#aspec stuff

[aroacearchangel]

hey. do whatever you want btw. it’s your identity. kiss people for fun. enjoy sex. nobody’s stopping you. being aro and/or ace doesn’t mean you have to be repulsed by romantic or sexual activities if you don’t want to.

and also! things only mean what you meant them to mean. you can have platonic sex and platonically make out with your friends. it’s true. just be sure to communicate so that everyone involved understands and you’re good.

#if this is considered a hot take. okay. don’t care. #aroace #aromantic asexual #angled aroace #oriented aroace #aroacespec #grey aroace #aro #aromantic #arospec #aspec #aspec community #aspec stuff #aro pride #asexuality #asexual #grey aromantic #ace #aro spectrum #grey aro #aromantic pride #aspec culture #acespec #cupioaroace #cupioromantic #cupiosexual #bellusromantic #bellussexual #qpr #queerplatonic

[a-rabbit-obsessed-queer]

Aspec men deserve much more respect and recognition in the aspec community than they receive. They often face a different form of aphobia specific to them ("men are naturally sexual they can't be ace" "all men are unromantic that's not unique") this rhetoric is spouted by many, even members of our own community and I hope for a day where that is no longer the case. As an ace and demiro woman (demigirl but that's beside the point) I want to encourage folks to take the time to give the aspec men in their lives support and to the aspec men reading, you are who you say you are no matter what people say and you deserve the world. I'm sorry for the ways in which toxic masculinity has harmed you. You are a valued member of the aspec community and the queer community as a whole. No ace or aro person is broken and neither are you. I'm sorry if anyone has ever told you otherwise.

#asexual #asexuality #ace stuff #actually ace #ace culture #acespec #ace men #aromantic #aro #aro stuff #aro community #arospec #aro men #aspec #aspec stuff #aspec community #aspec culture #ace pride #aro pride #aspec pride #lgbtq+ #lgbtpride #lgbtq rights #lgbtqia #I make a post about this annually on april fifteenth #why you ask? #a couple years back I'd come across some people saying the type of things I mentioned about aspec men #the hateful monstrousness of what they'd said pissed me off and I wrote a rant about it #I've since gone on to make a post once a year on the day I'd made the first #btw last year's really gained quite the traction I still get notifs about it! I'm glad this message has reached so many people this year

[make-space-for-as]

What No One Talks About

You know what no one ever talks about? How meeting "the one" doesn't make you any less aspec.

Like, you know when aphobes are all like, "You just haven't met the *right person* yet"? It doesn't follow logically.

A few days ago, my queerplatonic partner and I decided that there is a romantic element to our relationship, and that "demiromantic" describes our romantic orientations better. So yes, I "met the right person" and developed romantic feelings. But does that make me any less aro? Absolutely not. I wasn't alloromantic all along and just needed to realize it. You don't NOT develop romantic feelings your whole life and nullify your entire aromantic experience just because you find out you're arospec more than vanilla aro.

So yes, aspecs *might* meet "the one" and develop romantic and/or sexual feelings (not me, though, I'm ace as heck 😂). They might find out they're gray or demi. But that doesn't make them ANY less aspec.

Fight me on this.

#aromantic #aro #demiromantic #aspec stuff #aspec #asexuality #asexual #ace #demisexual #grayromantic #graysexual #aromantic spectrum #asexual spectrum

[snakeskinass]

#asexual #asexuality #aspec community #aspec #aspec stuff #a spec #a spectrum #aroace #aromantic #arospec #aromantism #lgbtq #lgbtqa #lgbtqia #lgbt pride #lgbtq community #lgbtqplus #cupiosexual #demisexual #orchidsexual #garlic bread

[aroacesse]

i’ve seen a lot of aro, ace and aroace people not sure if they should or not use microlabels and my simple answer is: do what feels best for you. you’re valid anyway.

general labels might look black and white, and sometimes people who fall into grey areas may feel the need to explain better their experiences, even people who do fall into black/white may like it.

being aro/ace/aroace is a huge part of us because it determines how we see ourselves, the world, how the world sees us and how we interact with the world. if you wanna label yourself only as aromantic/asexual/aromantic asexual, awesome! if you wanna use microlabels, let’s go! if you don’t wanna label yourself at all, it’s totally fine!

that’s totally up to you and how you wanna view and experience your aromantism/asexuality.

#aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aromantic asexual #aroace #aromantism #asexuality #asexual pride #aromantic pride #asexual positivity #aromantic positivity #microlabels #ace pride #aroace pride #aroace positivity #aspec #aspec stuff #aroacespec

[enter-the-bear-circle]

Imagine romance is a song.

