#as a person with anxiety i have a limited battery- | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

magic-hcs · 2 years

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How about some angst?

Inspired by a korean catastrophe movie I recently saw:

Skele expects s/o to be home soon while watching TV. The program is interrupted with following news announcement:

There has been a cave-in in a tunnel due to unlawful cost reduction during construction and s/o is stuck inside as the only person, trapped in the car under rubble but unharmed yet with limited food and water. Skeleboy is able to reach them on their phone and the connection was spotty but they were in contact for a few days while the rescue operation was up. The rescuers have to dig through the whole mountain to get them so it's a long process. After a week the phone battery dies and it will be a week more until the drill can reach s/o, but during that time nobody knows if they are still alive or not.

How well are Bear, Razzle, Red and Charon coping?

Ooo this is very interesting. Let’s do this! *rubs hands evilly* I’m very curious what the movie was that you’ve watched anon.

Warning: angst, mentions of tight spaces, high stress and anxiety, insecurities, implied of starvation and dehydration, injuries, guilt, death gets mentioned, (if you find warnings that aren’t in here yet let me know)

Bear: HT Sans

Razzle: SF Sans

Red: UF Sans

Charon: UF Papyrus

If you like what you read, please consider dropping a comment.

Time to cast some magic and see what we’ll get!✨✨

✨✨

Bear: Bold of you to assume that bear wouldn’t move mountains and oceans to get to you. No one can stop him, not even Bean. He’ll even shortcut if he has to (don’t let him, shortcuts are a no no, he could get stuck in the floor, or walls, or shortcut and accidentally leave a limb behind. Not to mention that shortcutting hurts a lot in general) Bear would come with phone in hand, food and water in a big cooling bag as Bean drives the both of them to the site. You just barely manage to stop him from tearing literal mountain apart to get to you (afraid it would do more harm then good)

Bear is staying near, no matter the weather he’s staying. Somewhere out if the way of course, but he ain’t leaving.

It hurts him so. so much as he tells you how to reserve the food and water accordingly, he’s muttering to you constantly both of you forgot what you are even talking about anymore . You constantly gotta ask “you aren’t tugging your socket are you Bear?” Because he will ruin his socket while he’s worrying about you.

Once your phone is at 1% you say to him “don’t do anything reckless if it isn’t a must Bear promise me. I love you” and he couldn’t utter a reply because your phone died. Bear immediately started to panic. Fidgeting with his phalanges before finally tugging at his socket frantically. Trying to stop the panic attacks from forming. Once he couldn’t take it anymore he begun to dig. Claws crushing the rocks with bit difficulty but he manages, it doesn’t matter that his phalanges hurt. He got to get to you, and the slow progress he makes only encourages him to continue.

His mind is going in one track: “save my mate, save my mate, save my mate-“

And once he’s reaching your car he’ll tear the door open. His claws are ruined and bloodied, yet he can’t find ur within himself to care as he grasps you in his arms. You’re weak and dehydrated and starving but your alive. And he’s never letting you go. Bear nuzzles into your face and temple, letting the relief flood him, he purrs. Bear will try to feed you as you’re getting moved to the hospital, mind worried about the lack of food in your system. He won’t leave you alone for a moment, snapping at anyone -except Bean- who try to convince him to leave you for even second. He will take care of you until you’re healthy again.

✨✨

Razzle: This boy is anxious. He dropped everything; his work, his coffee that he had been sipping at work when he got the news. Razzle shortcuts straight home, turning on the news as if that was gonna change what is broadcasting. Razzle is terrified, he can’t do anything except anxiously pacing around as he calls you. He’s silently begging that you pick up.

Razzle doesn’t beg…ever.

He tries to keep a level head as he describes the situation to you. Describing how big the rubble is, he’s describing how far the rescue people are. He tells you to hold on and that you’ll survive, just hang in there. He tells you to eat and drink sparingly. Razzle has a hard time keeping spirits up but he will for you.

When he’s not calling you he’s breaking down and calling all sorts of connections to get you out of there faster. Once your battery dies he shortcuts there and demands the rescue people to do something! ANYTHING! He knows they’re doing everything they can but it’s not enough. You still aren’t here safe in his arms! And he anxiously stands there on the side watching and waiting for any news of you.

✨✨

Red: This poor boy is blaming himself for getting you into this mess, if he’d just called off from work and drove you instead, or better yet shortcut you there. Now you’re stuck under so much rubble with no way out. With no lasting food and water supply, and Red is feeling even worse now.

He doesn’t dare to call you, scared to hear your being wounded. Or to hear how angry you are at him (even though he knows you would never blame him for this. You’re that amazing really, but the voices in his head whisper the opposite) it’s ultimately Charon who calls you and shoves the phone into his brother’s hand before walking off.

Red can’t hang up, it’s not what you deserve. Not only that, Red would feel even more guilty if he did hang up, and he can’t follow Charon to shove the phone back in his hand because he already left the room.

Red sighs and relents. Facing whatever you’ll give him.

….

And it’s an unexpected question…it stuns him for a moment “you’ll come get me, right Red? I’m scared…please, talk to me, you’re the only one who can ground me.”

He feels his eyesockets start to sting, he’s not crying, absolutely not.

“‘m-‘m here babe…yer doin’ amazing sweetheart…i’ll come get ya, i promise…yer gonna be outta there in no time. ‘s no biggie, right?”

(He never makes promises he can’t keep. He’ll do, and destroy anything to get to you if he’d have to)

Once Red got the phone, he’s not placing it down anymore, insecurities and voices be dammed, you need him. And no fucking way would he leave you alone in this. He’s speaking to you constantly, telling you what’s he’s doing, distracting you with jokes and stories. All the while he side eyes the news.

But then one evening while he lays in bed chatting with you the phone dies. And he shoots up from bed and short cuts into his brother’s room “boss! the phone-fuck- we gotta go. now.” (He doesn’t trust himself to drive or short cut)

Once they arrive Red will be standing anxiously at the side, getting frustrated the longer he has to watch the rescuers argue and not making any process. In anger he shoots a gaster blaster beam into the rubble, making some progress but it was risky. “i don’t give a flyin’ fuck for y’all’s petty squabbles! Get ‘em outta there for fucks sake!”

An angry, beam shooting skeleton really pumps them up and they go back to work. Charon hits red in the head once the workers have gone to work, chiding him for doing something so dangerous.

Once you’re out of there you get send to the hospital in haste for the blast had caused rubble to hit you in the arm and leg. If they had gotten you out of there any later then it was a very high possibility that they would’ve been too late.

Red sits next to your bed till you awaken. Not leaving once, Charon has to drag him out the room to get him to eat something.

✨✨

Charon: It feels as if the world is crumbling down around him. What in asgore’s name did he or you do to deserve such a thing. He’s marching out of work straight home. screw work your more important. Charon goes to call you, making sure you are alright as he watches the news.

He got quite a level head in all of this.

After making sure you’re alright and unharmed, he’ll give himself an hour to talk to you and tell you how much you mean to him. Charon wants you to preserve your phone battery after he hears how long it could take to get you out - he even searched up how to make sure you preserve your supplies.

Charon calls you at least three times a day for at least an hour to check up on you, speak to you and encourage you, he wants to be able to reach you as long as he possibly could. So he withholds himself from calling you constantly.

