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#as well especially WHILE THEYRE HAVING HEALTH ISSUES OF THEIR OWN THAT THEYRE TRYING TO DEAL WITH
chloeangelic · 6 months
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OMG! The new chapter of ''Love Me Back'' is so much. How can something that starts like this chapter end up so badly? As with any good story, I knew the angst was around the corner, but what an ending.😳
I loved how you put her mental issues out in the open, with her thoughts and the therapy session in the first part of the chapter. It makes her more realistic, complex, and easier to comprehend. I totally get her. I share some of her thoughts, but at the same time, this chapter made me a bit angry. I hope the next part makes sense at the end. The mix of feelings this chapter made me feel is murky. Which shows me how well-written I found it and how much I liked it.
Self-worth can be a tricky thing, especially when starting a new relationship adds the fear of showing your true self and being rejected, a thing she's already gone through by the glimpses of her past relationships. Being told you're not girlfriend/wife material can create deep wounds, increasing her mental health struggles.
Their relationship is new, and they still have a lot to settle. I know WORDS are IMPORTANT, and they are needed, but seeing Joel show her with his actions what he wants (after all, he wouldn't let anyone get close to his daughter and develop a connection) while the reader is not able to acknowledge it, is frustrating. Not talking beforehand makes the whole situation way worse. The offer of take of Sarah, I feel like she might not be using her words yet, but she's putting herself out. She's trying to give Joel what he needs and be someone he can rely on, to be a team. The pain of Joel's rejection, coupled with his initial lack of attention, causes everything to explode. When, for once, she has the strength to defend herself and express her feelings, it's one of the worst moments.
I would love to read Joel's thoughts on the whole scene. He has so many fronts at the same time. I'm not excusing him because he could have handled the whole situation better (both of them could have). He also has his struggles and anxieties clouding his perception of the reader's emotions, making it harder for him to open himself and accept help. I hope the situation gets solved soon.
I trust you can pull out something from my ramble and that it wasn't too much, lol.😅 Thanks for the chapter! Despite preferring fluff, I'm a sucker for angst like the one you wrote.♥️
Ahhh im so glad you enjoyed it and got something out of it!!! i definitely think that new relationships are a massive catalyst for self worth issues because its such a vulnerable state to be in and youre so afraid of the other person finding something out about you thats suddenly a dealbreaker and just peacing out.
LMB girl has held soooo much back from joel, thinking shes shielding him from it, and it blows up in her face so bad cause she has this vault of crap thats bound to explode open with one little bad vibe from joel, even though theyre both misplacing their frustration. ive tried to make this fic as realistic as possible, and i think a lot of us have had periods of bottling things up and not being able to expect when the last drop hits
the whole series having such a mental health focus wasnt my intention when i started writing it - my initial idea was for it to be more FWB centered actually, but ive ended up including so much of my own experiences with self worth issues and subsequent healing, and that has made the whole thing more interesting i think
joels thoughts come out in ch 7!!!
so glad youre willing to suffer through my angst, and theres a lot of fluff coming up which is very uncharacteristic for me but we all need to see joel and his crab girl happy - they deserve it hahaha
thanks for sticking around, i love reading your detailed thoughts on the chapters <3 <3 <3
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another-dra-anew · 11 months
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maybe maki you don't talk about her enough...
i dont!!! so i will answer this because shes neglected. not because im procrastinating. sobs sobs sobs-
cw: icky bad parents/abuse mentioned. but like. that cw is equal in severity/detail as the actual point where its mentioned. no detail/infos on how theyre icky bad, just that theyre icky bad
My identity hc for them
canonically sapphic! i feel like ive spoken before on her identity past that uhhh. i dont know what im on about?
+ trans lass! i think she still overall just has a journey ahead of her when it comes to feeling secure in her identity and etc etc? thats kinda just a general thought. she's got some internalized issues she needs to work through but like. w/o getting into backstory spoilers shes being so brave esp for her age and im so proud of her <33. she's having a vv normal and expected relationship with her identity and im so proud of my girlie. she can work through her internalized stuff now that she has fwends by her side, she's already done so much on her own and im so proud of my girlie
Thoughts on their home life/family
maki comes across veryyy. edgy and like "oh duhhh this character has trauma they're wearing their pain on their sleeve" and so i worry her backstory is too. ouch the edge? but i think like... ultimately her relationship with her parents and her relationship with ryutaro are accurate to like... toxic households/what happens when ur a child abuse victim. even if what exactly Happened there is a bit more nonsensical, the dynamics portrayed are (hopefully) accurate depictions which hold weight because of what they're like, if not how they came to be.
thatsss meta reflection tho lol. for something in-universe... hm. how do i say things without spoiling. i think her being a big sister is very important to her and she wants to be like. part of the club with yamaguchi and hatano and uehara and etc etc. but her relationship with ryutaro is like. Explodes. so while the fact she's a big sibling is something that holds a lot of weight to her shes like. well i cant really call myself a big sibling now can i. hm. (<- dont worry about it its just the horrors ! )
How i feel about their canonical writing/handling
she's... a hard character for me to nail. this is something ive noticed with her and uehara both? its funny i used to feel fine with writing them but now im comfy writing yamaguchi and inori and not these two. ugh. buuuut.. i feel like i just need practice? maybe ill revisit that old maki fic.... i think i just need to spin her a bit in my head, and actually. im confident in her writing but not how i portray it. i need to do more to show that she's very... withdrawn and on the defense 90% of the time.
The one thing i’d want to make canon about them
hmm- OH. she and tsu would be/should be besties. but like. even in non despair itd take monthsss for them to be in the same social sphere + interacting enough to be besties. and in the kg tsu is busy trying to be bob the builder for everyones mental health ("can we fix it? yes we can!) and maki is Not Well. so. sadly no "pls my kids take care of ur ears look at ur talents oh lordy" besties :(...
My number one favorite ship for them
obligatory makitomo per tomoris ask meme! i think they'd 100% have a mutual crush in non despair, and even in kg there's definitely like.. hints of stuff there, romance just isn't reallyyyyy... what's been on makis mind.
…Now everyone else i ship with them
i think she and kurokawa r cute, and i think her and inori could be fun... maki is funny cuz she's one of the few girls i dont especially ship with hatano or iranami? but yeah! tbf i just think kuronori/makitomo is cute. polycuuuule!
The thing i will NEVER ship
i meaaaan? damn. i really just don't have m/f ships in dra. wow. uhhh anyways. there's nothing im against for her, just stuff im not too interested in of my own volition!
a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)
i miss talking about my edgy trio :( (inori maki uehara)..... uhhhhm.. i dont think there's really anything else? but yk. actually in terms of makis relationships being talked about. do u all ever question whats going on with maki and ryutaro? or makis past in general? ???
thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)
im preeetty happy with her fit, but im thinking about changing her color palette.... i need to upload fit explanations in general? but thats not something im gonna get to for awhile- like.. two weeks after i graduate im going on a out of country trip (its through girl scouts!) and so i wont be on my phone much... so i wanna get to a good place w/beta, and its just... this mess of me trying to organize everything so im in a good place to be offline for a Bit (+unproductive), so we'll see what i get done before then- maybe ill type up fits when im out of country, maybe ill do them before as filler before we advance with the plot! we'll see jesus fuck this was supposed to be about maki
mkay. yeah i like her fit! i like the new one wayyy more than her og fit, but i struggle a bit with her hair/eye color and making it fit with her look... ive lightened her hair so its not quite the neon yellow of canon, but i'm still toying with it! it'd prolly be good for me to be more adventurous with like... i dunno. i tend to use/reference hair and eye colors in character's fits, and i need to be more Okay with not doing that.
A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc
MAKI HAS A PLAYLIST. it hasn't been updated in forever but it exists. i deserve to bleed - sushi soucy. a vv commonly used song/prolly expected but it works very well for her. i feel like there's other songs that are like... on the tip of my tongue for her? but i cant think of any </3. sorry girlie...
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kendrixtermina · 1 year
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An Overview of Common Systemic Mistypes
​I hadn’t put these on tumblr & it occurred to me that I probably should
I find it very, very fascinating how a lot of the common mistypes are „asymetric“ because, while its also impacted by bad descriptions, its also indicative of differences in perception.
For example, you see 3s thinking they're 5s but rarely the other way around. Cause the 3 looks at the list of core fears and thinks of it as "what do I not want anyone to call me", & in that context "worthless" and "incompetent" seem like synonyms. But it rarely happens the other way cause your average 5 generally knows they don't have 3-esque social adaptability or strong responsiveness to external motivation.
Few mistypes really go both ways - though, a few do, such as 7 and 5, 6 and 1, 6 and 2 and maybe 9 and 6.
Hexad Types
Generally tend to have it down to 2 or 3 options right away.
