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#bc how can one small thing send me spiraling like this

eddiesghxst · 5 months

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just got back from japan

i have been to 19 countries and every time, i smell the insanely heavy smell of cigarette smoke (i think i sent an ask abt the time i was in germany last summer) and i love it

and how i love how warm it gets

but this time its cold in tokyo

thinking about smoking on the sidewalk in a european (or any) country with my husband, steve his sunglasses are on and he has that stupid smug smile and black coffee + a croissant. thinking about european windows open while he’s fucking into u slowly so you get that hot breeze but also people def hear u. going to cozy ramen spots in japan with him, non touristy places and tiny cafes. he’s fingering u in the first class seats AND the bathroom yummy bc i hate airplane food so much. literally handing u his black card and muttering “go crazy” in ur neck and then literally telling u to buy expensive necklaces so he can grasp it in his hands as he fucks u that night. the word “no” is NEVER uttered on a trip with u lol

went to the amalfi coast two summers ago and even tho it’s not really safe to be in the water by yourself where i was at, and even tho i have a huge fear of open water, i know steve would hold you like a baby on his open cock as he fucks into you, securing your safety as u both jump into the blue sea.

anyway i love travel

“go crazy” yeah i fucking did, thanks bestie.

————

husband steve that just takes such good care of you, never wants his baby to stress a day in your married life, smiles bigger whenever he sees you happy.

sitting outside a cafe and happily sipping on your coffee and steve’s just watching you behind his dark sunglasses, closed lipped smile spreading across his lips because you’re the prettiest thing he’s ever set his eyes on.

nudging your foot against his shin to get his attention, smiling as you lean forward to push his glasses up into his hair because, “i wanna see your eyes, pretty.” you run your hands through his hair before he’s catching your wrist and pressing a kiss on the inside, another one to your palm before gently tugging until you get the memo, leaning forward with soft puckered lips to share a coffee soaked kiss. sharing small i love you’s and being absolutely disgustingly in love.

night comes and you and steve spend it at a fancy restaurant, creamy pastas and endless glasses of wine that leave you both giggly and handsy— so so so handsy. handsy enough to have steve fucking into you on the staircase of your rented villa, he just couldn’t wait and his roaming hands were making your head spin.

it’s a risky spot to be having a rather heated sexcapade, but does that really matter when steve’s cock is nudging up against your walls so well that your toes curl in your sandals, legs tightening around his body as you let a few moans slip? the rough edge of the stair is digging into your lower back but, god you don’t care because steve smells like the sea and that expensive cologne be always wears that sends you into a fucking spiral.

“god, baby you feel so fucking good. gonna fuck a baby into you, you want that?” he grunts over the sinful noises of your sex. you whimper, manicured nails digging into his shoulders as you nod, lips brushing against his with each movement. your words are chopped and breathy when you respond, “y-yeah. give it to me, please? please, please, please. i want it, steve. want that so bad.”

steve’s hair is hanging in loose ringlets, tickling the tops of your warm cheeks and nose with each thrust and it sends chills up your spine when he smashes his lips against yours, rambling about how he can’t wait to have you full of him, showing the world just how much you love each other.

and well, it’s safe to say your child was definitely conceived on that trip.

#I HOPE U HAD A GOOD TRIP JAPAN SOUNDS SO FUN !!!#IDK HOW THE BREEDING KINK CAME IN BUT HEY #I NEED HUSBAND STEVE AND I NEED HIM NOW.#I WILL BE THINKING ABT THIS FOR ETERNITY THANK U NONNIE #steve harrington x you #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington

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c0rpseductor · 3 months

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i think one of the really frustrating parts about my ocd is like

i have the lying by omission or being accidentally misleading fear a LOT (esp as it relates to disclosing my abuse history) and also the same compulsion to seek reassurance as like anybody with ocd, but i also have this terrible thing where i recognize that my thoughts are unhelpful and illogical but get convinced that if i talked about them people would be mad at me.

like if i mentioned as an example "donation posts are bad for my ocd bc i feel morally obligated to reblog them and experience serious anxiety and discomfort until i do, and if they have any guilt-inducing language it compounds the effect" then my fear ends up that people would respond like "well it IS your obligation and you are being a bad person by making it all about you and comforting you in your privilege." basically like worrying that actually my ocd IS reasonable and those standards ARE objective and people WILL be mad if i try to work on it.

and ofc that also makes it really hard when i DO say or do something wrong related to my ocd, bc then i will have weird anxiety about it for ages but not be able to tell anybody or ask for help managing it down to reasonable levels of guilt bc then i'll feel like that's "making it about myself" and that actually the guilt is the only thing tethering me to acceptable behavior and so on. and usually the thing i've done wrong is small, so it's like, i feel ridiculous for being upset about being Evil Forever And Needing To Always Atone And Watch My Behavior over basically nothing. and then that ALSO makes me feel like i'm making it about myself and need to be watched and disciplined EVEN MORE. so even the smallest thing i do wrong can send me into like ages of self-policing and "you are so [insert bigotry here] and if you don't [list of compulsions] you will be irredeemably awful. [list of compulsions] is the only way to make up for what you've done. reaching out for help just means you don't want to accept the necessary discomfort that comes from being good and care more about your personal comfort than what is morally correct."

And this is just how i live my life every day and i have to try to just deal with that without having insane incredibly visible meltdowns which is always literally all my brain wants me to do bc part of me will hope people see that and Absolve me of my usually imagined wrongdoing. but this emotional reaction also counts as Bad (see above).

idk why im really going into all this beyond that i wish more people understood what moral ocd is like and how it manifests and that people who have it are not just like, chronically online or whatever. ive had my ocd symptoms made fun of as me being like, too much of a tumblrina goodie two shoes who needs to lighten up before, and it's really frustrating. like believe it or not i KNOW most of this makes no goddamn sense, but i have a mental illness that causes anxious obsessive spirals and compulsive behavior to mitigate that crushing anxiety, so outside of ERP or medication i cannot in fact Just Chill. like it's not a personality flaw of too much prudishness OR being too self-concerned and fragile to do The Work of unlearning bias (attitude i have also seen about ocd symptoms). it's a fucking disability

#uhh ask to tag

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kitten4sannie · 1 year

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trying to gather my mf marbles rn bc the matz paradigm concept photos made me LOSE THEM 🙃 they both have such intense stares like I Am Unable to make eye contact with hwa's photo;; also conjuring up how i can make these photos into my vamp hc because that is all i'm good for (how i look rn)

-vamp anon currently spiraling into the abyss

FR i was STUNNED like my jaw was actually on the floor when i first saw those pictures esp hongjoong’s like that look in his eye?? and seonghwa is looking directly into my soul like how am i supposed to be ok after that?? 😭 and that pic of charlie is killing me i feel that in my soul cuz i’ve been obsessing over vampteez this whole time 😔✊🏼 thank you for sending me another lovely ask! it brings me a lot of joy 🖤

here’s a little vamp matz brain rot:

oof i just know they would have a really hot dynamic when they’re spending time with one of their playthings 🤤 i feel like they would like to watch you struggle, like their favorite thing would be to see how overstimulated you can get before you’re on the edge of legitimate insanity. for instance, you’d be strapped to the bed with a toy inside you and those little vibrating eggs taped to your clit. Hongjoong would definitely conduct the whole situation too, but Seonghwa would be whispering in his ear about what things to do next like “Joong, look at how her legs are trembling. Should we turn up the dials?” and of course Hongjoong would oblige, turning them up three notches higher just in time to see the tears start streaming down your face. and knowing that Hongjoong wouldn’t listen to your pleas, you’d look to Seonghwa and beg for him to listen to you and to have a little compassion, but that would just result in a exchanged glance between Matz, Hongjoong giving him a wicked grin and Seonghwa giving him a small smile back. “Aww, don’t worry. We’ll stop when you beat your record, love,” Hongjoong would inform you, suddenly turning the dials all the way up and making you cum for the eighth time that night, knowing that it would be quite a while before you made it to your record number: 20.

#for vamp anon 🖤#ateez smut #hongjoong smut #seonghwa smut #ateez hard thoughts #ateez hard asks #ask

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magnoliamyrrh · 7 months

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I really hate how trauma effected my art. Ive seen many trauma survivors make beautiful art about survival and growth and other really beautiful stuff while i can only make really gross stuff about destruction and hopelessness. I dont like it. Every time i tried to make lighthearted things it didnt feel sincere.

I saw a movie about a disabled person who had an accepting environment and parents who loved him and everyone who heart him learnt from it and became kind to him and he grew up happily. It was around the time my story was really shapping up and i was even starting to be proud of it. But after watching that movie i felt so gross. That story actually gave hope to people but the only thing people will get from my stories is a small echo of my trauma. My brain is too clpuded by pain in order to create anything else. It makes me feel like a bad person. Did you ever go trough something like this?

heyo dear <3 yea i really do get what youre saying. my best friend some weeks ago was saying i need to put my art and writing and ideas out there and it send me down this same spiral, and its still something im struggling w tbh.. it makes me feel like maybe ive got nothing to add but my hopelessness, dispair, endless entrapment and contemplation of pain and sadness and doomfullness and trauma to this world... at least, most of it seems to be that, or it seems at best a fixation on trying to find some sort of grim, melancholic beauty in the rot. and whats the point, when theres already so much of that in the world..? and its made me feel like a bad person too, bc it just further reminds me im not that "ideal" trauma survivor

but. ive been trying to look at it other ways too. i think theres value in your writing and art if it comes from sincerity, and i think theres value in art which is depressing and doomful if its real and from the soul about it

i think it can provide a comfort for people who are much like you and i, at least, i always found that sort of art did.... if anything, while everyonce in awhile i appreciate a movie like the one youre speaking of, theres also many (most times) when even if i find it sweet, i find it.... harder to connect to, harder to resonate with, harder to care about. its nice and all, but i guess i tend to gravitate twoards art which makes my pain feel understood, seen, like someone else out there gets it, feels it too... and i think there really is just as much importance in that sort of art being out there as there is in that more positive side of it i guess ....... kinda like how i find comfort in even you sending this message, you know? you didnt write me some sort of hopeful thing, and yet, its both nice and sad just knowing someone has had these same thoughts and feelings running through their head and struggles w this too

... and.. maybe it doesnt seem like it to you at times, but i think in the first place writing a story, working on it putting it out there is in and of itself able to give ppl hope. bc its making something out of your pain and trauma, using it in some way, channeling it; hell, managing to get stuff out there despite feeling bad and traumatized - thats something

... and really on top of that, havent so many of the great pieces of literature of this world Been that anyway? doom, melancholy, lements, depression feeling haunted trauma endless problems endless tragedy with seeminly no resolution a general feeling of doom and dispair, clearly heavily influenced by these authors own shit.... and yet, they are read by so many people so many times, for both their artistic quality sure, but their relatabilty and realness too, their rawness, so that we can sit with something which understands. if you feel like your story and your writing is all doom and dispair you wouldn't be the first one for sure; plenty of great writers kept that going for decades

...

you cant and shouldnt force art, it should come from the soul. if right now this is how it is bc youre not feelijg or doing better, then it is how it is and it still has value.... and maybe one day, and i really hope so and wish so for you, you'll be better, yea? you will feel more healed, more hopeful, more at peace, in less pain, less tired deep down. and maybe then, your art will change and reflect what you will be feeling inside moreso, you will be making more of that art which feels more hopeful abt things... but until then, i rly think its still worthwhile and meaningful to keep working on what you've been working on <3 its what ive been trying to tell myself too

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brick-a-doodle-do · 1 year

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oKAY, I am finally free and have my computer

So, I had my thoughts on the tiny, fairy Techno and giant, human Tommy idea, but I'm curious about whatever thoughts you had on it :0!!

