#at least the semester is over but man i'm fucked if i don't have my computer. i use it for basically everything

[hum-suffer]

I'm Yours 2

Ishan has always been a light sleeper. His mother was proud of him and his dad, a man who craved snacks at midnight, bemoaned his habits.

So when he wakes up on Sunday morning with a fresh gajra tied on his wrist, for a moment, he wonders if this is a hallucination or a dream. He blinks and pinches his thigh, the sharp sting reminding him that it's reality. He frowns, and touches the gajra. It's real.

Ishan takes a deep breath.

"Let's bathe first and then deal with this," he says to himself. Another beat passes as he reconsiders his promise to himself. "Maybe have some tea first."

____________________________________________________

He's so fucking glad that he had the tea first.

The moment he was more awake, he was panicking.

Someone fucking broke into his house? His house? His ancestral, beloved house that had marble flooring which made clancking sounds everytime he walked? Ishan cracks his neck and takes another fortifying breath, staring at the discarded gajra on the dining table. It feels very audacious. And flattering.

The thought is horrifying and for a moment, Ishan imagines his grandfather shaking his head at the bloody idiocy Ishan possesses. Wryly, he says outloud,"I'm a very good source of entertainment, aren't I, Dadaji?"

The house obviously remains silent. In a surprising turn, the loneliness he often feels seeps right back in.

He glances at the gajra again. "Hey, at least, someone alive gets entertainment from me."

He knows he should report this. But for now, he doesn't want to care. It's a bloody Sunday and he will be damned if something ruins his Sunday, even if it's a stalker/admirer.

A message pops on his phone just as he's about to wash his cup. 'Did you like the gajra, love?'

'don't have the hair for it, dude.'

He probably shouldn't antagonise a probable sociopath.

But hey, what is life, if not had decisions taken in the spirit of loneliness?

____________________________________________________

When he's more settled, in the evening, Ishan goes out for a walk. His body aches in protest and the ink marks on his fingers dictate his profession to anyone who cares to see.

End of semester season is horrible, but more so when he already has to plan so much. Tomorrow's the seminar for something techy— Ishan doesn't know, he's the Hindi teacher, and he'd rather prefer not to know. Those things just rot his brain and he hates the seminars more than students, probably, but he'd do just about anything to take some load off of Virat bhaiya. Jaddu almost always lightens the mood at seminars, and he's back from his holiday to Jamnagar, and Ishan is counting on him to be the better part.

Apart from Shubhman, that is.

Ishan cannot get over his silly little crush, no matter how hard he tries and he hates it. That's a celebrity. A good looking, smart philanthropist who also owns a registered firm.

Ishan doesn't know the name of the firm, he realises with a groan. He gets his phone out, shoots a quick text to Shreyas to prepare the introduction speech for Shubhman.

The admirer, has sent him another message.

'Do you have any favourite colour?'

'yes, it's the shade stfu of the colour mind your business.'

'Lol. Really, tho. Don't make me dissect your wardrobe and make a guess, love'

Ishan's eyes narrow. He's not going to be ordered around by this bullshiter.

'Be my guest, love'

'i'm gonna overlook the rudeness for that endearment'

'Im gonna kill u'. Ishan doesn't even realise he's smiling until he casts a random glance at the windows of parked car. He controls his smile instantly.

'your looks already have'

Ishan scoffs at the blatantly cheesy line. Ew. 'Stay dead.'

____________________________________________________

'You have an awful amt of blue clothes'

The message greets Ishan early in the morning, and so does the smell of jasmines. He looks down and there it is— a gajra tied on his wrist.

The pounding headache that he already has becomes more pronounced as he passes through the motions of his schedule, the message a background chatter in his head until he has the cup of tea in his hands.

So.

That happened.

Yesterday's gajra and today's gajra, side by side, stare at Ishan. Ishan gulps. He should not have done that— any of that.

"Kya kar Raha hai tu," he mutters to himself as his thumb hovers over the block button. Why is he hesitating?

(Maybe because he doesn't care of he's dead or alive. Maybe because he wants the attention. Maybe because the idea of being so desired makes him warm. Maybe because someone only focusing on him makes him feel cherished.

Ishan doesn't dissect these ideas.)

He blocks the number and reports it for good measure.

He's already almost late— the quest to find his beloved oversized blue silk shirt had taken too much time. He's probably left it back home, maybe. He doesn't remember taking it there but he's always been clumsy so who knows? He'll continue the quest later.

The smell of jasmines cling to his nose even after he's deliberately choosen a woodsy perfume.

____________________________________________________

Shubhman is at perfect time.

Avesh, the admin staff manager, came almost running to Ishan when Shubhman, bless him, called in advance to say that he'll be at the college withing fifteen minutes.

If Shubhman keeps this up, Ishan will do something embarassing— like quoting Hannibal or something. The sheer appreciation Ishan feels for the man is beyond words.

As always, Rohit bhaiya had forgotten the matchsticks somewhere but Jas had come through and Ishan is now running around only making sure the height of the mic and the placement of flowers.

Siraj drags him forcefully to the gate of the faculty, to greet Shubhman. A volunteer student clicks photos as Virat Bhai hugs Shubhman, who always appears star struck at the attention from their resident King. Rohit bhaiya squeezes Shubhman in a tight hug and the smile Shubhman has on his face is blinding.

(Ishan wishes someone was as happy to see him. His colleagues are always fun, but they have lives— Ishan doesn't.)

When Shubhman turns to him, Ishan can't help but stare. He's wearing a navy blazer over a white shirt and dark blue jeans. His eyes, they're dark and intense. Ishan feels frozen.

"Ishan." His voice sounds so fucking good. He steps forward and before Ishan can hold his hand out for a handshake, Shubhman steps in his personal space and gives him a side hug.

Ishan breathes in, to calm his heart, and catches a distantly familiar scent from Shubhman. It's probably a kind of perfume Ishan knows, he's obsessed with scents.

"Shubhman. It's a pleasure to meet you again."

What the FUCK is he saying. Ishan wants to dig a hole in some lonely ground and bury himself. A pleasure to meet him? Could he be anymore obvious?

"Trust me, the pleasure is all mine."

____________________________________________________

The seminar goes on for two hours, perfectly adhering to the scheduled time and Shubhman has prepared enough to be also able to do a QnA. Ishan will marry him.

The students rush out of the seminar hall without a second thought, all of them sleepy and wanting to enjoy the rest of their day after the cancellation of their classes.

Ishan hums to himself as he wraps up the extra papers and wires, the bag for Shubhman ready to take. "Tulsi, reusable pen, certificate." He counts everything outloud and puts the bag aside. Someone lifts it up instantly. Ishan whips around, seeing Shubhman standing there grinning at him.

"Hello, there."

"Hi, Shubhman. How long have you been standing here?"

"Just long enough to hear that aap Mumbai aa sakte hai."

Ishan feels his face heat up instantly and shakes his head. Shubhman laughs. "Come on, I feel like we should close this hall before someone closes us inside it."

Would it really be so bad?

Oh god, when did he turn into a desperate teenager?

Ishan follows Shubhman out, talking about measley things like movies and songs, to see him off and help him settle with the gifts but they're met with Virat bhaiya and Rohit bhaiya standing at the gate of the faculty and a thundering rain.

Fuck.

They both despise the rain. Ishan does too, to be honest. Almost everyone at the college hates it. Mostly, because after rain, their usually pristine college roads turn into water holding corners at some areas and the greenery in their college always allows for mosquitoes after a good rain.

Virat bhaiya shakes his head,"Unnatural rains, at the time of diwali no less! Kya zindagi hai yaar."

"Why are you being dramatic?" Ishan asks with a groan,"I have to go back on my bike! I'm already applying for sick leave for tomorrow, Rohit bhaiya."

Before Rohit bhaiya can say anything, though, Shubhman frowns at him. "But why do you want to get soaked? I have my car, I'll drop you off at your place."

"Absolutely not, I'm not going to impose on you like that. And what about my bike?"

"I'll send Rutu or someone with it tomorrow to pick you up, bhai." Rohit bhaiya says. "Don't get sick uselessly! Shubhman is right, you don't need to get soaked for nothing."

Shubhman nods along,"And it's not imposing if I offered. Come on, let me do my good deed for the week."

Ishan looks helplessly at Virat bhaiya. He lifts his chin and gives him a reassuring look.

"Okay."

____________________________________________________

Tagging: @mayakimayahai @kyayaarkiraa @ispeakmorelanguagesthanyou @onthecloudseven @khwxbeeda @ek-ladki-bheegi-bhagi-si @fortunatelycrazyyouth @ishkrisq

#desiblr #suffer ye suhana nahi #desi tumblr #ishman #shubhish #shubhman gill #ishan kishan

[silver-itallics]

My Favorite Inside Source pt 2

Part 1!

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x Reader

Warnings: smut, masturbation, toxic behavior, mentions of rape, heavy choking, Leon being a grumpy old man, p in v, light mentions oral and fingering (f receiving), guilt (kinda)

!! Contains dark content !!

"do it and do it again..."

Leon is silent for a few moments. You're looking at him like he hung the stars. Really all he did was hang your knees over his shoulders last night.

"What?" He blurts.

He never was the type to think before he speaks. But this doesn't throw off your rhythm, though. Maybe there's more cotton in your head than there is a brain.

"I wanted to say thank you." You repeat, holding up the pan of bacon. "I had a good time last night."

You didn't seem like you had a good time. Leon looks down, confirming that you're still not wearing panties. That's because he stuffed them in his drawer, and your blood is still on his sheets.

For once, you're not the one looking stupid. Leon knows he looks like an idiot, but he can't stop staring at you like you're in one of those old carnival freak shows. But this just makes you laugh. You turn back to the stove, finish off the bacon and put it on a plate.

"I actually wanted you to do that. Sorry I freaked you out. No one has ever tried to do something like that to me before," you're grinning, despite the fact that your words could send you to a psychiatric ward.

Leon just stares wide eyed at you, as you sit him down on his ripped couch, putting a plate of food on his lap. First, you're his rape victim, and now you're his housewife? He's not sure if he should be thankful or not. Definitely not.

He pokes at the plate as you set a cup of orange juice near him. "You shouldn't be thanking me," Leon mutters. His voice is cold, shaggy bangs hanging in his eyes. He can't see, but that's the point. He just wishes you'd disappear.

"I know it's messed up, but…" you blabber on about the fantasy, and Leon tunes you out. You're just like him, in a way; you're both stupid, and neither of you know when to shut up. But at least you're not a monster. If anything, you seem like a sweet kid.

Kid.

Fuck.

"How old are you?" Leon asks, completely interrupting you. Slowly, you blink at him a few times. You look like you're going to say something to him about interrupting you, but instead you just answer.

You explain how you're in college, only a semester in. A smile crosses your face again as you chatter on.

Leon groans, covering his face. The plate in his lap tips, but you catch it before the scrambled eggs splatter on the floor. You take it from him gently, setting it on a cluttered table nearby.

