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fiveisnumber1 · 3 years

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Ok so I listened to the song, both versions! I actually hadn't heard it before. I actually liked the KHS version better for this one too. Maybe it's the piano, or maybe the singers just feel more emotional in their performance but I do tend to be biased towards KHS covers in general xD

As far as the song goes. I feel like some lyrics are very spot on. The "earthquake" being the time travel cuz it literally shook both Five and the Readers entire worlds. I feel like the first verse could very easily be contemplating Five and regretting that he stranded reader. I can see him thinking of her spending time with her parents "watching television" and going out to Griddys etc and feeling guilty he took her away from the familiarity of her life. He stranded her and he doesn't even know where in time she is which would weigh on him because he loves her and he'd feel that if he deserves to get stuck in the apocalypse as punishment for his hubris, reader didn't deserve to be stranded and it would eat him up inside.

The second verse is reader's. I can imagine her remembering the memories she shared with Five and the fact that she trusted him meant that she didn't feel scared of his time traveling when it happened and even though it uprooted her and she had to rearrange her entire life, she still settled down relatively easily. Her "trying to imagine (his) reaction" could be a reference to her fear that he's still mad at her. And the last lyrics of the verse, of course, as time goes on and she makes friends she learns how to cope with the pain of losing him but she feels it all the same and misses him extremely even if she's learnt how to swallow that pain. It still "rips her heart out" but she learns how to tolerate it.

The chorus, cuz im a sucker for angst, I can imagine Five thinking in his most vulnerable moments all alone, wishing reader was with him. The world has ended and on especially lonely nights when he's sick and delirious, he's extra selfish and wishes he had brought her along for the final jump so at least they'd be together. He'd probably immediately feel guilty for thinking so but that's why "would you love me for the hell of it". He knows he already stranded her in time and feels sick he's wishing she witness the apocalypse with him when there is nothing to live for but his worst fears are asking the questions he's always longed to know and that is if she loves him and would be willing to suffer with him like he would for her (cuz the only reason he'd keep going after witnessing his family and readers death is the promise that he wants to save them).

And from the chorus from reader's perspective: I can feel her wondering if Five would come back to her and she'd "hold him tight" even in extreme circumstances. Maybe she wouldn't think of the world ending but I don't doubt there would be times she'd be so miserable she'd wish something, anything, would happen to her or her life in general so that Five would come back for her. She's no damsel in distress but I think the exception can be made here because Five and Reader are pretty much both wishing the other would save them from their loneliness and the ache they're feeling.

The only part I feel that doesn't fit is the pre-chorus of the song says they both believed they weren't "down for forever" or "meant for each other" cuz I feel like it's inaccurate to their relationship as we know it. But I can also feel it as a sort of self loathing or self blaming tactic they occasionally take on. Sort of like bargaining that "I know they'd never feel the same way. Its ok if he/she doesn't love me, I just want them back in my life".

Anyway, yeah you asked for my thoughts and I delivered an essay xD i wish I could help it but I'm an English major so... It very much gets out of hand very easily 😅 what do you think? (Also i decided to go ahead and come off anon for this altho im still quite shy so most of my other asks will probs still be anon if it's not in DM 😅)

I totally agree. In the first verse, it’s definitely Five looking back on what he had done. Especially since he didn’t mean it. Like the lines “I was distracted...I didn’t feel it when the earthquake happened”. He was so distracted by the anger at his father that he didn’t realize he had brought her through time. And he didn’t feel or know about the effects of what he’d done until it was too late. And with the lines “It's been a year now. Think I've figured out how. How to let you go and let communication die out.” It’s definitely him coping with being in the apocalypse alone but more so him trying to cope with being without her. She died in his arms so he’s trying to figure out how to live with not having her around or to talk to.

Your take on the second verse is spot on but I also think in addition to her not being afraid of his time travel, with the line “It didn't scare me when the earthquake happened” she was so focused on making sure that Five was okay that she wasn’t afraid of anything else going on, she was just scared about what was going on with her friend.

For the chorus I love your interpretation, I am a big sucker for angst too. I also think that the line “All our fears would be irrelevant” could mean a lot. Like in terms of Five, the fears he experiences in the apocalypse, the fear of thinking that the reader still thinks he’s upset with her, and then the fears of those questions like you mentioned. If he was back with the reader all of that would become irrelevant, it wouldn’t matter if they were back together again. And for the reader, her fear of him still being mad at her and her fear of not knowing what to do without her best friend also wouldn’t matter if they were back together again.

Also, I can see where you were coming from with the pre-chorus. I think the pre-chorus though, “I know, you know, we know, You weren't down for forever and it's fine. I know, you know, we know, We weren't meant for each other and it's fine.” I think not only is it a blaming tactic like you said but also it’s a coping mechanism to minimize the hurt of their feelings. By thinking oh it’s not forever oh we weren’t meant to be they’re trying to eliminate the heightened feelings of hurt that come from losing someone you loved and cared for so much.

Also, I am a journalism major so I totally get that thoughts on the meaning of things can get very out of hand haha. Language is so deep and everything becomes an in-depth analysis and an essay.

#tua #the umbrella academy #umbrella acedmy #ua #umbrella academy #tua five #five hargreeves #five #five x reader #tua five hargreeves

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misstincu · 5 years

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Following your dreams sucks

Artwork by Ben Giles

Growing up, American movies were the only ones encouraging me to follow my dreams.

‘You can do anything, just believe you can and you will!’

Naturally, this idea instilled in me shitloads of unrealistic expectations. For many years I blindly followed several dreams I had - the first was to be a painter, then a writer, a journalist, and finally a video producer & video editor.

I was trying really hard to ignore the fact that being poor, having no connections or street cred in any of these industries were factors that could potentially slow me down a lot or even terminate my dreams completely.

