#bc did you guys know that if the parents say no my kid is fine legally schools can’t do anything
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star couple | jude bellingham x fem! mclaren f1 driver! reader
summary; the current golden boy of real madrid dating the princess of the paddock has the internet going crazy
fc; jihoon kim
warnings; ? suggestive comment i think maybe cursing i dont rlly know lol
taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs @thehufflepuffavenger1
note; requested ! i wish real madrid admins and social media managers were as funny and entertaining as f1 🕊️ but alas, they are a serious institution 🕊️🕊️
masterlist !
liked by judebellingham, landonorris, and others !
yourusername: little date night ft almave , tysm lewishamilton 💫🫶
tagged; almave
username: WHAT ??? night
username: she’s dating someone ? 😀😀😀
username: mother is slaying this winter break
username: the outfit EATSSS
username: wdym ur on a date i wasn’t there ?? 🤣🤣
lewishamilton: glad you enjoyed! let me know if you guys need more 😁
yourusername: oh WE LOVED, he definitely did too and is already demanding more!
username: HE?????
username: why is jude bellingham in my gf’s likes….. he needs to focus on getting that pichichi🙄🙄🙄
username: why did jude bellingham like lol
username: guys what if jude and y/n are dating ..
username: LMFAOO😂😂🤣🤣
landonorris: tell him i say hi
yourusername: no u stink ( he says hi back )
mclaren: y/n slaying as always 😎
yourusername: why thank u admin
judebellingham uploaded to his story !
[caption 1; fuck it, hard launch because i love my girl so matcha] [caption 2; 😍😍]
yourusername replied to your story !
yourusername fuck it i wanna hard launch too
yourusername the girlies ( lando ) are gonna go crazyyy
judebellingham screw soft launches i wanna show u off 🕊️🕊️
judebellingham are u on ur way tho
yourusername mina n i are nearrrrrr w fede jr and fede jr jr
judebellingham love those kids
judebellingham how abt a bellingham jr???
yourusername i love u babe but we’re barley adults ourselves …. we’re barley 20😀
judebellingham who says we can’t be going parents 😒😒😒
yourusername our careers !!
yourusername uploaded to their story !
[caption 1; omw to support my favorite boy🤍] [caption 2; the face of a man who scored a brace today and is todays ucl motm 🤭]
landonorris replied to your story !
landonorris gross
yourusername stfu ur jealous
landonorris don’t u have a game to watch
yourusername don’t u have a race to win 🤓🤓
landonorris YOU DIDNT WIN ALL LAST SEASON EITHER
yourusername red bull and max verstappen dominance 😞 fortunately i do love a team that wins the most championships tho🤭
landonorris can u get me a signed jersey plzzzz
yourusername maybe if u behave liked by landonorris !
judebellingham replied to your story !
judebellingham have you seen twitter yet🤣
yourusername omg no
judebellingham everyone’s shocked 🥸 why are they shocked that i pulled you😞
yourusername: idk babe, maybe bc i’m a cool f1 driver n ur not🤓🤓
judebellingham ok but i play for real madrid ??
yourusername white is such a good color on u btw lando wants a signed jersey
judebellingham on it 🫡🫡
liked by judebellingham, vinijr, and others !
yourusername: little madrid photo dump ft the ucl motm😁😁🤍
tagged; judebellingham
judebellingham: did u see me score for u, my star girl, they were for u☺️☺️😊🌹🌹
yourusername: yes i did see my starboy 🤍🤍
username: starboy n stargirl = star couple 😫
username: he’s fine asf tho icl
username: HE SCORED A BRACE FOR HER😫😫
username: now she gotta win a race for him
username: yeah but max🥸
vinijr: wow and i didn’t make the photo dump?😒
camavinga: it’s like that w them 🙄
rodrygogoes:🙄🙄
yourusername: next time i promise 😞
judebellingham: drama queens, all of you !
aurelientchm: leave him out next photo dump camavinga
username: the players interacting w her is so😭😭
username: the denim lv bag is everything tbh
landonorris: tysm for the signed jersey 😁judebellingham
judebellingham: anything for y/n’s friends 🫡
yourusername: lando is NOT my friend
landonorris: she’s a liar we r bffs😒
mclaren: stargirl and starboy of the paddock and the field !🤩🧡🤍 liked by yourusername and judebellingham !
#football smau#footballer x y/n#football player x reader#footballer x reader#football imagine#football imagines#football scenarios#football one shot#f1 x reader#f1 smau#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham imagine#jude bellingham smau
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exoplanet p.3
pairing: ellie williams x fem! reader (ur a girly girl in this one!!) (she/her pronouns)
summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf
warnings: (PLEASE READ!) explicit language, violence, description of a medical procedure sans anesthesia, recreational drug use (idk how else to put it ellie gets absolutely zonked in the beginning), reader overthinks asf and is a little neurotic but that's why we love her x
a/n: hey guys! thank you so much for the wait! it's been genuinely insane how sweet and incredible all of you are. i've never felt so appreciated for my writing!! also, some notes: this chapter is heavily inspired by my last relationship. sorry if it's not as immersive bc of it! and also i don't have ANY medical knowledge so...cast a blind eye when u get to that scene
part 1
part 2
tags: @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @parkersmyth @pinkazelma
wc: 6.6k
enjoy x
“One more time.”
You gave Ellie a withering look from where you were sitting at the end of her bed.
“Please,” she said, drawing out the s. “Just once more. I promise.”
“Fine.” You rolled your eyes—a habit of hers that you were quickly picking up—and took in a deep breath. “Fuck.”
Ellie lost it, peals of laughter bouncing off the walls. “Another one. Say something else.”
“I don’t understand why you think this is so funny,” you said.
“You say it so weird.”
“I enunciate,” you clarified. “I don’t ‘sound weird’. It’s called pronouncing every letter in the word and not having a lazy mouth.”
“Please,” she gasped. “At least say bitch. You haven’t said that one yet.”
You looked her dead in the eye. “Bitch.”
If you weren’t already certain that Ellie was high out of her mind by the smell of her room and the general haze in the air, the way she howled with laughter and fell back on her bed would’ve made you entirely positive.
This was new. You’d begun to hang out with her in her room after dinner—that was normal—but when she’d knocked on your door smelling heavily of weed once you’d said goodnight to Joel, you were nothing less than shocked. Of course, she had none left for you. Which was probably good, because only a sober mind could navigate a night sitting on Ellie’s bed without doing something really, really stupid.
“I can’t believe you call me weird,” you said, tucking your feet under her and giving her a pointed look.
“You’re so lucky you didn’t grow up where I did,” Ellie said, wiping a tear away from her cheek as she tried (unsuccessfully) to rein in her giggles. “You would’ve been eaten alive, good lord.”
“What were you like as a kid?” you asked, resting your chin on your knees.
She considered for a moment, growing more somber. “Um…I don’t know if you would’ve liked me very much.”
“What do you mean? Of course I would’ve liked you.”
“No,” she said, swiping at her face so she pushed a strand of hair away. “I don’t think you would have.”
“Why not?”
“I was…” She paused, picking at her cuticles. “Back then I didn’t have anyone. I was an orphan, you know. My parents were never in the picture, so I was the only one I could count on. I was really rough around the edges and could be nasty. But I probably would’ve ignored you like I did everyone else. “
“Everyone? You didn’t have anyone? No friends at all?”
Ellie blinked, and her gaze remained fixed on her hands. “Basically, yeah. I mean, there was one girl, but that’s…I don’t want to talk about that right now, actually.”
“That’s okay,” you said, reaching forward to touch her knee. She flinched at the contact but didn’t brush you away. The image of a young, scared Ellie living somewhere alone made your chest ache. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“What were you like?” she asked, tilting her head and meeting your eyes.
“Hmmm…” Mirth crept into your tone. “What do you think?”
“What do I think?” Ellie echoed, her eyes cloudy as she thought. Then a small smirk formed on her face. “Oh god, were you one of those spoiled brats? Were you a mean girl?”
“God, no,” you said, raising your eyebrows. “Not mean.”
“Then what?”
You paused. “I was really shy, I guess. And quiet, too. I didn’t do much but read for a good 10 years of my life. I used to have awful pronunciation because I would spend more time reading than talking to anyone. But I think I would’ve liked you.”
Ellie shook her head.
“Yes,” you said. “Maybe I would’ve been a little scared of you. I probably would’ve never had the courage to talk to you. But I would’ve liked you, I think.”
“Scared of me?”
“Yeah.”
“Why? I was a kid.”
“I was mostly going off of how I felt when I actually first met you,” you said, shrugging.
She gasped theatrically. “You’re scared of me?”
“No!” you said, smacking her knee. “That’s not what I mean. You’re just really intimidating.”
“Intimidating?” She looked at you incredulously.
“You’re so tough,” you explained, feeling heat grow in your cheeks. “You seem just—I don’t know, just so capable. There’s nothing you’re too afraid to face, nothing you’re too afraid to say.”
“That’s not true,” she said lightly.
“Well, of course I’m sure there are things that you’re afraid of,” you amended. “But you hide it so well. You just seem so…fearless.”
“Hm,” Ellie said, letting her head rest against the headboard. “I think you would’ve made me a nervous wreck. If we’d met when we were kids, I mean.”
“Why?”
She shrugged. “I’ve never met anyone quite like you before. You’re just so untouched.” She winced. “God, no. That sounds gross. I just mean…I dunno. I wouldn’t have known how to act around you. You haven’t had to harden up like everyone else I know.”
“Are you saying I should develop trust issues or something?” you asked, your voice a teasing lilt.
“You know,” she said, nodding seriously, “That is part of it. It was really off-putting how quickly you trusted me. But I guess that’s just a product of where you grew up.”
“Yeah,” you said softly. “I wonder how I would’ve turned out if I’d grown up like you.”
“Can I be honest?” Ellie asked.
“Sure.”
“I don’t think you’d still be here if you were me,” she said, her eyes crinkling. “No offense. You just have zero survival skills. I swear that shit has to be genetic. I’ve never met someone more averse to violence in my life.”
You sighed, pressed your hands deep into Ellie’s comforter as a thought hit you. “I think if you’d been born in my position, you would’ve been greater than anything either of us could ever dream of. Much greater than me.”
“Definitely not,” said Ellie. “There’s no fucking way I’m studying the way you apparently do. I honestly think I’d take being an orphan over the study schedule I saw in your bag.”
She was of course referencing the time table you’d roughly sketched up the morning before you’d ended up in Jackson. It was blocked to the minute, citing the study content and the location of said study session. She’d been beyond horrified to see it.
You laughed, nudging her socked food with yours.
“Is there music? In Terranova?”
“Oh,” you said, startled at the abrupt change of subject. “Uh, yeah. Of course. I listened to it all the time.”
“I used to have a Walkman,” she said, leaning back as she reminisced. She was lying flat on her back now. “It ended up breaking a while ago, but it was like my child.”
“Have you ever seen a movie before?” you asked, sitting up rigid straight as the thought occurred to you.