1 – 5, 6 or 8
8 because they’re assertive & leader-like & make quick decisions (the 8s themselves generally know theyre not superego types), 6s because especially the sp 1s can be anxious about making mistakes, and 5 cause thats sometimes simplified as „the stoic one“ & also because they’re intuitives and don’t see themselves in the more STJ sounding 1 descriptions/ think of themselves as logical rather than conformist. But even Si using 1s will chose their own inner standards over the official rules.
Also, 1s are very logical in their own way but they run more on efficient quick judgements than the explicit conceptual constructs that head types use.
The range of 1 is also generally not well represented in descriptions. If you’re xSTJ and were raised old fashioned, you’re in luck, but if you’re under 40, a fe type and/or an intuitive you may not see yourself reflected.
2 - 4 or 6.
4 because they hear that's "the emotional one", and 6 because they tend to worry or be concerned about relationships, so they think they must be "the anxious one".
Sometimes the 2 descriptions skew toward sp and 2w1 which can give this „responsible, mother-like“ impression. 2w3s are actually pretty passionate (sometimes to the point of histrionics)
You seldom see one asking for help outright, generally it's a question about their significant other or some friend they have beef with, but the more they talk the more its all feelings no logic and obviously not a 6.
4 – sometimes land on 1 because they see themselves as having „strong values“. But those are usually more feeling-based preferences (particularly, marked dislikes) than categorical „rules“, and they are not restrained or super organized.
Another issue is that since they’re by definition „picky“ about what they relate to or identify with, they pick apart the definition, „Well I thought I might be a 4 but this part here doesn’t fit at all!“, or „these definitions all disagree!“ (& often they’re pointing out very real inconsistencies)
So they can also say „none fits!“ out of not wanting to be boxed but in a very different way than 9 or 6. Less not wanting to pick and more complaining that even the closest option doesn’t describe exactly them – of course not, as the description is trying to capture the rough commonalities of individuals of varying instincts, cultures, levels of health…
5 – 7 or 4.
Which seem to genuinely be the most similar types? But of course it would seem that way to me. xD
It certainly points to a tedency to experience oneself as more excitable and/or more tormented than one is typically perceived by others.
The ones landing on 7 are usually social doms who are not that conversationally challenged, or Percieving types who think of themselves as having more diverse interests, whereas the landing on 4 is once again down to the misconception that that’s „the creative one“.
Our present society is somehow under the misconception that reason & creativity are somehow opposites. Wouldve been news to DaVinchi.
7 – 3, 5 or 4
Down to simplistic misconceptions as „the intellectual one“ or „the creative one“
7 is also an intellectual & often profoundly creative type & occupies that same space of being sorta in the middle of the lexical vs impressionistic scale.
The difference rather comes down to how 7 is more extroverted, optimistic & confident whereas 4 or 5 would be introverted, cynical and doomery.
7s tend to underestimate their extroversion & are just as often found in the moderate/“ambiverted“ region as among really pronounced extroverts.
The confusion with 3 happens due to the outward resemblance, both like attention, are charming, optimistic & love to cultivate many skills etc. but 7s are not always vigilant about how theyre looking or having it „under control“ like 3s are.
8 – 7, 5 or 4
Mostly cause they don’t see themselves in the „bossy“ descriptions. Some might land on 7 ‚cause that‘s the „pleasure-seeking, vivacious“ one, or, if they’re more on the standoffish side and land on 5 or 4 because they see themselves as misunderstood lone wolves. 8 is one of those types where inward experience & outward perception can diverge alot.
Attachment Types
3 – 5, 4 or 8.
Cause they think 8 is „the dominant one“ (3s are in fact the type most likely to be described as dominant or „alpha“ – 8s dont want to be screwed with & to make an impact, and sometimes being a leader makes this easier, but are just as likely to be standoffish lone wolves, but 3s are generally the ones that explicitly want to be leaders & ascend hierarchies. )
Likewise, 3s are often attracted to novel technologies but you won’t see that mentioned in a lot of places, so thus-inclined 3s who are justly proud of their 1337 tech sk!lz often think they must be 5s especially if they’re introverts.
4 mostly happens to ppl who have it as a wing & corresponsibly have a marked sense of their flaws & desire for special significance, but they still deal with it in a distinctly 3-ish way by trying to compensate for their shortcomings & earn significance through archievement.
Sometimes they think to be a 3 you must always conform to what’s popular like a robot, but that’s not how any of the attachment types work.
6 – land on other reactives, or just their wing. We can cut them some slack because of the often terribly boring sounding 6 descriptions in which it is often made to sound neither intellectual nor authentic. So of course they point at the other intellectual or reactive types & go, quite correctly, „im like these!“
Also often end up stuck between rather different-seeming types or splitting their various traits into two sides, such as between 4 and 8 or being between 8 and 1, due to the „complex“/“pendulum swing“ quality of 6.
9 – 9w8s can really think they’re any type and often don’t relate to doormat-sounding descriptions, because they don’t strictly avoid all conflict (only what would jeopardize importantrelationships) & hate being bossed around. They often have more emphasis on resisting being influenced than adapting to the environment.
9w1s meanwhile usually still land in the withdrawn triad. Sometimes 4 cause they heard thats „the creative one“ or that positive triad means always being happy go lucky, or, if they’re xxTPs in the mbti and/or sp doms they might land on 5 cause they indentify with being „logical“ and/or very strongly introverted.
Alternatively, especially if they're Fe types, they can also land on 2 since both are high-empathy types who feel driven to help others. However, 2s are much more proactive in approaching ppl (sometimes to the point of being meddlesome), which 9s generally aren't.
If someone is still confused despite having studied the subject in depht (especially if they’re clearly neither stupid nor using simplistic definitions) its usually one of those.
It’s important to stress that this is not because 9 or 6 are „leftover categories“, but because their specific biases interfere with the particular task of „sort yourself into one of these boxes“.
We all have glaring blindspots/biases.
Mine is missing 90 % of my direct surroundings and nonverbal communication…
It’s not just about being confused (anyone can be confused) but specific patterns of confused-ness:
3 – Thinks they might’ve been different types at different points in their lives, or with different people.
9 – "they all sound so relatable!“ ie, struggling to percieve contrasts. (often with the exception of the wing they don’t have, like a 9w1 says „I m pretty sure im not 8 at least“)
6 – Every time they decide, they immediately go, „but what if I’m wrong??“ or see some little thing that makes them question it again. That is precisely the whole passion of doubt/fear thing.
Some may also lowkey resist coming to a conclusion for some unconscious fear of losing that all-important adaptability.
But also, these just notice more how they’re different in different situations, and less the throughline.
Hexad types have the opposite bias & see mostly the „cumulative sum“ of themselves/ may not notice their own characteristic situational patterns.
Cultural Factors
Another thing that can influence systemic patterns of mistypes are cultural factors, especially for the more adaptable types.
This doesn’t just mean conforming to what is seen as ideal in one’s culture but can also mean doing exactly the opposite.
For example in countercultural esoterics circles in the USA you see a lot of 6s and 9s landing on 4 (counterpoint to the 3 culture of their parent’s generation) or 8 (which they interpret as the ideal of modern day USA) but in the conservatice christian circles you see roughly the same ppl landing on 1 or 2 instead (depending on gender)
From what I’ve read in some articles, in asia, where academic sucess is prized, everyone wants to be a 3, and a lot of African Americans mistakenly land on 6 because they have to be vigilant to avoid discrimination.
I’ve noticed that here in Germany where we have something of a so/sp 6w5 culture, a lot of counterculturals stress 7-like characteristics – „I’m spontaneous, optimistic & not stuffy, just call me my first name.“
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nkhrchuwuya · 2 years
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hello and i have been reading your blog for a very long time now lmao
i even recommend your blog to my friends whenever theyre searching for a chuuya fanfics and it's all worth it, congrats got the ✨500 followers✨ because you deserve it!💐
i'd like to participate the event(if it's possible)i'm kinda tall(5'6 ish) and doesn't really mind any pronouns but still mainly uses she/her. to put it all off i'm rather blunt with what i need, i'm slightly rude to the others who are also being rude to me or to my friends which i ended up fighting them but i'm always quiet 24/7 in general. i'm reserved which i really don't respond that much to the people that is close to me though. many mistaken me as a disloyal person(pls i'm not) but only to prove them wrong later on, though once they get to know me well I'm pretty much the 'mother friend' of the group that'll tends to take care of the others first before myself which i sometimes ended forgetting to take care of myself, I don't really show affections in public whether it's platonic or not so I do it through giving someone some gift anonymously or try to sneak something into their pockets/bags/etc. Other than that I'm rather dishonest with my feelings so there are some point that my emotions that i bottled will end up exploding which I tend to isolate myself away. On a lighter note I'm rather clueless with romance so lol, I also easily get flustered from the person that I really like only
hey lovely! thank you so much for having been on the blog for a long time, and i'm so happy to finally meet you somehow! thank you too for always recommending the blog to your friends 🥺 that means a lot and i hope i can continue to share in your love for chuuya!
