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#as like a im so glad ur healthy again + I know you’re eyes are still sensitive as hell here have a nice pair of sunglasses
toinfinitywinning · 2 months
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confident about confidence & not confident that makes sense.
*real Quick. This (G)entry might make ur head spin. Could also Title : what you think no one knew. U tried it.
I wont ask for a raise of hands. Everyone deals with it. There’s no solution, no answer. Experience & being a dumbass——>Guidance and wisdom. There are many reasons I bring up confidence. One, it’s one of those words that’s not a word …it is a State of being. you just kind of don’t know where to place it b/c well, you’re not confident of where to land w/ it and even if you were you’d be like just leave it bc i don’t have time for this. to debate confidence v confidence? again Dog-ear the page or burn it bc im not even confident about THAT. Then once and only if it’s (the whole world of confidence) placed hyper-questioning kicks in: is that where it should be? Then… be and stay? Also am I losing it? I’m not confident about that but maybe. That’s always on the agenda you never agreed to and I AM confident about that i think.
If there is one constant in My Life it’s been My back n forth relationship with confidence. I have this thought daily, truly. I’ll say to myself ok yea I’m cute…
[insert any other compliment you give yourself or even receive by others only b/c you’re actually insecure— and just like the fact you’re still sick from being healthy (Me) it doesn’t make sense so bc it doesn’t make sense just I guess get over it and carry on]
…but R u cute enough to actually be happy and okay about that or do you want to change something? Take another chiseled mirror picture flexing? And u never went to a trainer? Feel better now? But I only got 3 likes. So idk.
Er No i think I’ve figured it out. Just dont eat. Exercise 2-4 hrs a day. Weights. 100 Push-up’s. 100 Calf raises. Repeat. Twice a Day if ya can. Anything to find confidence in the material. Find Pride. Only Pride you’re good at tho is the lgbtq spectrum and recently are glad it’s a spectrum since u have no idea where you fall into it anymore bc you’re not confident and it’s completely irrelevant b/c I can live between the letters+ the rest of my Life— that’s fine. Any of which could be foreshadowing of any category of Illness to come. But yea Now that you’re sick…you gotta trash your other Pride AGAIN b/c you can’t do anything without help.
10, 9, 8…my Tourette’s R throttled.
Then lately, aka the past 2 years—I can make the cute comment, i like my sun freckles and My eyes. My baby hairs when i wear a hat backwards. My smile. Just dont smile where you look fat or have a dbl chin bc you worked too hard to get all that weight off and how would that look if you just got fat again? Pitiful and weak and a fraud. Going back on your word b/c anything I declare Online is binding. So just Show some of your body in pics but not all so people dont think youre trying NOT to be totally honest with internet fame but so you still look confident. but as for doing anything about it…physically can’t now b/c trying to get better is not a good idea bc of POTS and Pppunishment for trying to be in shape but oh when u tried to be in shape never was not-not punishment. Then what…back to no confidence. Felt like My Face is cute but _______ oh, ill still think that later. Confident about that. Forget about iiit. Post it.
Then all the sudden youre not just fighting with yourself. there’s the whole social Media thing also including the “felt cute, might _____ later.” What R we doing later (?!) LOL. We say Shit that doesn’t make sense at all. (English still deemed the hardest language to learn b/c we have three versions of the same thing). Who decided why ppl need to know what we’re doing later if we are cute? LOL, Well then, I’m typically the later. I think. B/c if I even did feel cute I didn’t have enough confidence to say it, yea? Even if I was?
TRAP
This goes back to My eating Disorder(s)—which, is technically a fantastic eerily precluding example of the back and forth weight and confidence issues I’ve always had on and off. Ok so weight, up and down. Confidence obviously plays along. Self worth in that scale- turn the lights off. Can’t see your bones anymore, I’m doing something wrong. I’m healthier but I also have Long COVID-19? I lost all this weight and im fainting? Oh and science does back up that the reason u were so susceptible to getting sick is bc you got healthy! Your body was so assaulted it kicked into overdrive to help you but did a 180 gainer instead of the whole 360. So u Quit smoking. stopped drinking, et. Working on an eating disorder mixed of anorexia and exercise bulimia bc you used to be morbidly obese and lost 150 lbs and dammit you’re gonna let ppl know it for confidence’s sake. Do. Not. Waiver. Social Media is holding us all hostage and accountable.
That’s weak, Gentry. B/c if it’s on the Internet it’s REAL and it’s permanent. Keep it up. Don’t think about it too much.
Back to my body being so healthy it gets sick. The most laughable backwards bull shiggity I’ve ever been a part of. My Pleasure. Again, body got So healthy in fact, the health takes form and wants to protect you so badly that it turns turbo, fast, furious and wants to heal you SO fast and so well, well, it’s bad. And, AND, you cant do anything about that trust me your body is confident in that. Oh and also wait even tho u did follow all the covid safety rules half of America made fun of that is also irrelevant. Why? I’m confident the answer is bc What why? LOL. This gets Good, gets better. Need 2 years to explain. So book it in advance.
Speed ‘round to tie all the above mess? not confident I can do that with this entry. Can’t speed through any of this type Schitt in a few words. Forget a proofread.
Engine sputters. Then stops even sputtering. And pls stop using that word.
Pretty confident I can’t go anywhere now!
See now? Ofc you don’t.
Truly it was the beginning of the End. I’m confident about that. I do thank God for that tho. Not that this needed to happen but something needed to distract Me from myself and its prison only I could have built. Go ahead and add that pressure to your Tab too.
Me thinks i do. I sound Manic. And steroids influenced.
PS: if you take anything from this—these strategies of extremes to get extremes don’t work. They’re temporary. It’s more your mind than your body. They’re not going to make you happy everlasting.even Snow White got F’d temporarily and she was not even cute. There’s a shallowness to the extremes intoxication but unless like an Addiction you’re ready to Face and admit it honestly healing cannot Begin. TIME is on your side and most of the time you’d prefer it the other Way then the other Way. So This “advice”— or call it what you want— doesn’t just apply to confidence and the extremes we Will take so you CAN be all about you you you. Where is the line btw confidence Health and cockiness and a titch narcissism? The obsession—It Will leave you empty.
I just read the above and thank goodness I didn’t handwrite it b/c then you’d really have no chance of deciphering any part of it! Even so you may have to learn the hard Way like most of us. Something I’ll never understand but can look at somebody and know they’ve been there too.
Just do you. Don’t try so hard. You’ll be so tired. But just be present. That’s gonna bring joy. Not a scale. Not a selfie. What do YOU want. Trust my confidence on this at least. Ya can’t beat it. Truly is what is at your Core. What do people think first? I’m still unsure I want to know that anyway! Being yourself is terrifying. WHYYY?!
I need a scribe.
Don’t ask Me ;)
Be blessed.
Xx, g3
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pollux like you can’t see my eyebags these sunglasses are gucci
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bokuroar · 3 years
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hi tiger! i really love your work abt hq captains as ur bf. u made my heart woosh and pit pat hard. can i make a request? an hc on how would karasuno boys take care of you when u are sick? 👉👈
☽ a/n: omg that description lmao ilysm im so glad you liked it !!! and thanks so much for sending in a request i hope this would make your heart go woosh & pit pat hard too 💗😋 im sorry too this took so long i got so busy with college! (this is still in school setting btw)
haikyuu!! captains & how they take care of you when you’re sick
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✧ DAICHI SAWAMURA
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daichi drops everything at an instant for you
— both as a volleyball player and a senior, daichi knows how to help his teammates inside and outside the court. he thinks having the role of a captain developed his natural tendency to always look out for and take care of others especially the people around him. however, when it comes to you, his willingness and capacity to care for another doubles. he could be in the middle of practice or in the classroom listening to a lecture, but once he receives a text that you saw your school’s nurse because you weren’t feeling well, everything else but you loses importance to him. he’d ask coach or the teacher if he could excuse himself as this counts as an emergency. he wants to attend to you personally because daichi doesn’t think a simple text or call would suffice. the degree of your sickness doesn’t matter to him too. “daichi, you didn’t have to come i was just feeling a little dizzy that’s all.” daichi only lets out a chuckle at this and kisses your forehead, “i’ll always be there when my baby needs me.”
✧ TOORU OIKAWA
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oikawa treats you like royalty
— even after watching hundreds of oikawa’s volleyball matches and witnessing his sets and spikes, his speed when he sees you try to get out of bed when you’re sick is unparalleled. to say that he wouldn’t let you lift a finger is an understatement. he isn’t underestimating your strength, he knows you are strong. but for him, he thinks that it’s the least he could do. it irks oikawa that he couldn’t physically remove your sickness away so, for him, nursing you back to health is his #1 job. you must admit it is kind of amusing and borderline silly to see the cocky volleyball player image oikawa puts on quickly replaced by a panicked concerned boyfriend when he sees you exert effort too much his liking. “honey, i have a cold. i can stand on my own, i am not dying.” you explain. “as your king i am obliged to be at your service!” he dramatically bows and kisses the back of your hand while you roll your eyes. you hate to see him go frantic about a trivial and temporary thing but your heart swells at the amount of effort he puts in for you.
✧ TETSUROU KUROO
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kuroo runs you a bath
— kuroo hated seeing you sick. it breaks his heart to see you in such a weak state, example when you lose your appetite or your energy to even do the simplest of things. he’d never admit it out loud but he is actually annoyed that out of all people, you get to be sick. so when you’re feeling unwell, without you even saying a word, kuroo’s already on his move to lend you a hand. when you wake up from your much needed naps, there’s always already a glass of water, medicines, and warm soup waiting beside you. declining kuroo’s offer to feed you, he then proceeds to setup a bath for you instead while you eat in bed. as soon as your done, kuroo puts the dishes on the sink and gets back to you. he crouches down on your once again resting state on bed, caresses your cheeks and gently whispers, “hey. time for a bath?” you give him a small nod and appreciative smile, “a warm one please.” kuroo hums as confirmation. he kisses your forehead and wraps an arm on your back and another arm on the back of your knees, “hold my neck, baby.” he carries you all the way to the bathroom and asks you if do you want him to stay and help or keep you company while you relax on the tub, which you’d no doubt say yes to. as you feel kuroo’s hands massage your temples from his chair outside the tub, you couldn’t help but get one of his hands and kiss the back of it as a non-verbal thank you and i love you.
✧ KOUTAROU BOKUTO
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bokuto never leaves your side
— bokuto is already a clingy boyfriend on a normal day, so what if he finds out you are sick? he’d be too worried to lay off his eyes off of you even for a second. bokuto thinks the greatest way he could help alleviate the pain you’re feeling is staying by your side. when you’re walking around the house, he won’t insist you to stop but you’ll have his eyes following you around. if you didn’t tell him you’d be fine to walk around on your own, you’d never stop having a shadow named bokuto koutarou following you around. so instead, he is on full alert if ever you need him to do something for you. he volunteers to be at your beck and call. and honestly, you find comfort with this. even just the feeling of his presence around makes you feel more ease than the usual tension you have when you’re sick. as bokuto gently hugs you from behind as you take a nap, you guiltily whisper, “bo, you don’t need to stay with me all the time. won’t you get sick too?” after realizing he spent all day at your side. bokuto frowns a bit, “look at my muscles, baby, these are too tough to get sick!” you lightly chuckle, “even the strongest men get sick, you know? and i don’t want that.” bokuto only hugs you even tighter and buries his head on your hair, “well that’s too bad. i’d rather get sick than be far away from you when you need me.” sickness aside, safe to say you both fell asleep with the most lovely smiles.
✧ SHINSUKE KITA
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kita brings you everything
— kita is a very observant boyfriend. he always knows what to say and what to do in different situations. these situations include when you’re sick. one text of “my love, i can’t go to school today. i’m sick.” sent to him, he’d immediately know what to do. he calls it the “sick baby care package”. medicines? check. bottle of water? check snacks? check. kita once bought atsumu food and drinks when atsumu forgot to take care of himself. what more of it’s his partner? even with the necessities already in his bag, he would still go to a nearby store and ask you what else do you need. he prioritizes your needs above anything else especially he knows how much discomfort being sick brings. after a small reprimand of not looking after yourself, “what would you do if i wasn’t here, huh?” he lightly teases. “i’d probably still be sick. but alone.” you pout and tease back. his shoulders shake a little as he lets out a small chuckle and leans down to give you a kiss, “good thing i’m not going anywhere then.”
✧ USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI
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ushijima searches up recipes and cooks meals for you
— the captain of shiratorizawa is a silent worrier. behind his brooding and intimidating exterior is a warm and kind heart. when he finds out your sick, it may not show on his stoic face but his mind’s an entanglement of thoughts worrying about you. does your head hurt? have you taken your medicines? do you have food? he wants to bombard you with these questions for his peace of mind but he knows better than to bother you even more. so after his errands at school, he immediately sends you a text that he’s on his way to you. seeing you sleeping on your bed when he arrives, he goes to the kitchen to inspect the food stored. as an athlete, ushijima knows that one of the best things to help you get back on your feet is digestion of healthy food. and as your boyfriend, he would love nothing more than that to happen. trying to minimize the loud sounds, ushijima then proceeds to open his phone and searches simple soup recipes when sick. a gentle tap on your shoulder and a hushed “hey” wakes you up from your slumber. when you wake up, there’s already a glass of water, medicines, and warm soup waiting beside you. “hey, you came.” despite your uneasiness, you smile as you see ushijima. he reciprocated your smile and a nod as if saying of course he wouldn’t be anywhere else. he sits beside you and gets the soup he just cooked, “i know you haven’t eaten yet, love. so here you go.” you ask him where and when he bought that when you saw the soup was on your bowl and not a takeout. ushijima slightly blushes and admits he cooked it for you. who would’ve thought, huh? you just let out a giggle and push yourself off the headboard to give his cheek a kiss before accepting his relentless offer to feed you.
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; say hi/request — see pinned post!
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hyuniepot · 3 years
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the butterfly effect. || chapter 6
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chapter word count || 5,372
genre || thriller, angst, drama
members || mark lee, na jaemin, lee jeno, huang renjun, lee donghyuck, zhong chenle, park jisung
warnings || mentions of death, implications of depression
pairing || fem!reader x jaemin || slight fem!reader x mark
synopsis || you never thought you’d be able to play with fate so easily, especially not through some shady app. but you suddenly must say goodbye to what you know and hello to a new world where everything seems perfect.
taglist || @gothboyjisung​ @jeongyoonohs @doiewonu @huanginjoon​ @wordsgodeep @colpen
previous chapter
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You woke up way later than usual. You were still in the clothes you wore yesterday. You immediately got up and showered, changing into a new pair of clothes.
You woke up way later than usual. You were still in the clothes you wore yesterday. You immediately got up and showered, changing into a new pair of clothes.
You woke up way later than usual. You were still in the clothes you wore yesterday. You immediately got up and showered, changing into a new pair of clothes.
When you were done, you checked your phone.
Mark
hey, when do u wanna hang out?
you can come over here if u want.
or whatever. its fine
oh, you probably aren’t awake yet….
lol. let me know when ur awake.
You smile.
You
hey im awake now
i can come over to ur place, is any time fine?
i just gotta get ready and stuff
You set your phone down and look at yourself in the mirror, continuing to dry your hair. You know you still had to make your final decision on whether you were going to leave or not. Your mind couldn’t make a decision. There were pros and cons to doing both.
If you were to go back, you’d return to a life with no Mark and a Jisung who isn’t happy. But you’d have Hyuck. You’d have Jaemin, and Jeno and Renjun. You’d have your old friends back. You could use what you learned here to fix your life.
But Mark. He was the only thing stopping you. You wanted to take him along with you but you knew it was impossible. You just couldn’t imagine leaving him again when you had spent so long yearning for him to be back.
You jump at the sound of your phone dinging.
Mark
yea, come on over. i’ll be here all day hahah
You
got it. i’ll be there soon
You then clicked on Hyuck’s name to text him.
You
i know this is annoying but please give me the time i need. i’ll let you know tonight what my decision is.
You turned your phone off, grabbing your camera and putting it in your new bag. Jisung was in his room so you gently knock and wait for a response.
Jisung opens the door. “Hey.”
“Hey,” you respond. “I’m gonna go to Mark’s today, are you gonna be okay here alone?”
Your mother’s workload had definitely decreased, but she still worked long hours. You only got to see her in the mornings before school.
Jisung nods. “Yep, that’s fine.”
“Okay.” you exhale. “I’ll see you later, then.”
He nods, and you turn away and head downstairs. You make your way outside and start your journey to Mark’s house. Luckily, you had gone there once since you showed up, so you knew your way.
Everything was still so familiar. Of course it was; this was the town you grew up in after all. And that’s why it was so hard to differentiate from your old life sometimes. Everything still felt right at times.
You were glad Mark didn’t live too far away. You spotted him outside, sitting on one of the concrete stairs that lead to the porch. His face lights up when he spots you, getting up and making his way to you.
“What’s up?” he smiles.
“Nothing,” you reply. “What’s the plan for today?” you both continue making your way to his house.
“I don’t have anything planned, really…” he says, scratching his head. “We just chill for a bit and then figure out something if you want.”
You nod, going up the stairs to his porch. He opens the door, letting you in. You follow him up to his room, suddenly feeling nervous. You hadn’t been alone with Mark like this. You barely even knew how to be around him without feeling awestruck.
He opens the door to his room and it hits you. It was so perfectly… him. It was just what you expected, what you always imagined it would look like. An acoustic guitar stood in the corner of his room, bed haphazardly made. A record player was set up on the left side, the records he owned displayed on a nearby shelf. Posters of all different subjects were taped on the wall, some personal photos mixed in. You spotted one of you and Mark as children, one of the photos you always looked at when you missed him.
It hurt to look at everything. But you had to force your emotions aside.
“Yeah, had to switch up the old room,” he says, putting his hands in his pockets. “I think this looks way cooler.”
You nod. “It looks great.” your voice is barely audible. You couldn’t take your eyes off the photos on the wall.
“Oh,” Mark notices you staring at the wall. He walks to where his bed is, squatting down and pulling a book out from under it. “I found a whole photo album of old photos.” he says. He motions you to come sit down next to him, and you oblige.