He feels terribly nervous and anxious as he sits and waits for any positive news, it’s so hard for him to not be able to do anything to help. Charon can’t sit still nor can he do anything else then pace back and forth. He’s been lying awake for nights without a wink of sleep and he feels pitiful and pathetic.

Thanks to Charon’s strict calling rules, your phone lasts way longer then a week, but just barely. It’s not enough to make it till the rescuers reach you. And Charon is a mess in the time when your battery died. He gets nightmares while being awake. Waiting with anxiety.

He’s muttering to himself:

“Last Time We Called They Said They Had Half A Bottle And one Snack Bar Left.”

Charon paces with his skull in his hands.

“If They Take A Gulp Every Hour Or Two And A Bite In The Morning And Night They Could Last Another Day Or Two…”

His soul is thrumming against his chest, it feels as if sharp claws are rising from the ground scratching and grabbing at his body.

“The News Said If Nothing Stood In The Way They Could Reach Them witching Four Days…”

The claws are tearing at him, it wouldn’t surprise him if it were the souls of the victims he failed to save from the underground.

“If There Are Issues It Could Take Another Week.”

He feels lightheaded. He has a hard time breathing. But he doesn’t care. Your his ever waking thought.

Charon can breathe properly again once you’re safe and sound in his arms.

✨✨

Thank you for participating in this spell, I hope it was to your satisfaction!

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hunter-sylvester · 10 months

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Intro post [OLD]

I have an about me but I know some people are mobile-only so here we are 🤘

This is sort of a personal blog combined with multifandom? I guess? This is also my main blog. Side-blogs are listed below.

The basics: My name is Hunter, I’m a gen z adult. I’m a gay trans guy & I use he/him pronouns. I play guitar, just not well. I’m a metalhead, some of my favorite sub-genres include: DSBM, Black Metal, Thrash, Death, Doom, Death-Doom, Black/Thrash. I live with my boyfriend and English is not my native language but it is the one I use the most. I’m European with a weird sleep schedule so my active hours are kind of all over the place. I’m autistic and have ADHD as well as (social) anxiety. Depression sort of comes and goes. Head’s a mess a lot of the time but I manage. My social battery can be pretty limited but I do enjoy interacting with people when my head will let me ^-^

Tumblr’s direct messaging system sucks so if anyone wants to add me on discord, just ask (mutuals especially) (obviously I won’t add minors on discord)

My main interests currently are:

Metal Lords 2022 [Special Interest]

Steddie/Stranger Things

Metal music

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Queer stuff

Heartstopper (pretty much all of that goes on @softsylvester)

My creative outlets are whatever the fuck my head will allow at the time. But I mostly post writing, video-edits, and gifs. And I use the following tags for them: #hunterwriteswords #huntermakesedits #huntermakesgifs

I don’t go out of my way to make all of my creative output sad and ‘dark’ but it just sort of turns out that way sometimes. I try to tag as accurately as I can. Please use your own judgement accordingly. Especially with my writing on Ao3 (Due to AI scraping of Ao3, all my stuff is locked to registered users only for the time being. Everything is still up, nothing is deleted, but you need an account to view it.)

Sideblogs: @metal-lords (Just Metal Lords posts, mostly reblogs.) @key-to-everything (music blog) @metalsylvester (random stuff I didn’t wanna reblog here for whatever reason, occasional og posts, some venting) @softsylvester (cute and wholesome stuff, cute animal spam sometimes, occasional og posts)

If I haven’t responded: I take a little longer to know what to say sometimes. Blame social anxiety. I may also just not know have known what to say all together or missed that I was supposed to respond and just left it, if you want me to respond, give me a nudge. An ask or a dm usually works (there is also always a chance that tumblr ate the notification/ask/dm, it does that sometimes.)

DNI? I’m not fussed on having a whole DNI list but if ED blogs could kindly fuck all the way off that would be great. I know you’re hurting but I can’t have that shit around me.

On chain asks: They’re very sweet and I understand the sentiment behind them. I don’t mind getting them but I am weird about chain mail so I don’t really feel comfortable sending them forward.

#last updated: 03/10/23 #I know some of this is also literally in my description but idk #idk what I'm meant to do for these #idk if I'll keep this #intro post #my post #subject to change I guess

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callipraxia · 6 months

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Day Three Progress:

Total Word Count: 5877

Notebook Page Reached: 30

Percentage of Project Completed: 12%

Narrators Utilized: 1

Number of Scenes Worked On: 1

Interactions Written: 5

Outfits Described: 2, though far more sparse descriptions than any previous outfit descriptions.

Random Thought Had: “…how sure am I that I know how adding one hundred to a number works? Five seconds ago I was totally confident about that but now I am unsure if the number is getting bigger too fast. Why does this happen every time I think I have figured out a relatively painless way to address a problem? This is second grade math for crying out loud!”

Gonna be honest, I was displeased with my output for Day Three. There was a lot of filler, and a lot of deliberately using three little words where one ordinary word would do just to get to the count, and even then, I barely made it to par before midnight after writing hear-constantly for the last three hours of the day. I was feeling exceedingly poorly yesterday - all week I had been unable to sleep except for between the hours of 6-9 am, and I didn’t thrive on that kind of sleep diet when I was young. Now, it was a clear Message: find some means of going to sleep, or illness would be with me shortly.

Thankfully, though, my anxiety meds finally arrived at the pharmacy, so I slept from 1am-9am. Said medication and several rounds on the heating pad helped with the bad shoulder, as did taking six hours off of my unofficial job as my grandmother’s minder - I went home, washed several loads of clothes, washed up where my mother had been cooking earlier, and was in a much better state of mind by evening. Dr. Jean Shinoda Bolen would probably lump me in with the Hestias in her book of “conceptualizing feminine archetypes as Greek goddesses;” I don’t know if I would say I find anything spiritual about doing housework, but the silence and solitude and satisfaction of rapidly-visible results does do wonderful things for me. It’s one reason I’m so fond of Emily Bronte; her writing, sadly small though the surviving quantity is, is amazing of course, but I also relate to her intensely as a person. I, too, don’t do well physically or mentally when I spend too much time among people in 3D and can only really achieve equilibrium in a “very noiseless, very secluded but unrestricted and unartificial mode of life,” to quote Charlotte Bronte. I’m somewhat more gregarious than Emily (I can’t even see EJB posting anonymously on AO3, much less writing all this on tumblr), but despite that, I’ve always had an affinity for her, even though my collection of flaws is more akin to Charlotte’s.

As for why this wasn’t posted last night, there’s an easy explanation for that! Between scrambling to preserve my Duolingo streak and squeeze in my last NaNo update, my phone battery was extended past the limits of what it could do on 10%. So the phone died in my hand just after I started typing this post, so I put the phone on the charger and went to bed.

Anyway. Yesterday is over, today is another day. Here’s to a better Day 4!

#writer problems #writing life #insomniac writer problems specifically i guess #nanowrimo #nano 2023 #fanfic writing #gravity falls fic #this day i ramble #I know far too much about the Bronte family

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astroismypassion · 1 year

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Hi, can have your advice? Of course, if it's your field)

I have Venus and Mars both in 8th house, scorpion, conjunction each other and square ASC in aquarius. And I feel really confused, like one minute I'm life of the party, the next I'm struggling with social anxiety, trying to tone down stuttering and tremor in the body. Understandably, it depends on person I'm taking with, but the whole thing can happen during one single time, so yeah. I would like to hear your thoughts on how I can work it out)

Anyway, thank you for your time and have a good day 🥰💜

(English isn't my native language, so I apologize for any mistakes I could've made 😅)

Hi there!

