#as you are | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

andreafmn · 1 year

Note

So I am OBSESSED with your Carlisle fics.

I was hoping I would request an imagine with a female reader who is asexual and afraid Carlisle won't want her, but of course, he is totally loving and accepting of her.

Thank you and I hope you're well.

Word Count: 2.7K

Paring: Carlisle Cullen x Female!Reader

Story Description: Rejection after rejection was the way (Y/N) went through life because of her sexuality, or rather lack thereof. But when she meets Carlisle Cullen, as in love with him as she is, she can't help but let the fear of her past keep her from telling him that she is asexual.

A/N: Loved writing this request and I hope I did it justice. 😊😊 My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing or buy me a coffee

TikTok • Instagram • Business | MASTERLIST

If you’d like to be tagged in any other story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post!

As You Are

Delving into a relationship is no easy task. It’s allowing someone to know every part of you, every moment and secret that has made you who you are, and hoping they accept it without an exception. It’s one of the most vulnerable and exposed anyone could be.

But there was a rather daunting sense of defenselessness that came from admiring your sexuality. Especially to a world that might not understand. The same world that valued love in the same standing as intercourse.

(Y/N) had always felt like maybe there was something wrong with the way she loved. That whatever it was she was missing from the checklist society had written for her would be completed by the next person she fell for. Because maybe, just maybe, someone else had what she needed.

But, as time went by, and partners came and went, nothing magically sparked inside her. And she feared that it never would.

Until she met Clara. Well, @clara1986x on an internet blog site.

(Y/N) needed to understand what she was feeling –not feeling. She did what any teenager with an avid curiosity, a life-changing question, and no answers would do. She turned to the internet. For hours she sat in front of a blank search bar, scared of what lived behind the screen. There were no expectations, but there was that underlying fear that there was something wrong with her.

But, pushing it off wouldn’t change whatever results would pop up. With shaking hands, she typed slowly as she took deep breaths to calm her racing heart. It pitter-pattered against her chest as it hammered in her ears. There was no turning back once she hit the enter key.

I do not feel sexually attracted to anyone… is there something wrong with me?

The first thing that popped up on the results page made her eyes fill with tears. There is nothing wrong with you, the page was titled. Could it be true? That whatever she was feeling was normal?

She clicked on the webpage and a personal blog loaded on her screen.

There Is Nothing Wrong With You

If this page showed up in your results there’s a huge chance you may think that you’re lacking something in your romantic life. News flash! There isn’t.

Let me guess, you think if you’re not sexually attracted to your partner then it means you don’t really love them. Well, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. There are many ways to love and be in love with someone without adding sex to the mix — it also never has to be added for some.

Have you ever heard of the term asexual? “The word asexual combines the prefix a-, meaning “not” or “without,” and sexual, referring to sex. Asexual is first recorded in the late 1700s, originally used in biology to refer to organisms, especially plants, that had no sex organs.” [That’s from the dictionary]

In the simple (and broadest) of terms, an asexual person is someone that doesn’t feel sexual attraction toward others or low to no desire for sexual relations. But since we know that sexuality is a spectrum [even if so many people don’t want to agree] this might mean something different to everyone that reads this.

So, why am I focusing only on the most basic form of asexuality if there is such a big spectrum?

Because I used to think there was something wrong with me. I used to search in partners for something I was lacking and no one could tell me why I didn’t feel like most people did. I didn’t want to have sex, with guys or girls. I never felt the need to establish a relationship with sex to admit I loved that person. And before you ask, yes, I have tried sex before; no, I don’t need to find the right person for it; and no, I’m not missing out.

Being asexual doesn’t mean I don’t want to fall in love, or have a partner, or be with someone for the rest of my life. It simply means that I don’t need sex to “seal the deal.” I want the romance and the giddiness, I want the hand-holding and the kisses, I want everything that comes with being in love, I just don’t want sex.

Hi, I’m Claudia and I am asexual.

“Hi, Claudia,” (Y/N) cried as she finished reading the post, a smile spreading across her face. “I’m (Y/N), and I think that so am I.”

It was the first time in her life that she had heard of the term, let alone found someone that felt exactly the same way she did. For the longest time, she thought she had been an anomaly in the population. That something had been wired differently inside her and she needed to be fixed.

There was nothing wrong with what she didn’t want. Love had never had to equal sex, and she could be in love with someone without adding it to the equation. She did not need it to feel complete.

But that didn’t mean that everyone else understood what it meant.

As she left high school and entered college, her dating pool expanded. But their mentality did not. It seemed she was stuck in a vicious cycle that she simply could not break. (Y/N) would meet someone new, they would go out on a few wonderful dates, and form a connection. Yet, when the time came to speak about the dreaded s-word, they all seemed to be taken aback. With some it was a quick rejection, sex was too much of a deal breaker to not have. With others, it was a slowly dying fire that, at the end of the day, always died out.

