#bc if that was me i'd have broken a long time ago

[apollo-cackling]

current collection of yincore quotes:

If you live your life making ‘hard choices’ and ‘necessary sacrifices’, do they eventually become self-justifying? Do you start to create these choices for yourself, because you see the most painful thing as the most necessary and proper? Do you begin to replicate the tragedies Empire has inflicted on you in the tragedies you inflict on others?

– Seth Dickinson

Her brother laughed a little. “Ah, Shae, if you decided to betray me, what could I do? What’s the point of life if you can’t even trust your own kin?” He kicked her foot under the table, a teasing, childish gesture. “For you to hand my head over to the Mountain, you must really hate me. I must be such a terrible brother that I’d deserve to die. So there was nothing to be done about it.”

– Jade City, Fonda Lee

"It's a situation doomed enough to laugh at, but he thinks of what he used to tell his students. Imagine being a planet. Don't laugh, he'd tell them. Try to imagine it. Eons of loneliness, and then one day your ellipsis peaks toward that of another planet and there is a gasp of nearness. Wouldn't you try to make the most of it? Wouldn't you, too, combust and flare and explode if you had to?"

– Guillermo Del Toro

#my rambles #lucales #sort of the appeal of yin in the period between when exalted was introduced and when grace's timeline was dropped is the *after* yk #you've broken out of this abusive place you've managed to leave the toxic codependent relationship you've been clutching onto for so long #as the only thing either of you have #but you still have these habits patterns of living miscalibrated expectations for what certains actions mean #what's the after like #idk I've started thinking about lucales again bc after recent revelations I think I get what past me was going for #had a burst of thinking about it a while ago bc I'd recently followed someone who tags posts with OCs a lot but it didn't get to anywhere #now though... it could be interesting yk #not that I have the time lol #these quotes aren't necessarily accurate in the specifics but yea

[everythingne]

wing damage - mv1

Eldest of the Halliwell-Horner pack, Y/n “Nadine” Horner gets her heart broken by the man she’s supposed to wed in six months. Four years of love slipping down the drain faster than she can try and grasp at the remaining water droplets. But... not all hope is lost as far as the f1 community is concerned and they might be right, since Max seems to be trying to get a little closer to his Team Principals daughter.

max verstappen x influencer!horner!reader

warnings & notes: cheating, mentions of alcohol, small age gap (24-27), strong language, probably inaccurate f1 information, using a name as a placeholder for y/n bc i’m not typing that every time, dates are off by two days in the beginning. deal, might have gotten christian's lore wrong but idk man he's just a white guy

fc: sophia la corte (and various ginger women on pinterest.)

04 MARCH 2024 — TWITTER. ↴

—

BAHRAIN, 04 MARCH 2024 — REDBULL GARAGE ↴

“Do you want me to confront him?” Max asks, sitting down next to me in the paddock. His hand comes to squeeze my knee, my father rubbing my back as he deletes every photo—every memory of Jacob Taylor from my phone. Four years down the drain. My friends back home at my apartment are currently bagging up his stuff. Both Mona and Ally will move in with me, just like college again, once his stuff is empty. My bare apartment will soon be filled with our old nick nacks but i can hardly be happy about it.

Cheated.

The man who spent 50k on an emerald cut four karat ring with a real gold band, cheated? The man who cried when his mom told him she loved me, cheated? The man who cancelled an entire film set because it conflicted with my schedule, cheated? The man who won over the hearts of not only Geri Horner, but Christian Horner? He was the one who cheated?

Jacob was (strong emphasis on the was) the highest standard I ever held. Now, I didn’t even know what standards to have anymore. Anyone could be a cheater. I never stood a chance.

“It’s fine, Max.” I say softly, wiping at my face again to try and make it look less like I’ve been sobbing since I found out as soon as the plane touched down two days ago. The paddock is buzzing, qualifiers getting ready to start for the first GP. The warm Bahraini sun beats down on the track and I can see the heat wiggling above it. Even in March it’s as hot as summer over here, and part of me misses the gloomy, smoggy streets of London right now.

“It’s not fine!” Max groans at me, throwing his head back in exclamation. I know he’s sick and tired of hearing me say it for the thousandth time, but if I say it’s not fine, I’ll break down. And we can’t have that.

“Max,” Pierre’s voice calls before Max can go on another tirade about killing Jacob. Max turns and I can see the hesitance in him to leave my side. He’s been like this since I met him the first day he raced with Red Bull years back—instantly the two of us clicked. When the days got hard, or his dad got on his back a bit too much, I would appear by his side and with a tiny smile somehow I'd fix everything. After I became his sort of 'chauffeur' when one of our drivers got sick in Abu Dhabi his first year, and we got stuck in an hour of traffic with nothing to do but talk, we became basically glued to each others sides.

I think having my unwavering support made a lot of the transition into Red Bull easier for him. And in moments like these, where he's watching me with a keen eye, I don’t know how I lived so long without his calm presence at my side. I was only a five years old when my dad joined Redbull, it’s been my entire life, and every racer who has passed through our team has never stuck to my side like Max Verstappen has.

“Go.” I nudge his knee when I see his hand twitch and hover by his helmet, eyes darting to me and then Pierre who waits in the doorway, so I supply, “I’ll be here when you get back.”

Max nods, giving me a departing hug before he gets up and starts tugging his racing suit on. Immediately my father replaces him, turning my head to card his hands through my hair.

“Oh, honey.” My father murmurs, squeezing my arms as he lets me lean into him, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong, Papa.” I sigh, leaning into him and letting his wrap his arms tight around me.

“No, I trusted that boy. That’s what I did wrong.” He says back, before handing me back my phone. We sit like that for a long time, people passing us without asking. Everyone knew. I had found out the same way they all did—on social media. Jacob didn’t even have the balls to tell me himself. Fucking coward.

Eventually someone calls my father away, the racing must now in full swing. So I force myself to sulk off to a hidden corner where I can munch on chocolates and watch Max from a little tv. Not as good as my usual perch next to my dad, but I don’t need the public seeing me the day I find out my fiancé of several years had been cheating almost the whole time. With his co-star. Fucking hell.

10 MARCH 2024 — INSTAGRAM ↴

THENADINEHORNER MADE A NEW POST!

liked by maxverstappen, danielricciardo, charlesleclerc, and 124k others...

thenadinehorner: the halliwell-horner household >>

tagged: christianhorner, gerihalliwell, blubelhals, theoliviahorner.

USER HAS COMMENTS LIMITED ON THIS POST

gerihalliwell: love u lots mini ginger spice!!!!

⤷ thenadinehorner: mama ill cry </3

charlesleclerc: maman says hello and that she will have wine for you when you come to monaco

⤷ arthurleclec: nadine you are very beautiful do not let a man win -- maman

⤷ thenadinehorner: OMGGGG <3<3<3 XOXO MAMAN JE VOUS AIME TELLEMENT

christianhorner: my beautiful daughter

theoliviahorner: best sister ever

allycameragirl: cutest family fr

blubelhals: I LOVE YOU NADI COME BACK SOON !!!

maxverstappen: you and your sisters together is recipe for disaster

⤷ danielricciardo: bet they're planning ur downfall.

⤷ thenadinehorner: beware both of u 🔪

10 MARCH 2023 — LONDON, ENGLAND.

I knew returning home to my apartment was going to be hard. I had spent a few days with my dad, Geri, Olivia, Bluebell, and Monty. My father's third marriage had brought me Bluebell and Monty, Olivia's mother my first step mother and my father's second wife.

My mother? I didn't speak to her for good reason.

But being in my father and Geri's home had been refreshing enough to start and heal my heart. I also learned that Geri was really fucking good at healing, it involved a lot of wine and a lot of cursing.

My apartment had been a home full of happy memories of moving in with Jacob, and our time living together everyday I wasn’t at GPs and he wasn’t on set. Memories of our families and friends together with us, and now it would be just me. So empty. Alone. White walls with no decorations anymore. Just staring at me, closing in slowly.

God, I’d rather kill myself than deal with the solid ache in my heart that hasn’t left in almost a week.

Opening the door I sucked in a breath of pure agony. My father’s warm hand around my shoulder a soft reminder that even if I felt abandoned, I wasn’t alone. Not by a long shot. And as the door clicks open, my hand finds the lights instinctually, and my eyes widen to dinner plates.

“Welcome home!” a chorus cheers and I laugh, all my of old friends circled around the end of the foyers hallway, wine glasses and soju bottles in hand. I can’t even speak as tears fill my eyes and the girls run to me, waving my father off. He kisses my hairline, tells me he'll text me when he gets home, and shuts the door as my friends cart me into the kitchen and wipe my tears and fix up my messy hair with giggles.

“Tonight!” One of my friends—eventually I source the drunken giggles to Ally, “we will make you so hot and sexy, he will regret it.”

