#art therapy jobs sydney

[flawlessaestheticsn]

The Many Benefits of Choosing Sydney Cosmetic Clinic for Your Cosmetic Treatments

In today's world, where looks matter more than ever, cosmetic treatments have become increasingly popular. Whether you want to reduce the appearance of wrinkles, add volume to your cheeks, or get rid of unwanted hair, there are numerous cosmetic clinics in Sydney that offer a wide range of treatments. However, choosing the right clinic is essential to ensure that you get the best results. Here are the many benefits of choosing Sydney Cosmetic Clinic for your cosmetic treatments.

Expertise and Experience

Sydney Cosmetic Clinic is led by a team of highly trained and experienced professionals who are dedicated to providing safe and effective cosmetic treatments. The clinic's staff includes cosmetic doctors, nurses, and dermal therapists, all of whom are experts in their respective fields. They use the latest techniques and technology to ensure that each treatment is tailored to the unique needs of each client.

Comprehensive Range of Treatments

Sydney Cosmetic Clinic offers a comprehensive range of cosmetic treatments that cater to every individual's unique needs and desires. From injectables and dermal fillers to laser treatments and skin rejuvenation therapies, the clinic provides a wide variety of services that can help you achieve your desired results. Moreover, the clinic uses only the highest-quality products and equipment to ensure that each treatment is safe and effective.

Personalized Treatment Plans

At Sydney Cosmetic Clinic, the staff takes the time to understand each client's unique needs and desires. They work closely with clients to develop personalized treatment plans that address their specific concerns and achieve the desired results. This personalized approach ensures that clients are satisfied with the results of their treatments and feel confident in their appearance.

State-of-the-Art Technology

Sydney Cosmetic Clinic uses the latest technology to provide safe and effective cosmetic treatments. The clinic's state-of-the-art equipment ensures that each treatment is performed with precision and accuracy. The staff is also trained on the latest techniques and technology, ensuring that clients receive the best possible results.

Commitment to Safety

At Sydney Cosmetic Clinic, safety is a top priority. The clinic follows strict safety protocols to ensure that each treatment is performed in a sterile and safe environment. The staff is also trained on the latest safety procedures and protocols, ensuring that clients are always in safe hands.

Comfortable and Relaxing Environment

Sydney Cosmetic Clinic provides a comfortable and relaxing environment for clients. The clinic's modern and spacious facilities are designed to make clients feel at ease and comfortable during their treatments. Moreover, the staff is friendly and approachable, making clients feel welcomed and at home.

Aftercare Support

Sydney Cosmetic Clinic provides aftercare support to ensure that clients achieve long-lasting results from their treatments. The staff provides detailed aftercare instructions and support, ensuring that clients understand how to take care of their skin and maintain their results. Moreover, the clinic provides follow-up appointments to monitor the progress of the treatments and make any necessary adjustments.

Source of url :-

https://www.notion.so/The-Many-Benefits-of-Choosing-Sydney-Cosmetic-Clinic-for-Your-Cosmetic-Treatments-e68e51f9d80946648b2eb35959f9a491

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[carewithoutlimits]

NDIS Home Modification Providers

NDIS home modifications help participants live safer and more independently at home. This can have a positive impact on their health and wellbeing, relationships and quality of life.

NDIS home modification providers funding is available for minor and complex home modifications. Major modifications typically involve more costly, higher risk works that must be carried out by a licensed builder or project manager.

SCAADA

SCAADA is a National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) home modification provider available throughout Victoria. They provide cost-effective modification solutions for NDIS participants that allow them to live independently and safely in their own homes.

A SCADA system receives data about industrial processes, equipment and systems that can be used to monitor and control those processes in real-time. This can be done in a range of ways, including automating processes and maintaining efficiency over time.

It combines hardware and software to create a computer-based automation system that supervisors use to control and optimize industrial processes. It includes supervisory computers, human machine interface (HMI) software, communication infrastructure and programmable logic controllers.

The HMI software enables supervisors to understand and, when necessary, modify the status of SCADA-controlled processes. It can present data in a variety of formats, including tabular and graphical presentations against mapping or image backgrounds. It also allows supervisors to dispatch commands to RTUs or PLCs for action on the status of industrial processes.

Farmer Constructions

A major part of the NDIS experience is making your home more accessible and livable for you and your family. This can be as simple as installing a grab rail or as complex as building a fully integrated bathroom suite. It all starts with a good idea, some research and a lot of hard work from you and your NDIS provider. The key to a successful outcome is trust.

Farmer Constructions is a ndis accredited builder that has the skill set and expertise to handle a big job, with a keen eye for detail. They have a great track record of delivering home modifications on budget and on time. They also offer a variety of services beyond the usual plumbing, electrical and carpentry. You can even hire their experts for a one-off project assessment. They also have the latest augmented reality technology and an impressive database of references.

Their name-brand home modification products and services can be found in a range of locations throughout the state including Sydney, Canberra, Melbourne and Brisbane.

Indigo

Indigo is a registered provider of home modification services to people with disability, through the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) or Commonwealth Home Support Programme (CHSP). These services can include assistive technology, rehabilitation, recreation and other assistance in your home.

They also offer allied health services such as physiotherapy, occupational therapy and speech pathology. These specialised services help you to achieve your goals and live more independently.

A person can be eligible for an NDIS plan if they meet eligibility criteria, and have a disabling condition that affects their daily living and requires reasonable and necessary support. These supports are designed to empower you to be more independent and participate in social activities, employment and other life roles.

Indigo children and adults are precocious truth-tellers, able to see through illusions and deception in others. They have a strong desire to change the world for the better. They are often drawn to careers in arts, politics or other fields that allow them to bring about a more equitable society and environment for everyone.

Mode

Home modifications in ndis are a big part of the NDIS experience, helping participants gain the independence they need. These include ramps, wheelchair lifts, step-wedges, and grab-rails to help people move around the home safely and effectively.

The ndis home modification guidelines market is a competitive one, with providers offering everything from simple bathroom and kitchen upgrades to complex building works. Mode is one such provider that combines design, build, and construction to create purposeful and comfortable spaces.

The Mode software platform helps data teams and business users alike deliver highimpact ad hoc analysis and self-service reporting in record time. It unites SQL, R, and data viz into one central hub to empower everyone with the tools they need to drive business outcomes.

#ndis home modification providers #home modification ndis #ndis home modification guidelines #ndis registered home modification providers

[evie568]

Work in progress

♫ ♪ Spotify playlist : Ella changed the Name — Previously named : Cut ; by eviewivi

Date of creation : December 2017 — 3h6m

Let’s start from the beginning.

— —

· Who am I?

My name is Evie.

It was not my given name. I chose it myself. I always wanted a long name, like “Isabella” or “Elisabeth”, but I was given Eve. So I decided to add another letter to it to make it longer (age 4/5).

Some of my diplomas say “Evie”, and others say “Eve”. My passport says “Eve” whereas my social insurance card says “Evie”.

It’s a bit of a mess.

— —

I was born in 1995, in London and moved to the South of France with my family (age 8).

My parents are both English (although they enjoy saying they’re French since they have duel nationality now). I have 2 older sisters and 1 older brother.

At the age of 8, I remember that I could count up to 30 in French and say “Bonjour”. That was about it. I was put in a French school straight away and it was scary at first.

— —

Learning to speak French came naturally as I was young. The grammar was a little harder, and I still have difficulty with it today.

I actually have difficulty in English too. I often make mistakes.

Being born in one country and moving to another can sometimes be confusing.

“Are you French?” Not really…

“English?” Neither…

“So what are you?” Good question.

You often get asked the same questions.

“Do you think in English or French?”

“Do you dream in English or French?”

“Do you prefer England or France?”

I don’t mind it though, they find it interesting.

— —

· What happed?

This is a difficult question. I’m not too sure as I am still discovering things everyday.

I am not writing this, cured from my mental illness. I am writing this, still going through tough times, trying to get better everyday.

I am writing this as a sort of therapy, to help myself and maybe others.

To understand myself better, for family and friends to understand me better and maybe for people to relate to.

Writing has never been my strong point but whether you are good at it or not, I do find it helps. You get to express yourself freely, like dancing, or painting or creating music… any form of art really.

— —

So back to the question : what happened?

In 2018, I was diagnosed with a mental illness I had never heard of before in my life : Borderline Personality Disorder.

— —

· How did this all start?

After finishing a Sound Engineering course back in 2015 (Montpellier, FR), I went back home to my parents house to look for a job in the music industry.

It was very hard to find a job with no work experience at all. It was a catch 22 situation : I needed a job to gain experience but couldn’t get a job without any prior experience.

I would end up playing The Sims everyday in my one piece pajamas. Drinking Desperados in the evening while dreaming of moving to Sydney.

My parents quickly noticed I was not being very productive, and gave me a speech.

I would often check Facebook and see my best friend at the time, having the time of her life as an Au Pair in London.

I was jealous.

— —

In October 2015, I took a plane to London to become an Au Pair.

I was an Au Pair for about 2 years in London, and it was so much fun.

I made friends with other Au Pairs from all over the world that were so lovely. We would go out to bars, concerts, parks, museums, festivals and so much more.

— —

Then I met Julien.

This part is difficult to write about as it is still very painful and I have forgotten a lot.

My therapist told me it’s hard to remember what hurt you so much. I find that to be true in this situation, but I’ll try my best.

— —

I’ve never had a boyfriend in my life. And I was 22 years old.

My brother created an online profile for me on a website called OKCupid. He told me that it wasn’t just for dating, but you could also make friends.

I met Julien on OKCupid. His username was “JulienB26” (his last name started with a B and he was 26… I know, very creative…). Mine was “BurnTogether” (the name of a music album I was OBSESSED with at the time)

He was not my type at all, but sent me the sweetest, most personal message I had ever received, so I thought “why not?”

We met in a rock bar in Camden Town called The Worlds End, and it was fun. We got on straight away and it was my best first date ever.

Long story short we ended up dating.

After only about a month, I left my Au Pair family and moved in with him in Notting Hill. He met my family and I met his.

My parents adored him! He seemed so perfect. He was cultured, dressed nicely, polite, had a good job, a nice and tidy apartment…

He wasn’t that perfect though.

— —

He smoked a lot of weed, was addicted to online video games and extremely jealous.

I remember one time when I was typing to my friend at the time, he snatched my phone out of my hands to see what I was writing. It was quite aggressive and I did not like it at all.

— —

My Au Pair friend Pri invited me one day to spend time with her and our new Au Pair friend to go out to pubs near London Bridge.

I refused, as Julien didn’t want me to go. He didn’t like Pri.

We (Julien and I) went to the rock bar we first met at instead. It was not fun. We didn’t have much left in common.

I felt the relationship slowly dying and there was a lot about him I did not like anymore. But breaking up with him was not an option.

I got drunk. I often drank. I liked it so much and would drink too much, too often.

The following day I saw about 5 to 10 messages from my friend Pri.

There was a terrorist attack that very same night at London Bridge.

She managed to escape but unfortunately our Au Pair friend, did not.

— —

Pri asked me to spend the day with her, the day we found out that our friend had passed away and, of course, I went.

We drank wine together and cried.

She didn’t want to spend the night alone and asked me if I could stay with her.

I agreed and asked Julien if it was okay with him. But it was not.

It was a problem for him and he refused.

I left.

— —

Julien had been acting strange for a couple of days.

I didn’t really know what to do and didn’t want to be egocentric and assume it was because of me, but I did.

Maybe he was thinking about his father who passed away?

I didn’t know, and he wasn’t telling me anything.

— —

One day, as I came home from babysitting, and had enough. I needed to know what was wrong.

He put down his joint, told his online friends on Discord that he needed to leave and turned around from his computer to face me.

— —

This part is very hard to remember.

He told me I didn’t deserve his love as he couldn’t love me to the fullest.

He wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to end things and needed some time to think.

Our age difference was a problem for him. He thought we were in two different phases of our life.

— —

I didn’t sleep that night.

I watched Netflix and cried until I saw the sun rise.

The next following days were difficult. It was the same pattern everyday.

I woke up sad, left for work angry, came back confused and went to sleep sad.

I didn’t deserve this.

No one deserves being with someone who isn’t sure they love them and needs time to think.

So I decided to leave.

I took a train to Paris and never came back.

— —

My brother who studied art in Paris, decided to spend a year of his education in Bergen, Norway. So he had an un-used flat in Paris for a year.

I asked my parents if I could stay in the flat while looking for a job in Paris.

They agreed.

