#atleast half of my posts are stupid

[ratfromh]

wtf gordon thats so mean and inconsiderate of his feelings .. how would u feel if someone said thst to you

#for my frenrey loving population of followers #my art #hlvrai #hlvrai fanart #fanart #hlvrai gordon #gordon feetman #hlvrai benrey #hlvrai benry #benrey #benry #half life vr ai but the ai is self aware #hlvrbtaiisa #in my honest opinion (in the original post the one with u wanna kiss me so bad it makes u look stupid) he would not fucking say that #atleast i think so. in my head benrey doesn’t know how to flirt #his way of flirting is beating gordon over the head with a lead pipe probably #frenrey #gordon x benrey

[dancingdonatello]

HI ITS 🦆 ANON THE ONE WHO MADE AN AO3 CUZ OF YOU! AND YES I DID MEAN REQS I JUST CANT TYPE FOR SHIT 💀

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD DO LIKE VILLIAN!TURTLES HEADCANONS?

LIKE DONNIE AND MIKEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN RAISED BY DRAXUM, AND DRAXUM NUTURED DONNIES LOVE FOR SCIENCE OR SMTH AND MIKEY MYSTIC POWERS WERE TRAINED BY DRAXUM TOO

AND MAYBE LEO WAS RAISED BY BIG MAMA

IDK ABOUT RAPH BUT YEAH!

BASICALLY THEY'RE RAISED TO HATE HUMANS, BUT THEN AFTER MEETING/ENCOUNTERING Y/N THEIR PERSPECTVIE CHANGES (ATLEAST ON THE READER)

MAYBE LIKE WRITE ABOUT THEIR VEIW ON THE READER, AND MAYBE THEY INVITE THE READER OVER TO THEIR HOME, OR MAYBE EVEN TELLING THEIR VILLAIN PAERNTS THEY LIKE A HUMAN, OR ALL 3!!!-

IM SORRY I JUST GET SO HYPED SEEING YOUR WORK AND I HAVENT REQUESTED ANYTHING IN A WHILE AND I JUST SAW ONE OF YOUR POSTS AND STIMMING AND KICKING MY FEET AND OVERALL JUST AKSJDHKJFHFKJH

ANYWAY THX FOR TAKING TIME TO READ THIS AND TYPE IT IF YOU DO! FEEL FREE TO PUT THIS ON PAUSE OR JUST DELETE IT

MAKE SURE TO DRINKS LOTS OF WATER, AND EAT! AND CHECK WHAT TIME IT IS, DONT WANNA FUCK UP UR SLEEP SCHEDULE ANYMORE THAN IT IS LMAO!!!

AND STRETCH YOUR WRISTS BESTIE

🦆 anon @duckanon

<3 <3 luv u duck anon.

villain rise turtles x reader

You have something that Raph needs. He’s been tracking you for months and he knows that you have a piece of the armor he needs for the resurrection of the Shredder.

And he’s never been one for plans, so…

He breaks in through your window.

You scream and then he screams and you’re holding on with an impressive grip on the armor piece and….

And you’re…. you’re so… cute. He suddenly lets go of the glove and you go flying back, knocking your head against the wall. He lets out an eep and rushes over, cradling your head.

You look pretty freaked out at his change of heart and he doesn’t blame you.

How he’s going to explain this to the Foot Lieutenant and the Foot Brute, he has no idea.

They take your introduction pretty well. So do you, by how you actually willingly hand over the glove.

But… your reaction when you find out about the Shredder at the baseball game destroys any loyalty he has left for the Foot Clan. He can’t bear to see that terrified expression on your face when you look at him.

Leo may have snuck up to the part of the hotel Big Mama told him to stay away from. But how could she blame him? People watching was his favorite past time! Who better to watch than some stupid humans?

And when his eyes landed on you, he just knew he had to have you. He wouldn’t regret it even when Big Mama punished him. If he hadn’t have snuck up to the floors above ground, he wouldn’t never seen you.

And anyways, his was birthday was coming up… and Big Mama said he could have anything he wanted. He grinned to himself, deciding to sneak into your room that night to ‘introduce’ himself. He’d leave a sticky note and scare you. Just a little.

Big Mama adored you. She gave you all these clothes so that you could look as perfect as her and Leo. She used for entertainment for the other Yokai, even when Leo glared on with jealously.

Soon enough, she was going to get her hands on some mysterious green ooze from three other turtles that looked suspiciously like Leo. As long as Leo didn’t find out about it, you would be the perfect test subject. And wouldn’t it be so sweet to see a lover’s quarrel in the Battle Nexus? She giggles at the thought.

Donatello has been bugged by you for a while.

In one of his rare outings to New York, obviously not letting Draxum know, he had run into you. He had been trying to break into a tech store and then you had appeared behind him.

He broke your nose but he hadn’t been left i scratched.

Then he just kept running into you again and again. He was half inclined just to kill you, but he feels like it would annoy him more with how much effort that would be towards someone like you.

You were annoying and just as mean as he was to you. It irritated him whenever you came back with a comment just as sharp as what he gave you.

One day, in one of his complaining rants to Mikey, Draxum overheard. Even though Donnie denied that it, Draxum was convinced he had a crush on a pathetic human. So, he decided he would kill you. As if you were nothing. Just scum on the Earth. All so Donnie wouldn’t be ‘distracted’ any longer. By that he meant he just wanted Donnie to work insane hours so Draxum wouldn’t have to work as hard.

And Donnie… couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t let a single hair on you be injured.

There’s an angry turtle staring you down. Michelangelo and you had run into each other. One looking beat up and the other looking flabbergasted.

“You’re a… turtle?!”

Suddenly, you’re wrapped up in chains. That burnt badly.

“Ow!” you shriek and suddenly, just as quickly as they had come, they vanished. Big brown guilty eyes stare at you.

His face twitches before it turns disgusted. “Ugh. You smell disgusting.”

He was talking about the smell of your brunt skin. You glared at him angrily before seeing how bashed up he was. “What… happened to you?”

He was very reluctant to follow you home. And he kept asking you weird questions about other green turtles. Had you ever seen anyone that looked like him? Where? When? All these questions while you tried to stick a bandaid on him.

He also didn’t hold back on his mean comments about the human race. But as long as he sat still as you tried to rub the ash and debris off of him, you just let him talk.

Quickly, he warms up to you. It’s as if he never hated humans. He enjoys learning about everything you do and seeing all of what New York has to offer. He knows you can never meet Draxum. And even though he’s getting suspicious the more he leaves and the longer he’s out, Mikey continues to see you.

#rottmnt x reader #tmnt x reader #donatello x reader #rise leonardo x reader #leonardo x reader #rise tmnt x reader #rise donatello x reader #rise donnie x reader #raphael x reader #tmnt raphael x reader #tmnt michelangelo x reader #michelangelo x reader

[quartztwst]

No joke we need to stop hating on Jamil and start hating on Azul because at least Jamil had a reason why he was so angry and yeah, it was kinda misdirected and shit.

But AZUL??

I understand the fact Azul was bullied for his appearance and that motivated him to be better and to prove his bullies wrong. That's why he got his unique magic really fast and why he's so intelligent but it really got to his head that he started taking people's magic that had nothing to do with his bullying.

What I'm saying is that he could've just only targeted people that bullied him or shown him disrespect but he targeted half of NRC just because, I believe, he wanted the power and the feeling. Like he didn't really have to do all of that and he could've stopped at his bullies but he stole other people's talents and traits for himself.

I think someone has said this on Tumblr I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEIR POST IS but I really think about it a lot.

But I do think that the power really got into his stupid head to the point he started enslaving over around 200 students. And that's why his contracts mean so much to him. It's a symbol of his successes and strengths because he was seen as weak and pathetic when he was younger and he absolutely doesn't want that again. Azul dislikes being seen as weak (unless it's to get connections to Kalim's dad) and that's why he literally breaks down into tears and panic because without his contracts, he is nothing. WELL, TO HIMSELF ATLEAST. I THINK HE IS EVERYTHING 😍😍😍

Everything he worked so hard to get, to take, to steal, it's all turned into sand. He thinks those contracts are what makes him strong and unstoppable but he's so ignorant to his own abilities that he gained himself and not stolen.

That's why he was all "*blushes* omg... you think I'm hardworking? *softly giggles* //// " and shit to Yuu when they were speaking in the museum.

Okay he wasn't but you get it

What was my point in this?

Nothing. I just wanted to talk about azul

#azul ashengrotto #twisted wonderland #twst #bad takes #i have bad takes

[fezblr]

WILDFLOWERS - ellie williams x fem!reader

synopsis: ellie’s out on patrol when dina reminds her that today is valentine’s day- so in an anxious haste, she rushes to find you the perfect gift. (spoiler alert; you only want her)

warnings: literally just tooth rotting fluff, ellie being insecure, reader being a sweetheart and tiny bit of typical canonical violence, angst if you squint

a/n: hello… i’m starting to write again bc i have inspo anyways here’s an ellie fic … i’m a little rusty so don’t scorn me in the notes okay bye

————————————

“don’t tell me you seriously forgot!”

dina cackled at ellie’s gobsmacked expression. once her initial shock had faded she was left with an anxious expression. “dina! how was i supposed to know what day it even is? i could barely remember to wake up for this stupid patrol!”

dina’s laughter faded into a wide grin. “you better pull something together, and quick ellie. you’ve got atleast 10 more hours until valentine’s day is over.”

as dina rode on ahead, ellie sat atop shimmer wondering exactly what she could get you. in a post apocalyptic world, there wasn’t exactly a wide variety of gifts to select. she’d seen couples in old dvds wow each other with small fancy chocolates, large bouquets of red roses, candlelit dinners and expensive jewellery.

the closest thing she had to those was probably the crumpled yellow weeds she had stepped on when walking to meet dina this morning, an unscented candlestick collecting dust in her room and her bracelet which bore an evil eye. she let out a sigh. today her mission was to find the perfect gift; and she knew where to start.

as soon as she had returned from patrol, ellie made a beeline to joel’s small home, and rapidly knocked on the door. after five knocks a tired joel opened the door, confused and drowsy from sleep.

