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ahnsael · 4 years

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Boy, was this a night at work.

Background: A little over a week ago, I expressed concern to my boss about a frequent guest. He tends to just “hang out,” moving from machine to machine every so often, but not actually playing them. He carries a voucher so it LOOKS like he’s going to play, sometimes even puts it in the machine, only to cash out that same money 15 minutes later without playing. Meanwhile, he’s just texting people.

Basically, my thought was that he’s moving from time to time to walk around the casino and look for credits that were left on machines (a lot of people will walk away from 15-20¢ if it’s not enough for another bet on that machine).

Then, a week ago today, one of our off-duty employees was playing a machine. They got up to get a soda from our beverage bar, and when they came back they saw this guest cashing out their money (around $17), and then the guest booked it.

So we, of course, made the decision to 86 him for 72 hours the next time we saw him (any longer than that can only be done by the owner of the casino).

On the 20th, he came in during the afternoon and was served a 72-hour notice of trespass, and told that if he came into the casino during that time, he would be arrested and charged with trespassing.

Guess who came in at 12:30 this morning, about 35 hours into the 72-hour ban?

The rest of the details below the cut so I don’t take up your whole dashboard.

You guessed it, the thief. He said hello to me by name, so I said hello back to him by name, then headed to the office to call the Sheriff’s Office.

The dispatcher told me they had just been on another call about the same guy -- he’s been permanently 86′d from another nearby casino, and had been in there, so their security called the Sheriff’s Office to have deputies remove him -- but they didn’t have him arrested.

When the deputies arrived, they were NOT happy with me. They thought that we were part of the same company and that I was calling for the same reason -- in their words, to use Sheriff’s Deputies as my own private security to remove a problem from the building for me.

I explained that we were different companies, and that I was actually requesting the person’s arrest. The cops were a little nicer to me after that. I explained the situation from the company’s point of view (”He was 86′d for 72 hours at 1:17pm on January 20th, it’s now 12:30am on the 22nd, meaning he’s violating his trespass notice”). Then we started to walk towards the guest (I had met the deputies at a place in the casino where the guest couldn’t see them, but I could see him to see if he got up). I stepped aside to let the deputies approach first, and the Sergeant (as one of the other deputies called him -- I don’t know stripes on uniforms) said, “No, you first. You’re the one placing him under arrest.

I didn’t know that.

Turns out this was a citizen’s arrest with backup (or, as one of the forms I had to fill out referred to it, a “private party arrest”).

The deputies placed the no-longer-guest in handcuffs and asked me to go with them outside to fill out paperwork. The whole time, the guy is begging me not to have him arrested, but...our workplace policy is VERY clear on this (well, it refers to permanently 86′d guests and says nothing about what to do if a temporarily 86′d guest comes back so I followed the same policy as a permanent 86 since his temporary 86 was still active). And while I was a bit shaky (the cops telling me that I was arresting him threw me off my game), I explained that he knew exactly why he had been 86′d in the first place, and that he hadn’t even stayed away for half the time, so I had to do it. Then he appealed to the deputies, saying “I just got out of prison two months ago” (he is -- or at least was -- a drug dealer, which is why it bothered me so much to see him texting people all night and coming and going from the casino all the time).

If I would have known it was going to be about 20 minutes outside with the deputies while they frisked the guy (pretty thoroughly, too), logged and bagged his possessions, and put him in the back of the police truck, I would have grabbed a jacket.

Then came the paperwork. Thankfully, we got to go back inside to do that while one of the three deputies transported the thief to jail. Because when a deputy started putting paperwork on the bed of his truck, I reached in my pocket for my pen, and the K-9 in the truck must be trained to alert for that, because it started barking at me. I kept the pen in my hand, but kept my hands away from my pockets after that, and the dog calmed down.

Y’all, I was so shaky that I was having trouble with writing out my statement. My handwriting was terrible, but the deputy was able to read it. I had to fill out one form officially stating that I had placed the individual under arrest, and then I had to fill out a statement explaining why.

So I (more verbosely than I will do here) explained, on the form, the theft on January 15th, the Notice of Trespass being delivered to him on the afternoon of the 20th (I gave the deputies a copy of it with the date and time listed, as well as the duration), and that on the morning of the 22nd the guy re-entered the casino against our wishes.

I wanted copies of everything I had filled out in case the company wanted them, but I messed up. I got a copy of the 86 form for myself, I got a copy of the “I am placing this person under arrest” form, but...I didn’t realize until later that, with my mind going a mile a minute, I put my written statement into the copier’s document feeder upside down -- and didn’t realize until about an hour later that I copied the blank side of it. So I don’t have a copy of that.

Then I looked through the shift reports for the 15th (when the theft took place) and the 20th (when the guest was officially 86′d), and to my dismay, I saw no incident reports regarding any of it. I had written mine this morning, because it’s not like I just CAN’T TELL THE OWNER OF THE CASINO THAT I ARRESTED SOMEONE THIS MORNING IN MY ROLE AS MANAGER. My boss likes me to NOT send incident reports if the owner “really doesn’t need to know,” but...I ARRESTED SOMEONE AS AN AGENT OF THE COMPANY, so the owner kind of NEEDS to know this.

So I was stressed. What if there was no report filed about the original theft, because the boss decided the owner “didn’t NEED to know?” What if the owner had no idea about any of this, and the first thing he hears is from me, having arrested someone he had no idea was even an issue? I was expecting some difficult email exchanges during which I would definitely be able to explain myself, but worried that I may be throwing other managers under the bus for not filing reports when I sent mine.

Fortunately, the day shift manager who relieved me today was on duty when the original theft happened, and assured me that he DID INDEED file a full report on the situation, including the fact that the guest would be 86′d the next time we saw him.

That set my mind WAY at ease.

And while I was writing this, I heard back from the owner, with a message essentially saying, “Hey, good job on handling this situation.” So he DID know about it, and he was happy with me taking care of business to get this guy out of our casino.

