#bc like this blog is beautifully organized

[emiliosandozsequence]

what scifi media do you like?

OH ANON I HAVE SO MANY. i'm so glad you asked 💕💕💕 (tagging @gorydean too so she sees 💕💕💕)

gotta start first and foremost with the sparrow series by mary doria russell as my blog is basically just a shrine to it at this point. amazing book and definitely recommend it if you love found family, first contact, trauma, tragedy, and the abandonment of the faithful by g-d. huge massive trigger warning tho. everyone says the second book isn't as good as the first, but i completely disagree. i think they're bitg equally as good as each other; the second book just takes awhile to get to the most insanity inducing parts whereas the first one starts out strong with that and keeps going until the end of the story.

i would have more books to recommend, but i've only just started REALLY getting back into reading after several years of not reading as much due to a variety of reasons (mostly trauma and chronic and mental illness). that being said, i have an insane amount of films to give you to watch instead of books.

gotta recommend my all time fav film (or one of the two anyway), the fountain. most people...don't like this movie because they think it's hard to understand and doesn't make sense towards the end (i had to watch it several times to get it), but please please please watch it. it's a beautiful film both visually and plotwise as long as you give it a chance 💕

sound of my voice is softer in terms of scifi, but still definitely scifi. it's another film that lets you decide what to believe. it's also another film people tend not to like for whatever reason, but i think it's extremely well done and the ending is so 💕💕💕💕💕💕

cloud atlas. very much a story in the same vein as the fountain taking place over different timelines. another beautifully done story about how everything and everyone is connected throughout space and time. ofc my fav timelines are the ones with robert frobisher and sonmi-451. i do also recommend the book, but i liked the film better because of a few of the changes they made.

sunshine is one of my fav films ever and i've loved it since i was in high school and first saw it. it reminds me a lot of three body problem in the sense that antagonist (idk if i would exactly call him a villain even tbh) is using g-d as a reason for the things he's doing. there's a few deleted scenes i wish they'd kept in because it really emphasizes this, but even so, this film is gorgeous in so many ways.

i origins. if u can't tell already i'm a huge brit marling fan and i think this is one of her best stories. again: you get to choose what to believe and you really have to watch the whole film for the pay off, but it is so very much worth it. i think i've actually only ever watched this film once, tho idk why bc it's genuinely one of my favs.

looper is another film that idk why more people weren't into it. the setting is dystopian. i was trying to think of a way to explain it in a few short sentences like i have the rest of the films here, but it's one of those films also that i think going into it knowing nothing is better. the kid who plays the rainmaker is so fucking good too. he's not even 10, but he played that role perfectly.

elysium. EVERYONE KNOWS DISTRICT 9 BUT NO ONE KNOWS ELYSIUM. i stand by my opinion that this film would be infinitely better if diego luna were the main character instead of matt damon, but even so i really love this film. the score is gorgeous. also lmao we for real might be living in this universe soon if elon fixes up that space hotel he wants to do fucking rip

ender's game. the author is a homophobic and transphobic dickwad who actively gives his money to anti-lgbt organizations, so watch this for free if you can (and buy the books second hand), but i actually really enjoyed what they did with this film. a lot of people thought it was too rushed, but also like....ender's game is a very Dense book, so i understand why they did it the way they did it. also the score is amazing.

signs. another film involving g-d and religion seen through the lens of scifi and first contact. this film gets shit on a ton for reasons i do not know, but it's actually really well done. it scared the ever living shit out of me the first few times i saw it tho bc i did Not grow up watching horror.

knowing. another film involving g-d and religion seen through the lens of scifi and first contact (can you tell i have a type of film/media i like???). this film also scared the ever living shit out of me when i first saw it to the point i had to sleep with the lights on, but in all actuality it isn't scary at all (i was just 14 and had never seen a thriller before lol). i really love disaster films tbh, but this is one of my all time favs (next to greenland).

another earth i did not like when i first saw it. i thought the whole thing was kind of pointless and didn't make very much sense, but the more i've thought about it since then, the more i've understood it. funnily enough, i never watched it a second time, but it's brit marling, so i probably will eventually. again: definitely recommend.

lucy. listen i know this has scarlett johansson in it and none of us like her, but this film is good despite her. i thought it was going to be dumb as hell when i first saw it, but i actually ended up liking it so much that it's heavily inspired the next novel i'm planning on writing (a scifi space opera about a girl becoming g-d).

origami. okay this one is difficult to find and you WILL have to buy it if you want to watch it (trust me: i have searched FAR and wide for this film in any other place and vimeo is the ONLY place i found it; it's only $5 to rent on there tho), but it's so worth it. it's worth it. it's one of my fav films and i watched it purely because of francois arnaud and i'm glad i did. this literally is his best work imo.

ink is my all time hands down favorite film. idk if you would even call it scifi, but i love it so much i just wanted to talk about it. it very obviously had zero budget, but they used what little money they had VERY wisely and the result was this beautiful film. the story makes me sob every single time. actually it's quite similar to origami, so if you like one, you'll probably like the other.

tron: legacy is another film that people shit on and idk why. it has The Best religious imagery. like how are you going to top one of the programs falling to their knees in prayer as flynn passes by????? the whole thing seems to be a jesus/judas metaphor anyway and i'm crazy for that shit. gotta mention the score as always because daft punk knocked it out of the park (people shit on the score too and i really don't get why).

thelma. i watched this one a whim with a friend and i cannot recommend it enough. i feel like it was kind of popular on here when it first came out bc it's a sapphic film, but it's also just very good in general. i've seen people get super upset about it also bc their interpretation makes it lesbophobic (which is crazy to me but whatever.

melancholia. i did Not like this movie for the longest time, but then i watched it recently and finally Got it. i guess you really do have to be a certain level of depressed to understand this film, so if you're insanely suicidal and can barely function like me, then i recommend it. you will probably get some catharsis out of it like i did. it is a very Strange film tho.

the creator came out at the end of last year and it was so good. definitely my fav film to come out in the last few years and involves g-d, religion, and AI. the score also in this is great (everybody say thank you hans zimmer. again.). the ending makes me sob so much.

more that i love a lot, but not as much (apparently there's a character limit, so i can't explain why these are my favs too, but it's for similar reasons as above).

the matrix trilogy

the fifth element

snowpiercer

blade runner 2049

as for tv shows, i don't have as many, but i do have a few that i would highly recommend if you like any of the films above:

halo. again: everyone shits on this show, but the absolute TRAGEDY of it is the fanboys hate it bc they suck and are bigots and everyone else who would like it (LIKE MY MUTUALS) refuses to give it a chance because of its overall reputation, so i'm BEGGING YOU GUYS TO GIVE IT A CHANCE.

foundation. genuinely fucking good. so much of what the creators of this show have done to change the story has been for the better. i read the books and they were okay, but the show is so so good. idk when season 3 will be coming out, but hopefully soon (same for halo, which i actually like better than this show).

the oa. i will forever mourn what we could've had with this show. i can't even talk about it without getting choked up. this getting canceled really truly fucked me up.

castle rock season 1. technically a horror series, but this season is more scifi than horror, i think. everything really comes to a head in episode 9 iirc and that episode still makes me crazy when i think about it. i definitely need to do a rewatch.

firefly/serenity. you've probably heard this one recommended before, but there's a reason for that. it's really so good, but g-d and jesus hate me because it too was canceled before it could even finish ONE SEASON. thankfully there's a film that kind of ties everything together, but WE COULD'VE HAD SO MUCH MORE.

i tried to put in some movies that aren't talked about as much on here!! i also have several letterboxd lists dedicated purely to scifi, which you can find below.

holy holy holy (scifi (and other films) involving religious imagery or straight up just about theology

the sparrow cinematic universe (films that are either discussed in the sparrow or remind me of it or that i could see the main characters watching)

but it was my body. it was my blood. and it was my love. (films that i either genuinely believe could be based off of the sparrow or just remind me of it in some way)

per aspera ad astra (scifi films i have seen or heard of. this literally is every single scifi film i remember ever in existence so it's quite long)

also mainstream scifi that i recommend/am obsessed with

interstellar

dune series (wer'e talking about the books here; not whatever the fuck denis villenueve pulled with the films lmao)

district 9

annihilation/southern reach trilogy

ex machina

prometheus

pacific rim

arrival

event horizon

mad max: fury road

nope

mobile suit gundam series (mostly hathaway and g-witch tho)

star wars (mostly the prequel and sequel trilogies)

nausicaa of the valley of the wind

castle in the sky

inception

tenet

high life

aldnoah zero

hanna

real steel

86: eighty-six

this is so much longer than i meant it to be omg. anyway people do not call me the scifi queen for no reason.

#ask #anonymous #long post cw

[starlightandetherealshadows]

Okay but literally spent the past 2 hours thro the whole blog being a creep bc omg

This story is. So. Ducking.amazing

Omg like ur writing is just 🫠✨ WOOOOOOOHH

And like ik we're supposed to romance the Ros but like ummm I kinda may have fallen in love with you dear author 👉👈🥺 hope your okay with this sudden love confession

Cause like ur so funny and confident and it shows in ur writing so well, it literally gives life to your characters and scenes so beautifully ❤️

☕

bdidbdjDJDKCKDJDJ HAHAHAHA AW OMG YOURE SO KIND!!

I love YOU dear anon MWAH!!! 😚

I love a love confession lemme print this out and add it to my wall of validation (along with my parent teacher conference notes and nice emails from my professors)

I’m so happy you’re liking the story and the characters!! And my writing too!

I’ve taken exactly one (1) creative writing class in my senior year of college and other than that, all my writing style and ability comes from..I have no idea.

I read a lot as a kid and still do. My favorite subjects in school were always English and writing intensive courses.

Mind you, I got my undergraduate degree in Neurobiology ooo my holistic slay!!

So my writing style is just kinda doing whatever I want and whatever feels right.

I’m god awful at sticking to plans, I type with my eyes closed so I can fully visualize the scenes I’m writing, and I adore run on sentences. Grammar and organization? Who is she? The key is saying “fuck it we ball” at every corner.

I’ve been having a blast creating this silly world and sharing it with y’all. It means the world to me that you took the time to send me such a sweet message. Thank YOU sunshine!!

Sending you a million virtual hugs!!

#ask: answered #sweet words

[sitp-recs]

Your speciality as a fandom reccer is being reliably one of the best reccers out there with beautifully themed lists, so I know exactly where to go when I fancy a new fic

Thank you so much for the lovely message, anon 🥹 I really love how the “themed reclists” happened organically - if you haven’t been following me since the beginning you probably don’t know that I created this blog to share single recs only. The rec lists came much later and exclusively on demand; suddenly I started getting asks for specific theme/trope related recs and I started making specific lists to meet that criteria.