Whether it was that they didn’t want a relationship without sex or they didn’t want her without the promise of sex, she had not met someone that could accept her as she was and all that she would not offer.

Until Carlisle Cullen.

After an unlucky slip on ice on her way to visit her mom’s new home, (Y/N) found herself in Forks Community Hospital with a twisted ankle. Thankfully, her condition wasn’t dire and her head could focus on the Adonis-like statue that had been caring for her that afternoon.

She had heard of the handsome doctor from her mother a few too many times. No one in town understood why an accomplished doctor like him could end up in a small town like Forks. Much less the fact that he was a single man with adopted teenage kids. There was a peculiarity to that family that no one got but rarely questioned out loud.

No comment from her mother could have ever prepared her for the man that stood before her. A man carved out of perfection by the very hands of whatever god was real. A vision of blonde hair and unnatural amber eyes.

“Well, Miss (Y/L/N), I think as long as you stay clear of any slush in the street, you’ll be good,” he smiled. “Just make sure to ice that ankle every couple of hours and you should be okay.”

“I’m just staying the rest of the month in Forks. I’ve got a job lined up in Seattle, but my mom recently moved here,” she said. “So, hopefully, no more mishaps.”

“That’s a shame,” he responded. A grin so mischievous on his face she could not help the flutter in her chest. “That it wasn’t you that moved here, that is.”

“And why is that?” Her curiosity peaked. Was the doctor flirting with her?

“If you were new in town I could offer to show you around under the guise of it being a date,” he started. “I could take you out to dinner, show you how beautiful the woods are during winter –when you’re not falling on ice–, maybe end the night with a kiss.”

“Do you usually hit on your patients like this, Dr. Cullen?” (Y/N) played along, a sense of confidence overtaking her senses. “I’m pretty sure there’s a rule against that.”

“That would only apply if you were my patient after you left through those doors,” he smirked. “But that could only happen if you were staying. What a pity.”

“Nothing’s stopping you from doing it for the time being,” she teased. “Better than to always wonder what if.”

“You make quite a valid point.”

“Then, do it,” she smirked. “Pretend I just moved here and ask to show me around. I might just say yes.”

A hearty chuckle left Carlisle’s throat, his eyes glittering with the fluorescent light of the hospital room. “Alright then, Miss (Y/L/N),” he smiled. “Since you’re new here, it would be an honor to show you around town. Would that be something you would like to do?”

“That sounds perfect, Doctor Cullen.”

And the rest was history.

Weeks turned into months, her office job turned into a local administrative assistant in the hospital, and her apartment turned into a room at her mom’s house. It wasn’t anything like what she expected her life to turn like, but something about Carlisle told her he was worth the change.

Yet, as perfect as their relationship seemed, there was always something lingering in the darkness. To (Y/N), everything felt too good to be true, but she had yearned for so long for a relationship that felt right. She carried with her every rejection, every disappearance, every weird look. She didn’t want things with Carlisle to end because of what they would never have.

Not even when he confessed to himself and his family being vampires did the pressure of speaking about her sexuality –or lack thereof- alleviate. It felt easier for her to accept the fact that supernatural beings roamed the earth than for her partner to understand that she did not feel sexual attraction.

It was a backward way of thinking, she knew that. But she couldn’t help and remember all the times she trusted someone enough to tell them about being asexual. Every repudiation toward her because of her sexuality had left an irrevocable mark on her heart, a pain that remained quietly festering deep within her soul.

But Carlisle could tell there was something wrong. He always could. As someone that was used to harboring big secrets, it was an easy task to know that (Y/N) had a big one weighing on her heart.

He didn’t want to push her. Her secrets were hers to tell and he had never wanted her to reveal anything she did not feel comfortable saying. It did hurt, he could not lie. Carlisle had tried his best to let her know he was a person she could trust, that nothing she could have said, done, or felt would ever be able to push him away.

The worst part, he knew Edward knew what her secret was, and so did Alice. But they had both said it was something that only (Y/N) could tell him, on her own time. The only thing they could say to appease his mind was that it was not a bad confession, but it was hard for her to talk about.

Still, even if he had agreed to allow (Y/N) to speak her truths on her own time, it pained him to know the worry she carried with her whenever she was around. She deserved to feel calm and loved when they were together, and that was what he wanted the most.

“How’re you feeling, darling?” Carlisle asked one day. “I brought you a blanket.”

(Y/N) was standing on the back deck of his home, staring at the setting sun on the horizon. Her hair was slightly drenched from the rain that had fallen, but she did not seem bothered by it. She allowed the man to drape the blanket over her shoulders, sighing as the warm fabric embraced her body.