The one thing: the cops told the guy that he’s “never” allowed back in our casino. That’s...not technically true. As of January 23rd (tomorrow) at 1:18pm, he is allowed to be there. But I wasn’t ABOUT to tell him or the cops that. If he’s under the impression that he’s permanently 86′d and knows that we’ll arrest him (or at least that I’LL arrest him) if that’s the case, he can stay out as far as I’m concerned.

But, considering the fact that he had just been in another casino that had already permanently 86′d him, he may be back.

But I did send the owner an email back thanking him for his praise, and also corrected an address thing on the thief’s part (he lives on a Lane, not an Avenue as I originally stated). I pointed it out because I’ve never sent someone to jail for violating a trespass notice before, and MAYBE this is the one thing that would get him permanently 86′d. And if that DOES happen, we would send the official permanent trespass notice via registered mail, so I want to make sure the owner (who would be the one signing the letter) has the correct address. The Post Office is picky around here.

#work things

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dear-tristan-and-veronica · 4 years

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Nanowrimo 2019

Dear Tristan and Veronica,

I have decided to make this journey part of my Nanowrimo writing project for 2019. Because of the crisis that is now my life, I haven’t been able to make daily posts. There is no way I’m going to try to write 2000 words a day on my cell phone or by the one finger method on an IPad. I wasn’t going to do Nanowrimo at all this year because I’ve been in panic mode since June. But right now, I am trying to add some normalcy back into my life, and normally I at least take a stab at Nanowrimo each year. Some years I even manage to reach the goal of 50,000 or more words.

I’m so sorry things will be out of sequence but I’m running the time line out of order in my head.

So, to start out with tonight, I just got home from the hospital 130 miles away. Halfway home I took the usual exit, intending to pull off and take a nap. There was a long line of cars exiting the freeway. Approximately five vehicles were getting through each time the light changed. So I sat there with my foot on the brake waiting for the next light change. Then I woke up. I had fallen asleep with my foot on the brake. I think it was only for a few seconds, because the line hadn’t moved at all. And I think it was because I was sitting still with nothing to do but wait. Even so it scared the bejeebers out of me because it was the middle of the afternoon when one doesn’t generally fall asleep. But let’s face it; I haven’t had a normal night’s sleep in days.

Well, that bit of excitement revived me a bit, but even so I pulled over at the next outdoor mall with the intention of napping. And I slept 30 minutes straight. It would have been longer but some car parked nearby was making terrible banging noises. I never figured out what made the noise but about five people were standing around a car that looked like it had been rear ended. I kind of wanted to go see a movie to further escape from going home to an empty house with nothing but work waiting for me. So I checked the movie schedule on my cell phone and the new movie Current War was just starting. I figured if I hurried I could park closer, buy a ticket, a drink and some popcorn and make a mad dash to the restroom and still make it in time for the beginning. So I did! It looked like it had just started.

I don’t want to put any spoilers but it is about Edison, Tesla and Westinghouse and I’m very interested in inventors and ‘futurists’.

But eventually I had to go home. A gang of hungry cats were waiting for me because the friend that was going to feed them had her car break down. So they were very hungry since they hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning and it was now evening of the next day.

As I was driving up my dirt road, a flurry of fireworks went off. I felt so special! For a moment I got to feel famous. But firework companies test their fireworks out on the dry lake beds randomly. I thought there would be more but I never saw any more after I parked the car. But still, it gave me a momentarily burst of happiness.

My partner has now been in the hospital for eleven days. The nurse finally told me they are aiming to release him next week. Sadly, he doesn’t get to come home yet. They want him in an adult care facility, and even though I just got him better health insurance, there are only 3 adult care facility near me, and they don’t take medical patients (don’t ask me what they take then). There is nowhere to place him that is closer than one hundred miles away. That is a real hardship for both of us. That leaves me cleaning a two bedroom house from top to bottom all by myself and making it safe for him to come home. It means spending hundreds of dollars for gas when neither of us has an income right now. He is going to need physical therapy, speech therapy, and medical care for an unknown amount of time. And the sad part is that he still has cancer, so when he’s back on his feet again, the chemo starts again. I’m trying to remember they are trying to save his life, not kill him. I have to remind myself of that many times a day. It’s a barbaric way to cure a disease but it seems to be all we have.

Now they are saying he also needs a colonoscopy when he’s well enough to get one. They also may resort to a feeding tube since he still can’t swallow without pain. Every time I go they seem to dish out a new serving of depressing news. So right now I bounce between the hospital where I don’t want to be and home, where I don’t want to be. I think the cliché ‘between a rock and a hard place’ applies here.

Also, even though he found out he had cancer during the heatwave of July, suddenly it is winter weather, even though it is still Autumn. I tried to sleep in my bedroom two nights ago and the temperature dropped to 24 degrees. Since I’m living at the hospital practically, I haven’t had time to winterize the house. I haven’t washed my electric blanket. I haven’t fixed the wood burning stove. I haven’t insulated the windows. I haven’t covered the vents for the swamp cooler, which is basically like having an open window right behind my desk. Ugh. It’s a lot. I have no energy and I’m chronically tired.J hope to sleep better tonight, but his cat is lonely and wants to sleep with me and make ‘biscuits’. He wakes me up a lot but we are keeping each other warm. He’s outside right now. It’s his first time to be outside in days. The last time I came home he refused to go out. He doesn’t like dealing with the outdoor cats.

I didn’t eat dinner tonight. I was trying to get home before dark. I didn’t make it though. Where I live pretty much all restaurants close by 8 PM. I have leftover popcorn from the movie but I don’t feel like eating any more of that. I don’t even buy groceries because they tend to go bad before I get home long enough to eat them. I don’t want to go to bed too early lest I find myself up again at 3 AM and unable to get back to sleep. At least writing this gives me a way to fill time between 7 and 11 when I’m too physically tired to do anything useful. I wish I was one of those women that could clean when I got angry or bored. Sadly I’m not.

