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firewoodfigs · 3 years

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(long post, but I’m gonna try and make journalling a thing in 2021 😆)

The first day of the new year was nice. :) I woke up to the sounds of rain crashing against my windowsills - a strangely chilly morning in this tropical country where it’s summer all year round. For a moment it felt like I was back in Canada again, all cloudy grey skies and whimsical rain - the perfect weather for introspection.

I started my day with a pot of hot green tea, then settled down by my reading lamp to finish a book that I’ve been putting off for far too long - Steinbeck’s East of Eden. I only had about forty pages left, but somehow couldn’t bring myself to finish it. I hate when books end because it feels like that little world I’ve created and compartmentalised in my head has likewise ceased, but the good thing about books is that you can always re-read them and immerse yourself in the same fantasy. (Maybe even a different one, if the same words lend themselves to a different interpretation!) But it truly was an absolute masterpiece: such a stunning, intricate exploration of humanity that tugged at my heartstrings and led me into still waters of reflection. I know that I will definitely carry this tale in my heart for a long, long time to come.

Afterwards, I had some instant ramen while watching The Queen’s Gambit. I’m not a big fan of watching shows usually because I often feel like they move too slowly or tend to miss details from the book, but this one is pretty exceptional. Like, the acting and the artistic direction are incredible - the constant juxtaposition between Beth’s traumatic past and her glorified present, and the exploration of the fallibility of genius were executed so brilliantly. Another thing that really stood out to me were the scenes where she’d hole herself in the toilet and rebuke herself aloud for weaknesses in her play and/or being weak, in general. I cannot begin to explain how many times I’ve done that to myself in law school for even the most trivial of infractions, the most minor of errors - Lord knows I’m my harshest critic.

I promised to try, however, to be a little bit kinder to myself in 2021. My perfectionism tends to be a bar to goodness and growth because sometimes I get so afraid that my subconscious keeps demanding that my first draft has to be perfect. But it really doesn’t. That’s what editing is for. And writing, like any other talents and passions, requires nurturing and constant practice. I saw a quote yesterday about how we cannot just sit around and magically expect to be Faulkners overnight, and that is so true. I definitely need to find a sweet spot where I’m not berating myself to the point of giving up, but still demand growth so that I can keep bettering myself.

In the evening I headed out to a friend’s for tacos, which were an absolute delight in itself. And then my bf and I got to walk his dog, who I am convinced is the most precious thing in the entire universe - maybe even more so than my bf himself (I kid... or maybe not) - and who is just such a gentle-natured darling. It began to drizzle, so she led us home and we spent the rest of the night playing Sherlock and Among Us with the rest. :) It was a very peaceful evening. For a moment I’d forgotten all about the fact that I start work next Monday and was simply content to bask in the Christmas lights, the heavy downpour and the anomalous chill that came along with it. Just... living in the present, enjoying the moment.

Now that’s definitely something else on my to-do list for 2020 as well. So often the beauty of the present tends to be marred by my worries and anxieties of the future, but I always remind myself of this quote from Scripture: “Which one of you, by worrying, can add another day to his life?” And when I look back at my life and all the times I’ve worried and fretted and cried, feeling like there was no way for us to extricate ourselves from this rut, this perennial cycle of debt and other things that have plagued me from birth, I am also reminded of God’s grace and providence that has brought me through so, so much. It would’ve been impossible to have done all of this by myself; I frankly might not have had the will to continue living if not for those things.

Talking about my lived experiences also ties in to the last part of my day - where I thought about how exclusive and inaccessible the poetry scene here feels. You would think otherwise, in a country of no more than 5-6 million folks, but no. I was ranting about this a little to my boyfriend: how it feels like a lot of the spaces within are reserved for the elites of society with silver spoons in their mouths and golden plates on their tables offering them anything they wanted while I was struggling to put food on the table at fourteen. Sometimes I also lament the fact that I didn’t have my parents to tell me bedtime stories, to encourage me to read and cultivate my vocabulary. Perhaps it’s jealousy, or inferiority, or a mix of both.

