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#as you seem so convinced i am
fairytale-lights · 4 months
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It has occurred to me that I have the capability to do this. I feel like there should be some reason I shouldn't but I'm not seeing one
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silentassassin21 · 3 months
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i'll start this with the caveat that my watching of campaign 3 is very tangential, largely through just seeing live blogs/tweets, gifsets, clips, etc. because i want to finish vox machina before jumping fully into bells hells. but i've still consumed a lot of it, especially post-laudna coming back (including full episdoes). and i just find it really interesting that the thing that seems to frustrate a lot of people about this campaign is exactly why i love it so much. i love that the bells are terrified and isolated from each other and so distrusting and that they feel like side characters being forced to save the world. i think it's a really nice change of pace after vox machina and mighty nein, two groups that mostly worked so cohesively and (especially with vm) were so clearly the main characters who were made to save the world. i love how much the bells have to scramble and how much they have to lose. also i just kinda fundamentally disagree that we haven't gotten enough time with the characters outside of Big Plot Things. firstly, a lot of those plot things are important for the characters and do inform a lot about them. but also, the entire first arc is pretty similar to c2 in that it's just them fucking around and getting to know each other. and there have been so many episodes and extended scenes since which have been so focused on the characters as opposed to the plot. i think it just doesn't feel that way because the bells are way worse at properly opening up to and trusting each other, which means they tend to go in circles.
iit's fine to not like campaign 3, this is just me talking about why i do like it, but i do think it's genuinely very dumb the amount of people i see who treat the players like they're stupid. watch some fucking 4 sided dive because they aren't making these frustrating choices accidentally. if i have to see one more person imply (or even outright state) that the players are just playing badly without any awareness that what they're doing will have consequences, i'll scream. don't think i've forgotten how you all treated laura like she was stupid during that big otohan fight or taliesin like he was ruining the whole game and their friendship with the shard.
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theflyingfeeling · 3 months
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...💌
#not-very-seriously contemplating making a fitalk sideblog#just so i could ramble on about my fic ideas like the lunatic i am without bothering anyone#because istg i come up with at least 3 new ideas a day and more if necessary#but i'm too self-conscious to do that on my main blog too often because i always manage to convince myself no one actually cares#and that the only few people who do seem to care only care because they want to be supportive#and/or think it's cute i'm so passionate about the fics/pairing or whatever#and there's nothing wrong with that and i'm thankful of course!#but it sort of makes me feel like a child being praised by adults ya know? 😭#and idk maybe i just feel like this because i used to share a hyperfixation OTP with a friend#and i'd come up with new fic ideas/headcanons for our OTP on a daily basis#until the friend admitted they weren't even that into the pairing#they just found it adorable to see how enthusiastic i was thinking of stories of them :)#which made me feel like such an idiot lol silly me thought they were as into it as i was#like. i get the need to infodump about hyperfixations to a friend even if the friend is not into the hyperfixation#especially if you don't know anyone else to whom you could talk about it#but i don't need that personally. i'd rather talk about my hyperfixations to someone who actually wants to hear it#and not just because they think i'm being adorable or they want to support me#i can very well keep it all to myself or just idk talk to myself?? lol#so yeahhhh i kinda don't want to make myself feel like a clown like that again 🤡#i do realise i think about fic ideas an unhealthy amount probably lol#but then again isn't that what actual published authors do all the flipping time?! the only difference is that i'm not getting paid for it😤#this wasn't supposed to become a rant lol the words just started flooding#anywayyyyy who wants to hear about my royalty!aleksi / ballet dancer!olli fic idea with side roommates-with-benefits olli/joonas?#additional tags include 'helping the other put on make-up' and 'anal fingering'. if you even care#(pls don't actually ask it's ridiculous)
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goldkirk · 9 months
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I AM SO GLAD I'M STILL ALIVE FOR ALL THIS
#personal#really thought the blob full of nothing but terror and grief stage was permanent for a while there#and i wasn't even suicidal anymore i thought i had just permanently borked my brain#no!!!!!!! it just needed time! and my body needed more health!!! and i needed more community again!#DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!! if you're seeing this and you're exhausted beyond your bones or being eaten alive by a black hole#please know that you don't need to have hope and you don't need to be gung ho about it to survive#just keep going through the slog and take any opportunity that seems vaguely better each time you can#and rest rest rest i guarantee you that you need unholy amounts of rest that you're not getting#and just hold on. just hold on. it might take years but god everyone was right it was worth it to stay and keep going a while longer#you can give up on life. just don't give up on yourself. you keep hold of yourself and don't let ANYONE convince you to let go including#your own brain. you are SO much cooler and braver and wilder and livelier than you think you are and you're only going to improve over time#i love you and i'm here if there's anything i can do for you#don't be afraid to change your mind and don't be afraid to demand your right to live#those are my two rules for life at this point besides the cardinal rule of 'everyone is suffering and traumatized so be as kind as possible#and watch what happens in a snowball effect around you'#i love you. i love you. i am so glad i am alive to love you.
