#bc neurodivergent ppl are also demonized

[pinkysberg]

trying to have any form of convo about dutch's mental wellbeing is very annoying sometimes because you have camp "demonize NPD or other cluster B personality disorders" or there's the group "because dutch was clearly not in his right mind he cannot be held responsible for his actions"

dutch obviously has a mental decline and we can speculate about what caused that, or what disorders, conditions or mental illnesses he may or may not have. it can definitely humanize him and give his decisions nuance. but i wish people would be more careful they aren't attributing the idea that to have a cluster B personality disorder makes you an inherently bad or dangerous person.

dutch is a bad person because of the decisions he makes as an individual, separate of whatever condition he may or may not have. having NPD, BPD, or other conditions like bipolar disorder, etc. does not make someone inherently a bad person. please be careful about how you discuss these conditions in general, but im talking specifically about fandom spaces as we can contribute to harmful stigmas with our headcanons. its important to be careful in discussing conditions that are already so heavily stigmatized.

#i wanna be able to talk about dutch and his abusive behaviour without having to combat anti-NPD rhetoric #it's just frustrating #dutch van der linde #thinky #also for the record i personally would hc with bipolar 1 and NPD #but that's not the point here #AND NEURODIVERGENT PPL DESERVE TO FEEL INCLUDED IN FANDOM WITHOUT BEING DEMONIZED #bc yes ppl w cluster b personality disorders or other conditions with stigmas are neurodivergent too

[theaethernetconnection]

The way angels and demons come to Earth reads in a human perspective as really neurodivergent. Like hear me out, everytime angels come down to Earth they have a vague idea of societal norms and always think they're doing a *wonderful* job of fooling everyone (which also shows how badly they are at reading people and situations).

Example 1: Gabriel and sandalphon talking to aziraphale

I can't seem to find the exact line I'm looking for but they were very content with this explanation and the "thank you for my pornography!"

Example two: Gabriel as Jim, just like, multiple occasions

Classic neurodivergent line (coming from a neurodivergent person).

He's literally stimming here idk what to tell you

Maybe this is just a post about how Gabriel is neurodivergent-coded. Anyway look at him slay

Example three: Muriel's adorable attempt at blending in, following all the social codes she knows

She's adorable and lovable, obviously, and people think she's a little airheaded but it's because she often misses the context and tone of conversations, as an angel and not just on earth.

In both these scenarios Muriel greatly misunderstands the conversation, first what Crowley was inferencing, but secondly she misunderstands the Megatron's passive aggressive meanness as niceness (obviously there's a lot of other things going on here but as a neurodivergent person this is all very neurodivergent coded).

As far as demons go, they tend to show a special interest and design their whole personality and being around it.

Example 1: Beelzebub's flies

Beelzebub also acts very similarly to angels on earth, but an observation is demons as a whole tend to be more aware of nuance. I would love to write a whole post about how being thrown out of one community they've known all their life just for being different (very queer and neurodivergent coded) they are able to relate more to outcasts and adapt to the world around them. As well, they come up to tempt and get up and personal with real people.

In conclusion, although angels and demons show it very differently, the way they interact with others and especially humans on earth, is very neurodivergent coded and I connect with them in this way as an audhd neurodivergent person. (Gonna add a bonus to this post about Beelzebub and Gabriels relationship bc it's just so two neurodivergent ppl in a relationship and they're so cute).

#good omens #muriel #beelzebub #gabriel #archangel gabriel #ineffable beurocracy #it took me so long to remember their ship name omg i dont usually talk about them #i didnt even talk about Crowley and aziraphale cause omg THAT is a discussion #and again this is how i relate to the show as a neurodivergent person but these characters really are neurodivergent #they dont relate to the norms and society they are in thats divergent !! #crowley #aziraphale

[fr0gc4t]

a ramble/confession, and some non-dualism tips

if u seem to already consciously know that ur god AND also think in limiting beliefs, ur not alone. i do it too. it’s way more common than u think.

sometimes we understand a concept and think it’s true, but our egos don’t think in the way that would actually comply with that concept, and that stops us from fully shifting into belief and freeing ourselves from ego. “belief” and “knowing” aren’t always the same thing.

prime example: YOU knowing that ur “desires” r already urs, and then ur ego switching the process completely and being like “so where is it?”. we all know that happens to a lot of ppl in the loa/non-dualism community. the ego is tricky bc its nature is to try and intimidate us. then we slip back into ego-based thinking. happened to me, and is still happening atm. and also i wanna remind ppl that, like healing, awakening to ur true self is often not linear. and that’s totally ok as long as u don’t give up. i was pretty much almost fully realized but then i let my ego get to me again and since then i’ve been trying to get back into that state but just haven’t succeeded at changing my thoughts/improving my self-concept (adhd is making it very difficult).

look. ik it’s kinda weird to have someone post a ramble abt FALTERING at living non-dualism. most of the time, we talk abt the opposite to remind ourselves if our power. but i think it’s important to be open and vulnerable when ur struggling, especially when other ppl could learn from ur struggle.

like i said. not getting i right the first time is OK AND NORMAL. ik ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless” but LET’S BE REAL FOR A SEC: that’s not true for everyone, especially neurodivergent/mentally ill ppl, and ppl with intrusive thoughts (i’m all of those, btw), bc our egos r EXTRA spicy.

awakening to ur true self as the god of ur reality is healing, and healing is HARD. in this case, since whatever we are aware of is true, it doesn’t rly have to be, but when u have inner demons, MY GOODNESS IS THIS SHIT DIFFICULT (but still sooo worth it, i promise u).

so good for u if it’s not difficult. really, i’m happy for u. i just also want to bring to light my situation, which is: hearing ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless!!” just made it harder to change mine.

I AM NOT TRYING TO SAY ANYONE IS SAYING THESE THINGS MALICIOUSLY. I’M LITERALLY SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF U OMG. i just think that the non-dualism community should be a little more vulnerable, bc FAILING IS NORMAL WHEN TRYING TO CHANGE UR MINDSET, ESPECIALLY FOR PPL LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE NEURODIVERGENCE, MENTALL ILLNESS, TRAUMA, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY ETC.

AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY!!!

i see ppl say things like “i don’t want any limiting beliefs near this page!!!” when limiting beliefs and learning to overcome them r a normal part of this process and should not be shunned, and should rather be met with compassion and understanding. AND SOME PPL DO MEET IT WITH THAT!!! but there r also many who don’t. i understand not wanting to hear ppl’s limiting beliefs in some situations, but not being open to hearing them at all just creates more stigma around being vulnerable abt faltering in this journey and needing some further encouragement or advice. positivity is only good until it becomes toxic positivity. (AGAIN, NOT POINTING FINGERS AT ANY ONE PERSON. I’M TALKING ABT ALL OF US, INCLUDING ME)

my adhd makes it so hard to stick to a new habit long enough to get used to it. and as a result, i have faltered a bit. okay, maybe a little more than a bit. AND THAT IS OKAY. THAT IS NORMAL. THAT IS SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABT MORE.

maybe these stuggles r an “illusion,” but that doesn’t mean we should pretend like we don’t have them. we don’t always have to put on a happy face and go onto tumblr and vaunt to try and fight the intrusive thoughts. if u know anything abt the psychology of intrusive thoughts, FIGHTING THEM DOES NO GOOD. we should accept them and let them be there, knowing that THEY CAN’T HURT US.

even then, they might stress us out. and that’s when we might need to vent. and venting is NOT a bad thing. sometimes it’s the only way i can cool off. but instead of venting into ppl’s inboxes, we should make our own posts, like this one, in constructive language (i suggest writing the angry/anxious stuff first in ur notes, then, when ur calm, rewriting it in a constructive sense and posting it on tumblr). we need more openness to sharing our struggles. mental health struggles r sooo real (even if our human minds r illusions), and we need to make the non-dualism/loa community a safe place to talk abt those struggles and see if anyone can relate, or maybe used to relate and has adivice.

being gentle and open to this conversation is just as important as affirming that we have what we desire. bc, well, if u have the struggle i have, or something similar, u know how difficult it is. hell, i even thought abt going back to loa and trying to get into the void instead of keeping on my non-dualism path bc i thought it would be easier(???) and now i realize that that doesn’t even make sense bc both of these things require improving ur self-concept, which is what i was trying to avoid.

THAT IS LITERALLY AN EXAMPLE OF THE THING I EXPLAINED AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST (which was supposed to be the main topic… i rambled a lot. oops.). i knew that i had to change my self-concept no matter what, yet i thought that getting into the void wouldn’t require that. sometimes the thoughts just don’t add up. and it’s bc of the ego! i actually only became aware of that now actually.

THE EGO JUST WANTS TO CONFUSE U AND TAKE CONTROL OF U. i’m just still letting mine have power over me… but now that i’m aware of it, i can try again, this time with a different perspective.

faltering is normal. not being able to change ur thoughts the first time is normal. having this kind of weird cognitive dissonance is NORMAL. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO NOT GIVE UP, AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

you failed to change ur mindset and ended up spiraling? needing a break from trying to change it? i don’t blame u, this stuff is hard. it’s okay tho! what u need to do now (or when ur ready) is: FORGIVE URSELF AND TRY AGAIN. and don’t be afraid to start the conversation of “can anyone relate to this?” or whatever helps u.

we can do this. we can change our thoughts, even with any obstacles we may face, bc we are stronger than our egos. WE’RE GOD, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! we can do ANYTHING.

the first step is knowing that faltering is okay. next is realizing that our knowledge of who we are doesn’t always match our thoughts, and that that is the nature of our brains. the next step is forgiving ourselves and moving on.

hopefully this rant wasn’t too jumbled or confusing, i kinda just wrote it here without any planning lolz. i need to figure out a format.

and i hope some of u could relate to my struggle. be as open as u want in the replies. i will not judge. if u need to make ur own little rant, it’s fine by me.

also, sorry for being gone for a while. i don’t use tumblr very much anymore. i’m slowly falling away from all apps except pinterest, amazon and depop 😅 but dw, i won’t let myself fall too far. i luv tumblr and the non-dualism and loa community has changed my life and opened my mind in so many ways. even if i haven’t succeeded at getting all my desires quite yet, it’s okay. i will succeed. maybe not right away, but i will. and so will u. (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

#this was a loooong post tysm for making it to the end!! #u have earned a cupcake for making it this far 🧁 #archive ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ #non dualism #non duality #nonduality #nondualism #advaita vedanta #advaita #manifesting #manifestation #law of consciousness

[ndcultureis]

ocd and depression culture as a latina medical student,it's one hell of a ride,istg.

TW: ableism??.

My country is a beautiful one,but as many latam countries and others ( it has sexism,misogyny,homophobia,transphobia, but mainly ableism). because you grew up hearing how ppl demonized ppl w/ schizophrenia,DID,others. So it make it harder to identify intrusive thoughts as good or "ppl think i'm going to be crazy".

But also never receiving proper acomodations because you "were a top student" so "I didn't need it" until u hit med school,as much as I loved it. It's hard bc teachers don't give a fuck about the students neither their acommodations and if u told them u are diagnosed,they replied "pray to God,for help". (yep a teacher replied to me that) And how to forget that those same neurotypical med students mock some disabilities bc they think it's quirky and egdy ( gosh,they are like 18-17) When my mom took me to celebrate that I got into college,along with some of her friends (they are doctors) one of them was ranting how this girl named Maddie, shouldn't have entered med school because she was autistic and have bpd just bc she did tiny mistake (she said any nd ppl should be doctors, istg) and many of Maddie's classmates demonized her (sHe DoEsn't sOciaLize with AnybOdy)

shout out to her dad for filling a report on the doctors and university for being ableist bitches.

Also it's hard to find information on neurodivergencies,both from a medical (how does a autistic,ocd,dyspraxia brain differs from the neurotypical one)and psycological pov without ableism or inacuraccies. Because ableism is so internalized even mental health professionals learn it.

but also being excluded by ur classmates in college,feeling bad.

and the intrusive thoughts kicking in, or when u do a note taking, and it doesn't go as planned, u feel like shit and hurts ur self esteem. I feel so pathetic right now.

I'm not giving up,I wanted this career for some long,I don't want to give up but it hurts

Can u give me any advice? I feel like I'm drowning maybe others have it worse than me but it still hurts

.

#neurodivergent culture #mod milo #tw.ableism

[littleblueberryartist]

One personal gripe I have with TLT was that Annabeth mentioned that monsters often posed as doctors to medicate Demigods and dull their battle reflexes.

Cuz like as much as I love the series for being my first exposure to ADHD/dyslexia/neurodivergent representation. And the fact that it was about positive representation and solidarity in that.

Demonizing medication is,,,,,

So anyway canon is a suggestion and I'm going to ramble about my neurodivergent demigods thoughts (mainly focusing on ADHD because that's what I personally have)

My mini retcon is that Annabeth was misinformed and distrusting of adults because of her past

And like. Annabeth grew up at camp which is full of other neurodivergent kids that get it and accomodate her. It doesn't make her learning disabilities less disabling at times, but it likely meant that existing unmedicated didn't impact her nearly as badly as Percy or any of the other kids that weren't year rounders. So I think her views on the matter would be more detached as a result. She was also really young and I like to think she learns better in the future (maybe when she starts college bc the self directness of tertiary education hell is how I got diagnosed lol)

I wouldn't be surprised that monsters might try and disguise themselves as doctors, since if they're looking for demigods, that would be one way to find them. But I'm taking the "most doctors are monsters to try and medicate the half bloods" lore and throwing it out the window actually.