“And if he comes crawling back!” It’s Mona now.

“We will rip his dick off!” Marija shouts and the girls raise shots to me.

“Guys—what is all of this?” I can’t help but laugh, and then the three look at each other and smile.

“So… you’ve heard of a revenge dress, right?” Ally says slowly, and it all clicks.

—

10 MARCH 2023 — INSTAGRAM

THENADINEHORNER MADE A NEW POST!

liked by maxverstappen, charlesleclerc, christianhorner and 976k others..

thenadinehorner: ‘little black dress, who you doin it for?’ 🖤

tagged: monanotlisa, allycameragirl, marijaswrld

USER HAS LIMITED COMMENTS ON THIS POST.

maxverstappen: Is this that ‘hot girl era’ thing?

⤷ charlesleclerc: i think so.

monanotlisa: absolutely sexy. as per usual.

allycameragirl: FUCKKK UR HOT 🖤🖤

landonorris: one direction???

⤷ thenadinehorner: ofc you know it’s one direction.

⤷ landonorris: cannot tell if this is a compliment or not but thanks ?

marijaswrld: 🧎‍♀️ < me

#my fic #formula one fic #formula 1 fic #formula one smau #max verstappen #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen smau

[takiki16]

Hey so I am starting to get into Jupiter Ascending fandom (a couple years late but what can I say). I was thinking of writing a fic. Do you have any resources for JA extra information?

Thanks in advance. Also I am loving your fic (it's how I started getting into the fandom lololol). can't wait to reread!!!

HOOOOOOO BOY!!!!

I'm paging @bemusedlybespectacled, @gallifreyburning, @vr-trakowski, @sorrelchestnut, @florentinequill, @fuckyeahjupiterascending, @vrabia, and honestly ANYONE ELSE who wants to chime in here, bc HOOOOOOO BOY!

(I made that sweet puppy in fucking 2015 on my dying laptop in the travel study dorm in DC, JUPITER ASCENDING HOW I LOVE THEE)

The eternal fucking tragedy of Jupiter Ascending is that the wider world doesn't love it like we do. Does it have every single thing that turns my crank, id-wise? Sure! Does it have gorgeous over-the-top sequined costumes and extravagant set pieces that remind you at every minute that this movie specially thanked Swarovski Crystal in the credits? Sure! Does it have theeeee single most pinpoint reading of MY PERSONAL FEMALE GAZE that Channing Tatum has ever done? (sorry mister Magic Mike, but you do not even come CLOSE to "may I kill him?" in terms of sexy) SURE! Was this movie a commercial or critical success? Absolutely not 😔

There isn't, as far as I'm aware, an art book. There isn't an official novelization. There isn't even an actual script posted to the usual internet databases that isn't just an automatic shitty talk-to-text rendition of the movie dialogue. There are concept art paintings and old cast interviews floating around, and this auction website where the Wachowskis auctioned off some of the props from the movie, but as far as canon resources and extra material beyond the movie itself there isn't much. A quick duckduckgo search would probably be more helpful to you than anything else, if any of the websites still have the articles up - it WAS eight years ago, and doesn't that just break my fucking heart.

My corner of tumblr LOVED this movie. In 2015, there were TONS of posts gathering interviews, posting concept art, making cosplays, all the signs of a small but healthy fandom ecosystem. However, we call this the blue hellsite for a reason - not all of those resources are still there, and the ones that survived time and incompetent archival site coding are probably difficult to find. I would definitely recommend trawling the JA tags of all the blogs I tagged at the start of this post, as JA introduced me to two of my longest and most beloved of all mutuals. ALL of their insights were key to A Fine Chain.

There is also my own jupiter ascending tag and my more specific jupiter ascending meta tag, although I don't know how bored you are lol. The general JA tag is 105 pages - I would almost recommend just starting at page 105 and working forward from there since it chronicles my descent into kinky space angel werewolf brain rot pretty nicely. There are also my ao3 bookmarks for JA.

I WILL SAY that it has been 8 years, and I have changed into a very different person than the one I was when I first saw this movie. I don't REGRET the first few chapters of A Fine Chain, or any of my breathless meta posts, but I do think that if I were to write any of them over again, I'd hope that my writing style has matured and I'd have lots more extra material to draw from. Actually graduating from law school, writing long fic in another fandom, and generally percolating more as a person has given me lots of new perspectives on JA that make it more interesting even as I still enjoy it (for example, HBO's Succession is ODDLY RELEVANT and I wish there were more JA fanwriters to take advantage of that fact).

...I hope that was helpful? I will ETERNALLY mourn the fact that this fandom wasn't isn't bigger - we haven't even broken 1k on ao3! But EYE MYSELF am here to discuss JA stuff as long as this weird spurt of creative energy sustains me, and my inbox is always open!

#jupiter ascending #fandom #my posts #jupiter ascending meta #if NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU MY GLITTERY SPACE EXTRAVAGANZA I WILL LOVE YOU #was it perfect? no. was it a bit of a hot mess at times? yes. BUT DO I LOVE IT? HELL YEAH #long post

[perfectlyripeclementine]

Sorry if this is too personal for an ask, you seem to have developed a very mature and nurturing way of navigating past relationships... ofc this might just be from the outside looking in but still. In my experience and cultural background (monogamous, cishetero, conservative) -and despite outgrowing most of that education- I still struggle with grief when it comes to unresolved feelings for previous partners.

I understand that it's a very nuanced thing and it involves lots of factors for each particular person, in any case i thought I'd ask for your thoughts on this from your perspective and maybe some good literature to go along with it?

hi friend ❣️ i’ll start by saying, if you’re asking this question you might be feeling a bit tender, so i hope you’ve got some softness - that you’re receiving it from others, and that you give this to yourself. thank you for your trust.

read more bc this might be a long one.

there’s a lot of different things i’d like to say. i’ll start by saying the framework of polyamory really helped me here. the biggest lie of compulsory monogamy is that exclusivity means safety. monogamy sells you that the goal is to Date and then be Exclusive and then Marry and then you’ll be Safe. but marriage doesn’t mean safety: people divorce all the time; cheat on each other all the time; people stay in unhappy marriages (and relationships) all the time. i believe there is no such thing as safety in relationships - monog or otherwise. at the risk of being dramatic: in one way or the other, you will either lose them or you will die first. grief is not only a risk of love, it is a guarantee.

when i fall in love with someone i ask myself: is this person worth grieving? so far, the answer has never been no. but i walk in knowing i will either die first, or grieve them. it’s a bitter pill, but it gives me freedom, because it also means that the end of a relationship isn’t necessarily a failure. if i’ve learned, if i’ve grown, if the relationship gave me happiness, i consider it a success.

on that note, experience does help. i’ve had three or four Big Breakups(tm). and they don’t get easier, but now when i get my heart broken i know i can survive it. i may be in the Big Ouchies for a while but i won’t keel over and die. like a bad flu.

my work when i’m in the Big Ouchies is to not let my body deteriorate. i need to drink water especially if i’m crying; eat food even if i’m not hungry (that one’s tough for me); take myself out for walks even if the flowers aren’t out. if i can only eat butter pasta, so be it. if the only way i can sleep is taking melatonin, so be it. everything else, the processing, the learning, etc, can wait a second. when i’m in the Big Ouchies, i see what i can take off my plate. my priority for a few weeks is just to get through the searing heat of it. (two week statute of limitations on exclusively eating junk food tho. we do need vitamins and protein.)

the next step for me is to take what’s mine. i believe people when they say they love me, and when they say why; no take-backsies. whatever i learned from them is mine now. whatever confidence they gave me is mine now. i give myself credit for the things i loved about them: it’s a reflection of my values that i did. those are things i can cultivate in myself.

i do by myself or with friends the things i wanted to do together. i read that book we talked about. i go to that show i got us tickets for. i wear that sweater i got them. slowly, all these things become mine and stop being reminders that i lost them.

when i want to text them i text a friend a friend instead. ideally not to talk about them (although i do that too) but to make plans so i don’t isolate myself. it doesn’t fill the hole but it helps.

over time the missing gets softer around the edges. there’s one ex from years ago i think about every day. but it’s a soft kind of missing now. it kind of keeps me company. it’s proof i had a love worth having.

i don’t really have Breakup Literature but every time i’m in the Big Ouchies i reread Love Enough by Dionne Brand. I’ve talked about this book before. It soothes my heart each time.

When i’m in the dark pits of it I listen to Banks. When I have the energy to be angry or feel spiteful I listen to Dezi and Havaiah Mighty.

Sometimes the missing never leaves. That’s okay. I can still enjoy the sun on my skin and the taste of clear water.