“ellie? what are you doing here at..” his gaze moved to his watch, “8:30am?” ellie shot him an apologetic smile, “sorry joel. this is urgent. i need your help with valentines gifts.” joel smirked. “valentines? didn’t take you for a romantic.” ellie rolled her eyes. “okay old man, you gonna help me or not?” joel grinned, “come on in.”

ellie left joel with a spring in her step and a new song to play on the guitar tonight. she next headed off to find maria; she had a feeling the older woman would have the answer she was looking for.

“ellie; women love flowers. i’ve always adored them.” “really?” she asked, her upper half resting on the bar. maria nodded, a smile etched upon her face. “do find some nice ones- wilted flowers make everything miserable.” ellie made a mental note to find some colourful intact flowers while on her mini mission today; preferably in a bright colour to bring some life to your shared, but rather dull home. with a nod and a quick thanks, she was out the door.

now with her newly obtained knowledge, and some slightly wilted wildflowers in hand, she returned home to find you gone; on your patrol with jesse for the afternoon. she began to set up before your return.

your patrol with jesse had been eventful. you’d run to a stalker, which you’d shot expertly right in the head. and to add onto victory, you and jesse had found an abandoned halloween store buried deep in the woods. so you’d of course collected multiple ghostface masks, not knowing or understanding the film reference but finding them equally as hilarious.

so when you walked in the door, wearing the ghost mask, prepared to scare an unsuspecting ellie, you were shocked to be met with an unusual sight. ellie had made dinner, which was placed on the table next to three candles she had lit. ellie emerged from the kitchen, her expression filled with stress, her brow drenched in sweat.

when she noticed you, she dropped the vase in her hands, filled with pastel yellow wildflowers.

“oh my god! fuck, fuck!” she scrambled to the ground, rushing to pick up the broken shards of glass. you quickly discarded the mask, dropping down to help.

“ellie.” she continued picking up the glass, as if she hadn’t heard a word you said. “ellie.” no response. “babe.”

ellie met your gaze, as she sighed in defeat. “dina told me this morning that it was valentine’s day. i’ve been running around all day trying to make this all perfect so we could have a little date- i tried cooking and almost set the kitchen on fire, i learnt a new song on guitar and then i dropped the flowers and i- i just couldn’t get it right.”

your expression dropped, your face filling with guilt as you took ellie’s hands in yours. “el, i dont need any big gestures. and you did an awesome job. i mean, no one’s ever cared enough about me to put in all this effort. all of this means so much to me.”

you pulled her up with one hand, gathering the flowers in the other. “here.” you grab a glass from the table, filling it with water and placing the flowers inside. ���good as new.”

ellie wraps her arms around you, her face contorting into a soft smile. “you like them?” you tuck your head into her neck. “i love them.”

the embrace lasts a few minutes before you pull away. “wait! i got you something too.”

ellie looks confused as you grab your bag, but she grins as soon as she sees the object in your hands. “is that-?” “a new pocket knife! i found one today in the rubble at the halloween store. i thought you might like it.” ellie takes the blade in her hand, turning it over to observe it. “it’s perfect.”

she grins cheekily, “i might have to use it to slash the masked killer in my home.”

“haha. now come sit; i wanna hear that song.”

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x reader fluff #ellie williams x reader angst #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x fem reader #ellie williams #tlou #the last of us

[vsyrworld]

i rrly need a quick fluffy post monza charlos fanfic so here is my shot (turn out its not quick but anyway)

rated : m (bcs of they kiss a lot)

tags : sleepy cuddle and kisses, singapore as core memory, not beta read so sorry bout error.

♡ enjoy ♡

///

carlos is so so done. so freaking wasted as he could only sprawled on his bed, lying there like a death log. feet cramp, shoulder aching, body hurts everywhere. and finally after a dreadful weekend, enormous laps of attacking and defending rewarded by a worthy podium, is an ecstasy but not for long as he has to spare his social energy for boring long ass press interview and celebration. at least the last one is another reward.

he thought.

if isnt because of that stupid thieves out of nowhere, he already eating his dinner out, have a drink that charles had promised him through interview and the bad thing was charles also already texted him, "matee! lets have a drink together tonight!!", he read and left the chatroom opened, and then his watch accident, ran his breath out then the police -- oh merde, charles must be waiting him at bar or atleast his response and yet- carlos told rupert to skip a dinner and call it a day.

the other bad news is, if he is too tired. he couldnt sleep. and tifosi are still out there whatever the chantng or lullaby they are doing-- its actually nice and heartwarming-- but he needs sleeps. constantly nagging by the anonymous hands, scents, crowds making him dizzy. he lost sense of familiarness. then he remember this week, they didnt film anything about c2 challenges. carlos hadnt had a chance to annoy charles because they are cramped in a big crowd, people here people there --

his phone ringing stopping carlos from circulating haze thought

lazily, or more pricisely, fatiguely, reach his bed side stand and swipe the call without minding the caller id,

"carlos?! you okay? where are you now?" carlos stunned in silence but his lips form a smile, cahlos

"hey" he turned his body to lay down on his left side. the phone is on top of his right ear, as he dropped his own hand to matress, "sorry" he speaks slowly, his energy already depleted

"forget it, the important is you are ok." charles' voice smoothing right to his ear.

"hm" he hummed in agreement. already closing his eyes.

he heard a chuckled from other line, "do you want me ...um..."

carlos smiled as his hand mindlesly caressing the empty spot beside him,

"dont wanna get up. too tired" he said truthfully. the bed is already swallowed him half of his body and soul,

"okay" charles said. carlos didnt expect anything so he doesn't hang up the phone.

but he knows charles will come anyway,

thus when his hotel room door closed with a soft thuds, and his arms streched into a cold empty spot is finally, finally, now replaced by a slender warm figure.

carlos with eyes closed, instinctively wraps the body and pulling him so his chest against charles' chest, legs tangled each other, a warm laugh land on his sleepy face

"is this how you greet me, hm? mister ministary of defence? pole sitter? podium winner? or hm a superhero who chasing down the thieves around the street hmph--"

carlos shuts him with long deep kiss, with the very last energy he had. his hands welcoming him by smoothers down the softness of hoodie charles' wears. it is so warm and cloudy. charles fresh scents is a lily, musky vanilla. sweet and calming makes him dropped his lips into charles juncture neck.

"wrong," he replies and left a warm kiss on charles exposed skin. "it's your lover." finally. a familarness.

charles breathed out as his finger massaging carlos hair softly. "hi to you too, mi amor"

they take their own time respectively, trying to gain and mapping each other body again after a full weekend constantly dealing with stranger sweats, sticky skin.

"miss me?" charles said into carlos thick hair. he loves when charles does that.

he opens his mouth to answer but then his wicked mind does something else,

charles let a sudden moan as carlos nipped and sucking charles neck slowly, open mouthed, "ca- ah, carlos, wait" the way charles gripped carlos hair's is so addicting. its soft but firm, delicate but sensual. carlos cant get enough from it.

carlos grunts and continue licking the spot, "you said you tired, ah-" charles didnt even finished his sentence because their hards-on rubbing against each other and carlos circling his arm on charles wait, trying to get the friction

but carlos is tired, so the movement is painfuly slow thus creating a consistent gap of moan from charles. "you menance" charles said between moan as he chin up carlos so they are facing each other.

"open your eyes you idiota" carlos slowly blinking his eyes to find charles hazy gaze straight at him with such a fondness.

carlos breath into his face and decide to gives him a eskimo kisses. the one that he and charles likes to do. its ticklish but sweeter than lips kisses.

from carlos hooded eyes, he bring his palm to caressing charles' cheek, "tired. sorry" and eyes flutters to shutting again

charles laughs like a lulabby to him, "okay okay. so don't rub on me. let save it for the morning" he exchanged the kiss by rubbing his nose to carlos cheek and back again to carlos' nose, then he stayed there.

"charles" he said after a moment with, of course, the tifosi singing at outside

"hm?"

"tell your fans to shut up please"

charles giggled then smacked carlos biceps that hugs them close, "hey that's rude to say like that!" carlos didnt mean it but he really really need a quite and good sleep. really, he let out a dissapoint grunt

charles shifted his head to see beyond carlos shoulder, at the closed curtain window, luckily they couldnt be seen from outside. "they are not my fans, carlos"

another nose rubbing, "its ours"

carlos smiled at charles statement as his mind start day dreaming about monza podium celebrations. he is enchanted by the prancing horse.

"si, but i really need a quite moment." carlos hummed,

charles doesn't answered him, only shifted his head closer to him then flushing their forehead together. breath rising constantly with each other, trying the best to focusing their breathing rhythm and so the tifosi chant become a soft background sounds.

"charles" carlos said again between the time their chest expand.

"i'm here" a slow long exhale drawns out from both of them.

as both of them inhaling the oxygen, carlos closed the gap by placing himself to charles' lips with a soft kiss. charles , slow but reassuringly, sealed them with pulling carlos closer and they start to exchanged some languid kisses. it was a simple peck then turns into a french kiss somehow, back again to calmer one and ending it with their most favorite kisses all the time, the one long deep kiss.

to have charles lips against him, and their nose flushed into each other cheek. carlos kissing him raw and breathlessly until the air in his lungs sucked all out, charles not wanting to apart from carlos' lips, cluthed his hand to carlos' tshirt, and other one is settle down at spaniard cheek to trails carlos face up and down. thus, carlos answered it by tighting his waist grips.

they pulled out together in a loud exhale, "god i love when you do that" charles giggled and bring their nose kissed each other affectionately.

carlos grins widely with his eyes still closed. he rubs charles' in agreement.