“Duh,” she said, giving you a weird look. “Do you think I live under a rock?”
“How many?”
“Hm.” Ellie began counting, ending on her second hand. “I think 6?”
“You’ve seen a total of 6 movies in your life?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to see more?”
She shrugged. “I mean, I guess. It’s just tough to find CDs that are still functional after so long.”
“Hold that thought,” you said, holding a finger in her direction as you stood up.
“Hey!” she called as you bolted out the door. “Where are you going?”
You came bounding back to her room in a matter of seconds, your laptop in your hands.
“What the fuck?” she said. “Isn’t that your homework thing?”
“Yes,” you said, feeling around for an outlet, “But I also have a ridiculous amount of movies downloaded on this. Our dorm wi-fi is shit and I have way too much storage on this thing, so I just download, like, every movie I’ve ever wanted to watch.”
“Your dorm what?”
You waved your hand. The last thing you wanted to do was explain to her how the 802.11 standard allowed wireless connections a few years after the outbreak. “Not important. Here, come look at this.”
Your laptop roared to light with the help of your charging cord. Quickly, you typed your password in and opened your downloads. Ellie hovered over your shoulder, squinting at the screen with confusion.
“Here,” you said, opening up the album that had everything you had seen for your entire university career and passing the laptop to Ellie. “Use the touchpad—there, yeah—to navigate. Press to click. These are all movie files that I’ve seen. We can watch them on my laptop. Some of them were filmed in Terranova, too, so they’re post-apocalypse.”
She perused the selection you had for quite some time, the glow of the screen lighting up her face against the dim room. “Okay. This one.”
And thus began a tradition. Each night after you’d finished showering and Joel retired to his room, Ellie would come knock on your door and ask if you wanted to come over. You’d talk for a while, then open your laptop and pick something out to watch. Ellie was never high after the first time, which was unsurprising considering that there definitely wasn’t a way to get any in Jackson. Where she found any the first time was still a mystery to you.
~
A week or so after your first patrol with Ellie, Joel had taken it upon himself to teach you how to shoot. You were surprisingly not as bad as you’d expected, but the rebound was tough to get used to, and you were still hung up over the whole “killing living things” part.
Your first patrol—first real one—came quickly, and before you knew it, Ellie was handing you the same gun you’d dropped the first time with a suspicious look.
“Don’t kill one of us with that thing,” she warned. “Be smart, okay?”
“Sure thing, boss,” you said to her, mock saluting as best you could while you were leading Japan to the mounting block.
She rolled her eyes. “Please act normal or I’ll make you carry around that glorified pocket knife instead again.”
The patrol began as usual, Ellie leading you down the same path you went last time. It was a beautiful day out, with the early spring sun filtering through the evergreen trees that populated the woods and birdsong filling the air.
Though conversations with Ellie were getting easier (given that it actually seemed like she wanted to talk to you now), you were still starstruck. Nothing that you did and nothing that you thought could get you to stop seeing her the way you did. You were routinely distracted by everything about her. It was a wonder that you could even function as a normal person around her, much less handle a weapon and a horse.
You two had nearly made the full rotation when your surroundings exploded in action.
“Fuck,” Ellie hissed as someone behind you two fired a shot that narrowly missed Shimmer.
You whipped around, gun in hand, to see two men—two normal men who weren’t infected. One held a bow, the other a gun.
The one who had fired the first shot never even stood a chance. He was down on the ground seconds after you’d seen him, Ellie’s aim taking him out before you could even ready your gun.
The second man notched an arrow and managed to draw it back and release into the air right as Ellie’s bullet struck him, sending him falling back.
“I don’t think there’s any more,” said Ellie, slightly breathless as she scanned the forest. “Sometimes outsiders pull this shit—try to kill us for our supplies. I’ve never seen them this close to the wall, though. I’ll have to tell Maria and Tommy.”
Normally, you would’ve felt up to making some sort of sarcastic comment about how that was a really unconcerning thing for her to tell you and that you actually felt so much more comfortable going on patrol knowing that there were also just run-of-the-mill people trying to kill you, but a twinge in your lower body distracted you.
Slowly, nervously, you looked down. Air immediately left your lungs.
“At least we’re done,” Ellie was saying, wiping her hands off on her thighs and slinging the gun over her shoulder. “What a crazy end for your first actual patrol, huh?”
When you didn’t answer, she turned to you and saw the arrow sticking out of your side,
“Shit,” said Ellie, jumping off Shimmer and reaching you in seconds. “Shit, shit, shit. Oh god.”
“Am I going to die?” you asked, staring starstruck at the blood escaping the outline of the arrowhead. You couldn’t feel anything anymore. Were you in shock?
“No,” said Ellie firmly. “Absolutely not. Do you need help getting off?”
Before you could answer, she was already helping you down, carefully avoiding the protruding arrow.
“Listen,” she said, back to being her unwavering self, “We’re right by the wall. I’m going to help you walk in, and then I’ll grab some supplies, okay? Don’t try to pull the arrow out. You hear me? Don’t.”
Swallowing hard, you nodded. She helped you walk the few steps to be carefully concealed by the wall, then grabbed the two horses and darted past you, making a break for Maria and Tommy’s cabin.
In a haze of confusion, you could see Maria running out, holding a box out to Ellie in exchange for the reins of the horses. Ellie said something that made Maria point towards you. She nodded, then ran back to you.
By the time that she’d reached you, the shock had begun to wear off, replaced by the stinging pain from the object that had impaled you. It was worse than anything you’d ever felt before in your life, and it took all you had not to keel over.
“Hey,” she said, reaching out to grab your face so you had to look at her. “Don’t be afraid. I’ve done this before, okay? I’m, like, the master. It’s going to be alright.”
“Done what before?” you managed to grind out.
Ellie let go of your face to dig through the box Maria had given her, producing a needle, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and what looked like a spool of thin thread.
Horror slowly trickled through you as you realized what was about to happen.
“It doesn’t look all that deep,” Ellie was saying as she examined the arrow. “So I don’t think it’s hit anything. It’s just going to be a nasty hole. I’m going to pull it out now, okay?”
You let out a strangled scream as she grasped the arrow’s end and yanked it out without warning.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Ellie repeated. She threw the arrow over her shoulder and knelt so she was hovering over you. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” you gasped. You were most certainly not. You couldn’t quite get your eyes to focus, and your heart was beating out of your chest.
“Alright,” she said firmly, grasping your shoulders and pulling you up so you were slumped against the wall. “Sit up straight, alright? Also, this is going to hurt.”
At first there were just snipping sounds as she cut part of your shirt away—then something cool and wet pressed to your wound. You cried out again as a fresh white hot pain bloomed in your middle.
“I know, I know.” Ellie’s voice was consoling as she reached up to brush away the sweaty strands of hair stuck to your forehead. “Just a few more seconds.”
“Fuck—off—” you gritted out from your teeth.
Ellie’s eyebrows shot up. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Just this once.”
She released the alcohol-saturated cotton pad, throwing it aside and fussing with the thread and needle until she was satisfied.
By the time her fingers were ghosting over your abdomen again, you couldn’t pull your eyes away from the puncture wound and the needle she was wielding.
“Don’t look,” said Ellie. “Pick something else. You don’t need to watch.”
“I hate needles,” you whispered, choosing the air over her shoulder to be your focal point.
There was a prodding at the top of your wound, and you hissed.
“I can’t say I’m a fan myself.”
Something pierced through your skin, and your midriff exploded in pain.
The edges of your sight went fuzzy, stars forming in the corners of your vision. Someone that sounded suspiciously like you cried out. Your cheek rammed up against something solid and warm.
Once the initial sting had faded, you realized that you’d slumped into Ellie, your face buried into her neck. She didn’t make any move to push you off, instead just taking one hand to brush up and down your arm with a feather light touch.
“You're fine," she said firmly. "Everything's going to be fine."
Your fingers curled around the hem of her shirt as the needle exited through the other end of your wound, pulling another whine from your throat. It was easier to not feel like you were about to pass out when you were crushed into Ellie, clinging onto her and just focusing on the way she felt against you.
“Hang on, I'm almost there,” she muttered a few stitches later. You’d quieted down, only letting out the occasional gasp as she pulled the thread through. “You're doing so well. Just one more.”
Now that you were more conscious, you had no idea how she was managing to stitch your side while you were nearly on her lap, but she continued to weave her needle through your skin, pulling it taut.
“And done,” said Ellie. You felt her take another cotton square to swipe against your skin.
You laid against her for a few more moments, panting as the shock slowly began to fade. She shifted, and for a moment you were sure that she was going to shove you away, but then the hand she’d lifted hesitantly rested on your head, her fingers parting to card through your hair.
“How did you learn how to do that?” you asked, your voice muffled from where you were pressed against her.
“Trial and error.”
Her joke was enough for you to finally let go, sitting back against the wall. Her hand slithered out of your hair, resting back in her lap.
“Shut up,” you said. “That’s awful.”
Ellie shrugged.
“I’m sorry,” you said, feeling the bumpiness of the stony wall press into your back. “I have a really low pain tolerance.”
“So I’ve noticed,” said Ellie, the side of her mouth quirking.
“I’ve never been hurt before,” you heard yourself saying. “Like, beyond the occasional splinter or bee sting or accidental scrape or ankle sprain. It’s just not something that happens.”
“Must be nice.”
You smiled sadly. “Yeah. It’s not nice being weak, though.”
Ellie looked away from you then, silent as she packed up the first-aid kit. Then: “I don’t think that’s true.”
She’d said it lightly, like it was meant to be an offhand comment, a throwaway addition that wouldn’t be remembered by either of you. But the sentiment still struck you, twisting your heart.
You were less capable because your survival had never required anything more. You were weak because you could be.
Her voice from the night she’d been high floated back to you. You haven't had to harden up like everyone else I know.
Out here, weakness was a luxury few could afford.
“Not so untouched anymore, huh?” you said, since you didn’t know how else to respond.
“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t,” quipped Ellie. “But if I were you, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. I still consider needing to be held to get 4 stitches as being soft. You haven’t changed a bit. No offense.”
Your cheeks burned bright red. “I—”
“I’m teasing,” she said before you could defend yourself. “Arrow wounds suck. I get it.”
“Right.” You turned away, keeping your gaze fixed firmly on the ground beside you. With feeling more yourself came the inevitable shame at what you’d just done. What had you been thinking, touching her like that? Grabbing onto her like that?
This was going to haunt you for the rest of your life.
“Don’t make that face,” said Ellie. “I’m sorry for saying that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It really is fine.”
It was not fine. It would never be fine. You wanted the thugs to come back to life and finish you off, and then have the earth open up and swallow you for good measure.
Ellie probably thought of you as an overgrown child. You doubted that there was ever a point where she could see you as anything equal. If she ever knew how often she appeared in your imagination, she’d probably be disgusted.
She called you pretty a contrarian voice in your head reminded you. Don't you remember?