#ask roo #advice column #long ass post #nonbinary love #polyamory #heartbreak

[sporksaber]

This idea has not fully formed in my brain yet, but dpxdc time reversal isekai. This'll be a bit disjointed so bear with me.

Danny phantom and DC are the same universe to start with. Danny goes darkest timeline (not in the dan way. Dan is boring. He does not exist for this purpose) after years of being legally not human and trying to run from the giw while the organizations that should of helped didn't.

In the original timeline he is found out in some horrible way and has to run. He is kidnapped by the giw. He frees himself and finds himself entangled with the batfam. Everything goes wrong, his tenuous relationship with them gets super messed up as none of them are in a good place, and danny is slowly dying. Eventually it all gets broken off.

Danny, completing his journey into insanity, kind of destroyes the universe. And on a little related tangent, when writing these kind of stories all powerful characters are hard to deal with. Characters like clockwork give me the ick because their pulling at the strings robs the characters of their agency and they often fall apart when you look at them critically. So I'm nerfing clockwork. He can see all the timelines, he can watch over them and prevent major fuckery, but he isn't just able to meddle as he pleases.

Like I said, Dan doesn't exist and the whole bit never happened (originally I said that because it's a lame plotline but now it has real reasons) so Danny's never met clockwork. Clockwork takes the burst of power from danny going nuclear and reverses the time stream.

Danny wakes up on the day the event that leads his parents to find out happens. He's unable to avoid it as he's confused and dissriented with a bunch of strange thoughts and images making his head feel fit to burst, but does avoid the giw while running away.

Onto discussions of a main plot point: the romance bc it's always there with time reversal isekais (and with my fics in general tbh). As I'm thinking about it it's hard to decide bc I recently read a bunch that annoyed me into disliking them all and made me step away from the cross over for awhile. But as I was thinking of what to write I came to a decision. I already have one of these for Tim, having it be damian would make all the other characters older than him and it doesn't fit the vibe I'm going for to have danny surrounded by a bunch of adults when he isn't quite one, Jason just isn't fitting in my head rn, so I'm making it Dick. (I did also consider bruce, but I didn't...

The ages I'm going off of: bruce 37 (27), dick 21 (11), Jason 18 (8), Tim 15 (5), Damien 10 (fetus.)

I'm torn. I like the concept of Bruce being the love interest better but i dont know if i like it more than Dick. Like I said, this idea came to me and I immidiently opened a a draft. The idea is not solidified. And as I think more about it, maybe bruce would be better. Because with crossover ships you can slap the timelines together however you want you can change the ages and ship characters as you see fit. My initial reason for not considering bruce was the ages and wanting all the kids to be around for the plot. So I'm going to do the math.

Danny gets his powers at 14. Gets away with only monsters of the week to deal with for the first year. Giw gets new funding and becomes a consistent problem into when he's 16. It's manageable for awhile. I'm going to say he deals with it well enough for them to pull back and regroup around when he turns 17. Six months later and The Incident happens and he's outed. He runs and in his panicked gets captured by the giw.

My initial plan (initial meaning first thought that occurred less than an hour ago) was for him to be kidnapped long enough to be thoroughly traumatized but not super long. Like a few months. And I'd thought his freeing himself might have somthing to do with them kidnapping Jason or somthing. And if I stick to that Dick works really well and I feel like there's some really good content in dick and danny ending up together.

With Bruce I'd have to adjust the timeline more. Both for my batfam agenda and to make it not icky. If bruce is going to be in his mid thirties danny needs to be a minimum of his mid 20s. So I think if I were to go with Bruce I'd extend the kidnapped time to like 2 years (so Danny's like 20) and have him spend some time in the ghost zone before coming back to mess up the giw? I don't know. I'm going to have to write some stuff physically.

This has gotten out of hand and now I'm confused and my head hurts. I think the difference in the decision in unstable young adult danny vs unhinged adult danny in the original time line.

And the other thing I have to consider is not just main timeline but post rewind attempt 2 timeline and how those ages fall.

Dick is easier because it'd be easier to not have to handle that mess. I could have what I want without worrying about an age gap. And I think they could be really compelling. Especially with the idea of Dick seeking out Danny to help Jason, the brother he thinks he failed. Their relationship is originally a will they won't they as Dick has to deal with his family being a mess and desperately not wanting to lose anyone again while danny is in a limbo between who he is and if he's human. And it doesn't work out. It blows up in their faces as circumstances tear them apart and force them to let go of eachother. And you get the forbidden romance trope as batman doesn't trust danny. And then danny loses his shit and everyone dies before the rewind.

I think after the rewind they'd restart quieter. Danny searches out a familiar person after running away. Dick had just become nightwing and set up in bludhaven. Jason is 14 and hasn't died yet. Maybe they'd meet organically. Danny is drawn to Gotham and ends up in bludhaven while skirting around it. He meets the new vigilante who he knows but he also knows he doesn't (his core remembers. The core always remembers). Dick finds himself drawn to this haunted guy he keeps running into, maybe it's his savior complex, maybe it's somthing else entirely. He figures he's some kind of meta, jumpy from escaping someone's experiments.

Eventually Danny will remember Jason. Dick brings him up and Danny's filled with dread. Dick thinks his reaction is wierd. But Jason is eventually saved.

If I were to write it this way I think I'd have a couple of different mystery plot likes that connect thematically but aren't actually connected. (A nightwing vigilante based one of mob bosses or whatever, Danny's whole deal, what the giw is up to, where their money comes from and how that's gotten on the jl radar). But that's all on that for now.

To summarize: they have a very turbulent relationship initially. Dick will eventually be forced to chose the bats over danny. Danny has not properly healed from the giw and slowly spins out of control. After the rewind it's a lot of Dick solving mysteries as Danny tries to heal. The plot would be majorly driven by Dick, Danny's is mostly internal.

Back to the bruce concept (reminder that these two concepts are not connected at all).

The thing with time reversals is that you have to decide in the beginning whether or not the reversal is seperate from the main characters original timeline or if it's continuous. Are they the age they were pre reversal or the age they were reversed to? How much of it do they retain?

With the Bruce option I matched it to bruce being like 6 years older than danny. So pre reversal danny shows up to investigate bruce when his connection to the al ghuls (10yo damien) is established. Danny is 30, jaded, and less human than the other version. He's been warped in a way. The torture was longer and he recovered in the zone. A lot of his friends and family died.

Some relationship stuff happens, some al ghul caused demon stuff happens, the world is destroyed, time is reversed.

I'm fudging the previous timeline a bit. Danny's reveal happens at 19 while he's still in amity taking a gap year to weigh his dreams against his responsibilities. The Incident happens. He's kidnapped for a few years. Escapes durring an expierenment that allows him to slip into the zone. Dedicates himself to destroying the giw.

Danny post reversal retains skills and knowledge but is still his 19 year old self. He returns to the day of the incident, is confused, gets outed, dips but escapes the giw. Goes to Vlad and demands money, resources, and a contract that makes him heir without the downsides of his shady practices. It's important to not at this point, danny is basically bluffing. The kid has no idea what's going on or if it'll work, but he spooks vlad enough for him to agree now, plan how to spin it in his favor later.

So Danny takes a bit to decompress from that shitshow.

Flash forward, bruce wayne notices he has a bit of a (new) stalker problem. Some guy he doesn't know (and Brucie Wayne knows everyone) starts showing up at all his galas and the charity events he goes to. 20 year old Danny Fenton, heir to Masters Enterprises.

Cue Romcom.

This would have a drastically different tone from the other version. Very fun and much lower stakes.

Anyway I'm done for now. I hope you enjoyed this 2 hour unedited rant. Might expand on both separately, I like them both.

#fanfiction #dp x dc au #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #im not going to tag them individually

[blue-mostacho]

~Cherry Bomb~

Warnings: mentions of SA (not detailed), alcohol and drug abuse.

I decided to just change up a little bit the introduction of the prologue. I hope it doesn't disappoint you guys, it doesn't mean that the Billy romance is completely out of the table. That's not the case AT ALL, like, not even close. I just chose to change it up a little bit so it fits better the fic as it could lead anywhere.

I chose two songs to accompany this first chapter, you will find a symbol with the name of the song right at the beginning. As you read the chapter, the symbol will appear signaling the moment you need to play the songs and when to stop them.

Before you start reading it, please read the prologue for full context.

You can find it here.

I hope you enjoy!

Previous part (prologue), just in case bc I panic xd

Chapter One - Bruises and burgers.

★ Afraid - The neighborhood

☆ Kickstar my heart - Mötley Crüe

The tick-tack coming from the clock hanging on the wall is giving me an eye tick. I roll my eyes as the boredom is driving me nuts, yawning I stretch my back, lifting my arms. Another shitty day at work with shitty customers and shitty coworkers. I'm not very fond of people, I've never really had a lot of friends, in fact, I don't even recall having friends as a little girl. Of course, I had a couple of kids with whom I would play at recess, but that was it. In high school, I would hang out with different groups of people, but I never felt like I really belonged to any of them. It wasn't their fault though, I just didn't feel that way, you know? Like, I never had no one to rely on. On the other hand people didn't seem very pleased with my presence either, so...