But my boyfriend, ever wise and supportive, offered me a different perspective. He made a fair point about how I still fell in love with books and writing regardless, and how literature is oftentimes only a harbour that the privileged visit because the marginalised, the poor are too busy working for basic necessities to even think about such things. To the ordinary blue-collar layperson, poetry is just frankly a frivolous sentiment that won’t turn itself into gold. I agree with this wholeheartedly. It’s one of the reasons why I always felt like I didn’t have time to write, and one of the reasons why my first job was at a library (so I could read as much as I wanted! For free!). Then he said, “But see, no one wants to read about the rich waxing poetic about how lovely and grand their sunny little island is. But people will want to read about your perspective - your poems of the brokenhearted clinging on desperately to their inner child, your poems about the poor working to make ends’ meet, your poems about your tangible struggles - all of those will resonate with the masses, for sure.” And I was like, well, that’s fair. But I certainly don’t express myself as eloquently as these people do. Next to them I’m like an uncultured swine who can’t even tell the difference between all the different forks splayed on the table.

His response was that people need to understand these things before appreciating them, and sometimes simplicity works best - a lesson that’s been drilled into us from the very inception of law school. And I was like, okay, fair, but deep down my heart was exploding with the sheer warmth of having someone so incredibly supportive of everything I do, even if it’s worthless in society’s eyes. I remember one night when I was telling him about how, as a twelve-year-old, I had a dream to one day study Literature at Yale. I would hole myself up in the library after school, feverishly flipping through books to expand my imaginations and horizons, my mental dictionary of words, dreaming about the day where I could escape all of this and dwell in nothing but imaginative worlds one day. Where reality failed me, I knew that I could always count on my imagination to transport me to somewhere safe and special, filled with joy and sorrow and tragedy and hope.

I ended up studying law. Not a bad thing, because as stressful as it was I really did enjoy the things I’ve learnt - international and constitutional law, especially - and it has certainly given me new, mature perspectives on so many things; taught me to argue with reason and objectivity instead of just emotion and passion and has led me to meet so many wonderful (also trashy, but I’m out of this hellhole) people. I just don’t like the fact that 80-hour work weeks are the norm and that there’s always so much to... read. If you gave me a piece of fiction I could happily indulge in it for hours, but sometimes judgments can be so ridiculously mundane to read, especially if they’re just itemising every single case on illegality from the 19th century. Lord knows I need at least two cups of coffee for that. Black, to be specific.

Anyway, I digress (as I always do lmao). My bf ended up researching all night until he stumbled across this Literature programme at Harvard - which frankly sounds amazing, but also unattainable. Which was what I said. And he was like, “Do I think it’s impossible? No. I think you have a very compelling life story, and you’re full of amazing stories within you to tell. And if you want to do it, I will support you wholeheartedly.”

Again, as is usually the case, I had nothing left to offer apart from muted sobs under my blanket. It still sounds absurd to me - unthinkable, even - but I am just so, so grateful to have someone like him support me through everything. Literally everything. This is the man who has spent hours tutoring me in the subjects that I was hopeless in in first year, because I was too busy tutoring random folks in economics and geography and catching up on sleep (in class, no less), who has patiently helped me prepare for every single mooting competition and watched every single one of them, who has seen me cry and admonish myself for being a failure (only to spend hours trying to convince me otherwise), who has celebrated every single one of my victories and losses - you deserve a treat, anyway! Let’s go eat something nice and put it behind us, for now! This is the same man who has so much passion for what he does, who is so darn good at it without even realising that he is (I wept when he won a mooting competition this year because I was so proud of and happy for him), and who inspires confidence and compassion in me every day.

I am grateful to share all our triumphs and tribulations together, and I look forward to starting a new chapter in life with you. :)

#this was a very long shitpost but if u made it to the end kudos to u!!! HAHAHAHA #also a rainy morning again so I am in the mood to ramble oops :')#might have spiralled outta control hehe #sorry to any1 who follows me for fma content LMAO #haven't been posting much fma content but I promise there is smt coming this weekend #maybe a new update of memento amare...#me being all dramatic: IT IS FINISHED *presses enter key with a flourish*

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jawnkeets · 4 years

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just saw that you love rilke's letters to a young poet as well! it's one of my favorite reads when i need a pick-me-up or motivation. but i wonder whether you agree with him when he says "works of art are infinitely solitary and nothing is less likely to reach them than criticism. only love can grasp them and hold them and do them justice"? xx

it is beautiful!! 💕

funnily enough this has been driving me nuts this entire year to the point where it has become almost academically central, especially during term time when i’m writing weekly essays and reading loads of crit. this is just my two cents, and i’m only just beginning to attempt to put my thoughts in order, which will be obvious, so pls no one hold me to this lol. this is also specifically about literature, though i’d love to hear people’s thoughts concerning other arts!

