Hi! I love your writing like literally OMG! I was wondering if you could write about Bucky getting a little to overprotective on a mission you were both on? ❤️
Oh my gosh can you imagine 🥺
“Come on, Y/N-“ He begged. “I said I was sorry, alright?” You rolled your eyes at his remark as you clutched your arm, warm blood soaking your hand as you covered the wound. “Let me take a look at it-“
“I said I’m fine.” You huffed out, partly in annoyance, partly in pain.
“It looks really bad-“ He tried again, a soft whimper leaving his lips once he saw that your hand was covered in blood.
“It is!” You finally stopped, turning around to face him. “It hurts really bad.”
Your arm was on fire. It burned and you were feeling a bit lightheaded from the injuries you’d sustained, but you wanted to get as far away from Bucky as possible.
“Ok, stop walking for a second-“
“No!” You shouted. “Just leave me alone, Barnes!” The tone you used made his chest tight. “If you had trusted me in the first place, we wouldn’t even be in this mess!” He knew you were right. “If you would’ve trusted me when I said I had it, then he wouldn’t have gotten away!”
“Y/N, I said I was-“ He tried, but you cut him off again.
“Sorry doesn’t change the fact that it happened!” Before you could really give him a piece of your mind, your arm began to pulsate. “Agh-“
“Sit down!” He finally demanded, his voice rising as he gave you an order he wasn’t sure you’d follow.
Much to his surprise, you did. You sat down on the dirt trail you’d been walking down for the last ten miles and he quickly rushed to your side, tearing a small piece of his shirt off to wrap it around your bicep.
“I don’t think we can work together anymore.” You let out softly, avoiding his stare as he continued to tend to your wound. “We don’t work well together because you don’t trust me.”
This was the third mission that you and Bucky had been on together that had ended unsuccessfully. The two of you were always butting heads and it always seemed like you were working against each other instead of with each other.
“That’s not it-“
“Then what is it? Because you clearly don’t think I can protect myself-“
“Because I don’t want to lose you.” He let out with a defeated sigh and you weren’t sure if you’d heard him correctly or if you’d lost too much blood that you were imagining things. “I know I should have trusted you, I just-“ He wore a small frown as he avoided your stare. “If I ever lost you, I’d never forgive myself. I-“ Before he could finish, you placed the palm of the hand of your good arm against his cheek and turned his head to face you, your eyes meeting for just a moment before you pressed your lips to his, capturing them in a tender kiss. “I wish I said something sooner.” He let out breathlessly as soon as you pulled away.
“Me too.” You weren’t sure if you were dizzy from your injury or from the euphoric feeling of kissing Bucky. Your confession stunned him and his lips turned into a small smile.
“Hang on for me, ok?” He asked, wrapping his arms around you to hoist you up as he carried you in his arms. “I’m going to get you some place safe.”
And he did.
As it turns out, the two of you made a pretty good team together, after all.
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I can't stop thinking about sleepy!peter. This is a request please anything with a sleep-deprived dorky peter
oof i made this kinda long by accident 😭 pls enjoy <3
“five more minutes, mr. stark. just… five minutes,” peter murmurs to tony and shrugs his hand off of him. after arriving at the tower straight from school, he’d done his usual training session and a last minute cram session for what tony guesses is a history test. he drifted off somewhere in between everything.
if you ever think your schedule is packed, you haven’t seen peter’s.
tony sighs when his protégé still doesn’t budge. he’s at the kitchen table, passed out on a stack of textbooks.
“up and at ‘em, kid. wouldn’t you rather sleep in, i don’t know, your own bed?” tony proposes instead. it earns him a childish pout and head shake from peter. “i wanna sleep in y/n’s. want her cuddles.” he quirks an eyebrow at the mention of his daughter. “oh? you two are in the sleepover stage?” “have been for a while,” peter corrects him, nuzzling his cheek against the textbook.
why wouldn’t you tell tony that? it’s not like he doesn’t know you’re together, and he was bound to find out eventually. you and peter do live under his roof. teenagers and their privacy.
grabbing peter’s shoulder, tony yanks him back into a sitting position. “tell you what, i’ll take you up to y/n if you promise me you’ll get some sleep.” peter begins to protest, and barely gets out a but before tony interrupts. “real sleep. crashing while you analyze the declaration of independence hardly counts.”
peter lazily blinks his eyes open, rubbing the exhaustion out of them while he speaks. “as much as i want to, mr. stark… i…” he yawns his words out. “i should really get back to work.” just like that, he’s awake. tony has to admit that his commitment is impressive. impressive, but not good for him. “kid, it’s late. when’s that test of yours, anyway?” he asks peter, whose shoulders slump. “uh, tomorrow.”
“bedtime it is, then. that genius brain of yours could use a break before the big day ahead,” tony decides and successfully helps peter out of the kitchen chair. “you think i’m a genius?” peter smiles shyly, letting tony lead him to the staircase. “who doesn’t? i doubt you even needed the all nighter you were gonna pull.” his jaw slightly dropping, peter follows next to tony. “how did you know i-“ “i know everything,” he simply insists.
there’s a beat of silence, then tony inquires some more. “except that you apparently canoodle with my daughter every night. since when does that happen?” the two of them continue trudging up the stairs. peter grins once again as he thinks of you. “started before we were dating, actually. it’s nothing bad, though.” he shrugs a shoulder. “we just, like, spoon each other.”
“ah, you’re into the classics. me and pep are the same.” a fond smirk pulls at tony’s lips. “she’s the big spoon.” “i figured,” peter chuckles back, tony scrunching his face up in mock offense. “and why’s that?” “oh, come on. it’s no secret pepper wears the pants,” peter teases his mentor while they make their way down the hall. “you’re much nicer unconscious,” tony remarks.
the two of them reach your room finally, peter letting out a long breath. your door is cracked open, in case peter wanted to stop by. he can see you at your desk with a dim light on next to you. another grin crossing his features, him and tony watch you scribble something in a notebook.
tony knocks on the doorframe and peaks his head into your room. “special delivery,” he announces, you cocking your head to the side curiously. “what is it?” your dad answers by pushing open the door to reveal peter. peter gives you a small wave. “oh,” you bite back a smile, getting up from your seat. “just what i ordered. how’d you know?”
“kid fell asleep studying. the only way i could get him up was to bring him here,” tony explains, clapping peter on the back. “he was asking for you. your cuddles, specifically.” “thanks, mr. stark. i think she gets it,” peter says through clenched teeth. you laugh softly at his forced confession. “it’s okay, pete. i was waiting for you to come.” he rubs one of his pink tinted cheeks.
“we’ll discuss this in the morning, young lady,” tony playfully scolds you. “for now, why don’t you kids head off to dreamland. pete’s got a test tomorrow.” peter presses his lips together, you walking up to him. “i‘ve got him, dad. thank you for being cool about us.” you take peter’s hands with a nod at tony, him ruffling your hair.
“night, y/n/n. hands stay above the waist, parker,” tony meets his eyes for emphasis. “understood,” peter mumbles and threads his fingers through yours. “night.” satisfied in that, tony leaves and closes the door behind him. he sticks around for a few seconds, hearing you chastise peter about fixing his sleep schedule. your dad walks away with a smile on his face.
“you’re supposed to get a good night’s sleep before a test, by the way,” you remind peter while he changes into pajamas. he’s left a few things here for whenever he sleeps over, as tony called it. “which i’m about to do. i have the world’s best snuggler for a girlfriend.” peter pulls up his flannel bottoms, coming towards the bed. you’re sitting at the edge of it.
“you also have to eat a good breakfast. that means no poptarts and chocolate milk,” you beam knowingly, peter flopping down onto his back and your comforter. “they make healthy ones now, y/n/n. bruce just bought them,” he protests and tries to reach for you. you look at him over your shoulder. “so?” “so, he’s a doctor. i trust him.” a yawn slips out of peter. he keeps his eyes closed after this one.
“i wouldn’t take nutrition advice from the hulk, but ok,” you concede and lay down next to your sleepy boyfriend. “how was your day? besides the studying.” your voice drops to a whisper, peter’s arms winding around your middle. “not bad, just busy. i did some sparring with sam.” he pulls you closer to him and hides his face in your neck. “he beat me, obviously.” giggling quietly, you cradle the back of his head with one hand.
“school?” you wonder and tangle your fingers in his unkempt locks. “good, ‘cuz you were there.” he places a few kisses to your skin, and you can feel his lips curve into a smile. your leg drapes around his waist. “very smooth.” “it’s true,” peter whines and tightens his grip on you. “just knowing you’re around somewhere makes me happy.” humming, you keep combing your fingers through his hair. “you’re the cutest. go to bed, petey.”
peter easily gives in. “mm, whatever you say. g’night, lovey.” you kiss his hair lightly in response. his breathing doesn’t take long to even out, and he’s soon fast asleep while cuddled up next to you.
tony was right, as per usual. peter’s genius brain really did need a break.
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I can t find this one fic fatws bucky x reader
I remember he called us rabbit or something and we are a hacker
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When He’s Drunk
A/N: Poor Bucky 🥺
Summary:IMAGINE! Includes; Bucky, Thor, Steve, Peter Q, and Loki
Word Count: 392
Bucky hated parties, he hated them with a passion. Which sucked because Stark seemed to throw one every weekend. When Bucky would drink the galactic stuff Thor would bring on occasion, Bucky found himself very emotional, more than usual. At least when he was sober, he was able to functionally talk to people, he might have scared the shit out of a few, but nonetheless. When he was drunk he’d just sit in a corner sulking without speaking a single word to anyone the whole night. You thought it was weird. One time you went over to talk to him and he started to cry… you felt bad for him, but you weren’t doing that again
Thor loved parties no matter if they where on Earth, Asgard, Knowhere, or Anywhere. No matter where in the galaxy, he enjoyed himself. What he loved the most about parties was that he could drink. Beer especially. Whenever he was drunk he’d get all giggly and everything was absolutely hilarious to him.
Sober Steve is sorta uptight, but drunk Steve Grant Rogers? Well let’s just say his back hurts every time because he is always carrying the party. Thanks to Thor and his magically strong alcohol, Steve could finally let go and relax. Now it was extremely fun he got super drunk, because it was a very rare occasion and a very different Steve. One time you yelled “TAKE IT OFF” teasingly and he actually began to take off his clothes… He was wild as hell.
“I love you.” Falls from his moth about 70 times in one night if the drinks too much. And if he’s not telling you specifically that he loves you, he’s going to tell it to anyone who will listen.
“I fricken love her man!” He would say with his arm draped around some poor random guy.
Loki was/is very easily irritated when he is drunk or sober for that matter. One time he and Thor began to fight because Loki didn’t like how Thor spoke to you. He said it was “Disrespectful”, but in reality the only thing Thor said was that he didn’t understand the meaning of the movie “Home alone.”, which was one of your favorites. He stated that he’s been home alone many times and… umm well not important . Loki had zero patience for it nonetheless.
Comments, Questions, Opinions :)
See more of what I have written so far: Masterlist
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His Pet Names For You
Warning: NONE! All for funzies
A/N: it’s kitten or puddin for meee!
Summary: IMAGINE. Includes: Tony, Steve, Bucky, Peter x2
Word Count: 36
Comments, Questions, Opinions :)
See more of what I have written so far: Masterlist
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Day Trips With Peter 🚗 Peter Parker x Reader
Pronouns: None stated :)
Word Count: 742
Warnings: None :)
When Peter got his license the first thing he wanted to do was take you on a trip
MJ had to talk him into skipping school on Friday so he could pick you up early
“Come on, it’s just one day.”
“What if Aunt May finds out! What if there’s an emergency in Queens where they need Spiderman! Plus I have a lab on Friday! We can leave after school.”
“No, don’t be lame. Just go!”
So, on a sunny Friday morning at 10am he drove to your apartment in his weird black sedan
He would talk to your parents as you finish packing and carry everything for you
“I didn’t know a boy like that could carry so much!”
“Mom, please. “ You groaned.
You would get drinks and snacks from the Bodega and breakfast at McDonalds
“Y/N do you think I can fit in the slide?”
“No, Peter! You’re going to scare the little kids.”
While riding you switch between your playlist and Peter’s, happily singing along to whatever you felt like
* “I Want You Back” by The Jackson 5 starts playing*
“What do you know about this?” You joke.
“I met a guy who had this really cool playlist. He was from Earth.”
“Um, why wouldn’t he be from Earth?”
“No reason! Hey look, a garage sale!”
He would stop at garage sales or flower stands. Whatever looked interesting and buy you things. At one small store he bought you a geode that he helped you crack on the side of the road. Inside was tons of gorgeous blue crystals. At a flower stand he tried to negotiate a lower price for tulips but accidentally bought you a plush tulip instead.
“At least it won’t die now!”
What would’ve taken about an hour trip to the museum took 2 hours due to constant stops and the car breaking down.
Finally you arrive at the museum and spend hours exploring. Usually you and him would go look at the same exhibits but occasionally you separated. Going off on your own adventure before meeting back up with him at a new place.
Considering it was still early there weren't a lot of people inside. The exhibits were clean and you were able to see everything without pushing or shoving.
By the time you left it was 4:00pm. The sun was still high in the sky, warming your skin, but your feet were tired.
Since Peter chose the museum you decided that the two of you should go to the park for a while. Peter found an open picnic table while you bought some food by a nearby food truck. Sitting in the shade you and him ate and listened to a man on the guitar.
You felt so safe and warm. The weather was nice, the music was soft. School was completely off your mind and you just wanted to relax with Peter. He had already decided that afterwards he wanted to go to a bookstore. You added that after that dinner would be nice. With a plan set the two of you got up. Peter tipped the man $10.00 and he offered to take a photo of you and Peter. Now in your phone it was a cute photo of you on top of Peter’s back.