But maybe she hadn’t meant it. She hadn’t said it explicitly: “Y/N, I think you’re pretty.” She just hadn’t argued when you’d pointed it out. Maybe because she was being nice, or maybe because she was actually being sarcastic.
“You were really brave, okay?” said Ellie. “Your first armed confrontation and you did well.”
“I didn’t shoot anyone.”
“It could have gone worse,” said Ellie. “You could’ve accidentally shot me. Or died. And neither of those things happened, so that’s successful in my book.”
“That’s very glass half-full of you.”
“That’s me. Ever the optimist.”
You snorted.
~
That night, Ellie knocked on your door and asked you if you were up for another movie. You found yourself sitting on her comforter, plugging in your computer and booting it up minutes later.
Physically speaking, it had always been a little awkward to fit two people on her twin bed if they weren’t right next to each other, given that your laptop screen was a very unimpressive size. When you’d first started watching with her, Ellie would rest against the headboard, her legs stretched out in front of you while you would sit with your legs crossed, positioned sideways so you weren’t accidentally pushing her legs off.
But after the day you had had, your back was sore and your whole body ached. Sitting on something soft without any back support as you angled yourself to look at the screen was quickly proving unsustainable.
“Pause,” said Ellie about ten minutes in. You’d been watching an older sci-fi flick—Ellie’s choice.
You complied, leaning forward and pressing the spacebar. “What’s up?”
“Are you even comfortable sitting like that?”
“Yeah,” you said.
“Liar,” accused Ellie, crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t think I don’t see you ‘discreetly’ cracking your back every 2 minutes. It’s ruining the movie.”
“Sorry,” you said, shaking your head and smiling in exasperation. “It’s from all the years I spent hunched over a textbook.”
“You know, you can sit up here,” she said, patting the space beside her. “I don’t bite.”
“Jury’s still out on that,” you said, though by the time Ellie let out a laugh you were already unfolding your legs and moving so you were next to her.
She leaned forward, grabbing the bottom half of the laptop and lifting it. “Hey, do you want a blanket?”
“Sure.”
Ellie’s other hand grabbed the edge of her comforter and held it up.
Hesitantly, you slid your legs under and watched as Ellie did the same, awkwardly holding the laptop in the air before you were both settled enough to rest it on your covered right thigh and her left. “Better?”
When you nodded, she reached her tattooed arm out and pressed play. The audio picked back up, but you couldn’t for the life of you focus on the movie.
When Ellie had asked if you’d wanted a blanket, you were expecting her to toss the throw blanket that would really only fit one person at you, not invite you to get under the blankets with her. That was significantly more intimate.
You two were sitting close enough that your sides were touching, from shoulder to thigh. You could feel her chest lift with each breath, feel the heat coming off of her.
After a while, Ellie properly laid down, taking the laptop and hoisting it up so it rested on her lower abdomen as she settled into her pillow.
You gulped, your eyes flickering between her face and the screen. Ellie’s gaze was fixed intently on the screen, her eyes half lidded with exhaustion.
You could be tired too. You weren’t, of course—your heart was racing a thousand miles an hour. But she didn’t know that. It was normal to lay down next to her, right? You’d done that with Irena more times than you could count, and it was never weird. Yeah, you could do that.
Also, if you were totally horizontal, you would stop getting distracted by the sliver of her skin that her crooked shirt showed of her chest.
In a moment of blind courage, you scooted down so your head was lying right next to Ellie’s. She didn’t seem to react, just extending her hand from under the covers to steady the laptop as it wobbled from the movement.
Her sheets smelled like the soap that you used to wash your hair—a cottony freshness that had the slightest hint of lavender.
“Are you going to fall asleep on me?” asked Ellie after a while, her voice nothing more than a whisper.
“I could ask you the same thing,” you responded, equally quiet. Then, because you hadn’t made enough rash decisions for the night, you angled your head so it rested in the space right above her shoulder.
She inhaled sharply but didn’t move. On her next exhale a piece of her auburn hair tickled your forehead.
“How’re your stitches?” she asked suddenly, like she'd just remembered.
“They’re okay. I think. As stitches go.”
“After this is over, I’ll check on them,” she said. “Don’t let me forget, okay?”
“Okay,” you whispered, suddenly feeling shy. It was one thing for her to cut off your shirt and see your skin when she was trying to save your life while you were mentally gone. It was another thing altogether to pull up your shirt without adrenaline coursing through you.
You didn’t pay any attention to the rest of the movie, instead hyperfocused on the rhythm of Ellie’s breathing and the fact that if you moved just a little your chin would be on her shoulder.
Her mention of the stitches wasn’t helping at all, either. Now all you could think about was the embarrassing way you’d basically tried to crawl under her skin, burying your face into her and clutching at her clothes like you were a child.
A part of you was disappointed that you hadn’t been more lucid at the time. If you had, you would’ve been able to clearly remember the softness of her skin against yours. You would’ve been able to enjoy it for what it was—the only time you’d be able to touch her like that.
Because you couldn’t go around just grabbing onto her shirt and getting into her lap. That was a one-off, the only time that the rules were waived. You couldn’t touch her like that now, now that you didn’t have any excuse. It wasn’t allowed.
But sometimes you wanted to so badly that it hurt.
The movie ended abruptly, wrenching you out of your thoughts.
“Hey,” whispered Ellie. “Sit up so I can see.”
Reluctantly, you pressed yourself up from your back and began rolling up the hem of your shirt. Ellie twisted to face backwards, her thin top riding up and showing part of her back as she reached for the lamp.
Once golden light returned to the room, Ellie turned back and bumped your hands away. She bent over, tilting her head so that she was looking at the stitches straight on.
They didn’t look bad, you had to admit. Though you wouldn’t consider the actual experience of getting the stitches a 5-star experience, Ellie had clearly known what she was doing. The surrounding flesh didn’t look angry or irritated, and she’d pulled the stitches just tight enough without it puckering.
She prodded at the side, then gave a satisfied nod. “Looks good. What did I tell you? I’m really good at this sort of stuff.”
“I think you would’ve made a really good doctor,” you said once she’d sat up straight again. “Under different circumstances.”
“Is this you telling me that you don’t think I’m a good doctor now?” she teased.
“Your bedside manner could use some work,” you offered.
Ellie laughed then, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. “Yeah, yeah. You lived. You'll get over it.”
“Did you go to school?” you found yourself asking, hung up on the thought of Ellie as a potential medical student. If she’d been in one of your intro biology classes, you never would’ve been able to pay attention. That was a fantasy you could shelve away for later.
“Sort of,” said Ellie, looking down at her arms. “I went to a military prep school run by FEDRA. I didn’t graduate though—obviously. I was long gone by then.”
“Right,” you said, remembering that she’d mentioned that she’d been 14 when she’d left Boston. “And what was it like?”
She paused, opening her mouth before closing it. “It was—unkind. Joel's told me about schools before the outbreak. It was nothing like that. There were some normal classes, but most of it was meant to prepare us to be soldiers.”
“Is that where you learned how to do sutures?”
“Among other things.”
Terranova had no military academies, given that there was hardly any military presence. The founder of Terranova had bodyguards and there was a police force that controlled the borders, but it was nothing like Ellie described. With invisible borders and a social order that valued peace and tranquility over all else, there was no real danger posed to any of the citizens.
But from what you had learned from movies and books and comments from older people, you had gathered a very dim picture of what a military academy looked like—harsh, strict, and cruel.
“I’m sorry you had to grow up like that,” you said.
“It’s okay.”
“Is there anything you would want to study? If you could?”
Ellie’s eyes closed. “Yeah. There are a couple things.”
She did not elaborate.
~
It didn’t take long for you two to settle back into your routine of meeting in her room each evening and watching one of your downloaded movies. Following the night after you’d gotten your stitches, you wouldn’t even have to ask—Ellie would pull up her comforter and let you slide in next to her without giving you a second glance.
You’d also gotten over the fear of touching her. Now, when you flopped back so your head was on her pillow, you’d adjust until you were nestled into the crook of her neck. She never once reacted to it, remaining perfectly still unless she was adjusting the laptop or messing with the sound.
Because it was normal, of course. You and Irena would rest your head on each other’s shoulders sometimes. That was something that friends did.
One night a week or so into April, you and Ellie made a harrowing discovery: there was only one movie left in your collection that you two hadn’t seen together.
“Damn,” said Ellie, furrowing her brow. “And there’s no way to get more on here?”
“I’m afraid not,” you said, frowning. “To download more or stream one, I’d need either an Ethernet cable or a wi-fi connection. Neither of which function out here anymore without cell towers and maintained cables.”
“Right,” said Ellie, though her face told you that she didn’t understand a word that had come out of your mouth. “So—this is it?”
“Yeah.” Your finger hovered over the play button. “Savor it, I guess.”
When you settled back and into her side, the heavy weight of dread settled into your stomach. Now that you’d finished showing her your entire collection, it’s not like she’d have a reason to invite you over every night. And there was especially no reason for you two to lie so closely together unless you were both trying to watch something on a small screen.
Once again, your excuse to touch her was gone.
You pressed closer to her as your mind raced. There was no way that Ellie didn’t see what you were doing as platonic, right? Was it possible that she was creeped out by how touchy you were but just tolerated it to be nice?
Maybe. You swallowed hard, keeping your eyes fixed on the screen. Ellie didn’t see you like…like that. She spoke to you like you were an obligation, a burden. Because you always had been. You’d been a responsibility thrust on her by a father figure who felt like he was indebted to you from that stupid bag of coffee you were lucky enough to bring.
Oh, god. Had Joel told her to befriend you? Had he asked for Ellie to pretend like she enjoyed spending time with you and to put up with your privileged, soft-hearted nonsense?
The knowledge that you were spiraling wasn’t enough to stop you. You did the best that you could—tried to remind yourself that it’d been a while since she’d looked disgusted with you, recall that she was outspoken enough to tell you to fuck off if you did something she didn’t like—but it was to no avail.
Ellie reached forward and hit pause on the movie, thrusting you both into silence.
“Is everything okay?” she asked after a moment.
“Yeah, why?”
“I can feel your heart going, like, crazy fast.”
You froze. “Oh. Uh, yeah. I was just thinking.”
Ellie pushed the laptop off of her, sitting up to give you an odd look. “About a near death experience or something? You running a marathon up there? That shit’s not normal.”
You laughed nervously. “It’s really nothing. Just an, uh, suspenseful movie.”
Which was actually really stupid of you to say, because you were watching some obscure Tarkovsky film that did nothing but pan over burning buildings and pensive men. For the past 5 minutes, there had been nothing on screen but the back of a car driving through traffic with minimal sound. Also, it was in Russian, and the English subtitles made zero sense.
There was a reason why this was the last movie you chose.
“This is the most boring fucking movie I’ve ever watched in my life, so you’re a dirty fucking liar,” said Ellie. Then her face pinched in worry. “Wait. Have you taken a look at your stitches lately?”
Before you could answer, she was grabbing a flashlight off her nightstand and yanking the comforter off you. She was pulling your shirt up when you finally found your voice.
