc.
I am very very much not disabled online. I can type, express myself freely, and come off as very "high functioning".
But that is my needs level. I am low/moderate needs, mostly because I can express my needs and I do not require as much help as others. I lived as a very very anxious and depressed "neurotypical" for 36 years before I was diagnosed. So, I have skills that some may not.
But how my autism affects me, destroys me on a daily basis, and how hard it makes the smallest area of my life is why it's severely disabling.
I hope this makes sense. If anything seems odd, please let me know because this reply is genuine.
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What we feel in life is entirely dictated by our environments, which is why when you’re young you can feel really out of control. Because you literally are.
As we get older our feelings feel bigger and bigger in our bodies because our brains are continuously developing until we’re 26ish. More machinery means more information is processed. Ever watched a movie you saw 1000000 times as a kid and noticed things that went straight over your head? Yeah, you have much more brain now. You pick up and process more from every experience you have with the world.
But from age 0-26 that’s a continuous ramp up, with a surge from puberty onwards. The reason adolescence is one of the hardest stages of life for many people is because of a particular combination of factors: everything suddenly feels twice as big, frequently overwhelming the system (think of a power surge in a system not quite yet equipped to handle it bc it’s still being built), and a lack of control over their environment. Children are completely powerless beings. They have absolutely no control over any aspect of their lives, and especially during puberty, not even their bodies. This will vary from family to family, and confounding factors like neurodivergence also affect their experiences.
Because our environments are directly responsible for the feelings we experience, and because adolescents’ feelings are suddenly much more intense than they’re used to, their need for control over their environment dramatically increases. This is why they start to push boundaries, they’re trying to assert control over some aspect of their lives, in order to try and change their emotional experience to something more tolerable.
For autistic children, this can manifest in quite extreme ways. We know autistic people have significantly higher neuronal density in certain areas of the brain, so they essentially have the “feelings are too big!!!!” feelings from birth. Neurotypical people experience that in puberty, when their sex hormones trigger a surge of new brain development. So when autistic children go through puberty, it’s another step up for them too, but they had a higher experiential starting point.
If you want to change how you feel, change your environment.
I’m autistic and I had a pretty traumatic childhood, and I did not expect to survive adolescence. I was constantly, constantly overwhelmed, I self harmed, I was suicidal, I was terrified, and confused, and full of rage, and I was drowning in shame over all of it. My parents weren’t equipped and did plenty of damage because of it, but it was just neverending fighting, and drama, and sending me to boarding school, then sending me to some other school across the country, then sending me to a psychiatric hospital, just complete batshit chaos.
I’d received all the standard diagnoses by the time I was 14, but the childhood diagnosis of autism was never acknowledged by my parents apart from when they initially told me, and never told to any of the psychiatrists I was sent to. ADHD, MDD, bipolar, BPD, social anxiety, GAD, and medicated up to my eyeballs with antipsychotics, antidepressants, mood stabilisers, stimulants, some other shit that I can’t remember, and of course hormonal birth control, all concurrently, because my hysterical female hormones were making me insane, obviously.
I finally moved out when I was 17 and I shit you not— overnight, I became sane. At the time I told myself it was because not living with my parents meant we had nothing to fight about. But I only realised yesterday exactly why.
I suddenly was in complete control of my immediate environment. It was my little shitty flat. I could decide everything, I could control my sensory environment for the first time in my life. Light, noise, people being around or not, whatever. Which meant I could control my feelings for the first time in my life. Funny, that. Every other environment I’d ever been in had been determined by my parents, who spent my lifetime proving that they would not acknowledge, respect or meet my sensory and emotional needs. Any environment they were responsible for controlling felt inherently distressing.
If your feelings seem out of control, it’s because they are directly connected to aspects of your environment and your environment is out of your control, and you need to tweak it to a configuration you can tolerate, or even flourish in.
I stopped all my medications cold turkey immediately and that year was the best of my life up to that point. I felt so much peace. I started making art again. I dumped my piece of shit stoner boyfriend and I felt even better. I nurtured a social life. I started my career as a chef. I was so fucking functional, for a 17 year old anyway.
Of course, the kicker is identifying which aspects of your environment are connected to which feelings you have, so you can make changes. And on the whole, people fucking suck at that. What’s worse is that when it concerns a child or an adolescent, it’s even harder for them, so they need the help of the adults around them. And if those adults are not equipped to handle a teenager’s enormous, difficult feelings, they’ll likely seek the help of a psychiatrist. And that’s where the shit hits the fan.