Driving to the bookstore. Peter happily went in. Getting lost in between the large bookshelves. You sat at a small table at the front of the door. Choosing a place to eat and responding to your parent’s calls.
An hour later Peter came back with 3 books about interdimensional beings.
“Any reason for the books?” You asked.
“Uh, I’m just interested in them.”
The two of you went to a cute restaurant and talked about the day. You repeatedly thanked Peter for all of the gifts he had bought you and offered reimbursement but he kept saying that it was no problem.
After eating you went back into his car and he began to drive.
The happy, energetic music turned quiet and slow. The sun was beginning to set and you watched as the places you had went to were left behind. Noticing that Peter was a great driver you allowed your eyes to close. Falling asleep in his soft seats.
Peter made sure to drive slow on turns to make sure you didn’t wake up. When he stopped for gas he pulled out his phone and sent Aunt May the picture of you and him captioned “Today was a good day”.
Author's Note: Two posts in one week, crazy I know!! With school about to end I've been wanting to slack off lol but at least I have time to write. I might write some more this weekend and then just save them so I don't post once a month. Thank you for all the love on the Jamal post! I don't think it was that good but I really wanted Jamal to keep the same energy he has in the show. Enough rambling ! Anyway please like if you enjoyed and follow <3 Have a wonderful day ~c'k
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Bitten (One shot)
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader
A/N: Hello, I bring you this little one shot, college is kicking my ass these days but I'm not drownig yeeeeet, anyways, please enjoy, like, comment, reblog, lov u all
Being fwb with Steve had it's perks, and although it was a no string attached, you couldn't help but feel jealous each time he flirted with a different girl. And he would smile and fuck you real good. But that wasn't healthy for you, you needed to find another way of wasting your energy, so when you stopped calling him every five hours, Steve Rogers worried.
He was your friend way before the benefits, and he worried about you, and sometimes he got jealous of other guys flirting, and he got mad when you flirted back. Truth was, he was falling for you, hard, you were everything he didn't he wanted but he didn't know how to tell you and definitely he was afraid of ruining what you two had.
So he would take what he had, until he didn't had it anymore.
'You have to rotate your shoulders'
You watched your coach, trying to comprehend what she wanted from you, you started to regret signing in in the swimming lessons, it was great for your body and stress levels, but awful for your muscles, each day you woke up hurting in a place you didn't know should hurt so much, but again, you started to look amazing, and that was worthy.
'Your hips don't have to move, just your shoulders, now give me six laps' She said before whistling.
You sighed and started to swim, the muscles in your hips, legs, and calves started to feel like burning, but you didn't stop, the class was almost done and you could go and sleep for the rest of the weekend.
As you were concentrated on kicking and trying not to stop breathing, you didn't see the girl in front of you, until you felt the pain in your cheek and lip.
'oh fuck' You stopped midway
Your coach and other people neared to you to see what have happened.
'Y/N! Are you alright?'
'I bit my lip'
'Y/N, I'm so sorry' said Typh, the girl that was swimming with you
'It's alright, I didn't see you'
'Come outside' Said your coach
In the changing rooms she examined you, fortunately, as you were doing the damned rotation, it was just the hard bit in your lip.
'Naaaaaaat, I seriously don't wanna go, please, pleaaaase let me stay' You whined
'It may be inflated, but definitely will be red, use a cold compress as soon as you arrive to your dorm'
'Nope, nope, you are going, otherwise, that damned Brittany girl will flirt with Steve and I won't be able to scare her away, Steve just listen to you'
'I'm not his girlfriend!'
'Not yet' She said with a little smirk
You rolled your eyes 'He doesn't feel that way'
'Oh trust me, and he will see that broken lip and he will go insane'
'I highly doubt that'
'Come on, I have a feeling'
Steve was having fun, but he wasn't enjoying the party like other days, he felt like something was missing and he knew what, but won't admit it. Bucky was smirking, the way he did when he was planning something.
Not so suddenly (because he saw Natasha enter the room) he saw you and everything felt a little bit better... Until you came closer... and he saw your swollen lip.
It was red, and not too swollen as he first thought, but definitely swollen. Steve felt his stomach hurt, and he felt nauseous, because he had left your lips that way before, while kissing you, you always complained but didn't really mind it.
'What on earth happened?' He almost screamed
And he didn't have to, the music wasn't blasting. Brittany, who was next to him, giggled, honestly, he forgot she was there.
'Isn't it obvious? Little Y/N here had her fun before coming here'
Steve swore to never talk to her again.
'If you'll excuse us' He said before taking you hand and drag you to the nearest empty room
'Who did that to you? And why?'
You were a little bit confused, he always said that jealousy was an awful look on you.
'Why does it care to you?' You were stubborn as hell and Nat had planted a tiny little seed of doubt.
You and Steve were staring at each other eyes, and you weren't going to lose, something changed in his eyes, and before you knew he was kissing you, hard and full of anger, and you kissed him back with the same intensity, until he bit you and you yelped.
'Shit! Did I hurt you?'
'No, I mean it hurts, but you couldn't hurt me more'
He kissed your temple, and that spot behind your ear that always made you whimper 'Tell me what happened, who bit you?' He murmured and you sighed
'Why does it care?' You murmured back
'I... because... I'm falling for you, and I am really hoping you feel the same'
You looked into his eyes and your heart jumped 'I do feel the same, you fool'
'Fool?' He laughed
And so did you, until your lip hurt.
'Okay, enough, you have to tell me who did this'
'What? How? When? Why?'
'Because I was swimming and didn't see Typh in front of me and she kicked me and I bit myself'
He looked at you, he didn't believe you.
'Really! That's what happened!'
'It happened!' Natasha screamed at the other side of the door
You looked at Steve and started laughing.
'Now come here and let's have fun!' Wanda screamed.
Steve shook his head and kissed you again, but careful of your lip.
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✧ chapter five: a single promise - b. barnes x oc series ✧
-> captain-james’ gif
‘let’s play fire with fire’ masterlist
summary: trying to recover from the last fight, the team takes angela to sarah wilson’s place back in louisiana. meanwhile, sera and bucky struggle with their feelings towards each other.
“Ouch. That fucking burns.” Angela complained the second Sera touched her skin with a wet piece of cotton. “Do you know how that feels like?”
Sera let out a tiny laugh before slowly shaking her head. “Not really. I mean, I do. But it doesn’t hurt me.”
After leaving that burning forest, Sam decided that it was best for the team to have a break at his sister’s house back in Louisiana. After all, Angela needed to recover and there wasn’t a place where she could and be safe. So without giving her sister a warning, he started to drive the car away ready to leave the fight behind and enter the best place for them right on that moment.
Sarah Wilson was indeed surprised to see her brother drive in with two complete strangers, one of them scratched in most of her body. But didn’t even hesitate on giving Angela a place to sit before quickly grabbing the things necessary to patch her up.
Even if Sera had a history with Sam, she never got the change to meet his family so seeing that part of his life was definitely new and weird for her. She of course knew that he had a family, everyone does, but she never actually stopped and thought about it. The moment she sat down on the couch next to her friend to take a breathe out, she heard some steps walking down the stairs. Looking up she found two strange boys looking at her confused and then at Angela. The little one waved at Sera with a little smile on his face while the older one just walked back to look for his mother or uncle, but soon joined the living room once again when Sarah walked in with more than three things on her hands.
Sera grabbed them and repeatedly said that she had to help her friend out and giving her a place to be and comfortable clothes to change into was more than enough from Sarah’s part, so taking the piece of cotton and the alcohol, she carefully started to clean her friend’s wounds as Angela was still trying to process what just happened and who her friend was.
“I feel like I’m in a movie.” Angela said while Sera kept touching with the cotton her skin. “I mean, being captured by a bad guy because they want to get closer to a person I know... I could write a book about it!”
Sera let out a tiny laugh before tossing the piece of cotton away to pick another one. “You’re certainly looking the positive thing to this.”
“Hell yeah! I mean it would’ve been better if I had a sexy super hero to save me so we can fall in love later and m have a happily after, but you know, you’re fine.” She said joking gaining an fake offended look from Sera. “What? Oh c’mon, like you wouldn’t mind to be saved by a super strong man who’s also a cutie and a gentleman.” Sera kept her mouth shut while shaking her head surprised at her friends positive but crazy mind. Angela, looked at the kitchen and let out a tiny smile once her eyes caught something out. “But I guess you’re more than capable of saving yourself.”
“Damn right.” Sera nodded tossing the last piece of cotton and locked eyes at Angela who seemed to have something to say. But before she could let anything out, Sera opened her mouth ready to say what her brain wanted to say since she found her. “Hey, look... I’m sorry. It was my fault that you went through this and I- I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for taking you down with me-”
“Hey, don’t be stupid.” Angela shook her head as her hand touched Sera’s. “The only one to blame is that asshole. I’m fine, don’t worry about me. Besides, I’ve dated a thousand of dickheads in my past, what’s one more than failed?” They both let out tiny laughs as their eyes were still locked to each other.
“I’m gonna kill that guy, the one who lied to you. Count on that.” Sera said with a joking tone even if her insides where burning with just the thought of it.
Angela smiled and slowly nodded. “I’m sure you will.”
“But seriously,” Sera took a deep breath as her brain was trying to look for the courage to say the next words. She knew she had to and it was the right thing to do, she had to let her know, even if it filled her chest with pain “if you want to leave after you’re alright, I’m good with that. If you feel like you want to stop being my friend, I’m gonna understand. You know? Being my friend before doesn’t mean that you have to... stick around.”
As Sera was waiting for Angela’s answer, she could feel her heart beating faster and her hands to get sweaty. She was afraid of her next words or even what she was thinking, she knew that there was a big possibility of her not wanting to be around her anymore, since being around Sera wasn’t the biggest party of them all and just like everyone else, she would leave in the end. But instead, Angela just shook her head and let out the loudest laugh ever. “Are you kidding me!? Having a best friend that has super powers is the coolest shit ever!”
As soon as Angela said those words Sera’s chest filled with relief and with a hot warmth, but not the kind she was used to feeling, something even better. “Best friends?” She asked softly and Angela quickly nodded excited.
“Fuck yeah. Wait- I thought we were best friends before. Are we gonna have the talk about what are we?”
Sera let out a tiny laugh. “Best friends.”
“Oh, thank god, otherwise that would’ve been awkward!” Their laughs surrounded the living room but then when Angela stopped and got closer to Sera’s face, she furrowed her eyebrows confused while waiting for her friend to talk. “Besides, I think you need to have the talk with someone else.”
“What do you mean?” Sera asked confused as Angela looked behind her and let out a tiny cheeky smile. Curious of what her friend was seeing, she was ready to turn around but then her friend spoke again.
“Because Bucky hasn’t been able to take his eyes off of you since we got inside the house.”
Sera’s heart dropped to her stomach the second those words hit her ears. She unintentionally bit the corner of her lower lip as she turned around to see the people moving around in the kitchen. And as soon as she did, she locked eyes with him.
Bucky was laying against the counter on the other side of the kitchen, making them a couple of meters away. Sam and his family were talking but he didn’t seem to catch a word they were saying since all his focus was on her, even if he didn’t want to. All those memories about what happened a couple of hours ago were flying around his head. Sera knew that and she knew that she would have to explain what it was and what happened at some point. While their eyes where still glued to each other, they suddenly felt like their muscle memories where bringing back their bodies becoming one. The electricity, their bloods mixing as well as the air coming out of their mouths. But Bucky was remembering something else: Sera managed to take the fire that had went inside his body like it was nothing. She managed to take full control of it and leave no marks of being there in the first place. It was so strange to him and he caught himself imagining it over and over again while his body was remembering every feeling and thought he had while on that moment.
All of that was cut short by Sam walking between them and pointing with his head to the front door, letting them know it was time for them to talk.
“So, what now?” Sam asked the second they were all standing outside with the wind hitting their skins and moving their hairs along with it.
“Now that I know that Jackson is involved I want to be a part of this more than ever.” Sera said softly while crossing her arms around her chest. “I need to end this.”
Remembering Jackson’s words, Sera let out a long sigh and looked to the ocean moving from a far. Those old memories coming to her head bringing back every bad feeling she ever had, those bad decisions, those regrets and everything that came after. Every second of pain she felt when she realised what she had done, but it was all said and done for her to fix it. The years that it took her to forget it, and yet here she was, coming back to it but ready to end it all for the last time.
“What is it that he wants with you anyway?” Bucky asked noticing the silence surrounding Sera. But not knowing if she should say the truth or not, she stayed quiet until her brain debated what her next words should be. But before she could decide the better choice, her body and mouth decided for her by shrugging her shoulders and just letting a single “I don’t know” softly.
She didn’t know why she did that. Maybe because deep down she feared that if they knew the truth they wouldn’t look at her the same way. It took her years to finally trust Sam, but even then, she still didn’t tell him her entire story and everything she did.
“Well,” Sam said “we’re not stuck. We have the address Jackson told us way back at the beginning. Street 719, remember?”
“Yes, but how we know he didn’t just told us a random street to get away from us?” Bucky asked but Sera quickly shook her head, making both Sam and Bucky to turn to her.
“No, he panicked that day. He didn’t know we were coming so he clearly didn’t know he was going to end up running away. It’s worth the shot.”
Sam and Bucky nodded agreeing. “Is better if we stay here until Angela is alright, or until she can take care of herself.”
“Yeah, I don’t want to leave her alone.” Sera said. “Besides, we need backup.”