Yes, of course I can share my thoughts on it at least.

Haha I would like to make advice giving my field haha, if this is even possible yes.

First of all, I would like to say that having Aquarius Ascendant is already rare on its own. I think you live in the past and in the future at the same time and you are able to navigate very successfully between both time focuses and states. However, learn to use the knowledge of both (past and future) to ground yourself, your own identity and thoughts in the present time too.

Yes, you have a strong need to connect with people, so that you can belong somewhere, yet you want to stand out in your community too and remain independent to have free thought.

I think what you can do, is firstly ground your body and then thoughts will follow. And also try meditation perhaps when you feel out of balance. I'm not a big advocate that meditation can fully help you since sometimes it's not always about being mindful and in the moment, sometimes a bit anxiety is okay so that you are alert, focused and concentrated, we can't just be chilling and relaxed at all times since our development would not move forward and we would stagnate. But quick 10, 15 min guided meditation on Goodful could help you here. Also, engage in a light reading or listen to a podcast so that you mind will feel just lightly stimulated, but with knowledge.

So to make sure you ground your body, we can also do this: check when was the last time you ate? Have a light snack, something that will nourish you, but like whole foods, not processed, like a banana, rasberries, a few bites of loaf of bread. Drink more water or try sparkling water if you are struggling with getting in your water intake levels. Go run an errand or go outside for a walk, dance in your room, like a dance workout.

So now that you grounded yourself in your body and your thoughts, go out there more confident that you've shown self love and nurtured yourself first, before interacting with others and giving away your energy and battery level. Maybe try do hang out for a few hours at a time, maybe avoid hanging outs and social interactions that would go on for four hours. Say that you have something else scheduled and retreat. Because at the end of the day, you do have scheduled something and this is your own recharging time.

Also, don't beat yourself for too long or analysing too much this mentality, behaviour of yourself. It's rather normal, we can't be on a high high at all times either, otherwise your body and brain couldn't actually follow through and process all these overflowing, happy, overflowing emotions. So don't even EXPECT to be feeling like a life of the party at all times or in all your interactions.

We CAN APPRECIATE each state (for example being really content, really concerned, really joyful) ONLY because they are limited for a period of time. Because it is happening only until the next change. And that's the beauty of it.

I hope you will have a beautiful day too,

@astroismypassion

#astrology #aquarius ascendant #astro note #astro notes #astroblr #astro community #astroismypassion

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rametarin · 9 months

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You ever consider how awesome it is that some tech is now pedestrian?

Back in the 80s I used to imagine a future where technology was so accessible and cheap I could, if I wanted to invest some cash into it, have computer monitors in my room just to watch my door with cameras no bigger or visible than smoke detectors.

And now we have "spy cameras" that can give you the same definition of a 2010s phone cam.

And monitors thin as wood furnished portraits you can hang on your wall. Wireless.

Do you know how expensive such devices would be in 1980s money!? They wouldn't exist; they'd need billions of dollars of research. Not even the most wealthy of saudi oil men could've had a laptop computer that could wirelessly watch cameras, just local to their HOUSE.

When the idea of a personal computer was a pie in the sky dream, you'd have heard, "the wealthy capitalists and the upper class would never dare to give the masses that much access to power and education. They'd conspire to prevent it. It'd upset their carefully stacked deck of control and supremacy"

The truth is, that's not how it works. Stuff is expensive because we don't know how to make it cheaply and with a minimum of expensive, exotic resources.

That's why I click my heels together reading about really great batteries and artificially created magnets that can operate with supremacy compared to traditional rare earth magnets. Because it means, cheap, domestically sourceable material to make electric motors for electric vehicles, alleviation of range anxiety, and then that just means pumping up the level of fission reactors to meet electricity supply needs.

This is the sort of shit that's going to be everyday stuff in our garages, my dudes. Monitors thin as paper, recyclable as sheets of aluminum, with computers with hardware that doesn't require extremely limited multibillion dollar lithography equipment to manufacture parts.

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fyodorloveclub · 1 year

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Helloooo! This is my entry for the matchup event! <3

- I'm fine with it being both sfw and nsfw

- You can call me Amy

- I'm currently a student at university and I'm studying japanese because I've been obsessed with japan ever since I was a child thanks to all the videogames I played and anime I watched

- My hair is very long (it reaches my butt), wavy and brown. My eyes are also brown. I'm around the same height as chuuya, perhaps just a little taller, and my weight is the same as atsushi's

- I'm a very introverted person, I don't like socializing that much and I have a very limited social battery that dies immediately when I spend time with people I don't consider friends (so crowded places like parties, clubs, concerts are a big no no for me). But when I'm with my few close friends I open up a lot more and I'd do anything for them. Online I'm usually more friendly and chatty, while irl I'm more distant and quiet, basically I like observing people and listening to conversations without actively participating in them. I tend not to voice my thoughts or opinions out loud (because of anxiety), and I tend to overthink a bit too much. I'm also a huge daydreamer, I can go entire days simply sitting there in silence thinking of the most random things and scenarios. People usually describe me as kind and patient and I've been told that my eyes look mysterious so it's hard to understand what I'm thinking about (which is cool tbh). When I move I'm also very quiet because I'm always deep in thought and I walk very silently, my family calls me a ghost because I never make any kind of noise and they can never hear me coming lol

- I tried taking the enneagram test many times before but I kept getting different results (either 4 or 5 or 6) so idk what my type is. However I do know that my mbti is infj and that I perfectly fit that description

- I love videogames, especially pokémon and other nintendo things. My room is literally full of retro videogames and pokémon merch, I'm a big nerd. I've always been interested in foreign languages and cultures so I love learning new things from other countries (I can fluently speak 4 languages) and lately, thanks to bsd, I picked up a new hobby which is reading literature classics and I'm loving it a lot so far! I don't really do it much anymore but I also love drawing and doodling things, mainly on my desk at school lol. Ofc anime and manga in general are also part of my hobbies. Also idk if it counts but since I like observing people I tend to understand how they behave and their quirks and then I like to try and put myself in their shoes to understand what they might be thinking about in certain situations (very psychological stuff oof)

- I love nature, plants and observing bugs, all kinds of animals (especially cats), dresses, cottagecore and vintage stuff, plushies, and the colour pink! I particularly enjoy sitting at home in silence by myself, drinking tea, either playing videogames, browsing social media, reading fanfics or daydreaming. I dislike smoke and alcohol, crowded places, noisy people, people who don't respect boundaries and people who don't like animals (I kinda dislike people in general djsjdj except for my friends ofc)

- You can match me up with anyone, it's ok for me

- Despite disliking people and hating being touched I am very touch starved, but I'm also incredibly ticklish so it does not help at all lmao. Also if I like someone I'll be very loyal to them, but once my trust gets broken they cannot get it back

