#argh fuck man!! i cant even just be sad about it i have to so fucking mad
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Oh! Fuck.
#i havent tagged alot of my vent posts as vents recently and i think its cus i dont want to admit to myself that i have negative feelings !#but uh. yeah#vent#ive started to draw somewhat regularly again and wow! the self loathing i feel from unproductivity started immediately and got worse!#what the fuck is that about#the self loathing recently has uhm. been killing me honestly#its even worse bc i keep realising that i kinda hate myself right now and i tried so hard to stop that and love myself and i did!#and now ive fucked up again and hate myself once more and it just makes me loath myself that much more !#every thing keeps happening and i keep fucking it up!#hell even crying isnt cathartic anymore i just feel weak#argh fuck man!! i cant even just be sad about it i have to so fucking mad#i hate it!! i hate being angry so much its the one fucking emotion i rarely even let myself experience#which makes sense i guess. no wonder im so fucking mad when i never let myself be mad#g-d and now i just hate myself more for that
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study buddies :: cc!multiple x reader
fluff , platonic , gender neutral ! some headcanons if the mcyts were trying to help you do hw :D
cc’s included in order: tommyinnit , tubbo , ranboo , wilbur soot , philza , technoblade
tommyinnit
i feel like he’s the type to be in a long discord call with you whilst you both try to finish your work
mans uses the screensharing feature like there’s no tomorrow
“y/n watch my stream on discord and help me guess the answers”
“tommy no! i haven’t even taken a film class before”
“your guess is good as mine”
“just cheat and google the answers!!!”
“fuck you”
he actually just wants your attention because he’s bored out of his mind doing homework
five minutes later of asking you to help him guess questions he’s like
“hey y/n”
“what now?”
“let’s play bedwars”
“oh my god shut up!!!”
if tommy has to speedrun something before a deadline, it is a whole different story tho; he will be so focused on completing that he won’t hear what you’re saying
if you’re struggling in math, you’re on your own
“math is shit, only numbers i need is my primes and youtube analytics” says tommy any time you complain about math
besides the fact he isn’t good at solving math problems, you can’t even read his handwriting if he did try showing you how to do a problem
“okay, y/n, it’s simple, just look” he says in his kareninnit voice and everything
you’d be like “is the variable a G or a 9??”
“fuck you that’s a 4!!!”
tubbo
i don’t know if tubbo ever talked about school before but something about him makes me think he’s actually pretty good at math
like he can explain a few things when it comes to math / algebra
CODING GO BRRRR
no geometry or calculus though, anything past algebra will go bad
if tubbo is doing homework with you, he will definitely tune you out
“hey tubbo can you help me on this question?”
you don’t get a response until like 20 minutes later
“oh yeah, what was it y/n?”
like now you answer? i just got the answer myself after so long, forget you smh
“oh nothing tubbo, nevermind!”
but you’re still grumbling in your head because if he answered just a bit earlier you wouldn’t have gone through the work of finding the answer online
i can also imagine if you’re taking chemistry tubbo is like ;
“oh you’re taking chemistry? let’s make some bombs!” /lh
tubbo would definitely pull an all-nighter with you to finish your projects together
if you had a group project, he would make you do the writing part while he does the drawing part
“we definitely aced this project”
“of course we did, if i made you draw we would’ve ended up with stick figure diagrams”
“TUBBO. THE FUCK?”
ranboo
okay i know ranboo said he isn’t a theatre or band kid (unless im wrong and forgetful) but i feel like he’d be somewhat educated in the topics nonetheless
half the time he’s great moral support, helping you stay motivated !
the other half is him making fun of you
“i cant believe you’re failing, that is so sad, can’t be me”
“it’s literally an honors class, ranboo! it’s supposed to be hard!!”
“taking an honors class willingly? also cant be me AHAHA”
i honestly can’t see ranboo going to school like i know he’s a minor and said he had zoom calls before and plays volleyball but like did i miss something? has he dropped out yet? like something about ranboo does not scream “student” /lh
besides that, i’m not sure what subject he would actually be good in,,, but something about nutrition/health sciences,, he knows a few things
don’t get me wrong, i don’t think he actually likes the subject but somehow remembers what he learned from the class
also gives me the type of energy of the type of person to take a first aid class to be a certified person to do cpr on someone just to kill time during his lunch breaks for a while or something
“i am a certified cpr person”
“my life in ranboo’s hands? oh god please no”
you two would probably joke about the ‘bad’ people in your classes or talk shit about your schools than actually doing anything homework related ngl AHAHAH
“you think your school is down bad? mine went back to campus full time after like 6 months into quarantine because they were running out of money”
“what the hell y/n? your school is a scam, drop out”
“arghhhh i knowww”
“i bet i make more money than your teachers combined AHAHAH”
wilbur soot
he doesn’t seem like the best person to ask for help for homework but can info dump you on very specific historical events + a bit of geography
i kinda see him as the person you can ask to proof read an essay for you and would help it improve immensely
who needs a thesaurus when you have vocabulary boy wilbur?
i dunno if it’s an american thing only or at all, but if/when you get to studying hamilton in your english class, he will get so fucking excited
“no wilbur it isn’t fun! imagine listening to lin-manuel miranda rap ‘alexander hamilton’ at the white house from like 2009 on repeat for over an hour whilst trying to write an analysis about it!! it was so distracting”
“well clearly someone has a personal problem with mr lin-manuel. if i were you, i’d be singing the whole thing”
is this last bit personal and complete spite from my freshman year english class? yes. i do not care? no. /hj
unrelated but i actually scribbled nice guy ballad lyrics and other songs on my english scratch papers in freshman year but anyway
probably isn’t the best person to be in a call to do homework with but wilbur doesn’t mind you ringing him occasionally sometimes
i dunno i can just see him easily get bored of the silence or something but also doesn’t want to bother you too much
but he is genuinely proud of you whenever you tell him you aced a big test you were studying for :D
philza
this man’s bad advice is as bad as him trying to help you on any subject
he’s an old man so /hj
but like honestly, he hasn’t been at school for so long, phil can probably only help with the most basic things when it comes to school
if you have a wack teacher that makes you collect data through surveying people, phil would be one of the best people to ask! straightforward and won’t take too much of your time compared to other people ahem,,
statistics things ! sobs
if you ever complain a lot about your classes and contemplating dropping out and stuff, he will def scold you hard
“ugh phillllllllll can i just like,, never go to school again?”
“do not drop out”
“argh fine, i won’t just ‘cause philza minecraft said so”
honestly if you get a high score in a big test like your sats/gcse’s (whatever you’re taking from wherever you are) he’d probably order you a small meal or something to celebrate :D
like how phil bought ranboo bought him food to his house, it would start as a joke but when you get your test scores back he’s like “YOOO GOOD JOB Y/N”
expect a left meat pizza coming to your house .
technoblade
like wilbur, techno is also helpful when it comes to history!
def knows a decent bit of literature too
besides that i don’t really see him being that helpful
even if he was supposed to be an english major
he will just get mad at the school system for teaching you useless things
“being in school is good but why do you need to know how to know if something is a triangle or not? i can obviously see with my eyes that it’s a triangle”
“i dunno! ask the person that made up geometry”
“just look at a kaleidoscope and be over with it, it isn’t that hard”
“that isn’t how it works—”
“bruhhh”
if you’re looking for the person to call while doing homework, he is not the person /lh
it’s either like 0 or 100 with techno
he can just completely not say anything and ignore you or go on a full rant about whatever class or homework you have
if you have an essay you need written, it will take a lot of bribing but he might take the opportunity if you are rich
“techno i’ll paypal you $10 please help me”
“no. i can make 10 times that amount in 5 minutes if i just started streaming right now”
“techno i don’t have that kind of money! pleaseee”
“no. instead of complaining, you can use that time to actually start you work”
“you’re the worst”
then you speedrun the essay and get an A just to spite him
#dream smp imagines#dream smp x reader#dream smp x y/n#dream smp headcanons#sbi imagine#sbi x reader#sbi headcanons#mcyt imagine#mcyt x reader#mcyt x y/n#mcyt x you#mcyt headcanons
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WELCOME TO MY THOUGHTS WHILE REWATCHING THE MCU IN TIMELINE ORDER: THE AVENGERS
“the tesseract has awakened” oh you mean the glowy cube from captain america AND captain marvel? THAT glowly cube?? cool looking stairs- ew who tf are you? the grim reaper??
what the fuck is a chitauri and why does it sound like sea food. “a world will be his. the universe, yours.” STOP BLAMING THE PRONOUN GAME AND GIVE ME NAMES FFS
ooo shield base. “not a drill.” oh shits going down- COULSON. FUURRRYYY FUCK YEAH. the best marvel characters are here the movie has peaked- oldman from thor is here?? intoresting. and who the hell is this woman tryna question fury??
the glowy cube is a shE???????? HUH??????? oh hey its hawkeye the badass archer guy. oh shit things are going down. the cube is sparking and swirling??- IT OPENED A PORTAL
LOKKIII YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD WELCOME BACK. HE HAS A SHOOTY MAGIC SPEAR LIKE A BADASS. he just took out a bunch or shield with a shooty spe- OHMYGODS HE CAN CONTROL MINDS WITH IT.
“loki. brother of thor.” OLDMAN STFU
GUNS GO PEW PEW ALONG SIDE A GOOD OLD CAR CHASE SKSHSKKSHS. RUN FURY RUNNN. the portal imploded on itself like a moron hA
WHO TF NAMES THEIR CHILD “HILL” WTF. “we are at war.” NO SHIT SHERLOCK A NORSE GOD STOLE THE CUBE YOU WERE SUPPOST TO PROTECT
tis a train and a old building- NATASHA. how tf were you taken hostage? im so glad i have subtitles on otherwise i wouldnt understand a thing these ppl are saying. HOW TF IS SHE KICKING ASS WHILE TIED TO A CHAIR WHAT IN THE HELL-
oh his leg deff broke once he fell off the ledge tied to a chain. cut to a lil gorl running to find a doctor- who tf this is of course. THIS GUY IS BANNER??? i mean im glad they changed the actor but wtf. “theres no one that knows gamma radiation like you do.” YA DONT SAY, ROMANOFF. “STOP LYING TO ME” JESUS FUCK THAT MADE ME JUMP
oh damn shield has their own O5 council? cool. EXPLAIN WHAT PHASE2 IS ALREADY. also dont say thor is bad he is a giant puppy dog with a war-boner.
oh hi steve, working off that PTSD by beating the shit out of a punching bag ay? oh right steve knows the glowy cube. “at this point i doubt anything would surprise me.” “ten bucks says you’re wrong” welp ya owe him ten bucks steve
“is there anything you can tell us about the tesseract to help us now?” “you should’ve left it in the ocean.” WELL THAT HELPS ALOT DOESNT IT. hello there iron man, at the bottom of the ocean.? sure why the hell not
aye stark tower’s about to have clean energy, yay stark! “stark tower, is your baby.” how do you give birth to a tower.???????? KSHSJSHSKSJS COULSON BROKE INTO THE TOWER “is first name is agent.” TONY SKSHKSSHKSVSKSHSKS
*whisper whisper whisper* yeah she bribed tony with sex so he’d work on the avengers and stuff. “the guys like a stephen hawking.” “. . .” “hes like a smart person”
awh coulson is fangirling over steve- watched you while you were sleepin- man you’re awkward. you adorable dumbass. ohshit underground musky lab- OLDMAN AND LOKI
the world is breaking around loki. sea food army is restless- shut the fuck up you stupid looking eye wrapped bastard. WHO THE HELL IS THIS HE?????? welcome back to earth you smexy man
FLOATING WATER BASE
back to avenger tingz. man coulson is the biggest cap fan- oh its a giant sub- NO ITS A GIANT FLYING BASE HOLYSHIT SHIELD THATS AMAZING.
now we go into the meetings and talking related stuff :I yey. “lets vanish” wdym- IT HAD A CLOAKING DEVICE. HA STEVE JUST GAVE THE TEN HE OWED SKSHSKHSKSJS
i dont understand a word of all the science stuff they just said but yay. “i need a distraction. and an eyeball” barton what the fuck why do you need an eye.?
oh lokis in germany, at a very fancy party might i add. loki is best boy ever. even if he just bonked a the head/ OHMYGOD AND STOLE HIS FUCKING EYE JESUS CHRIST INFRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE.??????