I think that eventually my blog got traction bc of those but it wasn’t something I planned to do initially, and I rarely post reclists of my own. Other than milestone celebration projects (like Drarry for Beginners, Kinky week, Hidden Gems series etc) lists are normally made in response to anon asks, or to celebrate creators’ birthday/fandomversary. Long story short, I can’t really take credit for coming up with themed rec lists haha but I love that it became such a big (and hopefully) helpful archive! Thanks again for the kind words 💜

#asks #anon

[mizugucci]

if you're still doing it, i'm pretty curious! 🎵

hey hey!! sorry this is so late, i kept putting it off and then forgot. sorry! hope its still ok!!

position: main vocalist!!! you're not very good at dancing though, but your rap skills are okay, fans like your voice no matter what you're doing (that includes talking, so your voice only vlives are still incredibly popular) ALSO, you're talented with a guitar! you're also the first to break into the modeling arena, and are a decent actor! as for age... i think you're just chilling in the middle, not the oldest not the youngest

group name: okay OKAY your group name is marsala, which was pantone's color of the year from 2015 (it ties into your concept) and according to pantone, marsala is a "hearty, yet stylish tone that is universally appealing and translates easily to fashion, beauty, and interior design" which is the vibe your company was going for when debuting your group. beautiful people with heart and talent, beloved by all. you get it. marsala is also technically a wine as well, so add sophisticated to your list of adjectives. there are 9 of you in the group, and its very multinational

concept: your concept is color palettes! which is why your group name was marsala. you are the first (?) group to have their concept be strictly color palettes. and by that, i mean, your fans choose a famous color palette and vote for their favorite -- this is far before the comeback prep even starts -- and your concept revolves around the palette the fans picked! the mv, the styling -- it all has to include ONLY the colors in the pallete, as well as embody the 'vibes' of the palette (i.e. if its a sunshine palette, its not a dark moody song lol)

debut song: your debut song was a self title track 'marsala' to introduce your group to the public and explain your new concept. marsala is also known for matching beautifully with all skin tones and is a popular shade in make up. therefore, your debut is like. sophisticated girl power (where you have people from all over the world, all wearing the make up palette) and you're all bringing each other up... i say sophisticated, bc this is the palette you use:

and that doesnt scream bright/fluffy or anything. the song is deep, dark, and sensual but has very love oriented lyrics (not romantic love, more like love for humanity/each other)

fun fact: you didn't initially want to be an idol... thru high school you just loved singing, posting videos singing and playing the guitar until a friend of yours bullied (lovingly<3) you into auditioning and well. the rest is history. ALSOOOO you blackmailed your social media manager into letting you be in charge of making themes and stuff, so like your twitter and bubble profile page is SO cute and pretty, far nicer than if just a random person had organized it

send me a 🎵 and ill create a kpop group with you in it, based on your and/or your blog!

#thank you so much for sending!!! #replies #answered #mkg #i hope you like this <3

[90sgraphicz]

anyway i’m gonna move this blog to an inactive main acct where i put all my old sideblogs so to my remaining followers *kisses u on the forehead* check out gifcities and go crazy if you want graphics

#i want the blog up so i can use it for reference if i need a graphic #bc like this blog is beautifully organized #but i don’t wanna keep arguing with idiots bc it’s not worth my time but if i see it i have a weird compulsion to respond #anyway…

[asuka--langley--soryu]

Hey! I’ve watched all of the show, the nge movies (rebuilds included) and the nge manga and I was wondering if you know of anymore canon/offical nge stories or content. I’ve seen some light novel series at my local bookstore but in general idk if there’s more Eva stories and series out there and what’s actually worth reading. Thanks! I love your blog!

short answer: there is SO much (too much) nge spin-off content and for the most part all of it is both non-canonical and unnecessary. off the top of my head the only thing I wholeheartedly 100% rec is khara’s ‘until you come to me’ animation (amv?), which is really beautifully done and, also, free.

also ive drafted this post like uh......4 times now and kept accidentally losing it so VERY sorry for the wait!! if it seems a lil slapdash i was tired of writing the same stuff again and again lol

extremely long answer under the cut (and links will be in a rb). somehow this became a fully fledged field guide to nge spin off content bc i am physically incapable of brevity so w/o further ado or whatever:

ok so i’ll try to make this as comprehensive + comprehensible as possible but,as I said, there is a loooot of content and I, shockingly, have thoughts on most of it. let’s organize by categories

Manga:

Every single nge spin off manga is bad in shades and variations, ranging from ‘just kind of uninteresting’ to ‘genuine human atrocity’. Raising Project is probs the most well known and is one of my least favourite pieces of content that has ever been put onto this earth. it coalesces all of the worsts parts of both evangelion and evangelion fans and can’t even manage a decent art style on top of that. there is nothing redeemable about raising project.if you see a copy out in the world please do me a favour and tear it apart w your teeth <3

Aside from That, the other big ‘alternate universe’ manga are probably Angelic Days, Campus Apocalypse, and maybe Petit Eva. I do not care much for Angelic Days or Campus Apocalypse but they are definitely not as deeply repellent as sirp. Petit Eva is, as far as I’ve seen, kind of your usual chibi comedy stuff so if youre looking for something extremely lighthearted that might be for you? I havent interacted w Petit Eva pretty much at all frankly so I’m not exactly sure whats going on there.

Shinji Ikari Detective Diary is another AU manga which I have actually been meaning to read for like......ages but have never gotten around to. It’s (as you can probably guess) a mystery series, which I’m usually into, and I havent personally heard anything bad about it, so I’ll cautiously rec looking into it. if you do and find some good scans feel free to send me way <3

finally, there’s Tony Takezaki’s parody manga, which is just like...a bunch of parody/satire comics. I do actually own it (bc I loooovvveeeee genocyber) and the art is great and its genuinely funny (given you like takezaki’s weird, kind of raunchy humor). He has a comic making fun of fan service that ends w fuyutski beating the shit out of gendo as ‘real fan service’ so like. I do genuinely recommend this one.

Novels:

Not a true ‘novel’ but Eva 1 + Eva 2 is an anthology featuring some essays, as well as comics and illustrations. It is a lot of silly shitty fanservice though, so ymmv. I dont own it (yet) but its on my radar literally exclusively because of Obata’s fucking incredible cover art.

The actual ‘novel’ that youre probably talking about is ANIMA, which is a canon divergence exploring a future where Shinji managed to completely circumvent Instrumentality. I haven’t picked up the last volume since it came out last year, so I can’t speak on it as a whole, but I like ANIMA well enough to recommend it. It reads kind of like an extremely dedicated sci-fi/cyberpunk fanfic, frankly, with that same kind of wildly convoluted but entertaining plot and much more of a focus on idealised character interactions and the ‘wow cool robot’ of it all. Actually, its kind of entirely ‘wow cool robot’ tbh, or at least the best parts are, but Ikuto Yamashita (the writer) was nge’s mech designer so that’s no surprise.

the writing is nothing stellar and it can get fanservicey in a very eyeroll kind of way, but if you go in w reasonable expectations it’s pretty entertaining. like i said, it feels very fanfic but in a ‘200k wordcount crazy worldbuilding fix it fic’ kind of way.

ANIMA expands waaaaaAAYYY more on the evas, which can be cool but does definitely indulge in some ridiculous mecha shit and, i cannot stress this enough, a lot of deeply convoluted and absolutely fruit looped sci-fi plot shit. it does actually literally feature something called ‘Super Eva’ and iirc mari is a cat girl who pilots some kind of wolf robot so yknow... ymmv

theres a buuunch of illustrations included and all the concepts for the evas are very cool and the concepts for the kid are very bad. probably it should be illegal for him to draw asuka ever again

Video Games:

there are too many nge video games. way too many. did you know about the typing game??? what about the multiple STRIP mahjong games???? or the pokemon/tomogatchi game where you hand raise an angel from birth while playing as KAJI???? the detective game where kaworu straight up fucking human murders gendo???

they wrung nge for everything it was worth in the 90s, though ig having a million fucking titles was probs super useful for all that tax fraud

some highlights:

Battle Orchestra: this is the only one i’ve ever really played and it is very fun and very of its time. a pretty straightforward fighting game but ft a big combat polygon

Second Impression: this is the second nge game to be released and i am fucking obsessed with it. what i would not give for there to be a translation available. as far as I have ever been able to tell its sort of a vaguely canon ‘side story’ about joining a band and also befriending a new girl who eventually transforms into a giant fucking horrifying bug angel. its a kind of proto kaworu storyline but gross and i want it so SO bad.

rei ayanami raising project: this is I guess basically a pet raising game except the pet is pre-series rei ayanami. you get to choose what clubs and hobbies she has and the coordinating pictures are genuinely incredible and ill 100% be posting some later. nonsense but there IS a dress up portion so like. might be worth.

Girlfriend of Steel 1 & 2: GOS 1 has the rando brunette that you see all over the place and so like idk shout out to her i guess and if you want to know the context behind that feel free to check it out, but it frankly seems extremely fucking boring and also has GOD awful asuka characterisation so. pass.

GOS 2 is the one where you can kind of date kaworu and afaik thats the only notable thing about it

Angel Rising: this is the pokemon/tomogatchi kaji game and despite how baffling it is conceptually i do actually love the artstyle and am deeply considering playing it myself. also, it does apparently give some good insight into Kaji. a new english translation came out last march so its like actually one of the most accessible of all of these somehow.

Evangelion 2 has the ‘Classified Files’ which is a tenuously canon supplemental info dump, but god is in his heavens and thats all fully available + translated online so we do not have to bother playing Evangelion 2

Secret of Evangelion: I actually know almost nothing about this but ive heard it may have some interesting info on instrumentality? it is very VERY much On My Radar and may be worth checking out 

there are so, so many others but i am just so tired.

Animation:

There are a few Petit Eva OVAs which are all in the same silly slice-of-life style and seem mostly whatever except for an episode which is, as far as i can tell, entirely about up-skirting asuka so like. yknow what actually fuck petit eva

MORE IMPORTANTLY in like 2015ish Studio Khara had the ‘Japan Animator Expo’ where they released anime shorts made by a bunch of different people. it’s actually where me!me!me! came from, and plenty of other very very cool shorts were put out during the expo’s run. Another Impact and until you come to me were both part of the Expo and are extremely fucking good. Another Impact got a lot of hype, which was well-deserved but DID briefly spark a whole ‘live action nge’ thing which is, actually, my manchurian candidate sleeper cell trigger phrase. until you come to me is much less ‘flashy’ and didn’t get as much attention, but its so so beautiful and you should all go watch it immediately.

if you have managed to bear reading through this whole thing just know that you are my favourite and im giving you a lil kiss on the forehead

#i am so SO so so sorry for both the wait time on my answer and the length #i write clickbait for a living now and i think thats made my cant shut up disease even fucking worse #nge #evangelion #neon genesis evangelion #i got WAY too into this and like maybe its bc i havent gotten to dig into nge for a while or maybe its the uppers who is 2 say #later.....ill rb with links. watch the skies or whatever #asks #this has been a text post #refs

[notnctu]

cupid’s arrow - h.rj | 7 days

━ sweet greetings from the 7 days fluff series 

genre ❥ slight angst, fluff !!  details ❥ college!au, friends to lovers!au, genderneutral!reader ━ where renjun makes a bet to get you to fall in love with him.  warnings ❥ explicit language, light banter word count ❥ 7.1k  synopsis ❥ The silly boy has no idea what he’s gotten himself into when he makes a bet with his arrogant friend to get you to fall in love with him. Renjun never intends to confess, mainly because his past unrequited loves have demolished his confidence. So a low stakes gamble causes him a great deal of stress and pride, wishing that it was as easy as striking you with Cupid’s Arrow. While he wants your feelings to develop organically, he actually doesn’t know what he’d do if you did end up liking him back. Because to him, you have always been someone unattainable and out of his reach  taglist ❥ @yourmagnanimousholiness​ ; @lovelycharm05​ ; @watermelonxes​ ; @jaehyunsjasmine​ ; @mjlkau​​ <3

a/n ❥ this is author doie ❀!! uhh this came out a little more angsty than i had planned it to be.. anyways its been a long time coming and we’re still working on the requests hehehe uhh keep an eye out for some blog updates bc we are starting school soon :) thanks for sticking with us so far! lots of love for everyone<3

Huang Renjun catches a glimpse of your enchanting figure across the lecture hall and how you effortlessly slide into your usual seat near the front. The tap against the tiny turnout table with your pen, ruffling your hair to only have it fall back in place beautifully, and aura alone suffocates him.

In a three hundred person lecture, all he sees is you. The only person in the room who has his undivided attention and while it might be entirely infatuation by your attractiveness, the mutual friends you two share describe you having a heart of gold.

A heart that is impenetrable. Strong, sturdy, shining metal that no one has been able to get through, but Renjun thinks that it’s because you can tell someone is undeserving. Keen and observant eyes, it’s a good thing that his stares don’t linger for long.