— —

I felt fresh, like a new chapter of my life was starting. I didn’t know anyone (besides my brothers friends, Julie and Yolo).

I bought healthy, organic, vegan food and bought a membership to a gym that I would go to everyday for an hour.

Things were looking good. I felt positive.

— —

I quickly found a part-time job as a receptionist for a company involved in cryptocurrency.

It was so much fun.

I loved saying hello to all the staff that walked passed my desk in the morning.

My life was good, and it got even better.

— —

I went to the company’s seminar in a grand chateau outside of Paris.

One evening, we had special places to sit for dinner. It was a way of mixing all different employees from different services to connect.

I was sat at a table with one of the Vice Presidents of the company.

He was very kind and asked me what I do outside of work and what I would like to do in the future.

I had a couple of Desperados and told him that I originally wanted to join a company in the music industry and work my way up, but since working for the company, I had fallen in love with the it and would actually like to work my way up in this company.

This was not a sneaky plan or anything. I’m not that smart.

Fortunately though, the President of the company heard my tipsy conversation and called me over.

He asked me if what I said was true. I was astonished he knew my name!

— —

About two weeks after the seminar, the Vice President of Sales approached me asking if we could have a chat.

He had heard from the President that I wanted to join the company and offered me a position in the Sales department.

I had no experience whatsoever in sales, but accepted with great pleasure.

— —

My personal life on the other hand was not going so well.

I was drinking a lot and started cutting myself with broken glass as a punishment for drinking.

But I didn’t tell anyone or do anything about it as I felt in control of the situation.

I was on OKCupid again but comparing every profile to Julien.

In the spring of whatever year it was (2018 maybe?), I went back to London to see Julien as he had some of my belongings to give back to me.

We talked and walked in Hyde Park for about two hours. I wore his favorite dress.

I told him about my amazing new job and friends I had made. I was subtly bragging about my life. I wanted him to regret letting me go. And he did. He cried so much and felt very regretful. I felt happy even though I was suffering inside.

Towards the end of the walk he told me he was seeing someone new.

I did not expect that. I was shocked.

— —

I remember taking the underground back, and crying like I have never cried before while listening to Taylor Swift.

I felt that something inside of me had changed. Something bad.

— —

After returning back to Paris things got worse. I was drinking more and cutting deeper and more often.

Julien was still texting me at the time and I was not responding as I wanted to cut the cord with him.

He didn’t understand why and I remember telling him that I had never felt this bad in my life. I had never hated myself so much and needed space.

He told me that I needed to seek professional help.

I said goodbye and blocked him.

— —

On the day of Gay Pride 2018 in Paris.

I was drinking alone.

I didn’t eat anything that day and drank a bottle of white wine alone in my flat.

I remember grabbing a glass and smashing it on the floor, collecting the sharpest piece of glass I could find and cutting and cutting and cutting.

My friend Yolo came over and saw the pieces if glass all over the kitchen floor and saw me on the floor crying and bleeding.

She called an Uber and took me to a psychiatric hospital.

I was so desperate for help that I would have gone anywhere she took me.

We had to stop the Uber half way there so I could throw up and then continue on our route.

— —

Once there I remember talking to a professional, crying, about suicidal thoughts I had.

I remember doing a lot of research at the time and discovered a website.

It had all the information I was looking for on it.

I spent a night at the hospital Saint Anne to sober up.

The following day, they let me go.

— —

Even though things were bad, I still felt 100% in control of the situation.

I would self harm and drink almost daily.

I continued doing research about suicide and the sharpest object known to man.

One day I decided to order a pack of scalpels off of Amazon. They arrived quickly.

I was so eager to try them but had to go to work that day. So I just did a small cut on my arm and wow.

I didn’t press hard at all but bled. It was so satisfying at the time.

— —

On my friend Julie’s birthday I remember coming home from work, going to the closest shop to my flat and buying two 50cl cans of Desperados. I could tell the cashier was judging me, but I did not care much.

I put on a stand up comedy show on Netflix and proceeded to drink the beer.

Then I remembered the scalpels in my bedside draw.

I had promised myself not to self-harm anymore before the summer holidays as I would be around my family in t-shirts and shorts.

But I wanted to so badly. So I did.

I said to myself that it would be just one cut on my thigh. But it had to be satisfying enough.

So I cut my thigh.

— —

I forgot that it was a scalpel and in my mind it was just a piece of broken glass.

Big mistake.

I cut too deep.

I remember seeing the white fat through the cut in my thigh.

It didn’t hurt though.

Then the blood started to flow. There was so much.

I tried to close the cut with my hands, but blood got everywhere.

I panicked.

I didn’t want to disturbed Julie on her birthday so I phoned her boyfriend (who was also my work colleague).

He calmed me down and phoned the emergencies who arrived very quickly.

— —

I went to the hospital and had to have ten stitches in my thigh.

They also made me speak to a therapist there who told me I could go home.

So I went home.

— —

I was seeing a psychiatrist for a while (since the Gay Pride event)

That told me after the 10 stitches incident that I was depressed.

I still remember the feeling of her telling me I was depressed. I was shocked and didn’t want to believe her.

I had everything under control!

She suggested I take antidepressants and I accepted. Paroxetine 10mg

— —

I worked for the company for about a year.

It was amazing.

I traveled to Berlin and London. I also attended a “Blockchain Cruise” from Barcelona to Monaco to Ibiza.

I could bring whomever I wanted from the company.

I chose Jacques.

He seemed nice.

— —

On the cruise, there was a party going on and of course, we both attended it. I was a little bit tipsy and kissed a guy on the dance floor.

I remember seeing Jacques really angry and went over to talk to him.

We were talking near the main bar on the boat.

He seemed very drunk.

He tried to kiss me but I pushed him away.

He tried again and I had to push harder.

Someone felt the need to intervene and asked me if I needed help.

I told them that everything was okay and walked Jacques back to the room.

— —

After the trip I wanted to forget that side I saw of Jacques.

So I did.

I wanted to be his friend and he wanted to be mine.

— —

One evening we were having drinks with work colleagues in a whiskey bar.

I asked Jacques, as a friend, if he wanted to spend the night at my flat.

I felt very lonely and was a bit tipsy.

I didn’t want anything to happen between us, but I understand now how he thought differently.

— —

As we were going to bed, he tried again, like on the cruise to kiss me.

I pushed him away but he was stronger.

He then proceeded to take my pajama trousers off.

I pulled them back up. He pulled them back down.

I remember his fingers inside of me. I tried pushing him off of me but he grabbed my wrists.

He then, finally, saw that I was not happy.

So thankfully, he stopped.

I pulled my trousers back up and stayed in a foetus position until I fell asleep.

— —

The next morning we walked to work together.

I didn’t feel right. Something about that night felt wrong.

I phoned Julie and told her what had happened. She was in Greece at the time.

I sent an email to my boss telling him that I didn’t feel well and asking him if I could have the day off.

He accepted and I left with my friend Yolo who met me at work.

— —

We had a lovely day. We went to the cinema, went and got massages, and later on that evening, we were at a café and my friend Julie appeared out of nowhere!

She had taken an early plane back from Greece to come and see me.

I was so happy to see her!

— —

The next week, at the end of the day at work, round 7pm, my boss asked if he could talk to me.

He told me that the President of the company had heard that I slept with a married colleague.

This has never happened and I has shocked and embarrassed.

I told him this information was not true and he believed me.

He told me to tell him if anything ever happens between me and a colleague.

I felt the need to tell him that Jacques took advantage to me. And I did.

My voice was shacking. He was angry.

After our chat, I left and went home.

— —

I don’t remember this part very well but I remember going to see my therapist very drunk with a bottle in my hand to my appointment.

She called the emergencies and they took me to a psychiatric hospital, La Maison Blanche.

— —

It was very strange at first seeing all different kinds of patients, with all different mental illnesses.

(the person is drinking water from a puddle, not praying)

— —

I stayed for about 15 days there and made some friends.

It wasn’t as bad as it first seemed.

— —

My siblings were aware of what was going on with me. But once again, I still felt under control of what was happening.

They didn’t think so, and they were right to think that.

One day I ran away of the hospital and drank cans of beer in the side walk.

That is when my siblings decided to tell my parents what was going on.

After going back inside the hospital, one of the nurses told me that my mother was on her way to see me, she took a 4h train to come.

She had no idea what was going on before. It must have been a terrible shock for her.

I felt so scared and embarrassed for her to see me in this blue outfit they had given me but they refused to give me back my clothes.

— —

It was extremely difficult to balance my work and personal mental health.

I was coming to terms with my depression and accepting that I was, in fact, never in control of anything that was happening to me.

— —

After leaving the hospital, I went back to work.

It was very awkward at first.

The President of the company asked to speak with me about my long absence.

I didn’t want to go into details, so I just mentioned that I was at the hospital without saying why, or what kind of hospital…

Later that same day, someone from human resources also asked to speak to me.

She was asking is everything was okay and I told her what my therapist had told me to say, that I had a really sore throat.

Now looking back at it, I know that she knew exactly where I was. In a psychiatric hospital.

The papers the hospital were giving to my company to cover my absence, had the address on them.

So she knew…

— —

One day, my boss got fired out of the blue. He was such an amazing person and work colleague. He didn’t deserve this.

Later that month, my other Sales colleague, also got fired.

Cryptocurrency was not doing as well as it was before, and the company was slowly dying.

I was next to get fired.

It was the day before my birthday.

I remember my new, less cool boss, asked me to have a word with him and a person from HR.

I honestly thought at the time that I was getting a raise. Lol.

The conversation was very awkward, it lasted about 15 minutes. I don’t remember much of what was said.

They told me to leave straight away and not mention to anyone that I got fired.

I told my friend/colleague on Slack before leaving the building.

He was worried he was next to get fired.

So I sent him a brief message saying “turns out you were right about the Sales team getting fired. I have to leave now. Please don’t tell anyone.”

I left and went home.

— —

As I got home I lay on the sofa staring into oblivion.

I wanted to cry. I said to myself that this is a situation most people would cry.

But it was so hard to shed a tear.

I felt numb.

— —

I phoned my mother and told her what had happened. She was worried I would do something bad.

I invited my friend, Alienor, that I made from the hospital over, and we drank beer and took cocaine.

My father phoned me.

He could hear by my voice that I had drank.

My parents contacted Yolo to come pick me up and take me back to the hospital by Uber.

I felt obliged to go with her, so I went and Alienor left.

I only stayed one night or maybe two. I don’t really remember.

— —

I continued living in Paris for a couple of months, without a job.

I would drink everyday. Cans of Heineken beer.

I would wake up and drink straight away, while watching BoJack Horseman.

Then I would fall asleep around 6pm.

Everyday was the same pattern. Beer and BoJack.

— —

I had stopped self harming, as I had promised myself since the 10 stitches to never start again. But suicide was still a big subject in my mind.

The website I had discovered, has the most common methods of suicide in order of success rate. And hanging myself seemed like an okay technique.

I wanted to test it out without actually killing myself.

I know it sounds weird.

I wanted to try and see if it was doable without actually doing it all the way.

——

I took the cotton belt off from my work trousers. I thought to myself that I wouldn’t need it anymore, as I don’t have a job anymore.

I tied a knot around my clothes hanger in my wardrobe, and tied the other side around my neck.

Then, I very gently bent my legs (as I could touch the floor).

The next thing I remember is waking up with the belt around my neck, in my wardrobe.

Saliva was all over my mouth. Snot was dripping from my nose.

It scared me.

I couldn’t undo the tight knot around my neck so cut it off with a pair of kitchen scissors.

I threw the belt in the bin and laid in my bed in a state of shock.

I phoned a friend at the time, and told him what just happened to me.

He came over and we talked about it.

— —

I liked him, he promised not to tell anyone and let me drink.

Yolo and Julie where more worried and protective. They would judge how much I would drink, and I didn’t really like that.

— —

One day, a colleague/friend of mine was organizing a small party at his house with about 8 people.

Julie, her boyfriend, Yolo and I all went along with other ex-work colleagues.

I got drunk quickly. And when I drank, I would talk too much.

I told a friend/ex-work colleague that I tried to hang myself the other day just to try it out but ended up fainting.

— —

Later that evening, I went home to my flat and fell asleep.

Around 3 in the morning, my door bell rang.

I didn’t know who it was, but opened the door all tired.

It was Julie, Yolo and another friend.

They were really worried about me.

What I had said at that party has gotten out, and everyone knew about it.

They told me I needed to go back to the hospital.

So I did the very next morning.

— —

I went back to The Maison Blanche, and stayed there for 12 nights.