"Did I do something wrong?" You ask, kneeling at his side. Your smaller fingers massage the muscles in his knees, and Leon has to try to push your hands away as politely as possible. He's so touch starved he might get hard just from the innocent gesture.

"No. You didn't do anything wrong," Leon sighs. He's the one that's gone and fucked up, yet you can't seem to understand that. The only thing you've done is started to follow him around like a baby duck does to its mother.

You look at him with big, watery eyes and he bites his lip to stop from groaning in annoyance. Before you can say anything, he cuts you off again.

"Don't you have school today?" He asks, trying to get you to take the hint to leave.

"It's Saturday," you reply, squeezing Leon's knee.

"Go buy me a six pack of beer from the gas station, then," he suggests. Please, please leave, Leon pleads in his mind.

"I'm not twenty-one yet," is what you reply. Leon should've known. God abandoned him years ago.

He doesn't want to yell at you, but he does. "Christ, kid!" Leon finally lifts his head up, grabbing his wallet on the crowded table. He shoves a twenty in your hands, the force pushing you back and startling you.

"Go buy some candy or something. Knock yourself out." He stands up, hoping that'll force you to leave. Maybe he'll take an angry shower. Sometimes that helps.

You clasp the dollar bill in your hands, looking like a deer in headlights. "Do you want anything?" You ask cautiously.

Leon turns, giving you a glare. "Go." With that, you scurry out the door to find the nearest gas station.

As soon as you're out of the door, Leon needs a fucking drink. You've definitely got the same type of parasite that he has, but yours is a more obnoxious, loud one, while his is a silent killer.

He's not sure if he'd rather go at the hands of this parasite or his own.

In his room, Leon yanks open one of the drawers in his nightstand. The one that has the "emergency whiskey" as he calls it. Instead, he finds your stupid panties that he shoved in there on a whim.

He reaches forward, hooking a finger in the lacy fabric. Underneath is a flask of whiskey, which Leon downs in a few seconds. As he does, Leon unfolds your panties from the ball he crumpled them into.

They're pretty. He never really looked at them last night. The panties are white lace, with a small bow at the front.

Leon blames the parasite when he lifts them to his nose. He inhales the same sweet musk from the night before. You.

Your pussy is probably your best feature, in look, feel, and now smell.

The drawer snaps closed, the contents disappearing along with the panties he'd thrown back in.

He needs a shower.

The warm water soothes his muscles, but comfort isn't something Leon is used to. Warm reminds him of you. Your cunt, your tits, you sleeping on his chest.

He switches the water to cold.

That's better. The water makes him feel a little more awake, more coherent. Things stopped making sense the moment he slipped those pills in your drink.

As Leon washes himself, he starts to think that the shower is helping with the thoughts of you. Then he gets to his crotch. He's not gross, most of the time, and actually washes his dick.

But the moment he takes it in his hand, he's imagining your smaller hands around it, the teary eyes you were giving him earlier. Which reminds him of the way you sobbed around his cock, and makes everything worse.

Leon can feel himself getting hard in his own hand. He's literally remembering raping you and getting hard?! Well, you did squeeze him tighter than any chokehold he's gotten put in, but that's not the point.

He slams his head against the wall of the shower, causing one of the three shower bottles to clatter to the floor. Your knuckles tap on the door, startling him even more than his own thoughts. You must be back from your trip to the gas station.

"Are you okay, Leon?" You yell over the running water.

The way you say his name reminds him of when you said it before, hands on his chest to try to push him off. He stiffens even more.

"Fine," he yells back. Nothing about this is fine. Why are you still here? And why is he getting hard to the thought of you again? That was supposed to be a one time thing. Or a never thing, really.

Hearing your footsteps recede, he takes his cock in a firm hand, stroking like he's done so many times before. His hand isn't as tight as you. For a moment he wonders how wet he can get you next time.

His fist squeezes hard on his dick, causing Leon to wince. What the hell's gotten into him? Reluctantly, his hand starts moving again, loosening his grip. He cums with a low groan to the thought of your tits.

Panting, Leon watches his cum wash down the drain. He wishes he could wash you away.

Apparently that won't be happening, as when he gets out of the shower and dresses himself, you're in the living room. You're eating gummy bears, sorting them into piles by color. One of the stupid toys out of a kinder egg is on the floor nearby. God, you're really a child. Not really, but you act like one. Can't believe he stuck his dick in you, now he's watching you make Frankenstein gummy bears.

You look up when Leon enters, immediately looking away because he's only wearing sweatpants. He rolls his eyes, but tries to ignore the way your shyness makes his heart thump.

"Why are you still here?" He really needs to work on watching his mouth. And not raping girls he found in bars, but that's a personal issue.

You look a little sad for a moment, but smile as you pick up some coins and a dollar off the table. Leon stares at you with a look of disapproval.

"I gave you a twenty," he scolds, like you're a child. Mentally, you probably are. Physically, you've got some nice tits.

"I know. Inflation is really bad nowadays," you bite the head off a green gummy bear and stick it to the body of a red one.

"What the hell did you even buy?" This is getting ridiculous.

"Uh, a bag of gummy bears, a kinder egg, and a soda. Oh, I also got you this!" You smile, taking a coke and two chocolate bars from behind your back. They're both different kinds because you didn't know what he liked. Leon watches as you set the items on the table.

"I told you not to get me anything," he's standing over you like he's trying to intimidate you, but you don't seem to notice. When he's not angry with you, you think he is. But when he is, you don't care. You're even worse than a child.

"I know," you chirp. "But I didn't want you to be sad while watching me eat."

Leon goes quiet. Really, it's a nice gesture. Even if it's his own money. He sits next to you on the couch, doing his best to put as much space between the two of you. You eat until you feel like you're on the cusp of a stomach ache, and fold up the bag of candy, then put it on the table.

Then you're lying your head on his shoulder, melting into him. Leon wants to push you away, but he's more shocked when you speak. You seem to do that a lot. Surprise him. He never liked surprises.

"Do you know where my underwear went? I accidentally went out without them," you chuckle, like it's funny. It's not. You're stupid, parading your pussy around in a tiny skirt. Don't you know that gets the wrong kind of attention? But Leon isn't the greatest person to give that type of advice, considering he's the one that gave you the wrong kind of attention in the first place.

"I lost 'em," he lies. Leon doesn't even know why he does. Maybe he wants to keep them, or just wants to get a glimpse of your ass when you walk around his house. He used to take an hour to get it up, but now he's popping a boner at the sight of you. Why don't you just kill him already? Y'know, you probably are already. Slowly, and quietly. He won't know he's done for until his eyes fall out of his skull. Maybe you'd finally leave if that happened.

But like that parasite, he can't seem to get rid of you. Like you're a tumor on his frontal lobe, he can't get rid of you without it killing him or changing him permanently. Seems like you've already done the second one, though. He never thought about taking someone unconscious or even without consent before you. You're like the forbidden fruit, but full of maggots and rot.

What the hell are you even doing to him? He's screwed. But probably more screwed up than anything.

But the worst part is: you won't leave.

The sun set a long time ago, leaving you two in the near dark with some cowboy movie playing on the TV. There's a take out box in your lap from a cheap Chinese restaurant that Leon ordered from. He's not really sure why he did it. You were complaining that you were hungry, and he wanted to shut you up like a baby with a pacifier. Did the trick for about fifteen minutes, but now you've got that look on your face that means you're thinking. Leon didn't know you could do that.

"Leon, what are we?" You ask, clicking your chopsticks together after shoving an ungodly amount of noodles into your mouth.

Leon almost powers down at the question.

His silence makes you start to ramble.

"Well, I was just wondering… because I've never really had sex with anyone. We hit it off last night and I-"

Sex. You think that was sex? Good God, he's really messed up. Or just chose the wrong victim. Leon isn't sure if he'd rather you go to the police or do what you're doing now. Honestly, he'd rather you try to lock him up. Maybe that'll control him. He wouldn't get out of his job either way.

"That wasn't sex," he snaps at you.

You wilt like a dying flower. Leon can't look at you when you make a face like that. He feels too guilty.

"I never said you had to have feelings for me. There's like, friends with benefits," you're trying to convince him to put a label to you. Leon wishes he didn't even know your name. That way he wouldn't have any reminder of you. But you're like a tick, digging your fangs into him so you stay stuck to his skin.

Leon remembers some shitty therapy session he had after a mission. They told him to take deep breaths when he's upset. Ground himself. But Leon isn't a man of therapy. He believes he can't really be fixed. So he yells at you. Again.

"Why can't you get it through your thick skull? You're a victim!" He sets his food down. His appetite disappeared a long time ago. Standing up, he tries to get away from you. But there's really nowhere to go. Especially with the way you draw him in like a magnetic force field.

You stir your food a few times, not sure how to feel. On one hand, you're angry that Leon doesn't seem to get your intentions. But mostly, his words hurt.

"I told you: I wanted it. I don't really mind it… whatever you call it," you sigh, setting your food down as well. When you start to clean up after him is what makes Leon's heart ache.

He's so mean to you, but you come back like a dog playing fetch. Each time, you drop the ball by his feet, a smile on your face. You run and go get the ball no matter how loud he yells or how hard he hits you. You remind him a little bit of himself in that sense. He wants you surgically removed.

"We can even do it again if you want. I'll let you," you try to plead with your eyes, doing everything in your power to get Leon to like you. He doesn't really like anything, especially himself.

Your words make him feel sick, leaving the older man to ignore you most of the night. But without a verbal cue to leave, you stay. You're not sure why you do it, but the next thing you know is you're fast asleep on Leon's ratty couch. At least you're smart enough not to sleep in bed with him.

Reluctantly, you sleep on Leon's couch. The springs dig into your back and you can barely get comfortable. Leon didn't give you a blanket either, so you're cold. The only one you found isn't even big enough to cover you.

Leon can't sleep. Your words repeat in his head, over and over. You're like an itch- the more he thinks about you, the more it bothers him. But he can't force himself to stop thinking about you either.

With a groan, he pushes up out of bed. He needs a beer. His emergency whiskey is gone, since he drank it this morning, also because of you.

Past his bedroom is the living room, then the kitchen. You left the light on in the kitchen as a night light, illuminating your form on the couch. You're an obstacle blocking his way from greatness. Technically, a cold beer. Same thing.

He inches forward, and you shift when a floorboard creaks under Leon's weight. Why is he even so scared or cautious? You're just a kid, couldn't do a thing if you woke up. The thought goes directly to his cock, reminding Leon exactly why he's been so guarded around you.

While he's caught in his thoughts, you move onto your stomach, that tiny blanket doing nothing to cover your ass. God, he wishes now that he gave you some clothes, since your puffy lips are poking out from underneath your skirt.

His mission is immediately forgotten.

Leon beelines for you instead, moving faster than he has in ten years. Pushing your legs wider, he kneels between them, hovering over you. Were you always this pretty? Or maybe he just likes you when you're sleeping. Fucking creep.

