Me: Is that a SHIELD agent I see?
SHIELD agent: *Puts on glasses*
Me: Nevermind, my apologies random civilian.
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Mack: I can't imagine what Daisy is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.
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Fitz: Is it really paranoia if the universe keeps proving me right??
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Deke: *holding a python* Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him?
Fitz: You did WHAT-
Tony: William Snakepeare.
Steve: We need to get through this locked door. Tony, give you your credit card.
Tony: Here.
Steve: *pockets card* Thanks. Bucky, kick down the door.
Deke: Hey, Fitz? Can I get some dating advice?
Fitz: Just because I'm with Jemma doesn't mean I know how I did it.
Fitz: So how was your day?
Deke: We almost got surprised adopted!
Fitz: What?
Jemma: We almost got kidnapped.
Fitz: Oh, okay. WAIT WHAT?
Fitz: WHY, why did you give Ayla a KNIFE?!
Deke: I'm sorry. She said she felt unsafe.
Fitz: Now I feel unsafe!
Deke: I'm sorry... would you like a knife?
Fitz: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?
Hunter: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Deke: Smad.
Deke: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Fitz: Deke no.
Hunter: Mistlefoe.
Fitz: Please stop encouraging him.
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Skye: May, you have trust issues
May: I don't believe you
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Daisy: Hey, AC, are you free around 7 on Friday?
Coulson: Uh, yes?
Daisy: What about you, May?
May: I'm free.
Daisy: Great! I'm not but you two have fun on your date!
May: Did she just..
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Kirk (yelling over the communicator): Scotty, beam us back, quickly! There's a lion storm!
Scotty: Aye, Captain, but don't you mean an ion storm?
(a loud roar in the background)
Kirk: no
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Jim: YOU LYING, CHEATING, PIECE OF SHIT!
Bones: oh yeah? YOU’RE the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do! WELL, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
Jim: I’M LEAVING AND I’M TAKING SPOCK WITH ME
Spock, picking up the monopoly board: I believe it would be wise to stop playing
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LMK Incorrect quotes#72...A whole clan-
Ao Guang: Have you asked that Human...what was their name?....Y/n!- that you adventure with,out yet?
Ao Lie: Well technically not yet...
Ao lie: But in my mind, we already have children~
Ao Guang:...Children...Plural?...Nephew...Children PLURAL?
...When he wants a whole clan-
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Spock: Please understand, I am not emotionally invested in any of this.
Bones: That's the nicest way of saying "I don't give a fuck" I've ever heard.
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*Jim and Spock on away mission to a new planet*
Spock: Captain, I must insist you take extra caution while on this planet as we know nothing of its plants and animals yet
Jim: Don’t worry Spock, Bones has a dumbass radar built into his brain that alerts him whenever I attempt to do something stupid
Spock: Captain I regret to inform you there is no such thing as a ‘dumbass radar’
Jim: I know that Spock! But watch this
Jim reaches out to touch a random plant
Spock alarmed: Captain I-
Bones, materializing out of nowhere: James Tiberius Kirk you touch that plant and I’ll slap you with it
Spock, confused: How???
Jim, just as confused, whispering: I really have no idea and it’s honestly scary how he knows
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Daisy: bitches b like “im baby” but have childhood trauma and neglect like wtf do u know about being baby u were forced to grow up from an early age anyways I’m bitches
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Hunter: You ruin everything!
Deke: Your welcome!
Deke: Do you know a turtles only weakness?
Hunter: No... well, their slowness.
Deke: Their weakness is they can’t roll over when they are on their backs. Now I have a plan. If I duct tape two turtles together, they’ll be unstoppable.
Hunter: Someone’s trying to break in!
Deke: *loads shotgun* I got this.
Hunter: Last week you fell up the stairs..
Hunter: How the hell are you still alive?
Deke: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.
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People fighting over which one is better, star wars or star trek. They're both stories about the inherent kindness and empathy of humanity as whole in the face of uncertainty. And you want to start a rivalry about it??? get over yourself
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