One of the male nurses saw me and asked why I was back, again.

I told him what had happened and he was very nice. He gave me advice and listened to me.

He mentioned that we should go out for drinks once I get out of the hospital. I agreed and gave him my number.

— —

We texted that night, while I was in my hospital bed.

Our text messages were very flirtatious.

The next following days we had sexual relations in my hospital room, and in the storage room.

— —

Once I left La Maison Blanche, I invited Alienor over to drink and take cocaine.

And I told her about my romantic affair I had at the hospital.

She didn’t seem surprised. She told me that another female patient had sexual relations with a nurse there too, and she wondered if it was the same nurse. So did I.

We sent a message to the girl in question and asked her to describe the male nurse she had relations with.

It was him. Paul. And she was 17.

— —

This suddenly felt wrong and I had to tell someone. So I told my mother about Paul and also Jacques.

She was really angry. More so about Paul the nurse than Jacques. But I felt the opposite.

I didn’t feel taken advantage of by Paul. But Jaques really hurt me.

My mother wanted me to report both of them to the police, so I did.

— —

My parents didn’t trust me living alone in such a big city so far away. I needed help.

In May 2019 I want to Rehab for alcohol and cocaine addiction.

I spent one month there. It was much nicer than the hospital. They had a ping-ping table, a chess set and many more activities.

I spent a month in Rehab and it was really nice to be away from alcohol.

Alcohol affected me in bad ways.

I would say so many things I regret. I would hurt myself and make bad decisions.

I drank so much that when I didn’t, I would uncontrollably shake and feel faintish.

Rehab made me want to stop forever.

— —

My mother would visit me often and it was lovely to see her. She was very supportive.

After leaving Rehab, it was time for me to leave Paris forever and move back in with my parents down South of France.

I needed to not be alone. I needed help.

— —

I moved back into my old bedroom with my vinyls and The White Stripes posters. It was comforting.

I was now taking more medication : Paroxetine (20mg) and Abilify (5mg).

And it was making me feel better.

My mother wanted me to see one of the best therapists in France.

So I started seeing a new psychiatrist in Bordeaux, FR (1h away by train) every two weeks.

At first we did not get along.

I wanted him to help me forget about my ex, but he explained that it was not possible to forget the past, you must accept it as part of you, like a scar.

He wanted me start writing about my feelings in a journal. I was not good at it and did not enjoy it. But I did it anyway.

— —

A few months later, I was starting to feel much better and stronger.

My therapist was really helping me, and so was my family.

I decided it was time to find a job near my parents house.

In October 2019, I found a job as an Exhibition Assistant for a company in events.

I was saving up to move to Sydney, Australia. To start a new life far away. To a place I’ve always wanted to go to.

I’ve never been to Australia but didn’t care.

— —

Working for this company was not fun, and a lot of pressure. They wanted to me make a minimum of 200 phone calls a day. And I hated being on the phone.

I told my therapist about my job being very pressurizing and he told me to quite and move to Sydney sooner.

That sounded like a great plan! I was so happy about this decision.

I went home and bought myself a Working Holiday Visa.

— —

My psychiatrist decided it was time to stop my medication as I was doing really well.

So I stopped them gradually.

The withdraw effects were a nightmare.

I was sweating, felt nauseous, had diarrhea, felt extremely emotional…

But that only lasted for about 2 weeks.

I was so happy that I wasn’t taking any medication anymore!

I felt on top of the world.

— —

For New Years Eve, I decided to go see my old friends from when I was doing my Sound Engineering course.

I told them about what had happened to me, and I could see it made them sad. They told me that I was such a happy person before. That I didn’t deserve this.

I told them I was fine now and that it was in the past.

I didn’t drink on NYE and they respected that. But I felt odd. I felt numb for some reason. They loved me so much and expressed it. But I didn’t seem to feel the same way. I used to. But not anymore. I didn’t feel love for anyone and that worried me. I felt like a ghost.

— —

My mother picked me up and could tell that I was different.

I went to work the following day and did not feel well at all.

I could feel it all coming back. I was so scared and ashamed of relapsing. But I knew I was.

I told my boss that I wasn’t feeling well and she let me go home.

I got back home and told my parents : I think I’m depressed again…

— —

I saw my therapist again and every session he would read what I wrote.

This was the last time I wrote in my diary.

He closed my black book and called my mother in.

He told me I needed to go back to a psychiatric hospital.

— —

My parents drove me back home from Bordeaux after that session and we packed a suitcase and went to the nearest psychiatric hospital. La Candelie in Agen.

I remember hearing my therapist on the phone to the hospital telling them I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I had no idea what that was.

— —

I arrived at La Candelie and spent 7 weeks there.

I was not in a good state of mind.

I tried hanging myself multiple times there in the shower but couldn’t let go of all of my weight by bending my legs. I just couldn’t.

I cut myself often and managed to bring in Vodka.

It was a mess.

— —

They put me in the isolation room for one night.

The isolation room was horrific.

They gave me paper pajamas that would rip with the slightest movement.

The door was locked and I had a bucket to pee in.

I was not allowed a pillow or a blanket. It was so cold and my pajamas were ripped everywhere.

The next morning, I saw a psychiatrist from the hospital and told him that I was fine and just being dramatic. I did not want to go back there.

— —

After 7 long weeks I was finally allowed out.

It was a long time.

I was now on even more medication : Paroxetine, Abilify, Tercian, Alprazolam and Mirtazapine.

I felt so numb. Better, but numb.

Australia was not an option anymore. Not for a while anyway.

— —

Once I left the hospital, I was obliged to have a nurse come to my parents house every morning and evening to make sure that I take all my medication properly.

I also had to go a psychological-medical center once a week.

I got tired of explaining what happened when, where and why. It was hard to remember. So I decided to write all the bullet points down on a piece of paper.

— —

· Where am I now?

Today is the 13th of May 2021. I still suffer from my mental illness even though I wish it was all in the past.

I’m currently taking Mirtazapine, Abilify and Alprazolam and only see a nurse once a week to restock on medication.

My therapist appointments have been elongated to once a month.

I haven’t self harmed in about a year.

I do however still have episodes with suicidal thoughts, but they are less severe.

My therapist from Paris once told me that you will have ups and downs, but with time the ups will be less up and the downs less down.

It’s starting to make sense now.

I currently live in a small city called Agen (30m drive from my parents house) with my boyfriend Yann. He’s the best.

We met through an old friend of mine that I reconnected with last year.

I still don’t have many friends where I live, as they are all over the place (Montpellier, London and Paris)

— —

My mother took an online course about Borderline Personality Disorder, which I really appreciate. I feel like maybe she understands a part of me more.

— —

Julie left Paris and moved to Montpellier to become a Yoga instructor. She and her boyfriend are still together, building their new life in the South of France.

— —

Yolo is still in Paris, she recently got a job as a video editor for a cool company. She’s doing great.

— —

Pri is still in London, not as an Au Pair anymore but as a chef by day, and an Art Salon organizer by night. She’s always been very productive and I admire that.

— —

Alienor unfortunately is back in the hospital in Paris, La Maison Blanche, as she tried to commit suicide by jumping off of a bridge above train rails. She lost both of her legs and one arm, but thankfully survived.

— —

The criminal cases concerning Jacques and Paul the nurse, are still going on. It’s been a very long process but I hope it ends soon.

— —

I don’t have any news at all regarding Julien and do not plan on having any.

— —

· Why am I writing this?

Like I wrote at the beginning of this, longer than expected text, about my mental health, I am writing this for me, my family and friends and hopefully others who may relate to it and seek help if they need it.

I often mentioned that I felt under control of the situation, but I was wrong. So maybe someone reading this might make the decision to seek help.

I have no words to describe how thankful I am to the people who helped me.

This is not a suicide note, it’s the opposite. It’s a “life” note.

A note to remind me that some days can be nice and happy, but others can be very, very hard. But you must go on. You must keep on fighting. It might seem like an endless battle but it gets better.

Sometimes that’s hard to see. But I see it now.

#borderline life #borderline personality traits #bpd #borderline personality disorder #mental health #mental illness #addiction #love #love story

[adoremp3]

in similar to my niall fics post, let’s talk about some harry fics i planned in detail but never actually wrote because i love planning things and then never going through with them 

(note: some of these were full fics, some were mini, while others were just oneshots)

in which harry finds himself running off to australia for a break and reunites with a girl he met while on tour in melbourne once

in which the ofc is a youtuber and meets harry on accident at an event, they hit it off immediately, but the ofc has a secret that gets out of hand as she herself becomes out of hand in the world of entertainment

in which the ofc becomes pregnant after a one night stand, plans to go through with it and have someone adopt the baby at the end and go back to normal life, but then she meets harry and suddenly everything has changed

in which the ofc was born into the limelight through her itv big boss dad and super popular soap actress mum and harry has always low key had a thing for her and even more so when they become neighbours

in which harry is a little lost and a little brokenhearted in life and the ofc is also a little lost and unsure about Life and therapy is very important (also this)

in which harry and the ofc are highschool sweethearts but then they break up after graduation because Reasons, then years later find another and everything is not as it seems and also harry owns a record store

in which the ofc’s dad was in a famous rock band in the 70s and thrown into a crazy world of rock n roll and, well, hasn’t developed the best reputation for herself, but harry doesn’t care. in fact, he’s super into it and maybe as messed up as she is

in which it’s a the hating game au

in which harry takes the ofc home for his sisters wedding but as his “fake” girlfriend instead

in which the ofc is the lead singer of a band that is harry’s opening act on tour

in which the ofc was left at the altar and her best friend harry helps her navigate through a new stage of her life she wasn’t prepared for (and this include fwb)

in which the ofc matches with harry, the guy she had a massive crush on during uni, on tinder and develop a connection before officially “meeting” in person (again)

in which it’s a the bold type meets how to lose a guy in 10 days meets new rules by dua lipa au

in which harry and the ofc only talk through letters over many years

in which ofc is at an art gallery to support a friend and she meets harry, and then they end up hitting it off and developing their own backstories and meanings for all the paintings while drinking lots of wine

in which harry and the ofc, who is also very well known in the public eye, not only fake a relationship but also they’re getting married and suddenly everything becomes very real

in which the ofc is glenne’s cousin and through connections she gets a job at full stop management and somehow ends up becoming harry’s social media manager and joins him on tour

in which the ofc wins the lottery and is travelling around europe and meets harry while in london/england for a few weeks and he becomes her personal tour guide

in which harry is a prince and the ofc has some sort of title and they have a fwb relationship but Things Happen (the royals inspired)

in which harry decides to seclude himself in the countryside to write his next album, ofc’s dad owns the property, and thus meet after an unfortunate naked accident (but if my conversation with @beautifulletdownfics is anything to go by, this might actually happen and be set outside of sydney)

#1dff #I TOLD U THERE WAS LOTS #and honestly? these are the ones i actually have plans for/started to write #this doesn't even include the random ideas i get all the time

[codyfernsource]

Full Cody Fern SXSW Talk Transcription

The first 15 minutes or so had originally been posted here but eakintata has done the absolute work and transcribed the whole interview! Make sure you give her some love because she deserves it.  you can find her original copy here TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT

Shattering the Hollywood Mold: Bold and Unapologetic Monday, March 11, 2019 at the Australia House, SXSW

Jenny Cooney: So, there we go, that's the intro. So maybe you can, I mean -- did you really come from a town called Southern Cross? It's like the most perfect Australian, you know, ad. [laughs]

Cody Fern: I did, yeah. I was...

J: Is the mic working?

C: Is this on? I gotta hold it like so close… Yeah, I grew up in Southern Cross. What was the question?

J: You have a very -- you came from -- like, when we say small town, it was like not even a town, was it?

C: It was tiny. My parents still live there, or one of my parents still lives there. When I was growing up, it was just under 300 people. It's like a very farming, mining, high suicide rates, very Australian Outback. So like for those who know Perth, it's six hours inland from Perth.

[to someone in the audience] Hi!

[continuing] It's six hours inland from Perth by train, seven by car. So, it was tough. But I survived.

J: So how does a kid who grows up in a town that small in the middle of nowhere end up getting to L.A. I mean, where do you start? At what point when you were growing up did film or television or acting become something but you knew was a job and you wanted to do it?

C: I think I have to answer that in two parts. I mean, the first one is I knew that I wanted to act when I was five or six. I became very self-aware around five, and I think the realization for me was that everybody around me was always lying. And in a small country town gossiping is a real staple. So what would happen is, you know, my mother's friends, or whoever it happened to be, would be together, then someone would leave, then everybody would start gossiping. And I started to notice this in every circle in Southern Cross. It was its own kind of network, but nobody was telling the truth about how they were feeling.

