#bc of our shared social circle

[charmedreincarnation]

Hi Maya I was one of your first anons back in March and I manifested my dream life. i just wanted to share some things that helped me, and hope we can all pass some knowledge so we all get our desires life. I did, you did, and everyone reading this can and will so let’s all try to help out by sharing a little of our journey. I’ll never create a blog because tumblr is a mess, so I’ll just share them here bc I trust you as a creator and I hope you agree with what I’m saying. Even if you don’t these are my assumptions and my truth

il get into my methods in one second but users of tumblr there are only 4 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE LAW (Inspired heavily by you bc I used your blog religiously) I will say you’re kind of too nice and I wish I had someone to yell at me like this, and tell me to stop being a victim!!! So if it sounds aggressive it’s because it is in the best loving way possible.OKAY SO.

★you need to understand that you want to fulfill yourself in imagination because you don’t care about the desires only how you feel about it. Bare with me it sounds stupid I know. But I don’t care about men or how they feel about me. I just want to feel worshiped and love, and I could fulfill that in my imagination. I don’t care about money??? It’s fucking paper !!! I just want to feel secure and financially free and want the feeling of buying my favorite clothes without looking at the tag. I GOT THE SAME FEELING FROM PINTREST EVEN WHEN I WAS POOR GODDAMNIT. I didn’t care about getting all As in school when I’ve always believed school is not a representation of intelligence. I wanted to feel recognized adored and respected which I had to feel for myself in my mind before it projected. I don’t care about looking skinny, I just wanted to feel snatched, I wanted to be envied, and feel pretty. And in my mind everyone wanted to be me even when I was ugly and fat. BUT I DIDNT FEEL FAT. Even with no change in the 3D I had my desires. This applies to all your desires, and you really need to understand that.

★you can affirm,visualize, understand states, understand non dualism, use the Bible or Torah m, wall twerk and say “I AM THAT BITXH,” use sats YADADAA . No one cares it doesn’t matter. you don’t have to feel anything or, even believe in wth you’re doing. As long as you think that having it in imagination means it’s yours that’s all that matter. I’ve read so many teachers, Neville, Abraham, Abdullah, Edward art, paid coaches, and they all do different things but say the same thing. FAITH IS KEY. That’s all that matters. Don’t let anyone you otherwise or tell you what you have to do. All teachers were once students, all success stories were once struggled failures, all masters were once lost okay. You are god so have some faith in yourself.

★YOU ARE GOD. You know what a god is, you know how a god works, you know god can do anything with a snap of a finger, kill anyone with a thought, look anyway it wants, have anything everything and create whatever. You are an omnipotent loving creator so create and give yourself everything.

★you can’t over consume, you can think from lack of whatever, and doubt can’t hinder you unless you think it does. Having a desire does not mean you’re lacking or else having the wanting for it would mean that too no? When creators say that I want to slam my head against the wall. Even now I have all my desires and I still think about them constantly. Thinking of new clothes to buy with MY WEALTH, I think of new food to eat that won’t even affect my SNATCHED BODY, i find new places to try and explore bc MY SOCIAL CIRCLE IS HUGE AND IM SO LOVED, I think of new makeup up to try to enhance my GORGEOUS PRINCESS FACE. I think of it in the same way from when I didn’t have my desired (I always had them in imagination but you know what I mean.) so there is no thinking from lack, or else you’re always lacking it lmfao the fuck. Anyways I doubted my abilities up until I manifested my dream life. I was okay with it in imagination and whether it reflected or not it was my escape I was content with. DID YOU SEE THAT. I had doubts up until the very end, and it doesn’t mean shit unless you think it does. Just affirm having doubts and obsessions only speed up your results. That’s really all it is.

Now to my story if anyone cares. I won’t make a blog for reason number 2 and 3 listed above. That’s all you need but if you want more info for curiosity go for it. I know I was curious and that didn’t stop me from getting my dream life. Anyways I have the same story as about everyone else here. My life sucked, I found the law, and it worked! HOORAY!!! But how did I do it???? Easy peasy, in a couple of steps.

☞ I tattooed my four rules above in my mind. When fear and doubt emerged I sunk that shit like the titanic and went with my laws that I created. It’s literally called the law of assumption like come on, stop fighting with yourself when you assume and create reality.

☞I ignored anything that I didn’t agree with. Sometimes I’d get so mad and be like WHAT NO WHY WOULD THAT BLOGGER OR COACH OR ANON or whoever say that?? But am I dumb ??? each of us have our own reality our own bubbles. The fact that it works for them and not for me started to only motivate me more. It doesn’t work bc I assume sooo… sooo why not just assume the opposite and focus on my rules like they did. The law is always in effect and working. Either it’s in your favor or it’s not. It’s up to you

☞I used affirmations bc repetition is the only thing that works for my logical brain. Anything can change with repetition. It’s basic science. So in the morning and night time I would affirm. ONCE. Repetition meant for me doing it everyday and not wanting. The rest of my day was lived in my imaginations. And the affirmation was to remind me in my vulnerable state that I already have my desires. That’s why my affirmation was “I have my desires no matter what, and everything I do brings them to me faster than the speed of light” it was kind of funny and made me chuckle but I accepted it as facts. Look guys…

☞I didn’t repress myself. If I cried or yelled or told myself “FUCK YOU” it wasn’t me tf. It was the devil or something. Be like those Christian fuckers who when their child comes out as gay…it’s the devil within them or whatever. I would talk to myself, yell when doubt emerged and when my thoughts weren’t the ones I wanted. It wasn’t fucking me so get the fuck out I have my desires so who tf are you ??? It will feel weird but you’ll get used to it trust me. If you’re uncomfortable it’s working. Getting rid of bad habits and your comfort in dwelling in bad thoughts is uncomfortable but it’s worth it.

I manifested my dream life back in March. I LITERALLY WOKE WITH MY DREAM LIFE. A complete 180. I won’t talk about my past life bc I completely revised it and I’m the only one who remembers so for the most part it feels like a long nightmare that has past. I’ll just talk about what I changed instead because that’s the stuff we all want to hear. Anyways I’ll just post some of my list here.

♥ my life feels like the song rich kids by freak ocean

♥I’m a pretty spoiled princess who gets everything I want but I’m still kind

♥I revised my entire family from looks to personality to zodiac to religion and etc. i rewrote my story which included my family

♥I have natural admired intelligent

♥my family has a net worth of 500 million dollars, and my entire family stems from old money. (Think aristocrats not slave or colonization money)

♥I can play many instruments and speak many languages

♥ I am 5’2, 100 pounds, I have natural stunning vixen beauty, and the most desires body in the world. I’m the beauty standard and people either want to be me or date me. I am naturally skinny and have no worries about my weight, I have clear skin that only gets clearer with my skincare routine, and I have my desired personality where I’m kind but also don’t put up with any shit from anyone because I know I’m that bitch. I also have great style and embody a princess !

♥my life is a combination of my favorite watpadd stories, Gilmore girls, gossip girl, and mean girls.

♥ too many people pursue me I have too many options

♥I have a perfect school life, social life, family life, friend life, and people always wonder what I did to be “so lucky it’s unfair”

♥my family has multiple mansions in America, monoco,Australia, france, and China.

♥I’m a daddies and mommies money girl

♥I put myself first (I HAD SUFFERED TOO LONG I NEEDED A SOFT LIFE)

♥everyone’s purpose it to make my life easier and make me happier

♥I’m spoiled and privileged in every aspect of my life

♥I’m a master shifter, and manifester

♥I revised my age to 14. I was 18 and graduating but I wanted to redo high school how I had envisioned it all my life

♥I have a “cool mom” people are always jealous how lucky I am

♥I have my main estate in Hollywood hills with my family that’s in a gated, gorgeous, gate kept neighborhood. It is 30,000 sq feet with my dreams decor, dream cars, dream pets, dream house help, dream room with all my stuff saved on Pinterest including decor, furniture, clothes, shoes, makeup and skincare.

♥everything good in my life I have manifested and it’s too much to list. THERES NOT REASON FEAR OR WAIT. Do what you want and assume it still works and it will.

You honestly said it better than I could have. Literally every single one of these points are so valid :)!! I’m glad you think I inspired you love but all I did was allow you recognize your own godly abilities. I’m very proud of you, and have fun girl 🥹❤️

Also. “All teachers were once students, all success stories were once struggled failures, all masters were once lost okay. You are god so have some faith in yourself.” This one million times !!!!! Invest your faith into yourself more than anyone else and you’ll see how fast your reality conforms. I also adore your point about the state of lacking bc I never believed in that. If wanting your desires insinuates it’s not yours, we would have no thoughts since that’s where it all originates from. In fact Edward explains it pretty well.

When Edward looks at lack, he sees it as being something that is only brought about by the individual. He believes that your own actions, thoughts, and attitudes will bring about an artificial scarcity of resources. Edward says that this artificial lack of resources is not actually real—it exists only in our minds, as we focus on the things that we don’t have rather than the things that are available to us.

He believes that true lack only exists when someone has no access to resources—whether those resources be financial, physical, mental, or emotional. When someone has access to resources but they squander them or don’t use them to their advantage, it isn’t a lack of resources that is at fault—it is the individual’s personal choices and attitudes that create the feeling of lack. Same way we see attractive people feel ugly though they have women or men chasing them, modeling opportunities, and experience many examples of pretty privilege lol. You’re a hot girl.. you’re just not using it to your advantage, same way you have everything in imagination and access to anything yet… nothing bc of your own perceptions. That’s not lack. Simply inappropriate usage of recourse. A waste for better use of words.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #my asks #reality shifting #self concept

[dannyricsmirrorball]

fifth wheel • ln4 part 3 ੈ✩‧₊˚

ੈ✩‧₊˚ pairing || lando norris x reader

ੈ✩‧₊˚ genre || social media au

ੈ✩‧₊˚ summary || y/n is always fifth wheeling george, carmen, alex, and lily.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ a/n || final part yay! also perf in time for lando’s p2!!! not proof read.

part 1 part 2

liked by lorenzotl, patriciooward, and 762,871 others

alex_albon monte-carlo padel masters

tagged georgerussell63, yourusername, maxvertsappen1, landonorris, richardpardon

username1 max has friends?!

username2 zandvoort front two rows

charles_leclerc oh!

⤷ pierregasly it’s ok mate, we’ll play together

⤷ yourusername sorry 🥱 maybe if u brought alex and kika w u

username3 ok but how did they play if there was 5 of them, did they take turns?

⤷ username4 nah i bet y/n just sat on her phone and watched them play

alex_albon also P.S. y/n did not actually do anything

⤷ yourusername WDYM?! me and lando subbed 🧐

⤷ georgerussell63 he kept playing for u y/n?

⤷ yourusername HOW IS THAT MY FAULT, HE’S A BALL HOG!

⤷ alex_albon u forced him to play for u y/n.

⤷ yourusername this is defamation. i will not take this slander!

⤷ username4 called it

username5 maxverstappen new hyoerfixation incoming

f1 who won tho?

⤷ yourusername me ofc 😇

⤷ landonorris us*

⤷ yourusername sorry yes ofc team work makes the dream work!

⤷ maxverstappen1 but yourusername u didn’t even play?

⤷ landonorris i played for the both of us. she transferred her energy to me so i could play w our combined powers

⤷ username6 lando and y/n aren’t being hostile. we are so back!

liked by danielricciardo, mclaren, and 632,091 others

landonorris my 🌟 girl

username7 this soft launch will be the death of me.

username8 the day we find out who she is, is the day that i die

danielricciardo watch out she’ll take over lando.jpg

maxfewtrell yuck right in front of me

yourusername whipped

⤷ landonorris sns

⤷ username9 i’m sorry? is that meant to mean sorry not sorry 😭😭 they’re actual children

username10 idc how many ppl call me delusional, it’s y/n FS

⤷ username11 ok grandma let’s get u to bed

liked by romeobeckham, mickschumacher, and 97,032 others

yourusername spicy salmon nigiri u rock my world 🍣

username12 ok yeah rip my lando x y/n fantasies

username13 final confirmation we needed

username14 how long is this soft launch gonna last

landonorris gag

⤷ username15 someone sounds jealous 👀

⤷ landonorris sushi makes me sick

⤷ maxfewtrell such a baby

lilymhe gets a bf and forgets her best friends

⤷ alex_albon it’s ok lily just relax

⤷ lilymhe NO YOUVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS UR WHOLE LIFE ALEX DONT EVEN PRETEND

⤷ username16 i just know alex is so relieved that he doesn’t have share lily anymore

username17 does anyone else find it funny/weird that y/n will let rumours circle abt her and other drivers and lando will do the same w random ppl he’s talks to and they both just follow this kind of philosophy of just ignoring it bc it’s baseless but as soon as someone so much as hints to the idea of them together they go ham at squashing it

⤷ username18 maybe it’s bc they’re actually friends so they don’t want ppl to ruin it w all the rumours

⤷ username17 but that’s what i mean like they don’t mind the rumours abt their other friends but when it’s each other it’s like NO THATS NOT TRUE

⤷ username19 i will stand by that alex and george tried to set them up on that golf trip and they started taking but one of them or both fucked it up and now

⤷ username20 and i will stand by that they are actually together

⤷ username19 it’s ok to be a little delusional

liked by username81, username4, and 18,409 others

f1wags y/n with lando recently… wonder how their partners feel about this…

tagged landonorris, yourusername

username21 nah no way they aren’t dating

⤷ username22 they’ve made it so clear they’re just friends

⤷ username21 bro look at how much they’re together, she’s literally in the paddock w him

⤷ username22 they’re friends??? makes sense that they’d hang out.

⤷ username21 yeah but she’s always been friends w him but is always in either williams or mercedes merch and motorhome but is suddenly a mclaren girly

username23 what a slut. she literally has a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend.

⤷ username24 she’s just mad that she can’t use alex and george anymore bc they probably saw her for who she is and is now leaching off lando

username25 ahhhh they’re so cute 🥹

username26 nah but i do feel lowkey bad for their partners bc if my s/o was acting like this w another person…

username27 imagine being his gf tho… like he’s refusing to show her face but is parading another girl around the paddock

liked by carlossainz55, olliebearman, and 809,762 others

charles_leclerc tbt good times 🌊

tagged arthurleclerc, lorenzotl, alexandrasaintmleux, carla.brocker, charlotte2304, alex_albon, georgerussell63, yourusername, lilymhe, carmenmmundt, heidiberger, landonorris, danielricciardo

georgerussell63 …mate

yourusername party rockin 🤙🐚🌊😮‍💨🌅🏝️🏖️🏄‍♀️

⤷ username30 my girl is overcompensating bc she knows she can’t get out of this one

⤷ username31 what?