Yes, a song. A song you don't find particularly good or bad. It's ok, you don't mind occasionally listening to it, you might even enjoy it sometimes.

But then you realize this song is everywhere. It keeps you company while you are buying groceries, you go to school/work and all of your classmates/colleagues are listening to it, you hear strangers on the street singing the lyrics. Your favourite artist covers it. It goes viral on every possible platform. You turn on the radio and every single station plays it.

There is no way to escape it.

How do you feel then? Frustrated. Exhausted. Angry. Most likely you'll start hating the song. You wouldn't want to hear a single second of it anymore. You could get annoyed at your friends who keep talking about it. You even might feel like you are going crazy. Not a bright scenario, is it?

So next time you hear a bitter aro complain about amatonormativity please understand one thing: the problem isn't "romance is bad", it's "romance is everywhere".

#aspec stuff #aromantic #aro #aroace #aromanticism #amatonormativity #i wrote this little thing at 4 a.m. it might not be as good as my sleepy mind thinks

[tikklil]

[JUST FRIENDS]

Enjoy the first 4 pages of my comic about friendship and the depth of platonic love, which I’ll be selling at the first edition of Pride In Panels this month (aspecs are you listening?)!

Find me at the San Francisco Main Library on Sunday, Feb 18th, from 12-5PM.

#aspec stuff #aspec comics #platonic #platonic love #friends #friendship #asexual #aromantic #aroace #comics #zine #pride in panels

[beawritingbooks]

Here is how I explained asexuality to my mother:

*

My Mom: What exactly is asexual?

Me: It means that I experience little to no sexual attraction.

My Mom: I just don’t understand that. You thought [name redacted] was cute.

Me: I still think [name redacted] is cute. I just don’t experience any sexual attraction towards them.

My Mom: That doesn’t make any sense to me.

Me: Well, I can recognize when someone is ugly, cute, uniquely hot, and when they are considered sexy, but I still don’t experience sexual attraction to any of them.

My Mom: I’m not saying that you don’t feel this way, or that I don’t believe you, but how could that be possible?

Me: Okay, so, let’s say that I have 4 pairs of shoes in front of me. The first pair are crocs, the second pair are ballet flats, the third pair are those chunky spice girls platform sandals, and the fourth pair are red stilettos.

My Mom: Okay…

Me: Now, I would classify the crocs as an ugly shoe. Do you agree?

My Mom: Yes.

Me: I would classify the ballet flats as cute.

My Mom: So would I.

Me: I would classify the platform sandals as ugly-hot. I know you hate them, but they call to me, and I still love them to this day. Does that make sense?

My Mom: *laughing* Yes.

Me: Lastly, I would classify the red stilettos as hot and/or sexy. Like, that’s a sexy shoe.

My Mom: Absolutely!

Me: Okay, now, even though I can recognize that these shoes have varying degrees of attractiveness, I do NOT want to fuck the shoes…and that is also how I feel about people.

My Mom: Ooohhhh, that makes way more sense to me. I get it now. Well, I don’t “get it,” because I’m straight, but I understand what you mean.

*

Basically, this is how I felt trying to explain things:

#aspec #asexual #asexuality #demisexual #graysexual #aspec stuff #demiromantic #grayromantic #aromanitc #aspec pride #aspec community #aspec friendly #biromantic #homoromantic #panromantic

[thefrogginbullfish]

#ace #asexual #aro #aromantic #ace memes #aro memes #aroace #aroace memes #aspec #ace spec #aro spec #lgbt #queer #lgbtqia #lgbt meme #lgbt memes #lgbt community #aspec memes #aspec stuff

[maxcatz]

“the A in lgbtqia+ stands for ally!” i’m in your walls

#tw threats #cw threats #cw paranoia #tw paranoia #? i guess #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbtqiia+ #asexual #aromantic #aspec #aspec stuff #aroace

[huntressofartemis001]

Am I Really In Love With Them Or Am I Just Feeling Pressured To Fall In Love As Soon As Possible, a novel by me

#asexual #ace #aro ace #aromantic #aro #aroace #aromantism #aromanticism #asexuality #acespec #arospec #aspec stuff #lgbt #lgbt+ #lgbtqia #lgbtq #aspec #thats just me #og post

[aroacearchangel]

aro and/or ace culture is wondering “is that actually a thing alloromantics and/or allosexuals experience? or is it just the Media™ pushing unrealistic narratives for everyone involved?”

#feel free to include examples #aro #aroace #aromantic #ace #aromance #asexual #asexuality #aspec #aspec community #aspec stuff #aeomanticism #alloace #aroallo

[takaraphoenix]

I hate how much heteronormative storytelling links romance and sexuality together, because I just know that that’s why it took me so many years to figure out that I’m ace.