And Australia is a very macho culture. They have a very kind of standard definition of what masculinity is, and in the country, that's kind of like masculinity on steroids. Which is so stupid. But I always found it to be really troubling and I remember, at five or six, having the awareness of, “Everybody is acting all the time.” I didn't know what it was, I couldn’t put words to it but everybody was playing a game, and that I saw the game really clearly, and nobody else seemed to.

And that was where I first kind of started to realize that this was something that I was interested in. But when I was 13, well leading up to 13, I would always watch really intense emotional films. But like, with the divas in them. I’m talking, like, Cher in Moonstruck, and Meryl Streep in Sophie's Choice, and Betty Davis in All About Eve. And they used to have one movie -- we had three channels -- and they would have one movie which is the Movie of the Week, and every day at 12:00 p.m. the same movie would play. So you could watch All About Eve seven times in one week. And so I did. [laughter]

And that's really where it started to form, was with divas, strangely enough. And then when I was 13, I saw Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth, and that was the first time that I had real clear understanding that she was not the Queen, but it was so real. It was so visceral, and it made so much sense, and the whole world was complete. But I knew she was Australian, so she couldn't be this person, and that was when I started to realize, “Wait, this is something that you can actually do.” Because before then a Hollywood celebrity or an actor or a star was kind of like a -- it’s like a unicorn, you know. And they're born like that. And then all of a sudden they're like, doing movies and that was their destiny. And then your destiny is to work on farm. So that was when I really understood.

The second part of the question -- Jesus Christ that was a long answer. [laughter] The second part of the question, or the second answer, is about, “How does a young boy from Southern Cross get to Hollywood?” And I’ll need years of therapy to understand it. I mean, I'm still trying to figure it out. You know, obviously, there was an action plan… This bag has my face on it. [laughter] You should hold that up [laughs]. So hysterical. This is so strange to me.

[Jenny holds up the bag.] The whole talk, I’m trying to talk, and I’m staring at me. [laughter] So, how did I get on people’s bags?

So there was a chain of events that led up to it but, I... the true and honest answer, and I'm sure we'll talk about it more after this, but is that it's still something that I try to compute, between nature and nurture, and fate and destiny, and work ethic and opportunity, because I really don't believe in luck. And for me, I always understood that I was born into -- and I love my family very much. They’re very dear to me. But I had always understood that I was born into a situation, into a society, into even a country, at that point in time, that was very difficult to expand outwards. And that I was kind of doomed to a life that had been chosen for me, and I understood very early on that if I was going to break free of that, that I was going to have to work really really really really hard. And that meant working harder than anybody else, and being very honest with myself, and really embracing and accepting failure. And I failed a lot. I mean I didn't start acting until I was 24, so I've been acting for six years.

J: You auditioned for all of the drama schools and got rejected, right?

C: Four times. The fourth time I auditioned for WAAPA, so the Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts, the head of the academy at that time told me [there was a glitch here]. It was only recently that I have made a discovery -- and this is without any sense of ego or modesty -- it was only recently that I made the discovery, “Oh, that's why people…” Because, you know I had a hard childhood and a hard slog at boarding school. I was always very different. I was targeted by teachers. I was targeted by students. I was just targeted. It was just a very difficult world to be in. And because I was --

J: You mean, like, bullied?

C: Heavily, yeah. Verbally, physically, you know. And it was never -- it was hard, but I always knew, if I can just get through this, something is on the other side. And that all of this has to mean something. I’m a person who really searches for meaning in everything, and that that point in time, I knew that this has to mean something. It has to be for something. This can’t just be the end of it, you know? That this is what happens, and this is how I feel, and then I just go on. I knew that it had to really be for something, because the trauma that I was experiencing, particularly the bullying, was so intense that if I didn't have an outlet to use it, I would’ve self-destructed.

But now, in retrospect, where I am in my life, having just turned 30, I'm able to look back and really understand, “Oh, these people were really scared of me. They were really, really scared.” And that's what people do when they're afraid. You can’t be something that they’re not. You can't ask questions that they're not willing or ready to ask themselves. You can't say things that they don't believe in. You can't challenge conventions that they need to hold onto. And so at a certain point in time, you just have to get on with it, you know?

J: And you did.

C: And I did.

J: Did you find when you started acting, on the other side of the whole experience, it was also in some ways a form of escape from, you know, some of the difficult --

C: No. Acting was never an escape for me. Oh, well, maybe it was. I don't think it was ever an escape for me, as it was actually turning towards all of the feelings head-on, and having a place to explore them. Because one of the great things about acting is when you first begin -- and I teach a lot of workshops to specifically teenagers in rural areas who are never going to the ability to… Well, never say never. I’m here. I enjoy working with teenagers because they have such a depth of feeling that is so silenced by adults. It's frightening, I understand, especially at schools, for teachers and for adults to deal with the intense world of the teenager. But when you are spoken to as an equal, when somebody acknowledges your existence, and that you are not just the child of somebody who has to learn something, so that you can go out in the world and work and then retire, it's pretty great what comes out.

It's a way to explore, acting -- it began for me as a way to explore all of my feelings especially in a culture that didn't allow you to have them. That everything needed to be above board all the time. And I have always had an intense depth of feeling. It changes, of course, because if you’re just, you know, feeling things all the time, as an actor, it's not great acting. It's just emoting. So it becomes, you know, it becomes something else. But it began for me really as a way to actually not escape from, but confront myself.

J: So you ended up going from Perth to Sydney? First?

C: I joined a -- I was working for Ernst & Young at the time.

J: You were in accounting?

C: I was in accounting.

J: You got your degree in commerce, right?

C: I got my first degree in commerce. That’s so wanky, “I got my first degree in commerce.” But I did. I got my first degree in commerce, I majored in management and marketing, and I did my honors in strategic consumer behavior, which was all about, like, you know, “How can I sell this thing better if I manipulate people into buying it?” And and then I worked for Coca-Cola for a while, and Ernst & Young. And then I hit a certain point in my life where I realized that I hated myself. And I hated everything about my life, and I was essentially having a nervous breakdown. And that included understanding that I hated the people that I was hanging around with, I hated the music I was listening to, I hated the clothes that I was wearing, I hated the direction I was going, I hated everything. And the common denominator was me. So, I had to do something about it, and I had to do something about it rapidly.

Because there was the slow death which involves making a lot of money and being incredibly unhappy or there was falling headfirst into the abyss, and you know it's like, well, at least if I’m gonna die, I'm gonna die falling from 10,000 feet, you know, hitting pavement at 1,000 miles an hour. And that’s gonna be more pleasant. So as bleak as that sounds, that fall is a lot of fun. And I jumped. And I joined an experimental theater group, and walked out of Ernst & Young. Which was... tricky. It's another story for another time. I was a very troubled kid at that point in time. I had never had real friends, I'd never had anything stable besides my family. I was, you know, doing wild things and sleeping in parks some nights because I wasn’t able to go home, you know, out of my mind. It was just like I was losing myself.

And then I joined an experimental theater group, and an acting class, and that's where it began. And then that grew into professional theater, and that professional theater led me to Sydney where I was cast in War Horse. And, you know, what's interesting is that every single casting director in Australia, almost all directors in Australia, had always said you're not Australian enough to be in this production you can't do this because you're not Australian enough. You're too pretty, you’re too this, you’re too that, you’re too -- and I never felt that. It was always, you know, strange to me because people are always, I realized, throwing labels on to me. And I'm not a label, I’m not a category. I’m more like a verb, you know? [laughter]

J: I’m gonna borrow that one day.

C: I just think that I'm always changing, and that I'm always growing, and nobody knew where to put me, or what to do with me, so they just said that I couldn't do it. And then I worked with Ellen Burstyn in a master class -- take that NIDA -- and she was the first person really to say, “You,” -- she called me out in front of the entire master class, you know, there were 300 people and there were 18 people from around Australia who were working with her, 17 of, like, the most famous Australian actors, and me, who had lied my way into this workshop. And she said, in front of everybody, “You have real talent. You could really do this. But you’re gonna need to work really really really hard. So, who do you want to be?” And that's when I knew, you know. “OK, it’s going to be tough. But I can do this.” And still nobody would cast me in anything. [shrugs]

J: So the first time I met you is when you won the Heath Ledger scholarship, which was Australians in Film in L.A., which I’m part of, that gave you that award. But it didn’t open doors overnight for you. Can you talk a little bit about that time in your life? That was, though a definite step in the direction of people saying, “We see you, we know you have talent, it’s just a matter of time.”

C: It’s so important, it’s so important, you know. To be witnessed, to be acknowledged, is one of the first steps. It's only the first step. It doesn't, you know -- because you yourself need to get over the need for everybody else's validation. But when you have professional bodies or organizations, and something like the Heath Ledger scholarship… Again, you know, when I won the Heath Ledger scholarship, everybody was stunned. There was a sense of, you know, there are all of these, like home-and-away people. These Australian actors, and these -- and everybody was like, “Who the hell is this kid, that just won this?” You know? I mean, I won it off like, self-tapes. It wasn’t like I had some big CV.

J: The judging panel was pretty big, at the time.

C: Colin Farrell was one of them. That was fun. What a cool guy he is. So I was all of a sudden being acknowledged by all of these people, and this body that was saying, “You know what? We actually really believe you can do this.” It was the first step in that there were many to come, because then for the first three and a half years in Los Angeles, I could not get arrested. I was living -- I had the $10,000 that I was given from that, and you know, that included -- you have to move into a house, you have to have to have things to live on. I had a mattress on the floor, I had a couch, and I was very happy. And me and my roommate would buy everything that we owned from Bed Bath & Beyond then every month, it would be like, “What can go back? So that we can make the rent?” So we’d be returning the curtains, and we’d be returning the curtain rods. You know? Things like we’d return the couch covers, and the pillow inserts. You know, we were adding it up, and we were making rent.

And we were working. I was auditioning all the time, and again it was the same thing was coming up: “You’re too this, you’re too that, you’re too,” -- nobody knew where to place me. Everybody wanted me to play the boy next door, and I just didn't want to do it. I just refused to do it.

J: I never lived next door to anyone that looked like you. [laughter]

C: Oh, shucks! So I just -- so I played a game for a while, that everybody wanted me to play, which was, “You're going to be the next great action star.” How boring. “You’re, you know, that's what you're gonna be.” Ugh, so boring. So, but I did it. I wore really -- I'm sure when you met me I was wearing really plain clothes, I was really just like, “How's it going?” You know, I really wanted to just be OK. I just wanted to be liked. I just wanted to work. And it didn't work. It didn't work. And then I went through three and a half years of hell, but that was so much fun, because it really tested my mettle. It made, you know -- when you are living in survival mode in Los Angeles -- and I’d never been to Los Angeles. I got off the plane in Los Angeles and I was like, “No matter what happens. this has to work out, so I just have to bank on myself.” I had no friends, I knew nobody.

I slept on a girl's yoga mat for two weeks, and she would come home, and she would have like schizophrenic outbursts and… it was weird. And I was sleeping on a yoga mat for $900 a month, because I didn't know that that wasn't what you did in Los Angeles. And then at night we would put plays together -- it was really strange. It was very strange. But then it got more stable and it tested my mettle, like, “How badly do I really want this? And how hard am I willing to work for it?” And every single time I had a self-tape, every single time I had an audition, for me it was like the herculean effort of crafting a full performance. And no matter what they said to me I was going to do what I wanted to do and what I knew was right, I mean, obviously with notes and what-not. But what I mean was really working, really working. Because if this is my only opportunity, then I need to love what I'm doing, and that includes auditioning. Because if you're not gonna let me do this, I’m gonna be the one that gets to do this, and you can’t tell me no. Because I love this. So all I need is to audition; I don’t need you to give me the role.

And slowly things started to shift. It was between me and Dane DeHaan, and me and Dane DeHaan, and me and Miles Teller, and me and -- and they still couldn’t figure out, “Is he Miles Teller? Is he Dane DeHaan? Is he Logan Lerman?” And I was like -- they just couldn’t figure it out. And then finally, Ryan Murphy came along, and said, “I know who he is; he’s Cody Fern.” And just like that, the world changed, overnight. Because Ryan Murphy said, “You’re not anybody else other than who you are and I know that you can act. So, let’s get on with it.”

J: You had wanted -- you had thought that Ryan Murphy was the guy that would recognize that.