You said something about size swapping, right? How does that happen :eyes;

woop woop hello wendy !!!

hmmm i haven't thought abt it beyond the initial post and a little bit about your tags so unfortunately my thought supply is a little low and rn i'm kinda shaky rn but that won't stop me from making some new info just to start the outline!

i see it to be a bit of like a "send me an angel, the nicest one you have" type scenario, but this time tommy is spiraling bc of his family and he just wants a break! he wants a friend, and in return he gets...technoblade, his "supposed fairy god mother". tommy of course is pestering him with ideas, while on the opposite side, techno is pissed he couldn't just do his job and leave.

hmm there's definitely some of tommy mixing up techno for a genie, and and AND just generally tommy thinking he's keeping this guy, when in reality techno has a home and some pretty well-made acquaintances. but again, he doesn't have the heart to tell tommy, so he rolls with it and finds his own time to slip off with his friends.

that's rlly all i can think of, it's pretty open-ended so if anyone wants to add smth pls do so!

as for size swapping, here is my idea in the easiest words: annoying and neglectful family + fairy god mother who sees this + sad tommy + fairy god mother with access to magic = techno shrinking tommy and just posing as tommy's new guardian by sizing himself up! BOOM instant fix :D maybe the police will get involved, yeah, but at least tommy's happy! and tiny! (ps. by the time tommy doesn't need to be tiny anymore, he's just obsessed with his ability to climb things and most importantly build things, so he just stays small efsdjfjsd

there we go! more thoughts, anyone? i'll elaborate HARDER if i have to (if i can)

#brickquiries #wendy brickling #new au mention #fairy god mother au #<- doable and passable. will consider keeping.

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aberfaeth · 2 years

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Okay. I have to know. What is word on the wind what is a young wizard?

OH ANON YOUVE DONE IT NOW <333 (made my DAY ACTUALLY. I LOVE YOU AND IF YOU READ ALL OF THIS I LOVEYOU EVEN MORE)

so word on the wind is. a novelization/dramatization of the plot of 2008 mmorpg Wizard101, a game in which you play a normal child/teen isekai-ed into a Spiral of magical worlds to learn how to do spells at the Ravenwood School of Magical Arts. along the way you have adventures such as: save the world! become increasingly estranged and isolated from your peers and teachers! Actually End A Man's Life! experience the horrors of war!

if you know me at all you know my number one passion is Making Things Way Deeper And More Narratively Coherent/Satisfying Than They Need To Be (power rangers 2017 my beloved) so while wizard101 is a fun silly game for folks of all ages i was like HEY. what if we took the Powerful Old Wizard Sends Child To Do Horrific Bidding thing really seriously (obviously i am nowhere near the first person to do this i mean i dont really read a lot of w101 fic but it does exist). anyways the Thing that sets wotw apartTM is that i picked three fellow student NPCs that exist only in the first world* and decided that they get to be the protag's friends and party for the rest of the plot! (based off the real mechanic where you can join fights with up to 3 other people bc its an mMorpg. i made sure their party build was good. i made SURE.)

so word on the wind is, in short: Madeline "Mae" Simmons/Starcatcher (the Headmaster gave her a Wizard Name) and her three friends (Duncan Grimwater, Ceren Nightchant, Regina Flametalon) go on adventures, save the worlds, bond over gained trauma, do real life murder, and fall in love (gay people<3).

fun little encapsulation of the Implications Being Taken Seriously: initially, the protag's name is coded into the dialogue, but after a little bit, i guess kingsisle got lazy? or something, because everyone gradually starts calling them Young Wizard. and thus that is how the protag is referred to in fandom. cool and useful but also super depersonalizing!

gay people snippet under the cut bc this post is so long already i am so sorry:

A girl stormed past us, red cape whipping behind her.

I watched as she paced across the length of the grass before dropping down on the ground, right behind a park bench, burying her head in her hands. Ceren’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. I tilted my head to the side, like, do you know her? But he just sort of stared at me, confused.

“Well, come on,” I said, clamoring to my feet. “Maybe we can help.”

We made our way across the court. When we got close enough, I could see the girl’s shoulders were shuddering, as if she was having trouble breathing. As we approached, she startled, jerking her head up. Her face was round, with wide, shiny eyes, and dark skin streaked with tears. Cherry red coils of hair fell down to her shoulders.

She took in a quick breath, wiping her face with the sleeves of her pumpkin orange robe. “Hi,” she said, voice wobbling. “Um—can I help you?”

I blinked. “I guess I was gonna ask you the same thing.” I knelt down on the seat of the bench, folding my arms across the backrest. “We’ll leave if you want to be alone, but… are you okay?”

The girl’s lip quivered. She let out a full-body sigh, shifting her crossed legs. “No,” she said, finally, with a small shake of the head. “I’m trying to finish this engineering assignment for Professor Baelstrom, but the golems in that tower stole my materials.” As she talked, her voice picked up, in speed, volume, and panic. “I really need those back, if he finds out I’ve lost them then I’ll fail the project, and Professor Falmea won’t let me do any more interschool studies, and I’ll flunk out of the Academy and have to live beneath the theater on Firecat Alley doing tech for those crazy elves to pay rent—”

“Woah, slow down,” I said, climbing off the bench to crouch next to her, hands held stiffly up like I was FBI Agent Dr. Spencer Reid trying to soothe a traumatized shotgun wielder. I swallowed, and tried to think of anything useful to say. What I came up with was: “Hey, at least you’ve got a backup plan.”

She laughed, but it sounded a little crazed. “Yeah. I have backup plans for everything. Except, apparently, golems stealing my steam capacitor.”

“When did they grab it from you?” Ceren asked, from behind me. His head was tilted slightly in puzzlement. “I’ve never seen them outside of the tower.”

The girl pursed her lips. “I was stupid,” she said, morose. “I thought I could grab some Enchanted Wood off of the smaller wooden golems, instead of paying Elmer for it, but they were a lot stronger than I’d imagined. They knocked me out, took my equipment.” Her breathing was becoming rapid, again, hands fiddling anxiously with the ends of her sleeves. “I don’t even like musicals! When I was ten Professor Greyrose made me play the wicked witch in a small schoolwide production and I forgot all of my lines, it was so embarrassing—”

“We’ll help you get your stuff back,” I blurted.

She looked up at me with wide, wet eyes. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah,” Ceren chimed in, reaching a hand out. “Those golems won’t stand a chance against the three of us.”

The girl examined Ceren’s outstretched hand for a moment before grasping it, letting herself be pulled up. I scrambled to my feet, brushing the grass off of my knees. “I’m Regina,” she introduced.

“Mae,” I responded, bouncing lightly on my toes. “And this is Ceren.” Ceren gave a little half-wave. “Should we head right in, or do you need a minute?”

Regina took a deep breath in, setting her shoulders. Her expression was dead serious. “I’m ready.”

#*YES i know about duncan in arc 3. im not looking. mae fixed him #wizard101 #w101 #wizzy fandom #honestly. honestly this is the wip i have the most written for. which is. yeah.#c.ask #THANK YOU FOR ASKING I LITERALLY LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHOEVER U ARE OUT THERE <3333333 #wotw

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doodlesfromthebird · 2 years

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(1/3) Previous question-asker here! Thx for giving such a detailed answer - I’ll refer back to this post when I get stuck. Im a lil baby writer - my art skills r more developed, but when it comes 2 making characters, theyre usually for stories I wanna write. Someday. Writing's hard. & I think it’s cool that one of the tips you gave was to interview your characters - my current fav OC group are all in a band, and when I first came up with them I pretended to interview them for a music magazine X)

(2/3) Plot’s a struggle for me too - tbh, the reason I started developing my OCs/worlds more was bc I tried to write a story plot-first, & ran into a brick wall bc I didn’t know the characters or setting that well. With that in mind, how do u know when ur done? When is a character or setting complete enough to write about? Theoretically you could just keep going forever, but do u have any markers you use 2 figure out when an aspect of character creation or worldbuilding is “finished”?

(3/3) [srry for sending so many asks omg, the character limit is ramble-phobic] but thank you for including those worldbuilding prompts!! They're exactly what I needed. You’ve inspired me to make a little guide for myself on character/design, trope and setting stuff that I think is cool, so that I can go back to it when I need new ideas. Thanks again, happy late birthday and good luck with whatever you decide to do with the Spiral universe! No need to apologize at all! I really enjoy the discussion!

I've always been character first, handwave plot for a few years until it puzzle pieces together into...something. Nothing water tight, but something I can at least give a semi in-depth synopsis of *most* of the things that go on in the story lol

I think its SO COOL that you gave your band-members a little interview for a music magazine -- that's exactly what I'm talkin about! And so fun, too!! And it sounds like it'd be something that would end up in the world itself, which is perfect.

"When is a character complete enough to write about?" I definitely recommend keeping an eye out on advice from your fellow writers, but... I personally think you can go on as much as you'd like to! As long as it hasn't become an excuse to delay in actually sitting down and writing for them in your story. (like ME lmao) Because sometimes smaller details just end up filling themselves in as you go along. I think you're fairly set if you have a good grasp on their personality, how they would react in a varying level of situations, what their goals, wants and fears are (and what have they experienced to have those develop) You may even want to write a character-focused little one-shot separate from the story that would help feel things out, while also establishing a mundane or significant moment in their lives, independently from everything else. This goes for multiple characters who are like a package deal. Like a pairing or a close-knit team that influence each others lives. Maybe even to convince you that the character is who you say they are. Like, it's one thing to say a character's charming, it's another to write about a moment where they're interacting with others in a way you actually find endearing and likable to back that up in your own head. Even while I was writing a rough script for a scene in a potential web-comic idea for Damian and Rio (the merman and vampire) a lot of small things started falling into place about the characters and world-building just started to SPRING FORTH, and I only had a general idea on how the scene would have gone, with key moments. From writing dialogue and character actions on the fly, I discovered: more about both characters body language, vampire lore and more how vampires function, a solid example of what an emotionally heavy conversation looks between the two of them, and more examples that convinced me of the chemistry between the two of them, in ways that I wanted.

Sometimes you get caught up in a creative current and suddenly you've blasted through like 3 pages of ideas. This goes for world-building too because characters are so frequently affected by the world around them in various ways. World-building is often something I overthink and I end up a fretting over about a lot of things that probably would be cumbersome to list in grand detail about anyway, but sometimes its fun to just think about, y'know? and if you're having fun then that's all that really matters. I'd say a general knowledge of what a general day of living in this world would look like, and maybe how it would affect the people living there long-term. What really sets the stage and how does it change over time, if at all. What makes waves and changes what was normal in either the world at large or for your characters.

The thing that personally always stumps me is structures of power and politics, and those are often times the real gear grinders of stories.

BAH I'M RAMBLING, MYSELF. I honestly wish you the best of luck with your characters and worldbuilding and I truly can't wait for you to fall in love with them. More than anything, try to be easy on yourself and the process and start with what brings you the most joy. Everything else will follow. Thank you so much for the birthday wishes!! :3

#not art #character development #letters to the bird

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skinni-girls-eat-books · 5 months

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Thursday, November 16th

8:30am I have one more big assignment and two more small assignments. It feels impossible and I'm so tired. All I want to do is call my best friend but he won't answer. Just have to do this myself again. I'm extremely strong and resilient and I can't believe I made it to this point.

3:30pm I survived Verbal Defense! I did it! I am really proud of myself for everything I have survived this semester! It's raining really hard which is fucking up my vibe and shit but the rain will stop eventually! I'm like shaking from all the overflow of emotions. This semester took so much from me, out of me, really just beat me tf up. My life has been a trainwreck for so long. I just want peace. I just want to calm the persistent anxiety that's been propping me up for months. I just want to rest my mind. I'm literally shaking from the release of stress. Stress is so undeniable physical and just wrecks your body in so many ways. It's time to rest and heal. You've been through so much trauma the past few months and here you are, still alive, still strong. Don't ignore the trauma you experienced but it's time to heal and grow and begin another chapter, not ignoring the previous chapters, but building off of the lessons learned. We go on.