i hope you enjoy your chuu headcanons!
chuuya gets taken off guard with your bluntness at first. especially if you aren't that close yet. he'll be like "what's this girl thinking talking me up like that?" he'll see it as a challenge, and he'll try to win your good favors if you prove to be interesting enough in other measures. (which you do.) that's how you two meet, really.
related to that, chuuya is so used to seeing you so quiet all the time that the first time you get an outburst about someone being unfair or rude he's so taken aback that he has to pull you aside so he can deal with the issue. you probably won't appreciate that gesture- as you can handle your own- but at that moment chuuya thought you would get yourself in more trouble than it was worth. he'll let you fight all you want eventually, but not without him keeping a watchful eye all the time.
your emotional distance with him makes chuuya feel upset. he understands that it's a part of you, and it's not like he's going to force you to change if you don't want to, but can you please adjust a little bit to his needs as well? he would like to be much closer to you than most other people will ever be, because you are his s/o, and he is your s/o as well.
mom chuuya all you want, but chuuya's going to baby you as much too. he knows you don't take care of yourself well so he'll take on the responsibility to remind you of the littlest things, like eating, or stretching, or drinking water. of course he won't be able to do it consistently (mafia schedule and all) but when he can he is always making sure you do these things for your health.
the first time chuuya found little surprises in his bags he was so. scared. it didn't even cross his mind that it could have been you. he thought he'd been stalked by an enemy! it could be a bug! it could be a tracker! he tossed the little chocolate into the nearest bin outside the port mafia. but while he was recounting the incident to you, you would laugh because of course it was you. and chuuya begs that you don't give him another heart attack like that.
not gonna lie, chuuya's going to get a little upset that you don't like showing affection that often, because he likes to brag about things that matter to him, even in the subtlest of ways. he'll respect your space, but he'll make sure to make up for it in private- extra hard- because he definitely will miss hanging around you while you're outside. in fact.... maybe he'd much prefer staying at home this way.
your cluelessness with romance sends chuuya to his knees all the time. he loves surprising you with little things like flowers or chocolate or even just random compliments just to see you get so shy about them. he's willing to pull down the stars for you and he hopes you'll take it.
on the other hand, chuuya gets flustered with romantic gestures as well- even if he likes to deny it. so if you'd like to give him a little surprise gift, this time to his face so he knows it's you, please do it, because he will greatly appreciate it. his face is going to be as red as his hair!
i think the two of you will make a good pair if you manage to find a balance between your distance and chuuya's need for closeness. he needs someone to be with outside of the port mafia after all. once you get over this hurdle i think you can find some ways to jive together and it can be an enjoyable ride.
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foolsdiamond · 2 years
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On adopting adult cats vs kittens
My personal thoughts from volunteering at the local cat shelter and helping get babies adopted and also choosing who I might want to adopt
KITTENS, usually 2-4 months old
Pros: they're still in early development so they're ripe and ready to train
Cuddleable, precious, adorable, curious
Excellent if you need them to adjust to pets you already own
Cons: it takes a while to really get their whole personality. You wont know what they'll be like yet, some cats get cuddlier or more playful once they're in a home environment
Easier to adopt out and more desirable to the average adopter, which isn’t necessarily a con, but if you’re concerned about trying to help rescue a cat who needs an opportunity (note, ALL shelter cats NEED an opportunity, and DESERVE a loving home, some are just more likely to find it than others), the kittens go fast.  they go so fast.
Since they’re easier to adopt out, they likely won’t be in the shelter for long so you have to make your decision day-of or week-of.
Young kittens need a lot of attention and time and work to become well trained, well behaved cats.  If you don’t have time to dedicate to being home every day, especially with the tiny young ones, you may need to adopt 2 kittens (assuming you have no other cats at home) so that the kitten has a playmate and wont get lonely
ADULTS, usually 2-6 years old
Pros: Their personalities have developed so you are certain of what sort of partner you’re choosing
Cuddleable, precious, adorable, curious
Adult cats, especially senior cats (8-10+ years old) are much more relaxed and low-energy.  They still need and enjoy play, but they don’t usually have boundless energy to expend (I mean, my cats were 100% an exception to this rule, but in general it holds true, especially for senior cats who were rescued as adults)
Cons: It can be harder to introduce an adult cat than a kitten to pets you already have, especially other adult cats.
More likely to have health issues related to mistreatment or age, like joint pain or old fighting injuries.  
Many, if not most, adult cats in shelters are rescued from colonies, meaning they were/are feral (but, in order to be adoptable, they’re at least friendly towards people, even if theyre not trusting).  It will take longer to form a bond with them.  It will take more work to get them to trust you.  They may never be as cuddly or as playful as you hope for in a companion than if they were socialized to people in early kittenhood.
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#vent#wild how the only way i can possibly get my dad to listen is by drawing vent art in the shower or needing to go to the ER#and how apparently any time i try to explain how upset i am or how badly im hurting as a result of spending so much time with the puppy is#made null by the excuse of 'oh but you love him!' yes i do and i will take care of him but you dont fucking spring a surprise puppy on#someone who was very adiment about NOT GETTING ANOTHER DOG 'i knew if i had told you wouldve said no!' and then promptly after 'hes staying#woth you because i need him to bond to you'#now here i am with two sprained ankles way over hyper extending and painful ribs and spine and fucking EXHAUSTED because i didnt ecen have#chance to every try to prepare myself physically or mentally for a puppy. and then when i give him to dad to watch over god forbid he gets#hyper and wants to PLAY GOD FORBID THAT 'bring him up to me when he's worn out' GUESS WHO HAS TO TIRE HIM OUT#fucking dont get a puppy for someone who is very adamantly against getting a dog and then put ALL the responsibilities of said puppy on the#as well especially WHILE THEYRE HAVING HEALTH ISSUES OF THEIR OWN THAT THEYRE TRYING TO DEAL WITH#he is getting better with having sylver with him even when he gets hyper but he still wants me to watch him all day till bed time where he#just sleeps woth him all night and then give him bqck to me in the morning whenever he needs care#even on weekends unless he can SEE how in pain i am and today was the first day where he took him for the majority of the day#and thats because ive been telling him so much about how much pain im in and because he knew i had dnd today and he figured#i should at least enjoy that which was... considerate of him#i knpw i have a vent specific blog but im too fucking tired and in pain to fucking care right now
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princeanxious · 3 years
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An idea I’m drawing stuff for:
Okay so g/t sanders sides au idea but where the tiny people are actually mini android/cyborgs made to accompany people /if they want to/ as companions to humans that can connect to technology and the internet. (Medium-big sized ramble under-cut)
They arent nessesarily helpers, but they can help humans w/ technology issues if they want(and there are lots of human laws in place that prohibit forced labor and captivity from this new sentient race, but as you might guess, just bc there are laws doesnt mean everyone follows them or gets caught breaking them) the rest of the world is kinda up for development but i can tell you these tiny android people sometimes come with additional features such as tails w/ audio jacks/place where the tail would go to insert an audiojack, eyes and fingers that glow, ear type varients depending on what time they were born/created, have as many bendable joints as a human, but their legs and feet are naturally a bit thicker/wider both for balance and more room for technology in their tiny bodies.
Theyre a very intermingled mix of liveform and android(and are probably best explained as just. Straight up aliens to planet earth), to the point that theres no actual way to seperate tech from bio-matter. And theyre so tiny that trying to seperate the two on such a small scale is still scientifically impossible at this current time. Damage and wear/tear to their body can heal quickly with enough energy, rest, and time, but losing body parts can be nearly detrimental to their health if said parts cant be reattached quickly. They are not strong enough to regenerate a full limb.
It’s not an immediate death if they lose a limb, but its very much an emergency due to how spread out their bodily function sensors are in their tiny bodies. Losing a certain leg can mean losing complete mobility of both legs and balance, or losing certain patches of memory, losing a certain arm can mean losing the ability to balnce well, or go nearly sensory blind(meaning they can see things, but no longer feel them that well.) the tail is the only bodypart that is not immediately detrimental to their health, just their lifestyle. Their tail is their only way to directly connect to the online world without assistance. Without it, they rely on adapter prostetics that wear out over time and need to be replaced on occassion.