“Wait!” you said, grabbing the bottom of your shirt and yanking it back in place. “It’s not—I don’t have an infection, okay? There’s nothing wrong with me. I really was just thinking, okay?”
“About what?” She reached back to place her flashlight back on the stand without taking her eyes off you.
“It’s nothing important.”
“If you say so.”
She picked the laptop up and placed it back on her thighs, lying back down. You followed suit, but this time you didn’t touch her, opting to keep as much distance as you could so she wouldn’t hear the stuttering of your heart.
Not even 5 minutes had passed before Ellie sat up to pause the video again.
“Is something wrong?” she asked.
“No. Why?”
“You’re acting weird,” she accused, but there wasn’t much conviction behind her voice.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that you’re acting weird,” she repeated, shutting your laptop off and moving it to the bottom of her bed, despite the protests that left your lips.
“I don’t understand,” you said. “I’m just watching the movie. I’m not doing anything. “
“You’re not watching the movie,” she said. “You weren’t even looking at the screen. What’s got you so bothered? Did I do something?”
“Of course not.” You pulled your legs under you so your legs were crossed and your back was against the wall. “You don’t need to worry. It’s honestly fine. I’m sorry if I’ve done something to imply otherwise.”
Ellie rubbed the bridge of her nose, sighing. “You stress me out. You can just tell me, you know? No need to be so cagey. I promise I’ve heard worse.”
“Don’t be so quick to say that.”
“Okay, now you have to tell me,” she said. “I’m never going to know peace again with a hook like that.”
You were about to open your mouth to tell her that it was stupid and that it didn’t matter, but something stopped you.
That was the coward’s way out. That’s what you’d always done—hid your feelings and concealed your emotions. That’s how you’d been raised. That’s how you thought everyone was. But now that you’d spent 2 months in Jackson, you’d realized that some people actually just said what they thought. And that, in the grand scheme of things, it was a better system than the Terranovian culture of superficiality.
Just because the you 2 months ago would have shook her head and changed the subject didn’t mean the you now had to.
Maybe this you could be different. Maybe, for once, this you could be brave.
“I really—” You stopped yourself. Saying I really like you didn’t even begin to encompass what you felt for the girl sitting across from you. To distill the sheer magnitude of your feelings down to four words felt criminal. The swell in your chest that never went away whenever you were near her could never and would never be adequately represented in the puny offerings of the Latin alphabet and the English language, and if you were going to do this, you were going to do it right.
You dared to look up at her for a moment. She was completely still, her green eyes reflecting the dim moonlight from outside. Once you met her gaze, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull it away.
“I’m really sorry that I’m putting you in an uncomfortable position for saying this,” you began (because old habits ran deep, and you would rather die than be impolite), “And I totally understand if you don’t want to talk to me after this. And I’m sorry for not telling you earlier.”
“As much as I’m sure that this is some sort of cultural cornerstone for you, please spare me the 6 foot long disclaimer script,” Ellie drawled.
“Right.” You gulped. “Anyway. As I was saying.”
“Any day now.”
At that moment, she had never looked more perfect. Your eyes had adjusted to the dark lighting, so the weak moonlight that spilled in from the window above her created a halo around her head.
“It’s you.” Your voice came out tiny. “You’re all that I can think about, and I don’t know what to do.”
There. It was off your chest.
For a moment, it was as if you’d suspended time, stopping Earth on its axis as you both held your breaths. There was nothing but silence and the occasional wooden creak of the old house’s foundation in the wind.
Ellie’s face betrayed nothing, save for something in her eyes and the disappearance of the smirk that had been on her lips moments before.
Then she spoke, her response whispered.
“Come here, then.”
final a/n: NOW HOLD ON before you show up outside my dorm with pitchforks and torches 🗣️🗣️🗣️ i'm so sorry but this was a necessary evil as this was going to a massive scene without the chapter break. also a disproportionately massive chapter compared to the other ones coming out. i write very quickly and should get the following part out in a timeframe similar to the first 3 parts. thank u for reading ! tell me what you think abt this chapter while you wait x
#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams x you#ellie williams x y/n#ellie williams self insert#ellie williams x oc#ellie williams fluff#ellie williams imagine
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Damian: Richard! He won't give me the remote!
Tim: It's my turn! You had it last time!
Damian: You said that last time too!!
Tim: And I meant it!
Damian: Richard!
Tim: Dick!
Dick: *on the comms* please. I'm not even done patrolling yet.
----
Dick: *having a serious conversation with Bruce*
Tim: *running in* Dick he scratched me!
Damian: *running in after* Richard, he's lying, I barely even touched him!
Tim: You literally dug your nails into my skin! Look!
Damian: There's nothing there!
Dick: Bruce-
Bruce: I need to catch an uber.
Dick: I checked your schedule, you don't even have anywhere you need to go-
-----
*on a cruise*
Jason: so you decided to go with the purple one?
Dick: Well, it's not really purple, it's wine-colored and while I was in korea, did you know they have palette matching shops?
Jason: wait, really?
Dick: Yea, so you go into the place and they try several different colors against your skin to see which one would suit you best and then they try different shades. Since I have a warm skin tone they gave me a bunch of suggestions to try so I'm trying them out.
Jason: huh. Looks good.
Dick: Thanks! I'll-
*sounds of screaming and yelling*
Dick: What's going on?
Jason: I don't know, probably kids just having fun. So what were you saying?
Dick: um..oh! That I'll send you-
Frat Guy 1: *running by talking to his friend* -dude I still can't believe I'm going to see it! I thought this cruise would be so boring since most of us couldn't be here!
Frat Guy 2: I know right?! Who thought we'd see people getting arrested in the middle of an ocean?!!!
Dick: ..arrested?
Frat Guy 2: *still talking* who even happens to just own a sword in the first place?!
Frat Guy 1: WICKED!!
Dick: ....jay, I'm not mishearing that right?
Jason: Mishearing what?
Dick: He said sword. He said sword.
Jason: I didn't hear anything.
Dick: *running after the frat guys to find a crowd of people with Tim and Damian in the center and cruise ship officers*
Damian: -UNHAND ME YOU HEATHENS, OR I WILL TRULY SHOW YOU HOW I USE THE SWORD-
Tim: Officers, I promise these nunchucks were used as decoration. They were just in the swimming pool by chance. I have no idea what's going on or even why I just happened to have them but I promise that-Dick! Tell them it's all a misunderstanding! If it wasn't for Damian, none of this would've happened!
Damian: *whipping his head around* RICHARD! TELL THESE PEASANTS TO RELEASE ME AT ONCE AND TAKE THEIR HANDS OFF MY MOTHER'S SWORD-
Dick: Oh my god what happened???
Officers: Sir, are these kids yours?
Dick: what happened??
Officers: We recieve reports of two assailants attacking each other with prohibited weapons. We will be taking them into custody.
Dick: wait, wait, what? I'm sure it's a misunderstanding, there's no way, they're jsut kids-
Officers: Sir, as their legal guardian or parent, you have to come with us.
Dick: I-Jay, can you-
Dick: *turning to see Jason filming with the biggest grin on his face* Jason.
Jason: what??? You're telling me to stop filming this comedy goldmine? Roy's gonna love this so much.
Dick: Put. Down. The. Camera. And come over and help me.
Jason: Fine, fine. *muttering under his breath* hehehe I still have the spy cam to capture all of this on heheheheheeee.
-----
Dick: *Waking at at 2 am bc of a call* hello?
Tim: DICK HE STABBED ME!
Dick: what?
Tim: HE STABBED ME! DAMIAN STABBED ME!
Dick: damian? Damian stabbed you? But aren't you in New York? He's supposed to be in Gotham.
Tim: *screeching* WELL HE ISN'T ANYMORE!!!!!
Damian: *muffled* Richard he's lying! He cut himself in a kitchen knife because he thought he could cook! He's just blaming me because he wants attention!
Tim: Go away! Dick!
Damian: *mumbled* Richard!
Dick: *already dressing tiredly* yup. i'm on my way.
#the scratching one is an actual fight word for word I had with my brother SEVERAL times. im Tim.#tim and damian are so the type of siblings who call their big brother for every single thing when they're fighting#bruce-they're your kids now-wayne#dick grayson#nightwing#tim drake#red robin#damian wayne#robin#jason todd#red hood#bruce wayne#batman#batfam incorrect quotes
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i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.
you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.
the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?
idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.
thank you for the feedback!
i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?
now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright
on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense
now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.
and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.
yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮💨
if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.
as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"
i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine
do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this
if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr
oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)
and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters
goodbye
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ok so since people didn’t cut my head off for my unpopular opinions i’m gonna expand on the second one. so for people in the gilmore girls fandom it’s pretty much the general opinion that luke is a saint for taking jess in and that jess screwed things up and that it’s his fault luke kicked him out. ”he got himself kicked out”. even people who like jess seem to think this is fair. so as someone who watches gilmore girls mostly for jess i have a different perspective that i’ve never actually vocalized but i figured maybe this little corner of the internet wouldn’t hate me for this, as long as it doesn’t make it out of here.
so i also first of all think that the fact that jess has to work at luke’s and graduate in order to stay there is a bit sad. like everyone around him his age has somewhere they can stay without conditions, and people wonder why he’s the only one worried about making money. and yes, it’s a fine idea in theory, he has to change his ways if he wants to stay with luke bc that’s the point of him being there, sure, but luke could stand to NOT always bring it up to jess during fights that can’t stay with him if he violates the conditions.
bc the thing is that luke very clearly makes it known that he doesn’t want jess there and that the whole situation is kind of a pain in his ass that he’s doing out of obligation. a minor is entitled to a place to stay where they can be an asshole unconditionally, actually, and they shouldn’t have to be constantly grateful to have that. and if luke didn’t want to fully commit and be that place, he should have said no to taking jess in. you don’t get to get all the praise for doing a good deed and then get all pissy about actually following through with it.
like i know luke and jess aren’t the main characters and that their scenes and dynamic are for comedy. but then they play off jess leaving as serious so i should be allowed to analyze their scenes seriously. and my conclusion is… luke is not that nice to jess LOL. like i can’t think of a single scene where he responds to him in any other manner than pissed off or annoyed. he never stops treating him like a bad kid. we know luke cares about jess but does jess have any reason to believe that? or does he think this is all for liz? like i know their scenes are jokes but for someone who complains so much about what a difficult person jess is to connect with, i think luke missed a lot of moments to do it.
luke taking jess in in general is nice, YES, but i’m not talking about just good intentions here. and i know that it was a very good intention but i, again, just super dislike the whole ”you wouldn’t have anywhere to stay if it wasn’t for me, so watch it”-attitude. even in season 4 luke basically said that jess had to come to liz’ wedding because he was there for him when no one else was. and i think that’s a shitty thing to say to someone who deserved more. i know luke didn’t have to do it bc he’s not his parent and that’s why people forgive him and not liz, who is his parent and did have to do it. but i think luke agreed to be jess’ parent and if he didn’t want to, he could have said no to his sister for once in his life. anyways, i think i’ve made my point.
also, i love you luke, my world just revolves around your nephew. i know i’m putting a lot of unrealistic expectations on a guy who’s pretty emotionally constipated. and he did come through with the big things, like giving jess money in sesson 4. but i’m talking about the little things that could have made even more of a difference. just don’t get it twisted ok, luke and jess’ relationship is my fave on the show, i may like it even more than rory and jess’, but when i enjoy something i analyze it. so don’t think i don’t love them, because i do! i just want to squash the idea that luke did everything he could but that jess ultimately was too difficult, because i disagree with that.