After a few years, I learnt the hard way that being talented, creative, hard working and passionate about anything I do is not enough. All the strategies I tried failed miserably. A few people tried to help me along the way, but it all fell apart. Some filmmakers led me on for months to invest my time and money working for them for free, giving them my creative ideas with the prospect of maybe getting a job opportunities via them. That failed as well, because turns out it’s a dog eat dog world out there, and no one truly wants to mentor or help you in any way, because nobody helped them either so why should they help anyone else? Of course, there is also the problem that if they help you and you succeed, you become a threat and they don’t want you to steal their jobs and clients.

It’s heartbreaking to experience these things, I’m not going to lie. Anyone who grew up poor dreams of overcoming poverty on their own, with hardwork and persistence, and become successful. So it sucks big time when you start from the bottom and then you discover that the bottom has so many fucking layers.

I wish someone would have told me more about the real world before I threw myself into working so many years for free because ‘that’s how you get a job in this industry’. You follow dream after dream, alone, and just when you start to be hopeful that there’s a chance you can ‘make it’, everything comes crumbling down.

But in a way, it’s ok. I failed hard, and I failed a lot. It made me stronger, better, wiser - and now I’m ready to try chasing a dream again.

Filmmaking has been in the back of my mind for many years. No matter how much I tried to break into that world, I didn’t manage to - not in the UK, and not in Romania where I live now. Maybe it was bad timing, a bad strategy or the wrong places.

In my filmmaking journey, I had many dead ends, disappointments but also tiny rewarding experiences that kept showing me that I have what it takes, I just need to put it more work and get more experience.

From what I gathered, it’s a male dominated industry, at least locally (in Cluj-Napoca) - so this means I really need to go above and beyond to prove myself in order to be taken seriously. There aren't any internship opportunities for video production (that I know of), there are only a few established freelance filmmakers around and tight knit video production companies that you can’t get into without strong connections, street cred and most importantly, lots of experience.

For me, it’s a very lonely professional existence. I’m not part of this tight knit underground filmmaking community, I have no way to get in, and no way to network. I don’t personally know other female filmmakers either (I only know of them). That would definitely inspire me to believe that my dream is achievable and realistic.

My only option right now is to start doing as much video production work as possible, show people what I can do and hopefully, that would get me closer to where I want to be.

So far following my dreams sucks big time.

‘Dreams don’t work unless you do’

There’s one thing that helps me keep going: I know my passion for video is real. I know my creativity is real. Whenever I think about making videos, my heart jumps with joy. When I film something and edit it, I don’t care how tired I am, I can sit there and work for hours because I love it so much. Seeing filmmakers and cameramen on the street carrying their gear to a shooting location brings me joy, and I always stare at their equipment and marvel at how awesome it is (of course I wish I would have it, too). When I walk on a film set, I feel like I’m walking through paradise and I imagine all the amazing productions you could do in there.

‘The time is now’

Time flies quickly, and the more we wait, the further we get from following our dreams. There is never a right time, and we’ll never have everything you need. The time to follow your dream is now.

#CREATIVE STRUGGLE #filmmaking #video production #clujnapoca

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starsandnines · 6 years

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So recently I promised that I would share my new brocdes “headcanon” with you all, so here it goes. I will try to express myself as best as I can but I won’t promise anything because I kinda have lots of feelings about this.

So this new headcanon/theory thing came after I closely analyzed Nico’s and Lewis’ behaviour this year. But before I start, I think it is for the best that I share what had been my originial theory about these two up until now.

First of all, looking back at the rivalry of these two, I always assumed Lewis was the one who was kind of an asshole towards Nico and that’s why they drifted apart. I thought this not because I think Lewis is an asshole or anyting but because let’s be honest he is the one who can be the more dramatic, and the one who is more likely to make a hurtful comment or the one dissing the other. It is just the way Lewis is. Nico is always, ALWAYS diplomatic or at least he tries to be, he tries to keep this composed, calm and collected facade up. That has always been his coping mechanism. So all this led me to believe that Lewis was at fault mostly. And let’s be honest I always had a soft spot for Nico so who knows I might have even been a little bit biased and automatically didn’t blame him. Anyway, on to the next point. After analyzing their personalities even more deeply, I think Lewis’ behaviour is immensly misunderstood in this fandom most of the time. And it makes me sad because Lewis is often treated like this arrogant asshole who always makes rude comments about other drivers. However, Lewis is more complex than that. I’m not saying his statements and comments about Nico are not hurtful because they are. But life and people are not black and white I’m afraid.

Let’s go back to the time after Nico’s retirement. Nico said that he and Lewis didn’t get on after a while because they obviously wanted to be treated equally in the team. He said that as long as one of them didn’t accept to be the number two then they couldn’t maintan a friendship. Now obviously the one who was always forced into being the second best in the team was Nico. Nico obviously didn’t want to accept second place and honestly why would have he? Now, I’ve always assumed that Lewis, already having championship titles, didn’t take this behaviour from Nico smoothly and I can’t blame him either. He rightly thought that he is the better driver (proven by his titles) and of course there was his competitiveness which naturally every driver has. So when I looked at these facts I believed that Lewis was the one who pushed Nico away and treated him like shit because of his own massive ego. Now, from Nico’s point of view. He must have been furious many times regarding Lewis’s behaviour with the team orders and of course Mercedes (even tho they always said otherwise) kind of wanted Nico to be the second driver. And Nico due to being diplomatic and composed about his feelings in tense situations could easily give people the impression that even tho he wasn’t happy about the drama and the tense rivalry with Lewis and his comments he still seemed to accept it somehow and learnt to roll with it. What I didn’t take into consideration is how hurt Nico must have been all the time. He must have felt like shit being treated like that and honestly just beacause he didn’t show his feelings to the cameras he might have been absouletly cold towards Lewis. Just look at how Nico reacts here (x) to a question about being friends and rivals with Lewis at the same time and how Lewis was just trying to make Nico laugh about it almost as if he already knew that Nico didn’t like the situation. So what I’m trying to say is that Nico mght have been the one who started to drift apart from Lewis because he was hurt and couldn’t bare being treated in such way in the team.

