#as long as I’m not alone with any

[heardatmedschool]

Today marks the first day a nurse was so mean it made me cry.

Shoutout to the nice cleaning lady, my residents and my staff for making it more bearable ;-;

#I’m honestly surprised it took this long tbh #at least she doesn’t have any nursing students to torment #but i also saw her berating a new cna #and leaving another nurse alone with 16 patients for HOURS #lavanda speaks #personal

[perhaps-mr-collins-has-a-cousin]

Hello praying people, I'm not doing well and would really appreciate your prayers right now <3

#long very boring and unnecessarily detailed tag monologue incoming‚ feel free to skip: #this is going to sound like a silly thing to be hitting rock bottom over #but i’m fairly certain i have a semi-rare skin condition known as sensitive skin syndrome #which is basically where skin gets progressively more sensitive #until it won’t tolerate the topical application of anything at all without getting irritated #usually it happens to people on the skin of their face and i have it there but i also specifically have it on my lips #(which apparently is extremely not normal; i found a dermatologist’s case study from like 2019 of one woman who had it on her lips #and according to this case study there were no other cases of people having it on their lips #in all the dermatological literature he had read) #i can’t follow the protocol which all the journal articles i’ve been able to find say is helpful for the rest of the face which is basicall #leave the area the heck alone for at least a year #because if i don’t apply anything to my lips for more than two or three days they will get so dry they crack and bleed #so it’s looking like one way or another i may be having to deal with dry burning irritated lips for the rest of my life #and i’m not dealing with the thought of that very well #i’ve already suffered so much anguish from extreme sensitivity on the rest of my face #and not being able to take proper care of the skin there #and this is just too much for me #i know God is allowing this for a reason but it’s filling me with so much frustration and panic and despair that i don’t know how to go on #but i must and i will #this isn’t a serious or a life-threatening condition but it’s looking like a pretty hopeless one and it’s hurting me badly #and i would appreciate prayers that it would just be healed or that i would know what to do #i think i will try going to my dermatologist but somehow i doubt she's even heard of sensitive skin syndrome #on a COMPLETELY unrelated note i'm just about to get my period and also for two days i've ''eaten'' nothing but vegetable smoothies #and those in pretty small amounts because they're disgusting #(do a detox my hormonal health doctor said) #(it'll be fun she said) #ok if you read this far you're so brave braver than any u.s. marine etc. #thanks for reading ily <3

[randbitb]

Codeflippa never done anything wrong ever, actually she’s perfect no one ever mad at her, no one ever mean to her. “She’s changing Charlie” well love does that to a person shrug sounds like you guys just don’t love people enough you lose your sense of self sounds like a you issue tbh tbh tbh fr

#MOSTLY JOKEY. I just want to have a fun time okay. I missed her I missed her #they call me qslime kinnie because I’m in those delusions with him #also I could write an essay on how qslime has psychosis and how the other islanders kept accidentally reality checking him for so long - #which is why Charlie runs away so fucking often because he doesn’t trust any of them #lalala smth smth hes mentally I’ll leave my man alone he did all that stuff but he’s grieving

[tiny-cloud-of-flowers]

suddenly remembered that xeno femslash February is a thing (that might not be the exact name)

I was only able to make one thing for ship week last year - that being the writing where Citri meets Vanea after waking up as Face Nemesis’ pilot - but if I can find the prompt list then I would definitely like to try and make at least something

#it feels like it’s been too long since i actually created anything (in general - let alone that’s a selfship thing) #I do have a couple of ideas for things but I just. haven’t ended up making a start on any of them #or any*thing* lately really. but that miiight be connected to the whole “being off of medication’’ thing #which I also realise I never properly shared here so‚ ah.. if I’ve seemed different or not like myself recently then. that might be why! #heart of the void #I keep struggling with the constant feeling that I don’t need to be saying whatever I say or post #which is a slightly new version of the previous feeling unable to post #but is no less limiting #so I’m trying to post more things even if they feel unnecessary #but because everything feels unnecessary it’s more difficult for me to figure out what *actually* is or not #(case in point: all this rambling)

[redemptiionss]