“Wait-” Sam cut her off. “I said we needed backup back then... are you agreeing with me?” Sera realised what Sam just said and was about deny it, but the loud laugh coming out of Sam’s mouth made her stay silent. “That’s new! Oh Lord, may this day bless us and be our new holiday. I call it, the day Sera finally realised that Sam is right and didn’t even have a comeback.”
“Oh, I have a comeback-”
“Just let him have this, ok?” Bucky said seeing how happy and excited Sam was while still laughing until his breathing cut short. “I better tell Sarah about this, this is one of the best days of my life!” As he was walking away all they could hear was Sam’s laugh and his happy feet walking up the stairs. But then, when he went inside the house his laugh faded away and there was nothing but the sound of the ocean and the crickets surrounding Bucky and Sera, who stayed put watching Sam walk away.
“He’s not going to let it go.” Sera said and Bucky quickly shook his head.
“Oh, no, never.”
They both bursted out laughing realising how stupid and childish the whole situation was, but for some reason, they didn’t mind. Anything that would bring them peace in those crazy wild times, it was good enough for them.
Seconds later, they found themselves enjoying the silence of the night as the only thing illuminating them was the poor street light of the house. They ocean was barely moving so it let out relaxing and soft noises of the water.
Sera felt a chilly wind against her skin but soon erased it by unintentionally moving her fingers and soon feeling the burning flames inside her body. But even though she didn’t feel cold anymore, she still moved her hands against her skin trying to find more natural warmth rather than the one her body was making.
“Are you cold?” Bucky asked softly by her side making her lock eyes with him and let out a tiny smile.
“What? Are you gonna give me your jacket like the oldest trick on the book says?” Sera said jokingly which lead to Bucky shaking his head with an inevitable smile forming on his lips.
“Right, I forgot you’re part torch so you don’t get cold.”
“And you screwdriver? Do you get cold?”
Bucky shook his head. “Not really-”
“Oh, Bucky! Do you want me to give you my jacket? Or do you want me to get closer so I can put my arm around and fill you with warmth?”
Bucky turned to her and furrowed his eyebrows confused. “How many romantic movies have you watched in your life?”
“What? You’re the one who wanted to give a girl flowers and take her to a festival.” Sera shrugged her shoulders and unintentionally taking a step to the side, to be more closer to Bucky.
“I still don’t know what is wrong with that.”
“Nothing! Is cute. I just mean that the festivals now aren’t the same as they used to be... grandpa.” As soon as Sera let out that word Bucky turned to her with his eyebrows lifted and his mouth slightly opened as a smile was forming on his lips.
“I’m not that old.” He said offended but that just made Sera to let out a loud laugh and playfully punch Bucky’s arm. “Oh, c’mon!”
“I’m sorry but that was funny!”
While Sera was trying to calm herself down and stop with her laughter, even if it was taken her longer than intended, Bucky found himself staring at her with a smile on his lips. The way that her eyes would become smaller the bigger her smile would get, her wrinkles forming around her skin and her hair moving alongside the wind. But what caught his eyes the longest where her lips. Her dark pink lips and the way she would move them as her laughter continued, how she would press them together to calm herself down or how she would lick them once she took deep breath in once she was done. All of those things would unintentionally make Bucky’s stomach to go crazy. The memory of him wanting to kiss her at the club while she was staring at her drink came back to his mind like a fast train, making him feel those exact same things right on that moment. His ears stopped hearing her laugh so he came to her eyes noticing them staring at him.
Suddenly, like she wasn’t just laughing his heart out, Sera’s butterflies inside her stomach started to move as fast as they could as she felt Bucky’s eyes on her. They felt the tension grow as their desire to grab the other was becoming bigger and bigger. Taking a step closer to Sera, touching her shoulder in the process they both felt some electricity hitting their bodies the second their skins touched bringing them back to what happened hours ago in the forest.
Still confused about that, Bucky kept staring at her eyes like he was looking for an answer in them. But ending up with nothing, he moved closer to her with the intention to feel her warmth once again against his body. Sera felt like she was glued to the floor, frozen under Bucky’s eyes wanting with excitement his next movement.
Their lips wanted to taste each other, that was known for the two of them, but before Bucky could move his hand towards her cheek a loud noise coming from the house followed by Sarah calling out the kids, made them both realise what they were doing.
“I better go check on Angela.” Sera said softly shaking her wild thoughts in her mind as Bucky looked down and took in a long breath.
“Yeah, and I better go- check on... Sam. Make sure everything is going fine.”
They both nodded and before both of them could do anything else that they might regret, they walked inside the house to make their separate ways and forget what just happened, saving it inside a box and leaving it with the others.
“I’m telling you!” Sarah said with a smile while her, Sam and Sera were drying the wet dishes after dinner. “When Sam was younger he liked to be wearing nothing but his underwear and sing the greatest love of all by Whitney Houston all the time.”
“No he didn’t!” Sera said surprised after opening her mouth shook.
“Yes he did!”
“On my defence Whitney was huge when I was a kid and that song was amazing. You can’t blame me.” Sam said lifting his hands into the air.
“I’m never going to let that go.” Sera said. “When you least expect it I’m gonna bring it and tell everyone we meet.”
Sam shook his head while grabbing another plate. “I’m sure you will.”
As soon as Sera was done with the plate on her hands she left it on the side and got ready to grab another one, but the laughs of Sarah’s kids hit her ears she slowly turn around to see both of them play around with Bucky while Angela was happily watching the fake fight on the couch with laughs coming out of her mouth.
The oldest of them, AJ, was trying to bring Bucky’s metal arm down while the youngest, Cass was fake punching Bucky on his face. Bucky fell to the floor but then quickly got up by carefully grabbing AJ and pulling him to the ground and soon take his time with Cass.
“You’re going down Bucky Barnes!” Cass yelled as he was fake fighting, making Sarah and Sam turn towards them.
“AJ! Be careful!” Sarah said firmly once she saw how her oldest son wrapped his arms around Bucky’s neck trying to pull him down.
“Don’t stop him.” Sam said while watching the fight with a cheeky smile “I wanna see where this goes.”
“C’mon Sam!” Bucky yelled from the living room. “Join the fight!”
“Yes, uncle Sam, join the fight!” Cass added as he was still fake punching and making fight noises with his mouth.
“I’m good just watching!”
“What? You don’t think you can beat us? C’mon!” Bucky said as he fell to the ground once again but soon got up to his feet and grabbed both of the kids and lifted them up into the air.
“Bucky Barnes vs The falcon!” Cass yelled which lead to Sam quickly shaking his head.
“Already been there, don’t wanna see it again. Thank you very much!”
“What?” Sera joined the conversation. “You can beat him.”
“Alright.” Sam said after letting out a tiny sigh. “But I’m winning, no matter what.” He left the towel and started walking towards the fake fight not before his sister warned him about not breaking anything.
Sera grabbed another plate without taking her eyes from the fake fight now with Sam too. As she was carefully drying the dish with the towel on her hand an unintentionally smile came out of her lips as she noticed Bucky pretending that his arm was hurting once AJ punched him.
Seeing him play with those two kids made the butterflies inside Sera’s stomach to go wild like they just seen the cutest thing ever. Her eyes and mind were so concentrated on the fight that she didn’t notice her teeth gently biting her lower lip as her eyes were slowly following Bucky, and carefully watching every move he was doing.
“Now, I’m pretty sure you’re not into my brother because I know you two have a complicated story and he loves you like a sister, so” Sarah said taking Sera out of her thoughts and gaining her eyes on her “I’m guessing the one that’s making you have those love eyes and biting your lip is Bucky, am I right?”
Sera stayed silent surprised at Sarah’s words making her tongue get twisted. She opened her mouth but no words were coming out of it, making Sera look more guilty than before. Sarah let out a tiny laugh and then added, after leaving the wet towel on the counter and turning around to rest her waist against the corner. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell anyone.”
“There’s nothing to tell, Sarah.” Sera shook her head as she was repeating Sarah’s movements to end up by her side while the both of them were facing the boys play around.
“Sera, I might not have super powers but I know when someone’s into a specific person.” Sera turned to her to notice that she was already looking at her. Making a quick look to Bucky, Sarah let out a tiny smile before going back to Sera who her confused emotions and feelings made her furrow her eyebrows confuse. “The eyes never lie, honey.”
No, they don’t. Sera thought looking back at Bucky. Seeing him playing with Sam and the kids made her stomach turned and to feel her chest fill with warmth. She wanted to smile again but tried her hardest to not let it out. Maybe Sarah was right, maybe she did felt something for Bucky. After all, the things that he made her feel by just playing around with some kids weren’t something that you feel by looking at a stranger.
“Well, if I do” Sera said after letting out a little sigh “I know it’s gonna be complicated.”
“Life is already complicated-”
“Tell me about it.” Sera added while a laugh escaped her lips.
“But you don’t have to let it control what you do, Sera.”
Those soft words hit Sera differently.
Her whole life she spent avoiding things because she knew that they were going to be complicated. Not wanting to break the walls she build for herself over the years, she would mostly run away from every other relationship she had built. She knew that life by its own was complicated, so to that adding someone like her... she didn’t want anyone to deal with her. The weight that she felt when she wanted to ask for help, the burden sensation that her chest would get filled with making her turn around and make her own path, writing her own rules and actions. That was her whole life. Complicated thing after complicated thing, but... what if Bucky wasn’t complimented at all?
“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Cass yelling in excitement after winning the fake fight made Sera go back to reality and notice Bucky and Sam on the ground pretending to be hurt and not being able to get up.
“We won!” AJ gave Cass a high five before running towards Sarah to give her a tight hug. “Did you see that?”
“Yes, I loved seeing how you two kicked Sam’s ass.”
“But now it’s time for bed, c’mon. Up to your room.” The kids were about to complain but soon shut their mouths as soon as Sarah gave them that ‘mom’ look. “C’mon, brush your teeth first!”
“Yeah, yeah.” AJ and Cass made their way upstairs but not before giving Bucky a high five. A very tired Sam walked closer to Sarah and gave his sister a little tight hug before turning to Sera and saying: “We need to sort out the beds.”
After deciding that Angela should take the bed since she was till recovering, there was nothing left for Bucky and Sera to take the floor. Of course, Sam tried multiple times to give Sera his bed but quicklt refusing it, she said that she wanted to be next to Angela in case she needed something.
As soon as everything was in order, Sarah said goodnight to everyone and left upstairs ready to head towards her bed. Sam helped Bucky and Sera to sort everything out but then, followed Sarah upstairs wanting to fall asleep as fast as possible since it had been a long day.
Even if it was for everyone, Sera felt that falling asleep wasn’t going to be as easy as she wanted it to be since the man that had her mind go wild everytime he was in the room was going to be there right by her side.
They both definitely knew that it was going to be a very long night.
Since the moment Sera’s body felt the coldness of the sheet on the floor hit her skin she couldn’t close her eyes not even for a second. All that surrounded her and her ears where Angela’s snores on the couch and the tiny breathing coming out of Bucky’s body. She tried her hardest to take him out of her head but the more she heard him and the fact that his body was laying by her side on the floor weren’t helping. He seemed to enjoy being on Sera’s mind since all she thought about was that smile on him while playing with AJ and Cass. He wasn’t the old grumpy man Sera was used to seeing and teasing, he was happy and enjoying himself. Something that Sera found herself wanting to see more.
As her eyes were wondering around the dark while her body was facing the other way, she was trying too hard to keep herself from wanting to turn around and face Bucky. She wanted to know is he was asleep or awake trying to take Sera out his mind. All she could hear about him was his slight breathing, no muscle moving against the floor. Just him and his relaxing breathing filling the air with hot air.
It was like Sera’s body was asking her to stop overthinking and give her mind a break, but her brain couldn’t listen. Bucky was going around over and over again on her thoughts like it was broken record and there was no way of escaping it.
Maybe if I see if Bucky is asleep I’m gonna be able to rest my mind and finally get some sleep. Sera thought as she was carefully biting her lower lip and before she could decide if it was a good idea or not, her body was already moving to the other side to face Bucky.
Like she suspected, his eyes were closed but he didn’t seem asleep. His eyelashes could be seen from her point of view making them look even longer. His lips were relaxed, so relaxed that it gave Sera the desire to feel them against hers. The imagine of her getting closer ready to taste his lips appeared on her mind making her close her eyes not wanting to have that. But that made it even worse. It made her mind go wild as her and Bucky were now closer to the other, his hand touching her thigh while slowly caressing it with his thumb. Her hand against his chest slowly tracing it with her index finger, feeling his fit torso against her skin.
She didn’t want to think of that, she couldn’t. After all, it was just... Bucky. What could she do about her strange feelings for him? Tell him? And if he feels the same thing, date him? Go on dates? Be normal?
Having anything romantic didn’t seem normal for her. It was so far off from her life that even her own feelings looked like a movie for her. But even if that was weird enough, her next thought made her even more weirded out... what if Bucky felt the same thing?
She opened her eyes after letting out silent sigh to find a Bucky now facing her way and looking directly into her eyes. He let out a tiny smile before giving Angela a quick look before going back to Sera. “Can’t sleep?” He asked softly which lead to Sera slowly shaking her head.
Their eyes were glued to the other as they felt the warmth or their bodies were giving now facing each other. Sera’s eyes noticed how his eyes slowly traced her face until they arrived her lips. He stayed there for a couple of seconds making the butterflies in her stomach to wake up until he went back to her eyes. Even if the desire to end the space between them was in both of them, their eyes stayed put staring at the other like they were looking for answers in them.