⤷ username30 i mean this pretty much confirms that y/n and lando are actually dating, like w all the photos of them and now that we know that they actually did see each other during the break

alexandrasaintmleux CHARLES what did i say abt posting w/o showing me first 😭

landonorris lol

⤷ username31 they are sweating

username32 you’re telling me that the leclerc family, all their gfs, lily, alex, george, carmen, daniel, heidi, y/n, AND lando ALL stayed in corsica together during part of the break AND WE DIDNT KNOW UNTIL KNOW

alex_albon at least i’m not THIS bad lilymhe

lilymhe charles…

danielricciardo LOL MATE

⤷ heidiberger_ don’t even danny

username33 IM SORRY BUT THIS IS SO CONFIRMATION ABT Y/N AND LANDO… I MEAN LOOK AT EVERYONES COMMENTS, THEYRE ALL STRESSING AND THIS WAS SO OBV A COUPLES TRIP

⤷ username34 i mean idk still like their comments to eachother are so passive aggressive and george, alex, and charles are really good mates w the both of them as well y/n is famed for being the biggest grid couple third wheel so maybe they were just being massive third wheels OR they also brought their partners but charles just didn’t tag them to keep it private

⤷ username35 or u guys hate to admit that y/n and lando are together and lando isn’t going to get w u 🤷‍♀️

username36 charles really came in w a bang

username37 the way charles’ silence is SOOOO loud

⤷ username38 yeah he is fs getting it in the gc

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux, carmenmmundt, landonorris, georgerussell63, alex_albon, heidiberger_

liked by georgerussell63, alex_albon, and 320,918 others

yourusername fuck it we ball

tagged landonorris

username42 OH

username43 ITS HAPPENING ITS HAPPENING Y/N LANDO HARD LAUNCH

lilymhe i knew you’d cave. all those soft launch photos i took and FOR WHAT. lasted a month 😐

charles_leclerc 🤍

⤷ yourusername this is ur fault

⤷ charles_leclerc whatttttt idk what ur talking abt

heidiberger_ i just heard danny let out an audible sigh

⤷ danielricciardo no more stress 😮‍💨

⤷ yourusername did better then i thought u would danny

⤷ heidiberger_ don’t be fooled… i think he told the entire rbr faculty

alex_albon see you’d think that this would mean they’d leave us alone…

⤷ yourusername never getting rid of us albono 😊

⤷ landonorris now why would u want that mate?! 😘

username57 the caption. she really said fuck it lets hard launch!

username58 they really squashed the slander

landonorris absolute legends i reckon

⤷ yourusername ballers

landonorris my girl 🧡

⤷ yourusername 🤭🫠

carlossainz55 finally

username34 what?! no way?! i’m shocked 😦 we are so shocked 🥱

mclaren we’ll take it from here williamsracing mercedesamgf1

team_quadrant the real boss 😌

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 570,398 others

landonorris cute.

username42 i can’t. they’re too cute.

username43 did he take her to his family home omfg 😭

maxfewtrell whippeddddd

⤷ yourusername 😐

⤷ maxfewtrell sorry y/n mb

danielricciardo cutsie

⤷ landonorris 😘😘

georgerussell63 double trouble

⤷ alex_albon god george u don’t have to say everything that comes to ur mind

lilymhe she’s so pretty

⤷ landonorris she is 😍

⤷ yourusername i love uuuuuu baby

⤷ landonorris i love u too love

⤷ yourusername oh.

⤷ landonorris oh.

⤷ lilymhe I LOVE U TOO LOVERRRR

⤷ alex_albon u get used to it landonorris

liked by yourusername, lilymhe, and 126,090 others

lando.jpg my girl

tagged yourusername

username42 god i am not ur strongest soldier

danielricciardo peep the merch 😌

⤷ yourinstagram enchante danny 😉

yourinstagram shop the look enchante 🩷

⤷ enchante 😍😍

username43 they’re everything

heidiberger_ where’s mine? daniel3.jpg

⤷ daniel3.jpg COMING RIGHT UP

username44 lando is the standard

⤷ username45 never thought i’d see the day someone described lando norris as the standard

yourusername obsessed much 🤭

⤷ lando.jpg with u? always

⤷ yourusername oh 😳

yourusername my own jpg post?! i must be special

⤷ lando.jpg the specialist 🧡

⤷ yourusername oh 🤭

username46 dead at y/n being taken aback my lando’s comments

lilymhe my girl 😍😍😍

⤷ yourusername my girl 😘😘🤭🤭

⤷ lando.jpg pipe down miss alex_albon come collect ur girl

⤷ alex_albon don’t fight it mate

carmenmmundt prettiest girl in the world

⤷ lando.jpg that she is

username47 she’s come so far from her third wheeling days 🥹

⤷ alex_albon has she?

bonus!

liked by williamsracing, carmenmmundt, and 228,460 others

alex_albon proof that it changed nothing 😐

tagged yourusername, landonorris, lilymhe, carmenmmundt, georgerussell63

yourusername boohoo 🙄

landonorris u love us ❤️‍🔥

hope u enjoyed 🤍🤍

#lando norris x reader #lando norris #lando norris imagine #formula one #formula 1 #george russell #alex albon #lily muni he #carmen montero mundt #daniel ricciardo #ln4 #ln4 imagine #ln4 x reader #charles leclerc #f1 fanfic

[seeingivy]

historic wins

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: mentions of implied SA/uncomfortable agent, nothing else too serious. reader has anxiety before performing, eren being sick in love, baddie moment

an: when I tell you writing this chapter took ten years of my life, it really did. i literally had the worst day ever regardless BUT i regurgitated out and i can't tell if i hate it bc my mood is bad or bc its actually bad if its bad let all just collectively close our eyes please bc it ACTUALLY gave me a tension headache FDSFDSF

previous chapter

--

You knock on the door, the stress sitting on your shoulders, as you hear rustling behind the frame. When it swings open, you’re met with Marco and Reiner answering the doors, the two of them swiftly pulling you in and slamming the door shut behind you. 

“Did anyone see you when you came in?” Reiner asks, his hand still pulling you up the stairs. 

“No. Was-is there someone there or-”

“Paparazzi. They’ve been swarming since yesterday, we've barely been able to leave as it is.” Marco responds. 

They drag you up the stairs and both push open the first white door open. You’re met with five pairs of eyes staring you down. Eren, Connie, Mikasa, Ymir, and Historia - who looks downright horrible. 

You figured it was bad. You had seen the headlines on your way down - saying Historia was canceled, her trending on Twitter, her socials getting blocked. And you always thought that situations like this were sensationalized when you weren't famous, something horrible to go through. But it’s worse than you expected.

She looks sick. 

Her complexion is pale green, her eyes rimmed red, and her hair is tangled into such a mess at the top of her head that it’s making your stomach turn.

The Historia you know - glimmering blue eyes, soft blow-dried hair - is no comparison to the downright ghost you’re looking at now. And the worst part of it all is her expression.

Broken. Defeated. Crushed. 

You walk forward, opening your arms for her to sink into, and she immediately breaks out into sobs. She’s crying into your shoulder, her salty tears making a home against your skin and her cries so loud they're giving you goosebumps. You can see the rest of them behind you - Mikasa and Ymir sharing a knowing look - as Historia lets go and crawls back into the middle of her bed. 

You take a seat next to Eren on the floor, the two of you crisscrossed against her pale pink walls. He links his hand with yours as you plop your head onto his shoulder. 

“Is that everyone?” 

“Yeah, Hisu. The rest of them couldn’t get off and Levi and Hange are on their way now.” Ymir responds, her hands making small circles into her back. 

“Okay. I-I appreciate you coming, even when everyone hates me right now.” 

“We could never hate you, Hisu. Ever.” Eren responds the tone definitive, angry, and firm. It only occurs to you now that you’ve never really seen Eren like this - his shoulders tensed up, the look in his eyes burning hot instead of softly warm. 

“I know, I just-”

“No one could ever make us change our mind about you, Historia. The shit they’re saying doesn’t even sound like you. Why would you randomly fire your agent when you’ve literally loved him for years?” Reiner responds. 

Historia’s face pales at the mention of her agent, the reaction catching all of you off guard. Eren pulls his arm around your shoulder as you both slump farther down the wall, the anticipation, the anxiety of what Historia’s about to say so palpable it makes your throat dry. 

“I did fire my agent.” Historia chokes out. 

You remember her agent well, from when you met him at the season two premiere. He was a tall guy, with chocolate brown hair and a fair amount of wrinkles. He couldn’t be much older than your own parents, but he was always the biggest supporter of Historia. The first person in line to brag about her, about how amazing her career has been, how many credits she has for how old she is. 

“Why?” Connie asks. 

Historia takes a deep breath, her head in her hands and her voice shaky as she starts explaining. 

“I was set to act in Endless Love, that big movie being produced at the end of winter. I had gotten the lead role and I found out on my birthday, while I was still filming that limited series. I-I threw a big party to celebrate the fact that I was turning eighteen, that I was getting my dream roles, that my work was finally coming to fruition and-” 

She pauses, leaning back on her bed as she screeches it out of her voice. And what she says hangs in the air, making your head feel like solid metal. 

“The party ended and he was…congratulating me on everything. And I told him that I appreciated everything he had done for me, how far he had helped me come. And when-when I said that, he said…if I was really grateful, I’d give him a kiss.” 

You pause, the implication sticking in your mind. Eren had hinted it to you before. That people in the industry take advantage, that they’re so powerful, so successful that it makes them feel entitled, deserving of whatever it is they please. 

“I fired him. He went on Twitter, made a few tweets about my character when the news broke and you know how he is. They’re-they’re dragging my name through the mud. Calling me spoiled, that I paid to get the roles that I had, calling me names, sending me death threats and I-”

“You don’t have to worry about that. Levi and Hange will be here any minute and you know they’ve had their fair share of this. Hange especially and they’ll know what to do and-” Ymir starts. 

“This is career-ruining. I didn’t do anything- anything at fucking all and my career is over if I tell the truth. I have to stay quiet, put my head down, and take it all if I still want to do this and I do.” 

You all sit quietly, head down as she pants, the words angrily spilling out of her mouth. The words hang in the air, the silence deafening. Because what do you even say to that? 

Can you really compromise your own feelings for the sake of your career? Your art? 

“Okay, Historia. Let’s talk, just us, okay?” 

You all turn your heads to find Levi and Hange leaning against the doorframes, Erwin standing at the back too. You all stand up, Historia running first to Hange and the rest of you following suit. You and Eren reach for Levi first, squeezing him way too hard. Levi ruffles both of your hair as you look up at him, a soft smile pressed against his face. 

“Okay, run off. Let us talk to Historia first, okay?” 

You both nod, letting go of Levi as you walk down the hall. 

“Levi?”

“Hm, Y/N?” 

“I missed you.” 

“Don’t be corny, brat.” Levi responds, glaring at you. You smile back and he most definitely murmurs something that sounds like I miss you too as you and Eren walk out. 

- 

The lot of you settle for milling around the kitchen, Mikasa talking Ymir down from her hill of rage in the back. You can’t help but watch Eren in the back corner, leaning against the counter with his eyes fixed on the outside. 

There’s a group of stormy, angry-looking gray clouds simmering in the air above, the grass outside lush and green. It’s positively gloomy, the weather matching the storm brewing in all of your heads. 

Eren flicks his eyes over at you, making a gesture for the two of you to go outside. You nod, setting down your phone as you walk over to him, the two of you sliding open the side door and walking out onto the pavement. Historia’s house opens up onto a nice green field, surrounded by lush, flowery hills. 

He’s walking faster than you, his long legs carrying him to the closest slope. When the breeze picks up, it’s moving through your hair strongly and sending a shiver down your spine with it. 

“Are you cold?” 

“Just a little, Eren. I didn’t realize it would be this cold outside.” 

He immediately shrugs off his dark green hoodie, the one you’ve seen a hundred times, and yanks it over your head. He’s placing it over your head haphazardly and you can hear him laughing at your protests. 

“You know, you could have at least aimed for my head when you yanked it on me.” 

“Be quiet. Let’s sit.” 

He plops down onto the grass, lying flat against the flowers as you join him. You’re both watching the clouds swirl above, the blades of grass whistling in the wind against your hands. 

“This is lying down, Eren.” 

“Oh, shut up. Do you always have to talk back?” 

You turn your head to the side, looking into his eyes. 

“Maybe a little bit.”

He rolls his eyes, turning his head back to the sky. You can tell he’s more tense than usual, his jaw clenched against his skull and his eyebrows knit in irritation. 

“Are you okay, Eren? You've seemed off today and-” 

“Quit asking me that!” 

You’re thrown off by the immediate rejection, the tone in his voice so angry it nearly makes you flinch. You can feel your skin burning - in embarrassment and humiliation for asking him something stupid-

His hand comes down on yours, squeezing three times, as he shifts over to face you. You follow suit, the two of you lying on your sides, face to face with your interlocked hands in between you. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I-I’m not mad at you. Marco and Connie, they’ve just been asking all day and I’m okay and it’s just getting tiring to-” 

“It’s okay.” 

“No, it’s not. I-I can never be mad at you, I just-just got frustrated for a second, but never at you.”

You lift your hand, placing it on his ice-cold cheek, and squeeze once. 

“It’s okay, Eren. I know,” you whisper. 

He gives you a smile, closing his eyes as he leans his head against the flowers. They’re pale yellow and you silently wonder if they’re as soft as Eren’s skin feels under your hand. 

“I’m not okay, Y/N.” he whispers. 

“Want to tell me about it?” 

“I-I have a brother.” 

“Zeke. I remember, Eren.” 

“We-we don’t really get along anymore, but I loved him when I was a kid. He was always so cool - driving me around in his car to get ice cream, teaching me tricks on all the video games I used to play, and acting in all these really cool shows. But, he-he” 

You place a hand on his shoulder, moving it back and forth and trying your best to comfort him into talking. Eren was always the worst with words. 

“He had a scandal like this. And then he started talking to all these big producers, acting differently all of a sudden. He stopped talking to me all together after it all happened and only to my parents when he needed something. Even to this day, he’s come back from what happened but he was never the same. And I-” 

“That’s not going to happen to Historia, Eren. Don’t think like that.” 

He leans forward, dragging you into his embrace, as he digs his face into the crook of your neck. You bring your hands up, dragging him through the tresses of his brown hair as he squeezes harder. 

“It just-I got iced out by him. I wanted to be around him, wanted to be him and he just stopped talking to me all together. I loved him so much and I-

“Eren. Historia loves you. She’s not going to ice you or any of us out from this because she’s not like that. None of us will. And maybe your brother had a reason for what he did.” 

You and Eren stay like that for a few minutes, the words hanging in the air between you. You can feel your chest stinging at Eren’s words, his stress from the situation making more sense now. You curse the fact that Eren might have been dealing with something like death threats, people spewing hatred before he was old enough to even understand what it meant. 

“Hey. You’re supposed to be on my side, Y/N.” 

“This is being on your side. Sometimes that means being a devil's advocate a little bit, Eren.” 

He rolls his eyes as he readjusts and you can’t help but stare at them. His eyes. Bottle green, with specks of darker shades in the middle. Like a clear ocean or a shiny gem, glittering even in the dull light of the clouds. 

“What are you thinking, Y/N?”

“Your eyes have lots of colors, Eren. Pretty greens.” 

“Pretty?” 

“Pretty.”

He smiles, bringing a hand up to your cheek, his thumb tracing the shape of your lips. You can feel your body burning at the touch, at his eyes, at his smell all over you. 

“Eren. What are you do-” 

“Do you ever think about how we live in a fishbowl?” 

“A fishbowl?” 

“Like an aquarium. We’re fish on display, that everyone gets to point at and laugh at and enjoy. And then one day, when they don’t like us, they put their rods out and wring us out.” 