One hand holding himself up on the arm of the couch, he reaches around you to toy with your nipples. Last time, he was just searching for an object of pleasure, anything would do. But now he's got this little attachment to you.

This relationship, if it can even be called that, is closer to folie a deux than love. The madness of two. You've got this shared sickness between you both and only the other one can quench it.

Which is a very eloquent way to explain that Leon doesn't know why he wants to fuck you. Or why he's gently rubbing his bare knee over your core.

He's rough still, but he pays more attention to you this time. In his mind, you're almost a person. Almost.

Leaning down, Leon pulls his hands away from your tits, prying your thighs open instead. Slowly he licks you open, tasting the sweet slick you produce. It's not like candy, as Leon's a pessimist. He doesn't like to sugar coat things. But he can't stop his tongue from dipping in your slit and down to your clit until you're squirming and whining.

He wants you awake this time.

Maybe you'll fight like last time, maybe you won't. He isn't sure which he likes better. You're sweet, and it almost seems like you'd do anything for him. He wants to earn that privilege. Even if he's nowhere near worthy of your trust.

You moan softly, struggling to break through the barrier of sleep. Leon's tongue moves faster, holding your ass cheeks apart so he can watch the way you clench around nothing. When you cry out is when he knows you're awake. Your hips shift much more, he's not sure if you're fighting or if his tongue just feels good.

"Leon..?" You mumble, looking over your shoulder with glassy eyes. All you can register is the tingly feeling you've got between your legs. Then he stops.

You're flipped over on your back, Leon above you. He didn't know he still had strength like that. Guess being horny gives you superpowers.

This time he actually undresses you. He's treating you better than garbage, but only slightly. Leon's callused hands are still rough as he pulls and pinches your nipples.

Once you're conscious, you seem to be into it. Leon's not used to that. He's used to being pushed away, ridiculed for his taste and constantly manipulated. Maybe that's why he keeps you around: because you treat him nicely. Or just because you don't leave.

But what Leon is good at is self sabotage. He's excellent at it, actually. Once your skirt is off, he pushes two fingers in your hole without bothering to trim his nails earlier. You can feel him scratch your insides as he stretches you out.

He watches you squirm and cry in pleasure and discomfort, ultimately deciding it's not enough for him. Leon pulls himself out of his boxers, spitting on his hand before pumping a few times.

"You said you wanted this, yeah?" He asks, but it's a little late for asking permission. Before you can nod, his bulky hands wrap around your throat. At the same time, Leon pushes his dick inside all the way to the hilt. You feel like you're being torn in half and twisted like a pretzel at the same time.

"Thought you wanted this," he says again, taunting you. He pushes all the way inside just to pull almost all the way out at a slow pace.

You'd scream if his hands weren't blocking your airway.

Leon knows the difference between choking for pleasure and choking to kill. He's knocked his fair share of people out using the same method he's using on you. You can barely focus on the feeling of him moving inside you when you're worried he's going to kill you.

You trust Leon to an extent, but you know he's unpredictable. Which is why you squirm, thrash, and kick as much as you can.

"What, can you not handle it? Can you not handle me?" He lifts you up by the neck just to bring your body back down to the couch as he speaks. Leon feels like he's losing it as his hands clamp down on your fragile windpipe.

If he was choking you for your pleasure, he'd just squeeze the sides of your neck to cut off your blood flow. Make you a little dizzy. But right now, you can't breathe.

After having no oxygen for a few seconds, you start to run on instinct, panic flooding your body. Leon can feel your walls tighten around him as you weakly thrash in his grasp. For a few seconds, he likes it. But your nails are clawing at his arms, eyes wide and mouth open.

You're terrified. Of him.

The same person that refused to leave his apartment all day is looking up at him in pure terror. Leon slows his thrusts when he realizes all the usual pigment in your face is gone. He doesn't choke you for more than a minute, but it feels like eternity.

You gasp, hands flying to your own throat as soon as Leon lets go. Tears flood your eyes in relief. As much as you talk about wanting to be raped, for some reason, Leon's brain is hellbent on making you hate it. Teach you a lesson, maybe.

He means to say he's sorry. He wants to. But the only words that come out of Leon's mouth are: "you're an idiot for staying."

Part of the sentence is an apology in itself, but he's too much of a coward to come to terms with his feelings. In his job, he was always told he was too emotional. But everywhere else, he's too cold.

Leon shallowly thrusts in and out of you, looking at your tits instead of your terror-stricken face. You're still moaning, but the sound is strained and scratchy, not sweet and soft like usual. Turns out toys aren't as fun if you break them.

You don't cum, even if you tighten around him. Your brain is still too fearful to fully relax enough to orgasm. But Leon does. Maybe he gets off to the fear in your eyes. Just a little.

But really, he likes the power he has over you. Nobody else listens to him, but you do. Why do you do that? You're really unlike everyone else. You treat him differently. Which is why he has to treat you differently too.

He has to break you, but not completely. Just enough for you to understand that he's no good. He's a rotten old perverted man that only has a good ten years left. Only if he doesn't get snapped in half on his next mission.

Leon pulls out, groaning quietly as he busts on your stomach. Your skin is painted in white, like he's claiming his territory. You don't speak and he knows that's a bad sign.

He tucks himself back into his boxers, standing up. You expect him to leave and Leon plans to. At first, he did. But you're looking at him with those big, sad eyes of yours. Leon thinks you look like a trembling baby bunny. Seems like his attempts to push you away don't work. You just rely on him more.

"Stay right there," he mumbles before disappearing for a few minutes. Leon comes back with a washcloth and a glass of water. There's also a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a towel tucked under his arm.

The bruises in the shape of his own hands are starting to form on your neck. Why can't he just leave hickies like a normal person?! This job has fucked him up so bad that all he does is destroy.

Leon sits across from you, a guilty look in his eyes. You can tell he's sorry, but he refuses to say it. He sets the glass of water near you, wiping the cum off your stomach with the wet washcloth. The action is the closest thing to aftercare he's ever done. Mostly because he doesn't get treated very nicely after sex either.

He reaches out for your neck again, causing you to flinch. Leon curses under his breath, wishing he could be better. For himself mostly, but now for you.

"Why do you stick around?" He asks in a strained voice. Leon almost sounds like the one that got choked with how he's struggling not to cry. He picks up the bag of peas and unwraps the towel to show you what's underneath.

"Ice pack," he explains, trying to get you to lie down so he can place it on your neck. You take a few seconds, but eventually you relax enough to lie down. Leon adjusts the ice on your throat, hoping it'll help with the bruising and the pain.

"I'm not a very good person to stick around," Leon says, speaking more than he has before. He's also being more vulnerable than usual.

"It's okay, I'm used to it," you explain, trying to comfort him. But your confession just makes everything ache more. You're worse than any concussion or cut he's ever gotten.

You make him deal with his emotions.

Leon gives you a look that you can't decipher. His expression holds so many things that he wants to say, that he wants to do. But he doesn't let them out. He just needs to drink himself to sleep and bottle up his feelings to make himself feel better.

"Night, kid," he pats your knee before rising with a soft grunt.

Leon disappears for a few seconds before returning with a few things in his arms. He throws them at you, landing on the couch in a heap.

Then he turns and leaves.

You reach out, touching the soft fabric he's given you. When you hold it up, you realize what it is.

Clothes and a blanket.

Maybe he isn't so bad after all.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon smut #leon s kennedy #resident evil #dead dove do not eat #leon kennedy #leon kennedy x you #x reader #dark content

[girls-alias]

Best Friend - Sam Winchester

Title: Best Friend - Sam Winchester

Words: 869

Relations: Sam Winchester X Reader

TW: Sexual hinting. Strong language.

Prompt:

Being Sam's best friend but it turns into more... 

I pulled up to Sam's place with a bright smile. Seeing Sam is always the best part about Stanford. The classes were long and the teachers talked in such a monotone voice that you automatically should pass for only falling asleep 5 times in their class in a semester. 

I jumped out of the car, and my shoes made the slightest of tunes as I practically skipped over to Sam's apartment building, rushing to see him as soon as possible. I knocked rhythmically on the door holding the bag of junk food and movies up to show instantly my intentions. I heard footsteps and could squeal with excitement. No matter how bad my week was Sam can always make me act like a child. 

The door opened showing a shirtless Greg... Way to ruin my mood. Sam shared a flat with one of his classmates, a slut of a man, Greg. He was funny and all but slept with anyone who would give him the time of day. I was not like that. I wouldn't have even taken the time to remember his name if he wasn't Sam's roommate. My face dropped and I instantly rolled my eyes as I lowered the bags to my side. Greg however smirked and put his arm up on the door to try and show off his muscles. Ew. 

"Y/N, long time no see," He commented in a 'seductive' tone, I practically cringed. Does he think women like him? At this point, I'm convinced women only sleep with him so he'll leave them alone. It's the only logical explanation.

"Is Sam here?" I asked bitterly as I squinted at him in annoyance. His presence alone bugs me, but then he opens his mouth and I want to punch him in his smug little face. He sighed and started walking inside, leaving the door open for me to follow. 

"So, you'll sleep with Sam but not me? What's up with that?" He asked a little genuinely annoyed as he turned to look at me just outside of Sam's closed bedroom door. Music was playing from inside the room which made me want to scream over the music for Sam to come to save me or at least witness me kick Greg's non-existing ass.

"Gary," I started, I smirked seeing how much he hates it when I call him by the wrong name. "For the one millionth time Sam and I haven't slept together," I argued as I pushed past him and walked into Sam's room. Greg is such a dick. He's disgusting. He boils my blood! Sam was lying on his bed and was startled by my sudden entrance. He turned his music down and placed his book on his bedside table. I practically threw my bags on the floor with annoyance and rage. Sam was about to ask if I was okay so I answered him before he even opened his mouth. "Greg is such a dick, he thinks that just because I don't want to fuck him, I'm fucking someone else, I'm fucking you. What a condescending, egotistical prick!" I shouted at the door knowing he was probably listening in. 

"It's true," Greg sang back making me angrier, I knew he was listening he's such a creep. I huffed a cloud of rage as I fell backwards onto Sam's bed, barely missing him but I didn't care. Sam didn't care either as he laughed moving out of my way. 

"We should just become roommates so I never have to see Greg again," I sighed wiping some hair from my face. Sam just laughed. "No, I'm serious." I rested on my elbow and turned to face him. "Why don't we move in together?"

"Because then Greg would be right," He replied with a strained look on his face. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Sam said nothing before leaning in and kissing me, it was soft and sweet. His hand was on my cheek caressing me. The shock soon wore off and I was kissing him back. He started to pull away slightly so I pulled him closer also deepening the kiss. I'm kissing Sam. I can't believe I'm kissing Sam! Well, making out with Sam. I knew I had strong feelings for him but I thought I just really wanted to be his best friend but as he's kissing me, as I'm kissing him, I know I need more to function another day.

We only pulled away when we heard Greg's footsteps approaching. I jumped up so I was now standing and Sam was trying to act naturally on the bed. "Heading out, see you love birds later," Greg shouted through the apartment. I smirked slightly at the news that he was leaving. 