For the way they were staring into each other, they both felt like they, somehow, managed to know everything that there was to know about the other. Their eyes were so focused on the other that Bucky’s actions didn’t seem to face neither of them, he took his hand and gently pushed a hair that was over Sera’s face back and tugged it behind her ear. After that, instead of taking his hand away, he stayed there and gently caress her cheek with his thumb. But soon going towards her lips to trace them slowly as his eyes went to them. Without thinking about it, Sera got closer to his body as his hand grabbed her cheek with strength ready to end the space between them and unite his lips with hers, like his body was screaming at him to do. But before they could end it, a loud snore coming out of Angela’s mouth made them both jump and separate their bodies once again.
“I didn’t know someone so small could snore so loud.” Bucky said in a whisper by Sera’s side gaining a laugh coming out from her lips. Not wanting to wake up Angela on the couch Sera covered her mouth as the laughter seemed to want to become louder. “Wanna take off to the big chair on the other room?” Bucky asked and Sera quickly nodded before getting up from the floor to walk directly to the other side of the living room, far away from Angela and her loud snores.
Bucky sat down soon followed by Sera who placed her body next to his, almost with their shoulders touching since the chair wasn’t that big for the both of them. Once they both comfortably sat down, their knees automatically touched but neither of them moved it, they kept it as they were silently enjoying it.
“And you had to deal with that everyday?” Bucky asked referring to Angela and Sera just let out a tiny laugh while shaking her head.
“I could heard her from my room but I didn’t know they were that loud.”
As they both let out laughs Sera felt how the cold air that was coming trough the window hit her skin, making her cross her arms around her chest looking for natural warmth. Bucky noticing this grabbed the blanket by their side and quickly opened it to spread it around his and Sera’s legs.
“Before you say anything, I know you can turn into a torch but, c’mon, this is better.”
Not wanting to argue with Bucky, and secretly knowing that he was right, Sera let out a tiny smile and got closer to Bucky since the blanket wasn’t wide enough. As far as she could, she moved her body against his and immediately feeling the coldness fading away from her body.
For the first time in her life, Sera realised how different was the warmth of her body from the warmth of having a body by her side was. Bucky, without giving her a chance to do something else, he took his arm and placed it around her shoulder making her head to go towards his chest, wanting to feel that new yet surprisingly amazing and relaxing warm feeling she was experiencing.
Bucky started to gently caress her hair to make her feel even more relaxed than before. She wasn’t understanding why he was doing this, but of course she was enjoying. Feeling him close, feeling his body warm hers, his hands touching her, it made her feel things she had never felt before for someone. And it made her wonder even more... maybe Sarah was right.
“Thank you for saving my life today, Sera.” Bucky said softly making her to look up to lock eyes with him. He gently stared at her while his hand wasn’t stopping, but instead of being against her hair, his fingers slowly moved to her cheek. “I have no idea what you did, but thank you.”
“You saved my body from being hit by a hundred of bullets, Bucky, it was the least I could do. Right?” She asked jokingly gaining a little laugh from Bucky. “I guess you’re wondering what the hell was that.”
“Kinda? Then I’m not explaining shit to you, then.” Sera went back to facing downwards which lead to Bucky gently grabbing her chin to make her look back at him. He stared at her with a big smile when his eyes unintentionally went over her lips but then gaining his train of process about what happened back, he went back to her eyes.
“I’m dying to know.” He said softly and Sera let out a tiny smile, before taking her back against the back of the chair, to be face to face with Bucky more comfortably.
She let out a tiny sigh while thinking her every word carefully. “When someone get hits with fire, I can- in a way, enter their body and take full control of the fire inside of them. It allows me to make imaginable things. I can save them by taking the fire out, I can even turn the water inside into fire and control the person-”
“Yeah. I can make them do whatever- I would ask them to do. Full control... or, I could turn everything inside their bodies into flames and- and... just, end them.”
“Burning them?” Bucky asked but Sera slowly shook her head.
“It’s more than that, but- I think is a conversation to have another day.”
Sera always felt afraid of saying what she was actually capable of doing. Like she was embarrassed of it, specially after using it against poeple in the wrong way... making her feel terrified of it.
Seeing the strange look on Bucky’s face, Sera let out a tiny laugh and nodded. “I know it felt weird. Someone did it to me once.”
“I thought you couldn’t get burnt?”
“I can’t- but, that time was necessary.” Bucky’s eyes were asking for more, so realising this, Sera took a deep breath said: “When a was a little kid, controlling.... this, was harder than anything I’ve ever done. Learning how to fully manipulate as a three year old, something so powerful and dangerous as fire, it wasn’t something that I would call a party. So, one day- I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. I was... tired. I remember my eyes turning black and a horrible burning growing inside of me. I’ve never felt something like that before because, like you said, fire can’t hurt me. But that time- it did and it made me feel terrified. I was sad and, broken. Growing up I wasn’t the- uhm, the happiest kid. I guess, I was just keeping it all inside of me and that day just, exploded and I started to create this strong fire that I couldn’t control. It was all too much for me. So, the- the person that was there with me did the exact same thing I did to... you.”
“They took the fire out of you?” Bucky asked after his brain was trying to process everything. Sera nodded looking down remembering every single moment of that memory. It still hurt to think about it, and Bucky noticed. He took the hand that was touching Sera’s should and gently pushed her to be more closer to him. Following his hand, Sera took her head and rested it on his chest once again. “How old were you?” He asked in a whisper that was almost covered by the wind entering the room.
“Ten.” Sera said in the same tone. The way that Bucky was slowly caressing her cheek with his thumb made her close her eyes enjoying the feeling against her skin.
Both Sera and Bucky went completely silent after that. They didn’t know why, but for some reason they felt extremely comfortable with the each other. Usually, they were the type of person to prefer to be alone and just deal with their lives lonely. But when the other was around, specially on that moment as their bodies were close, the didn’t want the other to leave.
“I know you’re still a little bit confused.” Sera said jokingly gaining a little laugh from Bucky’s mouth. “I was too. The way your body acts it’s just-”
“I was gonna say differently, but yeah, weird works.” Their little laughs surrounded the room but then Sera took in a little breath and added: “It’s like; the person who takes control of the fire has to put their mind into a deep connection with the other person. Every feeling and every little energy that they felt has to be thought right into that second. They need to enter your body- in a way, so, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to learn. And what comes after-”
“Is there an after?”
“Well- yeah. After one has been inside your body every energy surrounding you and that person becomes... stronger. It’s deeper than it was before, it makes an invisible red string between those two people. When that person did it to me, everytime that we were together we would just... click and work better. It was like our bodies were one-” Realising her words Sera stopped and shut her mouth. She didn’t want to confuse Bucky even more by telling him how deep and dangerous it was. So instead of saying more about the subject, she slightly shrugged her shoulders and ended with: “But it’s different for every person that you do it with.”
Wishing that Bucky didn’t ask more, Sera let out a silent breath to feel the hot air coming out her mount and to relax his now beating faster heart. She heard the silence coming his way that at one point, she thought that maybe he had fallen asleep when Sera finished telling him that story. But proving her wrong, Bucky kept moving his thumb against her skin and with his deep and soft voice, asked: “And what does it mean for us, Sera?”
As soon as those words left his mouth, Sera felt how his heart dropped to her stomach as her fingers were tracing each other. She didn’t know what to respond to that because in reality... she didn’t know. Bucky was the second person that she did it to and it was completely different. She felt different. Their bodies connected way more deeper, even before that, Sera noticed how her connected towards Bucky didn’t took her a long time. Instead, as soon as her eyes locked with him, it all came easier. Like there was something stronger connecting them together.
“I don’t know, Bucky.” Sera finally said softly. She felt how his chest was being filled with a big portion of air before hearing the hot air coming out of his mouth. It was like he was preparing himself to do or say something. But before Sera could make her mind go into deep thought, Bucky took his metal arm and grabbed her chin to make her look up while his other hand was still placed on her cheek. Locking eyes with him, Sera felt the hotness growing inside her body as she felt his eyes staring at her soul. He slowly stared to stare at every detail that was on Sera’s face but then stop at her lips while his cold metal arm started to gently trace them once again.
So shook and surprised, Sera stayed still enjoying every single thing Bucky was doing on that moment. His hot air against her skin, her fingers on her, her eyes still glued to her lips like they were just screaming at her to end the space between them.
“Sera?” Bucky asked in a whisper which lead to her feeling her skin shiver under his voice. “What are you doing to me?”
His words hit her ears and soon felt how her body melted. His tone was deep and soft, making the question enter her body and make everything inside to shut down. He looked up at her eyes as her thumb was still caressing her cheek. With strength, he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer without taking his eyes away from her, but once closer, he took them down towards her lips. It was desire and lust was filled both of their eyes, wanting to taste each other’s lips right on that second was the only thing they had on their minds. His free hand grabbing her waist with strength while his cold metal arm was gently grabbing her cheek, like he was ready to make the next step.
But the moment he got closer, Sera touched his chest and stopped him from making another move. “Bucky, we can’t.” She said softly.
“Why not?” He asked against her lips.
“I can’t.” Her voice cracked when she let out those words. Noticing this, Bucky gently pushed her head towards his chest to let her rest against it. Hearing the sound of his heart beating Sera let out a tiny sigh and closed her eyes enjoying the feeling Bucky gave her. That sensation of warmth and happiness, like nothing could go wrong after that. Like the were just normal, two people enjoying each other’s presence... but just like always, reality brought Sera back, making her open her eyes once again to meet the poor light of the moonlight illuminating the room. “I’m scared Bucky.” She said in the lowest whisper. “That everyone around me will always get hurt because of me.”
“What about you getting hurt?” Bucky said in the same tone, while his thumb was still caressing her cheek.
She just let out a tiny laugh and added: “I’m used to that.”
Gently grabbing her chin, Bucky made her look up and lock eyes with his. He looked down at her lips but soon joined her eyes, as they were waiting to Bucky to say something. “I’ll keep you safe, Sera. I promise.” He said in a whisper making her feel the hot air against her skin.
Unintentionally, she grabbed his cheek with her right hand and let out a tiny yet sad smile. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Barnes.”
She said with the intention to turn her head and look down, to close her eyes and finally feel her body slowly falling asleep while wrapped around Bucky’s arms. Enjoy that feeling for one last time, before she knew she had to let it behind and move on like she always did.
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summary of the next chapter: a single promise 👀
trying to recover from the last fight, the team takes angela to sarah wilson’s place back in louisiana. meanwhile, sera and bucky struggle with their feelings about each other.
let’s play fire with fire masterlist (b. barnes x oc)
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Moonlight Serenade, part 3
Posting chapter 3 of my 1940s Bucky Barnes fic! Please reblog if you enjoyed, but do not plagiarise, copy, or repost anywhere else.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Original Female Character
Summary: After spending the night together, Bucky and Gwen get to know each other a little better.
Warnings: Smut, more smut, Bucky's trauma, fluff and romantic stuff. Strictly 18+. Do not read or interact if you are under 18.
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SOMEONE PLS WRITE THIS
Black avenger reader veryyyyyyy agnsty pls
Your sister is held at gun point on a mission to prove your loyalty to the team.. And your standing off with the shooter holding your gun at him. You froze at the sound of the trigger being pulled.. you were more than capable of stopping him.. you mentally scolded yourself for not being faster And you just sit there applying pressure while she bleeds out. And when the team arrives there all shocked to see you crying because you were a "cold hearted bitch" to them 97% of the time. You slide down the wall holding her as you try the breathe but its like some one carved out your lungs out. "I love you little sis" she says and soon starts coughing up blood. Tears slide down your shock ridden face and you unintentionally drown out everyone and all you can hear is the muffled yells of your name. You can't help but stare at your bloodied hands. your big sisters blood on your hands. literally. In the midst of your breakdown Tony calls a medic( which was fucking pointless seeing as your now an only child) and you head back to the base. All in all the team blames you for the hostages death bcuz yea yea you could've saved her. They didn't know you even had family. After not talking during the whole mission report Fury stops at the door and turns around.
'Sorry for your loss Agent Y/l/n."
And everyone is shocked at the least and you leave without another word.
Write it. I beg of you.🧎🏾♀️
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pairing: avengers x black!reader
word count: 202
summary: after scrolling through tiktok you go around singing ‘castaways’ by the backyardigans and soon so does the team.
a/n: i have been humming this song non stop.
masterlist & requests
i had been scrolling through tiktok when the song castaways by the backyardigans came up on my for you page.
ever since then i had been going around the tower singing the song and doing a little dance. every little thing i did i was singing the song, i just couldn’t help it.
i was walking into the kitchen for breakfast humming it, as i walked into kitchen i saw everyone looking at me.
“i have been singing that damn song all week” tony admits and i giggle.
“it’s so catchy for no reason” sam yells
“right” steve yells in hold his hand out to sam
“i swear i haven’t been able to get it out of my head” bucky groans and i giggle
“i heard my brother humming it while he was reading the other day” thor says as loki’s eyes widen.
“like sam said it’s catchy, it actually one of the only midgardian songs i like” loki admits bluntly.
“it’s so cute” wanda says and we all agree.
“i find it rather enjoyable myself” vision says and i smile
“it’s the fact that we are grown ass adults singing a children’s song” sam says and we all bust out laughing.
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The Greatest Gift of All
(Inspired by^ for the people who asked :D hope it was worth the wait!)
Long before the war, before Captain America or the Winter Soldier, there was simply Bucky and Steve. At least, that's what history says. But they missed out one very important person, a girl called Y/N.
Women in those times often found themselves with little opportunity, and only two easily attainable pathways in life: wife and mother. But Y/N carved out a life for herself that defied all expectations, and it all started in Brooklyn.
She dived headlong into scuffles, usually next to Bucky in defence of Steve. Regardless of the opponent, Y/N stood by them both, and often held her own quite impressively.
