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#bard is dad of the year
mrcreative8899 · 1 year
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Kira: Hey, Xenk, what’s up?
Xenk: Food prices.
Kira: No, I mean what are you doing?
Xenk: Your dad.
Kira: I want to move out.
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impossible-rat-babies · 3 months
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did I post him? I don’t know. anyway it’s eyrie’s dad, Azmi
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plague-of-insomnia · 10 months
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The fact that antis now want Seb to be Bard’s dad too…. I just….
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collegeoflore · 4 months
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realizing for timeline reasons it’s entirely possible though not extremely likely that wyll would actually recognize xarrai lol
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becaexists · 1 year
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My DM refuses tell me anything about my character's future love interest other than he exists so I've been making passive comments like "oh wow this animatic of Caleb from Critical Role looks just like the type of guy Apate [my character] is into wow isn't that cool" and "wow aren't Arwen and Aragorn so cute in this edit I'd love to play out a dynamic like that" and she can't do shit about it because oh no I can't know anything about him!
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seaseren · 1 year
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I am still heavily debating the hair, but I think I'm gonna go with Liamaine Leveilleur. About five years younger than her elder brother, she grew up in his distinguished shadow- and very early on she realized she could not measure up. Not interested in games she cannot win, she decided that if she couldn't be the smartest Leveilleur, or the most diplomatic Leveilleur, or the most principled Leveilleur, then by the twelve she will be the messiest Leveilleur.
...Jury is still out on whether she even accomplished that.
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planet-poptropica · 1 year
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how old is Bard, Director, and Merlin?
⋆ Hm... I don't have exact ages for them, but I can give you an age rage. ⋆
⋆ I see Mordred in his mid 30's, Director in his early 30's, and Merlin technically doesn't have an age because he's an AI, but he's built to resemble a teenager. ⋆
⋆ Thank you for the ask! ⋆
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Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 4
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Propaganda
Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):
#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show
We didn’t do hot Glenn summer for him to LOSE. Spoilers for his story but MORE PROPAGANDA FOR YOU:
Young hot rocker dilf
Loyal to his dead wife <3
Does in fact smoke weed
BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)
His band was a Christmas cover band btw.
Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy
Anti government (ofc)
Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)
Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??
Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch
One incredibly buff arm
Has a pet rat named after his son <3
Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged
OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE
HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON
A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)
HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS
IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED
Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence
Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!
I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.
Listen, I don't know this other character but I've seem some good arguments for her However Consider Glenn Close winning through no effort of his own in a bullshit way despite being a dick is the most in character thing ever. He leveled up three times and got a crab mech, we GOT to give him this win, it's fitting
I don’t regulate if minors follow me or not bc I’m a pretty chill space but I hope the world is aware that’s the only reason I haven’t been downright nasty about Glenn close. I’m down bad. I’m NOT in the boat of ‘Glenn isn’t sexy but I want him to win bc it’s my fandom’. I would estimate I have 200+ drawings of Glenn on my phone that AREN’T safe for work. Way more that are. Where did they come from? That’s MY business. But I tell you this fact to assure you- Glenn IS sexy. I’m not voting to represent my fandom I’m voting out of TRUTH AND LOVE. IF YOU DON’T GET IT YOU DON’T GET IT!!! I just think my level of feral over this man is more powerful than y’all realize. If you don’t get his sex appeal that’s okay, but don’t doubt that this is my truth.
Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so
HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. Do you think pickman needs this to feel good about herself? Can she not accept a loss for the sake of a pathetic father? Can she shake hands with the minivan fucker and his human gun and just take the L on this one? He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.
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Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.
Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.
Lup (The Adventure Zone: Balance):
Is somehow the hot twin between her and Taako
Lup Bluejeans (née... Taaco? Tacco? Taco? Tako? who tf knows this is why I'm going with her husband's last name. doylistly she gets her last name from her brother whose last name is given as "Taako again but spelled differently"): Hot, funny, smart and undead. Is there anything else you could want in a woman?? Well, in case there is: she's also canonically trans
LUP IS THE HOTTEST. VOTE LUP.