As he walks down the descending steps to sit in the row behind you, he remembers a very drunk night over the past weekend and an idiotic bet that has him punching himself. He wishes that he never agreed, but the liquid pride in him could not bite his tongue.

“(Y/N)?” His friend scorns and Renjun slaps his forehead at the slip of your name. Truthfully, the alcohol is messing with his head and he’s saying things that are no longer in his control. But how could he have possibly let the one secret he holds to himself out into the small crowd.

He mumbles profanities underneath his breath, trying to limit light from hurting his blurry vision, and rubbing his throbbing temples. “Yes, (Y/N).” There is no confidence in his voice at the whisper of your name.

“Dude, (Y/N) is way out of your league.” The headache just doesn’t have an end. He knows this; there is no way you’d ever bat an eyelash at him first. Renjun just likes things that are impossible to him, a poor habit of his.

“I bet I could get (Y/N) to get with me first before you ever can.” Then, Renjun’s eyes shoot open wide and the view of the arrogance laughing in the dimness slowly boils his blood.

Renjun may seem like the weaker link to pick on, but he is not one to give up a fight. While his friend has an advantage, the last thing Renjun would want is for you to fall for a horrendous two faced personality.

He’ll charm your pants off and when he gets what he wants: the victory and your vulnerability, he’ll hurt you. Would you be able to see past his fake genuineness or actually fall for the person he plays so well? Renjun can’t let anyone hurt you if he can prevent it.

“I bet that I can get (Y/N) to fall in love with me.” Renjun stumbles to stand up proudly, making himself bolder and more intimidating. Nevertheless, the drowsiness intoxicates him and he can barely keep his line of vision focused.

He sees the disgusting smirk on his friend’s face and a hand extends out for Renjun to shake. “Okay. Let’s bet on it. If you can’t get (Y/N) to fall in love with you, they’ll be mine and you can’t speak to them ever again.”

“Nice use of claiming someone who barely knows you exist.” The alcohol didn’t take away Renjun’s sharp sarcasm and the constant rolling of his eyes.

Renjun truly has no confidence at the game he decided to engage in, his only motive is to protect you from a bad guy. He wouldn’t even know how to handle the potential chance that you could like him back, did you have the ability to do so?

He never had the intention to confess to you, his heart has been broken all too much already by unrequited loves from his past. And if he had to be honest with himself, his admiration for you has become so strong that even he’s afraid to be someone to taint it.

What are the odds that the entire row behind you is already filled? Renjun’s throat closes when he sees the empty seat right next to you and the professor starting up his presentation. Other students push past him to hurry into empty seats before lecture begins, and his own feet pick him up toward you.

Like a magnetic pull, you attract him with an inexplicable force so naturally. Clearing his throat, he swallows the anxiousness that blocks him from speaking. 

“Is this seat taken?”

This is it. This is the first of many looks you two will share, and Renjun’s heart pounds at his chest to wait for your eyes to meet his own for more than a second.

As if the room falls silent and everything is in slow motion, Renjun captures the very image when you blink up at him with beautiful dazzling gentleness and the utter sugar of your lips curling upwards. And he’s stunned, hoping it doesn’t show on his face.

“No.” It’s a simple reply and nothing worth jumping out of joy about, but he tries so hard to hold back the growing smile of your acknowledgement. You are being polite, but something inside of him feels giddy and like static running through his veins.

“Thanks.” Dropping his bag, he enters the seat carefully and sits with his hands folded together on the tiny table.

You examine the attentive boy, as his focus is trained on the lecture slides and the unprepared professor messing with his mic. Chuckling, “you don’t take notes?”

Renjun is surprised at your sudden interaction, completely blindsided by your friendliness. He wasn’t sure how well that would have worked, but your curiosity speaks for you. “I actually forgot my laptop today.” The heavy device sits in his bag at his feet, but he doesn’t dare take it out after the lie.

The soft ‘oh’ that falls from your mouth is too cute and Renjun clears his throat to bring him back from his daydreams of you. Looking apologetic, he shrugs and pretends to gear his attention back to the professor, who finally starts the long awaited class.

“I can send you my notes for the day, if you’d like.” The kindness in your voice does not go unnoticed, in fact, it causes Renjun to hold onto it for a little longer to fuel his undying crush for you.

“I’d love that—” Perhaps he shouldn’t have used the word love for the strictly friendly gesture. “—you’re a lifesaver. Uh, how should I refer to you as?” Playing dumb is his only way to get to you, for now.

“(Y/N). And you?” You hand your phone toward him with social media popped up to input his user handle.

Renjun introduces himself as his sweaty fingers type, and he wonders if he should have polished up any photos that may have you steering away from him. However when he returns your device, the smile that lights up your face allows him to breathe easily.

“I knew you sounded familiar. You’re friends with Jaemin, right?” Your whisper grows soft as you multitask to make conversation and jot down a few important bullet points from the slides. Renjun tries hard to dissect the information as well, but the boring tone of his professor is nothing compared to his crush finally having conversation with him.

“We’re housemates along with two other people.” His body is able to relax now that he’s broken the wall of introductions. You carry yourself to be more intimidating than you actually are.

When he peeks back over at your concentrated expression, your lip is hidden by your top row of teeth and your quick eyes dart between the monitor and your page. How are you so good at literally everything?

“A small world.” He picks up your every word, “well Renjun, since this class has basically ruined my life, would it be too much to ask if you’re down to study with me?” And despite the fluorescent lights being absolutely dull, they still dust your eyes with an enticing glitter.

He must have been staring for too long because you start your sentence of doubt, but Renjun stammers over his response. The professor isn’t quite happy with the small overlap of chatter and shoots a glare at the two of you.

That’s definitely not a good way to start, but it’s memorable. Renjun motions for your pen, and scribbles in his own font the answer to your offer:

I’d love that :)

Then, his heart soars back into the clouds once again at the grin that settles and your written response:  

Me too <3

How does one get someone to fall for them? If Renjun knew, he wouldn’t still be single and infatuated with someone too good for him. He wishes that it’s as simple as the myths make it out to be, where all Cupid had to do was draw his bow and launch a loving arrow that pierces through the heart — an instant love.

But playing Cupid himself is harder than anticipated. He has no handy tools to assist him with his goals. He just has himself, lacks luster and is invisible. Can he be more painfully boring?

And he looks at you with literal hearts in his eyes. An excitement that awaits him, the true meaning of a head turner. That is you. And all he can offer is his mere presence.

“So how did you and Jaemin meet?” Looking up from your blinding laptop screen, Renjun feels the light tap underneath the table from your foot. He chuckles at the subtly adorable affection, and your own way of showing it.

This has to be the third round of study sessions you two shared, and bit by bit, he falls more and more for you despite it needing to be the other way around. The captivating get-to-know you conversation of favorites all down to your aspirations and goals.

The intelligence of you, your wisdom, your perspective. While he did not have this insight before, knowing it now only makes you more alluring. He can’t believe you’re even sitting with him in his shared living room, just the two of you.

“We met at orientation. He’s persistent.” Renjun laughs lightly and you smile in return, nodding along with his statement.

“Wish I met you guys at orientation. I was never the one to reach out to people first until college forced me out of my shell.” He hopes his ears didn’t deceive him, but Renjun had to do a double take: you said you guys, which includes him, right? You wish you had met him earlier?

But the latter shocks him a bit. If he recalls your first meeting, you were the one curious enough to continue speaking to him. “I would have never guessed.”

“Really?” There is a notable light in your eyes as you tilt your head. “I don’t seem shy?”

“Not at all…” He has to stop himself from going on an incredible tangent about how greatly outspoken you are, it gives away too much on how observant he’s been.  

“I’m good at hiding it then.” You examine the soft shade of pink on the tips of his ears and his averting shy gazes. “What are you good at hiding?”

Your question leaves him speechless and gripping at any ends of answers. There are a number of ways he can go about it, but the truth is not one of them.

What is he good at hiding? His unconditional affection for you. He’s good at concealing every heavy heart beat at your smallest actions. He’s good at keeping a regretful secret bet.

But as those options pop into his head, he doesn’t want to say any of them. So, he opts for a white lie instead and hopes that the hesitation doesn’t sell him out for being a nervous wreck.

“I’m good at hiding what I fear.” You blink at him, clearly intrigued to want to know more.

“You do seem pretty fearless, Huang Renjun.” There is a brief exchange of eye contact and Renjun swears that his pounding heart can be heard in the silence. A smirk on your lips as you return to your work, he’s warm inside from the usage of his full name. And you don’t even realize the effect you have over him.

“So, you and (Y/N) are close. How did that start?” Jaemin jumps onto Renjun’s neatly made bed. The covers are now ruffled and tossed from the impact.

Jaemin isn’t home very often, but in the rare times he has been, it’s always during the study sessions with you. The first time you came over, Jaemin tried not to talk up a storm from seeing a familiar face. He respects Renjun’s relationships, so he tried his best to keep from prying at the boy.

“You finally want to know?” Renjun scoffs lightheartedly, punching his housemate lightly on the shoulder as he swivels around in his chair. With an excited wide smile, Jaemin tugs at his friend’s arm as an endearing sign of persistence. “Okay, okay. We have the same class.”

“(Y/N) really approached you in a three hundred student lecture?” A tone of disbelief settles in Jaemin’s rhetorical question. He cocks an eyebrow, waiting for Renjun to tell some truth.

“Not exactly. I sat next to them and a conversation just happened.” Renjun shrugs as if it’s nothing big, as if it hadn’t been for your curiosity that started this blossoming relationship.

“Spare me the details.” Jaemin sits up to hold Renjun by his shoulders. The pressure feels oddly crushing, like a whole weight dropping on him. Jaemin stares him dead in the eyes. “What are your motives, Huang Renjun?”

His mouth hangs slightly open from the question. “I can’t be friends with (Y/N)?” Almost defensively, Renjun furrows his eyebrows at his friend, but he can tell Jaemin has caught onto his lie.

“I heard that you made a bet with a certain shithead.” Jaemin rolls his eyes at remembering their horrible mutual, a crime to even consider him as a friend. He drops his heavy hands from Renjun’s shoulders and falls back onto the mattress.  

The alarming expression of grave danger, Renjun is screwed. He gulps the gathered saliva in the back of his mouth, searching for a plausible explanation. “I was drunk.” He slaps his forehead at the stupid reasoning as Jaemin shoots upright to begin scolding him.

“Let me explain,” Renjun covers his mouth to halt Jaemin’s excessive nagging. “I like (Y/N), that’s how the bet even came alive. I slipped up and then he was saying all this stuff about (Y/N) being out of my league.”

“Which is true.” Jaemin adds, quite muffled but doesn’t slip past Renjun.

Renjun glares and thanks him sarcastically. “I made the bet to protect (Y/N) from him. He was provoking me by saying that he can get (Y/N) first and since I was heavily intoxicated, I didn’t think before I spoke.”

Jaemin holds Renjun warmly, seeing that his friend needed a hug from the saddened memory. It’s all too obvious how regretful Renjun feels. “So I’m trying my best at carrying the bet because there’s too much at stake.”

A chill runs down his spine remembering the consequences. He just can’t fail. Jaemin pulls away and lightly pats Renjun’s hair. “Cupid has made you into a fool for your crush.”

“He’s made me into a bigger one for thinking I could get my crush to like me back.” Renjun sighs in defeat and groans loudly. Why does this frustrate him so much? Perhaps it’s the lack of ability to actually get someone to like him back.

Renjun has been single for his entire life, not by choice. He’s done the movie cliches of a confession: a bouquet of roses, a poster, a night under the stars. And not one has ever accepted his feelings. He doesn’t blame any of them since he still struggles with finding things to love about himself. What is there to love about him? He can’t seem to find any redeeming qualities worth mentioning.