Sometimes I just think there’s something deeply wrong with me idk

#txt #where did this fear of forming attachments come from #and my fear of being in committed relationship with someone #and just etc #idk I think I’m destined to die alone lol #lol #and not to mention the ✨depression✨ #seriously my life is just work home work home every day #and on weekends I just don’t go anywhere except to the damn grocery store #but also I’m always just too tired to do anything outside of that #sometimes I don’t really enjoy work #but it’s also the only thing that gets me up in the mornings during the week #and I’m getting older. I’m not getting any younger #who am i gonna want? I have not had any interest in any guy/man in a long time lol #and frankly it’s hard for me if I don’t trust men #I guess the truth is that I have no love for men irl #don’t get me wrong. I’m a straight woman. who’s unfortunately had unpleasant experiences with men in the past lol #but anyways. also with me getting older. who’s gonna want me lol. #also there’s the added factor of me being Deaf 😂 there was never really a lot of fish in the sea for me to begin with

[ziracona]

Harry Osborn really is just “I want people to be nice to me and love me. That’s it.” Like it really is. Of course he became Peter’s best friend; the guy was nice to him. Does not take much. He convinces his dad to rent him an apartment close to college and asks Pete to just come live with him for free in a nice two-bedroom in NY because he wants him there. He drives around because he gets anxious and down and driving relaxes him and Peter doesn’t have a car so he’s always like “Oh oh! : ) Hi Peter do you need a ride?” and Pete is like ‘thank god no taxi fare let’s DO this’. He thinks Gwen and MJ are so cool and neat and he loved Gwen so much even though she broke up with him and died two decades ago, he still thinks about how much she means to him. He just wants to hug Normie and tell him he’s a great son and he loves him. He wants Liz to not hate him and think he’s weak and he’s terrified of people finding out all the things wrong with him but none of them care, and he’s great. He’s the most tragic character of all time. He loves his terrible dad so genuinely and so much, and he loves his friends so much, he loves his family so much. Literally all he ever wanted was people to be nice to him and love him and his life and sanity fall apart and he gets tragedy after tragedy and breakdown after breakdown and but he never really breaks he’s always just a little left. He tries so hard to go off the deep end but he can never really make himself hurt Peter, because of course he can’t. He’s Harry Osborn. Who loves friends from twenty years ago like it was last night. Even at his lowest he gets to die telling his best friend he would have finally been proud of him because he was able for a second to be like he is, and pass while smiling and holding his best friend’s hands. Of course he does. How else could Harry Osborn have ever died. He’s Harry.

#spider-man #Harry Osborn #I’m re-reading old comics and I am VeRY sad and moved about Harry #god they really gave him and Gwen both stellar deaths. it’s hard to kill a long term cast member without it being terrible in superhero #comics but both of them in very different ways get really really well written deaths #He’s so happy when he dies. it’s the thing. he’s so happy. he’s been miserable for years and years and years #and exhausted and alone and insane and trying so hard and so broken and so desperate. he tries to kill himself with Peter becuase he can’t #go on any more. but he doesn’t. he gets to save his kid and his friend and his best friend. and they love him and try to save him #and he gets to die peacefully holding his best friend’s hands in an ambulance. and three of the people he loves most in the world are with #him. he’s not alone. and he saved their lives and they’re being so nice to him because they really love him #and he gets to die like that knowing that and he’s smiling

[vialae]

really feel like gortash and ascended astarion wouldn’t get along to comical amounts. like especially with how i write everything where durge accepts bhaal and succeeds in his plans w gortash.

gortash and kaidos planning every awful expansion of their empire out to the minute details. theyve been working at this for years, and finally they see the fruits of their labour and they so deserve these seats they’ve muscled their way into.

and then here comes ascended astarion waltzing into their halls as if he owns them. as if everyone should be kneeling and be so grateful they get to be in his presence. gortash isn’t at all intimidated by it; he’s seen every act and trick there is to play amongst aristocracy. sure a vampire ascendant is physically very strong, but where are his connections? the wealth he earned all on his own? a well established reputation? appearances are everything in the upper-city, after all.

and then to hear this vampire talk to his dearest assassin in that tone. talking down to his equal as if he was somehow better than him. gortash wouldn’t stop it in the moment because he doesn’t want to make kaidos seem like someone who can’t fight his own battles, but he does ask about it when they’re alone. why do you let him talk to you that way? he has no right to. gortash is also a very petty man, and so whenever astarion addresses him personally, he will use the same condescending tone in response. nobody is undermining gortash in his own halls.