“i said. KNEEEEL” dont need to tell me twice-
blagh villain speeches are the worst. why tf did this old guy stand up “not to men like you.” shut up. SHOOT HIM- wtf. steve what the hell are you wearing? what the fuck is that- aye tonnnyyy!!!! he hacked into the jet thingy and started playing music from the speaker thats the best.
CAPSICLE SKSHSKSHKSHSKSJ- ohfuck thunder. THOR WELCOME TO THE PARTY. “im not overly fond of what follows” WKVSKSBSKSHSJS
HE JUST BROKE INTO THE JET AND STOLE LOKI FROM EM. “theres only one god ma’am. and im sure he doesnt dress like that.” cap stfu
“i thought you were dead.” “did you mourn.” damn loki thats harsh. thor is angy at his brother. “you listen well brot-ARGH” “..im listening?” STARK YOU CHOSE THAT MOMENT TO BODY SLAM THOR OFF THAT CLIFF AND LEAVE LOKI BEHIND? REALLY?
“.. tourist.” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT KICK HIS ASS, THOR. DONT KILL HIM WITH LIGHTNING THO
if someone throwed me against a tree i wouldnt be walking. im just saying
“THATS ENOUGH.” cap did you think that would work?? and how the hell did your dinner plate stop the power of thor
loki do be in jail tho. how’s this gonna go wrong- oh he smiled at banner. THATS how it goes wrong
tell him off fury! “you have made me very disapoin-“ OH NVM HE SAYS DESPERATE IGNORE THIS
“uNlimiteD pOoWeRRRRR”
“let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.” good comeback fury. i think
“loki is beyond reason, but he is of asgard. and he is my brother” “he killed 80 people in two days.” “he’s adopted.” KSBSKSJSJSJSK
“that man is playing galaga. he thought we wouldnt notice, but we did.” TONYKANSKSHKSJSKSJ tony is a fucking legend. “finally someone who speaks english!” “is that what just happened?” steve stfu you’re a fighty man not a smart man
“i do! . . . i understood that reference.” steve nvm keep talking please. PLEASE THE MAN IS STILL PLAYING GALAGA SOSJSKSJSJKS
why is tony eating blueberrys- where the hell did he get blueberrys. “we have orders. we should start following them.” steve you tried to get into the army under fake locations for months AND broke into a german base when you were a showpony. stfu about following rules
“so you’re saying the hulk.. the other guy? saved me” yes. yes we are saying that, banner. aye steve go break into shit like you’re suppost to :D
oh hi again oldman, welcome back. yay shield saved padme, and awh oldman talked about thor alot. thor i love you alot. loki just tell nat where tf you left barton :/ oh barton was sent to KILL nat?? not hire her?? well that went downhill. whomst the hell is dreykov- sao paulo- the hospital fire???? hawkeye wtf why’d you spill it all to loki.
mewley quim wtf kind of insult is that- oh damn nat figured out the hulk is lokis next plan of attack. PHASE TWO IS TO USE THE GLOWY CUBE TO MAKE FUCKING WEAPONS? SHIELD WHAT THE HELL
HA FURY TRIED TO LIE IS WAY OUTTA IT BUT BC STARK HACKED INTO IT ALL HE JUST EXPOSED HIMSKHSKSJSKS
WAIT THEY WERE MADE FOR THOR AND ASGARDIANS? WHAT THE FUCK SHIELD- oh damn lokis staff is the reason they’re all at eachother. probably
“yeah. big man in a suit of armor. take that off what are you?.” “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” well you’re not wrong
guys stop fighting, HAWKEYE IS BREAKING IN. “in case you needed to kill me. but you cant. i know, i tried.” awh thats sad, i wanna hug banner so bad :(
OHSHIT AN ENTIRE WING GOT BLOWN UP THE FLYING BASE IS GOING DOWN- HULKS COMING OUT THATS NOT GOOD. the transforming is scary- RUN NAT
loki stop smiling because the plan is going your way. “it seems to run on some form of electricity.” “well you’re not wrong” tony stop being funny this isnt fair
HULK JUMPSCARE JESUS CHRIST- NAT GOT BITCHSLAPPED THROUGH A WALL- YAY THOR TO SAVE THE DAY. HAMMER TIME BABYY
*B O N K*
hulk trying to pick the hammer up is funny. BRIDGE IS UNDER ATTACK. DO YOU THINK SHOOTING HULK IS A GOOD IDEA??? HE JUST TOOK OUT FIGHTER JET AND ALMOST KILLED THE GUY FLYING IT
CAP IS KICKING ASS- OH GOD NO THE ENGINES ARE FAILING. OHGOD LOKI IS OUT- THOR YOU DUMBFUCK DID YOU FORGET LOKI CAN DO MAGIC SHIT? NOW YOU’RE STUCK IN THE GLASS CONTAINER
COULSON SAVE THOR! SHOOT LOKI DAMNIT- COULSON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
glass cage go brrrrr
HA LOKI GOT FUCKIN SHOT BY COULSON BEFORE HE DIES( :( ) tony almost got minced by the engine thingys
im gonna cry coulson how dare your death make me sad :(( stupid heart breaking aftermath moments.
thor is stuck in a field, banner fell through the roof of a building. awh the security guard is so nice :) barton is a fucking mess right now “how’d you get him out?” “i hit you on the head really hard.” KSJSKKSSK
tony figured out lokis plan- ITS TAKING PLACE AT HIS TOWER? THE AVENGERS IS TAKING ACTION BABY LETS GOOOO
wait a fucking moment, the cards coulson has are covered in blood. so you’d think they were on him when he was stabbed- yet hill just said they were in his locker “they needed the push.” FURY YOU RUINED NEAR MINT VINTAGE COLLECTABLE CARDS TO MOTIVATE SUPER FREAKS???
o hi loki welcome to stark tower
“stalling wont change-“ “no no, threatening. no drink? ya sure? im having one.”
“i have an army.” “we have a hulk.” HE SAID IT, HE SAID THE LINE
HA LOKI CANT TAKE STARKS MIND BC HIS HEART IS SOME TECHY METAL CRAPKSJSKSJSKS- i guess choking and tossing him around works. so does throwing hik out a window
oh no the glowy cube just opened a portal for the army of seafood. they look like creatures from halo.
BROTHER FIGHT
CHAOS EVERYWHERE
PLANE DOWN PLANE DOWN
what the fuck just growled- HOLYSHIT THEY HAVE A SPACE LEVIATHAN. it looks badass ngl. loki redemption arc? nope he just stabbed thor.
SPACE BIKE GO BRRRRR
yes because arrows and guns will stop the, alien monsters with lazer arms. some how its working. “just like budapest all over again.” “you and i remember budapest very differently.” WTF HAPPENED AT BUDAPEST BARTON AND NAt, HUH?
cap just scared the shit outta some police men HAHA
“i have unfinished business with loki.” “yeah? get in line” barton is snarky right now. banner just rides up on a motercycle like “hi what i’d miss”
“im bringing the party to you.” stark says while being chased by a giant metal space whale who’s crashing and crushing everything in its path along a street
“thats my secret cap. im always angry.” FUCK YEAH BANNER MESS THAT SPACE WHALE UP. HE JUST PUNCHED A GIANT FUCKING WHALE THING.
the music, the avengers circling around. its amazing. well things are gonna get worse bc more space whales showed up
“and hulk. . . smash.”
LIGHT THEM FUCKERS UP, THOR. shield maybe instead of watching, maybe, oh i dont know. HELP THEM???
i dont know what else to say other then its alot of fighting and smashing alien faces into the ground
hulk and thor kicking ass on the back of a space whale is awesome. HULK WHY DID YOU PUNCH HIMSJSOSHSKJSKSJSKSKSKSK
i fuxking love when steve turtle shells behind his shield.
“director fury. the council has made a decision.” “i recognize the council has made a decision. but given its a stupid-ass decision, i have elected to ignore it.” fury never stop being awesome
loki thought he was so smug when he caught bartons arrow, then it blew up in his face. literally IKSKSKSKSKS
HULK FUCK LOKI UP! JSHSKSGKSHSJSHSJSJ HE JUST TOSSED LOKI AROUND LIKE A RAGDOLL “puny god.” “*pained wheezing from a smooshed loki*”
oh damn- OH DAMN, STARK. he just jonahed the fucking whale thing and blew it up from the inside. well now the city has a nuke coming for it :/
yall have a chance to shut the portal down, and tony, you want to go INTO that portal and throw the nuke in? wtf stark.
TONY GO BACK TO EARTH DAMNIT FUCKING BASTARD PASSED OUT. yay hulk saved his stupid ass. do cpr.? mayb.? or a hulk roar will wake him up KEJSKJSKSSKJS
tony. you just blew up a alien command center with a nuke, passed out and fell to earth through a portal. and you want, shawarma?
and now back to loki. “if its all the same to you, i’d like that drink now.” ISHSKSJSJSJSKSJSJ
STAN LEEE
the people love em. yey
council lady stfu about the avengers being a threat. they just said the earth and you’re worried about them going rouge??
“if we get into a situation like this again, what happens then?” “they’ll come back.” i mean theres three more avenger movies so i assume so. remodaling stark towers so its the avenger tower? neat!
NEXT MOVIE: IRON MAN 3
*MID CREDIT SCENE* oh hi again mr no eyes. do we get to see this HE? OH WE DO. o hi mr 10 chins
once again ignore the misspells it was three AM when i finally finished this and im just now rereading it
#artemis rants#the avengers#avengers#marvel#the mcu#marvel movies#marvel cinematic universe#glowy cube is back!#chitauri = seafood#LOKI#MAN IS PLAYING GALAGA EVEN AFTER BEING CALLED OUT#SHIELD IS A DICK#SPACE LEVIATHAN
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this is my running list that i have kept in my drafts all year of things that i wanted from kpop in 2018. some are kind of vague but honestly which groups were “successful” and which weren’t is really obvious because the “unsuccessful” ones just didnt come back at all ugh
long post here we go
things i wanted from this year:
-success for wjsn: my girls got a win and their best-selling album yet so we’re on a roll now. but im somewhat worried because a lot of it comes from the new fame of c-line and between you and me i...dont think theyre ever coming back. prove me wrong yuehua.
-success for loona- is a debut mini selling over 50,000 copies success? ya know there are people that will say that based on how expensive and long their debut project was that everything was a flop and loona’s doomed but i dont really think that way. when lookin at it strictly as an actual debut they did great. i love my girls.
-success for clc- we’ll never know if anything could have come from a comeback after black dress because CUUUUUBBBBEEEEEE but im not salty or anything nooooo
-success for dreamcatcher: happyface and i think the girls themselves realize that their concept will never be mainstream but ya know what? my girls had a good year! they’re working hard and building a fanbase and theres nothing more i can ask for really
-someone please pay attention to sonamoo please: FUCK TS
-same for gugudan this is depressing: i dont know how their last comeback did but it seems like they kind of staying the same which is sad because gugudan probably ranks the highest of post ioi groups in terms of raw talent and consistently good music. stan my girl nayoung.