Her dress style borrowed from more masculine cuts, and Y/N was never seen without her cap. A lot of people had a problem with this, but she shut them up fairly swiftly.
Everything about this girl drew Bucky in, a battle he fought with little effort. They reveled in each other, flaunting their love at every opportunity. More than a few were jealous that the rough and tumble girl got the best looking boy in town.
In a way, before even coming of age, they started an adult life together. The three of them moved into a flat. Y/N and Bucky took hard labour jobs, or anything they could get. They had little room to be picky.
Both managed to hook steady summer jobs at the local docks. They used most of their money to keep a roof over their heads, buy food, and pay for Steve's medical needs. He attended art school, and sold his work every now and then; but physically, he was in no condition to work.
The war appeared on the horizon, just as they started to pull themselves an inch above the poverty line. Y/N saw it coming, the inevitable. She treasured every second they spent together, and dreaded the day when the draft came.
A lot of the older women she worked with were disrespectful, looking down on her pre-marital relationship with Bucky. They claimed she couldn't possibly understand their grief, despite the fact Y/N had seen Bucky off at the docks that very morning.
In truth, they already planned on being married, but at the time, they simply didn't have the funds. Bucky promised, once the war ended, that ring would be on her finger.
Except, he never came home. Not properly. The person Hydra gave back to Y/N was damaged and jaded, angry at the world, angrier than she ever saw. But still, they loved each other. Though she never forgave them for stealing away his innocence, for trying to snuff out the light in his soul. A part of him would always belong to them, and she hated it.
Refusing to stay home while they risked their lives, never knowing, Y/N trained as an army nurse, working specially with the Howling Commandos unit.
Then one day, she went out to welcome them back from a mission. Every face looked devastated, but none more so than Steve. His eyes, red-raw and streaming, seemed incapable of rising from the ground. At first, the realisation didn't process, the idea simply incomprehensible. He promised.
Dugan was the one to finally break through and catch Y/N as she fell, holding her as the tears poured. Once he shook off his daze, Steve took his place, sharing in her grief.
Her world fell apart so quickly, with no warning and no mercy. Their commanders celebrated the capture of Arnim Zola, while Y/N and Steve sat, staring at an empty place at their side.
Everyone mourned Bucky, and swiftly after, began to mourn Y/N, too. The loss took a part of her...the sparkle, the happiness, the laugh that lit up her face. It all vanished. She worked hard, looked after them all, but only Steve was able to make her smile. Even then, it looked pained.
So when Steve went down with the plane, the very last shred of Y/N died with him. No tears left her eyes, no screams ripped up her throat. A cold numbness took over, freezing the woman from the inside out.
V-Day came and went. The Commandos stood and drank to their lost comrades, and Dugan silently drank another...for the loss of a bright, fiery girl who had virtually nothing to lose, and still lost everything.
She spent her days as a robot, doing nothing but going through the motions of badly imitating life. The flat was empty and quiet, yet somehow, bursting with the ghosts of her loved ones. Nightmares plagued her, terrible images of Bucky's body, forever trapped in a freezing hell, nothing but food for the birds. And Steve, his body...was it cast adrift in the ocean? Or destroyed, burnt to ash in the belly of a metal beast.
They were simple folk before the war turned them into soldiers, into weapons. Before symbols and flags stole away their names, driving them to sacrifice their lives for a greater cause.
Y/N knew their fight against Hydra was important...knew the honour behind their sacrifice. But when it's you left sitting at an empty dinner table, it's much easier to be angry and bitter.
She never married, never settled, bouncing around countries working as an army nurse. The Commandos slowly died around her, each one fading to grey as the curtain drew the show to a close. Each death, each funeral ripped open her wounds, bigger and deeper each time. Until eventually, Y/N let the blood flow freely.
Or at least, that's what would have happened. But one choice, one decision, made by a boy she thought dead in the far future, changed it all.
Bucky Barnes struggled to find himself again. His memories were mostly all returned, if a bit hazy and fragmented. He had Steve there to right any wrong recollections, and connect with on their shared experiences. But something always seemed to be missing, a piece of the jigsaw that hadn't been found.
He remembered Y/N. He remembered her clearer than anything. She was glowing like honey in the sun when Bucky closed his eyes and brought her back to mind.
Face covered in muck, hair tousled and streaked with grease from the boats, soot on the very tip of her nose and a cap perched jauntily on her head; wearing the deepest expression of concentration as she aimed a hanful of rotten fish guts at the sleezy Connell boy from Fifth, who decided his opinion on her backside mattered. The image shone crystal clear. Her laughter, rolling out from between curved lips, beautiful and full of mischief.
It never failed to make him smile. Or cry. Or sometimes, both. He missed Y/N than he thought possible for a human being.
Bucky often wondered about her life, whether she went on to marry, or maybe even have children. Was she happy? Did she bury him and move on? If they met today, would Y/N even recognise the man he was now?
More importantly, in his mind, something he both feared and longed to know: would she still love him?
Unbeknownst to Bucky, Steve saw all this. Understood, to a degree, his pain. But he and Peggy never got the chance to bond so strongly. He knew Bucky needed him, but Steve also knew he needed Y/N more.
So once his goodbyes were said, he looked one last time at Bucky, and smiled beneath his suit as he vanished into time.
The living room looked exactly the same as he remembered. Bucky's coat, slung over the back of the chair, his sketchbooks strewn around the desk. Every rip and chip. His heart swelled with nostalgia, and pain, thinking of the life they were supposed to have.
What must have been in their heads...running off to fight, so eager to throw everything away. And who was left to stare at empty beds and eat breakfast alone every morning? Y/N.
His chest constricted, hearing the keys in the door, the lock rattling three times before letting her in. His nerve faltered for the briefest second, wondering if he was ready to see her again.
"Who the hell are you?!"
Slowly, he turned, and watched as Y/N's eyes widened, all the bags in her hands falling to the floor with a crash.
"...Stevie?" The name came out as a whisper, nearly inaudible.
He grinned, laughing as tears stung his eyes. "Hey, spitfire. Long time no see."
"Steve!" She launched herself at him, arms wrapping around his neck and clinging on for dear life.
Catching her by the waist, he swung Y/N around, burying his face in her hair. They held onto one another as if they might vanish if they let go. But after a minute, Steve gently pushed her back.
"How? How are you here? What are you wearing? I don't understand, Steve, they said you died! Your plane went down in the ocean," she stammered, hand on his forearm with a grip like a vice.
"I survived. The serum kept me alive in the ice for seventy years," he said, questioning his own sanity momentarily; standing in the flat again made everything that happened seem like a distant dream.
Y/N frowned, brows knitting together. "What? Did you hit your head? Steve, this is 1945."
"I know, I came from 2023. I'm alive," he said, and saw her mentally backing away, so added, "I'm alive, and so is Bucky."
Her head snapped up, eyes immediately filling with tears. A dozen emotions whizzed through them in a second; disbelief, pain, hope. It shone clearly in her face as she stepped closer.
What did you say?" She asked, voice choked as she brought her shaking hands up to her mouth.
"Bucky's alive," he repeated softly, "and I can send you to him, in the future. But we don't have a lot of time. You need to listen to me, carefully, and do what I say."
She spluttered, struggling for words. "I, but...what about you?"
"I've made my decision," Steve said, and gently took her hands in his, "now, please, listen."
Bucky watched the machine, feeling a wave of numbness wash over his insides. Nothing was a better deal than the pain, the cruel sting of betrayal fighting to be felt. But he beat it back, unable to allow those thoughts validation.
Steve gave up so much for him, he fought for years to get him here. Steve deserved this. And no matter how wrong those words sounded in his head, he resolutely stood by them.
The seconds ticked by, noted by Bruce's countdown. A flash of guilt almost made Bucky explain what was going to happen, explain that Steve left them. Left him. But he possessed no energy to speak, they'd see in a second, when no one appeared-
Zap. A blinding flash of light.
There's someone there.
Bucky frowned, hands falling from his pockets. Did Steve change his mind? Did he...
All the thoughts in his head stopped as the figure stepped down. Too small, too lithe for it to be Steve. Bucky's heart rate quickened, something in his unconscious already registering his recognition.
The suit fell away, and if he weren't frozen in place, Bucky wouldn't have been standing. A quiver shot through him, nearly buckling his knees. Shock, fear and pure disbelief all delayed his reaction.
Y/N looked around, amazed, but turned to stone as she set eyes on him. Her face went utterly blank, a strangled sound leaving her lips.
Wearing her yard slacks, with a small bag on her shoulder, her face covered in dirt, hair streaked with grease, cap perched on-top, slanted to one side...she was everything he remembered, and his heart tried to leave his chest to go to her. To be whole again.
But fear held him back. She didn't know the things he'd done, the person he became after the train accident. What if-
"Who is she?" Sam asked, glaring as he stalked towards her, an accusation rising on his lips.
Bucky answered without hesitation, or thinking; the question had been asked countless times over the years. It always recieved the same reply. "My doll."
Sam stopped short, glancing between them, the way neither took their eyes off the other. He nodded, brows still closely knit, and backed off.
Slowly, Y/N approached, encouraged by the sound of his voice. She reached out carefully, when she got close enough. Trembling fingers brushed his cheek, and a shudder ran through her.
"My Bucky..." She said quietly, eyes roaming over his face, a small smile tugging at her lips, "...you're here, in front of me. Alive."
He swallowed dryly, heart thundering away beneath his skin. "I'm different...you don't know..."
No sooner had the words left his mouth that her eyes found the cold metal where his flesh used to be. In reaching to hold it, she'd been taken by surprise.
Gently, Y/N took the hand in her own, examing the limb with a careful gaze. Moments passed, and she met his eyes again. Bucky steeled himself for rejection, for the disgust and horror.
Her hand went back to his cheek, and he involuntairly leaned into it. The warmth seeped into his blood. She stood on her tip toes, the smile on her lips blossoming into a bright beam of sunlight. "You've always been my Bucky, and always will be. Metal appendages and all."
He fell apart and dove down to capture her lips, clutching her to him with the hunger of a starving man. She pulled herself in, hands tangling in his brown locks, and both tasted salt on the others' lips.
So filled with joy his heart could burst, Bucky revelled in the feeling of holding his girl again. Laughing through the tears, he buried his face in her neck.
Thank you, Steve, for the greatest gift of all.
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Can I ask for a Bucky one shot where the reader has been out on a mission with another Avenger and comes back injured and Bucky freaks out about it and it leads to him confessing his feelings? I LOVE your writing!!
I Should’ve Been There
A/N: This request melted my heart. I loved writing this. Concerned Bucky is just so soft and adorable. Thank you so much for the kind words and the request!! I hope you enjoy :)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger! Reader
Warnings: angst/fluff, slight cursing, mentions of injury
Natasha wraps her arm around your shoulders, helping you out of the quinjet. Pain shoots up your leg and you wince.
“How’re you holding in there, Y/N?” she asks.
“Fine,” you lie through gritted teeth. Getting shot in the leg hurt like a bitch.
You and Natasha were sent on a mission to retrieve information about a small Hydra base in Russia. What was supposed to be a quick get in, get out situation, turned into an ambush, forcing the both of you to flee. While escaping, you managed to get shot in the leg. Natasha, however, got out unscathed. Just your fucking luck.
Bucky, Sam, and Steve are waiting for you as you walk out of the quinjet. Bucky is the first to reach your side.
“What the hell happened, doll?” he asks.
“Whoa, tinman, why don’t we take it back a notch?” says Sam.
Bucky looks at Sam, anger evident in his eyes. He turns to look at Natasha next. “What happened?”
Natasha sighs. “We got ambushed and had to flee. It could’ve been worse, Buck. She just needs to be stitched up by Bruce.”
You lift your head up to look at Bucky. “Yeah, it was a clean shot. Went right through.”
Bucky’s face softens when he looks at you, but immediately hardens again when he looks back at Natasha. “You should’ve been looking out for her more. How could you have let her get shot?!”
“Excuse me?” Natasha says back, starting to get pissed off. “Did you not hear me the first time? We were ambushed. We both had to run for our lives. I’m sorry that Y/N is capable of taking care of herself and I didn’t have the chance to glance over at her every few seconds!”
Bucky starts to move towards Natasha. Sam is quick to grab him, while Steve grabs Natasha, who was also moving forward.
“Fighting isn’t going to help Y/N right now. We need to get her to Bruce, instead of just standing around while she loses blood,” says Steve.
“I second that. Thank you, Steve,” you reply, getting annoyed that you are still standing on your wounded leg.
Sam releases Bucky. “You need to use that cyborg brain of yours to figure out when to shut the hell up,” he says.
Bucky grunts, ignoring everyone as he scoops you up bridal style and carries you into the compound, en route to Bruce.
“Bucky?” you ask.
“Let’s just get you stitched up, doll.”
You’re both quiet as he carries you the rest of the way.
To stitch you up, Bruce gave you a sedative, which is why you’ve been knocked out for the past four hours.
When you finally come to, you sit up and are surprised to see Bucky seated next to you, fast asleep.
Deciding to wake him up so he can sleep more comfortably in his bed, you pat his hand, which is placed next to you.
“Buck,” you say. “Hey, Bucky.”
He lifts his head to look at you and starts to stretch. “Mmm, hey, doll. How long have I been out?”
“I’m not sure. I just woke up and noticed you. You should get back to your room, so you can sleep better.”
Bucky shakes his head. “I’m okay. I’d rather stay here with you.” Your heart skips a beat at his confession. “How’re you feeling?”
“Like I just got shot in the leg,” you joke. Bucky gives you an unamused look. You laugh. “Sorry, okay, I’m feeling a lot better. Still some pain, but it’s bearable. How’re you feeling? You made quite the scene outside.”