Children have no frame of reference for the majority of their experiences. They’re still learning what things are. You know those jokes about how you could teach your kid an apple is actually called a football and they wouldn’t know the difference? Imagine that, but with emotions. You tell a kid their natural emotional responses to their environment are a disease inherent within them, or a defect of their personality, and watch what happens.
When a child is experiencing emotional distress, they have no fucking idea what they’re feeling. Usually it just feels like A Lot™. A lot of what, who knows, but it’s A Lot. Not knowing what you’re feeling when you’re feeling A Lot adds about 30 tonnes of terror on top of what is already A Lot because you don’t even know how you’re supposed to feel about what you feel.
When I had my first gallbladder attack, I felt like I was actually dying. This is because I had no frame of reference for the feeling. I have felt pain before, I have even felt organ pain before, but I had not experienced THAT organ in pain before. It was extreme, and undefined to me. Those two factors are key.
When I was diagnosed with an ulcer, and medicated for it over two years, I was relieved that I was not dying. I was much less distressed. I was in no less pain. But because I could tick a box in my brain labelled “not dying” next to this feeling, it was a much less terrifying experience. Zero data means death to our minds. We only fear death because there is exactly zero data about what happens when we die, since no one’s lived to say.
I now had some data, it’s an ulcer. I took my medication. It didn’t work, so I tried a different one. It was a little better, maybe?, but that also could just have been my pain getting better on its own.
So anyway, not an ulcer. Gallstones. But every time the pain acted up I would tell my doctor my ulcer is acting up, because I had been informed that this feeling was an ulcer. And they’d help, the way they would if I had an ulcer. But I didn’t.
When a child who is feeling A Lot™ and also has no frame of reference for this enormous feeling, they very understandably freak the fuck out. And then the parents freak out, bc the child feels like they’re dying because they have exactly zero data on this fucking gargantuan feeling taking up the entirety of their brain and body, so the parents think the child is dying so they take the child to the doctor.
We have had many names for human emotional pain. Human emotional pain has never not been what it is. It doesn’t change when the names do.
When I was a 13 year old child, mine was called major depressive disorder. I was sat in front of a doctor, whom I trusted implicitly because he was a doctor, and he told me that this particular feeling that I thought was Death Itself was “depression”. Oh! I thought. At least I’m not dying! He then proceeded to explain what depression meant, and talk about the other symptoms, etc. I walked away knowing I was depressed, I had depression.
When I later stumbled upon a book about a young girl with depression, naturally, because I had been told by an obviously completely objectively correct and credible source that I had depression, I bought the book and read it. In it, the girl starts cutting herself. Because she has depression, right.
So I started cutting myself. Because that’s what young girls with depression do. I knew that, because I read it in a book. And it wouldn’t be in a book if it wasn’t true.
The drugs didn’t work, because you can’t selectively stop humans from feeling emotional pain, not really. And also, I wasn’t “depressed”, I’m just autistic. Rinse and repeat for every subsequent diagnosis and drug I received. I was struggling with what I was feeling, because my environment was not right for me, so neither were the feelings. I also felt profoundly powerless, being unable to change anything, which remains a trigger for me to this day, because when I was most powerless I was in the most pain and dysregulation of my life.
These days, when kids struggle with the experience of having much too big feelings in not quite yet developed brains in environments they have zero ability to change, they’re still plastered with the usual labels but there’s a new one in the mix, and it’s much more dangerous. And there’s a fucking reason it’s being applied disproportionately to autistic kids.
Children feel powerless in their developing bodies. And for girls, knowing what the end result will be and what that will mean for them in this world, it’s particularly terrifying.
For psychiatrists to sit a child down and tell them the huge, terrifying, overwhelming feelings of fear and pain and distress for which they have NO frame of reference are “gender dysphoria” because their bodies are wrong and need to be fixed, it’s pure unfiltered evil. Doctors are telling children that apples are footballs, except it’s worse, because naively asking if your friend would like a bite of your football is not the same as naively irreversibly altering your body.
Children trust doctors implicitly. Psychiatrists pathologise entire aspects of the human experience. Pain is a normal part of life. It’s not fun, sure, but without negative feelings there would be no positive feelings. It’s the same reason SSRIs blunt good feelings too, while trying to blunt the unpleasant ones. You just end up feeling empty, which is somehow worse. It’s the same circuits, the same pathways. We need to be reassuring people through pain, telling them they aren’t actually dying, and that it won’t always feel like this, they are not alone in feeling like this, and supporting them in any way they need until they get through it.
