IIt’s a crazy bold move for Matt Johnson to play pretty much the same character as the one he plays in Nirvanna the Band the Show (which in turn is based on himself) in The Dirties, a movie where he plays a SCHOOL SHOOTER.
TBH I ended up relating a lot to Matt’s character, so much so that I ended up frantically searching up if my thought patterns are “normal” (at one point in the film Owen admonishes Matt for “always acting” and “always being conscious of yourself” and that’s like the curse afflicted by autism masking innit?). But relating to the characters even though you know they’re gonna commit unspeakable violence is kinda the point of the movie, yeah? It maps pretty closely to a classical tragedy, doesn’t it? The whole thinking to myself “He isn’t really gonna do it! He can’t! He’s too much like me! He’ll get help!” but he does do it, and I knew he would because I read the blurb of the movie.
I guess there is something to be said about how autistic traits are often used as shorthand for someone being creepy, violent, or dangerous. Always “acting,” socially isolated, unable to connect with peers, only communicating with others through the lens of an “obsession,” strange body language, dressing strangely, being socially and developmentally “behind” their peers…
During my school days the shy quiet kids that did nothing but get their work done and go home were often called ‘school shooters’ behind their backs. It's a strange feeling knowing that people would probably say the same thing about me if only I fit the profile a bit better.
Something else about the movie obsession as well and wanting to make a movie that is “real” speaks to me as well.
Well first that is another bit of strange self awareness by the director. Matt Johnson has said that early in his career he only wanted to film “real life” because people who do not know they are being filmed make the best actors. That’s why many of his projects use the real reactions of the public and loose scripts for characters to fill with improv! Maybe if he was more fucked up he would be more like Matt (the character)....
(Of course we could probably sit here and name many directors who turned abusive on set to capture “realness,” though none of them used the public!)
It’s easy why as a kid I picked up what was shown in movies and TV as being the “ideal.” I guess that’s normal, how things are portrayed in movies is an endless discussion that affects how people think. People like to romanticize their life as if it was a movie. But it’s different for me in some ways, most people don’t take movies and TV as gospel on how to communicate with other people. It’s one of the questions on the CAT-Q after all. Once in high school, I said about some event (don’t remember what) happening “feeling just like it does in high schools on TV.” My friend gave me a funny look and asked what I meant by that.
At the bonfire Matt describes his “cake plan” to a girl with a tone best described as “oblivious to her disinterest.” The girl responds that it’s probably not a good idea, it’s too over the top and it’s something that would happen in a movie, it wouldn’t work in real life. Matt responds with “Yeah, but what happens in movies works…”
Zooming out a bit I think there is something to be said about many Matt characters (the Dirties, NTBTS, Matt and Bird Break Loose, and Operation Avalanche to an extent) relying heavily on “plans.” Matt in the Dirties helps Owen concoct plans in order to win over Chrissy, and writes down a shooting schedule in much more detail than is probably expected for a school project. (I think Matt’s plans for Owen are supposed to be a parallel to the type of thorough planning needed for making movies, which is a bit ironic considering the loose improved shooting of the ACTUAL movie). Matt in NTBTS is constantly making plans in order to get a show at the Rivoli and often gets frustrated with Jay when he doesn’t follow through with plans or tries to change them halfway. This culminates in a scene in the final episode in season 2 where, stuck on a roof, Matt uses spray paint to write out a new numbered plan on a wall (a plan that only involves breaking the AC unit and then waiting for the repair person to arrive to sneak out the locked door). Almost as if he can’t possibly keep a plan straight in his head without it being concretely written down. When I opened commissions for the first time last summer I was so stressed that I wrote a detailed planning sheet in order to predict how every interaction would go. Only by writing it down did this plan feel real.
But going back through some interviews I was surprised to learn how much Matt Johnson (the character in the Dirties) is based on Matt Johnson’s (the director) actual experience in high school (the sweatpants story was real!!). I guess it’s just weird to watch a movie that is empathetic towards the school shooter (while still accurately capturing the horror of violence)! One of things that inspired him to make this movie was how ascribing “evil” to someone ends conversations, strips people of their humanity. It’s scary to think about how anyone is theoretically capable of doing this, how it could be us as well. It’s not uncommon for autism (or previously aspergers) to be pointed at by the news media as a “reason” for why people do these things.
