My school is starting to feel like a secret mental asylum and they can’t tell us that it’s a mental asylum because if they do we’ll all go double insane
Mockbuster turned content for me to laugh hysterically at
Bad CGI
The Kraken?
A T-Rex or like... misshapen velociraptor? (Jurassic Park's Bad Batch)
A mech dragon
The WORST dialogue I've ever seen
At least Holmes and Watson had production value. There was effort, it just sucked. THIS HOWEVER IS AN ATROCITY. Only like one other adaptation has made me lose it and that was Sherlock Holmes and The Shadow Watchers but even then the plot made goddamn sense there. It was bad but there was plot.
Sherlock was lil tho which was funnier than it should have been. Also he was unbelievably soft spoken which ruined it a wee bit
Look at this thing. What is-? WHY? IT H O P S
this woman is a fuckin robot. and the dude is just a sucky Mycroft. He blames Lestrade for getting him shot??? As if Mycroft would ever be a cop??? What??
Also his name is Thorpe... Yea Thorpe.
The woman's name is Anesidora Ivory, which is giving me serious Ebony D'arkness Dementia Ravenway vibes (doesn't help she's goth and not human).
As for Watson... He yells a lot. At inappropriate times sometimes too. Please help him.
Also there's a prostitute named Miss Pinchcock.
She's my favorite <3
Also Old Watson is telling this story in 1940s during the bombings of London and apparently NOBODY BUT HIM remembered a FLYING METAL DRAGON SETTING FIRE TO LONDON
Sherlock is dead and cant confirm this for obvious reasons
Mrs Hudson's granddaughter is telling the story i guess? But she DOESNT GET A NAME?
Please put peepaw John and this movie down for a nap
“And once again to marry below his station in life.” Sherlock bit on his pipe stem and puffed hard, frowning—most likely because he found it distasteful to talk with a female, me, about such a sensitive topic as matrimonial union. “Enola, has it occurred to you to wonder why he wed Flossie Glover, no matter how pretty and talented she was, when he could have had…” Apparently overcome with delicacy, he failed to complete the sentence.
I endeavored to complete it for him. “When he could have had any available woman from scullery maid to maid of honour. I would respond that he is the sort of man who considers women fungible.”
His eyebrows shot up. “I beg your pardon?”
"Fungible. Interchangeable, one much the same as another, like cattle or clothespins or checkers on a board. Our mother taught me the word to describe a certain kind of womanizer. [...] I daresay the reason Lord Cadogan did not marry a titled woman was that a woman of rank, with a powerful family, would have been much more difficult to discard when he tired of her.”
From Enola Holmes and The Black Barouche by Nancy Springer
So stoked that Sherlock Holmes is trending on the day I finally get to show my trash movie buds the Asylum Studios version where he looks 12 and fights a velociraptor. It is the best version
Okay, maybe I'm just stupid, but I'm surprised how much shit Ben Syder, (the guy who plays Sherlock in the Asylum's Sherlock Holmes) gets. Like, yeah, he's not spectacular. He's not giving Jeremy Brett or Basil Rathbone a run for their money, but he's fine. He's kind of dweeby, but he's trying and he's having fun. He's putting in more than a movie about Sherlock Holmes fighting robot dinosaurs needs. I wish him the best.
It’s been days and I’m still thinking about the Sherlock Holmes movie I watched that had a dinosaur, a dragon and every shot of Sherlock and only Sherlock was treated like he was the woman in a Jane Austin Movie. Why was Ianto from Torchwood in it?
Just for fun (I sometimes have a bizarre notion of what constitutes "fun"), I've been watching the Asylum Pictures "mockbuster" called Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes, which came out the year after Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes film. In case you didn't know, Asylum is the film company that brought us the Sharknado films, among other bizarre offerings. So it's not like I expected any sort of quality from the film, but it was on Hoopla Digital, which is a service through our local library that enables users to check out digital entertainment for a limited time. Still, as bad films go, this one exceeded my expectations, by which I mean, it's worse than I could have imagined.