(I hope you can still follow me because I haven’t even started the main theory yet :D)

So now comes a little psychology lesson even tho I’m no expert. Nico has always been very consistent with what he said about his and Lewis’ relationship during his time in the team. If you look at press conferences, post race/quali interviews he used to say the same thing all over again, sharing very little with the media, rambling about the ‘base respect towards each other” etc… Right after his retirement however, he immediately started to open up. He emphasized many times how he wanted to make things right with Lewis because he was not in the team anymore so it should be easy right? At first I was like, sure that’s the right thing to do. As this year’s season went on, Nico somehow always talked about Lewis on twitter or in interviews. Bordering on being a little too pushy in my opinion. Now I get it that he is still connected to Mercedes as he is the ambassador of the team and I guess he still has to suppport them and that means not talking shit about Lewis. But I always thought that he could have tone it down a lil bit if he wanted to but he seemed honest and genuinely happy for Lewis’ succes and race wins this year. So we saw Nico’s behaviour and after this gifset (x) where Lewis didn’t even look at Nico’s direction even tho he touched his arm, and this post (x) where they have shown a picture of Lewis and Nico to Lewis and he simply didn’t want to do anything with it, he didn’t even want to say a word about it, almost like wanting to forget that he and Nico have ever been friends. Now these passive vibes coming from Lewis almost immediately, being hugely in contrast to Nico’s kind and open approach towards Lewis, had been criticized by many in this fandom, saying how petty Lewis behaves and how he “can’t let go of his rivalry with Nico”. But in my view, that is not how people work. Lewis had many rivals in the past before Nico, I don’t think I have to specify these drivers. Nonetheless he still moved on and still can be civil with those drivers. Which leads us to the conclusion that NO Lewis is not childish and not petty and not miserable. He is hurt. Which leads us to another conclusion which is that Nico might have been the one who was at fault in their relationship turning for the worse. Furthermore to support this idea, Nico can be easily open (like I’ve mentioned a few lines above) and forgiving towards Lewis because of this exact reason that he was the one who started it all. Rightly so he is the one who should initiate the making up. Speaking from experience, my mum when she argues with somebody, tends to forget it really quickly and she always thinks that after like 5 minutes everything is forgotten without her ever apologizing. If you read what Lewis has said recently here (x) you might start to see my point. Lewis basically said that he loved Nico and so he tolerated everything but he realized that it was unhealthy for him and so he distanced himslef from Nico. I find this really tragic. I know how hard it can be to do this, when you love someone but you know that your relationship with that person is not good for your mental well-being so you move on.

I think if Lewis was such a pathetic and petty driver who cannot move on from old arguments then he would be like this with everyone. However, Nico is the only person who Lewis “treats” this way and that’s why I’m basically writing this post because it made me think about how hurt Lewis must be from the fight with Nico. And that is because Lewis is not hurt by the championship title taken away from him last year or the previous years’ dramas. He is hurt because it was NICO who (might have) hurt him. And let’s just consider the fact that they have known each other since they were kids. SINCE THEY WERE KIDS. Like, can you imagine what that feels like?

I am not saying that Nico is the one who is the asshole here. I love both of them with all my heart. I’m just saying that recently their behaviour has put things into different perspective for me. And I also think that Lewis might be waiting for Nico to truly discuss things and he doesn’t make do with twitter mentions and what not. Or he might be so hurt that he doesn’t want to do anyting with Nico for now. Who knows. So this is it. I feel like I just poured everything that I think into this post and I’m not sure if this is comprehensible so let me know what you think or if you need me to explain some parts then write me and I’ll try my best :)

#brocedes #lewis hamilton #nico rosberg #f1

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glitchonline · 4 years

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Gaming: My Long Lost Best Friend.

By Zoey Ribbons

Me and video games go a long way back. From my earliest memories with a Nintendo 64, my relationship with gaming is a long and complex one. The vast majority of my life up until a few years ago was spent with a gamepad in hand, exploring new worlds to escape the reality I found myself in. A reality where I was alone, confused, anxious, and downright depressed. To the outside world, I was someone who could quite possibly be classified as addicted to gaming, a disorder which has just been classified by the World Health Organisation a few weeks ago. I’m not someone who believes this choice by the WHO to be the right one since in my opinion humans can be conditioned to become addicted to anything. I do, however, understand the appeal of losing yourself in a world that is not your own to numb the pain of day to day life.

I suppose to understand how my fascination with video games started you first need to understand a little of my backstory. I was born in 1993, right on the cusp of the revolutionary switch from 2D to 3D graphics. My parents separated when I was one year old, with my Mother holding onto the fact that my Father left her with a burning hatred which bled out onto me and my sister. My dad bought me a Nintendo 64 for my birthday when I was 5, with Diddy Kong Racing being a staple between us in those early years.

I went through 18 years of my life thinking it was normal for boys to want to be girls, before having the brutal realization that no, that was not the case. I came out as Transgender when I was 19, suffering from a lot of deep-rooted depression and anxiety before and after that time. At least my doctors told me it was just that. I was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when I was 25, which to me came as a relief due to years of living in limbo, not knowing what was wrong with me.

As you can imagine, this was the perfect mixture of circumstances to create someone who was looking for the sweet fix of escapism. I was unhappy and anxious at home most of the time, so what better way to ignore that than to shut myself in my room with a PlayStation? I was an outcast in my all-male social group at school and lived an hour away from the school itself, so I was never a kid who went out to play until the break of night. I would get home from school and the first thing I would do was to boot up a game for the night. I’d have a break to eat, and possibly spend a bit of time with my family in the rare moments that tensions weren’t running too high. I didn’t need someone to tell me I played a lot of games, I had the save data utility of a PlayStation 3 to tell me.