If anything I think it'd be better if it was more like. A representation of the doctors that won't listen to their patients, or the ones that maybe leave it *all* to the meds to help the kid or placate parents because believe me for a lot of people, me included, just meds are not enough.

I'm not completely sure how I'd go about it? Maybe they're trying to be doctors but because they're actually monsters they're not actually doing a good job??? Something about the importance of finding a good doctor??? But anyway that's the gist

Medication is not a cure all and it won't turn you into a zombie unless your dosage is wrong or the specific type of medication isn't for you. It's is so important to still have it as an option even if they're not for everyone and not demonize something that can genuinely help (even if the side effects can suck at times rip)

And like jokes on you my ADHD makes my thoughts jump so quickly that even if I notice the little things I will simply be on the next thing before I process. What battle reflexes? At least with meds I can focus on the things I notice djfjfjfjf

Anyway now that that's been covered onto the other ramblings!

Correct me if I'm wrong but I vaguely remember Percy talking about how his willpower crumbles at caffeine and how ironically soft drinks calmed him down (it's not ironic Percy it is simply how ADHD be sometimes)

So like

Even if the campers aren't medicated I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them self medicate with caffeine anyway like a lot of irl ppl do. (I've tried to self medicate with coffee a couple of times before I got diagnosed tho it always just made me sleepy)

I'd like to think that the Romans do actually have really good adhd healthcare bc as much as they're about battle and honing your skills they also have a whole ass city where you don't have to worry about monsters. Part of the reason ADHD is disabling is the environment, and in the books it's also what makes them good and necessary for a battle scenario. But these guys aren't battling! They're living peacefully in the city! So like I think they can afford to "dull one's senses" a bit.

This also extends to good healthcare in general. They're a society of largely neurodivergent people, which often come with other co-morbidities so it would make sense for them to expand to accommodate those too. Not to mention they're warriors, likely resulting in a good number of physically disabled residents. So it makes sense for them to cover all of that and have accessible infrastructure.

As far as I'm aware there was no confirmation whether legacies were neurodivergent and they make up a good chunk of New Rome. But!!! Since a lot of neurodivergencies (especially the focus of the books ADHD and dyslexia) are hereditary I'm gonna go ahead and say yeah lmao

Anyway new worldbuilding challenge let the Apollo (both Roman and Greek) kids work together with the Hecate/Trivia kids to make an ADHD med equivalent without as many of the irl drawbacks or smt I would kill to be able to focus without the cost of hunger be gone and meds crash superhell

#percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #riordanverse #annabeth chase #heroes of olympus #hoo #New Rome #neurodivergency #ADHD #actually adhd #headcanon #the lightning thief #aqua's ramblings

[butchdykekondraki]

Genuine question irt personality disorders vs things like ADHD, autism, DID, and schizophrenia(might be long so sorry). Anyone with a personality can be categorized into having a "personality disorder" yes, even if those traits are seen as "positive" and "unintrusive" to others. It's just a way to categorize someone's personality type so it's easier to break down and understand the patterns in ones behaviors. I'm AuDHD, and knowing this has helped me tremendously in being able identify my triggers or whatever and cope with them. But no amount of therapy will get rid of my sensory issues. I can just learn to cope better with them. People with like, NPD, CAN go to therapy and deconstruct their behaviors and work on growing from the ones they have that are harmful to themselves and others and that can essentially (for lack of a better word) "cured" with therapy. Things like narcissism aren't genetic. There are some studies showing a difference in grey matter in the brains of people with narcissism but this hasn't been studied deep enough to know whether it actually relates to the narcissism, or something else (like sociopathy or schizophrenia). Also, when it comes to narcissism(speaking about npd bc I have the most personal experience with this pd) usually, the neurotypical peak status quo, the epicenter of success, if a title given to a lot of narcissists. They're more likely to be successful in relationships, and careers, and socializing. It's the harmful behaviors that are criticized, but that is also seen as status quo. My audhd is biological. No amounts of therapy can change that biology, it can only make me better at coping with the symptoms. So I guess, my question is, if therapy can untangle and heal the personality disorder, and if the personality disorder is often gives the impression of a successful person, then how is it neurodivergent? I am one who sticks to my guns when I say "narcissistic abuse" because my mother is a narcissist. Only in the past few years has she been going to therapy, but even in that short amount of time, the things she did that were abusive to others and beneficial for her, she can now identify and deconstruct. She's not heartless because she is a narcissist. It's just a personality trait that's always benefited her. Her being taught and understanding her actions and thoughts and where they come from, has improved her relationship with herself and others tremendously and half the time, it seems like she doesn't even have npd anymore. I see a lot of these posts, and for me, it seems like it's coming from a narcissist, who's personality is very beneficial for them(aside from when they're called out for being abusive), and that they discourage nuanced conversations around this topic, as well as diverts the need to take personal responsibility for ones actions(which is an NPD trait). I understand now everyone has access to the right treatment, and I'm not here to say ppl with personality disorders are evil(there are many personality disorders that signify someone is too kind&compassionate as well) but it just seems there's more of a focus on trying to hide the difference between biological neurodivergence, and society/environment influenced personality patterns. I think doing this makes it so people can't actually find the resources they need and don't actually critique their actions and behaviors and just say "it's nothing I can change/improve" which isn't true. I can't change a lot of my biological symptoms, but I can improve my personality and perception and cope better in order to not hurt others or myself. I don't rlly know how to end this but the intent is good faith discussion. I would like to hear your input.

this got long whoops. mentions of "narc abuse" under cut 👍

short answer tho; npd is a complicated disorder and most research on it is HEAVILY biased by demonizations + "narc abuse" isnt a thing its just abuse + npd effects someones entire life therefore its neurodivergent + npd is literally a divergence in ur brain thats literally neurodivergent by definition lol

i'm personally medicated and in therapy for my npd and i can promise you whole-heartedly it's not a beneficial disorder.

i've had npd my entire life and it has never, EVER, benefited me. my npd has made me lose jobs, friends, and a large part of my social life because i believed myself to be better than them and then cut them out of my life.

i think a lot of people forget npd is primarily a trauma-induced personality disorder, one that comes from the fear of someone leaving you and/or the fear of having someone think they're better than you.

my npd is a both a side effect of other traumas i've experienced and a biological issue. it's not something that can ever fully leave me, and it's not something that i want, nor have benefited from having. npd is literally not something you can change, i know this for a fact because of my years of switching medications and therapists and psychologists.

npd has been heavily demonized in media, especially by people who have been abused and automatically claim it was "narcissistic abuse" when in reality all abuse is just that. abuse. there is no such thing as "narcissistic abuse" because it doesn't fucking exist.

