#bc i was just thinking like--i'm lonely right

[cruelsister-moved2]

like we are on our nine billionth positivity post for cis men with beards and masculine trans men and feminine lesbians and bi people in m/f relationships and nb people who are comfortable passing as their agab etc.... do we need more? is straight people not being able to tell you're gay/trans really the biggest issue facing lgbt people right now?

there seems to be this undiminishable reservoir of care and sympathy for the very idea of having ur queerness slighted in any context. meanwhile people who never get the choice whether or not to hide it are routinely dehumanised, othered, and ignored. if the issues facing these groups do get discussed it's almost never with much concern for their feelings. invalidation and erasure may be one of the issues facing lgbt people and it deserves attention too but I really don't think you can claim at this point that it isn't getting its fair share already.

for what it's worth, even your hypothetical most flaming butch lesbian/fem gay man/androgynous nb person etc still meets people who assume they're cishet, who even actively refuse to acknowledge that they're not. the false equivalence between erasure and overt prejudice alleged exclusively by those who largely experience only the former is in fact erasing the reality of people who experience both

#I'm always thinking abt that one buzfeed article called like queer women share their struggles or smth #one was a butch lesbian talking abt how carefully she has to plan journeys #bc late night toilet stops or seedy motels are life and death for her #then there was a bi woman w a husband n kids #talking abt how one time she had to take her pride flag off her lawn (picket fence implied lol) #like... ofc that's sad I feel sad for her #but the lack of proportion is kind of on the nose lol #I don't have the right words but like something very fetishistic abt the gaze of other lgbt ppl towards 'visibly' lgbt people #and I use those terms loosely bc ppl r visible and invisible in different contexts #but if you've reached the stage of fantasising abt hypothetical microaggressions or straight up hate crimes that could happen to u #then u have gone too far #I just think a lot of the time it's more abt the fact that YOU don't feel 'valid' enough in yourself #ao you convince yourself other lgbt people existing or talking abt our issues is the problem #like if ur a bi girl n having a cishet bf makes u feel so lonely and insecure and 'not gay enough' at what point is that ur responsibility #to either accept urself or to be in relationships that make u feel better about urself #and not my responsibility to say ur having gay sex with jakey or wjayever

[thepoisonroom]

kinda realizing that it was maybe bad for me that i spent so long dating someone who fundamentally looked down on me and treated me like i was too silly and irresponsible and fucked in the head to make my own decisions

#remembering i tried to break up with my ex bc i was desperately unhappy and lonely with them #and they just shut down the conversation and disparaged me for 'making everything into a big production for no reason' #only to dump me a few weeks later #like they didn't even respect me enough to permit me to end the relationship because they fundamentally didn't think of me as an equal #i feel so insane sometimes in my current relationship because i'm like oh you're literally going to respect my autonomy right now? #you're going to treat me like an equal partner and respect my right to want and feel and need different things than you do????? #and then i have to be like that's literally regular behavior why am i so impressed by it #personal nonsense #it's so weird having good interpersonal relationships and just being constantly reminded of how bad previous ones were #but that's how it works i guess #backdraft city here

[seventh-fantasy]

令嫒就像那片山水。虽然我从未亲眼看见过，但是我知道她会有多美。... 我有多羡慕将来可以亲眼看见她的那个人。

#鹤唳华亭 #royal nirvana #cdrama #drama #my posts #hlht #rewatched the 屏风定情 scenes i think for the first time... #it just hits SO differently now #the first time was more about seeing two innocent kids falling in love while knowing it's gonna turn out so tragic #the second is inevitably about how lonely and sad xdq is. and lwx being completely altered eventually #xdq talking about missing someone even when they're right before you. lwx talking about reuniting with huating!!!!!!!! #them talking about freedom and liberation!!!!!!!! among the rivers and mountains!!! #'you don't have to become a deity to experience that'. you can experience it in this lifetime as a person #but to xdq (and to many other people) it's really just THAT hard #lwx has experienced it. experienced nirvana. but from here on it's gonna be her fall and demise #i'm just so fucking sad #she's the symbol of the world outside to him. unreachable. and something he can only hope and yearn for #even though it's just right before him #like she's literally an abstraction to him for the longest time bc he has never SEEN her before #it's insane all he wanted is to lay eyes on someone's face and looks AND HE COULDN'T #AND WHEN HE WAS GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY. HE LOOKED WAY PAST IT. #HELLO I'M GOING INSANE

[millenniummmbop]

rivalshipping is about healing to me but like in a “well-meaning yet still ill-advised codependency” way