anyway, this started when i was working on george herbert, whose poetry is just stunning, but it’s so easy to push his ideas until they fall apart or contradict each other, and many critics have done so. however erudite and academically interesting this work was, though, i couldn’t shake the idea that it was entirely missing the point, and i couldn’t get a quotation by monet out of my head: ‘everyone discusses my art as if it were necessary to understand, when it is simply necessary to love’.* critics try to unravel the thread of herbert’s poetry, herbert pulls at their critical thread in turn. i’d read secondary criticism when trying to work out what to say about him, then come back to herbert and realise i had nothing to say at all which truly added to his poetry, or to use rilke’s words, did it justice.

and so from then on i often felt like i was writing to say something that seemed clever, or being original for originality’s sake (because i didn’t want to fall into certain critical grooves), or saying what everyone else had already said (and if it was bang on why not just read the poetry itself?!), and returning to the poetry would always make me feel so silly, though in a gentle, humbling way. rilke says as much: ‘it [criticism] will either be partisan views, fossilised and made meaningless in its lifeless rigidity, or it will be neat wordplay, where one opinion will triumph one day and the opposite the next.’ this was partly, practically, because i didn’t have time to discover what i ‘truly thought’ - when you’re reading the primary stuff, secondary stuff, and writing the essay in two or three days you often have to pick an idea somewhat arbitrarily and run with it. but it’s also embarrassing to say what you actually feel about a work of literature, even if it is possible within a critical framework (which i’ll come back to); if a tutor didn’t like something i’d written when i didn’t care for the opinion myself, no big deal, back to the drawing board. if it had been what i really thought about an author i revered, it would be hideous. sharing love with someone else makes you vulnerable, as in any other area of life.

but, to use the rilke quote, how can you ‘do them justice’ if not by criticism, and by criticism truly meant, if there is such a thing? by writing creatively yourself? by reading, absorbing and sharing with other people? passion/ effusion rather than ‘rigid’ academic analysis (i.e. old-school romantic 'criticism’, like lamb’s thoughts on hogarth)? this is kind of the problem with english literature as a discipline. i’m no expert on its development, but when i’m in a cynical mood i think it’s because to study english literature (i.e. for it to be institutionalised and taken seriously as an academic discipline, for us to ‘do’ it at all as anything other than recreation) it needs to have grounds for legitimacy, by which i mean that it needs to have scholarly method, quantifiable elements, be teachable, etc. unlike classics which arguably the institutional study of english (or substitute any vernacular) literature rose out of in european education, there’s no immediately obvious linguistic rigour (as in, fluency in another language or languages isn’t a primary focus of the discipline**), so we also need, if not english language as a module or core part of the course, which some courses do have, a focus on language and its constituent parts, or close-reading (the verb does this, the parallel structure does that, etc). but, less cynically, i think it also emerged because we felt there’s something to say about vernacular literature, and we wanted to try and do that. but the paradox is that whatever that is can’t really be said. hence the increasingly complicated 20th century stuff culminating in deconstruction, and now in the 21st century what is often a focus on manageable specifics - pathways through texts (like ‘wind in shakespeare’), spotlighting something in the historical moment and reading it in conjunction with the text (the laryngoscope really helps us read george eliot because...), etc.*** i should say that i do find this stuff really interesting, i just struggle to reconcile it with the feeling i get when i read and am spellbound by what i read, and what is so fundamental to reading for me - the ambiguity, the innumerable elements comprising the text that cannot be separated or delineated without the magic fading,**** the wholeness or completeness, the feeling of comprehending many if not all elements of the text at once.

i do think, as well, that reading and practicing critical writing has helped me to appreciate literature more. partly because it’s helped me realise what i don’t think literature is ‘about’, if there is such a thing, but also in terms of positive definition as well as negative, because rigour, deep thinking, attention to detail, extended and focused meditation on a single text/ idea/ theme/ topic/ word, etc are skills which are enriching. it’s a strange thing where i feel like i’m moving closer at the same time as i’m moving further away.