He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’m sorry about that, doll. I just wasn’t expecting to see you injured. When I noticed you limping, I just kind of lost it.”
You stare at him, thinking to yourself. “Well, you owe Natasha an apology.”
“Yeah, yeah, I do. I’ll talk to her as soon as you’re up and moving.”
“Are you just going to stay here until I do?” you ask confused.
He grabs your hand. “Yeah, I am. I can’t bring myself to go anywhere until I know you’re okay.”
“Because,” Bucky takes a deep breath, “Because you mean everything to me. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if something happened to you and I wasn’t there. That’s why I lost it when I first saw you. I should’ve been on that mission with you. I could’ve protected you. Then you wouldn’t have a bullet wound in your leg.”
You’re unsure what his words exactly mean, but your heart starts beating even faster.
“You don’t know that for sure, Buck. Things happen that are out of our control sometimes,” you say.
“Maybe you’re right,” he says. He gets up and stands right next to your bed, leaning over so he can place his hand on your cheek. “Next time, I’m going to be with you, so I can protect the most important person in my life.”
“Me?” you squeak out.
Bucky chuckles and leans in. “Always you, doll. I’ve been in love with you since the moment I met you.”
Your heart explodes. “It feels so good to hear you say that.”
“Yeah?” he asks.
“Yeah,” you lean in to meet him halfway, “because I’m in love with you too.”
As you kiss, unbeknownst to you, Steve, Natasha, and Sam stand outside the room, peeking in through the window.
“You owe me twenty dollars,” says Sam, sticking his hand out to Steve.
“You had a bet on this?” Natasha asks, looking between the two incredulously.
“Yeah, this was bound to happen. Back me up, Steve.”
Steve reaches into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. “I bet they’d get together by November. Sam beat me to it by a few months.”
Natasha laughs. “I can’t wait to tell the two of them about this.”
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as a lot of you may know i am fairly new to this app and i have a few one shots out. i have been writing a lot lately and i have been running out of ideas so i thought i’d let you guys give me requests.
i am comfortable with writing a lot of things but when it comes to dark themes that involve smut i cant write them. other than that i’m pretty much open to write anything.
to make a request all you have to do is message me or use the ask feature. please include the character/actor you want and a brief summary of what you would like and that’s it!
i hope to see your requests soon <3
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let’s play fire with fire masterlist (b. barnes x oc)
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pairing: loki x black!reader
word count: 444
summary: loki comes home after a long stay in asgard.
warning: pure fluff
a/n: i hope you guys enjoy this loki fluff <3
i was sitting on the couch with everyone watching princess and the frog per my request. we were at the part where ray died and i was in tears, bucky handed me a tissue while sam rubbed my back.
“you cry every time how” tony asks and i sniffle.
“he got to be with the love of his life” i say through tears and bucky chuckles beside me.
soon enough the movie ended and we all called it a night, i walked down the long hall to my room. i walked into my room and that’s when i saw him standing by the window.
“loki” i say softly and he turns around (gif)
i run over to him and jump on him wrapping my arms and legs around him, he chuckles as he catches me wrapping one hand around my wait and the other under my ass.
i grab his face and kiss him all over making him laugh, i pull away and see his beautiful smile “i missed you love” he says as he walks us over to the bed and sitting down.
“i missed you too” he smiles before leaning in and kissing me, the kiss is short and sweet. he rests his fore head on mine as he rubs circles with his thumb on my hips.
he uses his magic to change out of his armor and into sweatpants. i crawl off of his lap and we both get into bed, we both get on our sides and face each other.
“how’s everything in asgard” i asks and he rolls his eyes dramatically making me giggle “that bad huh”.
“no it’s not bad at all just i don’t get the best welcome whenever i go back” he admits and i frown.
“well at least when you come back here you get a good welcome” i say in attempts to cheer him up and he smiles.
“i get the best welcome in all of the nine realms when i come home to you” he says and i smile.
“can i read to you” he asks “i missed doing that while i was gone” he says and i nod.
loki grabs the book off of his night stand and sits up before he starts reading, i lay my head on his chest and draw small patterns into his chest. i feel his hands go to massage my head, i close my eyes at the feeling of his slender fingers. ok
loki finishes the chapter he left off in before putting the book back on his nightstand. he gets comfortable in bed before kissing my head.
“goodnight loki” i mumble sleepily
“goodnight my love”
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I hate this new tumblr update
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✧ let me make your night better - bucky barnes
-> asterie’s gif
summary: it all starts as a fun girls night out with your friends but when you get the unwanted attention from a man, your mood completely changes so you decide to call your boyfriend bucky to take you home. which leads to him wanting to make your night better.
check out my bucky barnes x oc series let’s play fire with fire
a/n: there’s something about bucky riding that motorcycle........
warnings: creepy guy at the bar. oral (female receiving) +18!!
“Do you actually have to go?” Bucky asked as his eyes were glued to your body while you were checking the outfit you picked for the night. You turned around to see the poor man giving you puppy eyes as he was sitting on the bed behind you. “I mean, you can stay with me and we can watch a movie or something-”
“Bucky, I haven’t seen my friends in person in a long time. And I see you everyday... c’mon, it’s just for tonight.” You left the mirror to get closer to him and stand in front of him to grab his cheeks with your hands and make him lock eyes with you, as his eyes didn’t seem to want to leave your body. “My eyes are up here, baby.” You bit your lower lip as he let out a little laugh and grabbed the back of your thighs to pull your body even closer to him.
“I’m sorry, doll, but the way you look on that dress... what I would give for you to stay tonight here with me.” He said softly while gently caressing your skin. You let out a little smile getting closer to his face to feel his breathing against your skin.
“Maybe when I get back.... someone has to take this dress off..” you said with the intention to tease Bucky and leave him with wild thoughts on his mind, but as soon as you tried to take a step back he quickly grabbed your waist and pulled you up to sit you down on his lap with your legs between his body.
“So you’re teasing me and now you want to leave? That’s kinda rude, doll.” Bucky said softly against your lips before pulling in closer to touch yours with his. You immediately felt the hotness of his skin against yours, feeling your body with that desire you would love to feel so much. But you needed to keep your head up and not give him what he wanted, after all, that was your favorite game.
You pulled away and bit your lower lip seeing how his eyes were filled with lust. “Save it for later, Bucky. We don’t want you to get tired now, do we?”
Before he could make any other movement you left his lap and gave yourself a last look in the mirror. That tight red dress fitted your body like a glove. Ending right in the middle of your thighs and those tall black shoes making your legs more longer. You felt hot... and for the way Bucky was checking you, made you feel even more sexy.
You turned around to face Bucky once again and noticed how his eyes were slowly going down on your body, making the butterflies on your stomach go wild. But no wanting to show any weakness under his eyes, you walked closer to him and grabbed his chin to make his eyes look at yours, once again. “Time for me to leave, baby. See you later?” You asked softly before leaving a simple yet hot kiss on his lips.
“You count on that, doll.” He said when you pulled away. You smiled at him and then turned around ready to leave Bucky and your apartment behind. But not before feeling those blue eyes on your body just one more time.
“Cheers, cheers, cheers girls!” Your friend Kelly said as the sound of the glasses clinching together hit your ears. “For a wonderful night, for a wonderful life filled with love, money and success!” Those words were followed with yours and your friends happy laughs before taking your shot to your mouth, feeling the burning sensation on your throat as soon as the liquid was going down your body.
“Another round, please!” Your other friend, Jessica said loudly to the bartender which nodded quickly.
“I’m not going to black out tonight, girls.” You said as a little laugh escaped your lips. Immediately, you had your two friends looking at you disappointed.
“What?! Why not baby?” Kelley asked while shaking your arm playfully.
“C’mon! We haven’t party like this for a while! Let’s bring back those nights Y/n!”
You let out another laugh as you were shaking your head the moment the bartender pulled another round of shots for you and your friends. “I’m not ready to wake up with a horrible headache and throw up everything I ate today. Not happening. I need more night outs to finally get to that point.”
“Alright, seems fair! But we’re dancing until your feet can’t no more.” You and Jessica quickly nodded as Kelly let out those words. You all grabbed your shots and lifted them up ready to toast again. “For a hot and sexy guy to take me home because I haven’t got any action for months!” Jessica said and you let out a loud laugh before taking your glass towards your mouth, feeling once again, the horrible sensation against your throat making you close your eyes and shake your head waiting for it to end.
“I feel you on that one, Jess.” Kelly said after leaving the shot glass on the table. “I haven’t had a guy on my bed for ages, I’m starting to wonder if sex changed or if I have my virginity back.”
“Definitely.” Jess agreed. “We need to look for potential guys to take home, please. Someone rich, if it’s possible.”
They both turned around to wonder around the club as you let out a smile looking at your friends being their goofy selves. But soon after, they all turned around to face you with grins all over their faces. “What?” You asked confused at their facial expressions.
“Since we don’t have any sexual encounters in our lives, we need to live through yours.” Kelly said making you let out a laugh feeling the hotness going towards your cheeks. “C’mon, tell us what that hot boyfriend of yours do.”
“Girls! I don’t kiss and tell!”
“Don’t be like that, Y/n! Help your friends out.” Jess complained shaking your arm. “I’m pretty sure that man leaves nothing to the imagination.” She lifted her eyebrows repeatedly making you shake your head while biting your lower lip as the memory of the other night came back to your head.
“Oh, am I seeing that correctly? Am I seeing Y/n remembering something? Oh, girl, c’mon tell us!”
“She’s probably thinking about her boyfriend’s huge-”
“What? C’mon, Y/n, I’m such touched starved!”
You looked at your friends but your mind was somewhere else, his hands touching you, his lips against your skin, your bodies dripping with water, your back against the wall... “The other night,” you started before your brain gave you a chance to decide about telling your friends “he decided to surprise me with something that he knows I like. He prepared a bath with roses in it and chocolate sented candles. We got in and well... one thing lead to another and we ended up-” you let out a tiny laugh seeing your friends carefully listening to your words “we ended up turning on the shower and doing it against the wall.”
Your friends pulled their bodies backwards to let their backs rest on the chair as they were covering their faces with their hands. “Steamy and wet, that’s the one right there!” Kelly said as you were letting out little laughs seeing how funny their reactions were.
“Please tell me he likes to go down on you.” Jess said and then carefully waited for your reaction, and then again, once you slowly nodded they both let their bodies hit the chair as Jess was waving air with her hand towards her face and Kelly ordered another shot. “Jesus, that man keeps getting hotter and hotter the more I found out about him.”
You gently punched Jess on the arm as she shrugged her shoulders. “Hey! That’s my man you’re talking about!” You said with a smile seeing how Jess took another shot like it was the easiest thing in the world.
“Yes! I know you lucky bitch!”
“I need to dance and shake my ass.” Kelly said with her eyes closed, feeling the burning from her shot. “Twerking is the only thing that’s gonna make me feel better.”
After Kelly grabbed you and Jess to take you two to the dance floor, you danced and danced until you started to feel your throat getting dry as you started to move along with the music. Your feet inside those heels were making your toes hurt so realising your defeat, you pointed at the bar to your friends and they quickly nodded, letting you know they got it.
Making your way to the chair you were sat down a half an hour ago, you let your body as well as your feet relax once your weight was on that tall chair. You let out a relaxing breath as you felt your toes getting comfortable and the cold wind that was entering the club hit your skin, making your sweat slowly fade away.
“Can I have a glass of water, please?” You asked the bartender and as soon as they nodded, you let out a tiny smile thanking them. While waiting for your drink, you pulled out your phone to check out the hour and as soon as the time ‘01:35’ appeared on your screen, you blocked it to leave it again inside your tiny black purse. “Thank you!” You said as the bartender left with a smile a glass of water in front of you.
With a quick move, you grabbed your drink and headed it towards your mouth to let it fresh your mouth and throat. Seconds later, the water was long gone and you were feeling better. So, with the intention to see your friends and check if they were still on the same spot, you turned your head around but when a strange guy walked in front of you making it impossible for you to see your friends, you slowly followed him with your eyes as he quickly made his way towards the chair by your side.
“Waiting for someone?” He asked letting his elbows rest on the counter as his face was facing you.
You let out a tiny smile after checking your friends. “No, I’m with my friends. They’re dancing right now, so-”
“Oh, don’t tell me they left you alone! They’re bad friends.”
You slowly shook your head while you locked eyes with him. “No they’re not. We were dancing together but I got thirsty so I decided to come here.”
The guy nodded as his eyes looked down to your lips. You moved in your seat uncomfortably as you felt his eyes under you. Trying to make it obvious that you didn’t want to talk you turned to the bartender and kept your focus on what they were doing. But when you still felt the guy by your side, you turned around to them once again to give them an awkward little smile.
“Do you want a drink?”
If guys ever approached you on the street you would usually tell them politely that you had a boyfriend of that you weren’t interested, making them to leave you alone or sometimes leaving the typical comment ‘you’re not that hot anyway’ in the processes. But for some reason, there was a feeling in your gut that this guy wasn’t good news. The way he was staring at you and after every word getting his body closer and closer to you, made you even more uncomfortable and wanting to go out of that situation as fast as possible.
“Not really. I already had a lot.” You said dryly and wanting the guy to leave you alone you faced the bartender once again, but instead, Peter touched your elbow with strength the moment he moved his body closer to yours.
“C’mon, what’s one more? Please, hey, you!” He snapped his fingers to call the bartender. “Two shots!”
“Hey, I said no.” You said shaking your head. “I’m sorry but I have a boyfriend.”
“And what about it?” Peter let out a loud as soon as the two shots were in front of you. “Can’t your boyfriend share?”