“I guess, Eren. Why do you-” 

“I like being a fish with you.” 

You lean back, squinting your eyes at him.

“You like being a fish with me?” 

“I just mean- that I- I like” 

“You think I smell like a fish, Eren.” 

“What? I didn’t say that- oh my god, I just meant that we’re two fishes swimming together and-” 

“The plural of fish is fish. Not fishes.” 

Eren rolls his eyes, getting up off the grass to tackle you in the grass, pinning you down by your arms to hover over you. He’s smirking at you, his lips only a few feet from yours. 

“You’re annoying, Y/N. I was trying to be cute.” 

“Let me go. Is this how you treat your fellow fish?” 

“Shut up. We’re not fish together anymore because you’re rude.” 

He gets up off of you, plopping back into the grass next to you. You’re both laughing, your cheeks hurting from smiling so hard and the blood rushing to your head. 

“I’m just teasing, Eren. The whole fish thing is cute.” 

“Now you’re just saying that so I’ll stop being mad at you.” 

“Hey! I get what you’re saying. It’s like…we’re fish. People stare and talk and whatever and it sucks. And no one really understands what it’s like to be a fish, even when they’re staring at us through the glass, but you do. They’ll always be something between us and them, but you and I are always on the same side. We-we have each other.” 

He smiles, bringing his hand back up on the back of your neck and pulling you closer to his face. When he talks, he whispers, the breath tickling your skin. 

“So if you got the fish thing why were you giving me so much attitude about it?” 

“I have to keep you in line, Eren. You can’t have all the cards.” 

“I don’t even have one, Y/N. Not even one when it comes to you.” 

He smiles, his eyes shut as he leans forward to press his lips to yours. But before he can, his phone starts buzzing behind him and he leans back, the two of you awkwardly scrambling off of each other. 

The moment passed. 

“Reiner. This better be something fucking good.” 

“What? Okay, we’re coming back now. Oh my god.” 

Eren stands up, holding out a hand to you. You place your hand in his and he nearly yanks you up, the two of you running downhill back to the house. 

“What-what happened?” 

“The TV awards. They announced the nominations.” 

- 

When you both run back in, Reiner and Marco immediately drag you to the center couch, next to Historia who's crying puddles and Ymir who's holding her like there’s no tomorrow. 

“Hisu got a nomination. Despite this shit.” Reiner says, smiling. 

You and Eren smile at each other too, piling onto Ymir and Historia, and squeezing hard. A win. 

When the program starts again, you’re all staring intently at the screen, you and Eren anxiously fumbling with each other’s hands as you wait for it. They’ve announced almost all of them, except the major acting ones which are the only ones you and Eren could really be nominated for. 

“Speaking of historic nominations, lead actor for hit series Attack on Titan, Eren Jaeger, has garnered three nominations - including a major six category for Actor in a Lead Role. He is the youngest person to be nominated for this award.” 

You turn your head, squeezing the entire circulation out of Eren’s hand as the realization sinks in. Actor in a Lead Role. Like Eren’s lifelong dream, Actor in a Lead Role. You reach forward, tangling your arms around his neck as Reiner and Mikasa pile on too, the three of you nearly strangling him by the way you’re shaking him. 

“Okay, okay let me go. You’re going to kill me before I can even go to the show and lose.” 

“Shut up. You’re so winning.” 

He rolls his eyes at you both keep watching the lady, announcing the costume design and casting awards. 

“And finally, our record-breaking announcement. Lead actress for the hit series Attack on Titan, Y/N L/N, has broken history by being our most nominated actress in Institute history. Including nominations for the ensemble cast, she has garnered five nominations, including two major six categories for Actress in a Lead Role and Breakout Actress. She is the first non-SHWA affiliated actress and the youngest to ever do so.” 

Eren drops the remote and turns to you, cupping your face in his hands and dragging your face as close as he can to his. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? You-you’re insane. You just-” 

He nearly leans forward, pressing your lips together for the second time in the past twenty minutes, but Marco and Mikasa cut him off before you can, the two of them jostling you from his embrace to squish you in a hug. You give Eren an apologetic look, which he shakes his head at. 

They’re all squishing you so hard - Levi and Hange pressing kisses to the top of your head and Historia squeezing the life out of all of you - but all you can think about is one thing. Eren, standing a few feet away from you, smiling at you like you’re the sun. 

It only occurs to you then and there.

That you’re in love with Eren Jaeger. 

-  

You guys leave on your press tour two weeks later, meeting up in New York. You have a full day of interviews for the pre-awards show the day before and then you’re all going to fly out to Los Angeles together and attend the awards. 

Not only are you nominated for six awards - which you still haven’t wrapped your head around - you’re also performing at the show. Your agent had reached out to you a few days after the nominations list went out and mentioned that you were listed to perform at the show. 

You hacked it out with Eren. You’d play the piano and perform New Year’s Day, the song you wrote together last year on your birthday, and be done with it. It’s the song you have the most practice working on since the rest of your songs are half-baked. 

But now that you’re doing press, you barely have any time to practice - being stuck between interviews all day. You shake the thought from your head as you and Eren clip your microphone jacks to each other’s shirts before walking onto the stage and standing in view. 

“My name is Eren Jaeger and I’m one of the leads of Attack on Titan.” 

“My name is Y/N L/N and I’m the other lead of Attack on Titan. We’re going to be taking a Friendship Test today!” 

Around halfway through the interview, the crew brings you and Eren little notepads and pens, instructing you guys to compliment each other. You scribble a few thoughts down as you and Eren stand on the stage, now facing each other. 

“Okay, you first, Eren.” 

Eren flips the notepad in his hands, awkwardly fumbling with his fingers when he does. When he looks up, his green eyes are awkwardly meeting yours. 

“Jeez, Eren. I didn’t realize it would be this hard for you to compliment me.” 

“Shut up. I was just thinking about how to start.” 

“More like thinking of what to say.” 

“Be quiet.” 

“Okay, okay. Compliment me, Jaeger.” 

He rolls his eyes, giving you a smile as he runs his eyes over the notepad. He seems much more at ease now, the awkwardness from before coming off in waves. 

“Y/N. I am the most stubborn person on the planet. Which only speaks volumes about how patient, understanding, and compassionate you really are for being my best friend.” 

You can feel your throat getting dry and your eyes welling with tears at literally the first sentence, taken aback by how sincere Eren’s being. The soft eyes, the one he only reserves for when he’s lying down on hills or writing songs with you on the piano are out in the flesh, and they’re making your heart pound so much you’re sweating under the lights. 

“You’ve always been able to sense my feelings - my happiness, my frustrations, my pain - without me having to tell you. And you always, always know how to say the right thing to bring me back down to Earth from it all. You make me a better person and I love you for it.”  

You can feel the tears streaming down your eyes as reach up to wipe your tears away, knowing you’re smudging the makeup your team spent hours on. 

“You’re not terrible to look at either.” 

He smiles into the camera on the side and you can feel the tears spilling from your eyes, your nose filling with snot. 

“Eren.” 

“Told you it was good.” 

“Shut up. That was so sweet, I didn’t even know you knew half of those words, let alone what they mean.” 

Eren reaches forward, rolling his eyes at you as he squishes your cheeks. 

“I literally just called you the best person I know and you’re still being annoying?” 

“Yes. It’s a full-time job.” 

He turns to the camera, moving your squished face towards the camera with him. 

“Do you guys see what I have to deal with? My girl is literally the most stubborn person on the planet.” 

“Didn’t you call me infinitely patient five seconds ago?”  

You both stand back on your marks as you wipe your tears, reaching forward to hold Eren’s hand. You squeeze three times, which he returns with another three squeezes, before you take your own notepad and read your compliment out to Eren. 

“Eren. I wouldn’t be standing here if it wasn’t for you. Not only because you took a chance on me after our first screen test, but every other hiccup along the way was only something I could swallow because of you. You-your steadfast determination and belief in me is something so inspiring, so warm unlike anything else. You’ve always been a safe place for me, somewhere I can always run to when I need someone. I’m so glad we can always be fish together.” 

Eren smiles at the fish line, leaning forward to crush you in a hug. You can smell the clean laundry smell on his shirt, breathing it in as you soak in Eren’s embrace around you. 

“Hey Y/N.” 

“Hey Eren.” 

“I love you.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too, Eren.” 

After the interview is over, you and Eren are stuck on this stage for another hour before the rest of the cast comes to do another interview. You both stay in the back, near the snack table and run through the song again.

“Eren.” 

“Hm?”

“I don’t know why I got signed up to perform at this thing. I-I don’t think I’m ready to perform this song yet.” 

“You are. New Year’s Day is a great song and you’re an amazing singer. Plus, the person you wrote the song about is really attractive, so that helps your case too.” 

You reach forward to flick his cheek. 

“Shut up. New Year’s Day is not about you.” 

“I’m literally your inspiration. You literally wrote a love song about me.” 

“You wish, Eren.” 

“I don’t have to. I can see it written all over your face, sweetheart.” 

“Sweetheart? When did you become so cocky?” 

“When did you become so beautiful?” 

“Eren.” 

“Y/N.” 

You’re both cut off by one of the crew members, a shorter, older woman standing near the table with her eyes fixed on you. She smiles when you guys both turn towards her, extending her out. 

“Hi. My name is Le-”

“Leila. I remember. You helped us fix the microphone packs before we started!” you respond. 

“Oh. Yes, Leila. I can’t believe you remembered that. I-I was going to ask you for a favor if that’s okay.” 

“Sure. We’d love to help however we can.” 

“My daughter. She’s a really, really big fan of the show. I was wondering if we could take a picture together so we could send it to her.” 

You smile, gesturing to Eren to stand up with you as you take a picture with her. You and Eren are both taller than her so you put your hands around her shoulders and muster the biggest smiles you can for the picture.

“Are you sure you didn’t want us to make a video of us saying hi to her or anything? Or maybe call her if she’s free? If there’s a paper here we can sign something as well or anything you want.” you ask. 

“Oh, I couldn’t impose. You guys have been so kind already and-” 

“Nonsense. Eren and I are just going to sit here and I’d really love to help make her day. You work so hard day and night on these sets for us and make sure everything works by the time we get here and we really, really appreciate it.” 

You and Eren end up filming a video for her daughter since she’s already asleep so you can’t call her, and you and Eren also sign a few posters for her to take home to her daughter. 

“Y/N. Just so you know, you’re amazing. My daughter was so inspired when you signed yourself up to perform at the awards show after you openly talked about how nervous it makes you. You actually gave her the courage to sign up for a dance team at her school and she actually made it on the team now. My point is you’re a big inspiration to everyone and the strides you’re making for all of us don’t go unnoticed.” 

She gives you both one last hug as she runs off back to the other side of the set, giving you a smile as she leaves. Eren brings his hand around your shoulder, leaning forward as he smiles at you. 

“You hear that, Y/N? You’re an inspiration.”

“It’s weird to hear that, Eren. I remember being that kid watching Hange win on the screen when I was little. And if I win-” 

“When. When you win.” 

“If I win, it’s weird to think that I could be that for someone else.” 

“You’ve always been that way. People are just noticing it now.” 

“Do you have to sign yourself up to sing for the awards, by the way? Because…I never even told my agent that I had written a song. She just told me that I would be performing and then I started prepping.” 

“Yeah. You have to send a demo for them to accept the performance.” 

You lean back, even more confused than you were before. There’s no demo of New Year’s Day. How could they accept your performance if there’s no record of you singing it? How could they even know you wrote a song when the only person who knows you even finished it was Eren? 

Eren. 

“What did you do?” 

“Hm?” 

“You did something, Eren. What did you do?” 

“I didn’t do anything.” 

“Eren.” 

“Maybe, I took the sheet music and recorded a demo of me singing it. And convinced them that it would sound even better when you did it, because it’s your song.” 

You smack him across the shoulder. 

“You signed me up to sing the song? In public, on live television?” 

“The song is good. You’re a phenomenal singer. And you can’t become a triple threat unless people hear you sing.” 

-   

You stand on the other side of the curtain, shiny and gold, as you readjust your dress one last time. You take a deep breath as you give a smile to Marco and Jean, who are right behind you, squeezing your arms. 

“You’re good. You look great and you’re going to kill it tonight. And Eren just walked out on the carpet so he’ll be right there.” Marco says, smiling brightly at you. 

You nod, giving the two of them a smile back, as you part the curtains and walk out onto the red carpet. You can feel your ankles shaking from the heels you were wearing, making sure to walk slowly so they didn’t tangle with the long, purple billowing fabric of your dress. As you turn to the right, you’re immediately blinded by the flashing lights and the sound of screaming from the photographers on the other side of the red carpet. 

The lights are so blinding that you can feel yourself squinting, trying your hardest to muster a smile with your eyes closed. You can already feel the embarrassment coming on from how these pictures are going to trend later, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. 

“Put these on.” 

You turn to the left to see Eren, his hair messily styled to perfection. He’s holding up sunglasses, a matching pair in his hand as well. You both place them on your nose, garnering a big amount of cheers from the paparazzi as you both pose together, Eren’s hand around your waist. 

“How did you know?” you whisper under your breath. 

“You can barely handle Armin’s Polaroid. You get used to the flashes, but the first time it’s hard to adjust. And this is a big night, so I had to make sure I had a contingency plan.” he says. 

“Always thinking ahead, huh?” 

“Only for you, sweetheart.” 

All you can think about is the awards, the performance, and the anxiety building in your stomach with every passing second. You force a smile as you both walk down the carpet, stopping every few seconds to take pictures and smile. At one point, Eren stands in front of you in the camera, blocking the view. 

“What a picture, Eren. You really want them to get a shot of your ass?” 

“No. Your dress. It’s kind of sliding off the side.” 

You look down, realizing that in all the movement and sweating you’re doing under the lights, that one of the clasps keeping the fabric in place came undone. You quickly tuck the clasp back together and look up to shoot Eren a smile. 

“Thanks. You just saved me from flashing everyone on the carpet.” 

“That doesn’t sound too horrible, doll.” 

You and Eren turn around to find Sukuna and Nobara standing at your side, the two of them wrapping their arms around you and pressing a kiss to your cheeks. Eren immediately yanks Sukuna off, his arm stiff around Sukuna’s shoulder. 

“You never get less annoying, do you?” Eren asks. 

“Not really, no.” 

“You look really pretty, Y/N. We’re really rooting for you, we want you to win.” Nobara says, her hands squeezing yours. 

“Don’t get your hopes up. These types of things are kind of a long shot, Kugi.” 

“We know. Doesn’t stop me from rooting for you though.” 

You smile, leaning to take a picture with her before the four of you walk off to the side, continuing your conversation. 

“Where are Yuu and Maki? I haven’t seen them since they started dating and stopped responding to my texts.” 

Sukuna and Nobara share an awkward look, leaning forward to whisper in your's and Eren’s ears.

“They broke up. Well, just wait. You know the mess they're in is going to find its way to the tabloids somehow.” 

You and Eren cringe as you share a look, thinking about Historia’s scandal from a few weeks ago. You can’t imagine how much worse it must be when it involves the two of them. The intimate details of their relationship being on display.

“You look pretty, doll. Way more confident and self-assured than you were when I met you. It suits you.” 

