#are you even disabled anon
But what if other people with chronic illnesses have issues with roses depiction :/
i literally have almost the exact same problems as rose. i have been in her exact situation. you cant speak for people like us.
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I hate you!!!!!!
I will slap your haters.
I didn’t want to answer them and even if I didn’t know what I did, I still felt bad ☹️ I blocked them like you said but I guess once I read it, it won’t go away I can’t forget (i hope this happens to me too when studying like reading it once is enough to remember 🙃)
I disabled the anon button in my ask box bc (ㆆ_ㆆ)
I wanted to keep this blog a positive place. Moreover, I decided to follow my sister's advice and just ignore the r00d anons I received this morning and sadly,,, it's taking me longer to get over it than I expected lol
also I wanted to address this: If you don't like my content, pls unfollow me. For the betterment of both of our mental health... just. Thanks
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ok hi hey i want to write a spidey thing. i want to write peter and i want it to be authentic to his character. and i know he is jewish and i am currently looking up and educating myself on jewish customs and also experiences but i want as many perspectives as i can get. absolutely feel free to ignore this if u want u dont owe me anything but!! how would i go about writing a real jewish character as a nonjewish person? i want to portray him not as a stereotype but as like. a real person u know. also specific questions i cant find an answer to curently is goy/im a word only jewish people use or can goyim call themselves a goy? are there specific ceremonies outside of the easily googleable widely known ones such as shiva/shabbat/yom kippur etc. that are common for current day jewish practices? how orthodox/strict do u think someone in his position would be? thank u so much!!!! i adore ur writing SO much ive only ever read starwars fic by u💓💓
sorry hey jewish peter anon here again. another question is do u have any reputabke sources on information about how to write jewish characters? additionally disabled characters? again i am doing my own research but im anxious i might believe misinformation or use outdated/malicious sources rip 🥲 thank u
So I’ve written a post about how I write Jewish Peter here.
For more in-depth questions, I would refer you to to Writing with Color.
When it comes to writing folks with disabilities, I look for sources created by folks with disabilities. The way that I write Matt Murdock has come from a mix of those sources and my experiences with friends/family/students/clients who have disabilities in my professional and personal life.
As for goy/goyim, I have literally never heard a gentile call themselves that in real life before.
I’ve seen people on tumblr do it (which is weird to me). But like, in actual, non-online spaces, I have only ever heard Jews or folks really close to Jews (like best friends or partners or academics or sometimes even folks who are considering converting) call others/themselves goyim/goy.
Idk why others using that phrase feels weird to me, maybe it doesn’t feel weird to other people (other Jewish folks please do weigh in), but if one of my colleagues or not-so-close friends came up and called themselves a goy to me I would be like, dude, just say you’re a gentile or not Jewish and move on.
When it comes to what Peter celebrates and has knowledge of, it’s hard because people are different levels of devout all over, and cultural and ethnic Judaism are things.
My Peters are a spectrum of Jewish, which I’ve talked about here.
I think if you are going to have your Peter be Jewish, you really need to pull back and think about the story you are writing and what role his religion/culture will play in it.
Example: my Peter in Pigeon and Crow is much more Jewish than others because he is caught in cycles of confusion, grief, and seeking community and closure, so religion is important for him in that context because it gives him a way of making meaning.
That is different from how my Peters in Into the Multiverse are most religious around holidays and when they are giving each other advice, because it is a common language for them.
These are both different from DFV Peter who feels disconnected from his religion and family because Ben, the Jewish person in his life, died without teaching him much about it. He connects to Judaism through cultural productions, specifically art.
But yeah. Honestly, if you’re anxious about researching, you might just want to enter that space with listening ears.
Anxiety comes sometimes from fear that you will be told you are doing something wrong.
Anxiety can be mediated by listening to the voices of people of certain identities and embracing their complexity alongside the fraught parts of their stories and struggles.