-weme and pristin to actually get non-controversial actually good title tracks so we can put all of that to rest (though i’d die for wee woo don’t fuckin try it): crush was well liked so we got that but FUCKIN PLEDIS OH MY GOD IM SO MAD IDEC THAT GET IT WAS GOOD THEY DIDNT GET A NON-CONTROVERSIAL TITLE TRACK THEY DIDNT GET ON AT ALL and NO PRISTIN V DOES NOT MAKE UP FOR IT FUCKIN PLEDIS anyway
-news on after school….any news…free them…: WELL lizzy is was freed and kaeun is in limbo (more on her later). now all we need is eyoung to be freed and i can sleep better.
-news on secret: the news is that TS is a shitshow but what else is new. at least hyosung and jieun were freed.
-FX COMEBACK- GODDAMNIT
-Shinee to be happy and healthy: this is sort of a wish because i can never really know if they’re happy but in terms of what i can judge aka content this was a great shinee year. minho solo when
-9muses comeback PLEASE: got a great kyungri solo debut and it aint over till hyemi says its over but please one more comeback PLEASE
-aoa comeback: FUCK ALL OF THE HATERS BINGLE BANGLE RULES AND U ALL SAID THEY WOULD FAIL WITHOUT CHOA HA
-hello venus comeback: LOOK i know fantagio is a mess but they managed to gave their other groups a comeback COME THE FUCK ON
-for companies to just stop kidding themselves and disband dal shabet and bestie: with woohee gones dal shabet is over and im pretty sure bestie’s company doesn’t exist anymore so i guess thats solved
-solji to come back to exid: YEEEESSSSSS OUR MOTHER AND QUEEN IS BACK
-more non-taeyeon snsd solos (and a taeyeon one too thatd be great): fuck solos we actually got lil touch i didnt see that coming at all. oh AND a bunch of solos too snsd had to die so snsd could live i guess.
-any post-ioi group to get a win: Dia and wjsn!
-ladies code comeback (or at least a hint at group activity): the hint came from a christmas song so i should be happy however i am unsatisfied.
-t-ara news: the news is theyre being secretive in between solo work c’mon hyomin give up your plans
-fiestar news-disbanded and im still sad
-brown eyed girls comeback: someday...i have hope...i know they want to...
-LEE HI COMEBACK: FUCK YG but that goes without saying
-deleted a stupid one sorry gyus
-yoongi singing: lol im not even into bts anymore but i still like yoongi and seesaw is still a banger great job my dude
-kaeun to get into the produce48 group: hmph. normally i wouldnt be worried with her high place and the hype like it should be easy to give her something to do right? however this is pledies we’re talking about so i can only hope that what lizzy said and the rumors of her joining a new girl group come true. argh why pledis id even trust her with cube over them look at soyeon
-girls day comeback: see brown eye girls above
-a not terrible produce 48 group k at least put hitomi in it: I love izone i got over my hangups with the lineup real quick and now cringe at grown-ass adults still going off about a fourteen-year-old. like y’all. you can stan the group its fine they’re nice and talented girls. i swear. you’ll like them. hyewon is my queen. i still find wonyoung too young to connect with (im finding now that im too old to truly bias any idol under 16 or even 17. yujin is fifteen but she’s near the middle of my izone bias list.) but ya know what? its fine. theres 11 other girls to like. la vie en rose is a bop. sakura i love you. that is all.
-PLEASE EX 2NE1 MEMBERS DO SOMETHIN; minzy’s touring and bom of all people seems likely to release solo work before cl but like. its sad man i dont really consider this one done. fuck yg.
-fuck an fx comeback someone just tell me if they’re alive: can i even answer this one i dont know i think i was mad when i wrote it
-some kind of jbj/ibi like group from produce 48: Nope, probably unlikely due to the difficulties of getting any akb girls over there (i follow all of the contestants on instragram and they all seem pretty busy like miu and sae and miho and miru have actual shit to do). but i can dream.
...
alright out of approximately 30 wishes (i cant count) about half of them (i cant count) were at least partially fulfilled. this year was great for a lot of groups i like but not really for my 2nd gen and post-ioi faves. all of my absolute fave stuff came from groups that didnt even exist last year- fromis, idle, and izone.
how do i even react to all of this im feeling to many emotions. moral of the story: fuck kpop companies the end
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oh GOD i have to get this out of me.
it’s eating me alive, and the worst part is: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS.
so, there’s this guy.
argh, that sucks. the worst texts always begin with “there’s this guy”. but i don’t know any other way to start.
okay i got this.
i fucking hate that i can’t stop thinking. my mind can’t give me a rest and it’s killing me and i hate this because there’s nothing to think about.
now it’s time to explain: there’s this guy.
back in high school, when i was dating my ex-bf, sometimes he could be a bit rude.
alright, he was a fucking ass with me. lots of trauma, therapy (that btw didn’t fix shit, i’m still broken [and when i say broken, i don’t wanna sound like omg i’m a sad broken girl. no. it’s just that i’m not capable of dating anyone. there’s this barrier that when i get close to someone i have to run away because i’m “afraid of commitment and have trusting issues”. but that’s okay, i don’t wanna date anyway]). wow that was some big parentheses. but yeah, my ex really hurt me. i feel like i should talk to someone about this since i’m not going to therapy anymore, however i don’t want to annoy anyone either. it’s easier to suffer in silence s2.
oh my god ANY FKNG WAY. i was miserable while dating my ex.
and he had this friend.
this friend is that guy.
first of all, even though my ex was making me unhappy, i didn’t realize it back then. and even if i did, i would never cheat on him. (“but he cheated on you honey!” big deal).
so yeah, it never even crossed my mind to cheat on him. just to make things clear.
one day, we went out. and that friend was there. they were like besties. let’s name him pietro. yeah i like that. pietro is his bestie.
we had a few drinks, laughed a lot. it was super fun. omg my heart is bumping super fast right now. i haven’t thought about this day in a long time. anyway, we were having a blast.
and then i started seeing pietro in a different way. i don’t know, i guess when i was fighting with my ex, i tried to remember the good times we had, and always remember that day, and pietro was there.
i created this character inside my head. it wasn’t him, it’s wasn’t real. i barely talked to the guy, we were only classmates, not even friends. but he became like, a shelter in my own mind.
when things got bad, i would simply close my eyes and think about him.
if my ex said something that upset me, in my head, pietro would say the exact opposite.
sorry, i’m so bad at explaining stuff. but do you get what i mean? i fell in love with a fake person. like we do when we watch tv shows and like the character. they are not real. that WAS NOT real. but the feelings were. and it hurt me so much when he rejected me. let me explain that.
a year later after i broke up with my ex, i went to my friend’s party, and everyone was there. my ex, pietro, my entire class. and oh. my. got. i got so wasted. like, okay, i drink a lot (is that something to talk about in therapy?), but that day, man. it was the drunkest i’ve ever gotten (hope this sentence was written correctly). and i’m not kidding, 6 shots of tequila at least. and as you can imagine, it was a complete disaster. pietro was annoying me, because he always has to be right. but i’m always right. and there was some unknown guys playing the guitar, and i just joined them to sing along. i’m also pretty sure i called someone a racist.
okay. a few hours later, i was hanging out at the sofa, talking to someone (i swear i don’t remember clearly), and i started crying. what. the. fuck. it was pretty embarrassing. people started asking me why, and i didn’t want to say the real reason. so i just said: oh pietro doesn’t want me :(
oh fuck me.
the word obviously got out. when i realized that, i went outside of the house and sat in the sidewalk. stood there in silence.
then, pietro followed me and sat next to me.
i don’t know if it was for pity or something else (i’m betting pity), but he was there.
and BRO OMG I HATE MYSELF WTF I LITERALLY SAID:
...
“did you know the stars that don’t twinkle are actually planets?”
W
T
F
i wanNA DIE.
as you can see, that line had some serious impact over me because i still can’t get over it. so... vergonha alheia...
i think he said no it’s not where did you see this, i said the at the internet, he said oh so it’s not true, i said yes it is true you piece of shit (ps: there was not a “piece of shit”). so, my two friends who were out there eating each other appeared. now, since everything is like a blur to me, i don’t remember if pietro left before or after they arrived, but he did.
“bruna, i’m going back inside”
“okay”
i couldn’t sleep for two days.
and when i got to chill, i realized what a mess i had made inside my head: that was a character? the pietro i like is not real?
then things got real.
i got over it, over him. we never spoke again, graduated high school, i’m in college now, so is he. i moved on from this trap i had created.
but last month i saw him again. and saw my ex. and now? it’s like i’m the old me. all the other feeling are coming back. i feel like i’m reliving the past, and it sucks morty, it SUCKS.
we saw each other at a party, that same friend’s party. said hello to everyone, super chill. pietro was like dying on the couch, my ex far away from me.
i was talking to some people, and pietro joined us. i started a conversation with him, but i couldn’t speak properly, like, i was talking really fast. he looked at me and asked “what?”. i said “forget about it, i don’t know how to speak”. i went away.
see? it wasn’t that bad, right? right! (happy thoughts, happy thoughts).
but last saturday, i went out with some friends (who are friends with pietro and my ex), and at the end of the day, when we were really (really) drunk, i said to my friend: god, i hate pietro (out of nowhere). then we started taking about it, and i asked: “do you know why he rejected me that day? was it really because of my ex? or was because of something else?” he started to beat around the bush. “he said he was chill”, “you are gorgeous, it was only because of your ex”, “he said... sorry, i can’t say it. i can’t”. WHAT CANT YOU SAY IT? OMG IM DYING INSIDE I NEED TO KNOW IF I WAS SAD FOR MONTHS FOR NOTHING!
i still don’t know what it was. and going back to mu main issue: i can’t get him out of my head. it’s 2019 all over again.
but the different thing is: i don’t like him, not at all. not only that, i despise him (that’s my defense mechanism). and i can’t get him out of my head because i keep wonder what could’ve happened, what was he thinking, how he felt about me; was i a complete stranger to him? or did he... want me?
guess i’ll never know.
maybe by the end of the year i’ll have forgotten all of this.
i sure hope so.
bye.
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Eyes Closed (M)
G-Dragon: Angst/Small amount of fluff/Smut
PART 5-B: Hellbent
A/N: #bigmood ‘I don’t know why I’m crying in the club right now’
(Part One)||(Part Two-A)||(Part Two-B)||(Part Three)||(Part Four)||(Part Five-A)||(Part Five-C)
‘Cause you know that truth hurts, but secrets kill
can’t help thinking that I love it still
Still here, there must be something real
...give me those eyes it’s easy to forgive’
“Argh!”
An awkward silence broke out across the room; the four men seated mere feet away starred as Ji-Yong barged into the room angrily and made a straight b-line for the mini bar.
“Didn’t go well?” Seungri piped up breaking the silence.
Ji-Yong shot him a glare as he clamored through the array of liquor lining the inside of the bar. Acquiring something to his taste, he haphazardly opened the bottle ditching the cap on the floor and headed to the empty styling chair that had been patiently waiting for his arrival.
The other four glanced at each other again as they watched their best friend chug the alcohol without even a wince as if it were water;he was drinking so vigorously it almost felt like watching a little kid wanting to reach the prize at the bottom of the bottle. The prize of course, being completely munted out of his mind.
“Ji-Young-ah” Young-Bae cleared his throat “don’t you think it’s a bit early for that?”
Ji-Yong not bothering to look at him stared into the mirror and took another swig and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before speaking.
“Someone else in the world is drinking their feelings. It’d be rude to let them drink alone”
His best friend merely rolled his eyes.
“Where were you by the way? You were gone so long we thought things actually went well with you and--”
“Let me stop you there. I don’t wanna talk about it” he held up a hand.
Young-Bae furrowed his brows “will you at least tell me where you were? Why were you so late?”
Ji-Yong took another drink “I was out”
“Okay, care to elaborate? Out where?”