I hope the cat comes in the first time I whistle for him. I don’t want to be standing in the cold doorway waiting for him to figure out if he wants to come in or not. And if any outdoor cats are lurking on the porch, he won’t walk through them.

Somehow that reminds me of watching the movie Roadhouse with Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot at the hospital today. I like that movie way better than Dirty Dancing. I remember recently thinking about that movie a short time ago. But then I felt sad when I remembered that Patrick Swayze died of pancreatic cancer. He wasn’t that old either. I saw him in real life once. There was just a sheet of glass between us. He was teaching tap dancing. I was taking a belly dancing class on the other side of the hallway. I try not to be all crazy around celebrities so I didn’t try to meet him or anything.

Maybe I can at least try cleaning off my desk a little tonight. That shouldn’t be too stressful and will making typing a lot easier. Oh and before I forget, this woman has been bullying me in the hypnosis chat room, as if I don’t have enough real life problems. She called the site owner a bad name and then got herself temporarily banned. I don’t know why she has a bee in her bonnet or why my existence seems to tick her off so much. I usually go to the chat room at night to relax, but I dread running into her. They said they can’t actually ban her effectively because she knows how to evade the ban. I’m not sure why I’d want to go to a site where I’m not wanted anyway.

#nanowrimo #nanowrimo2019 #personal #cancer #life #journal #realistic #sad

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bunnylouisegrimes · 3 years

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Rambling vent just ignore unless you want to feel down in the dumps lol

I always knew this site had a reputation for being filled with some of the most toxic and awful people, but Jesus, I didn’t expect it to be this much. I mean, some of the most nasty shit people will say on this website... I know it’s the Internet, but fuck, it’s so easy to get lost in a loophole of the most toxic motherfuckers here. It’s either some asshole bigots or people who claim to be progressive fighting hate with hate. Just... fuck all this bullshit man.

Because of this, as well as feeling tired all the time from how much personal business I’ve got going on, the worry of these fuckers flooding my ask box or DMs or God knows what else by chance because they disagree with me (harassment seems very popular on here), and someone close to me getting banned temporarily from posting something “political” that someone must’ve mass reported to get them banned, I’ve decided that I don’t want to post anything social justice themed or politics themed on here anymore. I’m going to avoid it like the plague. I’ve come here to escape first and foremost, and that’s what I’m going to stick with. I know where I stand on issues and I’ll still talk about it irl. But here, this isn’t the place. I used to have someone close to me on here that I knew for three years who I would interact with and talk politics with, but she’s gone now anyways, so it’s no biggie. Which brings me to my next sadness...

I miss that friend on here dearly. It’s been two-ish months (maybe a month, I can’t even remember right now) since she left this site, and I miss her a lot. I’ve known her for three years, and she’s gone. I’m not mad or “betrayed,” or anything, I of course respect her decision. I’m just saddened by the circumstances. I love her fanfiction and artwork, and I always told her how much I did, and we related to each other on so many things, but we won’t share those laughs anymore. I miss her so much. I wish nothing but the best for her.

I know I still have some very close friends on here, and I cherish them deeply just like her, but the pain of having a friend not be in your life anymore has been something I’ve dealt with since I was a little kid, and it’s always hurt. On the other hand, I’ve had to deal with friends who I question are my friends. Which brings me to my next point...

I want to be as vague as possible (obviously). The pain of thinking someone was your friend, but they say and do things that suggest otherwise, is something I’ve known since I was young. I’ve been going through with this pain for months now, and it took me a few weeks ago to realize this is what I’ve been going through, because I didn’t want to think it was true. It’s best to just let this friendship I had with this person die out. They weren’t good for me in the end, and if I avoid them like the plague, they can’t hurt me. It hurts to think of some of the conversations we had when we first met, but I’ll be okay. They haven’t talked to me in quite a few months either, so it’s probably just for the best. Maybe they talk shit about me behind my back. Given they seem to never be clear with me based some of the things they say that they think are “cute” and “funny,” another trait the toxic people on this site share, I don’t know, and I don’t care if they do. As long as they’re not stirring shit and making false statements about me, I don’t care what they do. They’re just like one of the toxic people on this site, and they can go associate with them where they belong, on or off the web. (Please keep in mind that if you know you haven’t said anything shitty to me/we haven’t really gotten into any bad terms, chances are it isn’t you, don’t even sweat it lol. I’m not even saying this person is on here either, it could be anybody, but I’m not going to tell for obvious reasons).

These are pretty much all the things that come to mind that have been stirring inside of me and bothering me these past few weeks. I needed to let it out in this post. Don’t know if I’ll regret posting it, but eh. I’m not starting shit, just expressing my frustrations with a group of people, including someone who I thought was my friend (that I did the right thing anyway and kept their identity unknown), why I want to spend my time here focusing more on escapism from here on out, and my sadness and heartache with a dear friend of mine who I hope is doing well off the web. Overall, I definitely need to stop bottling shit and attacking myself internally, but fuck is it hard, especially when you constantly have things to worry about. I guess that’s adulthood, huh?

Well, at least I have true friends on here (you know who you are) who help me get through these shitty moments, my dear family who always helps me get through these shitty moments and more, the few irl friends I have, my irl boyfriend, who, yes, can make me mad sometimes when he tests my (admittedly strong) patience, but is incredibly sweet and I’m glad I’m with him everyday, and my cringy art, cringy writing, and cringy love for my toy pony and furry robotic animal collections (I don’t post enough about MLPs and Furbies on here, it’s probably for the best, I’m already a cringefest lol).

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. Hope you’re having a great day/night 😘💖

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neon-mooni · 5 years

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Yandere Dev debunk page

So the debunk page is not very accessible so I’ll do my best to get the information here. Keep in mind this is Yandere Dev himself saying this so don’t take my word for it.

“YandereDev is rude to his fans, and refuses to apologize!”