That being said, in this au, Roman, Remus, and Janus are tinies in this world. Roman and Remus are twins, and both suffered an injustice of experimentation that involved one of their legs each being removed, and being reattached(successfully) to the other’s body, as a test to see how similar twin tiny’s bodies are and if the similarities assist any in surrogate limbs attaching successfully. Theyre rescued and rehabilitated amd rehomed together before anything more was done to them, but they live life knowing they have eachothers leg and function as if said legs are really their own, and it connects them in a very odd way that they cant really explain.(it comes w/ a bonus of being able to send messages to one another, but a con of being able to see a portion of the other’s memories, be it mental, or physical muscle memory)
They live with a group of humans, Logan, Patton, and Virgil, who are aware of their situation and have welcomed them into their home to live normal tiny lives. Patton and Virgil are brothers, and Logan is their childhood bestfriend. Remus tends to travel w/ Logan the most bc Logan isnt bothered by Remus’s constant hyperfixations on dark and grusome things.(they hold alot of convos abt dark literature and anatomy, and astronomy. Remus finds Logan’s voice soothing on his semi-irratic stream of thoughts, and talking abt astonomy helps sooth Remus to sleep the fastest.) Roman clings to Virgil mostly but passes inbetween Virgil and Patton pretty frequently depending on whose at work. (Virgil and Roman bicker about everything under the sun, but it’s still healthy for them. Virgil keeps Roman’s ego in check and Roman helps Virgil gain more confidence in things, especially things in public.)
Janus is.. well, he was born.. defective, in a way. No ones really sure exactly what happened, if there were dificulties in his development, or if his existance was fused semi-incorrectly with another while in the preverbial womb, but he is born with his body being partially down the middle on one side with another set of tiny genetics, leaving 1/4th of his body from one side of the head to just below the same side’s ribs to be a different skin & metal plating color. One eye glows gold, the other a bright milky white, the same going for either hand w/ his finger-tips on the same sides. Pure snow white skin, plating, and hair is unnatural, and its theorized to be a permanent glitch in his physical coding seeing as the ‘other tiny’ that had yet to combine correctly would not have developed any physical traits until birth to mimick a combination of it’s parents, it’s physical attribute coding would remain dormant and thus not addapt with the rest of the body.
This leaves Janus visually different, and physically different. He has his own two legs and tail so that part of his body functions normally, but the arm that is inter-functionally dormant leaves him with terrible balance issues(thus leaving him to require a cane) and his on the same side that is similarly dormant leaves him functionally blind in said eye and deaf on said side.
He’s developed an extremely defensive personality because he refuses to be pitied for something he was never in control of. He’s plenty independent without help and beyond grouchy. Has been known to bite humans who try to help him but wont listen to him, hard. He’s never been allowed to live a normal tiny’s life because the parents he was born to gave him to humans to ensure he lived, then got retroactively babied since. His foul temper has lead to a difficulty in the homing process, and the humans are almost about to give up on him when Virgil walks in one day, curious about homing a third tiny to help stabalize the twins antics and frustrations born from there only being the two of them.
Janus is just as foul at first as he is to everyone who approaches him, because he fully expects pity. Instead of Virgil moving on in rejection/dismissal of the rude behavior, Virgil just chuckles in amusement. “Oh boy, you’re fiesty huh?” “Have to be, lest people think they can do and think whatever they want about me. Better to give them my worst so they don’t get any god-complex over my disability, right?” And Virgil relates, and isnt hesitant abt mentioning his own struggles w/ how rudely people treat him w/ his general anxiety disorder and chronic depression.
Virgil manages to convince Janus take a chance and come home w/ him. And then Janus meets Patton, and things go so much better than anyone expected them to go. I mean, they get worse before they get better, but the getting better is so much further than any resulted backtracking. Janus likes Patton, and is uber protective of him. No one knew Patton to bicker much, but oh boy, does he bicker with Janus, often abt taking care of one another. Its all out of love and care, and its honestly jarringly sweet. (Patton gets Janus hooked on chocolate chips, and may or may not bribe him with a bottle-lip full from time to time if it means making Janus relax.)
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Text
Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:
A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense
Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers
Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity
Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something
First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.
All of the Blooks are adopted.
Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.
Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running
so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead
I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places
Ghosts also do not have souls I decided
Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology
So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal
Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies
Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul
What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.
Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal
Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second
Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below
Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four
The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay
Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide
So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive
And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them
So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die
HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy
ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption
Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal
And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.
They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)
And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up
Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy
Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time
But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional
ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in
Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful
Now back to ghost lore
Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided
And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing
But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion
They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb
And thats part of why the blooks are so special
Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...
but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family
most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good
And they hold each other accountable and it is nice
So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”
and they raise them for a cool minute
They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook
And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy
So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins
This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel
because they miss their mom ;;
but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself
And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal
And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything
They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS
But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,
so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry
Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game
Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;
Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that
but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot
Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve
Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,
but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues
So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings
Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk
Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to
And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse
But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;
Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them
And they can possess living things too they find out
Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”
And frisk still has most of the control
But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”
and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past
so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works
Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens
They manage to help frisk save the day
And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them
And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”
And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run
Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in
Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident
Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied
And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt
So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them
So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb
And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world
So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything
And also to clarify
They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game
Because, guess why
They become corporeal
Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal
So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything
Ok back to fluff
Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost
They can still float around and look just like the other blooks
And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone
And also they do way better with a family
Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news
And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless
Oh ALSO
The other dead humans dont have ghosts
BECAUSE
ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS
and chara is the weird special exception
Because they were a monster when they died
They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died
Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”
So anyway
charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again
Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far
This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING
Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like
Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept
thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol
Thanks again! Have a nice day!
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sk-lumen · 3 years
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Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:
Is a parent
Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake
You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?
Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child
Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"
Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today
Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL
In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla
Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it
Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)
Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)
Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...
Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation
I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢
I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do
I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)
I hope you can help me out, dear
Hi darling,
It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.
With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.
Here's my advice, in this order:
Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…
Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…
Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.
If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.
Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)
I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?
Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.
Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨
PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.
-Lumen
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dreamdropsystem · 2 years
Note
I've been doing some research on spells, and I'll attempt one soon if things work out..I wish you guys luck for the spell stuff too! Sending some good vibes 🪄
And of course! Not being believed and invalidated is a pretty bad feeling, so I make sure to believe everyone and take them seriously. You guys are very real, and I know I said it a lot, but y'all are valid.
I'm sorry you guys have to deal with that though.. it's tough not feeling attached to the body you live in, and it's hard being in it when it looks so much different than how you see yourself as..
And that makes sense.. I bet communication is very hard, since there's all these things at play..
I hope everything goes well with Star and Faith when that happens too! And that's okay! You guys can talk more about your experiences if you'd like..
And hmm for me.. I get really bad intrusive thoughts, and voices telling me to do things to hurt myself. Sometimes they'll tell me to cut off parts of my body (mainly legs, eyes, feet, and hands sometimes), and well.. I don't know how to deal with it in a healthy way, so I end up doing different things to cause myself pain when it's really bad and strong. Sometimes though, I'll pull my arm out of my sleeve and tuck my hand into my pocket and pretend it's not there. It's very hard to resist the voices and ignore the intrusive thoughts sometimes. Some ways I try to deal with it are writing down my thoughts and writing poems about why I want those body parts off.
Emotions are very weird and confusing, especially when there are so many you're experiencing at the same time.. intense emotions are also awful because they hurt a lot. Having to repress things sucks.. it makes you want to do them more, but you just can't cause there are people around. I get that too.. there are so many things I want to do and it's like aah, where do I begin? I hate medication too, it tastes awful among other things.
I'm not doing so well if I'm being honest, but it's okay. Currently I'm just watching my siblings and taking care of them since my parents have been gone, but I've also been just listening to music and watching some videos in the free time. How are you guys doing?
And of course! I like talking with you guys :}
:P I'm kinda awkward though since I'm not sure how to have conversations most of the time, but I try..
-🌺
hi 🌺 anon!
we have a inactive account that has a bunch of baby witch content we should look into that but maybe later cause we've been looking at so much stuff rn. some alters work on their own magic, but we need to do more research so we can have more accurate spells and magic and stuff! we wish you luck on that too!
thank you. being invalidated sucks.. but we deal with imposter syndrome already, people invalidating us hurts more. on all our mental health issues. we were told as a kid we were NOT going through what we we're going through so we shut down. we're trying to cope and open up to our mental health team. its going well.
yes its definitely hard when we dont identify with the body. a lot of us hurt the body. we're working on treated the body better but our ED is making us restrict all day and binge at night (sometimes b/p) and it sucks and we're trying to lose weight to be more comfortable in the body. we have some wigs thats similar to some alters's hair. some alters wear makeup, were starting to collect clothes alters can wear that they can find at least one thing they can wear while out and stuff like that.
communication is hard. its gotten a little better since Unn has been around jumping in headspaces. the gatekeeprs sometimes bring alters from other subsystems bring to the main system/headspace for a period of time or the gatekeepers being carers/caretakers/caregivers etc to other subsystems to help for some time.
