EXT. CAMP, NIGHT
The armies of Rohan have made camp for the night, journeying towards Minas Tirith to lend aid to Gondor. A campfire burns outside a tent. LEGOLAS and GIMLI are sat by the flames.
The hour grows late. Yet Aragorn has not returned.
Let him be, laddie. He has company to keep far more pleasant than yours or mine.
You speak as though you know a secret.
Secret? Ha! ‘Tis no secret that his stride often leads him to stand by Lady Eowyn. And why shouldn’t he? She’s a good match for him. Spirited, strong, humorous. They’ll make a fine pair.
Mind your words; they are false! What of Lady Arwen?!
Arwen, daughter of Elrond! Long have she and Aragorn held an understanding!
Oh, bah! 'Understandings,' a trifle of the past! You said yourself she's sailing away, off to the undying lands with all the rest of the elves.
I said 'mayhaps,' nothing is definite!
What's definite is that the lad could stand to find some happiness, and the same goes for Eowyn! They are good for each other, and I don't want their chances ruined by the ethereal and easily forgotten promises of a ghost in the night!
Lady Arwen does not forget her promises! And neither would Aragorn! They have found a love that surpasses the length of time, that knows not the borders of land nor sea!
She is leaving him to vanish to a mystical island!
Her heart will carry his memory unto the end of days!
GREAT LOT OF GOOD THAT DOES FOR HIM NOW!
Elsewhere in the Camp stands ARAGORN, who is working with the shieldmaiden EOWYN, the two handing out blankets to the soldiers. The sounds of distant fighting begin to carry over on the wind.
Does that not sound like Gimli? I think I can hear the voice of Legolas as well. (AT THE SOUND OF A LOUD CRASH) I wonder, what has happened?
Who can tell? Another lover's quarrel...
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My favorite Friends scene but as Lotr
I present to you, Humans vs Elves, the quiz, with mah girl Tilda as the quiz leader
Tilda: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team to answer the most questions, wins
Tilda: The categories are Fear and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and It’s All Relative
Tilda: Now, as a human raised by elves I can provide an unbiased judgement, but not everything is fair so I’m just gonna say that Éowyn and Aragorn will start
Arwen: What why?
Tilda: I don’t know, I just feel like messing with Princess, anyways give me a category
Aragon: Fears and Pet Peeves
Tilda, taking a card from the Fears and Let Peeves pile: What is Arwen’s biggest pet peeve?
Éowyn: Hair hanging in front of someone’s face
Tilda: That is correct
Arwen: Same category!
Tilda, taking another card: According to Aragon, what phenomenon scares the hell out of him?
Éowyn to Aragorn: Dude what?
Aragorn: Their legs flail about as if independent from their body!
Tilda: Guys your pick
Èowyn: It’s all relative
Tilda, grabbing a card: Legolas and me has a brother who recently had a child that you’ve both met, what is the name of the child?
Éowyn: Uh, Brand!
Aragorn: Brand?! What are you doing?!
Éowyn: I took a shot!
Aragorn: You’re shooting with Brand?!
Tilda: Brand is correct
Aragorn: Nice shooting!
Legolas: We’ll take literature!
Tilda: What is Aragorns official title in the southeast village of Erdathrat?
Legolas: Oh! His title is Aragorn of Gondor!
Tilda: I’m afraid his title is Argonor of Gonrod
Arwen: I knew that!
Arwen: Legolas! Use your head!
Aragorn: Actually it’s Queen Argonor of Gonrod
Tilda: Alright, the score is nine to eight in favor of the humans, elves of you miss this the game is theirs, pick your category
Legolas: It’s all relative!!!
Tilda, taken back: You don’t have to shout everything
Legolas: I’m sorry!!!
Tilda, picking up a card: What is the name Éowyn uses when she disguises herself as a man?
Éowyn: How do you know that?
Arwen: You are very bad at acting
Tilda: Dernhelm is correct
Tilda: But now we have a tie, and luckily I have prepared for such an occasion
Tilda, pulling out a bunch more cards from her pocket: The lightning round!
Tilda: Thirty seconds, all the questions you can answer
Arwen: You two are dead! I’m so good at lighting rounds!
Éowyn: Oh yeah? I majored in lightning rounds!
Éowyn: We’re gonna destroy you
Arwen: Wanna bet?!
Éowyn: I’m so confused of what we’ve been doing so far
Arwen: How about we raise the stakes a little? Say, one hundred and fifty?
Tilda, dramatically behind her: One hundred and fifty castar
Èowyn: Say, two hundred?
Tilda, still very dramatically: Two hundred castar
Legolas: Stop doing that
Legolas: Arwen I don’t want to loose two hundred castar
Arwen: We won’t!
Arwen: Three hundred!
Arwen: I’m just trying to spice it up!
Legolas: Well add some paprika or something, but stop spending my money!
Arwen: Wait, I got it!
Arwen: How about if we win, you two have to take at least three baths per week!
Legolas: Ooooh, that’s interesting
Aragorn: Hey no way, that’s just a waste of time
Arwen: It’s basic hygiene!
Aragorn: Some of us have more impor-
Éowyn: Alright hold on!
Éowyn: If you win, we’ll start doing your hygiene thing
Éowyn: But if we win, you two have to limit yourselves to three baths per week
Legolas: Well there’s no way we’re-
Arwen, taking Éowyn’s hand: Deal!
[More time skip]
Legolas from off to the side: Arwen, I don’t think I could handle something like that, why would you agree to it?!
Arwen: Legolas, I have not missed one question the whole game, I own this game!
Arwen, holding up her hand: Look at my hand
Legolas: Yeah your skin is amazing, but it wouldn’t be like that if we only bathed thrice a week!
Arwen: No, I mean they’re steady as a rock! Now are you with me?!
Legolas: ...Alright let’s do it!
Tilda: Alright humans, you’re up first!
Tilda: You have thirty seconds to answer as many questions as you can
Tilda: The lightning round begins...now!
Tilda: What does Sigrid call Legolas?
Éowyn: Every name except his own
Tilda: Arwen claims this is her favorite story
Aragorn: Beren and Lúthien
Tilda: Correct, her actual favorite story is...?
Aragorn: The children of Húrin
Tilda: Correct, Legolas had a pet as an elfling who died, what was that pet?
Éowyn: Uhhh, a warg?
Tilda: What? No!
Tilda: A chameleon
Tilda: Arwen categorizes her towels, how many categories are there?
Éowyn: Everyday use
Aragorn: Fancy Guests
Tilda: Two seconds
Éowyn: Uhhhh, eleven?!
Tilda: Eleven, unbelievable, eleven is correct!
Éowyn: Fuck yeah!
Tilda: Alright, that’s four for the humans, Elves you’re up!
Legolas: Alright come on!
Tilda: Thirty seconds on the clock, five correct questions wins the game, the lightning round begins...now
Tilda: What is Aragorn’s favorite animal?
Tilda: Correct, Éowyn was how old when she first killed a man?
Tilda: No fourteen
Tilda: Aragorn had an imaginary childhood friend, her name was...?
Tilda: Correct, her profession was...?
Tilda: Correct, what is Éowyn’s official title?
Éowyn: Wait really?!
Legolas: Oh wait, it has something to do with Rohan
Arwen: And it’s kinda regal
Legolas: Is it like horse related?
Tilda: Ten seconds, you need this or you loose the game!
Arwen: It uh, it has something to do with shields
Legolas: Oh uh, she’s the shielder of Rohan!!
Arwen: THAT’S NOT EVEN A THING!
Tilda: And that’s time!
Aragorn and Éowyn: YESSSSSS!!!
Ugh this was exhausting
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