Eren slithers his hand around your waist, the grip firm, as he responds to Sukuna. 

“She’s always been like that.” 

“Okay, Eren. Pipe down. I’m not about to be swapping saliva with your girl anytime soon. Though you might want to get a move on that, everyone’s going to have their eyes on your girl by the end of the night.” Sukuna says, smirking at Eren. 

“You sound disgusting, Sukuna. Like a pervert.”  Nobara says, rolling her eyes at him. 

“That’s what happened with Yuuta and Maki. Everyone went all gaga for Yuuta after the movie dropped. And after she sings too, Eren’s going to fight to stay afloat over here.” 

“Ignore him, Eren. His neurons are decaying as we speak.” Nobara responds, giving Eren a smile. 

“I’m well aware,” Eren says, giving the two of them a smile as they walk away. 

As Sukuna walks away, Eren only tightens his grip on your waist, literally seething with anger as he turns to you. You can tell he’s burning, that he’s jealous or aggravated like he always is when Sukuna's around, and you put a hand on his shoulder. 

“I hate that guy. So much, Y/N.” 

“You know he just says that because you’re easy to piss off right?” 

“Are you really taking his side?” 

“I’m just saying. You give him a lot to work with when you react like that. You should try to be zen. Like a flower.” 

"I'm so zen right now." 

"There's a vein on your forehead that's pulsating from how hard you're clenching your jaw, Eren. You're more of a cactus than a pretty flower."

Eren rolls his eyes as he drags you into the auditorium, the two of you taking your seats at the front. 

-  

Five awards later - two of which you won - and you’re standing behind the stage ready to puke. You choked out your best acceptance speech when you won Breakout Actress, spilling tears as you spoke, and luckily enough the other award was one you and Eren won together. He carried most of your speech together, though Eren spent most of it raving about you. 

Reiner’s still on stage, doing his acceptance speech for Breakout Actor and you’re ready to annihilate yourself. When you came back out after winning your award, getting ready for the performance, you received the worst news possible. 

You have to play the piano while you sing. You have to play the piano while you sing because the pianist you’ve been practicing with has food poisoning. 

You lie down flat on the ground, the silver dress you just put on, feeling heavy against your skin, weighing you down. 

“Are you okay? Y/N, you’ll be fine, it's just a piano.” 

Marco brings his hands to the side of your face, lifting your head so he can rest it on his lap. You’re totally aware of the fact that Marco’s sitting on this disgusting floor with you, in his expensive ass outfit, because you’re having a meltdown. You make a mental note to thank him for it later. 

“Oh my fucking god, Y/N. Can you believe it? We’re literally breakout stars.”

You look up at Reiner, now having come off the stage with his shiny silver trophy in hand and a huge smile on his face. You give him a weak smile back, the pressure in your head only getting more intense when you realize it’s your turn. Reiner nearly cringes at the sight of you, which you ignore as you flutter your eyes shut. After the ad break, they’re going to roll out a shiny black piano you're expected to play. 

“Get Eren.” Marco says and Reiner gives a swift nod. Reiner leans down to press a kiss to your cheek, whispering good luck, before he runs off into the background. 

Not even thirty seconds later, you’re met with Eren, a third person now sitting on the dirty floor with you with the softest expression on his face. He’s taken both of your hands, pressing your knuckles to his lips as he presses a kiss onto them both. 

“You okay?” 

“The pianist. Has food poisoning. I have to play the New Year’s Day piano, Eren.” 

“You have magic hands. You can do it.” he whispers.

You can feel Marco’s hands in your hair, fixing away the flyaways as you look up at him. Marco nods too and you can feel yourself feeling dizzy. 

“I can’t do it. I can’t sing for the first time and play the piano. I-I can’t do this.” 

"Y/N. Come on. You can do this." 

You can feel the tears burning in your eyes when you meet Eren's bottle green ones, washed over in concern. And you know that it's just a piano, that it's juat a crowd, and that it's a song that you've sang a million times. But the anxiety is as big as a balloon, ready to burst into something ugly the second you walk out there under the lights.

Eren frowns as he looks over at the piano, getting rolled out onto the stage, and the crew awkwardly looking at you splayed out on the ground. They're pointing at their watches, signaling that if you're going to perform, you're going to do it now. And Eren can't let you choke, not when it's this important. So he does the only thing he can think of. 

“I’ll play the piano." 

You sit up and put your hands on his shoulders, squeezing hard on the fabric of his suit. 

"Huh?" 

"I'll sit at the bench with you. Play it for you so you can focus on singing." 

“Really, Eren?” you whisper. 

“Can’t do anything without me, can you?”

You lean forward and press a kiss to his cheek, his face immediately turning pink at the sensation. He holds his hand out and helps you up, his hands leaning forward to fix the folds of your dress. You both stand on the side of the curtains and you’re nearly positive you’re cutting off circulation to both Marco and Eren’s hands as you wait for your cue. 

When you and Eren walk out, taking your seats on the piano bench and adjusting the microphones, you stare at the crowd. There’s a light flashing on you and Eren that’s partially obstructing your vision. You’re staring out at them - two hundred faces you don’t know and half a million watching at home. 

Don’t choke. Don’t choke. Don’t choke. 

It’s only then that Eren stops playing the piano, his hand on his shoulder shaking you. And then you realize now that he had started. Meaning he had played the entire intro waiting for you to sing and you didn’t. That you blanked on stage. He places his hand on your chin, lightly guiding your face to look at his. 

“It's okay. Just you and me. Like we did on set okay?” 

You nod and Eren starts playing the piano again. And before you know it, you’ve choked out the last lyric, and Eren’s holding your hand as you both bow on the stage. You see people cheering, standing up out of their seats as you walk off and you feel like your heart is about to burst out of your chest. When you get off into the curtains, they immediately start yank the microphones off of you two as you reach forward for Eren’s hand. 

“I-I blacked out. Was it bad?” 

“It was amazing. You’re amazing. You-you’re” 

Eren leans forward, wrapping his hands around your neck and pressing his lips to yours. You can still feel people moving around you, setting up things for the closing part of the ceremony, but the only thing you’re paying attention to is Eren. And his lips. And the way he’s pulling you closer like he can’t get enough of you. 

When you pull apart, you’re both panting, smiling at each other, foreheads pressed together. 

“Thank god. If I got cock-blocked from kissing you a third time, I was actually going to commit murder.” 

“You want me so bad,” you say, sarcastically. 

“Obviously.” 

You both smile and turn to the left, to a very smiley Marco staring at you two. And then you cringe, remembering that you and Eren are literally backstage and there are like seven people who just watched you suck face in public. Marco walks up, wrapping his arms around both of you and hugging hard. 

“I love you guys.” 

“Marco. Don’t-” Eren starts.

“I’m not going to tell anyone. You need time to figure out whatever is going on, without Connie and Sasha up your ass the entire time. But I’m really, really happy for you.” 

“Really, Marco?” you ask, leaning into Eren’s touch. 

“It’s always been you guys. You guys better not break up or else I’ll come hunt both of you down. And if I’m dead, I’ll come back to life just to haunt you guys.” 

You both laugh, smiling at Marco and then each other. Levi and Mikasa call you from the other side of backstage, gesturing for you to come over to watch the video of the performance. You give Marco and Eren a smile before you run off to where they’re standing. 

“Told you she liked you, Eren,” Marco says, elbowing him in the side. 

“I love her,” Eren responds, watching Mikasa and Levi crush you in a hug as you all hunch over the video of you and Eren performing. 

Marco smiles, giving Eren a pat on the back before he walks off to join you. Eren stays, trying to commit the memory to mind. You in a sparkly, silver dress looking at him like he's the sun. 

Eren Jaeger is in love with you. 

- 

Two afterparties later and you and Eren are in a disgusting tattoo parlor down the street. 

“I can’t believe you convinced me to do this, Eren.” 

Eren smiles as he presses a kiss to your cheek, the two of you leaning through the little prints in the binder. You’re getting matching tattoos. 

“I can be very persuasive.” 

“Uh-huh. More like hypnotic. I’m half convinced you have me under some spell right now.” 

“You pick what we do. Whatever you want, I’ll get it tattooed.” 

“We should do something special, Eren. Like something that has significance to us.” 

Eren smiles, lifting your hand to press a kiss to your knuckles again before he responds. 

“Okay, okay. Let’s do fish.” 

You smile, nodding at him. 

“Koi fish. Like from that show, the Last Airbender. One fish is the ocean and the other one is the moon” you say. 

“I call the ocean, Y/N.” 

“What? I wanted to be the ocean.” 

“No. That doesn’t fit.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because the moon pulls on the ocean. The waves in the ocean, objectively the best part, don’t exist without the moon. I’m the ocean. You’re my moon.” 

You smile, leaning forward to kiss Eren before you tell the artist the design you two want. And when the two of you walk out, matching sore arms from the ink, you can’t help but wonder how you ever got so lucky in the first place.

A few years down the line, you stare at Eren's blocked contact and think back to that moment. The two of you running down the streets, bathed in dim lamplight laughing into the night. Matching tattoos, a confession on the tips of your tongues like you're two soulmates destined to be together. 

You wonder where it got so fucked up between the two of you in the first place.

--

next part linked here

taglist: @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06  @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha  @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp

pls comment on this post or any of the chapters if you want to be added to the taglist <3

#I hate this chapter no one talk to me #angst on the horizon #seeingivywrites! #eren #eren jaeger #eren jaeger x you #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger x y/n #eren jaeger fluff #aot #snk #aot x you #aot x reader #aot x y/n #snk x you #snk x reader #snk x y/n #snk fluff #aot fluff #read more break #tw sa implied #tw sa mention #tw sa #method acting #actor eren x you #actor eren x reader #actor eren x y/n #aot actor au #eren x reader #eren x you

[vixeneptune]

2024 : MANIFESTED ALL MY DESIRES IN ONE YEAR

Part 2

Love life :

I'm having the best relationship this year! It's literally the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, its even beyond what I imagined! I literally met my perfect match our compatibility is off the chartsss we're so perfect together. He's def my soulmate we get eachother so well without even speaking. It's amazing how much fun we have together , it's so lighthearted yet deep , it's transparent and beautiful and pure. Ugh our love is so powerful! He treats me so well he spoils me all the time like I'm his princess all I do is just exist and he's like "omg goddess I'm obsessed with you". Not to mention he's so loyal, honest, generous, kind, masculine, secure, handsome, rich, he provides for me endlessly, he makes me laugh, I feel so comfortable and safe, our dynamic is the best I feel so grateful and he feels the same. This is literally one of the biggest highlights for me this year 😍 a love so powerful, passionate yet peaceful and uplifting. Marriage is def around the corner!

Social Life :

My popularity increased so much this year! Everyone seems to wanna be either my lover or my friend! Ig bc I've been focusing on myself and my life everyone is so magnetically attracted to me! I made some really amazing solid friendships this year ♡ I feel so blessed to have such good genuine friends who share my interests! It's amazing how much my social circle expanded this year I've def been getting out of my comfort zone and feeling much more extroverted, outgoing and confident socialising and connecting easily with others! I'm so charming and pretty and smart that people fall in love with me easily, I'm so easy to love, I lost count of how many love confessions I got this year! So many men interested in me and pursuing me, I'm literally everyone crush this year! I'm such a people magnet, my aura is so attractive and magnetic people find me so interesting and fascinating! Im not only pretty but i have a great personality, the best energy, and a beautiful rich mind and soul, that's why everyone is so drawn to me. I'm so good at relationships , I'm consistent, secure, open to give and receive. It's easy for me to maintain relationships and allow them to grow and flourish naturally and beautifully! I feel so blessed to be surrounded by supportive loving trustworthy people who understand me and want the best for me, they truly care about me. I love how comfortable I am meeting new people and forming genuine deep connections, it's so natural for me. Everyone is so sweet and kind to me, they treat me so well, they buy me gifts ,they constantly spoil me with love and attention ,they see my worth and value.

Extras :

I'm such a money magnet! I'm making sooo much money this year it's crazy it's like money is obsessed with me lol. A high value expensive woman like me deserves the best and attracts the best always ♡ I'm treated like VIP everywhere I go. My energy is so powerful it shakes every room I enter, I'm easily the center of attention cuz w my charismatic presence, everyone's eyes are hooked on me they're so infatuated w my beauty. My aura radiates abundance , security and confidence, I'm so calm and secure which makes me naturally the most confident girl in the room. My confidence, my charm, my popularity and my charisma increased dramatically this year! I'm fully tapped in my inner siren inner goddess energy this year and it SHOWS. My sex appeal and my beauty is beyond compare. I'm known as the it girl and everyone is inspired by me and thinks of me constantly, they're waiting on my every move bc im so iconic and such a trendsetter. I put myself out there and I succeed everytime without a doubt. I'm born to be seen I'm such a star girl ☆

For my 2024 subliminal visit my YouTube channel kali777

#neville goddard #self concept affirmations #law of assumption #lawofassumption #manifestation #powerful affirmations #self love affirmations #beauty affirmations #master manifestor #creator of my reality #beauty subliminals #subliminal results #shifting #2024 affirmations #2024 manifestation #2024 manifesting #2024 scripting #success story #lao vaunts #lao blog #lao scripting #vaunts & affirmations #4d reality #nondualism #nonduality #it girl affirmations #love affirmations #sp affirmations #feminine energy #divine feminine

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am i the asshole for leading a guy on an low-key manipulating his feelings? (🐺 so i can find it later)

trigger warnings for mental health issues, family death, and suicide mentions.

title is kiiinda dramatic, i know. and i should be clear that i know that what i did was definitely wrong to a degree, but idk how messed up it was.

for context: i (19 f) was freshly seventeen and had just returned to in person school for my senior year after doing my junior year online at home. the majority of my best and only friend had forgotten me almost entirely and abandoned me despite our texting throughout my online year. new social circles had formed in my absence and i had a very difficult time readjusting, especially because i had come out of isolation with worsened anxiety, depression, and lowkey suicidal idealization. to top it all off, my grandfather who i adored had just died. i was desperately lonely and at the lowest i had ever been mentally in my entire life. i say this all not to excuse my actions but to provide some context as to why i acted the way i did.

so i meet this guy (i think like 15-16?) who we'll call finn. finn is a year below me but we share an elective class. we were initially drawn to each other bc we were both the only alt/geeky kids in the room and hit it off really well. and at first things are going pretty good; we eat lunch together every day, share music, talk about our interests etc. normal friend stuff.

but here's the part where i'm probably ta: finn had told me earlier on that he's the type to catch feelings super easy, so i guess i should've expected it, but he tells me that he has a crush on me. not directly though--he starts talking about this girl that he has feelings for but doesn't have the courage to confess to. and the first time he brought it up i didn't realize it was me and ofc tried to hype him up so he could confess and all that. but by the second conversation we have about it, it dawns on me that he's definitely talking about me. and i'm like "ah fuck," because the last person i wanted it to be was me--i'm mostly into girls, and also saw finn as a little brother more than anything else. but i keep hyping him up anyways saying stuff like "oh c'mon the worst she can do is say no! and even then you can at least move on with closure!"

so he takes my advice and confesses to me over text. i turn him down as politely as i can. which is where this whole thing should've ended tbh. but it didn't. his confession (even though it was over text) really endeared me and made me feel appreciated and beautiful in a way i never had been before. i'm not conventionally attractive + a plus size girl, and had never had anyone confess to me before, let alone say something as sincere and sweet as finn did to me. i was always the girl guys dared each other to ask out as a joke, yknow? it felt nice to know that someone saw me as desirable. again, this doesn't excuse my actions or justify them. just context.

so i decide that even though i know i'm not going to pursue anything with finn, i don't want him to lose interest in me either. so i start acting like i might be into him. tell him certain outfits make him look cute, go on and on about how much i love his hair (he really did have nice hair tbh), lean in a little closer when we talked, and constantly reassure him that he'd get a gf soon because good-looking, sweet and funny guys like him don't stay single for long.

he definitely notices bc he (again over text) asks if it's ok to be more physical when we interact. like can he hold my hand if we walk down the hall or whatever. this is definitely where i should've stopped, but i didn't. i kept up the pseudo-flirting bullshit.

and then he confesses (you guessed it! over text) for a second time, insisting that he really thinks that i like him back now. i tell him i don't know what he's talking about but that i'm happy to keep being friends with him. again, i don't stop the flirting-that's-not-quite-flirting.

this continues all the way until the end of the year. he tells me before i graduate that he really cares for me and doesn't want to lose touch after i leave. i promise him we won't. at this point i'd realized the gravity of my actions and had come to regret the way i treated finn, and decided the best course of action was to let our friendship fizzle out after i graduate. so i stop responding as frequently to him, he eventually stops reaching out until finally we lost contact and i delete his number.

i know that what happened was kinda fucked up, but how bad of a fuck up was this tumblr?