He opens it. The first few pages were photos of him as a baby, but it quickly changed to photos of him as a kid. It didn’t take long for you to appear. You had seen them all before, but it was still nice to look at them. There were even pictures from your trip to the butterfly enclosure, an unsure look plastered across your face. Mark was beaming.
“Do you remember this?” Mark puts his finger on an old photo of you and him at a fair — huge grins on both of your faces. He laughs. “We rode a ride and I swore I was gonna get sick after it. You were so freaked out by it that you avoided me until I convinced you I felt better.”
You laugh. You did remember it. You remembered running away from him and staying at least 10 feet away until you finally gave in.
He turns a few pages. It was time to look at photos that you had never seen, stories that you had never heard, the things that could have been. You just tried to keep your breathing steady.
There’s a picture of you and him together in somewhat formal clothing — probably your first highschool dance. Hyuck and another boy you didn’t recognize stood behind you, giving both you and Mark bunny ears.
“You remember Johnny, right?”
That must have been the other boy. You just nodded. Of course, you had no idea who he was.
“He moved here when we were like 12, right?” he looks at the photo. “I miss him. I don’t get to talk to him a lot because he travels so he’s always in a different timezone but… when I do, it’s like he never left.” he adds.
You wrack your brain — did you ever know anyone named Johnny? You were sure you didn’t. He didn’t exist in your old life. But he had somehow been a part of your life in this universe at some point. He was visibly older — not by too much, but he was definitely more mature. It didn’t help that Mark had a baby face. He had brown, medium length hair that was kind of shaggy. He seemed charming. But since there was no sign of him in your phone, you assumed you didn’t keep in touch with him.
Mark flips the pages a few more times. There’s a picture of you, Mark, and Hyuck on what seemed to be your last halloween together. You couldn’t exactly pinpoint when, but you were probably 14 or 15. You were dressed up as Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Hyuck was dressed as the beast and Mark was dressed as Lumière, the candlestick.
You look at the girl in those photos. You wished you had her brain; You wished you remembered everything the way she did. Looking at yourself in the photos didn’t feel right. No matter what you did, you couldn’t convince yourself that it was you. Because technically, it wasn’t. Where was that girl now? Was she living your old life? Spending her days with Jaemin, desperately wishing for Mark?
“Are you okay?” you snap back to reality at the sound of Mark’s voice. He had closed the book and was looking at you with a concerned look on his face.
You let out an awkward chuckle. “Oh… yeah. I’m fine… I just kinda zoned out.”
“Yeah… you’ve been doing that a lot lately…” Mark stands up and slides the book back under his bed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
You don’t want to reply. Your eyes start burning with tears.
“Yeah,” you reply softly.
“That’s why I wanted to hang out with you today. You’ve seemed so… off lately… No offense,” Mark sits back down and looks at you. “I don’t mean that in a mean way, I just mean… it seems like something is bothering you and… are you crying?”
Tears finally escape your eyes, cascading down your cheeks. You stay silent as Mark wraps his arms around you, tightly hugging you.
“Oh god, oh no… I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.” Mark says.
You can’t help but smile as you cry into his chest. “No… it’s not your fault…”
He pulls away from the hug. “Is something actually wrong? You know you can talk to me… I heard bottling up your emotions isn’t healthy…”
You take your time collecting yourself to try and think of an excuse. Obviously you couldn’t tell him the real reason why you seemed so out of it -- oh yeah, Mark, I’m from a universe where you died and I ended up here because I used some app to wish for you back and I have literally no idea what’s going on half the time.
“I’m just stressed,” you tell him. “I’ve never been this stressed so I don’t really know how to deal with it.”
“Ah…” Mark nods. “I get it… I mean, we’re in our last year of school. Everyone’s gonna expect us to act like adults soon. It’s… scary.”
You nod, wiping your tears. I wish that was what I was stressed about.
And that’s when it clicks. You realize you don’t belong here. You were destined to live in a world without Mark. But that thought only makes you start crying again.
Mark hugs you again. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “Just let it out, okay?”
So you do. You let everything out. Your shoulders shake as you sob. To anyone, it would seem like you’re overreacting. Sobbing in your best friend’s arms because you’re stressed. But this was the one thing you felt like could make you feel better.
For years, you laid in your bed alone, sobbing because you missed Mark. Because you felt guilty. And if you weren’t crying over him, you wished he was there to comfort you. And now it finally happened, and you were gonna relish the moment. This was all you ever wanted.
You feel guilty — Mark just wanted to hang out and here you were, making him comfort you as you cried for God knows what.
You force yourself to stop crying. Mark lets you go and levels himself with you, wiping your face with his thumb. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks. “We’re best friends… you can tell me anything, y’know?”
You nod. “I know… I just… didn’t want to bother anyone.”
Mark furrows his brows. “Hey come on, don’t say that. You wouldn’t be bothering anyone. Don’t think like that.”
You hiccup. You could feel that your face was puffy from crying.
“Okay,” Mark stands up. “I think this calls for some relaxation, right? I’m gonna get a bunch of blankets and we’re just gonna lounge.” He grabs a spare blanket and wraps it around your shoulders, helping you stand up. He leads you to his basement. There was a large couch and a TV. You sit down.
“Do you wanna watch a movie?” he asks.
You nod. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
Mark turns the TV on. “Okay. I’ll find something for us to watch. Get comfortable, okay?”
You scoot around for a bit before finding a comfortable spot. The crying you did made your eyelids heavy.
Mark joins you on the couch, clicking through the TV guide, searching for something to watch. He clicks on a movie before opening his arms. “Come here.”
Maybe it wasn’t right, but you let him hold you. You listen to his heartbeat, trying to keep yourself awake until you couldn’t fight it anymore.
[4:27 p.m.]
Your eyes flutter open. You glance around, taking in your surroundings and remembering you were in Mark’s basement. You realize you were still in his arms. You quickly sit up, making Mark jolt awake.
“Oh shit,” he says, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “Did we both fall asleep?” he chuckles.
You smile. “Yeah… looks like it.” You stretch your muscles. “Did you get to watch any of movie?”
“Nope.” Mark replies. “I think I fell asleep right after I realized you had,” he says softly.
You groan. “What time is it? We didn’t sleep through the day, did we?” you ask, suddenly nervous.
Mark pulls out his phone to check the time. He shakes his head. “Nope. Only about two and a half hours.”
You sigh in relief. It was still a long time, but at least it was still daytime. “Oh, good.”
“Do you wanna go get some food? We should probably get up so we don’t fall asleep again,” he laughs.
You smile. “Good idea.”
You both make your way upstairs and you retrieve your bag from Mark’s room before leaving the house. The weather, like yesterday, was nice. A light breeze blew, but it wasn’t cold thanks to the sun. You could hear children playing in a yard nearby. You and Mark made your way to a restaurant nearby. It was one that you didn’t recognize. It was a bit retro-themed and was decorated like a classic diner.
You and Mark sit down at a booth, looking at the menu. “We haven’t been to this place in forever… they got a bunch of new menu items.” Mark mumbles.
You look at the menu. It had all kinds of different types of burgers, but most importantly, milkshakes.
Mark gasped. “They got rid of the cookies ‘n cream milkshake? Are you kidding me?” he whines.
You laugh. “Really? That has to be a popular flavor.”
“Right? It’s so good too, I order it everytime. So why would they — oh, nevermind… they just rebranded it…” Mark says softly, hiding his face with the menu.
Your eyes find their way to the milkshakes; they had simply changed the name of the milkshake from Cookies ‘N Cream to Oreo. You giggle. “Dork.”
“Hey, come on! I was panicked, alright?” Mark laughs.
A waitress swings by and takes your orders — you just order a classic burger and fries with a milkshake with your favorite ice cream flavor.
You feel your phone buzz in your pocket. You pull it out to see who’s calling. It’s Hyuck. “Um,” you swallow hard. “I’m gonna go wash my hands real quick.” you tell Mark.
He nods. “Alright.”
You get up from the booth and quickly walk to the bathroom. You close the door behind you, praying that it was empty. “Hello?”
“God, took you long enough.” Hyuck mutters.
“Why’d you call?” you sigh.
“Because I think we need to actually talk about this… I mean, if you decide to leave, I need to be able to tell you when to send the message.” he replies.
You roll your eyes. “I told you I would let you know later. I’m with Mark right now.”
“Are you serious?”
You pause. It’s deathly quiet. You can feel Hyuck’s anger through the phone. “He wanted to hang out, he asked me last night when he dropped me off… did you really think I’d say no?”
“You should’ve,” he sighs. “You know you’re only making it harder on yourself.”
You knew he was right. “I just… wanted to make some final memories before possibly leaving,” you tell him.
“I… understand.” Hyuck adds quietly. You hear him sigh. “You know this is hard on me too, right? I’m sorry I keep being so pushy but… I just wanna get out of here.”
It’s silent again. For the first time, you realize you never even thought about how Hyuck felt. You knew he missed Mark just as much as you did.
“That’s why I’ve been kinda distancing myself from him. Because the first day we were here, it was hell. All I could think about was that day… it’s all I can think about.” he says. You can barely hear him.
“Hyuck…” you whisper.
“Being here… with him… it’s too much for me to handle. You don’t think I feel the same way? I know this is a universe where we could both be happy with Mark, but something keeps telling me I can’t stay here. Too much has changed. I can’t be comfortable here.” Hyuck’s voice starts trembling. “Which is why I refused to spend any time with Mark. Because he’s the only reason I want to stay. But I miss my old life. I miss my friends. I don’t know what the hell went wrong here, but my life is just so much shittier here. Everything that could’ve gone wrong feels like it went wrong.” he rants.
You feel so much guilt for not taking the time to think about why he’d want to leave. You spent so much time thinking about yourself and Mark because you knew you’d always have Hyuck.
“Not even Mark makes staying worth it.” he spits. You can’t tell if he’s angry or sad; it’s probably both. “We were so stupid for coming here,” he finally chuckles, although you can tell it isn’t from happiness. “We were so fucking stupid.”
“I know,” you reply softly.
“I’m sorry. Call me later, okay?”
He hangs up before you can say anything. You slowly put your phone down and shove it back into your pocket. You want to cry, but you’ve already spent too much time in here. You rush out of the bathroom, and instantly run into someone.
“I’m sorry,” you say, looking up at the person. Your heart almost stops.
“No worries,” Jaemin says, flashing you a polite smile.
Your heart starts pounding. You try to tell yourself to stop staring at him, but this was the first time you’ve seen him since coming here. He doesn’t look too different — hair is darker now but everything is the same. The same eyes you fell in love with. The smile that gave you butterflies in your stomach. He’s dressed in normal clothes, so that meant he was probably eating here alongside you and Mark.
You want to lunge towards him, hugging him so tightly he could never leave you again. But you finally just nodded and forced your legs to walk past him; they had started trembling and you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand there. You were glad Mark’s back was to you. You sat back down at your seat, your hands now trembling
“Everything okay?” Mark asks.
You nod. You clear your throat. “Yeah… uh, sorry I took so long. My mom called while I was in there.”
“Oh, okay.” Mark takes a sip of his milkshake that had been set on the table while you were gone. “You’re not in trouble or anything, right?” he asks, eyes widening.
You smile. “No.”
“Okay, good! I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble for hanging out with me or something…” Mark says.
You stir your milkshake with your straw. You weren’t feeling very hungry anymore, but after the first sip, it was too delicious to stop.
“(y/n)!” you hear a voice calling your name. You turn your head towards the direction it’s coming from.
Naeun walks to your table. “I didn’t even see you here! What’s up?” she smiles.
“Oh… nothing.” you reply, forcing a smile in return. “Me and Mark are just hanging out and we were hungry, so here we are.” you tell her.
“Of course. Partners in crime. Hi, Mark.” Naeun responds. “Jaemin brought me here. Can you believe I’ve never been here before? This place has been up for years and I’ve never had the chance.” she pouts.
“Really?” Mark speaks up. “You gotta try their milkshakes, they’re delicious.” he tells her.
Naeun chuckles. “Will do. What flavor did you get? It looks good.” she asks.
“Oh! Cookies ‘n cream. It’s my favorite.” he replies, smiling.
“That’s a good flavor.” You hear Jaemin before you see him. Why is he talking about ice cream? He can’t even eat dairy. You think.
“How would you know?” Naeun teases, as if she was a mind reader. “You can’t have ice cream.”
Jaemin enters your line of sight, wrapping an arm around Naeun’s shoulders. It feels like a gunshot to your chest. “Well, I’m not supposed to have it. But these milkshakes make all the pain worth it.” he jokes.
Mark laughs. “He’s right though. How’s it going, Jaemin? I haven’t seen you in forever.”
Jaemin grins. “I’m doing good. School has been way harder lately, but…”
“Yeah, I would assume so. I can’t believe you got into that school, no offense…”
Jaemin chuckles. “None taken. I was surprised I got in, too. I just wish they had accepted me earlier so I wouldn’t have had to leave halfway through a school year. But, I come back here and visit almost every weekend, so…”
Watching Mark and Jaemin talk felt weird. You didn’t even know they knew each other. That also answered your question as to why you never saw Jaemin at school. You wonder what school he had been accepted to.
“Oh, how rude of me. Hey, (y/n). How are you?” Jaemin turns his attention to you. “I was gonna talk to you earlier but you ran away from me.” he laughs. “I didn’t even realize it was you until you were gone.”
“Sorry…” you say softly. “Um… I didn’t realize it was you either.”
You can feel Jaemin’s eyes piercing into you. You didn’t want to look at him. You couldn’t.
“Well, I’d love to hang out with you guys, but after we eat I have to drive Jaemin back home… maybe we could all hang out another time? Double dates, maybe?” she says, grinning.
“Date?” Mark asks, furrowing his brows. “I mean… yeah, we can hangout but…” he laughs awkwardly.
“I’m teasing,” she says, glancing at you. “Both of you get so defensive!” she jokes. “Not trying to pressure you guys, but you’d be really cute together.” she presses.
“Okay, Naeun, enough,” Jaemin chuckles. “Mark’s gonna explode if you keep going.”
You look at Mark, whose face was red from embarrassment.
“We’ll see you guys later then,” Naeun says. The couple walk away from your table, Jaemin’s arm still around her. Your throat gets tight.
“Gosh…” Mark giggles. “Sorry. Stuff like that just gets me embarrassed,” he says, shaking his head.
You smile. “It’s okay.”
A waitress comes to the table a few moments later and sets the food you ordered on the table. Your appetite had come back. Seeing the food made you realize how hungry you really were.
Mark takes a bite of his burger. “I swear this place always hits the spot,” he says.
He was right. The food was really good. You were actually kind of mad this restaurant didn’t exist in your universe. It was perfect.
“Are you okay?” Mark asks. It’s so sudden, your first response is to just stare at him with wide eyes.
You swallow your food. “Yeah, why?”
Mark shrugs. “I just wanted to check in. You kinda froze up when Naeun and Jaemin were talking to us.” he says softly.
“Oh…” you set your burger down. “I was feeling kind of awkward because I ran into Jaemin when I left the bathroom. And then I ran away from him,” you laugh.
“Ah,” Mark nods. “I see.”
“Yeah… I’m kind of good at that. Making everything awkward.” you chuckle.
“Oh, shush.” Mark laughs. “Have you ever met me?”
You giggle. “Okay, well… if you’re the most awkward person on the planet, then I’m the close second.” you tell him.
“And that’s why we make such a good pair.” he replies.
Why did you feel so guilty every time you remembered how much you loved Jaemin?
You both finished your meals; Mark, of course, offered to pay for everything. Then you both left the restaurant. The sun was beginning to set.
“Ooh, wait,” you tell Mark, pulling your camera from your bag. He stops to look at you. “Let me take a picture of you here,” you say, pointing to one of the neon signs in the window.
Mark gets in front of it and poses, and you snap the photo. You both watch as it develops. “Perfect.” you show it to Mark.
You decide to head back to Mark’s house to hang out for a few more hours. As the sun set, the city was becoming less crowded. You passed children riding their bikes back home, people arriving home from work. Everything felt so normal, once again.
“Hey,” Mark says as you reach his room. “Check this out.” he grabs his guitar. “I finally learned how to play this song,”
“Hmm?” you lounge on his bed. “What song?”
He strums his guitar. You could already tell how good he had gotten at it; you only got the chance to hear him play twice before he died.
You recognize the song instantly — I’m Yours by Jason Mraz. It brings a smile to your face. Mark sings along softly. You realize his singing voice has gotten better as well.
You listen to him sing and shift to your side, propping yourself up with your elbow and resting your head on your hand. He’s completely immersed in the music. He looks so happy. You slowly retrieve your bag and take a photo of him.
He stops. “Oh… sorry. I kinda got preoccupied there,” he laughs.
“No, it’s okay…” you reply, feeling guilty for pulling him out of his music-induced-daze. “I was enjoying it.”
“Really?” Mark taps the strings of his guitar. “Well… I’ll finish the song then.” he continues strumming, taking a few moments to find where he left off.
You watch him, a soft smile on your face. This was a moment you definitely wanted to savor. If you were going to forget your time here, you at least wanted to remember this. It was beautiful. It was Mark.
[10:45 p.m.]
Mark offered to walk you home before it got too late — he had forgotten that it was a school night for him.
“Are you sure your mom won’t be mad?” Mark asks, nervously.
You laugh. “Once again, no. If she was worried about me we’d see flyers on the telephone poles,” you joke.
Mark chuckles. “Okay… I just don’t wanna get you in trouble for keeping you out so late. I lost track of time, to be honest…”
You nod. “Me too.” You had spent hours listening to Mark play his guitar and he tried to help you learn a song, but you weren’t as musically gifted as him, so it didn’t go very well. But Mark acted as if you were the God of Guitar, cheering when you played a few chords.
“Today was really fun.” he says softly. “If you ever wanna do this to… unwind… or whatever… just let me know.”
You smile. “Of course.”
Your heart drops as your house comes into view. It was your last few moments with Mark.
He walks you to your doorstep this time; he usually just walks to your driveway. It’s almost as if he knows. “Well,” Mark says, sighing. “We’re here.”
You grin, trying to mask your sadness. “Yeah… thanks for today. It was really fun!” you say.
Mark stares at you for a moment. “Um…�� his eyes dart around, not sure where to look. “I…”
You watch him as he struggles to form a sentence. “Mark?” you ask softly.
He closes his mouth before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I just had a lot of fun today.” he says.