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So this guy posted about how his wife "baby trapped" him, with baby trapped in quotes because he didn't know if it necessarily counted. He said she didn't do it to make him stay, just against his will
They've been together for 8 years, have 2 (5f and 2m) kids and when they talked about having kids, she wanted 2 but he wanted 1. They ended up having 2 because she insisted it was important for a child to have a sibling. After his son was born, OP didn't want to go through all the sleepiness nights and everything again. But when their son was a year old, his wife started mentioning having a 3rd child. I would laugh it off but finally she sat me down and said we have to have a third. I said no, we agreed on two, but she said she wanted four and three is the compromise. I refused and said I wanted one and we have two. She got angry and called me selfish for taking away her dream of wanting a big family.
Few days later, she apologized and they had sex. She was on birth control, he had a condom, so they did it. Then one day, she showed him the positive pregnancy test. When she saw his less than happy expression, she berated him for not being supportive, that he should be grateful, etc. So he apologized, hugged her and told her he was excited.
When she was asleep, I took the condoms out of the cupboard and ran them under water. Holes.
I nabbed her phone and saw she'd set a password. That was odd. Nevertheless, my wife has a terrible memory so I tried her birthday and it opened. Further up were texts with her best friend of my wife complaining how I wouldn't come around. Her best friend suggested "arrange an accident" with a winky face. My wife agreed and said she was going to come off of birth control. It went on for a little while, ending with my wife saying that yes, we were going to have a 3rd.
So he woke her up after that to question her about it. She started crying. Through tears she screamed I had no right to go through her phone and it's her choice whether or not she wants to take BC, the side-effects are bad and she was sick. She also brought up if I really didn't want a third kid, I should have had a vasectomy. She told me to go sleep on the couch, I laughed out loud and said no, I'm sleeping here, you're leaving. So while wailing she packed a bag and left to her parents. When she called the next day I told her I just need some time to myself. She said that's fine but I need to come around for our child. I told her I wasn't sure if it'd be "our child" and she cried more.
It's been two weeks since then. Governments recommended to stay at home and I knew staying home by myself while also working with two kids would not be ideal and she wanted to see our kids. So we're in the same house, she constantly keeps on stopping me and trying to get me excited for our kid and planning the nursery and names and how happy our kids will be to get a younger sibling. I've been ignoring her entirely.
A lot of the comments were in his favor so I was happy to see that. But there were also plenty of other comments that weren't as supportive, even downplaying the wife's actions.
There were a number of people who were against him divorcing her, questioning him why he wants to ruin his marriage and his family over this. I just can't get over that, how they're acting like he's in the wrong here. Would you want to stay with someone who crossed the line severely? Would you want to stay with someone you couldn't trust?
She ruined the marriage on her own. He's reacting how anyone can expect someone to react in that kind of situation. A lot of people were insisting he try to fix his marriage and stay for the kids so he doesn't break up the family but that is, in this case, the worst advice someone can give. I'm not sure there's any coming back from this. How could you trust someone like that again? How do you know she wouldn't do it again in the long run because she'd want a 4th baby?
Not to mention, it's a horrible thing to put the kids through. They're already, according to him in a comment, wondering why he isn't talking to their mother (sidenote: some people expressed disbelief that the kids would notice at that age. I haven't spent much time with super little kids like a 2 year old but 5 year old's can be surprisingly observant. Or the wife might have said something to them). If he were to stay and things worsen, like them fighting more often, that just hurts the kids. And it's not a good lesson for them when they get older. There are limits to keeping a relationship with someone.
And of course, his own mental health and happiness are important too.
What bothers me is the justifications people are pulling out in defense of his wife. They are severely downplaying her actions by saying she just wanted a baby, people aren't perfect, etc. Somebody even compared the situation to...rearranging a room.
And then you have others blaming him because he hasn't had a vasectomy yet. That isn't the point of this. If the wife hadn't done anything and he was complaining that she got pregnant, then I would find him more at fault. But what the wife has done is considered reproductive coercion, which is a form of intimate partner violence.
Sure there was a bit of a chance of pregnancy occurring, but she crossed the line in order to get what she wanted. She is at fault here for the pregnancy. And she should be held accountable for that. I've found conflicting information about whether she could face legal consequences, but at the very least we shouldn't be trying to make excuses for her or downplay it to make it sound like it's something innocent.
Because it definitely isn't
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Kyle x s/o who smokes nic n weed n gets all cozy when they highing yo, laying o ZAZA!!
high with kyle
an, never smoke weed b4 but i have a vape, does that count as nic?? idk. also what do you call it when you take a smoke.. like take a blunt?? take a huff?? take a hit?? i hope you guys understand what i mean bc im using it in this also gn reader, reader isn't colour coded so dw
"dont be a wuss and do it kyle, it's not like it can do anything to you or anything" you said as you pass the joint to kyle " smoking weed is literally as dangerous as smoking cigarettes" he said passing it back to you "boo ur no fun" you said as you placed it inbetween your mouth, kyle let out a loud sigh "fine give it, if i get cancer it's your fault" you laughed and passed it to him. you two were in your house, your parents isn't coming home soon so why not take this opportunity? he coughed a little but he smoked before so it was ok, still coughing you took it away from his hands "dude where did you even get this?" you were all giggly and took another hit "hehe stans dad" "maybe youve had enough of this, ur wayyy too high" you just laughed and he took more hits anddd before you know it you two were high, you two laughed at every single shit. your cat licking its asshole? funny as hell, you burped? fucking comedian. kyle then dropped the blunt and you were too high to get mad and just laughed "dude we should like totally make out" "what." you stared at him "just kidding omg you totally thought i was being fr" and you bursted out laughing acting as if mans was kevin hart. then the door flung opened, it was stan "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK?? my dad told you bought weed y/n " you stood up walking over to him putting your hand around his shoulder "why? you want it on this?" kyle also walked over "cmon, this shit is actually good" "no thankyou, if you die 5 years from now i won't come to the funeral" you both laughed as he left your house "whatever loser". there were board games on your table and you decided to play snakes and ladders, classic game "cmon kyle what colour counter do you want" he then proceeds to put his counter on the board "kyle thats a chess peice" you to would prank call cartman acting like your funny "um hello yes you have contacted how to be a stripper hotline, do you want to be a stripper?" you two suppress laughter as if he cant hear the "dude shut up" from the other line, you can hear cartman let out a loud sigh "y/n youre the one who called me and this is the 3rd time you called get a life bitch" "thats definitely what a stripper would say" and you two burst out laughing , cartman blocks you atp. he'd green out first like mans is sweating in the middle of snakes and ladders but refuses to loose and is still rolling the dice "dude i think imma puke" "sick dude do it in the bathroom" and he vomits "i think.... i need to lay down" "LAY DOWN ON THE COUCH NOT IN YOUR OWN PUKE". when he wakes up he has no idea of what happens and claims he never smoked but you,stan,cartman and the vomit stain on your carpet says otherwise.
#kyle broflovski#sp kyle#kyle broflovski x reader#sp kyle broflovski#south park x reader#south park x y/n#south park
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a run down would be appreciated😭😭 and i sure hope coffee at midnight is a happy fic bc that one i did start reading and its my current obsession, i wont be able to take it if something bad happens to my babies
I won't spoil Coffee at Midnight, but I'm glad you're loving it!!
My other fics, though, I'm going to try and put into categories.
The Multichaps
A Fine Line will take you through every emotion. It's smutty and angsty and stressful but it has a happy ending!
illicit affairs is an ongoing multi-chap that's nowhere near finished. emily and aaron sleep together before her first day on the job, when neither knows who the other is. the affair they begin has consequences for years to come.
touchy subject is complete and is an emotional journey. a teenage emily aborted aaron's baby without telling him, and deals with the consequences of that decision in the decades that come after.
impact married Hotchniss are in a car accident that leaves emily in a coma.
the price we pay. I'll start by telling you that Emily's dead. that's not a spoiler, i literally tell you in the comments. this fic sees JJ try to come to terms with her death and her unresolved feelings for Emily at the same time.
Nodus Tollens is annoyingly incomplete. A complicated fic based on the Arizona-Callie-Mark triangle n Greys.
The One-Shots
The Five Stages of Grief are a Myth is a journey, but it does have a happy ending!
phantasmogoria - emily struggles with the trauma of having spent seven months in isolation, with only her own mind for company. hotch is her lifeline.
found family is a cute little fic i wrote for the 'accidental baby acquisition' tag for criminal minds week 2023. the team find a baby.
built a home and watched it burn may or may not stay an angsty one-shot. it's the first chapter of an unfinished fic i took down a while ago, in which emily and aaron are getting divorced.
Eulogy is an angsty af one-shot of JJ and Hotch telling Emily about the Paris plan.
You'll Always Be My Person is angsty Jemily fluff that I woudn't say has a happy ending, but it's sweet and short.
Habits is a cute little Jemily drabble.
in love with you is Emily POV Jemily angst.
twelve things that didn't break aaron hotchner and the one that almost did is Hotch angst with a happy Hotchniss ending.
The States Game is a cutie team fic based on That Friends Episode.
The Smutty One-Shots
Heat is the only 'only one bed' fic i've ever written. it's just pure, unadulterated, shameless, steamy Hotchniss smut.
every lover's game is what happens after you send the girl you fancy in to flirt with a creepy guy called Viper. it's pure filth. it's great. probably my favourite filth i've written. you're welcome.
trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat is angsty Hotchniss smut. like I earned the angsty smut tag on this one.
when it rains, it pours - more angsty Hotchniss smut. back from Paris, emily is struggling. then comes a storm.
Coming Home is wholesome Jemily smut.
Stress Relief and Debriefing are just pure Emily/Luke smut.
Hotchner's Future Au (in chronological order)
technically these all have a happy ending because emily and hotch are married and trying to cope with parenting x
nature vs nurture after having her first child, emily struggles with her mother's first visit and her criticisms.
a good cat never goes far - proceed with caution if you love Sergio. that's all i'll say. but also read it because i'm proud of it <3
the last first day - emily struggles with her last baby starting school
good intentions, bad excecution - livvy hotchner is a menace, but she's also a great big sister.
red-handed the kids catch emily and aaron in a...compromising position. based on a request to write a hotchners future au fic inspired by the modern family episode 'caught in the act'
my mama's in the kitchen worrying about me - emily struggles with having a teenage daughter who's exactly like her.
