#anyways sorry for my weird tag rant

[carpathiians]

sketches

ref

#rdr2 #rdr2 fanart #javier escuella #john marston #jovier #uhhh its implied i guess #im working on other stuff but ill leave this here in the meantime #sorry for only ever drawing these two im not normal about them #thank my social anxiety for not letting me act crazy on here bc otherwise id be so annoying 🙏 #ive been taking it all out on my notes app it looks fucking BAD in there #anyway #john is so hard to draw I hate him and his stupid giant eyes </3 #gotta get better at drawing then both tbh #thats why its taking me so long to post #I keep drawing shit and then deleting it #ok weird rant over if anyone reads my tags im sorry #my art

[caruliaa]

just bc im a lesbian doesnt mean tht i wont at times become deeply entranced with the beauty of male actor or character. it just means i wld rather be locked in a room with a man with a knife than do anything romantic or sexual with one

#NO OFFENCE TO MEN AS PEOPLE THAT EXIST. but also i shldnt have to say tht after saying this yk #also b4 u say ooh ur aro tho why do u need to specifcy u wldnt do anything romantic w a man when i wldnt with a woman either #i am actually pretty romance favorable. like i would be in a romantic relationship with a woman if it wldnt ruin my life #with how it is rn . i think i like and want all the parts tht make up a romantic relationship i just dont experince romantic attraction #but anyway i was here to talk abt my sexuality not my romantic orientation #this post was originally like 'im remembering why there was such a huge overlap with my og major starkid hyperfixation #and me identifing as bisexual' but the thing is is the main main guy from starkid i remember being attracted too #was infact . rob. and thats aged badly bc of it being revealed that hes a fucking creep since then #but also just now not that we should ignore tht but regardless of that i just. dont see it at all #maybe it is that news subconsiously turning me off him but i really dont see that much what i liked abt his appearance #but who rly inspired this post to me is infact . jeff blim ? which is suprising just from the fact tht i dont ever remember #having tht big of a crush on him with that og starkid hyperfixation. but well he is a very beautiful man . giggling a little bit. sorry . #also becoming a bit obsessed with joey richter but thts just standard lesbian obssesion with a weird little man #not attractive to me im just obssesed with him. hi #also posting this now so when i finally watch the fnaf movie i can rb it abt josh hutcherson #anyway. does anyone read these tags do these long rants i go on like. turn ppl off of my posts. sometimes i wonder #flappy rambles

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?

I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.

Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.

Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.

Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.

Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.

Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.

If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.

So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.

#asks #twdg louis #twdg minerva #twdg clementine #twdg violet #twdg marlon #twdg tenn #honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??' #then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha #also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore #like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it #not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed #for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there #it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like... #that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly #also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but #I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did #like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite #anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good #i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw #like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit #and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification #and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go #he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down #'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m #it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay #this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about #even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks #that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you

[the-kestrels-feather]

Donna Noble is out here threatening homicidal maniac aliens because they were disrespectful to her daughter, meanwhile my mom won't even change my contact in her phone to my proper name.

#personal #i know there are trans people with far worse home and family situations and im not trying to negate that but like. #its the little things like that that i see and its just kind of a punch in the face reminder that the only support i get from her in regards #to me being nonbinary is apathetic.like if she's telling a story about me before i came out she wont use the right pronoun/name in the story #or when shes talking about how she was talking about me at work and uses my birthname/pronouns (i okayed this we live in a red county) she #wont change the name/pronouns. or how she gets weird any time i mention top surgery or how instead of calling someone out for deadnaming #or misgendering me she just also starts doing it or how she still introduces herself to people as “[deadname]'s mom or #its just annoying #anyways im ranting in the tags now. sorry. #donna noble #rose noble #unsupportive mother #casual transphobia #doctor who

[homoeroticvillain]

i figure out the most inane things about my ocs: such as how geistverse ocs laugh?

geist laughs often and with their entire body and leans on anyone nearby when they do

angie is more likely to smile and snort then to full out laugh but when she does you can hear it from a mile away. and she has on more then one occasion snorted out whatever she's drinking when she does

adam snickers under his breath and picked up the tenacity to cover his mouth when he does laugh

bianca muffles herself whenever she laughs, usually with her sleeve, this is cause she is insecure about her natural laugh

luci laughs with his chest and it's very booming

dan has an incredibly awkward laugh that has frequent voice cracks or hiccups

#no thoughts on how faust laughes im sorry #he isnt supposed to be a main character so #anyways do people like weird little almost headcanon esque oc posts? #cause i will often write shit like this in my notes app #but i can post it in instead if people find it interesting #klepto talks to himself #klepto rants about ocs #geist ii [oc] #dont feel like tagging the rest of em rn