Instead we pathologise them and drug them and throw away their trust, because they believed a doctor when he said a pill would take their pain away, even though it fucking can’t. So now when someone tells them, it’s okay, it’ll get better, it just sounds like a lie.
This individualisation of environmentally induced suffering tells people they need to change themselves to fit their toxic, oppressive environment. Fuck that. Change the environment even if it means burning it all down and starting again. No human emotions are wrong, no human bodies are wrong.
We exist, fully and as we are. We feel everything there is to feel, because we’re alive.
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everyone on earth has a complex relationship with gender it came free with the society n culture u were born into the expectations it had for children n ur own unique conceptions and relarionship with identity n social classes as an internal n external mythology of culture history ideas expectations roles desirability and our emotional connection and resonance to the language n physical signifiers there within
no one on earth has exactly the same gender. its one of the first brushes with which we paint ourselves nd all these brushes are handmade and passed down from a hundred hands
even if someone is “binary” i promise u their internalized conception of what a man is and what a woman is is different than urs and they have good n bad days in which they feel uplifted or abandoned by their own ideas or othe ppls ideas which exclude them
also isnt the point of the “binary” that there should be no binary! what makes u think trans women, who in no way shape or form benefit from the binary, want to live within its boundaries? cant women be able to have the same identity depth and break as many artificial boundaries as anyone else? its giving “women are stupid and i need to assert myself as different (specialer, better) bc i dont want to be seen as one.” which is just what cis men do to women. just bc ur trans too u dont get a free pass
somehow the wires got crossed and when we go “trans women are women” and “being sexist is bad” a la feminism 101 when some of us transmasc people genuinely went. oh. trans MEN are men. non-binary ppl are non-binary. being sexist ie transphobic to ME is bad. and we forgot how to relate to women because we were so focused on asserting the gender affirming grossness of “im not like other girls!! because im not a GIRL at all!”
bc we get euphoria from a different kind of gender freedom that is affirmed by “not being a girl.” we become the model minority that thinks they can appeal to cis people as “not like those (insert perjorative) girls.” im good. im normal. im not a freak. i perform gender correctly. would u like me to perform for u? here, ill prove im not a bad woman. ill put down the bad women. the women who “exclude” me. the women who dont need me. the women who take up “space in our communities” (becsuse they gen need more resources as they are in the unique position of hyper visibility and hatred). the boogey woman of the callout legend under my bed.
when we are honest with ourselves, a poor transmasc has more in common with a trans girl kinnie who watches weird anime than his rich transphobic dad that disowned him or the terf who fetishized and abused him who he now blames his misogyny on bc he gets offended now when he hears the statement “i hate men” as if that statement has never affected or applied to a trans girl or transfem who was just living her life n getting hurt with…….. misdirected “misandry”? rip.
will that make it feel better or easier? if the trans MAN’S experience is centered, can trans women still “take up space” and have problems? when is it ok for women to be people with as rich as interiority as you without you being threatened or scared? just bc ur not a woman doesnt mean u have to be afraid or scared or hateful. ppl will understand u are masc if u extend empathy to ppl who r different than u.
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aibidil · 5 months
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been thinking about the socialization into gendered bodily comportment and autism
so we know that little girls have a lot of "gender appropriate" bodily comportment to learn—keep your knees together, don't let your underwear show when you're playing, don't speak too loud/bossy, what to do with your hair. When you're a bit older, the socialization into gendered and sexualized bodily comportment—how you hold yourself wrt your breasts, cocking a hip or swaying hips, putting your hand on your hip™️ during photos, makeup norms. All of these things are explicitly taught/enforced by both adults and peers, but they're also, and to an enormous extent, absorbed through observation and exposure irl and through media.
and we know that autistics often find it difficult/painful to socialize/normalize our bodies. Autistics are less aware of our bodily cues (interoception), often have increased bodily sensory needs (stimming, avoiding certain feelings/textures/fabrics), and have overactive nervous systems. We also are really bad at intuiting the social expectations AND we're unlikely to do things because someone just said to do it ("why? says who? does that make sense?") AND we're often allergic to demands that we perceive to threaten our authenticity or autonomy.