Good Crazy - jack announces that he and his girlfriend are expecting. emily and aaron temporarily lose their minds, but what's new?
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Could you do the evans reacting to finding out that your pregnant with their child 🤭🤭
UH OF COURSE I CAN THIS IS ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD IDEA I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS I DID MY BEST
The evans reaction to finding out you're pregnant and its theres
Evan Peters
*you tell him*
IMMEDIATE happiness
Hes shocked and then when you tell him fr a big smile comes across his face and he engulfs you into a hug
Would prob shed some tears or a lot
Kisses you so passionately
Holds you in his arms for HOURS
Tells his parents how happy he is
"evan uhm im pregnant" "wait youre serious?" *Nod* "OMG baby im so happy"
Tate Langdon
Straight panic
Scared he made the anti christ again
Sad because it killed you
You have to comfort him but he just cries and tells you how sorry he is
Honestly maybe would avoid you for a bit bc he hates himself and when he sees you he remembers what he did
After a while when you die and stuff he'll be there for you while you die holding your hand crying and kissing your knuckles
Yall would be fine after but until the apocalypse happens👍
"tate im- im pregnant" "w-what? I- im so sorry its all my fault"
Kit Walka (ik its walker i jst love the way he says it)
Would look down at the test and smile and hug you
"we're gonna have a third little baby here?"
Honestly really, really happy
Kisses you and hugs you swaying side to side
Later on would listen to his favorite music and dance with you before kissing you and putting his hands on your belly
"kit im pregnant" "what?" *Sees test* *big ole smile* "we're gonna have a third little one running around here?" *Nod*
Kyle Spencer (pre death)
Honestly a little concerned/considering it because hes in college and still lives with his mom
Would make it your choice if you want to keep it but if you do we would be there every single step and moment of the way
Honestly after a while of thinking would be so happy to have a little you guys running around
After thinking and accepting it and loving it he would apologize for even considering it and would kiss you and hold you
"kyle i know we're young but i- im pregnant" "wait really?" *Sees test* "i- i dont know what to say i mean i love you i really do and you know that but we're young but if you want to keep it ill be here no matter what baby"
*later on after thinking* "baby im so sorry for everything i said i wanna have a baby with you ive never been happier please forgive me, im so excited to have this journey with you"
How could you say no
Jimmy Darlin (yes ik its darling)
Very very happy
Then his smile starts to fade
Sad because he doesnt want your guy's kid to have his condition
Also sad because his kid is gonna grow up the way he did
You comfort him and tell him its all okay and that you guys wont let anything happen to the kid
Apologies for how he couldnt take you guys out of the freak show and all that jazz
You comfort him and lets jst say like at the end of freak show you and Jimmy live a normal life with your big ole belly and jimmy by your side all the steps of the way
"jimmy omg im pregnant" "really?" *His beautiful smile*
After a bit "im so sorry i couldnt give you and our only kid a normal life i really am" "jimmy i love you we will figure it out and you know we will"
James Patrick March
Genuinely shocked
Didnt even know you and him could have kids since well hes a ghost
But 'miracles' happen
Honestly surprisingly happy to have a little you guy's running around the hotel
"if you need anything i will have someone get it for you my love" he says that and also means that he will have someone that can go outside get you stuff as well
"james im pregnant" "i can procreate?" *Nods* "well, i could never be happier dear"
Kai Anderson
Honestly would probably be nice to you for once like with ally
Happy because there is now a 'messiah'
Wants the kid to lead the cult when he dies
Would be so happy i mean did you see him with ally and their damn kid?
He would start being more gently like he would look at your belly and smile putting his big hand on top of it
I mean he would probably even kiss your head and give you cuddles here and there
I mean how could he not? You're holding the next most precious and important thing in his life or probably the kid is his most precious and important thing
"kai dont get mad but im pregnant, and its yours" *a small smile would come across his face* "really? I honor you as the most loyal in this cult you're holding the next messiah"
Peter Maximoff (wanda vision age)
Honestly shocked
Would be so happy tbh
Would be happy because he would have another probably immature kid that was fast like him
Would probably pull you into a hug and kiss you and would hold you like forever while you guys slept every night
Would go into a frenzy about you needing rest and him stealing your favorite snacks a stuff just to make you happy i mean hes a kleptomaniac
"peter im pregnant" "YES omg were gonna have another speedster here"
#evan peters#tate langdon#kit walker#kyle spencer#jimmy darling#jimmy darlin#kit walka#james march#James Patrick March#kai anderson#quicksilver#peter maximoff#ahs#headcanon#ahs headcanons#the evans#the evans reaction
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task force 141 + favorite christmas movies
Characters: Simon “Ghost” Riley, John “Soap” MacTavish, Kyle “Gaz” Garrick, John Price, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo “Rudy” Parra
Warnings: none
A/N: sorta did this already with ghost but now it’s time for the entire team
john "soap" mactavish:
what can i say soap is a home alone kinda guy
he fell in love with them as a kid and he just never fell out of love
it's that sorta violent but still comedic and overly dramatized kind of humor that soap likes
plus he's a sucker for montages and you know home alone has a bunch of them
he's a fan of the whole series too
but the first one is definitely his favorite, just because it's classic
definitely gets freaked out by the bird lady in the second one (i think it's the second one)
and yes he's always wanted a home alone situation whenever he was a kid
he would literally pray for a duo of goofy robbers to try and break in whenever his parents weren't home
of course it never worked
but you know
a man can dream
he also knows all the home alone lore
and he freaked out when he found out macaulay culkin was married to brenda song
kyle "gaz" garrick:
so this goes hand in hand with my christmas songs headcanon
but gaz's favorite christmas movie is the grinch (2018)
bc 1. it has a fire soundtrack
2. it's got great animation
and 3. beneficiary cumberbun as the grinch was unprecedentedly good
he also doesn't like the live action grinch
he watched it when he was younger and it really scared him
like im talking it really scared him
he saw it in a hotel while his family was visiting new york for christmas
and then he refused to sleep on the wall side of the bed because he was scared the grinch was gonna come from under the bed in that sorta shadowy area between the bed and the wall and steal him
and yes he still sleeps on the lamp side whenever he stays at hotels now
even though he's a grown man
so yeah the grinch (2018) was a very welcome change to that
i mean the animation is so bright and cheery
what's not to love
plus he really likes how fluffy the grinch looks
and yes he watched it in theatres with his family so there's a lot of good memories associated with that as well
simon "ghost" riley:
so kinda similar to gaz
but ghost's favorite christmas movie is actually how the grinch stole christmas (1966)
for those of y'all who aren't up to date on the grinch movie release timeline that's the cartoon one
gaz doesn't like that one because that smile the grinch does in the beginning (you know what i mean, it's the one where his cheeks literally like migrate to his ears) freaked him out
but ghost actually enjoys that scene
he says it scratches an itch
he also likes the 1966 grinch because it brings him back to simpler times
he first watched it in school right before winter break
and then he went home and made his mom watch it with him over and over and over again
and so now whenever he has the chance he'll watch during the holiday season
it does make him a little sad though
you know since his mom's dead
anyways
john price:
price's favorite movie is charlie brown's christmas
he's actually a pretty big fan of the peanuts
is that what they're called? idk
so it's only a no brainer that the charlie brown christmas special brings him a special kind of joy
before he used to watch it on cable on christmas day
and then he got apple tv+ so now he watches it to get in the mood
guys this isn't an ad for apple i swear
he likes to cozy up with a blanket, some nice socks (he's a sock guy what can i say), a cup of tea or hot cocoa, and some biscuits
sometimes he falls asleep before the end tho
but it's not like he's never seen it before so it's fine
yet despite his love for the peanuts he does not have a charlie brown christmas tree
no his tree is always freshly cut down and usually pretty hefty
rodolfo "rudy" parra:
alright so this one also goes with my christmas music headcanons
but rudy's favorite christmas movie is the frozen franchise
and yes it's a holiday movie
he will fight you on that
in his mind snow + fire soundtrack = christmas movie
so yes goncharov would technically be a christmas movie by rudy's criteria
and yes he will fight you if you bring that up
he also really hates claymation
like really really hates it
it's too uncanny valley for him
like for it to be enjoyable it better be super duper obvious that the characters are clay
but even then it still catches him off guard
he also really likes christmas specials for like a bunch of shows
so after he's done with his frozen marathon he'll turn on his favorite shows and just watch the christmas episodes
and yes he does that for every holiday that has specials
alejandro vargas:
okay so potentially controversial opinion
but alejandro really enjoys hallmark movies
like it doesn't matter which one it is as long as it's a christmas hallmark movie he's down to watch it
he doesn't even know why like he's aware of how cheesy they are
but they've really mastered that feel good formula
even if each movie is riddled with plot holes
but even then that's also part of the fun too
like he enjoys inviting rudy or even the others over so they can poke fun at all the logistical impossibilities of the movie
and really that's what he likes when he watches the movies
the good memories he makes
ig it's true guys
the real lesson was the friends we made on the way
or whatever the saying is idk
he also likes the cheesy romance of it all
and also he doesn't tell anyone that he secretly enjoys the hallmark movies
with everyone else he pretends that it sucks
but he eats it up every time
and yes he always checks to see if the kiss happens at the same time
and so far it has almost every single time
#bingoboingobongo.com#bingoboingobongo's christmas extravaganza#ghost x reader#soap x reader#gaz x reader#john price x reader#alejandro vargas x reader#rodolfo parra x reader#ghost headcanons#soap headcanon#gaz headcanon#john price headcanons#alejandro vargas headcanons#rodolfo parra headcanons#ghost cod#soap cod#gaz cod#john price cod#alejandro vargas cod#rodolfo parra cod#call of duty#cod#modern warfare 2#mw2
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neeed to hear the context behind ur most recent art. please enlighten us
you guys dont even know how excited i get when someone asks smth like this abt my art or headcanons or au.
i actually wrote liek a fucking essay oh my god im so sorry anon ill have the actual drawing context after the big bolded caps
TW for typical creepypasta story type stuff
anyway ok UNNECESSARY BACKSTORY: liu spent a long time trying to just psychologically recover from everything. he hated jeff and he hated the memory of everything. jeff signature murders would occur every now and again, each time liu would fall into a deep depression. the murders stopped for a while, and everyone believed jeff 'retired' or died. liu was conflicted about it. until Jeff committed his final full-blown 'jeff fashion' murder (janes family) in tuscaloosa alabama. liu had another breakdown and ended up moving to tuscaloosa because he was completely convinced he needed to find jeff again because he could fix it (or die trying and he'd be fine with that too)
nina was always one of those girls obsessed with 'true crime' but like.... the murderers instead of the cases. she was 12 when jeff's first rampage happened and she just fell head over heels in love with this freak. she began to act out, miss school for days, sneaking out to meet older people, etc etc. eventually she did the classic jeff smile cut into her face(she pussied out on making it like jeffs, so she has cleaner, less noticeable scars) . she started getting severely bullied (for being creepy and worshipping a literal murderer) and her parents sent her to live with her grandparents in mississpi. she started stalking liu through social media and whitepages when jeff was presumed dead. but eventually, jeff's final murder happened in alabama(a state away from her) and after turning 18, she ran away to go find jeff convinced he would 'save her' from the life she created for herself. nina got wrapped up in slenderman business because of her constant Tom Foolery. she met her idol
JEFF IS A BAD PERSON IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD. he did a beautiful job in using his #1 fangirl and enjoying the worship. she scrambled for pennies to afford an apartment, she'd sleep on the couch if he wanted to use her bed, she's ride her bike hours to go get weed or something from rando drug dealers that give better deals to pretty girls, make him food, do his damn laundry, literally anything and everything bc THATS HER MAAANNNNN (no he isnt.)