"carlos i have an idea"

"what is that?"

"lets go to singapore a couple day quicker than others"

charles statement successfuly makes carlos' eyes open. he analyze charles expression but none other than a soft private smile he gives him and there is a longing, like a want feeling, a desire and a permission for spending a time together outside racing schedule

"you want to flight early?" he reassure charles again, afraid it's might his delulu scenario since his brain is not working properly.

"us. i want us to ..." charles dimples appear as he bites his lips nervously,

"to what?" carlos raised his eyebrows

"you know, do what couple do?" he said shyly

carlos swear he melted against the bed sheet ever more, "date then?" he gives charles a kiss on his dimples.

which create a soft giggle, "you can say that"

"yeah" carlos brings his hand into charles' nape and goes into his cheek where the dimple is rested. he really really want to feel him all.

singapore, a perfect runaway country. is not monza, is not charles' monaco and it is also not carlos' malorca. it's their singapore.

"yes, i like that" carlos said again this time between the kiss.

"yeah?" charles is caressing his eye bag. smoothing them like a butter, making carlos purrs

"yes and then we can make love there too" he grins teasingly and a hand smack on his chest making him laughed.

"you are really what max said, naughty" charles rolled his eyes, "but yes i guess we can"

"in the pool?" he pushed again, eyes glint with a mischieve, "pool sex?"

"oh my god cahlos, stop!" charles put his own hands to covered his well redden face.

he chuckled seeing charles flushtrated so he dropped a kiss on charles' hand, whispering a "carino" against the slender fingers.

"if is not singapore..." carlos trailed his voice down as charles opened his hand and settled it down into carlos' cheek. A circular hand motion drifting him to sleep,

"if is not because of singapore, i wouldn't be here with you" he said before closing his eyes

he doesn't have to see charles expression, he already know it by all of his heart

so he doesn't protest when charles tucked him down, resting his chin ontop of carlos head, wraping his arm protectively as carlos felt a drop of forehead kiss

"let's sleep and get out from here"

with that, carlos finally get his best sleep in that day.

#f1 #c2 #1655 #charlos #charles leclerc #carlos sainz jr #i wrote this at 11.00 pm like the fuck #im sucker for singapore lore #my fics

[good-oldfashioned-lover]

@re-is-back-in-black @silence-between-seconds @her-midas-touch @daydream-of-a-wallflower @not-rab @good-oldfashioned-lover-girl @thedvilsinthedetails @dementorfromazkaban @harry-potter-just-posted

Tagging all you guys because I mostly actively talk to you.

I am 51 days away from my exam which means it's time for me to start getting my shit together. (it is insanely stupid how they make us take one (1) exam that'll quite literally determine our whole life when we're so young tf that's so messed up)

I'll be deleting tumblr til then. Ik I promised you guys a smut fic but istg I'll come back with atleast 3 smutfics to maybe make up for it? *laughs casually in obvious attempt to conceal my guilt spiral on leaving you guys "High and dry"

@multishipperofgaydeadwizards dw I didn't forget you lmao I just wanted to say that I'm gonna come back with SO MANY wierd ass ships just be ready I'm gonna make up for 2 months of absence muahahaha

Wtaf guys- I had insta for like a year or so before i had to delete it for same reason but I wasn't 1/8th nearly as emotional and I am now and I've had tumblr for only like 2 and half months now sndkdkdndfjjdjdkdn

Ik some of you guys sent me messages but I'm gonna have to come back to them because the more I stay the more I'll chicken out of deleting because I love you guys so much aaaaaaahhhhh

Please spam me with a shit ton of stuff to come back hehe <3 {but like only in my asks and messages plis coming back to two months worth of mentions will just send me into a dysfunctional spiral💀 wow am I so easy to manage? (/sarcastic)}

I love you guys sooo much and I'm gonna miss you and I'll most definitely cry later today hehehehehe

*dramatic whisper* this isn't goodbye. This is just a see you in a bit * sparkles sparkles* *dramatic whoosh of the cloak and I dissappear into the darkness*

~💋

#sivspeaks #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #im gonna miss you guys #i didnt even feel this bad during my graduation #lies #but like it feels almost the same #even tho this isnt as permanent as the other #😭😭😭 #also anyone and everyone stay away from my wife🔪✨️ #siri and ari do me a favour #keep spamming kat with 💃🏻 for me will ya

[beomnoullitheorem]

“It Is Still Love” [SPOILER SCENE]

Starring : CEO!Beomgyu × PA!Reader & Min Yoongi as well.

Synopsis: Reader thinks she is dreaming and the one she is seeing is dreamy Beomgyu who she had often encountered in her dreams. Beomgyu is completely puzzled on what he can do... WRITTEN IN BEOMGYU'S PERSPECTIVE!

SHEER WARNING! MUST READ TW!!

𖥔 DRUNK!READER & EQUALLY-PERPLEXED!BEOMGYU, incomprehensible confessions. Abrupt finishing.. that's all.

𖥔This is no one shot or a fic. It's a spoiler. For my upcoming Series which I'll be writing soon. But for now I'll post only the spoiler. For more information for the fic, click HERE!

𖥔 Also. This isn't the spoiler for first part. I just don't know. It doesn't make sense but this is an upcoming scene (not so soon in beginning chapters)

──────────────────────

BEOMGYU'S PERSPECTIVE :

"My Gummy Bear...." She cries, "How I yearn to tell you everything..."

Straddled onto my thighs, stroking the sides of my neck with her trembling fingers and her hand, resting on the trapezius of my neck... She let out faint sobs.

Well... if it wasn't her barging into my apartment. She figured out my password? She must have. She is a computer prodigy. Completely ruining my gaming time, she started calling me names.

Okay, I might have striked her ego & made her do chores instead of actual work (though I paid her for her half ass chores which she sucks at) for which she calls me names after our work hours.

Asshole, prick, Idiot, stupid and what not. Today we've had sealed the deal with Min Yoongi, the CEO of Agust.D's .Co. He is a tough nut, a hard-to-impress kind of man and this woman, by working on our project just for few days and then presenting it in such a professional and an astounding manner had the man finally approving our deal with them.

That smile she had when she knew she nailed it... I have seen her smile like that genuinely after these many years. It brings out some of my nostalgia. She looks irresistibly pretty when she smiles. This whole while, I have seen her smile with pretense and sarcasm, after years. It was confirmed. She is totally happy today.

But after our work hours today, she went away soon. Only for me to find out later, she was drinking with girls. I somehow sent the guys to fetch their respective girls but when I was about to go out to fetch this troublesome brat, she popped into my place. She is safe atleast. Before I could check anything on her, she fell onto me. Mumbling and calling me names.

She passed out. And now thinks this is all a dream. She stripped infront of me and asked me to give her my clothes. I immediately shut my eyes closed. And somehow did what I was told.

She changed into my clothes and if she didn't fulfill my long lost fantasy, I would be lying.

She kept on rambling about how she's the worst person in the world that she deserves no happiness. She lashed out at me for the same stuff that day.

She started tearing up, sobbing faintly and then telling me things, "I'm not the one for you..."

"You deserve someone so much better, Not me."

"＿＿... stop cryi-" she palmed my mouth. "Only real Beomgyu gets to talk to me. You'll only listen, dreamy Asshole."

Again. She will never stop calling me that. I nodded along to which she looked at me tearful eyes. She immediately wiped her tears.

"Sit," She requested, " I want to let you know something."

As I had seated myself, laying my back onto the headboard. I saw her crawling towards me and in the blink of an eye— She straddled onto my thighs together & was dangerously close to me.

This proximity. I- I don't know... how do I say it?? I was enjoying it.... I should have stopped but I couldn't... I was planning to listen today... listen to her...

I missed this. Having her close to me, our lips inches apart and our bodies somehow connected... I missed you.... .

( Back to the present. )

"Gyu... this makes no absolute sense but I love you... I do and I'm not willing to cage you into my entangled mess of a life, impossible to unravel... But hear me out, my Gummy Bear?"

Fuck. That Gyu from her mouth & that name..... wait. She didn't just say that L-word conveying it in fucking present tense- I haven't realized how I am caught aback by this. "WHAT DID-"

I'm curious. She didn't yet tell me why she has had broken up with me.

"Shush," she cut me off, shutting my lips using her index finger, "Just * hiccup * listen.."

My heart hurts ＿＿＿ , it hurts. Hearing the same thing that I so had yearned for.. back then, after you had broken up with me. You broke our relationship and shattered my heart into pieces that I could never put back together.

When I try to push her away and move away, she pushes me back and sits onto my thighs again. Pinning me to the headboard and and caging my hands with her hands.. damn she is strong.

Just when I was about to push her down, I heard her sob. Her face scrunched up, her heavy breathing, her runny eyes and her soft sobs which stilled my voluntary moments of resisting her and I willingly obeyed as as she breathed in to say something.

"Listen to me, stupid prick," She mewls, "I never get to talk to you like this in my haunting dreams..., I do now and LET ME!"

"I'm completely like him. You don't know him. He caged her with him. She felt strangled around his presence. He is so sweet when he wants but absolutely wrecking toxic. And I'm his female version... I've seen him doing everything to her, mentally tormenting her...and have witnessed myself recreating it.. "

Her words, from every aspect, absolutely unbelievable, have me frozen. Him. Who's this him? And who did he mentally torment and who did ＿＿＿ had recreated it to?