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"narcissistic abuse" is an ableist term actually. it literally isn't a thing, it's just abuse. people with npd are more likely to hurt themselves than they are to hurt other people, as with a lot of people with personality disorders, and making it out as if a mental disorder is the cause of abuse rather than the person who's dealing with said disorder being a terrible person and *choosing* to abuse people is not only detrimental to the people who suffer from the illness 1/2
but it's also detrimental to victims of abuse 2/2
ahh okay--i actually had no idea that the term was associated with a mental illness/disability. until now, i didn’t even know what npd was--so now i can totally see how that would be ableist to say that and just had no clue that anon was referencing a mental disability. if i knew that, i would’ve answered differently. thank you for letting me know and i’ll change the previous anon
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I promise that your not “not disabled enough” to apply for disability. Even if you have to try twice, you should definetly apply. Even just the chance that it might work out could make things less stressful. I really think it’s worth it to try and I wish you all the best in life and I hope things get better and just a little easier soon.
Anon, thank you for the validation. But even applying for disability is so complicated and expensive that I can't do it. I can't even get an application for food stamps approved, and those requirements are much less rigorous.
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To that non-white hetalia fan anon. Ok but I am a South Korean whose family has been affected by the Japanese colonization of South Korea. It’s not your place to tell me, especially since you didn’t even specify your race and even if you were Korean or Jewish your experience is not universal, and actual Jewish people, whose families have been directly affect by N*zi germany and anti-semitism, that we are wrong for expressing how harmful those representations are.
Also who cares if they portrayed Japan as backstabbing China? Did they address the Japanese imperialism? The s*xual abuse and cultural genocide they enforced on the countries they colonized? What about the fact that N*zi Germany murder millions of Jewish people, lgbtq, Romani, and disabled people? Just because they portrayed one bad moment doesn’t suddenly absolve them of trying to hide all the terrible, inhumane and amoral shit they did.
You may not be white but you sure as hell sound like one.
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As a non-binary person, dont you think you're taking this too far? I refuse to say anything hateful to you as you do not deserve it, but they identify as nonbinary and have for a while, and you dont have to have gender dysphoria or anything like that to be trans ( I say that as someone who does lol) so why cant they make a trans joke? it wasn't offensive in any way and didnt take away from the fact asra is nonbinary, but one thing, that I have to state, AS a POC trans creator, is that I dont support you going around telling people they have to make straight white cisgender ocs just cause they are, if they are educated on the topic and are not using harmful stereotypes about certain races or religions, they shouldn't be banned from that. That is extremely harmful to say and you probably should think before you type. Dont go around bashing people like a child for no actual reason at all.
You're on anon so i'm taking all your claims with a grain of salt but first of all i know you don't need dysphoria to be trans lmfao i never said anything about dysphoria i said the person in question is cis but uses they/them pronouns online because they like sounding "anonymous" which is something that has come out of her own mouth.
And no I don't believe cis people should be making jokes about trans people or their identities even if they are "harmless" in nature. It's disingenuous as fuck. I'm not making jokes about the black experience because I'm not black cis people shouldn't be making posts about the trans experience either point blank. they're commodifying transness for clout and it's not their fucking playground. And it applies to other groups as well. I'm sick of seeing able bodied people get their hogs cranked by this fandom for making amputation jokes or blindness jokes as well.
the problem is they're not educated on the topic though anon that's my point I'm sick of white cis able bodied people making brown trans disabled characters and getting hyped for the "representation" they provide in the fandom when all of their characters are microaggressions piled on top of each other. You can't provide representation for a group you're not apart of. Yes white cishet able bodied people can create diverse characters but there becomes a point where it's all performative because they can't do so without patting themselves on the back for renting other people's experiences. Until then they can stick to cishet abled whites!!!
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When you go into you’re settings and realize that, like n idiot, your anon asks are disabled
I don’t even know how that happened
I have the dumb, it’s terminal, as it causes near lethal doses of embarrassment on a daily basis
Anyway, asks are open always! As of now! I’m such a mess! good day everyone!
my harassment as part of the Bumbleby community
As some of you may know, recently I’ve had a BSer who decided to harass me through several media. It started on wordpress, at first I engaged, but it became clear soon enough they weren’t approaching me in good faith when they kept refusing to read the blog posts they were commenting on and linking me to things that I had debunked either in one of my posts (often that same one). I told them to go away, they didn’t. I started ignoring them, they used another email. I cut the social page and now the comments are automatically disabled after 14 days after publishing a blog post (which means none of my posts can be commented on). That person moved to tumblr. First as anon, then as private message, got blocked, anon using email, gets ignored, private message via other tumblr account.