4pm Just remember that most people don't gaf what you do bro just don't hurt anyone and ur good. I just put fish sticks in the oven and popped open a mojito and I'm chilling until I change my mind and want to do something else.

4:20pm I feel like I can finally process what has happened to me. School put me in survival mode and now I'm free to heal. Yeah I'm crying when I should be feeling nothing but joy. I'm crying bc I didn't get the chance to when I was just trying to survive. I went through so much having my trust broken and my life ripped out from under me. I am traumatized but I'll heal. I know I will. This will pass and then I'll feel the joy of my success. It was all mine and all my hard work. I'm seriously proud of myself and I'll say it 1000x ❤️

4:40pm added image of my fish sticks bc it makes me happy that I'm feeding myself

5:00pm intrusive thoughts but wow I can't believe I didn't kll myself this semester I'm so proud :)

5:10pm I made green beans sauteed in the pan instead of the microwave 🥰 I love myself and I know I am worth so much and I know I can take care of myself when I'm not insanely stressed with school. I'll find myself again in no time ❤️ it's like a dark storm cloud has lifted from above my head

7:47pm I woke up from a nap and my stomach hurts lol I think I made the green beans too oily/buttery but it's ok! Haha. I need to clean out my fridge and get some me foods in here. I haven't gone grocery shopping in ages. Everything is probably freezer burnt tbh but that's ok! You were just trying your best ❤️

I have rented Silence of the Lambs and I think I will take a Tums and have some Sprite and some ice cream and rest some more ❤️

9:25pm ok so I had a finish an assignment that nobody wanted to do so I took one for the team and did it 💕 the Tums helped tremendously and now it's movie time :) I'm glad I don't feel like I'm about to shit myself anymore so that actually worked out 😂

9:49pm physical feelings/ sensations have such a profound impact on my mental status. Seeing something gross or feeling physical pain just send me into a spiral. I would like to know how to work on this more. I think the best thing to do for now is to focus on what I can control in my surroundings.

1am lol ok I ended up not watching the movie and that's ok! MasterChef marathon ftw. Got both my little boys laying on the couch with me ❤️

Woke up and I started thinking about being in a relationship and about him or whatever but I'm not really sad. I think I'm asexual or like really minimally sexual. Idk what it is but like I enjoy people for so much more than sex? Like I want to have a connection with you first and then that will follow. Idk how people just be out here jumping and dumping 😂 it's just a waste of time for me. Long story short, I'm not seeking out another relationship rn so it's hard for me to even feel sexual really. Maybe it's a trauma thing or a stress thing, I really don't know. I do know I can't be the only one who feels this way and that's ok ❤️

2am I think I have autism and yeah I mean I thought of it before but then it's like 🤷‍♀️ ok and? And yeah I just think it explains a lot of things about me. But it's like I don't know what to do with that information lol.

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srlkiller · 5 months

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ive realised that my self esteem & just general ‘sense of self’/love for myself is so awful & low.. horribly dependant & reliant on something or someONE else these days & i absolutely fucking loathe myself for ittttttt bc im beyond self aware.. yet ive jus never been loved my entire life by even my own parents to be shown that im worth a singular fuck so the bar is so low for humans… i seemingly will jus allow the fucking worst bc i guess subconsciously that’s what ive always been taught/shown/drilled into me by my parents to believe that i deserve? wen i know it’s not at all bc literally NO ONE deserves to be treated like shit by another human being. i have trouble saying the words no to other people. i have a lot of trouble just standing up for myself these days.. especially the lonelier i get, the more isolated i have become & older ive gotten. i found comfort in being alone & definitely got to know myself sm better.. then i went thru horrible shit all over again & lost myself completely.. all over again.. & haven’t been able to rebuild myself back up since then.. ive only gone downhill.. over & over & over. i know that I AM the only one that inevitably can help myself & save myself.. i have to do the work & put in the effort etc etc but it’s so hard with absolutely ZERRROOO support system of any kind & feeling like you have nothing & no one.. not one family member.. not one pet.. nothing at all anymore. everything has been ripped from me, taken by force or by death itself. I’ve been broken sm times but now that ive finally been able to let someone in again on some kind of romantic level.. im terrified.. so im letting them jus walk all over me which is the total opposite of who I am & everything i stand for, emulate as a woman & my whole fucking energy as a being. i don’t recognise myself at all so ive totally seperated myself from whoever this is.. the body, the mind.. the soul. i numb every feeling n thought i can.. whenever i can. but wow just having this huge surgery & putting my body under such duress & jeopardy was lowkey such a wake up call bc wtf?! IVE NEVER DONE NO SHIT LIKE FHIS BEFORE FOR ANYONE ELSE?!?! AND FOR WHAATTTT?!?! HE HAD THE PERF OPPORTUNITY TO DO EVERYTHING FHE RIGHT WAY N STILL FUXKED IT UP TO SATISFY HIS OWN SELFISH NEEDS.. so wtf am i doing? what am i doing risking myself for someone like that… i look stupid, feel stupid.. & could get left at any minute which would send me spiraling for someone who is quite frankly… not even close to what i need in a man or what ive ever wanted. im simply cheating myself out of a great self help story.. as i turn 29.. i reach my last year if my 20’s & I’ll b damned if i waste that shit on some young dumb n full of cum mf who doesn’t even give a fuck ab my health in any capacity who is probably lying n doing god knows what behind my back anyway… I seriously just need to put myself first.. just try.. I need to try. bc remember when I did? how proud I was? how it worked? it’s always worked. time to start writing goals n writing shit down again.. as we start approaching this date n it gets closer n closer.. on the 25/11/23 I’ll be 29 yall. it’s the 13/11/23 today. 11 days to get things in order. my goals don’t even need to be big I jus need to get things ‘in order’… ‘ready for 29’ sounds like a cool lil title.. as my bday is pretty much leading into the New Year anyway it’d b cool to get a lil head start on others too. like the needles into my head for alopecia which I have an appt for jus before my bday.. lashes n brows I have that appt for.. i needa get my actual hair done somehow.. before nye!! change my piercings to cold & possibly get another?! more tattoos!! coverup of the Drake matching one for sure. Look into studying pharmacology or some other career pathway course.. possibly something with units I’ve completed already at uni?? i need to write a list.. basically is what I’m saying as some things are more easy fix small goals that are appearance self care based, some are medium level, some are mental, some are spiritual, some are academic, some will take

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baekhvuns · 2 years

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My wifi was acting up so if you got the same message twice just ignore!

God poor Hwa it was the first thing I saw in the morning, I'm glad he knows it wasn't his fault, but he was still upset 😭 thankfully he wasn't hurt <3. Yesterday I was sad watching San struggle, then he talked on universe about feeling angry at himself.

I'm gonna give Hwa all the praise tomorrow, watch me. Come on Baek we need to do this. BUT AT LEAST THEY WON OMG DID YOU SEE MATZ, SEONGHWA'S FACE BBY :"( and Yunho and Yeo?! They were so shocked and cute awwwww

Absolutely 2021 and 2022 are for the hags, especially ggs stans 🥰 SNSD's 15th anniversary can you believe?! And Minho is an MC for their showcase AAAAAAA. The song is pretty GG, SM didn't do them too dirty, but they definitely have better songs, I'm just gonna be happy they're back, also WHERE ARE THE ALIENS?! Btw, I saw you were watching Big Mouth with Yoona, I like it! And so true Bilibili is a life saviour for dramas and anime as well, I've been using it for months 😌

Deja the panther pls suyshdjsuahhsus I would be honoured

I'm honestly so baffled by your Noddy gender discovery I'm seriously wheezing 😭😭😭 yeah fuck that little clown looking guy even more, before I felt bad for hating him, but #noddyisoverparty

It was Wonderland Hwa - the 1st pc 😳 I bought so many albums for myself and my friends in SK, not only I got Hwa, but also got into a fan sign not so long after seeing them at KCON and falling for Seonghwa, the universe knew what it was doing...

If you send me your address I'll come and fight you for your crimes (Khronos ending)

Please I was embarrassed for them especially Baek, Taemin and Kai I was like "I'm so sorry guys" but yeah they can make everything look cool, can't relate though

I always clown the glazed arms or abs (I can't with Fireworks San it's too funny), but the Hwarms are doing something for me, his melanin makes the oil even more visible and I'm spiraling 🥴🥴🥴🥴 everyone's down bad for Hwa this era as well. Mingi you're not normal my guy, you need to be stopped

The nose post, truly life changing omfg. Exactly LOOK AT ALL THESE SIDE PROFILES

Pls 1D wasn't even a band, leave them boys alone, but yeah they're like every indie UK group I was into back in the day

Well yeah I'm gonna gatekeep bodyguard I'm afraid, though I feel like I should guard Hwa instead 😭

I have no clue about Person of Interest, but I got Lionel Fusco???

Well fuck the government so true, but not when you're rich already, like be fucking serious... Yes there were a few scandals and Spain is extra with their punishments too, since I support one of the Spanish teams I always see a lot of tax talk 👀

Everything is coming out at once and their new show too?! I only managed to watch Showterview, cause I had to and honestly it was wholesome, they had great chemistry and everyone had fun. I also liked the questions, pretty spicy ahhahah

So much Seonghwa recently I need to look away for a moment and feel normal BUT HOW???!!! The whiplash is killing me, we're getting oiled up sexy demon and 5 minutes later a small baby running around or mommy Hwa helping everyone

Oh I knitted for my plushies and dolls when I was a kid sushhsydjnabsjhs maybe I'll go back to knitting soon since I'm ancient

I know red Woo when?! More hair colours in general when???

Idk that must be some other guy, perhaps a twin of my uber driver???

Baby baby

P.S. idk if we manage to talk before my fan call tomorrow, so wish me luck, cause my throat is fighting for its life </3333 - DV 💖

hi hello!!

My wifi was acting up so if you got the same message twice just ignore! God poor Hwa it was the first thing I saw in the morning, I'm glad he knows it wasn't his fault, but he was still upset 😭 thankfully he wasn't hurt <3. Yesterday I was sad watching San struggle, then he talked on universe about feeling angry at himself.

it’d working just fine!! ☺️ RIGHT 😭😭 i wish the electrical team checks the ear pieces every time bc wtf was that 😭🤚🏼 im glad he realized it as well!! aND THEY WON!!! DID U SEE FBWNDHWK WOOYOUNGS REACTION TO THE 12 DIGITAL POINTS FBDBDB AND THEN san too?? 😭😭🤚🏼 _SlQgfPkMA

they won the second baekhyun started tweeting and it was like my two worlds colliding 😭😭

YOU BETTER BESTIE GIVE HIM ALL OF IT GIVE HIM 2 EXTRA FROM A USERNAME CALLED BAEKHVUNS !!! DEJA WE ARE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW PLS SHOW HIM THAT TOO FBFBF 😭😭 PLS THE WAY HONGJOONG WENT TO HIM 😭🤚🏼🤚🏼 YEOSANG WAS SO BLOWN AWAY PLS

I SAW THE SHOWCASE AND IT WAS SO FUN FBFBF the song is pretty but i rly don’t like the pre chorus i thought after hearing it multiple times i might but it?? like the part right before the “i love” fbdnfb the album tho does sound better! YEAH WHERE ARE THEY WHERES THE KWANGYA 🤌🏼 OH MY GOD YES ARE U WATCHING IT TOO??? GONNA WATCH THE NEW EPS TN omg no fr bilibili is a true life saviour i just hope they don’t brung the ads there too 😭🤚🏼 and all of that for free in 1080p?? 😩😩😮‍💨

Deja the panther pls suyshdjsuahhsus I would be honoured

LMFAOOOO YOU GOT IT I WILL NAME IT THAT BDBD

I'm honestly so baffled by your Noddy gender discovery I'm seriously wheezing 😭😭😭 yeah fuck that little clown looking guy even more, before I felt bad for hating him, but #noddyisoverparty

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭😭 WHY HIS NAME NODDY THEN #bamboozeled 😭🔫🔫 NAH FR THAT KNOME LOOKING GUY CAN FUCK OFF #noddynevercomingback