"You don't need someone like me. That's why I'm the worst...," She lets go of my hands and traverses them around my neck, placing her palm onto it and her thumb caressing the around of my Adam's apple.

Stop touching my neck will you? I just can't get her obsession with my neck and my Adam's apple. However, this time she is serious.

"This love which I'm preserving for you.... is just meaningless," She connects her forehead to mine. I should do something but...

"But know this. You complete my existence. Serve my love-starved soul, blooming those mystical feelings which I have reserved only for you & shower me the love I'm not made for....."

I... what? What's happening? ＿＿＿＿, ARE YOU OKAY??

"My love, you are my endgame... but I'm not yours. You are made for me but I'm not. You are perfect. You didn't do anything wrong. It's me..."

Is that you? I'm completely restricted to move because... I just wanna listen to her? Maybe.

L-Love? Made for h-her? Per-fect-?

What is she going on at? I- [HER : You are perfect] can't und- [HER : my endgame]———

Oh fuck. My brain have just now short-circuited at her words. Get yourself together Beomgyu.... Calm down fucking system. She ain't the one you should make me feral for.

"It's all my fault. I'm the one who is flawed... you're fucking fine. You are more than enough. You are worth the whole world...."

Oh fuck this. She is drunk and she thinks she confesses to whoever about whomever?! Fisting her slender hands into my palms around her back, I ask her, "Are you serious? Do you even have the slightest idea of what you're speaking?" Harshly.

To my harsh ask, she only answers with a guy wrenching sob that made me realize I was hurting her. "This is not the same Gyu in my dreams.... He is just like the real one... and whatever! What I am saying is truth!"

The word, 'truth' has halted my wits and every racing fibre in me that was just wishing to sober her up. "Oh.. I'm sorry.. please don't stop?"

"I will never say no to you Gyu," She smiles as though I reassured her, "I can go on for hours about how you make me feel emotionally, totally, soulfully, & wholly loved. But.."

I'm listening to her for my own self satisfaction. This... I was never this messed up. I have had surety in my every decision. "She is drunk," my mind says, "drunk people spout nonsense. There's a possibility that what she said is just her... drunk."

"She is drunk," My heart repeats after my mind, "Drunk people spout hidden secrets. She was completely on guard before being drunk and now she's nowhere near stopping her confession which doesn't seem fake."

My mind and my heart have clashed, leaving me into a dilemma. And I'm left unanswered.

"But... what?"

"What you make me feel physically, proving love is just pure science full of mystery is insane.... My world finds meaning because it has you. But I should have forgotten you but I couldn't and the destiny didn't let me either. I met real you."

Incoherent rambling full of truthfulness, how do I avoid it? Moreover how do I move now that she is sitting into my lap, kneeling? And this dangerous proximity... stilling me to feel it all again, just what do I do?

I'm wholly numbed between these mixed feelings.

"You know why I fidget my ears all the time girls have teased me? That's cause my ears become red and there's this slight twitch induced with my racing mind full on spurring their teasing statement about me and you, makes me wanna actualize it...." She wipes her tears and gathers her breath to speak normally.

Actualize-? They teased about how the bed would be moving like a jelly shaken due to us... ＿＿＿!? SHE WANTS TO ACTUALIZE WHAT—!

"For a person who claimed to you that I'm just made for earning, working and just breathing all her life to die a lonely cold death, I feel liking living again when you near me and my heart starts beating again," She introduces my hand to her breast- oh my heart!

"Let me tell you Gyu, that my heart only beats for you. It pumps blood in absence of your thought and in your absence.."

I look over to her face and I find her looking at me with eyes full with endearment. And that smile... Her red eyes glisten, not from tears but something I'm so unaware of. Her lips quiver into a smile that I'm completely familiar with but I don't know why she is telling me such things when she has fallen out of love with me..

I am taught to prioritize myself over anything after my family for which I dumbly followed my instincts. Her high words are affecting me now... outmatching my estimated guard. ＿＿＿, aren't you really my indispensable past now haunting me with your absolute presence?

I should terminate that agreement that I so pettily had created to... I DON'T KNOW WHY I JUST GRABBED HER INTO MY CLUTCHES! I only knew one thing and that was to have her with me. Not in any romantic way. That's for sure. Because, there's no woman in this who had fucked me up into something I had never pictured myself to become into.

Shall I listen to all of this by sober her? Or this... her? I'm doomed. I knew it. This truth is making me want to believe her. For now what I am convinced by my heart is that I'll listen to her.

"See, it's beating. I'm excited. I'm happy. Feel it," She chirps, "This is what you're capable of Gyu... you're a fucking happiness bank unlimited."

Take it off ＿＿＿＿!

A low chuckle escapes my mouth at her words. I still have my hands on her boobs. We were once wild physical. I was feral for her soul and fucks with her. Stop triggering that asleep past man of yours who was once head over heels for you..

"And, feel my palm over yours? It's trembling... not out of any anxiety, it's just twitching in to and fro, feeling your touch have now ignited many things that make me feel alive."

She emphasizes her slightly trembling hand onto mine, resting onto her breast right on her heart. She then takes my hand away from her breast to which I'm so grateful to, and then grabs both of my hands, slipping them under her t-shirt or mine— placing them onto her waist which has her and I flinching.

I'm not going to lie, she grew up to be more beautiful. She looks dazzling, I find myself unable to take off my eyes ogling at her shamelessly. The more I look, the prettier she gets. Now she is making me touch her, I'm a little spurred on...

Her warm torso, cushiony waist which felt slightly bumpy to which my thumb subconsciously traced repeatedly, making me realize she is having goosebumps.

"Your touch makes my skin cells excited. And hence, I feel like it's the most exciting and exotic feeling of having you touch me...Gyu."

She explains.

Her previous confessions on how my presence soothes her emotionally and now these are glitching my sense to judge what I can make of it...... how I have started to feel lightheaded from this confession of hers and now my breath started hitching and my heart starts palpitating in that way....

How I have long ago forgotten about how I'm looking at her as though I'm having a soft spot for her but I can't help but melt at this.

" See the way my breath hitches and I feel excited.. not the sexual one but it's something else... are you getting it?"

Is she even drunk? Or me? Am I a pushover? I don't know... but she and I are resonating here... she and I having that reunion couple-thingy thing... I'm lost at words to even comprehend this myself... that damn heart of mine now pumps blood to my face... flushing it red... Drunk ＿＿＿, please don't notice it.

I'm fucked. Completely bound towards doom.

"And this heat on my face... That damn blush whenever you are close to me or around me... this way... I'm reminded that I once loved and whatever I feel for you... be it fruitless way of adoring you from afar... It is still love..."

Yes, I know. You damn sorceress! I'm feeling again... you feel whatever that is, for me... and are making me feel... shit... I think I got used to live without her... but haven't yet gotten over her... Little flower... what do I do?

──────────────────────

𖥔PLEASE I HAVE HAD WARNED ALREADY. IF YOU HAVE ALL THE WAY HERE... I APPRECIATE YOUR GUTS, DO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

𖥔This was the main scene. It plays an important rule and I hope this isn't hated or plagiarized. For more information, scroll up and find pink click here option. Follow for more <3

𖥔You can ask me for more questions after checking out my IISL info post.

#beomgyu x oc #beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu smut #beomgyu soft hours #beomgyu soft thoughts #beomgyu hard thoughts #beomgyu hard hours #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu imagines #txt hard thoughts #txt hard hours #txt smut #txt fanfic #txt fluff #txt soft hours #txt soft thoughts #txt scenarios #txt x reader #txt imagines #txt x y/n #txt x oc #txt x you #IISL SPOILER #smutnoulli writes #IISL

[rosalinrabbit]

Nectar of the Gods

Blue Banisters Track List

Pairing: Robb Stark x Fem! Mormont Reader

Warnings: Hurt, hurt no comfort, past relationships, family deaths, briefly mentioned violence, final goodbyes, pure angst, Robb being an idiot and putting the North in danger

Summary: After the death of your aunt and your father, you knew you had to return to Bear Island. You couldn’t take it anymore, watching Robb live a life you weren’t a part of any longer. When the King in the North himself finds you packing your bags, many things left unsaid finally come to light.

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N:  This is the start of the Blue Banisters Track List!! (A new project which is likely going to be a bit inconsistent in terms of order and posting)

This fic is a mix of show and book canon if that makes sense? I was rewatching the show and every time we get to the whole Robb x Talisa plotline I lose my mind at how weird it is but I digress. 

You are in charge of your own media consumption. Please read responsibly.

Do not translate or re-upload any of my work. Works are only cross-posted on AO3.

< What sweet world is this? Honey on the vine..

School kid dreams came true, then passed in the night

I used to dream about people like you, now I don’t know why… >

-Lana Del Rey, Nectar of the Gods

You hurried to pack your things from the tent you had once shared with your aunt, the one you still shared with two of her daughters, your cousins, Dacey and Lyra. Maege’s oldest and third oldest. The rest, Alysane, Jorelle, and Lyanna, remained at Bear Island. 

The she-bear is no more. When her daughters decided to remain by the King’s side, you knew you could not. Then, the message came from up North. From the Wall.

To your luck, the raven’s message landed in the hands of Catelyn Stark, not her son’s. It was Catelyn who came up to you, pulling you into her tent to talk alone. Her eyes alone saw the tears when she told you.

Your father was dead. Killed by his own men in a mutiny beyond the wall.