And yes, I’m specifying heternormative storytelling, because that’s the thing we get force-fed in media pretty much from the day we first get put in front of a screen.

Once we move past the fluffy Disney movie stage of life and enter the teenage years, where sexuality becomes a part of the storytelling to varying degrees of explicitness, we hit the real problem zone. *

(* For this particular issue. The forced romantic narrative in every single children’s movie is its own problem zone when we’re talking about aromanticism.)

A thing I complain about quite frequently is the lack of m/f friendships, the way whenever A Guy and A Gal are friends, the heteronormativity kicks in. Unless they’re both in explicit other (stable! not ‘this ship is meant to be broken up for The Main Romance’) romantic relationships, it’s virtually impossible for the straights to just... keep them friends. There have to be some kind of romantic feelings involved. No other possible reason why A Guy might like A Gal or vice versa. The notion of pure, actual friendship goes over these writers’ heads.

Anyway. To the point of the post. Once The Gal and The Guy realize that they aren’t ~just friends~ but really have romantic feelings for each other and once the will they/won’t they stops and they actually will... More often than not do the writers forget to actually include any romance at all.

I mean, genuinely. Their relationship continues the exact same way it was before they got together. But now they have sex. The only discernible difference between “friendship” and “romance” in pretty much every TV show or movie I grew up on was that they now fucked and kissed.

Very often highlighted even more by the fact that they’re portrayed as so fucking horny, they barely got the confession out before immediately stumbling into the bedroom to get it on. Not a single date. Not even a full conversation wasted there. Just going at it like Noah just herded them onto a big ship.

And if you grow up watching these things during your formative years of what constitutes a relationship and they influence you during your “what the fuck’s going on with my own identity” phase, they paint an incredibly conflated image of romance and sex.

Namely, that romance not only doesn’t work without sex, but even more so also a notion that the only real difference between friendship and romance is sexual intercourse.

So, even if the term “asexual” somehow crossed your path at any point prior to the “what the fuck’s going on with my own identity” phase, that gets immediately dismissed as even vaguely being a possibility if you do experience romantic attraction. **

(** And also if you experience aesthetic attraction, seeing as absolutely nobody and nothing really prepared 90s kids for the difference between aesthetic and sexual attraction. Kids nowadays have more resources more readily available thanks to the internet and I’m genuinely so glad for them.)

Clearly, I can’t be asexual because I find people pretty and finding people pretty means wanting to have sex with them and having sex is the requirement for romance and I do want romance in my life. So, I guess I’m a “late bloomer”?

So. Yeah. My two cents on how heteronormative storytelling has harmed not just homosexual kids figuring themselves out but also asexual kids, because of the ways in which heterosexual relationships have been and still are being framed in media.

#Asexuality #Ace Stuff #Aspec Stuff

[degengxrl]

#aspec pride #aspec stuff #aspec community #aspec culture #aro #aromantic #arospec #ace #asexual #acespec #aroallo #alloace #aspec #estrogendyking

[olive-garden-hoe]

No no because you don’t understand how absolutely gut-wrenchingly happy it makes me that there are CANON asexual characters and little ace kids can grow up knowing they’re not broken and it’s actually being talked about and it’s not being synonymous with aromanticism im SCREAMING

#asexuality #asexual #asexuel #asexaul #actually ace #aspec pride #ace representation #representation matters #aromanticism #aromantic #aroace #ace pride #ace problems #I’m so happy for them #aspec stuff #aro representation

[catgirl-catboy]

Non-infantilzing ways to help Aspec/Arospec people in fandom: (From, an ace thats tired of the way my sexuality is talked about.)

put in the tags of your E rated fic if the smut is essential to the plot, or just a bonus.

Avoid statements like "just friends" or "there's no platonic explanation for this"

Don't assume that every ace character (canon or HC) will spontaneously combust if somebody mentions sex around them. it is a spectrum! it does not (have to) mean anti-sexual.

avoid HCing characters as aspec because they fit the stereotype.

If you want to have a specific adult content tag for your blog, thats fine. but maybe also slap on the default one for easier filtering.

Remember that real life aspec and arospec people have varied taste in fiction. arospec people can like shipping. aspec people can like PWP. This says nothing about their real life preferences, get over yourself.

That being said, respect people's rights to prefer gen to shipfic, regardless of their sexuality.

(this one's gonna be controversial) stop making a binary between romantic relationships and sibling relationships in fandom. Platonic relationships can be deeply meaningful without being familial.

#fandomless post #asexual #aromantic #aspec stuff #fandom problems #fandom things #lgbtqia #queer community