????????????? U HIT THE BIGGEST JACKPOT ON THE FIRST TRY????? UR LUCK??? HELLO HELLO GIVE US A LITTLE BIT OF THE LUCK 😭😭😭🤚🏼 i have a luck in avoiding things fbfbfbfb BRO IT WAS FATE FROM SOME WATER HATING GOD 🤚🏼🤚🏼

If you send me your address I'll come and fight you for your crimes (Khronos ending)

LMFAOOOO THE WAY I SCREAMED AT THIS FHWNFHWJHFWKHDWK if u think khronus was a bad end, bestie what will that villain yn’s ending do to u?? 🥰

Please I was embarrassed for them especially Baek, Taemin and Kai I was like "I'm so sorry guys" but yeah they can make everything look cool, can't relate though

BRMWBDMWBDKW NO LITERALLY SAME BUT THEY MADE IT LOOK SO COOL tbh unpopular opinions, superm songs may sound chaotic but they do have good songs 😭😭 tho the seniors did carry,,, wish u were here is so good 😭🤚🏼

LMFAOOOO SANS GLAZED DONUT ABS WERE SO DBDBD 😭😭😭😭 they fr looked baked 😭😭 hwarms, hegs (legs), hwabs, hace (face), hwips <3 all of them be triggering me atp THIS ERA IS 2HO HWA AND MINGIS TBH 🤚🏼,,,, mingi is not normal and i won’t be either with his au in my drafts screaming at me dbdbd

The nose post, truly life changing omfg. Exactly LOOK AT ALL THESE SIDE PROFILES

Pls 1D wasn't even a band, leave them boys alone, but yeah they're like every indie UK group I was into back in the day

TRULY LIFE CHANGING I WILL BE LOOKING AT EVERYONES NOSES TO SEE WHO’S GOOD 😭😭🥰🥰<3 FBDNDB 1D WAS LIKE A 5 YEAR CONTRACT TO RULE THE WORLD AND THEN BOOM GONE,, he’s so stunning??? a very elegant guy, hand in marriage 🤲🏼

Well yeah I'm gonna gatekeep bodyguard I'm afraid, though I feel like I should guard Hwa instead 😭

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭 I THINK WE SHOULD GUARD HIM TOO NOTHING BAD SHOULD HAPPEN TO THAT MAN 🔫

I have no clue about Person of Interest, but I got Lionel Fusco???

i have absolutely no idea too and so i got john reese <3

YEAAAHHHH FRRR !!!!! no bc if u rich, just pay the tax like bro u got the money?? 😭😭 oh??? u do??? which team 👀

showterview was so funny !!! it was fr like a sibling chemistry BFKWHDKWHDKW THE “SHUT UP” TO MINGI SCREAMED DBDB omg the questions about rivalry w different groups i was like “sunmi 👀 ayo 👀”

ITS ABSOLUTELY NOT POSSIBLE ANYMORE EVERYWHERE ITS HIM 😭😭😭 am i complaining tho? no ☺️ but my wips are dhdbdbdb OILED SEXY DEMON LMFAOO 😭😭😭😭😭 no ur so right that mommy hwa thing he did with jongho 🤚🏼

Oh I knitted for my plushies and dolls when I was a kid sushhsydjnabsjhs maybe I'll go back to knitting soon since I'm ancient

im. when are we starting this knitting club im on my way we should make seonghwa a shinestar scarf <3 BBWMFJEK “IM ANCIENT” I FELT THAT DBDB

I know red Woo when?! More hair colours in general when??? /// Idk that must be some other guy, perhaps a twin of my uber driver???

i swear to gOD if they dye it for the concerts im genuinely gonna be sobbing 😭🤚🏼 OH??? TWIN OF UR UBER?? SURE ARE ALIKE ARENT THEY?? have u ever confused them <3 ☺️ this your guy?? your ceo?? omg here is a ceo taehyung series which i die for fbfbfbf ceo seonghwa’s arrange marriage is like that in the aspects of richness

Baby baby /// P.S. idk if we manage to talk before my fan call tomorrow, so wish me luck, cause my throat is fighting for its life </3333 - DV 💖

BESTIEEEEEEEEE OH MY GOD ITS TMR???? PROBABLY ALREADY FOR U RN OH MY GOD FBFBFB PLS GIVE HIM ALL THE PRAISES AND SHOW UR CATS 😭😭😭🤚🏼 PLS <3 pls ask them to do a stop in cn not toronto one day <3

quiz !!

???? dilf.

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

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1kook · 3 years

Text

crunchyroll & rail

the 10th installment of my netflix & chill series !

SUMMARY Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket. WARNINGS smut in the forms of making out, jk nipple play, some 69 action, cunnilingus, blowjobs, brief choking, jk trying his best to listen to oc but he doesn’t rlly :/, fingering, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, unprotected fuckin raw, its romantic but when is it not… MISC fluffy and domestic <3, weekend getaway <3, the Big Question, shy jk, sailor moon supremacy, jk makes this big elaborate speech about the sun and moon, mentions of 240p YouTube quality, RATING m (18+) WC 8.7k

NOTE (!) the smut in this chapter is relatively short ! I was more concerned with writing this monumental step in their relationship, so sorry to all the lads who come here specifically for the p0rn but today we focus on the l0ve <333 anyway nc 10!!!!! Can u fuckin believe….

Jungkook mentions it at the dinner table one night. You’re not eating— well, you are not eating; Jungkook has been stocking up on his protein intake like a madman —but finishing up some work you had brought home. Your back aches, your eyes burn. The mere sound of his soft voice has all those feel-good endorphins shooting through your nervous system like a shot of adrenaline. “We should take a trip,” he says, fork clattering against his plate to signify the end of his feast.

Your fingers tap across your keyboard, eyes flickering between an Excel sheet and the report you’re typing out. It takes you a moment to respond, a delayed, “huh,” that even Jungkook doesn’t find convincing.

In the background, you’re listening to what has to be one of the worst voiceovers of the original Sailor Moon series in a language you don’t even understand. But you know the series like the back of your hand, know what exactly is happening even if you don’t understand what they’re saying, because you’ve watched it only about a million times. It’s mostly just there for background purposes anyway, some white noise to try and replicate the noisy soundtrack of your office.

To make matters worse—complicated?—, you had been too lazy to get onto your usual pirating sites and had settled for the five minute, five part, 240p clips of Sailor Moon on YouTube (you know the ones), and Jungkook has to wait until Episode 74: Part ⅖ ends before you grace him with a proper response. “Where do you wanna go, baby?” you ask, giving your eyes a break from the data as you move to scour YouTube for Episode 74: Part 3/5.

He’s stretching back now, arms wound up above his head. His hair— god, his hair —is an ashy color now, a faded version of its golden ancestor from a few months ago. Soon, he’s planning on going back to brown, claims he’s getting too old to be dying his hair, whatever that means. For now, you watch his inked fingers run through his scalp; he looks delectable. Maybe you’re hungrier than you initially thought. Or at least thirstier. “A cabin,” he suggests, and he offers this little half shrug that would otherwise seem normal had you not been well-versed in the art of Jungkook Body Language. His front teeth nibble at his lip, eyes laser focused on his empty plate. Even now, he still gets nervous asking you out. That thought alone makes your ego soar as high as an airplane. “Just something small.”

Usually, “something small” with Jungkook ends up being something big and, in most cases, something expensive. Which you’re totally not opposed to— you’re at the point in your relationship where you don’t even bother trying to dissuade Jungkook from showering you with gifts. It’s one of his many, many, many, many forms of loving you and, well, he knows you like the back of his hand. He rarely misses.

Lo and behold, it is a grander affair than a simple cabin. “Well, it’s more like a resort,” he confesses, reaching across the table for your hand. Immediately, his thumb finds itself rubbing over the simple band of your promise ring. “Just wanna do something nice for you. I know you’ve been tired lately,” he adds on, voice a quiet murmur that nearly gets lost under the intensity of the pout that appears whenever he becomes even the slightest bit bashful.

You smile, the fondness in your heart skyrocketing to impossible heights when he lifts your hand to press those pretty petal lips against your knuckles. “Well, just let me know when,” you tell Jungkook. “So I can request time off from work.”

Episode 74: Part 3/5 starts playing after an ad, and you’d pause it for the sake of preserving this moment with Jungkook, but it’s hidden under so many tabs on your laptop that you lose it the second you leave the tab. Jungkook’s head tilts to the side, sending his ashy locks cascading beautifully. “You know that show is on Crunchyroll,” Jungkook says, seemingly moving past his bout of shyness now. “And you have the password.”

“Do I,” you murmur, but he’s lost you once more, your true talent of typing with one hand showing itself as you return to your Excel sheet, the other still firmly squeezed in his grasp. Jungkook releases soon enough anyway, cleans up the table quickly, and disappears off into the kitchen. He sings when he washes the dishes, likes to pretend he’s a terrible singer even though you’ve told him countless times he could easily take X Factor by storm. (And you know exactly what it takes to wow those judges— you spent the entire last month psychotically watching multiple X Factor seasons from multiple different countries, nearly considered joining the damn audition yourself.) The horribly dubbed Sailor Moon is yelling now, shrieking really, and Jungkook calls from the kitchen, “don’t forget to take your contacts out, sweetheart.”

It’s domestic and it's nerve-wracking.

You want Jungkook, that much is a fact. Aristotle and Socrates and that other guy could debate the philosophical intricacies of the world, turn this dimension in on itself until it was a scrambled mess of emotion and thought, but the one thing they could never change, could never even question, is your love for your boyfriend. You want Jungkook badly, but more importantly, you want Jungkook forever.

And you’re sure Jungkook probably, maybe, hopefully feels that way too. But the way you feel is… slightly concerning to say the least. For starters, you’re convinced your love for Jungkook was meant to be, and that’s saying a lot coming from you. You’re not one for cheesy, soulmate tales— that was more Jungkook’s thing —but the more you think about it, the more you become convinced that you and Jungkook were destined to meet. Like the planets aligned one year, the stars conferred, a tectonic plate somewhere in California shifted; whatever it may have been, something happened somewhere that led to the birth of this beautiful romance of yours.

Lately, being with Jungkook has this inexplicably fiery feeling blossoming in your chest, these waves of emotion that sometimes have you fantasizing about the weirdest of scenarios with him. Like yelling at him for not taking the garbage out on time, or bumping into each other as you make dinner in the kitchen, or buying a new rug together.

(Most drastically, the other day, you had a dream where you were pregnant and Jungkook was there and there was a house and a dog and an annoyingly friendly neighbor and this god-awful tile in the bathroom.)

Long story short, you’ve been fantasizing about a forever with Jungkook. The concerning part is the timing; was this too early? You’re nearly halfway through your second year with Jungkook now, and you know most people date for many, many years before the mere thought of union even occurs to them. In another life, maybe you were the same, would have held off until the very last moment. But with Jungkook things just feel right (at least for you), like there wasn’t going to be anyone else after him. And you sincerely hoped there wouldn’t be.

You slump back into your seat, eyes fluttering shut. Too many thoughts swirl around your mind, and the screech of the Sailor Moon voiceover on screen certainly doesn’t help. How you managed to spiral that far down your thoughts in the span of one 240p, five minute clip of a larger episode amazes even you. To add onto your worries, the clip abruptly ends and Episode 74: Part ⅘ is nowhere in sight, a fact that draws a frustrated moan out of the already sensitive you.

Luckily, Jungkook eventually returns, standing closely behind you. His presence is enormous, the room suddenly overflowing with a shit ton of those feel-good endorphins all over again, except this time they reach an all-time high when he leans over and quietly shuts your laptop. “Come sleep,” he says softly, and it’s a pleasant mixture of his genuinely caring voice and that horndog purr of his that lures you into bed. And it’s that same voice that croons softly into your ear, fingers nestled between your folds until you’re orgasming yourself into a deep slumber.