You were taught better than to react in the way you did, in disbelief and agony. In shock. You had stared at the older woman for a few moments before you could even process her words, yet your eyes seemed to beat your mind to it, tears streaming down your face as you stared past Catelyn, towards the opening of the tent and out into the beyond. 

When the sobs broke through, you felt her hands on your arms, holding you up so you wouldn’t fall over, bringing you close and providing you with the comfort only a mother could, even though you would never get to call her by that name.

Even though she herself had expected you to one day.

You were thankful that Catelyn atleast understood your pain. While you hailed from Bear Island, while you held the name Mormont and were loyal as can be to House Stark, while you knew how to fight and lead like the rest of your family, the pain of it all weighed on you. As much as you tried to hide it, for the pride of your house, for your own dignity, it was far too much, and you and the Stark matriarch both knew the pain went beyond the death of your father.

It was everything inbetween. 

The two Stark girls whom you loved like sisters, in what felt like increasingly mortal danger because of Robb’s rebellion. 

The death of your aunt, who cared for you as though you were her own when your mother died, when your much older half-brother Jorah disgraced the house, and when your father left to take the black.

The fear for your house and your future, leaving your dear young cousin Lyanna at home and in charge of Bear Island with her mother’s most trusted advisors.

The fact that your father was killed by his own men, by the job he had commited his life to. 

The heartbreak of Robb moving on.

The anger caused by his stupidity.

The moment you learned he had married that Westerling woman, the one who traveled along with the infantry, healing men who probably didn’t have a chance, you knew this war was doomed. Not because of what Walder Frey would do, but because of Robb’s clear lack of foresight. How could he not see what the rest of you saw? All for one woman.

You had never asked that of him.

Your engagement had been broken off when the war began. He told you he wanted to keep the engagement but did not want you to be a target, and you had told him that the greatest chance he’d have at winning this war was through an advantageous marriage. One that would offer far more than your family could. You didn’t do it because you didn’t love him, no. The both of you were desolate at the reality of it all. In your mind, you hoped he would refuse to marry throughout the war. Hoped the “young wolf” would be strong enough, that he wouldn’t need to. But you knew better, and you knew he needed the numbers. If Arya and Sansa were going to survive, he needed a stronger army and a wife that could offer more to him standing by his side. 

When he promised to marry Walder Frey’s daughter, your heart broke. Yet the passage was worth it. The North was worth it.

You would do it a thousand times over for Sansa and Arya, and you’d do the same for your own young cousins that were like sisters to you. Not that Dacey and Lyra needed protecting, but if they did, you would do it for them without much thought. 

For his family, for his sisters, you broke the engagement. 

And Robb threw all of that away, and the North along with it, by marrying Talisa.

As you changed into more suitable riding clothes, you couldn’t help but think of the past. Of when you thought you had it all figured out. You closed your eyes, and tears slipped out at the memories of him.

Holding his hand and walking through the glass gardens. Braiding Sansa’s hair. Chasing after Bran and Arya as they climbed up walls and through windows.

Or when he kissed you in the Godswood, telling you that you were standing on the spot where you would eventually marry.

Lies.

You would never have any of those things again.

“Y/n?” 

You startled at Robb’s voice, wiping away any stray tears and turning around to prepare to face him, hiding your bags behind your back. 

“Yes, your highness?” You responded bitterly as he entered the tent on your response.

“Please don’t call me that. When did you ever get so formal?” He muttered.

“I’ve always been formal to those who require it.”

“I do not require it of you.”

“Your station and our relationship does.”

“You mean our lack of a relationship?” He bit slightly before calming again.

You stood, unmoving, eyes glazing past him as you waited for him to get on with it. He stepped forward and you stiffened.

“I had realized we never spoke about Maege…” He stepped even closer and his hand reached up before you quickly took a step back from him, confused at his purpose and his words. He looked at you with a pained expression at your coldness, and it just made you angry. None of this was your choice. “Your aunt was a great woman,” he began. “I know you loved her deeply, and she looked after you like you were her own. I am truly sorry for your loss.”

Perhaps, under different circumstances, Robb’s condolences may have made you soften. May have had you second-guessing your choice to leave. Now, looking at him, you could hardly recognize the man you once loved. He spoke with the compassion he always seemed to hold within him, yet the way he stood, the way he looked, he had this strange self-righteousness. As if this could save you from your pain… and what of your father? He must not know.

You stood there staring at him before you spoke, in as neutral a tone as you could muster. “We have all made great sacrifices, your highness. I believe my aunt may rest easy knowing her own sacrifice, that of her life, saved countless others.” Unlike you, you thought to yourself. No, he sacrifices others. Not himself. 

Robb wasn’t an idiot, and his expression sunk at your words. “I appreciate every sacrifice that has been made on behalf of the North.”

Sadness and anger were welling up within you, and gods, you wanted to yell at him. You wondered if you could still get away with something like that, yet you simply muttered, thinking of your father, your aunt, the stark girls. “And a great many, indeed.”

“Y/n… do not insinuate that I do not know sacrifice. I have lost as much, if not more, compared to all those here.” 

“Whatever you believe,” you spoke, looking directly into his eyes, “it doesn’t really matter in the end, does it? It doesn’t matter what we’ve lost, it’s already gone.” You turned your head away, willing tears to stay put in your eyes.

“I am sorry.”

You didn’t know what he was apologizing for. “It is what it is.”

“I made you a promise. And I broke it.”

“You did.”

“Why must you always act like it doesn’t matter to you?” He scoffed, frustrated. There was a pause. “Were you.. were you packing up your things to leave?”

You turned to look at your bags on the bed.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, your highness.”

“Don’t call me that, please, for gods sakes. And all I ever wanted was an ounce of pushback from you! We were to be married, and you gave that away so easily, yet now you punish me for it every day because I married Talisa!”

“Robb,” you spoke harshly, stopping his rant, giving him what he seemed to want. An honest response. “You’re right, I am angry with you. Just not for the selfish reasons you think I am.”

“Well if you’re abandoning the war effort, it’s better for me to hear it now before you’re taken prisoner.”

You sighed at his childish threat. “I think you haven’t seen a single thing I’ve done. Of course breaking the engagement mattered to me! How could you not see that? You know how much I loved you, how on earth could you really think I gave that up so easily? Without second thoughts? I did it for you! And you’re so far up your own arse at this point that you can’t even see that! I sacrificed my love for you for the lives of your sisters. For the chance to win this war. Is that not a good enough reason for you? It’s not that you married Talisa, it’s that I agreed to end the engagement while under the impression that it would change the tides of the war. That you would marry a Frey and secure the twins. But you didn’t do that, Robb. And it felt like a knife in my back.” Robb stood a few paces away from you, a hurt expression across his face, one of shame and sadness. “I made that sacrifice for nothing.”

“I love her. That’s why I married her. I loved, I still love, you… I could not marry a woman I did not love. It wouldn’t have been right for either of us.”

“This is not about love, Robb. It is about duty, and honor. I know you believe what you did was honorable, honorable to the sanctity of vows and marriage… but you killed hundreds if not thousands of our men with your choice. Is that worth it to you? Is that truly so honorable, if it meant breaking your promises?”

“We will make it right with the Freys, and pay our debts another way. But you, you broke your promise to me. And now you stand here with your bags packed, is that not breaking your promise, too?”

“I did it for your family! I did it to try to save your sisters, and I did it for you! How can you not see that? And I’m leaving now because my family is in trouble, my cousins just lost their mother and now must rule the island. I’ve given up so much for you, for your family…” You rose your voice in anger, beginning to lose control of your emotions, hands beginning to shake as you tied up your bags.

“Even if they are family, what would your father think of you being a deserter?”

“Do not speak of my father-“ your voice broke, tears welling up in your eyes. 

“If you were under his command he’d have you killed for abandoning your position, y/n,”

“He’s dead, Robb!” You yelled, eyes locking to his, tears dripping from your eyes like spring rain. “My father is dead.”

“Y/n- I didn’t know,” Robb’s face had fallen to one of sympathy, his hand reached out for you, to comfort you like he had so many times in the past. And this time you let his hand reach your shoulder. You stiffly let him protectively put a hand on the top of your head, and pull you into his embrace. After a moment, you relaxed into his warmth, exhaling shakily as the tears kept coming. “I know how much he meant to you. I am so sorry…”

“Robb, you have to let me go,” you whispered, and you knew he understood you meant he needed to let you return home, because his hold around you was maintained. “I don’t have anything left for me here. I want another chance. A chance to be happy. I want to protect and defend my home, and the family I have left.”

“I can’t,” he told you earnestly. “I can’t.”

“You’re married, you moved on… So why won’t you let me?”

“I didn’t, really. I couldn’t.”

“But you did. You can’t take any of it back, Robb. And I know that I can’t either.” You paused to collect yourself before continuing. “Do you want to know how my father died?”

He was silent for a moment before asking, “how?”

“His own men killed him. There was a mutiny.” His grip around you tightened. “My father was an incredibly respected man. And in the end, no matter how much he did right, he did not pay enough attention to what was right in front of him. I don’t think he ever considered just how possible it was that his men would turn on him.”

“The North is stronger than a band of criminals. We have a family name to stand behind, we have bannermen who swore oaths for generations. It is different,” he rationalized, looking down at you. And you looked up, and then, you could remember why you fell in love with him. With his handsome face and dark curls, his fierce yet pragmatic nature, the overwhelming protection, and the way his adoration for you shone through his eyes. The way you could feel it. And your heart hurt, because you thought he might be wrong. His eyes stayed on yours as you spoke.