You stared at his eyes and soon felt how your heart dropped to your stomach. You looked at his hand handing you the shot but then quickly shook your head, grabbing your purse with the intention to go back with Jess and Kelly. “I better go find my friends, they must be looking for me.”
“You told me they were dancing so they’re probably having fun, Y/n! C’mon, take the shot with me.” Peter got closer the shot to your face which made you turn your head backwards. “Don’t be a party boomer!”
“I don’t want to.” You said firmly trying to take his hand out of your face’s way, but him taking it even more closer to your face made you unintentionally push his hand away, making the shot fall on his shirt.
“You little bitch! This shirt is new!” With the intention to grab your arm he lifted his now wet hand towards you but soon was stopped by the bartender grabbing his shirt and pulling him away. You quickly got up from your chair and looked how the bartender looked at you and once they noticed you were fine, they turned back to Peter.
“You better leave her alone, asshole.” They said and soon called the security guard, who grabbed Peter to take him out of the club after the bartender told him some words quickly. “Are you alright?” They asked and you quickly nodded. As they were about to say something else, you felt someone grabbing your shoulders and soon noticing your two friends standing by your sides looking at you worringly.
“Y/n! What happened?! Are you alright?” Jess asked as Kelly was looking around for Peter with anger on her eyes.
“I’m fine.” You said after gaining the control of your tongue. The realisation of what just happened hit your head so feeling annoyed at the music around you, you turned around to walk out the front door and leave the club behind, soon followed by your two friends.
“I’m gonna kill that guy!” Kelly said with anger while Jess was gently caressing your shoulder.
“Are sure you’re alright?” Jess asked softly and you slowly nodded pulling out your phone from your purse.
“I’m gonna call Bucky so he can take me home.” You said and your friends quickly nodded.
“We better go too.” Jess said turning to an angry Kelly, who was still looking around for Peter. “Kelly?”
“Yes, you call Bucky and tell him what happened because I’m sure he’s going to be down with me to kill that guy.” Kelly said but you quickly shook your head.
“No, I’m not telling him what happened.”
“What?!” Kelly turned to you confused. “Y/n you need to tell him.”
“No, that’s going to lead the whole situation into more chaos and I just want to go home.”
Kelly was about to say something else but Jess cut her off. “Kelly, is Y/n’s decision.”
Knowing that Jess was right, Kelly let out a sigh and walked closer to you to gently caress your arm. “Alright.”
You looked at your phone and once you saw the name “Bucky” on your screen, you let out a little sigh before looking at your friends. “Not a word, ok?” They both nodded and then you clicked on his name taking your phone towards your ear, already ringing.
“Hello? Y/n? Are you alright?” Bucky asked with worry in his voice the second the call was answered.
“Bucky. Yeah, I’m fire. I just- can you pick me up?”
“Why? What happened?”
“Nothing. I just want to go home. Jess and Kelly want to stay and I don’t want them to end the night earlier because of me. That’s all.” You looked at your friends and noticed the anger still coming out Kelly’s eyes, but her mouth stayed shut.
“Doll, you don’t sound alright what happ-?”
“Can you come Bucky?” You cut him off with your voice cracked. Something about him sounding so worry about you made your throat to close up and to feel some tears wanting to come out.
“Stay there. I’m on my way.” He quickly said before ending the call. Leaving your phone back in your purse you locked eyes with your friends and tried your hardest to keep your tears inside your body.
“Are we taking an Uber?” Jess asked to Kelly but before Kelly could answer, you shook your head.
“No, you guys stay. C’mon, it’s early. I’ll be fine with Bucky. Besides, you two still need to find someone rich so they can take us on their fancy boat.”
Jess and Kelly let out a tiny laughs while you felt your throat going back to normal. “I can’t promise you the boat, but a house on a lake is enough?” Kelly asked jokingly and you quickly nodded while a little smile escaped your lips.
Soon after, the sound of a motorcycle hit your ears making your head to turn towards the noise. You got up noticing the entire attention of the people outside the club was now on your boyfriend arriving while riding his motorcycle. Seconds after pulling over, he took off his big and black helmet off and left the motorcycle to make his way towards you.
“What happened, Y/n?” He asked with anger on his voice. “Did someone touch you? Who? Y/n, please tell me.” Not getting an answer from you, Bucky immediately understood and looked around with anger. “I’m gonna kill whoever touched you.”
“That’s the fucking spirit!” You heard Kelly say behind you.
“Where is he? Is he still here? C’mon, Y/n, tell me so I can show that guy that nobody touches my girl.”
“Bucky!” You yelled loudly enough to gain Bucky’s attention. He turned to you and once seeing the tiredness on your eyes, he quickly grabbed your cheeks and left a simple kiss on your lips. “Just take me home.” You said softly once he pulled away.
You moved back ready to walk towards his motorcycle and put the extra helmet on, soon followed by Bucky. Once you were on his bike sitting behind him and wrapping your hands around his waist, you turned to your friends and let out a tiny smile.
“With a lake house?” Kelly asked with a little smile and you nodded.
“Nothing less.” You said before Bucky turned the motorcycle on and started the way towards your apartment.
As the wind was hitting your skin you started to feel cold and your body to shiver, so trying to look for warmth you touched your forehead with Bucky’s back as you tried to get your body closer to his as possible. Moving your hips to his, you noticed how Bucky did a quick look to you on the back and understood what you were doing. Being able to manage his motorcycle with just his metal arm, he let go and with his warm hand touched your naked thigh with strength, giving it a little squeeze before gently caressing your skin with his thumb.
The amount of safety he made you feel by just touching you it was unbelievable. Everything that you felt moments ago was slowly fading away, making you feel butterflies in your stomach and filling your chest with warmth. You unconsciously let out a tiny smile as the feeling of freedom hit your body, you let your chin rest on his back as his hand was still on your thigh. The way he made you feel on that situation, him riding his bike with you on the back, it couldn’t be described. You felt in movie, those things you were used to seeing in old movies where the guy is something so far off by reality that would always made you feel sad because you thought you were never going to find something like that. But there you were, with the man of your dreams driving his motorcycle while his hand was resting on your thigh, ready to protect you and make you the happiest girl in the world.
“Want something to drink?” Bucky asked softly as the door of your apartment was being closed by him and you were on the couch, taking your shoes off.
“Not really. Just want to take this dress off and go to bed.” You tossed your shoes aside and made your hair into a bun ready to head into your bathroom and take off your makeup.
As you feet touched the coldness of the floor in the bathroom, you shiver but quickly turned on the hot water to wash your hands and start with your routine. As soon as you grabbed the makeup remover, you sigh regretting going out with your friends. It made you feel so disgusting on the inside as the memory of Peter was slowly going back to your head. It was more anger right on that moment than sadness and shook, the way that some guys felt you were obligated to say yes to them just because they wanted to buy you a drink. No matter if you said no multiple times. It was sickening.
Your muscle memory made you remember his hands touching your elbow making you stop throwing with anger the makeup remover towards the counter and close your eyes to try and forget it.
“Doll?” A hand touching your elbow made you jump and quickly open your eyes. But as soon as your eyes locked up with his, your heart went down to its normal speed. “You ok?”
“Yeah.” You nodded before opening the cold water to wash your face. You opened your eyes to see the water dripping down on your skin but then your eyes went directly to the man behind you. Once you did, you slowly followed him and his lips as they were ready to kiss your bare shoulders. Feeling their warmth, you closed your eyes enjoying the feeling.
His free hand slowly traced your body until it arrived in your stomach to gently push you against him, to warm your bodies against the other. Slowly living kisses on your shoulder, he then moved his lips towards your neck. Wanting to leave him more space, you tilted your head sideways as little breaths were coming out of your mouth.
“Open your eyes, doll.” He said against your skin making you shiver the second your skin felt the air hitting you.
As he said, you slowly opened your eyes to meet his as his lips were leaving gentle kisses on your skin. Your left hand touched his, the one that was carefully resting against your stomach to gently caress it with your thumb. Without giving you the chance to do something else, Bucky turned your body to face him and quickly grabbed your cheeks to leave a simple yet full of passion kiss on your lips.
“Let me make your night better, doll.” He said softly right in front of your face making you feel the hot air leaving his mouth in your skin. His eyes were glued to your lips and his thumb was caressing your cheek. With his metal arm, moved a piece of hair that was covering your face and carefully tugged it behind your ear.
“What do you have in mind?” You asked when a grin escaped your lips. Suddenly, like Bucky was waiting for that exact answer, with his metal arm grabbed your waist and pulled you up, making you wrap your legs around his waist while he was making his way towards your bedroom.
Once inside, as he was getting closer to the bed he pulled up your dress and left it right on your stomach. He carefully dropped you and quickly positioned himself on top of you. Feeling the coldness of his metal arm it made you shiver once again, but soon it was covered by the hot kiss he left on your lips.
Leaving your lips, he started to move on your neck and then your chest while his other cold hand was slowly pulling your dress up. Soon after, you were wearing nothing but your underwear. Tossing your dress to the side, Bucky held his body up by his knees and stared at your body like he was staring at a piece of art freshly made.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, doll. You know that?” He said with a little smile and that made your stomach turn as you felt the heat going towards your cheeks. Even if he had been your boyfriend for over a year now, no matter how many times he had seen you naked or called you beautiful, it still made you feel like it was the first time.
Getting closer to your face once again, he united his lips with yours but this time he managed to make the speed faster than the ones before. His tongue touched your mouth so you opened it wider to let it play with yours. As slowly as they were moving, you could feel the heat growing in your body. He had his metal arm by the side of your head holding his body on top of yours while his other hand was slowly massaging the side of your thigh.
His fingers found themselves playing with your underwear, pulling it and twisting it while his mouth was still focused on yours. But soon leaving your lips desiring for more, he ended the kiss and looked down ready to pull your underwear down. Like he was a pro at it, with quick moved he sat down on the bed and with his metal arm lifted your waist so the thin underwear you were wearing would come off easily. Letting out a grin Bucky toss it aside and used his hand to touch your stomach and slowly move it up towards your chest.
You could feel your insides asking for more. Wanting to feel Bucky against your legs even more as his hands were tracing your body. Joining them soon his lips were now against your skin. Taking his tongue out he gently licked your bare chest around your bra. Needing to take it off, you arched your back to let his hand go under and with a quick move making it undone to take it off your body and again, toss it on the floor.
“I’m never going to get tired of watching your naked body under me, doll.” Bucky said softly making you let out a smile as his lips were already flying towards your mouth.
“Bucky-” you said against his lips.
“What, doll?” He asked leaving your mouth to slowly caress your cheek with his thumb as his eyes were staring you and your eyes full of lust. “What do you want me to do to you?” He asked with a smile and you bit your lower lips while million of ideas were flying around your mind. “What is it, doll?” He asked more with a joking tone than before. The grin on his face became even bigger as a smile appeared on your face. “Oh, you want me do the thing- I’ll do the thing, alright.”
A little laugh escaped your lips as Bucky moved his mouth towards your chest and left little kisses on it, but soon placed his body lower so his face could be closer between your legs. Ready to feel that sensation your body was desiring so much, you closed your eyes and soon felt his lips against your inner thigh. Wanting to make more space for his head Bucky grabbed your thighs and slowly separated them without taking his lips away from your skin.
He was taking his sweet time around your folds leaving little kisses making you feel the hotness and the wetness of it become even more stronger and noticeable. You moved your hips to feel his lips more strongly against your skin, noticing this Bucky let out a tiny smile and looked at the desire in your face. “Want me to move quicker, don’t we?”
“Fuck, Bucky.” You let out softly gaining a little smile from Bucky’s mouth.
Just like you wanted, soon after you felt Bucky’s lips against your inner lips making you slightly shake under his touch. He started to leave gentle kisses before taking his tongue out and slowly tracing every single angle.
You could feel the sweat starting to leave your body as Bucky was carefully moving between your legs. That burning sensation he would always make you feel it was starting to appear when he moved to the top of your inner lips, towards your clit. With the tip of his tongue he started to make circles around it making you embrace every feeling that was happening inside of you. The butterflies in your stomach seemed to have gone into riot mode as your heart was going full speed under his warm touch. It was like he was putting you under a spell, making your entire body to fall for him no matter what he did.
“Fuck, fuck.” You spitted out almost in a whisper as Bucky’s tongue started to move faster against your clit. The faster he was getting you could felt your legs starting to shake around his head. The tightness of your inner lips and lower stomach was starting to make their way into your body as his tongue was professionally moving against you. But once you felt like you were coming undone, Bucky stopped leaving you wanting for more. “Oh, fuck you.” You said softly while Bucky just grinned before going back to your clit and leaving gently kisses on it.
Taking his fingers closer to you, with his index finger started to caress your folds up and down, making you, once again, fall under his touch. You could feel the wetness of your sex becoming stronger and stronger the more he spent between your legs. Moving his index finger away and taking his thumb against your clit, he started to caress it to place his middle finger right outside your orifice.
Feeling how slowly his fingers was entering your body you slightly arched your back and let out a long breath. The combination of his thumb moving against your clit and his fingers inside of you was making you fall into such a big relaxation and lust that whatever your body did or came out of your mouth was no longer under your brain commands.
Your hand flew towards Bucky’s hair to gently caress as he moved his tongue towards your folds to trace them up and down. Now, you had him touching your folds, his thumb tracing your clit and his middle finger slowly moving inside of you. He was a damn good multitasker.
The sound of your wet vagina was now louder as Bucky entered his ring finger inside of you to accompany his middle finger and make your legs shake around his head even faster. He replaced his thumb with his mouth and started sucking on your clit with strength to help you reach that wanted orgasm.