It never bothered me too much, I liked being alone. I used to spend a lot of time in my head, making up stories of all sorts, fake scenarios and adventures. I had fun that way. My whole life revolved around books and comics, movies, and any other medium that would enrich my imagination. Although I must say that over the last few years, I have met some wonderful people, like Don. I met Don a couple of years ago, I'd landed a pretty decent job at an arcade in California, and the paycheck wasn't bad at all, he was my coworker. He wasn't into video games or comic books, but he needed the money to pay for school loans. Since I liked working there, the thought of settling down, getting a small room in a shared apartment, and starting a new life didn't sound bad at all. I did for a while, I was 20 at the time. I'd spent two years on the road and it was starting to take a toll on me. Everything was going well, but remember what I said about never having a real group of friends? Yeah, well, I actually had one for a short time. ★ I used to do night shifts at a local bar since I needed the extra cash to fix my car, which had broken down. When I said I had a rusty car, I really meant it. Every night, a group of six people around my age would come in and spend the night playing cards, drinking, and doing the usual shit people in their 20s do. I was the only one covering the nights, so it wasn't long until we became friends, especially since one of the guys in the group had his eyes on me. I liked hanging out with them. Soon, my shifts stopped feeling like work. Most of the nights they were the only customers, so I would just sit at the table with them and play poker until the end of my shift.

In the beginning, everything was fine, just a handful of wannabe adults having fun here and there, nothing special. But as the weeks went by, I started to notice small but weird details, I brushed them off. After all, they were in their twenties, living in a place like California, so of course things like alcohol and drugs were something usual.

During my first months in California, everything went well, I was convinced I made the right decision, but life wasn't planning on making it so easy for me, so eventually things started going south.

Don tried to warn me the few times the guys showed up at the arcade. I guess he could see something that I didn't. There's not a day that I don't regret not listening to him. I was so caught up in my own world that I missed all the signals until it was too late, and I know I deserved everything that happened.

With each passing week, everything turned more and more sketchy. New people started joining them at the bar, some of them were older, way too old. I just knew that they weren't just playing poker anymore. Slowly, they were going down a really dark path, and I was being dragged down with them.

I tried to stay out of it, but one night, one of the guys, Axel, showed up at my door. He was covered in blood, his own blood. That was his first mistake because after that they wouldn't leave me alone. I guess they assumed I was his girlfriend and tried to send him a message through me. We were actually pretty close, that's why he came to me when he needed help.

That night, he told me everything that'd been going on while I was nursing him up. After that, I understood why it's said that young people are stupid. Because we are.

Long story short, they got involved with some nasty drug dealers. I'm not talking about Eddie type of dealer. It was more of a drug network, they used to party a lot which led to them experiencing with strong, exotic substances. Safe to say they became addicted quickly, which resulted in consuming every day, and those substances were also expensive. So by the time Axel found himself knocking on my door, they were all in deep debt, and that's why he got the beating of his life. They did fuck him up real good, I was freaking out trying to convince him to go the ER to check for possible concussions. Needless to say, he refused.

After that I distanced myself from him and the rest, but as I said they already fixated on me.

Weird things started happening to me. It didn't last long though, just a couple of weeks. But I guess that's what you get when you ignore the red flags.

Don was there the whole time, he knew everything and kept insisting I cut off any ties with them, that just distancing myself wasn't enough.

I still saw them from time to time, especially Axel and Nadia, a breathtaking blonde with baby-blue eyes. I will never understand how she managed to fall into something like that, I swear she is the sweetest girl I've ever met.

I tried to help them both as much as I could, but it was to no avail.

Everything got too much for me on Axel's birthday, we all gathered to celebrate. I wasn't sure about going, but he insisted. That was his second mistake, and it was also mine. Don tried to talk me out of it, but we were just going to have dinner. They were planning on going to a club after that, but I'm not a party person, so I would just skip it with the excuse of having to work the next day. And that's exactly what I did. I had dinner, and then I went home, or at least I tried.

I will never forget that night. It was dark, the dining place we chose wasn't far from my home so I didn't take the car.

To this day if I close my eyes I can still feel the pain radiating through my body.

I would've ended up worse than Axel the night he showed up at my house if it wasn't for a couple of passers-by, but i was too late anyway. By the time the two strangers interfered, the other men had already managed to rip off my clothes between punches and have their fun with me on time. My entire body was aching, and the cold air didn't help soothe my already shaking figure.

After that I just left, nobody knew except Don. He was the only one I called once I managed to get into my house.

Eight months. That was the duration of my time in California. After that, I spent three months driving nonstop until I found Hawkins.

Today marks one year since that night, and I still shudder at the memory.

You're probably wondering why I decided to stay here after what happened, why not keep on traveling and avoid any attempt at a more stable life, or maybe go back home? Honestly, I don't know. I guess the contrast between this small town and a big city was too appealing after everything that's happened. Not gonna lie, my friendship with Eddie did help too. Of all the people that I've met in all these years of traveling, he's my favorite one. But I'll never tell him that, the fucker won't stop pestering me about it.★

The ticking of that goddamn clock still drumming in my ears pulls me out of my thoughts. I zone out a lot more than before, but I got used to it.

I groan annoyed, looking at the time. I still have thirty minutes left and I pray to God that I don't get any customers.

It's almost Christmas, so everything is decorated with tinsel and colorful lights, the streets smell like freshly lit fireplaces mixed with aromas of holiday sweets that had just been taken out of the oven.

I love Christmas, but like, obsessively. Although this year is kinda hard to get into the festive spirit, around this time is when I miss home the most. Reliving that night doesn't help either, it feels like my body knows exactly what day it is and decided to keep bringing the memories back on a loop. It's not like I think about it all the time, but sometimes it just comes to my mind like a slap on the face.

I shake my head, pushing those thoughts away, tired of the subject. I realize that I can start with my closing routine, first flipping the sign on the door as always. Soon enough I'm on my way to my car, not before grabbing some instant ramen and a few other snacks from the store. Sometimes, I walk to get to work, but the cold air of Indiana's winter is unbearable at this point.

It's a ten-minute drive home, it's already dark outside, it's almost 10 pm so my headlights help me see enough so I don't crash.

As always, I drag my feet to the entry of my roulotte, cigarette hanging from my lips like a ritual. My eyes fall on Eddie's trailer as it's parked thirty feet away in front of mine, just like every day. He's home, so as soon as I set foot in my house, I just throw my bag on the bed and rush outside again.

I make my way to the long-haired boy's door, I don't even bother knocking. Once I open it, the warmth of the house hugs my body as I make my way inside.

–Momma's home!- I shout, to make sure he can hear me. But I get nothing in response. I can hear some struggling, a frustrated 'fuck' coming from the living room. I look to my right just to find him lying on the floor with his arm under the couch, his neck hurtfully bent as his head rests on the front of the piece of furniture.– What are you doing?

–What does it look like I'm doing?- he tries to turn his head to look back at me, but clearly, he fails. I walk over there, swinging my legs over him trying not to step on him. I crouch, so now I have a perfect view of his face, it is red, and the vein on his forehead looks like it's about to explode. His bangs are bathed in sweat as he keeps struggling.

–I don't know, you tell me.‐ I try not to laugh as the words leave my mouth.

–My fucking arm is stuck under this thing.- he punches de couch with his free hand.

–How did it end up there Eds?- I don't even bother to keep it in anymore and a laugh comes out from the bottom of my chest.

–Oh it's just something that I enjoy doing...what do you think? My fucking guitar pick fell under it!- he starts out with a calm tone full of sarcasm and ends up yelling with a pitched voice.–Could you just help me already?

I laugh even harder, but I get up and place my hands under the side of the couch, lifting it up, freeing his arm. He rubs his now red, almost bruised, bicep as he mutters a "fucking couch" under his breath.

–You're welcome.- I let it down again and let myself fall on it.–Didn't it occur to you to just move it to the side?‐ His eyes snap up at me.

–Well, obviously not smartass.- getting up to sit beside me. I lift my hands in a surrendering.

–Okay okay, chill.- but I am laughing hysterically, which only increases his bad temper. His face turning red again.–Anyway, I brought ramen. Do you have any clean pots?.- I turn to look at the kitchen only to find the sink full of dirty dishes.–Nevermind.

His back is now laying against the cushions, he's lookin at the ceiling, putting on display his side profile.