so basically, as the year’s progressed, i’ve been impetuously trying to fight criticism through the medium of criticism, which has its obvious ironies and shortcomings. i wrote an essay, for example, arguing that keats’ poetry is anti-taxonomical, and that criticism, conversely, is taxonomical - it’s from κρίνειν, to judge or decide, so to be a critic is to choose/ select/ interpret/ delineate - criticism of keats, then, is best when it’s as unlike criticism as possible (and so bad criticism), because otherwise it’s deliberately misunderstanding keats. i’m being as honest as i can be, and at times as embarrassing and embarrassed as i can be, and it’s working much better. but i think after all this that the best criticism, to be as generous to other critics as they really deserve (as i have not been all year, to my discredit), is passionate, and that critics show this in different ways.***** one way around my crisis is to take the view that literature reconciles work and play, and criticism does or at least should do the same, thus running parallel with the text instead of converging (because in ‘playing’ it will naturally be somewhat divergent). i buy this to a degree. and also some people do study literature on the grounds for which i’ve criticised criticism above (they love specifics, or creative pathways through texts, etc), and i don’t want to set myself against them at all; i’ve realised that i am also partly one of these people - some hugely inspiring tutors have shown me that it is amazing to study in this way, and i’ve seen from the work of tutors and fellow students that love can be suffused through criticism like this, that it can be genuinely moving and inspiring. i also get that this perhaps doesn’t feel like a binary split in other places or for other people as it does for me; i think creative writing for example is way bigger in america as a subject, so it might not feel like ‘enjoy literature and write literature recreationally’ and ‘do literature academically/ in an academic setting’ are diametrically opposed, or that you can do both but that they have to be separate, or that there’s a disconnect between the way you do one and the way you do the other. so now i’m trying to be as honest as i can be when it comes to criticism, and pushing forward whilst trying not to cover or lose sight of the little spark reading generates - i think that if your criticism bears this in mind, it might not be able to grasp the poetry like simply loving it does, but it can perhaps reach out and gingerly touch it. whether that makes it worth it is up to you.

i hope this answers your question - i realise this got long. what an interesting ask, thanks very much for sending it!! 🌹

* speaking of - i recommend this poem!!

** though some courses, like the oxford one, teach old english, which is arguably another language.

*** i appreciate that what rilke means by criticism is not necessarily identical to what i mean by criticism, which obviously developed a lot after rilke, but even so.

**** granted, in engineering a car is and should be taken apart so we can see how it works, but the end goal is still the working car!!

***** some would disagree, saying that we should be ‘objective’ and/ or shouldn’t be ‘on a poet’s side’ (i.e. trying to do them justice) and i struggle with them a lot more, but after a bit of grumbling they still have my firm respect.

#asks

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coffeesandfilm · 4 years

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See you at the Crossroads, Crossroads, Crossroads

DISCLAIMER: I know Crossroads (dir. Tamra Davis, 2002) is iconic and Britney is an icon, and while I can appreciate its place in pop culture, I thought it would be interesting to analyse, and also to see what is says about American attitudes in the early 2000s.

Now even though this is a fictional story with fictional characters, Lucy Wagner (played by Miss Spears) is clearly meant to represent Britney herself. First we have to look back to the hazy days of 2002, when Britney had sexed up her image with the release of her third album, Britney (2001), featuring classics such as, “I’m a Slave 4 U”, “Overprotected”, and “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman”. Despite its success, a lot of the public and media were unhappy with her pull from the ‘virginal, teen-idol’ image she originally embodied. She famously claimed at the start of her career that she wished to remain a virgin until marriage, and boy, was she ever allowed to forget it. Subsequently, she was constantly hounded by the press to see whether there was any update on this front, and if not it meant people could continue their creepy Lolita-esque fetishisation of her. I suppose this film was Britney’s way of breaking free, and telling the world that she was not that girl in the school uniform anymore, but becoming a young woman in her own right (hence the song title) without being too direct and completely alienating her audience.

To briefly summarise the plot, Lucy (Britney), Kit (Zoe Saldana) and Mimi (Taryn Manning), are three former best friends who now move around in completely different social circles, and are on the verge of graduating high school. As children they buried a chest which featured a treasured belonging from each of them, with the promise that they would meet up and re-claim these tokens after graduation. When the time comes, they begrudgingly agree to meet up once more and do what they promised, with the nostalgia fuelled by re-claiming these belongings inspiring Kit and Lucy to join Mimi (and some random guy) on a road trip to California. Mimi wanted to go to an audition in L.A, Kit wished to go to visit her fiancé, and Lucy wished to be dropped off in Arizona to meet her mother, who walked out on her family when she was young. The random guy who gives them a ride is Ben (Anson Mount), who later becomes a love interest to Lucy, and who she eventually loses her virginity to. As expected the girls have their ups and downs, but ultimately bond becoming closer than ever by the end of their trip, realising how important their friendship is. There are other themes and side storylines included, but more on that later.