In short: 99.9% of the time, my interactions with fans are perfectly civil. The other 0.1% of the time occured under very stressful circumstances.

For more than two years, a group of people have been doing some pretty screwed up things to me. They prank call my phone, they send weird things to my house, they spam me with pictures of bestiality / animal abuse, they flag all of my social media to try to get my accounts banned, they try to hack my accounts, they try to turn my friends against me, and they submit false reports to the police in an attempt to get the SWAT team to show up at my house.

For a very long time, I was hesitant to ever use the word "harassment" to describe what was happening to me, because I didn't want anyone to think that I was trying to create a "victim identity" for myself. I avoided speaking about this matter for as long as I possibly could. But, at this point, I can't keep silent about it any longer, and I think that any reasonable person would agree that what's happening to me definitely qualifies as "harassment."

If you are harassed and abused for an extended period of time, it's eventually going to affect your mood. If your mood gets bad enough, it will cloud your judgement and affect how you speak to others. There have been times when, while I was under a lot of stress due to the constant harassment, I said something rude to another person. But, this is not an indication that I'm a bad guy; it's an indication that I've been treated like garbage for so long, I'm at the end of my rope.

Every day, the anti-YandereDev crowd sends me messages like, "I hope you die in a fire," "I hope you get raped to death by dogs," "I hope your whole family gets AIDS," etc. The meanest thing I've ever said to another person is tame compared to the abuse that I receive from the anti-YandereDev crowd on a daily basis.

When someone contacts me and says, "Hey YandereDev, you said something really rude to me, and it hurt me a lot." I feel guilty and ashamed, and I naturally feel compelled to apologize to them. So far, I've said "I'm sorry" to every single person who has approached me and confronted me about something rude I said to them in the past.

However, I do not plan to create an apology video or apology post aimed at the entire Yandere Simulator fanbase, because I don't feel that I have done anything wrong to the entire fanbase. I don't think it's reasonable to judge me for the small number of times that I lost my cool after experiencing prolonged harassment and abuse. With that said, I'm willing to speak one-on-one with anyone that feels hurt by something I've said, and if I regret what I've said to them, I will apologize to them directly.

“YandereDev steals assets!”

In short: No, I don't.

Sometimes, when developing a game prototype, it is convenient to temporarily use placeholder assets. For example: a model from another game, or a texture that was found through Google Image Search. For a while, Yandere Simulator contained placeholder assets. It was never my intention to keep these assets in the game; they were just placeholders. I explained this in a video, back in 2017: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLw9Ym49HnE&t=4m49s This was done purely to make the prototyping phase go by faster and smoother. Referring to this as "stealing" or "theft" would be an exaggeration.

Ever since early 2015, the majority of the game's assets have been original. 2014 was the last year when the majority of the game's assets were unoriginal.

As of now, Yandere Simulator no longer contains any temporary placeholder assets. Every single model presently in Yandere Simulator is a model that was created exclusively for Yandere Simulator, or a model that was legally purchased from an online store.

“YandereDev streams video games all day long instead of working!”

In short: No, I don't. I work on Yandere Simulator for over 8 hours every day, including on weekends. I take a 3-hour break to play video games once per day, but I'm still working on the game for more hours than a normal full-time job.

In 2014, numerous people urged me to create a Patreon, so I made one. I stated that I would make Yandere Simulator my full-time job if I could earn $1,000 per month through Patreon. I met the goal, so I started working on Yandere Simulator in a full-time capacity; 8 hours per day.

When I started earning $1,500 per month through Patreon, I decided that I should spend more hours working, in order to justify the increased income. So, I started working 6 days a week. When the Patreon income increased to $2,000, I started working 7 days a week.

When the Patreon income increased to $2,500, I started working 9 hours a day instead of 8. The Patreon continued to grow; $3,000...$4,000...eventually, it reached $5,000. I convinced myself that I had to be working 13 hours a day, 7 days a week, in order to deserve the money I was earning. If I worked any less, then I felt guilty. I was determined to avoid disappointing my patrons.

I completely sacrificed everything else in my life so that I could focus exclusively on Yandere Simulator. When my friends invited me to their weddings, I declined, because I didn't want to spend my time doing anything other than working on Yandere Sim. I dropped my hobbies, abandoned my friends, grew distant from my family, and dedicated myself entirely and completely to Yandere Simulator.

As a result, I burned myself out. Totally and completely. Even if I was sitting at my workstation with Yandere Simulator on my screen and my fingers on the keyboard, I simply wasn't getting much work done, because I was exhausted and miserable. I played video games occasionally, but it was rare.

On February 17th, 2017, I explained my situation in a YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF-VWc3aEsE I asked my audience if they would permit me to work less hours, and presented them with a poll. They voted "yes", so I started to work 2 hours less than previously. I also resumed one of my hobbies: streaming video games daily. I announced this in a video on March 17th, 2017: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAC_xjrY6aI&t=5m11s Streaming video games was never meant to be some sort of hidden secret.

After I started streaming daily, I began to follow this schedule:

12:00 PM ~ 1:00 PM: Wake up, eat, shower.

1:00 PM ~ 2:00 PM: Interact with fans, fix bugs reported by fans.

2:00 PM ~ 6:00 PM: Speak with volunteers, implement new assets, fix bugs, work on upcoming features, investigate technical problems, etc.

6:00 PM ~ 6:30 PM: Eat.

6:30 PM ~ 8:00 PM: Work on the game, same as above.

8:00 PM ~ 11:00 PM: 3-hour break from work to stream video games.

11:00 PM ~ 11:30 PM: Eat.

11:30 PM ~ 4:00 AM: Work on the game, same as above.

Even though I streamed 3 hours a day, I was still working for at least 11 hours every day, and I still worked on weekends. Streaming for 3 hours a day did not significantly reduce my productivity.

At this point in time, I am no longer following that exact schedule. My Patreon earnings have declined, so I have reduced the number of hours that I am working. However, I still work 7 days a week, and only take 1 day off per month.