Eddie has long, curly hair that falls a little lower down his shoulders. Big brown eyes, right under the waves of his bangs. We actually have the same haircut... kind of. The only differences being the orange dye in my hair compared to the chocolate of his locks, and mine has a lot more layers and volume. We're pretty similar in a lot of things, even in clothing.

His skin is pale making his pink lips stand out more as he bites on his bottom lip thinking.

–I'm too tired to cook right now.- he says with a dramatic sigh.–Why don't we go out?‐ He tilts his head to look at me.–I could use some fresh air.-I roll my eyes.

☆–Okay but I'm not driving.‐He shruggs nonchalantly.

A few moments later I'm handing him the keys to my car, as he enters the driver's seat. The sound of the engine roaring in the trailer park as he speeds off.

–The guys really want to meet you, you know?- I'm deep in thought when his voice fills the car, gaze lost in the window while i suck on a cherry lollipop.- Dustin wouldn't shut up about you after he met you.

–I mean, I will be having a few days off from work during the holidays.- I say, taking the sweet out of out my mouth, focusing on him. He's been trying to introduce me to his friends for a while now, I usually work double shifts so I barely have any free time. I kept promising him that I would find some time, but it's nearly impossible. After all, we are short on people at the store. But I did meet Dustin one evening after work, I'd stomped into Eddie's place unannounced as always. They were so focused on the videogame they were playing that I almost killed them from a heart attack. Kid's pretty cool though.

–Maybe you could join the D&D Christmas campaign.- My eyebrows rise in surprise, he's very picky about the people he allows into his D&D club. I've been pestering him about it since I came here, but he always would spit out something along the lines of it not being just a game, life or death situations and not allowing himself to recruit nothing but the best warriors he could find. Everything in a very dramatic way, just as he is. Even after I told him that I've been playing for years now, he wouldn't change his mind. Saying that the key word was "playing", and that it was enough for him to know I wasn't worthy of a place in his fantasy world or the Hellfire Club.

–Are you okay? Do you have a fever or something?- I tease placing the back of my hand on his forehead, fake concern lacing my voice. He pushes it away, not moving his eyes from the road.

–Shut up.- he laughs.–I'm just tired of listening to you bitching about it.

–Yeah, sure.‐ chuckling I place the candy back I'm my mouth looking outside the window again. I don't need to look at him to know that he rolled his eyes. He stretches his arm to reach the cassette of the car, turning up the volume and banging his head to the beat of Mötley Crüe. He speeds up the car almost to its limits, enjoying the thrill of the adrenaline as he laughs vibing to the song.

It only takes us two more songs before my car is far behind parked as we reach for the door of Richie's, I swear they make the best burgers here. The place is full, diferent groups of teenagers spread throughout the ample space. We make our way to a table and just as we were about to sit down, someone shouts behind us.

–Munson!☆

Next chapter.

#billy hargrove x oc #enemies to lovers #eddie munson #angst #smut #fluff #stranger things #fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove fanfiction #stranger things imagine #eddie munson x reader #Eddie munson best friend #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x fem oc #eddie munson best friend #billy hargrove fanfic #eddie munson friendship #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove story #billy hargrove love story #billy #Hargrove #eddie #munson

[sipsteainanxiety]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

i was tagged by @coopigeoncoo @andypantsx3 @willowser and @namodawrites to do this lil self fic rec game and after finally sitting down to think about it for a very... long... time... i have done it! thank you all for the tag i kiss you each on the forehead and give you a bowl of sliced fruit<3

after looking at all the wips i have in docs right now, i can definitely say that this list would be completely different if i had finished a few of them, but for now this is my ranked list for things i've published already lol

devil's glare — demon!bkg x reader

bakugou katsuki is a powerful demon that you have the pleasure of dating. but when he pisses you off one day, you decide to get back at him in a pretty petty way: drawing a salt circle around you to force him to apologize 

i had THEE most fun writing this one shot LMAO. it was based on a tiktok of all things that i'd found back when i was still on the app pfft. i just loved the idea of bkg being all surly and aggravated that his little human had purposely drawn a salt circle to prevent him from encroaching on their space. and like... him dealing with wanting to idk kiss you so bad but you're trying to teach him a lesson and he's sooooo mad and fuck, he's gonna do whatever he can to get you to comply to him lmao. if i could draw, there's this one scene where you're wearing this like. cute little set of pjs staring up at this big ass demon, wings unfurled threateningly, snarl on his face, arms crossed with a line of salt in between the two of you. like i have a vision. too bad i can't draw it LMFAOO. maybe one day

2. holding out (just for you) — dragon!bkg x reader

in which you find a horrendously injured dragon in a cave and make it your duty to heal him, not knowing that he’s the infamous dragonshifter, bakugo katsuki, who has been cursed to remain trapped in his dragon form forever—unless the spell is broken

this fic... oh boy. i've been working on this fic since mmm 2021 i think? i can't believe it's been a year since the big bang LMFAOO. i also can't blv this shit evolved from being a standalone to having 3 spinoffs and a sequel but well. here we are. complaints aside i really do have fun writing this fic!! i dunno!! i dont think i'd ever read a dragon bkg fic before and i was like fine i'll do it myself and this happened. i added way too much plot and you guys don't even know about half the worldbuilding and shit i have planned for the sequel HAHA. i can't even talk about it bc it would be major spoilers rn rhrsfjhrjfrjrhjg. it's also been giving me such a rough time lately pfft, especially with having to make sure everything lines up for the spinoffs n stuff. im so afraid of publishing ch4 and having to go back and tweak things bc i havent planned out far enough sdkjfsjkdf. i think it just means i'm gonna have to go on a hiatus or smthn and write out all the spinoffs + ch4 at once idk

3. and i give my all (to you) — merman!bkg x reader

you think you bit off more than you could chew when you decided to do your dissertation on ocean acidification, leaving you stranded out in the open ocean. alone. for months. well… maybe you weren’t so alone after all

this is another fic that i've been working on way longer than it's been posted for pfft. i can't blv the first chapter was released over a year ago LMAOOO i am so sorry. i do like this fic tho bc it's one of the easier ones to write and i go back to it sometimes between writing for dragon bkg lol. like i have the chapters all mapped out, all i have to do is sit down and write em. ch2's at abt 3k rn tho and i hit a spot where i'm like oof i dont wanna write these descriptions dfhdkfg it's just a silly goofy story with merbaku and dealing with some of the subtle intricacies of getting to know a mermaid. actually, fun fact, this originally started off as a fic for jotaro from jjba, back when i was in my jjba era. but then i went back to my bkg era and switched it over. i didn't even have to change much LMFAOO jotaro and bkg act the same sometimes. also!! this is the first fic where i'm like... drawing little doodles for each chapter!! and it's so nice but also i'm like damn wtf do i draw for the rest of these chapters.... i'll figure it out ig

4. loving all the parts of you — pro hero!bkg x reader

in which you learn to love all the prickly parts that make up bakugou katsuki

i.. don't think i've thought about this fic for a very, very long time. but i just scrolled thru the masterlist and stuff and i... really liked writing it (when i was focused on it anyways). it's one of my gentler fics tbh. it's more of a character study of bkg, exploring a different aspect of him in each chapter. tbh i need to go through and reread it and make edits so it can better match the writing style i have now, but i rly liked thinking abt what would make bkg tick as a pro and as a person. and tbh, with what i know now of the manga and anime i think i could go very deep with it pfft. also the banner i made for this fic is so cute LOL. it's not high on my priority list rn bc i have other things i wanna work on, but i do hope to return to it one day.

5. forget me not — pro hero!bkg x reader

When you first woke up, you found yourself in a white room, lights blinding you from all directions. A bit disoriented, you squinted and looked around, realizing you were chained to a chair, your arms locked behind you. In front of you was a poster of a man, muscles rippling throughout his body, a spiky mess of ash blond hair nestled on his head, and striking crimson eyes glaring right at you from behind a black mask. In the upper right corner was the name “DYNAMIGHT” in black and orange letters. As you observed the poster, the sound of a P.A. system suddenly rang into existence, the deep, hoarse voice of an unknown person echoing around you. “Your name is [Name] [Surname],” the voice said without emotion, “and you hate the man named Bakugou Katsuki.”