Star and Faith got help taking the limbs off they needed off and they're very happy. they can talk about it when theyre out. Shane is cocon and they can talk about BIID if youd like. do you have any questions about it? I (Andy) was cretaed with my legs amputated below the knee but I do struggle with it when I front cause I want the body to look like how i look. so i guess i deal with it too when i front. Shane, Star, Faith (and possibly others) deal with it too. Wanting limbs to be gone, and for Shane their left eye. But they need both their eyes and our eyes are already bad... but they struggle with that. and other limbs
we get that. we deal with the same issue. vocies telling us to do bad things to others and ourselves, please he safe. Shane does that with their arms a lot. In headspace their legs are amputated below the knee and whe they daydream its the same, sometimes their arms too. Shane numbs their legs a lot by laying on them then pretend theyre not there. we also daw with phantom limbs. tails, wings, ears, etc. we get how hard it is.. stay safe please 🌺 anon.. Writing and drawing is a good way to cope.
emotions are very hard. and very confusing .we're sorry. we get that. we're here for you. medication is hard too. its hard being mentall ill. we suggest and hope you can talk to a professional like a therapist or school counselor if youre in school. maybe try talking to your gaurdian? or go to the doctor and tell them youre feeling depressed and anxious and need to talk to a therapist/professional. we hope the best. try to advocate for youself. you deserve help.
nice youre such a good big sibby watching over them.. so sorry we took so long to reply. what are you watching? we had a med meeting this morning, we missed our chiropractor appointment so we had to reschedule. were just pacing and listening to music. what are you up to? how are you doing? im not feeling the greatest but im protecting Shane and the sysem. a bit overwhelmed cause the gatekeepers are probably gonna introduce us to more alters... anyways hope your doing well cant wait for your reply - Andy and Shane (cocon)
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thebigqueer · 3 years
Note
hiii! could you write a fic/headcanons of leo, nico and will. i had no idea that was a ship until recently and i love it!!! and i want to read how they get together. in my mind solangelo is already dating (bc leo is in no condition to date after canon) and after leo comes back (after toa5) they became friends and eventually they confess to leo (when he already got over calypso and is better emotionally y'know?). no pressure if you don't feel like writing this tho :)))
hhhh anon im sorry i absolutely would love to write this for you into like an actual fic but it takes me a long time to write fics :(
but! i can def give you headcanons! after all they’re like fics but in outline form and much less grammatically correct! but if i do make a fanfic, i’ll be sure to post it. maybe you’ll like it! can’t make any promises i’d write it anytime soon though cuz i have a few more projects on the line but you know... i’m def considering making one after everything i’ve written in this post...
okay exactly yes i totally agree that leo only gets with them after he’s emotionally stable & after toa5
this is straying from soldezangelo a little but i made a post here about what i personally think should have happened w/ leo’s ending in HoO, if you’re interested in reading it. i’m gonna make the following bullet points based on that
but tldr: i’m just basically saying that i wish caleo ended up leaving ogygia as friends so that leo didn’t get that forced romance on him
so he stays at the waystation for a while with calypso (only as friends; like they’re staying there and are really adorable friends) and all the while he’s really thinking only about himself and his well-being. he goes back to high school and keeps up with that project he’s doing w/ other kids and giving them opportunities to make things (GOD THAT WAS SO CUTE)
then leo decides that maybe for the winter, he’ll go back for a trip (i also hc that piper and percy and annabeth go to chb for the same winter so that some of the seven see each other!)
there, he meets will and nico, but i think mostly he’s interested in talking w/ nico. so they talk a lot. nico expresses how angry they were for leo dying like that and scaring everyone, and leo says he’s sorry but he had to. i think this also provides nico and leo the perfect opportunity to talk about jason, since they were both really good friends with him. and nico also understands that it was leo’s decision and his sacrifice. but they also talk about how leo’s sacrifice kind of... felt weird. since in the end, they still lost the storm but the fire lived on (ehehhehe idk if that made sense but i was tryna be smart lakjsdlfkj) 
i think that opportunity ultimately provides nico and leo to get along a LOT better with each other, and they both realize that they actually have been through a lot of similar feelings. by which i mean theyre both so fuckin mentally unstable and they relate to one another.
nico talks about how he’s been in a relationship with will for a while, and leo’s happy for him, really. but i think a small part of him is jealous, too. not because “oh god here’s another couple im supposed to worry about after ive just started getting over this ingrained idea of needing romance to solve all my issues and feeling like i belong,” but more because i think leo’s always been a little attracted to nico since they were on the argo II with each other. i don’t think he ever acted on those feelings, especially since a lot of the people on that ship were more judgmental towards nico and he probably felt like he had to be as well (by the way, none of this is an excuse to leo’s treatment of nico, or, by extension, an excuse for anyone’s treatment of nico on the argo II.)
leo apologizes to nico about how he treated him, and nico smiles and tells him it’s fine. like, nico has had his own bout of personal growth as well, especially in the past year. he doesn’t - and won’t - forget how people treated him, but now he’s learning to just let it go, in a sense. 
and i think this is when leo and nico kind of develop underlying feelings for each other. 
leo and nico probably hang out a lot, but will also joins becuase he’s nico’s boyfriend, and nico loves to have him tag along. so i think leo feels a little intimidated by will, like “damn my crush is really just bringing along their boyfriend huh??” 
and leo’s like. so jealous. like “ugh why does this hot golden ray of sunshine have to ruin everything. why is he always around. he’s so fucking distracting. like hello i’m trying to simp for nico but he’s so gorgeous for the both of us.” and then it hits leo that oh wait oh fuck he actually likes both of them and that “intimidation” he was feeling was mostly just him being attracted LMAO
leo and will get a bit closer through nico, and then i think the two of them are like very joke-y with each other, and they totally connect with each other about texas and being absolute fucking NERDS (since they are both canonically absolute dumbass nerds HSDHFSLFKDJ)
and leo’s struck with how cute he is omG 
and then nico’s like “wow they’re both so glowy aslkdjffdj HHHHH” 
and then will’s like “damn they’re both so dark and mysterious” 
and also not to mention they all totally relate about mental illnesses, abandonment issues, and the like. i mean, after everything that’s happened to all three of them (since will has been through like two wars, has lost two brothers, and has probably lost a lot of lives and feels guilty for it) they probably really relate to each other about always feeling... this dark uncomfortableness inside them. a void. they get really deep about mental health, and i think nico actually suggests to both of them that they should all talk to dionysus, just like he does (because, as we all fucking know, love cannot fix mental health and it doesn’t matter how much they’re all attracted to each other, they will not cure each other just because they’re in love) 
i think somewhere in the relationship between will and nico, a tension starts to build up a little. they’re not really sure how to exactly deal with teh fact that they like leo (and neither of them actually admits it to the other because they like the other as well and they really are not in the mood for a “”””love triangle”””)
but the funny thing is, they probably all talk about it with dionysus in their separate times. and Mr. D is just. he’s so done. 
SLKDJFKLSDHFLJSDKFSDKJFSFDLJK - Mr. D falling asleep at night thinking about this soldezangelo thing because he thinks it’s really funny that they all like each other but don’t wanna admit it
he totally suggests that nico and will talk about it together, and after lots of hesitation, will is probably the first one to come outright and say that he likes leo as well. and nico’s like “OMG WHAT ME TOO. like i really like you but i also really like leo...”
so they’re both actually really relieved, because they didn’t really want to break up with each other but they didn’t really want to keep lying to each other, either. 
and they tell leo, and then leo’s so happy because lKJSDFJLSLDFK YALL I LIKED YOU FOR THE LONGEST TIME
and bada-bing, bada-boom, ya got yourself a little soldezangelo!!!! 
i hope you liked that!!! i’m actually tempted to make this into a fic now, but since it’s already in headcanon form is there a point? hmm... imma think on this though. thank you SO MUCH for the ask!!!