The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion = 700+ hours. Demon’s Souls = 600 Hours. Metal Gear Online = Another 600. Fallout 3: 300 Hours. And this is just a select few games from memory, for one console generation. Weekdays, weekends, holidays, all the time. If I was away from my main console for too long, I wouldn’t get irate, just unhappy. At least if I went on holiday I could bring a portable console with me, but forcing me to be away from even that… I would just be miserable.

I think my parents knew this. It was clear to them I was an unhappy child and teen. Even during the peak of “Video games will ruin your children” hysteria of the early to mid-2000’s, my parents would leave me be. No restrictions on time, age rating, or any specific content. They would try and coax me out of staying in my room, but nothing ever worked. Video games and I were just synonymous with each other at this point, and everyone around me knew that.

While it might sound like I’m painting my experience with games in a negative light, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I consider my relationship with video games in my youth to have played a formative role on the person I am today.

Firstly, video games taught me to be tenacious. After spending so much time playing games, more so competitive multiplayer during the seventh generation of consoles, It’s safe to say I got pretty good at them. Video games nurtured a drive in me for competition, and more so, not giving up. This all happened quite early on. My Dad will never let me forget when I was a kid, no older than 7, who cried in frustration over and over when I couldn’t beat the final boss of Diddy Kong Racing. Sure, I got angry with games, and still did even in my teens. But I never gave up, a trait which now applies to all aspects of what I do in life. It’s a trait I am extremely proud of.

The pride itself from being good at games was also something that I held on to. It may sound a bit sad, but for a kid going through a pretty depressive and emotionally abusive upbringing, being good at games made me happy. If I’m being honest with myself, video games were probably the primary reason I wasn’t having nervous breakdowns throughout my teens. I was a very lucky kid in that I was very bright at school without having to put in practically any effort. So I could spend most of my times playing games without the stress that I was messing up my life in any substantial way. Being hooked on virtual worlds was a pretty mellow vice in the grand scheme of things, a fact I learnt quite quickly upon going to university. Cannabis and alcohol became my new favourite forms of escapism during that time, starting the journey of my break away from video games.

I barely made it through university with a passing grade. Quite the fall from the straight-A student who never had to try. Unfortunately, it took me 4 more years from graduation to reach a point in my life where I considered “my shit to be sorted out”. Video games still stayed with me until then, but it was never quite the same. As I grew older and started asking myself why I felt the need to escape all the time, I started to slowly fix myself. Video games started taking a back seat in my life to the point where my experience with gaming from dusk till dawn became a distant memory. It actually feels like more like an impossibility for me now.

My relationship with video games is now something far more casual. While I still hold a deep love and admiration for them in my heart, I tend to break up playing into hour-long chunks or so before I start getting bored. I’ve missed out on this entire console generation, something which a teenage me would have thought was an unbelievable concept. I still follow the newest releases with great curiosity, but will happily wait for a game I’m interested in to go on sale before I pick it up.

Even though I play games far less than I used to, it’s not to say I am less interested in them. Quite the opposite in fact, as I now see games as being far more than simple tools for me to run away to. Games for me now are wonderful, curious things that I will always have a deep-rooted respect for. Whether it’s the visual beauty you see in something from Supergiant Games, the incredible storylines from a series such as The Witcher, or simply the game design of something quirky and fun like Enter the Gungeon.

Games as art forms now act as a springboard into my own creative mind. As an aspiring writer and animator, where better to go to find inspiration than a good video game? Watch Dogs 2 was a recent release for me that simply filled me with awe every time I played it, from its beautifully coloured rendition of San Francisco to the incredible design, writing and performances behind its great cast of characters.

Video games are simply incredible. The talent and passion that goes into creating titles that can stay with you for a lifetime is simply immense. We all have our own personal relationships with video games, and I would not change mine for the world. Video games were there for me when I needed them the most. They got me through some incredibly difficult times, often when I felt I had no one else to turn to.

Very few other mediums can claim to have such impacts on our lives as video games do. Games can be whatever you want them to be. Whether that be a tool to help switch your brain off after work, a way to help you see somewhere new and exciting, or just somewhere to relieve a bit of stress. I’ll always love video games, no matter how old I get. I can’t wait to see what amazing things come out next.

#features

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thelondonfilmschool · 6 years

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INTERVIEW with Newcastle-based and one-of-a-kind filmmaker: Benjamin Bee

Writer/Director Benjamin Bee graduated from London Film School in 2015 and moved back to his home town of Newcastle Upon Tyne, where he’s continued to hone the unique brand of personal- tragi-comedy which has seen his films screened at some of the world’s biggest film festivals and attracted the likes of Mike Leigh to his Crowdfunding videos. Ben turns his own life story into art, and it’s not hard to see why – within minutes of meeting him I’d been told an anecdote involving an axe, a crazed lunatic and a carton of banana milkshake. Below is the publishable version of Ben’s take on the North-South divide, his time at LFS and what it is that makes his ‘bonkers’ stories so universal.

S.M: Can you tell me a bit about your life before applying to London Film School?

B.B: I left school in Newcastle when I was 14 without any qualifications, and then I went to an access to college course. They did photography and had an old, broken VHS video camera, and with the people that I met there we started making comedy, stupid little films. They were unscripted, and weirdly I used that to get into the University of Westminster to do Contemporary Media Practice. That was in 2002, and then at the end of that course I made a short film called The Plastic Toy Dinosaur, which was produced by Rob Watson who’s an NFTS producing grad who’s doing really well now. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, I wrote it when I was 21 and I directed it when I was 22. I moved back to Newcastle and started working in a bar, but I hated it and I was miserable and the only thing I realised I had was this short film. I didn’t know about anything, I didn’t even know Cannes or Sundance existed.