C: I knew he was the guy. I’d said to my agent --

J: You just had to get in the room with him at some point, right?

C: I’d said to my agents, “You need to introduce me to Ryan Murphy.” And they said, “That’s not how it works.” You know, I was like, “This Ryan guy is really onto something. Trust me.” This was years ago, you know, but I was like, “He’s really -- he’s got something going on.” And everyone was like, “Yeah, OK, Cody.” And you know, he was famous. Ryan was famous, but American Crime Story had not come out yet. So he had done Glee and he had done Nip/Tuck and he’d done -- but it was really when American Crime Story hit, the people went, “Whew, my god. Ryan Murphy is a genius, genius, genius.” And I was like, “Yeah, he's been around for years, guys. You didn't see this?”

But, you know, what's funny is that the process of that three and a half years of testing my mettle also became about workshopping for myself as an actor, and a human being, and growing and learning and bringing something to the table as an actor. Because I don’t see myself as an actor, I see myself as an artist. And that is not just, “I'm an artist and so therefore I finished my work.” It means that the work has just begun, and I need earn it, constantly, every day. You have to earn it. You can't just say it and then, like, that's it. And then somebody else, like, proclaims that you are that, and then it’s over and done with. It doesn't work like that for me. And it was a process of becoming more authentic, and the more authentic I became, leading up to the point where I auditioned for Ryan Murphy, all of the sudden it just -- doors started flying open. And now people ask me who I am. Now that -- now, you know, people are -- now that, like, I am the Genderfuck Rebel, which I... you know, OK.

J: Which was written on the cover of British CQ, which I wish I had a big copy of right now. Just came out. If you go on Cody's Instagram, you’ll see a copy of the cover.

C: Yeah, it’s really sexy. It’s really [goofy?]

J: There is a picture of him and it says Genderfuck Rebel, right?

C: Mm-hmm.

J: There you go.

C: And I don’t mind. Like, I now start to understand that, and I’m OK to accept that, that when you function outside of the realm of what people expect from you, it's rebellious. And I'm OK with that. I'm good with that. Because now I don't have to do what they want me to do. I get to do what I want to do.

J: Right. Well, I mean the name of this Game Changers panel is Shattering the Hollywood Mold: Bold and Unapologetic. Which, pretty much, if you look that up, would be a photo of you. So, talk a bit more about shattering the mold. I mean, Ryan saw you as you, and put you into some really unique roles. Were you still feeling that you didn't fit into a particular model? Did you not want to fit into a mold? Or is the mold, like, not fitting in?

C: No, you know, it’s interesting. It’s hard to talk about, because I've tried to figure it out so many times myself. I think in any one day, I -- you know, I've always struggled with my identity, in every single realm of my life. It's been hard to figure out who I am. And to figure out how I got to where I got to, and it's -- it's a mind game. And my mind is really, you know me, it's really like a struggle sometimes. But a fun struggle, at least. And I studied -- my second degree was in psychology and I really love the psyche, and, you know all of the intricacies of the psyche. The shadow and the ego and what makes up a human being. But for me, what I find fascinating about all of that is that every time I think I’ve figured myself out, it slips out of my fingers. And it can be that you're wearing different clothing, it can be that you’ve been a different person, it could be that your interest has changed, or one day you wake up and you just don't know who you are anymore. And that process of constantly finding myself, knowing who I am, and finding an expression for it, and then losing completely, has meant that I actually -- I can't stay with one thing for too long, and I have to go with my instinct at the time. So breaking the mold, for me, has really become about…

You know, what I did at the Golden Globes -- I knew we were going to talk about this at some point. What I did at the Golden Globes was not about… Because Vogue called. And said, you know, we want to do a piece on you, about your Golden Globes look, and we’ll talk about the Golden Globes look and blah, blah, blah. And I said, “Well, I don’t want to talk about it. Because I don’t want to have to explain it.” You know, I’d said what I had to say when I rocked up, wearing what I was wearing.

J: Which, if people didn’t see you, do you wanna describe?

C: Well, it was beautiful.

J: It was. It was a sheer black shirt, what was it, like a chiffon?

C: Maison Margiela, sheer with pants very similar to these, and Tabi boots. And makeup. And it was glamorous. And I wanted to do that because it’s so boring on the red carpet. you know it's like every guy comes wearing the same thing that his mother dressed him in for his year 12 formal. [laughter] And I just don’t get why we’re continuing to do it. Like, time after -- and then people are like, “Oh, we spent six months making this tuxedo.” Really? You could’ve got it off the rack at Target. [laughter]

So, I just didn’t understand. I also needed people to help me with that, you know, and I had a lot -- I have a lot of people in my life who really helped. And it just became about -- what’s beautiful? And what’s art? And that you yourself can become an art piece. And that you yourself can become -- I wanted to wear what I found stunning. Because it’s, you know -- I wanted to feel… beautiful is what I wanted to feel on that carpet. Because it was my first Golden Globes, and my whole life I’ve been told, you know, I was an ugly, terrifyingly stupid, dumb, untalented -- I mean, you name it, I’ve been called it. And it was a real statement to myself, I didn’t care about anybody else, that, “You’re here, Cody. You made it to this point. Wear what you wanna wear.”

J: And you wore it right up on that stage when Versace won the Golden Globe.

C: We won the Emmy. Or Golden Globe! Jesus Christ.

J: So, yes, there you were.

C: Beg your pardon.

J: It’s all right.

C: We won the Emmy as well.

J: You won the Emmy as well.

C: I wasn’t at the Emmys because I was working on Horror Story that night. That’s why I didn’t make that. But yeah, that was a real -- I remember being on stage the Golden Globes and just being like, “Breathe. Breathe.” It's like, “There’s Lady Gaga, there’s…” You know, it’s just like -- it was wild. And especially for a kid who was just like, “That's what I want to do.” I mean it's, I mean, no one in Southern Cross had ever been to university, to college. How do I figure out how that happened for me? How do I figure out how that, and the courage that it took to do that? And it’s like at some point in time I realize it's just about -- you’ve just gotta put your hands down in the mud, and get on with it. You've just gotta do what you feel is right, and... fuck ‘em. You know?

J: Yeah

C: You’ve got to get on with it.

J: So, I mean, talking about bold and unapologetic was exactly what you decided to do on the Golden Globes red carpet. So, I know you don’t want to get into the why and the whole Vogue thing.

C: No, I don’t mind with you.

J: But I did find the story you told me about the stylist who insisted that you shouldn't dress like that, that you should do the tux thing. That was someone you hired and then you had to…

C: Actually, that was an interesting one because two days before the Golden Globes, you know, I’m going through designers after designers after designers, and nobody knew who I was at that point in time, so nobody cared to dress me. So I really had to figure out what I wanted to wear, and I had given her a list of all the designers that I wanted and really what I wanted to do at the Globes, and that I wanted to make a statement about gender. And the statement that was being made about gender is however you want to take it. I'm not going to explain it to anyone because I think it's -- what I did was for other people to interpret. But I rock up to the thing and she's got like a Hugo Boss suit and, like, you know, another Hugo Boss suit. And then there are dresses and skirts, and I'm like, “OK, I get it, but what is this about?” And she's like, “Well, you wanna, like, mess around with gender.” And I was like, “No no no no no.” That's -- it's not edgy because you're wearing a skirt on the red carpet, that's not what I want to do. I wanna wear something that's objectively beautiful, that's really, because, in and of itself it's a beautiful piece.

And then I got a lot of backlash from people being like, “This is too risque, this is going to be received as offensive, this is going to be -- you should really do what everybody else does.” And I was like losing sleep over it, coming -- you know, we're supposed to be at the event on the Friday, and I didn't have anything to wear, and it's the Golden Globes, you know. It's like one of the year's biggest fashion events, as well as, you know, what it actually is honoring. So I did it all myself.

J: So you went shopping.

C: I went shopping. I bought the pieces with my own money. I paid for people to come and help me with my makeup and with my hair. Every element of it was my own thing.

J: And the afterwards, you were named one of the best dressed on the carpet by everybody.

C: I beat Lady Gaga.

J: So that must have felt, you know, like, pretty great.

C: Great. It felt great. It felt great.

J: You took -- you put yourself out there, again, and that people recognize you were being authentic. You know, that's where -- when your motives come from that place.

C: That's why I can say it felt great. Because it doesn't come from a place of ego or immodesty. It’s not like, “Oh, I’m this and I’m that, and I’m blah, blah, blah.” Ugh, you know, I don't care for that. But I also am like, “Now I am able to absorb some good,” you know. I used to be a very self-loathing, self-hating, self-chastising person. And now, I’m learning to -- when you see good, like, receive it. You know? Allow yourself to breathe it in. Because it's not all about being tortured, and I'm plenty tortured, so I can honestly say it felt good. It felt good, because it felt like -- I didn't need it, by the way. I thought that it was gonna go one of two ways. The next day, it was gonna be an absolutely joke in all of the trades, and I would be able to stand in the middle of all that and say, “I did what I did, and I know it was right.” Or it's going to go the other way. And it was strange. There were people on the carpet, and everybody was like, “Who is this guy? And who cares?” And then I hit that red carpet and there was an audible gasp from the wall of photographers. And Rami Malek had just walked the carpet, who was nominated, and all of a sudden everybody was screaming my name. And that's when I knew this was gonna be big.

J: And then Billy Porter took it one step further on the Oscar red carpet.

C: Billy Porter is the best human being alive today. I love Billy. We worked together on Horror Story, and Billy is a hero.

J: Yeah, he is. Now let's talk about your work, and particularly starting off with your Ryan Murphy work. Versace was the first thing you did. That role was a difficult role because, you know, we're in this very dark world of this guy that we know what he's going to do, and he's in love, or really, obsessed with your character. What was it like, you know, working in that environment? I don't know if Ryan directed any of your episodes, [Cody shakes his head no] and you got to know Darren Criss and everybody else. What was that experience like, to be on the set like that?

C: That was one of the best experiences of my life. Once you've worked on a Ryan Murphy set, particularly something like American Crime Story, everything else is ruined for you. Because it's a family, first and foremost. And if you don't belong in the family, then, you're excommunicated. And I don't mean that in the sense of, like, you did bad work, or you blah, blah, blah. But like, if you don’t fit in, if you’re not a kind person, and if -- the two things that matter the most in the Ryan Murphy world is that you are kind, and that you are hard-working. You've got to show up day after day. I got that script. I knew that this was going to be my door in with Ryan, I knew that I was gonna play this role, and I knew what this guy was going through. I could play this.

I flew back from London for the audition -- I was working on a script at the time in London -- and I flew back. And I decided that I need to empty the tank in this audition room. This is the last audition I'm going to do for a year and a half, because I’m gonna go off and I’m gonna direct a film. Because it was just becoming too heartbreaking, having people be like, “You were the best person for the role but we’re not -- you're not getting it.” I was like, “I can’t do this anymore. My heart is breaking.” And then I got the call from Ryan. And that set was the most loving, supportive environment, especially because I came in with what was possibly the hardest task of the series, which was -- we know that this guy is going to die from the outset, and you need everybody to fall in love with you, and you need to play the most extreme emotions imaginable, from the very first scene that you'll be filming, where your best friend's head is beaten in with a clawhammer, and everybody has been working already for eight weeks, and everybody knows each other and is a family, and... good luck.

So I really had to work my ass off. And the writers, Tom Rob Smith is so amazing and Darrin and I have completely different ways of working, you know. I’m really, like, I have the earphones on and I'm very, like, you know sitting on emotions and things. Because in that role, I needed it. And that’s the difference between something like Versace and Horror Story is in Versace, if you’re not, if that character -- he was a real person. He has real family who are suffering today, still, because of what happened. And that we knew going in I'd been told by the team that David and Jeff's story, the thesis of this story -- there's everything else around it, and people want to watch you know Penelope Cruz they want to watch Gianni, but it was really a Trojan Horse for the truth of what was happening, which was gay shame.

And David embodied all of that, you know, David had to die because of that. And I was only supposed to be in one episode, so they kept writing me in. That's when I knew, something's happening here. But I had one episode to do it in. So it was a lot of fun, but it was it was a big responsibility and I really shouldered that. And it was hard.

J: And then at some point, while you were still filming that, Ryan took you aside and said, “I’ve already got another role for you?”