“Drinking” he turned to his best friend and took a long swig before Ji-Yong’s hair stylist wrapped the nylon cape around his neck and began to muss his hair.
“Ji-Yong-ah--” he sighed.
“Young-Bae hajima, I don’t need a lecture...” he turned back to face the mirror.
Young-Bae slouched back into his chair in defeat and sighed again.
“Fine, we won’t talk about it” he closed his eyes “what I will say though is, someone dropped something off here for you”
Ji-Yong raised an eyebrow “Who? What is it?”
“I don’t know, I thought it’d be shitty to open your mail” he stood up from his seat to retrieve Ji-Yong’s mystery package.
“Maybe it's just a fan letter” he said plopping it in his lap.
Ji-Yong eyed the envelope before even considering to pick it up. He grasped the envelope turning it every which way looking for a hint of who could have sent him something; let alone send him something here. How did they even know he was going to be here? There written eloquently in blue ink on a white marbled envelope read ‘Kid’ sealed with a wax seal.
‘This is a bit much for a fan letter…why the hell would they call me kid?’ he thought.
He tore into the envelope and pulled out a just as gaudy piece of stationery paper. Crudely scrawled in the same blue ink, but not as eloquent as the handwriting on the envelope; which he thought was a disgrace to the beautiful paper, read this:
‘Dear kid,
Sad is easy and love is anything but. No one deserves to be alone forever, do not take this second chance for granted’
“Tsk” he chucked the envelope and all on the counter as something came tumbling out onto the floor. He shooed the stylist away with his hand and bent down to retrieve what had fallen; a flower. A singular bud of a flower that had long before begun to wilt.
Engulfed in his own thoughts racing at a million miles, he twirled the flower back and forth between his thumb and forefinger; he was conflicted between the intruding thoughts running through his head and how bending over had made him realize how drunk he actually was becoming.
“So was it just a fan letter” Young-Bae spoke, breaking Ji-Yong out of his trance.
“Huh?” he snapped his head up to look at his friend.
“I said, was it just a fan letter after all?” he began to outstretch his hand to pick up the letter making Ji-Yong go wide eyed as he lunged toward the paper, grasping it in his hand and tearing it into tiny pieces before anyone else could lay eyes on that cryptic message.
“Thought you said it was shitty to read my mail?”
Young-Bae chuckled and put his hands up “okay relax, leave me in suspense then”
Ji-Yong eyed his friend as he retreated toward where Seung-Hyun had begun messing with the maknae’s hair who was vehemently protesting as he had just gotten it to look exactly how he had wanted.
Only one hour later, they were all dressed to the nines and smelled like, what I can only equate to, an expensive dinner accompanied by the man of your dreams, by candlelight overlooking the entire city at night as a soft breeze danced on your skin and the smell of the crashing waves of the restless river floated through the air. Something out of a romantic novel basically. And it only took that very same hour later for them to realize that Ji-Yong had rapidly become belligerent to the point where the four other men had become fed up with where the drunken tantrum had taken him. He had at this point broken two lamps, kicked a size 11 ½ Gissuppie Zanotti men’s dress shoe size hole in the wall and yelled at room service for bringing up a bottle of Armand de Brignac when he had specifically ordered a bottle of Dom Perignon.
Having had about enough, Young-Bae grabbed Ji-Yong by the shoulders and yanked him toward the couch just as he had Seungri in a headlock ready to belt his heart out into his miserable ears.
“What the hell?!” Ji-Yong slurred.
“Change of plans we’re not going to the party” Young-Bae crossed his arms across his chest.
“Th-fuck you mean we’re not going?” he raised an eyebrow “I don't know about you, but I sure as shit am going wherever the fuck I please”
“Just look at yourself!” his best friend exploded “Ji-Young-ah, you’re way too messed up to show up, let alone go anywhere. We’re not going”
Ji-Yong scoffed and took a sip of his drink before the other man ripped it from his grip.
“Yah! You’re not my father--”
“Ji-Yong-ah!” Seung-Hyun’s voice boomed.
As if shell shocked by the volume of his Hyung’s voice, he stood wide eyed like a deer caught in headlights.
“Listen man--” Young-Bae sighed heavily “I’m not trying to punish you or reprimand you, I just have the best intentions at heart for you…”
Ji-Yong remained silent.
“We all have your best interest at heart. We care about you man” he placed a hand on Ji-Yong’s shoulder “and I can already picture how shit would go down if we show up with you like this...it’d be a disaster frankly”
Ji-Yong looked into his friend’s eyes and slowly nodded.
“Look, if you can sober up enough we can go”
The drunkard smirked.
“BUT, as soon as shit starts to go south we are leaving immediately. Got it?”
“Loud and clear” his drunken smile seemed to get wider.
Having managed to come to an agreement with his best friend, Ji-Yong had since been herded, like sheep to it’s sheep dog, to his temporary room that looked as barren as he felt on the inside. Young-Bae had said he wasn’t punishing Ji-Yong, but he felt otherwise; he felt as if he had been put into some form of adult timeout.
With the feeling like the room was spinning and like the contents of his stomach were threatening to make themselves known all over the floor, Ji-Yong laid on the bed and opened and closed his eyes a few times trying to make it stop. At times squinching his eyes so tight he could have sworn he felt like his eyelids might rip.
“You just never change do you?” A voice snickered.
His eyes shot open as he lifted himself up on his elbows trying to stabilize his vision; the blur from where the voice came from became clear. It was her.
She gave him a smirk from her seat atop the table adjacent to the bed.
He swayed in place wide eyed.
She hopped off the table and straddled him pushing him back onto the bed. She ghosted her lips across his and caressed his cheek with her thumb.
“Are--are you real?” he asked through half lidded eyes.
“I’m as real as you want me to be baby” and without another word, without warning she kissed him.
With his unscathed, he placed it on the nape of her neck and deepened the kiss. She pulled away to kiss her way down from his neck to just above where his boxer briefs hung on his hips. She flashed her eyes up at him as she gently ran her hand down his torso before unzipping his pants. His breath hitched in his throat letting out a small gasp. She smirked up at him as she hovered over him to kiss him deeply and began to palm him through his boxers. He threw his head back as his eyes rolled back into his head and let out a small groan. Opening his eyes again, he placed his hand behind one of her thighs and pulled her closer wanting to get as close to her as possible. He took hold of her hips and hiked up her dress as he began to grind his hips up into hers.
“I--uhng--cant believe this is happening” he groaned.
she smirked.
His heart began pounding in his head, it's like all of a sudden all the pent up anger, jealousy and every sad, pathetic thought of self pity he had felt for the past few months had completely ceased; all he felt now was the need to be as close to her as possible. An insatiable hunger that made his fingers grow numb as he desperately held onto her hips for fear of her leaving.
“You don’t know how long--uhng--i’ve been wanting to do this” he looked deeply into her eyes; completely engulfed with how much he missed staring into those eyes.
She offered him a small smile.
‘Ji-Yong-ah?’
Breaking him out of his feelings of ecstasy, the sudden knocking at the front door startled him. The sound of the door opening made his eyes jolt wide open.
“Uhh, you okay man?” Young-Bae gave him concerned look.
Ji-Yong looked down at himself; she was never there at all. The whole thing was just a dream. He let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his face with his hand.
“Yeah, I uh--feel better, let just get out of here” he hopped up on his feet, still
Wobbly and made his way toward the door.
“--You sure man cause you didn’t sound so good. We heard you groaning next door…”
“Yeah...lets just go” he pushed Young-Bae into the hallway and looked back into the room one last time before shutting the door; still completely thrown by how wild these hallucinations had become.
The night filled with party goers with complete disregard to any sensible reasoning, ‘Reverb’, Gangnam’s hottest new club, was packed with people dancing to music that would make your grandmother’s false teeth fall out and making decisions that would send her into cardiac arrest; And it was only midnight.
The day had come where, for one night and one night only, the who's who of South Korea and a few lucky hundred or so came together to party all in the name of music. Finally Seungri’s pride and joy and newest DJ to be signed to his label had not only released his first album but it also just so happened to be his birthday. Tonight some dreams would be made and some careers would be ruined; or at least put in jeopardy.
Every which direction you turned huge drunken smiles filled the room; for one night not having to worry about work,about not having enough money to pay your rent this month (for us ‘normal’ people I mean..) worrying about everyday life. At least for one night everyone was elated and enjoying themselves.Well...all except for one.
Being a man of his word, Young-Bae and the rest of the members had arrived, and in style no less and just as fashionably late, to a club that was past that point early in the night before everyone is toasted out of their minds and just stood around the dance floor like they were at an awkward prom night. If Ji-Yong had taught them one thing it was: why show up to the party before it even gets good? better to arrive late than never. Besides by the time they would get to a party they would just have to play catch up on however many shots everyone had already taken.
Thirty minutes, that was all it took for Dae-Sung, Seung-Hyun and Seungri to be on a complete other planet. The three engaging their friends, who were equally as gone, in nonsensical conversations. Every now and again someone was spilling a drink on another's shoes, Seung-Hyun drunkenly giving his closest friends unsolicited kisses on the cheek, Dae-Sung smiling as he danced to himself just outside of the haphazard circle of friends as he made drunken winky faces at anyone who would make eye contact with him, Seungri even demonstrated his ‘hoe dancing’ to get his point across at one point.
All the while his friends were enjoying themselves, there was Ji-Yong; drinking alone. And there was Young-Bae, always right beside him; well maybe just a few steps away but closer than the other three were.
Glancing at Ji-Yong out of the corner of his eyes Young-Bae sighed and excused himself from the conversation he was having to walk over to his miserable friend.
“Ji-Yong-ah” he tilted his head.
Donning a seemingly permanent scowl on his face, Ji-Yong simply pretended as if he hadn’t heard the man standing right beside him speak his name.
Young-Bae sighed at a loss for what to say. It’d be a lie if he said he was used to seeing this sulky shell of his best friend lingering in the dark corners of parties all alone. It’d be a lie if he also said that he didn’t know why exactly he was like this. Much to Ji-Yong’s persistent disbelief, Young-Bae did very well understand. He understood that: as much as Ji-Yong had hurt her, he was hurting just as much if not more. In Ji-Yong’s eyes it was like as if she had completely forgot about his existence, let alone their break up. It puzzled Ji-Yong how it had seemed like it hurt him more than it ever hurt her; save for the very last time he made her cry. He wished he was able to move on just the way she did so easily, but try as he might it was all in vain. For months he couldn’t go without seeing pictures of her out partying with her friends and some random guys he didn’t even recognize; it would be a lie if he said it didn’t make him jealous, let alone hurt his pride. For days on end he would lay in his bed drunk out of his mind, thumb hovering over the button on his phone with the name written in bold, ‘DO NOT CALL HER’, just begging to be pressed. And for weeks on end he tried his damndest to find any sort of spark in any of the notches on his belt, but no one measured up to her in his eyes. He then realized the reason he kept girls around, that he had no interest in, was not because he just wanted to partake in promiscuous activities but because, if only for a moment he didn’t feel so alone. No matter how fleeting that moment was. All they ever did was tell him how much they loved him, and all he would ever feel was repulsed. Did they actually love him or who the public thought he was? Did they actually love him or his money? Either way, he felt no remorse telling them to leave as soon as they started to ask questions about what their relationship actually was; it only made him annoyed as he never once did anything remotely romantic for any of them, yet they would still fawn all over him. So begs the question again, did they love him or were they really in love with G-Dragon? But then again, knowing he could have anyone he ever wanted at just a snap of his fingers didn’t hurt his ego. What did hurt his ego was the fact that ‘DO NOT CALL HER’ put him on her ‘do not call’ list or moreso her ‘do not acknowledge his existence’ list and he was pretty sure he was at the very top of the list if not the only one.