[spineless-lobster]

Egg and Soldiers: A musical analysis of Pat and the Captain

*long post warning*

Okay! So some of you may have noticed that I (along with a few others) use the alt ship name for patcap which is “Egg and Soldier” while also being a delicious breakfast, it mainly refers to the song “Egg and Soldiers” by Cosmo Sheldrake, which is what I originated it from. The song very much reminds me of their characters and I would like to share my analysis with all of you!

Before we begin, please note that this is *my* interpretation of the song. It’s not the artist’s interpretation and you are totally free to disagree with me or come to your own conclusions.

Also please bear with me if my thoughts don’t seem coherent lol

All lyrics will be italicized, and I’ve added the song just in case you wanna listen. Let’s begin! :)

I was looking over at my shoulder

Only thinking of the short term

But time was looking back at me

I interpret this first line through the Captain’s point of view. I imagine him looking over his shoulder (rather than at) as in looking back on his life. “Only thinking of the short term” may reference his connection to the war. He doesn’t acknowledge who he was before or after the war. He only focuses on what he was during that time, a soldier. “But time was looking back at me” can be a reflection of his insecurities regarding aging (see: “supple as the day I died” “I’m in my bally prime” him trying to beat his record of 2:30, and Ben calling him “the wrong side of 40” in the Inside Ghosts podcast) but I also see it as him reflecting on his regrets. (which I will get into later)

Every day I eat an egg and soldier

Then I sit a little longer

On a blanket made for three

This stanza is more about Pat. The first bit is honestly just about how much he loves eggs lol. But I connect the next two lines to Carol’s affair with Morris. The “blanket made for three” is about Morris’ involvement in the marriage. What’s supposed to be for Pat and Carol now has a third party, thus the blanket (the marriage) is made for three.

Swap cow for bean and grow a stalk

To tangle with the clouds

I like to think this refers to Pat’s ignorance to Carol’s affair. He’s up in the clouds, unaware of all that is happening right under his nose.

Plant poems in the barren ground

Honestly all I can think of when I hear this line is the Captain burying the letter. The ground being “barren” because really, no matter how hard he tries, his efforts to repress that part of himself are fruitless.

Blow doldrums round and round

Cut the brambles down

Search for heaven underground

It was lost but now it's found

“Doldrums” refers to a state of inactivity, stagnation, or depression. Kind of like the endless purgatory of being a ghost, huh? Said doldrums being blown around could connect to Alison coming into their (after)lives and spicing it up a bit.

The rest of this section I believe still refers to the Captain’s letter. “Search for heaven underground” once again represents him trying to find solace by burying his emotions and by literally burying the letter. “It was lost but now it’s found” could mean Mike accidentally uncovering and blowing up the bomb. But it could also represent his character growth. He’s slowly uncovering lost parts of himself that he has denied for his whole life. (See: “I’m…” in “Something To Share?”)

For we drank the ocean

I interpret this line as an alternative to the term “biting off more than you can chew”. The struggles in their life (repression, ignoring issues, etc.) all become too much, resulting in the inner conflicts both characters have.

We'll play while Venice drowns

Once again referring to Pat’s ignorance (willful or not) to Carol’s affair. His marriage was falling apart and he didn’t even know it.

Submarines won't save us now

The Captain using the war as a means of ignoring who he is as a person, along with burying any emotion that conveys vulnerability won’t exactly make his problems go away. (If anything, those ARE his problems)

We climbed a hill but then fell down x3

I think this refers to the tragic timing of their deaths. Pat had a wife, a child, his scouts, friends, anything an average family man had at the time. And it was all stripped away from him. The same thing goes for the Captain, he just came back from a victorious war, he was decorated with medals and most likely received a pension. He was promised a fresh start and he was just getting his normal life back before he died, unfortunately he’ll never get to live it.

(Chorus that I don’t need to go over again lol)

All hail Tom Thumb

The main theme in the story of Tom Thumb is that anyone can overcome hardships no matter who they are. I feel that this relates to all the ghosts. They all had their personal struggles in their life, yet they died before they could overcome them. Still, despite this, they all try to grow, change, develop and overcome challenges.