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deconstructthesoup · 4 months
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Okay, now that all of the Bad Kids have their new art out... I can finally freak out/gush over/analyze it, because I didn't have the energy to do posts for every single one.
GUYS
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Fig!!! My girl!!! The mismatched shoelaces! The bass guitar from Gorthalax! The phoenix feather earring for Ayda! The fishnet! The classic leather jacket/gray band shirt/red pleated skirt combo! The fingerless gloves! THE CHAIN WALLET!
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KRISTEN IS BUTCH. Let me repeat that---KRISTEN! IS! BUTCH! And she's wearing the yellow jumpsuit that we saw in her figurine but she still has the purple in her backpack and her staff and her TIE-DIE SPORTS BRA! And she's got a new hairstyle! And a rainbow bracelet AND a lesbian bracelet! THE TEDDY BEAR! THE ICE CREAM SANDWICHES!
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RIZ HAS AN UNDERCUT AND GLASSES AND HE KEPT HIS TATTOOS!!!! We've got the briefcase! We've got the angelic weapons! We've got the sword of shadows! We've got GADGETS! WE EVEN HAVE ARO/ACE RINGS! He looks so cool and nifty and crafty and BADASS! My boy has grown!
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Gorgug. Oh my god, I can FEEL the "going into a worry" energy radiating from this. But he's got the axe! He's got artificer goggles and tools and a rucksack! He's FINALLY got the emo ripped jeans that he always deserved! He looks so sweet and huggable and perfect! AND HE HAS THE BIG HEADPHONES STILL!
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ADAINE. My god. I love this girl so much and her art is perfect. She has patches on her jacket! We can see the cool design on her shirt! She's got high-fantasy boots and belts and she's got her new arcane sword! BOGGY IS THERE! And she looks so lovely and cool and her hair, oh my god, her hair is perfect! I'm so proud of her!
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And lastly, the man, the myth, the LEGEND. Fabian looks perfect. Everything from the sword to the sheet to the expression to the tap shoes is spot-on. And his outfit? He's got harem pants! He's got a stylish shirt! He's got wraps around his hands! He's doing a dance move! Man-bun Fabian is now officially canon!
(Also, I'm never gonna shut up about how the Bad Kids are now all spellcasters, and almost all of them are different than how they were in freshman year because that's how growing up works! Fig's ditched College of Whispers as she learns to be truer to herself and has claimed the coolness of College of Lore, and she's got some warlock action to be closer to her dad! Kristen's a Twilight Domain cleric instead of the Life Domain, and I remember being so excited when that became official because that domain is so freaking cool! Riz is an Arcane Trickster, just! Like! Penny! Gorgug's an artificer as well as a barbarian, which is one of my favorite classes, and it looks like he's leaning even further into it! And we can't forget Fabian double-classing as a College of Swords bard! It's so beautiful! It's amazing! Maybe we'll get Adaine doing a martial multiclass to round out the "we're doing different things!" ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE!)
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tedlovesmusicals · 6 months
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Some nerdy prudes headcanons in no particular order:
• Steph is a gamer girl. Her dad bought her the full gamer girl set up with the pink cat ear chair and see-through computer tower for her to just play the sims and stardew valley. Richie and Ruth get her into fortnight.
• Pete gets motion sickness so he reads a book while listening to his girlfriend cuss out 12 year olds.
• Richie made them all a discord server because it's "way cooler and more efficient than snapchat."
• Grace constantly sends Jesus themed gifs into the chat as reactions. Think of the stuff your grandma sends you when she discovered how to use the keyboard on her phone. Exactly. A lot of glittery easter crucifixes.
• Steph convinces Ruth to audition for the next school musical. Ruth gets her first ever lead role. Steph agrees to be in the chorus with Pete to support her.