yes, narcissism can lead to abuse. no, narcissistic abuse doesn't exist. it's just abuse. plain and simple. you don't call abuse by neurotypicals "neurotypical abuse", because it's a meaningless term that doesn't mean anything.

npd, in and of itself, is not a disorder that people primarily benefit from. the stories about people benefiting from it are from a very small group of people who do not speak for the majority of us.

npd is something that has affected my entire livelihood, and it will do that until the day i die. i have been labeled an abuser multiple times in my life for simply having it, because in the minds of most people the only thing "narcs" want is to hurt you to gain something. they can never pinpoint what "narcs" want though, because they're all getting angry at someone who doesn't exist. this kind of argument of "not all people with personality disorders are evil" paired with the agreeing of "narc abuse" existing is two things that cannot be true at the same time. "narc abuse" implies that all "narcs" are evil in and of themselves.

npd is neurodivergent because it is something that will forever effect someones life. npd effects everything from your perspective of people, to your perspective of self, to how you see the world around you. it's not an easy thing to live with. npd makes you think everyone is either out to get you, or less than you and therefore not worth your time. it takes a really long time for most pwnpd to warm up to people, and it did for me. it's hard to form friendships when your first reaction to someone is either that they hate you or that they're worse than you.

i dont know how to end this . anyway. narc abuse isnt fucking real its a demonizing term dont use it okay? okay. goodbye

#[jay] #jay empiresys jumpscare haiiiii #anyway. #look at my ramble do it now #OH SHIT I FORGOT TAGS WHOOPS. MY BAD GUYS #long post #narc abuse mention #abuse mention

[funnywormz]

gotta ask about gremlin boi Cuno (and also C if you want hh)

CUNO TIME!

first impression: im gonna be honest i just found him deeply annoying and his voice grated on me lol it took a few conversations for me to warm up to him

impression now: ouugh the scrunkly........ cuno is such a fun character but also So So Deeply Sad. i only want good things for him in the future. i would also let him infodump to me abt his fictional city if he was prepared to talk abt it

favourite moment: hm. cuno says a lot of shocking yet humorous stuff, but more than that i think my fav moment with him is the aforementioned locust city stuff. would love to know more abt it. also whenever he gets genuinely enthusiastic abt the idea of harry and kim being gay for each other LOL

idea for a story: i don't think i rlly have any

unpopular opinion: although i think harry and cuno being friends could be helpful for both of them, i don't think it would be remotely feasible or healthy for harry to be a father figure to cuno long term like what gets portrayed in fan content sometimes. im not particularly passionate abt this or anything it's just my personal take

favourite relationship: despite the previous answer lol, it's gotta be his friendship with harry. considering how negatively things begin with them, it's rlly interesting to see how things can develop between them

favourite headcanon: neurodivergent cuno. very very real

-

doing c/cunoesse too like you said bc i love her.......

first impression: i thought she was cuno's sister at first lol. i honestly didn't register her much at first, i feel like she's one of those characters that continues to grow on you the more you encounter her or think abt her

impression now: poor cunoesse....... poor little demon child............. even in better endings for cuno she's just left there alone in martinaise. what happened to her to make her the way she is........ i would love to know. disco elysium cunoesse spinoff when

favourite moment: ough i love the various little moments where her facade cracks a tiny bit and you can see that she genuinely does care abt cuno despite it all, and when she gets upset when cuno expresses vaguely suicidal thoughts. she's a person she does care abt him shes just deeply messed up

idea for a story: i always had a vague idea abt writing something abt what happens to her in the route where cuno is harry's partner in solving the case, like what happens to her after they leave martinaise. but i never got round to actually writing anything and my memories of the ideas are pretty foggy now 😔

unpopular opinion: i think it's sad when both the game and the fandom talk abt cuno but act like she isn't important or doesn't exist. yes she gets less direct character development than cuno but she's so fascinating and so sad and i wish ppl talked abt her more

favourite relationship: her friendship with cuno, how she genuinely cares abt him bc he showed her an act of kindness........ it's sad that he doesn't seem as attached to her as she is to him, and i hope she can form connections with other ppl in the future, but her friendship with cuno and the shenanigans they get up to are not only entertaining but also kinda touching at times

favourite headcanon: a while back i saw a fan theory that she's actually the gnome of geroma and it's one of my favourite de headcanons of all time. it's real to me. sometimes a little girl can be a venomous gnome beast as a treat

#ask game #disco elysium

[skrunksthatwunk]

i think it's so so so funny that my main transmasc hc character literally Is The Way He Is bc he's amab. like hiei's one of approx 3 characters ever whose asab is actually relevant and having it otherwise is impossible in the text. ridiculous.

is what i thought, but it's actually wayy way more complicated than i previously gave it credit for!! plus there's a LOT more queercoding than i first thought. lemme explain:

[tw: eugenics, fascism, queerphobia, self harm, suicide mentions]

[yu yu hakusho spoilers/meant for ppl who've seen yyh but probably understandable to ppl who haven't]

[ft too many uses of the word queercoded and my mushy feelings about hiei's arc and the queer experience]

hiei is literally thrown out of his home as a baby for being born male and that's just INCREDIBLY queercoded on its own, but specifically a lot of this is presented with the fact that he's a fire demon. this could just be a trait he got from his father, or it could be tied to the ice maiden species. i think it's a stretch to say gender/sex present the same across all demonkind, much less that it resembles our own. frankly, binary sexual classification doesn't really work for a lot of species (and it really doesn't work for humans anyway, because intersex people exist). his maleness is associated with it, and this creates a potential sexual dichotomy that, in this species, females present with ice powers and males present with fire powers. (i understand this has a very goofy "girls are cats boy are dogs" energy to it but let's roll with it for now). so hiei could have been born with what humans would consider female sex characteristics, but the ice maidens would look at him and go "oh he's on fire get this little man outta here". (this could also be where the idea that he'll destroy them comes from, if all males are, y'know, melty).

some of my initial thought process on this came about because i figured "oh if they reproduce asexually they've probably got all xx chromosomes, and that's how they only have xy kids when the parent has sex with someone outside the village", but even if that's the case (assuming chromosomes work the same for demons), there's still a ~50/50 chance hiei ended up with xx chromosomes anyway. perhaps fire is considered the primary sex characteristic that determines one's asab in the same way genitalia is for humans. so, to a human audience, we'd see his traits and go "oh he's trans", which i think counts for biological coding.