What's done is done

This line once again plays into the theme of regret. Pat will never be able to fix things with Carol. He can’t go back and catch the signs earlier, he can’t be more spontaneous for her, it’s over. The Captain will never see Havers again. He can’t tell him how he felt (or still feels), he can’t go back to being the man he was before the war, those things are all dead and gone and he can’t do anything about it.

You'll never find the answer 'til it's gone

This relates to regret for one final time, you don’t know what opportunities you have until they’re taken away. This could also possibly relate to the endless mystery of getting sucked off. The ghosts still don’t know what the after-afterlife is like, they don’t know what causes them to get sucked off (yes it involves character development, but the timing is still completely random), and I’m sure many of them are still questioning whether or not there’s a heaven or hell or if they just go *poof* into nothingness.

I hope this made some sense! An ask prompted this whole thing, and I have an explanation for almost every song on my Ghosts playlist, so don’t be afraid to ask questions!

Drink some water, take your meds, have a snack, bind safely, and have a lovely day! :)

#I tried to tag the person who sent the ask but they wouldn’t show up I’m so sorry 😭 #they were @kwylos I believe #anyways I hope you enjoyed this rant about one of my favourite songs lol #I suggest you check out Cosmo’s music it’s weird and funky and he makes little goblin wizard sounds #this might be one of the longest posts I’ve made lol #bbc ghosts #the captain #pat butcher #egg and soldier #long post

[rollercoasterwords]

I just read ATWMD (or WFRAU) in one night after seeing some of your posts about it and OH MY GOD I'M OBSESSED.

Some of my favourite parts so far:

REMUS LUPIN. God I love him

The interesting exploration of the magical world, voldemort's brainwashing, muggles and elves (it fits so well within the world, while also making sure that some of jkr's unfortunate world building ideas, like the idea that slaves "want to be slaves", is taken out)

Lily Evans. I love her in every universe, and this is no exception. I LOVE her friendship with Regulus, its so precious :')

The whole 'werewolf fighting ring' world; the collars, the sponsorships, is so interestinggg and really reveals Sirius' privilege

Sirius' whole journey coming to terms with the ways he's been brainwashed is <33

Sirius and James fighting!! I never thought I'd be excited to find a fic where they're not friends but it's actually HILARIOUS

SORRY FOR RAMBLING, I just needed to show you all my love for this fic. Also I'm excited to see where the jegulily love triangle is going ;)

ahh thank u!! i've been having lots of fun imagining how all these characters would be different in a voldemort-wins au, so i'm glad ur also enjoying those characterizations! + it has also been v fun rewriting the lore + changing things up, so i'm glad 2 know it's appreciated <3 one thing tho i would warn u rn as i have warned everyone else who has mentioned or asked similar things: u should not be counting on jegulily or any romantic relationships aside from wolfstar in this fic. i am also excited for where the relationships between james + regulus + lily will go but...just want to make expectations very clear so that i do not get people getting angry @ me for including/not including a ship they were expecting lol

#i have just seen people act really weird when it comes to jegulus + all adjacent ships in fics so. i'm nervous lmao #honestly anticipating that there will be people who get pissy with me regardless + accuse me of either including a ship that wasn't tagged #or not including a ship after like...making it seem like i was going to #so i am trying 2 temper expectations early to avoid as much of that as i can #have already had comments/messages asking for like. every variety of ship between those three lmao #'please don't include jegulus!' 'please include jegulus!' 'please include jily!' 'please don't include jily!' 'please include jegulily!' #'please don't include jegulily!' and it's just like. i am so sorry but i think every single one of u is going to end up disappointed #if u care enough 2 be telling me what ships u want to see in a fic that i am not even writing 4 u.... #anyway. sorry went on a bit of a rant i'm not annoyed at u anon there's just been a slow buildup of irritating comments abt this topic #so it activates my fight or flight response now lmao #ask #wfrau

[th3swarm]

Okay okay but u have to tell me abt the brainwashing Rollercoaster like u can't just throw out that pair of words n not elaborate

YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT THE SMILER OHHHH MY GODDD !!!!! MY FIRST BIG COASTER ?? THE ONE WHOS BACKSTORY GOT ME INTO ROLLERCOASTERS IN THE FIRST PLACE ?? THE RECORD HOLDER FOR INVERSIONS ???? I KNOW YOURE AMERICAN AND NOT SOMEONE WHO SUPER LIKES THEME PARKS BUT OH MY GOD HANG ON I NEED PICTURES

brainwashing and experimentation/medical stuff under the cut

[all my photography, apart from first and last, first is official i think ? i hope and the last one was taken by my irl friend who isnt on tumblr]

PHOTOS DONT DO IT JUSTICE OK ITS OVER A KILOMETER OF TRACK IN A VERY SMALL SPACE ITS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN IT LOOKS IN PICTURES. PICTURE 3 FOR SCALE ITS HUGE I PROMISE. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGOZL0cftQ8] VIDEOS ARE BETTER FOR SCALE AND FOR THE SOUNDTRACK (AGAIN. ITS MUCH LOUDER IRL, YOU CANT HEAR ANYTHING ELSE AS YOU WALK INTO THE AREA) . ITS FAR BETTER WITH THE SOUNDTRACK BECAUSE THERES ONLY SO MUCH THEMING YOU CAN CONVEY WITH JUST THE COASTER ITSELF . AND THE SCREEN ITS SUPER COOL, ESPECIALLY IN THE DARK OHH MY GOD I WENT IN THE DARK AND THE PISSING RAIN LAST HALLOWEEN IT WAS AMAZING, THERES ALMOST NO LIGHTS IN X-SECTOR THEY JUST HAVE THE SCREEN ITS ABSOLUTELY BLINDING

CW APPLIES HERE DOWNWARDS

ANYWAY THE BRAINWASHING PART IS THE BACKSTORY. WHICH IM NOT VERY GOOD AT WRITING OUT AT 2AM BECAUSE ITS VERY VAUGE ON PURPOSE TO BE INTRIGUING OR SOMETHING BUT BASICALLY IT BRAINWASHES PEOPLE ! MIND CONTROL UNDER THE GUISE OF MAKING YOU HAPPY! that subgenre of horror !!! theres also a computer controlling the whole thing which is the giant circle screen in the middle of all this !

there was also a scare maze aligning with the lore side of it when in opened in 2013 ! it was themed around being the hospital/facility where they did experiments to figure out how to best (??) do the brainwashing in the first place ! ive never done a scare maze im so glad they stopped doing that one because id probably go in there going "yay! smiler maze!" and then cry or something .

#TUMBLR MADE THE CUT WEIRD IT SHORTENS LONG POSTS SO I HAD TO DO IT WEIRD IM SORRY #do not google this ride ever btw people are literally evil about it #i love ur asks thank you for enabling my rambling :sob: #i have this infodump locked and loaded at all times to anyone who expresses any interest in it at all to me <3 #also dear any towers mutuals im very sorry for badly summarising the lore . i did not want to go and check everything to make sure i was ri #-right because its 2 in the morning . heart eyes emoji #keters stuff #towers stuff #ask #skullz-online #i dont know why i did most of this in block caps and then changed my mind at the end #block caps doesnt feel appropriate for that . idk #anyway YEAHHH FAV COASTER . #i am abolutely biased because yeah OBJECTIVELY shambhala is better and probably so is nemesis . but no this is my fav one . #im not brave enough to put this in the tags x hope you enjoy my 2am rant #brainwashing cw #medical cw #experimentation cw #hospital cw #??? is that everything #ask to tag #cool mutual tag

[astralarias]

augh i want a hug. or to fall asleep with someone. i had a pretty bad nightmare this morning and thinking about going to sleep again makes me wanna cry. i wanna cry anyway honestly. i am so afraid. i want to ask people for reassurance that i'm not unwanted and i'm still okay and good but that always feels wrong to do. i don't wanna put pressure on anyone i just. want a hug and to feel safe sleeping.