But you. You, alone, is simply worth an honorable mention. And now that it’s been well over a month of your friendship, he can confirm that you’re everything he’s ever wanted and more.

“Why don’t you start by being (Y/N)’s friend first? Love doesn’t just happen in an instant, no offense to Cupid or anything. I mean.. isn’t it all just a myth anyways?” Jaemin picks Renjun’s falling chin and he can see the glossy eyes of sadness. They swim with frustration and guilt.

Like an epiphany, Jaemin gave Renjun a starting place. For weeks, Renjun racked his brain for an easy solution out of it all. In reality, he didn’t need any wicked form of magic for foul play. He just wants to be by your side for as long as you allow. And a part of him is scared for you to like him back.

You’ve always been too out of his reach. Standing on a pedestal, you’re something unattainable. It’s lucky that you even bat an eyelash at him. He’s admired you all too much, Renjun won’t actually know what to do if you ever did like him back.

This all stems from his inner insecurities, like a recurring thought: what is there to like about him? Or is he even good enough for you?

If someone had warned him that love could become this confusing, he would’ve sacrificed his heart for something less complicated. To feel. To love. Renjun wishes he can remove the love bow that pierced through his chest.

On a random Friday night, Renjun’s phone rings with an unexpected caller ID. He pauses the song he’s been listening to for the past hour to pick up.

“Renjun! I’m sad and drunk right now.” Your voice is incredibly slurred and he can barely hear you with the loud background noise. “Can you come pick me up?”

“Are you over on Third Ave. again?” He despises that place. A house on the corner of Third Avenue right off the interstate from campus that throws weekly parties. These parties are overcrowded with creeps and cheap booze. Unfortunately, you’re favorite place to run away to.

This isn’t his first time coming to get you. Over the past few months of your established friendship, you’ve sent him numerous amounts of drunk texts calling for him. This is the first time you actually called, preluding to a really rough night you’ve been having.

You sigh into the receiver, “you remembered.” like you’re on the verge of tears, he can hear the quiver in your tiny voice.

“I have your location, idiot.” Renjun smiles at your silly drunk reactions, finding you more enduring from the innocence. “I’ll be there in a blink.”

“Okay, I’ll close my eyes so I can open them to you.” You giggle before hanging up and Renjun can’t keep the widest grin off of his face. He’s rushing out his door, not wanting to wait another second to see you.

One thing Renjun realized after finally growing close enough to you is that through all his infatuation, you’re still a human. While he thinks of you in a sparkling cascading glitter waterfall, you’re made of the same softness that Renjun has. You’re not perfect and he needed to stop idolizing you as if you’re some shiny trophy.

No, he’s learned that he needed to love you for who you truly are. And the moment he broke down your layers, the glass tears that fell from your cheeks were real. The pain through your confident façade, Renjun needed to love you at your lowest.

He saw you for you, not the attractive person from his lecture he drooled months over. You are the exact reality that movies are afraid to portray. You’re courageous, chic, charming. But you’re also shy, soft spoken, and silly. You’re like waking up during dawn and marveling in the silence of a sleeping society. You’re also like smiles on a sunny day and living in the moment.

Renjun is lovestruck, wildly in love with all that you are. The only thing that brings down his spirits is the lingering bet he made several months ago and he hates how it’s always gnawing at him. It’s like an echo, bouncing off the walls of his mind. He can’t shake it off. Most of the time, he tries to focus the moment in front of him, but it has him tossing and turning in the middle of the night.

Without much surprise, you stand in front of the overflowing party house with eyes cutely squeezed shut. A friend by your side to wait with you. “Open your eyes.” Renjun yells as windows roll down and he double parks the car.

Your eyes gleam in the darkness and bidding your friend a quick goodbye, you jump into the familiar vehicle and embrace your good friend with a longing hug. Renjun chuckles at your adorable actions, patting your shoulder lightly. Despite the cheerful welcome, the mood immediately shifts when he hears your tiny sniffs and feels the tears on his shirt.

“C’mon, your favorite ice cream flavor is waiting for you at my place.” As he whispers positive affirmations, you can only cry harder into his chest. “You’re not feeling too good tonight, are you?”

It’s way too obvious of a question to ask, he knows. Truthfully, he didn’t know what to say and comforting is not his strongest skill without it turning it into a life lesson. He knows what you need, just someone to acknowledge how you’re feeling and to listen.

“I’m feeling the worst tonight. I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe later?” You pull away from his arms, even if he isn’t ready to let you go. He helps buckle your seatbelt and wipe any remaining wetness on your cheeks.

Your hand briefly touches Renjun’s which causes the boy to freeze at the sudden action. Your hazy smile is unclear, but you lean into him before he can process all the randomness. A kiss on his cheek, the most delicate feeling of lips on skin.

Renjun explodes inside, like hazardous fireworks on a cloudy night. He wants to enjoy it, but his circumstances make it difficult for him to. “Thanks for coming to get me.” Your body slumps back onto the seat, a pout on your lower lip. Renjun shifts awkwardly in his seat, buckling his seatbelt to begin the ride home. He can’t find the words to say.

You’re being too casual about what had just happened, as if you’re ignoring it all. Or you simply have no control over anything that you’re doing. “Let me tell you a secret, Injunie.” The sugarcoated nickname. You’re definitely too drunk at the moment, and whatever you do now will be long forgotten the next morning.

Renjun still doesn’t say anything, relishing in the kiss on the cheek just seconds ago. His fingers lightly touch his face, grazing upon the very part your lips came in contact with. He’s truly through the moon and— “I used to have the biggest crush on Jaemin.” Renjun abruptly steps on the brakes, whipping the both of you in your seats.

His heart is falling, it’s plummeting and he can’t do anything to save it. “I really didn’t expect such a surprised reaction.”

Renjun clears his throat. “I’m just caught off guard.” Not a lie, he really wasn’t expecting a confession and his heart to break right at this moment. “Why Jaemin?”

He knows why Jaemin. He’s a social butterfly with no caution to the wind and a heart made of pure kindness. A welcoming friendly figure that won’t hesitate to feed into someone’s need for words of affirmation. Not to mention, Jaemin has a good few inches above him and looks of a poster kpop idol. Of course, you liked Jaemin.

“He has such a good heart. I guess I just like guys who think of me first, as selfish as that sounds. I don’t prioritize myself, so it would be nice if someone else did.” You fiddle your thumbs and Renjun is impatiently tapping his fingers against the wheel.

The red traffic light before you enacts two different feelings. Renjun wants this ride to end as fast as possible. You want this ride to last forever.

“But, Jaemin is seeing someone.”

Your head ducks down and out the window at the shining streetlamps; you know very well about Jaemin’s love life. “I didn’t expect anything from him. I just liked him for him. He came to pick me up every time I would ask, I guess I have a thing for guys who do that.”

Renjun tightens his grip, heart pounding at your statement. You peer up to look at your friend in the lack of light. His glasses sit low on his nose bridge, a soft cotton shirt hugs his torso, and pajama pants that clad his legs. A mess bed of hair as the cherry on top.

After Jaemin, you swore to yourself that you wouldn’t fall for anyone so easily. All of that was thrown out the window the very first night Renjun came to your saving. Despite contrary belief, your heart is not as impenetrable as people make you out to be. And as tough as you can be, it was too hard not to be the slightest interested in him.

Ever since your first meeting, Renjun has always been cool and collected. He’s a hothead at his best, but too playful for any serious damage. Renjun reminds you of yourself. Like a huge impenetrable wall built against any trouble to enter, he is as guarded as you are. He’s timid, and while you had tried your best to hide your own, Renjun simply embraces that part of him.

Renjun stayed after every tearful night. He’s helped you through every difficult study guide, if anything he saved your failing grade.

Renjun puts you first throughout anything; asking if you want the booth seat at restaurants, strategically walking on the outer side so you can avoid driving cars, always has your favorite snacks without you asking. Every tiny gesture, may you be slightly delusional, seemed as if he loved you. And if he did, you wouldn’t mind one bit because you wanted to love him back.

“What about you? We’ve never really talked about our love lives before.” You speak up in the silence, Rejun being awfully quiet tonight. He hopes you don’t blame him, but everything has been too overwhelming. He is no longer sure on what he wants to do or how to react.

“My love life is too sad to talk about.” He’s never wanted to talk about it with you, in case he’d slip up and say something too revealing. “It’s a long list of unrequited loves. I’ve given up on professing my feelings to someone at this point.”

“What would have to happen to get you to confess?” Your eyes coin a mischievous twinkle.

Renjun feels his palms grow sweaty, a bit nervous with this conversation topic. 

“Something catastrophic.”

Something catastrophic did end up happening. Renjun wishes he could disappear, or if he runs away, would anyone notice?

He stands behind your fuming stance. In any other given situation, Renjun would be more than flattered that you’re standing up for him. However in this case, you’re making a fool out of yourself on his behalf.

“Oh, so you haven’t told (Y/N) about the bet?” Of all the nights Renjun decides to accompany you on a Friday evening, he runs until the one person he never wanted to come within ten feet to.

Truthfully, the night was going well. He ran into a few of his other acquaintances from his club, others from his classes. You held onto his arm the moment you two entered the party, afraid to lose this precious boy in the dense crowd. People walked by and expressed how cute you two looked together.

You poured him drinks that will make his head throb and you busted dance moves that made his heart throb. You were the epitome of a fun time, like an explosion of positive endorphins. Your toothy smiles. Your bright electrified eyes. Your sweet laughter. This was the last beautiful image he had of you before everything came falling apart.

“What bet?” You quickly turn around to face Renjun. His hand scratches the back of his neck and his gaze stays staring at his own feet. Your throat grows tight from Renjun’s hesitation.

“He made a bet with me that he could get you to fall in love with him.” Please stop talking, Renjun begs in his thoughts. He tightens his fist, unable to form words to speak. The thumping of the loud music makes it hard to focus.

“He—” Shaky voice and stuttering… even you are having doubts of Renjun’s character. “He wouldn’t do that.” Your eyes bounce between him and Renjun.

“I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you don't know him very well then.” Renjun’s arrogant friend crosses his arms coolly, a smug smirk unfolding on his face.

“It’s true, (Y/N). I did make the bet and I regret it every waking day.” Renjun finally speaks up, but you’re out the door before he can continue.

There isn’t another thought in his head when he’s running after you; you’re already so far down the road. The secret was bound to be revealed, but he wasn’t ready for it. He was never going to be ready for this day because his first mistake was making the bet to begin with.

He should have thought about you. He should have just swallowed his pride and talked his friend out of it. Was that a choice? Could he have just done that instead of letting it fester into such a problem?

Out of breath and out of mind, Renjun calls out your name. When you spin on your heels to walk toward him, his heart reaches for you. However, you push at his chest and he almost falls backwards.

You’re angry, more than angry. You’re upset. You have every right to be. “What were you thinking, Renjun?” There is a small crack in your voice and he can see your tear stained cheeks under the moonlight. “Am I even your friend? All this time… you had an agenda. Were your actions all fake, then? You wanted to manipulate me into falling in love with you?”

Your words are hitting like large bricks. You are questioning the past five months of your friendship and everything Renjun has ever done for you. A false reality, Renjun didn’t actually give a damn about you. He wanted to prove some odd male status. Could you be any more blind?

“Please let me explain… I was drunk out of my mind that night and the bet I made was stupid. It was before proper evaluation. Does it make it okay? No, I understand that.” Renjun speaks with his hands, clearly panicked and frazzled by the way they waved around in the air. “The bet… I did it to protect you from that guy. I didn’t want him to hurt you.”

“So you hurt me instead?” If someone were to listen closely, they would be able to hear the shattering of two hearts tonight. On this late evening, two hearts are broken under the moon and stars.

But it’s pitiful because the arrow that struck Renjun remains intact. He still loves you, which is why it pains him so much to where he can’t breathe. The information in his head is scattered, like an alarm blaring through his empty brain.