“Ji-Yong-ah,I know you can hear me” Young-Bae cleared his throat.
No response.
He sighed again “Please just for once go enjoy yourself and mingle with our friends who we by the way hardly ever get to see them all at once like this. Please just don’t turn this into another night where I have to babysit you”
Ji-Yong snapped his head toward best friend and glared at him.
“Glare at me all you want, you it's true”
Turning to face away from him again, Ji-Yong angrily sipped at his cocktail.
Throwing in the towel Young-Bae put up his hands in defeat
“Fine, you wanna be angry the entire time so be it. Just warn me before you’re about to vom on my shoes this time” he spoke before walking away.
Ji-Yong was fuming, how could his own best friend have zero faith in him, maybe this time would be different. Maybe this time he would actually let himself sober up and enjoy the company of his friends! Who was he kidding though...he was well aware of where the most probable outcome of this night would take him; piss ass drunk and needing to be escorted back to his empty condo. Alone again.
He closed his eyes, slouched into his seat and sighed; he knew Young-Bae was right, he just hated being in the wrong. He sighed again and opened his eyes to look down at his palms. He chuckled to himself; one hand completely busted and covered in plaster and the other donned tiny scars that only reminded him of another time when he let his emotions and the alcohol get the best of him. He shook himself out of his thoughts and took another sip from his drink as he looked around the party. Seeing everyone else around him enjoy themselves made him think that maybe he should just take his best friend’s advice; maybe he should just give it a rest and let himself enjoy something other than wallowing in his self pity for once.
He stood from his seat and made his way through the mass of people over the the ledge of the balcony that overlooked the entire first floor of the club. Scanning the crowd, spotting couple after couple dancing together only made his heart pang; despite his his cynicism he too wanted to feel that kind of ‘throwing caution into the wind’ kind of love again. To be truthful he wasn’t sure if he’d ever feel that way for anyone ever again. To be honest he didn’t want to feel that way about anybody that wasn’t--
“Oh shit sorry!”
The body crashing into Ji-Yong broke him out of his thoughts; looking down at his $6,000 Giuseppe Zanotti dress shoes and his equally as expensive Yves Saint Laurent green sequin jacket, he threw the drunkard a glare. He had just spilled shots of Jägermeister all over Ji-Yong and ruined some of his favorite items from his personal closet.
The man quivered at the death stare Ji-Yong was shooting at him and in a barely audible voice stuttered ‘I’m s-sorry…’ before taking off in the farthest direction away from Ji-Yong.
Ji-Yong closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh before angrily making his way to the bar, grabbing a fabric napkin and a glass of water from the counter and attempted to wipe away what he could.
‘Oh great now I’m going to smell like the morning after a terrible frat party’ he thought as he scanned the room again looking for the perpetrator. Spotting the culprit just feet away Ji-Yong was ready to go off on the man and rip him a new one, he tossed the napkin on the floor and advanced toward the very intoxicated man only before stopping dead in his tracks; there she was. Just across the way at the balcony adjacent to his, as if in some ‘Lifetime’ movie: suddenly all he heard was nothing but the sound of his own heart beating in his head and as if everything had gone into slow motion. His bemused gaze scanned every last inch of her exposed skin and how the lights seem to dance against the soft surface. An involuntary smile graced his face, suddenly he had forgotten all about his ruined attire. But his smile was short lived. Walking into view and engulfing her in his arms was Suho. Of course it was him, how could have Ji-Yong forgotten? Her being alone giving Ji-Yong the chance to talk to her would be too good to be true.
Feeling his blood boil, he pushed himself off the ledge and made his way back toward the table, grabbed his tumbler of whiskey and stormed to the private outside smoking area. Brushing past the security that tried to stop him, he yanked his pack of cigarettes from his pant pocket and angrily took a long drag as he lit it. Stopping mid way he turned to the confused security guard.
“Do not let anyone come out here, got it?” Ji-Yong exhaled.
The burly man nodded as Ji-Yong turned to make his way to the ledge overlooking the street below. Placing both hands on the railing he pushed himself back, leaned forward looking at his feet and took as deep of a breath his lungs would allow him and slowly exhaled from his nose. Letting go of the railing he straightened himself back up and began to pace as he mentally swore to himself. Drag after drag, puff after puff he chased down every last inhalation of his addiction with another one of his addictions; seeming to be about the only things that could remotely calm him even in the slightest.
The sudden intrusion of a distant kerfuffle made Ji-Yong halt in his tracks to turn toward the door.
‘What the fuck?’ he thought ‘I thought I told that asshole not to let anybody in!’
A slim figure slowly making its way into view, revealed a handsome man with a smirk plastered all over his face.
“GD, its been a while”
Ji-Yong furrowed his brows and snarled.
“Oh sorry, I mean Ji-Yong” the man chuckled.
“What happened to Sunbaenim Suho? Don’t you know its rude to talk to your elders like this?”
He chuckled again “that was all just for formality’s sake, plus its not like anyone of import is present. I think we both get that I don’t respect you, right?”
Ji-Yong clenched his jaw.
“And I think we both know she doesn’t either” he said matter of factly “to tell you the truth I’m surprised you even had the balls to show up in the first place, you kinda had me worried for a minute there. But given that she hates you and all, I have nothing to worry about” he crossed his arms and gave a condescending smile.
Ji-Yong’s disdain for the man was becoming more and more evident on his face.
“But I guess somebody has to look like the fool in this situation right? Might as well be you” he continued.
The anger within him grew and grew, a tingling feeling shot down to his fingertips as he squeezed his fist so tight his knuckles were beginning to go white.
“Man I’m sorry I wouldn't laugh if it wasn’t so funny”
“What? that I’m about to ram my foot so far up your ass you're going to need the jaws of life to help you”
The man smirked again letting out a puff of air from his nose “Nah, it’s just funny seeing you suffer”
Walking closer to Ji-Yong without trepidation, he leaned on the wall right beside Ji-Yong and tilted his head.
“All that time--I was the one she was going to end up with but then you came along and fucked it all up. But you know…” he cleared his throat “as much as I felt sorry for how badly you hurt her, I also gotta hand it to you, you practically hand delivered her back to me. A little banged up, but nothing I couldn’t fix” he chuckled.
The eldest man would be lying if his words weren’t affecting him; it took almost everything in Ji-Yong not to throw him to the ground and kick the ever loving shit out of the smarmy look on his face.
Suho inched his face closer to Ji-Yong “All I had to do was play the supportive best friend, that shoulder to cry on, that soon after you fucked up turned into the man she got on her knees for” he laughed “Hey but don't let me ruin your fun! Hope you enjoy the rest of your night. I know she will” he winked as he smirked for the last time and walked back into the party.
Feeling like his head was about to explode, Ji-Yong’s chest was heaving up and down as he exhaled deep heavy breaths. He threw down the glass tumbler in his hand and smashed it into pieces and stormed back into the party.
Absolutely fuming, he charged back to his table in his drunken rage, grabs a shot off the table and tosses it back then smashes it on the floor. Everyone around him stopped dancing to turn and look at him.Young-Bae nearby rushes to Ji-Yong’s side and whisks him away from the onlookers and to another table out of view from prying eyes.
“Ji-Yong what’s wrong with you now?!” his best friend holds his head between his hands.
Tear by tear they were starting to take over Ji-Yong’s face; they weren’t tears of sadness as they were moreso tears of frustration.
Completely ignoring his friend’s inquiry, he swatted away his friend’s hands and leaned over the neighboring table and nabbed the closest bottle of liquor he could reach. He eyed the bottle momentarily before pressing it to his lips and took the biggest swig he could.
“Ji-Yong what the hell?!” Young-Bae tried to snatch the bottle away from him but Ji-Yong scooted away from him and made to climb on the table.
“Yah Ji-Yong-ah! Ji-Yo-- aish, okay 2008 Lindsay Lohan we get it you’re throwing another tantrum get your ass down!” he tried his hardest to grab him by the leg but to no avail.
As the minutes go by Ji-Yong just progressively becomes worse and worse; throwing things left and right, yelling incoherent nothings at passersby, stealing drinks off unsuspecting drunkards. Until finally he lets out a final yell before hopping off the table and sliding down the wall closest to him; crumpling into himself in tears.
“I’d think this would count as ’shit hit the fan’ worthy” Seungri pointed a drunken finger at the crying mess on the floor “eww, I don’t even wanna know how dirty that floor is...”
Young-Bae rolled his eyes “will you just get out of here!”
The maknae taken aback acted offended and headed back into the mass of dancing bodies.
“Oppa!~”
Young-Bae turns to be met with the smiling face of Chaerin.
“Oh hey you actually came?”
“Yeah, Tim and I talked things out everything's cool between us again” she smiled.
“Wish I could say the same for him…” he mumbled.
She furrowed her brows and peered over his shoulder “and what the hell is wrong with him?”
“I’ll give you one guess” he crossed his arms
“Alex” they say in unison.
“Aish, why the hell do you guys let him get like this?!” she pushed past him making her way toward the heaving form on the floor.
“Why does everybody say that?!” he threw up his arms.
Taking a knee, she bends down to meet Ji-Yong’s crying eyes.
“Ji-Yong-ie Oppa...” she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
Lifting his head from his knees he looks to Chaerin with tear stained eyes.
“Tsk” she brushes the matted hair on his forehead back “Oppa, what’s wrong?”
Ji-Yong chuckles to himself and replaced his head back on his knees.
“I get you don’t wanna talk right now and that’s okay but can you at least cry on a chair or something? this floor looks like it’s been through some shit” she grimaced looking at the surrounding floor.
No response.
“Do you wanna leave and go get some ice cream or something? Maybe chocolate?”
No response.
She sighed “okay that’s it” she placed her hand on his chin forcing him to look up at her “listen if you don’t tell me what is wrong, how am I supposed to help you? You know I have your back, we all do, anything. What is it?”
He wrapped his hand around her wrist pulling it off of his chin “nothing you can fix...nothing I can fix...everything is wrong” he spoke in a hoarse voice.
She furrowed her brows “okay instead of sounding super ominous, wanna give me more information than that?”
He sighed “Alex and Suh--”
“Say no more” she jumps to her feet brushing past the crowd of people with much haste leaving Ji-Yong and Young-Bae completely confused.
Not bothering to waste time being polite, Chaerin plowed her way past the mounds of intoxicated people in her way. Once Chaerin has her sights set on a specific target there is nothing and no one anyone could do to stop her.
Finally reaching the other side of the balcony, she peered on her tiptoes looking for any sign of her intended target.
“Ahh, Rowan!” she flagged her down.
“Oh my gosh, Chaerin how--”
“Yeah nice to see you too, sorry to cut the reunion short I’m kind of in a hurry. Rowan, where is your sister?”
Rowan raised an eyebrow “She’s just over there…” she pointed.
Quickly turning on her heel she marched straight to an unsuspecting Alex and grabbed her by the arm.
“What the fuck?!” Alex attempted to take her arm back “Chaerin what the hell is wrong with you?!”
“No time to chit chat come with me” not giving Alex a moment to rebuttal, she yanks her by the arm pulling her back toward the other table.
Reaching the bar that marked the halfway point between where the two balconies meet, Alex snatched her arm out of Chaerin's grasp.
“Okay I think we’ve gone far enough I think I deserve a little explanation as to what the fuck you think you are doing”
Charerin crossed her arms “I’m helping out a friend”
“A simple ‘hello’ would have sufficed. Besides I didn’t need any--”
“I wasn’t talking about you” she sighed “I was talking about that” she pointed.
“Who the busboy?” she raised an eyebrow.
“No not the busboy! That!” she grabbed her by the wrist pulling her into her point of view making it perfectly clear just who she was talking about.
“No” Alex pulled back.