I think this is it, if there's something wrong or missing then feel free to tell me and I'll send a new request! And thank you so much for your match up event and good luck with everything! <3

amy x fyodor

❊ ta-daaaa i match u with the one true rat himself, fyodor dostoevsky

❊ if there's one thing i know about u, is that you are a researcher. you love learning and dive head first into any new subject that piques your interest. it truly just speaks to your passion for knowledge and for learning, and this is something fyodor would really respect and admire. you fascinate him with your fascinations, and he would gladly listen to you ramble all day long about what ever new rabbit hole you fell down that week. fyodor values knowledge and the truth, and admires your never-ending search for it

❊ you have passion and you are very committed, you seem to me like the type of person that has to finish anything they start. again -> fyodor shares this value and admires it in you greatly

❊ he also dislikes most people. you guys will bond over discussing whatever and whoever annoyed you that day

❊ you are someone who chooses to be a wallflower, and is okay with people watching, and fyodor is the same. he keeps quiet and lays low, watching others, as do you

❊ he would completely and totally see you as his equal and have immense respect for you. you match, if not exceed, his intelligence level, and that is what fyodor wants. as fun as it is to write fyodor as a psycho with a god complex who wants an inferior SO, thats just not the truth, he wants an equal. he wants someone who can keep up with him in conversation, will listen to what he has to say, and can truly engage with him. you fulfill this completely for him

❊ your loyalty is something that keeps him feeling safe in your relationship, as he knows he can trust you, and how important trust is to you. you both are the same in that once trust is broken, it cannot be regained. you both feel comfortable with this shared ideal (kunikida coughs in the corner) and that you would never betray each other. with what fedya chooses to do with his life that is very important to him fkldsjkfdkjfkjf

❊ your family calling you a ghost bc of how quietly you move reminds me so much of fyodor pls he moves, acts, thinks in silence and only actually wants others around him who are the same

❊ you and him would definitely bond over classic literature, it seems like something he is passionate about and would enjoy discussing in detail

❊ also you as an observer. i mean this in the nicest way possible bc he truly does respect you as an equal but he also finds you very beneficial jdffjdj two things can be true at once. he greatly values your ability to read and understand others, and can count on you to pick up on the little things he might miss.

❊ fedya relates completely to being touch-starved while also hating being touched fjkdlaklj he needs his space and hates anyone too near him, but having someone like you around who he can place his trust in to fulfill his clingy needs makes him incredibly happy

❊ tldr: your calm and quiet demeanor, passion for learning and knowledge, empathic tendencies, and respectable presence makes you out to be the perfect partner in crime (literally and figuratively) for our fave slutty rat

#HOPE U LIKE #matchmaking

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trashyslashers · 2 years

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Oh gods I hope I don't bother and am not late for this! If I am, I'm so sorry! I'll give this a try!

Can you match me up with one of the DBD killers?

I am a 21 year old female. My sexuality is straight.

My height is 5'9. I'd say I'm more of a curvy and a bit thick shaped lady. My hair is over my shoulder ans I dyed it pastle pink. I also have a piercing on my cartilage. Dark brown eyes. I usually dress in darker clothing. I wouldn't consider myself goth but I'm mostly into a grunge alternative style. Though I mostly dress in an oversized dark hoodie and jeans so nothing special. I have many scars for many different reasons; One is over my eyelid and another dark scar on my thigh which they stand out a lot more than normal scars. I also always have black nails, either by painting them or getting them done. They're usually pointed and long.

Personality: I am mostly in introverted person. I'm not as social because I feel like I'd annoy people. My social battery is also limited. I have anxiety which also causes me to feel nervous around strangers or going out to places. Although I am a very talkative and I'd say funny gal. I mostly make sarcastic comments and joke about people if they're comfortable with it. I'm also at times courageous into trying to get put my comfort zone so I'd be more comfortable around other people. I am easily excitable and don't get offended easily. I take care of my friends and family before myself. I am also very patient with people and don't get annoyed easily. But when I'm angered I tend to keep it inside since I don't like to show my negative emotions to others. I like to say I'm kind and gentle to people I meet u til I get to know them so I won't offend them. Once I know the person well and their limits, I can be very outrageous and weird to be funny but only enough to not make them uncomfortable. Sometimes I even like to play small jokeful pranks on people. Although I also lie when I have a feeling it's needed. A very bad habit of mine.

Hobbies: I like watching specifically any horror and sci-fi movies. I also read books and spend my time coloring. I'm mostly interested into any sort of arts or crafts such as sculpting or theater/dancing. I do also like to make costumes of horror. I love to collect cute plushies and stickers. I am also a gamer playing any sort of game that peaks my interest (horror, survival, rpg, and games similar to Apex or CoD). I love to write stories. Not just fanfictions but anything that comes up in my dreams as well. I like to learn about animals as well.

I hope this is enough! Also thank you so much for this if you pick me and for your hard work as well! Have a good day! ❤️

I think Philip Ojomo | The Wraith would have a soft spot for you.

Philip finds it admirable how great your care and concern for others is; the gentleness and patience you display is something the world is incredibly, incredibly lacking in, and he cannot help but to have a soft spot for you once he knows you well enough.

Thinks your hair color is incredibly beautiful. One of his favorite things to do is run his fingers through your hair while the two of you are cuddled up together.

Absolutely understands the limited social battery thing; Philip is fairly introverted - though he does enjoy the company of those he cares for - and often spends time off by himself alone. He's very understanding about any time alone you may need (whether alone means alone with him, or alone alone).

He, maybe surprisingly, can be a very calming individual to be around. While he's silent, Phil can be very gentle when he wants to be, and he would be more than happy to be there to soothe you during moments where your anxiety is particularly bad. He's more than willing to help you step out of your comfort zone, however that may be.

Enjoys your outrageous, wild sense of humor! While he may not get every joke, Philip loves it when you're in a good mood and are playful; he isn't bothered by any teasing you may deal his way, and your well timed sarcasm is well received.

Philip, as we know, went through a lot in his life prior to being taken by the Entity, and as a result he, unfortunately, still carries and is full of that same rage he felt back then. You're one of very few people who can help ground him on particularly bad days. Not cure or fix it - but he'd never hurt you (outside of being forced to during trials, when push comes to shove, which even in those he does not enjoy), and is incredibly grateful to have a partner who extends patience and understanding his way.

Philip does not like lying; it goes hand in hand with betrayal to him, and he will make it as clear as day to you that you do not need to lie to him about anything. He is more understanding than you may think.

I can see Philip having a knack for certain styles of art, or at least appreciating them. His bell is often adorned with sigils painted on with soot during trials, and even if some may say they don't count as "art" technically, he does have a delicate hand when applying them. He'd be interested in seeing anything you make, and he would love it if you ever read to him any of the stories you've written!