Much to no one’s surprise, the cabin turns out to be quite the luxurious lodging; two floors of dark oak everywhere you turn, a stunning stone fireplace in the bedroom, and a truly breathtaking view of the resort’s snowy hill (read: front row seats to watch all the snowboarders and skiers wipe out in the snow). Jungkook had splurged quite the pretty penny on it, so you make a point to clap it up for him when he first opens the door to your temporary home for the weekend.

The main bedroom is beyond words. It’s got an attached balcony (that you doubt you’ll be using in this chilly weather), and a wooden canopy bed that makes you feel like a royal (that you will certainly be using). It’s separated into two areas, the bed space and a tiny entertainment area on the other side of the room. Perhaps the best thing about the room— and the cabin itself —is the huge, smart TV mounted above said stone fireplace and the fact it allows the phone mirroring option in lieu of not having any streaming sites. And as is with every and anything to do with televisions, Jungkook is the most excited of the two of you. “Baby, look,” he beams, pointing excitedly at whatever he’s got mirrored onto the television this time. Knowing him, it’s probably another documentary.

You had the forethought to finish your work before the trip, spent two days in the office going absolutely ham on this month’s final reports until your department head promptly sent you home to finish the rest there. You had given yourself a fright upon entering the bathroom that night, the state of your under eyes so severe, you feared it was sufficient cause for a national emergency. Similarly, Jungkook had done the same with his work, cooped himself up in his study until he was free from the shackles of capitalism for the weekend. All this to say you’ve missed him these past few days.

But even though you’re sorely malnourished in the affection department and craving a good kiss or two, you wouldn’t dare interrupt one of Jungkook’s little nerdy, tech-induced fanboy moments. They’re cute, in their own geeky way, providing some insight to a mellower side of your boyfriend who looks on with childlike wonder; Jungkook’s eyes always get so big when he talks about nerdy stuff. You get to work hanging up the silk shirt he packed for tomorrow night’s fancy dinner at the resort, listening to some British narrator’s detailed description of the functionally extinct Northern white rhinos living under 24-hour surveillance in Kenya.

(Jungkook’s really into nature documentaries again, had spent a few nights sniffling as he watched that one Koko the gorilla film.)

The original plan was to head to the nearest store and whip up something small to eat at the cabin. But Jungkook is a little tired from the long drive, slumps down into the couch in front of the now lit fireplace like a limbless blob as he tunes into his documentary. His nose is a little red from the outside chill. It’s so cute. He’s so cute. You love him so much, you fear you’ll accidentally squeeze his cheeks to death. It’s a thought that occurs more times than you’d like.

According to the pamphlet on the nightstand, the resort has its own room-service to order from. Normally you would do that, but not this time; you had gotten into a bit of a squabble with the man at the front desk after he had tried to withhold Jungkook’s reservation for arriving two minutes past your check-in time, called each other all sorts of names before he backed down and gave you your room key. So you’re still a little salty, to say the least. Instead, you settle in for some pizza in front of the huge TV, calling up the nearest place to order some of Jungkook’s and your favorites.

You plop down beside him, instinctively cuddling closer when he wraps an arm around your shoulders. “So,” you start, flipping through the rest of the resort’s introductory pamphlet. There’s a loud roar on screen. In all honesty, you didn’t even know what Northern white rhinos sounded like until then, and you probably never would have if not for the man beside you. “What are you in the mood for tonight, sweet boy?”

You’re not sure if it’s the fatigue or the overall relaxed vibes he’d been exuding since the moment you entered the cabin, but Jungkook is weirdly cooperative today. “Whatever you want,” he responds, head on your shoulder. He even places the remote in your hands, gives your enclosed fist a gentle tap as if he’s just handed you the secret to eternal youth. In other words, it’s a rare sight to behold. “This is your trip, pretty girl.”

You appreciate the sentiment, but feel the need to clear the air, tucking your feet up onto the couch as you snuggle closer. “Our trip,” you clarify, and snatch the remote anyway before he changes his mind.

Jungkook releases a quiet huff of laughter, head rolling back against the couch cushions to display his thick, juicy neck that definitely doesn’t awaken any vampiric tendencies in you. “We can even watch some anime if you want,” he murmurs, casually throwing an arm around your shoulders in a way that would have made any teenage girl in the early 2000s squeal with excitement. It’s one of those barely there touches, but the way he holds you makes you feel so safe and warm and loved. So loved and in love. “The ones on Crunchyroll, though.”

For the sake of preserving these good vibes (and your ears [and Jungkook’s sanity]), you navigate to the Crunchyroll app on your phone, quickly finding your latest obsession and mirroring it onto the big television before Jungkook can react. “Sailor Moon?” he asks with a tone that implies a feigned interest, mostly out of respect for you; he’s, sadly, still not the big dorky anime fan you had hoped to convert him into.

“In the name of the moon, I’ll punish you,” you recite dutifully, snatching up the throw blanket on the end of the couch. It’s barely big enough to cover the both of you, has Jungkook’s outstretched legs and your booty subject to the chilly air. Who cares, Jungkook is a furnace anyway.

He snorts. “Punish me,” he mumbles, as if he doesn’t believe it. His snarky comment wins him a playful pinch against his doughy cheek, not that he particularly defends himself against it anyway, eyes fluttering shut as you tug at the pale skin.

“Don’t fuck with the moon, Jungkook,” you warn him, snuggling closely against his side as your favorite opening song begins filtering through the speakers of the television before you. It’s infinitely better than the 240p YouTube clips you had subjected yourself to the entire last week, the graphics scarily clear.

“Right, of course,” Jungkook says, but a hint of amusement seems to curl around the sound anyway. Nevertheless, he lets it go, cuddles into your side as you pour your full focus into watching yet another group of ragtag teenagers with supernatural abilities kick some ass.

You can tell Jungkook isn’t really into it, and you’re torn between just snuggling him into a well deserved nap or taping his eyelids open so he can become a fan of this show with you.

The loving, caring, adoring side of you says Jungkook deserves the entire world and more (the more in question preferably being a fluffy blanket and a nap). He worked hard this week, just like you, and on top of that he was the one who planned this entire weekend getaway for the two of you to enjoy. You want him to rest up.

The obnoxiously in love girlfriend-slash-best friend in you says Jungkook is sorely missing out on one of the greatest shows on planet Earth and that naps are for the weak.

Your jumbled thoughts are interrupted by a loud sound on the television, a yelp from Ms. Sailor Moon herself that has you jolting up in surprise. Jungkook welcomes you deeper into his embrace, chuckles at your little fright. “Scared?” he teases in that low voice that makes you feel like you’re going crazy, really. So crazy and irrational, and the only thing that stops you from bombarding him with an unexpected outpouring of love is that hard and sharp thing that pokes your side when you get too close to him. It’s not Jungkook, sadly, but something in the front pocket of his hoodie instead.

And for some reason, part of your brain is stuck all of a sudden, rewinding the last two and a half years like a broken cassette tape that had the tape reel hastily stuffed back inside by a toddler. It’s choppy to say the least, and it certainly doesn’t help when Jungkook calls your name softly, tenderly. “__,” he murmurs. It’s a little weird; it’s not often he says your name, mostly referring to you with one of the many pet names from that part of his vocabulary that focuses exclusively on terms of endearment. Your heart skips a beat.

Now, if anyone were to ask, it’s approximately around this time that you begin to spiral. The pink curve of his bottom lip is just too close, the mole on his nose too prominent. Paired with the obnoxious tittering of Usagi on screen, you can feel your thoughts begin to overlap, bumping into each other within the realm of your brain until all that comes out are the messiest of messy thoughts.

They go like this:

Most episodes of any anime run for approximately thirty minutes. Take out the commercial breaks, the opening and ending credits, and it becomes something closer to twenty. Twenty minutes per episode, filled with plot and gags and tears and whatever else necessary to make you feel something, anything really.

“What’s in your pocket?” you ask tentatively.

In contrast, it takes approximately two seconds for Jungkook’s lips to quirk up— first the right side, always the right side —and his eyes to crinkle. Two seconds for him to smile, a sweet expression that reminds you of Netflix and college and quiet laughter and tattoos and silly YouTube videos and cookies and cell phones and job applications and blond hair; two seconds to make you feel everything all at once.

“There’s nothing,” he says, but his cheeks are pink, and it’s not from the cold anymore. His smile is so big it makes your own cheeks ache just looking at it. You can’t even hear the television anymore. Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket. “It was supposed to be for tomorrow,” he admits, unwrapping his arm from around you.

It’s a little funny, somehow, because his hands are covered in ink, in tiny doodles and intricate pieces of swirls and words that ooze this aura of strength and toughness. But they tremble when he opens it, as unsteady as a wispy dandelion on a windy day, fumbling with the box. And when you look closely, he’s been biting at the skin along his thumb again, that nervous habit you’ve been trying forever to help him overcome.

Someone is saying something on screen, something important to the plot. The volume is loud, but not as loud as your heart. Not as loud as Jungkook’s quiet murmur when he speaks again. “Will you marry me?” he asks softly, looks at you with flushed cheeks and big eyes and his heart on his sleeve.

The answer has always been the same, hasn’t changed since the first time he planted the seed in your mind. Still, it catches in your throat, nearly loses out to a surprised and emotional sob that you barely manage to bite down. You had just been speaking, had just been ready to deliver a whole spiel on the importance of him watching Sailor Moon with you. But when you try now, it’s raspy and dry, as if you haven’t used your voice in years. “I— yes,” you exhale, surprised by the lonely tear that trails down your cheek. You go to wipe it away, but Jungkook beats you with a gentle hand cupping your cheek.

His smile is wobbly, patches of red blossoming across his face that eventually consume his entire appearance as he leans his forehead against yours. Only then do you realize he’s crying, and you laugh out of reflex. “You’re crying,” you say, and Jungkook snorts.

“You cried first,” he sniffles, smiling. “You made me cry.”

He looks like a wreck, but, like, a hot wreck. An engaged, hot wreck who’s eyes flicker back to the TV to remind you to pause your anime, always so considerate. You do, hastily smashing buttons on the remote before remembering it’s controlled by your phone, hands flying back and forth as your nerves actively work to retire themselves after Jungkook’s proposal. “Easy there,” he soothes, eventually catching your hand in his, drawing it up for a kiss against your knuckles.

The ring fits perfectly, snuggly. Vaguely, a memory drifts through your thoughts of Jungkook and Doyeon on a rampant mission to reorganize your jewelry box a few months ago, but it disappears as quickly as it came. You’re taken by the ring, a simple band with a pretty diamond on top. It’s a good mixture of you and him; flashy yet mild.

“You love me,” you marvel, a revelation you’ve had the honor of experiencing time and time again with Jungkook. Still, it never fails to render you speechless. He hums.

“I do,” he says, taking your hand in his. “It’s the easiest thing for me. Like breathing, or existing. I think I was made to love you.” And normally, you’d be the first one to correct him. Jungkook was made for so much more, a fact he’s proven time and time again with his abilities and the sheer size of his heart. He was your golden boy, could do anything he set his mind to. Always amazing you, always making you fall in love all over again.

But now, with the weight of his words sitting heavy in the air, you find yourself incapable of negating the fact, instead sniffling at the meaning.

Pleased with your silence, Jungkook places another chaste kiss against your ring. “I love you, __,” he confesses, voice nearly a whisper. Your entire body feels as if it is doused in gasoline, lit aflame over and over again. Your heart threatens your rib cage, pounds away with the strength of a world renowned boxer. Jungkook’s hands curl around your wrists carefully. “I used to think we were like the moon and the sun,” he admits, “that you were my sun and I was your moon. In love but always separated by those thin veils of the sunrise and the sunset.” He pauses, nuzzling sweetly against your palm once more before gently guiding them down between the two of you. “But that really sucks— saying goodbye to you every night? I hate that, __. I hate watching you leave, I hate watching you run off in the mornings or halfway through the day, having to drive back and forth from your place to mine. I hate having to be away from you when all I wanna do is hold you. I— I want to be by your side,” he rambles, eyes nervously meeting yours. They’re still glassy, dark lashes framing his chocolate irises wonderfully. “Forever.”