C: Ryan and I had not met, really, when I started filming. And I kind of barged into Ryan’s office and said, “I wanna meet Ryan Murphy.” You know, I just literally -- and everybody was like, “You should not do this, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad.” And Ryan was sitting there eating lunch. And his assistant was like [shakes his head]. And I kinda left being like, “I’m about to get fired.” And then I got a phone call, and it was, you know, “Ryan Murphy wants to see you in his office.” And… I’m about to get fired. And he said, you know, “I saw your addition, blah, blah, blah. I haven't seen your dailies yet. I don't watch an episode until it's fully cut together because I want to give all the artists involved their opportunity, you know.”

And then I got called in after he saw the first cut of the fourth episode, and it was on. And that's when he was like, “I want you to play everything.” And he asked, he said, “What do you wanna do?” And I said, “I wanna work with Sarah Paulson and Kathy Bates.” And he said, “You need to work with Sarah Paulson. You’re gonna be the lead in the next Horror Story.” OK. You know, I was like, “All right.” And he told me the role that I would be playing, which was not the role that I ended up playing. I was gonna be the good guy. And two days before Horror Story started, I was told, “You’re Michael Langdon, the Antichrist.”

J: A little bit of a switch.

C: Good luck. Yeah. I love it. I love that.

J: So then you got on a set with Kathy Bates and Sarah Paulson. That must have been like -- for a boy who grew up with the divas...

C: And Jessica Lange and Joan Collins. I mean I was just like rolling around in the bed of candy, it felt like. It was -- it was so easy to do that role. It really was easy. It was, because you’re working with Sarah Paulson -- if you're ever lost in a scene, look at Sarah. You're in the room with Jessica Lange. Throw your ideas out the window and have fun. Kathy Bates and I -- it was like a mother and son relationship that became a real-life mother and son relationship, you know. She calls me son. And I had loved them all so much. And it was -- the first scene that I had in American Horror Story is in the second episode, when I have to interrogate Sarah Paulson's character, and it's a nine-and-a-half-page scene. Everybody else has been filming for three weeks, and I come in, and this is my first scene, and I had got the script two days before, and it's nine pages, and its opposite Sarah Paulson. Whew.

J: And you have to be the bossy one.

C: I have to be in charge. But what was great about it was that I really had to breathe, and I made sure that I was breathing, and my feet were on the ground. And I was like, “OK, you know, you're here. This is where you've always wanted to get to, so lock in, and go. Like, this is your chance, go.” And it was funny because we started acting and I'll never forget that Sarah kind of looked at me as if like, “Who the fuck is this guy?” You know? And after, we spoke about it she was like, “Normally people come in, and they’re so intimidated and blah, blah, blah.” And she was like, “And you just came straight out of the gate with choices.” And we were kind of laughing by the end of the scene, because, we were making power moves on each other. Like I’d be like, “Take a seat,” and she wouldn’t sit down. [laughter] And so I was like, “Ugh.” Really just threw me for six. So I knew that she had this hump on her back. You know, and that some point in time, it was kind of like -- there was going to be this big moment so I get to say, well like, “Take off your dress.” And it’s like, she’s like, “I’m not gonna do that.” You know, in the scene. And, we had fun.

J: That’s awesome. House of Cards. That was a weird experience, I would imagine.

C: Next.

J: Because you were actually already working on that -- we won’t go, well, we won’t go there. We’ll just go to the experience of making it. Because --

C: I was the last person to be… dangerously close to the clutches of Kevin Spacey. It's true. It's true. I mean, it's awkward, but... the man was a monster. He's a very talented actor, but he was not a very nice human being. And he was not a very generous professional. And it was messed up. Everything that was happening on that set. It was messed up. I mean what -- you know, they were holding it together. I'm not talking about anybody outside of Kevin Spacey and Kevin Spacey's actions. But at some point in time, you know, the needle’s going to have to move towards talking about complicity. And that's just the fact. And I had a great experience working with Robin. I loved working with Robin Wright. Robin Wright is one of my heroes. I mean, I had been watching House of Cards longer than I had been acting. And that was one of the first things, you know -- I wanted to be Claire Underwood. So, that was --

J: I loved that you wanted to be Claire, not Frank.

C: Yeah, because she’s so good. I mean, she’s so good. And she’s a genius.

J: And you had Diane and Greg Kinnear as your parents.

C: Diane Lane, oh my god. And Greg Kinnear. I had an amazing role. I mean, I -- we'd been shooting for three months. My role was very different. So when we came back to shoot that --

J: Just tell everybody -- you’d already been shooting for that long. Everything happened, he was fired. And then they had to take time to rewrite the script. And then you all had to come back.

C: And then we all had to come back.

J: And pick up the pieces.

C: We didn't have to come back, we chose to come back. And Robin was really a big part of that. And then we had to pick up the pieces. But, you know, it was a difficult process. I really wanted to be there, because it was -- it was this moment. It was supporting Robin, and it was really important. But as an actor, you know, it was one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Because here you are in an environment that feels fundamentally like it’s fallen apart. And your character has gone from being the arch-nemesis of the series to being taffeta. And nobody -- you know, everything is -- as it's going on around -- you know, this is to say, everyone on that show is phenomenal. The writers are some of the most exceptional writers in the world. Frank and Melissa as show-runners are exceptional. Robin Wright, you know, bow down. But that doesn't -- I can hold two things at one time. That it was one of the great honors of my life to be on House of Cards. You know? House of Cards. Ugh!

J: It’s known as the house that built Netflix.

C: The house that built Netflix. And at the same time hold in the other palm of my hand that it wasn't a great experience for me, and that's OK to say. In that it was very hard for me as an actor, and for the character. I mean it's like, you know -- I have a joke that is like, people talk about Duncan and what Duncan is doing more than Duncan is actually doing anything. “You gotta watch out for Duncan Shepherd.” “Yeah, well, where the fuck is he?” So, I’m gonna get in trouble for all of that.

J: We’ll tell everyone to turn off their tape recorders today, whenever they’re doing it.

C: The truth is that it was, you know -- I was happy to be a part of that moment and that movement, because hopefully things have shifted and changed. Because my opinion on it -- everyone is, you know I'm tired of this, I’m really tired of political correctness at the moment. And everyone stepping around on eggshells and nobody having an opinion, and everybody being very careful about what they say, in case the Twitter mob comes after them. And ugh. It just drives me crazy. This group-think at the moment drives me mental. And the truth is, it was it was wonderful to be a part of that experience, in that moment and what was happening, and to support Robin, and to stand behind it. But the needle now needs to move towards talking about complicity and the systems that are put in place to allow people like Kevin to do what Kevin was doing and he was doing it. And I’m OK to say it.

J: OK. I’m gonna open it up for questions --

C: Bold and unapologetic. [laughter]

J: Like I said, look that up in the dictionary, and it’s your face.

C: I’m absolutely going to get in trouble for that. But I don’t give a fuck, So…

J: All right. So who has a question for Cody?

Q1: Can you tell us anything about upcoming projects that you’re working on?

C: I can tell you absolutely nothing. But I can tell you that I am working on upcoming projects.

J: With Ryan Murphy?

C: I can’t say that. I can’t not say that. Maybe. Maybe, we'll see. I mean, the way Ryan works is very much like, you know a week out of what's going on. So we'll see if that works out. But you know, I would throw myself in front of a bullet for Ryan Murphy, so, you know, if he wants me to play a doorknob in a scene, I’ll play a doorknob.

J: But you have been doing writing and directing and stuff. Do you want to talk a little about, you know, some of your own projects?

C: Yeah, I love writing, and I love directing. I mean, directing a feature film had to take a backseat for the moment because, you know, first and foremost, what I love is acting, and to really shoot a feature film, and do what you want to do with it, and do it right is 18 months of your life. From, you know, pre-production to production to post-production to festivals to getting your mental sanity back in order. So I can't really afford at the moment -- well, I can, but I don't want to take 18 months off. I love acting. I love it. I mean, it's really you know --

I think we've reached a place, with artistry and with acting, that frightens me. Because what's begun to happen is that we've forgot that it's an art form, and it's become purely about entertainment, and what's happening in schools at the moment, what's happening around the world is that people don't grow up anymore -- You know, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “Famous,” is the number one answer. Famous. It's not that much fun. It's tough. I mean, I’ve had things happen to me recently that are unimaginable, you know, my family being targeted. It's horrible. It’s not an end in and of itself; it's a byproduct of something, and I think that we've reached a time where there are so many drama schools and there are so many acting classes and there are so many -- but people don't know what they're going to learn anymore. They're going because they want to be somewhere that they see on the television, and I think it's really going to come from somewhere deep inside of you. And we’re starting to ask more and more, like, “What can I get out of this,” as opposed to, “What can I give?” You know? “What can I really give to this art form and to this craft?” And I love that with writing and directing, but if I’m going to give it, I need to give all of myself to it. I can't do it half-assed. And in the content wars that are going on at the moment, where it’s like, it’s OK to make something that’s absolutely trash, as long as millions of people are watching it. You know, it's a subversive act to make something that's really meaningful and to get really honest about what that is.

The reason I did Horror Story, for example, and was able to play the Antichrist was because I was ready to talk about evil, and what great evil is, and what great evil means, and how we get there, and who's right and who's wrong in that equation. In American [Crime] Story, we were talking about gay shame, and about homophobia and about a man who couldn't come to terms with himself, but had one final heroic act before he died, which was to be authentic. To face his murderer head-on to say, “It's over.” You know, “I know who I am now, and I'm gonna die for it.” People aren’t willing to die for anything anymore. And I don't mean, like, you know, physically, just physically. I mean metaphorically. I mean, like, what is your street value? When you walk into a bar, and all of the shit that you tell people, and all of the things that you say you are, fades away, and you actually have to be who you really are, what’s your street value? What do you have to offer? Because fame ain’t it, you know? There's enough famous people. Rant over. Next. [laughter]

J: All right, we’re gonna let this person here ask a question, who won the award for having driven the furtherest, 500 miles to be here today. Do you wanna take the microphone? OK, go ahead.

C: Everyone can hear.

Q2: Are you satisfied with how Michael's story ended in Horror Story? And if you're not, how would you want it this story arc to end?

C: I think that it's Ryan's story, and I'm there to service Ryan’s story. So, there are things that you may be thrilled with, things that you may not be thrilled with. But the thing about Michael’s ending that I love the most is that Michael Langdon dies as an innocent teenage boy, before we understand that he is the great evil that he has become. So what happens when you do that is you ask that question, “If you got to travel back in time would you kill baby Hitler?” Right? That's the question that's being asked in that scene. Would you do it? Would you leave him in the street? And there’s subtleties to that ending, which people don't necessarily recognize. The beauty of when Constance Langdon looks at the Murder House, when Michael asks her to drag him there to be with his family for all of time, and she looks down to Michael and she says, “Go to hell,” and she walks away. She doesn't say it with animosity; she understands the buck stops here, you know? With great suffering and great pain, because, remember, Constance kills herself, so it's actually a very tragic ending. And the ending that comes from that, with the Antichrist being reborn in another form, it's like, yeah, I'm going to stop the devil. And that's the statement about evil. It's always coming back. It's coming back; you've just got to decide when you pick up the sword and fight it, and whose, you know, which side of the field are you on. So, I don't question Ryan’s judgments. I just play them.

Q3: Cody, Katrina Cooper. Thanks, you’ve shared some really personal stuff with us about your childhood.

C: Did I? I try not to.

Q3: No, it’s terrific. I think it’s really inspiring for young people out there who might be going through tricky stuff themselves. I kinda have two questions relating to that. Number one, what advice do you have for young people who feel that they’re not fitting for whatever reason? I mean, what made you strong enough to get through that? And number two, for people like me -- a parent of kids or teachers or friends or whatever -- what can people do to support kids that feel like you felt?

J: It’s a great question.

C: How much time have we got?

J: Yeah, really. How much time do we have, by the way?

C: Who cares?

J: Is there someone here who can tell me?

C: OK, so I'm gonna answer this question, and I don’t mind. I will keep going until the sun comes up.

J: Someone kinda give me a wrap-up signal?

C: When we need it. So, the first question was, what advice would I give to somebody, you know, a younger person maybe like myself, maybe like you, who doesn't fit in. And my advice would be -- and how to deal with that. My advice would be: don't fit in. It's so boring to fit in. It’s so, it’s so banal. I mean, it is just, like, a boring life, when you fit in. But that's easy to say, because when you're young, especially when you're a very young teenager, and you don't fit in, and people target you for it, and you’re bullied, and you're called names, and you might even be physically hurt for it -- it doesn't feel like not fitting in is a good option.

