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roonilwazlibimagines · 8 months

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s.b Holidate extras - sirius loves her

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female Reader (holidate reader) Word Count: 4k Synopsis: just a little insight into Sirius' feelings over the years <3 i really want to rewrite holidate from his perspective but if it happened it would be an end of year/next year thing, but also i am in the mood to write, I still have my cedric fic that i need to upload and i am self indulging myself with a regululs fic because respectfully i'm only an active writer when i'm at my worst mentally <3 but idk if i'll upload it because it is very self indulgency but i can be convinced

Masterlist | Holidate Masterlist

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Sirius Black was sure that his mother had been trying to set him up with her since the day she was born.

He wasn’t sure because he couldn’t remember, but he was willing to place a very hefty bet that from the moment his mother first saw her, she had began praising her beauty and he was sure that she hadn’t stopped since.

He had vague memories when he was a baby of his mother cooing at her and rambling on about how gorgeous she was. Sure, Sirius was barely a year a old, but he swears that his mother would do it so often, that the memory was ingrained in his mind at such a young age.

Because that was all he would hear.

‘Don’t you think she’s just adorable?’

‘She’s just so stunning.’

‘She’s the prettiest little girl I’ve ever seen.’

So maybe, when Sirius was a few years older and could actually speak and form his own thoughts, his mothers constant pestering about her beauty had managed to seep into his mind. Sirius was still too young to be interested in girls, but he knew that beautiful meant something nice to look at, and she was nice to look at.

She always had nice dresses on, her hair always combed to perfection - even as a young girl - and she had a cheeky smile that his mother used to say would one day get her in trouble.

Sirius didn’t understand. There were many things he did that she said would get him in trouble one day. When he spoke back: ‘That mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble one day, Sirius Orion Black.’ When he grumbled and moaned about going to all the fancy events: ‘That attitude of yours is going to get you into trouble one day, Sirius Orion Black.’ But when she said it about her it sounded different and this annoyed Sirius. ‘Oh my,’ she had exclaimed when they were barely six years old, ‘that smile of yours is going to get you into trouble one day.’ She even laughed, ‘don’t know how anyone could ever say no to you.’

But even when Sirius was a tiny bit older and he had a very vague understanding that girls could be pretty, he still thought she was pretty. Even if he still wasn’t sure how much of this thought was his mother’s doing.

She was his friend, of course he found her pretty. She was always shy at first, but Sirius knew how to get her talking and as soon as she started giggling at his idiotic ways, he couldn’t help but laugh with her, even if he didn’t really find it funny.

She was gentle and kind to him when not everyone in that society was, and Sirius began to understand that beautiful didn’t just have to mean something nice to look at.

And when Sirius was a little bit older still, a year or two before he would be off to Hogwarts, he had a pretty good feeling that even if his mother hadn’t been constantly nagging him about her beauty since the moment he was born, he would still find her pretty.

He wasn’t sure what it was. There were other girls in their society, close to his age, but he didn’t think they were pretty like he thought she was pretty. Sure, they dressed nice and there was never a hair out of place, just like her.

But there was something missing.

Sirius didn’t think about it too much, she was his friend and that was all.

Even at this age he knew that he was a black sheep in his familiy and in this society and he knew that none of his thoughts or beliefs aligned with those of the people around him and he had a sneaky suspicion that this had impacted who he found pretty.

Which, he knew, didn’t make sense considering she was very much a part of that society, but he was still a child. It wasn’t a big deal.

Until he got to Hogwarts. And even at eleven, the girls at Hogwarts were very much attracted to Sirius Black and Srius Black was never one to shy away from attention. And he thought they were pretty, he really did, but even if he would never have admitted it, he knew none of them compared to her.

He thought she was pretty in a way that only an eleven year old could. She had a nice smile and Sirius liked the colour of her eyes. He preferred it when she wore her hair down and he liked when she wore red. But these were only fleeting thoughts that he never spent too long on.

And then came the day she stopped talking to Sirius and Sirius felt like absolute shit. She got angrier and meaner and had her glare always been this icy? She had glared at him multiple of times throughout their childhood, but there was always a playful crease between her eyebrows that Sirius often found the urge to smooth out.

Sirius was a little older now, and he thought that as her mean demeanour grew, his attraction to her would shrink.

It was probably why he never found anyone else in that society attractive. They were all assholes. She wasn’t.