the ice maiden society is also incredibly restrictive in terms of gender and sexuality. they consist entirely of (ambiguously determined, as discussed above) women who reproduce asexually. one is not allowed to leave the bounds of this society, nor perform sexual taboos, such as sleeping with outsiders. hiei was only born because hina acted outside of the strict sexual norms of this society. people's queerness is sometimes chocked up to "poor parenting" (often based in sexual/gender/religious/otherwise traditional nonconformity) of parents. and even though hina loved her son and didn't want to see him, y'know, thrown off a floating island, the society as a whole still deemed him an outsider and a problem to be eliminated and left him for dead for the greater purity/"protection" of the culture. it's serving fascist eugenics tbh. (and hiei doesn't destroy their culture like they and he had expected, subverting their expectations of him and his "kind", though the idea that that subversion matters more than preventing further harm is one I'd disagree with. the choice to cut them out of his life entirely to me is somewhat more justifiable to me given a familial view over a community/cultural one, but i digress). regardless, this is reminiscent of societal marginalization in general, but especially categories that can show up in isolation in families (i.e. queerness, neurodivergency, disability, etc) in a way that other things (i.e. race, religious affiliation, etc) generally don't, and can thus be painted as rooting out abnormalities or defects in individual, bloodless, mundane cases (as opposed to the broader elimination that we associate with genocide)

there's also yukina, who left to find hiei, and who hates the ice maidens (presumably at least partially because she knows what happened to him). think of this as them trying to find each other after familial fallout.

this is all to say that if we view maleness/fire demonness as an equivalent to genderqueerness in the ice maiden society, hiei's story maps onto queer experiences incredibly well. so he's got that cultural/queer experience coding too.

we also see hiei topless all the time (he's actually incapable of keeping his chest covered. when he doesn't take it off it burns off or whatever like he can't fight covered up. can't even make it through the intro with it covered. whore behavior <3). "but he's got male presenting pecs, so he's amab," you might say. but he is (key to his character and returning home) well acquainted with a plastic surgeon. he literally has a body modification done as part of his backstory (specifically one he had to tell this story to to receive treatment!!!). transcoded asf. and frankly him being topless all the time is very reminiscent of lots of transmasc ppl who've just gotten top surgery. like they paid too much not to show it off. (this was actually the first thing that made me go "omg,, he's trans lmao. that surgeon guy totally gave him a 2 for 1 deal" and then it just. kept piling up. he's also quite short (4'10") and has a relatively high voice (definitely masc, but in a very in-the-throat way that a lot of afab ppl use), but neither of those are that compelling).

he also has a somewhat more flexible view of his body than the others, getting drastic invasive surgery, beating his arm when it disobeyed him(????? ok babe), and willingly sacrificing parts of it to learn fighting techniques (specifically a fire technique, so more gender stuff). this could be tied to genderqueer people's greater willingness/need to change their bodies, or potentially harmful practices (such as improper binding) to alleviate dysphoria.

queerness is featured a few times in the series and implied in others. we encounter a canon transfem demon named miyuki during the yukina rescue arc. karasu and itsuki are both distinctly mlm demons. hiei even acknowledges this in the eng dub, calling itsuki "lover boy" when he's doing his whole "omg sensui,, i want him to be evil so bad he's so hot" speech. the derision in this case seems to come more from hiei's dislike of him/the situation than disgust at itsuki's queerness (or else he could have just called him disgusting or perverse or whatever). kurama also makes a joke near the end of the series implying hiei is interested in him, which hiei refutes by clarifying his intentions, rather than saying smth like "ew nasty I don't swing that way", which is more standard in anime. I'm gonna gesture wildly to mukuro but we'll skip her for now. all this is to say that the only characters we see exhibiting signs of queerness are demons (other than the people we see atsuko hang with for a single shot). this is almost certainly a case of villainous queercoding (a detriment to the series that does rustle my feathers a good bit. the treatment of miyuki in particular makes my blood boil), but we could also read this as demonkind having different understandings of gender and sexuality in general. perhaps the reason we see this queerness in demons is more because the way their bodies work, the ways they present, and the ways they're attracted to others, to us, look queer.

hiei, throughout his backstory, is consistently demonized by the people around him (some of which is deserved bc he keeps killing people, but some isn't, like the thrown-as-an-infant-off-a-cliff thing). and while his arc throughout the show is about him becoming more able to let people into his life, there's always a distance there. he almost always pushes them away. he's always been treated like a monster, so that's all he tries to be, and it's part of his justification for further distance (i.e. using his criminal status as a reason not to "burden" yukina with the knowledge that they're related). for a lot of queer people (especially before the internet and in places without queer spaces like gay bars), you have no way of meeting people you can trust won't hate you for being queer (even queer spaces have transphobes or nb-exclusionists, etc), so you harden yourself and let very few people in. his trauma reads like a lot of queer ones, especially older american ones. this arc culminates with his relationship with mukuro, and his decision to stay with her indefinitely.

firstly, mukuro's referred to as a king and with he/him pronouns by the cast for a while, before it's revealed that she was hiding her true identity as a woman, and the characters' references to her switch to feminine ones. already tripping wires there. and the first time we learn this about her is when mukuro sees hiei's (queercoded) past and goes "you're just like me" and sheds her clothes (mukuro's backstory doesn't feel that queer to me, but she did have to run away from abuse and dehumanization, potentially for her body/the way she was born as well, so it's not insignificant). hiei's unconscious in one of those green anime healing tubes, but their shared nudity (and thus vulnerability) has a very intimate vibe to it. these fundamentally tightly guarded characters are letting each other in a bit in this way, and that backstory/vulnerability being connected with their bodies/genders, especially when you consider all the other queercoding surrounding them, feels very much like queer solidarity. meeting strangers who have been disowned for birth circumstances and immediately sharing your deepest secrets with each other because you feel some deep similarity to them and bonding over that experience (especially when it relates to asab/agab roles) in a way outsiders can't breach is very queer. (note that hiei didn't want mukuro to know his backstory, but was effectively outed, and she came out in kind). and eventually hiei helps her work through that trauma, and she gives him purpose and a home. a found family with a better fit, something more suited to him, than the main cast (as much as I want them to mesh perfectly).

i think part of why hiei is suicidal in the beginning of three kings is because of that distance and isolation. he'd fulfilled his mission of meeting yukina, but resolved not to tell her of their relation. he feels he can't tell her this big secret of his that might change how she views him, or views her home. it's just before the fight where he tries to die that his surgeon's condition that he could never tell her is revealed. the only thing allowing them to meet is keeping that secret, and the bodily change is what causes it. and he says he wouldn't want to tell her anyway. so he has nowhere to go. he doesn't want to destroy humanity anymore (as evidenced by his assistance in the previous arc and destruction of the chapter black tape), he can't get closer to his home or his sister, and there's still that distance between him and everyone else. (in case it needs to be said, all of this is crazy bonkers queercoded). but in the end, after he and mukuro grow together and bond, he tells kurama to tell yukina her brother's dead, to give up hope, to cut himself off permanently. kurama says he won't, because he believes that hiei will return and tell her they're related someday. and hiei begrudgingly agrees. someday he will tell her. when he's ready, and when he feels safe enough to. and from that change in the beginning and end of the arc, we know he's found that safety in mukuro, and may finally begin to really pursue his own happiness and authenticity. because he met someone like him, he now has hope. he can be loved and he can be enough, and he can look forward to it.