• Grace forms an Abstinence Club so she can lure more dirty dudes and eat their souls or whatever.
• Pete gets them to play dungeons and dragons with him once. He was the dm. Richie was a dark elf rogue with a complicated backstory. Ruth was a bard that tried to seduce everything that moved. Steph got frustrated with the rules immediately and eventually just had Pete make a character for her. Grace played a real human priest that shamed the entire group for playing the devil's game before storming out after only being there for five minutes.
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elythegardeningbard · 3 months
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The Asskier Chair
For those who don't know me well here, I moved in last year in my new home with my two children. I had been living with my parents since the beginning of the divorce proceedings so of course, when I moved in, I had basically nothing.
My parents offered to look around a few places, thrift stores and such, to help me fill up the place and this is the phone call I received from my mother (translated from French):
Mom :"I found you a chair"
"Okay"
Mom : "It's 80$. But you need it"
"I don't see how I would need an $ 80 chair..."
Mom: "You don't understand. There's a bard on it"
"A bard..? On the chair"
Mom: "Well exactly, on it yes. Actually... You sit on his face"
"..." Confused
So she sends me the following pictures
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And of course I bought the Chair and of course, Twitter decided via poll that it would be names Asskier
Apparently, my dad was not impressed and he told my mom I wouldn't want it because we sat on his face.
Mom "Pretty sure it's the main reason Elias will want it. It's pretty gay"
Here's a more current picture of Asskier, living its best chair life in my living room
Near My lute and the Fireplace
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ghouljams · 10 months
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So glad I’m finally getting notifications!! I go through your blog like it’s the morning paper 💕
Happy belated 4th of July!!🦅 It’s the only day out of the year I’m patriotic lol. May I ask how crazy our cowboys got for the holiday??
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It is a recent but honored Price family tradition that Soap and Goose almost burn down the barn every fourth. This is Ghost's first year seeing it actually happen.
"I assume you're both tired of having 10 fingers," Simon tells you nice and even, watching you and Soap tie cakes and mortars together.
"Haven't lost one yet," Soap responds at the same time you remind Simon,
"We've got a bucket of water nearby."
"Look we're at least a hundred extra feet from the barn this year, I've got a nice long fuse, nobody is losing any fingers." Soap nods, you nod.
"If you set the barn on fire again you're going on probation." Price gripes sitting back in his lawn chair. You give an affronted gasp and he nods solemnly, "both of you, shit mucking for the next month."
"I am your pride and joy!" You tell him.
"You're a fire hazard," you dad tells you, smoking a cigar on the edge of your safety perimeter. You don't think he fails to see the irony in that statement, but you do think he chooses to ignore it.
"I think it's a deserved punishment," Simon nods, Soap at least has the decency to glare at him for agreeing.
"We're not gonna catch the bard on fire, we've got plennae of room." Soap twists the last of the fuses together and inspects his work. "Somebody get Gaz out of the house, he's going to miss the show."
"Think that's the point," Simon mumbles as you go to drag your last guest off the porch.
"You're both insane," Gaz gripes, putting up more of a fight than you'd thought.
"Quit being a baby, nobody's ever been exploded before." You tell him, enjoying the noise Gaz makes at your joke.
"Ha ha, you're so funny," Gaz drags his feet as you tug him closer to the lawn chairs, "people die Goose, people die every year because of shit like that," he points at your explosive pyre.
"And yet you always have fun when we do this," you roll your eyes, pushing him down into the seat you'd put out for him.
"I really do," he settles into the lawn chair and takes the offered beer from your dad. You're pretty sure Gaz only puts up a fight to pretend so he can pretend he wasn't a cheering party when something unintended catches on fire.
"Alright everyone back up, I'm lighting this beauty." Soap announces, you grab Simon's hand and drag him back to the lawn chairs, sitting him down next to Gaz. His hands grab for your hips to pull you into his lap.
"Watch those hands Lieutenant," your dad barks. Simon's hands fly away from you, raised by his head like Daddy might point a gun at him to enforce the rule.