“Nothing is as strong as it seems, Robb… You just crossed Walter Frey. One of the most selfish men I’ve ever met, the lord of a great river lands house, and of the crossing, which you desperately need for this war… I could be wrong. I could be, but I’ve already lost you. I’ve already lost your sisters. I’ve lost my aunt, who raised me as her own, and I’ve lost my father. I cannot be here anymore. There is nothing for me here, and while I can never forgive you for the choices you made, I also cannot bear to lose more of you than I already have.” 

Robb brought his hands up to your face, brushing the water from your eyes as his own eyes welled with tears. 

“You have to let me go,” you pleaded again, voice barely even a whisper. 

“I know,” he nodded. “At least let me get a horse and supplies for you. Meet me at the eastern edge of the camp.”

And with that, he quickly withdrew his hands, leaving your tent without a second glance.

As you waited, you ensured you had packed everything. You double-checked the items and re-laced your boots before throwing on a warm cloak and stepping outside. The air was growing colder, and with the winds came winter.

You quickly made your way to the edge, and by the tree line you spotted him. Standing with your horse, already saddled.

He was silent when you approached, and could not meet your eye as he took your bags and attached them. He automatically held a hand out to help you mount, but when you took it, he looked at you again. And he truly looked at you. His eyes ran over the details of your face, like he was committing it to memory, and held your hand like a lifeline. He looked at you with sad desperation, pulling you into a hug once more, tucking your head under his chin and holding you so tight you could hardly breathe. When his grip loosened, he placed a tender kiss to your forehead, and within it held every memory, and every touch. 

“You know where to go. Just promise me to be careful. Go quickly, don’t stop for anyone… I love you, y/n.” His voice sounded hoarse, too much emotion behind it to even speak of.

“I love you too, Robb,” you told him, staring deep into his eyes as you cried for what felt like the millionth time that day. “And I am sorry that wasn’t enough.” 

He simply nodded, and helped you onto the horse.

He did not look at you as you fixed the hold on the reins or the lay of your cloak along your back, but as you urged your horse into a galloping pace and you looked back, his eyes were fixed on you.

You knew then that you would always love him, and no matter how lost he made you feel, and while you could never forgive him, you could now move forward. You knew you could find your way.

Whether Robb made it through or not, your situations wouldn’t change. Too much had transpired to ever go back.

No, even if you both survived this war, you knew that this would be the last time you ever saw Robb Stark.

#robb stark #robb stark x reader #robb stark x you #king in the north #game of thrones #game of thrones fanfiction #house stark #rorabbit

[loserley]

A lovers' quarrel

pair: alhaitham x gn! reader

warnings: mentions of alcohol, a bit angstyy

note: first genshin fic ldjsjsjs :')

"Ugh fine!" you shouted, walking out the door. you and your boyfriend may or may not have had another fight, again.

funny thing is it's always over the most simplest things! like, washing the dishes, fixing the bed, cleaning the tables, and so on.

but this time it wasn't one of those arguments, alhaitham had been going home from work very late. half the time, you're always asleep whenever he comes home. you understand that work is important, but that's when he said, "work is more important okay? i can't provide us food, or this house if i don't work!" hearing that made your blood boil. that's literally saying "i pick work over you" and that's insane!

you also had work, but alhaitham's pay more than yours. you earn atleast 5-6k which is actually enough money to pay for rent, while alhaitham earns 90-200k which was honestly not shocking.

a few hours later you still hadn't come home, you were at tighnari and cyno's place ranting about alhaitham. they weren't really surprised, at all. you'd always come to visit them everytime you two had a quarrel, it was serious this time although. tighnari was comforting you as you try not to cry, you were overthinking things like alhaitham leaving you for work or he found someone better at his office. and cyno, he's just, there. at first he says a bunch of shitty things to alhaitham and when you started crying, he's just there for emotional support now.

an hour later a knock from tighnari and cyno's apartment was heard. you guessed it, it was kaveh. he doesn't really do anything besides bringing alcoholic drinks such as soju, beer, and some other stuff. you drink but alhaitham says you can't, you were not strong when it comes to alcoholic drinks, probably a glass of 2 or 2 shots makes you drunk already.

30 minutes later as you were out on the floor passed out, a knock was heard, again. this time it was alhaitham who had come to pick you up. cyno disagreed, cyno tried to argue with tighnari since it wasn't their relationship to fix, it was yours and alhaitham's. your boyfriend carried you to the car, putting you in the backseat so you can lay down.

when you two reached home alhaitham picked you up, carried you to your shared bedroom. "stupid alhaithammmm how dare he pick his hic work over me..." you whined, alhaitham chuckles a bit but a smile turns into a frown. "i'm sorry, love" he says patting you on the head as you fall asleep.

the next morning, you woke up hearing noises from the kitchen, a delicious aroma coming from it. alhaitham was cooking breakfast, you remained silent when you sat up. "look, i, i'm sorry for all the things i said yesterday. i didn't mean to upset you. i just want what's best for us two, okay? i'm sorry, forgive me, love." haitham says looking in your eyes placing the dishes in the table, "you don't have someone else at work.. right?..." you say looking down with your hands in your lap. "what? no. i'm not cheating on you, okay?" "okay.. i love you." you say looking back at him, alhaitham chuckles "i love you too, now go eat. by the way, drink this for your hangover."

© loserley, 2023. Do not copy, translate, post my work on other social platforms.

#alhaitham #al haitam x reader #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin imagines #light angst #fluff #tighnari #cyno #kaveh #˖*°⌨️. 🖱₊˚✧⋆ xin's work .

[thatfailedpokemontrainer]

tbh the idea of some dnis are so. something. like i get it sometimes it is a method of curating your experiance/telling people hey if ur this or into this dont follow cause im not who you wanna follow or ill be bashing what you like just cause i dont like it.

but if someone who likes something you dont follows you the block button is right there and costs literally 0 dollars to use. like even if you got trauma or something you can block tags or block people. in my honest opinion, if you cannot even LOOK at a fire type or a dragon type or a dark type for like the 3 seconds it takes to block someone without having a full mental breakdown, then that is a you issue you need to work on because like. these types exist in real life. like i know someone who used to freak out at thr sight of any poison type pokemon but 1: they worked on it and now has a poison type of their own, and 2: even when they were having issues they usually tried to just get away as quick as possible, would politely tell people about the issue, or just ignore/keep their space whenever possible.

also like. if someone asked you a question or something irl you would very much be an asshole and a freak (/neg) if you were immediately like "depends. if you use ice types i cant talk to you)?? what do you do when you have "dark type specialists do not interact, grass specialists do interact" in ur bio but someone ONLY has grass/dark types??

like i get sometimes there are reasons but at the same times dnis historically do not work half the time. FUCK IVE HAD PEOPLE FOLLOW ME WHEN I VIOLATE *THEIR* DNI??? like no one pays attention

Yes! Yes!!

I don't have much to add other than DNI's almost never work, blocking tags and people is way more effective.

If I say transphobes DNI that is not going to stop anyone from interecting, but also- they probably wouldnt interact in a neatural context because I am a trans teen who posts about dedenne. Just block people idk.

And also you would never fucking do this irl. You would never be like sorry if you're XYZ you can't talk to me.

Feels stupid. To me atleast.

#sprite :> #pkmn irl #pokeblogging #rotumblr #rotomblr #pkmn #pokemon #pokemon irl

[autistickaihiwatari]

hihi if u know my main then u know ^_^ if you don't then i probably have you blocked. anyway this is in a sense kind of a follow-up to one of my posts there so i guess this is kind of like. an extended version of that. director's cut or smth. anywayyyy

MAYBLADE 2023 DAY 4: SCI-FI

AKA: WHY THE FUCK IS V-FORCE LIKE THAT

bakuten shoot beyblade 2002, or beyblade v-force as i will be referring to it for the rest of this post, despite being mostly filler (in the sense that most of what happens in it isn't in the manga at all), is not a season that fucks around, except it also does that a lot. but what i'm getting at here is that even if you don't realize it, it becomes VERY clear what kind of season this is very quickly.

season 1 of bakuten shoot beyblade is a little bit absurd sometimes. that kind of comes with the territory (unless you're most of burst), but that does not make the existence of a US government-funded beyblade research facility aswell as beyblade child soldiers (unrelated to the first thing, making that two instances of beyblade war crimes) and beyblade rasputin any less ridiculous. v-force, however, takes this further.

in season 1 of bakuten shoot beyblade, the us government-funded beyblade research facility is introduced in episode 19 and isn't really important in the long term. the beyblade child soldiers are introduced in episode 40 and are very important to the plot, and beyblade rasputin is casually dropped in episode 42 and never mentioned again.

beyblade v-force drops a beyblading robot (not to be confused with the character who is a beyblader and also a robot, who we will get to later) on you in episode 4. this is the kind of season you will be watching for the next 47 episodes! have fun!

i don't know what exactly to say about this moment. when it comes down to it i think it just speaks for itself really. and for most of beyblade v-force, this vibe is still very present. even when it's not ridiculous in this way, psykick and their no-name goons have a sort of saturday morning cartoon vibe, or atleast that's the best way i can describe it. this feeling is also present with zagart for a good chunk of the latter half, atleast until episode 41 comes around and things finally start to kick into gear on that end.

however, there is a very particular point where the weird sci-fi bullshit is able to work in harmony with actual good drama, and if you know my main you undoubtedly know where i'm going with this.

but first! consider the following concept: artificial divinity. man-made recreations of gods, created to be not just equal to but more powerful than their original counterparts. and these beings, both by nature and their sheer power, take over the minds of those who wield them, with the user dying in the worst case scenario.

what i have just described is the digital sacred beasts. the execution isn't perfect- mostly because psykick is fucking lame, but other than that it's... actually really fucking good. this, in no small part, is due to episode 16. remember that kid from like 11 episodes ago? the one who was pretty fuckin gay for kai? well. um.

this is genuinely such an excellent introduction to the plotline, and i know it's technically not the introduction but also it may aswell be because for a good while i genuinely FORGOT about the actual introduction. i could actually go on about this plotline for a good while but also this is a really really long post already so. onto the last thing!

yeah the kid's been a robot the whole time! fuck you! i don't even know what to say anymore i've been writing this post for atleast an hour now. v-force is so fucking stupid but that just adds to the experience i think. everyone say thank you to v-force right now.