But it seemed his mother had really done a good job of ingraining her beauty into his mind because he couldn’t escape the thought.

Not that he thought about it often, it would flicker into his mind late at night when he lay awake, trying to figure out why she stopped talking to him. And it would pass his thoughts when he saw her laughing with her friends, only for her face to turn cold as soon as she made eye contact with him.

And then Sirius was old enough to be genuinely interested in girls and he got a girlfriend, and then another, and then another, and a few nights here and there as well. And he managed to keep her out of his mind for the most part of it.

Of course, that was when she wasn’t rolling her eyes at him or telling him how pathetic he was.

If he was beiing honest, which he didn’t really want to be, he was starting to see her in a new light. Because as much as he’d deny it if anyone asked, she really was gorgeous.

She was effortlessly pretty and Sirius needed to know that she woke up looking like a mess because there was no way a person could be as perfect as her.

She didn’t wear makeup at Hogwarts, but he thought that maybe she wore it when they had Common Room parties. But it didn’t make a difference to Sirius, because whether she had makeup on or not, her eyes still sparkled when she laughed and when she was talking about something she enjoyed her whole demeanour lit up.

He had seen how she dressed outside of Hogwarts which was why he knew that she dressed much more casually at school. And maybe, every weekend Sirius would look over to her in the Great Hall to see if she was wearing that one pair of jeans that he especially loved. And now, Sirius thought he preferred when she tied her hair back because he liked the way the necklace she had been wearing since she was a child rested on her chest. That was all.

He hoped that maybe her beauty would diminish as she continued to be cruel to him and Sirius would say that it did, but he knew deep down, that it didn’t.

Unfortunately, Hogwarts wasn’t the end of it either. If he wanted any support from his parents, he still needed to show up to those stupid events that society held and it wasn’t until Christmas of the year they finished Hogwarts that Sirius realised he had been lying to himself for most of his life.

She was wearing a red dress that hugged every curve on her body and these shoes that made her legs seem like they went on forever, and Sirius grabbed two champagne flutes from the server next to him and drank them both in one go.

It wasn’t a new fact to Sirius that she was always well dressed, but she was no longer wearing the frilly, flowery dresses he now knew her mother dressed her in and Siriuis didn’t know what to do with himself.

Of course, the day ended with a fight between the two of them. And, maybe, Sirius was the one who started it, but they were standing next to each other at the dessert table and he couldn’t really say, ‘hey, I really like this dress, it looks really good on you,’ after years of fighting, so instead he said, “Huh, I thought I’d never have to see you again after Hogwarts.”

That earned him an eyeroll and a scoff and a, “That makes two of us.” and a sarcastic smile to really seal the deal.

So maybe, Sirius’ eyes had a mind of their own when she walked away, but the dress just fit her really well. And it was red. His favourite colour.

And so he’d find joy in seeing what she would wear to these stupid events. Sirius was old enough now to admit it. She was pretty. Anyone with common sense would say the same thing. It was something you couldn’t deny. Not that this meant anything more though.

And Siriuis didn’t deny it that night at that bar in Diagon Alley either. A place he never in a million years would have guessed he’d see her.

He couldn’t see what she was wearing because it was hidden from her coat, but he saw her jeans peaking out from the bottom and his mind wondered back to their Hogsmeade trips back at Hogwarts and he couldn’t help but smile as he watched her drink from her glass.

Sirius should have known immediately that there was something wrong, there was no possible reason that she would be here unless it was an emergency.

And then he remembered what his mother had said just a few hours ago.

“Did you hear? She’s being married off to Tiberius Nott. Such a shame,” his mother sighed, “I always hoped you two would sort out your differences, but I can’t blame her for not wanting you.” She said, as if it wasn’t even an option that Sirius might not want her. “Such a shame, she’s too pretty for him.”

And for once, Sirius agreed with his mother. She was too pretty for him.

So Srius sat there and pretended like he didn’t want to tell her that Nott was punching above his weight. And he watched her walk into Malfoy Manor in another tight fitted red dress and Siriuis, once more, finished his champagne in one sip.

And so, maybe, when he proposed his idea to fake date her, it came from a selfish place. But Sirius couldn’t help it. Really.

She was standing outside, her body shivering from the cold, the shoes she was wearing making her legs look they went on forever and those stupid tight dresses she wore. It made him lose all rational thought and so really, he couldn’t be to blame.