Your heartbeat stutters, the simple word looping itself in your mind like that night in his dining room all over again, all the fantasies of having a forever with Jungkook bubbling to the surface. Jungkook pushes on. “You are my sun,” he says softly, mostly to himself. “But… I don’t wanna be the moon anymore. Being the moon means, eventually, I’ll have to say goodbye. In the night or in the morning, it always comes to an end. And I don't want there to be an end with you,” he insists, clutching your hand tightly. “I wanna be another star, the closest one to you. The one who gets to be with you forever. I wanna be by you and shine with you and—“

“Explode into a gazillion little fragments of cosmic dust with me,” you offer, and Jungkook nods along eagerly, too amped up on his speech to bother scolding you for your playful comment.

“Yes, I want to— to—“ The words catch in his throat. So much emotion from the man you once thought was the dictionary definition of calm and collected. “To—“

“Marry me,” you fill in, and Jungkook practically blows a fuse from how emotionally fired up he’s become, exclaiming a resolute, “yes!” that leaves you stupidly grinning back at him.

His outburst leaves him with flushed cheeks. “I do,” he reiterates in a softer tone, averting his gaze from you as if embarrassed by his cheesy outpouring of emotion. Usually, it’s the other way around; you make all the corny declarations of love and Jungkook laughs along suavely. It feels nice to have the tables turned.

There’s so much to say, but the words all fade away when Jungkook shyly looks at you again. You settle on tackling him back onto the couch cushions, taking his surprised little yelp in stride as you suffocate him in your embrace. “Save those words for the big day, superstar,” you giggle, peppering his red face with tiny kisses that make him scrunch up cutely. “I can’t wait to blow up into one huge supernova with you.”

Beneath you, Jungkook groans. “I’m sorry,” he huffs, voice muffled against your shoulder. Begrudgingly, his arms come up to envelope you, pulling you closer until the blanket scrunches up uncomfortably between you two. “That must’ve sounded so lame.”

Leaning back so you’re not completely squishing him, you carefully push his silvery hair away from his forehead. “Don’t be,” you assure him, placing one chaste peck against his pouty lips. “I thought it was cute. I didn’t know you were into astrology.”

A sigh. “Astronomy,” he corrects, “astrology has to do with zodiac signs and placements.”

You run your thumbs over his cheeks, collecting any of the drying tears that paint his face. “Oh, like how you’re a Virgo and I’m a“—

The TV remote you had lost somewhere along the way is suddenly rematerialized beneath your knee, sends the speakers blaring to life with a deafening screech that has both you and Jungkook leaping up like two frightened cats. “You always do this,” he laughs, that loud boyish sound that makes you feel like you’re sitting on a cloud. He watches you with a gentle smile as you hurriedly shut off the television, the remote haphazardly tossed somewhere behind you afterwards. You return to his embrace, wrap your arms around his waist and snuggle into his warmth. His heart thumps a steady rhythm beneath your ear.

“You’re gonna be stuck with me forever,” you warn him, clutching at the fabric of his shirt like he’ll suddenly disintegrate before your eyes.

Above you, Jungkook hums, placing a kiss against the crown of your head. “I look forward to it,” he responds, pulling you impossibly closer, until you can feel the wrinkles in his shirt imprinting themselves against your cheek. He’s back to being that suave bastard again, and you find yourself wishing you had milked those big crocodile tears out of him for just a little bit longer.

Fingers gently press against the muscles in your nape, push themselves in deeply until you can feel all the tension seeping out, turning you into a limbless blob over Jungkook. “Jeez,” you sigh, eyes fluttering shut. “And you wanted to wait until tomorrow.”

He huffs out a laugh. “I just thought you’d rather get engaged at a fancy restaurant with a pretty dress,” he defends, and you can hear the grin on his face. “For the photos.”

“Fair point,” you concede, eventually pushing yourself up so you’re not entirely squishing your boyfriend beneath you. Jungkook is already looking at you when you lift your head, has got this funny double-chin from this angle that makes his normally sharp jawline disappear. You find yourself tapping a finger against his chin, on the chocolate chip mole that hides itself beneath his plump bottom lip. “If anything, just propose to me again tomorrow at the restaurant.”

It wins you an eye-roll. “I’m not gonna propose to you again tomorrow,” he laughs, doesn’t even push you away when you become annoying and start tapping your fingers against all his beauty marks like you’re playing Whack-a-Mole.

“Booo,” you frown, but let it go soon enough, foregoing your little game to press your lips against his. “Then I better make this a night to remember,” you murmur, tilting your head to the side.

Your hands dip into his luscious locks, fingernails tracing thin lines along his scalp that are certain to send tingles down his spine. As predicted, Jungkook releases a quiet groan soon after, a sound that’s muffled against your own lips. He’s pliant tonight, but not in a way that would elude fatigue. Pliant in a way that suggests he wants you to take the reins tonight, exhaling softly against you as he parts his lips.

“Let me take care of you,” you hum, the hand that had been mindlessly hovering along his cheek drifting down to caress the side of his neck. Jungkook nods, his irises swimming in lust. You smile at his silent compliance, give his throat a light squeeze that makes his breathing hitch in surprise.

He’s always at his prettiest when he’s beneath you like this, limbs moving in slow motion as you guide him along. You can already feel the beginnings of his arousal stirring beneath the front of his sweats, his cock slowly making its presence known against your thigh. You press your lips against his once more, making sure to make it rougher than the first kiss. Your tongue is met with little resistance, slips past his lips and dips into the hot cave of his mouth where Jungkook releases another trembling breath.

Two hands come up behind you, trail themselves over your back and down to your ass, where he gives the two globes a tight squeeze. It draws a whimper out of you, one that Jungkook greedily swallows up. His tongue rubs up along yours, the wet muscle daringly pushing back against yours. His rebelliousness is only quelled with another press of your fingertips around his throat.

“Slow down,” you tell him. The first roll of your hips against him is slow, cruel in that you cut the motion short just as Jungkook begins to push back. A bratty huff escapes him, swollen pink lips pushing out into that endearing pout you love so much. It makes you grin, releasing the grip around his throat to carefully brush a stray strand of hair away from his eyes.

It’s a gesture that works to soften Jungkook as well, the petulant look on his face melting away as you trail your pointer finger along his cheekbone. It’s replaced with a more tender one, dark lashes blinking up at you slowly. “Open,” you command upon reaching his mouth, finger pressing down against his pink lower lip. Jungkook obeys, opening his mouth until you can see his pink tongue and the dark abyss that leads down his throat. Your finger pushes itself in, and Jungkook certainly doesn’t try to resist. His lips suction around the digit fairly quickly, tight enough to keep you there but loose enough for you to slowly draw your finger in and out, each short plunge pressing down against his tongue.

It’s a rather short affair, one that comes to an end when he accidentally bucks up against you, pressing his hardened member against your core. You retract your finger. “Can you,” he tries, but his cheeks are stained red and he refuses to meet your gaze. “Just…”

You intercept him with a chaste peck, maneuvering your legs until your knees are firmly pressed into the couch cushions beneath him, his thin waist trapped in between. When you sit up, you feel drunk on power and the way Jungkook looks up at you certainly doesn’t help. “Can I sit on your face?”

He chokes. “I— sure, please,” he blurts out. His gaze follows you as you slip off of him, quickly discarding your pants and top on the floor. One pat against his thigh has him hurrying to shimmy out of his clothes, his sweatpants caught around his ankles.

“You’re excited,” you laugh, stripping him of his bottoms when the frustration takes him over.

Jungkook scoffs. “Well, yeah,” he mumbles, tugging his shirt off with one smooth motion. The ink around his bicep is as dark as ever, contrasts wonderfully against his warm face. “My fiancée is gonna sit on my face.”

The title makes you preen, quickly finding your place on his lap once more. With your clothing out of the way, Jungkook really does become a furnace. Every inch of his body is hot to the touch, soft too. “Fiancée,” you giggle, hands on his chest. They slide down, fingers playfully nudging his brown nipples. Jungkook flinches at the touch. “Gonna sit on my fiancé’s face,” you parrot back, delicately pinching one nipple between your fingers. A moan spills from his lips, his cock pushing against your thigh once more.

It’s the reminder you need, pushing back dutifully against him as you continue to toy with his chest. He’d look pretty with piercings, you find yourself thinking, watching on in fascination at the way his pert nipples stand at attention. Beneath you, Jungkook begins to grow desperate, his hands finding their place on your waist to encourage you to grind down against him once more.

Jungkook swears up and down that he’s not particularly sensitive about having his nipples touched. But when you’ve got him like this, sinfully laid out before you, you can easily confirm that his claims are nothing but lies. He loves having his nipples touched, squirms beneath you impatiently with each playful tug and twist you bestow upon them.

You duck down, pressing a kiss against his pectoral, just beside his nipple, and Jungkook’s entire body shivers. A few careful drags of your tongue against his warm skin only serve to string him along further, the prettiest whimper pulling itself from his lips when you finally envelope one of them in your mouth. “Wait,” he gasps, clawing at your clothing as if he both wants to push you off and push you closer. You grin, brandishing one mean nip at the sensitive nub.

Eventually, your incessant need to play with Jungkook’s chest is fulfilled. “Lay back,” you instruct, watching as he shuffles down flat on the cushions, silver hair tumbling away from his eyes. He’s so red, eyes hazy. Your panties are discarded, joining the ever growing pile of clothes on the floor.

Once upon a time, the idea of sitting on Jungkook’s face had terrified you, filled you with nightmares of crushing his windpipe or breaking his nose. For the most part, they’re pretty unrealistic fears, ones that can be easily shut down after one careful Google search on safe sexual practices. These days, it’s all too easy; in the mornings, especially, it’s become natural for him to guide you on top carefully, holding your hand as you whimper and sob over his face.

In the current moment, you find yourself stroking a hand down the side of his face, completely enamored with the huge puppy eyes he levels your way. Jungkook likes having your pussy in his face just as much as you do, loves making you feel good in any way he knows how. But there’s a separate matter at hand, one that stands at attention beneath his black boxers and successfully wins your attention.

Truthfully, there is no dilemma to ponder over; you want both to ride Jungkook’s face and suck him off. The solution?

“We’ve never done this before,” Jungkook mumbles in amazement, his voice slightly muffled from his position beneath you and slightly behind you. Still, his arms dutifully wrap around your thighs, guiding you closer to his mouth where his hot breath fans against your glistening folds. You rock back willingly, hands preoccupied with pushing his boxers down and away from his engorged cock.

“Really?” you ask, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the cock before you and the tongue that gently laps at your folds. Jungkook makes a sound, something between a hum and whimper, his mouth slowly getting to work against your folds. “M- Maybe,” you stutter, all thought processes coming to a halt as you carefully take him in your hand.

His cock is hard and long, his tip an angry shade that weeps with precum. From this angle, you get to watch Jungkook’s huge thighs twitch at the sensation, the tattoo that marks up one of them doing little to hide the fact. Your hand squeezes him, watches in awe as another fat droplet oozes out of his tip. A moan tears itself from his throat, and it’s so goddamn sexy it nearly drives you insane.

It’s one particularly long lap of his tongue over your clit that sends you into action, back arching at the tingles that shoot down your spine. Wasting no more time, you guide Jungkook’s cock into your mouth, let your own tongue shower his mushroom tip in kitten licks that have him bucking upwards. He releases your clit with a lewd pop, hot breath fanning across your lips. “Fuck,” he gasps, voice harsh.

Admittedly, it’s more difficult than you thought it would be.

You’re not one to be easily overwhelmed (says you), but with Jungkook’s twitching cock in your mouth and his teasing tongue dipping into your entrance, it becomes hard to juggle your attention between the two. Even Jungkook, who is quite frankly the master of cunnilingus, seems torn between the two, his breathing shallow and quick against your folds.