#request #anon #matchup #matchups #match-up #match-ups #dbd matchup #dbd matchups #dbd match-up #dbd match-ups #dbd x reader #dead by daylight matchup #dead by daylight matchups #dead by daylight match-up #dead by daylight match-ups #dead by daylight x reader #philip ojomo x reader #the wraith x reader

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mhalachai · 2 years

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Random but do you have a laptop recommendation? I work from home and also do a lot of writing in my spare time. (and if any of your followers know how to get over anxiety over lithium ion powered laptops, pls let me know my stress decided to laser on the risk of the thing exploding as my current laptop is definitely getting close to its last legs and yeesh it's not fun when a part of your brain thinks you've got a bomb in the house. and you need to use the bomb)

i love how random this is. and actually yes, this is an area where i have unexpectedly strong opinions. (Also if anyone reading has any suggestions as to the second question, please drop them into the replies!)

first off, if you're not going to be focusing on gaming or on intensive design software, you can probably get something very functional (new or refurbished) for a reasonable price. Skip the Apple and Chromebook (Apple laptops are super-expensive for what you get, and hard to fix, and Chromebooks are limited in nearly every way) You're going to want to look for a cheap pc laptop with interchangeable parts in case you need to affect repairs over the years.

do you know an IT person? not a software engineer, but someone who builds and fixes machines? if you work, your company might have someone who they use to get their equipment - you could ask them where they get their equipment.

I'm partial to buying in-person, mostly so you can know you're getting what you're paying for. I've had a lot of luck in second-hand or build your own laptop places - you can check online review before you head in to make sure you're getting a real store. If their website looks like it was hand-coded in 1998, don't let that scare you off. That's a sign of authenticity.

And if you have concerns about the laptop battery when you're deciding what to buy, with a PC you can pop the battery out and google the make/model when you're in the store - to see if they have any recalls or any other listed problems.

Also don't know where you're at geographically, but if on the off chance you're in Vancouver BC, I recommend the Hackery on Victoria just north of Hastings. They're good folks.

Good luck and happy computing :)

#asks #apparently i have a lot of ideas #i remember back when i got my first laptop #it ran windows 3.0 #that is not a typo

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shilika-c · 2 years

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Transit

As I progress into the scary and unpredictable journey that is adulthood, I increasingly crave some form of consistency. Recently, I’ve been trying to follow a little routine. Wake up, turn on geyser, brush teeth, shower and so on. I figure that if I get a routine going, it’ll be easier for me to work at accomplishing my goals. In my pursuit of productivity and consistency, I can’t help but notice how I am in a constant state of transit.

On a plane from Johannesburg to Cape Town

Transit is essentially movement from point A to point B. I’ve been fixated on the idea of transit for the past couple of months. For one thing, I am in a constant state of movement. When I’m at home in Lusaka, I mostly travel by mini-bus. Oddly, I have come to enjoy these bus rides. Now let me preface what I’m about to mention by listing a few negative aspects of travelling by mini-bus, which includes but is not limited to; being squashed on the bus, “five ku backseat” (eish), being made to sit ‘pa bondix’ and having to remind the conductor about your change (social anxiety gang stand up). The joy I get from being on the bus by myself comes from the opportunity I get to sit and observe what is happening around me.

A stationary bus at Kulima Tower bus station

There’re two buses I can use to get home from town – Bauleni direct and Woodlands/Bauleni. Bauleni direct is my favourite because as the name implies, it’s a direct route with very few stops. By the time I’m making my way home from town, my phone battery is usually dead. This gives me the opportunity to focus on what’s going on around me, sans distraction. Perhaps it’s the journalist in me, but I like to observe how people operate in society.

Somewhere in Kamwala on the Burma Road/Bauleni bus

The ideal bus ride starts like this: Nestled in the window seat in the middle row of the bus, I watch as the bus starts to fill up. I also have liking to street food, so sometimes I’ll be eating chikanda, maize or tu nshaba. Different people start to enter the bus. A man in a work suit, two school kids in uniform, a woman with a baby on her back – all settling into various seats on the bus. Occasionally, I spot a ‘traveler’ who has lots of bags and has to negotiate with the conductor to put their stuff in the boot. I have also noticed that the front seat is associated with a certain kind of importance. Though not expressly implied, the preferred occupant of this seat is usually an older person – either a middle or working class professional. Sometimes the bus conductor will guide this person to that seat. When the bus is full to capacity, the journey begins. Sometimes the journey is quiet, albeit the conductor asking for payment and distributing change. Other times there is a lively conversation amongst people on the bus, with topics ranging from politics to marriage and day to day issues in society.

A candid of a bus conductor on the Burma Road/ Town bus

During these various transits, I am most intrigued by the convergence of the most random people for a singular purpose – movement from point A to point B. My fascination extends beyond this end goal. When we get on the bus, we all want to get to point B. But what happens when we get off the bus? Our point B suddenly becomes point A again, sending us back to square one. My understanding of transit has moved from being a journey with an end goal, to simply a journey. A never-ending journey can mean different things for different people. For some, it presents an exciting opportunity to discover new things and experience different faucets of life. For others, it’s living in constant fear of the unknown and having to adjust to new environments (which can be such a daunting experience). It could be that my consciousness has been preoccupied by the idea of transit because of how my sense of personal responsibility has increased. I often jokingly remark to my friends that I cannot believe that I’m a real person. When I critically unpack this statement, I realize that it’s an expression of my coming to terms with my growing independence – and the responsibilities that come with it.

Shoes for sale on display in the Lusaka CBD

Transit in this context could be regarded as a synonym for life, like a ladder with only two steps. As you move to the next step, the bottom step becomes the top step. You cannot move up one step without the other. Similarly, in life you cannot skip a ‘step.’ You need a point A to get to point B. The irony of craving consistency whilst being on an unpredictable journey is not lost on me. Perhaps it stems to have some control in the midst of uncertainty. Out of 118 posts on pjt.365, a little over 60 pictures were taken as a result of or during transit – that is movement outside of my home. In a way this project serves as a record of my transit. I look at certain pictures and remember where I was, how I felt in the moment and how much has changed since then. My fixation with the idea of transit has allowed me to reflect on my past ‘journeys’ and see how they inform my current state of being.

Walking to the Stellenbosch University main campus

For me, the idea of transit transcends physicality. It encompasses all aspects of life – our inner and outer being, as well as our relation the world around us. Observing people on the bus has given me an appreciation of communion and kinship. We are all on our own ‘transits’ but at some points our interests align and we get to share the journey. When I watch people get off the bus with me, I wonder where they will go and what they do when they get there. Where do they get their sense of purpose? What motivates their transit? I can never truly know. However, what I can say is that I am uncertain of the end point but I wish to be conscious during the journey.

Five ku backseat : When five people are made to sit at the back seat of the bus, on a space made to fit four people. This is usually on a bigger bus.

Pa bondix: The inner engine part of a mini-bus. In some cases, the bondix is a stool that is attached to the side of the first row.

Tu Nshaba: Some groundnuts.

#lusaka #movement #transit #short essays #reflection

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sophocused · 2 years

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I started actively trying with my mental health recovery journey in my first year of uni, in 2018, and since then as I went through the transition of going from 19 to 23. (No therapist or counselor yet because I don't got that time or money)

this year, and it's may right now, I feel like it's the longest I've ever gone of being in a decent state that, even though all the bad thoughts, self doubt, etc. are still there, I've developed some pretty effective systems that the worse days seem more like "just bad days".

1. Not spending energy pretending I'm more upbeat or engaged or enthusiastic than I actually I am for the comfort of others. I feel like a lot of my high school life and early uni life was spent trying to "fit in" with people who didn't understand what it's like to live with a mental illness or severe anxiety, depression, etc. I've noticed that due to my 2 year relationship being very vulnerable and my partner influencing me that I can just be the me I naturally am with anyone, it put me in the habit of forgetting to pretend. It's saved me a lot of energy, and in a way feels more like an act of self-love and self-compassion by not making myself endure for the sake of others. For example, I speak in a relaxed flat tone because I'm no longer worried that I don't sound engaged enough. Sometimes it could even sound tired to people. What's important is I know it's just me respecting how I'm currently feeling.