Sherlockian Wednesday Watchalongs:
AWFUL APRIL 2023—”Never Work with Children or Animals”
IT’S THAT THING WE KEEP DOING FOR SOME REASON! SERIOUSLY, THIS IS THE 9TH YEAR. BUT WHY?!
All Wednesday watchalong gatherings start at 8:30 pm US Eastern time. (Convert to your local time here.)
Wednesday, April 5
Young Sherlock: Mystery of the Manor House (1982) Episodes 2 & 3
It’s a double threat: boring and weird!
Wednesday, April 12
Sherlock Bones: Undercover Dog (1994)
I’m pretty sure this is the 10th time y’all have made me watch this movie even though you know what it does to me. But don’t worry—it’s not like I’m planning my revenge or anything.
Wednesday, April 19
Baby Geniuses 3: Mystery Of The Crown Jewels (2013)
I LIED, THIS IS TOTALLY MY REVENGE!!!11!1!!!!1!
Wednesday, April 26
The Asylum’s Sherlock Holmes, aka dino Holmes (2010)
Store brand Iron Man and Small Wonder face off against Bob and Mr. Mini-Vest. (And if that makes sense to you, you may’ve been doing Awful April too long.)
BONUS: Special Awful April squares have been added to our custom watchalong bingo game! (Just type /bingo and Hudders will give you a link to get a card.)
ALSO: If this is either too much or not enough awful for you, stay tuned for our first-ever Mediocre May!
Here’s the deal: Like Sherlock Holmes? You’re welcome to join us in The Giant Chat of Sumatra’s #giantchat text channel to watch and discuss with us. Just find a copy of the episode or movie we’re watching, and come make some goofy internet friends.
Keep an eye on my #the giant chat of sumatra tag and the calendar for updates on future chat events.
the Dracula/Sherlock Holmes crossover I want to see is the one where Simmons the asylum attendant wants Holmes to investigate how the patient he was monitoring was killed, and why his boss and the weird foreign doctor who was visiting covered it up. We talk about which characters know they're in Dracula but that guy was in a locked-room mystery and he never got to find out the answer.
If you’ve followed my blog for awhile, you know that I like Valentine’s Day - by which I mean the kid’s version, with cupcakes and candy hearts and classroom exchanges of little valentine cards (and not the Valentine’s Day of Expensive and Unrealizable Romantic Expectations.)
So over the years my obsessive little fingers have repurposed a bunch of my own fanart to create an unruly fuckton of Little Valentine Cards. ❤️ I have been doing this since 2015. So there are a boatload.🚢
They come in several flavors: Sherlock, Victorian!lock, Punklock, Granada Holmes, Asylum Holmes, Enola Holmes, James Bond and kid-friendly cute animals.
So if you don’t want your dash to be flooded with red hearts and sappy sentiment, block the tag #myvalentines to keep mine off your dash, or #Happy Valentine’s Day to block all of the Valentine stuff that I have queued up for from now until the fourteenth.
Please it would literally be so fucking funny. I’ve only read a few of the original Holmes novels and (unfortunately) I’m studying Jekyll and Hyde at GCSE level so my facts will only be straight on one of these novels but just
Can you imagine how apeshit Holmes would go like “IT TOOK YOU LIKE A YEAR AND A HALF TO SOLVE IT MY BROTHER IN CHRIST HE LITERALLY NAMED HIMSELF ‘MR HYDE’.” while Watson does his absolute best to apologise for his best friend like when you try and cover your mate’s ass in front of a teacher they’ve just pissed off.
Utterson probably doesn’t even have to defend himself because he’s probably got like 20 years on Holmes so he can just pull the “Respect your elders.” card and not have to address the fact that he did not join any of the dots together until Jekyll fucking spelled it out for him from beyond the grave.
Now, I am of course imagining this after the events of Jekyll and Hyde but an equally funny interpretation is Utterson hiring the two of them to snoop on Hyde and find out what kind of money fudgery he’s up to. Cue Holmes unravelling the conspiracy like “Jesus Christ how am I supposed to explain this and avoid the asylum.”
Either way, I think this is very funny to imagine if you’re struggling to sit through a GCSE class on Jekyll and Hyde. (Luckily I have a good teacher).