And then New Years Eve came and his stupid brother had to come in and ruin everything, even if at first he was glad for his brothers presence because just maybe he wanted an excuse to kiss her. He tried to convince himself he didn’t want to, he tried to tell himself that he saw her like a sister, but he knew it wasn’t true and in the end it didn’t even matter because she didn’t want to kiss him.

Sirius didn’t know why this upset him so much.

He had faced rejection plenty of times and it didn’t phase him, but for some reason a little hole opened in his chest when she said ‘Why would I want to kiss you?’

And then she went and got drunk and Sirius couldn’t lie. He was enjoying it. She was always harsh to him and he didn’t blame her, he could be just as mean back, but tonight, she was a little looser and Sirius didn’t know whether to be happy about having a semi normal conversation with her, or upset because there was no way he was going to be kissing her when she was this drunk and when she obviously didn’t want him to.

No, he was happy because, really, he had no interest in kissing her. Really.

And then they pulled off their fake kiss and Sirius pretended a jolt didn’t go through his body at the little noise of surprise that left her lips and he pretended he didn’t feel tingly where their foreheads met or on the palm of his hands.

And then when they went home she just had to go and remind him that she didn’t actually like him. He thought they were getting somewhere normal, but he was wrong and he was a little grumpy. He wasn’t going to lie.

And it was all so overwhelming that he forget to even think about that prank his brother had also generouosly brought up. So when he was lying in bed that night, his stomach turned itself into a knot because it had taken him almost ten years to figure out that she stopped talking to him immediately after that prank.

And then Valentine’s Day came and she was suddenly in his room that he maybe spent an extra thirty minutes making sure was presentable. And maybe he knew what he was doing when he put on his grey sweatpants.

He wasn’t sure whether or not to get her a present, but he wasn’t cruel. Besides, when he saw that outfit stuffed right at the back of the stupid muggle store he had went in with Remus, there was one person that came into his mind.

Simply because he called her princess. That was all. Really.

And he thought it was funny so he brought it over and laughed even if she was not impressed. But she was getting ready and he thought her dress was a little ridiculous and a little over the top, but it fit her nicely and his mind was still swirling with that prank from their second year so he stood beside her like a good boyfriend should and at the end of the day, he apologised.

He was surprised when she agreed to come with him to St. Patrick’s Day, but he was grateful because he was telling the truth. He really didn’t want to hear about all the people his friends were telling him about, but he left out the part that it felt wrong. It felt like cheating.

He didn’t want to get his frends involved in their fake dating scheme, but he’d rather that than trying to explain why he sudddenly, wasn’t interested in dating.

And she came in this short green dress and Sirius suddenly became a fan of green. And it was lucky he had already had four cups of firewhiskey before she arrived, otherwise he might not have been able to tell her.

And maybe that much alcohol was the reason that this was the night Sirius was finally honest with himself.

It just popped into his head.

I love her.

And he wanted to shake himself because he didn’t love her. But with her eyes sparkling as she thanked him and teased him about the last time they spoke about style he couldn’t help but hear his mother’s praise of her in his head. ‘She’s the prettiest girl I’ve seen.’

And when she was playing with Harry and he realised she was good with kids he wondered why this was a universal turn on because suddenly, he was picturing her with his kids and Sirius told himself to slow down.

And then she was sitting in his leather jacket, in his arms, talking with his friends and the thought came back to Sirius.

I love her.

No. He didn’t. But he could love her. He thought.

When she wasn’t at his throat she wasn’t that bad. And so when she left Sirius tried to explain to her that he did actually enjoy her company so maybe she wouldn’t be so harsh with him, but then he fucked it up as he usually did.

And, of course, he was beating himself up for it as soon as she left, but like she usually does, his mother just had to help break him down.

‘You’ve been going out for a while now,’ she hummed. They’d had this conversaiton plenty of times before and it always ended with ‘Don’t ruin this, Sirius.’

‘She could ruin this too, you know?’ He would reply because he knew she could be mean if she wanted to, but this time he kept quiet, because he thought maybe he had ruined it.

So Easter came and Sirius wasn’t entirely sure what his heart was doing when he saw her with Nott, but he knew it didn’t feel good. Sirius wasn’t one to feel insecure, but even he couldn’t lie and say that her and Nott didn’t look good together.

Much better than what he probably looks with her. And then they spent that night together and Sirius was sure that something had changed and he hoped it was going in the direction he wanted it to go in.