“Alex come on”
“No Chaerin, I refuse”
“I wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t serious”
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t want any part in whatever the hell is going on”
Chaerin shifted her weight on one foot “Please, he’s completely fucked up and won’t listen to anybody”
“Okay so why is that--”
“Your problem? Because you of all people know you’re the only one who he will actually listen to”
Alex crossed her arms.
“He’s a fucking mess. I mean he has been since...well you know”
Alex scoffed “and why would me helping now make any difference?”
“I don’t know” she sighed heavily “all I know is that you, are the only one he wants to hear anything from”
“I don’t know Chaerin…” she looked at her feet. “what could I even do? I think I would just exacerbate the problem...”
“True, but why not just try? I mean the worst that could happen is he cries harder, right?”
Alex lifts her head and turns to look back across the balcony “but--”
“Listen if he has a problem with you helping an old friend--
“My ex to be more exact” she interjected.
“Okay point being, if he has any problems with you helping someone out when they need it then what kind of guy would he be? Not a great one I think”
Alex bit her lip and let out a sigh.
“Come on, I’ll do all the talking. Maybe you just being there will help” Chaerin interlocked fingers with her walking toward the ‘friend’ in question further closing the distance between them.
Approaching the table Alex felt like her heart was in her throat. This is the encounter she was dreading happening; maybe not with the same detail but the encounter nonetheless.
Chaerin gave Alex a slight reassuring squeeze to the hand as she pulled her in tow behind her.
“Ji-Yong-ah please just drink the water!” Young-Bae pleaded as he had managed to convince Ji-Yong to get up off the floor and into a seat at the booth he was counting on Ji-Yong being a lot more willing to listen.
Chaerin cleared her throat.
“Ji-Yongie Oppa~ look who I brought, its Alex” she forces a smile.
Still with tears in his eyes he clenches his jaw “No. Stop lying to me, she wouldn't give a shit about me” a tear rolled down his cheek “That’s not her”
“Oppa...” she furrowed her eyebrows “Ok I know you're messed up, but it really is her...” she pulled Alex by the arm making her lurch forward toward Ji-Yong.
She takes in a deep breath and says ‘hi’ without looking at him.
He sits in his seat wide eyed with a tear rolling down his cheek “A-Alex?”
Chaerin smiles to herself as she slowly backs away and grabs Young-Bae by the wrist “Oookay~ we’re gonna go get him some more water you stay here!”
“No Chaerin wait!--” Alex turns to catch her by the arm but misses by mere inches and watches as she runs with Young-Bae in tow into the crowd leaving her and Ji-Yong by themselves.
Feeling awkward and that Ji-Yong’s eyes were boring holes into the back of her head she takes another deep breath and furrows her brows and kneels down in her $12,000 Balmain dress to get at his eye level.
“Ji-Yong” she looked him straight in the eye
Still in shock that she was actually there in real life and not in some drunken hallucination he just stared in awe
“Ji-Yong can you hear me?”
He simply nodded his head
“Hey” she put a hand on his cheek “how much did you have to drink?”
His cheeks became hot as his heart began to race at the direct contact with her skin; further cementing the reality of her being there.
She furrowed her brows
“Okay...well did you take anything else?” she said replacing the back of her hand on his forehead.
He gave her a drunken chuckle and reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out and orange pill bottle and gave it a shake.
“Oh my god..Ji-Yong!” she rolled her eyes “give” she held out her hand.
He gave her a smirk and playfully shook the bottle before her as she made to snatch it out of his hand; he clung onto the bottle and leaned foreward mere inches away from her face
“ha-ha. Very funny” she grabbed it out of his hand “let’s just get you sober” she stood.
He slouched back into his seat and sighed.
“Why can’t you just have a drink with me and call it a night?” he smirked.
She raised an eyebrow “having another drink is the last thing you need”
She reached for the water bottle on the table “here, this you can drink”
He sighed again and reluctantly take the water bottle from her and crossed his arms as he pouted.
She scoffed “ok Ji-yong, you just holding the water bottle and pouting like a five year old isn’t going to do anything for you. Drink.it.”
He squinted his eyes at her before begrudgingly taking a drink.
There was a slight awkward pause between the two of them despite the blaring music and voices of the hundreds of the drunk patrons surrounding them. Neither really knowing what to say; well Ji-Yong had plenty to say, he just wasn’t quite sure how to pose the words swirling around in his head so eloquently.
“I have to pee. Take me to the bathroom”
See even completely hammered out of his mind he had such a way with words…
She raised an eyebrow and scoffed “umm ok your majesty let me just get right on that” she sarcastically curtsied “let me just go find Young-Bae or someone--”
“No”
“No? What do you mean no?”
“I mean no. I don’t want any of them. I don’t want them to accidentally see anything…” he averted his eyes shyly.
“Oh so what, just because I’ve seen your dick before you think I wanna see it now?” she furrowed her brows “no thanks, I think I’ll pass”
He chuckled “no for real Alex, I just want you to hold me up. I don’t think I can stand straight without falling face first into the urinal”
“Ok I don’t understand why they can’t--”
“Please! I’m gonna piss my pants!”
She rolled her eyes again and begrudgingly helped him up.
He threw his arm around her shoulders and smiled when she held onto his dangling wrist as she helped him walk toward the bathroom.
“You know this would be a hell of a lot easier if you weren’t putting all your weight on me...and if I wasn’t wearing six inch stilettos...” she groaned.
He chuckled musing at her face.
Feeling his eyes on her, she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye”
“What? Do I have something on my face?”
He adjusted the wrist she was holding out of her grip and interlocked his fingers with hers.
“No, you were just hurting my wrist before” he lied.
Feeling taken aback by his actions, she swallowed hard as a shiver went up and down her spine.
With much haste, she picked up the pace desperately wanting to put an end to this perpetual nightmare.
Arriving at the bathroom door, she set Ji-Yong against the wall and quickly pulled the arm strewn across her shoulders up and over her head and placed it back into it’s rightful place.
“Ok there. Now go” she gestured at the bathroom door.
“I told you I needed your help” he made to hold her hand again but she quickly averted his touch by crossing her arms flush against her chest.
“And I told you, no” she said matter of factly “can you just go before you wet yourself?! I don’t want to have to stand outside of the men’s bathroom with you all night!”
He let out a sigh and gave her puppy eyes as he pouted.
She knitted her brows together “No. Ji-Yong no. D-dont do that!”
He chuckled “do what?”
She pursed her lips “That! That thing you do with your eyes when you don’t get your way”
He slightly raised an eyebrow and smirked “oh, you mean this?” he pouted his lips again but soon broke when she smacked his shoulder which made him laugh.
“Yes that!”
He smiled “come on, we’ll be in and out. I promise”
She raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
“I swear! Just in and out, promise” he smiled again.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before letting out a heavy sigh.
“Fine!” she stomped her foot “but you better pee fast!”
She pushed the door to the bathroom open as he closely followed suit with a smile permanently etched across his face.
Reaching the urinal, she stood crossing her arms and raised an eyebrow when he just stood there.
“Well? Come on gets to steppin’, you said in and out!”
“Okay, okay calm down” he stepped up to the urinal and she stepped behind him.
He reached down to unzip his pants, completely forgetting about the cast on his arm that prevented him from doing anything with his right hand.
“Umm…”
“Umm what? Now you don’t have to go all of a sudden?” she said in an annoyed tone.
He turned to face her and cleared his throat.
“Can you help me out? I can’t undo--”
“Oh no. no, no,no,no,no,no, NO!” she pointed “you said you needed me to help you stand up, putting my hands anywhere near your dick was not part of the deal!”
“Please! It’s not like I planned this!”
“Yeah fucking right!” she threw up her hands.
“Oh really liked I’d break my hand just at the slight probability that you’d be here to help me unzip my pants!” he threw up his bum hand.
“Well I wouldn’t put it past you” she sneered.
“The longer we stand here and argue the closer I am to pissing myself!”
Just then a knock came at the door.
‘Is everything okay in there? I hear yelling’ a muffled, drunken voice came from the other side of the door.
“BUTT OUT!” they yelled in unison.
‘But I really have to pee man…’
The two rolled their eyes before directing their attention back to each other.
“Listen the sooner you help me out, the sooner we can leave” he sighed.
She glared at him.
“Please”
She clenched her jaw and closed her eyes “if you tell anyone, and I mean anyone, about this...I will personally end you”
“Yes ma’am” he lifted up his hands and chuckled as she angrily unzipped his pants.
“Oh, don't forget about my belt…”
She glared at him again as she just as ferociously undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants.
Turning away from her, she placed her hands back on his shoulders. Trying to break up the tension in the room, he spoke up.
“Who would have thought after all this time, that we’d wind up here with you helping me out in the bathroo--”
“Would you just hurry up?!”
He quickly finished up his business, pulled up his underwear and turned back toward her motioning to help him zip up his pants; she merely glared at him again.
Making their way out of the bathroom she averted making any eye contact with anybody and walked briskly ahead of Ji-Yong.
“Yah, Alex wait”
She closed her eyes, took in a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh.
‘Why the hell is this happening to me?’ she thought.
Catching up behind her he interlocked his fingers with her once more.
Turning around quickly she snatched her hand back and pushed his shoulder
“Ji-Yong don’t”
He smirked.
She rolled her eyes as she kept walking forward flush against the wall as they made their way past the herds of people lining up to use the bathrooms.
“Damn it..”
“What was that?” she heard him mumble.
He leaned in close to her ear “I said damn it I’m really hot. Can we go outside?”
“Oh, oh yeah I think that VIP smoking section is by here”
Finally making their way to the VIP section where the hallway was much more spacious and not littered with people, they made their way out onto the outdoor VIP smoking section.
“Hiya boys” Ji-Yong drunkenly saluted the same security guards from before.
“Pffft, someone’s in a better mood…” one of them mumbled as he smirked.
“Hey, hi I’m Alex kind of a weird question to ask but can you guys close this off to anyone else? He just needs a couple minutes to chill out without a flock of people surrounding him”
“Sure thing ma’am” the burly man smiled.
“Oh and before I forget can you please have someone bring some waters and ice, but please don’t let them in, I don’t want anyone to know we’re here….together...”
The security guards glanced at each other and smirked “no problem” they said in unison.
Moments later a member of staff had dropped of just what she asked, and just as she requested one of the security guards delivered said items personally.
“I still feel really hot” Ji-Yong groaned as he fanned himself.
"okay take this thing off, you're going to give yourself a heatstroke and then I'm gonna have to go with you to the ER"
He gave her a crooked smile.
"If you wanted me to strip all you had to do was ask" he winced as she helped him out of his jacket "besides, ER doesn't sound too bad. wouldn't mind the company I'd be with..."
"Yeah well I don't know about you but I personally wanted to keep my night hospital free"
“Just go lay down over there will you?” she rolled her eyes as she folded his jacket into a makeshift pillow for his head.
She sets and ice cold bottle of water beside him on the large planter she takes one of the cloth napkins and puts ice on it for him.
"See, who needs a hospital when I've got the best nurse around right here" he said as he closed his eyes.
"Put the ice on your forehead..." she blushed "flattery will get you nowhere"
"But you were flattered" he smirked as he peeked at her with one eye.
"You know what I think the heat already damaged your brain. What a shame. Such a waste"
"The drinking and excessive partying might have more to do with that..."
He said monotonously making her laugh.
"Haven't gotten to see that smile in a long time" he muses "it suits you. so does that dress..."
"Are you cat calling me from like 2 feet away?" she laughed.
"Only if you want me to" he smiled and pulls the makeshift ice pack over his eyes.
She bites her lip "I--” she cleared her throat “--got your flowers by the way"
"I heard"
"Oh?"
"Friend of mine told me..."
She pursed her lips and nodded.
"Did you like them?"
"At first yes, then no..."
"And now?"