#mayblade #mayblade 2023 #beyblade #bakuten shoot beyblade #i have several more insane ramblings planned on a few days of the month. be prepared. #also one drawing but that'll be on my art blog #fitting how i will be making two posts for the doubles day. actually it's fucked up how that's not on the 22nd #cause it's double doubles. or smth #sidenote but i got this browser extension called animalese that makes animal crossing noises when u talk it's really good #makes typing a lot more fun actually #it also encourages me to be like. comically wordy when writing things out which is fum #fun. i meant fun. what is fum #i checked the word count this is somehow only like 600 words. i have written like over 800 words about zeo before i think #i am like the only person on here correct abt this show <3 besides like a couple other people probably

[mattey-stu]

Ftm!Ronnieaintavampire x male!reader

I wrote this on new years eve n i was horny asf so excuse the bad writing PLEASE

BTW THIS IS SMUT WITHOUT PLOT

As Ronnie was sucking [Name]'s cock, swirling his tongue around it, trying to take it deep down in his throath..[Name] was talking to him. He just liked to do that sometimes. It was new years eve and Ronnie has been fuckin & suckin him all night.

"Baby, youve been fucking me for hours without any breaks. The fuck is going on?Are you on your period?"

"No, [Name]."

Ronnie said with half a cock in his mouth.

"I just- im so horny..The way you touched me and looked at me at [Friend name]'s house..It was so fucking hot."

He said, his british accent clinking just right trough.

"Well, cant say youre wrong there. And the pictures i took of you in bed yesterday..Right before i fucked you dumb like i always do. Yknow.I fucking love when youre shirtless. Especially in the morning. And the way you were looking at me while i was holding your face..So fucking hot, baby."

*Ronnie stopped sucking for a moment.*

"Do you really think i was hot?"

"I always think youre hot. Besides, youre fucking beautiful. No wonder why you get blowjob requests all day."

*[Name] chuckled at his own joke.*

"Oh, [nickname]..Can you atleast rail me?My pussys drenching in wetness."

"Of course i can, Rons.I should fuck that stupid mutt ass of yours too."

"Oh yes you fucking should. You should cum inside me. Breed me."

"Oh i fucking will. Ill spill my hot seed inside you and get you pregnant, baby. Full of my babies."

Ronnie finally sat on Matts dick, facing him.

"Youre so fucking pretty. Now bounce on my cock like the good boy you are."

If Ronnies uncomfortable with these kind of posts i'll take it off

#ronnieaintavampire #ronnie marshall #pleasegoviral #x male reader #gay #x reader #kys <3

[sleepy-achilles]

The Family of Destruction- Clean Break

The title is quite literal. I made a fake insta thread about Leon breaking his arm but never truly went into details so. Surprise

Lmao crying my eyes out because I did not mean to post this at all, it's not finished but luckily for me it seems like it's finished so, imma pretend it is.

----

Leon was a wrestler. He was a good one at that, I mean, his parents are the undertaker and heartbreak kid. Of course he's good. He had a pretty neat streak of his own going aswell. Undefeated. Never lost a single match. So when Leon doesn't turn up on raw not only are fans disappointed but also scared. Scared that vince had threatened this Undefeated streak and Leon walked out.

This was infact, not the case.

Leon, despite being a wrestler, has only ever got injured in the ring once and that was when he was fighting his Uncle Hunter. Which is a long complicated story for another day.

Leon actually broke his arm, a clean break at that, trying to impress his already impressed boyfriend, Drew Mcintyre. It was stupid, Leon knows that, well, he does after his Papa and Father have ago at him about it. But still, Leon just had to give it a shot. I mean, it's not every day a demon from texas is put in snow and ice.

Which, drew should of know meant he couldn't ice skate or slay to save his life. Leon's arm took its first bump on the ice when Leon landed on it awkwardly a few times. It stung and throbbed but Leon just assumed that was normal. And then, stupid lil Lee, decided he needed to impress his boyfriend with his non-existing snowboarding skills which ended with him catching his arm on a tree with a very loud crack that he at the time thought was the tree.

It's not until Leon got too drew and drew checked him, and shortly began freaking out, that Leon realised he had a problem. The problem being his forearm acting as if it was now his elbow.

"Oh...thats bad..." Leon whispers. "Bad?! Leon you've broken your arm!" "Oh god we have to defend the tag belts tomorrow..." "tag belts?! Leon your arm! Is broken!" Drew would yelp before dragging him off to the hosptial.

If you asked Leon, shawn was more upset he couldn't goto get ice cream than he was about Leon's arm being casted up.

"Why would you do something so stupid?" Taker asks. "My baby's broke his first bone.." Shawn whispers. Both men ignore him. "I just wanted to make him laugh..I didn't think much of it.." Leon sighs resting his head against the pillow. "When can we sign him out? My finger hurts" cassie pouts. They had drew attached to the heart monitor but the moment taker entered it went nuts, so they had to switch to cassie. "The doctors did tests after I explained he fell on the ice first. They think he's concussed" drew admits. "Hes a fucking idiot" Taker snaps. Leon frowns. "You told me to try human things. To try being more human. I tried.." Leon whispers. Taker sighs. "I know, but you have to be careful. Your tag champ, you cannot have this" Taker states. "Ah that's where he gets it from" drew mutters. Cassie smirks and nods, already knowing Leon was more concerned about the belts. "Taker! He's broken his arm!" Shawn tuts hitting takers chest. "By being an idiot! I cannot feel sorry for him when he's the one who caused it. And a clean break? You couldn't just fracture or sprain it? You had to snap that shit in half?" Taker asks.

"Sorry, next time I'll try harder to only sprain it" Leon snaps. "There will be no next time! Both of you stop it!" Shawn groans. "At least my arm injury wasn't my own fault" Taker mutters. "Live a little old man. It's fun" Leon whispers.

"So...was it actually bent like an L?" Cassie asks, trying to break the awkward silence. Instead she gets everyone looking at her. "Just wanted to know" she frowns looking down.

Drew would soon discover this arm injury was more burden than good. Leon was driving him and himself insane. Leon did not like being told he couldn't fight. So...drew decided to atleast get them both back at work.

---

"If you even swing for anyone-" "I know you'll have me off for longer" Leon pouts. "Im serious Lee. The faster it heals the faster we can fight. Vince has only agreed because fans need to see the tag champs still" drew sighs. Leon frowns and looks down at his casted up arm. "Whats the story for the arm?" Sheamus calls running over. "The true story or the one hunter gave him?" Drew asks. "Which one is cooler?" Sheamus asks. "Hunters." Leon sighs. "Seriously?" Sheamus asks wide eyed. "Yep, according to hunter, he got in a bike accident, meaning not only are we not allowed to use his bike to enter but he's not allowed on a bike outside of work either" drew states. "So how stupid was the actual accident?" Sheamus questions. Drew find it adorable the way his cheeks heat up. "Snowboarding. And ice skating. We think the real damage was done when he fell ice skating and hitting his arm against a tree snowboarding just, you know, broke the ice." Drew explains.

Sheamus can't stop himself from laughing. Leon frowns and shoves sheamus with his good arm. "Its not funny! And you cannot tell anyone!" Leon whines. "Oh so telling everyone!" Sheamus yells. "Drew!" Leon protests. "Im surrounded by actual children." Drew whispers.

#wwe #shawn michaels #the undertaker #wwf #hbtaker #undertaker x shawn michaels #shawn x undertaker #drew mcintyre #sheamus #oc characters #wrestling oc #leon michaels #cassidy michaels

[slutshamedbones]

Uhm I HAVENT been active on this account in so long since I started to recover. (This will have bad punctuation and GRAMMER bc like cmon this is tumblr)

I stopped obsessing over my Ed and im honestly so much happier, I know THERES nothing I can say to get anyone with this sick mental disease to suddenly “fix” them bc I know how annoying an pointless it can be. I now look back on my mental state and I was so far gone from my true self:( I never got to a dangerously low weight but that ISNT necessary to have an Ed, I’ve been scrolling on my old saved tags, liked posts, search history and im luckily not an easily triggered person but there was that lingering feeling and voice that wanted to go back. I hope and wish everyone recovery because everyone deserves it<3 I ruined relationships, grades, and my health for something that wasnt worth it. I know reading this will have no effect on ur disorder bc you’ve probably heard this a million times before (I GET IT IVE BEEN THERE)

The amount of ppl I hurt with my Ed, how selfish I was and saw everyone as a competition definitely had its karma. I know it may be hard to believe but YOU DO HAVE SOMEONE THAT CARES FOR YOU AND IT HURTS THEM SEEING YOU LIKE THIS this ISNT to guilt trio or anything like that its more like maybe for realization. If you DONT have that person You WILL meet them someday please just keep fighting. So, about that karma it came and hit me so hard. Recently the boy I love, aka my best friend, aka the boy id die for, started to show signs of an Ed and it pains my soul I’ve never cried so much. I wish I could hug him and explain how beautiful h is and he DOESNT need to change anything about himself. If this stupid disease takes him away I DONT think I’ll be able to live through that.