for a vampire ascendant who has only had this rush of power for a matter of months to act this way in front of a man who has spent the last 40ish years dragging himself to the spot he is in now. nobody ever gifted gortash any power - there was no ritual he could ever override. no, he had to fight, scheme and crawl his way up. he deserves to be sat in these halls. gortash is only tolerating his presence because kaidos insists he can be useful. there is information a vampire can get a lot easier than a group of banite soldiers can. the looks gortash gives this ascendant vampire let him know that he is only staying his hand because his beloved wants him to.

#this got WAY too long #and yes I am very aware of how non canon and self indulgent this all is #I am also not tagging this properly because I enjoy everything I do staying in the little delusional gortash girly corner #it’s also important to know that the durge runs i use as a base for my fics had everything pick their ‘get worse’ options #because Kaidos isn’t going down alone #I am also not excusing any of these fucks #they are all evil and delusional and I find it easier to write stuff out from their awful deluded POVs #just in case the last paragraph sounds like I’m an apologist No Enver is awful!!!

[lyriumsings]

idk why everyone acts like lifeweaver is such a bad team pick like idk maybe you’re just bad at supporting DJSJSJ

#listen i’m no overwatch god or anything #i’m roughing it out in silver bronze lmaooo #bUT lifeweaver does insane healing?? and decent damage esp from a distance?? #but if your dps doesng dps you gotta switch obvs to fill that void #with zen or moira #but you could say the same of like mercy #i think he would be better if his ult was more useful bc that burst healing is for shit #it’s should be continuous as long as you’re standing it in and #tbh i think his healing distance should be increased #and i think the petal should be infinite in the sky tbh #bc i mean you’re already forced to move often no one is just gonna let you #hover in the sky and damage the team you have to be mobile no matter what #but if people DO overlook you then that’s their issue that’s the punishment side of the petal #just like how yeah you can sit up there but you’re also easy pickings for any decent sniper #lyriumsings txt #overwatch #don’t look at me i’m watching world cup #and they won’t stop shitting on lifeweaver lmaoooo #that’s my boi leave him alone

[tea-cat-arts]

Hey, guys, if an artist/writer says “I don’t want to draw/write xyz thing” for whatever reason, maybe just don’t challenge them on it. Like, the person isn’t gonna just throw their hands up in the air and go “oh yes- because you are objectively correct my boundaries are suddenly gone and I’m willing to do it,” they’re probably just gonna get mad at you because their feelings were probably never about objectivity in the first place

#honkai impact #genshin impact #though this was kinda brought on by a recent discussion this post is not solely about it #it’s kinda just been a long time coming #cuz nothing makes me hate a ship more than its avid supporters refusing to leave me alone #I don’t ever want to draw Kaeluc romantically. I don’t like the ship #I know they aren’t technically brothers. I know about the whole sworn siblings thing. I know how it’s used in a romantic context #I simply do not like the pairing #Kaebedo shippers took a ship a used to be completely neutral on and made me hate it by refusing to leave me alone #I’m not drawing any heterosexual Yae content #‘well she’s not canonically a lesbian-‘ #I do not care. I read her as lesbian. I’m not drawing her romantically with either Ayato or Kalpas #same thing if the character is either explicitly a minor is implied to be a minor or just looks like a child most of the time #I do not want to deal with those ships #and I refuse to touch legal lolis with a 12ft pole #I get the pushback when people are trying to force their standards/interpretations on people who do like these things #and I am very much pro ‘just mind your own damn business’ on most shipping controversies #but me saying ‘I don’t like this thing’ after being asked to draw it is not a personal attack on you

[lovebloods]

.