When I asked why they were harassing me, they HAD THE FUCKING NERVE to ask me how refusing to go away after being told to multiple times and constantly finding a way to contact me, forcing me to even change settings in my blogs (which I had not done, not even when I received a comment saying they would be happy if I killed myself – because that sucks, but at least, when I ignored that “nice guy”, he went away) and contacting me after I blocked them was harassment.
Finally, it seems I finally got rid of the person (at least according to them. I really hope I’m not throwing the fireworks too early). I told them:
“Like I said in my answer to you, I've been trying to give you the benefit of the doubt because I thought you were a 12 year old who got too invested in a ship, but i seems that you've been harassing BBers for years now, which means you're at least in your mid to late teens, which is too old to be behaving like this”
They threw a hissy-fit saying “to be frank this will really be my final comment if I think of something else I want to say I will stop my self ) ( to be frank you were very condescending and treating me like a cihld who got too invested ( when to be frank it seems that you and other bb shippers saw evidence where there was none due to gettinginvested in the ship because its rep and find evidence where there was none and will probably be the type who in a ship war between a same sex ship verse a het ship will cry forced het and try to act like it was always the plan because they changed direction that its just that we didnt see it rather then you finding stuff where there was none and accusing people of being children/ heteronormative/homophobic for not seeing it ignoring or refusing to accept the many lgbt people who criticized bb and say its forced or were among the blacksun shippers"
So here’s your answer: assume they’re a 12 year old. To be fair, it’s pretty pathetic to be an adult to harass someone (especially for over a month) because of a ship that sunk YEARS ago. Even worse, to be an adult and not knowing that forcing people to talk to you after you repeatedly told them to go away and blocked them is harassment.
I’d say to contact me if you wanted their usernames, so you could block them too, but it seems this person doesn’t actually have an account. I checked the tumblr posts they linked me to, no one had liked or re-blogged them both. And one of the accounts I blocked doesn’t even exist anymore (which means reporting is useless too). It seems they just create accounts with the sole purpose of attacking BB shippers.
Just to end this, I want to address the LGBTQ+ people who criticized BB. So fucking what? I’ve never seen a ship, official or otherwise, with a 100% rate of approval. Of course, there are going to be LGBTQ+ people who don’t like BB. Like there are straight people who don’t like Arkos, Renora or BlackSun. Hey, I’m bi, I definitely don’t like BS and that isn’t incompatible with my sexual orientation. And I started disliking BS long before I shipped BB. It’s ridiculous to think BB needs to have 100% approval among the LGBTQ+ community to be valid or to think that the writers were always thinking of going that way. 100% approval is not a standard for any hetero ship (if there even is one; it certainly isn’t BS approval rating - not even among the straight males who are the bulk of that community) and the fact that someone is willing to use it to invalidate BB and the fact that the show has been hinting at it since the beginning is revealing and extremely dishonest. And this is to say nothing of the many straight people who thought BB was going to happen and like BB as it is.
Just remember: if a BSer starts harassing you, say something along the lines “I know you’re a 12 year old, but you should know harassing is wrong”. They will throw a tantrum, but hopefully leave you alone.
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(previous anon) oh no I agree with you! the ship sucks and Mikado sucks and he should feel bad. I just seriously thought it was luck.
oh!!!!! okay hello then!!!!! ur my beloved now /p /gen
real quick general disclaimer: hi!!! i have honest to god ptsd from my things being uploaded that impact my daily life! please just reach out to me if you believe anything i'm saying is harmful, if it's not harmful, please don't bully people on other platforms where they can't even say anything about it!
tw: discussion of ch4 post trial/mikado going “lmao ur disabled? cringeee- and u don't like it? CRINGEEEE 😂😂😂😂”
so! i went and rewatched the post trial, and i have to kinda agree with you? things are much more in the air than i remembered! however, while mikado doesn't explicitly say he fucked with the gun, he also doesn't explicitly say the gun jammed due to luck- just that he's “just a pawn to his luck” which we know to. not be true (as mikado is referring to the game as a whole, and we know that he played an active role in what happened) so! it's unclear whether or not mikado jammed the gun, or if it was just utsuros luck coming into play, but here's what we do know!
1) the gun was jammed likely after teruya stopped carrying it, so we can infer it's because nikei got his hands on it.
2) mikado was aware the gun was jammed, and didn't tell nikei not tpull the trigger because of what it'd to do nikei.