Once the door was shut I nonchalantly turned the music up. I turned around to face Sam ready to resume our previous position but he was already standing and instantly connected our lips, he picked me up as the kiss deepened.

"I've wanted this for years," He spoke between breaths. I giggled as we continued, moaning into his mouth as he held my thighs and pressed me against his wall. God, I hope I'm not dreaming.

Best day ever! 

#fanfiction #fanfic #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #sam winchester fanfiction #sam #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader

[wuahae]

how about.... woozi + 'meet ugly' lol

LMAO...... extremely fitting for him i must admit

woozi + meet ugly

"jeonghan, you don't get it," you stress, taking another swig of your coffee. "i'm so serious. jihoon hates me, i just know it."

the noise of the dining hall during lunchtime rush hour has jeonghan popping an airpod out of his ear, his other hand reaching over to steal a tater tot from your lunch tray. "sorry, say that again?"

"jeonghan!" your woes bounce right off of him, stuck buried into the palms of your hands as you groan, clutching your head. "you're not even listening to me!"

"kidding, kidding," he teases lightly, taking a sip of his own coffee. decaf, obviously. lucky bastard. "who is this guy, anyway?"

lee jihoon, applied music major with a focus in composition, the source of your agony, a man you're 100% sure you would've never crossed paths with if not for the fact that every music major was required to take at least 60 credits outside of the music department. and it just so happened that one of those classes had to be one of yours. CMS 220: writing in media and cinema studies.

"i didn't even mean to debate with him," you say, insistent. "but it was a socratic seminar! what else was i supposed to do, not say anything?" popping a tater tot in your mouth, you wave your arms for emphasis. "you know how strict professor lee is with participation!"

"i told you not to take that class," jeonghan chided. "you're literally chugging your third coffee of the day and it's barely even 2."

"this isn't about me!"

jeonghan rolls his eyes goodnaturedly. "so what, you countered his answer during a socratic and now you think he hates your guts?"

"not think, jeonghan. i know."

the dirty look he had given you once class had ended was enough to have you walking on eggshells every time you saw him the rest of the week. not to mention, the way he'd looked down at his notes every time you spoke up during the socratic seminar today in class.

"maybe he just wanted to review his notes?"

"you should have seen the way he side-eyed me." you pause, taking another sip of your coffee as you drum your fingers against the table. maybe the caffeine was getting to you. "it's not even my fault. he's the one who chose to die on that hill."

who even argues that reality is objective in a unit about the multiverse anyway?

"uh huh." jeonghan checks his phone for the time, and you peer over to read the upside-down numbers. 2:15. just the amount of time needed to have a relaxed walk to your next class. scooching the chair out, you sling your backpack on one shoulder, gathering the napkins and empty trays into one pile.

"why do you care so much, anyway? isn't he just some guy?"

knitting your eyebrows together, you stop at the edge of the table. "i mean. yeah. but you know i don't like it when someone doesn't like me."

"it sounds like you don't even like him though?"

"that's different." you would have liked him fine if he didn't give you a stink eye at 8:30 in the morning.

tossing the rest of your empty tray in the trash, you sigh, shaking your coffee slightly. most of the ice had already melted. you crane your neck back to look at jeonghan as you walk towards the door. "in any case, i really just need to get past this semester. this class is honestly the least of my worries, and so is—"

jeonghan manages to get out a faint "uh—" before it all explodes. it being your half-empty iced coffee, à la crashing straight into the other person opening the door. the other person being jihoon, his white shirt and nice slacks all stained with your watered-down double shot espresso.

you stare blankly at him, mouth gaping. coffee drips from your hand to the floor. "i have to go to class," you blurt out, hand slapping over your mouth the second you do. fuck.

well. if he didn't hate you before, lee jihoon definitely hates you now.

#trope ask game #i based the info off my college applied music requirements so take it with a grain of salt </3 #BTW AS ITS DONE....im not even sure if this counts as a meet ugly . #but erm.....hope you like it anyway 😭 #jihoon x reader #woozi x reader

[skitskatdacat63]

Tysm for the tags @monacobasedgirldad @schumigrace @fernandoalonzoo sry im a bit late getting to this lol

Are you named after anyone?

My great great grandmother(I think??), though she was named Katarzyna, and I was born Catherine, but go by Catie obviously(this lowkey annoys my mom lmao, especially bcs if I were to have a nickname, it was supposed to be Cate.)

When was the last time you cried?

Today, over classical music. I think I cry at least once a day 😭 I am very emotional

Do you have kids?

Nope :)

What sports did you play/have you played?

I played soccer when I was a kid. Also does marching band count?

Do you use sarcasm?

All the fucking time, literally constantly. And also we sarcastically bully each other in my family, so I have to pull myself back from accidentally insulting people 😭

What is the first thing you notice about people?

Hmmmm, I feel like ive done this tag game before bcs I remember writing this exact answer. But usually I notice if someone is a good conversationalist or not. Like do they like to lead the convo, do they like to listen to the other people, do they talk too much, too little, are they awkward about it? It's just very interesting to me, bcs I think that kinda thing really does instantly show you if you're going to be compatible with a person(as a friend or more etc.) Cause I talk a lot a lot, and I think it's difficult to get along w people who are untalkative but also people who talk an equal amnt if not more djkfkglg.

What is your eye color?

Just brown!

Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies definitely. I mean im not opposed to a happy ending obviously, but that's not really what im always looking for in a movie, I guess? Rn I'm trying to think of my top movies, and man, not a lot of them have happy endings 😭 But I literally just watched two horror movies the past wknd so! Even though they make me paranoid

Any talents?

I think I could go on a rant about anything if you gave me a bit of time. I really think I can just talk endlessly. Is that a skill? Or is it just annoying..? But yeah I'm not sure, but I think I'm pretty good at absorbing information and being able to go on and on about it.

Where were you born?

America rahhh 🦅🦅 I like my state a lot even though I feel like all my peers keep saying "ugh I don't want to be in [insert state] anymore" Smh how dare you

What are your hobbies?

Mostly drawing! I draw both F1 fanart(pretty much all selfmade AUs tho) and ocs. I like writing lore and worldbuilding and meta, but not really writing itself. I like reading fic and watching movies as well. And I think one of the main things I do these days tbh is read about history and keep up with politics. I get more and more involved with it as the days go by, but unlike drawing, I don't really have an outlet for it sigh sigh. So that's why a lot of AUs involve history and random other things, bcs its fun to involve my interests with each other!

Do you have any pets?

Yes I do! Two cats and two dogs. The cats are named Jin and Frank. Jin is basically me in cat form, he's so anxious 😭 and Frank is like my brother, he's such a little bastard who loves to hiss all the time. My dogs are named Maisie and Ruby. Maisie is a menace to society, but she is also the most beautiful dog ever, so I forgive her. Her name makes me laugh bcs she's named after this book character, Maisie Dobbs right? So her name tag says Maisie Doggs

How tall are you?

Around 5'4

Favorite subject at school?

Politics >:) But I'm pretty interested in philosophy as well rn. Unfortunately my love for foreign languages has been slipping in the semester or so, bcs my professors on that side kinda suck. So I've been putting more energy into my other major, and now all I can talk about is history, politics and philosophy, etc etc. It's just a lot of fun and very interesting to me!

Dream job?

Man, sometimes I wish I could just be a student forever, I just want to keep learning all about the world and other things. But I'd like a job that's not too static, something that pushes me out into the world a bit, maybe smth in the government or like a non-profit idk yet!

Ahhhh I'm doing this a bit late so I'm not sure who's done it yet, I feel like mostly everyone has :,) I tag anyone who's interested, like seriously I'd love to see people's answers who I haven't yet!!

#every text post of mine is actually just a cry for help(for someone to let me ramble and rant to them) #I HAVE TOO MANY WORDS #the real reason i often slack on tag games like this is bcs my answers will be too long djfkkgg #also i hate how theres still this latent fear in me doing these that im doxxing myself or smth #i still hesitate giving my full name and all that #scawy!!!! even tho ive def mentioned it i think #catie.rambling.txt

[a-b-riddle]

Pen Pals Chapter One: Welcome to the Internet

I feel like most girls who claimed they loved world history either had a hot history teacher or a Percy Jackson obsession. Well, I'm not like most girls. I had both. I may have been failing math, but when I tell you I was passing history with flying colors...

It was 2009: I was a freshman in high school and at 14 years old, I was very impressionable. Full disclosure: I was not groomed. Well, by my teacher at least. My history teacher wasn't like that weird, over-friendly coach with the students. He was just hot. Very incredibly boring, but hot by my standards as a 14-year-old who up until that point had only kissed two boys, but read some very questionable fan-fiction. 

Our semester closed on the unit about World War II. It was the week of Christmas, we just finished our finals and we watched a movie I highly recommend called 'Pearl Harbor'.

That movie just kind of fueled my obsession with World War II. It's like those little kids who had a really nice nurse when they were sick and they grew up wanting to be nurses. I saw Ben Affleck in a WW 2 uniform and was fucking SET. 

Now don't get me wrong, I actually enjoyed it besides the hot actors. I loved the stories. I loved the heroes. Second Lieutenant Audie L. Murphy: The most decorated soldier of the war. He was credited for killing over 200 Germans. Corporal Desmond Doss was a medic, never picked up a weapon and saved 75 men by lowering them down from a freaking cliff. I cry every time I watch his interviews and if you want to know his full story watch Hacksaw Ridge. Then there was Private Steven Grant Rogers. Started out as an E-1 and then promoted to a O-3 (or a Captain) and was renamed  Captain America.

Just like how people think of Tom Brady when they think of the Super Bowl, I did the same thing when it came to Captain America and the war. Now, I don't want to say I idolized the man, but I did admire the hero.

My obsession made me major in History and later get a Master's in Conflict Management. Now, I was applying to one of the biggest companies in the nation: Stark Industries. Now, that was partly because I could not find a job anywhere and someone that I went to college with started working in HR and was able to get me an interview. It didn't have to do with anything pertaining to my degree, but it had been a while before I was able to find a job that paid this well. 

I felt like I was running my sponsor dry with his support and I had applied several times to multiple colleges in the city. I mean I had a freaking Master's degree with intentions of pursuing my Doctorate for crying out loud and the best I could do was be a personal assistant.

I was going to be a secretary. Nothing important, but the pay was more than exceptional. 

Stark Tower was intimidating to say the least. Over 90 floors and reflective glass windows. It hurt my neck to look directly up at it. 

When I walked into the building, security instructed me what floor to go to. When I got there, I was greeted with an empty desk. I waited several minutes downstairs before a strawberry blonde woman with cute freckles came down to greet me. "Hi, you must be the secretary applicant." She smiled. "I'm Pepper Potts. So you're resume here is quite impressive and Harrison in HR highly recommended you."

"Yes, I was so excited when he told me you had a position available."