#*pulls down projection screen and extends my collapsible pointer stick thing* #Yugi was a lonely kid with unresolved anger issues who went too far w the whole revenge fantasy thing #until The Power Of Friendship TM mellowed him out and he finally landed in a more emotionally stable state #*clicks to next slide* #meanwhile kaiba over here is ALSO a lonely kid with unresolved anger issues who ALSO went too far w his own fucked up revenge fantasy #*quickly shuffles through slides of Death-T* #but two mind-shattering comas later and yugi at the very least was willing to bury the hatchet and try to start over again #the whole 'kaiba vs peg sus' fiasco was where everyone finds out kaiba's motives up to that point and where it all finally clicks for yugi #*clicks to next slide to reveal the 'he just like me fr' meme but it's yugi crying on the balcony inside peggy's castle* #it's after this that yugi starts thinking 'Well friendship fixed ME so maybe it can fix HIM too' #*clicks next slide and hits play on the embedded video* #Yugi: good morning kaiba-kun! nice weather we're having today huh? #Kaiba: I'm going to beat u in the face and in the ass #Yugi: haha alright bud I'll see u at regionals tomorrow #Yugi said so himself that he wanted 'friends he could count on and who could count on him' (paraphrasing) #i think he saw this mess of a human being recklessly barreling towards the edge at 100 miles an hour and said #'yeah this looks like something i can personally fix' #bc he's the type of person to just selflessly shoulder a mountain of burdens if it means helping someone he cares about #like his heart is definitely in the right place but i don't think he realizes that kaiba also needs like #therapy and mood stabilizers or some shit #*a voice rings out from the back of the class* #'op they had like 10 minutes of conversation MAX over the entirety of duelist kingdom this is literally all in ur head* #no no the groundwork is there for all of this i PROMISE #lion king rafiki voice: look harder #like yes i'm delusional but i'm also RIGHT #(⓿_⓿) #ignore me

[posebean]

S(amagi)shigariya

#enstars #rinne amagi #hiiro amagi #bean art #dedicated to the three other people that will recognize my vision #do you see it #this is it. this is my one full enstars piece. i have finally lost the battle #demons i give in #anyways go listen to hit song samishigariya :) aka lonely people #i should be studying for a midterm lmfao why does productivity always hit me right before tests #i would do the other frames but i hate profile perspective #lmao rip sorry niki and maybe aira idk who id put for hiiro bc i think hiiai is cute but i love kohaai way more #also just know if i were to do more frames and redraw the yujiro holding a cat thing itd be niki holding a gerbil or something like that #damn gotta change the lyrics to like a crying little gerbil you sing i'm here while trembling a little #ok im going to cram for my midterm now byeeee

[the--highlanders]

it is 1:16am and I am once again thinking about my extreme saltiness over big finish randomly deciding that jamie and kirsty got married vs my immense enjoyment of that fact bc of all the malicious compliance character building it lets me do. literally drives me nuts.

#second doctor #no i will never stop posting about this. thanks. #like i'm so insane abt them!!!!! #they have such a good dynamic in my head!!!!! #absolute ride or die gay-lesbian solidarity heartwrenchingly tragic besties who would give the world for each other by the end of it #slightly codependent for a while there bc they latch onto each other when they're both grieving #& also they are just genuinely good friends. two people who vibe well together who should never have been as close as they are #and tbh i am thankful in some ways that big finish decided to throw them together #bc if i hadn't heard that and gone 'nah that's not right' i wouldn't have headcanoned my way around it #and probably wouldn't have such a clear picture of them in my head. or any picture of them at all really #but. BUT!!!!! #i KNOW the thinking behind that decision was 'uhhh we gotta give jamie a wife bc he is a Straight Dude living his heterosexual ending' #and kirsty gets thrown under the bus as the lone female character in the highlanders with any significant role outside of polly #& i hate the rationale behind the decision!!!!! #biting biting biting

[croh3]

gonna vent a little in the tags don't mind me <3

#i feel like i'm a bad person for thinking this #but right now i'm not someone's most important person y'know #i don't exactly have anyone i feel comfortable with to talk to anytime about everything that comes to mind #i have my bestie of course but she's been spending time with her girlfriend a lot and i feel. idk. neglected? #and like... i love my other friends but i don't fully trust them with like sharing my hyperfixations or something like it #i know it's my fault for being so closed off #and i sometimes miss my ex because i was able to tell her everything and i knew she would listen #now i just don't feel important enough and it kinda sucks bc my bpd starts acting up #and i already tried talking to my bestie about my feeling of being neglected #but in the end i get it like. she has a girlfriend and her uni and she's busy #i simply don't feel like i deserve any attention at this point and i'm afraid if i keep this up she'll leave me #i'm not going to die if she leaves but it will hurt. a lot #ughhhhh idk i'm just sad and lonely and i want attention #vent #chr-txt

[soldier-poet-king]

At all times there is a child in my head banging pots and pans together desperately wailing 'UNLOVED! UNLOVED! UNLOVED!'