3) mikados a ugly ass bitch who viewed nikei as a pawn, laughed at his trauma (see: quotes regarding mikado laughing at nikei/joking about things resulting from w/e utsuro saved him from) and was entertained by nikeis reaction to being crippled
so!!! thank u for coming to tell me abt this /gen!!! it was good for me to go over and review so i could be sure i had my facts straight! i didn't review right before making that post because i wasn't expecting anyone to read/interact with it, but i'm glad u did, and that u informed me of this!
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you don't like ana because she is a woman of color, so you are misogynistic and racist.
wtf is going on today with these questions?
Read me dear Anon, I am none of those things and I am going to explain it to you.
I don't like Ana, that's a fact and I'm not going to deny it, the reason I don't like her goes way beyond whether she's in between Buck and Eddie. I don't like her character because of how she was written. She is a teacher who is supposed to work with children with disabilities, she knows how to treat and support them. An educator should not be putting limits on a student or saying they can't do things, that goes beyond her role as a teacher. I work with children with disabilities and I would never say something like that to a child or their family. When we work with children with disabilities, we adapt the environment so that the child can develop without limitations, we do not make the child adapt to the world around him, because even though there are more spaces for children and people with disabilities, more should be done for them.
I also don't like that she said so lightly that Chris is a sensitive child, of course he is, he has been through many things, obviously he will have certain doubts or problems.
I don't like her fake Latin accent, I don't like her vibe, etc.
I don't like her, I don't like the actress, so I have the right to say what bothers me when it's right.
That I don't like her has nothing to do with her being a woman or a woman of color, not because she is a woman I have to support everything she says or does.
I have always said that when there is slow burn obviously Buck and Eddie would have other partners before they ended up together, but that doesn't mean I have to put up with such a terrible character.
I'm sick to death of this crap.
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I was going to confess my sins private but you won't let my ass anonymously send you shit ¬_¬ STILL MY SINS SHALL BE CLENSNEWNNWASNED for the wORLD TO SEE. I still and probably will forever read your username as 'glowupunderthemoon' and my other sin is that I laugh like a lunatic every time I read it and see it. Okay... I feel much better now xoxoxoxox
Yeah, I disabled the anon feature fam. And I forgot I disabled it, so here we are. ¬_¬
Although, even if you had the option to anonymously send me stuff, I'd of still known it was you... because:
YES, CONFESS YOUR SINS TO ME LASS.
It HAUNTS me that you still see my url as glowUPunderthemoon, when it's missing the word UP but. That's not even the worst part. The worst part is:
Because of you incessantly drilling glowUPunderthemoon to me I've now started typing glowUPunderthemoon on certain things on tumblr and I'm like, "no, wait, that's not right?" And then I go back and I find I've written MY OWN URL WRONG and I hate your ass for it because it's an instinct thing now. 🤦🏻♀️
However, I'm glad your dumbass feels much better now for admitting that. 😂😂
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As a disabled person, I really hope all/a lot of the changes that have been made stick around too. I’ve still got to be really careful about going out in public according to my doctor, so unfortunately there is no real re-entry into life for me yet despite getting vaccinated. Even ignoring that, many of the changes have made daily life easier for me (curbside pickup is a lifesaver for fatigue) and hope they won’t be going away just because a lot of people are easing back into normal life. I appreciate your EB posts very much! It takes me a long time to get through them and I can’t always dedicate the energy, so I enjoy being able to get a quick rundown of them from you. You don’t even have to post this. I just wanted you to know. 💕
It’s definitely complicated: reflecting on all of these accommodations that have sprung up in the past year+. From virtual events, curbside pickup, remote learning/employment.. Things that have always been desirable to some folks. But only now have been given priority and taken seriously. I’m hopeful that some/all will remain in place!
Thanks for sharing your experience, anon! So valuable to have your perspective ❤️🧡
And I’m glad my EB posts are helpful! Feel free to reach out by Ask or DM (I’m approachable, I swear!) if you ever would like more detail on something I’ve mentioned in an EB post, or something that you are reading about, but you don’t have the time or energy to listen yourself. Even if I haven’t made a post about the episode, there’s a very good chance I’ve listened: EB is probably my favorite content of theirs, so it is never ‘bothering’ me to discuss!