"I gotta be on stand by with the water anyway," you whisper to Simon, "but maybe I'll knock later?" He smiles behind his mask, eyes narrowing just enough to tell you what you already knew as he takes your hand in his.
"Doors always open." There's unspoken "for you" that settles between you two. Simon presses your knuckles against his mask, gentle and affectionate. He doesn't let anyone else into his private space as readily as he does you. Even Soap still knocks.
Speaking of Soap. The man of the hour strikes a hot match and lights the first fuse, jogging over to safety with the rest of you. He gives you a thumbs up.
The first mortar ignights and shoots a stream of blue into the sky. The loud bang-pop of the explosion echoing in your ribs. The flower of sparks fizzles and another shoots up behind it. Then a cake goes off and sparks fly like feathers shoot a high train that almost instantly ignights the next mortar to send more pops into the sky. Another jet of purple sparks from the cake sets off a Roman candle. The 'tump' of it shooting flares up is offset by the crackling of another fuse burning and-
"That's not supposed to happen," Soap mumbles, watching two more mortars and another Roman candle light.
The five of you watch solemnly as a flare from the Roman candle soars over your heads and onto the roof of the barn. Simon drops your hand as you watch the sparks try to catch on the tar, short bursts of flame lighting up the roof. Your dad sighs and dials the fire department as Gaz runs for the hose.
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She’s 16 years old. She’s an archdevil. She’s a wizards paramour. She accidentally made a god choke on shrimp. She’s a teenage rockstar. She has only attended one bard class in 3 years of high school. She’s multiclassing 4 different classes. She almost flunked out of school. She’s trying to be more open. She wrote a note to her friend and pretended it was from their other friend. She’s wanted by the government. She’s saved the world 3 times in less than three years. She got knocked out almost immediately in her first fight. She’s one of two people in her party who haven’t died yet. She’s dating her principals daughter. The first time they kissed she tried to immediately skateboard away. She unknowingly hit on a dragon. She has three dads. She got all of them jobs at her school. She flirted with her girlfriend over her friends dead body while covered in blood. She once ripped out one of her piercings to give to her girlfriend. Shes amazing and I love her.
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mooreaux · 3 months
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If you don’t mind my asking, what happened to Deidre to turn her hair white?
Deirdre was born in a happy, small family of traveling gnomish bards. They travelled in the underdark and the above ground. Her mom sang and played the lute while her dad was on the drum and her older sister played the flute. Deirdre took after her mum and wanted to sing. So she sang a lot as she grew up. All the time, everywhere she went. And unfortunately one day she was overheard by the wrong set of drow. They kidnapped her as a passing piece of entertainment to gift to a noble family in Menzoberranzan. She was then changed by one of the family mages to match the hair and eye coloring of the noble family member she was gifted to (think like the pearls in Steven universe being customized to fit their masters). She was placed in a cage that had a sustenance charm on it so she didn’t need to eat or drink or sleep, and simply made to sing for days and weeks and months on end.
She quickly went from an idyllic childhood like this
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To this
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Up until one day she was overheard by an archfey who was… snooping around the house for unsavory reasons. He saved her and brought her back to the feywild, and after a few hundred years to recover her sanity, she eventually became his warlock in a pact! And rediscovered her love of music 🥹
Thank you for the ask! I love my lil gnome SO much! I will never shut up about her if yall don’t make me
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dabblingreturns · 11 days
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Based on this post by @derinthescarletpescatarian I have compiled a 1 to 10 score of how anoying I think the bad kids could be in school.