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iratusmus · 1 year
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going to say something possibly controversial but like. im sorry you literally cannot ship scourge with any of the protagonists unless you a) give scourge a redemption arc, thereby ruining the entire point of his character and also making him incredibly boring or b) give the protagonist a corruption arc, which would be hysterically funny but also almost inevitably ooc
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lith-myathar · 5 months
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#really really hate how thoughtless and oblivious i can be to my own bad behavior#ill know something is important or that a shouldn't do a particular thing#but over time and assumptions and small acts of carelessnes shit just....fades and accumulates and one day#i look up and ive done something very stupid and hurt someone else#and i didn't feel it happening#my mind will take things and hide them from me is what it feels like. ill know they're there but it fades into the background noise#i am hard on the things in my life including people and relationships. and i am always so vulnerable to my own fuckin lmfao inattentivenes#this is why i struggle so much with the idea of ever having an intimate partner or children. it doesn't matter how much i care.#eventually and inevitably i do damage.#and i know consciously that people make mistakes and all you can do is try to course correct and make it right. but it's better#not to hurt anyone in the first place and i really don't know if i will ever be capable of that.#trying to convince myself this kind of shit is growing pains but man. man. i can't stop being what i am and it really#really feels sometimes like i am just destined to break and neglect#but then that ''im broken'' thing feels like trying to dodge around taking responsibility and improving. and i should be better than that.#but god how tf are you supposed to stop dissociating from the reality of what you're doing when you're. dissociated.#all i can ever think to do is isolate#*sigh* guys i think i might need to graduate to therapy with a trauma specialist#or adjust my medication. god. im so tired.#why is it so gd hard to be a normal decent person. it doesn't seem hard but then
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katyspersonal · 8 months
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Wanted to not check Tumblr for a few days, today checked it anyway for like, one second, but the timing made it so weird that I stumbled into a cool artist's blog, and thanks to my creepy attention to the details no sane person notices I realised they were shadow-banned (which is really inconvenient since they're doing commissions for life), so I was able to inform them via other social media that I conveniently set up previously
Honestly.. It is not even the only time my intuition and impulses guide me towards being at the right place and at the right time. Just another time. But sometimes I really want to thank whatever power guides me towards being of help every other time.. If I only knew what it was.