jeff DOES NOT GIVE A FUUUCK about everything nina does for him . one day he finds her trying to creepily get into contact with liu (and liu actually responded) and he loses his shit and stabs her and goes on and on about how 'you ruined your own useless fucking life your family is never going to take you back you did this to yourself' etc. he didn't intend to kill her only cuz he knew she'd forgive him and he liked all the shit she gave him
NOW ABOUT THE DRAWING ITSELF:::::
afterwards nina gets patched up from jeff stabbing her, she has some weird 'liu will save me' spiral (not romantically just in a very literal 'he can fix this' way). liu's been on his own spiral since finding out jeffs alive which is the only reason he even gave nina the time of day. eventually she ends up at his house to 'talk about jeff' bc she sent him creepy pics proving she knew jeff yadayadayada.
im not sure the exact conversation i imagined for the drawing, BUT liu eventually says something that sets nina off and she tears at her stitches and breaks down and drips blood all over his kitchen talking about 'I CAN MAKE HIM LOVE ME AGAIN I JUST NEED YOUR HELP PLEAAASEEEE' or something.
liu's a good man, much to his own detriment, and can't help but comfort this kid who's bleeding and crying in his kitchen at the fault of his own brother. he's all too familiar with wanting to repair his relationship with jeff, despite the amount of rage, betrayal, misery, etc he felt at jeffs hands. he doesn't ACTUALLY want to reconnect with jeff, but it's a very deep internal longing for the baby brother he once had that VERY RARELY overshadows his hatred
i want to reaffirm that liu does not feel positively about jeff at all, does not want to see him, and only moved to alabama b/c of a long ass mental health crises and is now too wrapped up in new financial commitments(plus jane) to move again. and now he feels obligated to help nina
he just misses being a big brother :( not so much the jeff part
also none of this at all is shipping at all i am terrified at the idea of people taking anything romantically . even if nina is in 'love' with jeff its purely for the story/horror . ITS ALL REALLY BAD
#creeped#hcs#guys i dont know why i keep doing this LMFAO IM SORRY ANON I TALK TOO MUCH I ... theres something in my brain#asks#soisjkhjdgvdkj#should i tag this as liu and nina... ok fuck it#homicidal liu#nina the killer#i literally have no feelings towards jeff as a character.. but the amount of people he ruined in his path ? damn . ok. got me
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Hello! I’ve been searching for a specific fic forever and while my online searching came up empty, it did lead me to this blog. I’ve never requested a fic before so correct me if this is the wrong place!
Anyway, I remember it being an iron dad fic where Peter was an experiment grown using Tony’s dna (I believe in oscorp?). Tony is suspicious of what’s going on there so breaks in to investigate and finds Peter who is a teenager. MJ and Ned are in this as well I think on a field trip but I could be wrong. And they go shopping for normal clothes and Peter chooses a nerdy shirt. He gets his name bc tony says “for Pete’s sake”. He also doesn’t have a belly button in like a Kyle xy thing. Peter doesn’t know a lot so tony gives him a tablet that he learns basic things through kid apps. Tony doesn’t find out Peter is his kid until later in the fic but Peter draws tony a card like a little kid would with stick figures of them together. Fake parents working for the bad guy come and take Peter by faking a dna sample and tony goes after them once he realizes peters his kid (or something like that).
Hope I’m doing this correctly and I gave you enough to work on! I’d really appreciate if you could find this but it’s totally fine if not, as I read it years ago so it may have been deleted or something.
Hi, we've found your fic, happy reading!
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I don't think anyone thinks Theil or your story is bad. Indifference isn't the same as hate. They're no better or worse than the other thousands of tav ocs on here, but we straight up don't know enough about them to have an opinion. Dropping an entire fic about a character that nobody has been given a reason to care about isn't going to work for anyone, unless they're popular with an established following. And even big creators have flops.
One thing about Theil that I don't get from their backstory is their personality, and how they are as a person? You gave a laundry list of things that happened to them, but not really how these things affect them. Losing their parents, discovering magic powers, and living on the street must have had some effect on them, surely? Nobody gets through that upheaval without changing even a little bit. "They went through things that would straight up break another person, but they didn't really care and were fine" doesn't cut it unless you explore why they didn't care.
Have I really. Not talked about their personality at all and why they're so... Unaffected by shit.
I can't remember what I say on discord vs what I say on Tumblr these days (I also think I said some of this in my more detailed backstory post? but I can't find that one anymore since Tumblr search ate it.
Anyway
They mourned their parents somewhat, but no more than one would a teacher or an older community member. Once that feeling passed they were actually somewhat happy because they had no one telling them what to do, and actually... Managed pretty well on their own. Between their magic, sneaky hands, and cute face, there wasn't a whole lot of a struggle. They stole what they could and knew how to make a cute face and look like a helpless kid if they needed anything. There's one baker in particular that they could pretty much ALWAYS get something off of. He called them curls bc. Curly hair, curled horns. Curls. (They also didn't talk a whole lot then. Which is funny bc as an adult they can't shut the fuck up.)
Somethin also worth noting is Theil feels anything negative and lies even to themself about it. A part of them did always know a lot of their life was Fucked. They could see families pass them by. They could tell that other kids had better lives. As they got older. They felt lonely with their hookups and never having any commitment. It's why they latched onto Reya so hard.
And especially over the course of their adventure they have to Face the Facts like. Fuck. They saw a guy make a deal w a god and become an embodiment of evil for his daughter. But they kind of spent their whole life shoving any pain WAY DOWN and never let themself feel it because they just hate it and feel weak if they aren't keeping that tough exterior.
And once again this absolutely gets worse when they meet the party because. Well everyone's got their problems. I have to shoulder them. I don't have time for their problems plus my problems are so small compared to theirs (buddy u have just as many problems as the rest of them).
They would eventually break but they were really damn good and spending 31 years of their life pretending to be okay when the reality was they were just seconds from snapping at any given time.
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hey i have a question but first i want to make it clear that this is not judgmental or sarcastic i'm just genuinely curious. what is it about tylor swift that so many people are so deeply attached to her personal life? i know that it's stan culture and all but i feel like swifties have reached a new level of it and i'm like. genuinely asking. what is it about her that makes people get so emotionally invested in her personal life. again i really am just interested in your answer because i've never seen such a strong response to celebrities dating bigots ever
i might not even be the best person to explain it bc i think i'm actually a lot more removed from a parasocial relationship with her than a lot of swifties (and i'm definitely less invested than i used to be) but like that's just her whole brand yknow?
i can't speak for others but for me it comes down to being a certain age when i got into her music, when i was 12, 13, 14, and felt like she was a big sister telling me she knew how i felt. in hindsight it's weird and extremely unrealistic but i was a deeply lonely kid, and i was extremely media- and business-illiterate, i didn't understand that at the time. but i got to feel like i was growing up with her music and that feeling has always pushed me to lend a certain amount of grace to her. maybe too much.
i think she has always been in this crossover space of being both a very introspective songwriter (whether you like her music or not it's fine that's not the point, but understand that for some ppl it just hits) as well as a business branding genius (and that's not just her, it's also her parents and their team). so she tells her fans over and over and over and over again that we're "the longest relationship" she's ever had. and i can't blame younger ppl for getting really emotionally invested in that the same way i did.
stan culture in general is wack and i have removed myself too much from it to like, have anything new to say on it. before this situation with matty healy i have really never cared about her personal love life, i've always taken her music and recontextualized it to my life or my interests rather than caring so much about exactly what she meant and who she was saying stuff about. but anyway.
there are levels of standom and some ppl go really overboard with it but in general fans of her music tend to get drawn into really caring about her as a person. so to find out, after everything (after she made a whole damn film about how she was going to speak up politically, after literally promising us that she was against all this bigotry), that she's keeping company with someone so vile and hateful, it feels like a very personal betrayal for a lot of us. and it's not fair to say it shouldn't be personal when that's been her entire brand this whole time. like i think it would be really really disingenuous to get all up in arms about some guy hurting her feelings and then turn around when she's the one hurting ppl and scream "parasocial relationship" and "you don't even know her."
it's true, we don't know her. that is a fact and i've been in that boat for years. that doesn't change the fact that her entire business model is centered around making us feel like we know her. i don't say that to single her out as the only celebrity to do this (she's not) or to make her sound like she's all calculated and conniving just for being a smart businesswoman. but that parasocialism is a core tenet of her business and she wants the benefits of that - but doesn't want the consequences when she dates a guy who stands for everything she claims to be against. it calls into question whether she ever actually had our backs when she said she did.
this situation shouldn't be more about her than it's about the hurtful things matty healy has done. primarily this is a situation about him being a scumbag. however, bc taylor swift is one of the biggest pop stars in the world and bc of the fandom she has built, her choosing to entwine herself with him matters. this is the other side of making your entire career out of making strangers feel like they personally know you. not everyone has the privilege to completely ignore this just bc they love her music. her dating him so publicly encourages a lot of people to actively be more racist. we are already seeing the effects of this where swifties of color are getting bullied and discriminated against more than ever. it matters.
#and as far as me personally being invested in this goes -#i really dont follow any celebrity news outside of her like im so clueless about celebrities in general#so i know im probably calling her out for shit that they all do - but that doesnt make it okay for her to do it either#anyway. sorry this is so long. i tried to answer this clearly but i mightve made it more confusing i rlly dont know rn#anon#answered#taylor swift#matty healy
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Personal rant bc we haven't gotten my official results yet but we did get a very stressful phone call about it, and because adhd has been kicking my ass lately. This is going to be long and rambly and all over the place, and if you're anti self-dx, I wouldn't suggest reading further (or interacting with me in general). It also sort of becomes just me psychoanalyzing my own behavior and infodumping about it
-------------------------------------------------------
For context, I'm autistic and adhd, and I went and talked to a psychologist a couple weeks ago and had some testing done
Personally, I don't really feel the need to have an official diagnosis for autism. I'm confident in my informed self-diagnosis (technically it was actually my parents who first suggested I might be autistic but I've learned a lot about it since then and now I'm pretty sure I'm more convinced than they are) and I just don't think a doctor's note will do much for me (totally understand and support anyone who does want to get diagnosed tho). Adhd however is another story. If I want meds that will actually work and accommodations with my school, they need proof, and as things are I am desperate for some help.