You nod slowly. What did he really want to say? “Hurry and go home,” you tell him. “I don’t need you being all tired tomorrow.” your voice is barely above a whisper.
Mark stares at you for a few moments more. “You’re right,” he laughs, shaking his head. “I’m tired already… I’ll probably sleep like a baby when I get home.” Whatever tension was there had disappeared. In a spur-of-a-moment decision, you wrap your arms around him, hugging him tightly.
“Text me when you get home, okay?” you tell him. Your head is against his chest; You can hear his heart beating.
“Of course,” he breathes. He finally wraps his arms around you. “Are… you okay?” he asks again.
You feel tears rushing to your eyes again. You chuckle. “I’m fine. I just… I love you.” you whisper. “You’re my best friend, okay? And… I need you to know that.”
He rubs your back. “I love you too,” he replies. “I’m so glad to know you.” he says.
You let him go. You knew you had to.
“Well… I’ll see you tomorrow.” Mark says.
You nod. “I’ll see you.”
You knew it was a lie, but only on your end. He’d see you. You wouldn’t be seeing him. But you knew what you were doing was right. Mark starts walking away, giving you one final smile before he was out of sight.
You push your front door open, going straight to your room and letting yourself cry. You let all of your emotions out. You wanted to run to Mark and hug him again and you never wanted to let go.
You finally pulled yourself together when you heard a faint knock on your door. You wipe your eyes and face quickly, although you knew your face would be puffy from crying. “Come in.”
Jisung peeks in. “Are you okay?”
You nod, although it’s unconvincing — his simple question makes you cry more. “I’m fine.”
“Why are you crying?” Jisung opens the door completely and enters, sitting next to you on your bed. “Did something happen?”
You shake your head. “No. I’m not sad,” you lie. “I’m just… feeling a lot of emotions right now.”
Jisung furrows his brows. “But… you seem sad.”
You take a deep breath. “I’m not, bud. I’m fine. Nothing happened between me and Mark, if that’s what you’re asking. I guess I’m just feeling… thankful. For Mark, and you, and all my friends.”
“Oh…” you can tell Jisung is still confused, but he shrugs it off. “Well… I guess as long as you aren’t sad, it’s okay.”
You feel him wrap and arm around you. You hug him back, feeling much more relieved now that you had cried a bit more.
“I’m going to bed now,” Jisung says, removing his arm from around your shoulders. “Are you sure you’re okay…?”
You nod. “I’m okay, really. Go to bed. Don’t stay up late because of me.” you tell him. He should’ve been in bed already… you realize.
Jisung nods. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I love you, Jisung.”
He seems taken aback by your words. You don’t blame him — no matter what, telling your sibling you love them still feels awkward.
“Love you too.”
He leaves your room. You pick up your bag from where you had placed it when you got to your room and retrieved your camera. You collect all the photos you had taken. The one of Jisung in the kitchen, him talking to Mark, Mark and his ice cream, everyone outside of the ice cream parlor, him outside of the restaurant, him playing his guitar, and finally, the photo Hyuck had taken of you. You shove them in your pocket, praying that they would return to the correct universe with you.
You lay down on your bed, completely exhausted. You just want to fall asleep, but you know you can’t. You pull out your phone, going to your messages and clicking on Hyuck’s name.
You
let me know when you’re ready.
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We gonna ignore the fact that ghostie isn’t my main account but 150 :)
-saarah
HAPPY BIRTHDAY @ghostiewriter 🥳🥳🥳 ur old now congratulations. So you though could stump me with this vague prompt “make up your own” IM SORRY OKAY I thought giving something vague for Christmas prompts would make it EASIER. Anywho I have a secret weapon and her name Annie. Big shout out to @yellowlaboratory for turning my traumatic story of puking in a school bathroom during a track meet into a hilarious fic idea; please enjoy this unedited 🙈crack Drabble akdhsjdhsjdh
“You want me to call your priest?”
Track had always been a JJ and Kie thing. In sixth grade she’d decided they need to keep active during the winter and that indoor track would be the perfect way to do it. Not only was it during the months where there was no surfing, but it was a sport she could actually do with her boys. She just needed to convince them to do it. Pope was an immediate no, too much homework and John B was insistent on trying out for the basketball team, his dad used to play or something. Which left JJ, who for whatever reason picked joining track with her over joining basketball with John B. She always figured it was because he thought she needed him more, seeing as John B could make friends with just about anyone. Or maybe she was overthinking it and JJ just thought that track sounded more fun; either way, she’s glad he did.
They had long bus rides together, traveling to the mainland so they could meet up with other schools, spend the whole ride there laughing and joking and talking about nothing in particular. She snuck extra snacks into her lunch box so that she could share with JJ, forcing him to eat “healthy shit” like apples and granola bars. (she was quite pleased with herself for that one) They would normally fall asleep on the way back, wake up half on top of each other and not talk about it afterward. She would aggressively snap, “No” when people asked if they like each other and JJ would just grin widely like it was the funniest joke in the world.
He was annoyingly good too, at pretty much everything. If the coaches were down a person they could just throw JJ into that event with a little bit of practice and chances are he would at least place. He was mainly a sprinter and a jumper though, same as Kie. A lot of her favorite memories came from the three years they ran track together. In eighth grade however, things got more complicated because suddenly Kie also had to deal with her period.
She wasn’t one to let that hold her back, but long track meets after school definitely made things more difficult, but it was manageable. Until of course, it wasn’t, which long story short, led to Kie being doubled over on the gross floor of another school's bathroom feeling like someone was digging a knife through her lower abdomen and hoping she doesn’t start puking again. She wasn’t sure how long it took for JJ to find her, walking with his hands over his eyes, judging by the sound of him running into a stall door.
“Yo Kie, you in here?”
“Down here,” she groaned from her spot on the floor not wanting to shift from her position to face, any movement at all made her feel nauseous.
His eyes widened as he crouched down beside her, “Wow, shit. You okay?”
“Do I really have to answer that question?” She muttered with an eye roll, but even that felt weak.
“Right sorry. So did you like catch a bug or somethin?” He asked, backing away from her like she might be contagious.
The last thing Kiara felt like doing at the time was explaining the nuisances of period cramps to a thirteen year old boy so she just muttered, “girl stuff,” and the movement was enough to have her heaving into the toilet again.
“Holy shit,” JJ muttered softly, sounded shocked for reasons Kiara was in too much pain to care about.
“Are you pregnant?”
Kiara choked on her puke, managed to turn her head enough to face him.
“What?”
JJ ran a hand through his hair anxiously, not even seeming to have heard her, talking mostly to himself as he mumbled, “I’m not ready to be a dad.”
“We haven’t slept together you idiot.”
JJ’s went wide with realization. “You slept with someone else,” he exclaimed with what almost sounded like betrayal in his voice.
Kiara didn’t have time to respond before the aggravation at his absolute idiocy had her hanging over the toilet boil again. JJ shifted down so he was squatted beside her, held her hair back as he rambled on.
“So who's is it? No- no you don’t have to tell me that, I don’t even care who’s sperm it is I’m here for you Kie. He’ll be like my kid anyway. Or she. Duh.”
Kiara squeezed her eyes shut in disbelief, didn’t have the energy to turn her head to him as she hissed out, “JJ.”
He raised his hands in surrender, “Okay, okay, I get it, too much,” then added hopefully “I'll still be uncle JJ though right?”
“It’s no one's sperm you dipshit!” She cried, momentarily forgetting the pain in her abdomen as she turned to him.
JJ just blinked at her for a few seconds before responding with a dramatic gasp, a small spark in his eyes as he whispered, “Virgin Mary?”
Kiara groaned in disbelief, pulled her arms up to the toilet boil and rested her head on them, too exasusted to care about the unsanitariness of the situation.
“Does this mean I’m gonna be Jesus’ uncle?”
“JJ if you don’t shut the fuck up right now the next time I puke it’s gonna be on you.”
He backed up immediately, “okay okay point taken. I mean come on that one was kinda funny though.”
She didn’t look up, but she could easily picture the smirk on his face.
“Can you please do something helpful and go call my dad? I left my phone in my bag.”
JJ perked up at that, jumping to his feet. “Right, I’ll be right back, I’ll let the coaches know you’re puking too. Oh and do you want a water? Gatorade? Maybe Pepsi?”
“Water’s good.”
He was sprinting away before she could say thank you. Kie curled up on the floor, giving about zero shits about how dirty it was, anything to make her stomach hurt a little bit less.
JJ returned a few minutes later with water and her phone in hand. Announced, “Kie I can’t find your dad’s contact,” as he handed her the water.
She groaned inwardly for thinking she was funny when she made her dad’s name in her phone.
“Oh uh call Father Mike.”
JJ looked up at that. “You want me to call your priest?”
“No that’s my dad,” she responded with a sigh.
“Your dad’s a priest?”
She sat up and opened her mouth to respond but the movement sent another wave of nausea over her and she found herself back above the toilet boil.
“Should I start confessing my sins before or after you finish puking?”
Kiara fixes him with a glare as she pulls away. “It’s a joke. He put his dad in his phone as Father Joe so I put him in as Father Mike. It’s like imagine there was a comma, like ‘Father, Mike’.”
JJ furrowed his eyebrows as he considered that beforing saying. “You really should add the comma. It’s very misleading.”
“Can you just call him?” She asked, her voice almost pleading at this point.
JJ’s joking tone shifted at that, “right. Yeah of course.”
After that she felt well enough to let JJ help her back to their teams set up in the track building, where she could lie down on blankets instead of a cold floor. JJ still had races and events to do, but he ran back to check on her after every one and each time she would assure him that she was fine and that she didn't need a babysitter, but secretly appreciated how concerned he was. And in hindsight, the Jesus jokes were kinda funny, at least Pope and John B thought they were.
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foxie-roxie · 4 years
Text
why rayllum is a MASTERPIECE part 3
*RUBS MY CLAWS TOGETHER* IT IS SEASON 3 TIME BITCHES AND H O L Y S H I T I LOVE THIS SEASON SO MUCH
i even rewatched it for this!
this time i’ll try to have SOME order, and go by episode. this will however still include unintelligible screaming
1. DAMN THESE FUCKERS BE PINING MORE THAN A PINE TREE FOREST!
first off, affectionate eye rolling, nose boop, and head bonk is the best thing.
second, IF SOMEONE SAYS THAT DURING WHEN CALLUM WAS HELPING RAYLA PUT ON HIS SCARF AND THEY J STARED AT EACHOTHER FOR A BIT BEFORE RAYLA TURNED AWAY THAT HE WAS N O T LOST IN HER EYES? they’re wrong. this is fact now.
third, their teamwork and decision making is excellent. they agree to try and sneak past sol regem, and when that fails try talking to him and then decide to simply trick his senses with the scarf. and instead of rayla shooting down callum’s “smelltriloquism” idea, she simply adds onto it! LOVE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS
“i think it’s good luck!” YES IT IS RAY THAT’S UR BOYFRIENDS SCARF
also, here you go. you’re welcome.
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2. STILL PINING. GOD DAMN.
first, CALLUM BEING SO EXCITED BY ALL THE MAGIC IN XADIA IS S O CUTE! MY SON. this might turn into an overrall review of s3. o well
second. FLUSTERED RAYLA AND FLUSTERED CALLUM. Y E S
third, THE ADORABURR FIELD! their smiles were so fond and soft and A. they make me cry of joy. 
an overall look on it, i like how this episode really shows their feelings clearly. no “will they won’t they”, at least for rayla. it’s clear she has feelings.
3. AH FUCK. ANGST.
first i love how when rayla mentions that she’s excited and happy but also terrified, callum tries to comfort her. good boi. best boi.
second, elf callum. i love that scene so much even if the second-hand embarrassment kills me, and rayla is j like “why the fuck do i love you. im gonna kill him.”
third, DANCE! callum not being rude and saying her home is “modest” before rayla explains it’s an illusion, his BLUSH WHEN SHE HELPS HIM, and the softness in general. rayla’s excitement that she’s home and talks abt that she can show callum where she went to school, the best moonberry surprise place, until...
fourth, AH FUCK. A N G S T T I M E. rayla being crest-fallen before callum says that it must’ve been a mistake, and she realizes that ethari would probably understand!
and then CONFIRMED GAYS. YES.
rayla realizing ethari ghosted her too and then callum GOING O F F. he angy and when rayla runs out callum IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWS (like in a later episode) and comforts her again.
when ethari comes down and breaks the spell and says to callum “trees to meet you too” and rayla’s like “don’t encourage him”
also callum trying to get on the shadowpaw and ethari being Concerned is AMAZING. concerned dad content
i’ll talk more about ezran/ruthari/the dark magic trio in a later ted talk
4. H E R E W E G O
first, rayla clearly being sad and callum picking up on that quickly (he even seems to be almost falling on purpose, perhaps to make her smile?) and asking if she’s ok before being shot down by rayla insisting she is fine. GOD DAMN. THAT HURTS.
second, their interaction with nyx is so amazing. rayla being protective of zym and callum being a DORK is awesome, but also their decision making.
after rayla reluctantly decides that they can go see how nyx could get them across the desert so quickly, they see the ambler and then their reasoning is amazing.
“what do you think?”
“the dragon queen is dying.” and then i forget the rest of the exact quote but they give a subtle nod to eachother. they make their decisions TOGETHER. AS A TEAM. AND THAT’S ON HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS X2!
third, callum continuing to gently press for rayla to express her emotions. he doesn’t pressure her, but seems to simply let her know that if she needs to talk (when she insists she’s fine), he is there. 
four, MORE FLUSTERED RAYLLUM. YES. TY NYX but also fuck u for taking zym but also ur hot- A N Y W A Y
five. OOOOOOH. MY FAVORITE SCENE.
rayla’s crying and callum tries to reassure her. nyx is plotting, while rayla runs away and callum follows. Y E S.
rayla talks about how there’s nobody left that cares about her and she lost everything.. and then the SPEECH. i have this speech memorized i’ve watched this scene so many times
"JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY. JUST, LISTEN TO ME. YOU'RE TOO GOOD TO FEEL THIS BAD ABOUT YOURSELF. I KNOW THAT, AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT. YOU HAVE TRUE COURAGE, AND A BIG HEART! I'VE SEEN YOU GET KNOCKED DOWN SO MANY TIMES AND EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. YOU GET UP AGAIN. THAT'S REAL STRENGTH. AND.. AND YOU'RE TEN TIMES FUNNIER THAN ANY HUMAN I KNOW! chuckle SEE? SEE YOU KNOW YOU'RE AMAZING. YOU'RE SMART AND FAST AND BEAUTIFUL. RAYLA YOU'RE THE MOST AMAZING PERSON I'VE EVER MET."
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LOVE THEMMM
and then rayla kisses him and that’s all that happened. callum was not a dumbass. right? RIGHT???
5. MY FAVORITE EPISODE!
first, rayla saving callum from the soulfang serpents and callum helping her get up is AMAZING, LOVE THAT.
second, callum tryna get a good position and rayla j saying to hold onto her and callum GETTING FLUSTERED. BOY IS PINING also he didn’t have to hold her that close.
“I DON’T THINK OF HER THAT WAY” “YOU AND I DON’T HAVE THAT YET” LIAR.
three, THEM JUMPING OFF THE AMBLER AND. THAT WHOLE MOMENT? THE ROMANTIC TENSION IS KILLING ME
four. DAMN CALLUM RLLY DO BE HAVING HEART EYES @ RAYLA WHILE SHE KILLS LIKE 80 SOULFANGS HE IS PINING PART 2
five. THE SPEECH. THE SOFTNESS. THE KISSES. GOD DAMN. FAVORITE SCENE OUT OF THE ENTIRETY OF TDP. LOVE THEM.
also here you go again
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what can i say except YOU’RE WELCOME
6. ANGST BUT ALSO FLUFF ALSO REUNION
once again won’t b talking abt ezran specifically but there’s some passing mentions of him from now on
first, rayla and callum reaching the stone thunder and callum asking “is it... a statue?” and rayla sadly saying “no. it’s not a statue” A. I CRI.
1.5 ayla and callum best dragon parents
i’ll get to an actual analysis later
second, THIS MOMENT IS UNDERRATED EVEN THO IT’S ONE OF MY FAVS why has nobody mentioned the lil tender moment where ezran is by phoe-phoe and rayla puts her hand on callum’s shoulder AND CALLUM PUTS HIS HAND ON HERS. SO SWEET.
third, OK I’LL STOP MOST OF MY UNINTELLIGIBLE SHRIEKS AND ACTUALLY ANALYZE THIS.
callum is upset because of thunder and rayla sympathizes immediately. this is similar to how callum lets rayla let out her own emotions, and rayla is doing the same. he explains how he feels angry, upset, confused, sad, and rayla quickly empathizes. he keeps on venting, not knowing whether to feel regretful, or glad, and how he’s confused because that’s sarai’s spear. he feels sorry that all this happened, but rayla reassures him that zym and ezran are going to break the cycle! that’s hope! and then they hold hands and i screech
AND THAT’S SO FUCKING HEALTHY AND I LOVE IT. THEY RLLY BREAK ALL BAD HET RELATIONSHIP STEREOTYPES (coughbutistillheadcanonthembothasbiandcallumistransilldieonthishillcough)
7. angst but not rayllum angst so its ok
first, they begin to go up the storm spire and i really love their banter. “and i’m guessing the dragon queen didn’t make her den at a nice, halfway kinda place?” “nope. tiptop!”
cuties.
second, ASSDHFNF THE FACT THEY M O C K THE IDEA OF A FORBIDDEN RELATIONSHIP. THEY’RE IN LOVE AND THE WORLD CAN DEAL WITH IT. LOVE THAT FOR THEM
third, RAYLA CATCHING CALLUM. IT’S. NOT RLLY BIG I JUST LIKE IT AND THINK IT’S CUTE HOW EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS ALSO OUT OF BREATH SHE RAN UP TO CATCH HIM. 
four, AHSDHGDHFG THEY DEADASS FORGOT EZRAN WAS THERE. more flustered rayllum i love that
8. FUCK IT’S RAYLLUM ANGST NOOOO
one, ibis is j a good boi. back to rayla and callum
two, rayla going in to see the dragon queen and when she runs out callum QUICKLY FOLLOWS to see if she’s ok. asks her if she’s ok, and she OPENS UP!! CHARACTER GROWTH BABY!!! and then they hold hands and i once again shriek
three, AH. HELLO ANGST.
before we go to the actual angst, can i say that THE LAUGH AFTER RAYLA SAID “STORM SNEEZE” IS SO CUTE. CALLUMS IN LOVE. MY SON.
oh no.