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felismiscellaneous · 3 years
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Casonverse Expo
ok so after you see this you Cannot save it. the whole thing about the casonverse is that its solely “oral” and memory based. i cannot write down “rules” to it or anything. this post Will be lost to time and youll just have to deal with that
ok so. we begin. our story. w/ an explanation on how ectobiology has been going on earth c. basically, every once in a while to increase genetic diversity, a babeh between two of the original founders is created randomly, and said founders get to decide if they want to adopt that babeh or not.
now its been a very very long time on earth c and all of these bitches are immortal. yep. every single one. even the non godtiers, they get an immortality boon for winning the game. you know whats also a boon? all of the players getting revived. yep. every single one. because this is my au and i can do what i want.
anyways as i was saying basically at some point a babeh between john and karkat is made and this time theyre like “yeah ok well adopt this one” SO. they be goin there. and the ONE TIME they decide this is the right time the baby is fuckin BROKE. the internal organs of trolls and humans dont mesh very well when the genes are combined in the ectomachine, and this baby is basically just dying very slowly. this baby isssss Casey! well, shes not named that by her parents, but well just call her Casey for now.
john and karkat do their fuckin best to keep this thing alive but her tiny baby body is completely dysfunctional. and doesnt last very long. This is Traumatizing for Everyone Involved. anyways!! a pretty long time after that we have Cason and Jones. they were spawned at the same time. Jones is rose and kanayas horrible ectospawn, and Cason happens to be another equally horrible spawn between john and karkat! they decide to adopt this one, and fortunately it lives. This was Their First Mistake.
but before we get into Cason, lets get into Jones. Jones is,,,, very socially awkward. in fact, she often comes off as creepy to everyone else. this makes her very clingy towards her mothers, who arent That terrible at parenting. theyve got quirks, but theyre good for her. Jones doesnt really have any friends, except this Totally Cool and Not at All Dangerous cult she gets dragged into! this is the second secret shes ever kept from her mothers. the first is that shes the one who keeps bringing snails into the house. Jones likes snails, but shes not good at taking care of them. she just keeps bringing them into the house and feeding them her snack. her snack is rat poison. snails like and digest rat poison safely. snails! she likes them.
ALSO APPARENTLY SHE CAN SEE GHOSTS???? yeah lets get into that. see, Casey becomes a Regular Ghost after she dies. not a dream ghost, just a plain ol ghost. and anyways, shes around the same age as everyone else if not a year older due to Ghost Rules now, and Cason is the only one that seems to be able to see her. and then theres Jones. Jones is absolutely stunning to Casey and yes she falls so hard in dokis. but Jones is trying to ignore the fact that she can see ghosts. it makes her feel like even more of an outcast. ooooo drama! anyways those two have their own background plot going on about fighting eldritch gods or something idk.
LETS GET BACK TO CASON. see. Cason. is The Worst. like, genuinely. ever since he was a kiddo, he was a completely spoiled brat from day one, and spent his childhood Looking Down on People for multiple reasons. for one, hes the son of TWO FUCKING FOUNDERS AND RAISED BY THEM, two he got away with EVERYTHING, and three i think its just in his nature. Cason prides himself in being knowledgeable and better than everyone else, but he is not like Other Egomaniacs((tm.))
Cason doesnt necessarily care about being liked, even if he WAS a great manipulator, or being the best at Everything. he couldnt care less about sports or popularity. all he wants, is Control. just like hes had since day one. This is Terrible for Everyone Involved.
but most terrible for anyone, is Tippie Piyjon. Tippie is terezi and nepetas ectospawn, which, really started it all. now, terezi and nepeta are not horrible people, or even necessarily horrible parents, but theyre just not suited for it. Tippie raised herself on romance novels and the like, especially after being sortve taken in as a goddaughter by karkat almost immediately after she was born. and, because of this, she got to meet Cason very early on. there was hardly ever a day where the two werent around eachother, whether they liked it or not. in school, at their own house, wherever. now, being around Cason of all people all the time, meant you knew exactly how he operated.
and well, Tippie figured that, maybe, if she was just good enough, she could change him. and Cason used that to his full advantage. the two became moirails, which was Fucked Up for Everyone Involved, and grew ever closer. now Cason, being Cason, was Extremely Emotionally Abusive to Tippie. she had to do what he asked, whatever it was, even if it wasnt morally right, she had to stay by his side, she couldnt cry in front of his parents, she had to get good grades so he wouldnt look bad, so many damn things she had to do. even if he never once laid a finger on her, her mental health was, slowly but surely, chiseled down.
every attempt at defying him was met with such coldness, or hed act more warm towards her, so surely she was doing something right and had to keep going. just had to be good enough. hell get better eventually. Cason earns the title of #1 Gaslighter Extraordinare. the only place she found any solace away from him was grubscouts, which she joined on her own terms when she was very young, and at the time was a camp counselor even! this lasted. for so many years.
Cason is nineteen whenever i depict him, and Tippie is seventeen, but very nearly eighteen. eventually, she cant take it anymore, and snaps at him. usually this doesnt last, and he would manage to calm her down eventually, but shes fucking Tired of it. he hasnt changed. not even a bit. well. Cason cant have that, now can he? the first time he lays a hand on her, he slaps her across the face. Big Mistake. though terrified, Tippie lashes out, and claws Casons left eye out, making a terribly deep gash that would leave him permanently blind in that eye whether or not he got treatment.
this scares the SHIT out of her, and Tippie runs off, for the first time, to her mothers. as she cries, she recounts how terrible everythings been and how she didnt mean it and shes sorry and- theres nothing to apologize for. its very clear, that they shouldve stepped in sooner, shouldve noticed something was wrong. meanwhile, Cason crawls home to his own dads, who are rightfully spooked seeing their son with a horrifically bloody face and a gouged eyeball. they only had a second to try and comfort him, before he snapped at them, showing a bit of his true nature to them for the first time, and also, terezi showing up behind him. after a thorough explanation which was mostly just a few stern, if a little tearful words, Casons parents are completely mortified. karkat quickly kicks him out in an act of raw emotion. no chance to grab clothes, or for john to interject, Cason is left outside, alone, and with absolutely no power left. what will he do?
theres also other characters but theyre like babies so they dont have much characterization and also arent very important to the story. but here they are ig:
owen, jade and daves child. hes like, 3. he likes sticks and playing in mud. hes 3 what more do you want from him
siyren, aradia and feferis kiddo. shes like, 6. she likes ballet, arts and crafts, and being snooty
damien, eridan and solluxs kid. hes 10, likes calling people slurs over xbox, and overcompensating since his parents waited so damn long to adopt him after his slimebirth
killer, who named himself, aradia and sollux kid. hes like 11 or something. he likes being edgy and has the same issue as damien. in fact, all but siyren have this issue
toga bitch, who i have currently yet to name, aradia and eridans kid. shes 12. she likes earth rome and chilling in public fountains. a burgundy whose violetkin
wemon wemon, who is also currently unnamed, feferi and eridans kid. hes 13, the oldest. he likes earth lemon demon and horror special effects
carrie, feferi and solluxs kid. shes like 11, likes dance dance revolution and earth 9s
rosie, calliope and roxys bab, whos a baby. jane is also her mom
ben, tippies far future carapacian bf, who likes boring shit like birdwatching and scrapbooking. malewife supreme. a very soft dude, and just wants to help his gf w/ her trauma and join her grubscout troop on earning badges. just a great, if boring guy
notkonyyl, just as unnamed, a notcanadian oliveblood who enjoys going to the gym, frequenting bars, being cool, flirty, and defending her moirail to the death
notkuprum, haha unnamed, is a human, and the moirail to notkonyyl. he likes things like being annoying, flirting with everyone taller than him ((most people)), the nintendo switch, and defending his moirail to the death
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theholyyuunoaduck · 4 years
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Reasons why i hate mikaela hyakuya
@gurensangel @chaoticgaymess sorry i know you wanted me to repost your post but its easier just starting my own and making my own hashtag so incase anyone else asks me about this i can just look for the hashtag and send them this
Mikaela is honestly one of those characters i desperately and i mean desperatly tried to love i mean his kid self was so so easy to love and want to protect and hell i cried a shit ton for him and his past his problems everything but the reality is mikaela is a toxic person and here im going to be explaining everything as clearly as i can though im sure that everyone has heard most of these arguments i also have some most people wouldnt even consider
Why is mikaela toxic? Well simply said when you have one person and only one then its obviously going to be an underlying mental health issue now you could say other characters are similar to mikaela within that regard like every other vampire but heres the thing we dont get to see much of the other vampires so im more or less apathetic to those vampires and their actions however in accordance to mikaela we have watched his actions since day one and his chemistry with the rest of the cast of owari no seraph what grinds my gears isnt the fact that mikaela acts with violence and distrust towards everyone but the actions that the rest of the cast have taken towards mikaela and his inability to react differently towards those same exact characters aka shinoa squad
Shinoa squad has never once treated mikaela with prejiduce with agendas or anything of ill will since day one the fact that shinoa basically is the cause of death of many of her comrads during the nagoya arc where mikaela attacks the jida troop (and yes it is a troop considering that after reading pannel after pannel theres upwards to 20 soldiers who the majority of which are equiped with standard blades unlike the protagonists you know basically cannon fodder) but my problem is the fact that in that chapter shinoa instigated their betrayal to save mikaela from the rest of the troops shinoa's life was threatned straight after acknowledging that this could be the last she ever layed eyes on yuichiro by letting mikaela escape with him first threatened by a random soldier and then right after rika inoue and by her superior narumi makoto and shinoa the fucking chad she is just took all the punishment because she knows damn well that it is her fault her comrads died because of her distraction to allow mikaela to escape eating away the precious time guren baught his soldiers to run away and escape and how does mikaela respond? He tells yuu to abandon them it doesnt take a genius to say that betrayal especially to the hiragi family is met with death even if mikaela doesnt understand the rules and regulations of human law i doubt vampire law is much different meaning he knows damn well shinoa could lose her life for betraying the army for his sake and not just shinoa but her entire squad
I already know what youll say "but but mikas a vampire he has no emotions" bullshit absolute pure fucking bullshit of an argument considering the fact yoichis mention of the word family/freinds was cause for pause for mikaela and not just mikaela look at ferid look at crowley theyre all so vibrant and brimming with personality and emotion and i am damn well sure no one disagrees this could just be kagami's writing and forgetting about this plotpoint
The fact that despite this mikaela is a manipulative fucker we all know yuu is a dumbass no one can deny this the fact that mikaela is willing to point his sword towards yuichiro and threaten him his so called beloved speaks volumes about mikaelas ego his straight up ego thinking that he's the only one that could be right after all mikaelas the wisest of the bunch right i mean after all everyone of his other decisions was followed through with outstanding results anyone? Anyone? Thats right not once has the squad or especially yuichiro listend to mikaela and do to that fact everyone is alive and kicking examples? (This is also an example of manipulative mika) Mika: Yuu abandon shinoa because if she's as great as you say us sticking around will only cause her trouble you cannot tell me that isnt mikaela trying to twist yuu's feelings for his family to abandon them because had they listened to mikaela shinoa would have been impaled by the chains kureto produced to awaken the seraph of the end
And almost right after that same situation upon mahiru injuring yuu awakening abadon mikaela high tails and runs away carrying yuu and we actually see a pannel of shinoa squad scrambling for saftey straight up abandoning them again and going so far as to yell that he is yuu's only family despite all the other shit
Alright so lets play into the whole mika doesnt have feelings dont you think that having no feelings would make your sense of judgement all the better? And if so with all the evidence and actions of shinoa squad why in Gods blue earth would he basically act like an actual dick towards shinoa who saved his life risked her life for him as if shinoa is the sole reason yuu is in the prediciment of being possessed by yuu?? Isnt that the least bit infuriating??