So, I just started entering it in places that I found and one of them was the BBC3 New Filmmaker of the Year Award. There were tons of submissions and they selected it down to the last ten. It was actually a really good year – Alice Lowe had written and starred in one of them, and Sean Conway had a film as well, he writes for Ray Donavan now. It was nice because people started to screen the film and it seemed like they liked it and it resonated with audiences, but I still had no idea what I was doing and I was incredibly naïve. I mean, seriously dyslexic and had the reading and writing age of an 8-year-old. Not going to school probably didn’t help. So, I was kind of lost. I started working a theatre box office and I worked, like, 60 hours a week and tried to save money. And then I saw a Skillset bursary advertised. I’d always looked at LFS but I couldn’t afford the fees, but eventually after I’d saved some money from my job I applied and I got the bursary.

S.M: What did applying for that involve?

B.B: It’s based on previous work and it’s means tested so you basically have to be poor and talented, or at least fake them into believing that you have some form of talent (laughs). I think I had something to say, coming from a slightly different background, and all my stories are weirdly personal. You go in front of a panel and when I got called back I literally cried like a small child. And then I went to LFS! It was interesting and difficult and there were people from so many different walks of life. I learnt the craft of filmmaking – I tried to eat up everything.

The most important thing for me was the people – you’re surrounded by people who are really passionate about film. It’s two years surrounded by people who’ll put a lot of effort in, and I met a lot of people who had a lot of fun making films that I’m really proud of. I did a film called Step Right Up when I was there, which was my Term 4 exercise. We had 36 minutes of film stock to make a nine-minute film and it was screened at 40 film festivals. We got long-listed for the BAFTA, which means we were down to the last 10 or 15, which had never been done before by a fourth term film. It was huge.

S.M: What do you think it was about that film that made it so successful?

B.B: I make comedies and they’re personal. I’ve never really struggled with getting films into festivals because I don’t try to make arduous bulls**t. It’s personal, and also I’m not the most masculine man but I know lots of masculine men who do have feelings, and everybody has a shared experience of feelings and pain so there’s nothing that makes even the most masculine, awful guy not sensitive. A lot of my films are about paternal bonds or absent father figures, because my dad left and he was an utter c***. So, I’ve got a lot of things like that, that kind of resonate.

My new one’s about something that genuinely happened, which was when my dad left when I was five and my mum decided to take me and my brother out of school and take us to Metroland, which is a theme park in Newcastle. My brother went on the dodgems but I was too little, so I had to go on the merry-go-round. It was amazing, and I was on a big white horse going round and round. Every time I’d come round I’d see my mum just stood there in floods and floods of tears, and then I’d go past her, and I could see my brother having the best time ever. That’s an analogy for my relationships with my siblings! I think if you say things that are deeply personal then they’re always going to do much better than things that aren’t you. When I started in term one and term two, I started trying to make stuff to look more “intelligent”, and then I realised that it wasn’t making me at all happy. So, by term four I made something ridiculous and by graduation I made a film called Sebastian which was a horror comedy which was also a bit nuts.

S.M: Was it always your plan to go back to Newcastle after graduation?

B.B: The day I handed my grad film in I went for a meeting to direct a pilot taster for Baby Cow, Steve Coogan and Henry Normal’s company. I got that, and I brought Yiannis (Manolopoulos, fellow LFS student and cinematographer) in, it was written by a friend of mine, Dan Mersh, who was also in Step Right Up, Plastic Toy Dinosaur, Sebastian and Mordechai. And that was really good because I got to meet Henry Normal, who was the managing director of the company. He’d written the Royle Family, Mrs Merton, he’d produced some of my fave TV shows, including the Mighty Boosh … He loved it. but Channel 4 didn’t pick it up. Then I moved back to Newcastle, in 2015, and broke my ankle running for a train! I was in a cast for over a year.

Then I applied to the Jewish Film Fund for my film Mordechai, I’m not actually Jewish but the film’s subject is. It’s doing really well, it’s got into Palm Springs, BFI London Film Festival, and various others. It’s about these identical twins, one of which has left the community and one of whom has stayed at home. There’s an ultra-orthodox community in Gateshead and it’s quite insular and interesting. So, I developed a story about, what if one of them had left and then had to come home for a reason? The dad dies and the other brother comes home and he has to go and pick him up. They’ve got very different life choices – one brother��s dressed in black and the other turns up wearing tie-dyed hippy shit. He’s still Jewish but in his own way. Mordechai is really happy and charming and Daniel, who stayed at home, is a bit more down-trodden and miserable. Then Mordechai drops dead and Daniel makes the decision to body swap and becomes Mordechai and goes to his own funeral. It comes out the end quite positive but it’s also quite emotional!

S.M: You work a lot with producer Maria Caruana Galizia – is she someone you met through LFS?

B.B: No, she’s from Malta. She moved to Newcastle after living in Scotland for a while (I think), and there’s very few producers here. I met her at a networking event – she liked something I’d made, I liked something she’d made and we just decided to try and apply for stuff. She’s fu***ng awesome, super talented and incredibly hardworking. Also, she puts up with me…

S.M: Do you find that being based up in Newcastle has its pros and cons?

B.B: It really does. The benefits are that you can shoot anywhere for dead cheap but crewing’s impossible because every good member of crew’s doing Vera or The Dumping Ground. There’s swings and roundabouts. It’s beautiful, and has a better quality of life but there is definitely a massive divide. All the work’s in London, all the agents are there.

S.M: Do you manage to make a living out of the work you’re doing at the moment?