so, to sum up, hiei:

1. was disowned as a child for being the wrong/unexpected gender/sex in an incredibly homogenous society (in which it is ambiguous how they classify sex/gender)

2. has a medical and unusually personal history with a magical plastic surgeon and is topless all the time

3. reacts neutrally/without notice to other characters' queerness (when he is rude, it's for other reasons)

4. is a demon, the only group shown to exhibit canon queerness

5. forms a very deep bond with someone over their shared isolating (queercoded) experiences (with persistent body imagery and a social transition on mukuro's part)

basically, he's transcoded <3

#yu yu hakusho #hiei #yyh #yeah it's a long yhh hiei post #one of several to come im sure #trans coding #queer coding #other gender headcanons: #yusuke is agender bc i think his punk vibes would not mesh with gender structures #and also his idc about fighting women thing has a vibe to me #gender? who give a shit #kuwabara's either a trans woman egg or the token cis guy there's no inbetween #kurama's.. something #idk how i feel about him gender-wise but he's pretty gnc in canon anyway #MUKURO/HIEI T4T!!!!!! #LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN GUYS #summoning all 3 ppl on yyh tumblr #idek if i want mukuro/hiei to be romantic or PEAK gay man/lesbian solidarity but the t4t reading is cute so #does it mean anything that the fire that got him disowned is what reveals his chest? in my mind yeah #also when i say hiei's one of my favorite characters im not lying look at this bs #poorly adjusted behavior on my part #<3 #guys this might be longer than the daigo found family post ndhsjsj #no but i went back and added the hope paragraph and im tearing up thinking about him ugh #hiei my beloved #YES i figured out the keep reading function ohohoho

[violexides]

My most abusive ex had bpd. My favorite ex who I am still best friends with and who My husband loves too and who is genuinely one if the kindest creative funniest best people I've ever had the pleasure of being with also has bpd. The way she is stigmatized for her condition is so fucked. She never abused me, in fact I genuinely believe I was emotionally abusive to her bc of my audhd and rejection sensitive dysphoria. I would get angry with her over NOTHING. I would imagine conflict and punish her for it. We have discussed that since then but like. Idk. People think she's dangerous inherently. It's so vile. She has only ever been hurt bc of her neurodivergence. Even by other ppl like me. Thank you for your post and you're 100% right

thank you for sharing all this with me & absolutely, by virtue of the kinds of groups of people i gravitate towards i've spent a lot of time with other people with BPD and all of us act so differently and have different flaws and do different things-- because we are all our own people. and a lot of times what i think causes this miscommunication in terms of genuine activism efforts is a lack of understanding that it can be both-- someone can have BPD and hurt you, someone can have BPD and be your closest loved one. understanding the harmful behaviors a person with BPD may have and understanding the trauma & pain we go through every day needs to coexist because otherwise you have the situation like you described with your best friend. people don't understand why we do the things we do and people assume we all act the same and then create a monolith out of us, one that they demonize.

i'm glad you were able to talk that out with her, by the way, and move forward. it's really important to recognize too that unlike some perceptions held in the mental health community, anyone can be abusive & anyone can be harmful. what keeps you from acting that way is realizing what it is you're doing, communicating, having self awareness, etc.

but people with BPD or any personality disorder for that matter are not inherently abusive. that is bullshit.

sorry for the long response i'm a little tired right now so if the sentences above are repetitive that's why . hope you are doing well

#ides.ask

[hellishboots]

Helo, my namez r Monkey n Bootz. welcome 2 my blog, it iz terrible ❤️

here r some thingyz n ppl i liek + additional info abt. thingz and stuff and ✨thingz and stuff✨ :3

ramshackle (and everything zeddyzi makez), car seat headrest, jack stauber, lemon demon, the owl house, amphibia, danger and eggs, niko and the sword of light, i dont know how but they found me, sodikken, will wood, tally hall, oingueax boingueax (oingo boingo), and a third secret option (i 4gor).

I also know so much abt monkeyz and bunniez and horsez and electric eelz and just animalz in general, please ask me anything about them i am staring at u w my autistic eyez O_O

if u wanna talk 2 me, i have a discord. ask 4 it. i am shit at responding 2 messagez, but even more shit if they arent on discord

i take drawing requestz also, but dont expect me to get around 2 them in a timely manner i am. liteally neurodivergent and a minor.

Dni: any1 named maggot, any1 whoz name iz supposedly short 4 vinegar, any1 dead and buried (oh no!), and any1 who waz not using their sonar systemz 4 me

My oc/art sideblog iz @bootsieboots, i post on there once in a blue moon bc i am infected with ill-finish-it-later disease. I also have a "daily" art blog, @littleguyzdaily

#Intro post #2022 #monke.makz #stuff i liek :3

[qweei]

mental illness isn't cute nor a fun quirk to have, and i'm saying that as someone who's mentally ill and is neurodivergent.

ofc i believe we shouldn't demonize mental illness and i know this idea of mental illness being cute only really applies to some disorders like depression, anxiety ocd etc. personality disorders get demonized to high hell and should be destigmatized but i personally don't have experience with that so i can't speak on that.

but i can talk about the disorders i do have and how hearing discussions around mental illness can really frustrate me. like there's two sides to this a) who see mental disorders that includes disabilities as something scary, shameful and should be hidden and type b) usually teenagers and young adults who bcs of the influx of representation and discussions around mental health know a lot more yet seem to get it in their mind that to be interesting you have to have some diagnosis? "omg i'm so ocd rn" "i can't focus i must have adhd"

as someone who went through type A for years when i transferred schools and was surrounded by type b people i believed it was a good thing like waaay better than before, same with the content i found on social media that were way more positive bcs to me that meant that i was no longer demonized or pushed aside which is great! but honestly it isn't as much of an improvement as i first thought.

though i will say before someone misunderstands me: i am not at all against learning about different mental disorders and self diagnosing. i definitely think our knowledge on mental health is improving due to more representation or people being more open, but i still want to acknowledge the side of people who misuse the new found attention and support use and do harm to the community, whether intentionally or not.

it's just that some type b people can sometimes be as harmful as type A from my experience. at that school i was constantly surrounded by these ppl and every single time someone talked about mental illness it was always in such a romanticized way, it became a funny adjective, every serious disorder was simply just a cute quirk?? i once overheard a real life conversation where ppl where assigning each other mental disorders the same way you talk about zodiac signs!? also certain people straight up trauma dumping to be funny without any prior warning or anything, i often got so uncomfortable i had to leave the room multiple times. something even more horrifying i was told was by my roommate who told me her autistic sister with tics who went to a different school, people in her school started to copy her tics to the point it became a trend in the entire school.