You simply cannot watch Crossroads today without appreciating how of its time it is, the 2000s fashion trends, the clichéd high school dynamics, and of course, prime Britney. The three girls are American high school caricatures of sort, Kit is the bitchy but beautiful Queen Bee, Mimi is the edgy bad girl, who is also 5 months pregnant, and Lucy is the sweet, nerdy girl that most of the boys do not notice (yeah right Brit). Lucy’s father (played by Dan Aykroyd, which was a choice) is the stereotypical firm but loving single-dad who works a blue-collar job as a mechanic and has no time for 'anybody's nonsense’. I also enjoyed how Britney possessed the knowledge of a professional mechanic simply through her father being one, pretty standard teen movie logic of course. The girls jamming along to N*SYNC’s “Bye, Bye, Bye” in the car was pretty on the nose too, especially as Britney was still dating Justin Timberlake during this period, but ultimately this is what makes the movie so fun and nostalgic.

In spite of this, I cannot deny there were certain elements of the film that rubbed me the wrong way. Mimi reveals that she became pregnant through the result of rape by a man who took advantage of her when she was drunk, which in itself I believe was a very brave and progressive plot line to include in the film, and the scene itself was heartbreaking and very well done. What I thought was ridiculous was the fact that this was apparently the first and only time Mimi had been drunk, and of course she had to get punished for it, resulting in her rape and pregnancy, a questionable lesson to teach young girls I think. It is a not so subtle way of saying that, girls partying = bad, I am not denying that safety concerns surrounding partying exist, but there were other ways they could go about it. Of course the question of abortion never even arose within the film as that would be too controversial, the closest we got to her giving up her baby was adoption, and she did not even want to do that. The worrying fact is, is that Mimi being raped is less controversial and more digestible than the concept of abortion, which in my opinion, are some very backwards and conservative priorities to preach. Ultimately as the baby was a product of rape, and Mimi was a teenager, she was never going to be able to keep it in teen movie world, and I was waiting to see how she would lose it. Whilst fleeing a confrontation from her rapist (who turned out to be Kit’s fiancé in a shocking twist of events) she trips down a block of stairs, resulting in her admittance to hospital and miscarries. Whilst still under care, she confides to Lucy that she “decided to keep her” baby before the accident, solidifying the film’s pro-life stance and the idea that she was conforming to motherhood. Everything concerning Mimi’s situation is completely violent and horrific, and to be honest, pretty downright cruel to her character, but ultimately this was still seen as a more acceptable option to abortion. I think this period of time represented a more Conservative America, with post- 911 sentiment resulting in more traditional, Christian values being re-introduced. Even though this film may seem somewhat boundary pushing initially (when dealing with topics such as rape and sex), its whole direction and morals are drenched in Conservatism, which are quite prominent tropes in the American media.

If I had to do a rundown of the three most ridiculous parts of the movie it would be:

1. Ben having a mini fit because the girls kindly decide to drive his car when he falls asleep at the petrol station. He makes them pull over and starts shouting at some rocks, proclaiming how his car is “the only thing that hasn’t been taken over by chicks”, one of the most fragile things I have ever heard, and one of the most unwarranted reactions ever.

2. When Lucy’s father confronts her about running away from home, going on a road trip across the country with basically no communication, no money, and with a random stranger, all she has to do is say ‘sorry’ and he forgives her immediately, saying “you made a mistake, everyone makes mistakes, you’re forgiven”. Yes he literally says “you’re forgiven”, a shockingly quick resolution and not the greatest writing in the world.

3. The most cringe-inducing part of the film would be the climactic romance scene between Ben and Lucy. In a heartwarming moment Lucy reads Ben a very personal poem she wrote, which ends up being the lyrics to the song “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman” in spoken word form. It is pretty difficult to take seriously, but then again the whole film is difficult to watch if you take it too seriously.