On next of we shouldnt listen to mikaela in the same arc again mikaela suggests lets leave shinoa squad to face off against crowley AND FERID with this bullshit of "theyre after us theyll just ignore them" i mean are you kidding me? Ferid the man youve been with for 5 years is going to not have the time of his life killing a bunch of teenagers for the simple fact that if yuu is running away and leaving them.they must not be important to him therefore easy pickings for him
Lets not trust guren after all he's just using you he doesnt care the man loves that boy like as if he was his son and you can argue against me with this some time later but alright lets give mika the benifit of the doubt so obviously in mikas infinit wisdom his set course of action is killing him infront of yuichiro??? Really??? In front of him?? Killing his father infront of yuu man that just speaks volumes about how mikaeala only cares about the feeling he gets with yuu rather than carring about yuu as a person
Imo mika cares about how yuu makes him feel rather than who yuichiro is what do i mean by this? Its simple mika doesnt give a damn what makes yuu happy hell mika would cage yuu up if it ment keeping him safe and alive but is that really living? Its cruelty if i adopt a dog feed it and give it water but never play with it and isolate it thats basically animal cruelty
Anyway back to mika trying to kill guren just right there yuu begs mika to stop and grabs his arm pulling him back and what does mika do? What does he do? He lops off yuu's arm the one that was holding mikaela back from attacking what makes this scene even worse is i had so much hope for mikaeala because the last battle they won mikaela said the thoight of losing his.comrads made him dizzy what happened to him not having feelings? I lived loved loved that statement i imagined uncle mika to yuus kids being the best man to yuus wedding begging to be the one to make the wedding cake so so so so so many au's based off those little words and right after removing yuu's limb from him kimizuki and yoichi step up for guren weapons drawn and mikaela threatens them?!?!?! I mean honestly how fucking hypocritical can you be how big is his fucking ego???
Ill end it with this point because i have work in the morning i Still have another 20 bullet points i want to add but im starting to think i have artheritistis in my hand because my fingers hurt so much but anyway my point being mikaelas character contradicts yui's in an unhealthy way while yuu's character trait is to run towards danger to be a hero mikas is to run from danger its basically a tug of war and the thing is the story so far has actually turned out well for the cast running into danger for yuu made the 6th angels trumpet to grow silent destroying all of the four horsemen monsters and letting humanity take a huge step towards rebuilding but had it been mika's way theyd have run right out of that building never to see it again my point is if someone pulls and runs towards something and another character ties a rope to them and runs the other direction that tension will cause nothing but problems instead of running forward with the protagonist in order to keep them safe and actually contribute into the success of the mission
Also like the hashtags say this is only part 1 because as i said i have to sleep and my hand is killing me i should have done this earlier when i had more energy in order to bring along all the sources like the chapter and page where you can find these exact moments along with photos of said arguments/bullet points
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littlebabycrybtch · 3 years
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bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality. 
humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.
i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person. 
‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !! 
to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !
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peckhampeculiar · 5 years
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Twerking nine to five
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PECKHAM’S KELECHNEKOFF STUDIO OFFERS FITNESS CLASSES RANGING FROM POLE-DANCING TO TWERKING TO YOGA. We meet its inspirational founder – the personal trainer, actress and Peckham resident Kelechi Okafor
WORDS JUMOKÉ FASHOLA PHOTO DILESH SOLANKI
I don’t think you could find anyone prouder to be a south Londoner than Kelechi Okafor. Born in Nigeria, she arrived to join her mother in Peckham at the age of five and the area has been her home ever since.
Describing herself as a ride or die Peckhamite, she not only lives locally, but has also established her Kelechnekoff fitness studio here.
Kelechi is a fierce, fun and fabulous woman, with boundless energy, who sees her remit as one of reclaiming the narrative about what it means to be a strong black female in the age of social media.
Her studio, based in the Sojourner Truth Centre on Sumner Road, offers everything from yoga to pole-dancing to twerking. Why twerking?
“One of the things I wanted from having a space like this,” she says, “is to allow women across the board to be tender and engage fully with their bodies.
“Because society has hyper-sexualised the female body so much, and the black female body specifically, there are women who just want to be as far away from that narrative as possible, not understanding that our power lies in the sexuality and sensuality of being a woman. That’s what I want us to take back.”
As an actor, director and personal trainer who specialises in twerk and pole-dance fitness, it’s been a challenging road to get to where she is today – from the homelessness she experienced as a teenager to supporting her mother and brothers, to depression, therapy, having to integrate into a new family when she first arrived in the UK, childhood sexual abuse and a lot more.
She has survived and is very open about her personal journey to date, particularly on social media. No topic is off limits – black issues, police brutality, mental health, her own recent miscarriage.
She has amassed a following of almost 35,000 people on Twitter, with a further 12,400 followers on Instagram. Where did her fascination with social media start?
“It was probably around 2013, when the shift started happening and I just felt that we had something here that allowed us to communicate with everybody, worldwide,” she says.
“I’ve always been a writer, and when Twitter came along I just took to it, because I thought, ‘This is a space where I can say what I’m thinking and I can put it out there as a form of microblogging.’
“I joined it when hardly anyone else was on there and I remember when the influx of celebrities started joining us. I thought, ‘There goes the neighbourhood, they are going to ruin everything!” she laughs.
“But it has changed and I’ve changed with it, as I saw how it allowed us to have our own voice separate from the narrative that we were getting from the media.
“I feel that this is where the power is. It’s an opportunity for me, Kelechi, to give you an alternative narrative to what you’d normally get from the mainstream.”
But in being so outspoken across her social media platforms, has there been a cost? “Yes, there has been, but I think that for anything that matters to you, there is always a sacrifice,” she says.
“Occasionally I will go online and there will be someone calling me a black b**** or a black this. Sometimes I save the tweets. Perhaps one day I’ll take it to court and then they’ll have to show up and explain that email or tweet they sent. But it hasn’t really got there.
“I did have horse manure sent to me in the first small studio I opened in Clapton, though,” she remembers ruefully.
“I had been speaking that weekend about the appropriation of black culture by mainstream pop artists.
“I was pointing out that when it’s ‘appropriation’, there’s always someone with more power who benefits from it financially. If it was ‘appreciation’, the person who has less of the power should be benefiting from it but they’re not.
“I was explaining that and someone got extremely upset with something I said, because soon after, I got horse manure posted to me anonymously.
“Although,” she laughs, “it didn’t even offend me because it was so well packaged and 100 per cent organic.”
What was the response to that experience from her social media followers?
“I have a lot of black female followers who care about my safety and care about my wellbeing. So, someone wrote an article for BuzzFeed about it, which basically helped promote my studio.
“Many people, men and women, sent me flowers and books of poetry including one by Maya Angelou. I just received so much love.”