i've realized this problem especially when i'm with neurotypical ppl my age where every time i mention or its brought up that i'm neurodivergent, they always get the feeling that they need to match up with me??? if that makes sense. listen icantbelieveimsayingthis BUT there's nothing wrong with being neurotypical, not being mentally ill or having trauma... that doesn't make you boring or less interesting and honestly thinking it does really is a slap in the face of people who are neurodivergent and or mentally ill.

i'm so tired of discussions around mental health being so black and white all the time like either I'm treated like a abomination or I get infantilized/romanticized. it really fucking sucks

#neurodiversity #autism spectrum #mental disorder #mental illness

[archipelagolago]

#uh yeah #and #if you're a cishet white person seeing this: i dont hate you. im afraid of you #bc.... you could probably get me sent to jail for life by accusing me of all kinds of stuff #and they'd believe u over me #so it's kinda ...... strange #like sometimes if your queer and poc (even tho im hella white passing) it can be dangerous to interact with ^ #bc ^ could ruin my life just in one sunday #:/ #i shouldve put 'neurotypical cishet white people' tho #bc neurodivergent ppl are also demonized #:// #and this is why. sometimes ^ will be upset that queer ppl or poc or neurodivergent ppl #dont really want to interact with them #but. it can be legitimately scary so. #:/// #ok that's all

[in-a-cave-with]

In your opinion is Tony perfect? And by perfect I mean high IQ and high EQ? Or is he like high IQ but low EQ?

i mean ........no one should be perfect in the first place fictional character or not.??? and also objectively you shouldnt judge someone’s ‘perfection’ by iq or eq because there are a lot of other things??? that make someone a good person?????? this ask is such a mess

#im not sure if anyone else feels this way bc ive never seen anyone talk about it #but i think iq and eq are INCREDIBLY ableist measures of a person's 'worth' #they're just there to single out neurodivergent ppl + make abled people feel better about demonizing them #also if you're trying to rate a person's 'worth' in the first place it's already extremely bad

[uchiha-simp]

Hello fellow weebs 💜

Welcome to my (completely unplanned for) tumblr account !

I only made this bc the anime brain rot is too strong, and writing fanfics only for myself and not sharing them is very boring. If I obsess over smthg, then ppl have to suffer with me :)

About me (not that anyone cares)

Call me Yamao. She/her

Neurodivergent

Been watching anime since I was 5

Obsessed with Naruto and One Piece (tho I do watch other anime dw)

I don’t like molten cheese

I have too many anime husbands

Everything I write is a direct result of a brain rot

Muslim 🌙

My absolute fav ships

Luffy x Hancock

Sasuhina

RenMitsu

Sanji x Pudding

Mihawk x Hancock

+more, these are just the ones I remember rn.

BTW it doesn’t mean I’m gonna write any fanfics abt them, I just thought it’d be great to let ppl know what I like 😗

What I write about

Fandoms : One Piece, Naruto, Kny…(might write abt others in the future)

Characters : (I write y/n x canon and canon x canon. Might include OCs in the future)

OP boys : I write abt all the attractive ones, but here are my favs : Luffy, Sanji, Mihawk, Doffy, Kaido, Shanks, Ace, Sabo, King, Akainu, Kizaru, etc…

Naruto boys : I’m such an Uchiha simp so I WILL be writing mainly abt Itachi and Sasuke just bc I want to. I also write abt Gaara, Naruto, Neji (I love him so much), Kakashi, Sai, and all the Akatsuki bc they deserve it. I hate Tobirama so he’s the only one I refuse to write abt :)

Kny boys : All the slayers except the blind one and Obanai (I just don’t like him). I also love my demons, so Kokushibo, Muzan, Douma and Akaza are a big YES. Might sprinkle so Yoriichi while I’m at it

Other : Honestly idk yet so if you have smthg to request just shoot your shot, might make it my next obsession 😗

What I write :

Headcannons : I love them so much it’s my fav thing to write

Short fics/one shots : Also love them, might write part 2s or more if I like it

Series : I have one long ass series (the snake & the dragon) I’m working on. I love it too much and I have like 3 arcs planned (it’s abt Sasuke and his kids btw). I’m also down for headcannon series, they’re the best (I have a few ready/planned, more on that down below)

Tropes : anything with angst, domestic AUs, mainly toxicity, yanderes, twisted things and morally bankrupt characters. Mature themes but I’ll put tw don’y worry :)

What I DO NOT write :

Smut is a no no (but I don’t mind anything suggestive as long as it isn’t overly graphic). There are plenty of NSFW writers on here so dw

Incest

Polyamory

TOBIRAMA

Blackbeard

Anything too lovey dovey. We like fictional toxicity on here, pls and thank you 😗

Requests

YES YES YES !

An idea? Drabbles? A random thought? A trope? JUST SEND IT TO ME DON’T BE SHY

Don’t hesitate to reach out if you wanna talk abt anything manga or if you want to make a detailed request, I love it <33

Writings :

Below is a masterlist of the things that I wrote/am writing/will write.

I just made this acc so if it’s still empty it means that I’m still searching/working on old fics. Tryna get as much content on here as fast as possible so bear with me 😅 (click on the masterlist )

//Yamao’s masterlist✨//

[decolonize-the-left]

The post about npd stigmatization from calling people narcissistic instead of self-centered

1) thanks I've done that a couple times so I won't now

2) What tf is with people randomly bringing up pedophilia? Personality disorders have literally nothing to do with that sexual predator shit. I had a hard time reading that guy's responses bc I could not see the connection either. Like it was put plainly they were talking about stigma and npd(and to an extent other personality disorders)....so where did they get pedophilia?? Like it was literally this: The Post: Say self centered, stigmatizing npd is bad

Me: Makes sense The Guy: pEdOpHiLiA Me: ??????????

1) fantastic.

2)

Ableists are wild. That's what happens when you stigmatize personality disorders so extensively. You propagandize ppl with cluster B disorders as evil and people will eventually believe it. And equate them to the worst shit they can think of.

That's what happens when you strip people of their humanity and start to see them as nothing except manufactured stigma.

And I know y'all are sick of me saying but that's white supremacy at work. Dehumanizing people you see as Lesser is step 1 to convincing yourselves you'd be better off without them. Step 1 to justifying how you treat them. But also step 1 to convincing yourselves you're innately better than them.

Reality is we are people like anyone else, capable of making our choice to be a shitty person just like everyone else has the same choice.

But we don't often get the luxury of being seen that way. And often have to fight our way out of that awful light.