*bonks rayla on the head* nO SELF SACRIFICING!!
although their fight is super angsty and i hate it, it does provide some conflict and more plot because it gives callum a reason to want to find out the truth about rayla’s parents. and then he does! people argue that this fight was unnecessary or that callum was a jerk, but this was needed i think. he did let his worry become a bit of anger, and that was not a nice move, but he knows he fucked up and fixes it!
and then we get soft rayllum this is fine
9. AND YOU THOUGHT LAST EPISODE WAS BAD N O *CRYING*
there’s not much rayllum featured in this ep, but the amount we do get is 80 PERCENT ANGST AND I WASN’T OK WITH IT
first, the fluff! callum trying to do the wing spell and rayla teasing “did you pull a muscle in the middle of a jumping jack?” is so cute. i LOVE THEM. also they hold hands and i SH RIEK again. 
also soren how dare you interrupt callum he was abt to confess
second, callum when he’s explaining the battle plan and his ZAP HAND. rayla is j watching him like “yep. that is my dork.”
and CALLUM SEEMS SO FOND WHEN JANAI CALLS RAYLA THE LAST DRAGONGUARD. PERHAPS I SOB
skipping forward in time a bit for the angst oh no
third, callum going up to the storm spire after ez encouraging him to go to rayla. love that soft brotherly relationship. and we think “oh, soft rayllum, right?”
NO. VIREN’S UP THERE.
fourth, THEY DIDN’T NEED ME TO BE ROLLING ON THE FLOOR WTF. the fact that rayla’s blade went right in front of callum and he looks up and sees zym in danger, viren is there, and RAYLA is there, p a n i k.
and then rayla jumps and the entire rayllum fandom SC REAMS after callum’s “no!” before she jumps and “no, no, no, RAYLA!”
fifth, CALLUM NO WHY ARE YOU JUMPING TOO- oh wait its ok he did the wings and im still crying fuck
THAT CONFESSION THO- i cri tears of joy now. they’re in love
sixth, I J WANNA KNOW WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT BEFORE EZRAN SHOWED UP. like it’s clear that they’re talking or something, but abt what is the question. also yes they hug and raylas fond
seventh, THEY HOLD HANDS!! soft bbs,,,
AAAND IM DONE! this is. quite long so if you read all of this i hope u have a good day and thnx for listening to me ramble with some coherent thoughts
69 notes · View notes
kirishwima · 4 years
Note
Do you still do Mysme requests? If yes, here's a fun one: how would the RFA gang respond to MC has their own cooking show (not a TV show per se, think Youtube channel like Rosanna Pansino)?
awe this is cute! i...really suck at cooking, but ill try my best with this lol ^^
YOOSUNG:
* When MC tells him about their Youtube channel, he’s so thrilled!
* He immediatly hops onto his computer, searching up their name and looking through their cooking videos. He actually learns a lot from their channel, and can’t wait to apply them in his own cooking!
* He’d absoloutely help MC think up new recipes and ideas, joining them at the kitchen on lazy days and baking/cooking together, even if the end-result isn’t always what they were going for
* When MC suggests Yoosung join their Youtube channel for an episode, he’s really flustered. Sure, he likes cooking, but him? On youtube?! He’s so embarassed! 
* If he does agree to it (eventually, he will lol), he’s a flustered mess during the filming; if MC flirts with him/kisses him during the filming, he’ll honestly just drop like a jelly puddle on the floor lol
* That being said, he’s so proud of his MC, and will brag about them and their channel to all his online friends
* He’ll also often send photos of their cooking to the RFA, making everyone both jealous and hungry lol
ZEN:
* When MC told him they had a youtube channel, he wasn’t expecting it to be a cooking one-he knew MC makes amazing food and cakes, but he didn’t know there was a whole youtube community about it! (Yet again, im honestly just glad he knows what youtube is lol)
* He loves MC and will constantly promote their channel to his fans, but sadly, he can’t really join them in the cooking and creating process-this boy can’t cook to save his life, and he’s honestly just glad he knows how to chop up veggies for a salad and maybe half-decently cook a chicken fillet lol
* That being said, he always without fail will try out MC’s cooking, even what MC deems as the failed attempts. He’s proud of each and every single one of their works, and his diet be damned, he won’t let his beloved think he doesn’t enjoy their cooking!
* For Zen, MC actually makes a whole series on their channel about healthy eating but with interesting recipes-from unexpected smoothie bowls to ways to spice up your good ol’ regular protein-veggies combo, they want to make food Zen can enjoy without worrying over his physique as an actor, and loves to teach him how to cook!
* They’ll introduce him on their youtube channel during these segments, and might...attempt to have him cook up some meals himself, which could very well lead into a formation of a ‘Failed Zen Cooking’ compilation video lmao
JAEHEE:
* She’s actually seen MC’s videos before! She just didn’t really put two and two together until MC mentioned their channel to her, mentioning how they’d like to film at the coffee shop’s kitchen from time to time
* Jaehee is thrilled, and extremely supportive-she’ll help MC fix up a spot in their kitchen solely for filming, moving in ring lights and tripods, and will always go shopping with MC for ingredients for their next recipe and idea.
* She also loves when MC films at their cafe-they promote it a lot on their channel, and often have Jaehee join in on their videos-their fans love their cute couple dynamics, and actually often comment asking to see more of Jaehee!
* They love coming up with recipes together, and when it comes to baking, they add the best attempts onto their coffee house’s menu!
* Fans actually come to their coffee shop from time to time, mentioning how they saw it from the channel and were eager to try it out. Jaehee is always flustered when people greet her with such enthusiasm, but she puts twice as much effort into making their drinks and snacks as perfect as possible for them.
* MC is just happy Jaehee seems to be having as much fun as they do running this channel, and will often gush about her to their fans whilst cooking-it’s the cutest freaking thing really
* Watch out Buzzfeed’s Tasty, there’s a new superpower cook on the rise!
JUMIN:
* He’s a little preplexed when MC tells him about their channel and cooking skills.
* “So you cook, and make your own recipes...but you’re not working as a chef?” 
* He’s always supportive, he just needs a little clarification to get what it’s all about-i mean this poor boy only ever goes online to find cat memes, can you blame him for not knowing much about the youtube cooking community
* He’ll tell MC they can use the professional kitchen the chef uses for filming if they wish, and they’re more than happy to oblige-workign in such a kitchen has been their dream, and being able to create their own recipes in one is more than they could ever wish for!
* MC oftentimes spends hours with the penthouse’s chef, asking him to teach them his tricks and recipes, and will frequently prepare meals alongside him-they’ll even ask him if he wants to appear on their channel!
* Jumin also gives them the opprotunity to meet many famous chefs and learn from them-MC is flustered at first, and doesn’t want Jumin to think they’re taking advantage of his fame, but he knows MC, and know they don’t think this way at all-he’s just happy to help them improve on something they love, especially when he has the resources to help them so.
* They’ll ask if he wants to join them for some videos, but he politely refuses-he simply wouldn’t know what to do with himself, and whilst he does know how to cook, he never really enjoyed it. He’d rather watch MC behind the camera, see their bright smile and taste their loving meals at the end.
* He’ll always taste their cooking and try to help them with little notes and comments, even though he’s worried he’s more of a hindrance than help-he’ll always mention how much he loves MC and their cooking though, without fail.
SEVEN:
* Ohh...oh boy
* Of course he knows about MC’s cooking channel-he knew the moment he typed their name on google and their youtube account popped up.
* He teases them a lot about it, saying how there’s no need for fancy recipes when you have the best combo right here-honey, butter, chips! Honey buddha chips!!! What else do you need in life??
* Well, MC’s not having it. They’ll always have him try their cooking and their new recipes, and whilst he jokes around about chips and all, he really does love MC’s cooking-it’s simply so delicious! 
* Their love for cooking really whips Seven into a better lifestyle, abandoning his chips for more healthy meals, and Dr. Pepper for homemade juices and milkshakes; just as sweet, but way, way better than what he’s used to.
* He can’t join them on the channel whilst working as an agent-he definitely will once he’s able to though. Instead, he does what he does best-spamming everyone he knows with MC’s youtube channel, promoting the heck out of it on social media the same way he did with Zen’s career.
* He’ll help them edit and upload their videos, helping them decide on the best equippement for cameras and lighting, and sometimes he’ll even be behind the camera filming for them! He loves to be of help whenever he can really
* When he can join MC in front of the camera, they’ll surprise him by making their own honey butter chips, which...granted, Seven finds is more work than it’s worth, but the end result is even better than honey buddha chips, and he honestly wants to make this into a franchise and outshine any and all other chips companies
* “Hello Lays? Ur screwed my dudes” -seven, probably, on the phone with one of Lay’s representatives whilst munching on his homemade chips lol
V/JIHYUN:
* He’s also thrilled to fnid out MC has a cooking channel! He’s fond of cooking, even thoug he’s not the best at it, and will frequently ask MC to help him learn new things and recipes.
* He creates a youtube account simply to follow MC, and will scroll through their content and even try to follow some of their recipes whilst MC isn’t at home, so he can surprise them with a yummy meal when they return-how cute can this mint dork get T-T
* As a photographer, he’ll absoloutely take the best, most instagram-worthy pictures of their cooking for MC to post on their social media, and he’ll always help them film new videos, helping out behind the camera and with editing wherever he can.
* When MC suggests he joins them for some videos, he’s flustered and awkward, but happy to stand beside MC-there’s an odd sort of pride in him, like he’s telling the world “yes, this is my MC and I’m the one they want besides them”-he’ll never say it out loud, but he’ll show it in the soft fond glances he steals towards MC whilst cooking, how he’ll wipe their eyes with his thumb as he cradles their face after they tear up from cutting onions.
* MC’s fans all honestly adore Jihyun-they find the two to be such a cute couple, and frequently ask MC to bring him in to more videos, so the two start a little segment featuring MC teaching Jihyun some basics about cooking, from cutting techniques to what it means to saute to professional cooking terms-Jihyun always looks so interested and ready to learn, and it becomes a fun educational little segment for their fans too.
* He’s just happy to see MC happy doing something they love really, and he’ll always be there to support them with it no matter what
-Send me mystic messenger headcanons/scenarios for characters reactions!-
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embeanwrites · 4 years
Text
Finding Home Gavin Reed x Reader
Chapter 23
Masterlist
It took Gavin and me a total of 30 minutes to get dressed and head to the hospital my dad was at. I tried calling Connor in the car, but he didn’t answer, which caused me to worry even more.
Gavin was driving and he had one hand firmly on my leg that kept bouncing up and down. How did this happen? I kept asking myself as I stared out the window. I thought he was taking care of himself more. Why did this have to happen now? Right when things were getting better between us. Gavin pulled up to the hospital and stopped the car at the emergency room front doors.  
“Go find Connor. I’ll park and catch up.” I nodded and jumped out of the car, practically running into the hospital. I followed the signs for the surgery waiting room. I looked through the door window and saw Connor sitting in a chair with his eyes forward. When I pushed the door open he quickly looked over and got up. I ran to him and hugged him tightly, trying not to cry. He held me equally as tight.  
“What happened?” My voice was raspy, while my mind was racing the rest of my body was still trying to wake up.
“He got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water and I heard the glass drop from my room. I called the ambulance right away. They’re performing an atherectomy right now.” He pulled out of the hug and I reluctantly let go of him.
“Have…” I paused trying to stop myself from crying. “Have the doctors given you any updates?” I heard the door open again and in a second Gavin’s arms were around me. I grabbed his hands and held them tightly, welcoming the warmth and comfort. I noticed my hands were shaking, so I gripped his hands tighter in an attempt to steady them.  
“No, nothing yet. I have only been here for an hour. The surgery takes about two and recovery is about three hours, but that’s according to averages. I don’t know if it will be shorter or longer.” I nodded. “I didn’t mean to make you rush here. Humans need sleep, (Y/n). You can go home and I can call you the moment I get any update.” Connor said softly, I quickly shook my head.
“No, I’m staying here with you.” He started to argue. “Connor, I’m not budging on this.” I untangled myself from Gavin and turned to look at him. I gently took my hands and cupped his cheeks, running my thumbs across his stubble. “Gavin, you have work in a couple of hours, you should go home and get some rest.”
“I’m staying with you for as long as I can. I’ve run on less sleep before.” He put his hands over mine and gently pulled them down. He squeezed my hands and I nodded, grateful he was willing to stay. Connor sat back down and I sat next to him. I grabbed both of their hands and held them.
I woke up still in the waiting room. I must have fallen asleep at some point. Groaning, I sat up and wiped my mouth. I looked over at Connor.
“Oh my god, Connor. I’m so sorry I drooled on you. You should’ve woken me up.” I looked over to my left where Gavin had been.
“He had to get to the precinct. We both decided it would be best not to wake you.” I nodded and yawned. “There have been no updates, but I expect we will hear something soon.” I laid my head back on Connor’s shoulder.
“Are you scared?” I asked softly.
“The surgery has a high survival rate and the ambulance got to the house in under five minutes. Despite those reassuring facts, I still find myself worried.” Connor whispered. I noticed his LED for the first time since arriving. It was red.
“He’s strong, survived a lot. This won’t be any different.” I tried to reassure him, but I knew he could tell I was equally worried.
Another half-hour passed before a doctor finally came to talk to us. Both us stood up and met him halfway. I had my arm wrapped around Connor’s to keep myself from shaking too much.
“Ma’am, are you a part of the Anderson family?”
“Yes, we’re both his kids,” I answered quickly, the doctor gave Connor’s LED a quick glance, but decided not to say anything.
“He got here just in time. The surgery took longer than expected, but there were no major complications. He’s in recovery now.”
“Can we see him?” I asked.
“He’s resting right now. He’ll be in recovery for a couple of hours and then he’ll be moved to an inpatient room. I can have one of the nurses come to get you when he’s been moved.”
“Thank you, doctor,” Connor said. He gave us a tightlipped smile and walked away. We both sat back down. I felt exhausted but relieved. “Maybe you should go home and get some rest.” I shook my head and pulled out my phone.
“No, I’m not leaving.” I went to my email and sent my students an email.
Hi everyone,
Due to a family emergency, we will not be meeting in person on Tuesday. Instead, I am going to post a movie, and then on Thursday, we will discuss how the themes of the movie apply to what we are learning. Don’t worry, the film’s target audience was kids so we should have no problem discussing it. If you’d like to get ahead the film is “The Iron Giant.”
I will see you all on Thursday,
Dr. (L/n)
I decided to send Gavin an update text while I was on my phone.
Dad’s in recovery, the surgery went well. We’ll be able to see him in a couple of hours.
thats good. how r u feeling
Tired and worried. I canceled my class on Tuesday.
im going to talk to fowler, see if i can get time off
You don’t have to.
i know
on a case, ill stop by on my lunch break text me the rm #
Okay, stay safe
I took a deep breath and looked at Connor, his LED was still red.
“Have you told Fowler?” Connor remained to look forward.
“Yes, I alerted him last night. He put us both on leave so I can stay with Hank while he recovers. Nines has also offered to help cover our cases.” I nodded.
“I'll be there for him too, you don’t have to do this alone. My class is only two days a week and I can do my research from home.”
“I appreciate that, (Y/n).” Connor gently reached over and held my hand, I gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand, hoping to show him that he’s truly not alone in this.
We both sat in silence waiting for the nurse to come get us. After what felt like 10 hours she finally came over and led us to his room.
It was weird seeing dad in a hospital bed. It reminded me of my mom. When she was sick I got so desensitized to hospitals. We were in and out so often that it almost became a second home, a lot of the nurses even knew my name and kept up with my life. However, being here now makes it feel like the first time all over again. I hadn’t realized I had still been holding Connor’s hand until he gave me a light squeeze. Dad looked to be waking up.
“Hey Dad,” I said softly, letting go of Connor’s hand to sit in one of the chairs near him. I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Hey kids,” Dad said hoarsely. “Sorry for scaring you two.” I shook my head back and forth quickly, afraid if I tried talking I would start crying again. I looked up at Connor who took the seat across from me.
“We’re just glad you’re okay, Hank,” Connor said softly.
“Connor, I think we’re pass you calling me Hank.”
“We’re just glad you’re okay...dad.” The three of us smiled and my dad gave a light chuckle.
I’ve been staying at the house for about two weeks now. I had only seen Gavin briefly on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he would stop by my office on his lunch break to check in on me. I can tell that everyone around me was walking on eggshells, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I felt as if I was coasting and I couldn’t seem to break out. Gavin was being extremely understanding of this whole situation. He’d even sent flowers to my office and some flowers to my dad. He also sent a bottle of whiskey that Connor immediately confiscated.
Connor ended up giving up his “room” so I could sleep there while I was helping him with dad. I tried to talk him out of it, but all he really used it for was to store clothes since he didn’t need sleep. He didn’t mind going into stasis on the couch. Connor seemed grateful that I stayed around to relieve some of the burden, besides it was nice being able to spend time with just Connor. I also think dad appreciated me being here to stop Connor from going crazy about his health and what he was eating. I did agree to an extent, but blanched chicken breast with no seasoning, not even a little bit of salt, is crazy.  
Connor and I were sitting on the couch watching some forensics show, that Connor enjoyed picking apart, while dad was resting in the other room. He seemed to be doing a lot better, but I couldn’t bring myself to go back to my apartment except to get clean clothes.
do u wanna come over tonight? connor can handle taking care of ur dad for one night
I don’t know, I have a phone interview tomorrow for my research.
tomorrows saturday
I know, but I’m interviewing Chris and that’s his day off.
u can do a phone interview from my house tho
i know u dont want to leave him yet but its one night and u need a break
ask connor he agrees with me
I bit my lip and looked up at Connor. His brows were furrowed as he rolled his eyes at something the “detective” said on tv. I kicked him softly with my foot to get his attention.
“Do you want me to leave?” I asked tentatively. Connor gave me a gentle look and a small smile. He turned towards me and folded his hands in his lap.