And maybe he wanted to hint at that when he asked her what she thought would have happened if he had been sorted into Slytherin. A question that had been bothering him since his first night at Hogwarts.

He laid there with his eyes closed, but he was far from sleep and so when she suddenly stopped reading he opened one eye to see her eyes closed and the book fall flat on her chest.

He smiled to himself.

He wanted to stay like this. He wanted to lie next to her and pull the blanket closer to her but he knew that wasn’t a normal thing to do. So he slowly got up and wrote a note and left it with the book.

And when he put the book on her nightstand he couldn’t help but take one last look at her.

She really was the prettiest girl he had ever seen.

And then Mother’s Day came and it seemed both of their mothers had done their best to ruin the day. And Sirius knew that she didn’t have a headache when she left and he knew he should have told her that his mother wanted her to come over, but how could he explain that that would make it too real?

That seeing her get along with his mother did something weird to him that he couldn’t quite explain and thinking about marriage made his stomach do a flip because Sirius had spent his whole life being uninterested in marriage, but now, he couldn’t get it out of hs head.

And then the Engagement came and Sirius had never felt so insecure. Why was she being so cruel? And why did he want to do nothing other than go and comfort her when she was crying and asking to break up? He was sure they were going in a good direction, but he suddenly felt like he was twelve years old all over again trying to imagine what could have possibly happened that made her stop talking to him.

Then it was her birthday and Sirius was kicking himself because he had been preparing her present since Easter and it felt wrong not to give it to her. He wanted to give it to her on her actual birthday, but then he saw her with Nott and he saw that necklace on her that he had never seen before and suddenly the two books in his hand looked pathetic, so he hid it behind the corner of her house and tried to act like everything was normal when he came over and spoke to her.

Sure, maybe it was weird for him to be doing this. But it was her birthday and he felt like shit and he still wasn’t sure what went wrong and maybe, he was going a little crazy because this was the second time she had done this to him and a part of him needed to know this wasn't his fault.

And Father’s Day came. He had heard a rumour that Nott was going to propose. His mother had been telling one of the other mother’s about it and Sirius had heard when he went to get a glass of water in the kitchen even though his mother changed the topic mid sentence as soon as she saw him walk into the kitchen.

She’ll say no. Was the first thought he had, but really, he couldn’t be sure. She just wanted that respectable and comfortable life that he, obviously, couldn’t provide.

That was, untl, she was at his door, her makeup smudged and her bottom lip trembling as she recalled what had happened. And Sirius would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to hear this.

And then, they were centimetres away and Sirius wanted nothing more than to kiss her. They hadn’t spoken in almost a month and he was the first person she thought to come see seconds after she declined a marriage proposal, so Sirius didn’t think it unlikely that she wanted to kiss him too. But she was very fragile and if Sirius was gonig to do this, he was going to do this right. She deserved that.

And he felt so confident in this choice until she hurriedly ran out and Sirius was ready to grovel to ensure she would forgive him for what he now understood was a mistake.

So when Sirius was trying to figure out what to dress as for Halloween, he took a gamble and went as a prince, only for the gamble to pay off when he saw her come as a princess. And even with the frown tugging on her lips, he still thought she was the prettiest princess he had ever seen.

And on his birthday when she finally became his princess, he suddenly felt infinitely lighter. Until he saw that picture of her in that princess outfiit he had provided her with. That one went straight into his drawer so only he would ever see that.

Sirius was never one to feel insecure, but if you were to tell him that he was punching above his weight with her, he wouldn’t disagree. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen and he made sure that he told her that every single time he saw her, because he was sure he would die if he ever lost her again.

And he couldn’t help but laugh when he took those photos off his mirror of the girls on the motorbikes because he was sure that they would stay there forever. But they got replaced and Sirius was reminded everyday of how lucky he was.

And when they were finally married and Sirius reailsed he probably should thank his mother. He was sure that without her constant nagging of her beauty, he still would have thought she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen, but maybe he would have needed a push into that direction. Because she was definitely out of hs league.

And he realised she was right. That smile would get her in trouble. But it also got him in trouble, because his mother was right. How could anyone ever say no to her?

And Sirius finally got to wake up to her every morning and he wanted to tell his younger self that unfortunately, she was perfect, and even if in the morning she woke up with the short hairs that framed her face hanging in all directions, and even if she stll had sleep in her eyes and morning breath, she still was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.