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dreamlogic · 5 months
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#chronic blogging#shit chat#well at this point both of my parents (who i inherited my Just Tough It Out streak from) have#upon hearing how bad my post-hysterectomy pain has been#told me 'umm no you need to go see someone.' and 'please just go to urgent care i will pay for it if your insurance won't.' respectively#haunted by the ghost of my right ovary (sharp stabbing pains & debilitating muscle spasms around the incision site)#it's been 1.5 years since surgery and it's getting worse not better#at my 1mo post op i was like 'hey right side hurts a lot worse & the incision seems really wonky & off-center. thoughts?'#they said it was nothing to worry about give it time i might still be feeling pain up to 6mo post op#sooo 8mo post op contact surgeon again 'hey remember that thing i mentioned? yeah still hurts bad enough i struggle to walk sometimes'#she says eeehhh maybe you developed pelvic floor dysfunction or always had it and surgery made it worse. read this book & do some stretches#book stretches & muscle relaxers helped for a bit so i just carried on but it was not improving in fact becoming more persistent#lil over a year post op contact surgeon like 'HEY do not ignore me i am in an amount of pain that is NOT NORMAL and you WILL see me'#drive 1+ hrs for her to poke at me for ~10 minutes ignore most of what i was saying and determine it's just muscle spasms do more stretches#said physical therapy MIGHT help if i did it 2x monthly for at least 6mo. which would've involved commuting over an hour during the workweek#no THANK you i'll just keep doing my stupid stretches. and the thing is.#the stretches ARE helping. i feel my overall balance/flexibility/stamina improving#but that by contrast is making the STABBING PAINS WHERE MY RIGHT OVARY USED TO BE all the more obvious#'oh it's just muscle spasms' well why the FUCK are my muscles spasming around THIS SPOT EXCLUSIVELY for SEVENTEEN MONTHS STRAIGHT#i have essentially no pain on my left side at all. i feel overall just fine & dandy but i am convinced there is something#like. very seriously wrong on the right side causing this#and yeah if my surgeon won't listen to me maybe i will check myself into urgent care and demand an ultrasound#(which btw i asked for during my last visit & she told me it was unnecessary & to fuck off)#but now the two people who instilled me with a very deep mistrust for the medical industry#and from who i learned from via a lifetime of observation how to dissociate from chronic pain in order to function#are telling me 'yeah no this is bad you need a DOCTOR.' umm. i probably need a doctor.#was talking w/ E last night about degrees of pain & like. avg day is like 4-6 on a 0-10 scale. good days 2-3.#i don't consider calling out from work unless it's like an 8 or higher cause i'm just so used to it.#i'm sick of it. so fucking bored with being in constant pain. i want my life & energy back. i want a personality beyond Oh Just Tired back.#i wanna be able to enjoy touch again with immediately hitting overstimulation threshold due to pain.
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zannolin · 8 months
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you ever get an idea that is sooooo. arghhhhh bites into a roof tile and cries.
#zanna talks#i cant like word it good yet#but i think if mia ever got to talk to ethan after he died like either bc he came back or a SOR situation or whatever#that she should be allowed to be a little angry at him for just giving up. not facing the aftermath.#like you went somewhere you knew i couldnt follow. you left because you knew i was still here to take care of rose.#but you left us alone. you left ME alone.#YOU KNOW like not bc he's a terrible horrible person for doing that but bc shes human and it hurt. what he did hurt.#and anger is a stage of grief for a reason you know#i am 110% convinced he was only able to do that because she wasn't there for him to look her full in the face and say i'm leaving#you cannot change my mind on this#not bc hes scared of her or whatever the fuck ppl seem to think. but bc he loves her. and how can you do that to someone when you can see#the hurt and the realization and the grief dawn in their eyes you know#anyway. sorry ive been thinking about this so hard i had to stop reading rwrb#putting this all in the tags btw bc iiiii am scared of mia winters antis here on tumblr okay dont come for me ppl let me chill#let me have my little ideas. let me be.#like mia would understand in a way why he did it bc she did the same thing except it was different then#they could have saved him. or at least they could have tried. and he just gave up#meanwhile mias been living with the consequences and the guilt of what she did every day for years now#YKNOW.