B.B: I’m a very cheap human being. It’s difficult when you start out because a lot of the stuff that you’re doing, like the shorts, aren’t going to make any money unless you start winning prize money. I’m at the stage now where it’s a little bit easier because I can apply for funding for development from the BFI etc. That’s what I’m applying for at the moment. I’m doing a project with Henry Normal, a documentary on him and his poetry. I’m also just finishing Metroland and I’m really, really happy with it, but I’ve got no idea how it’s going to go down ‘cause it’s a bit mental.

S.M: How did you get Mike Leigh to appear in the crowdfunding promo?

B.B: He pops up in it, and basically the whole joke is that the film’s kind of like Weekend at Bernie’s, but imagine Weekend at Bernie’s if it was directed by Mike Leigh. You see the door open and it’s Mike Leigh going “Ben, can you stop phoning and emailing me and if you give me another copy of Weekend at Bernie’s …” (laughs).

I sent him an email going, “Hi Mike! Creative England are insisting that I do Crowdfunding and I really don’t wanna do it, so instead of making a video in which everybody’s positive, I want to make a video where everybody’s really negative about the experience.” He said yes without questioning it for a second… When I shot the video with Mike it was me, Yiannis and Eoin Maher, who did Filmmaking at LFS as well, and Mike who was just really hilarious. It was a lot of fun. Mike’s always been incredibly kind and supportive. He’s got a really good sense of humour. It’s the thing I love about his work to be honest.

S.M: Have you found it cathartic making such personal work based on your own life?

B.B: Unless you’re very good at what you do, this is just my advice, you can hide everything but what you do has to at some point be personal and resonate. Deconstruct any movie ever, like every movie Wes Anderson ever made is basically about his father walking out on his family, even though you don’t always realise it. It’s all about masculinity. It’s that thing that all your faults are your strongest features. I definitely find it therapeutic and I definitely think you deal with stuff. Spielberg says that it’s the only job where you get paid for therapy. I think that’s a great quote because it’s true in a way. Especially if you can’t afford therapy!

S.M: What do you think was the most important thing that LFS taught you?

B.B: The main revelation was that, whenever anybody goes into anything, doesn’t matter if it’s school, college or university, everybody comes in with a competitive nature that they’re going to be the best. Being competitive with yourself and wanting to make the best work is amazing, that’s the best way to be. But anybody else, whether they’re a director or whatever, should be your friends and your peer group, people that will help you. You basically have a support network with other filmmakers. That was really helpful, because it felt like you had a cheerleading squad and you could also do it for other people and you’d be really grateful. And that’s the industry – you’re not really in competition because nobody’s going to make the same film as you. You learn that very quickly at LFS because there’s people making such different work and you can really appreciate it. Then those people can come and work and collaborate on something you’re making, and you make something different and everybody learns from each other. Definitely the international vibe really helps as well. I was one of very few Brits and that was really nice, because obviously in Newcastle it’s mostly just people from there. In my term I had Yiannis from Greece, Pauline who was French, Rodrigo who was Mexican, Habib who’s American … it was really nice. I enjoyed it. Everybody’s great! Working with happy, positive people who feel comfortable in a nice environment is what makes the best work. And I think that’s what comes from having so many passionate people at LFS. It was a life-changing opportunity.

#mike leigh #filmmaking #weekendatbernies #filmstudies #wes anderson #creativeskillset #lfsorguk #gateshead #newcastle #steve coogan #babycow #metroland #sundance #rob watson #sean conway #dyslexia #london #bfi #jewish film fund

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thegreengizmo-blog · 7 years

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Future proof - Documentation

DOCUMENTATION

-Find 3 - 5 industry related job vacancies you would like to apply for

https://chk.tbe.taleo.net/chk01/ats/careers/requisition.jsp?org=FRAMESTORE&cws=39&rid=855

This link will take you to 1 of the 3 jobs I have looked at. The job is for concept artist and I feel I have met all the specifications that they require from me.

These requirements are.

At least one year of experience doing concept art in film or games

I have been drawing all my life.

Excellent 2D skills and knowledge of traditional art techniques

Most of my best work is 2D.

Some experience working with 3D applications

I’ve used 3d software’s before and I was decent with them.

An excellent understanding of anatomy, character/creature design, colour theory, perspective, lighting and composition

When it comes to people and animals I am familiar of their layouts and how they are made, when it comes to colours and stuff I am very wise with the colours I choose depending on the themes, and when it comes to shadows depending on the character the light can create shadows to help define the shape of the character.

Be able to design a variety of original concepts including: interior and exterior environments and accompanying scene objects

Again it depends on the environment and theme of the game, my strong points are all in character design and kind of lack in scenery but my skills in scenery are okay and do the job.

Be fluent working with digital media (e.g. Photoshop)

I am okay when it comes to using Photoshop and I am familiar with keyboard shortcuts to help making editing easier. I am more comfortable used the software “GIMP” which stands for “GNU Image Manipulation Program”.

Be able to quickly render imaginative concepts from verbal and written direction

I have drawn a few scene from text in my past depending on the description I can do the task very well.

Work well in and communicate ideas within a team environment

My communication skills lack as I spend most of my time alone, but I am very good at following orders and getting jobs done.

Be a self-motivated individual with a strong work ethic

When it comes to motivation when drawing I am always on top and get loads of sketches complete or few high quality drawings complete.

https://cloudimperiumgames.com/jobs/267-Concept-Artist

Here is link 2 of the industry jobs I have been looking at. In this job it is mostly digital art related but mostly around environments, so I felt I could be suitable for this role as it involves a lot of fancy lighting in the environments and I feel lighting is very important when it comes to creating scenery.

Requirements:

Have a good understanding of form and function with an eye for Industrial design Collaborate heavily with the design and production teams while maintaining the Art Directors vision

When it comes to design I am very strong, as long as I know the subject and genre I will do my research and work to the best of my ability.