"Usually, I would be doing the interview, but I'm afraid I have to head out on some other business, so if you want to take the elevator to floor 82, Mr. Stark will be waiting."

"Of course." I said holding a folder that contained all the documents he requested I brought in.

"Hello, Mr. Stark." I greeted.

"You must be Pepper's replacement."

"Oh," I said. "Is she not-"

"She's been made COO." He clarified. "She can't leave that easily."

"Oh, good." I said. "She seemed really sweet."

"To you, yes. To me, I can't do anything. Don't put your life in danger, don't challenge terrorists." He mocked. "She's no fun." He walked further into what I assumed was a common room of sorts. It gave no indication that he lived on that floor. There was a full bar and it looked more of a place he hosted parties. "So tell me a bit about yourself." He began to pour himself a drink. "Something that isn't on your resume."

"Um, well, I'm taking a course in French and Greek right now. Just online classes, nothing too time consuming. I prefer dogs over cats because I think that its important if you die, for your pet to at least be sad and I am the first one in my family to live in New York, that I know of. I'm the first girl to graduate with their Master's. I plan on eventually getting my Doctorate, but not for a while. I don't like hot coffee and I'm terrified of snakes."

"Who would actually prefer cats over dogs?"

"Pepper?" I asked to which he laughed, even though it wasn't that funny.

"I like you." He took a sip of his drink. "It's not liquor. Pepper has this rule that alcohol should only be consumed during certain times of the day."

"I think 9:30 on a Monday is acceptable. I was debating on getting Mimosas after the interview if it went well."

"And if it didn't?" He asked.

"I would say tequila, but I got food poisoning from the limes once."

"Really?" He asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I had about 15 limes and felt terrible the next day."

"I prefer a good scotch myself."

"I like anything that doesn't taste like alcohol. I'm really impressed that a bottle of wine can cost thousands of dollar, but I guarantee it can't be as delicious as a Moscow mule."

"I haven't had a Moscow mule in forever." He said. "They were my go-to in college."

"Where did you go to school?" His response was to point at a wall that was covered in awards and accomplishments. "You went to Andover?" I asked looking at his degree.

"Seven years." He said. "I really liked the science department."

"I've given a few guest lectures there. It's a lovely school."

"What was the topic of discussion?"

"The North African campaign during World War 2, but specifically the Battle of Ramree Island."

"History nerd. Nice." Mr. Stark replied sarcastically when the elevator door dinged. "Speaking of historical nerds."

If my legs could have physically turned into jelly at that moment they would. None other than Steve Rogers walked in with a blonde following dutifully behind. "Tony."

"Capscicle and the ice queen." He whispered too low for them to hear.

"Rogers, meet our new secretary." Tony introduced and started to head toward the elevator.

"It is such an honor, Captain Rogers." I said taking his outstretched hand.

"Please, call me Steve." He insisted. The blonde beside him remained quiet and eyed me up and down with a stoic expression.

"Not that I'm trying to cut you off, but I'll let you two old ladies reminisce on the glory days." Tony clicked the elevator door and waited until it dinged opened. "I have somewhere to be. Congratulations. You got the job. Blah. Blah. Blah. Monday at 9, don't be late." He pressed a button I couldn't see and the doors began to close. "Or do. I really don't care, but if you're late, bring coffee."

"He's..." I began, but couldn't quite pick the right word.

"Arrogant." Steve finished.

"I was going to say interesting." I said.

"So what 'glory days' was Stark referring to?"

"Oh. I gave a few lectures about a few battles at the University he went to. Nothing exciting."

"Well Mrs.-"

"It's just Miss." I said. That was stupid. Why did I say that? That was rude to cut him off like that. "Sorry." I apologized. Why was I apologizing?

"Well, Ma'am. It looks like we'll be seeing you Monday morning. If you're late Tony gets a triple shot of espresso and a disgusting amount of sugar in it."

"Being late isn't really my style. My mother always said if you're not early, you're late." Why was a quoting my zealot mother right now. Jesus, stop it.  Not like Jesus Jesus. You know what, never mind. "I think I can find my way out." I said.

The walk back home I felt my cheeks burn the entire time. I haven't even started and I'm already flustered. Jesus, get a grip.

Suddenly my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was him.

*So how did it go?*

*I got the job* I replied back.

*That's wonderful. I'm so proud of you* I couldn't deny the pride that swelled inside of me at his praise.

*Thank you, although I did make a complete ass out of myself*

*How so?*

*Well, my new boss introduced me to one of his partners and I felt like I made a fool of myself.* I typed. *Not partner in the sexual way, but someone he works with. He called Mrs. and I corrected him and said 'no it's just MIss' like it didn't even matter, he was just being polite. Then I quoted my mother. I was just flustered, but I start Monday.*

C didn't reply after that. We were supposed to have a date tonight so I'm sure he would just finish the conversation later. I had a caprese salad, but ate mostly the mozzarella. I showered, shaved and waited until I got a notification.

 *Sorry. Something came up. Regardless, I think you'll do great.* I smiled at his message, but was disappointment that he was cancelling our date tonight. Well the closest thing we came to date nights which usually ended in me being in an unsavory position.

Initially, C and I met on a chat forum in 2016. I was working on my senior seminar and had sort of an open ended question regarding the war. It was something along the lines of taking the notion that if a war on that scale were to happen in today's world in what ways would American citizens contribute to the war effort at home? Back in the 40s most companies like Ford made strictly military equipment. It was an honor to have a government contract whereas now it's more like any other business deal.

I received a lot of interesting responses, but a user named CR0876 replied that shifting the current American ideal of self-preservation to what we had before which was sacrificing for your country was the only way in which today's America could possibly aid in a war. I messaged CR0876 to further discuss the topic. 

He wrote me: All I am saying is we now live in a day and age where you have people who won't vaccinate their children simply because they choose not to. They don't have an issue with you vaccinating your kids, but not theirs. We eradicated some of the deadliest diseases that are still present in some third-world nations and you have entitled people who don't trust science to preserve the health and well-being of not only their children, but everyone they come in contact with. The reason that our life expectancy has shot up isn't because of ground breaking medical break throughs like chemotherapy, it is for preventative measures. Getting vaccinated. Getting checkups. Wearing sunscreen. Washing your hands after wiping your ass. 

A few minutes later he sent an apology for getting so riled up in his rant and I told him that no apology was needed and I completely agreed with him. From then on our friendship started to blossom. 

Most of our conversations had something to do involving the war, but then it got more personal. I felt comfortable with him. I talked about my time at college and what I was studying. We went from a few messages a week to communicating everyday. Eventually when graduation came around, I offered him a graduation ticket. I was a little disappointed to find out it was too far for him to travel. He asked for my mailing address. That he felt guilty for missing such a big event and he wanted to make it up to me. I was a little apprehensive. I mean, we were taught to never give your stranger your address, but I was an RA in a college dorm. I would be out into the real world soon and he wouldn't know my room number or what I looked like.

So I sent it.

A few weeks passed and I got a pair of beautiful pearl earrings with a card that read. A beautiful girl always needs a set of beautiful pearls. Congratulations on all of your hard work. -C

Four and a half years later and I still have that card. We still talk about the war. I recommend him movies, while he recommends books then we both point on the inconsistencies. It was stupid, but it was fun. Now, I just sort of tell him about my day to day life and he tells me small tidbits about his. It was earlier in 2020 when the pandemic hit that things started to get... well things just changed.

I had just moved to New York in early February to start teaching at a local college. I was going to start with May-mester classes, but then Covid hit and the world stopped. 

I had moved in with little to nothing. I had a few pieces of stuff for the kitchen and a bed. It wasn't much, but it was mine and I was damn proud of it.

My pride was short lived when I got the e-mail. In a panic, I sent him a message.

Hey can you talk?

Sure. What's up?

Is there anyway you can call me? I'm kind of in a bad place right now and I really don't have anyone else to talk to. I felt guilty as soon as I hit the send button. I'm not like going to hurt myself or anything I am just super stressed and if you have the time and energy, I just need to unload some stuff.

Seconds later my phone began to ring.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I took a deep breath. I can't believe this was the first time hearing his voice. It wasn't what I was expecting. I expected almost a pompous scholarly tone in his voice. But instead he was borderline on being batman. His voice was deep.

"They rescinded my offer." I took a deep breath. "I just spent all of my savings literally to move to this stupid freaking city and they told me over an e-mail 'we are sorry to inform you that your offer for employment has been rescinded until further notice due to the impending pandemic and the unforeseeable circumstances it holds. We deeply apologize for the inconvenience and wish you the best in your future endeavors.' They said sorry and good luck." 

There was a pause and I heard him sigh. "Sweetheart, I am so sorry." 

"Thanks." I rubbed the back of my neck. "Looks like that chapter closed before it got any good. I guess I can see if maybe I can do virtual learning for a high school, but I don't know if my degree is enough. I think you need an education degree to teach."

"But you always wanted to teach college..." His disappointment matched mine.

"I know..." I looked down at nearly clear streets of New York. "But I need a job, C." I sighed. "It's either that or call my parents and I would literally rather be homeless than ask them for help."

"How much?"

"What do you mean?"

"How much was your job going to pay you?"

"80k a year starting." I said and felt another wave of nausea wash over me. 80k wasn't much to some, but it was a lot for me and it would be doing something I loved.

"Tell you what, that is about 6 and a half grand a month. I will pay you 7 grand a month if you promise me not to give up."

"What?" I couldn't believe this. "There is absolutely no way I could ever accept that kind of money."

"It's not like I don't have it, Princess." He can't be serious. That's crazy. He never mentioned having money or being well off. 

"And what do you want in return?" The butterflies in my stomach began to churn. God I hope he wasn't wanting to do anything... unethical. "Surely you wouldn't do that just because you want me to be a college professor."

"Nothing." He said. "Absolutely nothing. I just want you to be taken care of and pursue your dream."

"I really can't let you do that."

"It's only temporary." He tried to assure me, but I still felt guilty. 

"C-" He was always so argumentative and authoritative over messaging and he matched it over the phone.

"I promise." He interrupted. "It won't put a dent in my wallet."

"Only until I have a full-time job." I tried to say.

"Until you become a professor."

"No," I said. "As soon as I get a job and can support myself."

"Sweetheart, it's not polite to argue."

"I appreciate it." I said. "I really do."

"So does that make your day a little bit better?" He asked.

"It does."

"Anything else gone wrong you need help fixing?"

"No." I responded and felt like a child and and adult came up to fix the mess I had made.

"Good." I heard him sigh. "I'm glad that was easy to fix and now, that I got you on the phone... it's nice to finally hear your voice."

Chapter Two: Confessions

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #tony stark #marvel #anonymous

[cakepoppresent]

Can You Fight?

Su: Leaving so soon Little man?

Grayson: Oh... yeah I don't want to stay here anymore. I'm leaving with my parents. They just went to get my discharge stuff sorted

Vaughn: Don't stress too much Grayson, things are going to get better

Grayson: Thanks Vaughn, Veronica is actually downstairs with everyone else. She's been really nervous, I'm sure she will be happy to see you

Vaughn: Alright, I'll head out. Don't hesitate to let me know if you need anything

Su: Will you be going back to the dorms?