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floral-hex · 10 months
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So this chick has been on-and-off again stalking me since high school. I could go into paragraphs of detail (I was about to), but no one wants to read all of that. Suffice to say, I guess she’s had some kind of crush on me for about 15-20 years or so (why??), and every few years it seems she pops up somewhere contacting me to try to persuade me to give her a chance. I should mention we never talked in high school, I actively avoided her, told her I didn’t like her, etc. nothing doing.
Anyway, somehow she’s been on one of my social media pages and saw I was having a hard time lately, so she found my phone number (what?? I hate that you can just find that online) and texted me out of the blue yesterday. Usual protocol is ignore and block so I don’t piss off an unstable person, but they decided to be gross, so
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I wasn’t planning on posting anything about this before. If they were creeping around on my pages, mentioning it would only feed into them. Maybe. I don’t know. But this just kind of made me really uncomfortable and their response was shitty. I could have been a lot meaner. I wanted to be. But whatever, that wouldn’t have helped. So I just blocked them and hope that this time it sticks. If they see this, then hey… not cool.
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comradecowplant · 9 days
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so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.
#she said this RIGHT after talking about how bad yt misinfo is... which she followed up w SO I WAS WATCHING A YT DOC ABOUT WW2 & LEARNED THIS#youtube 'historians' are literally the most fascist breed of youtuber. avoid the vast majority like the plague lmao#i asked if the video was sourcing the hollow dahmer & the black book of communism & she didnt seem to know what those are lol#to her credit i told her straight up that she was incorrect & she at least faked being curious about doing more research but i am doubting#she also 'learned' that lenin killed trotsky lol get your propaganda right lenin was dead by then STALIN icepicked him <3#anyway im making jokes bc the worst part was a different conversation where she spoke positively of israel#THAT'S gonna be the one to ruin our friendship. fuck you & your war tourist friend who fought in the 1960s landgrabs that youre now#telling me as if this is a cute story. nahhhh lmao i looked her straight in the eye & said i will NOT debate this#so she dropped it like the true enlightened centrist most socdem cowards are and i kept cleaning her house quietly#turns out You & Me We're the Only Ones Around Here Who Aren't Complete Fools was premature *kicks the poorly rendered gravel sadly*#shes otherwise a nice lady & i know i need to be more flexible in order to hopefully change ppls minds...#but also when people say awful & untrue things it makes me not want to talk to you 🤷‍♂️ srry 2 b a freak like that#also i know shes not transphobic but i havent sniffed her out well enough to know if shes safe to come out to#so its hours of misgendering (which isnt her fault she doesnt know) bc shes obsessed with neoliberal feminism and inappropriately brings#gender into conversations that it does not belong in#'did you know all the countries that handled covid best were ran by women?' 1) untrue 2) dont care finland still sucks#she also tried to tell me that european rich people learned to be nicer after the french rev & thats why europe is better than america...#girl shut up we learned how to be so good at racism and capitalism BECAUSE of europe. there is no such thing as a good rich person!!!#i pick my battles (genocide & anticommunist genocide revisionism) so i let her cook w that one & was not left convinced as you can imagine#ANYWAY rant about today's weird day done. gonna smoke weed & rim some skies 🥵 while listening to the Khrushchev Lied audiobook i found 😘
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undermostcorgi · 20 days
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the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)
#heed my warning boy#it seems i am not well today#recently made the reluctant decision to revisit what was probably my VERY FIRST real hyperfixation#something that i don't necessarily want to mention by name right now because. well#its pretty objectively bad LOL like i dont think i know of ANYONE still posting about it or really proud of having liked it back in the day#i dont think it is as well known to the general public so it wont get me hunted down for sport even if i did name it probably hopefully#but for those who know its. probably not the best thing to be revisiting lmao (even though i think it might still be being made?? wtf)#but i felt i had to because i was about to start my period and was going crazy insane like you do you know how it is#and i randomly remembered