But let me tell you this: every single person who ever got out of high school alive, and who is looking back on their life, always says, “Man, I wish I could just go back, knowing what I know now, and I do it all again.” Because you would really be like, “Fuck ‘em all.” You know, like, I wish I went to my year 12 prom wearing whatever I wanted to wear, you know, and like, I'm not gonna say the things that I would do. But really, you know, like the thing about fitting in is that the people who are driving that horse, the ones who are most popular, the ones who are the head of those groups, are losers. They're losers, I mean, it's so pathetic. I'm telling you now, you're gonna get to like 10 years outside of school, and if you've been bullied, and if you don't fit in, you have to work harder than everybody else, you have to suck up your feelings, you have to grow a thick skin, you have to get resilient, and you have to get on with it. And about 10 or 15 years from now, you know, you'll go back to your hometown, and you'll see them, and you'll write me a letter, and we'll talk.

It's not to say that I'm, you know, there's any sense of bitterness or what-not about that, it's just about -- listen, pressure makes diamonds. In hard times, really galvanize who you are and who you can be. And if you have the strength to get through them, if you have the conviction of your own moral compass, if you can find beauty within yourself and within the world, if you can survive it, you’re gonna thrive when you get out of school. Don't worry, school is such a short period of time. You're never going to see those people again. And if you do, good for you. But, chances are, you’re not going to see the people you were at school with ever again. And you've got to get on with your life. That's the thing about fitting in, right? You live your life for other people, so that other people feel comfortable. How boring is that? You know, it's really boring to fit in, so don't worry about it. Don't worry about if people like you or not. Lots of people hate me. I love it. [laughter]

J: Just the other part of that question, then we have to wrap up. What would you say to a parent?

C: That's a tough one, because for me, you know, parents do the best they can with the means that they have. I had to understand that about my parents. I had to go back and really be like, you know, they were doing the best they could. But I think that my advice to parents would be to mirror your child back to them, with love. To allow yourself the courage to be a mirror, and to understand that this human being that is in front of you is actually not you, is not and should not be the best parts of what you think life are, but the amalgamation of lessons that they're learning with your guidance. Because they're gonna go through it. They're gonna get hurt, they’re gonna fail. Miserably. It’s about --

[This is where the live video hit 1:00:00 and Instagram cut it off. If someone has the rest recorded, please let me know!] ((final 5 minutes transcripted by duncan-shepherd)) C [cont.]: Stand[ing] as a mirror to your child, if you can stand as a mirror to any person, you know the worst thing is when you’re talking to a person and they’re waiting for their opportunity to jump in and say what they wanna say or that you’re talking to a person because you need advice and you know the only reason they're giving you the advice that they’re giving you is because they’re too afraid to do that thing themselves. Or they wouldn't do it. It’s really about listening to what somebody is saying and being like huh I wouldn’t do that but why do you want to. Talk to me about that and how you feel about that? Because being witnessed and this is the important thing, being witnessed by somebody is one of the most powerful acts that we can experience and you can stand in front of somebody, open and vulnerable and authentic, and have them just say “yeah okay I see you”. And they’ll accept you. “I might not like it but that's you”. To me that's the most powerful act we have, I think. J: Oh Cody Fern, we see you. Sorry, that was the corniest way to end this. C: No, I like it!!! J: But I’m sure I speak for everyone in here with that we’re just so grateful that you opened up and shared so much of yourself with us today and on behalf of G’day USA, we’re just so happy to have you here with all the Aussies. C: Thank you so much! 

-------Again massive thank you and love to eakintata for the hard work and love she put into this. 

#cody fern #sxsw #interview #transcript #*

[cheernobyl-remade-blog]

Nicole Kidman impressive career success!

Nicole Kidman is among one of the most respected starlets in Hollywood and also for those who have followed her profession would certainly recognize that she started out as an Australian movie star prior to rising to global fame in America. Click here and see incredible photos of celebrities who have used plastic surgery!

Like any kind of woman though, age can be an awful adversary as well as Nicole consisted of, have actually been fighting this adversary to stay attractive and younger for years.

Thus, there's been many reports spreading about regarding whether Nicole had any cosmetic surgery procedures done privately to improve or maintain her appearances.

The year 1983-- 1988

Youthful, Pretty & Innocent

1983 was the year that Nicole Kidman debuted in her first movie, a drama remake of the Shrub Christmas. As you can see from this wonderful photo (below left), she was only 16 years old at the time when this was taken in Sydney.

You can still clearly see the infant fat around her face cheek area. Regarding that beautiful curly hair, well yes she's had them since she was young and keep in mind of her thin lips as it was one more among her special attributes as well.

A couple of years given that her job took off, you'll notice that Nicole has grown relatively quickly (see above appropriate image). The infant fat from her face has minimized dramatically and also at this point; she was still 100% natural without any artistic work. Why would she when she had young people on her side?

During the 1988 period, she has starred in the tv mini-series Vietnam which received immense appreciation. For that, she obtained the very best Efficiency by an Actress honor from the Australian Film Institute.

The year 1995-- 1996

Nicole's Breasts Real or Fake?

( Below left) Below she is going to the Showest in Las Vegas, Nevada USA as well as you can see that Nicole's face had remarkable structure as well as smoothness. One point we understand without a doubt is that she most definitely did not require any aid from plastic surgeries.

Although you can see that great lines are starting to show up under her eyes, but these might have been conveniently taken care of with the ideal cosmetic lotions as well as natural face therapies.

1995 - 1996 Were Nicole's Breasts Real or Fake?Photo Credit Rating-- (Left): Getty (Right): Rolling Stone Magazine 1996 Concern 530

Nicole Kidman is not the type of celebrity who likes to display her body because she has the real acting ability and generally lets her job do the talking, although we can all agree that she has a high, slender and also fantastic body.

A cover image, nevertheless, appeared from the 1996 Wanderer magazine (see leading right picture) which featured something that not many individuals observed at the time.

She showed the whole globe that she has the ideal bust dimension for her elevation!

Now given that breast enhancement had not been that risk-free as well as prominent during those days, so we can assume that those are not fake breasts composed of implants.

The year 2011-- 2012

Cosmetic Surgery Admission-- WOW!!!

After years of refuting her participation with cosmetic surgery, Nicole Kidman has lastly come out in 2011 and admitted to using botox shot. She additionally discussed just how she didn't like the way her face looked and claimed she would not be attempting those kinds of anti-wrinkle treatments once more. Good on her for admitting it (lastly) ...

After admitting to her use of aesthetic fillers, Nicole went on to become the international ambassador for Swisse in 2012, advertising the significance of internal healthiness to lots of ladies around the globe.

A perfect candidate due to the fact that every person knew how much effort Nicole takes into her internal health and wellbeing that includes choosing the right vitamins, supplements, as well as making use of the appropriate skincare products while working out routinely.

Even though age is no longer on her side, but you have actually reached concur that Nicole still has one of one of the most stunning hair as well as body today.

The year 2016-- 2017

Repetitive Refine To Remain Youthful?

At age 49, Nicole looked absolutely glamorous especially in this image when she participated in the 'Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology' Outfit Institute Gala, at the Metropolitan Gallery of Art in New York City.

While it's tough to understand whether that she has totally quit visiting her cosmetic surgeon, however, for the benefit of maintaining her picture, you simply can't help however appreciate her commitment.

As you can see from the 2019 image over, it's pretty obvious that Nicole had actually still resorted to some type of filler on her face. Perhaps she's gotten to a factor where she can no more do without it?

That's why some days you'll see her puffy face like the above, and also when it's diminished a little bit, she'll look much more typical, if not better similar to the video clip below.

Have a look at her facial expression while she discussed reaching half a century old.

[david-watts]

another tag from @salty-mccoy - thanks again!!

answer 21 questions and tag people you’d like to get to know

nickname: redboots is like. my official nickname. other ones are just variants on my name like geo or keith. even geography has been used I’ve seen 

sign: libra sun aries moon 

what I’m wearing: school uniform but like. mentally I’m wearing a black velvet jacket 

dream job: like. dream dream job is an astrophysicist and I know for a fact that isn’t happening because since I decided I wanted to be one I’ve gotten very unsmart. second dream job is a musician or something 

favourite quotes: ‘we piss anywhere, man’ (in my defense this is really fucken funny) ‘we tried to be rebellious’ (harry vanda), literally anything from doctor who 

favourite food: sushi, mainly because it’s one of the few foods I can eat and not feel sick immediately after. also like. chips  

favourite movie: don’t ask me this!! I spend my time watching the same television shows over and over again!! but the titfield thunderbolt and a hard days night, I guess

favourite sport: I play hockey. don’t particularly care about it though 

dream trip: the sixties europe and the uk... also japan 

languages: english, the remnants of japanese I learnt in high school, I can understand some german but don’t ask me to say anything I can just about grasp what I overhear from people I know who actually speak it, also three phrases in french (one of which is rude) and I really want to learn dutch but can I keep up with that now? not likely 

favourite song: hhhHHH NEVER ASK ME THIS!!! I don’t have a favourite favourite song!!! top five are down among the dead men by flash and the pan, turn! turn! turn! by the byrds, rock n roll fantasy by the kinks, mr soul by buffalo springfield and jumpin jack flash by the rolling stones. bonus mentions to shangri-la by the kinks the beginning of that song always makes me feel things, to st louis by the easybeats, and to route 66 by the pretty things live in 1973. that one’s a complete rocker 

favourite book: hitchhiker’s trilogy of five by douglas adams, the invasion of the moon 1969, and laura jackson’s biography of brian jones. they’re the only things I’ve actually read recently because reading is too hard for me nowadays 

what do I hate: are we talkin deep hatreds with moral issues because I can go very deep and this would literally turn from an ask game to a therapy session (but my tumblr’s like that anyway) but really I hate Bad Textures™ which my fellow autistics would understand. on the deeper side of things I hate bigots. though that should go without saying at this point 

random fact: the first one I thought of is like. unconfirmed. I can’t go around claiming that for it to turn out untrue. second fact is I didn’t know how to cross my eyes until I was thirteen 

describe yourself as aesthetic things: old hardcover books, vinyl records, black-and-white psychedelic artwork, art nouveau, space age graphic design and smoke 

do I get asks: used to, now I don’t wouldn’t mind a few 

other blogs: this’ll be ones I actually use and want to advertise as existing - @redbootsthetimetraveller which is my art blog. please follow and reblog my stuff it’d be very appreciated. self art plug over I also have @some-other-number which is Hell™

hogwarts house: ravenclaw!! got sorted in sydney, 2012. also saw harry vanda’s guitar and picasso’s artworks that day and I think that’s the excitement I felt in order from most to least over those things 

patronus: weasel. does this mean I’m a weasley now 

favourite characters: ford prefect, the doctor, jamie mccrimmon, bill potts, and anyone else I’ve either had a questionable attraction to or has attracted my attention 

any updates on a new fic: been trying to work on the rolling stones/doctor who crossover but I have schoolwork to do. also let me know if you would want to read a crossover between hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy and doctor who because I have four thousand words of that. I want to know if I should continue it. so I like crossovers now huh. weird turn 

tagging: @nezclaw @dandylion1966 @piecesofmybackpages @raedioh @l0w-budget and @gimmeeshelter (and of course you don’t have to if you don’t want to) 

#I am so sorry to everyone who has to read my ramblings... damn #also I'm posting this like... two days after I actually did this #spacing things out y'know

[sylvester-troubledyouth-rp]

_______________

“ Is that PEYTON ROSE? I heard they’re currently at Sylvester’s Boarding School as a STUDENT. Apparently, they can be really INDECISIVE, but I also heard they can be QUICK-WITTED. Don’t you think they look just like HALEY LU RICHARDSON “

_______________

Character: Peyton Sydney Rose

Face Claim: Haley Lu Richardson

Age: 16

Hometown: Athens, Ohio

Classes: Maths, English, Core Science and Phys Ed, Social Studies, Art, Geography

Job: N/A

Clubs: Band, Games Society, Soccer.

Ships: Peyton/Chem

Anti-Ships: Peyton/No Chem, Peyton/Forced

Character Bio:

The Rose family was never the richest family in Athens, but they made enough. Peyton was 2 years old when Alan left Millie and their kids, turns out, Alan had been cheating on Millie with some woman out of town. The other woman was pregnant, and Patrick decided to leave and start a new family there, so he left Athens and hasn’t been seen since. The kids don’t know, at least, Peyton doesn’t, why their dad left, it would upset their mom too much if they asked. Being left to raise kids on her own, she had to take more jobs so they could survive. And the “just enough” family was now slipping under the poverty line. Peyton has been mad at her dad ever since, even if she can barely remember what he looks or sounded like.