#franposting #the child is louder theyre harder to ignore sometimes #like when ive been thinking abt love and faith and guilt and redemption and desire and pride and romance and everything too much #its not true. maybe. my few friends care in a distant way. my family cares as well as theyre able i suppose #im just. I'm not loved in the way(s) i want to be #and sometimes im tired of carrying burdens i pretend i dont even have #im tired or being brave and strong and determined all on my own #its for the shire sure. but im tired and often it doesnt feel like it has a point #im tired of life dragging me over hot coals and pretending it's something i chose for myself #it makes it easier sometimes. that self deception. but its ultimately untrue #i am so weak and afraid and lonely #i can only romanticize the solo burdens and duties and obligations and lonelt sad heroes for so long before i crack #all my heroes die all alone. tswift was right. the archer is rlly it #im going to bed. ill deal with this tmrw. probably badly. but oh well it's rhe weekend #cant go work it off at the gym bc pain hasnt passed. will be a few days still #so ill just. stew ig

[blindedguilt]

//Happy 20th Anniversary, Drakengard! I've been fighting to write and finish up my inbox asks before the 25th of Obtober gets here (I have plans and i INTEND to follow through on them), and currently... I have a bunch of drafts :,) I'll get some soon, I promise!! I thought to myself "If I even get at least two done before the month is up I'll feel content with myself" so fingers crossed!! //Anyways, I made some art of the boy to celebrate~

//I'm gonna try a challenge run for Drakengard after this: I'm honestly doubtful it can be done entirely, but I'm going to try and see how far I can get in the game just using Leonard lmao //I'll keep you posted on how far I get fkghsdkghbkdjf

#||OOC|| #{/dark souls has been devouring my LIFE.... did you know its easier just to book it through sens fortress than do it LIKE YOURE SUPPOSED TO #{/im tired of grinding. im level 55 they shouldnt be this mean to me} #{/sucks bc now i'm like 'make a verse for leonard heehee' and what i HATE is that personality-wise he'd fit right in} #{/but i don't know HOW I'D INCORPORATE HIM OR EVEN ENOUGH ABOUT THE LORE TO CONFIDENTLY DO ANYTHING} #{/that's not to say i don't have ideas though lmao} #{/it's funny because thinking about it its like drakengard is just 'we have the crestfallen warrior at home' crestfallen warrior at home:} #{/ANYWAYS!! dark souls HAS been consuming my life but ive been on a leonard binge again for like these past few days} #{/and that's another technical difficulty} #{/because nothing in my inbox is actually FOR leonard and half of me is going 'well just ask for memes for him then; get your moxy back} #{/and boom! get the other asks' but rational simon is like 'NO NO NOOOO YOU *KNOW* YOURE PROBABLY GONNA LOSE MUSE FOR HIM IMMEDIATELY AND} #{/IF YOU DONT THEN YOURE SURE AS HELL NOT GONNA ANSWER THOSE OTHER ONES EVER EVER AGAIN; YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE *THINKING* ABOUT OPENING} #{/ASKS UP AGAIN WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE FIVE' and im just.... hrrrhgghhhrGRRRRRR} #{/anyways that's all from ~simon radio~ harrass me on discord im lonely lmao}

[wrecking]

gonna be an insane yearner in the tags i think

#d #all i rly wanna say is just like. fuck. men are so god damn gorgeous #like i'm sorry but they get to look like THAT and i'm 'yikes' for liking them...? #like i'm ngl i was watching smth earlier and just like #god everything i hated abt masculinity on myself is so appealing on others like #i hated facial hair but now i love guys with it #earlier i was kinda just thinking abt the like texture feel of it and i was just like going insane from anguish likeeee #and their voices... their hands... every little thing is just so perfect #like just. idk i'm lovestruck with them at the moment and i wanna touch them and i want them to touch me god damn it #<- feels like the riskiest thing i've ever said on here but like you know what. i'm right #i'm finally at that point in my transition where i feel comfortable enough with myself to let someone else know me in that way #and as such i am like rapidly remembering how lonely and touch starved i am and certain guys atm are just like. a safe haven atm #i guess like a reminder that men like them do exist. there Are still people this unimaginably beautiful out there #i genuinely have to just look away sometimes bc i'm just overwhelmed by them like. ugh #in short i am a mess what else is new #sorry for mask off yearning posting on main but idgaf anymore #i am going to bed now (5am) and i'm putting down my phone so i can't be embarrassed abt this post until i get up later 🫡 #maybe if i try hard enough i can force a simulacrum of intimacy into my dreams. as a substitute for the real thing #(it probably won't work but i gotta try y'know)

[sun-marie]

....