“ YandereDev manipulated his audience by using the words "Chill" and "Heated!"”

In short: I screwed up when I chose those words. However, I wasn't intentionally trying to be manipulative.

This is about a video from 2017: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF-VWc3aEsE In this video, I stated that I felt pressured to work insane hours because I didn't want to disappoint the fans. I also acknowledged the possibility that perhaps I was paranoid about nothing, and that the majority of fans would be forgiving towards me if I chose to work less hours. I used the words "heated" and "chill" to describe two categories of fans; the ones who were disappointed with my development speed, and the ones who were not.

At the time, I thought that those two words were relatively neutral, and wouldn't skew poll results. However, in retrospect, I realize that these two words carry stronger connotations than I initially thought. I wish I had said "Category A" and "Category B" instead.

“ YandereDev couldn't take criticism from Mike Z!”

In short: Yes, but it was because of an extremely specific set of circumstances that will most likely never be replicated.

Mike Z is a programmer who has worked on such titles as "Skullgirls" and "Indivisible". There was a point in time when I put Mike on a huge pedastal; I idolized him and thought of him as a mythical, godlike figure. I practically worshipped him. So, when he criticized a game prototype that I developed in 2013, I took it personally, and felt really hurt. I felt like my dreams had been crushed by my hero.

That exact circumstance - idolizing someone to an unhealthy degree, and taking their words way too personally - does not happen on a daily basis. That incident does not represent me accurately.

If you're curious to know more about the situation, you can read this post: https://yanderedev.tumblr.com/post/120037118895/clearing-up-misunderstandings-part-1-mike-z

“YandereDev's fans harassed one of his critics, and YandereDev refused to condemn the harassment!”

In short: That technically happened, but you should consider the circumstances before casting judgement.

After being harassed for over a year, I eventually became very angry and bitter. One day, I heard that one of the people who harassed me was receiving harassment from Yandere Sim fans, in retaliation for what they had been doing to me.

I thought, "Wow! Sounds like karma! If you preach hate all day long, you'll eventually receive hate in return. Your actions have consequences. You can't get away with being a jerk on the Internet forever. It'll eventually bite you in the ass. It's about time this person was given a taste of their own medicine."

I was asked to condemn the harassment that this person was receiving. I didn't have the heart to do it. I had been tormented for too long, and I had grown too angry and too bitter. I could not bring myself to condemn fans who were striking back at the people who had been harassing me for over a year.

It later turned out that the person who was being harassed was in fact NOT one of the people who was tormenting me - it was just an innocent bystander. I completely reversed my stance on the matter when I learned this.

You might think it's really easy to simply say the words, "Harassment is wrong, and I condemn harassment!" But you need to put yourself in my shoes. I want you to try and imagine something - seriously, actually imagine it, as vividly as you can:

Imagine that you are the target of a harassment campaign for 12 months. A full year of people screwing with you, trying to sabotage every aspect of your life, trying to ruin whatever projects you're working on, trying to make your friends turn against you, and trying to ruin your reputaiton. After enduring that kind of treatment for an extended period of time, you'd change as a person. You wouldn't be your current self; you would slowly transformed into someone weary and miserable - but more importantly - you'd become bitter and spiteful.

You might not be able to imagine yourself ever doing something like this, but eventually, you'd actually begin to wish harm upon the people who had been abusing you. You'd eventually reach a point where you HOPE that your tormentors would start receiving the same treatment they had been giving to you. You'd want to see them brought to justice. It's not easy to say the words "Harassment is wrong!" if your life is being shattered to pieces, and you want your enemies to finally have a taste of their own medicine.

Imagine how broken a person has to be to reach a point where they can't condemn harassment, because they are so desperate for a solution that absolutely any option is on the table.That's the point I was driven to. People hammered away at me for months and months and months and months and months until I broke, and I couldn't even bring myself to say, "Stop harassing that girl."

Eventually, I did condemn the harassment, though: https://yanderedev.tumblr.com/post/166739910330/harassment

“YandereDev demonizes everyone who criticizes him!”

In short: No, I don't.

There are several categories of people involved here:

1) Fans of the game who point out a legitimate problem with the game's design and suggest an improvement. There are many occasions when I've responded, "That's a really good point, thanks!" and fixed a flaw or improved a feature based on criticism that I've read online.

2) Fans who express concerns about the game's development, but are simply asking for clarification. They ask questions in good faith, and their intention is to seek knowledge / get answers. I always respond to them and provide them with whatever clarification they seek.

3) Former fans who have become disenchanted with the game's development, and are now pessimistic about its future. Sometimes they express their disappointment in a civil way, and other times they don't. Sometimes their concerns are completely valid, and other times their concerns are a result of not understanding the nuances of game development.

4) People who have become completely convinced that I am some sort of con artist pulling off a tremendous scam. They believe that they are righteous heroes who are exposing an evil bad guy who deserves to be taken down for his heinous crimes. They are convinced I deserve no mercy or compassion because they think I'm some sort of cartoonish villain.

5) People who enjoy the act of shaming others, ridiculing others, humiliating others, gossiping about others, digging for dirt in peoples' pasts, and ruining other peoples' lives for entertainment. Their favorite activity is saying nasty things about other people. There is no component of righteousness involved; it's simply their hobby to be cruel to others over the Internet.

Categories 1, 2, and 3 are "critics". Category 4 are not "critics"; they are misguided people spreading misinformation. Category 5 are not "critics"; they are abusers who stalk, dox, and harass their targets.

“ YandereDev fired a tinyBuild programmer!”

In short: No, I didn't.

Yandere Simulator is banned from Twitch.tv, the biggest streaming website on the Internet. tinyBuild told me that if I signed up with them, they would try to get the game unbanned from Twitch. tinyBuild also offered to hire a programmer to help me develop Yandere Simulator. I thought that, if I signed up with tinyBuild, maybe the people who were harassing me would stop seeing me as a failure, and would finally back off and leave me alone. Because of these three reasons, I decided to sign a contract with tinyBuild.