“I think a break is healthy, (Y/n). You only leave the house to go to your class and office hours. I can handle things here. Plus I’m sure you miss Gavin and he misses you.” He said softly. I groaned.
“I don’t like you and Gavin planning things behind my back.” He smiled.
“It’s for your own good. Just go out for one night and come back tomorrow, even if you two decide to just hang out at Gavin’s home. You need to take a break.”
“Just one night,” I whispered looking at my phone.
Pick me up in 30 minutes?
got it pipsqueak. nines is coming over too, something about not wanting to stay at the precinct all night again. is that ok?
Of course!
Some part of me did agree with Connor and Gavin. I was antsy in the house, but I was still worried about not being there when I’m needed. What if something else happened to dad while I was gone? What if Connor needed help and I wasn’t able to get back in time?
“You’re biting your thumb, (Y/n).” Connor’s voice broke through my thoughts and I moved my hand away from my mouth. Connor had begun calling me out whenever I was becoming overly anxious, which was both sweet and annoying.
“Sorry, nerves.” I gave him a wobbly smile.
“He will be fine. I know you’re worried, but I promise I will contact you the moment I fear something may be wrong. He’s been doing really well, it won’t be long until he’s cleared to return to work for desk duty.” Connor put his hand on my shoulder and I nodded.
“I know you’re right. It’s just hard sometimes to turn off that part of my brain.” I gave a nervous chuckle and he nodded his head.
“You should pack a bag, I’m assuming Gavin will be here soon?” I laughed.
“Wow, you sure are in a rush to get rid of me!” Connor rolled his eyes and shook his head. I stood up and stretched.
“Self-care is important, (Y/n).” I waved him off as I headed towards Connor’s room. Grabbing my backpack I filled it with some clothes, a laptop, and my phone charger. I sat down on the bed and fiddled with my bag. The room was just as bare as last time. Once dad was better I wanted to take Connor shopping so he could make the room more his. It would be interesting to see what he would pick out.
Snapping out of my thoughts I put on my backpack and walked back to where Connor was watching tv. I knelt down and started petting Sumo. He was lazing on top of Connor’s feet. I looked up at Connor, he was still entranced by the tv.
“Hey, Con?” I heard him hum. “Once things calm down do you want to go shopping for some decorations for your room? To make it more...you.” He glanced down at me with a small smile.
“I think that could be fun.” I smiled back at him. Things between us felt so natural as a brother and sister duo. Sometimes it felt like we grew up together, I guess for Connor’s case that wasn’t too far apart since he’s only been around for about a year.
“What kind of things do you like? Like what would you want in your room?” His brows furrowed for a moment, but it quickly turned into a smile.
“I would like a lava lamp.” I laughed abruptly, causing Sumo to jump a bit.
“A lava lamp? Connor why?” I said in between laughs, where had he even seen a lava lamp? His face flushed a light blue.
“They look cool. One of the characters in this show has one.” He responded sheepishly. I shook my head and let out another laugh.
“You are the biggest dork I’ve ever met.”
“You’re the one showing her students old movies because she thinks they’re underappreciated.” He teased back.
“Wow, look at you! You’re learning how not to be so uptight all the time.” He frowned.
“I’m better than Nines!” Connor crossed his arms across his chest and huffed in defiance.
“Well, you have had more time as a deviant than him. I’m sure he’ll pass you at some point.” Before Connor could respond my phone went off. “Ah, Gavin’s here. Are you sure you’ll be okay for the night? It’s not too late for me to cancel.” Connor’s expressions soften.
“Everything will be fine. I promise” I nodded and got up.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, text me updates?” I nervously fidgeted with the front door handle.
“Of course, (Y/n).” He gave me a reassuring smile. I took a deep breath and walked to Gavin’s car. Nines was already moving to the backseat, I briefly wondered if he had decided to do that on his own or if Gavin had asked him. Gavin smiled and waved at me. It really had been a while since we’ve relaxed together. I smiled back and got into the car.
“Hey, pipsqueak.” Gavin greeted me, leaning over to give me a kiss on the check.
“Hi Gavin, hi Nines.”
“Hello (Y/n). Thank you for letting me spend some time with you two. I appreciate the break from the precinct.” I nodded, as Gavin started driving.
“Do you always stay at the precinct?” I asked, turning around to look at him. He was sitting up straight with his hands in his lap. As always he looked overly formal.
“Yes, there has been an android apartment complex go up and I have been thinking about getting an apartment there, but as of right now I am perfectly content at the precinct.”
“Except tonight.” I teased, for a brief second his LED flashed yellow and then back to a calm blue.
“If I’m honest I also wanted to check up on you and make sure you’ve been taking care of yourself.” I groaned and closed my eyes.
“Great now I have two overbearing androids worrying about me.” Gavin let out a small chuckle.
“Would you really want it any other way?” Gavin asked. I could hear the smirk in his voice.
“No, I wouldn’t,” I responded softly.
17 notes · View notes
solace-sun · 4 years
Text
Not The Typical Way You Meet a Soulmate Chapter Two (Solangelo)
Over the years, Nico had become best friends with Gatorade, Pedialyte, and Ibuprofen, especially after nights like last. Nico used these like shields against his hangovers, but every so often he'd find himself in a drought of Gatorade, or maybe he would get too drunk to remember to hydrate himself. Either way, he always had to face the headache of a hangover once in a while; it was the price he had to pay for his fun.
He regained consciousness on his twin size mattress, with a dim and blurry recollection of the night before. Highlighted in his memory, however, remained Will's impression, his blonde locks, and careful blue eyes. The image made Nico's stomach do flips, but then again, that could just be his hangover.
Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he became acutely aware of the piercing pain through his skull, the shakes that came in waves from his core, and the faint sense of nausea rising from his throat. He still wore last night's clothes, which now hung awkwardly off his frame; too tight in all the wrong areas and too loose in others.
He felt like shit.
The more awake he was, the more conscious he grew, the grosser he felt. Wrapping an arm around himself, he pretended to be anywhere but the present, wishing he was somewhere other than his besides his shoddy apartment, but the hammering pain in his head made it hard to focus. He ended up closing his eyes and wishing, praying, he could go back to sleep.
Maybe Nico enjoyed the drunken buzz he'd get at parties, but he never came to welcome the pounding hangover that followed. He never learned to embrace the feeling of a twisted gut or headaches like sledgehammers in his skull.
Unfortunately for Nico, last night's wrath didn't stop with a hangover, he wasn't that lucky. Last night's vengeance was about to enter for round two through the door of Nico's room, in the form of a very unhappy Hazel Levesque.
The door flew open, slamming against the wall behind it.
"Nico!" She shouted, "What the fuck man?"
Well, shit. She's mad about something.
Nico rubbed a sleepy eye awake, "Hazel... Please be quiet. My head hurts," He groaned.
"It's because you're hungover, isn't it?" She accused, "Whatever, that doesn't even matter right now. You got in a fight with someone at the party last night?"
"Who told you?" Nico asked, coercing himself to raise up.
"My friend who hosted the damn party, dipshit!"
"Hazel, I didn't even touch the dude. I would hardly call it a fight. Could you please leave me alone?"
"My friend has a hole in his drywall now! You can't keep starting shit at parties or pissing off people, or getting so drunk you can't remember what happened."
"I remember last night. I didn't blackout," Nico reasoned.
"That's a first. How long has it been since that last happened?" Hazel chided, pinching the bridge of her nose "Actually, no. Don't answer that. I'm gonna be late for class. I'll talk to you when I get home."
She spun out of the room and gathered her things. Before leaving, she called to him from the front door.
"I'm still mad at you still, but I love you!" Her tone was detesting, but Nico could appreciate the sentiment. He laid back, boring holes into the ceiling until his interest became fatigued.
After the ceiling had lost its appeal, he decided that maybe it was time to face the day. He rolled over to check his phone, stretching to reach it where it lay charging.
A text from Will was left in his notifications.
Will: Glad you made it home okay :)
Nico couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face. He began to type out a response.
Nico: hey i just wanted to say thanks for walking me home last night
Nico: oh and also for not letting my shit get kicked in by a lacrosse player who was a foot taller than me
Will: Lol it was no problem, just returning the favor
Will: How's ur day been so far?
Nico: i mean i just woke up hungover, so not all that great :/
Will: I'm sorry to hear that dude! You know, they say a good breakfast is the best hangover cure
Nico: well thats unfortunate, all i have at my house for breakfast is pop tarts
Will: Are you serious?
Will: Let me take you to breakfast, I'll buy
Will: Call it the final pay back for everything that you did for me yesterday
Nico: i thought walking me home yesterday was payback? not saying im gonna refuse a free breakfast tho
Will: Walking you home was for the party, breakfast can be for the groceries
Nico: will you don't have to do that
Will: I know! I just wanted to show my appreciation :)
Will: There's a cafe I was thinking of. It's usually pretty quiet, and won't be too noisy. I can send you the address and meet you there in 35 minutes?
Nico: alright, see you there
Nico peeled himself from the hold of his twin-sized mattress. He shuffled to a pile of clothes that resided on the floor, scouring for something that wasn't yesterday's clothes to wear. He slipped on a sweatshirt and pulled the hood on; it was a hood-up kind of day. Before he left he swiped a pair of sunglasses laying on his nightstand, his last hope to buffer his headache from the sober world.
He came to find that it didn't help much.
His groggy walk brought him to the cafe doors earlier than he had anticipated, leaving him to anticipate Will's arrival. He stood idly at the cafe entrance with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his shoulders hunched. His head still pounded, and the talking of strangers passing by became sirens in his head. He had to remind himself this was all worth it for free breakfast.
Just before his waiting turned to worry, Will approached from down the street. The grasp around Nico's anxious heart subsided as he saw the familiar face.
"How are things going man!" He asked as he pulled the cafe door open with his good arm.
Nico couldn't ignore the headache piercing his skull, "Things could be better," he shrugged.
"Hey, once we get a little bit of breakfast, I'm sure things will get much better."
The inside of the cafe treated Nico's hangover much better than the outside had. The cool air and quiet atmosphere were exactly what he needed that morning. He silently thanked Will for being kind of a genius.
As soon as the two settled into their seats, Nico let his head lay on the table. Will gave him a sympathetic smile.
"That bad, huh?" He asked. Nico only nodded in response.
"Let me order for you. I know exactly what will help you out, dude."
"I will do anything, as long as it gets rid of this headache," Nico groaned as he propped himself up, resting his head on his hands, "Thanks for offering me breakfast."
"Thanks for carrying my groceries for me," Will grinned.
Before long, a waitress sauntered over, placing a pitcher of ice water and two cheap plastic cups in front of the two. She asked for their orders, of which Will ordered for the two of them.
Nico tuned their conversation out, getting lost in the scene outside their window. He watched the cars pass by, his eyes hidden by his sunglasses.
Will pushed a cup of water towards him to reel him back into the present.
"You need to rehydrate," he prompted. Nico did as he was told, and took small sips from the cup.
"How's your day been so far?" Nico asked.
"Pretty good. Though, I feel bad saying that to your face," Will joked. Nico shot him a look Will could see even through the dark glasses.
Will chuckled, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He put his hands up in defeat.
"How was the rest of the party?" Nico asked.
"Honestly? I didn't stay much longer after you went home. I checked in with my friends to make sure they were fine then called it a night. Guess it was just kinda boring without you there, starting fights and all."
Nico covered his face with his hands, "God, don't remind me about that," he grumbled.
"What? I thought it was sweet," Will responded.
"Yeah, I don't know," Nico started, "Drunk me thought I was doing something great, but my sister totally chewed me out for it this morning."
"Why?"
"I guess she's friends with the guy who hosted the party... And he's not too thrilled to have a hole in his wall, which could technically be my fault? I don't know," He explained.
"Oh, does your sister go to school?" Will asked.
"Yeah, she's a freshman, studies early education."
"Oh, that's cool," Will engaged. Then his eyebrows furrowed, and his expression became confused, "Can I ask a question?"
"That depends. What's the question?" Nico's tone was apprehensive.
"How come you don't go to school?"
Before Nico had the chance to respond, the waitress had returned and plates were being unloaded on the table in front of him. He looked down at the mystery meal Will had ordered for him.
"What the fuck is this?" Nico exclaimed, "Is this spinach in my breakfast?"
"Oh my god," Will rolled his eyes, "You know, everything on that plate is what they recommend you eat to get rid of a hangover."
"Okay, you know what? Fine. I'll eat your weird healthy breakfast, only because it's gonna make me not feel like my brain is trying to rot inside my skull."
He grabbed at a fork and stabbed his omelette with it, and took a bite.
"Oh shit," He spoke behind a mouthful of food.
"What?" Will gave a concerned look, glancing up from his own breakfast.
"This is actually really good," Nico admitted why a shy smile.
"See? It's not that bad. And it's good for you."
"Will," Nico began, "I want you to look at me in the eyes, and recall everything you know about me, which, granted, isn't a lot," He paused to take another bite of food, "And ask yourself if I really seem like the type of person who cares about which foods are good for me or not."
Will raised his eyebrows. For a second, Nico thought he had offended him, but Will erupted into that contagious laughter of his. Nico joined in, giving in to the pull of the laughter.
Will shook his head, his chuckles slowing to a stop, "Man, I guess you're right."
Will looked at Nico and smiled. Nico glanced back, if only for a second, and reciprocated the grin.
Then he felt the phone in his pocket buzzing. He reached down into his pocket and gave a quick 'sorry give me a second' to Will before answering.
"Hello?"
"Nico! Are you gonna show up for your shift? I've told you before man, you gotta give me notice if you're gonna be late."
Shit.
It was his manager.
"I wasn't on the schedule for today, I thought," Nico defended. Will looked up from his plate and gave a concerned look.
"Should have double-checked, I needed you here thirty minutes ago."
Shiiiiiit.
"Okay. I'll be there as soon as possible,"
"How long is that going to be?" His manager's voice rang through the phone.
"I don't know... I'm not at home right now, and I'm walking so... It could be twenty-five minutes. I'm so sorry, I didn't know I had a shift today."
"Do whatever you can to get here, I need your ass down here now. We're having a rush and we're understaffed."
"Right, okay. See you in a few," Nico responded, and ended the call.
"Do you gotta go?" Will asked, disappointment hidden in his tone.
Nico pursed his lips, "I'm so sorry. I had no idea I was on the schedule, but I gotta go now or I am so fucking fired."
"Do you need a ride?"
"Will, no, I can't ask you to do that. You're already paying for my meal," Nico explained.
"Nico, it's totally fine! I don't mind at all," Will insured, "I picked up my car from the shop yesterday, so we're good to go!"
Nico's brows furrowed while he contemplated the offer. After a moment, he agreed.
"I'm only accepting because I needed to be there, like, 30 minutes ago," Nico said, as he began to pack his things and leave. Will left a pile of cash that would cover the bill plus tip, and the two hurried out of the restaurant, and towards Will's beat up SUV.
When Nico walked through the back door of his restaurant job, he was met with several pissed coworkers and his manager.
"He finally shows up!" his coworker, Jason, exclaimed.
"About fuckin' time!" another employee called out. Nico ignored his coworkers teasing, and snatched his uniform from his locker, and threw it on, trying to smooth the wrinkles out while tugging on the sleeve. He clocked in, and rushed to the front of the house, to take his position.
As he sped to his spot, he bumped into his manager, whose only words were a muttered 'glad you could make it.' Nico gave a shy smile and grabbed a handful of menus before settling at his stand.
Working at a five-star restaurant was kind of like maintaining a well oiled machine -- if well oiled machines could be a dysfunctional team that somehow maintained the image of perfection on the surface. It was a stressful job, but it paid decently, all things considered, and sometimes Nico even liked his coworkers. In the very least, they were usually tolerable.
But today, Nico was up against the edge, still half hungover, and in the middle of a rush, he wished he could still be enjoying Will's company. Something about Will made his heart feel still.
Despite his longing to be elsewhere, Nico was, unfortunately, stuck at his job, taking the orders of people who didn't know mediocre, overpriced food if it hit them in the face. His least favorite part of the job was the customers, but then again, Nico was fairly sure if you asked any food service worker, they would say the same thing.
This rang especially true today. He was getting a headache  (And no, it wasn't just the remnant of his hangover) listening to an older woman complain about her food. He had tried to tune her out maybe five minutes into the lecture about why her food sucked, and why she deserved a refund with a complimentary meal, but he could still hear the echo of her nasally voice through his dissociative state. After the lady finished her spiel, Nico resumed his customer service voice and assured her she would be satisfied with a new meal, per company policy, and left the table.
He walked into the kitchen, ready to announce that he was going on break when his coworker slammed into him. Now, if his coworker had been empty handed, maybe everything would have been fine. But she wasn't, instead, she had been carrying out a meal, which was now plastered all over Nico's white, formal uniform.
Are you fucking kidding me?
"Oh my god! I am so sorry!" She exclaimed. Nico could feel the frustration and annoyance bubbling in his chest, rising up his throat. He shut his eyes, and inhaled, reopening his eyes as he exhaled.
"I am going on break," He spoke in monotone, attempting to disguise any anger in his voice. He dragged himself out back, and slumped onto a crate to sit on. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
Today's shift fucking sucked.
He pulled out his phone. In his notifications was a text from Will. The anger and frustration that held Nico's heart began to loosen its grasp.
Will: How's work? Hope you haven't been fired yet lol
Nico: not fired yet, just got angry looks from my coworkers for being 40 minutes late during a rush
Nico: maybe it's deserved though, it'd be pretty mad if i were them
Will: I mean, in your defense you didn't know about your shift, and you seemed like you genuinely felt bad so I wouldn't beat yourself up too badly :)
Nico: thanks, haha
Will: Quick question, do you have a ride home?
Nico: no i usually just walk home
Will: Do you want a ride? I'd feel bad if I just dropped you off with no way to get back home
Nico: you can't keep doing favors for me like this
Nico: I get off late anyway, you probably wouldn't want to drive around by the time I get off
Will: What time is your shift over?
Nico: uh
Nico: seven
Will: That's not even late
Nico: i don't need a ride, i'll be fine, i promise
Nico: thanks for the offer tho
Will: I will take it as a personal offense if you don't accept this offer, Nico
Nico: dont tell me that
Nico: like seriously though, i can't let you do this
Will: I feel bad just dropping you off like that!