On a more positive note, I thought Lucy losing her virginity was pretty tastefully done. I mean, it was a fairly standard teen movie scene, but I liked how it was not with some random guy who she had met 30 minutes earlier, or with some ex-boyfriend who she was secretly still harbouring feelings for. She lost it to some guy who she met on a road trip who she gradually developed a crush on, sure they were probably not going to get married and be together forever, but that is standard teenage life. I also appreciated how her deadbeat mum who ran out of the family when Lucy was young (played by Kim Cattrall), remained her deadbeat mum. There was no magical reunion, no moment of enlightenment, her mum was just weak and undeserving of Lucy’s love, which in itself is a difficult pill to swallow. In a way, I thought this was even more progressive than the inclusion of rape, teen media usually preaches Conservative values and the glorification of the nuclear family to its audience. Lucy attempted to reunite her nuclear family, but the film dismissed this notion, and she learnt that the family she already had: her, her father, and her friends, were just as much a family without a mother figure.

All in all, yeah the film is far from perfect, it was never going to be a an Oscar contender, though I doubt that it was ever its intention. Sometimes a silly fun movie is just a silly fun movie. Britney proves her star power once again, and I was very impressed by her acting, going so far to say that she was the best part of the film. I cannot deny that watching the film makes me feel a ping of sadness, especially as we know what happened to her a few years later, but this film helps keep her legacy alive, and as someone who grew up idolising her, seeing happy Britney will have a special place in my heart.

#britney spears #crossroads #zoe saldana #taryn manning #kim cattrall #dan aykroyd #anson mount #crossroads 2002 #i'm not a girl not yet a woman #overprotected #britney #tamra davis #i'm a slave 4 u

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screamingtofu · 7 years

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guess what buddy??? do all of them. from the one you reblogged from me

I should’veexpected that, but I’m a weenie. I’d already answered a couple of them but Ican’t think of a better use of my afternoon at work so let’s do this thing.

1.Do youwant a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I dunno, I’mstill getting used to the whole being asexual thing and am just not a fan oftouching in general. I would love the shit out of new friends though. Neverturn down the opportunity to make friends.

2.When didyour last hug take place?

Maybe amonth or two ago, housemate was going through a tough time with his most recentex and I think it was just like a floodgate had broken in him and it physicallyhurt me to not comfort him and I knew there wasn’t anything I could say to makehim feel better … So I hugged the shit out of him.

3.Are you ajealous person?

A coupleyears ago, yeah I was pretty bad. Then I started figuring shit out about myselfand I’m a lot more chill now.

4.Are youtired right now?

Combinationof poor sleeping habits and a near constant level of stress has left me lookinglike I have two black eyes. We had some corporate pictures taken last year andI looked fucking alien after they’d photoshopped them out.

6.Have youever been called a tease?

I don’tthink so, at least not in the way I think this question is supposed to betaken.

7.Have youever been awake for 48 hours straight?

I have. A coupleof years ago I wrecked my back and ended up not being able to move for maybe aweek or two without excruciating pain and because I tend to wriggle around inmy sleep you can bet your arse that didn’t happen. I ended up watching a lot ofvery bad movies on Netflix and shaving my head due to delirium.

8.Do you cryeasily?

No. I am anemotional fortress except when it’s someone elses pain. Then I’ll cry myfucking eyes out.

9.Whatshould you be doing right now?

I’mliterally at work, surrounded by developers and one very annoying sales personfrom interstate. There are so many things I should be doing right not. But I’malso here for 2 hours after everyone leaves so I get a chance to rocket througheverything without distraction.

10.Are you aheavy sleeper?

If I amtired enough, satan himself cannot awaken me.

11.Do youthink you can last in a relationship for 6 months?

I amentirely unsure. It would depend on what the other person wanted out of therelationship. If it was a completely non sexual relationship than hell yeah. Superfriendship, technically I’ve been doing that for the past 5 years since I movedto Melbourne.

12.Are youmad at someone right now?

Nah, I neverreally get mad at people. I got better things to waste my very tiny well ofemotions on.

13.Do youbelieve in love?

Hell yeah.Love is super rad and I’m glad I’m finally getting to express that for people.

15.Who wasthe last person you talked to?

IT Managerat work. We’re trying to figure out why the mail server is not sendingautomated emails anymore. Also he’s bugging me to bring some of my xbone gamesin for the console they’re hooking up in the office.

16.Do youget butterflies around the person you like?

No? But thenI’ve never really experienced the whole thing where you see someone and feelnervous. Either I’m hanging out with people I’m already comfortable with or I’mmeeting new possible friends. There is no in between.

17.Will youget married?

Unless itwas for some kind of tax benefit … eh probably not.

19.Doesanyone like you?

I have noidea. Sometimes when I go out with friends, they’ll say something afterwardsabout how so and so was trying to flirt with me and I have to really thinkbecause fuck I thought they just really wanted some nachos or something.