(However, in the end, tinyBuild couldn't actually get the game unbanned from Twitch, and the harassment didn't actually stop.)

tinyBuild hired a professional programmer so that I could have assistance in developing the game. The programmer converted the game's code from JavaScript to C#, and upgraded the game from Unity 4 to Unity 5. Both of those things were a great help. However, after that, there wasn't really much more that he could do. In order for him to do anything significant, he would first have to re-write some of the game's core systems. I would be perfectly okay with that, but it would take several months to re-write those systems, and during that time, I wouldn't be able to produce any updates or release any new builds. We all agreed that it would be a very bad thing if I lost the ability to release updates and builds for a period of several months. So, the programmer's hands were tied, and he couldn't actually do anything significant. He still wanted to help, so made little changes to the game's code, but it was mostly just busywork that didn't actually improve the game, and it was kinda starting to interfere with my work. Things weren't working out.

The game wasn't unbanned from Twitch, the harassment didn't stop, and the programmer couldn't do anything significant. As a result, the tinyBuild partnership really wasn't benefiting anyone, so tinyBuild and I simply decided to part ways. I avoided talking about this for many months, because I was worried that I might accidentally say something that violated my contract with them, and I didn't want to cause unneccesary drama. However, I broke my silence about the matter on June 10th, 2018: https://yanderedev.wordpress.com/2018/06/10/hey-whatever-happened-with-that-whole-tinybuild-thing/

“YandereDev is a bad programmer!”

In short: No, I'm not.

There are people on the internet whose hobby is talking trash about others. To them, it's the most fun recreational activity in the world. They will look for any excuse to feel justified in hurling abuse towards another person. They will grasp at straws and make mountains out of molehills. They will exaggerate, stretch the truth, or just flat-out make things up whenever they feel like it.

People like that have targeted me. They scrutinize everything I do and look for a way to demonize me or characterize me as an evil monster. They want to maintain the mental image that they have of me, because it allows them to continue feeling justified in harassing / ridiculing me, which is their favorite activity.

When these people look at my code and identify anything that seems like a problem, they immediately jump to the conclusion that I must be a bad programmer, because they love the idea of having another excuse to say nasty things about me. However, I'm not actually a bad programmer.

For the sake of simplicity, let's say that there are two types of scripts: scripts that are always running, and scripts that only run for a single frame. When a script only runs for a single frame, it doesn't affect the game's performance at all. In these scripts, efficiency is not very important; they only need to be easy to read and easy to modify. When a script DOES run on every frame, efficiency is incredibly important. I always try my best to make such scripts as efficient as possible so that they don't have a negative impact on the game's performance.

When people identify "bad code" in my scripts, they're talking about the one-frame scripts that have no effect on gameplay. Nobody ever takes screenshots of the efficient scripts...people only take screenshots of the ones where efficiency wasn't a priority.

A bad programmer cannot make a combat minigame. A bad programmer cannot make a dialogue system. A bad programmer cannot make a shoot-em-up minigame. A bad programmer cannot create an inventory system. A bad programmer cannot create a rhythm minigame. You can't slip and fall on your keyboard and accidentally implement features like these. It requires competency. If I was a bad programmer, I never would have been able to implement any of the features that exist in Yandere Simulator. The claim that I'm a bad programmer falls apart pretty quickly.

“YandereDev ignored a suicidal girl!”

In short: Not intentionally.

There are weird people who record my video game streams for the sole purpose of trying to catch me saying something embarassing. To avoid providing these people with any new material, I try to ignore any sort of drama or touchy subject that comes up in my chatroom while I'm streaming.

At some point in time, I looked over at my chatroom and realized that people were having a discussion that somehow involved the topic of suicide. I wasn't sure what they were talking about, but I knew that it was drama, and I knew that if I commented on what they were discussing, my stalkers would have new material for their channels, so I decided to completely ignore whatever conversation was occuring in the chat room.

Much later, I learned the reason why my chatroom was discussing the subject of suicide. Apparently, a girl had been expressing suicidal feelings in my chatroom.

If I wasn't constantly being harassed by weirdos on the Internet, then I never would have made the decision to ignore my chat at that point in time.

“YandereDev doesn't credit his volunteers!”

In short: Yes, I do.

Yandere Simulator has a "Credits" scene that is accessed from the main menu. As you might imagine, it's dedicated entirely to crediting people for their work. But, outside of the game, there are two reasons why I usually don't publicly mention the names of volunteers:

I worry that if I make volunteer names public, Internet trolls will contact the volunteers and harass them in the same way that they harass me.

Sometimes volunteers want to be anonymous, without telling me ahead of time. There are times when I've credited a volunteer, then received an e-mail within minutes, saying, "Please don't credit me!! Please remove my username!!" so, I usually default to not publicly mentioning anyone's name, just to avoid this situation.

But, if a volunteer asks me to credit them, I credit them as they wish.

“YandereDev wants to include a rape feature in Yandere Simulator!”

In short: No, I don't.

Over a year ago, I wrote a post on Reddit about taking care of your kidnapped victims by feeding them: https://imgur.com/N4veApq.png

Someone photoshopped my post and replaced the word "feed" with "rape": https://imgur.com/OS1NV0w.png

“YandereDev deletes comments!”

In short: Yes, but not for the reasons that you might think.

Go back and read the opening paragraph of "YandereDev is rude to his fans." Think about what I've been through over the past two years. When you're going through that kind of abuse, there are three thoughts that dominate your mind:

"Why is this happening to me?"

"How can I stop this?"

"I feel powerless."

It's relatively easy to answer the first question. People feel justified in treating me like garbage because they have been exposed to "Anti-YandereDev" culture; a culture that teaches people to believe that I am an evil villain who deserves to be punished and abused. This culture is created by nasty comments on the Internet that depict me as a monster.