a fanfic i loved and then remembered my fav character and how much i loved him#my actual first ever blorbo oh my GOD he was everything to me#so i reluctantly decided to rewatch “just the first few episodes” just to see how much i remembered and also to prove to myself it sucks#but surprise surprise: nostalgia and hormones are making me actually kind of enjoy it#and now i am suffering from fucking Catholic-like Guilt for not hating it which i think is pretty silly lmao#so im kind of posting this in an attempt to convince myself that its like. FINE and cringe is dead and all that#and that sometimes i gotta be nice to my little mentally ill brain and give it the junk food (bad media) it craves#ESPECIALLY when im on my period LMAO#anyway completely unrelated: why the FUCK do i still remember almost every single fucking word to the delicious tomato song SDHJFKSAJF#i hope no one actually reads this far in the tags bc i know that reveal will probably deal psychological damage to some of you LMAO SORRYYY#ok yeah posting this and then immediately going to bed so that the Haters cant reach me LOL SEE YA
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nostalgia-tblr · 1 year
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Fandom's weaponising of "-coded" to mean "my interpretation (headcanon) is factual and correct and anyone who disagrees with it is [something]ist" is deeply annoying and also... yeah it probably is a bit problematic that we've so muddied the waters on what is and isn't intentional in media works and on whether an interpretation is automatically correct because it appears to tick whatever boxes are currently popular.
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rovermcfly · 2 years
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it is starting to occur to me that while I personally understood james lance's wizard of oz shirt to be a reference to the wizard of oz theme the show has set up that could potentially be building up to a "ted goes back to kansas" storyline in S3 (because he's been set up to be dorothy since episode 1) a lot of people read it as a "friend of dorothy" reference about trent being gay
I hope everyone else is so much righter than me right now
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cave-monkey · 24 days
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Monkey King 2009 Episode 3
Them having Stone Monkey (apparently purely on instinct) constantly scratching while being introduced to the troop was pretty cool, since that's a legitimate deescalation behavior in monkeys. Something about how revealing stress acts as a bonding behavior and makes it less likely they'll be attacked. Humans do it too, kind of, when they rub at their hands or shoulders or neck (etc. etc.) when nervous or overwhelmed. ("Empathize with me! I am very stressed!").
Also something-something instinctive behaviors aside Stone Monkey being excited/overwhelmed/maybe a little overstimulated and choosing "ESCALATION!!!" as his response to all of that. He thinks the troop being scared of him is hilarious. He's scratching the fur off his arms but he's also going to get right up in your face anyway. Cautiously join him in admiring his cool new rock? He is going to play-lunge and also scream. Absolutely amazing. The troop has no idea what to do with these mixed signals. This kid is a menace and I love him.
Six Ears even gets in on the scratching behavior occasionally in the background, which might be because Stone Monkey actively terrorizing literally everyone trying to be playful (because he has the social skills of a literal, actual rock) is stressing Six Ears right out or it could be an attempt to deescalate on Stone Monkey's behalf. Monkey version of following in his new friend's wake throwing apologetic grimace-smiles at everyone. Possibly it's both. Point is: They included these behaviors and it's very fun.
You can also tell it worked because in just the journey to the cave you watch the four generals' views on Stone Monkey go from "uncanny valley horror entity lurking in the forest probably to kill us all" to "what a rude little kid >:| Emphasis on RUDE."
And, okay, I admit, I have softened my stance on the four generals. Somewhat. They seem to actually be taking their jobs seriously now. Maybe Episode 1 was a wake-up call and they won't utterly fail to notice an incursion until it's in the heart of their territory again. I don't want to go too crazy, but maybe they'll even be able to even muster a coherent response! Good for them.
Should probably still not be managing children, though.
Speaking of, Six Ears's increasing despair watching the train wreck in motion that was the four generals fumbling hard in giving Stone Monkey his very first etiquette lesson after he finally settled down and seemed willing to hear them out is also very relatable and hilarious. He knows they failed the test. Stone Monkey is definitely never going to listen to them again. They blew it. RIP Flower Fruit Mountain.