20.Do yousecretly like someone?

Not in theway this question is thinking.

21.Who wasthe first person you talked to today?

My Manager,big bearded Englishman named Rob who likes to shitstir almost as much as I do.He’d called me over to try and look into why something was duplicating and alsoto confirm if we could charge a client $10,000 for something.

22.Who doyou feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Housemate,but I’m always open for conversation.

23.What areyou NOT looking forward to?

Trying toget in shape so I don’t die in the next 5 years.

24.What AREyou looking forward to?

Getting asweet robot body because I lived that far. Also when people start talking aboutsomething they’re really passionate about, I live for those moments.

25.Hassomeone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?

Probably?All my partners were great people and there was always a connection there. So I’dassume it was genuine.

26.Supposeyou see your ex kissing another person what would you do?

Think “goodfor you” and then keep going unless they wanted to catch up.

27.Do youplan on moving out within the next year?

Nah, myhouse is awesome. Needs some repairs, but it’s great.

28.Are you aforgiving person?

I try to be.I used to be really angry and confused about a lot of stuff, but as I’ve gottenolder I’ve realised that holding onto grudges is just draining and you getnothing out of it.

29.How manyTRUE friends do you have?

How the crapdo I qualify a true friend? Like, do I know they physically exist and have seenthem with my own eyes? I dunno 10?

30.Do youfall for people easily?

I genuinelyhave no idea how to answer this.

31.Have youever fallen for your ex’s best friend?

Here’s apoem I wrote after people were getting defensive because I didn’t want to fuckany of the characters from Mass Effect.

I will notfuck them out in space, I will not fuck them based on race.

I will notfuck them here or there, I will not fuck them anywhere.

I will notfuck them in a bed, I will not fuck them like I said.

It’s nothingpersonal for you see, my dude = asexuality

32.What’sthe last thing you put in your mouth?

Waterbottle, gotta love me some o that delicious h20

33.Who wasthe last person you drove with?

Last personI was in a car with was an Uber driver. I was her 4th ever pick up.She was cool, we basically talked about Orange is the New black the whole wayhome and other stuff to watch on Netflix.

34.How latedid you stay up last night and why?

Like 1AM.Was chatting with a friend about the latest episode of critical role they’dfinished and they were feeling things.

35.If youcould move somewhere else, would you?

Nah, I’mgood where I am.

36.Who wasthe last person you took a picture of?

Besides thestupid selfies I occasionally take, I think it was a cricket player on abillboard who I thought looked like someone made a wax version of Ryan Reynoldsand left him out in the sun

37.Can youlive a day without TV?

Yeah sure,that’s one of the reasons I took up knitting.

38.When wasthe last time you were extremely disappointed?

Mid Novemberlast year, Paul Dini, the dude who helped create the animated batman series wasgiving a talk in the city and I completely spaced on getting a ticket. Would’vebeen great to meet him and hear him talk about writing.

41.What isyour all-time favorite romance movie?

I dunno.Maybe Porco Rosso. Helps you learn that sometimes you just need to say nobecause people are shit.

42.Do youbelieve that everyone has a soul-mate?

Yeah, Iguess. I think there’s someone out there who you just click with. Sometimes there’smore than one, you just need to keep looking.

43.What’syour current problem?

The clutchon my bike will occasionally not come in all the way when I’m trying to go fromfirst to second and gets stuck in neutral so I need to completely let it go andthen reengage. Drives me nuts.

44.Have youever had your heart broken?

Nah, I’m toomuch of a weenie and try to reconcile all my relationships.

45.Yourthoughts of long distance relationships?

I think they’relessened with the internet and social media because you can still talk soeasily and while I don’t have the whole “I miss being physically around you”thing I can understand it would be hard to continue with the shade of someonethat comes from a long distance relationship because there’s so much you wouldmiss.

46.How manykids do you want to have?

Not a fan ofthe whole baby making thing, wouldn’t mind adopting 1 or 2 if I ever had thechance though.

47.Have youever found it hard to tell someone you like them?

Nah, Ialways went for friend level first and then because of things I never reallyunderstood at the time just ended up going on dates that I thought were justlike friends hanging out and then things happen and I end up going out on moredates and then things happen. *shrugs*

#hot dang that's a lot of questions #deltaursae #I haven't done anything in like an hour and it makes no difference because nothing is coming in

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