(secondary question: is this something that would've had a lasting impact on him and his view of relationships? i hope it isn't. i hope he forgot about me quickly. i hope he's doing better and has found someone who actually likes him.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[end-otw-racism]

End OTW Racism Link Round-up: Week 2!

Our first (hopefully of many) two-week #EndOTWRacism action is over! Check out our post on next steps and how to stay involved if you haven’t already. 

Just like our first week link round-up, here’s a collection of some of the longer-form discussion/analysis that people shared in week two (we're going with posts on tumblr, dreamwidth, and other sites, as well as twitter threads that are longer than three tweets). These are posts that we think would be helpful to consider as fandom engages in the necessary conversations about these issues.

Note: There has been a plethora of information that’s come out about OTW in the past week, particularly from former and current volunteers, which calls into question the way the organization functions and details the harm they have done to their own volunteers. Much of it does not directly reference our campaign or racism, so we won’t be sharing all of that conversation here, but you can find a round-up of that conversation at the dreamwidth account synonymous.

Tumblr

seepunkrun: I haven’t heard back from the OTW on this yet. In fact, I’m still waiting for a reply to the last letter I sent them on this subject. That’s why I’m glad to see increased transparency included in @end-otw-racism’s list of demands [link]

wondersmith-and-sons: if we're gonna be frank about otw's "anti-racism policies"/hiring of diversity consultants/attempt for social change, i'm gonna say that my good faith in them has run out a while ago and that i genuinely don't think they ever had the intention to follow through on tackling racial abuse, like, ever. [link]

elumish: In response to criticism about EndOTWRacism (part 2): one of the main questions that I see a lot about stuff like this is, how do we write policy to keep there it from backfiring or being used for purges? [link]

princeescaluswords: Activism Isn’t a Raincoat [link]

massharp1971: The right want free speech, but only for themselves [link]

Twitter

tea_deviation: this is even further off topic, but I was doing the math here and it boggles my fucking mind that ao3 is not driving towards being endowment funded? [link]

fiercynonym: i mentioned, as an aside in my thread about how OTW appears to have $2.5 MILLION that they are spending on absolutely nothing, that francesca coppa received a fan studies grant from OTW once, but i want to talk about that specific piece a little more [link]

generalfrings: For all the disingenuous raising of "concerns" at #EndOTWRacism over hypothetical volunteers that would hypothetically handle racists in AO3 (+ the dismissal of the real current harm on poc and black fans), I want to see some response for OTW actually traumatizing real volunteers [link]

_impertinence: #EndOTWRacism the way chinese fans have been sidelined and belittled by the org is so fucking disgusting [link]

hydrochaeris3: ok full disclosure this came about bc i was thinking about why i havent seen people be "pro worker" (or in the otw/ao3's case "pro volunteer") more in response to the endotwracism campaign. bc in most leftist circles ik that ppl would use workers rights arguments to push back on [link]

saathi1013: If it's anything I've learned from contemporary activism it's this: it's never "just" racism. [link]

cyrilapologist: worth considering that end otw racism is also a labor issue [link]

hydrochaeris3: stalking IS bad but i do think it's real funny that so many bnfs are coming out of the woodwork to say smthn about how upsetting it is that this white person got stalked instead of literally anything for #EndOTWRacism for the last two whole weeks [link]

aral_was_here: I'm going to keep the pfp and account name for a bit because I'm feeling pissed about how #EndOTWRacism has been dismissed by so many fans as virtue signaling or as a smokescreen for certain people they see as fandom boogeymen lying in wait to take our porn at a moment's notice. [link]

Dreamwidth

beatrice_otter: Signal boost: "Be more democratic, be more autocratic, OTW", by chestnut_pod (with background & highlights) [link]

wistfuljane: Mythical Dragons & Wild Unicorns: A Decade Later [link]

naye: The Glorious 25th of May - #EndOTWRacism [link]

naye: OTW needs a lot more transforming [link]

Other sites

enk-dash-one at fandom.ink: 1/3 Fellow white people, I encourage you to read this thread first: Then, I'd like to add, speaking exclusively to fellow white people who are worried about this: we are already racist. [link] 

Klaudiasays on TikTok: let's get #EndOTWRacism trending [link]

Stitch for Teen Vogue: As #EndOTWRacism Fights for AO3 Policy Changes, Fandom Racism Bubbles to the Surface [link]

We'd love for folks to keep discussing the issues raised during this action! We organizers are probably going to go quiet for a little while to gather ourselves and work on moving forward, but if you send us posts by submitting to our tumblr, tweeting at us, messaging us on dreamwidth, or emailing us at endotwracism [at] gmail [dot], we will consider linking or posting them. We do reserve the right to only share posts that are in line with the intent of the campaign and that we believe are adding to the conversation.

#end otw racism #racism in fandom #ao3 #otw #organization for transformative works #archive of our own #fandom racism #endotwracism #link round up

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Hello! Firstly I wanted to say that I'm an old fan since your overwatch days and I've always admired how much depth you're giving all the characters and relationships you touch! I'm talking like, mariana trench DEPTHS. And how confident you seem about just doing the things you enjoy and exploring the themes you want? I really respect that.

I'm having a bit of an art crisis recently and I was wondering If you could offer some advice?

I'm thinking about self-indulgence in art, particularly fanart. I like to dive in deep to expand on characters, I find it as enjoyable as creating my own work. But I fear of people getting angry at me for latching onto these characters, thay they'll say the original work wasn't THAT deep, or that I'm completely wrong or cringe or whatever. And I don't care about being right or anything, I just want to have fun here and tell my little stories? :( The fear is making me keep the work to myself and I don't know what to do. Would it be better to just enjoy it on my own?

Your blog really is goals when it comes to that, so I'll respect your opinion a lot. Thank you for your time!

holy moly thank you so much for your sincerity first of all!! Second, this is making me misty eyed ngl!! I have alot to say about this so i shall put it under a read more bc im gonna ramble

If someone cares about you fixating on your fave characters, then they're usually the fucking weirdos in this situation if they dont just block you and move on. I LOVE making shit up about my faves like i have a modern au hc that kakashi and gai are ddr competition rivals and i gave yeehan 7 dogs just for funsies!! we were in the trenches in early overwatch making up our own lore bc there was none and it was so fun

I've always been like that now that i look back bc when i first started uploading my shitty ms paint fanart on deviant art in like 2006(naruto funnily enough we've come full circle) i was still drawing cringey shit /I/ wanted to see. I don't agree with almost all of it today, but i remember the fun i had while making it, and that's really the trick. Drawing what you personally want to see then people can come and go audience wise. If they like it, they like it, if they dont? oh well! There's people who still follow me from when i was 14 and i follow them even tho we're in completely different spaces now.

The fanart part i vibe with personally bc im really bad at coming up with totally original work and premises. i much prefer having pre-established rules and worlds to work with (plus the characters i love getting massacred in the writing i HAVE to save them)

Just existing online will garner you mean comments or asks, and my best advice is its not worth it to take the bait even if its absolutely absurd and wrong, i just block and go now, and im much happier :) this all being, of course, as long as what you're doing isnt harmful, bc even with good intentions, you'll mess up/blunder eventually. If the heat gets too much for you, no one will judge you for withdrawing your art from social media. thats a perfectly safe thing to do to keep it for yourself.

As an adult, shits not that serious im 28 drawing naruto fanart bc it makes me happy after a long day of work, so have fun!! art's supposed to be fun don't let the fear win i love sharing my art with strangers on the internet!! Hope this made any sense at all and I wish you the best, my friend!!! If you ever wanna dm me, feel free

#asks #happy tag #if we survived early overwatch fans we can survive anything

[hellastress]

MY EXPERIENCE WITH 12TH SUN SIGN EDITION

ARIES:

* These people are like an alarm clock, loud, annoying and wants you to move ur asss immediately

* if u want a peaceful morning i suggest get away with them

* when they do something they want it done or else they wont finish it, this is why they tend to thrive in competition

* they take everything with passion very aggressive in their endeavor, but honestly i love their dedication, they really are the boss bitxh u dont wanna cross

* my parents are both aries sun and when i tell u that i am always stimulated in our house, i meant that shit

* they don’t wanna be late, they always want things to be hurry! Hurry! Fck this shit, my taurus moon ass is always so stress everytime we have to go somewhere

* They are the life of party! If not, the party is their life, they crave a loud environment

* They initiate first, one thing i love them is they don’t let u have the first step, they are the first step

* I find that even the women who have this placement are so masculine in their own way, some have athlete physics, sharp bones and taller than their actual height

TAURUS:

* ohhhh my ppl, but sometimes u guys move like a fckng turtle, pls can we atleast be considerate to other ppl?

* This ppl don’t care especially if they are hungry, they will eat in front of u and wont dare to share their foods, or anything that gives physical comfort

* when deprive of sleep, they will refuse to talk to anybody and when generally not in the mood, everything will be on fire if they are not 100% okay

* They stand on their business, whatever business they have in life, they are stubborn about it

* But if they are in their best self, u get the most adorable, caring friend, they are so chill, so laid back, i feel at home in their presence

* Lazy!? Tf, one thing i know is they will not initiate if things don’t benefits in the long run, i swear they are the most hardworking i know, they have this one goal direction in life that they don’t want ppl to interfer

* everything must be pleasant, they don’t like it when something is smelly or their spaces is stinky, it ruin the vibe for them

* A taurus won’t be involve to any drama, they will let u which is funny cause ur wasting ur energy

* beautiful ppl, their style are so comfy, most of them love wearing pants with good fabric (silk pants, jogger pants, loose pants)

* I find that men who have this placements are feminine in their own way, angelic face, boyish, they have this gentle vibe with them

GEMINI

* What is “shut up?” I love them they are like my cousin, like i can talk shit with them and they will not take anything personal

* They are sooo creative, i love how their mind works, they are so flexible, adaptable, a true chameleon

* They can have like 100 hobbies and they will excel at some of them

* They love to argue for no reason just bc they are bored (diabolic)

* This ppl can’t stop moving, if it’s not their hand, their mouth will refuse to shut up, it’s like there’s something that wants to come out

* Their music taste is top tier! They like pop and trendy music

* Very sociable ppl, they know everyone, ur friends from the other block? Oh best believe they know them, the drama in the other room? Yes they know, they don’t attract gossip the gossip are attracted to them haha

* Undeveloped gemini is a pain in the ass, a true menace, they can act careless and bitchy around ppl they don’t find popular or don’t fit the social standard

* They have a fairy look to them, beautiful hand, fair skin, chubby like, they have a bouncy effect whether it’s their hair (most of them have wavy hair) or the way they walk

CANCER

* Emotional who? These ppl won’t care about other ppl if they are not part of their circle, if they don’t consider u as their friend or family, u won’t see the emotional side of cancer

* Most of them are reserved, they like to observe and move side ways, i find it funny every time a cancer enter a room, u won’t feel their presence unless u care enough to notice them

* They don’t like attracting attention especially drama that don’t involve their family or friends

* They are so gentle with everything, the way they talk have a pure intentions to it

* Don’t hurt any animals infront of them u will not like what they will do to u

* Very innocent, child like vibe even if they look mature, u can still feel the youthfulness in their presence

* Literally the “big sis” most of them carry their family’s legacy, either handling the business, taking care the oldies in the family or they are the baby in the family

* A cancer won’t socialize if they don’t feel safe in your presence or the environment they are in, they don’t like speaking to a larger conference

* they thrive when they can connect emotionally with ppl, i love talking to them everytime were alone, they can be the wiser and smartest ppl in the room

* Like a moon, cancer have different shape of sizes, they’re either have a round face, crescent moon face, or have a crab looking body, like long limbs, chubby like body or either skinny with chubby faces, fair skin and average height

* A lot of Cancer men i know have a good relationship with women, some of them can be surrounded by female friends

VIRGO

* Calm the fuck down? Chill, breathe in, breathe out

* These ppl either a clean freak or the disorganized-organized ppl

* Stop moving their things! they want it where they leave it, they don’t like it when u clean their spaces, leave it, u will stress them out

* They overthink to the point they couldn’t sleep, they care about even the tiniest mistake they made today

* The things u barely notice? Oh best believe they will point it out even your insecurities haha sometimes they are unaware of this behavior of them so take it as a way to develop yourself

* They love to talk shit! I swear this is why they love gemini bc they can talk and rant and they will not get tired of that haha

* If a virgo cares enough for you, their act of service is top tier, u don’t have assignment? Okay i will make one, u forgot something, they will not forget it, need something? Yes they have it, they have your back (pls lord give me my own venus virgo)

* These ppl either thrive in school or won’t care but will still pass enough just because they need to

* These mf’s are selective, if u don’t stimulate them or u don’t pass their whatever tf standard, u will not have any access to them, even the food they ate, the things they buy, they are so practical and picky with everyhing they allow in their life and 10 pts for that

* They love to read, they are so random that you can get a 10+ random facts u don’t even ask for

* Everything must have a meaning! A purpose, they have this WHY in their forehead

* If food is the key to a man’s heart, a Hygiene is the key to their heart, long nails? Eww, messy clothes? Eww! Eating like it’s your last meal? Eww! Like everything must be in the ethical standard

* They observe like a hawk, this is why ppl are not comfortable around them, they are not scared to confront or point ur mistake, and it’s annoying tbh having someone to say every shit lmao

* The corporate style look suits them so well, i love seeing them dress so formal, it gives a sophisticated vibes to them

LIBRA

* Keeping up with the kardashian? No, more like keeping up the peace even tho ppl have done walk all over you, kinda bullshit but were keeping the peace right haha!

