probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
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𝗘𝗮𝘀𝘆 𝗠𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗲'𝘀 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱
Spoil yourself with a decadently delicious treat with this Easy Millionaire's Shortbread recipe. With buttery layers of crumbly shortbread, sticky caramel made with creamy Carnation Condensed Milk and rich dark and white chocolate, these little squares really hit the jackpot!
𝙄𝙣𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨
• 250g Shortbread biscuits, crushed
• 55g Butter, melted
• 150g Dark brown soft sugar
• 150g Butter
• 397g Carnation Condensed Milk
• 200g Dark chocolate
• 55g White chocolate
You will also require -
20cm brownie tin, lined with baking parchment with extra paper overhanging the edges
𝙈𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙙
1) Put the crushed biscuits into a bowl with the melted butter. Mix it together thoroughly, then press the mixture into the base of your tin. Chill for ten minutes.
2) Gently heat the sugar and remaining butter in a heavy based, non-stick pan, stirring until melted.
3) Add the condensed milk and bring to a rapid boil, stirring continuously. Cook for around a minute or until the filling has thickened.
4) Pour the caramel over the base, then allow to cool. Once cooled, chill in the fridge or freeze until set.
5) Melt the chocolate in separate bowls. Pour the dark chocolate over the caramel and then add spoonfuls of the melted white chocolate. Swirl together with a spoon for a marbled effect that'll ensure your millionaire's shortbread recipe looks as good as it tastes.
6) Place back into the fridge to chill until set. Once set, remove from the tin, dip a sharp knife into hot water (this will make it much easier to cut) and then dry it briefly before using it to cut the shortbread into squares.
7) These scrumptious squares are great to share with friends but if you do have any left over you can keep them for up to two weeks. Simply put in an airtight container and pop it in the fridge. Enjoy!
Notes:
If you're in a hurry, you can also put the tin in the freezer to chill and set each layer. Another suggestion - using extra baking parchment to hang over the edges of the tin as you'll be able to lift your finished millionaire's shortbread out with more ease
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Yes, yes, Sanji letting Zoro help in the kitchen by letting him chop vegetables because he's good with pointy objects.
BUT. Have you considered?
They live in a world without most electrical appliances. A FUCKTON of physical labor goes into baking (and keep in mind how often Sanji bakes treats for the girls).
Sanji being tired (physically) and not feeling like taking 10 min to whip whipped cream. Being tired (mentally) of Zoro making fun of him for never working out. Sanji saying "fuck it" and just starts putting him to work.
The foccacia dough needs to be kneaded? "Have fun working a sticky mess for 20 minutes, asshole"
Need meringue? "No, STIFF peaks marimo. Don't tell me you're wimping out already"
"Are you even TRYING to flatten that steak Marimo?"
"Yes, it needs whipped cream. YES, I know you just made some yesterday. We need more"
Zoro's shoulders are burning but he's trying SO HARD not to lose face with the cook and meanwhile Sanji is silently losing it at Zoro's shock that cooking can in fact be a workout
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as we enter the start of a semester and the dreaded Hour of Making Friends us upon us... if ur ever at a loss for what to say in one of those weird social situations where you only vaguely-know people, one of my favorite questions to ask is "what is your favorite food crime." a food crime is like the food combination that you love that other people find revolting. press them to take it further than pineapple on pizza, that's rote. food crimes is a good topic that has many benefits as it turns out all people are degenerates and also it will give you some cool ideas to try out later in the privacy of your own degenerate kitchen
the other good thing to ask is "okay but has anyone here ever been someplace haunted" bc it turns out if you ask most people directly they don't believe in ghosts, but many people are like "oh yeah i lived in a haunted house. ghosts aren't real tho"
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