Create stunning environmental art that captures the overall filmic quality of the games universe

I am very good with this as I have my own story’s going on it the background with my own characters and have been working on this for years to try and get my own unique feel different to other genres.

Have a strong foundation in lighting and atmospherics

I am pretty good when it comes to lighting as I feel it allows the viewer to get a better perception of the environment.

Ability to create concept art in 3D and 2D

I am an expert when it comes to creating in the 2D area but I still lack in the 3D department but I see it as a new ability to work on.

http://jobs.gamesindustry.biz/amiqus-games/uk-and-europe/storyboard-concept-artist-id89345

Here is the link to 3 of 3 links to jobs I have looked at in the industry. With this job I felt I met the requirements of the task and would gladly work for this company once I sorted out travels and arrangements. This one was based around drawing but also had some film aspects included to put towards the project.

Requirements/Skills

A keen interest in photography and film

I did a film course back in college and it helped me to design better shots when it came to my comic design and it did interest me how these different angles could affect the situation when it came to building tension and drama.

The ability to work in a variety of styles

As long as I have an understanding of the style I can adapt to it and perfect my skills to work in the style fluently.

Good character and architectural drawing skills

My character design skills are at very good standard and my architectural design skills are not as good as I tend to focus on characters a bit too much. But as long as I know the theme and style I can adapt to it. I can draw different dimensions and the banishing points to show the depth and distance to show perception from the character and point of view.

An understanding of light and tone

When it comes to different lights I think it is very important to have a good light source as it can help to show the viewer the shapes and dimensions of the environment and the characters.

Good knowledge of film camera angles and the importance of good framing i.e. architectural v character

I did film for most of my school time as I was part of a media courses I am very familiar with camera angles and I know when certain shots would be necessary for different shots.

An understanding of set layout for lighting and camera

Depending on the set the lighting should always reflect the mood and energy of the area. For example if you was in a busy street you could have dim light as it could be a miserable environment, and if you was in a forest full of light you could have bright light to raise the contrast to show it’s a happy environment.

Understanding of camera lens/definitions i.e. Close up and wide

I have a fairly good understanding of different lenses from what I have learnt from college as we didn’t get to use those tools back in school. But some lenses have different effects on the environment as there are some which reduce reflection and some that can turn down lighting effects. As with the camera angles It can affect the scene as wide angles can cover more area and could be used as a point of view scene if a characters was to leave a building. And close ups can be used for when you want to catch emotion on a person’s face or to pick up a small object on camera.

Understanding of camera movement/definitions i.e. Track and crane

I used to enjoy moving the cameras on the tripods and try to keep it steady whist keeping the camera focused on the object or person we’re following or tracking. Most of it would be a combination of zooming and tracking.

Good storytelling through visuals

As long as the storytelling is well written and has a decent layout I can make out the visual and draw them out flawlessly. I practiced with this when I was younger as I used to design characters for friends and they’d describe the character to me and I’d draw it down.