Grayson: No...my parents have an apartment in the city I'll be there till the semester is over

Su: Are you doing okay?

Grayson: Not really...I thought about what you said and I told Gideon we should take a break

Su: A break?

Su heart explodes with excitement, its happening holy fuck its happening. The universe created this perfect moment. He won't let go of this chance. "Its for the best Grayson, you have to think of your sisters. You wouldn't forgive yourself if something happened to them"

Grayson: I know I know I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to go home either...can you take me out?

Su's head is actually going to explode "Yeah...I'll take you out I'll help you forget. I'll take you anywhere you want to go"

Grayson: Okay...let me talk to my mom and dad"

Brayden and Blair walk in at this moment noticing the closeness between Su and Grayson. Brayden steps forward first "Grayson?"

Grayson: Mom, Dad this is Su, you met him last Winterfest. He brought me to the hospital. I didn't want to go home right now, he's taking me out

Blair: I don't know if that is a good idea, honey. I think it's best if we head home, you've been through something traumatic

Grayson: Mooom!! I don't want to sit at home. I'll be fine I won't stay out too late

Su: I'll take good care of him, Mr. and Mrs. Reeves. You can trust me"

Grayson: So it's settled! Su and I are leaving I'll be home later tonight! Let's go, Su!" Grayson drags Su out of the room and they are gone in an instant

Brayden: I don't like that boy

Blair: You don't like anyone

Brayden: Let's go. I need to speak with Gideon

Blair: Don't scare the poor boy

Vaughn: Hey Princess. Hey Sams. How are you guys holding up

Veroinca: This is the worst! It was obviously Alaia and Gideon's grandparents. I'm going to find her an-

Vaughn: And do what? Beat her up? Can you fight?

Veroinca: Well...no...but" "Let's put some trust in Gideon. I'm sure he is handling it

Sams: Vaughn is right Veronica. Let's not make things worse. I believe in Gideon. He has been in love with Grayson since forever.

Veroinca: Can't I at least slap her

Sams: No!

Veroinca: Tsk...If I see her I'm slapping her"

Vaughn's reply is cut short when he gets tackled from behind

Xaiver: Vaughn! I missed you! it's so boring in Windenburg

Vaughn: Oh man, You're getting heavier. What are they feeding you over there?

Xavier: Let's go out! I have so much to tell you! My mom said I could stay for the summer

Vaughn: Let's all go out. My treat

Xavier: I want steak!

Vaughn: What's a little dude like you doing eating steak

Xavier: How else am I supposed to grow strong and big

Vaughn: Whatever you say Little Dude"

#my sims #sims 4 #sims 4 screenshots #sims 4 gameplay #sims #sims 4 creator #sims 4 legacy #sims 4 maxis match #thereevesfamily #i love Vaughn and Xavier realtionship so much #they are so cute

[ghosttownwherenoonegoes]

What’s your favorite thing about Eddie?

So, so many things.

I love that he's the person I needed the most when I was in school; I was most definitely a lost sheepie and in many ways, I do feel like I'm still looking for Eddie. I was bullied for fifteen years - literally from the day I started pre-school right up until I graduated sixth form college about a decade ago - and I love that he's the person I needed back then. There's some catharsis in loving him now as I look back on my teenage self. I love the way he welcomes and accepts people, the way he meets them where they are and doesn't judge them, unless they give him a reason not to. And if that's the case, then he'll judge them before they can judge him. He's kind right up until he isn't and he gives as good as he gets in all ways. I love him for knowing when to speak up and when to put down the hatches and settle in for the ride. I love him for becoming the very person he needed when he was younger; there's a quiet strength in that. And we all know that Uncle Wayne taught him how to do that!🥺

I love his clothes, his taste in music - it's very similar to mine. Ozzy was my first love, I remember throwing absolute tantrums if mum turned off one of his songs before it finished. I have video footage of me at three years old dancing to Mr Crowley, wearing an "Ozzy" tophat and wriggling my little body as much as I could, grinning. As an adult, if Ozzy doesn't make me smile, it's a serious red flag towards the state of my mental health. I fall asleep every night listening to a Black Sabbath album (usually Master of Reality) and I will not sleep if I don't have Ozzy playing. I love that Eddie would vibe so hard with that and he and I would get to bond over Ozzy. If Eddie ever dated me, he'd have to agree to 'share' me - if he wants one more kiss, then I get one more Ozzy song before we get out of the van. Take it or leave it, Munson.😂

I love Eddie's bravery. He'll shout, swear, call it stupid, all three all at once, but he will do it anyway because it's right. He'll do it, but he's gonna let the world know he doesn't want to and I love that so much. His perseverance, his loyalty to his friends and his uncle, his ability to endure a fucking man-hunt but still being kind, still cracking jokes... his genuine want to graduate, his love of D&D, his passion and devotion, creativity, imagination, determination, compassion and emotional intelligence, his perceptiveness, his gentility, his humour, his ability to read someone with a look and know what they need from him and the way he'll give it to them if he can. His tirades and his ability to listen to an eight minute song and master playing it in just eighteen days around all the other things I just mentioned. I love his voice and the way he speaks with his hands.

I love Eddie's internal and external beauty but most of all, most of all, I love Eddie Munson because he's Eddie. My sweet angel baby.

Eddie being who he is, is everything to me. I strive every day to be someone he'd love and be proud of. He (and his dad) have genuinely stopped me from quitting university at least five times each, and that's just last semester. I am leaning and clinging and loving.💕

#eddie munson

[aerodaltonimperial]

19. Talking late into the night

(Platonic JungleHook, just...testing a brainrot AU idea...content warning for some implied inappropriate teacher/student behavior)

"Hook."

Hook ignores it. His pillow is soft, and the asshole upstairs has finally turned his death metal off, and Hook's eyelids are heavy and lowering, and—

"Hook, come on, I know you're not asleep. You aren't snoring."

"Fuck off," Hook groans, flipping over onto his back. "What is so god damn important that it can't wait until morning?"

"I'm failing Chem," Jack says from the other bed, only barely visible with the light of the street lamp outside filtering in.

Hook sighs, running his hands over his face. "So you've got half the semester left to get your shit together."

Jack gets quiet for a few seconds. Then, lower, he says, "Professor Cage...did that thing again."

That wakes Hook straight up. "What?"

"I don't know that it's really a thing, okay, I think I'm just taking it weird, and—"

"Jack, you need to report this to Student Services."

"What is there to report? He isn't doing anything...directly."

"Dude." Hook rolls onto his shoulder, facing across the room. "You're failing Chem because your professor is a creep. You need to go to the Dean. Or at least your advisor."

"I don't want this to be a big weird thing," Jack tries, and it's weak. "But since I'm failing, he says I have to come in for tutoring—"

"Fuck, no, Jack." Hook is halfway up and out of his bed, reaching for the light switch.

"Don't turn the light on!" Jack exclaims. He sounds panicked. "I can't...I can't talk about this with the lights on."

Hook stops his hand in mid-air. "Okay." He gets that. "Okay. Jack, don't do that. That's a recipe for assault. Do not go to him for tutoring."

"I have to pass this class."

"Yeah, well we find another option. Get a different tutor."

Jack sighs. "You offering?"

"I barely made it through Chem, and I didn't have a lecherous professor breathing down my neck." Hook lays back down. "Just...find the person with the highest score in the class. Ask them."

"How am I supposed to know who has the highest score in the class?"

"I dunno, find the person with the nerdiest glasses and start there. Pocket protector. Really big backpack."

"You have a really big backpack," Jack points out.

"Whatever, bad example. Or ask your TA for some names. Do something that isn't walking into the set-up for a Dateline news story."

Jack is silent again. Hook can hear him breathing. Then he says, "Okay, fine."

"I'm gonna find this Professor Cage and punch him out," Hook says, seriously.

"Yeah, have fun getting arrested. Again."

"Wasn't fun the first time, thanks. I wouldn't get caught. I'd sneak in after hours while he's grading and knock his lights out."

Jack snorts. "Have a nice time with that. I'll just find a new tutor. It can't be that hard, right?"

Hook is already imagining the scenario where he strings the creepy old guy up from his feet and hangs him from the ceiling with a sign taped to his forehead that reads LIKELY SEXUAL PREDATOR. "Huh? Oh, yeah. You'll be fine."

"Okay." Jack yawns. "Night, Hook."

"Mm. Night, Jack."

But it takes a long while for Hook to go to sleep, and he stares up at the ceiling while Jack’s breathing evens out, deepening, wondering if his dad will be furious or proud if Hook got charged with beating up a man who is preying on his roommate.

#tag so you don't lose this shit

[is-this-a-sideblog]

I am so fucking sick of Tubi and yet at the same time so grateful, so now everyone gets to hear about it:

Hogfather, which I look for every other month when my Terry Pratchett obsession gets out of hand, is on Tubi. How long has it been on there? No clue. I don't believe it was there the last time I searched for it. Unless I'm thinking of Colour of Magic...

The 1999 remake of House on Haunted Hill is on Tubi. I love Vincent Price, so I've seen the original. When The King's Speech got me checking out Geoffrey Rush, I wanted to watch this movie. Searched everywhere, but I wasn't willing to rent or buy it. That was over a year ago, so I can't really complain toooo much.

The Frighteners is now on Tubi. I know for a fact that it wasn't there about a month ago because I was so far down the Jeffrey Combs rabbithole that I bought the damn movie on YouTube! And since my journey began on Tubi with Reanimator, I combed (haha) through all of the things they had with him. Ranging from Dr.Mordid to Evil Clergyman to an episode of a horror show that had him as Edgar Allen Poe.

The James Stewart movie Bell, Book, and Candle as of 10/29 has three days left on Tubi. I like Stewart, or at least lightheartedly joking about Stewart, so I need to get on that. I took a gender studies class last semester which had a reading that mentioned that movie. I get it, it's an old film where the woman gives up her powers for a man. If it has Jimmy Stewart I'll watch it at least once.

I know you can't really tell, but I would sacrifice my first born if it meant saving Tubi should anything happen to it.

Not only am I a film major and they have a great catalog of movies for my class, but they also have so many shows and movies I am interested in. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that I use it more than the streaming services I actually pay for. I just wanted to rant for a sec. :)

#hogfather #terry pratchett #jeffrey combs #reanimator #dr. mordid #evil clergymen #james stewart #house on haunted hill #vincent price #tubi #tubi tv #geoffrey rush #jimmy stewart #idk why im taggin all of this you dont care

[thorfemmes]

Hiiii! Im here cause i am enabled ! 😈 This one of the many ask i will be sending xD so how about eddie with a pluz size new girl ( i love this trope) who seems to be unfazed about yhe rumor and tried to be friend him cause after she saw how the others treat eddie she decided theyre jerks and decided she would be friends with the hellfire club and eddie cause theyre nice. She comes befriending them looking all cutesie and preppy then the next day she comes to them all decked out in goth/punk outfit. She has a wide range of aesthetic and doesnt care what people say ( at least she wont let them see it gets to her sometimes) i hope this is ok

hi! thank you for the ask<3 I can't sleep so you get this little blurb while I'm on vacation lmao

I hope you enjoy!