2. Expressing that I like being invited, but also choosing myself if I notice my social battery is out. I used to think that rejecting invites would cause eventually for people to stop inviting me to anything. I reflected on why I felt that way, and decided that if I'm not a reliable source for enough quality time for people, that is their right to also care for themselves. But I will also care for myself, and notice my cues and limits.

3. To combat the gnawing feeling that my mode of productivity will only last for a little because I'm manic, I told myself, "Even if it is because of mania, at least I got things done and did my future self a favour." By not internalizing guilt about my stints and dips in my mental stability, I actually don't get too extreme anymore. For example, instead of pulling an all-nighter to clean out and re-organize every square inch of my room, I do it from 6pm-12am, and actually get sleepy by 11pm.

4. I don't share out loud to other people too often what I plan to do or aim to do to improve myself in many areas of my life because I've noticed that my brain accidentally gets tricked into thinking that I've gotten them done already. Like, the dopamine from talking about what I'm going to do is high enough to make me tired because thinking and dreaming out loud was tiring and felt like an accomplishment in itself.

5. I learned that I've reached a point that my self-esteem is not tied to my insecurities. I could be insecure that I'm not the weight I want to be or that my hair is getting brassy, but it does not mean I see myself as worth any less of the way I believe I deserve to be treated. With my partner, I am never afraid to state my needs or dispute an issue in fear of them leaving for someone more attractive or active or something.

6. My split shift for the past 3 months tricked me into becoming a morning person. After spending most of 2021 struggling to sleep until 4am and waking up at 2pm, getting out of bed around 4pm... This year is a shock. I'm sleepy by 10:30pm, I wake up without an alarm around 6:30am or 7:30am, and I have developed a habit of getting straight out of bed instead of spending hours on my phone. This was thanks to my Routinery app I used from January to February that helped me with visual aid and timer to get moving and what I'm supposed to be doing.

And yeah that's about it that I've noticed about myself because of how contrasting it is from who and how I was 2-3 years ago.

Also, I don't care if I'm getting along better with my mom now, I'm still moving out with my friends or partner as soon as I get my savings to $10k, and am making at least $30k a year (potentially, march 2023 because I'm graduating in February 2023).

I'm excited to live by my values that show a great love and altruistic approach to people and community. I'm excited to not have to hear abelist comments, heteronormative comments, and just blatantly negative and offensive comments from my gen X parents. I love them but in loving them, I've grown to accept that if it's 2022, and they still repel or evade the signs of progressiveness and inclusivity, there's nothing I can do now except protect my peace and live by my truth on my own and with people who share the same.

My last thought to say is:

It feels good to be tired from doing things, instead of just being tired after having done nothing all day. I'm very tired right now. Because I'm home from my 3rd split shift of the week. I work at 6:30am and finish at 6pm. Open and close. It has been grey skies and drizzle all week. I'm tired. However, I apply myself still at work because it does make me happy to feel that I'm bringing happiness to other people, and also ofc money lol. There's something about work I like because it forces me to be offline and off my phone or any device for 6 hours in the day. Next week, I'm even going to start biking to work in the morning and afternoon, with some jams, bc it's only 10 min away and is a straight line. This could open up a whole new area of consistent/mandatory self care for me.

I can feel the mentally unwell me fighting, biting, kicking, scratching, to go back to when it was "easy" to just suffer in silence and anhedonia. I just place my hand gently on her head, carefully brushing her hair out of her face, and say, "I know, I understand it would be nice. But you deserve to feel something now. You deserve to keep feeling more and more, and to always choose yourself."

#nina rambles #mental health #recovery

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thephilosopherwhofell · 24 days

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The Fleeting Human Experience

TL/DR: Its harder to have human connections, take the cashier check-out line.

I am only twenty-two and I recognize that I have a very limited world view. I cannot make claims or ideas about the world that are not first going to be limited my a lack of experience compared to those who have been here longer. That said, I think we are in a very dangerous time in the context of the human experience. Never before have we had such barriers between our collective interactions. In our wars, our business, our media, and most importantly, in our relationships. Sure, there is a lot we have gained, but in the midst of our luxury, we forgot the price we pay for all of this.

As technology develops, the only way to keep the highly complicated machinery and computers affordable is to reduce the cost of the labor we need to make it. A sort of pseudo-slave labor in addition to literal slave labor is utilized to reduce the costs of modern tech. We choose to turn a blind-eye to this utter lack of respect for something we agree is a flagrant disregard of human rights because the results are enjoyable or comfortable. We ignore the damage we cause to people across the world because we have become so self-reliant on the technology we have now. I don't blame the average American or any regular citizen for this, but I can recognize that this is a problem.

However, in addition to this fine we pay with the lives and dignity of those less fortunate than us, we also pay a social and collective fine that people tend to forget. We have become so disconnected from each other in most avenues of our lives. As mentioned before, there are barriers in all of our human connections. As stated, we are disconnected in our wars. We do not even have to be in the same continent to do war against each other. The United States can order a drone strike on any target of their choosing from the comfort of the Oval Office and we can not do anything about that. War is no longer fought by soldiers, its fought by technology. That's not even accurate to say because the countries of which the United States has attacked with drones, did not have the means to properly fight back even with jets and anti-air defense. Our technology has made us near impossible to contend with. This is great for defensive purposes, technically speaking, but this is terrible for so many more reasons.

If its not our wars though, its one of the many other things I pointed out. Our business, for example, is done almost entirely online now. Every purchase I make is a set of instructions that is relayed to my bank on my behalf over the internet using a trusted system of card readers. At any point when my card data is available, such as when I insert the card or swipe it at the gas station, a little over-complicated, encrypted key pad can govern my financial future. Of course, when I go to the store its even worse. If I am unlucky or don't have the social battery, I can use a self-checkout kiosk. I never have to interact with a single person, many of which have my interest in mind, to get my groceries. I get it though, these devices are necessary for those who have greater social anxiety or even auto immune diseases. For them, I completely understand the use of a self-dictated machine. But this connection permeates B2B infrastructure too. Most companies move their money around near completely independent of human interaction.

On demand media is also another socially limiting element of our technology. Having media available all of the time whenever I want it means that I don't have to watch the show that everyone is talking about. Sure, I get a more personally curated content feed, and I also get to connect to people who share my interest online. But I never get the experience of discussing a show with my peers like my parents did because we all have our own, distinct, preferences. This is one of the more minor details but it fits within this problem that I am outlining.

Concerningly, this technology is getting in the way of our relationships. Not just friendships, family, or partnerships, but in all of them. Never before could a long distance relationship be maintained the way it is now. Before cellphones became common place you had to call on a landline with fairly pricy rates to use. If not that, then it was a pricy internet connection to send an email or use a chat room. Not unaffordable, but more expensive than not. Before that, maybe letters? I'm speculating a bit based on my knowledge of the internet before I started using it so I definitely could have some gaps on that front but the main idea still holds. With all of that said, maintaining a long-distance relationship is so much easier now that we often fail to recognize the lack of connection occurring. We find friends on the internet, keep connections with people over long distances, and never have to worry about losing track of people with how interconnected we are. These are all great, but we have lost the human connection we need as social animals. Online connections are great when nothing else is available, but when given the option we should be near to each others.