With each slow descent around his cock, he shudders, thigh muscles tightening in anticipation. It causes a lull in the pace of his tongue, the generous kisses and licks against your folds subject to a somewhat uneven pace that, surprisingly, leaves you more on edge than you’d ever expected it to; right when you think he’s about to suck your clit into his mouth, you’re met with a harsh exhale instead, one that makes your lips flutter.

You’re both disappointed in yourselves for never having tried this mind-blowing position before, and equal parts understanding as to why you haven’t tried this position before— it’s a lot. His cock is halfway down your throat when it twitches, sends a gush of precum into your mouth that has your eyes rolling backwards, a whine slipping out around him. Jungkook appreciates the vibrations, letting it fuel him as he plunges his tongue into your hole. It’s a two way street, you realize, one that is constantly experiencing traffic.

“Baby,” you gasp, pulling off of his cock with a slick sound, hypnotized by the trail of saliva that connects your lips to his tip. Jungkook’s tongue prods along your slit, makes your eyesight go blurry when the tip of his nose brushes along you as well. The idea of his cute nose buried deep someplace it shouldn’t be has you grinding down on him. “We can— we should stop,” you stutter, your trembling hand reaching forward to grasp the base of his cock.

He’s slick with your saliva and his precum, and your hand makes a squelching sound upon contact. It must feel good, because Jungkook moans against your folds, his thighs unconsciously falling farther apart as you slowly jerk him off. You think you might’ve heard your name slip from his lips, but your mind is fuzzy, lost in your lust as Jungkook licks a sinful line from your hole to your clit, curling his tongue at the end. “J- Jungkook,” you cry, flinching away because it’s become too much, your toes curling as the beginnings of an orgasm threaten you.

Before that can happen, he relents, leaning back with a heavy exhale, his hands loosening their grip against your ass and plopping back down against the cushions. “Fuck,” he pants, his cock twitching in your hold. A lonely droplet of precum trails down the side, your knuckles coated in the glossy substance. Beneath you, Jungkook rubs one soothing palm against your hip.

You slink off before he can get any funny ideas, maneuver yourself around until you’re kneeling between his parted thighs, his fat cock standing at attention between the two of you. From here, he looks ravenous, and you begin to question who exactly is taking care of who. Jungkook looks like he’s a second away from pinning you down and swallowing you whole, a thought that makes your toes curl.

It’s with a cautiously horny hand that you reach for his cock again, holding him with both hands. Jungkook growls, head lolling backwards until all you can see is his neck and his chin, thick veins protruding along his skin. Jungkook doesn’t waste a moment longer. “C’mere,” he purrs, hauling you up until you’re clumsily leaning over him, palms framing his face. A lone finger runs down your spine, its faint touch making you arch forward. “Sorry,” he says, securing an arm around your waist. “I know you wanted to take care of me, but…”

You roll your eyes, submitting yourself to his clutches as he masterfully rolls the two of you over. The couch is soft beneath your back, and Jungkook looks pretty from above too. “You just can’t sit still, can you?” you murmur playfully.

Jungkook’s forearms find their place beneath your thighs, the fold of the back of your knee perfectly slotted against his warm skin as he shuffles closer. “Maybe another time,” he laughs along sheepishly, his hard cock gliding over your slit, teasing your clit. You gulp, eyes scanning over his lean build as if it’s the first time. “Sorry,” he repeats, but he’s got this stupidly dopey grin on his face as he glances down at your pussy; he’s insane, he’s got to be, what man makes heart eyes at a pussy?

Your man, apparently. Grasping the base of his cock, Jungkook takes care to drag it along your folds collecting your wetness along his length, a deep shudder wracking his body through it all. “I knew you would do this to me,” he mutters, so low you nearly miss it under the thundering sound of your heartbeat.

“Huh,” you mumble, and you’d like to defend yourself and say you weren’t as cock-crazy as Jungkook was coochie-crazy, but that would be a lie. You’re staring at his cock as if it holds the secrets to the universe right now.

Jungkook juts his head to the side, a motion similar to the one he does when he’s trying to crack his neck. His tongue prods along his cheek, eyes laser-focused on the point where your two bodies meet. “From the moment you walked into my house,” he grunts mindlessly, finally lining himself up with your entrance. He chances a glance up, meets your gaze with a patient look, “all good?”

“All good,” you hurriedly reply, fingers finding their place against his broad shoulders. With the way he had prepared you earlier, mouthed along your clit and your folds until you were pleasantly aroused, the glide now is too easy. Tight, but easy, has the two of you releasing twin moans that echo off the wooden walls of the cabin.

Jungkook’s forehead is covered in a thin veil of sweat, one that glistens when the evening sunset pours in through the balcony doors, highlighting him in a golden light that makes you dizzy. The angry tip of his cock sinks into your walls, Jungkook’s ashy strands sticking to his forehead and his cheeks. For some reason, you find yourself reminiscing on the aforementioned moment Jungkook had spoken of. Of the soft sweater he’d worn that day and the dinner he had made, the blond tips on his chestnut hair and the way he’d clung onto every word you’d said.

It makes you tear up, and, after laughing at Jungkook early for crying, you quickly turn your face away.

Jungkook isn’t dumb. “What now,” he chuckles, though his breathing is labored, every inch of his cock that penetrates you further bringing with it another rush of adrenaline. At the hilt, you’re embarrassed to say there’s multiple tears streaming down your face, so you can’t even play it off as you usually do. “Crybaby,” Jungkook teases, but his voice is so soft and tender you don’t know what to do with yourself.

“Just move,” you bite out, shamefully covering your face with your hands. Jungkook leans over you, the movement pushing his dick deeper inside of you, your walls clenching around him. A kiss is placed over your knuckles, just shy of your engagement ring. Your chest lurches with a silent sob. “Jungkook,” you whimper, sinking further into the cushion, “please, just—“

“I got it,” he assures you, placing one final peck against your handmade (literally) shield. And then, so quietly you almost miss it, he makes sure to whisper, “love you,” before unsheathing himself.

You shudder, your heart feeling so full, you fear it’ll burst. You both love and hate when he treats you like this, like an ice sculpture in the scorching heat that has him doing everything he can to keep you solid. His touch is soft, the roll of his hips too slow for your liking. You feel so small and vulnerable— too pampered. “Harder,” you beg, your voice an airy whine that has Jungkook chuckling above you.

He lives to please you, hiking your leg over his shoulder with a renewed vigor. His hands find themselves on your waist, forcefully pinning you down against the couch cushions as he sets upon fulfilling your latest request. The next series of thrusts are jerky, have you jostling in his grip as Jungkook pounds into you with an all new mindset. “Lemme see you,” he huffs, thumbs painfully digging into your skin. You tremble in his arms, heart swayed by the quiet plea in his voice. “Let me see your face, pretty girl.”

Reluctantly, you do, brandishing your tear-stricken face his way. Jungkook smiles, that stupidly handsome smile, his hips snapping into you roughly. “Fuck,” he moans, the expression never leaving his face, even when run your nails over his chest harshly. “You’re so pretty.”

You ignore him for the sake of your already weakened mental state, focusing instead on the brutal force of his hips, the way his cock stretches your walls out. Each push has you seeing stars, thighs quivering from the sensations that shoot up your spine and down your toes. “Oh,” you mewl, hands gripping his biceps as you lose yourself to him. Your eyes roll back, vision a mess of colors and nothingness all at once.

“Is this hard enough?” Jungkook husks out, and he sounds so close. His proximity is confirmed when his mouth slots against yours, his harsh breath mingling with your own as he continues to frantically buck into your inviting heat, each new round of thrusts leaving you weaker and weaker than before. “God,” Jungkook cries, the sound nearly lost beneath your own moans and whimpers. “Gonna k- keep you forever,” he spits, tongue slipping into your mouth.

He’s messier than usual, moves with unrefined movements unlike his normal self. You don’t care, you love him all the same. His sloppy kisses turn into desperate ones, matching the pace of his hips. “Kook,” you sob, arms wrapping themselves around his neck, pulling him close until his thrusts are reduced to a shallower depth.

“I’ve got you,” he croons, lips against your jawline. His cock presses in and you swear you feel it alongside every inch of your walls, a warmth blossoming in your stomach. He’s layering messy kisses down your face now, lips sucking dark marks any chance he gets.

True to his word, Jungkook indeed has you. His cock pistons in and out at an astonishing pace, each surge into your folds making you dizzy over and over again. It’s a feeling you fear you’ll never grow tired of, in fact, it’s a feeling you fear you’ll begin to crave even more in the future. The good thing is, that future will extend into forever.

You yank him towards you, swallow his low laughter with your lips. Jungkook doesn’t complain, lowering himself until he’s practically squishing you beneath his beefy body, cock ramming in and out despite all that. His tongue glides along yours, makes it his mission to muffle each of your cries.

It doesn’t take long for you to be fulfilled. Given the fact you had sucked him off like a lollipop whilst having him eat you out, you’re not entirely surprised. That and the emotions of tonight have you melting into him sooner than you’d like, his name falling from your lips as your thighs clamp down around his waist. Jungkook takes it in stride, slows the maddening pace of his hips to cradle you in his arms. You’re like jelly, practically flop back into the cushion when he slips an arm beneath you. “You’re so good for me,” Jungkook praises, lavishing your throat in tiny pecks as his orgasm circles around. “My pretty girl.”

“Love you,” you sigh, and your body feels numb, his intrusion but a small touch now that he’s tired you out once more, your walls tender and raw. Jungkook presses a smile against your throat and, moments later, releases inside of you.

Even minutes after the deed, the feeling refuses to return to your legs. He didn’t go that hard— well, you’re not entirely sure. The memories always become blurry toward the end of your escapades. Everything rushes back in waves, and for some reason, your first thought is, “where’s Sailor Moon?”

Your post-rump conversations have never been the most coherent, usually filled with pretty weird thoughts and ideas. Still, more grand things have happened tonight for you to be worried about a magical anime girl. Jungkook draws himself out of your core with a huff of laughter. “On the TV,” he answers, unfazed by the oddity of your question.

That’s how you know he’s a keeper.

It takes a while, but eventually Jungkook responds. “Avocado toast,” he says, though his answer is dripping with uncertainty. He’s naked as the day he was born, snuggled up beside you in bed. He’s propped up on one arm, looking down at you over the ample swell of his manly bosom. It takes everything in you to keep your hands off his chest.

“Correct,” you respond, “and what movie did we watch?”

Without missing a beat, “Transformers, the first one.”

You nod, glancing at the ceiling as you rack your brain for any other trivia questions to ask your fiancé. “The title of the playlist you made?”

A flush paints his cheeks. “Date Night playlist,” he answers through a pout, reprimanding you for bringing up such a memory with a flick to your forehead. You wince. “I was young and silly,” he defends.

You beam, cuddling into his side until he’s forced to lay back down. “Yeah, yeah,” you tease. “We’re only gonna get older from here,” you lament. You’d say it’s difficult to picture him with a gray head of hair, but his current silvery locks don’t leave much room for your imagination.

Jungkook pulls you close. A beat of silence passes, and then, “so who are we telling first?”

Definitely Namjoon.

#networkbangtan #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #jungkook #Jungkook fic #jeon jungkook fic #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader smut #bts fic #bts smut #mine

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amourology · 3 years

Text

𝐑𝐀𝐅𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐍 | 𝗄𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖾 𝗌𝗈𝖿𝗍𝗅𝗒

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | college!rafe cameron x fem!reader.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | cursing, making out, hints towards sexual acts, though no actual smut yet, mentions of alcohol.

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 | rafe reluctantly attends the opening party of the new school year, where he meets a girl who is particularly good at beer pong, smooth talking and making him crumble simply by using her words.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 | y’all remember the sub!rafe fic i wanted to write? my angel rita ( @twinklelilstarkey ) came with the genius idea of making it a new series bc i had so many things i wanted to write for it. so go show her some love, as this series wouldn’t have been here without her <3 thank u so much rita, ily <3

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 2.4k.

part zero. next part.