#kinda personal and vent-y so I felt like putting it in the tags #feel free to keep scrolling if you want #but regarding my last reblog #I've always wondered if it was fair to call my self 'disabled' or say that I have a disability with my Crohn's Disease #bc like I never want to take away from people who are like (physically) 'really' disabled I guess? #like more visibly so if that makes sense? #I mean according to the last post I would #bc Crohn's is both chronic and an autoimmune disease #but idk it feels like I'd pull the rug out from ppl if I said I was disabled and followed it up with that I have Crohn's #bc I feel like most people picture a person in a wheelchair or a blind person when they think of disability #To be clear I don't question anyone else's decision to call themselves disabled if they have Crohn's! #it's a highly personal thing imo #this is just my thoughts with my own disease #but for me it is kinda lonely sometimes #bc I feel like I'm right in the middle and idk how many other people are with me #and like there aren't enough months in the year for an IBD month 😅 #anyway #might delete this later #just wanted to kinda get this off my chest 😔 #your irregularly scheduled art content will be back up next haha

[noxtivagus]

i've been less shy lately so damn i realized how. idk how to say it. wait

#🌙.vents #bcs okay during my shift for my class' booth i rlly helped quite a lot w my classmates in my shift too n yeah others too #i helped the lower school kids that visited hehe n then even a parent n yeah n not to mention my classmates too in general. yh #n to my classmate i was like. 'hey btw i like your mcr shirt' n i said that for my twin as well n. wow. yeah. i really did that woah #n then for my friend apollo n i helped out w their booth too. n i helped like two people for my shift for our (optional) fair committee n #yeah the long one w the discrepancies damn n we even talked a bit while waiting n all n then said hi to a lot of my old friends from back i #middle school. thinking abt it makes me want to cry actually it makes me so happy right now bcs like #my longest friend ever we rarely see or even talk but we're friends n we spent like the whole evening together w other friends #n. personally it just. aghhh i don't know it makes me happy when i can be like.. a friend for others? someone you can hug n then #someone you can open up to someone you know will listen someone you know won't judge you someone you. yeah #n i really mean it i don't know how to put it any other way because i just can't not be sincere about how i love n it hurts bcs #i don't want to be sad. i hate feeling tired. n that's so human n everyone feels sad n tired but #i'm so torn between being kind to myself n dehumanizing myself at the same time. that helplessness like you know better but you just can't. #ah yeah. not only that longest friend but also my longest friend in my school who moved for this sy for. yeah #used to talk n see each other everyday at school n we're third cousins actually n knew years after we were friends. #oh i'm crying again.. no. no i'll push that out of my head wait.. aa sorry i'm sharing my life story 💀 n i know it's because i'm lonely n #you see i just. i just can't. i know i should reach out but i can't & i wouldn't because everyone else have their struggles too #but i can't do.. this on my own but i want to be the one to help others. i notice too much i just need to shut it out somehow #ah yeah wait. other friends too :^) n i often wonder what others think of me. what i mean to them. how they see me #we're all human we all think n not everyone is so self-aware or introspective but. i find it all interesting nonetheless #i would share my own thoughts freely if one would ask. & my own curiosity n willingness to listen is endless #ah but.. nah no i won't entertain that line of thought any further. not sure if i already wrote this to myself today but yk the #i think. when i can really be free n all. i'm good w vulnerable moments i'm good in social situations. i can read them well. n i know what #to do. technically at least. mostly. not always bcs anxiety rlly sucks too n goddamn on the other hand i'm honestly insecure if i'm too #serious at times? like i take life seriously honestly but not like. in a boring way or wtvr i just really value life #most of this is just idle musing i think i've been here in my seat for hours. oh how the time flies huh? midnight is nearing & the tears #in my eyes are drying up. n i just wish that in this moment that time would wait and stop. #sorry i'm not trying to be poetic okay with an unintentional rhyme i'm just writing my thoughts fuck #nah i thought about this earlier n now i'm at a loss for words again. it's sunday n i'm still to tired to reply to the rest of my friends #i'm so sleepy i think i'll write a bit n sleep soon. calmed down after writing that last tag. i'll rest n do more tomorrow.