With the tip of his tongue and with speed, he started play with your clit and moved it around making your feel everything around it turn tighter and your folds to burn.
“Fuck, Bucky, I’m close- don’t stop.” You said with your voice cracked as he was gaining speed and moving his fingers with more decision between your walls. As they started pounding he slowed down and took his fingers out to enter them once again, making you let out a loud moan in the process. “Shit.” You said as your legs were shaking and his tongue wasn’t stopping against your clit.
Seeing how close your were, Bucky removed his fingers from inside of you and took his two hands towards your thighs to spread them wider and make more space for his head once again and for you to feel his tongue even more deeper against your clit.
Faster than you could let out another moan, you felt your inner lips fill with lust and your clit to burn with passion as his tongue was slowly taking its speed down. “Fuck..” you said in a whisper and you felt the orgasm slowly fading away as Bucky was leaving gently kisses on your folds and caressing your thighs with his thumbs.
He slowly went back to your face as he was leaving multiple kisses on your skin. Once he arrived at your lips he left a simple kiss in them as you tasted yourself. As soon as he ended the kiss your heavy breathing started to mix with his, feeling how his chest was touching yours and his free hand tracing your legs up and down.
The amount of lust he made you feel under those minutes it was more than you ever felt with any other men in your entire life. The way he made you feel under his touch, under his eyes, under his presence... it was like no other. He was yours and you were his. You were his girl and he made sure you knew that, nobody was ever going to hurt you ever again.
“Feeling better?” He asked with a smile the moment you opened your eyes to meet his.
“Better than ever, Bucky.” You said softly before uniting his lips with yours one last time. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad night after all.
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A missing feeling
pairing: Bucky Barnes x GN!Reader
a/n: i'm so in love w this man idk why i didn't write for him sooner. This is also me trying to find comfort lmfoa. It's rather a personal experience. This is for everybody feeling this way, i know i'm not the only one and it's ok to feel like this, stay safe and know that you are valid and deserve help. and if you need somebody to talk to about this or anything that's been bothering you, my messages are open💙💙
And thank you to the loving @emmastarz for teaching me how to make dividers 💙🤧
summary: A missing feeling can't always be replaced by something good. Bucky is willing to help you find the good to replace the bad with.
warnings: mental health issues, insecurities/fears, eating disorder, mention(s) of calories, hints of self-harm, talks of therapy
requests | my taglist
This isn’t foreign. It isn’t a new feeling, or emotion. More like, missing. It feels like you had a sense of control. There aren’t a lot of things you can control, things in your own hand. But this is one of those you had the chance to control. It isn’t really a good thing, but it brought you happiness, a sense of calm, knowing you reached the limit and didn’t feel empty.
You also don’t do it because you wanted to, willingly. It feels like you just got dragged back into this negative habit. Some may say it’s an addiction to count and count and want to see the numbers everyday. Some others tell you at least you’re trying. “As long as you don’t lose your goal,” they tell you. As if you didn’t lose it a long time ago.
You stare down at your phone in hand, its light the only thing illuminating your dark room. You’re laying in your bed, covers long shoved away and only sitting there in your big sweater and shorts. The sweater swallows you whole, not really letting you see your body.
Another negative trait.
Your therapist had told you about this. “A part of recovery is accepting your body,” she said to you. It’s carved its way into your brain, you remember her words everytime you walk past a mirror. Which is, again, why you avoid doing so. The baggy clothes help you hide, hide the fact that you’re changing again. And although that is a good thing, your mind won’t let you think so. Or more like, the disorder won’t. Your mind was already past the first step of recovery: accepting your disorder, knowing and wanting to get help. It wasn’t an easy step and took you a long time to go through, but with the help of your amazing and loving friends, it passed quickly.
Accepting your body when you’re fighting against a mental illness that takes over your whole life, mind and body, such as an eating disorder, isn’t the easiest thing to do. The disorder revolves around doing the exact opposite, so how is this supposed to be easy? How are you supposed to tell your mind to do a full 180 and forget what it learned in the past three years and listen to what your therapist and friends tell you?
And then there are the numbers and food. At first, this doesn’t make sense. Numbers and food aren’t supposed to come and be together. They are two completely different things. Food, to fuel you and for you to enjoy. And the numbers. There for you to fall down a deep, deep dark and hate filled hole. Which takes you back to the screen of your phone staring back at you.
Three numbers aligned next to each other, black on white. Different pictures of food below the different numbers, some marked with the word “free”, some showing you a lock on the picture, meaning you’d have to unlock the content and pay for it. This also isn’t new. The app, the numbers, the joy and euphoria filling your brain when you went another day hiding it.
Bucky told you to delete this app off your phone weeks ago. You had promised him to do so after he warned you and told you he’d do it, but you just needed some time. And he trusted you and gave you a kiss on the cheeks, reminding you of how beautiful you are and that he’s always there to remind you of it and to let you vent. For you to turn to him instead of the numbers when you needed a sense of control and just to talk. He had even asked if you were interested in finding a mutual interest, which you had turned down with a wave of your hand and a convincing enough smile. And now here you are, still on that same damn app and trying to hide your body from yourself.
This isn’t what they call recovery. This isn’t what your therapist encouraged you to do.
Your phone blinked with a message after it locked again, snapping you out your lost mind and drawing your eyes back to it. You unlock it and read the message.
We ordered your favorite.
u coming down?
A shaky breath leaves your lips and you turn the phone around. How are you supposed to hide the fact that you lied to your friends in front of your friends? You knew this would be coming, but you hoped they’d at least wait a little longer until they invited you to eat together. Although Bruce suggested eating together, talking about it being “therapeutic, helpful and making you forget about the numbers for the moment.” And he is right. It does make you forget about them when eating with the people you love, but it’s the pain and anger that hits you after leaving your friends that makes you doubt everything you take in. And it hurts. So, so much.
There’s a knock on the door, silent. You almost don’t hear it, too lost in your thoughts and fears. You get up slowly and lift yourself off your bed, this motion alone almost taking up all energy in you. You step to the door and grab the door handle, breathing in and getting ready to answer whatever question would be thrown at you. But to your luck, only Bucky is standing in front of it, beaming and two small bottles of orange juice in his hand.
“Hey,” he whispers. You reply with a tired smile. He pulls you into a soft hug, holding himself back from wincing when he sees the state your room is in. You had definitely been laying in bed all weekend. And he doesn’t blame you. If he only had been through half the things you have been going through for years, he’d be laying in bed and trying to relax too. You invite him in as you pull back and step to the side, closing the door behind him and turning on the lights in your room. He makes a mental note to help you clean the next day and walks to your bed, throwing himself in and patting the empty space next to him. You go and sit next to him. He pulls you in and draps an arm over your shoulder, bringing you closer to his strong form and letting you rest your head on his shoulder. You relax and let out a sigh, closing your eyes.
All you want to do right now is just sleep. Close your eyes and sleep, sleep, sleep.
Everything is happening so fast. Questions, hours of listening to and meeting professionals, hours of needing to be checked by doctors and weeks of your friends not leaving your side. They are all worried about you and you know it, you just wish they’d give you a minute to relax and breathe. And it seems like Bucky is the only one to know how to react. Hell, he literally escaped and hid for years because everything was too much and he didn’t want to be recognized. He makes you calm down, relax and just lets you breathe and think, even though he’s in the same room as you.
“What are you thinking about?” he whispers into the comfortable silence. You stir, moving your head a little only enough to look straight ahead of you and at the door. “Not much, I guess,” you mutter. He nods.
“Have you- have you done it?” He looks down at your face, noticing the frown. “Deleting the app,” he quickly adds. You start chewing on your bottom lip and lift your head off his shoulder, now directly looking at him.
“No,” You shake your head and clench your jaw. He notices your distress and takes your hand in his, softly drawing circles with his thumb on it. He wants to know why.
“I’m just,” you sigh, “it’s happening so fast, you know? I just need time, Bucky. Everyone expects me to instantly go all happy and accepting but it takes so much of me to even get up, knowing you all think I’m doing great.” you explain. Mentally, everything is so draining. Even talking about it with him makes you tired.
“Is there something that happened?” he asks. You shake your head, no.
“It’s like something is missing, you know?” You lean your head back on his shoulder. “I miss this feeling of being able to control what I take. I know it’s bad, but it’s not foreign. It isn’t new. I’m scared of trying new things. What if I fail? What if I turn something good into something bad?”
“What- what if this is the only thing I got control over? It makes me feel comfortable for some reason. All I’m asking for is time and a new thing I can trade this for, but I’m scared.” you explain. Bucky turns his head, lowering it and planting a kiss on your head.
“Look, I know I don’t entirely understand what you’re going through. I’ve never counted…” “calories?” He nods. “Yeah, that. I never did that. But I know what it feels like to think you have no control over your own life. I know why you turn to this instead of searching for something better. It feels easy and brings you joy,” he stops and glances at you, eyes full of worry. You nod, your eyes still fixed ahead of you and not him.
“See? It’s all about it feeling easy. and it brings you joy. We can find something else. When I used to-” he stops himself. Maybe right now, this is a little too much for you. “Uh, when I also did things, Steve asked me to go to this library and start reading. They had a cat and it always came up to me when I entered the library.” He smiles at the thought.
“And so I found joy going there and it distracted me from the bad thoughts. I now have two bookshelves filled with books in my room.” he completes.
“Is that also why you got Alpine?” you ask jokingly. He chuckles, his vibrating chest making you bite your bottom lip and smirk.
“Yes, that’s also why I got the cat.” You nod and hide back in your thoughts. This is going to be difficult, you know that. Hiding longer won’t bring you closer to your goal either. You have friends who support you, and the chance to get a therapist.
So why not do it? You already started getting better. It’s your mind that pulls you back and doesn’t let you go. It’s like this disorder got hands, grabbing after you when you’re about to slip from its fingers and pulling you back to its bad goal, because it knows you’d come back.
But you don’t want this anymore.
It’s exhausting. Grabbing your phone, logging in whatever drink or food entered past your lips and waiting to see the app calculate and see what number it is today. Because you know it’s going to be disappointing anyways, even if that euphoria and excitement is there for a second, it’s going to leave you again and let you worry on your own. It’s comforting, but not forever. It shouldn’t be comforting anyways, and you know that.
“Are you listening?” You flinch and lift your head. “I asked you if you want to go to the library with me tomorrow?” You hum, still not entirely listening to your boyfriend. And he notices.
“Y/N, what’s wrong? I know that face,” he notes. You groan and turn to him. He raises his hand, placing his thumb under your chin and making you look up at him. He’s got a soft and worried look in his eyes.
“I don't know what, really.” You shake your head and free your body from his hold. A sigh leaves your lips and you drop your head down again.
“I already told you everything’s going so fast and I- I don’t understand what’s happening half of the time. I get these really energetic bursts of energy where I feel like running through Tony’s yard and still feel happy. And then suddenly I feel like the whole world’s watching and judging me,” you explain.
“And then again, some days I get really motivated and want to recover. I really do, Bucky. I really-,” your voice cracks at the end of your sentence as your eyes fill with tears. Talking about it feels good, but it’s hard. “I’m trying so hard and then there’s days where I download the app, count, and I just want to isolate myself and be anyone but me,”
“And today’s one of those days?” he asks softly. You nod.
“Not only today. It’s been like this for weeks now, but these past three days have been so difficult going through.” Another silence fills your room, only Bucky’s breathing could be heard and your own heartbeat in your ears. You’re happy and thankful for Bucky for not judging you or being disappointed in you for lying to him these past days. Your mind was already taking the role of doing so and it was tiring.
“Do you want me to tell Bruce? He can tell your therapist and the-” You cut him off with a shake of your head and shuffle closer to him, wrapping your own arm around him and finding comfort on his broad chest. He relaxes into your touch and wraps his arms around you, lowering his head, chin resting on your head after placing a kiss on it.
“I just want to stay here, with you. We can talk about this later.”
Bucky knows better than to push you and make you uncomfortable to the point where you feel forced to talk about this longer. So he chooses to nod and hold you closer to him, savouring the moment. He loves moments like these with you, just hanging around together.
“Ok, but you promise me one thing,” he starts. You hum, encouraging him to go on. “You’ll come to me the next time you feel like this.” You’re about to argue when he warns you.
“And no, you’ll not argue. I want the best for you. Please, I want to help as much as I can,” he lets you know.
“You’re already helping me by being with me. This right now? Having you with me is better than therapy,” you joke, but his face stays stern and demanding as you raise your head to glance at him. You groan and roll your eyes. “Ok, I promise. But I promise I’ll try. I can’t guarantee it, but I’ll try my best,” you say. He frowns and thinks for a second. He’d get the truth out of you anyways. Bucky knows lying to him wasn’t easy for you.
“Okay, but now,” He raises your head again, eyes darting down to your lips and wetting his own. “Now I want to spend time with my love,” he whispers as he dips his head down, capturing your lips in a slow and intimate kiss. You smile into the kiss and feel him smirk. A breathy chuckle leaves his mouth as you seperate your lips from his, leaning your head against his chest.
“Can we watch a movie?”
“What? Not again!” You smile and nod eagerly. “Of course again! It makes me happy,” you reason and get ready to lift yourself from the bed. He takes your hand and pulls you back into his lap. “Let me get everything ready. You stay here and wait,” he tells you as he gets up. You smile and peck his lips before he gets up, a grin plastered on his face.
“You’re like a big baby when I kiss you,” you tease him.
“What? Am I not allowed to be happy when the person I love loves me too?” he protests, earning another eye roll from you.
“Yeah, yeah. Go get the movie, I want to cuddle!” He laughs and leaves the room, not before sending you an air kiss.
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