Rafe Cameron had made a lot of idiotic decisions in his life. However, he felt like he might have taken it too far with this one. Standing in the middle of an overly full room, empty red solo cup in hand, he couldn’t help but feel an inkling of irritation bubbling up in his stomach towards his previous roommate.

He watched while Isaac once again won a round of beer pong against a random group of girls, the fourth round of the evening, and the fourth round he’d dragged Rafe into. If he didn’t feel all the alcohol now, he was sure he would in about an hour.

“Sorry, ladies, better luck next time,” his friend pouted, and watched as the girls rolled their eyes at him. Downing one of the left-over cups for fun, Isaac threw him a grin. “We’re on a roll, Cameron.” He shook his head and patted his shoulder. “If we win one more round, Elio will have to pay up.”

Now, that did make the smallest hint of a smile appear. “Pretty sure Elio would rather drop out than lose his record,” Rafe grumbled, looking into the empty cup.

“Careful,” Isaac warned, a smirk lingering on the edge of his lips. “Smile any more, and I might start to think you’re having fun.”

Rolling his eyes, he mumbled a slightly annoyed ‘shut up,’ towards his friend, one that got repaid with a sharp laugh. It seemed to have done the trick, though, and Isaac briefly lifted his attention off of him to look for a new opponent – the final one they’d have to beat to break Elio’s previous record of winning four rounds of beer pong in a row.

Though, it seemed Isaac wasn’t having much luck. Each person that passed the table turned down his request for a game, whether it was because of their previous winnings or because of their genuine lack of interest in the game, neither of them knew.

“Oh, c’mon, no one?” His friend called out, throwing his arms up in the air. They got a couple of glances thrown their way, though no one stepped up to play. “What, scared you’ll lose?”

Isaac let out a frustrated sigh, and turned back towards Rafe. “Seems like we aren’t breaking that record tonight,” he complained.

Rafe didn’t respond. Instead, his focus was completely given to the girl currently walking up to their table. The aura of confidence she brought with her was enough to send him spiral into thought, and the small tilt of her lips into a smirk was enough to make him doubt whether it would be best to leave the table while they were ahead.

“I’ll play,” she offered.

Isaac turned around quickly at the words, a chuckle in disbelief slipping out of his mouth. “Great,” he exclaimed with a wide smile, and glanced between Rafe and the girl. “So, you, and...”

“Oh, no, just me,” she clarified, and Rafe frowned. He glanced between her and her friend, and took notice of how the latter whispered something in her ear. “What? Are you guys scared?”

“Psh, as if,” Rafe’s overly confident friend scoffed, nudging him in the side. “Just thought it wouldn’t be fair, two on one and all that.”

The girl smirked, and leaned over towards the table to grab the two ping pong balls. “Don’t worry about that,” she shot them a smile. “I can handle a two on one.” The look she gave Rafe after made him think she wasn’t talking about the same two on one as Isaac.

“Well, okay, then,” Isaac answered, oblivious towards the innuendo she’d hidden within her words. He nodded towards her. “You start.”

She smiled again, and Rafe knew they were doomed.

It took the mystery girl all but fifteen minutes and twenty-three throws to knock their entire asses out of the park. He didn’t know how, but she threw ball after ball into those little cups. In the rare event she missed one, Isaac couldn’t contain his cheers.

“Good game, boys,” she commented, though Rafe knew she didn’t mean it. She’d destroyed them in that game, there wasn’t anything good about it. “Catch.”

She threw the two balls towards them, and both boys had to scramble to catch either one of them – though, they ultimately failed, and both balls ended up on the ground and hopping away from them.

“Shit,” Isaac cursed, and stopped his searching for the balls just a second to share his disdain with his friend. “Guess Elio’s not gonna have to pay up today. And I’d already started planning my dinner for tomorrow with it.”

“Mhm, yeah, uh,” Rafe mumbled under his breath, a frown on his forehead while he glanced around the room. The girl they’d been playing with had walked away faster than he could see, and he desperately wanted to speak to her again. “I have to – I have to go.”

“Where are yo-” He didn’t stick around long enough to hear him finish his sentence.

Slightly to heavily drunk, and on a mission, Rafe tried his best to navigate the crowded living room and even more crowded hallways of the unknown apartment he’d stumbled into a couple hours ago. It probably took him longer than he thought, with the alcohol having affected his sense of time, but he found the girl from before nonetheless.

He walked towards her, and stood beside her friend for a few seconds. Their conversation died down rather quickly at the sudden unannounced presence of the boy, and he cleared his throat upon seeing their confused faces.

“I’m Rafe,” he introduced himself.

She nodded in acknowledgment. “You’re one of the boys I beat in beer pong just now,”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, and scratched behind his ear with the slightest feeling of shame in his stomach. “That’s me.” Glancing between the two girls, he eventually settled his gaze on her. “Could I – Could I talk to you?”

“Well, you are,”

“I – I know, I just mean...” He glanced at her friend.

Something about her gaze made him feel nervous, and he felt his hands get the slightest bit sweaty. She didn’t make it easy on him. Not in the slightest bit. As she continued staring at him, waiting for him to formulate whatever it was he wanted clearly, he couldn’t help but feel like this was absolute torture. Yet, he didn’t want it to end.

“You mean?” She repeated, trailing off the slightest bit while she and her friend exchanged a look – one that seemed to carry a thousand words, considering the friend knew exactly what was happening, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Rafe sincerely wished for the friend to let him in on it, too, as he didn’t have a single clue.

“I mean,” he repeated himself, clearing his throat. “Could we talk, like, just us?”

She looked at him, and he’d never felt so vulnerably seen. Her eyes roamed around his figure, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d say he felt the slightest bit insecure. Had he done his hair well, today? Did his outfit work? What if his belt didn’t suit the rest of the look?

“Sure,” she spoke up eventually, effectively putting him out of his misery.

Rafe had to fight the urge to sigh in relief, and instead settled on throwing her a grateful nod. She said some stuff to her friend before bidding her a goodbye, a soft smile now decorated her face as she turned to look at him.

“So, Rafe,” she said, slightly tilting her head to the side. “Is that short for anything?”

“Maybe,” he responded, not wanting to expose too much of himself too soon. If anything, she felt as mysterious to him as the night sky, and he didn’t want to bother her too much with his shining specks of information. “Tell me your name first.”

It seemed he had chosen the right words, as the look in her eye changed into an approving one. “Y/N,” she said.

Rafe let out a soft hum, “That short for anything?”

Y/N smiled at his little jab, and went along with it. “Maybe,” she countered.

Letting out a brief chuckle, he glanced between her and the ground. It seemed so easy a couple seconds ago, when all he knew was that he needed to go and find her, to go and talk to her – now, however, it became increasingly difficult to pinpoint what, exactly, he needed to talk to her about.

“Tell me,” She pulled him out of his thoughts. “How come I haven’t seen you around before?”

Rafe shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “How do you know you haven’t?”

“Because I’m pretty sure I’d remember a face like yours,” she answered, and took a step closer towards him. With a boldness he didn’t know existed, she carefully put her fingers underneath his chin and aligned his face with hers. Stepping just another bit closer to him, she let her lips hover over his. “And I’d definitely remember what I’d have done with you afterwards.”

A soft, shaky sigh left his mouth at the words. With the close proximity they resided in, it became harder and harder for him to keep his cool. Still, he had to know. “What would you have done, then?” He asked, and felt an excitement in his stomach upon seeing her lips curl into a smirk.

Y/N pulled back ever so slightly, and he felt himself longing for her to come closer again. Her hand fell down from his face and she stood up on her tiptoes to reach his ear. “Why don’t I show you?” She whispered.

Rafe gulped, and pretended the goosebumps on his neck weren’t there. “Why don’t you then,” he encouraged her, and felt a tingling sensation when she grabbed ahold of his hand.

She took him to a room he didn’t know existed, and he strongly suspected she’d been inside this apartment before – whether she knew the owner, or whether it was her apartment, he didn’t know and, considering the current circumstances, he certainly didn’t fucking care.

As soon as she’d closed the door behind them, she placed him down onto the bed. With him sitting on the edge of it, she didn’t slowly sunk herself down onto his lap. Her hands found the back of his neck, and his immediately went towards her lower back. Rafe looked up at her, waiting, for her, for anything.

“God, you’re just so pretty,” she mumbled under her breath, and cupped his face with both her hands. “Can I kiss you, honey?”

“Y – Yeah, yes, of course,” he wanted to say more, though felt more than content with her cutting of his possible sentences with her soft lips on his.

Their kiss started soft, and sweet, though he quickly felt her escalating it into something more, something rougher, something passionate. It was the sudden appearance of the familiar feeling that brought Rafe back to the persona he’d wore all his life, and he went and let his hands wander down towards her ass.

Squeezing it harshly, he took over control of the kiss for just a second. He kissed her harder and more feverishly, with one hand on her ass and the other slowly reaching upwards towards her breast – he felt in his comfort zone again.

Until she pulled him out of it for the umpteenth time that night.

Y/N let out a disapproving hum, and Rafe felt someone tugging on his hair rather harshly before he was pulled back from her hold. “So cocky, hm?” She mumbled, shaking her head and making a slight pout with her lips before a look of determination took its place. “Don’t worry, we’ll get that out of you over time.”

If Rafe had never been left speechless before, he surely was now. The girl didn’t give him much time to properly register the words, and instead captured his mouth with hers again. A slightly startled moan left him at the sudden contact, and something in him said not to try whatever it was he just did again.

They stayed tangled up in each other’s arms, kiss after kiss being shared, and Rafe felt an unexplainable feeling wash over him when she leaned down towards his neck. She started lightly sucking on the skin, plastering harsh and soft kisses all over while slightly tugging at his roots – he’d lie if he said it didn’t feel like heaven.

Now completely captivated in her movements around his neck, he reached upwards and wrapped his arms around her form to push her tighter against his body. His senses were running on overdrive and he couldn’t wait to feel her lips on his again, but just as his wish was about to come true, a knock on the door was heard.

Both of them pulled back from one another upon the insistent knocking, and both of them were short of breath as they shot it a glance. “Do we?” He asked, nodding towards it.

“No,” she breathed out, and once again took him into a kiss.

However, the knocking would not stop and they reluctantly pulled back once again. Y/N frowned, her hands still gently cupping his face in her hands. He didn’t know what she was thinking, only that he would give a fortune to know.

“Yo, Rafe, bro, I saw you go in there,” Rafe threw his head back in annoyance upon recognizing the familiar voice. “Don’t be a dick, man, open the door, I gotta take a piss.”

The girl on his lap chuckled. “Is that?”

“Isaac,” Rafe sighed, and looked towards the door.

“Well, go on,” she said, and stood up. It took everything he had not to pull her back onto him. With a slightly amused smile, she nodded towards the door. “Let the boy do his business.”

Truthfully, he did contemplate leaving Isaac to piss himself in the hallway, if only so he could have a fraction more time with her. Begrudgingly, he still settled on opening the door, though mainly because she’d told him to do so.

Now with the door open, he watched while Isaac shouted a quick ‘thanks, bro!’ before breaking out into a sprint towards the neighboring bathroom. Rafe let out a sigh upon seeing his friend run into the room, and went to turn and apologize towards Y/N.

“I am so sorry about him, he’s–”

It took him a mere second to realize he was talking to himself, as the mysterious girl he’d met tonight was long gone.

tags:

@theepoguelandia @serrendipiity @golden-hoax @jemimah-b99 @outerbcnks @styles94-tpwk @taylathornton @sylvieshay @stilesks @pogueslandia @prettyboystarkey @basicluvvv @beskar-boba @rafeswh0ree @mrs-cameron @mackenzielovee

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #rafe cameron series #honey series #outer banks #obx

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