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So uh- this is A Lot, just a warning, feel free to ignore it completely if you don't have the spoons to read it because it's a whole entire essay but... I just wanna say - this whole Felix/Creature discourse has me upset too. Ever since I first read the book I saw so much of myself in the creature, at the very least in the sense of how innocent he was and how he saw the world as this beautiful incredible place but how humanity nearly ruined it for him all because he didn't fit their idea of 'human' or normal. TW for some mention of family issues/abuse among other things - but I have dealt with hatred and intolerance and abuse from practically everyone I've come across, including my own family.
I am not attractive, I am overweight, I am disabled, I am neurodivergent, I am trans, I am gay, I am grayace, I am Jewish (and look like the "stereotypical jewish person" so I can't even hide that part of myself) - I literally am what far too many people would consider a "filthy mass that moves and talks" to quote Victor about the creature. I can count on one hand how many people have actually shown me genuine kindness. I have stood where the creature stood in so many instances - practically the entire first three-quarters of my life - and I'm going to be completely honest, for some of that time, I was really in such a bad place mentally and so full of hatred and also (much like him) clinging to media that glorified revenge that given the chance to do so, I probably would have gone down a similar path as he did. And I am so, so *so* thankful for the people who wound up coming into my life and showing me that not every person is horrible, and that even if most people hate me or want absolutely nothing to do with me, I can still live and love for the beauty of the natural world around me and for those that are kind, as well as for showing me that violence and revenge gets a person nowhere except to dig themselves deeper into self hatred and despair. If it weren't for those people, I don't know where I would be, but it certainly wouldn't be a good place physically or mentally.
Creature never got the chance to have that person or people in his life and genuinely every time I think about that, I can't help but cry about it and want to be that person for him. To hear people say that they would have immediately resorted to hatred and violence toward him before he even did anything wrong makes me think of how so many people have treated me and it genuinely infuriates me. Yes, nobody owes anyone kindness or attention, but that doesn't mean it's ok to treat others with pure hatred and malice. What everyone is owed is some sense of decency and respect so long as you have no reason to believe them to be malicious (aka not a nazi, not a terf, etc.) - even if all that means is ignoring a person if you have nothing nice to say to them, or if it means calmly removing yourself from their presence, or if it means trying to politely ask them to leave/leave you alone.
And like. I'm not necessarily a creature apologist - I definitely don't think his violence was excusable because frankly no violence is excusable unless it's against nazis/terfs/etc lmao. But at the same time I feel like I'm allowed to see my own experiences in his, and that I'm allowed to feel sorry that he was never able to get the help he needed to make the changes he needed to make in his life, and that I am also allowed to be angry at the characters that ultimately convinced/pushed him to become the monster he became through their actions (and I know there's some nuance to that last part too but at this point this is way too long so I won't get into it).
Sorry I know this is a lot but I felt like I needed to say it somehow and was too afraid to post it myself - and also just know, I'm very much on your side about all this (I think).
THIS Is genuinely so sad Anon, and it’s not a lot, it’s so brave and amazing of you to share your story with me, I appreciate it more then you know.
I definitely relate to nearly all you said- I’m lgbt and fat and having very crooked teeth (and other things but I don’t want to get too into it) traditional things people consider “ugly” (even if its just not true), which are the main reasons I got picked on in school. It affected me very deeply, and yes, I could see myself in creature at times, and even wrote about it once for school (mainly the lgbt part). Though violence is usually never justified and i’m no creature apologist- I can at least see where he was coming from at times.
The fact that anons were implying they’d kill someone, or harm them just because they were ugly, as someone with features considered ugly and who has been definitely told it constantly- it scared me. It made me feel bad. It made me stare in the mirror for several minutes and just. Get close to crying. I know nobody meant it that way- but The Creature is an allegory for those society rejects and turns away because they’re seen as “different” which can mean just about all the things that I was.
I don’t think gothic lit fandom people realize sometimes that their words can genuinely be hurtful sometimes, even unintentionally. YES the creature is rotting corpses but we can look deeper then that. We can think critically. Like just think about what you’re saying “he’s scary. kill.”
Making entire essays about why the creature is ugly actually and we’re all being silly is just strange. I was talking more about on a metaphorical level, that everyone was proving the point of the story by claiming he was ugly and that they would kill him and commit violence upon him. Besides I doubt the creature was rotting- he had a beating heart and was semi alive, therefore he wouldn’t be scientifically speaking.