* Libra’s are sociable butterfly in a silent mode, u can see them everywhere surrounded by ppl and they are not loud about it

* These ppl would rather sacrifice their mental health than confront a person because they love to keep a harmonious relationship

* Libra’s can be a cheater or enabler they said, but these ppl tend to stay longer in a relationship whether it’s about friendship, because they have already attached some aspects of their life to these ppl that they can’t imagine having to fall apart with them

* These ppl love listening to classical music, a friend of mine has a playlist with just a bunch of classical music, it calms them

* A good ppl in general, imagine those kids who have complete set of stationary, lunch box, good style, someone who smell nice, yeah that’s a libra

* Pleasant in all aspects, they have an artistic keen in them, whether it’s about their style, their writing, their house, everything must catch the eyes, this is why i find them gravitate towards virgo’s sharp eyes

* They love white and blue, pastel in general, them liking colors that’s not too warm nor too cool

* They love justice, they love fairness, they are all about balance but when it comes to their personal life everything is opposite and i can’t blame them bc were humans and life is full of shit

* There’s nothing a libra’s like is when someone act like a decent human being, ppl who have decorum/manners, ppl who take care of themselves, ppl who are stable in life

* They have this vibe of a statue you can see in museum, calm yet head turner

#zodic signs #astro observations #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #virgo

[strangesmallbard]

re: being jewish in goyische leftist circles, it’s also complex because of how many people were genuinely well-meaning. many wanted to learn about judaism and antisemitism + trusted me as a source of that knowledge. these were people i trusted. i shared/unpacked experiences with a friend who was white-passing bc we navigated white goyische spaces in similar ways. my former roommate (someone i consider my sister) once helped me grate potatoes for latkes because my osteoarthritis was acting up. this is not about the other former roommate who asked me, while we were both drunk, why i didn’t believe in jesus. (and even she was well meaning! lol. lmao, even). i don’t resent them; i resent me for distilling my people and culture into something palatable, even memeable. “judaism is about punching god behind a denny’s” etc.

they even encouraged me to be more open in activist spaces, but i knew they didn’t know what they were asking. because our circles didn’t discuss jewish issues, unless i brought them up. or unless the antisemitism was especially noticeable (to goyim). obviously i can’t really begrudge catholic goyim for not Knowing. but idk maybe i can? especially when Learning About Marginalized Groups was a concept we lived by. i literally took a sociology course called “Marginalized Groups in the US” and the only article about jews we read was “when jews became white people.” idk my point here yet actually!! but i wish i’d done something different nevertheless. these are people i love—who reached out to me after the tree of life shooting, but not after oct 7. it could mean nothing. i don’t want to check their social media feeds. AUGH.

#jumblr #yell.txt

[relaxxattack]

listen mate its incredibly important that we all keep spreading the info about whats happening in gaza. id argue its the most important thing we can be doing rn. but can you fucking get off your high horse about 'not posting about your hobbies' bc its 'clogging the timeline'? just unfollow those ppl who arent up to your standards of online activism. youre not helping by telling ppl to do nothing but focus 24/7 on atrocity. as you should know with 'this blog is a relaxing space' in your pinned post many ppl use social media as a place to de-stress after theyve done irl activism. i dont apologize that this is rude lmao offense is strongly intended since youve reblogged so many posts in the past championing mental health and self care

it was not my post, it is simply an opinion i am sharing... i am still a supporter of mental health and self care. currently i am heartbroken by the genocide of thousands of people and doing my best to do right by them. i reblogged the post because i too feel like i am "losing my mind" seeing most people in my circles on most social medias i have appear to be carrying on as normal. it feels very defeating, very strange. as someone with ocd who, you are correct, strongly advocates against "guilt tripping" in reblogs; i feel this is the one time my reblogs have actually been important. i feel that speaking up is more important than my own relaxation. i am of course aware that not everyone is up to date on the information, that not everyone knows the urgency, that not everyone has the energy. that human brains are not made to comprehend the capacity of wars outside of our own lives. that partaking in our fandom interests is of course more enjoyable than speaking of terrorism. i am not condemning any of these people. you are allowed to do whatever you want online, forever. i am just... sad? that is all.

#i hope that makes sense. and i hope you are well #i will try not to reblog more opinions like that. but should i cross the line feel free to unfollow me for your comfort #prioritize your health #i am sorry for offending anyone with that post. i really feel lost right now and i would prefer not to alienate anyone

[cock-holliday]

Calling antiziomism antisemitism has helped nobody even before October 7th bc they always used to cry that at the people who were aware of what they were doing to the Palestinians. Bc of the circles I was in that did talk about Palestine that sentiment would pop up a lot to defend israel, and then when I wandered to other parts of the net I'd come across "this is antisemitic!" About actually anti-Semitic tropes and stuff and my first reaction would be to roll my eyes before being like wait, no and then reading it better

It’s soooo endlessly frustrating. I’ve bitched a few times on here before over the past few years about how people would condemn a leftist space for being antisemitic and I, someone who has worked in combatting extremism for 10 years would go oh shit what happened? And then it went into three paths always

1. This “leftist” group was Tim Pool types or boog boys or shit like Black Hammer or queer-friendly libertarians who are just so supremely bigoted that any leftists with a hint of self-respect did not associate with them so it wasn’t really some new insidious type of antisemitism

2. Someone in the leftist group had shared some entry-level antisemitism without realizing and with civil conversation realized their error and apologized. There is a spectrum of genuine ignorance to willful ignorance to mask-off bigotry.

3. It was anti-zionism.

Scenario 3 was particularly thrown around in groups that were centered on or advocated for indigenous sovereignty. It struck me as bizarre that supposed leftists, communists, and anarchists who participated in (apparently ironic) calls for the end of The US then decried anti-Israel stances as antisemitic.

When I was in undergrad, a professor I admired took a firm stance in support of Palestine and for something like 5 years since, another professor had tried to get him fired for antisemitism. Among his evil actions were saying the words “free Palestine” and hanging a Palestine flag in his office. How scary.

I went to law school in a city that had a lot of anti-Palestine focus. Professors were threatened with firing. Students were threatened with expulsion. Speakers were canceled. Art exhibits were pulled. It had been rampant for a while. My city, and law school in particular, also had a blooming nazi problem since 2015.

When nazis threatened students, myself included, threatened community members, and organized events marching with swastikas and wolfsangels and sonnenrads, those of us who raised alarms and met with administrators were dismissed. When we went to journalists, and attorney mentors, and to social media, we were punished. While trying to screen a documentary about a nazi classmate, my org was literally locked out of the building we were going to screen in, and forced to cancel our event. The documentary was free, so in our public announcement canceling the event we linked the doc for people to watch on their own.

Students have been threatened, blackmailed, and pressured to stop speaking about nazis, and then the same administrations put out statements about condemning antisemitism when I/P conversations spiked again.

The two-faced audacity is appalling! Deans who insisted calling someone a nazi was akin to calling someone the N word are going to tell ME how they are committed to Jewish safety? Fuck yourselves.

When Palestinian and Arab students felt the heat of admin censoring, a number at my uni released a letter of support for Palestine. My org, a number of us also members of Jewish orgs on campus and around the city, had to decide what to say. We had been attending pro-Palestine rallies for years and speaking up about the conflict, but signing onto this letter would make our statement unanimous. We decided to write our own letter of support, not just standing with, but doubling down on what had been shared.

The relief from Palestinian students was touching and devastating. A colleague cried thanking us for standing with them. She had felt so alone.

The backlash was…also intense. We linked BDS and JVP in our letter of orgs to look into about the conflict, and recommended resources from Decolonize Palestine. We were told DP was biased and unreliable, and that BDS and JVP were terrorists. Terrorists. I said I was a member of JVP. I was disinvited from a Jewish law group I was a member of.

A number of years back I shared a documentary on pinkwashing in Israel in our LGBT org, particularly since a number of board members were big advocates of going on Israeli cruises. It was met with hostility and questions about why I was so “self-hating.” Ironically, if they had watched the documentary, most of the conversation is about anti-zionist Jews being asked that same question.

We’ve been going around and around on this same bullshit for forever. IVE been deep in it for about 5 years. I cannot imagine the toll of anti-zionists who have been in it for longer.

People were shocked to learn I was anti-zionist because I have dedicated so much time of my adult life to combatting nazis and white supremacists and I had to keep sitting people down to say, the fact you think that is contradictory is the problem! You are making my job so much harder! You are whining that your leftist environmental working group who focuses on indigenous liberation asked you if you were zionist when your firm zionist stance makes you directly opposed to the goals of the group!!

Lotta folks on this website with good takes on queer liberation and trans liberation have been letting slip their zionist tendencies for a while, and I guess that’s on me for thinking it wasn’t so deeply entrenched in their belief system, but I’ve been really disappointed with a bunch of people I had respect for lately, as the full breadth of their blindspots or vile stances have come out.

There has been a lot of conversation about the Magen David becoming a hate symbol and it’s exhausting to interact with people who react defensively to the suggestion. Does it mean everyone should stop using it? Of course not. Does it mean you should perhaps have sensitivity to someone who flinches upon seeing it? Absolutely.

There are people whose only exposure to Jews is being killed by them. There are people who only see the Magen David on a flag planted on their family’s graves and carved into their burned down homes and bulldozed into their razed fields. There are people whose ONLY association with the symbol is death. So then when Jews who continue to display the Magen David also signal support for Palestine, they are accused of trying to mark themselves as “good Jews” and signaling that other Jews are open season. What a self-centered sense of victimhood.

Even this conversation isn’t new. There has been conflict over the years in many cities when pride flags with the Magen David showed up. There was genuine antisemitism about it, sure, but there was also cause for concern when the flag is not just the Magen David but specifically modeled after the Israeli flag pattern AND flown to advertise Israeli tourism. Queer tourism has been deeply tied to Israel for a while now, and backlash to it is not the same as antisemitism.

The conflation over and over and the unwillingness to understand where backlash comes from and the requirement for Palestinians to be articulate and forgiving in their speech and the isolation of anti-zionist Jews makes everything soooooo difficult to navigate.

Putting together a list of orgs that funnel obscene amounts of money into the IDF? Must be an antisemitic plot. Protesting a business that fires pro-Palestine workers? Antisemitic attack on a mom n pop. Attacking weapons manufacturers? Antisemitism.

“Putting a Palestine flag next to your menorah is trying to isolate and mark zionist Jews as free to attack.” Calling people’s jobs, putting their faces on billboards, doxxing them, snitching to their families, all of THAT isn’t an attempt to isolate anti-zionist Jews and mark them as free to attack?

What absolute projections. What hypocrisy. Such blindness.

It’s been a particularly devastating few months for many, but I hope this is just the tipping point to really hash it out in the open. We’ve been sitting on this for too long and refusing to reckon with what it means for our community and our safety to hide behind ill-assumptions to support a genocidal regime carrying out their atrocities in our name and putting us all at risk when we cannot appropriately identify real threats.

#ask #anon ask

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"The category of race was also critical to the second pillar of the CFU’s [Canadian Farmworkers Union] organizing mission: ridding the industry of contractors. Contractors would supply the labour force for the farmers and, in many cases, they held as much power as the farmers. The contractor was responsible for hiring a workforce, maintaining discipline, and making payments. The farmer would not pay the workers directly; instead, the farmer would pay the contractor who, in many cases, would retain the money until the end of the season. In many instances, the contractor was also responsible for transporting workers between the field and their homes. Since labour contractors were trying to maximize profits, the vehicles they used to transport workers predictably violated many road safety standards. As Chouhan remembers, his first contractor: “came to pick me up in an Econoline van which had no seats in it, there were people sitting on the floor which was quite a shock [laughs]. No seat belts, no nothing.” Many workers have been killed due to accidents in these unsafe vehicles, and, as recently as 7 March 2007, three farmworkers died in a rollover accident while riding in an overcrowded vehicle between Abbotsford and Chilliwack. Often, contractors were from the same social and ethnic circles as the labourers whom they employed. Charan Gill identified a “colonial mentality” in comments made by farmworkers. Since the contractors who provided them with work shared familial and cultural ties with them, some of which could be traced back to Punjab, many farmworkers did not want to stand up to the contractors. Fears of losing jobs and housing were very real, and such losses could jeopardize their immigration status. Contractors who came from the same community as the workers could manipulate the latter into believing they were on their side, and, because of this, Gill notes: “in spite of our efforts, individual interests [of workers] sometimes invalidated collective interests [of their class]” because some of those workers aspired to be contractors. Simply getting safety information to farmworkers was also difficult. Since many of the workers could not read or write in English, and some were illiterate in their own languages, they were often dependent on information from the farmer and the contractor. Contractors could intentionally mislead, omit certain information, or outright lie to their workers about their legal rights. This delayed organizing efforts. To counter this information block, organizers would try to go to local temples on the weekends, where many workers went to pray. However, the labour contractors also had control over the temple executives, so organizers were often refused the right to speak. Frustrated, the organizers developed a two-part strategy. First, they would have “kitchen meetings” in which the organizer would contact one worker for a meeting in their home, and that worker would contact neighbours and friends, so “that way [they would] not [be] afraid to be seen by a labour contractor or in the temple or in a public place.” Second, because many families used the temples for social events, the organizers would ask family members to invite the CFU and thus circumvent the temple executives as organizers of social events had the “absolute right to invite anyone they want[ed].”

These strategies helped the CFU reach out to potential members and to provide valuable information regarding their legal rights. Unfortunately, despite the efforts of the CFU, contractors are still a part of the industry to this day, and anyone driving through the agricultural areas of British Columbia’s Lower Mainland can witness the painted-over shuttle buses that daily transport farmworkers from home to field."

- Nicholas Fast, ““WE WERE A SOCIAL MOVEMENT AS WELL”: The Canadian Farmworkers Union in British Columbia, 1979–1983,” BC Studies. no. 217, Spring 2023. p. 44-45.

#canadian farmworkers union #participatory democracy #union organizing #farm workers #agricultural workers #indian immigration to canada #immigrant workers #racialized workers #farming in canada #working class struggle #academic quote #strike #union politics #labour contracting #exploitation #reading 2024

[drewtanakagf]

A Red Queen Social-Political-Economic Meta devolves into prison reform (bear w/ me) 

links at the very end smile. ask me to elaborate a point or don’t idc. I will be talking more regardless.

How This All Started: 

Me, writing: do you think that rq story aus (canon-divergence specifically) can work w/out the existence of silver/reds or at the very least power/no power dynamics, or rather, how well would the plot work without that? 

Me, opening new doc: bc like, the rq story is built off the usurpation of the silver/red dichotomy and calling into question the validity of oppression with the existence of a third group which shares qualities of the two (if you wanna get sociopolitical with it). 

TL;DR: Cameron Cole’s role in the narrative works as a connection between the oppressive systems irl and in the rqverse by her simply being a Black girl from New Town and a Newblood silent. 

Norta’s Social, Political, and Economic System 

Thinking about it more, I think that RQ can be seen as a racial-adjacent (blood, in canon) oppression story and class oppression story, but combining those lenses to more closely mirror what we experience in real life is, iffy at best. Since race as we understand it in our world is purely social while in rqverse there is a biological difference (which uhm. I don't end up talking about eugenics but let's keep that in mind yeah?) in which the system of oppression is made from. That system of oppression then allows for the discrimination of Reds in society, which can be seen at its worst in New Town and tech towns in general. Reds are at the bottom of the social ladder with no hope of climbing above their station. 