Nasty comments lead to a culture of hate, which leads to real-life consequences like constant harassment and abuse. The only way to stop the problem is to eliminate the source of the "Anti-YandereDev" culture; comments that mischaracterize me, demonize me, and portray me as something I'm not.

If I delete comments, I'll be accused of censorship. If I don't delete comments, people will read those comments and then feel inspired to harass me and abuse me. Both outcomes suck. This is a lose-lose situation with no positive outcome. I don't really think it's reasonable to blame me for deleting comments that will inspire a hateful Anti-YandereDev culture of abuse and harassment.

“YandereDev blocks and bans people for harmless criticism!”

In short: No, I don't.

There are Discord servers dedicated to stalking / harassing / doxing people. Some of these servers are targeting me. Some of my friends visit these servers and tell me what the people inside are planning to do to me next. When these people attempt to post on my subreddit or my Discord, they get banned immediately because we already know what they are planning to do.

These people assume that they were banned for posting something harmless, but they were actually banned because we were fully aware of their true intentions.

“YandereDev wants to kill his parents!”

In short: No, I don't.

I was extremely surprised to learn that, when I was a teenage kid, I apparently wrote a post about being so angry with my parents that I wanted them to die. I have absolutely no memory of ever feeling that way towards my parents, but since the post exists, I guess I must have felt that way at some point in time.

That post was written when I was a teenage kid. "Grrrrr, I hate my parents, I wish they were dead!" is the sort of thing that an edgy teenage kid would say. This doesn't seem like a reflection of who I am; it seems like a reflection of what edgy teenage kids are like.

That post feels alien and foreign, like words that were written by a completely different person. I honestly have no idea what to say about it, other than the obvious: it's from over 11 years ago, and it doesn't reflect how I feel in modern day at all. It seems absurd that there are actually people who judge me for it.

“YandereDev wrote an erotic story about rape!”

In short: No, I didn't.

I once wrote a fanfic set in the Fallout universe, which contains slavery. The protagonist of the fanfic was a slave who was being sexually abused. The slave's owner was portrayed as a nasty, evil, ugly person, and he died a gruesome, undignified death. The rape scenes were not meant to be erotic; they were meant to reflect the disgusting nature of sexual abuse, and also meant to villify the slave's owner.

I stopped writing the story in order to focus my time on Yandere Simulator. There is no way for me to prove this, but the plot of the story was going to involve the slave becoming a vigilante that travels around the world, hunting and killing rapists and slave owners. Even though I wrote a story that villifies rapists and was going to be about the genocide of rapists, people summarize the story as, "YandereDev wrote an erotic rape story!" which is as far from the truth as possible.

“YandereDev portrayed himself as a cute, innocent girl in order to gain sympathy!”

In short: No, I didn't.

This is about my "Hate and Shame" video, which features a female protagonist.

The point of the video was to ask people to imagine themselves in my position. YouTube's analytics page tells me that the majority of my audience is female. I decided to make the protagonist of the video a female character so that it would be easier for my audience to relate to her.

“YandereDev portrays his critics as demons!”

In short: No, I don't.

In my "Hate and Shame" video, I was not describing critics. I was describing a group of people who stalk, dox, and harass others for fun. I don't think that stalkers/doxxers/harassers should be portrayed with dignity, so I depicted them as grey-colored inhuman creatures. I called them "gremlins" because "stalkers/doxxers/harassers" is way too many syllables.

Around 11 minutes and 57 seconds into the video, I depicted the protagonist receiving feedback from a critic. The critic is depicted in a neutral way; not as an inhuman monster.

“YandereDev spends all day reading e-mails instead of working on the game!”

In short: No, I don't.

In early 2016, I was receiving an overwhelming amount of e-mail from very young children. The majority of these e-mails were very cringey and annoying. I didn't bother replying to them; I only used e-mail to speak with volunteers, have business discussions, and review bug reports. However, it was still irritating to see my inbox always filling up with cringey messages from little kids.

Eventually, I decided to try and do something about it. I tried to convince all the young children to leave me alone by making a video depicting stupid e-mails as the worst threat to Yandere Simulator's development. Unfortunately, it didn't really work; it only increased the amount of dumb e-mails that I was getting. It also caused a lot of people to develop the misconception that I spend every day doing nothing but replying to stupid messages.

The last time I complained about e-mails was over 2 years ago. I shouldn't need to spell this out, but: E-mails are not a problem for the game's development.

“YandereDev is intentionally prolonging the game's development to make as much money as possible from Patreon!”

In short: No, I'm not.

I rarely mention my Patreon. I've uploaded around 150 videos to my YouTube channel, and I think I've only mentioned my Patreon about 3~4 times in total. If my intention was to milk the Patreon, wouldn't I constantly be mentioning it in my YouTube videos?

I don't mention the Patreon in my video descriptions. I don't mention the Patreon in my blog posts. I don't put a link to Patreon on the main menu of the game. If my intention was to milk the Patreon, wouldn't I be trying to draw more attention to it? I think that most people are actually completely unaware that I even have a Patreon.

If my intention was to make lots of money, I would:

Not make a game with controversial content

Promote my merchandise at every opportunity

Already be selling the game as an early access title

However, I'm not doing any of these things. I'm actually doing the direct opposite of all of these things.

It doesn't make any sense whatsoever to conclude that I'm intentionally prolonging the game's development. There is no person on earth who wants Yandere Simulator to be finished more than I do; nothing would make me happier than to see the game come out as quickly as possible. However, I refuse to rush the project, because I don't want the quality of the game to suffer.

The game is taking a long time to develop because I'm burned out, because I'm mentally and physically exhausted, and because I'm the target of a harassment campaign. You need to realize that going through the experience of being character assassinated will have a strong negative impact on your enthusiasm, motivation, and productivity. It's simply impossible to feel inspired to work hard on a project when you feel like your future has been completely destroyed.