Anon, you’re beautiful, genuinely, and I can tell that just from what you’ve said here. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, you’re amazing. Genuinely. Thank you so much. Genuinely thank you, i’m crying right now.
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ok part 7 anon #192939584 (dont feel pressured to answer esp if the alternative is watching molcar <- much more important) but I truly feel like araki cant let jojo get to good ever. like i truly do love part 4 & 6 (characters/setting/story/fights etc.) but there is stuff in there that's so bad....I can't rec even the best parts of jojo in good conscience-_- and part 7 follows this to a t: johnny has so much potential esp as a disabled character in the action genre but araki manages to ruin that too in the end:/ other low points imo are all the Lucy stuff, predatory lesbian once more & the 1 native character w a storyline so bad it honestly rivals the way racism is treated in part 6
YEAH i really feel you wrt not really being comfortable recommending jojo to anyone. i would say part 4 is the best part at least by those terms because like. the worst of it at least feels consistent with the horror theme. like i’m not upset about the inclusion of sensitive topics as long as it’s not glamorized and overdone and insensitive. kira is pretty sickening, he made me feel genuinely deeply and viscerally uncomfortable in a way no other jojo character does, but that’s exactly why he’s one of if not The most effective villain in the series (though personally i like pucci better as a character). i would feel the need to warn for certain aspects but i would say it is for the most part in a “this work contains themes that might be unsuitable for some” way and not an “araki fucked up big time yet again” way. this is not to say part 4 is a sparkling example of flawless media, it absolutely is not, and there are things that are just flat out in poor taste, but it’s probably the best araki’s writing ever got in that regard, anyway.
but. man. that’s the thing like the bad stuff in part 7 is just layer upon layer upon layer because going from shounen to seinen meant araki could get away with a lot more and i am not sure if it’s stuff i’d be comfortable having to wade through to get to the good parts. i would have to read it to be sure i suppose
i have a few more asks about this but i don’t think i’m going to answer any more tonight, sorry, i just don’t want to turn this into a whole hours-long blog topic
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i’m pretty sure the “ableism” anon is talking about was that dream said retard isn’t a slur and that it’s fine for anyone to say. which like 😬 but also dream has a learning disability so 🤷♂️
i feel like knowing when he said it is important, since hes changed a LOT from how he used to be a few years ago. hes said a lot of things hes apologized for, and has been working towards becoming a better person.
also dream isnt ALL of mcyt, enjoying minecraft content creators outside of dream doesnt mean you like... support ableism (not that itd mean that even if you like dream tbf)
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jesus fuck almighty i’m BEGGING other anons to know what critical analysis is. All Flights Suck if you look into them, just acknowledge there’s some bad shit present and carry on. You can still enjoy plague or whatever flight you want without having to worry if you’re going to be canceled over a flight 10k other people are in.
(As a side note, as a disabled person i feel plague lore is just kinda a “everything is made out of rotten meat and you will get sick” thing, so i feel like there could be whole clans of disabled dragons due to that. fuck it. give me a mirror who lost an arm to the plague and replaced it with a cleaver. give me chronically ill doctor that makes potions filled with bacterial strains to fight with instead of magic. that’s cool, that’s plague-y.)
Just like. Don’t be weird with your lore?? Actual drama but the other day i saw someone using their plague clan as an excuse to write a more convoluted version of “these asian dragons are all violent disease vectors and i can confirm all chinese deities are bloodthirsty even though i’m french oOoOooOO” (exaggerating the quotes) like god shut up you freak
TLDR: all flights are bad, just use critical thinking to analyze what’s going on, and don’t be weird with your lore. you can have a plague lair filled with disabled dragons and be fine as long as you’re critical of the bad parts of lore and arent being a freak with said lore.
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℧: a damp towel against flushed, feverish skin ≈: medicine
Hey Anons, looks like you had the same thoughts with this one. This one needed attention and probably a bit more editing but it seemed to be an easy write (and ended up waay longer than I thought)! I hope you both enjoy. Warnings for medical interventions and general hurt/comfort.
“Her suffering was her armour. Gradually it became her skin. Then she could not take it off.”
(Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?)