“I’m okay,” she smiled softly. “Just thinking.”

“What about?”

She took a deep breath, knowing she had put off the conversation for too long. There was no reason to keep hiding it. He had trusted her with the biggest secret he had, and she needed to trust him enough to share hers. Whatever happened after was something she could not control. She just had to be brave enough to face whichever outcome happened.

“There’s actually something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” she started before leading him to join her on the white couch. “It’s not anything bad, but it’s something that’s very important. And I’m just scared of how you will react.”

“Darling, you can tell me anything,” he smiled, taking her hands in his. “There’s nothing you could say that would ever push me away from you. I hope you know that.”

“I know you’re a different man, a completely different person than anyone from my past. But I can’t help being scared to talk about this when everyone I’ve told this before left once I told them this,” she sniffled. “There’s been this festering fear inside me for the longest time because I’m scared that it’ll make you look at me differently and reject me. I don’t know if I could take another one.”

“(Y/N), you know I love you and you can trust me with anything.”

“I know that, Carlisle, and I love you too. And that’s the reason why I’ve been so afraid to tell you this, because I really don’t want to lose you.”

“You will never lose me, (Y/N). But, please, tell me what it is. I don’t want you to have to keep carrying this in your heart.”

(Y/N) knew the moment had come. Regardless of all her fears and concerns, they had gotten to the point where she couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Carlisle, I’m asexual,” she breathed. “Which means I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone and I have no desire to engage in any type of sexual activity. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in love with you or that I don’t want to have any type of intimacy. It’s just that I want everything that comes with being in love and in a relationship just not the sex part.”

Carlisle took her in his arms, embracing her tightly as she cried onto his chest. He brushed her hair softly, kissing the top of her head comfortingly. All he felt at that moment was how much he loved her.

“Thank you for telling me, darling,” he spoke softly, his hands caressing her cheeks as he stared into her eyes. “I know how hard it must have been for you to tell me that and I’m so grateful that you trusted me enough to tell me. And I want you to know that I love you completely and utterly as you are. I don’t need physical intimacy to know that I want forever with you.

You are more than just a body, (Y/N). I love you because you are a smart, caring, kind, and wonderful woman. You accepted me —my family— as I am, supernatural being and all. I’ve gone centuries without sex and I can go centuries more without it as long as you are by my side.”

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear those words,” she cried happily. “I wish I hadn’t been so afraid to tell you sooner, but I’m just so glad that I did. I love you, Carlisle, and I want forever with you. Just as you are.”

(Y/N) couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. Even as Carlisle kissed her tenderly, it never faltered.

She had gone her whole life searching for the person that would accept her for who she was without the expectation that her sexuality would change. It had made every rejection, every broken heart worth it because they had brought her to him.

Twilight Taglist: @winter-soldier-101@zheezs14 @a-sifu-hotman @sunflowerleii @DyslexicCatterpillar @Blackbluerose666 @slutforsainz @kortniec696 @xcastawayherosx@minhaimaginacao @bluebirbnamedJay @sirenheadenby@andreiaafaria@bluetreecloud20 @valejewel @nogitsune-the @user0ur0mom@skyesthebomb @swidkid @avis15 @honeylovemoon@wonieeee @edwardssugarmommy @nyenye@sugajar @lovel-blog @witchofhawkins @Six-Call @then-worship-at-my-altar@ems-alexandra @blueshoelacess @Nyctophilia710 @rosalie-whitlock @nocturnalherb16 @this-is-a-bad-idea@esposadomd @locokoca@volturiwolf@spookyqueen@gh0stgirl33@catgirlpwr @nolaxox @klf1999@krazyk99@ilikepunsbeth@adaydreamaway08@cinffy23 @paodemorangol1l1 @hufflepuffobsessedwithmarvel@toomanythoughts33@jrosefangirl@queereddie @Missvicious @sugasthreedollarkookie @laylaskywalker @fandomonetwo@fruitylilfuck @a-slut-for-Loki-Bucky @honeywxter @haroldpotterson @justamessandahalf @come-on-darling-honey @dove-chan32931 @kaita11 @gangstalicious06 @iincandescenttt @demonchick1 @uwunuggetchan @elijahssuit @multifandomreader73 @shara-ne@nngkay@blackloveangel13 @Mar @the-faceless-bride @holywolfsstuff @abs-2020 @lunajay33 @hpboysslut2707 @lisacarolined @TheCollectorOfWords @euphoria1992 @yuki255 @gabi-princesada1d @lowkeysaurus @zealouscookierebeltrash @laylasbunbunny @sleepilysworld @quartzzzzzz @merakiaes @Rycbar22 @treatiseofselena @pinkdragonfandream-blog @attlas567 @american-sataness @magical-spit @t-stark35 @thirstybunzy

188 notes · View notes