All he knows is that he loves you. You are the one thing he’s afraid of losing. From the first words you two exchanged, his fear that he hid all too well is and always will be losing you.

“That was not my intention ever. I never wanted to hurt you.” Renjun takes a step closer, but you take one back.

“Well you did because your little bet… it worked. I love you, Renjun, so congratulations.” There is bitterness and an inexplicable amount of heartbreak that lace your venomous confession.

All of his life, he thought that if one person liked him back, he’d be the happiest person in the world. Possibly confused at how to proceed with the information, but definitely glad that someone could see any redeeming characteristics in him.

But he feels all the opposite. Your confession keeps his heart broken. If anything, it puzzles him more. “How..? Why would you ever like me?” There were no tricks, no attempts at flirtation, nothing out of bounds of being your friend. He just had himself. And if anyone in the universe were to like him, he’d never expect it would be you.

You groan, growing more infuriated at Renjun. “Because you’re everything I wish I could be. You’re level-headed and insightful. You’re calm and cool, without any necessary arrogance. The way you make me feel… I feel important to you, at least, I thought I was.” Your voice continues to drop softer and softer, “how could I not like you?”

The butterflies could not come at a better time. Hearing you compliment him when he found it difficult to look past his own self deprecation, he’s beyond any levels of shock. Nevertheless, he feels apologetic and knew that this is all too good to be true.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N), for making that terrible bet. But, I need you to know one thing: our friendship was genuine. All I’ve ever wanted these past months is to make sure your sweet smile stays resting on your beautiful face.”

“Why? You didn’t know me! You used me for some … pride gamble. I was nothing to you the day you made that bet.” You shout harsh words at him, and Renjun can’t hold back any longer.

This is what he meant by something catastrophic. When he’s pushed to the edge of a cliff, all his buttons are pressed aggressively. Everything falling apart. The loose ends coming undone all too quickly to grapple. He never wanted it to come to this.

“That-That’s not true! I loved you long before that regretful night! You mean every single moment of happiness to me. You’re every ray of sunshine that kisses my skin, every blue sky that reminds me of good days. You mean everything to me.” Genuine words pour from his lips, hoping that you’ll understand what’s left of his heart.

“You’re confessing?” You gasp, practically dazed at the amount of metaphors he compared you to. “Something catastrophic.” A small moment of recollection and a mumble under your breath, you’re understanding what he meant by the phrase he used several nights ago.

“Yes because I can't lose you. I’m a mess of feelings at the moment, but I just know that I’m scared to wake up to days without you in them.” Renjun pleads, the night air causing goosebumps to rise on his arms. His eyes are full of melancholy and fear as he waits for your response.

And you want to forgive him, but would that mean your heart is being too easy? You feel lingering pain, but your eyes reflect Renjun. “To think I thought you were pretty fearless.” Scoffing, you roll your eyes at him and are completely unsure what to do next.

Nevertheless, you’ve wanted someone like Renjun at some point in your life. You hoped for better days and those didn’t start happening until you two met. Renjun went from being your distant study partner to being your number one person to call. He’s wiped more tears than any boy has.

The difference between Renjun and Jaemin is while Jaemin is known to have an extravagantly warm presence, Renjun’s is hidden underneath all the quietness. Like a breakthrough, getting through Renjun felt like getting through to yourself. You needed him to aid in your own self love.

All you’ve ever wanted is to be seen and Renjun saw you.

“I forgive you.” Renjun can finally breathe and rest his tense muscles. But when he reaches for your hand, you take it away. “But it doesn’t mean we are okay. I’ll approach you when I’m ready.”

It’s not easy to love as it’s not easy to pretend that everything can go back to normal after being hurt. You need him to understand that, would he wait for you? The many others before didn’t.

“Okay.” That is all he can say, in the midst of a defeat, he still wishes that you’d stay by his side. But he wrestles that desire with transparency and having organic feelings. Nonetheless, he values the latter. If you did really somehow manage to love him, you’ll come back when you’re ready. He knows. He understands. He sees you through and through.

And he watches you disappear back into the house to find a friend to drive you home. He loves you, but love can also be consequential.

It’s already midway into the school semester and not that Renjun is counting or anything, but it’s been practically a whole month since the night at the party. He’s done nothing, except sigh in despair and reminisce about the memories before they were ruined.

While Jaemin’s efforts to console him are much appreciated, it doesn’t do much for the fact that you haven’t acknowledged Renjun’s existence for a whole thirty days.

And although he’ll wait a lifetime for you, the question of when he should move on ponders his clouded thoughts. His intensively agonizing desire of wanting to be by your side has dwindled down now. Renjun just wants to see you happy.

“Hey Cupid,” It’s a newly despised nickname coined by the one and only person who knows how to push at Renjun’s buttons — Lee Haechan. Haechan knocks obnoxiously at his door and does not wait around to hear an answer, “get your sad face out here.”

“Go away, Haechan. I’m not in the mood.” As Renjun mindlessly skims over his calendar for important dates, he is pained by the reminder of your upcoming birthday. You had marked it yourself a while back and specifically told Renjun that his attendance is entirely mandatory.

Times have changed now, right? You’ve been radio silent for weeks and as much as he hates to say this to himself: you probably don’t remember making such an assertion. Why would you? You’re most likely not thinking about him anymore anyways and maybe that’s for the better.

“Hey! Lovestruck Asshole, I’m not going to tell you again. Get that arrow out of your ass and come outside now.” Just the demand alone in Haechan’s voice irritates Renjun enough to where he’s storming to open his door.

But what it reveals is not the smirk of his annoying housemate, instead, it is the image of the very first time Renjun ever laid eyes on you and the moment Cupid’s Arrow struck right through his heart. It’s a rush of nostalgia that surges through his veins.

You sit with a hand underneath your chin and elbow pressing into a flat surface for support. The dazed stare of daydream as you’re unaware of your surroundings, yet still waiting for something exciting to catch your attention. And just how lovely you look in the softest rose colored shirt and how your lips, still barely glistening from a quick swipe of your tongue, are slightly agape into an expressionless rest.

All before your eyes trail to the distraction of another body entering the room and for a brief second, make eye contact with Renjun as he’s all the more astonished by your grace. Then like a scene that’s imprinted in his head too clearly, your gaze drops back down to the floor and you’re back to your inner thoughts.

As if the pierced arrow in his heart is triggered, Renjun rediscovers the feelings of a newfound infatuation — a crush. Though baseless except in regards to physical attraction, he’s nonetheless amazed by how quickly you take his breath away… again.

Unlike the first memory, you actually speak to him as you’re now familiar with the starry eyed boy. “It’s been a while.”

The color in your voice that he’s missed hearing is pure music. He clears his throat as if he’s afraid of his own vocal chords breaking from nervousness.

“H-Hey, yeah. It’s been a while.” Renjun repeats dumbfounded that you’re even sitting in his shared living room.

“How have you been?” There you are being polite, but the giddiness still runs like static through his veins at being asked about his well being.

“Lost.” He blurts out the first word that comes to mind. Perhaps, he should stop using words with such heavy implications to friendly gestures. Your head immediately pops up and he scrambles to correct himself. “I mean I’ve been distracted lately.”

“Sadness really does take its course.” You tread lightly, testing the waters with a small grin. The atmosphere is oddly comforting, like feeling you can’t quite replace.

Renjun looks rather rough around the edges, but you don’t blame him since you did show up unannounced. However, the glint in his eyes is much of a delight to see. The way his small mouth curves into the tiniest smile and the gentleness in his regular cadence remind you of past long days full of laughter. The best part of them all — you spent them together.

“My birthday is coming up soon.” Jumping straight to the point of your visit, you stand up to approach him. “I plan to host a small party… and I remember saying a while back that your attendance is mandatory.”

Renjun catches his breath in his throat and he could run gleeful laps around the room if it isn’t for the poorly spaced complex. “So are you still down, Huang Renjun?”

“I’d love that.” He smiles greatly at your offer and as simple as that, your arms wrap around his torso into a long awaited embrace.

“Me too.” You mumble into his shirt and take a deep breath of his lavender scented detergent, “I’m ready. I’m ready to have you in my life. I’m ready to laugh with you. I’m ready to lay in your company. I’m ready to give you my heart.”

As you finish your last sentence, his arms wrap around you too and pull you into a tighter hold. “You have always had mine.”

Renjun can finally remove the arrow that unforgivingly stayed stuck in his heart for the longest time. Your reciprocated love fills up the hole that is left behind. He can now love you with a full and whole heart.

#nct-writers #kpopscape #neothestars #nct scenarios #nct #renjun #renjun scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct dream #huang renjun #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct angst #nct dream imagines #huang renjun scenarios #7days

[helianthus-tarot]

Hi. So... here for a little feedback for your shufflemancy game.

First of all, you are so fast 👏👏 You spoil us really. Sorry it took me a little to send the feedback, honestly I just saw it today. Now, what can I say besides the fact that I was completely obliterated lol. "Yummy" by Justin Bieber...well that was straight to the point. I guess he is a man of a few words. I also really liked how I got the Magician, it resonated in an unexpected way. How to put it but the message there resonated bcs that it is what I expect from my next bf or like the overall energy that would even make me be in a relationship. It kind of clicked you know why I got this specific song and this message.

Thank youuu 🥰🙈

P.S can't believe that you don't have an organized bag. I think my assumption came from the fact that your blog is super organized...beautifully organized.

I'm glad it resonated 👀✨! Thank you for the feedback, you are not late at all don't worry. Honestly my writing and plans are probably the only things that are highly organized 😂

#pr feedback #asks

[wienerbarnes]

happy fic writer appreciation day!

there are so many talented and amazing writers on here! I'm going to try to get as many of favs on this list as possible along w my fav works by them, and I encourage everyone to tag their fav authors under this! love all y'all <3

THESE ARE IN NO SPECIFIC ORDER!!! literally just going down my likes and following list lmao

ALSO! I tag everything I've read with “fics” so feel free to search that on my blog for some recs too!

ANOTHER ALSO! I only read bucky fics! so that's what these are lol w a mix of oc’s and unnamed readers

@moteldwelling​ - ok honestly??? some of the BEST smut I've ever read. I think the first work of theirs I read was “let me show you” and y'all... just do yourself a favor and read thru their master list bc it is SMUT PERFECTION

@ballyhoobarnes​ - LIBRARIAN BUCKY YALL THATS ALL I GOTTA SAY! I'm such a sucker for these pairings that show so many moments between librarian boy Bucky and reader like there's cute stuff and insecure stuff and smut stuff and UGH I love it sm

@trillian-anders​ - ok the ENTIRE master list is PHENOMENAL but my fav has got to be “amor de mi vida”. like being cuban American it was so awesome to read ME not to mention 40s!Bucky ??? say less. 

@all1e23​ - if y'all have not read “astrophile”... u r MISSING OUT! you've got firefighter bucky AND dad bucky? PLUS the cutest daughter and the more heartwarming and slow burn story? amazing I love it

@nacho-bucky​ - NGL IM STILL WORKING THRU THIS MASTERLIST but I recently finished “the cupcake guy” and AH literally the most descriptive writing and I actually FEEL what buckys feeling... plus he bakes and there's cupcakes cmon

@goddamndameron​ - ok miss hannie doesn't write much bucky anymore BUT IF U LIKE STAR WARS STUFF CHECK HER OUT bc she's literally so talented and I love her sm

@wonderlandmind4​ - I think “delicate stages” was one of the first stories I read when I got into bucky like a year and half two years ago whatever and dude. TO THIS DAY I reread it every once in a while bc its SO AMAZING. gonna warn u it will TEAR YOUR HEART APART. ESPECIALLY THE SEQUEL. but still well worth it bc its AMAZING.