THIS FIC... THIS FCKIN FIC. i have so much i can say about this fic and i am so sorry for the oncoming ramble pfft. firstly, it's both my baby and my number one fucking enemy. like, holy shit i think it gave me the most paralyzing anxiety and bc of this it took me like 3-4 years to finish (apart from being generally busy of course). i started it literally while i was in high school n applying to college, so of course there are aspects of it that i look at now and i'm like mmm don't like that. not to mention there have been so many things that happened in the anime/manga that i wasn't able to add or delve deeper into!! like the war!! bkg's fcking trauma!! midoriya's quirks!! i was an anime only when i first started releasing chapters (and i still am), so i didnt know about the endeavor agency arc or anything so i defaulted to shit with best jeanist and idkidk.

if i could rewrite all of fmn, i think i would. or maybe not all, but a good chunk of it. like i'd condense the first few chapters probably. i also have a different grasp of bkg's characterization now compared to when i was younger lmao. putting bkg in that specific circumstance (iykyk, i wont spoil it) only happened bc of certain outside factors that forced him into that position. which was how i was able to justify it. but... idk. IDK!! this fic had so many things to it that i was not knowledgeable about so i winged a lot of things without doing proper research (i.e. hospitals, police investigations, general bureaucracy and whatnot) and i feel like this has caused certain plot holes that i am not able to detect, but like.... it's been so long already that i'm too lazy to fix it.

i just really wanted to write about having amnesia but... still having this muscle memory and ache of the person you were in love with. that you can fall in love with them all over again. but, jeez, i put the reader through so much that there's so much... trauma and brainwashing and just rhhrhjrkhrhgrkjg. she's a mess and a half!! and this makes it so difficult to read fmn bc she's so frustrating!! but! at the same time idk it was interesting exploring that kind of ptsd and recovery. i think at my core i love writing about truly heartwrenching topics and horror. i rmb i had the most fun writing about reader's nightmares or that one chapter where she was messing around with illusions. actually- one of the things i would change is the reader's fckin quirk and hero name LMAOOOOO what the fuck i made her so op i basically just smashed together dr strange's and wanda's powers for her pfft. i'd also tweak her personality a little, i think.

i digress. anyways. im in the process of editing all of fmn (just like. writing tweaks. changing the phrasing of certain sentences. adding more fluff to descriptions) and i can really see how much my style has evolved lol. like, i am the most happy and proud of the later chapters, where you can really feel certain emotions with bkg and reader. like... the beach scene, or the stakeout scene, or the party scene!! i think i would also add more substance to the investigation and how being a hero is like post-war. the antagonists as well!! there's just so much that could've been built on, but at the same time... i didn't want to go too deep into it bc i was writing an amnesia recovery story.

flaming aside, i am very glad i was able to pull those plot twists successfully LOL. i loved reading people's theories back when i was still updating it, seeing them question things and being like wait a minute... no way... it can't be... it was an era i will never forget pfft. but... because of that expectation i think i was very nervous to reveal specific things or even write the ending bc i didn't know if people would be satisfied lol. fmn was so complicated and for what sdfkjhs. fanfic shouldnt make you this anxious fr and yet there i was. i'm glad im done with it, but at the same time.. i do miss it.

tldr: fmn is the fic that i am the most proud of but also the most insecure LMFAOO. i do eventually want to get to the extra chapters from bkg's pov for it but... idk. i don't wanna even look at it right now sdhfskdfjsf

thank u all for coming to my ted talk B) i'm sorry if u've been tagged alr in this but here we go anyways!! no pressure tags: @earthtooz @call-me-ko @thecatduet422 @boo-kugo @theloveinc <3

#jeez that fmn ramble rly is long but it is what it is #i could go on even more about it ngl #but i wont sdkhksdf #gamer girling w shay

[jamsofdeath0]

sometimes I think about that video I watched a long time ago of someone reviewing/rating generally just talking about their thoughts on Kirby air ride having played it the first time as an adult. they didn't particularly like it. thought it too simplistic for a racing game. but it always rubbed me wrong they didn't play it with a single other person. Kirby air ride is a party game above all else. playing it alone is a venture of masochists and challenge runners (masochists with style). it's in no way the intended format. does that make the game bad? the fact you cannot truly enjoy it by yourself without making your own rules for it? I'd say I've had fun playing air ride alone but only when achievement hunting. giving myself a task and trying to fulfill it.

but then that isn't me making my own rules for it. that's me playing an intended mechanic but by myself. so perhaps it's more accurate you won't get any fun out of it by yourself if you haven't had fun in it before. no one's going to pick up the game and start achievement hunting. but if someone's had enough fun with it with friends they might try and do that by themselves.

another person called air ride the precursor to Battle Royales. I wanted to be offended because ew but they're not really wrong. What is city trial if not the running around and collecting power-ups part of a battle royale? You run around finding weapons (rides) and power-ups for said ride. You fight whomever you come across and race to events. After 3 to 8 minutes depending on your settings you play a mini game.

But ive had more fun with air ride then just about any batyle royale? Is it bc its casual? bc its kirby? I would assume it's because it's the less people and perhaps couch co-op has a thing to do with it. 100 people is just overcompensating. 4 to 8 (or perhaps 50 if you truly must go big) is alot more fun. And when they're in the room with you that just adds infinite value.

so Kirby air ride isn't a fun racing game. but in the end it's more of a party game. trying to label it as simply a racer would be like labeling Mario party as a strategy game. not technically incorrect but I don't think most people would wholly agree.

So is the original opinion that the game isn't very good invalid because they played the game wrong? By themselves instead of with a friend? Perhaps its invalid to call it "bad" when you werent looking at it through its intended lens. A telescope isnt broken bc you looked through the wrong end. But that doesnt mean you're wrong for not having fun with it. Fun is a personal thing. And one cant be blamed for not KNOWING they were looking through the wrong end. That the game theyre playing only truly hold value with another person to enjoy it with.

#kirby air ride #kirby #jams talks

[inourselveswetrust]

The first time playing I slammed that door and then pushed them out of my house. You don’t come to MC’s house like that after what you did. But then I decided to play all of options, and felt so bad when MC straight out starts crying in front of them. That broke my heart like I didn’t want them to see MC broken but that’s really what they did. One of the people you have been together all these years, with who you have cultivated trust, friendship and if you decide to do the the friends with benefits someone who has seen as you came to the world, who you might have even feelings for, has decided out of nowhere to throw all that away like it meant nothing and kicked you out with false accusations of your dream job. A job that as they have been with you all these years they know how hard you have worked to get where you got and now look fired bc of them. Anyways… If I am being 100% honest my favourite option was the kiss. I AM WEAK SORRY. I chose it the last one bc I thought in that way my dignity wouldn’t be so affected. Stupid me. My dignity is in the fucking floor 😭. The way I love that scene, what they were saying and how they were saying my God! The possessiveness, the jealously and the authority. That scene was EVERYTHING. And when you cried at the end like I really can’t do this. Although it was worse when the fucker says they are going to arrive late to their job which was OUR job not long ago. Also can’t remember which options however the ones where they ended up saying it was a mistake coming here enrages me. Like you could have thought of that when you were in the way to MC’s house, when you were getting out of your car and even before knocking. Do not tell MC that after everything you have done.

Well this was a long rant (sorry hehe) and only about how to react to August bc l still need to finish the chapter 🫣 Loving the update and on my way to finish it.

Have a lovely day! 💗

Feel free to share your rants any time! I absolutely loved reading your thoughts about this particular scene. If you're comfortable, I'd love to hear your thoughts about the rest of the chapter once you finish it ❤️

I'm certain your dignity isn't the only one on the floor! I think the vast majority of readers chose to kiss August. It was nice, in a weird way, to explore August's "red flags", otherwise known as possessiveness and jealousy.

#sweet anon #spoilers

[plangentia]

was the family you baby sat last summer that bad? (lmao im curious and new)

this is actually an oddly long story lol

yeahhhhh, like they weren't like the worst people in the world but uh. so i met them at a pub quiz in like late august and we overheard them discussing that they didn't have a babysitter for two days time. so i offered to help out since i've babysat large families before and i've been a girl guide leader and a football referees, so i can generally handle rowdy kids.

they tell me they have a seven year old and two five year old twins, and then the mum is currently pregnant whilst the dad works at home. so usually one of the parents would be in the house with me, but busy or unable to help out. and i'd be paid £10 an hour. a pretty good deal for just babysitting. he also asked if i wanted to bring my own dinner or eat what would be cooked for the kids. i agreed to have the meal there just bc it made things easier for me.

so i arrive at 4pm on the friday and meet the dad and the cleaner, who it turns out used to nanny for them, but now refuses to. she literally hands me a note as she leaves that says "don't let them manipulate you" and it's hard to tell if the them she's referring to is the parents or the kids.

the seven year old and the mum are currently out and about, so it's just me and the twins. the twins are in the garden and my first introduction to them is me getting sprayed with the hose whilst the dad watches. the dad scolds them, but they pay him no mind and then he gets back to work.

they then throw a tantrum spray me with water again and the next hour or so is a cycle of me trying to distract them and failing. the mum and the seven year old arrive back during this time as well.

the dad then calls them in for dinner and i'm like oh cool dinner time for me. and then he starts cooking and turns to me and goes, the kids are having tomato pasta for dinner.