“I didn’t know.” Steve reaches across and pulls the blanket a little higher.
“Nobody knew.” Tony assures him.
Steve doesn’t take his eyes off the rise and fall of Natasha’s chest.
“Clint would have known.” He reasons.
“Yeah well, Clint’s not here.” Tony looks at his phone, double checking what he already knows, anticipating Steve’s next question.
“Should we be worried?” He asks predictably.
“No. He’s deep cover. He’s checked in, and I double checked the money trail to make sure he’s safe.” Tony has made sure, as soon as Natasha was admitted, there’s no way he’s coming home anytime soon; they’re alone.
“I didn’t know.”
“Steve. Stop. No body knew.” Tony thinks he should have known.
“How long do you think she’s been like this?” Tony hadn't noticed anything. They’d had dinner together the night before, ordering take out and watching Oceans Eleven.
“This sick?” He wonders. He really does. How had he not known anything? Picked up on anything.
“Yeah? Feeling this horrible? How did we not notice? Why didn’t she say anything?” Steve can’t comprehend not saying something when you’re feeling really bad, he always had to tell his Ma when he was struggling, she wanted to know, wanted to help. Even when they couldn’t afford medicine, she always had some trick up her sleeve to make him feel better.
“She never says anything.” Tony is angry at her for that. She wouldn’t be here, laying in a hospital bed, she would sitting on the kitchen bench making jokes whilst Steve cooked and Tony pottered around.
“I just.. When I found her in the bathroom, not moving, I didn’t know what to do.” Steve looks haunted. He’d yelled. Tony had heard his screams for help that’d been backed by Jarvis raising alarms; calling the doctor, and directing Steve to the infirmary.
“Thank goodness you did.” What if you didn’t is the question left unsaid.
“Why didn’t Jarvis say anything?” Steve wonders aloud.
Tony sighs. “Natasha has disabled Jarvis from tracking her movements, so when she stopped moving, no-one knew. If you hadn’t gone in..” he leaves the question.
The doctor had informed them of the inevitability of death, if Steve hadn’t found her.
The sit and watch her together, quietness falls over them.
“How do you even get sepsis?” Steve whispers.
“It’s septic shock.” Tony corrects. “The doctor said, it’s the cut on her back, it was infected.”
Steve frowns. “She didn’t know?”
“She didn’t have anyone checking up on her. They just stitched it and let her go.” Tony thinks she did know that something wrong, but hadn’t wanted to say anything. Felt herself getting worse but thought.. Who knows.
Steve looks over to him. “But that was three days ago?” They'd known, but not apparently the extent.
“The blade she was slashed with must have…”
Steve cuts him off; “Slashed? I thought it was a small cut? She said it was nothing.”
“It’s Natasha. She down plays everything.”
Frowning, Steve looks over to Natasha’s prone form. “Was she.. Was she in any pain?”
“Probably.” Tony shrugs. The answer was most definitely yes.
Steve looks to the door and then back again. “What did the doctor say?”
“Septic shock.” Tony moves his chair closer, leaning on the bed. If she was awake, she’d tell him to get out of her face. “She probably would have been having difficulty breathing, and low blood pressure. The doctor.. She asked if Natasha had any mental changes..”
He’d been worried when the doctor had mentioned it, had seen Natasha battling demons in her head, but Clint had always been able to pick it, always been able to get her out of her head or at the very least contain her thoughts.
He’d had no idea.
“What does that mean?” And clearly Steve hadn’t either.
“Like delirium, or seeing things, disoriented, I guess?” Tony rubs his face, glances at the time.
“I caught her staring into space a couple of times.. I just thought she was tired..” Steve confesses.
It’s all Tony had noticed too. Wonders if Clint would have known anything different.
“Yeah me too.. I didn’t want to say anything, she just kind of shuddered and left the room, when she caught me looking at her.”
It’s Steve’s turn to huff. “How would we know?”
Steve grips her hand without the IV tighter.
“Natasha,” he admonishes, “you need to start telling us things.”
“Is she going to be ok?” He questions, looking Tony directly in the eyes.
Tony shrugs. “I think so. She’s on the highest antibiotics going though her system, pain killers and fluids; needs to keep the oxygen mask on to keep her breathing easy.”
“When did they say she’d wake up?”
“They don’t know. When she’s ready?”