Stone Monkey does check in with Six Ears when he decides the generals are useless about explaining though, and that's pretty cute. He trusts his friend :) He also definitely internalizes that thing about having to ask to leave the presence of the king, so at least they managed to teach him some manners. ONE manners. A single manner. (Spoiler: They immediately regret this.)
But hey! This time Six Ears is left entirely to his own devices and still manages to get caught smack in the middle of enemy action. Not the Generals' fault for once! Six Ears just attracts this kind of thing, I guess.
3/3 Six Ears is Damsel-ed, but only 2/3 it's the adults' fault. The tally develops.
#also not gonna lie I first thought stone monkey might have hella fleas. he still might to be honest. someone check up on that.#mhw09 personal#squinting at old monkey king pretending to be asleep this episode#my guy you were definitely ACTUALLY out of it in episode 1 don't you be acting like you weren't#you passed out in the middle of an invasion and almost got your kid killed#the fact you managed to make it to your seat BEFORE you passed out so you could pretend you were just too cool for the LITERAL INVASION#doesn't mean a dang thing. you're not fooling me.#also. stop that. you are giving the troop SEVERELY mixed signals#I am easing up a liiiittle more on the generals since it seems the old monkey king is actively hiding and obfuscating the severity of his#condition from the very people who are presumably meant to help him shoulder the burden of leading the troop#no wonder they don't take him fretting about his age seriously: he's turning it into a joke himself#considering episode 1 and then here and also how much more energetic he seemed in episode 2#I'm headcanoning (if this isn't just straight up canon) that old monkey king has good days and bad days#but you can't tell which he's having because he uses his good days to turn all his bad day low energy behaviors#into games. it's all DELIBERATE guys. he's keeping you on your TOES. he isn't LITERALLY DYING-#hiding his weakness makes perfect sense on the *whole* in keeping his troop from panic and insecurity. maybe.#but it's not smart that he's even letting his generals believe it#they're still not off the hook for throwing a kid out to face the horror movie monster they were convinced was living in the woods though!#and it's no excuse for being THAT negligent in their duties and then their straight-up professional incompetence in episode 1#they let themselves get rusty and put everyone in danger and that's on them#but not being as much of a help to their king as they should be maybe isn't so much their fault#if they're being lied to about how much the old monkey king can actually handle. BY the old monkey king.#I GUESS#dang this troop is a total mess. I love it.
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soldier-poet-king · 1 year
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All cities (and tbh everywhere, but this is specifically happening in a MAJOR city) should have emergency mental health response teams bc I just had to call 911 about a man clearly having Some Issues and in need of help outside in the freezing weather with no shoes and barely dressed doing cartwheels and somersaults on a busy street + and in the snow and wandering about the neighborhood and I had to repeatedly stress that he wasn't bothering or hurting anyone I was just super concerned about him rolling into traffic during rush hour in an area with notoriously bad drivers + it's cold enough to be dangerous without winter gear + maybe he's got Alzheimer's or smthn like that and accidentally wandered out and is lost bc that's been known to happen
and like sure the 911 operator was nice and confirmed with me that it was a medical-adjacent call and police were NOT needed after I stressed it multiple times, but I had INITIALLY called the non emergency line BC I wanted to avoid the cops and the street outreach folk were like 'nope can't help u gotta call 911' and it's just. SO DUMB.
PLUS. Apparently there's so many 911 calls going in I was put ON HOLD for a whole ass minute and like. I'm clogging up the line for someone having a heart attack or fire or whatever, vs. I'm concerned about this guy but also I'm in the car following at a distance to make sure nothing happens + make sure someone who is less understanding of mental health crises doesn't start a fight with him because he's acting "weird" and wandering on people's front lawns, and it's not really the same level of "emergency" but I'm also 5'3 vs. A Grown Ass Man, and I've no emergency or mental health training so there's nothing I can do EXCEPT follow at a distance and call for help
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