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autumnepic · 7 years

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Sofia

Sofia is one of my friends. A special friend, to be more specific. Sofia is talented in all ways that a girl could be talented, and that is one of the many reasons why i adore her a lot. There are many reasons to be taken into account, but i’m not going to work on a list. i’m going to unveil a glut of secrets. on her. on us. I met Sofia for the 1st time at the 1st day of high school - that’s how the theory works. And everyone, including us, thought so as well. Surprisingly, in fact, i knew about S a long time ago, maybe a year or two ago back in the past. She was my friends’ friend. She was Light’s friend. They had extra classes together. Of course, it means my 1st impression about her was noted long before grade 10. She was cute, pretty, famous at some points, good at many things, and being in a different world. From me, i thought. I knew she was damn good at English at that time, and i was not so amazed. However, i didn’t like her. At all. The thing is, have i ever liked people? That’s just what i do : not liking everyone, instead of befriending with them. Well, typical me, can’t blame S. I knew about Sofia a lot in the past. You might be surprised, Sof, but i know quite a lot don’t i? I know about people, including you. I visited Sofia ask page, at a time when everyone used it, and i was not an exception. I asked her nothing, but i saw other questions. I saw her being picked on a lot for being richer than others, and i saw her bravely battle against all those shits. Oh, that’s surely what someone like her does. This girl is kinda pretty, cool and rich. Oh and also a shoes lover. Ehh, she’s in a different world - not a world for me, a lowkey dreamer. That’s my 1st impression, but lord, first things always suck, don’t they? On to grade 10, i had a chance to meet Sofia in person. Not so different from her pics some years ago, but this girl, with another kind of 1st impression IN PERSON, amazed me. Sofia, in my experience, was super energetic. That kind of positive vibes she spread to others had been so inspiring, even to a gloomy person like me. Well, but that’s just it. She’s smart, inspiring, and i do respect her. But still, different worlds, i thought. I’ve never plan to meet this girl, and i would never plan to know her - we’re like passengers on a train, without any connection. The truth is, i view S as an angel, a real angel from above. She is joyful, sociable and full of mirth. That kind of girl who attracts everyone. That kind of girl others get jealous with. But i’m happy for her as she can be forever that way. I mean, be coated with happiness - which i can never be. But angels fall, that’s the theory. Theories, in fact, always seem to be precise. Sofia may have fallen, as i saw her standing with tears streaming down and sobbings sounded dramatically. At that moment, i questioned myself : what could possibly go wrong with this girl? Isn’t she an indestructible heaven caretaker? Isn’t she a mirthful creature? I felt really bad, to be honest, that day. Sofia is Sofia, and the name indicates she is a human being. Period. And she does get upset. Period. Suddenly, my imagination got back to real life, and i wondered if there were anything called “joy” ? Welp, Sofia is nice in several ways a human being could be nice, then. She is talkative, and somehow humorous. But i don’t get it when she couldn’t talk much to me. People always talk to me, and i’m forever an automatic listener. But Sofia doesn’t. Why is it? Did my anxiety and depression and self-conscious flood you? Or maybe, just maybe, i’m separated from others, huh? Sofia is Sofia because of various reasons. I’m not going to blurt out secrets, but the name i give her is somewhat shiny and blazing, like herself. It sounds a bit happy, and a bit innocent - like how i view her. Don’t grin here, S, but i’ve got my stories without any main characters, and you’re one of the effects of it. The lightning effect, to be more specific. But that’s another story, and i’m focusing on Sofia here, on the secrets she is yet to know. I have always convinced myself that Sofia and i are completely different. We don’t understand each other, we don’t match, we don’t do things the other does, and we, obviously, will be forgotten by the other. Everything lasts, i tell myself. But once again, Sofia surprised me, in the strangest way. We both read books. Yes, we both treasure them. We are writers. Yes, i’ve got my stories and she’s got hers. We don’t cry, my lord, we bleed through papers. We want things. We crave for beauty, in words, in life. How wonderful it could be. I used to think that Sofia doesn’t understand me, and i don’t understand her, in return. How can we try to put ourselves in others’ shoes and understand their stories? How can we if we are seperate creatures? How can we love others, how can we rely on them if we know nothing about their inner parts? How? After all, i found myself overthink just about ...everything. But that doesn’t matter, as it brings me a lot. I’ve got my own imaginativeness - and somehow it does me good. But, i’m pulling myself all together now, because i learnt a lot from Sofia. I learned that we don’t need to understand people, we need to love them, right? We need to throw away flowers, instead of rocks, instead of pins. We need to spread love, and make others happy, even if we wind up being ridiculous. We have to do what Sofia did. Because that’s how we are. Humans are a social species. We rely on connections to survive. But we are the ones who decide if those connections are good or bad, if they’re full of lies or true to your bones, if they’re sour and bitter or sweet and humane, if they’re going to make you dance on your bare feet or kill yourself. That, indeed, is a big matter to be concerned about. If you want to know, Sofia, i am differed from you in many aspects. Let’s say we’re both writers, and we love the art of mastering feelings all the same, but YOU should be considered as the better ME. The happier and more active ME, to say the least. You’ve got your hopes up, and your CONNECTIONS are in the good side, the side of truth, sweet, humane, the side of “making you dance on your bare feet”. I don’t have that kind of feelings. Precisely, i lack them. My connections to others are all lies, and i even lie to myself. I can smile at 1 and cry at 1.01. I am miserable, insecure, depressed and oppressed. Believe me, you are not hearing any exaggerations here, and i am just what i am. I am afraid to feel happy, Sofia, i am so afraid of it. Anytime i get too happy, something jumps right in the middle and cut me to the core. I am anxious all the time, and i am not good at speaking to others. I am too scared. Well, don’t be amazed, but i’m scared of getting things wrong. I am scared of making mistakes, i want things to be as good as they can be. I am scared of meeting others, of interacting. I am safe, i think, in my own world. But the funny thing is, i can never be in a so-called ‘my own world’. So i got to make it right, i’ve got conceal my fears. I have to write them all out, so my fears would be on the page and off my head. I feel better somehow, and that’s when i crave for more writings. To feel better, to picture myself as a happy girl, on pages. Depression is different from sadness at some points, people say. When you’re sad, you know the reasons. That said, you have no clue why when you’re depressed. Maybe it’s just the bad weather. Maybe it’s just you. Maybe it’s just me. People are happy because they’re happy, i’m sad because i know my happiness will last. Jesus, my life’s rough right. But i’ll stop my overthinking routine soon because Sofia, you are one who’s got faith in me, you’re the one who healed just about every shits i’ve been into lately. Because of your book, because of your notes. For the 1st time in a long time, someone kept their promise. Sorry but i don’t think you would give me a book, to be honest. People forget, that’s the theory. People don’t understand, but wait, they can love, and love can heal everything, even misunderstandings. Thanks, girl. For giving me faith in this world, and a relief to my soul. I hope you could be just the same, S, just as how you are now, as happy as you are now, because not everyone can be shiny like that just so you know. I was surprised, so so surprised back to when our teacher was having a meeting with our parents. My mom, incidently, sat next to Sofia’s mom, and they started to chat about us. I told my mom a lot about her, as one of my friends (who is good at English). Typical me. Caring about others’ brains more than their identities. And yes, tell me i’m ridiculous, but Sofia’s brain functions better than many others. But, Sofia didn’t tell her mom just about me. She told her mom that she admired me, that my writings were flawless, that she really liked me in the way that i could be, that she loved the fact that we both write and have our private blogs, but my skills were better than her. She was full of mirth talking about that, as i imagined, like her being full of mirth talking about every single thing. I don’t have skills, Sof. I have my sadness, and i write to let it out of me. Surprised? Sometimes i’m jealous with you you know. How can you lower yourself down so easily? How can you give compliments and love so easily? How can you be that positive and full of belief in this mad world? How can your feelings be that intact over the times? How? I questioned, and got my answers myself. Let it be. Let things be. Let go, of hatred. The last secret : i really appreciate you for remembering all my shits. you know, people often forget. i say ‘yes’ all the time, but i don’t expect you to keep your words. i don’t expect you to bring me the book, or write notes in it. neither do i believe you will keep me in your memory. devils are inherent, and angels fly away after lingering for a while, just a while - another precise theory, i thought. But i wasn’t so convinced to theories anymore, and i’m trying my best to become something better - a better me, with beautiful and florid writings, as self-reflecting works, not as ways to escape the world. Still me, but better. I’m finishing the book by this weekend. Love, me

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