#hiding this in the tags bc it’s kind of embarrassing and i need to get it off my chest #and i could journal about it but i just want someone to see me #sorry for being cringe <333 #but i don’t know what the hell i am like i don’t know if i’m even nonbinary anymore and that scares me like being nonbinary felt like coming #home after a long trip #and now i’m having all these thoughts about wanting to be a man? like near tears rn bc i want to be a guy but then when i think of actually #being a guy i freak out a bit #bc i like being seen as feminine too and i know that there are feminine men and they get treated so terribly #and i feel like all the men i see that i want to be like or look like are white! why don’t i see any black trans men like i feel so alone #and i’m scared to look/be openly trans bc there’s so much violence against people like us that it feels safer to just cosplay as a cis woman #even though i’m not #like i don’t want to be a boy but i want to be one and i absolutely don’t want to be a girl but i’d like to be seen as someone sometimes #it’s all very confusing #AND like i know i’m biromantic like im attracted to all genders and people #but im like? am i on the ace spectrum #bc i have a low sex drive am often sex repulsed and will sometimes ‘test’ #myself to see if im sexually attracted to people and most of the time it’s like #it’s like meh not really but sometimes im like sure but that’s rarer and rarer these days?? and like. tmi here but i jerk off and enjoy it #so i can’t be asexual right?? i tried looking it up but the articles just confused me #but then i also am like with the right person if i had a connection to them i wouldn’t mind having sex with them! but like. then i think #about actually having to be in a relationship and i’m like gross no but i think that’s just relationship trauma and fear of being #vulnerable #and like i know i don’t HAVE to have a label on my gender or sexuality but for me personally it helps to know What i am #and and i love butches so so so much and if i’m a man how can i love butches? like #it’s all so confusing #i feel like i’m 14 and going through puberty again

[seveneyesoup]

do you think the time lords even understand death? like really

#regeneration sure #but people just don’t die that much on gallifrey #or the time lords don’t #i’m willing to bet some of them regenerate before they even think about proper death #an end sure but abstract and far away #and even when they do die everyone’s still around in the matrix #so death; in a human sense? hell; even in a shobogan sense #has to be like; a totally foreign concept; or very nearly #only understanding death on your third regeneration sitting up at the end of a hallway while the body of your cousin shudders under a shroud #only understanding death as the body of your classmate bleeds into the river and does not move #and maybe i’m being unfair; people do die on gallifrey but not people the time lords are around; i guess #so maybe there’s an understanding of death but not as something that can happen to you? #i don’t know. but in some sense i think they don’t get it #death happens to other people. the lower castes; the lesser species #except it doesn’t #everything has its time and everything dies #and the other part of my point is i think theta and koschei knew that a long; Long time before any of their peers #maybe even before some of their teachers #having not only a secret between them but a secret understanding #a terrible wisdom shared between them alone #not really them alone. but it must have felt like that

[weirdo09]

i hate my mom n my stepdad, i dislike them so much

#cade’s things #cade’s thoughts 💭 #they’re so annoying #they don’t give me any space #they act like my attitude is due to my period #WHEN ITS THEM #i can’t with them #if i say what’s wrong they’ll take my phone for who knows how long #i’m only on my phone a lot bcuz i’m not in the right mindset to draw or read #i do not feel comfortable drawing with my mom present or anyone present #drawing is my happy place #and my mom would constantly ask what i’m drawing n try to take my sketch book to try n take a look #CANT HAVE NOTHING TO MYSELF #can’t be alone n unbothered

[enderspawn]

^ she was forced to finally make a worldbuilding decision in order to do any further worldbuilding

#im planning a glimmer hearts campaign for some friends #but like. I have to kind of decide the Lore of the powers #how people got picked how rare they are how secret the whole deal is #how they originate how long have they been a Thing #etc etc #mainly I’m just. between ideas and have I to pick ONE to continue any further but I’m. o(-( #bc I want it to be part intrigue on how they were picked #but I don’t even have solidly like. their Power Origin story? bc even if it varies slightly between PCs they have to still Relate #and I don’t want a 100% secret society deal so like. no magical girl government #I just. Hough. #hm. maybe. session 1 something happens but the monster can Only be seen by magicals? #which pulls the group together bc they all React; they can meet the mentor npc there also in super form #and like. have it be this is a Thing that happens and a secret world and they don’t know WHY there’s so many new heroes let alone at once #and yadda yadda intrigue bc it’s usually like a. 3-4 heroes a town deal. and now somehow the number has Doubled #(and will likely still increase not that they’d know fjskdn) #hm okay yeah that at least solves some part of it #now just like. how they Individually found their powers before that. and then yknow. The Intrigue. #og post #personal