Adaine Abernant: pros: Quiet, hardworking, keeps her messy personal life mostly off school grounds. Has a very cute orb based farmiliar that she will.let others hold when having panic attacks. Neutral: has a posh accent. Older sister is bitch. Relitive disinterest in social scene. Cons: wore another school's uniform on the first day of school. Also came with a 2 ft diameter focus. Killed the lunch lady with a laddle on the first day of school so is probably violent. Family was rich. Not clear if she is rich....but if you hate rich people she seams like fair game. If you get in her face and anoy her she will tell you exactly what she thinks which can be mean. Also she's the elven oracle. But that seams to be anoying her more than anyone else. Since most of her anoying traits seamnto be anoying her rather more than anyone else ingive her a 4/10 +/- 2 for anoying.
Kristen applebees. Pros: no longer trying to convert people to her God. A boon for people watchers everywhere. Easy to avoide. Fun to watch. Not intentionally crule. Cons: messy personal life. Messy liturgical life. Awkward. Makes inappropriate jokes. 5/10+/- .5
Fig Faeth pros: Easy to avoid. (Just go to bard class) pretty cool about being famous. Seams Generally nice. Con: turns into other people to probe for information. So you think your talking to your best friend but its actually fig. Smells like clove cigarettes so bad for people with sensitive noses. Loud music may also disterb other students with sensitive ears. Generally seams to be fucking around at school while still multiple teachers favorite. 5/10 +/-4.5 if she's directly harmed you you probably hate her....but otherwise she's great.
Riz Gukgak. Pros: quiet, hardworking, relitivly reserved. Cons: awkward, high-strung, questionable fashion choices. Tried to eat the corpse of vice principal Goldenhorde. Moms a cop. 3/10 +/-1
Fabian Aramais Seacaster. Pros: generous and welcoming host. Opened his home up as a study/hang out space for everyone even freshmen. Fun to watch. Cons: rich trustfund baby who's dad's pirating may have lead o the financial ruin of your loved ones. Swings wildly between toxic masculinity as a highschool jock and the most flamboyant dude you ever met. Once shit himself in class. Drive a presumably loud motorcycle.If you have issues with money, privilege, and showboating this dude will push all your buttons. 7/10 +/-3
Gorgug Thistlespring. Pros. Soft-spoken, sweet, donated all his money to a forest reclamation project. Had a long term girlfriend and cause no drama when they broke up. Cons: awkward. Spent freshman year asking everyone if they were his dad. Keeps butting heads with barbarian teacher which is painfully to watch. Also plays really loud music on headphones. And once turned the artifice class into a jam session so loud that other teachers had to get involved. Also has a shitty bird construct name cloaca. Really unclear weather this kid us a genius, and idiot, or both. Going though his mean girl phase.....but still pretty nice. Also his parents may have sold your parents a sex lawn mower. 4/10 +/-2
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spielzeugkaiser · 2 years
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there are currently two wolves inside me, one that wants geralt to meet omega!jaskier's and his child while the kid is still young so they'll have both their parents (plus 1 mom if yennefer doesn't resent jaskier) as they grow and another who wants to stick to the show's canon of geralt and jaskier not seeing eachother for 22 years and then one day geralt finds this person with a scary ressemblance to him who says they need help rescuing their dad, a bard who doesn't know when to shut up (besides would be kinda funny to see geralt's reaction to jaskier being basically a dilf lol)
[First Part]
Oh my God in my mind it was the baby version but this also has me at the throat.
There would be a few things at play here like
1. I imagined the baby did not inherit mutant traits (besides some gold specs in his eyes, like, Jaskier had confirmation and once you know it's obvious) and you could hold Geralt at gunpoint he does NOT know how he looked as child anymore. It's absolutely not obvious to him, especially since it's impossible in his head. Only Vesemir would probably go 'oh' at the resemblance because the kid looks exactly like the little one he picked up on the side of a road, over a century ago.
2. Jaskier didn't say something for the last 13/14/15 years of his life, the kid will not go and tell Geralt when his Papa went out of his way to keep this knowledge secret.
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In my mind this has the perfect road trip vibes. And timelines are messy - like Jaskier went down the mountain pregnant it's not 22 years later but who knows what happened inbetween - but Geralt definitely already had all the teenage angst experience with Ciri. He's already a dad!
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