okay, so i'm cooking for the kids. that's fine, it's pasta, i've done cooking for kids i've babysat before. i probably would have charged a little more per hour if it's 3 kids and cooking, but oh well. then he doesn't tell me where the pasta and stuff are, whilst he proceeds to cook spaghetti for him and his wife. idk if it's just bc i'm an only child, but i find it such a red flag when parents refuse to contemplate eating with their kids. but yeah whatever, i cook for the kids and myself and it's Fine. they take a little convincing to eat, but whatever.

he then goes oh it's bath time for the twins. and i'm like yeah cool, i assume you're doing that, bc you know you met me two days ago in a pub and you don't know if my child safeguarding qualifications are real. but he doesn't move and he says, oh you're bathing the kids.

huh?

that seems a little extreme, but whatever it's just the twins. i try to get them to wash, they throw a tantrum, whatever. i was not vibing with the fact that i was looking at two naked five year old boys up close, but whatever. surely the seven year old will be able to wash himself? i certainly was at that age.

no.

i then have to put them all to bed bc that's another battle, despite the fact that their parents are literally in the house.

but it's fine.

they then ask if i can do it again next week. i don't really want to, but i don't have anymore jobs nailed down. plus they'd be back at school so maybe they'd be worn out and easier to manage.

it's the same again, but it's Fine.

then i do it a third time. i really don't want to. the queen has been dying all day and i figure ig she dies before i leave to go, then babysitting will be cancelled. it's the worst time yet. i'm swearing that i'll never do it again. and then the queen is announced to have died whilst i'm bathing the kids naked in the bath.

everyone talks about where they were when the queen died. i was fighting two five year olds who were spraying me with a broken shower and trying to climb out the bathroom window.

plus i won't even mention the fact that they asked me to babysit on christmas eve. nor the fact that they also asked me to babysit in june, six months in advance in the same call. like no because a) they'd just had a newborn and i have no experience with kids under the age of 4 b) no because i wasn't back from uni c) no because it was mum's birthday d) no because your kids are the literal worst

so yeah.

#abby being irrelevant #also the dad works for a company that is known for committing war crimes loll

[thedreadvampy]

I'm having a kind of metamorphosis time I think. not as big as the one I had a few years ago when I started seeking help but it's a bit of a seismic shift nonetheless, I'm in the middle of readjusting how I think about myself maybe.

which is probably good, I think that should happen every 5 years or so. but you know. there's some earthquakes and broken dishes involved.

what's changing? not sure I could name it, necessarily. tbh a lot of it has to do with confidence and self-respect. I think I am understanding myself differently as a result of the last year or so of changes and if I'm honest generally I like the person I see myself as a lot more. or I see myself as a person I like a lot more. one or both of those.

but it's a change and change is messy and not easy.

I think, much like back in 2015-17 I was coming to grips with the idea that I'd been physically harmed a lot. in 2023 I'm coming to grips with the idea that there's long term emotional consequences to a lot of stuff that I can now recognise wasn't my fault.

like I'm getting to a place where I can look at how I've been treated and instead of saying 'pathetic that I couldn't cope with this' or 'I caused this by insufficiently managing the situation' I can just be. upset and angry that so many people have thought that was an ok way to behave towards me.

which like. that legitimately Is Really Hard. it's been a lot easier to make excuses for people and downplay this shit because that makes it feel controllable and explainable but honestly this just has been out of my control a lot of the time.

and it's stuff like. yeah it's a problem if my partner's begging me in tears to tell them what's wrong and I just can't. but on the other hand if I've already told them multiple times that I've recently been raped and what the circumstances that trigger me are, then it doesn't take a huge amount of care and emotional intelligence to reach out past that inability to talk. and if nobody does that, that's not on me. (to use one example from several years ago)

I think that something my loved ones often find really exhausting and frustrating about me is that I have been operating on the Getting On With It mode for at least 20+ years, which is to say while stuff's happening I'm like NO TIME TO HAVE FEELINGS RIGHT NOW I HAVE SHIT TO DO and then after the fact I'm like well. dealt with that. nothing more to be done on that really. moving on.

and then periodically I have a big crack up and get big time triggered and start shutting down and blowing up and acting weird and the whole time I'm like haha that's weird what's that about? silly me!

now that's not a great way to do emotional communication, I think. but it's also a hard habit to break. I legit have spent at least since early primary working on this self-parenting thing where I don't so much experience feelings directly as look after them as if they're a toddler having a meltdown. so a) I honestly am just guessing most of the time about what the feelings actually are beyond 😭 or �� and b) it's SO HARD to turn off the part of me that's like HEY LET'S WRAP THIS UP. SHHHH YOU'RE FINE SHHHHHHHH WE HAVE TO DO PRODUCTIVE THINGS. IF YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH THIS EMAIL YOU CAN HAVE A SWEETY.

but you know. I'm working on that. it's a new thing. but it's not Fucking Easy and there's a lot of feelings back here. who knows what happens when they get off the leash? not me! bc I physically can't let them off the leash!!!!

#red said

[stygian-omadas-epic-chronicles]

My thoughts on Sabotage (Shadows of Fire 1)

After months since it was released, I finally read it!! (hence my return to this side blog after virtually abandoning it for years 😅) But before I did, I reread all the chronicles of Nick books because it had been soooooooo long since last time I read those that I was sure there were details I'd forgotten. Oh boy! How right I was about that!

Anyway, back to Sabotage. I love it so much. It felt good to be back with the whole gang. I've missed them. The book is a nice set-up for the next chunk of the overall story, but it was too short for my liking! It was over just when it was getting interesting 😞 But after waiting so long for it, I take what I can get!

❗ spoilers ahead ❗

One thing I'm grateful is that we finally had Kody's original name spelled out for us. I know it's silly and Sherri had confirmed it a while ago, but it's the biggest pet peeve I had with CoN. I drove me crazy, absolutely insane, that her name kept changing basically with every new book that was released. I know it's a me thing, and most people couldn't care less about it. I know!! Don't @ me.

My baby Styxx was in it!!!! And for what I can guess he'll continue to be in the series for a bit. i have no words for how happy that makes me!!! But I resent that we didn't see a father-daughter hug!! We had uncle-niece's reunion, but not daddy-kid's?! How's that fair? 😣

And I cannot believe Cyprian's entitlement! OMG! Seriously dude! I mean, I get that as Malachai, he's an angry guy and craves to be loved the way Nick is loved, but like take it with your mother who was the one who sexually assaulted your father in a dream and then she hid you from him. and treated you like garbage. You shouldn't take with the guy that never knew of your existence until like half an hour before you killed him. just saying!

And yes, everyone should be smothered with love as Nick is, but you can't demand it. It sucks when the ones who should love and cherish you don't (i can't even imagine how bad bc I've been lucky enough to have a loving family), but you can't throw a 4-year-old-like tantrum, so massive that transcends time.

"If I don't have it, he can't either... I have to kill him" like what?!! 🤨

My question is, Was Cyprian conceived before or after the curse was broken? Because if was before, it could explain his attitude somewhat, but if it was after, dude! you have no excuse!!!

And now *sighs* I get back to the waiting for the next book.

#book review #chronicles of nick #shadows of fire #sabotage #cyprian malachai #dark hunter world #dark hunter series #sherrilyn mcqueen #sherrilyn kenyon

[zhuhongs]

well I thought I was going to fall asleep early, but it seems like I have too many things keeping me up and since its too cold to sit at my desk and write at my journal this thought is going on the internet. Tl:dr: tomorrow is my birthday. send me 50 dollars. i am going to bed. gn