“I hate this.” Steve says almost spitting.
“Me too.” Tony says, quietly.
“Clint would know what to do.”
Tony nods at Steve’s statement. “Thanks for being here.”
Steve looks over again. “It’s Natasha. Where else would I be?”
“I know. But. Thanks.” Tony turns his attention to his friend. “Will you stay?” he asks Steve hesitantly.
“Of course.” Comes the reply without hesitation.
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Posting this as a means of admitting my feelings about current fandom affairs. Sorry if I sound like an asshole but I'm at my wit's end.
There has been a shift in the fandom space and the canon happenings that affected me and my fanfiction writing for the past 2 years or so. I won't mention names or point fingers since it will just backfire on me like always. Not like I have any power or group of friends to defend my already wrecked fandom reputation. I'm unable to join new groups or make new friends in the fandom because people think so negatively of me.
Due to anonymous hate I keep getting on particular elements I write in my stories, I disabled all comments on my Gorillaz fanfics on AO3. I'm tired of trying to argue with people who just automatically hate me. These anonymous users don't even care what stories they post their hate on, as long as I see it.
I'm literally making free content, hoping Russel fans like me will be happy to finally see work for him, but get told to rewrite my whole story because "there are many times it didn't make sense" and "some chapters made me uncomfortable". No constructive criticism. No pointing out what I did wrong. Just "Change your story because I said so!" I've been working on this story for YEARS and this is way I get. Passive aggressive anons who can mock my writing and my race because of some opinions I hold. (Because lord knows being nice to people regardless of skin color is such a bad take now).
I'm still writing my fanfics but my hand is being forced to leave the fandom all together. I'm really unappreciated and unwanted, thought I'm kinda the only writer who writes fanfics with Russel as the main protagonist, and I don't care if people think I'm tooting my own horn. I literally carrying the Russel fanbase with my fanfics when I do post. That's why I write my stories, for people like me who love Russel and are tired of him getting bread crumbs compared to the others. But I'm not the correct writer to do this so I get ignored. The only interaction I get is anon hate because I have an opinion that someone disagrees with or have a question on my blog that someone thinks it's just hate on a minority group (which it wasn't. It was a simple question that came from a place of confusion).
Right now, the stories I'm completing are:
Padded Feet and Drumbeats
Sanity Not Included
Dead Man Walking
The Giant Who Came to Beach City
By The Hands of the Ticking Clock
Unnamed Pokemon/Gorillaz fanfic
When those are finished, I'm not sure what I want to do afterwards. I don't have a place in the fandom anymore. I can't listen to Gorillaz without getting PTSD induced anxiety, all my friends left me, and no one really cares about my stories. Maybe I'll delete them all in the end. Who knows. The future is uncertain as always.
Sorry for rambling for so long, if you made it this far in the post. I'm sorry I can't give the fandom more but it's just all a popularity contest in which I'm the loser in and the other contenders are pushing me off the stage.
Well, that's it. I don't have anything else to say.
Again, sorry. I just wanted to make people happy with my stories but I ultimately failed in the end.
Until some other time,
(Cross posted from the Amino App)
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The fake fan account using and pretending to be echelon run by fakery herself, @thirtysecondstomarslove on ig, that recently made herself a self promo post playing the victim and ofc linking her sorry ugly ass to JL disabled the comments when people started to call them Putinas out for making fake accounts using the echelon to play the victim and pretend using JL, and also calling her out on her JL lies and all her lies, also stating that mars or JL real fanbase don’t even mention her for good of bad, once again their desperate bad actions made evident by themselves, they used the same manip set pic that came out on their fake paid for bullshit articles, btw fakery you look like a retard in that pic.
Also @elon.vayner on ig is a fake account created and run by fakery herself to link herself to JL, it was created on 28 March 2021, and recently posted this ridiculous bullshit calling herself a VictoriaS models LMAO, with an old pic from one of their pathetic PR stunts:
"jl the inspiring rock star with Victoria Secret model from Russia🇷🇺 uglery fraudufman"
Both these fake accounts tag fakery and have bought likes and fake followers. These Putinas are pathetic faker pretenders users and desperate pieces of shit losers, they imagine their evident manipulation will keep their making-money lies rolling, this only sinks them and exposes them more and we see and know.
Anon you need to chill with these harebrained conspiracy theories already.