"Not sure. I'll let you know"
He smiles to himself "come sit next to me" he pats the space beside him "I don't bite"
"From what I remember you do..." she grabbed her drink from the table and made her way to sit beside him
He smirked "only the people I like"
"You must have really liked me then"
He chuckled and pulled the ice pack off his eyes
"I did--I do"
She takes a long sip of her drink.
He reached his arm up toward the drink in her hand "okay now your turn" he manages to get her to take the straw out of her mouth.
"My turn for what?" she chuckled.
He raised his eyebrows at her.
"What? tell you that I like you?" she laughed "what if I don't? would you be devastated?"
"No, but I won't say it won't sting"
"Fine, I'll say this" she set the empty glass down "I'm sitting here talking to you aren't I? Like you enough to not let you hurt yourself terribly"
"So just concern? platonic concern?" he probed.
"Ji-Yong..." she threw her head back and groaned "I know what you're trying to do and you're not getting out of me"
"I just wanna know what my chances are here"
"Ji-Yong!" she laughed "what chances? for what?"
"You know me better than anyone here, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about"
"Okay Heat Miser cool your jets" she smirked "gimme your napkin, all your ice is probably melted"
He pouted and handed it over to her.
She filled the napkin with new ice, just as she's hovered over him about to put it on his forehead she absentmindedly brushed his hair back and quickly retracted her hand when she realized what she had done. Ji-Yong without hesitation pulled her in for a kiss that quickly turned heated. He pulled away from the kiss and grabbed the ice filled napkin from her and tossed it away from them scattering ice all over the floor
"Come here" he growled as he gestured the come hither motion and pulled her to straddle him. He put his good hand on the nape of her neck and kissed her deeply. He moved his hand down to her hips and grinded his hips up into hers causing a small moan to escape her mouth.
"Oookay!" she quickly pulled away and got up off him "you obviously feel better so my work here is done"
She adjusted her dress and dusted it off as she grabbed her phone off the planter and made to exit.
"You're just gonna leave and pretend that didn't just happen?" he sat up.
"Yes! that's exactly what I'm going to do" she stopped and turned to face him "and that's what you should do too!"
"But I still need you" he rubbed his head.
"What to finish you off?!" she raised an eyebrow.
"No I can do that myself" he closed one eye and staggered his way toward her.
"Ji-Yong it was so nice seeing you again but I think this is where our run down memory lane comes to a complete halt" she turned to walk out again.
"Wait, there’s too many of you I can't chase you like this" he held out his arms in front of him like some sort of intoxicated zombie.
Just barely making it past the planter he stumbled on his own two feet.
"Alex!--oh fuck okay the room is spinning" he stopped in his tracks and and shut his eyes as he put both hands on his head.
"We're outside!" she yelled back.
Swearing at herself in her head, she made a U-turn and returned to the mess of a human being struggling to exist.
“Come here” she sighed as she stabilized him against the wall.
“My hero” he chuckled as he opened his eyes.
“Shut up” she smiled.
Ji-Yong smiled and brush some of her hair behind her ear.
“You were always the one coming to my rescue...should have been the other way around”
She sighed “Ji-Yong--”
“No seriously, you were always in my corner, even when you weren’t” he cupped her cheek. He swallowed hard before he leaned his head closer.
“I cannot believe you just went in for another kiss!” she pushed his shoulder and turned to storm back into the building.
“Wait!” pushing himself off of the wall with everything he had left in him he tried to mentally sober himself up just momentarily enough to catch up to her.
Trying to coordinate his feet with his brain he was amazed at how fast she could charge down the emergency exit staircase. Flight after flight of stairs Ji-Yong was beginning to feel dizzy again, but pushing past his better judgment he kept going as fast as his legs would take him until he made it to the main exit door to the outside.
Not stopping to catch his breath he frantically looked every which way searching for her. Catching a glance of her livid form he called after her.
“Alex please wait!” he staggered forward “just let me explain”
Stopping dead in her tracks, she turned on her heel and marched straight back to where he haphazardly stood.
“Explain?” she crossed her arms “explain what? That you were intentionally trying to be a jerk? Explain that--”
Keeled over still trying to catch up to his brain just as much as he was trying to catch his breath he started to see tunnel vision.
“Alex..”
“I’m not done! And another thing--”
“Alex” he said more firmly.
“Would you stop cutting me off!”
“Alex!” he coughed “I’m about to--”
“Oh my god, Ji-Yong. Ji-Yong!”
#bigbang scenarios#bigbang imagines#bigbang fanfiction#bigbang fanfic#bigbang angst#g dragon imagines#g dragon scenarios#g dragon angst#g dragon smut#g dragon fluff#gdragon scenarios#gdragon fanfiction#gdragon imagines#gdragon angst#gdragon smut
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7. Syyskuuta. 2019
7. Syyskuuta 3/4
Alex cuddled with Till on the couch, drinking whiskey with a straw, Till trying to take it away every moment and other, Alex using his power to pin his hand away. One of the moments where Till submited to Alex lol.
“Alex you cant just let few glares get under your skin like that. Put the drink away, clear your body and let’s just forget you drank and keep counting the months from where you were left.” Till said, Alex’s answer was noisy suck from the straw.
“You’ll end up doing something stupid while drunk.” Alex got up and looked at Till. “Well at least I can blame it on alcohol, ja?” Till decided to not contiune and piss him off.
Another 30 minutes pass and the four meet at the hallway again, heading to eat. Alex and Nea look at each other. Nea’s neck is full of soft red spots and lips swollen, Alex’s eyes were almost colorless, lolling around sometimes. Nea had dissaponted look, Alex just grinned, “Lovebirds.”
They headed to the cantteen and took their seats from the same spot, that was actually bit far away from other people, thank satan. (nyt tulee mäkikuja fail moment koska en haluu et tää on vaas säd paskaa)
The food was served and it took a moment to Nea ask, “Allu tää on kalaa?”
Alex slowly put the fork down. “oh...” Alex put the fish away on the plate and started eating the other stuff.
“You are well aware that you can just tell the waitress and they’ll bring you naything else.” Till said.
“Yes, but i dont want to.”
-
Back in Al’s and nea’s room. Cody took the liberty to demolish all alcohol. Alex seemed happier now. “We have the elite meeting for 3 hours. Till could you acompany nea for that while?” Alex asked, bouncing on his ass on the floor.
“Yes of course. Whatshould we do?” Till said, seemed happy to please alex(?).
“Go show her the city. Get some eyescream, because it’s hot as hell when it’s supposed to be 4Celsius. Aaaanddd.. I don’t know.”Alex laughed.
“Alex you can’t go to the elite meeting like that.” Cody said. Alex’s eyes went black, nea took Cody’s hand, fearing that he will be flung our of the window too. The veins went black and it seemed like a reddish liquid were going thru them. The color on Alex’s face came back and his posture on the floor straighened up. “Better?” Alex asked, going back to normal, not sounding drunk anymore. “Yes.”
Alex and cody left for the meeting, leaving nea and Till alone.
“As Alex said it’s pretty hot outside. We should change to casual clothes.” Till got up told nea to meet on the hallway in 10. Nea kept the fishnets on, changed to shorts and hollywood undead t shirt. She felt like she wanted something else ontoo, but hoodies seemed too warm. She went to Allu’s bag and digged thru it, untill she found the red black flanel. She threw it on and looked in the mirror. The makeup was bit heavy for the outfit but what ever. Nea finished it by spraying half a bottle of setting spray to make sure it wouldn’t come off if she swet.
“You’ve got some fashion knowledge there.” Till said as they met up. He had a basic black t-shirt and some black thin jacket on, with black jean shorts. “Thank you, cant say same of you.” Nea laughed. They walked out and then to a big garage hall of the hotel.
“So we are taking a car?” Nea asked. “Yeah, it’s big city and right now we are in area where there is nothing but luxury hotels and big parks with old ladies and their poodles.”
They arrived to a pretty basic but newish black rangerover car and till opened the door for nea, who thanked and got in. They headed out in the car and nea felt somehwhat anxious with a big almost stranger man who is demon in a acar with her.
“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do anything to you. I can basicly feel Alex’s eyes burning on my back right now (chuckle).” Till said, giving nea a warm smile that eased her feeling. They drove around for a while and then arrived to Mall of Berlin. Huge fucking place.
“I guess you youngsters like malls?” Till laughed, he seemed bit unconformtable. “Yeah. It’s just the people and masses.” Nea said. She swore she could hear Till let out a big breath.
“So we gonna play a game called ‘dodge the crowd’.” They both laughed.
“You probably know that Alex isn’t found of using money if it isnt Death Necessary? I thought that we could play with our lives and go shopping.” Till said as they navigated thru the parking halls.
“Yeah. But i do have clothes with me and all? And I really dont need any spare because we have the etiquette clothes. It’s just the weekend.” Nea said, not wanting to piss off Alex and the idea of random man buing her stuff seemed weird.
“About that... In the all members meeting they mentioned that this might be longer than three days.. It’s nothing confirmed yet but... Shit might get wild.” Till said and they stepped into the mall, it was huge.
“Oh.... (kattelee hämmästyneenä kauppojen määrää) I’m not gonna suck your dick for a t-shirt then okay.” Nea said, HALF-joking.
“Oh you don’t have to. Alex does it enough (laugh). I actually enjoy shopping and clothes. Not really for myself, but for Alex. He just doesn’t let me, even tho he likes dressing up himself. So why not to get two flies with one go. I can see you making outfits and you get clothes.” Till explained. He felt bit weird about it too, also he was sure he had someones eye on him already.
Nea agreed and fitted to the situtation and they went to a shop where nea saw some grungeish clothes. Till tried to make nea not look at the prices and almost showed his black eyes to get her eyes off the tags. It started to slide well, nea got few fell outfits from stores and some accessories too. They also went to makeup store because in long run you would get tired on black red smoky eye, right? The hours passed by and they started throwing so good jokes and shit that they didnt notice people staring at Till Lindemann walking around mall with young girl and shopping bags.
“Till! Till! Kann ich ein Foto mit dir machen?” A woman came to them smiling and blushing.
“Ja, absolut!” Till asked nea to take the picture, and she did.
“Danke vielmals. Ist das deine Tochter oder wer?” Woman asked looking at nea.
“Ach nein. Sie ist die Tochter meiner Kollage, die ich für ein paar Stunden babysitten sollte.” Till explained seeming bit awkward, nea had no idea what they talked about.
“Oh ok. Danke für das Bild. Du bist toll.” The woman smiled and beamed happily. “Danke dir auch.” Till smiled and she left.
“What did she ask?” Nea understood from the way of speaking that there was a question.
“First asked for a picture and then asked if you were my daughter (till seemed to have sad and somewhat regretful face). I told you were daughter of my collague who I had to babysit.” Till gave out a awkward chuckle. Nea nodded.
They agreed on getting the ice scream and then going back to the hotel. Nea took strawberry chocolate one and Till passed, as he was driving. Till seemed more quiet after the daughter thing, but nea understood as she heard Alex talk something back in the spring about Till having a lot of children with dif women and some with wifes and he had to raise one as single father for years, then one was taken away because he was accused of puncing wife. Nea had no idea what was true and what not but decided to not mess up on that.
“Nea my love!” Cody shouted as they met at the hotel entrance. They hugged, awwardly as nea had the icecream. Alex had his arms crossed and gave Till a hard-questoning look while tapping foot on the concrete.
“Till you might have something to explain.” Cody laughed looking at the bags that he helped nea to carry. “Your room. Now, Till.” Alex commanded. Cody took the bags and they went inside. Till walking fast in front of Alex, Cody and Nea following the situtation from the back.
“If Till ain’t sitting right after that, it’s just bruises on his ass.” Cody whispered laughing, making nea to too. “I heeeard.” Alex tried to say angrily, but you could hear smile in his voice. Till got in his room and Nea went with cody to nea’s.