#tw: rape #cw: rape #tw: slavery #cw: slavery

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hanzi83 · 6 years

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Hacking Attempts And Nothing Will Be Done

I know it isn’t completely uncharacteristic of me to write another blog, not even 24 hours removed from the last one, but something really grotesque is taking place. After expressing concern with what certain people are doing, my email was fucked with by this warning I got that someone was attempting logins on it and if they wanted they could have done it, but they are now just adding more stress to me. The genius of these attempts, I still continue to look like an insane person claiming I am important enough to stalk and harass. They are trying to goad me into making threats or doing something that will just make me completely snap.

This is the danger with people having this mental illness and feeding into their enablers who want good content, and when it is someone like me among others who are dealing with this, they know we have nothing to fight back with. They know they have the proper connections in this digital playground to fuck with everyone they want and harass them. People can keep telling me to move on, but when I do, they will report other platforms I happen to make an appearance on. It is disturbing to say the least. They know no media outlet will take it seriously and the ones who might don’t want to rock the boat fucking with Stern and his associates.

People who are enabling this You Tube personality are just as complicit with all of this shit. I have my own stress dealing with my parents not feeling well and to top it all off I have to deal with online harassment that may be organized just to goad me into calling back into their show. They have gotten my Face Book Lives suspended, they have tried to temporarily ban me on twitter, and now when I go on periscope, they will broadcast it for content. These people are sick, and the fact they vowed to make me kill myself doesn’t set off any suspicious alarms to the people who want people to be safe with their mental illness.

It is like they are all waiting for something to happen to me to act, when this could all be preventable as we speak, but no one wants to take it seriously and they can just say I am fucking crazy. It works because no one takes me seriously and with some of my fucked up theories it helps the cause. The Stern Show has perpetuated this for his followers to stalk and harass the “freaks” on his show. There was a caller named Eric the midget who was harassed daily to call back when he wanted to break away from it all, and now after banning me they still use their minions to do their dirty work.

It doesn’t help that I am outspoken against what Israel has been doing and they can try to label me anti-Semitic but people are waking up to that. What will it take for these people to be exposed? Why won’t You Tube take them down for putting out people’s personal information or harassing a grieving mother? I don’t get it, these people are allowed to do this. I have reported these people countless amounts of times, and since they want to play innocent and act like they are just defending themselves, it is really fucking disturbing. If it isn’t them, it could be people in my own life who get off on doing this as well. I believe they could be working with these devils. I have nothing to live for and these people just want to exploit it.

This psychotic behavior is rewarded and because his name was mentioned on Stern he is riding high about it and now demands for me to apologize to him or thank him for introducing me to a character from the Stern Show, and now is going out of his way on his show to say I owe him a Happy Birthday message. I don’t owe him shit, I was on your show for 2 months for countless hours, which seemed to be the same time that the posts on social media trolling me stopped temporarily and when I dared hit them back when they would knock me on their show would always tempt them to start more rumors about me so it all becomes content for their show

I have studied the way Stern does things and I see these same tactics that other shows use to get the same results. This has to stop and all of you that are enabling him and pushing him to keep doing this, you are fucking complicit in this. If people walked away from it but they can’t because this person has probably blackmailed them into staying and he will reveal information about them. This is fucking bullying at its finest. This is sick and perverse. And these people have a reputation for ordering shit to people’s houses or calling the cops on them. It is fucked up. I have tried to contact different media outlets about this and what can they do if I don’t have concrete proof? You claim you don’t need me but why the constant harassment of me, and because I suspect his people are harassing me, which he claims is on their own free will, even so I wouldn’t want to be around these people. The more they showed their true colors of being Trump supporters I tried to distance myself from it. He didn’t like me putting my conspiracy views out there, but still needed me to sit put because I am valuable, even though they keep telling me I am not valuable, yet I am the constant conversation of your show for countless hours, when you are not creating drama amongst your own community.

You should look in the mirror, and see what evil you are partaking because you want to be this next Howard Stern. There is a sickness to all of this shit and this guy won’t stop. I don’t know what else I have to do. I don’t want to be associated with it, yet his crew will keep coming to my platforms to stir shit up and bring his name up so it leads to more drama. Nothing will ever be done about this, and he smiles about it because right now he feels he is untouchable. He is showing his psychotic side more and more, and I knew the more I didn’t let it fool me because his real side would come out, and it just did but now he is spinning it as him defending himself and that I am the internet bully. He vowed to make me kill myself and vowed to be a relentless troll. I get banned because I defend myself from harassment yet this guy can play dirty pool because people in the upper echelon gave him permission to. It is fucking disturbing. I wish more people would open their eyes, but maybe that is the goal, maybe they will try to get me to do something to myself of threaten someone so they can get rid of me while pretending they are just being entertaining. Fuck off with that shit.

I don’t know what he is capable of, but more and more it is showcasing how fucking dangerous he is and I have tried to make peace multiple times, but it is never good enough especially when I don’t call in as much as he wanted. The woman involved with the show was responsible for a live stream of another Whack Packer and she is obviously has some connection with Stern to some degree, but denied it and then kind of admitted it. She accused me of sexual harassment when they got me irrational and I claimed she probably fucked the whack packer, because I was defending myself, and then shortly after they drop it and offer to give me Smack Down tickets. Now she tries to goad me into a response as well and then claims people bully her when she is constantly defending the biggest bully in Trump and all the right wing propaganda they spew.

These people need to be looked into. This is what he wants because any way for his name to get out there, and the funny thing is I have at max 20 viewers right, and his page has 60-70 so if he doesn’t need me with those views on a live stream, then why does he need me to pop on his show again, unless those numbers are also fake? I don’t fucking know. I know it will make him even angrier that I am not replying the way he wants and that I am conveying this over a fucking blog. It is disturbing.

#Stern Show Hanzi copy cats illuminati harassment sociopath youtube stream connections jealousy hatred bitterness denial #Trolling targets enablers complicit connections drama 2018

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