Lastly, and maybe frighteningly, we are moving into a time where interactions on the internet are not just between humans. AI language and image generating software is getting better at an exponential rate and soon enough we are going to struggle to differentiate people from AI. I don't think this is tomorrow but it is coming. I don't fear that AI is out to harm us, nor do I think that AI is going to be the ruin of society, but I do think that I don't want to be fooled. I want to know what my reality is and who I am talking with. AI is not going to replace us, but it may assimilate with us and that's something to be concerned with.

I don't write all of this because I think that technology is evil, but rather because I want to express the importance of interacting with real people. Sometimes people might refer to what I'm saying as experiencing reality or "touching grass" but its more than that. Don't just go to the store, go to the cashier line and have a human connection. Recently, there has been news of Walmart charging a subscription fee to use their self-checkout kiosk and we all agree, hopefully, that this is silly. But this is the perfect opportunity to disconnect from our isolated realities and experience people as people again. We are at a turning point in the technological boom when human interaction is a potentially endangered element of the human experience. It may be argued that we will always have other people in our lives, but what is important right now, is securing that connection for the future. This isn't an overnight process, and we aren't going to see the results of our actions for years, but if we value our humanity, we must remember that part of it comes from out connections to real others.

#philosophy #humanism #artificial intelligence #technology #human condition #human experience #human connection

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synthshade · 5 months

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Update on Chapter 2, semi-personal update, then Chapter 2 rambling:

I'm pretty sure I won't have enough time to, but I'll at least try to get the next chapter finished by tomorrow. Might have to post it on Sunday instead though. I didn't have the energy to work on it because my mental health went real rotten for a bit.

I'm not gonna get TOO into it, but what happened was that I couldn't do my T shot last week, and I guess my limit was two days late. Shit, I'm not doing that again. I had a bad anxiety attack, and for about two days after that I was having some BAD intrusive thoughts. I'm doing a lot better now, I got to do my shot about two days ago. Still a bit drained, but who wouldn't be after suddenly having severe depression for two days. And it might be because of the weather.

Anyway, back on topic. While Chapter 1 is fairly linear with only one cutaway that really just switches perspectives, Chapter 2 has two cutaways and cuts to and from a different setting entirely. I did streamline the writing a bit to avoid extra cutaways, but since the two settings are literally thousands of miles apart there's gotta at least be two cutaways. Point being, it's a bit more complex to write, and speaking of writing, I want to put some real effort in this time.

Also thinking about content warnings for Chapter 2. Obviously, there'll be a content warning for electrocution, even though Sonic's not actually being electrocuted, but it's still more appropriate than 'torture' since Robotnik isn't torturing Sonic. The pain is just a side effect of being used as a living battery. I'm considering also putting in a content warning for distress/pain/whump/whatever, since Sonic is not having a good time at all.

But I've gone on long enough already, so I'm cutting it off here, you get the gist of what Chapter 2's about anyway.

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healthstyle101 · 7 months

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Pennsylvania inmates sue over ‘torturous’ solitary confinement conditions

A lawsuit filed against Pennsylvania's State Correctional Institution at Fayette accuses the prison of worsening, unconstitutional conditions that foster mental illness. The lawsuit accuses the prison of placing inmates in solitary confinement in a manner that leaves them unable to challenge said placement. Inmates have reportedly attempted suicide, punched walls, written in their own blood and flooded their cells with dirty toilet water, their lawyers claim. Solitary confinement conditions in a Pennsylvania state prison are unconstitutional, worsening and creating mental illness in those held there, according to a federal lawsuit filed Tuesday on behalf of five inmates who say they have spent long periods in "torturous conditions." With limited mental health resources, some of the plaintiffs inside the Department of Corrections’ State Correctional Institution at Fayette have attempted suicide, flooded their cells with dirty toilet water, punched walls and written in their own blood, their lawyers said. The lawsuit accuses prison officials of placing inmates into confinement based on secret evidence, leaving them unable to challenge their placement. Those practices violate the constitutional rights of those incarcerated to due process and freedom from cruel and unusual punishment, their lawyers said. RECAPTURED PENNSYLVANIA FUGITIVE DANELO CAVALCANTE HAS COURT DATE PUSHED BACK TO NOVEMBER A number of lawsuits nationally have targeted the conditions of solitary confinement, saying that the treatment of incarcerated people there has led to psychiatric episodes of self-mutilation and death due to lack of adequate care. The lawsuit asks the court to end the use of secret evidence and solitary confinement for mental health patients. It also seeks compensatory and punitive damages. A spokesperson for the Department of Corrections declined comment, saying the agency does not comment on pending litigation. The lawsuit said that a majority of the 30 to 50 men held in solitary confinement in the prison are Black and Latino and that the five plaintiffs have spent at least 11 months in solitary confinement. According to the lawsuit, the men are placed in solitary confinement if they're identified as posing possible threats to the security, safety and operation of the facility. Those incarcerated are placed in small rooms, about 80 square feet (7.4 square meters), for 22 hours a day. The rooms have minimal furniture, no windows facing outside and lights are on at all times, the lawsuit said. The men are granted one hour of recreation time, in a cage outside, but many refuse it, due to declining mental health, the lawsuit said. Inmates at a Pennsylvania state prison are suing the institution over its "torturous" solitary confinement conditions. In a statement, Angel Maldonado, one of the plaintiffs, called the confinement "draconian." "I’m a strong person, but it broke me down, I felt like I was trapped," Maldonado said. "I had brothers in there swallowing batteries, razors, tying nooses. We organized this lawsuit because we felt it was a time to make change, we felt like if we didn’t do something positive or take a stand the DOC were going to keep doing this." The lawsuit says Maldonado had come to the prison with no history of psychiatric treatment. But mental health treatment in the prison is "grossly inadequate" and Maldonado's time in solitary confinement caused insomnia, anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation, his lawyers said. Mental health staff speak to the men through a food slot in the steel doors, or a crack between the cell door and frame, the inmates said. The visits, which are often brief, are called "drive-bys," according to the lawsuit. In Maldonado's case, the lawsuit said a psychiatrist visited briefly, speaking to him through the door. Maldonado was prescribed an antidepressant, but was also taunted as being weak by others in solitary confinement, who can hear visits from mental health staff. The taunting went on for 10 hours, and worsened his condition, the lawsuit said. MISTRESS OF COP WHO FORCED HER INTO MENTAL HOSPITAL CALLS VIRAL WRESTLING VIDEO ‘POLITICAL FOOTBALL’ Other plaintiffs who had documented mental health conditions saw insufficient support. Once in solitary confinement, inmates can progress through phases to access more privileges — such as in-person non-contact visits, reading materials, tablets or TV — but the lawsuit said that "vague, arbitrary criteria" can keep the men from advancing. Those held at the lowest tier can’t access phones, reading materials, radios, TV or commissary food; they can have only one non-contact visit per month. At all levels, the men are not allowed to receive alcohol and drug addiction rehabilitation services or anti-violence and behavioral therapy, the lawsuit said. Often, participation in programs like that is necessary for parole, it said. CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP "No one should be forced to endure these conditions," said Alexandra Morgan-Kurtz, deputy director of the Pennsylvania Institutional Law Project, which is one of the law firms representing the plaintiffs. "It is time for the DOC to eliminate practices long recognized as inhumane and unconstitutional, including the unlawful placement of disabled individuals in circumstances that cause life-threatening harm." Read the full article

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yourlocalnatromanov · 2 years

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English: the language of love and destruction (part 2)

I started full offline learning this academic year and I can say it’s been going quite well, at least my social life in school is. I am adapting to socializing physically at school and I’d rather deal with crippling social anxiety instead of going back to the hell hole of online classes. Less assignments in the assignment tab and more physical homeworks that I can finish up at school if I wanted to. I get less screen time, less class skipped, and less academic stress. Instead I get more fresh air, more people, and more glances at that one person in school, hell I even started to talk to him and got closer to him, quite a win-win situation for me here if you ask me.