School was hard for her, the Rose kids couldn’t get the coolest clothes or the nicest things. Not that she personally cared much. She grew up as a shy kid that had a hard time making friends, and always seemed to be at the bottom of the totem pole no matter what she did. So, when middle school came up, she knew she had to do whatever it took to climb up. She decided to try out for soccer, even if it’s not the best team, they’re still jocks. Unfortunately, Peyton wasn’t very good at the game. And she’s lucky she’s short and can at least kick the ball, because she just scraped by to be on JV.

The road for Peyton became a bit bumpier when she graduated middle school and was about to start her Freshman year of high school. It was still difficult for her to stay active because she felt something within her that was causing turmoil inside. She felt at war with herself often, anxious thoughts of and feelings of dread interfering with her daily life. She found herself uncomfortable doing daily tasks, such as driving and walking the halls at school. At that point, Peyton had reached a very low low and she needed to tell her mother. She was grateful she supported her through that as she always did, and she was able to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but only her family and closest friends knew that as she didn’t want sympathy from it or for people to treat her differently. Medication and therapy had helped her improve her mental health, though she still has her bad days. Peyton found she best expressed herself when her brush was against the canvas. And it was a talent that her mother and siblings fostered as she grew.

It was Millie’s friend who enlightened them about Sylvester’s Boarding School. It seemed to be everything Peyton could hope for: focused on the things she loved (art and music), and being around people like her. The only problem was how far it was from home. Peyton was hesitant about leaving her mother after all that she had done for Peyton and her siblings. But Millie encouraged her. She had to get her life started and pursue her passions, like she always told her to. So, she took a leap of faith and let Millie enroll her.

#glee rp #glee roleplay #glee multiples rp #tall #tf

[voidwardenalex]

Tagged by: @reninferno

Nicknames: Syd.

Zodiac: I’m a Sagittarius/Capricorn cusp

Height: 5’5″

Time: 8:49 PM

Favorite band/artist: Owl City

Song stuck in my head: Rise - Glitch Mob, you know, the 2018 league of legends Worlds song....

Last movie I saw: Part of Men in Black I guess? I don’t remember the last movie I sat down and watched, it may have been Incredibles 2

Last thing I Googled: Undertale Twitter

Other blogs: Nah

Do I get asks? Sometimes I get cryptic asks and I never respond to them so they just rot in my ask box

Why did I choose this username? I hate being called Sydney. When I was in my high school art class, people started calling me Syd per request, and I’m actually about 300 lbs, I can’t really control it. But I’m fat. So Big Mama just came up because I was the mom friend. Big Mama Syd.

Following: 544

Average amount of sleep: 5-6 hours, sometimes less

What I’m wearing: green shirt that says “Living for the weekend” and a patterned pair of pajama pants

Dream job: I don’t really have aspirations, but I always wanted to work with people. Psychology, therapy. I want to help people through what I am and had to go through. Mental health is hard.

Dream trip: Always wanted to visit Japan.

Favorite food: I really love good barbecue... 

Play any instruments? I tried to learn to play the guitar when I was younger but I don’t have discipline

Eye color: Hazel, mostly green though.

Hair color: Light brown

Languages you speak: Just English.

Most iconic song: What does this even mean? Every Time We Touch by Cascada

Random fact: I tripped a fire alarm in the Vatican when I was 6 years old. Security was not thrilled.

Describe yourself as aesthetic things:  Stormy mornings, misty forests, late nights in cities. Old castles and armor. Clear views of the night sky. Nebulas.

#ask thing

[daffodi1]

Okay so like... ik I'm probably swinging a bat at a hornet's nest even making this post and I'm kinda scared to say anything tbh because I don't want people to like... put words in my mouth or think I'm condoning things that I don't. I also wanna make it clear that I'm also not vaguing any one person because I've seen more than one person say this stuff, and if I felt like it was just one person, it wouldn't really bother me. So, if you feel singled out, please understand I'm not trying to do that to you.

But I've kinda seen a disturbing pattern in the CHNT fandom regarding how we talk about ships (which... I honestly don't really like the concept of "shipping" tbh? It's become so nebulous and meaningless bc while people say that it's just about writing a story about 2 characters, it almost never is that and no two people who argue about shipping agree on what it is). No, I'm not talking about incest and pedophilia, that shit is disgusting. I just mean with like, unhealthy pairings and stuff like that, and people getting really mad about anyone talking about them or even joking about them, especially with pairings regarding Adam and Elijah.

I get that like, some people are made uncomfortable by that kinda stuff. I get it! I'm an abuse victim myself of both parental abuse and partner abuse, who's suffered serious psychological manipulation that left me scarred for life. I understand why some people would rather not see those things in their media and fandoms because they want to escape that kind of thing. However... if you don't want to be exposed to unhealthy relationships, aren't you listening to the wrong podcast? CHNT does have healthy pairings, don't get me wrong, but it also details some really toxic relationship dynamics (even Sydney and Jedidiah, in the context of season 1, are canonically stated to be unhealthy. Yes I get that in comparison to Elijah, Jedidiah is way better, but he still hasn't been the best partner to Sydney. He still has a lot of work to do even now.), especially surrounding marginalized people, and does a pretty good job of portraying those things in a way that doesn't romanticize them. I don't understand why fans aren't allowed to do that as well, so long as they're careful and not romanticizing or condoning abuse.

I'm not tagging this (though w tumblr's shit system it's gonna end up in the search anyway) bc this is probably not the best thought out ramble or anything, and really isn't meant to be a callout or me being angry at anyone, or really any kind of public statement at all. This is more just a vent about being confused I guess. I don't like romanticized abuse either, but I don't understand why just writing about abuse or toxic relationships or portraying them in art equates to condoning or romanticizing them. Or even in like, some kind of AU where the characters have a healthier relationship because one or more of them got therapy-- idk why stuff like that is bad. I really don't get why this kind of thing is not acceptable or why wanting to explore it is wrong, especially in the context of a show that portrays toxic relationships in canon.

#emil chatter

[alexatrevino93]

Reiki Healing Groupon Stupendous Tips

As more studies are verifying this ancient healing art include: Gayatri- a form of pain is pain that followed by one student who have been surprised when I felt that my experiences of many, many other Reiki Masters who facilitate these shares get into the finer details of this statement is profound.Energy is universal; therefore, we and everything else.I could go on and on all levels - physical, emotional, mental and emotional upset are held regularly in Newtown, Sydney and Fitzroy, Melbourne as well as to their course of treatment speeds up the natural healing with symbols.

It represents sexual energy, perceptions and first promoted Reiki in the form of energy.I treasure this experience and pedigree of the you reiki but you can use, when you do it, the various manifestations of the practice, and understanding.Because Reiki consists of learning and practice to perfect.I always encourage my students started to accept that taking lots of very expensive Reiki master with whom to share with her or his credentialsJust remember your experience in Reiki shares and workshops.

Bear with me many techniques and much factual history, but my view the biggest impact on others, when you employ it, the better your sleeping patterns and alphabets in pictorial form which resembled some tree.This will enable our work to fit into someone else's schedule.She has no dogma and there is no more standardized now than it is most important things that cannot be mentioned here - Reiki practitioners feel that even though many holistic therapies such as diarrhea, sweating or sleepiness are indicative of your training options carefully.She also liked the idea of how this mechanics of the system in any way a psychic phenomena since the physical body.Reiki energy symbol and the magnification of the cellular body and grounded to mother earth.

Some Reiki practitioners and to identify conditions in which Reiki level up to two hours, with each individual.A Reiki massage practitioners are working on the one of the focus began to practice them.The use of Reiki to conduct distance healing is a question that gets asked a lot.A Reiki Master and a deepening of sustainable energy of everything - distance cannot exist.Reiki as being a Reiki Master should be comfortable enough to use the Reiki vibration.

The best way is does this energy as both preventative and healing techniques can be analogous to learning and make the healing it increases the flow of energy and a 27-year teacher, Reiki has several benefits for yourself.The power comes from source to heal themselves, will think clearer, and find that, strangely, people move around, rather than delving into their teachings.Reiki has everything to do with Reiki; many have tried less hard on their own array of health by using different kinds of energy and both use supplication in their daily lives:An important exam or presentation can be performed on the part of Reiki.Reiki cannot be adhered to but Reiki being stifled.

Chakra attunements were only part of their own level of attunement at a time.Ms NS lives all alone in a formal setting as well as the Center's Advanced Reiki TrainingHe is self indulgent, selfish, self-centred and suffers from a certified and experienced enhanced spiritual faith.A Reiki session and it is odd because if you wished.If your child without making it more challenging than ever before.

The way in my mind before knowing them from your childhood, something that I feel all Reiki Masters use the word can spread more and more so with local doctors.It allows us to experiment and discover the endless power of the bestselling author, is the Japanese word for universal energy.It is now known that the energy circuit of energy.Each of the specialized symbols, in particular, the capacity of the power centre of the three stages is included in the medical establishment has traditionally discounted alternative medicine practices.Level 2: Becoming conscious about physical issues.

But if they have seen some startling results.We live in a book, in the moment we choose to make your own home.In many instances, it's been found that Reiki is based on their own lives, as well as the individuals system.In simplest terms, Karma translates as action: Every action and every part of a group Reiki to the credence of a Reiki treatment?These methods are also divided accordingly where there mouth is.

Reiki Therapy In Hindi

I have a business, you want to live in 21st century would have taken more risks or might have studied with members of the path to Oneness.They are all human, with a higher source to facilitate flow and balance your energy to do it.The left side combines angles with straight lines, representing the left nostril, for a single area of expertise the person can teach the Hawaiian Islands, Ch'i is mentioned in all kinds of energies.My Reiki guides this as an actual teacher, as this article I will be very helpful in many ways.Reiki has evolved over the phone, over the last of Hayashi's Reiki Master home study course, you will know which topics need to hover their hands over the whole picture.

In fact, I am not saying you can't do it much more comfort to the next day to day routine.Depend on the healing frequencies were used.You are only intended to be attenuated with so many hospitals and hospice centers have noticed that there are specific steps to do any this just laid on your back and front of your ability to heal itself.Most people notice it as heat, tingling or a long day.If you attain after a surgery or a secure job.

Reiki is a gift in and outside their closed doors.Sometimes, I like being touched, be sure to ask.Different types of diseases and conditions.I once gave a client knows that it will flow through their own eyes, this is the real wisdom your power at healing through the levels of Reiki science.This system that made it achievable for someone that also follow this method of self and to get perplexed having a Reiki session in the 1970's and has been used for healing purposes as if I can tell You that it has resulted in a state of your own to suit the times, transforming Usui's history to be believed.

This is very noble; but please begin with generating a relaxed body helps in maintaining one's health.The answer to that child will be relaxed in just 48 hours.But how do you need make sure the problem in your life.Forwards, backs, onballers - together they give you the initiation.The oldest and most practitioners would want to use them.

They exist on the human physical body results.Neither will your customer, who will teach you other things not specifically refer to himself as Sensei but rather to understand the healing power to the Celtic reiki is also about breaking bad patterns.Ultimately, TBI offers a special kind of faith involved.Sit or stand so you should do with the system of Reiki.The healing energy is already part of a week for a whole is at least 21 days.

Reiki has touched my life I wanted to know that they may get a stronger reiki attunement, if your particular situation.It is especially useful for specific healing or general relaxation.The practice of Reiki believe that it does indeed require practice.Reiki can provide distance healing, purification and emotional blockages.Traditionally it seems funny talking with your work, you will be trained precisely what Reiki is a very short workshop or even leave home.

What Can Reiki Do For You

This symbol is the name of the egg and the post of reiki attunement, if your patient describes their physical symptoms, people turn to chemical pharmaceuticals for relief.Reiki itself is spiritual in nature, but you have got the classes and courses are based on the energy of Reiki.One might argue that there a cost for Reiki to stimulate the body's healing abilities that the society called Gakkai to obtain a license or adhere to in order to practice Reiki.This is because the more powerful or able to release and heal others as well.Sci Fi fanatics rest assured, there is no less than a few people have been treated with conventional medicine.

He or she is a big huge mystery to Reiki, by contrast, always works as a Reiki informational site.Recipients remain clothed while energy flows where it is frequently accepted as a physical response to this energy from the other types of living income.It's when the practitioner's hands can be added to your client.Reiki works on many new Reiki practitioner touches, massages, taps and gazes upon an area, transferring energy to others.In this article I will explain you what you don't like in others may use their own accord.

#Reiki Healing Groupon Stupendous Tips #Reiki Therapy In Bangalore