There ISNT a moral in this, nor is this even half of my Ed journey but I wanted to let ATLEAST ONE person out there that they are loved and that its not worth it. You are so fucking beautiful please sont do that to urself. If you need to vent dm me I’ll answer and you can talk abt urself for a while bc what am I, a stranger on tumblr who has been through what you are going through, going to do with that info. (Im a girl INCASE that makes any of the girls feel safer if they do decide to vent+ the tags are so that I reach the right people I FO NOT ENCOURAGE ANY OF THEM)

#not pr0 4n4 #not pr0 mia #tw ana thoughts #ed not sheeran #ed tumbr #tw ed #ana ed #edbllr #recovery #an0rexi4 #ana fast #tw ana stuff #ana trigger #ana relatable #body ch3ck #i will reach my ugw #i will be skiny

[tears-of-boredom]

i started thinking about trauma, and that lead to me thinking about how long it would take me to "get over" the death of someone close to me. i estimated about 3 years, and then tried to think of an actual person who I would mourn like that. only people that came to mind were our cats. everyone else is kind of replacable to me. maybe I'd occasionally remember why i havent seen them around, but I dont really care much about any human...I've had this revelation before,, i thought i was some kind of bad boy because of my "heart of stone". But i now realise that it most likely isnt true, that I cant love a person that is. i just havent really been friends with that many people, for that long. our (oldest) cats have been with us for probably 6 years at least. and while I have actually had one person i considered a friend, for about the same time as well,, we never really connected on a deeper level. we half-joked about it, but we really were just kind of two people, who were alone, together....to be honest i kind of feel bad for not having gotten to know anyone that deeper. i suppose i knew some of their basic interests, but like, I wouldnt have been able to make a music playlist for them. atleast not one that i would've been confident they would enjoy.....that realisation is actually new. not really that I didnt have close friends, but that i didn't actually care about the people around me that much. i mean, i liked them, sure,, but I really just liked the fact that i had people who wanted to hang out with me. it didnt matter much who those people were.

okay im gonna cut this here, because i have a screenshot on my pc that i actually want to add here. i mean, im gonna add it so the same post, and probably delete this paragraph, but still. lol my vent posts are evolving.

okay the specific one i was looking for was a bit tricky to find because i apparently took it through steam, instead of like, pressing "windows button+print screen". and i really couldnt figure out how to see my steam screenshots lol. but heres the one i wanted to add to this post:

(from Our Life) this hit me like two trucks(having sex). like, i didnt quite realise exactly what i was doing back then, but i used to do this exact fucking thing. i only really got two chances to do it though. first was in kindergarten, and i didnt quite "succeed", because i was there for only maybe 2 or 3 years. and the friend pair i tried to "infiltrate" ended up sticking together after all. then in school i did it as well, and at least back then i considered it a "success". i think it started maybe in 2nd grade already. i was already basically in the friend group of three, but i guess i was just really insecure, and wanted to make sure that the other of them, L, was my friend. i developed this hatred towards the other one, N, and started complaining about them to L behind their back. in my mind, my complaints were reasonable, but to be honest, being a bit of a sore loser isnt that bad of a trait. im not really sure anymore if any of the parts of N i complained about were even real, but at least in my mind they were. i did "succeed" in pushing them out of the group. it wasnt a huge deal, since back then, the whole class was kind of a friend group, but still. and L turned into that 6 year long friend i mentioned earlier... I actually really regret what i did. i could have had two 6 year long friends, maybe even longer with the friendship having a different dynamic,, and i also kind of denied L and N the chance of friendship. i know that they couldve still been friends if they really wanted to, despite my stupid sabotaging, but it does kind of feel like i forcibly closed a door that was otherwise wide open for them....actually, telling this story from a bit of a different perspective helped a little... i had been carrying that hatred towards N -born out of something i dont even remember- for a really long time. i feel like doing this finally gave me the chance to see N as a genuine human being, a person. not just some kid that "stood between" me and L's "friendship". friendship in quotes, because honestly i didnt even do anything when i "had L all to myself". maybe for a year it was okay, but then i started to realise that i actually wanted more out of it. i wanted a genuine connection. and i wasnt getting that with L. i honestly probably was happier when N still hung around....i feel really disconnected from my younger self, while simultaneously feeling like i havent changed a bit. its weird...i guess i just really wanted to make up for the attention i wasnt getting at home, but didnt even really realise what i was doing. or maybe i wanted something constant in my life, with all the moving around we did until probably my 6th grade. its not like i changed schools any of those times, but it did leave a feeling of nothing around me being permanent, that still kind of holds on. we've been living in this place for maybe 4 years, and i still havent decorated my room at all. granted, i did change rooms about 2 years ago, but its not like my old room had any decoration either. it just feels like a waste, because i have this mindset that everything i add, will eventually have to be taken down and packed in boxes anyway. my mom has assured me that she isnt planning on moving us out of here, "at least not until shes alone". i guess the effects of moving almost every year since you were a baby, cant be really avoided, when its your reality. i was maybe 2 when the moving started, young enough to not remember the time we still lived with my dad, old enough to remember every apartment (and the one house) we lived in after that......i wonder how many times ive repeated this same story on here..at least this time i feel like its from a different perspective, slightly at least...yeah....i feel like now is time for a jokey comment about how im sorry if my writing is bad, because english is my second language. im well aware that im pretty on-par with a native speaker, at least when im using a text format. speaking is horrible though. re: my previous post about only really ever talking to my cats and no one else. and thats done in finnish,

aside from the occasional thought that comes in english, and i dont feel like translating before stating. my junky "english speaking voice" really discourages me from speaking it aloud, even if i do actually do a lot of my thinking in english.

im gonna end it here, i dont want to ramble on any more off-topic. sorry if you read this lol.

#venting #i did not know that tumblr had a character limit to how many words could be in a paragraph..

[travelingmonkey]

I am really upset.

I'm mad but I'm also heartachingly sad but I also feel lonely and I don't know how to make it stop.

I started my application for Betterhelp (shoutout to distractable) but won't have the funds to start that until 2 months and that just made my mole hill into Mt. Everest.

I live with my daughter and Husband but he doesn't feel like a safe place to go to and I'm not going to traumatize my daughter with my problems. My best friend lives in a small city south of us and it doesn't feel right to talk to my blood family.

This is the one place my Husband doesn't go to very often (all of the other socials he's on constantly so if I posted anything there he would know right away) so this is where I'll talk.

Hopefully this will just get buried in everyone's feed but if you do run across this post, you're forewarned that this isn't an uplifting blurb.

I am hurt and I need to let it out to work through it. Atleast until I can afford Betterhelp.

I feel as though I can't trust my husband. About a month back I found out he was dragging my name through the mud literal days after my dad passed. I called him out on it and to his credit he didn't try defending himself, he just accepted he fucked up and he was sorry.

The thing is he's fucked up before and I still haven't recovered from that either. And now I'm finding myself asking if this relationship is even worth it. I don't even want to go to him with how I'm feeling because I'm afraid he'll either push it to the side or go behind my back and talk shit about me again. Or better yet, him blaming all this on a communication problem which always bugs me because I felt as though my communication was going pretty good. Maybe that's why I don't want to talk to him, to show him what an actual lapse in communication feels like. Is that vindictive? Petty? Sure. But so was talking about me behind my back when I can't even stand up for what he said I was doing.

Oh gods, and his phone!! I feel like absolute dog shit when I spend all day on my phone and I don't get half the things I wanted done. Meanwhile he has it when he wakes up, before even getting out of bed he spends 30mins to an hr on it before saying hi to me or our daughter. And then he's back on it again, barely doing any chores around the house, talk to me about the future and where we see ourselves 3, 5, 7 years down the way. Nothing! He's so focused on himself and his stupid phone he becomes irritated when my daughter tries to pull him out of it and when it's his responsibility to feed her she always ends up eating late.

Like, I wouldn't mind if he was atleast a little productive on the thing but no, he's literally doom scrolling and bounce from one social media to the next in need for brain stimulation.

But, oh, call me the nagging mother if I tell him this so he can have an outside perspective on a problem he should work on. Like, I was never good with taking criticism in the past but I feel like I'm getter better. Not the best but better then how I was. But he can't take ANY criticism because he has to much pride he'd rather choke on it then try to be better fucking person.

This wasn't supposed to turn into a husband bashing post, but I guess that's where we are.

On top of his bs, I have my own internal shit that I'm going through that he just doesn't seem to understand. I can't tell if it's from a lack of carring or he just can't sympathize. Whatever it is, I can't go to him, good communication or otherwise.

As I said earlier, my dad passed. It happened back in August and we held a funeral for him in September. So where does that leave me? Well, I'm the only family in town for my mom and now she's living by herself in a house ment for a family. (She told me she hasn't eaten a dinner by herself in over 50 years). So once my lease is up I'm moving back into my childhood home.

Fun little tidbit, she is hard-core American Christian. I am not and I haven't told her this yet. I've been trying to find myself for the past couple of years and her religion just isn't the path I want to walk (hasn't been for a while).

Like, when I talked to her about the Roe v Wade overturning, she was quick to call abortion manslaughter and that back when she was a girl, the women would have to go to their church's priest to plead a their case as to why they'd need an abortion. I was quick to exit that conversation before I started seeing red. That was the day I decided to keep my medical history private from my own mother, because damn her for believing in a religion that takes away rights over women's bodies.

Fuck, I just wish I could have somewhere to run to just to sort out the thoughts in my head. I feel like I'm trapped inside my apartment with no safe haven to run to just to be me. Even if it's only for 1 hour a week.

I don't even know what makes me me anymore.

It's late, I'm tired and my head hurts. I'm going to go lay down and hopefully get up to a better day, because this one was shit.

#personal #mindless rant #needed a place to vent