Towards the end of the film Matt reads the definition of a psychopath from Dave Cullen’s Columbine book. (Paraphrasing here) Emotions, body language, facial expressions, and voice modulations can all be mimicked on cue. His life is a con, a personality fabricated with the purpose of deceiving people. Matt turns to Owen and asks him if that reminds him of anyone.
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I saw your tags about how you think Vio is not heroic when he tells Shadow why he IS a hero, and now the idea will not leave my brain. You are so correct. This is the best understanding of Vio's actions that I have ever seen.
YEAYEAHYEAHYRAH . OH MY GOD . the whole fucking speech about heroism and then they all blast shadow to bits or whatever. oh my god. its such a . brutal contrast to me.
"but as a hero, i never strayed from my hopes and my goals" oh my god VIO. VIO.VIO CRUSHING HIM IN MY FUCKING HANDS. YOURE DEFINING THIS AS AN IMMUTIBLE TRAIT . SOMETHING YOURE BORN AS . RATHER THAN A COLLECTION OF ACTIONS OF MORALS . AS IF CHANGE IN THE FACE OF CONTEXT IS NONHEROIC. WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHADOW PROVES ***WRONG*** LATER. i love violet link. i love his flaws. im actually shaking him around. BLOOD. i love how vio is flat and unmoving in his belief here, and shadow is angry and hurt and visibly emotional, and shadow still gets to be in the right!!! even though he was deeply flawed and handled everything very messily, (and also BECAUSE shadow handles things emotionally) he changes his actions! and proves himsrlf a hero!!!!!!explo
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y'know that classic, gorgeous scenario where eliot gets Some Sort Of Injury and can't easily shave/wash his hair/etc for a while, so hardison and parker convince him they can help and he melts into it and it's all very intricate rituals and intimacy and vulnerability?
#quinn hair is like eliot hair (soft; looks braidable) but FORBIDDEN #touch on pain of maiming etc [via @darkfinch, here]
thanks to these tags I'm now thinking of a quinn who gets The Nonspecific Hand And/Or Arm Injury and, upon figuring out how long it's going to take to heal and finding a suitable pause in the job, just nods to himself and asks eliot for help and both of them disappear into the bathroom, and the others figure eliot's just helping him get it clean—
—only they emerge half an hour later with eliot looking resigned and quinn with a buzzed head, funky scalp scars on display like it's not a big deal. sophie just stares at hardison like did you know they were going to do that? and hardison gives a helpless and slightly terrified shrug, and they carefully don't mention it. even if sophie has to stamp on nate's foot to keep him from commenting when he turns up.
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You describe a belly as pale because it didn't occur to you that the community has lots of people who don't look like you.
I describe a belly as pale because I am fetishizing white people.
We are not the same
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Actually, one of my 3-4 Main Complaints with DPA (which I'm overall very fond of) is this whole Mass Guilt of the characters who were at or aware of the contents of Reinhardt’s Public Interrogation in Chapter 446-447. Like, if someone has been lying to you for over a year, you probably cannot trust them! It’s not weird to say, "Hey, this guy is the leader of our probable enemies. It would be highly dangerous and negligent to listen to him without any suspicion." Should they have at least listened to him? Yes, but if bank robbers kill their hostages because you didn't arrange a getaway car for them, it's still predominantly the bank robbers fault, even if the leader of the bank robbers wasn't on board with the robbery in the first place.
It's so strange to argue that every single main character that didn’t side with Reinhardt is feeling unimaginable guilt and (in their eyes) are the absolute worst for not trusting someone who, frankly, did not trust them with the truth, even if that mistrust was justified. Leaving your entire life and endangering your family is so much weirder and arguably less justifiable than not trusting someone whose father you killed and whose kingdom you destroyed.
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story update
hello friends, i haven't done a story status update in a while, but i figured it was time to do so because everything the stars promised is pretty much on semi-hiatus for the time being!
i say semi-hiatus because it's not really on pause, but updates will be quite slow for the rest of the year while i'm busy with college work. time is limited, and i have to focus my attention elsewhere.
also, i find it hard to carve out the time to make story posts because tbh engagement here on simblr has been really low lately, and notes on my current story posts are significantly lower than on older story posts and other types of content. i don't care about notes, but i don't really get asks or comments or any kind of more useful engagement beyond a handful of likes, so i can't gauge if people read the story or care about it at all. so making the story, though i am passionate about it, feels like a colossal waste of my energy right now.
so semi-hiatus it is. if there are updates, they will either be sporadic or delayed to make a longer queue.
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