Nevertheless, there’s always a good and bad in every situation even when it doesn’t seem like it. Offline school can be quite challenging due to all the socializing, I’m pretty sure a lot of you can relate when I say that my social skills have gone down to 0 due to online school. I actually trembled and felt like I wanted to just run away and hide in the bathroom stall when the canteen first opened, I got overwhelmed by huge crowds, and I got anxious whenever I saw random schoolmates glance my way. Having to get up really early to avoid traffic is also a big hassle but I guess it isn’t a very big problem, the 2 problems added into one equals to me sleeping during classes. Having a limited social battery makes staying up during the day hard, nevertheless I am slowly managing and coping with it with the support of my teachers, close friends and my now partner.

My first term sure was a roller coaster ride with both ups and downs, but hey I love roller coasters, you get anxious and scared before and during the ride and then somehow want to go back on the ride, it’s quite funny if you ask me. However I do hope that my 2nd term will go well for everyone, including me of course. My goal for myself in school has never changed, which is to get better academically. Though I would now like to add one more: avoid getting in trouble and follow the school’s rules. Getting in trouble 2 times in one term has traumatized me quite enough for this year. I’m still a confused teen with undiagnosed problems and a foggy mind in the future, but I sure do hope that things will simply get better for me. I hope that I can stay motivated to pay attention and follow through classes, maybe then I can truly get better in class. I hope that we all, both whoever is reading this and I will enjoy the rest of our lives, despite our downfalls, despite all the pain we’ve already gone through in our life.

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scneuro · 2 years

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When I returned to the dorms and had sobered up at around 1 a.m., I went to say goodbye to Abdul and ended up helping him and his girlfriend, Iqra, pack up his things. I held the tape over the crevasse between the box flaps, extending the loose length out, and adjusted her hand for improved grip while Iqra took the wide agape mouth of the scissors down on the tape.

“Thought you were going to cut off my hand,” I said with a smile, and Iqra laughed. Although Abdul introduced me to Iqra when he brought me to one of his Society of Arabic Students events the previous semester, I had never supposed that Iqra was Person 2, the ‘girl of his dreams’ Abdul talked about. If I had really thought about it, I could’ve figured it out, but they had seemed too jovial and relaxed with each other to be someone Abdul was madly in love with. Person 1, who Abdul also talked about around that time, remained a mystery, her defining feature being ‘extremely beautiful but unattractive personality.’ Since Abdul and Iqra got together, I had been one of few people Abdul told about it, and with me he semi-confided, semi-deposited all the things he liked about Iqra and all the things she did that he liked. It was sometimes depressing, truth be told, when he said how much she made him want to be a better person. In equal parts, it was scary, because if they broke up he would fall apart.

Abdul walked in with another one of the containers, which previously held Arabian style rice mixed with the Cholula hot sauce that scorches the roof of your mouth, that he had just washed in the dormitory bathroom.

I bobbed my head to the Snoop Dogg song on the speaker.

“I didn’t know you guys could fold clothes so fast,” Abdul said, looking at all his laundry on the bed.

“We finished that ages ago, Abdul,” Iqra said. He had already walked into his room, but reappeared with a handful of hangars.

“I have no idea what to do with these. Ellen, do you want them?”

I needed a few hangars. “I’ll take them.” Already regretting saying yes, I squeezed them into the Nike Jordan backpack, which Abdul had given me only twenty minutes ago and that now also contained batteries and the few packets of oreos he was hoarding that hadn’t expired, and fairy lights that looked too cheap to work. I had already let him down with his request to leave some of his clothes with me. I’d reminded him that the college-provided summer housing would have limited cupboard space, and that beginning tomorrow, and then three times after that, I needed to move all those extra things to each of the four rooms I’d been assigned, for no apparent reason, for each fragment of the summer. This information, however, seemed to have been excreted out of Abdul alongside his two-hours-before-flight anxiety-sweat.

“What are you going to do over the summer?” Iqra said.

“I’m going to be a tour guide. That’s it.”

“If you want another job on the side, I could probably help you out with something,” Abdul said.

“That’s alright. I might be doing some work for Dorm Services as well.”

“Do you have any other plans to not get bored?” Iqra said.

“Well, there’s an Ocean Alley concert in July. It’s an Australian band. I got a ticket for just thirty bucks but I’m pretty much bone-dry now until work starts up again.”

“Meet some du-udes,” Abdul said.

“Shut up.”

“Ay, you’re blushing!” He put his hand next to my cheek. “Oh my god, your face is so hot! Like an element!”

I couldn’t suppress my grin. “Shut up! Iqra, the only person here who can have a sensible conversation: That’s about it so far. I might try crashing some of the senior events, though.”

“Have you heard about the Last Chance Dance? You should go to that!”

“The Last Chance Dance?”

“Oh, that would be so much fun— for single people,” Abdul said while grinning at Iqra. She elbowed him.

“Alright back to work, people,” he said.

He ordered the Uber forty minutes before check-in, and I helped carry his suitcases out to the road while Iqra was left to clean the remainder of the dorm, else leave Abdul with the room charge. If it was up to me, the roles would be swapped, but it felt more natural that I wouldn't be left alone in his dorm.

“Damn, I am going to miss you,” Abdul said.

I forced a smile. Abdul was far too awake right now; meanwhile, my eyes were yawning. When he hugged her, I hugged back, and when he let go his hand went straight to his face, wiping his eyes.

“Ah,” he said, composing himself and grinning. I shook my head.

Iqra came out of the dorm building with a bag of trash, and came to the road after dropping it off. She smiled at Abdul.

I said, “I’m going to leave you to it.”

And like that, I wouldn’t see Abdul again for at least three months. He was planning to take a leave of absence for the next academic year, so if in the Fall semester he didn’t come back to retake the test he got a medical exemption for, I wouldn’t see him for fifteen months. For now it felt great to have him out my hair. He couldn’t have been less prepared for his 5 a.m. flight. But thanks to him I had a couple more items, including an 18x18x24 box that he didn’t need, and which were currently a luxury commodity; people were sending out emails to the dormitory building residents selling their extras for $5 a pop, and I couldn’t blame them completely for their rampant capitalism, with the amount of people in the building moving out in the next few days who could happily spend $15, and like Abdul were leaving things to the last day. Having more than a dozen extra boxes, and upmarking them by three times their price at the local U-haul, however, seemed quite convenient.

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