@wkemeup​ - ok THE SMUT is *chef’s kiss* and I'm honestly torn between all of their series’ bc they all literally PULL YOUR ASS IN and like YOURE THERE and ugh. def another one I go back and reread often nuff said

@asadmarveltrashbag​ - another one whose smut is UN FUCKING REAL like p much all of the head cannons... fucked me ALL THE WAY up

@heli0s-writes​ - ok I can't NOT talk about the “cdr” series. literally the funniest thing you'll read ever. it got humor, its got personality, its got soft moments, its got smut, its THE BEST THING EVER. I miss them but the puns live in my mind rent free for the rest of time

@ugh-supersoldiers​ - “under oath” has gotta be one of the BEST fics I've read. like it one of those stories where you assume it'll be an interesting and good plot and it literally BLOWS YOU AWAY. like the writing is so good, so descriptive, and makes you feel ALL the things ok

@wiensrsoldier​ - another smut GOD like ALL the kinks and their “tiny and beefy series” THE BEST THING I COULDVE HOPED TO EVER READ ON THIS APP (I'm a slut for size kinks - clearly.)

@shreddedparchment​ - one of the very first blogs I followed and some of the very first fics I read. the ashes to ashes universe? actually INCREDIBLE like “you're my mission” is yet another fic I reread constantly bc its SO GOOD like the story is AMAZING and so well written w all the feelings and emotions and action and ugh. actual perfection

@sgtjbuccky​ - the most AMAZING SERIES’ like “death do us part” was one of the coolest fics I've ever read the plot is so GOOD and unique and just ugh. the whole master list is fire

@redgillan​ - the ENTIRE masterlist is worth reading but “under pastel skies” owns a part of my heart bc being an artist myself I love the idea of living vicariously thru the reader and living out my dreams of living w Bucky ok I love it

@cametobuyplums​ - makes me wish I was French and also buckys sugar baby bc “artistic license” is the BEST smut story ever like it will make u horn-nee not to mention the actual PLOT lol. also most beautifully organized master list ever ?? ily fizz

@writingcroissant​ - my fav has gotta be “paper walls” bc I am the BIGGEST SUCKER for tropes like these where like he doesn't *know* his neighbor but they're able to bond and form a relationship regardless and UGH I love this story sm they are AMAZING

@tropicalcap​ - ok torn between “midnight hour” and “black lines” (also - forming this list has made me painfully aware how much smut I read LMAO) but actually I LOVE the way they write and, cmon who doesn't love bucky smut especially when it involves tacos or tattoos

@indyluckycharlie​ - still v new but I'm currently reading “tinman” and UGH it so unique I've never read a plot like this and the FEELS are amazing this story is so COOL and I have a feeling it'll be another one of my multiple reread stories lol

@samingtonwilson​ - if you like friends to lovers wait until you read “apartment 8c” bc its literally friends to lovers to exes and back to friends and roommates to possible lovers again LMAO but actually this story is so fun and I LOVE stories like this that play w common tropes and make them cool and super amazing I love

@suz-123​ - “crazy, beautiful” has both smut and veterinary!bucky like what more could someone want. I literally CAN NOT WAIT to see where this story goes its so cool and interesting and I'm OBSESSED with the readers personality and her and Bucky’s lil bonding moments ugh

@justreadingfics​ - “its a deal” has the biggest stamp of chef’s kiss literally ever its got the juiciest smut and super suave bucky and a crazy ex and the just the overall PLOT is fantastic I'm obsessed

@tinyglamdramaqueen (omg idk why I can't tag) - ok so they recently finished “alls fair in love and war” and DUDE. my jaw dropped p much every chapter like I'm begging you this is unlike any sugar baby fic ever its so AMAZING and I'm so excited to see what happens for the future of the reader and just. so so so good

holey moley. I love fics. and bucky. appreciate ur fav writers y'all.

also going to shamelessly include myself on this list bc I'm proud of the works I've written even if I'm not the most into it as some other talented writers on here

@wienerbarnes​ ME ok idk if other writers do this but do y'all ever re read your own works bc they're so good bc that's me w “cheek to cheek” like my ACTUAL favs I've never loved writing for a pair more and they be living in my head rent free ok I always be thinking of those rainbow underwear sets and mis matched socks 

PLS!!! I ENOURAGE YALL TO TAG YOUR FAV WRITERS!!! REC ME SOMETHING!!! SHOW YOUR FAVS SOME LOVEEEEEE <3

#bucky barnes #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes rec #Bucky Barnes series #Bucky Barnes one shot #Bucky Barnes fan fiction #fics

[bakugoukatsuki-rising]

Hi! I was hoping you could give some thoughts on what a contradiction bakugou is? What chaotic alignment is he? There are so many things that make him bakugou, & i just. . . ugh like he goes to bed at 8:30 but also tells villains to die & i cannot believe this fucking dynamight nerd. (Also, do you think he makes those fucking gremlin faces of his bc he's a loser or bc he knows he's pretty & hates it?) I love your blog, thank you so much for your bakudeku love! idk what im asking im so sorry :,(

Do not apologize, my love. I am so glad you come to me for my thoughts, it makes me so genuinely happy. Don’t ever shy away from interacting with me!! These things are the highlight of my day!

As for what chaotic alignment he is, I actually had to do some research for this! I was torn a lot between Chaotic Good and Chaotic Neutral, definitely set that it had to be one of those, and I decided he would be Chaotic Good!

The definition for Chaotic Good is;

A chaotic good character does what is necessary to bring about change for the better, disdains bureaucratic organizations that get in the way of social improvement, and places a high value on personal freedom, not only for oneself, but for others as well. Chaotic good characters usually intend to do the right thing, but their methods are generally disorganized and often out of sync with the rest of society.

Now I don’t know about you, but to me, that seems to suit Bakugou beautifully. Especially the “Chaotic Good characters usually intend to do the right thing, but their methods are generally disorganized and often out of sync with the rest of society.”

That highlights on the “DIE!” aspect of Bakugou, and how he tends to rush head first into things despite sometimes being told otherwise, since he knows what he wants to do is the right thing and he is confident he can get the job done, he doesn’t much care for what anyone else has to say. 

As for the appearance, I think he does it just cause he’s a fucking idiot, honestly. He’s such a goofball at heart and he just really enjoys making super ugly faces like a typical teenage boy. But of course there is the HC that he knows he’s pretty good looking but is self conscious, and so he goes out of his way to try and cover it up by making himself unattractive when he acts like an evil gremlin. 

Either way we think about it, I think it just adds to how interesting he is!! 

I hope this is kind of what you were looking for, my friend! :)

#bnha #bakugou katsuki #kacchan #mha #dynamight #deadtothepeople #asks #basketball idiot #basketball idiot replies

[justsomeoneunordinary]

3🥦🥦🥦

You love coffee, ergo I love you, ergo intimidation is low. You're pretty blunt and I love that, but I can imagine that this is intimidating for others? 😂

And adding 2, so it's 3, because you love Natasha and that speaks of a fine mind and I remember you telling me of beating someone with a handbag, very romanoff of you.

Also you're so sweet and its so fun to bicker with you or read your interactions with others, like they're often highlights in my day 🥰

10/10 would let you step on me though. Extra coffee for you if you manage to get the weird tensity out of my back:P

sesil 🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

please know, it took me so long to answer, cause i didn't know what to say to all that. (but also cause i totally fell asleep again after i told you i'd answer later lol) god, i should type this on desktop cause WORDS, but i need the emojis to express myself, so mobile torture it is.

coffee is life and anyone who disagrees is literally wrong. i type that while drinking coffee lol. also "pretty blunt" is probably the understatement of the century. i am extremely blunt. it's a problem. though i can't tell if it's bc people get mad/annoyed at me or bc i have to keep it to myself at work which causes my organs almost to explode. 😆

also, also!!! i didn't punch the guy with my handbag!!! he tried to steal my handbag so i punched him in the face. with my fist. that's not the same, please get your facts straight. 😌💖 (i'm telling you, it was poetic! movie worthy!! he was right at the the bus doors when they opened and my punch had just enough force to push him out of the bus. god, it's been years and i'm still so proud of that chchadhfjsfj)

but god, sesil, you!!! chcjskdjfkafjaldfjakfjaksfjgkglakf I LOVE YOU OKAY!!! you're so sweet, how dare. this message transformed me in a puddle of goo and i don't like that. how dare you make me soft.

i remember when you followed me out of a sudden and i just sat there like??? why did this frostiron artist follow me?? you have to know, i had no clue that you're a big name. man, i didn't even know that you also write!! (how dare you be so talented and skilled?? art and fics???? *le gasp*) frostiron is just a ship i look into every now and then for some pretty art and maybe a fic or two if i'm feeling it. so i did reblog your art whenever it appeared on my dash, but never felt the need to follow. i had no idea abt big names or anything, i only know the big names in the winteriron fandom. 😆

and then you followed and i was so confused and thought "oh well, she probably gonna unfollow soon" (lmaooo). (though, you honestly have to tell me what prompted you to come to my blog, i wanna know!!!) and then!!! you were so sweet and sent me asks and talked to me and vhcjdjfjsjfjfksfksgjdkc and i fell in love with you. 🥺💕💕💕

and when i finally did get the memo that you're a big name and i should probably feel intimidated, it was already too late. too much shitposting had happened since then lol. (skat kink anon will forever live rent-free in my head cbcnzfjadjgkvka)

and anyway!!! the fact that you made me love you in first place even tho you are german, which is totally a crime and i am betraying my people by being friends with you (if switzerland ever finds out, i will lose all my swiss privilege), and even dared to ask me if swiss chocolate is actually good - that despite that i still would totally 100% kill for you, says a lot.

gosh, you're just such a wonderful human being. you are nice and funny and beautifully honest and so very intelligent as well as mature (i forget so often how young you technically are. god i was so dumb when i was your age but you!!! you are incredible!), you're an amazing artist and just as an amazing writer, and i love you to pieces. 🥺💕💕💓💓💞💞💘💘💗💗🥰🥰

intimidation level 0 but only cause i love you and know you and know i don't have to be intimidated at all. 10/10 i would absolutely step on you if you asked me to. (but i fear you might not have a back afterwards anymore :/)

thank you for your nice words, love!! 💙💙

-

On a scale of 1 to 10, how intimidating am I?

#also!! NAT!!!!! #chcjscjakcvkavjdkagjgksfkack #absolutely beyond me how people cannot love her??? #you're definitely a woman of culture as well 😌💖 #rabentochter #may answers

[superbonbon]

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”

Several anons’ boldly ignorant questioning of the motivation--or lack thereof--for creators to create during A PANDEMIC has me bristling and ready to hop on my soapbox. Instead, I’m running defense for these fantastic folks whose work, however frequently published, has kept me grounded during COVID’s oppressive reign.

I have no idea what I’m doing here. I’ve never published a fic, and haven’t read one since Vampire Diaries was first a thing. But what to do when ur a mom stuck at home with a preschooler, navigating pandemic life and some of the not-so-ideal realities that come along with it?

Coming off of D+ releasing The Mandalorian and the most recent trilogy, I rediscovered a love for these stories, the expanded universe and the fandom--WOW!! What’s been so surprising and invigorating for me about this latent discovery is the myriad ways this franchise has given people the capacity to dream, and to create; to obsess. I mean, I just came here to browse the blogs for Daddy!Mando content and ended up sticking around for the stunning range of Star Wars smut fan works and discussion.

For better or for worse, my soul is forever altered --or, at least my thirst is. And here before you is my fumbling attempt to pay fealty to those who have truly captured my heart. This will either be great and earn me some frenz or make me a pariah, but I can’t sit idly by while some dum-dums say dum-dum things anonymously about folks who choose to share their writing online. 

In no particular order, here is a list of writers I’ve been stalking on the Tmblrs. This list is by no means exhaustive, and I’m still learning how to use/navigate the app. Also..there are SO MANY more amazing writers here and on other platforms (shoutout AO3). I’m just old and tired and I have trouble keeping  things organized these days.