Now as a class story, this is where economics would come in.  And since there is no economic mobility for Reds, RQ as a story rooted in class falls apart. Basically (without thinking myself in circles) it cannot be only a class story and it cannot be a story in which both social factors and economic factors combine, since there is no sense of "class" in the Red's lives, all of them suffer. But this is true only in the Mare's point of view, the Silvers in universe are separated by high houses, low houses, and "common." Yet, this is only where we begin to see politics come in as the Houses are separated by respect and power as well as wealth. The connection to monarchy is viable for those in the Houses and is all draped in political pomp and shit. idk man it's one am and i'm thinking too hard.  SO the sociopolitical works in tandem w the social-economical whilst for Reds politics is unfathomable bc they're second class citizens. 

Prisons in The USA 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO (the worse segue in history) TO CAMERON COLE *cheers whoops etc*  I cannot for the life of me get over how Cameron is pretty much the only Black Red "main" character and she came from New Town, which is a place where everyone works to create for the rest of the country. This is a little too similar to the reality of prisons and like, the generational Blackness of it all is a lot for me to NOT look over. 

Note: Prisons are long-term holding facilities where convicted people go to carry out their sentences, Jails are short-term holding facilities and most are awaiting charges or trial (Prison Fellowship). 

One thing to understand is that prisons are rife with modern-day slavery, especially in the US (which rq was written in the context in). Last I checked, the US held about 25% of the world's prisoners, about a million people incarcerated, not to count those still in the penal system (like in jail, probation, or juvenile detention). Not only that, prisons are often private, not public, so there is an active economical interest in having as many prisoners as possible. You need bodies to make money in that industry. Not only that, prisoners work for little to no money and aren't even guaranteed to be able to re-enter society. In fact, many prisoners do not, the prison recidivism rate is still over a third in the US, meaning that over one-third of prisoners commit a crime again and become re-incarcerated (Wisevoter). There are a fuck ton of reasons why this is, mostly, in my opinion, the lack of effective reform programs. But you cannot deny that there is a corporate interest in having prisoners in prisons to make money and make profits for the low cost of labor. According to the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), prisoners make $2 Billion in goods only to be paid an average of  $0.13 to $0.52  an hour, of which "the government takes up to 80 percent of these wages for “room and board,” court costs, restitution, and other fees like building and sustaining prisons. These wage deductions generally leave incarcerated workers with less than half of their gross pay" (ACLU). One more thing, who's populating these prisons? 

Statistically, according to the Federal Bureau of Prisons, White people make up 57.3% of prisoners nationwide while the next biggest racial group, Black people make up 38.6% (Note: This is by race, and the government's definition of race. Hispanic is considered as an ethnic group, which is why the data about Latine people is not on the federal website. Hispanic group makes up 29.7% of prisoners, to satiate your curiosity)(BOP). However, you have to take into account the rates compared to population. Let's take a look at New York State, which in the Rqverse includes The Stilts and Archeon. White people make up about 55% of the population and account for 23% of people in prison. Black people on the other hand, make up about 14% of the population and account for 49% of prisoners (PPI).  Like WOW! What a jump am I right? 

This disparity is again, attributed to many many things and long history of racial injustice and racist policing (looking at you stop and frisk, which is also a whole different problem i would LOVE to talk about), but as stated, has its roots in racial injustice and how the US never bothered to recover from slavery, Jim Crow, and treating minorities (most notably Black people) as second class citizens. 

Cameron Cole 

Okay, so now you have the IRL quick breakdown, let’s talk about Cameron Cole. Cameron Cole is a young Black girl who is from New Town and is a newblood with the power of Silence. That sentence is the core of her character as she stands in the plot (nothing about personality, we may get into this later idk yet. I have now officially passed 1k words on this. So. we will see fr.) Cameron’s identity as a young Black girl is not explored as, again, in the rqverse race isn’t a thing, it’s all about blood, baby! (that's what a vampire would say fr). So, in blood: she’s a newblood, one of those in-betweens that usurps the dichotomy yaddi-yadda, and is really just a socio-political thing, because Newbloods haven’t been around/ known for long enough in Norta to have bearing economically (class) and Maven decided to be Maven about newbloods in general, not just Mare’s standing as a Newblood ( he legitimized Newbloods as a blood group in Norta, essentially). But to get into the whole young Black girl, we need to draw the connection between prisons and New Town. 

Okay, no more jokes (though that is true), Black people are seen as second-class citizens in the eyes of the systems in place today, and that is reflected in Red Queen as a Black character is a victim of modern-day slavery within that universe. Her existence calls for comparison between the oppressive systems in the rqverse and the world as we know it. 

New Town is one of many  tech towns, dedicated to industry, building all of Norta’s mechanical goods and basically the cornerstone of Nortan economy. Everyone in there is forced to work despite the horrible conditions and have no chance of entering society and for little to no pay (sound familiar?). While the prison system in the US is a continuation of modern-day slavery, New Town just cut out the middleman of the police system and put them straight into modern day-slavery. Making the notable characters from New Town Black draws all these lines together and provide commentary on our world today: Black people still can’t win!

Now, as a Black girl, even in the RQverse, Cameron is still saddled with the same generational struggles Black women face due to the intersection of their Black and Woman identities. (source: am Black, am a woman). Because not only is the woman expected to look after household affairs and family matters, but now we’re dealing with racial inequalities. It’s a lot on a girl’s plate right? Cameron and Morrey remind me of all the Black women who have lost the Black men in their life due to violence and my own fears for my brother each time he leaves the house. 

Violence to us is like gun violence and police brutality and shit like that but to them is the war, where similar to the police system. Aw fuck new section time 

The Lakelander War as Control 

So my basic theory here is that the Lakelander war is used as the police system, not necessarily as like, actual policing but as a power move. It’s like Atlanta’s Cop City to me, a way to be like “heyyyyy don’t forget who has the power to kill you. Okie!” 

Back to Regular Programming 

Where violence is perpetuated by over policing and the war on drugs and such polices affecting minority populations irl, the war (and the duel things i forgot what they're called, and bowl of bones) exacerbate the uhm. Power dynamics. Reds are powerless Silvers powerful . “Look at what we can do” and shit. 

Edit: Lynching is also in this category. It’s about power, yeah.

 So Cameron has to save Morrey from this violence. I have to fear about my brother and dad and cousins. Like there is a connection there please tell me you get it I will cry its three am now im almost 2k deep like. 

Cameron, though, is not just a regular red, she is a Newblood and a  silencer at that. 

So how does she fight against her oppressors? She silences them, quite literally takes away their power. And isn’t that an apt metaphor for this all? 

Okay i'm going the fuck to sleep. Thanks for making it this far. Here’s a freshly baked cookie (imagine a cookie here) 

Links ( I gave up on the MLA LOL!) 

ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/news/human-rights/captive-labor-exploitation-of-incarcerated-workers 

Wisevoter: https://wisevoter.com/state-rankings/recidivism-rates-by-state/ 

Federal Bureau of Prisons (BOP) https://www.bop.gov/about/statistics/statistics_inmate_race.jsp 

PPI: https://www.prisonpolicy.org/profiles/NY.html 

Prison Fellowship: https://www.prisonfellowship.org/resources/training-resources/in-prison/faq-jail-prison/

#red queen #red queen series #cameron cole #red queen analysis #red queen meta #let me speak #we got to 1.7k words in like. two hrs. so #damn i need to be back in classes fr i only know the academic life

[crimeronan]

I feel like I would consider myself polyamory agnostic in a way, like I would maybe like for it to happen but I often fear that I don't have the ability to manage even one partnership, let alone multiple relationships, since I am often. So tired. I often find myself idealizing the "late" stage of a relationship when everyone already has settled into what to expect of each other and knows not to take it personally if someone falls asleep mid movie, for example. All this to say, how do you handle your relationship structure as a disabled/chronically ill person? Do you have any advice/thoughts on how it works for you? (I feel like perhaps you have posted about this before and I am just forgetting...)

oh this is a really good question! i'm not sure how relevant my life experience will be to you, particularly given that i started dating all three of my current partners before becoming disabled/crippled. but i am happy to share!

first off -- i 100% get romanticizing the late stage of relationships, sometimes you just need things to be chill and flexible. but i also don't think that this stage necessarily Needs to be reserved for Late Relationships?

like.... the older i get, the more upfront i've decided to be about my needs, especially with new people. granted, a lot of the people i meet these days are either disabled themselves or Get It -- my social circle is mostly queer spoonies in their 20s and 30s + much much older retirees that i hang out with at the local pool.

some people prefer not to be so open so quickly about their limitations, it is hard and scary to be visibly disabled, harder still to ask for help & admit that you might be inconvenient / a burden / take up extra space. this USED to be me until i said. eh. fuck it. after a certain point, wounded pride is just a mental construct

basically, like. when i'm online these days, you'll see me be clear about my limits with strangers - i'll say that if i stop replying to chats or asks, it's not bc i hate you, it's bc i'm tired or forgetful. that i can't guarantee responses to ppl, even people i'm already friendly with. that if my mood is bad or my pain levels are high, i won't engage in much social interaction at All. that my capabilities fluctuate wildly depending on the day and that i cannot be relied upon for consistent scheduling or posting or creative output

i'm similarly open with people irl. it helps that i'm often using mobility aids when i'm talking to people. the mobility aids sorta strip the possibility of pretending not to be disabled. it's kinda the elephant in the room. but it means that i can be like, "as you can see, i am very crippled. i may need flexibility with any plans that we make. due to being very crippled."

if people get upset by this or simply don't have the capacity to deal with it, that is fine! that's not either of our faults, no one's done anything wrong, we're just not in the right circumstances to mesh. i don't get hurt by that personally. i've honestly found that it saves SO much time and hassle and potential drama/heartache to set expectations right away. the only other option is to exhaust myself and end up failing to meet expectations regardless and losing the friendship after burning up a bunch of energy and social bridges. painful and bad!

so like... i can meet a new person, and if they're cool with My Whole Deal, then there's no waiting period before we're familiar enough for flaky behavior. i can be like, "i'm not sure i'll be able to walk tonight, is there a place to sit down at the event?" or "i'm flaring a little, is it okay for us to be kinda flexible about tomorrow's schedule?" or "hey, i'll get back to you as soon as possible i promise, i'm just fogged TO SHIT today [peace sign]" from day 1. it's great

i'm not saying that you Have to do this; i am aware that it breaches like seventeen laws of general social etiquette. i'm just saying that i have met many people who are totally chill about this! as long as you're chill and respectful of the other person as well, you can do whatever you want forever

that was not even relevant to the initial ask, so. AS FOR MY PARTNERS.

i actually don't find that my illness makes it harder to navigate my relationships at all. like i mentioned, i've been with all three partners for Many Many Years now. we know each other Extremely well, we're all extremely turbo autistic, we all have blunt communication down to a science. so saying "i'm not up for doing [x thing] tonight, can we take a rain check?" is super easy.

in fact, my partners can basically intuit a flare from just my physical movements and tone of voice, even before i say a single word. we are VERY familiar with each other.

.....and, alright. after fighting the urge to longpost i've decided to put the rest under a cut. YOU'RE WELCOME 4 THE RETURN OF YOUR DASHBOARDS. "why didnt you put it under a cut so much earlier" read my posts boy

anyway. click readmore to hear me expand upon just how fucking incredible and awesome and kind and generous and loving my People are

there ARE some ways that the illness has made it more difficult for ME to be the kind of partner that i want to be -- for example, i often lack the energy to provide proper emotional support during stressful situations, i have a shorter threshold for pain/irritation than i used to, i can't give 100% of my energy anymore and there have been times when that has resulted in hurt feelings in my partners.

(there have been far more times, though, when nobody's feelings are hurt and it's literally fine.)

in every case where feelings DID get hurt, we've talked stuff out and fixed it within like an hour. bc we all trust each other and know that we don't WANT to hurt each other's feelings. i never ever Ever say things with the intention of wounding my partners, and they know that. they never say things with the intention of wounding me, either, which is why our very blunt "hey, you need to change something you're doing" convos go so well. there's no need to tiptoe, it doesn't hurt me to know what they're thinking or feeling or needing.

sometimes things are just hard and shitty and we're all doing the best we can. this is just part of adulthood i think. especially adulthood in late stage capitalism, etc. the Biggest key to my polycule is that we are all much happier as a family than we would be without each other. the relationships are about as wholesome and healthy and non-toxic and openly communicative as they can get

the Other key aspect when dealing with my illness is that.... being polyamorous has actually been... SOOOOOO MUCH BETTER than being 1) alone, OR 2) in a monogamous relationship EVER WOULD BE?

it is Extremely Stressful for my family to deal with me being this sick. i am aware of that. but i haven't had to bear the brunt of it. not only do they support me, but they also all communicate with and support each other. so no one person is bearing the entire weight of the stress or pain or fear. and i don't have to comfort people over my own symptoms, which most disabled ppl i think would agree is.... exhausting

when i'm too fucked up to speak aloud, let alone support my partners the way i usually do, they ALWAYS have EACH OTHER as a safety net.

this safety net has been beyond vital for me personally, too. round-the-clock care from a single partner is insane and exhausting and leads to unraveling tempers. but when you live with two partners who can help cover your chores and cook and make sure you don't die of your Symptoms (TM)? that's much more doable.

it's HARD, bc literally everyone in the house is disabled to some degree, but it's doable. (it being hard is part of why my QPR is going to move in with us soon. extra hands!)

a few weeks ago, rafi (partner of 7ish years) went on a short vacation to visit family in california. and justice (QPR of 3ish years, best friend of 8ish years) booked an impromptu next-day plane ticket to come stay with me and vi (partner of 11ish years) while rafi was gone. because i was Very Sick. i was flaring horribly the whole time she was here, and she made meals and cleaned and ran errands and picked up medications and returned phone calls and lay in bed with me watching low-stakes tv shows and made sure i didn't stroke out without anyone there to help.

this meant that i basically got to stay in bed the whole time, which was very very Very needed. and vi -- who has a bad back -- wasn't unduly taxed with Literally All of the household upkeep in rafi's absence.

the same principle has applied when i've needed my partners to help cover my share of bills or my household chores or my errands or whatever. since there are three other people involved, the Immediate Support Net is much wider than in a monogamous relationship. especially bc all three of them have their own familial and friend support networks to reach out to!

having more people around is actually awesome for me. i don't feel like i'm expending a lot more energy than i would in a monogamous relationship, but i AM receiving a TON more support and care and love than would be possible in a monogamous relationship.

i guess the conclusion i'd make is: no man is an island, humans are hardwired to build large social support groups, and in a good relationship, you'll receive At Least as much as you give. right now i'm receiving a SHIT TON MORE than i give, and i do often feel pretty bad about it despite knowing it's not my fault.

but these people have chosen to be my family. and if they ever want to stop choosing me then they absolutely can. and if they need more from me or they need something Different from me, then they'll literally just tell me.