Nico: i walk home all the time, its okay! i promise
Will: How often do you walk home hungover?
Nico: i mean, im not even hungover anymore so
Nico: but now that you've offered, it would be nice not to walk home for once
Nico: im only agreeing because you're practically begging me at this point
Will: I'll be waiting out back at 6:50 ;)
Nico shook his head and smiled, replacing the phone in his pocket.
As he smiled to himself, the back door swung open. Jason peered his head from around the door. He gave Nico a funny look.
"I don't think I've seen you smile before," He paused to think, "Ever."
"Oh, come on," Nico protested, "That's not fair."
"What's got you so happy? Surely not work, not after the shift you're having," Jason commented.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Nico taunted Jason.
"Don't be like that," Jason chastised, "Anyhow, boss wanted me to tell you that he wants you back inside, it's starting to get busy again."
"Tell him I'll be back out there in five minutes. Also, do you have a spare shirt I can borrow?" Nico asked, gesturing down to the mess that was now staining his shirt.
"I was just about to offer you my spare shirt. It's in my locker, let me go get it," Jason replied, holding the door open for Nico. He followed Jason inside as the heavy door slammed behind the two.
The rest of Nico's shift didn't improve by much, but at least he had something to look forward to. By the end of his shift, he never felt so welcomed by his hoodie and casual clothes, that hung loosely off his frame rather than the suffocating hug his work uniform gave him.
Clocking out was the best part of his day.
He walked out back, shoving the door out of the way and giving a curt goodbye to his coworkers. Will's car idled in the back alley behind the restaurant, awaiting his arrival. Will waved when he saw Nico emerge from the building.
"Hey, Nico!" Will exclaimed as Nico pulled the car door open.
"Hey Will," Nico started, "Thanks again for picking me up. I know I resisted at first, but like, I'm actually so glad I agreed. Would have been pissed if I were walking home right now."
"Man I don't know how you do it, walking every day" Will agreed.
"I mean you get used to it, but after some shifts I definitely wish I knew how to drive."
"So what, you never learned?"
"I mean, I never really felt the need to? Like some days I'm like 'yeah a car would be nice,' but most days I'm perfectly fine without."
"Have you ever thought about learning?" Will asked, glancing at Nico from the side of his eye as he drove.
"I don't know... I've always told myself I'd learn at some point, but I keep putting it off. Why?"
"I could teach you now, if you'd like," Will gave Nico a smile that meant trouble.
"What? No, Will, I'll total your car."
"It'll be fun! There's an empty parking lot we'll pass on the way back to your place, we can stop there and I can just show you the basics."
"What if I hit something?"
"Nico, dude, this car is worth at very most a total of 500 dollars. I wouldn't be ruined if this thing suffered a few bumps. It's the perfect car to learn in, you can't do any more damage to it than it has already suffered."
"I mean, I guess I don't have anything else going on tonight..." Nico gave a hesitant response.
"It'll be fun, I promise!" Will said as he flicked his turning signal and pulled into the empty lot. He put the car in park and opened the door.
"Okay, switch places with me," He prompted.
"Uh, okay," Nico gave some thought to hesitation, before stepping out of the passenger seat and into the driver's.
"Okay, look at the floorboard. Do you know which pedal is the brake and which one is for gas?" Will asked.
"Uh, the big one's the brake, right? And the small one is the gas?" Nico gave an answer even he doubted to be correct.
"Yeah! Okay, now put your foot on the brake," He instructed. Nico did as he told, gripping the steering wheel so tightly he thought he might break it.
"Great, now grab the gearshift, and put it into drive," Will explained, "You know how to do that?"
"Uh," Nico choked on his own words, "No?"
"That's okay!" Will assured. He reached over to gently hold Nico's hand, as he placed it on the gearshift. With his hand over Nico's, he pulled the gearshift into place.
"Now you're in gear!" He exclaimed with a bright grin. Nico's hand started to shake underneath Will's.
"What you wanna do now is let your foot off the brake, slowly though," As Will began, Nico lifted his foot off, and the car began to roll.
"Oh fuck the car is moving now," Nico cursed under his breath.
"You're doing good! The car is gonna move slowly as long as you don't hit the brakes. Now, I want you to take the same foot you just used the brakes with, and very slowly, press on the gas."
Nico placed a foot on the gas, and the car jerked forward.
"Oh god, I'm sorry," Nico groaned.
"Don't be! You're doing good!" Will encouraged, "Try again."
Nico lowered his foot back onto the pedal, and the car lurched once more. Surprised by the movement, he took his foot off the gas, giving Will a concerned look.
"It can be tricky to get the hang of, but you're doing really good so far!" He encouraged.
Nico's foot hovered over the pedal. Carefully, he began to press weigh to the pedal. The car began to move faster.
"Hey, there you go!" Will exclaimed, "You got it! Now, see if you can speed up a bit."
Nico pressed on the pedal, and the car roared, picking up speed. As the car gained speed Nico lost confidence, his chest began to feel tight. He could feel his hands tremor as he gripped the wheel, and he began to feel his throat close up. He slammed a foot into the brakes. The car screeched to a stop, causing both himself and Will to lurch forward in their seats. Nico's knuckles had turned white around the steering wheel.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Nico repeated, "I think... I think I'm done. Let's switch back."
"You were doing so well though!" Will reassured.
"No, I think I'm done," Nico confirmed, placing the car back into park.
"Oh, okay," Will's smile fell.
His shaky hands and nerves calmed once Nico returned to the passenger seat. He let out the breath he had been holding and rubbed his arms.
"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overwhelm you," Will said as he slid back into the driver's seat.
"Will, it's not your fault. I've... I've never been good at managing my nerves while driving. My dad gave up trying to teach me years ago because I'd just freak out whenever I was behind the wheel. I guess I thought this time would be different? I don't know..."
Nico felt a hand on his shoulder. Will ran a thumb over the skin on his shoulder.
"It's okay," Will ensured, giving a small smile to Nico, "I just hope I didn't make you feel pressured to do something you didn't want to."
"No! Of course not, I just thought I could actually do it this time. I mean there's a reason why I don't drive."
"You wanna talk about it?" Will asked.
"There's not much to talk about. It's just, like, my nerves... I just get so anxious behind the wheel. It's always been like that," Nico explained, fidgeting with his hands, "Like, I just personally think I shouldn't drive. There are some people out there who just don't drive, and maybe I should just commit to being one of those people."
"It takes practice," Will comforted, "You'll get it if you give it a chance."
"I don't know Will," Nico shook his head, "I can't drive in an empty parking lot, and I can't even imagine how I'd manage on a road with other cars. I don't know how you do it, especially with a broken arm, oh my god."
"I'm telling you, it's just practice. I mean, I guess the arm thing is a little hard to get around, but, I'm doing fine now, I think," Will spoke.
"Does it still hurt? Your arm?" Nico asked.
Will examined his arm, observing the curve of the cast, "No, not unless I move it the wrong way."
"I feel bad, you like, broke your arm," Nico began, "You said you've been playing lacrosse for seven years? And now, all of a sudden you just stopped? Don't you miss it?"
"I mean, yeah, I put so much of my time into it and spent so many years practicing. It was my sport and I loved it. And then, after I left the hospital, after talking to my coaches and telling them I was done... I realized, y'know, that I had put on my jersey, and played for the last time, without even knowing it, and that... That kinda sucked."
Nico nodded, watching Will as he spoke, "This whole thing sounds like it's been pretty hard on you."
Will turned to Nico, "This... may sound so stupid," Will laughed, "But you are so easy to talk to. Like being around you is just easy."
Nico smiled and nodded, "No, I get what you're saying."
He sighed and looked down at the floorboard.
"Guess I should be getting you home though, right?" Will asked as he started the engine. He pulled out of the lot and accelerated onto the road towards Nico's house. Will studied the road as Nico watched streetlights speeding by, their lights beginning to illuminate as the sun began to fall. A hazy shade of grey began to blanket the sky, and stars began to peek out from behind the veil. Will turned his head to steal a glance at Nico. For maybe a second, he let himself admire Nico's profile and the curve of his nose, the bend of his jawline, before pulling his gaze back towards the road.
He pulled into the apartment lot he had left Nico in the night before. As he pulled in, Nico looked like he was about to say something, maybe in protest, but ultimately decided against it.
Nico gave Will a soft smile and thankful eyes, "Thanks for the ride, Will."
"It's no problem, anytime," Will assured. He wanted to say more, but the back of his mind told him to remain silent, despite the pull in his chest. He didn't want this to be the last time he'd see Nico. He also didn't want to return to his empty apartment. He wasn't ready to be his only company again.
"Hey," Nico said, from outside the car, holding the door open and leaning in, "Text me later. Let me know what your schedule looks like so we hang out again. You're a fun guy to be with."
The tug at Will's chest rested, "Oh! Yeah, for sure!"
Nico closed the door, and left with a wave, as Will's car began to roll out of the lot.
Will exhaled a shaky breath, the feeling of loneliness beginning to flood his lungs. It was suffocating.  He drove home, trying not to lose himself to the feeling
As he walked into his empty home, he felt a buzz from his pocket. He opened his phone and saw Nico had sent a text.
just caught wind of a party happening tomorrow, any chance you're able to go? ;)
Will smiled to himself and felt some of the loneliness began to fade.
(Big thanks to my beta readers @embooks and @all-this-panic-still-no-disco !!)
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At what exact moment do you think malec fall in love?that moment in 1×06 when Magnus uses Alec's strength and then falls down exhausted? It's such an underrated moment but one can write a whole essay on it
as a matter of fact, yes, i do believe it was the moment in 1.06 (there is a reason it is my header, after all) and im really glad u asked because its one of my favorite moments and Ive been thinking of making a post about it in forever but never got to it so [cracks knuckles]
well, actually, i think 1.06 was the moment magnus fell in love. i dont know when alec fell in love, to be honest - i think with him, it was just something that kind of settled and clicked into place, you know? there was that attraction and there was the fact that magnus was an amazing person who had amazing chemistry with alec and who fought for him and extended his hand and tried to comfort him without judgement when no one would really allow him to be himself - and who gave him a space to be more of him than any other. but i dont think there was a precise moment when it hit Alec, and suddenly he had fallen; i think he realised he loved magnus when he said he loved him, but at that point it was already cemented. alec is a steady, careful guy; when he falls, he falls hard and becomes an absolute imbecile but until then it kind of settles in slowly, lodges itself inside of him until its carefully in place, and he doesnt really know when it happened. honestly, i relate to that because that's how it works for me, too.
but with Magnus, it was a little different - he had closed himself off from love for centuries, and while obviously he only fell in love with alec because he was already on the pathway to recover and had been for a while now, sure and steady (alec is definitely the right person for him, but he also came at the right time, cuz if he hadnt Magnus wouldnt really be able to allow himself to give in to the obvious pull they had), breaking that kind of wall is hard and is, for many people, something that happens suddenly, all at once, like the crash of a tsunami wave; it kind of isnt there until it suddenly is, flooding out and filling you. and with magnus that's definitely what happened; he had a click moment, when suddenly his walls were down and he found himself feeling, despite himself
you can see a clear difference in how magnus treats alec in 1.04-05 and how he does in 1.06. in 1.04-05 hes flirty, yes, obviously interested, but hes doing it teasingly, playfully, confident in a way that is only possible when theres not much on the line. don't get me wrong, i dont think he was using alec or lying to him - that's not the kind of person Magnus is at all - i just think that it was harmless flirting and interest with not much at stake. he was keeping his kind of playboy, devil-may-care persona (with the exception of the moment when he told alec there was nothing to be ashamed of, because of course magnus "compulsive emotional support" bane would immediately drop the act when he sees someone struggle. ugh. and alec notices this, too, all right, he can see right through to the person magnus really is in that moment, even if he closes himself off). and that wasnt even just in front of Alec; the whole "playing hard to get, i love a challenge" thing was after alec had hung up, there was no one there, he was just talking to himself the dumb dork and it is clear there is not much at stake for him here; he isnt in love, so theres no chance of heartbreak
compare that to the way he acted during drinks with Alec in 1.06. its a completely different person. even in his posture, the way he looks at Alec and moves around him, his facial expressions, theres a softness and vulnerability that just wasnt there at any point before (did yall thank Harry Shum Jr for ur rights today? seriously the man is such a great actor his talent is unbelievable). and for magnus to allow himself to be vulnerable- well, that's big. that's what he was scared of, after all. that's what has brought him hurt and made him swear off romantic relationships for so long
and he says this; he opens up to alec, a person he barely knows, tells him a little about his past, tells Alec hes unlocked something in him. it's not harmless flirting anymore, its not just a mere pursuit of someone hes casually interested in; theres something way, way deeper going on, and this is abundantly clear throughout the whole scene and every single one of magnus' actions. magnus has fallen. this is serious now; hes feeling things he didnt even remember how to, and his entire demeanor changes.
and look, that's really important to me, okay, because i hate the whole love at first sight thing. so when i started watching sh, i was kind of turned off from malec because i was like "oh theyre gonna suddenly fall in love for no reason" but no. that's not what happened. they had attraction, and chemistry, yes, for sure, definitely, but the feelings that sparked inside of them were very much real and solid and built organically, even if quickly. malec is so powerful because their attraction and devotion to each other makes sense, and because their relationship is so trusting, happy, fun, and healthy.
so lets go to 1.06 - the defining moment, the big game changer for the both of them. i know the exact milisecond magnus falls in love - its this one
Tumblr media
(gif isnt mine, i had it saved on my phone and dont remember who made it; if you do, please let me know so i can credit them)
bitch, you are seeing it happen!!! you're watching it, right now!! the way he looks up and his whole face changes; he goes from heavy breaths to these little puffs of air, looks up at alec in awe, and it's all over his face, the softness in his features, the open vulnerability hes showing for the very first time in the entire show - even when he was almost running out of magic, he still looked way more put together than he does in this moment; in here he is open, he has no masks, and hes absolutely soft and open and vulnerable. and you can see it dawn on him too, the realisation that he let alec in, just late enough for it to be too late. it's done. god, i cant fucking believe harry shum jr invented acting. like holy shit, dude
and alec sees it too; in this moment he looks down and he sees the vulnerability in magnus' face and he knows this is the real magnus; that's what he looks like without all the walls and masks, and it's just- beautiful. incredible. you can see the love and the softness inside of him and it's just so easy to find a home in those eyes of his, and ugh, i might be changing my mind, this was the moment alec fell in love too
but anygays, why now, right? what was the big gamechanger in this scene?
well, first of all, id like to stress again, just for good measure, that magnus was already well on his path to recovery from abuse and beginning to open up again; his journey through finding self love and strength to stand on his own feet and be able to open himself for others is his and his alone. alec could be his perfect match (and he is) (fuck it i dont care they are perfect for each other, i never really thought there was such a thing even in fictional couples but shit dude they really are as perfect as it gets, malec truly invented love its unbelievable) and it still wouldnt matter if magnus wasnt ready not only to open up, but to get in a relationship as his own person, and not putting himself down like with camille. of course, he still has a long way to go, and recovery is not a straight line, so he still does things like not tell him when hes hurt and downplay his own pain so as not to "annoy" him or whatever, but he is on equal ground. the very first thing that happens when they finally get together (after the whole wedding ordeal) is, they fight. because alec was being an asshole and treated magnus badly and was really rude and magnus was hurt and he was tired of always being the one to chase after Alec, and he told him that. that's extremely important, because it establishes that Magnus isnt just running after Alec or doing anything for him - he wants a mutually fulfilling relationship and hes willing to fight for it, demand it, not accept less than it. and that's fucking recovery right here, folks. it's so hard for previously abused people to do that. so hard. it still is hard for him, but hes doing it. so, again: Magnus' journey to opening up and finding space for a healthy relationship in his life is his and his alone. and they were lucky as shit to have met when they did.
so, with that being said: 1.06 (god, this answer is such a mess, im ndjdjdidicn). you can see magnus fall in love, right then and there. the moment it happens: when he falls, and realises Alec is still holding him, making sure hes steady. not just that, but holding his hand (despite that being totally unnecessary now), and asking him if he's okay.
it's really unsubtle symbolism (and i mean that in the best possible way): Alec holding him when he fell symbolizes support; holding his hand symbolizes caring, because he could just hold him as to not let him fall, but the fact that hes holding his hand shows that hes trying to support him not just physically, but emotionally; and asking if hes okay shows genuine worry and desire to listen to his needs. again, really unsubtle; but fuck it, that's also part of what makes it powerful, because when was the last time magnus had that, that open caring and supporting and reaching out for him? i mean, obviously Magnus has his friends who are amazing and great to him, but this feeling, of being cared for, so easily, so openly, so obviously, from someone who barely knows him, hell, from a shadowhunter - this is new. both because he hasnt really allowed it - after all, you need to fall for someone to catch you - and because he just. hasnt had that. every time before, when he showed vulnerability, he had his wounds open wide and used against him - with asmodeus after his mom, with Camille after whatever happened that made him consider suicide. and then suddenly this guy shows up, and Magnus didnt even mean to be vulnerable in front of him, not really, he was supposed to hold it, but he does and what he finds is just- caring. worrying. sweetness. a grounding presence and touch. alec is completely focused on him, and isnt rushing him to get back on his feet or anything - hes just holding him and being there for him. he wasnt even looking for it, and suddenly there it is - that trust and reciprocity hed been craving for so long.
and yeah, its unsubtle, but that's also there in more subtle ways; magnus asks for his help, and alec comes without questioning, even if he's mad with pretty much everyone involved. he asks Alec to give him his strength, and he does, openly, without walls - dude, that is so intimate, and you can see how easily the magic flows between them; that's something that can only happen so smoothly if the required trust is given without a second thought. alec is giving his life force to this guy, whom he barely knows, and he doesnt hold back at all - Magnus needs it, he gives it. easy, simple. trusting. an open, clear connection. hes worried about Magnus from the start; he gets in and his first reaction is yelling for magnus and kneeling beside him to make sure hes okay. hes already kind of holding magnus even before magnus falls; he puts himself in a position where hes kind of supporting magnus' weight, and just focuses on giving magnus what he needs. up to this point no one even bothered to ask magnus what he needs. and look, Alec isnt perfect, and he definitely still has his prejudices and ignorance at this point, but this is something special. having someone just give it their all to make sure ur okay, from the get-go, trusting you like that- that's not everyday. specially not for magnus. I think maybe Magnus wouldnt even have lowered his guard enough to have that stumble if Alec hadnt been so easily showing him hes in there together with him, as equals, without so much as a second thought- magnus' persona is polished. hes been through worse without stumbling both before and after. his guard was already down, because Alec had been showing himself to be trustworthy from the start.
and after that, it just keeps going. alec helps him clean up his apartment, without being asked, long after everyone else has already gone - he listens to Magnus talk about his past, attentively, without judgement. he even shows some vulnerability of his own - that fucked-stupid smile when magnus raised his hand to his lips, the glances he throws magnus' way, the way he even manages to talk a bit about his insecurities and confusion; hes opening himself up to Magnus, too. hes smitten. hes interested. the connection is established. he stays the night, and they end up talking all night long, despite the fact that Alec was called to work, and we dont even know about what. we know they are similarly competitive and have a good chemistry, so clearly this was a good, fun talk; but theres something running way deeper in there, too. magnus is showing alec a lot of himself, and alec is not only welcoming it, but reciprocating it as best as he can. that moment of spark isnt gone; it keeps growing, the bond that was formed gets stronger. at this point, Magnus has fallen (i firmly believe that he fell in that exact moment he looked up at Alec) but it gains shape and strength during that night and talk; its a little frustrating because Alec cant face what he wants, but the pull is real and strong enough for it to get stronger, the shapes clearer.
so- yeah. Magnus fell for Alec in 1.06, the moment he realised that he was willing to have his back, to see him as he was and welcome it and treat it with care; and to give him back in return. Magnus fell for Alec when he realised that, somehow, he had already formed the beginnings of a bond with him - the kind that's solid, that means trust and care and effort while also being easy, fun, nice. alec fell for magnus when he looked at him and saw someone that was also struggling with showing who he was, but who wasnt scared; someone who was kind, and good, and willing to listen to him and try to help him and who valued him. and that is so. fucking. important.