[elibean]

i complained on twitter about this and i can’t remember if i did it here too but it continues to be relevant...

this feeling that i’m more invested in my friendships/relationships than the person in question is. it sucks!!!

#text post #a recent example of this has been #i've been reaching out to old friends just bc im lonely and sad and whatever #and like they all respond enthusiastically and sweetly ofc ofc but like #I'M reaching out to THEM #because i thought of them and wanted to right? #but like #no one reached out to me #bc im not really a thought in their head #which like...is fine #it's not like in this instance specifically i am constantly thinking about these friends and lamenting the loss of a friendship #no i'm reaching out bc im sad and lonely and it's all very self-serving #still.... #but the BASIS of the thought comes from much closer friendships and relationships where like #i just feel. much more invested than they are. #and it's a pattern. #and it sucks so so so hard.

[slippery-minghus]

okay also... not that it's a bad thing about him as a person at all... but if i'm gonna be in a relationship with someone... fuck if i wanna be able to have an intelligent conversation with them. even if there's only a few topics we line up on in that manner. just please, anything other than usually-one-sided conversations about fandom.... 😮‍💨

#i read a thing a week or so ago about this couple who just sit and talk for hours every day #and while i don't have fucking *that* level of social energy.... some of that would be nice #i'm getting to the stage where i have to remind myself of all the reasons i want *not this* #(trying the reframe from my shrink. it's not what i Don't Want- but what i Do Want Instead) #and i feel so mean and selfish for pointing out all the ways this relationship falls short #because who the hell am *i*?? what right do i have??? #we're *perfect* for each other if only we both change (or i abusively make him change) in all these ways until we're totally different ppl! #but if i don't acknowledge where things are not matching up to my wants #then it'll be all too easy to gloss over them and beloeve myself that i'm an evil monster depriving an innocent boy of his rightful soulmate #but the point of a soulmate is complementing each other.... not one person being the person that completes and fixes the other #soulmates are two complete and whole people whose paths are best traveled in parallel #not two incomplete people (or one complete and the other incomplete) who can only exist by breathing for each other #and i want the person who runs parallel to me #i want someone who can not only stand on their own two feet without me but THRIVE without me #and aw hell if that isn't a very interesting thing to want considering my historical issues with feeling inadequate #but i think both those growths go hand in hand - confidence in worth and wants #(like damn- honestly surprising myself with that one!) #i'm going to have the conversation with him either this tuesday or next... #part of me wants to rip the bandaid off but the other wants to both grant him one more Date Night #and also grant myself the proof i'm not acting impulsively and without thought—that i'm not just lashing out bc i Feel Lonely or whatever #though now that i'm thinking about it i don't know that i'll be able to keep it together knowing what i plan to do #i'm gonna need my fucking anxiety meds a lot this week and next 🙃 worth it tho... 😮‍💨 #personal

[awkward-smirks]

.

#realizing that for the first time‚ i have to share my best friend on new years... #bc she finally has a bf and she's meeting his fam for the first time and spending new years w them #but for the past couple of years - we counted down w a song and did tarot card predictions and skyped/called until midnight then 1am #im obviously v happy for her but also ... idk i guess i just feel even more lonely than before #in a 'left behind' kind of way but also a 'when will i find a lover too?' kind of way #but no i 100% think she's making the right choice by seeing him and his fam!!! i'm not delusional or selfish like pls #in every timeline i will support her making healthy choices for her relationship and i really really like the guy she's with 🤍 #but yeah i just realized it today... #bc we wanted to call and realized she'd be traveling #i miss her #sandy rambling

[tkbrokkoli]

today I woke up from a cozy nap and I thought abt harry and kim and somehow I felt loved and accepted just by thinking abt them

#fandom related #personal log stardate #i think it must be bc. well #I'm in my 20s now i don't have meaningful relationships outside of my family #i feel lonely and i long for friendship or a having a partner. and it feels like I'll never have that #right. #but then i see these old men #and I'm like. hey! look at you! somehow i. a queer trans masc mentally ill person. can relate to you #and i see them finding love in their 40s or 50s. a love where they're accepted loved for who they are #a relationship where they're supported. and I'm like if it's possible for them it's possible for me. and it gives me hope #it's not just harry and kim but all the other characters i ship but harry and kim made me realize it #probably bc you play as harry and you experience how kim is w him first hand and it's basically directed towards you #it rly is abt wish fulfillment i guess. the kim to my harry the harry to my kim etc etc #someone who'll take me even when I'm disgusting and at my lowest point