If you put these together... oh. There are so many reasons why autistic people are more likely to be queer (we reject the binaries bc when we interrogate them, they don't pass the bs test, etc), but this suggests to me that we're often also just BAD at performing gender. (Not always! Some autistics study gender and then don it like armor.)
But if you're bad at performing gender, that's inherently going to affect the way you relate to gender both personally and theoretically.
I can't tell you how often little aib was told to put her legs together. It never, ever stuck. Not because I wanted to buck gender norms (at the time), but because there's no way to ever get that rule through my head and into my body. I would never in a million years remember that. And even if I did try in a given moment (bc someone was policing me or because I was wearing a short skirt or something), it would be absolutely EXCRUCIATING to sit "properly"! I could never continue to sit properly if not actively trying to maintain it.
If you've had this experience, how could you not reject gender? It's almost like the entire gendered system is hostile to autistic bodies/minds.
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valravn72 · 8 months
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Disabled Xion Flags!!
For funsies :3
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Alright to use without credit, just please reblog if saving/using!!! Thank youuuu 🫶
Reasons for my disabled Xion headcanon below the cut (the summary bc otherwise I will go all day):
Xion is obsessed with “usefulness” and only considers illness in light of how it will affect her productivity or burden others
Xion is also very preoccupied with whether or not she is worthy of existence
Xion experiences chronic episodes of dizziness, migraines, fatigue and fainting. This comes from how her body reacts to her paradoxical existence and how the state of that existence relates to the simultaneous nature of Sora, Roxas and Naminé
The way her body attacks itself because it knows something is wrong is so so real as a disability allegory immune systems be like that
She collects shells!!! And stims with them by rubbing them!!! And gives people them as her love language!!! Autism!!!! And she carries them around in her big dramatic coat pockets! Me frrrrr
Also having Nobodies as a dissociation/low empathy allegory effects her character a lot, including how she and Roxas don’t really understand most phrases and social norms… autisma…!…
She spends a lot of time in bed recovering from fainting episodes and dizzy spells
Roxas’s comas usually have clear causes that correlate with events such as Sora being put to sleep, but for Xion it’s usually just because she’s in burnout. My girl’s a spoonie
Another autism moment is how ???? her gender is. She’s widely considered to be a trans allegory and autistic people are statistically more likely to experience gender in abnormal ways/be nonbinary so wahahaha my headcanons support each other that’s how right I am
The separation from her body that comes with finding out she is a replica is a good parallel with disability mourning (as well as dpdr and gender dysphoria)
She’s also very fixated on whether or not she is “real” and how she could become real and is referred to as an object or a doll/puppet by a lot of other characters, which is a big trope in disabled media
Overall her internalized dehumanization and ableism is a big part of her character
She also parrots back ableist things people have said to her in order to justify not asking for help, especially when Roxas and Axel try to convince her that she comes first
There’s some dialogue from other characters where several of them mention how they think she’s overworking herself and is too invested in seeking approval
Saïx calling her a “waste” is a big part of her character arc. As is losing to Riku, which is stupid because he’s older than her and has more experience
When Roxas gets sick she immediately recognizes him hiding his symptoms, working too hard and refusing help and begs him to be gentle with himself because she understands exactly what he’s going through
Her body and abilities are consistently depicted as being unstable in nature overall. Her magic and abilities are unreliable and can stop working for seemingly no reason
She also has a high sense of justice, starts out nonverbal, displays limited emotions when not having a breakdown and is very rule focused + takes what authority figures say at face value. My little yippee
She’s very quiet overall and also stays in her hood a lot, which is common for Nobodies to disguise her identities but she’s also very inexpressive when hooded and is only verbal with effort. She retreats into her hood when overwhelmed pretty consistently, especially when she doesn’t want to engage emotionally. In the manga she is shown to typically be expressionless when in this state.
She’s doomed by the narrative and she knows it
She was basically made as a backup in case Roxas and Sora couldn’t be useful to the organization, so her body is reacting to how there’s several pieces of herself missing and how they all exist simultaneously and effect each other constantly even though they’re all completely separate people. It’s implied that only absorbing Roxas and Sora would allow her to have a stable body. She opts to have Sora absorb her instead.
Anyway yeah this isn’t really a perfect explanation but this is the most I can do without writing another Jumbled Autism Dump essay. I hope it was legible and thank you for reading it lmao. I’m just excited to spread the gospel of spoonie Xion
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