Without further ado, I present my dissertation.

@plexflexico​ - for thrilling action infused with exciting sci-fi elements and grade A+++ smut, but alongside such achingly tender, human moments. I thank you kindly for such robust content across the board. These stories are a balm for my soul and give me tummy butterflies. ***Saving the latest installment of Bad Batch so I can actually get some sleep tonight.

@no-droids - for capturing and exploring the idea of desire so exquisitely while also carrying out a compelling narrative that moves the story forward and keeps us pining for more. Ugh I just want to cry with this. Rough Day, gahhh!!! But also, every other work in your published canon, let’s be honest. This is Next Level. ***Not touching this Poe fic yet bc see above.

Fucking @concussed-to-pieces . I scream! I cry! I turn into a puddle and slide onto the floor. Also, kudos for accomplishing the kind of crossover so seamless (Of Gorgons and Gardens, I’m lookin at you) I’m left to wonder how these characters ever made it without each other. I’m shook. So appreciative for the P3dro content, but almost convinced I need to get into wrestling so I can indulge in the rest.

@stubbychaos​ - I am fully invested in Saviin’ika and the health and well-being of these characters. I will follow them until they find true happiness together (and let’s be honest, even if they don’t bc I’m here 100% for this torturous angst). Dear God, make it stop. But don’t stop, seriously. And even if you think it’s too long. It’s not. The meandering pace really serves what is often the true nature of human interaction. 

@leo-moon​ - I will always revisit your Masterlist; so much so that my kid accidentally hearted it bc it’s probably always open in my phone. But I won’t consider it an accident because the Migraine series is a real treat. Yes, like a headache, I am longing for a release from the tension we’ve been left suspended in, but the readers will be here if/when you continue it. And even if you don’t, it’s fiction, and it’s beautiful, and I’m grateful for what we’ve gotten so far.

@jangofctts​ - With the small snippets of Boba we actually get on screen, I am also very grateful for the variety of Boba we get in fics, but most especially for this characterization you’ve presented in Last Favor. It’s so damn perfect how you ride that oft-attempted line of dubious consent that so few writers can achieve successfully. I’m dyin for someone to call me “rabbit”. Also, I always come back to your Poe fics. Short and sweet. Like Poe.

@bobafvtt​​ - See above re Boba content. And to expound on this, Fuck--I’m so broken up for reader and Boba in Warmest Color that they’re just so damaged with this relationship. But man, the fleeting moments where they figure it out - that dynamic is so tender and lovely. I live for those moments.

@magichandthing​ - Thank you for inspiring a dream AU in clan leader!Mando. This is an idea I can most definitely get behind. And in. And on. And not to blow up your spot or anything, but the Mando sando is a pretty nifty idea as well.

And on the subject of sandwiches, I can’t thank @beskars​ enough for the maul x reader x savage fic that really made me feel some type of way.

@primarybufferpanel​​ - fuuuuuck. When you write that capital “S” Soft, I melt. My stomach churns. Didn’t know I needed a soft Maul in my life quite like this, but damn, run me over with that shit. Huge props, too for OFCs that are believable and badass.

@huliabitch​ - I think your one-shots were some of the first “good good” Mando content I came across. Now you’ve got me sweating and pining for CL!Mando with Unheavenly Creatures. So much so, I think I need to find myself a thigh chain. Feelin’ this developing romance in a beautifully-imagined setting, feelin’ Shayr’la, and feelin’ myself. I thank you.

@aunty-ren - one more for the clan leader - The Offer is going places that I’m very excited about. This is worldbuilding, folks!

Again - this is my opinion, which is probably worth fuckall, so this is slightly less of a fic rec list and more a huge THANK YOU. Still so much out there for me to process. I haven’t even embarked on the Javi train, but I’m so very open to recommendations there and elsewhere. 

I’m mostly just stoked to be here!!

#uh oh #momlife #what am i doing with my life #fanfic #star wars smut

[fiovske]

im so sad about the way the bj fandom completely tore itself apart and is now grasping at straws to dismiss any validity in by just because. both ships are so valid and there is so much overlap in fandom and now two wlw ships are vetted against each other. the bj tags are just depressing at this point and by has a few rotten eggs on high horses and it’s just so sad that once again the wlw of the fandom are going to have to comprise their space because a few loud people can’t be adults. sorry for the rant im just over this; cr fandom is ugly and these parts have become the ugliest. by isn’t allowed to be a wlw ship because somehow it’s straight and bj has build up fanon too much to a breaking point. it sucks to have to choose between that when i as a wlw had a happy place in both before.

ah, I can relate tbh. B/Y was the whole reason I switched to c2 from c1 bc I heard canon sapphics and went WHERE!! I HAVE TO GO THERE RIGHT NOW so thats the place I came to cr from.

I'm sad abt B/J too tbh, that relationship developed so organically and so beautifully it will always have a soft spot in my heart, but as a whole I can understand why B/J was abandoned from a meta perspective and... and I've come to make my peace w that. B/Y is not a bad ship y'know, like. I like the potential of it, I like that it can develop now that a*hley is here full-time. the reservations I have abt the ship are just that it often feels like something is supposed to be climatic but... it hasn't had that kind of emotional buildup yet to lend it the gravitas it otherwise would to B/J and even Y/J tbh. but I believe this mollucien arc could be fundamental to B/Y's relationship growing and maturing emotionally and be a ripe ground for building something good since m*lly affected the both of them so deeply. B reaching out to take Y's hand at M*lly's grave was a nice touch. subtle and... promising. I want to believe that it could be nuanced and good, given time and... conversations.

but gosh some B/Y fans out there are so loudly toxic in the B/J tags like why can't u just be happy for ur ship and let the other people be?? it makes no sense to me tbh, it just shows immense immaturity. just be happy for ur ship and let those who are on their blogs being sad... be sad, sapphics were affected by the shift and the change and ppl are allowed their space to grieve and that's not someone else's place to invade and tell them they're WRONG for being sad about it while spewing all kinds of hate. abusing the tag feature is so fuckin... weird like. just stay in ur lane and celebrate ur ship going canon instead of being spiteful for no reason??

wlw shouldn't have to fight over scraps like this tbh so like... I honestly don't know what to tell you. I redirected my energy to other things that made me happy instead and... i found it healing. it helped me reset my expectations from CR as a whole and... I'm ok with that now, whatever it is they're going for. I've distanced myself enough to not get truly emotionally invested, taking a step back from something that used to bring me immense joy once has been... quite something. it's sad the petty fights are still on, I can only recommend blocking those toxic B/Y folks (it's what I did and have since been better for it) and moving on. curate ur own online experience. block and mute liberally. engage only in things that make you happy. in things that don't, don't.

for me, bashter >>>>>>>>> literally anything else

#i really do be taking solace in Matt's worldbuilding and plot rn tbh #the interpersonal relarionships have been wonky since they returned from hiatus so. idk. /shrug emoji #I've tempered my expectations and im ok w that now #im picky abt ships so its just me i guess. personal preferences do be like that #disk horse #i hope you find solace in what makes u happy anon #mail tag

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hi! I really like your blog. Your analysis posts about ships or other things are really interesting and your gifsets are super cute! I have just finished reading your two anime recommendation posts and I was wondering if you plan to write a third one about the remaining animes you like? I would LOVE to read it.

Hi:) Thank you so much! Haha these were more like “bromance anime recommendations” lists. I’m glad you liked them romances. Here’s part 1 and part 2 :)

14. Hakkenden Touhou Hakken Ibun.

The relationship of the couple in this anime are one of the best on so many levels. They’re one of those “even the darkest part of me can’t hurt you” superior ships. They’re two of the main characters, 2 out 8 of the reincarnated warriors (who are all handsome af haha) that are meant to.. you know… save the world.

They’re both on the verge of death at the beginning and one (Shino) in order to survive agrees to live with a demonic sword inside of him which prevents him from growing old and growing per se (which is really sad for many reasons plus you’ll see him once in his 18-year old body and he’s so gorgeous), the other (Sousuke) takes half of a life from a dog, so he can tranform into it whenever he wants.

The problem is that during all of that Sousuke has split and lost his shadow aka the dark part of himself. His shadow works for the dark side, but all he really wants is Shino. The most amazing thing is that Sousuke loves Shino so much, that even his dark part would never ever hurt him. Like his shadow does some pretty terrible stuff to others like once he has made a deal with a girl so she would gave him her eyes just because Shino has said that they’re pretty lmao (I’m sory but its kinda funny), but he gets so pissed when Shino is hurt. So it’s the same as Akashi & Kuroko and Gauche & Lag: even for the darkest part of him the other one is his weakness. 

Also this is one of the animes where LITERALLY the power of gay love saves the world by the end. (p.s. sorry, Genpachi, I love you the most and I know you like Shino too, but your flirting can’t beat such deep feelings lol).

15. Assassination Classroom.

Not gonna spoil anything about plot, so I’ll say it’s about “problematic” kids trying to kill their teacher who has superpowers and that’s it. This anime is full of controversial stuff, like I really questioned things and what’s right or wrong, but one thing for sure is that no matter of what you think about the situation, you will 100% cry at the end. I personally think it’s a kinda happy ending considering all the stuff, but opinions are very different when it comes to this anime.

Now for the ship. Let’s just start with the fact that both Karma and Nagisa have ehhhh… psychological problems haha (but who doesn’t in this anime? lol). So Karma is a sadist (like for real, he likes to get creative with torturing) and I think he’s also a yandere when it comes to Nagisa. He threatens to kill those who even talk bad about Nagisa and once has almost beaten to death those who bullied him (which I didn’t mind tbh lmao). He never does anything if others ask, but when/if Nagisa says “please”, he immediately says yes (which is also funny). 

They both are in awe with each other and think the other one is absolutely incredible so it’s like a two-sided fan club. Karma is really scary, but when it comes to Nagisa he can be fluffy af. He also doesn’t care about people much, but Nagisa is his everything. Like the “I give up” moment will melt your heart, that was so cute. 

So this is one of those “you’re the only exception” ships. Bc Karma is a person who will enjoy skinning ppl alive, but when he’s with Nagisa he likes to hug, pick him up and coo about Nagisa’s height, play tag, discuss his fav movies and tickle fight. I’m like… I’m just… this is great.

16. Bungou Stray Dogs.

This one is about a detective agency where everyone has superpowers who are “enemies” with the mafia group where everyone has superpowers, but actually they’re all friends and half of the detective agency date the mafia xD (I’m sorry, but it’s the truth). Like I still don’t get why they won’t just make one organization, this is getting ridiculous.

I’m not a huge fan of the anime per se tbh, because like it has way too many characters who I can’t even feel for cause supposedly they’ve had a dramatic past, but what past nobody tells, so I like can’t empathize to someone who’s an asshole without knowing why he is that way. Plus there’re many characters in animes who have had a horrible childhood/past but are incredible people (hello to Todoroki and Levi). And some characters there for some reason are degrading instead of progressing which is the worst for me. But it’s pretty entertaining to watch if you won’t think much about stuff, powers are cool and it’s drawn beautifully (but there is one scene that was repeated 28 times 28 TIMES!, we’ve counted just for laughs, guess which xD, that’s like.. they could’ve made time for a whole new episode instead of this)

There’s one character whose progression is so incredible though that I’m happy to watch just for him. It’s Akutagawa. He’s like grown so much and I love everything about him, how he went from trying to kill Atsushi to risking his life for him and letting him use rashomon, how he’s homey with his sister and how he’s so good with feeling his powers, how Kyouka tried to kill him and he was like “I’m so glad you’re happy now”. Bitch, like that’s the character progression I’m asking for! Man, he’s just… he’s my favorite, I love seeing many sides of him. He made me so happy in s3 when I was ready to turn it off lmao

So there are two main ships in this anime. Dazai and Chuuya. They are one of those perfect combinations. But not in a usual way you think.. like characteristically. Chuuya’s full power is uncontrollable and the only one who can stop him is Dazai, cause his ability is to nullify other’s abilities, so he’s the only one who can stop Chuuya and also save him from being destroyed by his own power. So basically Chuuya trusts Dazai with his own life when they work together (which is.. I’d be scared if I was in Chuuya’s place lmao). It’s not like I’m scared that Dazai’s gonna let him die or anything, but stuff like “let’s watch a bit longer how Chuuya is going nuts cause it’s funny” doesn’t seem funny to me.