"And this is the cafeteria!" said the perky student council member, Kathleen.

You had just transferred to Hawkins High in the middle of the Fall semester. A long way away from home, you were a bit nervous to be starting fresh, but Kathleen -the student council member that had been assigned to help you find your way around and has been softening the stressful blow of your first day.

"Most of us have unassigned assigned seats, but you can sit wherever you'd like. You're more than wel-".

Shouts and laughter from across the room interrupted Kathleen. You followed the sound and landed on a small sea of black and white t-shirts and lots of hair. You watched in curiosity as a young man with a long mane dramatically relayed something to the rest of his group.

Kathleen looked on in disgust. "Don't mind them, that's just the freak table. As I was saying, you're more than welcome to come sit with me and my friends. We're very open to new people, promise!" And with that she left to her table.

The so-called "freak" table held your attention as you grabbed your lunch tray and waited in line. You were so distracted that you accidentally bumped into the boy in front of you. Taking a deep breath, you slowly made your way across the cafeteria to the freak table.

Hugging your tray close, you slowly approached the table. "Hi, I'm Y/N, would it be okay if I sat here?"

The entire table fell silent, gawking at you as if you had two heads.

"I promise I'm friendly!" You started. "I just thought you guys looked kind of cool. Fuck the "freak" label, right?" You cringed inwardly at the use of the word.

The longhaired boy finally broke the silence, clearing his throat and standing up and shooing a curly haired boy away to make room next to him. "Of course, m'lady," He bowed with a flourish.

You let out a small huff of laughter, setting your tray down and adjusting your skirt before sitting down.

"I'm Eddie, pleased to make your acquaintance". He went around the table introducing everyone. "So, what's a pink princess like yourself sitting over here with us? I'm sure the preppy counsel member warned you about us".

"I don't normally listen to rumors. And besides, your table looked the most entertaining by far. The cafeteria here is kinda dead without the ruckus you've caused".

Eddie grinned back at you.

From then on you held a permanent spot at the Hellfire table, your bright colored clothes a stark change from the darker clothes worn by the boys. Of course, your presence at the table placed a target on your back. Jocks and preps alike had approached you more than once to try and sway you away from the Hellfire Club before giving up and turning their backs on you. They hurled insults and threw wadded up balls of paper at you like the rest of the club, but it never deterred you. The boys at the table were nice and incredibly welcoming. Especially Eddie. The boy had gone out of his way to make you feel welcomed, escorting you to classes (even when he planned on skipping that period), hanging out with you after school on days he didn't have a campaign to run, and even split his lunch with you -often trading your carton of milk for whatever cheap brand of cookies he bought that day (you insisted it wasn't a fair trade, he insisted he didn't care). Everything was calm and peaceful until one day when you decided to shake it up a bit.

You had a wide range of clothes, who didn't? Anyone who stuck to one specific look was kinda boring in your opinion. So when you came into school wearing a pair of ripped black jeans, a well loved band tee, and a pair of Doc Martin boots heads turned at the speed of light. A stark change from your normal pinks, yellows, and blues, you felt confident until one of the jocks -Jason, was it? -stepped up to you at your locker.

"Did the freaks finally get to you, Y/N? You used to look like such a good girl, what happened?"

You scoffed. "You know, people can wear whatever clothes they want without it meaning anything. And don't talk about my friends like that, they're not freaks".

He took a step closer to you, all but cornering you into the corner where your locker was. "And what are you planning on doing about it, freak?" He spat. "Run and cry to the other losers in your little club? Fucking creeps".

Before you could respond a heavy hand landed on Jason's shoulder, making the boy flinch.

"Is there a problem here?" Eddie asked gruffly.

"Not at all freak, just having a friendly conversation with our Y/N here".

You looked at Eddie who looked ready to pounce at your command. "It's not worth it Eds, just let it go".

"Yeah, listen to your little bitch, it's not worth it," Jason grinned, knowing he was riling the other boy up.

Eddie shoved Jason into a locker. "Hey! Watch your fucking mouth Jason". He caught the stare of a teacher who began walking over to the small tiff. "You're lucky Mrs. Leoda is coming over, otherwise you'd have been toast, Jason". Eddie gave him one final shove before grabbing your hand and dragging you away from the corner you had found yourself in.

Turning down an empty hall, Eddie let his eyes greedily linger over you. Your tight t-shirt and black fishnets underneath had his mouth watering.

"You look amazing, doll".

You felt your face warm. "Thanks Eds. Figured I'd switch it up a bit, yeah?"

He let out a small laugh. "Well, switch it up a bit more. You'll have me chasing after you like a little school boy".

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x plus size reader #stranger things fic #stranger things #writing #ask

[astxrwar]

i care about quentin beck so much please keep telling us about your thoughts and ideas. i am so totally not normal about him, he just has so much potential!! i adored your third chapter of ties that bind, i love the way you write him and you have such a way with words. its just very well done and im so glad there’s at least one other person on this planet who thinks about him <3

AHHHH THANK U ILY we can be deranged about him together <3

rn i'm working on chapter 4 (which is already at fucking 7k! that's not even counting the like 4k+ miscellaneous stuff I already have written that will go in later chapters!!! im on such a writing bender rn it's insane)

manic brain puke (SO MUCH OF IT. SORRY!!! i have the normal amount of thoughts.jpeg) about the details below the cut if you're interested

buttt basically premise is there are a few scenes covering from like december to about march, next semester stuff, etc, some Plot Details (for once! lmao) about trying to figure out PhD stuff that will be Relevant later on and then when you have to stay late again in like. march. right before spring break when banner's off at a conference in toronto for two days you end up forgetting your apartment keys in his office so they're like. locked in there until he gets back. anyway basically all alternative plans end up not working out and you end up just going with quentin to his apartment which you both are sure (well HE is sure, you're less sure than you are Determined lmao. you are both fucking Wrong) will change things exactly Zero Percent.

(spoilers. it does actually change things a non-zero-percent. are you,,, perhaps,,, friends now??? unthinkable)

anyway my thoughts are basically 1. atp you guys finally exchange phone numbers 2. you both realize actually hooking up in somebody's apartment (either of yours) is way better than hooking up on the sly in the bio building and then 3. your hot water boiler goes out in may and you end up there AGAIN for like a WEEK and stuff changes MORE and then 4. there starts to be some light angst and like. non-platonic feelings on both ends. shit starts to get messy because you start thinking about doing your dissertation in stark's lab and quentin is like. "absolutely fucking not and no I won't explain why <3" because of course they have beef.

quentin did his postdoc under tony in this au lol. he hates him because tony fucked up a patent for something quentin invented during the postdoc and it lost him a lot of money; obviously tony is stupid fucking rich (he owns and funds an entire university! insanely rich) but quentin is Not so it like. kind of irreparably broke their relationship. tony feels Bad and that's why 1. quentin is tenured despite being technically too young and gets paid a stupid amount for academia; like at least 100k. 2. he's not required to take on undergraduate researchers in his lab (a hassle, requires lots of teaching, usually a requirement for academic research) and 3. doesn't technically have to take on PhD students either. but he does not really tell you any of this explicitly, the details kind of just come together over time, and he definitely does not say why the thought of you joining stark's lab has him being like "absolutely fucking not lmao". a big part of it is that quentin is like... aware that tony just kind of Collects smart people (like him, bruce banner, basically the entire staff + his PhD students and postdocs) and in quentin's stupid little emotionally stunted baby brain he's like "he can't have this one!!!! this one is mine,,, >:((" and does he communicate this at all? no! mans is pathologically allergic to normal emotional availability sldkfsd

so despite historically avoiding taking on PhD researchers he's like. I will let you do your work in my lab if you don't go join stark's lab. But then the issue becomes like... dude you can't be my PhD advisor, we're fucking. that's not allowed. even just fucking your PI (lab manager basically) is a massive no-no and if it got out it would bring into question the reliability of literally all of your research (the fact aside that Quentin would never lie about science for anything. even for love. fuck that shit the way that he cares about people is by absolutely tearing their work to pieces not by pretending bad science is good. literally why he bothers you all the fucking time That's How He Cares It's Incredibly Dysfunctional but i digress) but i'm imagining that it's not really explicitly outlawed in the official code of ethics because it's tony stark's university lmao. He Is A Whore i'm sure he's fucked a lot of his PhD students/postdocs/etc. (Im thinking of having quentin and tony maybe have a past history when he did his postdoc. bisexual quentin supremacy. but also because it adds another layer to the whole "i do not want you to be around him At All" because he knows that tony is functionally incapable of having normal relationships with students. it's the ways that they are very similar but also very different etc etc) basically it becomes a whole deeply emotionally fraught Mess. bruce banner agrees to still be your PhD advisor despite you not doing work in his lab which is uncommon but not unheard of, but it's still like. either you and Quentin need to Stop Fucking or you need to agree that you're never going to have a bad breakup (I say this as if it's even a mutually agreed upon relationship and not just two morons incapable of admitting they care about each other) because it would absolutely ruin both your careers. angst(TM)

I probably will not make it an unhappy ending because I hate those. I have no idea how I'm going to end it though tbh

#THANK U FOR INDULGING ME LSDLSJFJSDLFJSF #ask #ties that bind meta #THIS GOT REALLY LONG SORRY I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS

[lonelymountainmonkey]

How am i doing (socially)

Well things have started getting better id say atleast compared to previous years (since moving to uni). I think the root of the issue was starting uni during covid, the study hall had a limited amount of spots(not that i went there either way) and lectures were digital so didnt really meet anyone, in the second year i went to the study hall maybe once or twice and talked to a guy id met in the first week. He's there most days and has gotten to know most of the people who go there. I talk a bit with some of them but nothing big. Now in the third year ive spent some more time in the study ahll and again realize everyone has formed social groups that ill never be a part of since i didnt spend time around when tehy formed. Dont get me wrong theyre nice people who ill talk to when we meet, but then it goes into discussion amongst them of whether theyre going out tonight or to a specific party that weekend and hte realization that i probably know all the people at the party yet wont get invited hits. If i had been a bit less weak when it came to getting out of the fucking bed and just showing up and talking to people i couldve had a functioning social life. I have however started to fix things thru volunteer work. I started working at a studnet bar and the people there are nice. I get along with most of them and have gotten quite drunk with a lot of the as well (thats gotta count for something socially), but i still find a lot of things missing thru those interactions as well. Mainly the whole non-party social things. They talk about meeting with friends for dinners or celebrating birthdays and i can remember the last time I did either of those. Most days the only interaction I'll have with a person is a phone call with my mom and the cashier asking if I need a bag for my groceries (if I even go to the store). I have gone days without speaking to anyone several times and normally I'm content with my own company, but there is still a yearning for something more. Last semester I participated in the biweekly pub-quizes at my faculty's bar alone. I did get a second place once but I can't even get anyone to come do a pub quiz. Now I'll get into a part which I rarely discuss although it always gets brought up at family meetings, how is dating going? Simple answer, it's not. I have never in my life been to something that could qualify as a date. Its been over three years since last I had sex or kissed someone. I've tried tinder, I've tried bumble it doesn't fucking work. There is nothing. Maybe there is something to the whole arranged marriage (there isnt, but you gotta let a man joke in his ramblings). I'm no Ryan gosling (even tho he is literally me), but I don't think I'm ugly either. I like to think that I'm at least sorta funny, and sometimes I know things. I realize that none of those last two really come thru in online dating, but I can't just show up to a bar alone and start hitting on all the girls there (still a bit of self respect left, also a bit socially anxious). Which means that I'll either hope something magically appears from my non-existent normal social interactions or that they set me up with a friend or that it doesn't change...