Whatever the challenges she has faced in life, keeping fit has always been her way of working through issues.
“I’ve always been active and into sports”, she says. “Growing up, I played football and netball. It was stuff I didn’t have to try hard at, it was just a skill that I had.
“I had wanted to be head girl at school but my teacher thought I was too boisterous for that, so she said I could be sports captain instead.”
Her love of sport comes not just from her innate ability, but also from the discipline that it requires.
“When I was in secondary school I joined the air cadets. All I’ve ever yearned for, after not seeing it in the family home, is discipline. I like routine and structure.
“I think we were in year eight when we had a talk from the air cadets. And I thought, ‘Yeah, that’s it, I’m becoming an air cadet.’”
True to form she worked hard at it and for her, “the psychological part of the training gave me a break from being the one who did everything at home and having to be in control of everyone. I wanted and needed that break.”
Alongside fitness, her other passion is acting. It was a choice of career that her mother was dead set against.
“I can understand why,” she muses. “If you’re losing your home and don’t have a regular job, what you want for your children is a steady job. You want to know that they will never suffer or want for anything. Mum was like, ‘Just be a lawyer, you are such a great orator’.”
As a compromise, Kelechi found a course that would allow her to study both drama and law at Liverpool Hope University.
“I’d never been to Liverpool before,” she says, “but that’s the only place which was offering that degree.”
Coming back to London, she started working at a call centre and found it soul destroying.
“I remember going through London Bridge one day and just thinking, ‘There has to be something I can do where I’m not at the mercy of this corporation’. And I just thought, ‘I’ll become a personal trainer’. Fitness was the thing I loved most after acting.
“I saved up my money from my job, paid for a distance learning course and then I did lots of work experience in different gyms.”
Her business took off straightaway, courtesy of her followers on social media.
“When I did qualify, there were already women on Twitter and Instagram who were like, ‘Just come and train me’.
“So I went into that and that’s when I started to see the kind of freedom and flexibility that I could have access to without being at the mercy of big corporations.”
Her personal background means that she has a real desire to see women embrace who they truly are, not just physically but also emotionally and spiritually.
“What I really want for women to understand, especially when it comes to our bodies, is that we only have this one body,” she says.
“When I start training people, I want them to understand that there’s nothing I can do that’s going to make them more beautiful.
“I can get you slimmer if that’s what you really want. I can get you more toned, but none of these things are actually going to make you more beautiful, because it’s not really based on what you look like.
“[It’s about] getting my clients to understand that to me, personal training is 80 per cent psychological and emotional, and 20 per cent physical.
“You didn’t come to me because you care about your fitness, not really. There’s something else that’s happening there. What is that thing?
“If we talk about that ‘thing’, then the fitness doesn’t feel so bad. I’ve had women and men break down into tears when we’ve been having a session because I will say things like, ‘I just feel today that you’re holding a lot in’.
“I can feel it and then they let that out. And that’s what they needed. Then they feel safer because they know that I will spot it if they’re holding a lot that day and we taper the session to create space for them.”
She’s irritated by men who try to dominate in gyms. “I’ve had it myself when I’ll be training at the gym and a guy who clearly knows nothing about fitness comes up to me, just because I’m a woman, and says, ‘So when you’re doing this you really want to do it like this.’
“Wait, you’re telling me, the actual professional, how to do it?! And then they often have the temerity to say, ‘Don’t grow too much muscle though, because you don’t want to look like a man.’”
She dislikes the way Christmas and the new year are promoted to us commercially.
“It’s interesting to me how around Christmas time, the focus in adverts is on massive turkeys, chocolates etcetera, pushing a form of gluttony on us.
“Then as soon as January hits, it’s ‘You, disgusting fatty, get to the gym, get fit’, and I just think that we have to pull ourselves out of that. We are being sold one thing while being beaten with another. What does that do to your self esteem? We never know where we stand because companies were just telling us five minutes ago to eat all of the food!”
What’s on offer at her own gym is a way, according to her, of connecting women to the “divine feminine” through dance.
“With the twerking classes at the studio I wanted to celebrate my African-ness while still paying homage to the ways in which it has changed and how it’s now become linked with hip hop culture,” she says.
Also available at the Kelechnekoff studio are very popular classes in pole-dancing and also yoga, which she is particularly keen to make accessible to all, especially those on lower incomes.
She hopes in 2019 to include a few more aerial disciplines, such as aerial hoops and also Wing Chun defence classes. Primarily though, whether it’s a twerk hen party or a pole-dancing class, her dream is that the studio continues to be a fun place that celebrates all women.
On a personal level as we approach the new year, she’s living by her own mantra: “Don’t stop striving for that thing that makes your heart warm. You deserve it. You can achieve it.”
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larksinging · 6 years
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talk about any potentials u might have! and like what youd wanna do with them if u did app them!
okay lets see
most likely is beliax, who i might rename… what was my idea earlier… oh, ferrosia. beliax isn’t that fitting for her lore. ANYWAY she is one of my warcraft ocs! ive talked about her a bit, but. she is a black dragon, who are Designed Evil, but i enjoy kind of… playing with that a bit. her primary deal is that she was hatched after most of the other black dragons were all wiped out after trying to destroy the world. she barely managed to scrape by. she claims she just wants a quiet life to herself, but that… would never actually satisfy her. she has an unending need to power to try and fill some vague void in her from feeling so isolated. she’s a little tragic because she probably would’ve ended up less awful if some other dragons had given her a bit of guidance when she was very young….. but she also throws away any chances to have a stable life with other dragons in a similar situation. 
ANYWAY. i am trying to push myself to app her because villain! denny needs villains! i need a villain! and she’s not like laurel, she’s not gonna get immediately routed to a redemption arc. she’s kind of redemption arc proof, actually, she’s like a kung fu panda villain that rejects a redemption arc. one of my main problems is i DON’T know what she’d do exactly. she’s clever and scheming and likes to charm her way into different social circles to try and build up power, but usually ends up getting impatient and throwing them away/destroying what she made. but i don’t know… what she’d do? she could join up with the MLD, or maybe team up with jack, or… i don’t know. but at this point i figure it might be better to “app a villain and then figure it out” than “sit around and don’t app at all” 
and then a few others…
ive also considered arvensia (also maybe be renamed). she’s another warcraft oc, also a dragon. she’s a twilight dragon! theyre a bit weird. she’s kind of a foil to beli/ferri, in that arvensia is everything she SAYS she wants. arvensia is also a designed chaotic evil dragon, but she’s chaotic neutral. she really does just want a life of her own and to get away from her kind’s terrible history and reputation. in some versions, the two of them team up, but if i app them both to denny they probably won’t know each other. i think she has a lot of potential to end up hanging out with some denny people, especially some groups on the edge. i just gotta… differentiate her from laurel. she’s the sort who could end up dragged along with heroes, OR working with villains, OR just in some neutral group… she’s not a bad person, but she’s not really a good one either. she’ll take umbrage with like, some things beli does, but she’d look at the mld or jack and just go “who cares, not my problem”. her and beli/ferri are both Young Dragons, both under ten. (so mentally theyre in like... i think i decided beli/ferri is like early twenties, arvensia is like mid twenties)
and for a warcraft CANON, i’ve considered apping jaina. she is….. an old warcraft character. she was introduced in warcraft 3, i think, which came out in 2002. and she’s been pretty involved in lore since then. she’s this like, very powerful human mage who originally really just wanted peace between the horde and alliance and was kind of a symbol for that. but then some intense trauma happened and she got more… vengeful before people talked her down. her most recent stuff has involved reflecting on her past and going back to the homeland that hates her. she is, uh, a warcraft women, which means her writing is all over the place and very ?? at times, but… conceptually a lot of it is compelling. ive hesitated because 1) warcraft characters sometimes feel weird outside their universe, since the world is one of the best parts of that lore 2) ive been waiting to finish the new question stuff, but health issues and… game balance issues have been a block 3) the weird and baffling moral stances this expansion has been taking, esp re: jaina’s old feelings about the horde?? i wont get into that, but. maybe someday. she’d be pretty interesting to involve with other magical characters, and she is pretty op but not likely to involved herself in things unless pushed, which… i feel like could be used somehow, but i’m not sure how. 
actually i gotta link it, jaina’s warbringers song is basically the best thing blizzard has put out in years, even without context i feel like it’s worth the watch (warning for… some sytlized corpses, i guess? eh)
also, as you know, emily from until dawn! meeks mentioned maybe apping jess and i thought about if there was anyone i really liked, and… well. i always wanted to like sam, but emily stood out to me more. i think because she’s such an asshole, but in that until dawn cast way of “mean asshole until stuff gets real”. i’ve talked about her potential before so i don’t have much to add. i’m just sitting on this idea while i canon review slowly and see how i feel. it would be fun to have more college-aged kids around denny…
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