Contrast this against the crusades neurotypicals will fight to justify wanting a racist mass murderer and warmonger into the most important job in the country. Or how they justify platforming someone actively causing harm to the trans community like JKR.

They don't have to fight for people to see them as people despite how obviously Awful their actions are. Simply by way of being neurotypicals they're seen as better. And will even have the audacity to still ask "but my choices don't make me a bad person, right?"

Because by demonizing mental illness they've saved themselves from having to be accountable for any of their own actions and choices. Because by their logic your choices aren't what makes you, your physiology does.

And that logic is just eugenics with extra steps. It's essentialism. It's the same logic TERFS and racists use. Because see if you aren't neurodivergent which is #Bad then you must be Good if you aren't that, right? Absolved of your shit actions without ever having to atone for them. So you get to say whatever the fuck you want about us and pretend to be right. Like equating people with NPD to pedophiles for no fucking reason.

#ableism #npd #cluster b #asked #answered #yeah im bitter

[asmolemmeeatyouout]

The Boys With an Autistic MC HC !! (SFW !)

(aka I’m projecting bc sad) (I also have adhd so there will be adhd moments)

Lucifer:

This boy has so much work yet he still find the time to help you put together a routine

WILL make sure you stick to it

He will rearrange the entire school if it will help you

If any demon and I mean ANY demon is even the slightest bit mean to you they go mysteriously missing the next day

Sometimes he infantilises you but he doesn’t mean to, tell him to cut it out and the shame will rip through him

In line with that you will probably find him cutting the crusts off your sandwiches and rearranging your stuffies, up to you if you want him to stop that (I hate crusts and my teddies deserve to be comfortable too)

Makes sure you’re accommodated everywhere in the devildom not just rad and and the hol

One day you realise his suit jacket? Perfect fabric for stimming

He starts dressing according to the fabrics you like

Let’s you hold his sleeve arm when talking bc it’s a good stim

Will put his jacket on you when you’re overwhelmed and need some familiarity

You start to associate his smell with safety

Mammon:

Pretends he doesn’t care

Treats you the most normal out of all the brothers

Has actually memorised your routine and knows your stressors/meltdown/shutdown triggers

White knights you very subtly

You think demons are very accepting in the devildom but in reality mammon does the same as luci but his approach is much more ‘stop it before it starts’

Buys you stimmies bc he loves the way you look when you’re happy stimming (yes BUYS not steals)

Too embarrassed to give you them so they just appear in your room

He’s just coincidentally in the hallway when you come rushing out to show people

You eventually realise it’s gotta be him bc he’s always there when you find em so you just start running directly to him

Loves it if you have echolalia

Tries to get you to repeat ‘the great mammon’ as much as possible

If he finds you repeating words/beeping at the microwave he will engage and do the same until you happy stim (then he will try get you to repeat ‘mc’s first man the great mammon’

If you start calling him that ?! The boy will melt. (I get intense echolalia with ‘mammonie’ and i think he would straight up die hearing mc go ‘mammonie mammonie mammonie’

After all it makes sense that the great mammon is constantly on your mind

Levithian:

Another nerd ?! Heck yeah!! !

Very glad you aren’t a normie

Perhaps relates the most to your experience against the allistics as ppl don’t like him bc he’s a ‘yucky okatu’

Loves when you talk about a special interest (SI) because you’re just as obsessive as he is

Will try and get you obsessed with anime and manga if you aren’t already

Is a shut in so he gets that people are overwhelming and scary at times

Is uncharacteristically vulnerable and open with you bc he feels like you understand his existence at a deeper level

If you like squishes (and show him first) he will start asking for the deep pressure hugs when he feels he needs them

But ofc bc you’re both you, the method for asking is just repeating the word squish over and over while you hug

Eye contact !? Oh hell no

Most of your conversations are done facing away from each other

Asmodeus:

Same clothes? Comfort items? No no no no no you gotta look beautiful like you are!

Does not entirely get it at first, how can anyone want to wear something more than once?

Once you explain it he will drag you shopping (to high end shops, using avoiding crowds as an excuse to pamper you) to find a signature, beautiful, comfortable and easy to put on outfit for you to wear

He will then buy 30 of them just in case you lose anything

He WILL give you presents randomly after you told him you like to wear clothing with emotional significance

Bonding time includes decorating your ear defenders and sunglasses

If your SI is anything to do with fashion or beauty or just asmo things in general this boy will NEVER leave your side. You become the only person he wants to talk to

If you excited stim by bouncing, hand flapping or squealing he is right there with you creating a feedback loop of excited stimming

When he finds out you like routine he will check you’re doing the beauty routine he made for you every night

If you’re too tired he will do it for you (or even if you just ask he loves being close to you)

If you’re touch repulsed he will ask every time before he even gets close to you (EVERY DAMN TIME ! This man understands consent and the fact that some days touch is too much others it’s not)

Satan:

Acts like lucifer visa the routine n rad but with no infantilising

Reads every study ever done on autism and neurodivergence ever

ANGOR at human world autism studies bc they’re dumb and there’s so much more interesting things to investigate to do with being autistic

He does go to the human world and he does stab a$$ and those involved

If you let him he will study you

Tracks your sleep, eating habits, and mood regulation (after he asks ofc)

Meltdowns? No that’s a regular day in Satan’s head

He lets you use his rage room (he definitely has a room exclusively for smashing stuff) if you feel even a little stressed

Likes talking about your SI’s with you bc it’s rare he finds someone so knowledgeable on a subject

Beelezebub:

The kindest most patient boy

Helps you find foods that don’t mess with your texture issues

Checks to make sure you’ve eaten in case you’ve been distracted and not realised you’re hungry

Doesn’t understand AFRID because food is good?? But is willing to help you with it (see previous points)

Stims with you because it makes you happy

Will let you info dump for hours even if he doesn’t get it

Is generally very warm so he makes the perfect person for squishes

Perfectly happy to just sit in silence and not talk or make eye contact

Belphagor:

Definitely understands the exhaustion that comes with being disabled

If you even look overstimulated he will kidnap you for a nap (whether than be physically or if you’re touch repulsed he will fake an emergency (the emergency is you being over stim Ed) just to get u out, it’s the only thing he puts effort into)

Shares his secret super soft blanket stash bc you are the only one who can appreciate how freaking soft the texture is

Best person to look after you in a shutdown bc he kinda gets it

Gets his own ear defenders and sunglasses so he can sleep in class (claims it’s solidarity with you)

Just enjoys your company like his bro so ditto on the silence thing

(There’s more I can think of but this is already really long, comment if u want part 2)

#obey me #satan obeyme #obey me asmo #asmodeus hc #obey me levithian #obey me mammon #lucifer obey me #beelezebub obey me #belphagor obey me #obey me hc #headcanons #actuallyautistic #adhd #obey me autistic #obey me x reader #autistic mc #autisticmc