#hali's hour

[paintalyx]

my father sure loves to give me shit for not clearing all my exams from last year. fuck man, i don't like having 14 courses to pass with a job and at least one chronic health condition on the side either, and i could have probably done better if i had more time and energy and if college administration didn't screw me over on five separate occasions, but i don't feel that bad about it at all. i did my best. paying for another year is gonna be a bit challenging, but not impossible. i'm quite optimistic about the next semester in spite of his nagging

#my stuff #alyx's bachelor's degree quest #i say at least one but i hope that my next visit to the doctor will give me something to work with in regards to pains i've had

[forwantofacalling]

hi bestie, i want to know your opinions for that lab partner/elevator/employee trainer ask game! you don't have to answer all/any of these but. i am so curious hehe

jing yuan, fu xuan, qinque

march 7th, dan heng, stelle/caelus

aak, hung, waai fu

furina, neuvillette, arlecchino

oh this is so funny okay

fuck/marry/kill except its get them randomly assigned as your lab partner for a whole semester, get trapped with them on a broken elevator for ten hours, or they’re your employee trainer for your new job at McDonalds

jing yuan/fu xuan/qingque:

first order of business i dont trust qingque in the lab OR in a kitchen so into the elevator she goes. I'd love to say jing yuan for that one because then i could probably just take a nap for the full ten hours but hey she can teach me how to play celestial jade or something. at least there's nothing to set on fire.

fu xuan and jing yuan is honestly a toss-up based on how much fu xuan cares about the task. she would be so very insufferable but i trust her to get the job done when it matters...that probably means I'd perfer her as a lab partner. honestly not a bad option ive probably had worse partners than her. at least she'd do her half of the report.

that leaves jing yuan to teach me how to work a frier. sure, i'd let him do that. he'd probably teach me the ropes and then come to work like 30 minutes late and once in a blue moon. i wouldnt be killing myself with any of the machinery though so i think thats a win.

march 7th/dan heng/stelle

i would let dan heng do any of these things. so the real question is with the other two.

...I'm not letting stelle in the kitchen. im also not letting march in the lab. she would drink the chemicals and i would be responsible. come to think of it i shouldn't let stelle in the lab either. shit. that leaves me with her in the elevator.

that's probably fine. its a closed metal box. i trust my ability to deal with stelle more when its not around dangerous tools or chemicals.

dan heng would get me an A in every lab no questions asked. he'd be the guy i never talk to outside of class and we'd speak in like five word sentences max but i'm not failing unless hell freezes over. he's probably actaully interested in the material too. 10/10 please introduce me an archiving job pleeeeeaseee

i want march to be able to cook. i think that would be cute. let her teach me how to stack a hamburger in the most aesthetic way i would absolutely let her do that. i would pose for her instagram stories. I would listen to her gossip. this job would never get boring.

aak/hung/waai fu

easy. hung mcdonalds, waai fu elevator, aak lab partner. now hear me out.

hung can cook so fucking well that if hes in somewhere as close as a mcdonalds im sure as HELL jumping for the chance to learn from him. also hes so goddamn nice. and strong. he can do handiwork and also beat the shit out of assholes i dont see any issue with this. 10/10.

waai fu is just friend shaped have you heard that girl talk i wanna be her friend. we would be so chill in that elevator yessss tell me all about your deadbeat dad and your found family i hope you kick that man's ass one day. good for you!!!! also she would let me take a nap without disturbing me. hung would too. honestly she and hung are interchangable i just worry that waai fu would end up being sued for punching someone during customer service.

okay look being lab partners with aak sounds like a terrible idea this boy is a genius pharm student who acts like a litearl child and would absolutely stab me in my sleep with a concoction from his mad scientist lab. BUT. he's a genius pharm student. as long as i DO ALL THE WORK and he agrees to answer my questions we're fine. we're fine. also i have his entire family on speed dial if that syringe gun gets anywhere near me waai fu would have him in headlock in two seconds flat sir i am calling your DAD.

furina/neuvilette/arlecchino

i feel like im being called out for not playign the fontaine quests yet 😭😭😭i only have a vague impression of what these guys are like pleaseee

furina i do NOT want to be stuck in an elevator with. i dont want to be in a closed space with arlecchino either. i feel like theres a good chance i would be fucking dead in the first two hours. or incredibly annoyed. ill take neuvilettte. this guy is fine. talk to me about water for 10 hours id listen.

now the question is who's mentee do i want to be. I feel like i should refuse arlecchino just on principle of whatever shes got going on with the siblings. she can be my lab partner. as long as we dont talk about anything except the work and she doesnt freaking kill me for messing anything up i think i'd survive. once the semester is over i can book it out of there. if furina was my lab partner i think the teacher would HATE us and i'd be dead by glitterbomb explosion by the second week.

that leaves furina at mcdonalds. i would not enjoy this and i would also not learn anything but its the lesser of three evils. i love furina but if i had to deal with her in real life i don't think there would be any way to win. i would just have to have her dragon on speed dial.

[yharnam]

akechi, fyodor, dazai, and izaya for the character meme. :)

so many... akechi

favorite thing about them: there's too many things but it's his tenacity and how he refuses to change himself for other people in the end (ie 3rd semester) for me babey!!

least favorite thing about them: fanon pancakes xD

favorite line: “I’m going to be entirely honest with you, I hate you.”

brOTP: makoto and akechi... i just think they'd have the stupidest intellectual conversations about morality and justice that i'd subscribe to

OTP: do i really gotta say it

nOTP: idk how people ship him and yoshizawa but absolutely no thanks

random headcanon: despite hating sweets, he perfectly curates his social media with date spot sweets and makes sure the other seat is always empty so that he can better appeal to his fanbase and look available as a celebrity. it's incredibly annoying for him to put in the effort, but he really is meticulous with it

unpopular opinion: akechi isn't a bad character, you all just hate the people with "scary" mental illnesses

song i associate with them: flight of the crows - jhariah

favorite picture of them: i can't find my favorite favorite but this is a runner-up by kaninn

fyodor

favorite thing about them: how incredibly intelligent he is.... look at that little guy go. look at the prison chapters where he's just talking with dazai in code that they both made up on the spot.

least favorite thing about them: i can't think of anything beyond the fact that his eng VA annoys me. that's how much i'm in love with this little rat man

favorite line: “I am crime. I am punishment. Crime and punishment are close friends. Borders vanish. Rooms awaken. The incarnation of death, the master of the ability-consuming fog… Eat, howl, and make violence as your instinct desires. This is neither a loss of control nor a singularity.”

brOTP: fyogolsig. we love two maniacs and a tired casino owner shenanigans

OTP: fyozai.... let me talk to you for the next twelve years why fyozai is the only perfect bsd shi

nOTP fyoran. don't see the fandom appeal

random headcanon: he has to get iron replacement injections for severe anemia or else he's just a useless little bag of bones in his bed for a long while. idiot. stupid.

unpopular opinion: i think fyodor is probably the most underrated villain of the series because people really sleep on him compared to how they treat members of the port mafia, or treat him like just an underling of fukuchi -__-

song i associate with them: l'inverno op. 8 no.4 in f minor 1. allegro - vivaldi

favorite picture of them: OKAY LISTEN IT'S NOT ARTWORK BUT I GO GOOGOO GAGA OVER THIS SCENE IN DEAD APPLE EVERY FUCKING TIME IT'S MY FAVORITE!!!!

dazai

favorite thing about them: he's such a fucking snake? like this man is on x games mode when it comes to his true agenda at all times. things just LINE UP to where they work out with the ADA for the most part, but he still has so many threads from his before life that he pulls whenever he needs to

least favorite thing about them: boiled down to either a part of a ship or teehee suicide joke by both canon and fanon ALL the time

favorite line: "If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions, where you’re exposed to violence and death, instinct and desire, you can brush against man’s true nature. I thought that way I could find a reason to live somehow."

brOTP: kunidazai... i just think they're funny little guys. :)

OTP: i can't say my true otp so i'll just say fyozai because i like them too!

nOTP: dazai and ranpo. i just cannot fucking stand it because of someone.

random headcanon: now that he has an actual apartment, dazai keeps an eclectic amount of collections from his interests. books, letter openers, handheld torture devices, little 100 yen gachapon figures. it's not to the level of hoarding, but it's much more than the normal level of collecting that your average person would have

unpopular opinion: dazai has a comorbid cluster b personality disorder but you're all too cowardly to admit that

song i associate with them: a mask of my own face - lemon demon

favorite picture of them: https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/4657637

izaya

favorite thing about them: i'm realizing i hate this question because there's never really just one thing. i love how he he tangents and how he loves to hear himself talk, and i love how he power trips without ever fully going to a place where he can't recover from a blunder

least favorite thing about them: his hairline... he's gonna be bald by 40

favorite line: listen... this isn't a direct quote from him but ABOUT him but it's my favorite thing that just explains him so well: “He may seem cold-blooded, but he is more human and his heart more brittle than anybody else’s, so much so that if you filled it with human love or betrayal, it would break easily, which is why, I think, he chose from the beginning to avoid it all, to love humanity, you understand? Not to accept, not to face it. To avoid it.”

brOTP: kadota and izaya!! i think they're pretty chill

OTP: shinzaya bc i can't say my other otp....

nOTP: there's only very certain instances i will even look at shizaya because of the fandom. and fanon shizaya ain't it.

random headcanon: izaya collects different scents of cologne that he gets as gifts from ~ certain ~ clientele, and will use it when he wants to impress. his favorite scents are usually ones with high fruit tones but nothing too aggressive that the subtlety can't speak for itself

unpopular opinion: i think people in the fandom are incapable of seeing izaya as either this troll character with very little substance besides being a nuisance or being a cocksleeve for shizuo when he's actually an integral pivot for most everyone's character development in the series because of his meddling and the SEVERAL strings that he has to pull at any given time.

song i associate with them: cotards solution - will wood and the tapeworms

favorite picture of them: unfortunate source but it's from the doujin ABBERANCE!!

#ask game #askies #this took forever wah #long post