Yea, recently everything just feels so.... much. Like I'm always at a state of just slightly overwhelmed that makes it feel usless to do anything. Like I'm worried about money, and I know that I have credit so I can use it and I have things that I need and things I want that I shouldn't deny myself of just because things are a bit trying (like food I want, things I need to fix). But then I can't help but have that internalized poor mantra of "why are u buying this when u have bills to pay?" which is dumb bc I deserve to use what little money I have in making my life more enjoyable . But I'm also like. sage did U really need to upgrade your phone or buy an interview shirt or hair dye? Like, no not technically, but these are things I should do to just make myself feel better. I don't want to be using a broken phone, might as well upgrade when theres a promotion that sure makes it hard right now but is a smart idea in the long run. And yes while I didn't need the dye or the shirt - it will make me more confident in my interview so I can get a higher paying job and not be surrounded by Stuff all day causing me to want to constantly buy things bc I wont be in a store 8hrs a day 5 days a week. So like, yes you do need those things and its negligible when I consider the credit I have. And even if I have some debts, I know that no one can bail me out becausemy family is in the same situation. And I have time. I just started working. Its a rough month, and the fact that I have a trip planned makes it even harder. Because that means more money. But if I always deny myself the opportunity to go and do things bc I don't have the money then I'd never leave my house ever, and thats how I grew up and I was miserable and the money will be gone and the month will be tight anyways so just go anddon't think about it. But I do think about it, because it's hard, and I work so hard my entire life, for what? To pay rent?? other people my age get to say the money they make and build a life yet I was dealt a shitty hand and have had to spend my time working for something people are given. And it hurts bc I've wasted so much time and worked so much andhave 9 dollars to my name and so much debt. But I will find a way. ANd it will all be paid off. I don' know how but I've done this same thing before, cried about it, and went to work the next day and figured it out. And my mother has done this everyday for the past 30 years, and I feel so sorryforher because I know it's hard. And she deserves so much more and I want to give it to her, and I'm not even 23. And tomorrow is my birthday and I have to go work. Even if I called out I don't know what it would help. And I want to go out with my friends and have a good time but I need to paymy car and I need to pay my bills. And I work 9 to 5 and when I get home I have to walk my dog and make dinner. And it's cold. And by the time all of that is done I feel like I have no time to make art or practice chinese or do any of my hobbies and better myself. I''m so tired that all I do is sleep. And I feel myself falling into old habits. And I hate it, i hate it, I am trying so hard to clawmy way out of it. It's starting with a simple routine. Even if it hasn't gotten to the point where I sit and draw or read or write every day. At least I do the dishes when I finish eating, brush my teeth twice a day, foldmy clothes, make my bed, stay off my phone during my breaks, and pack a lunch. Even if that's something I should have achieved long ago, I didn't. So now I need to do that before I can learn how to do hwat I want sadly, because dreamings costs money and dreaming requires habits. AAAAAA. okay. I need to go to bed bc I need to be up at 8am to get ready for work. Happy bday to me.

[webslingingslasher]

j - it's me 💨!! i have some slight updates for you!! i have to fill you in but im crushy and giggly so this might not streamline well.

do you remember the boy i have a crush on that we were thinking liked me back?

i had my big scary exam. it was in an exam hall of 700 people. and GUESS WHAT. out of all 700 people, WE WERE SAT RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER. like what are the chances. j i swear that was the man upstairs (amen) looking out for me, because everytime i got nervous during the exam, i'd just look at him and feel calm.

like what the hell.

our seats were assigned. i met up with him very briefly before the exam, literally just by the closest station and we walked to the exam hall together because i get lost easily and hes a weird walking satnav who thinks he's so mature bc he never gets lost. like ever. anyways! we were talking a bit, basically just bullying each other bc we have pre-school rizz where we flirt by bullying each other, except he's kinda stopped flirting with me which is sad. well i guess it's a good thing because he's yet to break up with the gf but he isn't hiding that he likes me. you needed to bring ID to the exam and I brought my passport instead of my licence. he said "you don't drive?" and then corrected himself before i could and he was like "well when you live in *town name* you don't have to drive ig" (bc i live in a part of ldn where nooooo one drives/ubers bc it takes 3x longer than getting the tube). but like???? he remembered where i lived and i don't even remember TELLING him. it was a quickkkkk tiny side comment in one of the convos we had weeks ago and i didnt even think he heard me. i was tipsy on our post-class drinks and murmuring and it didnt seem like anyone was listening but he was!!!

j i want him so much :( when is he gna break up with her. idk if u remember the details but he would carry an inhaler for me bc he knows i have asthma and ties my laces for me etc so i think he genuinely does like me and isn't just sleazy & looking for some random girl.

but even if he does break up w her for me, it's still kinda a red flag bc if he does it to her, he could do it to me. even tho he might genuinely like me? idk. he's stopped flirting but still asked me loads of questions and clearly cares so idk. i just blabbled a lot sorry omg <3<3<3 love to u my fav tumblr friend ever

also his hands are so cute and he wears glasses and he's kinda nerdy but somehow his girl is a bad bitch. idk how he pulled her except i do bc hes so pretty :') anyways.

his hands are soooo pretty j like his fingers are so long and his nails are soooooo clean. i like clean nails. v pretty. i think you'd approve. i sound demented. i think im falling in love. ok bye

💨 xx

---

no stop!!!!! i was thinking about this the other day and i was like 'where is she!!!' love the update, hate that he still has a gf. you need to be like 'have you heard this song by ariana grande? no? it's called break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored. it's so good, it's been stuck in my head for weeks.' ((obv im kidding)) but i mean... it's time we pull a miss ariana and steal the man!!!

he likes you and you like him. just be like 'why haven't you broken up w ur gf yet???' 😁😁😁😁

'hey, hey, you, you, i don't like your girlfriend! no way, no way, think you need a new one!' i could do this all day baby.

#💨 anon

[septembersghost]

Tbh, and maybe because I love tragedy, there’s always been a layer of sad in BCS? Like admittedly I didn’t start tearing up regularly until episode six, but Gene being so broken, Jimmy promising he’ll be good (even Kim trying so hard to be straight laced), the fact that Saul’s gaudy ring is actually from one of his closest friends who died, fucking Pimento speaks for itself

it's heartbreaking from the first gene opening to address unknown (using the ink spots was so genius because there's an intrinsic layer of sadness and wistfulness to that music). and of course that song has taken on much more meaning as the show has progressed because it can be interpreted about kim now (what i'd give to see the face of you/i was a fool to stay away from you so long/i should have known there'd come a day when you'd be gone...from the place of your birth to the ends of the earth, i've searched...), the longing reminiscence of him watching the saul commercials is in part about kim now too, but even without that foreknowledge, we open on a man whose world is devoid of color. who has lost everything, even his own identity. he is frightened and exiled and alone. we know his road is taking him there and are powerless to change it or turn aside.

melancholy tinges every edge of the story, even when the show is also funny or thrilling, whether we're on the lawyer or cartel side, its function is still that tragedy. i think the choice to have jimmy find out about chuck's betrayal not as a finale moment, but as a catalyst that briefly drives him back home and to slippin' jimmy and to marco was such an important part of S1. that pinky ring is a symbol of his scamming abilities, yes, but it's a talisman of grief too. he wears the constant reminder of it. jimmy is always losing something.

it's curious to me because in the nyt interview yesterday, bob said:

and i love him, but respectfully disagree with him about bcs being less relatable. maybe that's personal bias, but i find less to relate to in brba (excellent though it may be) given that it is more of an action show, more of a western, even more thematically "masculine," i have nowhere near the feelings of closeness to walt's arc as i do to jimmy's (not to mention kim. nacho. mike has become much more accessible here too and it adds depth to his presence and his dynamic with jesse in brba). i think the very internal nature of it increases empathy, rather than putting us at a distance. (this is true in brba too, because jeese's arc is the more internalized one and that's part of why he begins to function as the story's heart). the intimate emotional and psychological facets of bcs and its characters cut a lot closer for me. i know the slow burn aspect has occasionally been seen as a hindrance, but i love that we've gotten to spend so much time with these characters in moments of thought, deliberate action, or even stillness. the sadness exists in that too. no matter how close we can feel to them, everything has already happened. we're watching ghosts and memories. we're gazing at stars whose light burned out long ago. every path unspools to that mall in omaha. we don't know the ultimate ending, but we know enough that the sense of loss seeps through no matter where we are in the story. it's a sad tale, it's a tragedy. it's a sad song. but we sing it anyway.

#i'll always quote hadestown on this topic i am nothing if not predictable #as if it might turn out this time! #cauldronofmorning #letterbox #better call saul

[theinvisiblemuseum]

and also about mhls<333

hehehehehe this is the project that will probably never see the light of day, or if it does, it'll be the last contribution i make to this fandom before i disappear into the abyss, never to be seen or heard from again <3

mhls (or moonsick, heartsick, lovesick, starsick) is MY version of the marauders, fully canon compliant, 1970-1998(ish). it's broken up into four "books" of sorts, as if it's literally a book series abt the marauders. moonsick is years 1-3, heartsick is years 4-5, lovesick is years 6-7, and starsick is the first & second war and everything in between. currently it's like 238 chapters, but i need to replot a lot of it bc of various things, so it'll likely end up being more (but the chapters are rlly short, more like an actual book). povs from james, remus, sirius, peter, mary, lily, marlene, dorcas, regulus, and pandora, chronicling all their years in school and beyond. i'm debating adding brief povs from characters like barty, evan, the black sisters, alice, frank, etc, but who knows. i actually wrote 125k of this forever ago but it's all really bad so it's being rewritten lmfao. it's sort of a project i work on in the background of everything, and will not finish for a very long time. and when i do, it's literally just for me, so i have all my canonverse hcs in one spot, because the world probably doesn't need my version of a canon compliant fic lol. also a lot of my ideas and hcs would get me killed, so the only way i'd post it is if i was running away right after <3 but this project is my child whom i will love forever <3

wip ask game

#organ donations #yizyaz #wip game