(i know they will literally just tell me because all three of them have literally just told me in the past. they're three people i can implicitly trust to say things like "hey, this thing you said made me sad / was unhelpful" and "hey, i'm really stressed out about [x thing], can we make a plan to deal with it?" and "hey, this situation is pretty serious and i know that you don't want to face it but i really need you to. i will take on whatever i can for you and support you the whole time")

so: yes it has been hard to some extent, managing three relationships while also being sick. but it is also a wonderful setup with a million unthought-of advantages & i am much better cared-for and much better AT caring because of it & i fucking Shudder to think how horrific being sick would be without them.

i love my family so much.

#long post #replies #polyamory #this barely scratches the surface bc it's just a few examples of how our dynamics work but hopefully it is clarifying #polyamory is an advantage that has saved my Entire Ass. my partners are wonderful. #all relationships do take work but my three relationships don't take So Much Work that there's no benefit you know #the work is really easy. it's just. you take care of me when i need it and you can. i take care of you when you need it and i can #that's literally it. it's not a hard symbiosis to maintain #autoimmune tag

[princesssmars]

something new

a monet de haan x reader

your first gala in the upper east side, and a certain princess catches your eye...

first | previous | next

a/n: need her bad idk.

warnings: maybe a little bit of monet being ooc? idk ill set it up in the future 😭. neglectful or just kinda a hole parents bc all these kids are messed up. enjoy .

wc: 1.731

when you're parents told you they were moving the company's main office (and essentially your whole life) to new york city, its safe to say you were more than just a little upset. like, upset enough to crash one of your dads cars, but you managed to hold yourself back from doing that. barely.

granted youre family had moved around a bit when you were younger, but youd been in maine for 3 years now and had finally settled in and made actual friends. and the scenery wasnt half bad either.

but as you ride in your parents limo down the streets of manhattan, you cant help but feel isolated. cold. like the citys skyscrapers are mocking you. and dear old dad lecturing you on proper gala etiquette is not helping.

"and remember, everything you do and say reflects on us and the company. be smart about your actions and choose your words wisely. especially to your new peers. none of that sarcasm you oh so love."

ah, yes. the students of constance billiard. the children of the powerful and rich, the next great minds of our future...

a glorified description instead of calling them all a bunch of annoying privileged assholes. granted you were also privileged, but you knew how to at least act like a decent person.

the limo eventually rolls to a stop outside of a grand building, the flashes of paparazzi cameras slightly blinding you. you put on a fake smile anyway.

once inside your parents leave you to mingle with potential new business partners. or a new social circle. same thing.

so here you are, wandering the halls and rooms of the museum, eventually making youre way to the open bar and grabbing yourself a drink. non-alcoholic of course, wouldnt want drunken you causing a scandal and ending up in the gossip blogs by the morning.

"sure you dont want something stronger?" a voice sounds from your right. it comes from a man, or a boy rather, probably around your age. hes tall with pale skin, tired eyes, and sunken cheeks. "trust me, around these...vultures, youre gonna need it."

you laugh through your nose, tipping your head and glass torwards the stranger. "believe me i would if could but uh...expectations and all that. you know how it is."

"hm, sounds familiar. but uh, no, my dads are more the "we'll always support you and ignore the stupid shit you do" type. which i guess works out great for me." he says, taking a long sip of his drink.

he seemed a bit troubled, but then again, every kid here was. comes with the cash.

"try having your parents be both overbearing and absent at the same time. mindfuck isnt even the word." you sigh, smiling when he chuckles after you.

sharing this much with a stranger isnt the smartest move, you know. but youre feeling reckless.

as you both continue witty conversation, you feel eyes burning into your side. you glance to your right, and you luckily manage to keep your eyes from widening as a pretty pair of brown eyes connect to yours.

the boy (whos named you learned is max) follows your line of sight. his eyebrows raise and he wears a sly smile.

"ah, see you've caught monets eye. wish i could say shes harmless but..."

monet. you repeat the name a few times in your head. you like it.

you're brought back to attention when you feel a cold hand on your shoulder. max smiles at you and nods torwards the other side of the room.

"cmon, let me introduce you"

.

.

.

"who is that?"

"hm?" luna hums, too busy on her phone to pay much attention to what her best friend is speaking. she needs to pick the best pictures of julien tonight to post, after all.

monet sighs, tapping the dark-haired girl aggressively on the shoulder and pointing to where max sits at the bar, indulging in what seems like a pleasant conversation with an attractive stranger.

luna squints her eyes and hums. "hm...they do look familiar... let me check." she goes back on her phone, quickly tapping before showing the screen to her best friend.

"her name is y/n l/n, daughter of edmund and marianne l/n, renowned for their investments in colleges and college funding. family is in between old and new money. only recently moved here to new york. she's most likely going to go to constance so we should see her around..."

the girl trails off her sentence as she notices the other still staring contemplatively in your direction. she realizes and laughs lightly. "i see youve picked your next prey."

she tries not to laugh louder as monet's head whips torwards her, an unconvincing scowl on her face. "no, its because shes new and already talking to max. we need to make sure shes not a threat. thats all."

"whatever you say, hun." luna sighs, texting a blunt message to the afromentioned boy.

come over. bring that girl with you.

.

.

.

there werent many times in your life you were nervous - enough that you could count them on one hand. but now, being led over to some of the hottest most intimidating people you've seen tonight by a boy youve know for 10 minutes, its safe to say youre a little on edge.

"y/n, i, regretfully and against my will," he starts, whispering the last part under his breath making you purse your lips trying not to smile, "introduce you to my group of friends."

the next few seconds of silence makes you feel like a 7-year-old introducing themselves to their new class. luckily, one of the girls, with light brown skin and buzzed down hair gives you what seems like a genuine smile. "hi there, y/n, im julien. this is obie, luna, and monet. its nice to meet you."

she introduces herself and her friends that sit to her right; a boy with curly brown hair and an abnormally large forehead, a tall girl who wears a pretty but almost...scheming? smile, and then the most gorgeous girl youve seen tonight with brown skin and brown twists.

you meet the gaze of the last one. monet. shes staring you down with lidded brown eyes that watch your every move like a hawk. you stare back challengingly. the corner of her mouth raises with a smile.

"sit down. we dont bite." there was a glint in monets eyes as she spoke, hoping you pick up on what she wants to say. unless you want me too.

you unwillingly break eye contact when you sit down across rom her and next to max. he slightly nudges you, and laughs when you see his expression and roll your eyes.

"so y/n, are you new around here? how are you liking ney york so far?" the one called obie asks.

you squint your eyes as you think over your answer. "yeah, my parents just moved here for their business. and the city is fine. a little...duller than what i had in mind."

"maybe you just arent looking in the right places." monet speaks up, moving her hand from propping up her face to reaching over her leg.

"really?" you ask, resuming the charged eye contact between you two.

"really."

"shes right, most generic tourist shit is worn out by now," max speaks up, lifting his drink up in the air to you. "us natives would be happy to show you around to all the truly unique spots."

you dont show it but his enthusiasm to include you makes you feel warm inside.

"i'd...really appreciate that. thanks. but only if its alright with the rest of you. wouldnt wanna intrude in your little social circle."

you turn towards the other four, waiting for their responses. julien and obie look inviting enough, luna looks indifferent yet intrigued. monet is wearing a blank expression.

luna whispers into her ear.

she smiles.

"we'd be happy too."

max smiles and claps his hands.

"fantastic. welcome to your own little circle of hell."

.

.

.

the night continues and so do the conversations. occasionally throughout the night you go back into the habit of observing people and direct it to your new acquaintances.

how obie doesnt look quite that comfortable around his so called friends since childhood.

how luna and monet stick together like the creepy ass twins from the shining.

how juliens side of the conversations sometimes go stale.

how max drinks and drinks.

rich kids with rich kid problems.

.

.

.

eventually the night ends and you say your goodbyes after exchanging information. you smile and laugh with max, whos not quite hammered but does have the slurred speech and looseness in his body of someone who does, who is glad to have a friend who "doesn't have a pogo stick far up their ass" and eager to show you around the city in the forthcoming weeks before school starts up again.

as you wait outside on the curb waiting for the valet to bring your car back around and parents to stop smooching up to the other business people that went to the gala, you spot a figure slowly coming up to your left.

"ive gotta say, youve made quite the little introduction tonight, l/n" her smooth voice directs to you, staring out ahead of her before she looks to you at your slight chuckle.

"i barely did or said anything, max was the one to introduce and talk for me most of the night."

"you didnt need to. you're fresh meat. everyones going to be intrested in you regardless."

you smirk. "is that why you were staring holes into me all night?"

she moves her mouth to speak before who you assume to be her mother walks up beside her and tells her their car is here, the girl nodding as her mother leaves yet again.

"you're lucky you met us tonight, l/n. we'll knock you into shape soon enough." she tells you before walking after her mother. it sounds like a promise and a threat wrapped into one.

you meet eyes before she gets inside her car.

you feel the tap of fathers hand on your shoulder, urging you to get inside your vehicle.

as you sit inside the car, your parents conversation dulls as you watch the city streets pass you by.

they all seem a bit brighter, you think.

.

.

.

.

ooo the way i had to force myself down and finish this. i feel like the way i wrote this and y/n in general flip flopped but idk i'll fix it. thinking of making this a series but dont wanna get ahead of myself. sorry this took so long 😭😭

#aki menzies #audrey hope #gossip girl reboot #gossip girl reboot x reader #gossip girl x reader #julien calloway #luna la #monet de haan #obie bergmann #monet x reader #monet de haan x reader #black reader in my mind but applies to all #need her bad

[dalkyeom]

— Chia! Chia! Chia’s Follow Forever

First of all, thank you so much for following me on my art journey! I wanted to do this when I hit 250 but suddenly there are nearly 300 of you and I need to do this before I hit 350 ;;; hehe don’t worry I’ll be doing another drawing/art related event soon

Believe it or not this is my first follow forever I’ve ever done and I’ve been here since my seedling years pls laugh at my joke /jk but I’m hoping it won’t be my last. I’m really happy with how this blog turned out bc I’ve met a lot of wonderful people on here since its creation (even if it was originally just to escape this hellsite’s basement for the lovely crime of constantly talking about Bang Chan)

Thank you so much again!! If this post is kinda long, I mayhaps went overboard with the blog recs (+ some messages to my friends/moots) but I would really love for them to receive love too so go go check them out!

a special section for my loveliest friends bc you make my stay on this site worthwhile. Also you’re a bunch of sweet people who make the most banger creations!! My social battery isn’t always the highest but I appreciate every interaction we have

@chanluster — Fia queen you’re probably gonna see this when you come back but I’ll never ever forget you as my first Stayblr friend. You’re crazy talented and you’re also so much fun to talk to and I love our conversations to no ends. Wherever you are I hope you’re having the best time and definitely we need to start writing our anti-hero skz fic soon!

@decembermoonskz , @sulfurcosmos — two of the sweetest stayblr writers whose works also blew me away 🥺 will never ever forget how your writings transported me to a world away from this one and live different lives each time. I find it cute how you both are also my assigned moon and star friends (izzy moon and starry ti) and you always leave the sweetest messages in the tags and asks :(( ty always for warming my heart

@chanstopher — my Chris loving era would never be the same without you! Even if it has quieted down to a mellow humm, I always go to you if I need anything skz related (Chan bubble updates and gifs of Chan’s Room especially) also somehow you really embody a compass! You’re always so kind and helpful to those around you, you make everyone feel so welcomed and I’m glad that I’m one of them (also idk if I ever told you but I was the anon asking where you buy pcs from lol) also I’m glad that being able to know you led me to another ult of mine; our beloved 13 shining diamonds bc if it was not for your beautiful Cheol gifs I probably wouldn’t have associated him with you = I won’t be as interested to check them out. Love you lots, Dreamy!! sending you all the twinkling night stars in the sky 🥰

@dokyeomblr and @aceofvernons — my precious elv and xanthe, i’m so glad to have the honor to call you my caratblr friends. You’ve both been nothing but welcoming and kind to me (and reblog the cutest games haha!) also tysm for gracing my dash always with treasures you find off caratblr. Always holding you both in the kyeom kyeom and bonon loving hours circle

@otlwoozi — oliveeer! Naur was so shocked to learn you were also @badhapple ‘s bc I adore your svt art when I see it make rounds on twt. I’m glad to see you around here too and I hope we get to interact lots more as well bc it’s been super fun when I read your tags hahaha and sharing svt - related dreams as well (manifesting you get more aside from the concert ones)

@ravixen @thepixelelf @leejungchans and @97-liners — another set of my favorite writers on this site and aaa— amg I find you all so cool, I’m glad to call you my caratblr friends as well <33 you writings always make me fall for ot13 deeper (amg especially for DOKYEOM AND SHUA MY BRAINROT NOW KNOWS NO BOUNDS! I am kissing your beautiful minds!) it’s always a pleasure drawing for you. If I had extra unlimited energy I would draw more and more bc your fics always serve as an inspiration

@lawleighette and @scoups-ofsuga — my cottage/outskirts friends oms it’s fun how we became a trio just recently but being your friend has been so much fun. Even if our convos are all over the place I’m glad that we’re strengthened by the bonon memes! And also some of the coolest artists ever like ??? sometimes I question why you were following me in the first place? I adore you lots though like you’re both my younger siblings <33 sending all the mwah mwahs and vernon memes later!

@shinstars @fenori and @zzzbookwormzzz — the og team! THE OG TEAM! It’s a wonder how we managed to stay connected for 5+ years like you’ve really seen it all. We still need to meet up at a cafe and draw together and that will be my lifelong wish granted! (you too Fenbro, tho we did went to a museum-cafe date already and it’s the most priceless memory I have this year) I love you three so much!!

@bedtimetelevision @mitchievousness and carloo (pls send help I forgot her tumblr) — my best friends in the entire world :(( I miss you guys everyday I hope we can see each other soon. I love you the most in the world even if our social batteries are the most whack! Lmao I live for our life updates every birthday. I hope we can do more adventures together when I get back there!! Love you love you love you more than 3000

to my anonies, I still think about you every day :(( especially Ash anon and 💝 anon (amg it’s been awhile since I went on my mocimori blog so I’m no longer sure if it was 💖 or 💝) and special mention @that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick tysm for sending me kind messages when I’m feeling down or simply to tell me you appreciate my art! They really make my days brighter <33 pspsps’ing my other nonnies without a siggy as well. I appreciate you guys sm!

My wonderful moots and friends from twitter! I hope to see you around here too:

@burabin @ilyarawan @remimilktea @wrenkkai @brwlvs @meiseos @kitsuunemi @silyue @champourado @goyangiprince @b3lchii @theooo-saurus @noisyspiritart @heartboiled-egg @shiohh

Special mention to these cc’s whose posts also never fail to brighten up my dash with svt-related content:

@shuatonin // @woozi // @97chwe // @injunnies // @caratonce // @scoups

#blog recs #follow forever roll #lmao if this is terribly long I just have a lot to say! #But fr fr thank you so much :(( if I had many hands and maybe lifted from burn out just a smidge!! I’d draw for days #And have much art to post but also I’m happy to drop thoughts now too without being scared it’ll ruin the aesthetic #Also if I miss anyone amg I will do a follow up on the next follow forever post #Me casting all the eggs in one basket! #Esp twt friends bc I have to catch up on all the migration posts oms! I have not been around! #ngl i wanted to mention everyone bc all the interactions are so special to me huhu but i shall save that for another time