So the appointment I had a couple weeks ago was supposed to be for adhd testing, but apparently he also lowkey tested me for autism while we were there. Which like, fine, whatever, it would be sort of nice to have that validated I guess, but when we checked back in with him on the phone earlier this week he started using outdated and problematic terms like high-functioning and aspergers and I'll just say that it did not exactly inspire confidence
But that can of worms aside, let me get back to (mostly) adhd related ranting
I feel like there could be an essay about how the diagnostic process for adhd is flawed and doesn't work all that well for people who have an internalized notion that their worth as a person is dependent on their academic success and task performance and therefore spent their childhood and adolescence funneling all their efforts time and attention into school and generally being seen as a good well-behaved bright kid out of desperation to have value (and it worked- I've always made good grades, but what people don't see is the days, weeks, months of paralyzed procrastination, the anxiety-fueled mad rush in the end to get things done late, and the grace I'm inexplicably shown every time, without which my grades would be much worse)
I'm scared, that I'm going to be determined "too high functioning" to be diagnosed even though I'm currently doing basically nothing with my life outside of college and yet I'm technically failing like half of my classes right now, that they're going to say "well the signs weren't there when you were younger" even though there's a variety of explanations for why that might be, not the least of which being the fact that for some folks with both autism and adhd the traits of the two have a tendency to "hide" one another
Apparently he also ran an iq test on me, and he broke down the 5 scores to us; I scored in the upper average/above average bracket in all but the 4th, processing speed, in which I'm below average. And like yeah, I'm well aware that I'm slow, but I guess it's official now-
Anyway, my main point with the iq thing was that while he was telling us about my high scores in the first 3 areas, I'm sitting here getting more and more uneasy, bc I'm like yeah sure I'm intelligent or whatever but it isn't worth shit if I can't motivate myself to actually do anything with that potential, and the conditions under which I was tested just don't reflect my day to day life closely enough to give an accurate reading, in my opinion.
Basically I'm afraid this guy is going to look at the results of some tests- tests which I was really focused on bc of the intrinsic fear of failure that plagues my existence (even though rationally I know you can't fail a psychological evaluation) and bc I know it's a bitch of a process to even get tested in the first place and I wasn't going to waste the opportunity goddammit-
That he's going to look at them and decide that I'm "too smart" to have a learning disability, when, again, all the brains in the world wouldn't do me any good if I
1) don't have the ability to self-motivate and direct them at what I need to be working on, even if I've been beating myself up about that pile of homework or my disaster of a room for weeks or even months, and
2) have such a loose grasp on the concept of time and priorities that I have on multiple occasions found myself pulling all-nighters on personal projects or reading for pleasure or scrolling on my phone only to realize oh shit I have to get up for school in like two hours, oh fuck, I'm going to be exhausted all day, what happened to "let's go to sleep early this time, I'll just do this for like 5 more minutes and then call it a night"
or realize after one of those all-nighters that what was actually a period of about 10 hours feels more like 10 minutes to me ("man wasn't I literally just here to get dinner" the next morning, passing the caf on my way to class on exactly 0 hours of sleep and still having managed not to get any of my actual class work done in all that time)
And also just that tendency in itself is significant, to get so deeply hooked on something once it does manage to get my attention, that I often feel like I can't stop until outside forces demand it- staying up until 4am on a school night painting my phone case and texting my crush (14 or 15), making bracelet after bracelet at the kitchen table at ungodly hours of the night because I couldn't sleep and now that I'm on a roll I don't want to break the momentum (18, a few months ago), throwing horrific amounts of time at reading fanfiction of whatever series currently has my interest when I have so much work that needs to get done if I want to have a chance at passing my courses this semester (18, basically present), making a last minute birthday present for my aunt and being so caught up in the rush and the craft of what I was working on that I ignored my body's needs until I ended up pissing myself (12), etc
The fact that I've been meaning to catch up with my high school friends for weeks or months, literally something as simple as a "how have yall been" in the group chat, yet for some reason I still haven't gotten around to it
The fact that for all my alleged intelligence I still haven't learned to ride a bike or drive a car or apply for a job or develop a work-life balance or play any of the instruments I want to or have a thriving social life or feel like a person (I think these are more autism-related but I'm throwing them in anyway)
The fact that minor (or even just mistakenly perceived) disapproval or judgment or teasing or having a text left on read can send me spiraling into anxiety and convinced that everyone hates me and that I'm worthless or obnoxious or stupid (rejection sensitivity is a bitch)
The fact that when I try to read I have to make a constant conscious effort not to jump ahead and all over the place and I often have to reread the same passage multiple times to understand it because I realize that I wasn't actually paying attention the first couple of times, my mind elsewhere and my eyes wandering
I know even if I do get diagnosed they'll say it's inattentive, not hyperactive or combined, because the majority of my hyperactivity is either fairly subtle movements (because I'm socially anxious and clumsy and don't want to draw attention to myself or run the risk of breaking or disturbing something) or just straight up in my head. Like sure I'm not a nine year old boy who can't sit still in class and is constantly bouncing around all over the place and getting into trouble and driving his parents and teachers crazy (bc being seen as annoying and unruly by authority figures would have broken me), but there's always so much noise in my brain, it's always talking or playing music in the background or thinking about the 47 different projects I need to be working on and the media it wants to be engaging with instead and the 1000s of things there are to worry about in a day; sometimes I'll get stuck in a loop where I'm mentally repeating a word or phrase over and over and over again until I feel like I'm going crazy
All of this is stuff that this guy doesn't see, and that worries me when it comes to the validity of his assessment
But basically, what I'm trying to say is, I swear to god if the people around me don't believe that there's clearly something not neurotypical going on here I'm going to fucking riot
And, ranting aside, I want to end this post with a note to all my fellow neurodiverse folks who are waiting for answers or treatment or validation or support or whatever.
I feel you. Hang in there. You have my well wishes in your endeavors. And remember, it's ok to be happy with or proud of who you are and what makes you different, it's ok to embrace your neurodiversity while also acknowledging how difficult it can be to live with and the fact that you might need extra time or support with things that seem to come easily to other people. It's ok to admit that it's fucking hard sometimes, and it's ok to ask for help. Take care, mates
#please feel free to peer review me#duck rants#duck's thoughts#adhd#autism#neurodiversity#adhd test#adhd assessment#gifted kid burnout#neurodivergent#psychoanalysis#psychology#brains are weird#executive dysfunction#rejection sensitive dysphoria#time blindness#hyperfixation#anxiety#info dump#<- about myself
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For commentaries 👀:
“Oh yeah? You left class real fast for someone who just wanted some fresh air. You even lost that girl that’s obsessed with you.”
"I WISH TO JOIN AS WELL!”
Sprinting at a dead run, book back bouncing off of her shoulders and dark hair streaming behind her, was a girl Raph vaguely recognized from fourth period. She was faintly out of breath, wearing an oversized black death metal band T-shirt of some kind, paneled black leggings that looked sweaty as all hell in this heat, and big chunky combat boots that looked like they got more wear and tear than they would if they were just for show.
"Yeah, she’s definitely mentioned you a few times- we take the same bus home.”
"...Rose just doesn’t like people she doesn’t think are going to take it seriously, and Sandy is a pretty well known flake.”
She stared at him a long time, and at a very pointed cough from Coach Garcia, she rolled her eyes and took his hand to shake. Her hand disappeared into his.
“Fine. But, my name is Cassandra. You can call me Casey.”
--Or honestly anything you want to say about Casey in this au,,I love her sm :D
[OH MAN I'm gonna tip toe around this one so I don't give away the story. Not because I don't want to spoil you guys (I don't) but because if I do I might not write it lol.]
“Oh yeah? You left class real fast for someone who just wanted some fresh air. You even lost that girl that’s obsessed with you.”
[I kind of portrayed Raph (or at least I hope I did) as that kid who EVERYBODY knows in a good way, who get like, "Hey Raph's!" all day when he goes down the hallway and answers them without thinking, teachers always dote on him even if he's not the best at school work, parents are pleasantly surprised at how polite he is-
And this man does not notice.
His brothers do of course, and think it's very funny, but Raph CANNOT read situations or people. So imagine Raph in class with Casey sat behind him, eyes burning into his soul through the back of his head, and he turns around and asks for a pencil.
They've been seat neighbors all last school year and this year and Raph doesn't remember her name or face, but MIKEY sure does. He's got spies EVERYWHERE.]
"I WISH TO JOIN AS WELL!”
Sprinting at a dead run, book back bouncing off of her shoulders and dark hair streaming behind her, was a girl Raph vaguely recognized from fourth period. She was faintly out of breath, wearing an oversized black death metal band T-shirt of some kind, paneled black leggings that looked sweaty as all hell in this heat, and big chunky combat boots that looked like they got more wear and tear than they would if they were just for show.
[I think @tangledinink is starting to effect my fashion sense for characters bc he draws the turtles in such cute little outfits. ;-; Chunky boots... piercings...
Whenever I write- well, anything, I always make note of what everyone's wearing? I probably put too much thought into whether I'm going into too much detail of what someone's wearing, vs. adding relevant flavor. When it comes to Yoshi it's easy, because his outfits (when he was human) were super flamboyant and flashy so I imagine that carries into his old age, and it adds to the character. When it comes to everyone else, I try to make it a passing comment and hope I don't come across as 'My name is Ebony Dementia Darkness Way and I'm 15 years old-' levels of description writing.
ALSO coming up with outfits is haaaard someone come do it for me. ;-; ]
"Yeah, she’s definitely mentioned you a few times- we take the same bus home.”
"...Rose just doesn’t like people she doesn’t think are going to take it seriously, and Sandy is a pretty well known flake.”
[Imagine Casey Jones trying super casually and nonchalantly to grill people about the Hamato's, and doing a terrible job of it.
Blair: Wow she's down bad. Imma help my bro out-
So Casey has a lot of info about Raph's star sign, hobbies, and food allergies, but nothing that she was probably looking for. It's very confusing for her. EVERYONE (except for Raph) is aware of Casey. Casey in the show just did not strike me as a subtle person, even though she IS a ninja.]
She stared at him a long time, and at a very pointed cough from Coach Garcia, she rolled her eyes and took his hand to shake. Her hand disappeared into his.
“Fine. But, my name is Cassandra. You can call me Casey.”
[Raph is going to ask a lot of polite questions and introduce himself and be super lame, and Casey is going to feverishly try and pretend she hasn't been stalking their family. (Mostly Raph though.) Mikey will benevolently watch, like he's making sure two dogs sniff each other through the door and get along correctly. He'll only intervene to make sure Raph gets her phone number before they leave.
Cassandra will think she nailed it.
Mikey is of the opinion whether she has a crush on Raph or just wants to be a friend, her and Raph will probably get along so he's in full support of this.
What DONNIE AND LEO are aware of though is a whole other story.)
#LSoW#ask#tmnt#rottmnt#me seeing choco and sroloc in my inbox#damn... the gang's all here... hi guys.....#cool-chocolatebouquet#ask game#my fic
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