Let’s just say, I do ship them, I think they’d be perfect together if Dazai was like a fanfiction Dazai, you know. But the truth here is firstly their relationships progression is zero to none, like yeah, it’s fun to watch them bicker, but it like won’t give you any deep feelings. Plus Dazai was the most humane and emotional when he was with Oda (which I really don’t get, Oda was a dumbass tbh, like who makes a children shelter while working in MAFIA???! ofc they were fucking killed). Like Oda’s so special for him but then he treats Chuuya and Akutagawa like shit. And he had more feelings for Oda’s matchbox than for Chuuya in the last season. So my heart just won’t lie there fully, you know. Because there are no moments there that indicate like he’s the one for him.

Now to Akutagawa and Atsushi. This is a classic enemies to lovers stuff. Like they go from trying to kill each other to risking their lives for each other. They warm my heart on so many levels. So they’re both struggling to get over of their past and can’t. But then by the end they help each other to let go of their demons, they give each other what others couldn’t. Like I still can’t believe Atsushi came in like a wrecking ball and said the words Akutagawa wanted to hear for ages (his face, his face lol he was like “w-w-what?”). Atsushi himself admitted that Akutagawa is his cure in the last season. 

These two are like also hilarious bc they both think that they’re trash so their arguments are like “you’re the best”, “no, you’re the best”. Like Atsushi literally goes “Akutagawa is so strong and amazing, but he still thinks he’s weak” what a bae xD and Akutagawa thinks that he’s nowhere as good as Atsushi so it’s really funny. The relationships progression is like insane. They went from beating each other into a blood puddles to covering each other from bullets and being like “honey, don’t you dare die, I was going to kill you myself” lol

I still can’t believe Akautagawa gave Atsushi rashomon… he was wearing rashomon. I mean his ability, which is a part of him was okay with Atsushi using her. I mean.. maaaaaan fanfiction does come true! And they’re like the representation of yin and yang characteristically and even appereance-wise and I think it’s super cool. Plus the “lawnmower” is the cutest pet name I’ve ever heard lol

Anywho, this anime has like 20 bromances, so pick whichever you like.

Damn, that got long and I’ve only mentioned 3 haha, sorry. That way it’s gonna be like 50 parts xD

#answered #saku0015 #anime #Hakkenden touhou hakken ibun #assassination classroom #bungou stray dogs #karmagisa #ansatsu kyoushitsu #soukoku #akuatsu #akutagawa ryunosuke #karma x nagisa #sousuke x shino #dazai x chuuya #akutagawa x atsushi

[krisdreaming]

hi :3 i hope this isn't disruptive to your break (and i'm really glad to read that the break has been so good to you!! :D ) but i recently discovered your blog and finally got the courage to message you because i want to fangirl to you about 2 things! warning: looong fangirl post incoming 😬 sorry in advance 😅 btw i love your theme(?) idk if if thats what it's called i'm a tumblr noob but yeah your aesthetic is amazing and so pleasing to look at :D

2) your writing! im not exaggerating when i say that you're my fav haikyuu blog writer. seriously. i get sad when people mischaracterize our boys :'( but you characterize them so beautifully :") your attention to detail is amazing, your descriptions are BEAUTIFUL, and the way you write is just *chef's kiss* some of my favs are your iwaizumi's 4+1 scenario ;-; (ok honestly all of them tho) and your kuroo fluffmass scenario ;-; AH mah heart too many uwus literally melting from how soft it makes me

i actually have been slowly going through all your posts from the beginning lols (because even your responses to questions/random stuff are pleasant to read LOL im a bit weird like that 😅) and i LOVE your little tag notes too hahaha (theyre so fun/funny). maybe when im caught up with everything youve written (sad) and your asks are open i'll stop by again with a request ^^ im so glad you love writing and sharing it with us! hope you have a wonderful week~ (btw your cat is so adorbs like srsly)

whoops actually 3rd thing to gush about- inarizaki match AH!! the hype. the feels. and YES i unexpectedly fell hard for kita (darn you furudate ive already adopted so many haikyuu boys!) so excited for you to write for him because ah hes honestly so amazing?? the block hinata hated the most was a nice surprise & i literally d;lajfak when i saw __ watching the match when jogging. i have such a soft spot for that year in that team ;-; heart broke a bit when __ was the only one we didnt see tho T_T

OMG I ASDJKLFJEI I’M PUTTING OFF ORGANIZING MY BLOG TO WRITE THIS I don’t even know where to start, my insides are literally just this: 🥺🥺🥺 I am SOFT you seriously have no idea how much I was grinning reading this!!!! I don’t even know where to start really, but omg I’m so happy you found my blog and that you’re enjoying it so much, that means everything to me 🥺 Ahh ty for mentioning my theme! I am honestly such a perfectionist with themes, I always mess with them for AGES so it makes me really happy that you noticed it!

You are too sweet, omg, thank you soso much for your incredibly kind words about my writing, hearing that just honestly makes my heart soar. I also have to say that the Iwaizumi 4+1 scenario is one of my favorite pieces I’ve written for this blog!!! I’m glad you liked it too! 

I am ALWAYS spouting off in the tags, tbh if you don’t read them you’re missing out on a big chunk of my personality bc I tend to hide it there orz. But please do stop in with a request!! ^^

YES INARIZAKI MATCH my peabrain has already forgotten everything that happened in it but it was a wild ride for sure. There were so many moments that had me literally pausing from reading just to squeal about them!! Kita kinda just sneaks in there without any warning, after that one chapter it was just over for me, like, Miya twins who?? I really need to keep reading, bc now the Nekoma match is starting and things are just getting 👀👀

Ahaha but anyway! I can’t tell you how much this entire message means to me?? It just made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside, I love you so much darling!!! You can stop in here anytime hehe ❤️

#answered #cuties #THIS MADE MY HEART GO BOOM

[miheirie]

hi!

I think I wrote this whole thing for you guys a couple....hundred times now. It’s long but it is extremely important to me, and I have been dwindling around this whole thing for quite some time. Two people might read it or two hundred, it doesn’t matter.

 I needed to say somethings just for the sake of my friends on here who message me every now and then but I’m also doing this for the sake of my wellbeing. I hope you stick around to read the whole thing, and I hope you can continue to stick around me as well, love u guys. 

Warnings: There will be mentions of depression as well as suicidal themes. I put asteriks (*) to mark the sections where I do mention these themes. Please, if these warnings apply to you, be cautious of the asteriks (*), or scroll through. If you do feel the way I did, know that 1) you are not alone and 2) there is help and good in the world. Also this wasn’t edited very well, bc I was a nervous bean who didn’t want to reread. 

Another warning I have is that this whole shenangian biggie majiggie is pretty long, so TLDR (too long dont/didnt read): I did not love myself, but now I do. That being said, here we go!

I started this tumblr on Halloween of 2018 with the intentions of just reblogging stuff about the one and only Harold Styeel (hehe). That was it, no writing no messaging other people, nothing. That obviously didn’t last long because I met people. 

I read imagines and fics and stories and sequels, all so beautifully written it would make my heart throb. And these stories or posts wouldn’t make my heart throb because Harry was in them but because I fell in love with the writers. I fell in love with how passionate they were in writing every single series, how much time it took for them to write 1,000+ words, and to edit them and post headers and etc. I fell in love with the way Harry was written not as a pop idol, but as a human man, with different lives, whether it was Boxer Harry or Librarian Harry, or whatever occupation they wanted him in. And no longer for me was it about him, it was about the story (ok, fine sometimes it was about him...). 

So I did what everyone did, I decided to write. I posted my own drabbles of Harry. I ventured off into a world that had the worst stigma of being crazy, psychotic, obsessive and weird. And I did it anyway because I felt safe, and loved and respected, because you guys did that. I still get messages or anons once in a while, where someone just wanted to pop in to tell me they loved chapter 3, or how I should fix a certain part and being in that world, helped me with everything. I was happy, I was in love. I met people who showed me the world. I met my best friend! What more could anyone ask for?

*WARNING*

But soon it wasn’t about the story anymore, nor was it about the people. I fell into a weird spiraling hole. I was ashamed and disappointed and mad and upset about myself. I soon hated everything I wrote, every single thing. It didn’t matter how many notes I got or how many messages, I loathed posting each and every single story. 

This hatred wasn’t just confined in the world of miheirie, it invaded my life. I hated what I looked like, how I felt, how I dressed, hell, I started hating how I laughed. I think the worst thing was, was that throughout this whole mist of hatred, I felt stupid. I wasn’t comparing myself to anyone, I was just comparing myself against myself (i know it doesn’t make sense, my brain got jumbled here). 

I would blame myself for the smallest things. Its your fault no one likes you, its your fault she doesn’t want to talk to you, its your fault they left, its your fault for being here.

And I knew I felt this way before, it was when I was suicidal a few months prior to the year of 2018. I hated, hated hated hated, myself. I would wish for my own silence and sometimes, it almost worked. 

*

This isn’t a story about how I get better and how I am super happy now. This is how I tried. I tried so freaking hard to live for myself. And I need you (if you read up to this point message me drink water dum dum), each and every single on of you to know, that if you ever feel this way to do the same. To live for you, to live for the smallest things that ignites sparks within your body. For me it was cleaning and journaling and painting little stars on my nails. I would sometimes fall into that whole, and some days I stayed in that hole for hours, days, but the mantra I needed was to live for me.

I started by removing toxic people from my phone, then to removing the things I always hated about my room (stupid closet door), then it came to organizing my goals, what did i want to accomplish my tonight? Was it to drink more water, or was it to orgabnize my backpack? I started extremely small, then as months passed, I went bigger. 

I deleted every single story from my blog. I know, it was hard for me. I cried, so so so so much. But it wasn’t all sad. Those stories for me were kind of torture, I only liked a few, but even then, I wasn’t happy. I felt like i was regurgitating ideas, and when I reread to proofread, I would gag. (I am so dramatic wth). So I deleted them, if enough of guys want to read them, I DO have them saved, and I can create a little something for you guys can see. 

I didn’t write nearly everything I was feeling, but I wrote enough. I was unhappy with my life, it felt like everything was wrong. I needed time from myself for myself to heal because I was just a huge mess. And within this hiatus, I discovered quite a few things; 

I really don’t like celery.

I love going to therapy, that shit is amazing. 

I’m pansexual.

I like YOGA!

Banana creme pie is orgasmic. 

Holy shit, did I really just say that? Online? That I...... like YOGA?!?! hAAHA, no but really, I am pansexual. Me discovering that is a whole other long ass post (interest? tell me!), but I feel like taking a break not only from tumblr, but from being online and from people outside my doors, was needed. 

That being said, I feel good? Yes, I do. I feel amazing, I’m basking in the sun and I feel so freaking good. Do I not feel good sometimes? Hell yea. Do I fall into depressive holes every now and then? All the time. But do I start again, no matter how long it took for me to start? All the time. 

I love you guys, I love this blog, I love everything about this community. I would feel unreal if you guys would have me again. Thank you being here, thank you for reading, even if it was a glimpse, and thank you for being you to inspire me, to be happy. 

<3 miheirie

#Harry Styles #mental health #haha #my tags are so stupid #idk what to tag #ummmm #im back! #MESSAGE ME bloop #and ill love u #even more #thank you!