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jamaisjoons · 4 years
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can I rant for a bit?
I had this friend of mine that I've been crushing on for a while and he has this close friend that started talking to me. Since he's following me on Twitter, he saw some tweets of mine regarding my crush about his friend and just confronted me about and said that he also liked me. Turns out that my crush has been pushing him to confess to me😬 I didn't really rejected him cause bitch was hella confused and didn't want to hurt his feelings. Then I confessed to my crush but it turns out he likes my friend and just told me that I should date his friend because we have so much in common. So I dated his friend for a while but my crush and I have gone really close because of that causing his friend to grow jealous thinking that maybe I was just using him as a rebound and a way to get close to my crush again. I confronted him saying that there's nothing going on and he just kinda dropped the subject but he kept ranting it it his friend making it seem like I was the bad guy. He's also very big on PDA which I am not a fan of because I'm really shy as hell, he kept clinging on me even tho I told him to lay off. Because of that I keep getting panic attacks and he doesn't know how to handle them so he just kinda stares at me while I cry and compose myself. My friends told me to break up with him but I didn't want thinking that maybe it was normal?(he's my first boyfriend btw) my friends then explained my situation to him but he kept ranting it to our other close friends that I was the one at fault and the reason why our relationship was falling apart. Since then I dropped him a message breaking up with him and then ghosted his ass ever since then. Now I've learned that he's been trying to get it on with my best friend. What a fucking dickhead😀
when did they change the asks to not have a character limit :o but anyway:
this entire ask,,,, literally what the fuck ?? like i don't even know what to say other than im so glad that you broke up with him??? none of this is healthy and it sounds so messy,,,, also ur crush telling you to date his friends??? bitch if u don't have feelings for someone, you don’t have to date them?? even IF they like you like ?? you can’t control someone else’s feelings, you can only control your own. eye. i cannot believe this oh my god. also,,,, if he’s a fan of PDA but you’re not,,, and he refuses to respect your boundaries even after you say you’re uncomf with that. im sorry but. guillotine.
but no, your friends were definitely, 100% right and none of that is normal. im so so sorry that was your first relationship experience because that is truly. despicable. men really :| are the worst :|. but im so so glad you got out of that situation and took the leap and broke up with him because,,,, literally disgusting. and jjjfjjd please warn ur friend that he’s fucking gross because,,, jfc
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whatmack · 5 years
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are you continuing 'im not making u eggs' :D
Anonymous asked: hi its ur crackhead mattneil anon again :))) r u rlly gonna leave us all hanging like that (also i think u forgot to tag the 2nd part of im not making u eggs) 
Anonymous asked: VOFMSKCN ’VE OW JVKW JS WHY DID U LEAVE IT THERE U HEATHEN
@lunylovegoodlover asked: Your mattneil fic is KILLING ME like OH MY GOD like THEYRE SO SOFT and WHAT GOOD HEALTHY COMMUNICATION THEY ALL HAVE i love them all so so so much. Everything about that series is so soft and perfect and lovely, I’d kill for more of it whenever your fancy strikes. (like seriously though I’ve basically been staring at my laptop in shock for the last five minutes trying to process how much I love this)1) YELL HEAH I AM listen despite knowing before I started which couple was endgame I’ve been riding this mattneil train since day 12) HELLO HELLO and thank you! It should be fixed now?3) ;)4) YOU’RE SO NICE GOSH HELP communication is so! good! A lot of what I write has to do with communication, or miscommunication, I’ve been realizing. It’s so important!
“Hah—wh—n—yeah?”For a terrible moment Neil thinks Skype has cut out for his confession. Hegathers himself to say it again. Matt forestalls him by leaning forward, the crinkleof the blankets loud over laptop speakers, touching his fingertips to the outsideof the camera as if he’s holding Neil’s face. “You, um. Like. You mean like…like?”Neil fists his hands in his lap. Matt has cut right to the heart of it. It mustbe easier for him to think that way, all heart as he is. If Neil’s stomach keepssquirming it’ll wiggle right out of his body, maybe down a leg first to beextra uncomfortable. “I think so? I want to kiss you. And I like spending timewith you. And you’re…you look good.”Especially now, in a threadbare t-shirt that clings to the definition in Matt’schest, the yellow light from his bedside table warming the angles of his face. Neil’snot used to this. It’s similar enough to how he feels about Andrew for him torecognize it, but it’s not the same.Less edge-of-the-world. More…lazy Sunday morning. Though lazy Sundays withAndrew are some of the best parts of Neil’s week, so that division doesn’t makesense.
Neilcan’t define how he feels about Andrew. Has never been able to, to hissatisfaction. He just knows that the feeling is there. Maybe if he’d tried harder to categorize it, he’d be able tofigure out how he’s feeling right now, about Matt.Sensing the beginnings of a headache, Neil presses his fists into the seatcushion through the gap in his crossed legs and pulls back. He first thought ofAndrew in terms of actions; actions are something Neil understands. He wants to kiss Andrew. He enjoys kissing Andrew. He wants to kiss Matt. He likesholding Andrew’s hand. He likes holding Matt’s hand. He likes going places witheither one of them, or both, the few times Andrew has agreed to it. He likessex with Andrew. Does he want–Warring answers clash in Neil’s chest, sending his head spinning off. There’s ajubilant, hungry yes that presseseager pictures of Matt’s smile, his hands, his body, reminds Neil how good itfeels with Andrew, whispers that Matt would be good as well. It batters againsta spike of fear so sharp Neil can’t breathe. It’s not only the memory of hismother’s slap. It’s also his general unfamiliarity with non-Andrew-related desire, thecertainty that despite Andrew’s permission he’s not supposed to feel like thisfor anyone else. It’s not how he’s put together. He’s been silent for too long. Matt has messaged him, the text popping up belowthe pixelated worry sketching wrinkles across his eyebrows, digging lines oneither side of his mouth and poking dimples in his chin.  Neil can u talk to me?
Kinda worried about u
Neil?The panic ebbs, notbanished but content to wait. This is Matt. Matt is safe, warm, giving. Hemight have answers Neil doesn’t, but even if he doesn’t, he’ll help Neil findthem. Neil unclenches his aching fingers and rests them on his knees.
“Do you?” he asks.
Relief breaks across Matt’s face. Neil knows Matt hasn’t heard him over thereassurance of him speaking again, so he repeats himself. The pencil lines ofMatt’s expression rearrange themselves. Thoughtful; holding back. Internally,Neil shakes his head.  The most neutral faceMatt is able to make is a beaming grin.
“Do I want to….” Matt’s lips close in the shape of a kiss. He touches the backof his hand to them, and then blinks and looks away, embarrassed at thegesture. Neil’s not sure why. “Uh. I mean if you’re down?”
His voice cracks. Matt jerks a hand up to cover the bottom of his face. Neiltilts his head. He’s never seen Matt be shy.
It’s fascinating.
“Sorry,” Matt says, muffled by his hand. “Never—actually.”
“You cut out for a second,” Neil says, and Matt swears. He sounds more likehimself as he lowers his hand to try again.
“I just said, I never thought this would happen.”
Neil frowns. “You thought about it?”
“Dude,” Matt groans. He flops back onthe pillows, tipping his image back and forth. Neil’s glad he doesn’t getseasick. “I might have been thinking about it for a while.”
His face is hidden by his pillow and the angle of his chin. Neil doesn’t thinkit’s an accident. “Why?”
Matt’s eyes appear as he cranes his neck. He’s got his t-shirt pulled up overhis nose. Neil misses the sight of his mouth until he notices that Matt’s bellybutton is now exposed. It’s a sight Neil has seen more times than he’d honestlylike to, but this new feeling welling up inside of him urges him to stare. Theskin there looks smooth, a patch of tiny curls meandering down into Matt’swaistband. Neil wonders what it would feel like, to touch. Would the musclesjump if he tickled? What if he scratched, lightly like he does to Matt’s head?
“Hey.” Matt’s voice is gentle. He comes out of his shirt, friction working onNeil’s side for once in his life and keeping it rucked up. “Do you want this tochange anything? It doesn’t have to.”
Neil nods, firm. Of this he’s sure. He wouldn’t have said anything if he didn’t want his words to have an effect. He’s too good at hiding forthat. Unfortunately, that’s where the sureness stops; Neil doesn’t know whatkind of change he wants to happen, just that he wants something. And hopefullyit can involve kissing, but that isn’t necessary. He stares at Matt through thecamera helplessly, wishing he could pierce the miles between them and lean againstMatt’s strong chest, rest in the knowledge of Matt’s breathing and that thingsare, for the next few hours at least, going to be all right.
“How about…um. Can I take you on a date?” Matt bites his lip and then smiles,boyish exuberance trickling back into his frame. He sits up against theheadboard and takes the laptop with him, gesturing with his free hand. “When Ifirst got signed Dan and I used to do these video dates. I’d still like to takeyou out for real, but it’s not that far off from the real thing, we can dressup and everything…” he sees how Neil’s not moving and with visible effort calmsdown. “If you want that. We can do something else.”
“I’d like it. The date,” Neil says, feeling a bit topsy-turvy himself. He’sonly vaguely sure what people do, on dates; he and Andrew don’t tend towardsthat sort of thing, or if they do, it’s more one of them dragging the othersomewhere and them insulting each other and seeing how soon they can get the maître-d(or cinema worker, or park concert usher) to kick them out. Neil has never regrettedthe lack of traditional romancing. It’s a pointless ritual when he and Andreware already wrapped past each other’s deepest twistings. But with Matt….
Matt is so excited, and Neil feels himself pulled along. A small spark ofanticipation pricks under his breastbone. “We can try it.”
“Great!” Matt beams at Neil, and Neil finds himself blushing. Starting to workout why Matt’s smile is affecting him differently now hasn’t dampened thereaction. If anything, it’s made it stronger. “Now where’s my little boy?”
Neil recognizes the distraction tactic for what it is, and is grateful for it.There have been too many feelings for today. He relates the story of the newkitten’s latest exploits to Matt’s rapt attention, which runs right into Mattsharing the story of the puppy he saw on the way to the gym this morning, andthey exchange subjects until Neil gives a cracking yawn and Matt demands thathe go to sleep.
“No,” Neil says, to be contrary.
“What if it will make me feel betterif you go to bed?”
“Guess you’ll never find out.”
Matt laughs. Matt’s laugh has never made Neil feel excluded, the way thelaughter of other children did when he was younger. No, Matt’s is aninvitation, and Neil is smiling without really knowing why. “Okay. Goodnight, babe.”
There’s a slight hesitation before the babe,and it makes Neil want to wrap himself in his bedclothes and hum. He raises hishand to wave as Matt mimes a video fist-bump, and then cuts the call.
It seems he’s got a date.
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littlelovelymemes · 7 years
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✰ * º ❛ more popular text posts starters. ❜
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sunsetsover · 4 years
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I'm having a really bad time right now, I'm all alone and can't talk to anyone in real life. But you seem kind. Do you have any advice or wisdom?
angel 🥺️🥺️ i’m sorry you’re having a tough time right now and you’ve got no one to talk to, but i’m glad you felt as though you could come to me 💖💖
when i’m having a bad time i always do my best to distract myself from whatever’s going on. it’s not always easy and perhaps it’s not the healthiest of coping mechanisms but i basically detach from reality as much as possible. this can be watching a film/tv show/yt vids or listening to music or reading a book or playing a game (obviously nothing sad, and this depends on your energy levels! don’t force yourself to do smth if you don’t want too lmao) like atm my thing is basically curling up into a ball in my bed and watching true crime documentaries while playing really shitty mobile games (bc it’s just a personal thing but when i’m having a bad time mentally i like to be like… almost on the verge of overstimulation?? like my eyes and ears and distracted by what i’m watching but my mind can’t wonder bc i also have to sort of concentrate on the game i’m playing, which is also distracting my hands. this is literally just a personal thing and might not work for you but i thought i would offer an explanation anyway lmao). like basically just keeping my brain busy/distracted is basically how i try to deal with bad moods n stuff.
i also never underestimate the power of allowing yourself to just feel how you feel, u know? like i experience things differently bc i have a personality disorder and dealing with emotions is just Different for me compared to most people, but sometimes just crying when you need to cry works wonders, you know? or having a day (or even just 5 minutes) where you’re like ‘ok today i’m gonna allow myself to be sad/angry/upset but tomorrow i’m not allowed to wallow anymore’. but i also wanna say that this is sometimes the opposite of helpful and sometimes a difficult thing to navigate like it took me a while to know when i needed to let my emotions be felt and when i had to be like ‘no lauren dwelling on this isn’t gonna help you’ and even then it’s still hard so be careful!! you know yourself best and if you think indulging in your emotions is going to hurt rather than help, then just don’t do it !! try to distract yourself instead!! (that said i do still maintain that sometimes just sobbing your heart out can make you feel way better emotionally, but again that might just be me)
it’s all about trying stuff and figuring out what is going to make you feel better. sometimes the cliche ‘self care’ stuff like having a hot bath and changing the bed sheets puts me in a way better frame of mind, other times i literally do not have the mental capacity to do that. i do always love having the window open to let some fresh air in, even when it’s cold out. you could try writing how you feel down? that’s not something i do, but i know some people do find that helpful. try to get some sleep (i really struggle with my sleeping, esp when i feel like shit, but i find having something mindless on in the background (my personal faves are the late night teleshopping programmes and food network lmao) can help me fall asleep bc i turn the volume down low and it’s like bc i’m listening to that i’m not listening to my own thoughts. OR - and i know this sounds bizarre - but guided meditations. i don’t use them often but 9/10 times they really do help me fall asleep. the only ones i use are by the honest guys on youtube!). maybe going out and getting out of your own head?? even if you just walk around like a shopping centre or smth?? or in a park?? 
basically my default (healthy-ish) coping mechanism is to do brainless stuff so i don’t have to Think. i don’t wanna think abt why im upset i don’t wanna think abt what caused it i don’t wanna think abt making myself feel better i just wanna turn my brain off and i do that by basically keeping all of my senses as distracted as possible. but if there’s anything you think might help you in any way, then just try it. (providing it’s not dangerous or damaging of course) if it doesn’t help, then it doesn’t help. sometimes certain things will help sometimes and not others. brains and emotions are weird and trying to deal with them is like trying to herd cats sometimes but !!! you’ll figure it out. i have faith in u :-)
and if there is a specific situation or circumstance that is upsetting you, then just try your best not to internalize any of whatever’s going on. like i know that’s vague and i’m sorry i can’t be more specific but just remember that external circumstances are very rarely in your control and so try not to internalize any sadness or anger you might be feeling towards things or people that aren’t in your control. and if u wanna come and talk abt it or want more specific advice then my ask and my dms are always open!!!
also lastly just be kind to yourself… like i know being sad can be frustrating and sometimes ur internal monologue can be so cruel but you have to try your hardest (and i mean hardest bc it’s not easy at ALL) to be kind and understanding of yourself. don’t get angry or resentful of yourself for however you’re feeling. try, at the very least, to be indifferent abt it. like ‘ok i’m going through a bad time. ok i’m struggling rn. ok. it is what it is. very often you can’t change that. so let me try to deal with it as best as i can. let me be patient with myself. let me give myself time. and then i will get up, even if i don’t want to, and i will keep going forward, even if it’s on my hands and knees.’ that’s the attitude i’ve found most helpful. all these daily affirmations and positive attitudes are nice in theory and i’m sure they help some people (they might even help you!) but for me they’re useless. like i try my hardest to be kind and patient w myself, but sometimes i settle for just apathy. and sometimes i need to be firm instead, u know? and if smth doesn’t work in helping me feel less shitty, i just try something else (although i’ll be honest! all of this sounds so nice on paper but it’s not that easy in real life! none of what i’m saying is easy! it’s difficult and it’s taken me YEARS to figure out what helps me when my mental health is playing up so it might take you a little while too!)
i hope things are a little bit easier for you from now on, anon. i hope your bad time passes as quickly as it possibly can, and even if it doesn’t i hope that you can find some ways to help yourself cope/cheer yourself up so you start to feel better soon. and i’m always here if you wanna talk about stuff!! anything!!! use me as ur distraction if you want!!!! 
but ily remember to go easy on yourself and stay safe and i’m sure you’ll get through this rough patch i have faith in you 💖💖💖
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whore4batfam · 7 years
Text
why im not a bad brother and why damian owes me a trix yogurt and why bruce also owes me a yogurt for keeping a secret from alfred and why alfred owes me a yogurt bc i had to deal with this mess and JEAN SHRIMPTON  WANNABE CAN GET ME A SPOON
by Timmy D (and Kon stop labeling everything in the fridge as bird food it doesn’t stop Bart he literally ate dog food once because Cassie said it was high in nutrients which is true but also wth why would she say that in front of him when she KNOWS–)
RIGHT OKAY SO don’t ever let my family say i don’t do stuff for them BECAUSE I FRICKIN’ DO i not only gave up my last reeses cup for cass but i also sacrificed MY LIFE 
i repeat, my  L I F E 
for the gremlin
okay so anyways it was my turn to patrol alone because hur dur dur mr. robin redbreast head was off being a bobbsey triplet and mr nightass was off world and cass and steph ANDF WHTEVER THE POINT IS that i was off to be a single man of wonder for the night which is. like. total win. 