“Are you trying to provoke me on reason? You wanna make me mad so I'll spank your ass or something because you’re too proud of a man to ask it yourself HUH?” Alex pressured him to sit on sofa (argh hirvee flash back ku olin jotai 10-11v ja faija oli kaatokänni ja käskin sen sohvalle istuu ku se ei pysny pystys ja sit se kaatu sen pöydän yli.) And tried to keep his voice low. Till seemed more horrified than aroused tho.
“NO! I know better than that. You heard yourself that this might be longer than weekend. You and cody will probably be assinged to travel somewhere to do shit and dont get to go home for more than a day.” Till said.
“How the fuck has my and cody’s traveling to do with you spoiling nea?” -a
“Well DUH! She’s coming with us. I’m not stupid, you couldn’t see the heartbroke in their eyes if you seperated cody and nea.” Till
“Well I am not one deciding who is coming and who not. I’d rather see the heartbrake than put her life on death line by taking her with us. We would be back anyway.” Al.
“Cody würde sicherstellen, dass sie nicht von einem Käfer verletzt würde!” Till raised his voice now, speaking german fully.
^Cody would make sure she was not hurt by a bug!”
“a...” Alex was about to answer in hars german too, but remembered that he can’t vocalize german well at all. He had been stabbed from under the jaw upward towards deeper cheek muscels, that you happen to use on vocalazing german and such accented languages. Alex can speak it but it would sound like lil american kid trying to sing rammstein.
“Doesn’t matter! I didn’t take her here to have a luxury vacation but to keep me sane! Her reason is to be my anchor! Someone from my private life to keep me from doing stupid shit. The reason I haven’t killed anybody here, nor went of running my mouth on elite.” Alex
“So you’re basicly saying that she is here just as a tool? Shouldn’t she have nice things too? How does this trip help her? What does it give her? If not a vacation like experience?!” till
“This shit ain’ nice for anyone but those business men with their whores ordering vintage wine and smiling with their gold teeth. We are supposed to be here saving the world from chaos and i hate that art of it is drawn back by this money use and useless shit. Why should we be pampered here, while people are dying.” Alex started to get irritated. So angry he couldn’t really keep calm but neither to do anything else.
“Alex calm down.” Till pulled Alex to sit down with him on the couch, stroking his back. Alex was shaking as he tried to not cry from anger and dissapoint on himself. He were sure that if nea was here he wouldn’t have gone on rage, but the more he thought of that the more he thought wha Till said about Alex keeping her as a tool. “Am i really that much a of a asshole... Dragging my bestfriend to germany without really giving her a chance, and just taking her from her parents and school.... I-… Should I get her back home?” Alex’s eyes were wet as he looked up at Till.
“Nea’s a strong girl. She would have told you straight away if she didnt want to.” Till reasured, wiping away the tears that escaped al’s eyes. “I can see that you actually submit to her. Not like you do to me, while having sex or something, you overpwer me all the time. But you haven’t said against her one bit. Haven’t hit her, used your power on her violently. She is the one who could kill you. For the real dead, not just stab you out of your blood and you wont resist but she handles the destiny of your life.” Till said in low and calm voice, knowing it help alex to calm down, and basicly melts him.
“Did you buy me anything?” Alex asked in guilty voice, turning up to look at Till again from where he was leaning on his chest. Alex looked like a child in candy shop who just promised to not ask for candy.
“Of course. But I’m not sure if they are tolerant for this moment.” Till’s voice went back to his normal playfully flirty one and he smirked. Alex smiled, eyes puff. “What does that mean?”
Till pulled a Black leather collar with studs out of his bag. (joo en jaksanu rajata mut tota.. Varmaa vähä kalliimpi koska parempi laatu...)
“I think that know as The Order and we as in general have upgraded on better status of life, so should our tradition.” Till took the metal chain off and placed the collar on alex who smiled wide as till tightened it.
“No leash?” Alex asked. Till pulled out a matching leash with leather ‘handle’ and clipped it on. “Happy?” He asked from alex who was about o lick his face (?????)
“Ja!” Alex checked the clock. “We missed the dinner... It’s only 15 minutes left?”
“We’ll order pizza and hang in your room kay?” Till proposed and alex nodded.
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Ok., I'm back.
I've been… drowning myself into Mass Effect Andromeda. And man, it's a painful experience. I don't have the minimun requirements, mostly in my graphic card. :( I have a nvidia gt520 of 1 gb. The minimun required is around gt 700 with 2 gb. I have to play in narrative difficult :(. It's not much of a challenge, but when the encounter is tough (meaning, a lot of objects around and a lot of enemies) my screen freezes sometimes :(. I cry so much for this. I want a new computer T_T.
Even playing it in the lowest quality I can't do it in a smooth way. I played all the mass effect series in the hardest mode T_T to enjoy the adrenaline, but I CANT NOW T_T. It's so sad that they can't make a game for low spec. computers, with the same tech that Mass Effect 2. I don't know, but that game looked marvellous and so easy to deal with in most computers… meh.
I'm playing MEA most of the time with 5 fps. Horrible, because I can't see many animations, and when chars speaks, they desynchronizes with the sound, so … you finished listening Jaarl but then, his animation goes sloooooowly in the middle. Sad, Sad. And man, Havarl is just madness… with all that vegetation. I can heard my computer swearing at me.
I hope some day I will buy a better computer, or upgrade this one to replay this game.
Spoilers Ahead
About the game and my impressions.
So far I've gone, I spent like 50 hours in this painful experience.
Got 100% viability of Eros, Havarl and Voeld, and now I've visited Aya to talk with people around and be bbf with Evfra, but senpai is so mistrustful haha.
Fist the first: who the fucking shit suggested to give us a fucking Mako?? I lose so much time trying to go somewhere with this shitty vehicle with crazy directions and being a total bullshit to climb a land a bit steep. Argh!!!. I’m so angry with this shit. More considering you can’t go, like in DAI, without the fucking horse and enjoy the view and the banter while walking. No, you have ice or radiation AND lag as fuck to worry about. Meh.
About companions?. Hey, I knew already who were going to be of my like: Jaal and Vetra. Vetra is just so… awww. The way she open her … thigns beside her jaw. Little precious badass Vetra. **Smooch**.
I don't get along much with the humans. Cora reminds me soooo much of Casandra and the disappointment of coding a straight char as a lesbian. She even has hard crushes on the Asari, but hey… no girls. When Asari are… you know, blue women.
Gil is weird. I don't know if I like him or not. Most of the time I don't get what he is talking about. But I truly love his interaction with Kallos. I think that, being in my Pathfinder's shoes, I would stress a lot more about those two, because this is not only theoretical disagreement. Man, Gil makes modifications in the core of the ship and then Kallos undoes that…. That's pretty dangerous!!! fuckers. Stop playing with our ship like kindergarten children!.
Liam is another char I don't know much what he talks about. He is specialist in crisis, and I thought it was something related to crisis in battlefield. I didn’t see any of that. Then I thought he was kind of psychologist working with the stress of the crew, which could make sense with all his suggestions to make the crew work in a smooth way… but man, he is more stressed than anyone else – well, probably not as much as Gil -
Peebe is a meh so far. I'm a bit tired of Asadi, I guess. I wanted Liara's father. A Half-krogan Asadi would be much better.
Vetra, I love her. I'm waiting for Reyes to check, otherwise, I will go with Vetra. She got my real-life-heart already.
:( Jaal being straight is another disappointment. Well, not much. I mean, I usually don't like to romance Aliens. It feels weird to me. Like… I love Vetra but… gurl, I can't caress you, that exoskeleton of you is so turning off, lol. Plus, you may give me a deadly allergic reaction. Less tempting.
But well, Jaal should be bisexual. I mean, all aliens willing to go into a relationship with a human should be, because as I said before, if you are into aliens, what the fuck bothers you a gender that may not follow your species' rules?. Gender across species is completely useless, because culturally and socially, different species have different perceptions. But well, there you got your highly repulsion towards gay relationships. Mass effect has been always known by that. (cough cough, ME1, ME2, and barely fixed in ME3)
Jaal being so open and free with emotions could be a nice thing to see in a gay relationship. It would be fresh air.
Suvi makes me irk. This is completely biased of my part, I know, but man… I detest creationists. One thing is to believe in something, even though you respect science. Another thing is mixing both just to fit your beliefs (something that nowadays it's such a sensitive topic). Like creationists.
They lack of real understandment of how science works and how evolutions works. And the worst of it is the fact that she is a scientist. Not that I never heard about scientists with beliefs. I know a bunch of them, but they do not go to say this thing of “God is who created everything. I explain him because everything is so perfect, and perfection can't exist without a creator”. Like.. no. First, what we know of the world is that clearly it's not perfect. (Check DeGrasse Taylor's video on youtube talking about the stupid design of the life. It's a gem.) The good things that we see today it did it ONLY through natural process: if you can survive, you sum points into the evolution scale. You can't survive?, die. Stop spreading your failed genes. Simple as that. Nothing of “perfection” exists here. It's basically “natural eugenics”.
But well, probably some people would like her. I feel so lack of options when talking with Suvi that I can't deal with her. Like… c'mon, I've got this conversation thousand of times, and my arguments are not even here to choose!!. hahaha. So annoying I am.
Plus, Bioware is always so worried about the “butch lesbian” stereotype, but they give a fuck about the “mystical cherry lipstick lesbian” stereotype. PFFFFFT. Another lesbian char that disappoints me :( so far. Beside, extra negativity to her because she lags like hell when I talk to her… it seems her hair has a lot of rending and my computer hates her. Haha.
Drack is so lovely. I loved 2 krogans in ME series: Wrex and this one. Besides, I feel that Drack allows you to explore a nice bound that we don't see much in videogames: the grandpa/granddaughter relationship. I still don't know how his loyal mission goes, but.. he is so wise and… you can feel his years in the way he speaks, but also that gentleness that comes from a grandparent. I love him.
Man, about the ketts and the remmants. I don't know. I feel everything is reapers.
The ketts are like a cult to reapers, to that “superior one” that the Archor itself has to follow. It seems.
Remmants looks like ancient AI, in vaults UNDER the ground. This sounds to me “the seed we planted to harvest later”. Fucking reapers. There are also many suggestion all along the game related to “how weird people felt” once they were attacked by remmants. Like…. Indoctrination!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (playing a prequel makes you play it so full of biases t.t)
Also, Angara are SO fucking similar to Prothean. I wonder if they are not protheans that evolved in another way in Havarl. They even have prothean's sculptures all over the planet… like.. please, bring Liara here, I need to talk to her about this!.
And you also saw that thing of “remembering past lives”. This is the object that Javik used to have in his room, when he asks you what you would do if you would see all the past times, the dead people alive, the old ancient skies, all again but then, returning to reality, you would be shocked by it, because all that is gone. That's exactly what that “family heirloom” does. I'm totally convinced angara ARE protheans. A different evolved branch though.
Also… did you see that fucked reaper in Eos?. The one that came up from the ground?. Fuck shit. I put s settlement in Eos, as the game forces you, but now I regret it. That fucking reaper asshole is orbiting around Eos, SCANNING it!!! WTF!!!!
But well, I will continue playing all these days ahead and keep sharing my thoughts about this.
I need to find Reyes before Vetra got me completely (I want to see if Reyes is worthy a shot, probably I won't replay this game until I have a proper computer because lag is super painful), and I have no idea when or where I will find him.
I'm still in the quest of bringing hope to the Angara and working most of the time in 100% viability in the planets I can land. I've just been allowed to go into Aya because I saves Moshae.
I hate to work (in real life lol) and break my beautiful daydream of playing without stop. Haha.
I will sleep so bad these days.
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