#1 right here
so im breaking up fights and skulking around like sherlock holmes / edgar allan bro because i say “CRIME BE NEVERMORE” 
caw caw motherfucker red robin is here
so look the thing is penguin is a shit but a classy shit he wanna a lamborghini sip martinis and look hot in bikinis
SO HE WORK BITCH
(im sorry steph was studying for midterms and she marathoned britney from 1990 to present and she played that one like 8 times because her film 300 paper on Christoper Nolan (pffft) was due and we may ahve taken jello shots not sure) 
back to the aquarium That I Have Not Mentioned Until This Point But I Was There. so Gotham aquarium is on drugs because they’re like “oh how nice a moray eel exhibit how could this go wrong?”
HOW COULD THIS GO WRONG IN THE MOST DANGEROUS CITY IN THE U.S. OF A  
and moray eels are like expensive as fuck to transport and marine fish are becoming more and more protected by the Law so penguin was like “bitch i’ll just import it from my backyard”
and because im #1 i knew this thing that he would do because I’m a detective and i know things
look i’m not going to explain what happened but i did end up in the tank with the moray eels and here’s a science lesson kids:
moray eels live in tropical and subtropical seas and have a wide jaw with sharp teeth. this jaw enables them to grab onto their prey. Romans kept them in seaside pools bc Extra af and bravissimo taste 
(so now we know why penguin wanted them yum yum social status)
moray eels generally do not attack humans unless provoked and 
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#1 man of wonder got a date with that beauty only the thing on the menu was ME 
so i ditched bc im not steve irwin tho i wish i was 
i nearly drown, break the lock but also coincidentally my hand, escape the tank, and save the day! WHOO! 
#1 DOES IT AGAIN CAW CAW 
cue approx 28 minutes later im at the manor after texting steph to patrol with a screenshot of britney’s “work bitch” music video bc my hand is shot like its p much shattered which haaahhhhhh not the plan but im cold and hungry and what i reallY REALLY want is a trix yogurt 
sidenote: trix yogurt is the 90s in a cup
but i only have disgusting european goat yogurt at the apartment because 1) I’M AN IDIOT 2) i was trying to eat healthy and be an adult but we all know that’s not going to happen because instead you end up walking down to the freezing garage at midnight with a broken hand staring into the renegade emptiness and struggling to open the lid of the trix yogurt AND IT TASTES SALTY BC OF UR TEARS 
anyways i don’t have a spoon so im doing it the old fashioned way and scooping the yogurt with my tongue when a car (the C4 Chevrolet Corvette which was bruce’s dad’s car so i can deduce they’re coming from somewhere nice but not too nice maybe like a science thing) comes in at steady pace and im like cool cool just licking up my yogurt. and then the car stops. 
and the gremlin JUMPS OUT like the evil goblin child he is 
[sort of like that part in sleeping beauty when prince philip is all tied up like a sex slave but totally not and maleficient’s evil minions are hopping over the bonfire which im sure is like imagery of SOME Milton thing but i digress]
and then B gets out all slow and calm which means he’s pissed and trying to be a Dad about it but idk why he even tries that bc Dames always pushes it too far and everything ends up like scrambled eggs only NOT as delicious and Dick is like “hey im the peacemaker this is my role in the family im so glad im no longer an only child thanks bruce good fucking call” 
so i sequester myself into the corner just trying to eat my yogurt because I CAN because Alfred left for 3 days to visit Julia, which he never gets to do but everyone worked out patrol and civilian identities and he eventually agreed. so im nervously licking my yogurt not even enjoying myself any more bc 1) family drama ruins everything and 2) im not at the hospital when i should be bc i have a shattered hand and B would be pissed at me for stopping for a trix yogurt break
not that he would understand becauuuse TRIX IS FOR KIDS
i am aware that i am an adult but tbh i’m still seventeen and wow it feels like i’ve been seventeen for a while but
perks
so demon brat is screaming about something and Bruce is Ignoring him but his jaw is getting tighter so im assuming at this point that this has something to do with 
Amélie de Parnasse
who Dames thinks is the devil, which is a coincidence because I think he’s the devil but y’know personal taste and all that. Amélie de Parnasse sort of looks like jean shrimpton but with grandpa glasses and Dames is CONVINCED that B has the hots for her or something but he INSISTS that she’s evil and B keeps saying he is not dating Amélie but we’ve all heard that one before but from what i can gather gremlin sabotaged Amélie’s presentation and also took B’s credit card to do so by hiring ninjas 
which, suffice to say, B was not happy about and went “that’s not who we are, don’t do crazy things, yadda yadda yadda WAIT YOU DRUGGED THE REPORTERS no patrol” 
but dames is like “ur not the boss of me boss-man” and bruce is like “um ?? who else is called boss-man around here? its me go to ur room” but Damian WON’T and is like “you’re being STUPID and DUMB and I’M JUST TRYING TO PROTECT YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE DUMB AND STUPID”
Bruce finally is like “go inside i don’t want to discuss this further ho hum i am an adult watch me not get upset with a ten year old child”
well that disappeared real quick bc gremlin point blank REFUSES and says “NO I SHAN’T I SHALL STAY HERE FOREVER BECAUSE YOU CAN’T GO ON PATROL WITHOUT ME BECAUSE YOU ARE A FOOLISH KUMQUAT” or something like that bc the kid’s voice hasn’t cracked yet and tbh all i can ever hear is shrieking idk how Bruce or Dick understand him bc it all sounds like koala screams to me
here’s a reference (listen to it all the way through for the demon growls its spot on)
Well Bruce legit shrugs and says “that works for me” and goes FUCK IT and flat out SCOOPS DAMIAN UP AND GOES MARCHING TOWARDS THE DOOR and im like well good shot little buddy next time you’ll stick it to the man 
but ol’ lucifer baby was not down for the count yet, nope. 
instead, Damian sticks out his arms and catches the convertible car door with his evil possum hands.
no problem for Bruce, he just disregards the kid’s shoulder sockets, no sweat, and tugs
this goes on for several minutes and its just weirdly silent tugging and im STILL licking my trix yogurt bc this cup is WAY deeper than i realized and my tongue span in comparison to the cup volume is getting its tongue-ass kicked and i’m watching this play out silently because it’s waaaay too late to announce myself now and B will just be all blustery “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHINGGOTOTHEHOSPITALNODONTWHERESALFREDWHYARECHILDRENHARDWHYCANTIFUNCTIONINTHEDAYLIGHTBLAH” and im in a delicate state tonight so no thank you please 
so i’m licking the yogurt and Damian is like, perpendicular in the air right now and it starts to look like an figure skating routine of stubbornness (because this family is nothing if not stubborn) when. 
RIIIIIIIIIIIIP.
(okay it didn’t sound like that it was more like WHUMPH but)
the car door was literally ripped off its hinges. 
now, old poppa Thomas Wayne’s convertible opened up real fancy 80s, like this:
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so looking at that now it’s not totally implausible that this would happen but. still. 
So Bruce is staring at the decapitated arm and Damian is staring at it and I’m staring at them staring at it because I just witnessed 1) an example of brute-like strength and 2) the most embarrassing family spat since Jason and Dick’s egg and spit battle (gross and what even??) and they STILL don’t know I’m in the corner eating trix yogurt with a broken hand and a bleeding tongue because PLASTIC CORNERS ARE TRAITORS
right so two things are either going to happen here. 1) Bruce is going to like, laugh or something weird and mention some weird article from 1997 that he found outside a doctor’s office in a parenting magazine or like walk away like it was nothing and this will turn into a footnote on an excel doc or 2) Dames is going to receive the most unholy spanking of his life 
i start panicking because they are rising from their stupor and Bruce’s eyes are like electric blue fire and it rapidly starts looking like it’s going to be the latter so I, a moron, step forward because yeah I can seriously dislike him but I’m Edgar Allan Bro and you don’t leave a little brother hanging like that
SO CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER
“I BROKE MY HAND” I bellow and it echoes in the garage like we’re in Pincocchio whale’s belly 
Bruce twists to look at me and Damian goes BOOKING it upstairs and yeah goodluck gremlin i’ll pray for u when i’m not cursing you for getting us into this mess 
Well, Bruce does his typical  “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHINGGOTOTHEHOSPITALNODONTWHERESALFREDWHYARECHILDRENHARDWHYCANTIFUNCTIONINTHEDAYLIGHTBLAAAAAAH” and it develops exactly how i DIDN’T want it to go, so yeah everything sucked and I was like “are you mad” and Bruce like “why would you think i am mad” with a Mad Face™ and I’m like lol? no reason -.-
anyways idk what happened to gremlin or B but he DID extract a promise from me not to tell Alfred what happened because apparently yanking hard enough at your kid until your dad’s old corvette door snaps off is not considered a good idea and Bruce was like “I can handle it Alfred go visit Julia don’t worry I am an Adult™” which like. no. 
i DID get a stilted thank you from the demon brat which was uncomfortable but kind of nice too because it’s nice to be appreciated for putting your life on the line. or like. your yogurt because B took it away from me when he was fixing my hand and i never got it back. 
and that was the really painful part in all of this. 
because trix yogurt is my life and my life was taken away from me and i sacrificed my LIFE SO I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE THAT.
but yeah. that was tuesday night.
#1 right here
EDIT: turns out  Amélie de Parnasse actually was the devil or at least a witch and NOT Glinda the Good kind and may have been using the moray exhibit as a distraction for her presentation of hypnosis and possession.  
which…yeah…
yikes. 
Thanks for reading! ^.^ 
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sabraeal · 7 years
Text
Merry and Bright: Part 2
Shirayuki awakens in freefall, promptly brought to an unpleasant end by her whole body slapping against the bedroom floor.
She groans; she’s not hurt besides the angry sting of where her skin hit hardwood, but her pride is certainly wounded. The last time she fell out of a bed, she must have been in the single digits. She better not be coming down with something; vertigo is one of those symptoms that makes WebMD speculate about brain tumors and lupus, and she just doesn’t need that kind of stress three months into her PhD.
She levers herself up onto her knees, blearily peering up at the clock on the bedside table. The numbers swim in her vision for a long moment before the first settles into a glaring red seven. It’s far too early to be functioning, and she’s clearly disoriented by it; this hardly even looks like her room –
Obi lets out a loud huff, hand flopping over the edge of the bed, and she is abruptly aware that this is not her room, and that they are not in their apartment. This is Obi’s old room, untouched since the night her left. And this is not her bed, but –
She scrambles to her feet, staring down at the broad expanse of Obi’s back, the long spread of his limbs – and rolls her eyes. No wonder she ended up on the floor.
“Obi.” She shoves at his side, prodding fingers into his ribs. Her hardly budges. “Obi, come on, you can’t take up the whole bed.”
He grunts into the pillows, hunkering further into the mattress.This is a lost cause.
Shirayuki snatches his hoodie from the chair, shrugging it over her shoulders as she shuffles to the stairs. Even from the top landing she catches the rich scent of coffee and the savory smell of bacon. Her stomach growls, reminding her it’s been a long while since she last ate, and it was only some chicken bites and a biscuit from when they detoured through the rest area for dinner.
(”You’re killing me,” he tells her, pulling out of the drive through. “I didn’t even know there was a non-fried option on the menu.”
“It looked like the healthiest thing.” She pops one in her mouth and is assaulted by salt. She’s hungry enough that she likes it. “They’re roasted.”
“Doc, the whole thing comes with fries and a biscuit.” He glances at her disapprovingly before gunning it onto the highway. “There’s not a thing about that place that’s healthy.”
“Oh, you can have mine, by the way,” she tells him. “The fries I mean.”
He sighs. “Just feed me my dirty rice.”)
She hesitates. It feels strange to go see Bob and Gayle without him. They’re not her family, and she – she doesn’t know if he would be comfortable with her talking with them. Especially talking with them about him. She doesn’t know what he wants them to know or, more importantly, not know.
The decision is abruptly made for her when a black and tan puffball plants itself at the bottom of the stairs and howls.
“Oh, Shirayuki, honey!” Gayle calls up. “Is that you?”
She grimaces, trying to glare at the dog but – it’s just too cute. She can’t blame it for being excited. “Yes.”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d be up.” Gayle’s voice gets closer as she makes her way to the kitchen, tiny dog in tow. “There’s pancakes warming in the oven, ig you’re hungry for them.”
“There’s enough to feed an army,” Bob informs her over the top of the paper.”
Gayle snaps her head around to scold, but Shirayuki says, “Oh good, just enough for Obi.”
The two of them exchange a glance before laughter bubbles out. “True enough,” Bob admits. “Make sure you leave enough.”
“I see you’ve met the Baron.” Gayle nods to her tiny shadow.
“Oh, yes.” She glances down at the fluff curled below her chair. “We met on the stairs.”
“He’s friendly,” she assures Shirayuki, as if the light puppy-snores were not a ringing endorsement for his personality.
“Even friendlier if you bribe him with bacon.”
“Bob.” Gayle send her husband a warning look. Bob, for his part, only winks over the tech section.
“Did you sleep well?” Gayle asks, casual, and Shirayuki feels her shoulders tense.
(“Is this all right?” Obi asks the skin of her neck, his hand hot against her stomach, his belly curving along her spine. There’s nothing for it, she knows, he’s taller than the mattress is long, it’s the only way they’ll fit –
She swallows hard. “Yeah, that’s fine.”)
“Yes.” She rubs at her eyes, hisses as she hits a bump on her nose.
(“OW,” she hisses, clutching her face. Obi startles, his eyes slitting open as he moves his elbow away. He’s taken up half the bed by now, Shirayuki only holding onto the last bastion by the pillows. “Why?”
“Sorry,” he slurs, not sounding the least bit sincere. She rolls up onto her knees, leaning over him.
“How have you had people in your bed before?” she asks, annoyed. “Did you just hide the bodies?”
“Well, Doc,” he drawls sleepily, stretching so that the cotton of his shirt rubs against her palms. “We weren’t exactly sleeping.”)
“As well as could be expected,” Shirayuki amends awkwardly. Bob chokes a little on his coffee, and she realizes there is a whole category of other reasons she might not have gotten enough sleep.
Obi really needs to explain some things.
Gayle levels a glare over her shoulder at her husband. “We weren’t sure if you’d make it to breakfast,” she says. “We weren’t sure if you were an early bird or a…”
“Whatever Obi is,” Bob finished, his mouth lifted up in the corner.
“Did he sleep late when he was here?” she asks.
“I’d faint from shock if he managed to locate an hour before ten,” Gayle laughed, handing her a plate of pancakes and bacon. “Coffee?”
“Ah, no, none for me please.” She takes the plate, wondering what Obi’s – what Bob and Gayle would say if they knew that he regularly taught the eight am section of Shidan’s class. What they would think if they knew he said better to get it over with earlier than later.
Gayle gives her a long look as she digs into her breakfast. It’s delicious, melting on her tongue. “You’re a cocoa girl, aren’t you?”
She blinks. “If you have it…”
“Of course.” Gayle bustles about the kitchen with purpose. “One of our girls – Kelly Ann, you’ll meet her today – she’s a cocoa girl too. Always have to keep the good stuff around for her.”
“And now you,” Bob prompts with an absent smile.
“And now you,” Gayle agrees. “I’m glad you decided to come.”
“Me too.” Shirayuki swallows her bite of pancakes. “It’s good that Obi –”
“No, no, honey,” Gayle puts a hand on her shoulder, and it’s as loving and warm as Shirayuki remembers her own grandmother’s being. “I’m glad you came. I’m sure being back here is going to be…hard for Obi. But knowing he’s found himself a girl that wants to stay by his side for something like this…I’m glad he’s done so well for himself. He was all rough edges when he came here.”
“He had more than a few of those when we met,” Shirayuki admits with a grin.
Gayle’s hand squeezes her gently. “And it speaks leagues about you that you took him as he was.”
“It’s….um….” Shirayuki takes the cocoa offered to her absently, staring down into the whipped cream. “I…”
“I’m looking forward to getting to know you better, Shirayuki.” Gayle smiles, glancing back at her husband. “We both are.”
“…Great.” Shirayuki takes a sip of her cocoa. It’s the best she’s ever tasted.
 The humming won’t stop.
Obi reaches out a hand, slapping at the beside table that isn’t fucking there. He lifts his head, blearily searching the room, only – it’s not his.
More accurately, it isn’t his anymore.
He groans, dropping his head into the pillow. It’s coming back to him now: Christmas, Bob and Gayle, twelve hours of driving to gets across the Carolinas, Doc in his bed…
Oh god. Shirayuki is sleeping in his bed.
The hum starts up again.
Oh right, his phone. His phone is going off. That makes sense. That is a thing that makes sense, unlike any of the other things running through his head right now.
He flicks the screen open, and there are just a fuckton of texts, all from Zen. Because of course, of course the only way to start of his stressful family vacation is with guilt.
“Ugh, mother fucker,” he moans before rolling onto his back, scrolling through about a thousand single-period texts before he finds one from late last night.
Did you guys get in okay?
ru fukn srs rn?
Is that English? Should I be able to read that? At least I know you’re alive now
ur a fukn siko w ur prds get a lyf man im not a frm u cant just bmp a topic wtf im alive slept well just got up
Is Shirayuki up too? I haven’t heard back from her
i dunno i dont c her in bed so prob
He has just enough time to be aware of how stupid he is before Zen texts him back.
What do you mean you don’t see her in bed??? Are you sleeping in the same bed????? OBI???????
g2g brkfst
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