#to be clear it was a trauma nightmare #like i have weird scary dreams pretty often but they don't bother me like this did #it wasn't a direct retelling of events. it never is #but the themes. ugh #basically i was dying and no-one cared about it #i was right there *begging* for comfort and no-one cared #all *anyone* could talk about is how other people felt about it #and i was so scared #i woke up and cried for like 20 minutes #very relieved i was fine but. it was so viscerally upsetting and hit too close to my trauma #of not being having a place in the world / being allowed to be a Person™ #anyway sorry for the tag rant I just needed to get it off my chest I'm about 2 cry again gfhj

[alienaiver]

im kinda starting to accept that despite my best effort to curb it, my seasonal depression has appeared full force and its my first time going thru it without seeing a therapist, so if i write more vent or rant posts than normal, please just hang on, i usually get better again by april !!!! luv u all sooo much!! ✨

#lmao sorry it feels weird with that like AnnouncementTM vibe but ykno what!!!! it actiallyfeels good to admit to it instead of trying to av #id the subject and all. it still sucks ass and all that #but i have all the tools i need to get thru it by 'myself' but its kinda like a deer learning to walk i think. i know How but my legs gotta #get the handle on it too ykno???? #anyways ill be tagging them with 'seasonal venting' so that u can block it if needed! idk how much ill actually rant abt it tho #just wanna cover my bases and all that #now comes the time to admit it out loud to irl friends so my support system knows whats up!!! but doing it here first helped a ton #nohr.txt #seasonal venting

[sooouth]

guess who failed at drawing skeletons.

#it's been too long since i've drawn them so now I'm just forced to continue the spiral with my new hyperfixation #the hyperfixation is bnha also known as specifically hawks and aizawa #my taste in people is so weird #(also i refuse to admit to my thing with present mic. he just. exists. in my brain. rotating.) #south talks too much #meow.// #tag ranting time huehe #anyways i cannot handle watching these poor boys getting so gravely injured. LIKE STOP NO WAIT WHY-- they're just babey SOB #MOSTLY hawks. stop no get your wings back you bastard you can't just lose one of your defining features you hAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR #he didn't die but still #give him back his wings </3 #aizawa was p badass when he cut his own fucking leg off tho. like he did it no hesitation. BRO WHAT HOW. also the one scene #like where he's in the hospital and mic is just. AWW MIC NOOO BABYYY #why you so SAAAD #it's making me go crazy #punch punch punch stop removing their limbs and stuff #i'm going to start writing fics where no one gets hurt. it's all nice and happiness and fluff with the occasional 20k chapter of pure angst #sorry that was. rant.

[minionwater]

sallies _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_

#edit: don’t read all this I went on a fucking rant #like seriously it’s incoherent musings on my silly meme post #sally’s weird. never know how to feel abt her #I know a few sallies actually. most emotionally intelligent kindest ppl I’ve ever met. supported me when shit went to fuck #but also?? the least aware motherfuckers I’ve ever had the misfortune of talking politics with #it’s like. they’ll support you emotionally physically whatever . in a way that fellow activists don’t #bc we’re all too fucking tired #but they can’t comprehend large scale events #they’re the type to like. go to war to comfort the dying but somehow view the war as a distraction from that #n I don’t know if that’s fine. if it’s reprehensible. if it’s a necessary service to those who DO fight #I’m not even calling them fairweather really. bc they’ll stick around. just in a different sort of way #part of me hates them n part of me admires that they stay anyway. misguided as they might be #bc personal kindness is radical too in a way #but at the same time… is it enough. is anything ever enough #I don’t know which part wins. depends on the day I guess #I know a few sallies. I’m even friends with a couple. n I have no idea how to feel abt that #sorry for the musings I’m just really fuckin. in the shitter rn abt apathy towards genocide #n naturally that’s leading me back to this show. again #real tags time I guess #sanders art tag #cabaret #musical theatre #sally bowles #this is. jane horrocks sally :)

[asterroses]

actually i dont think u should let  h p  fans read  w ha  . ok . gatekeep

#i had a whole rant but i forgot it anyways just gatekeep it idk dont trust hp fans . explode the #them with ur mind ok . my final message #dannie.txt #sorry for weird spacing i just dont want this to appear in tags

[deus-ex-mona]

there’s a non-non-zero chance of success though… _(:3 」∠)_

#long depressing rant in the tags incoming ig? take warning!! #maybe it’s bc it’s 3am and i’m tired or maybe it’s bc of the 8-9 hour old fried vermicelli that i just gave up on eating but my head hurts~~ #or maybe it could even be bc i spent like 3 hours unpacking my boxes (note: my fam moved last month) instead of chilling like i wanted to… #either way i saw some things while unpacking that i really should’ve left in the distant past and i’m feeling as empty as my stomach pre-米粉 #though i did uncover a dogtag i had engraved years ago with nothing but a ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) on it so that was pretty funny #but other than that… i remembered all the weird things i had given up on in the past via the things i unearthed… #like cooking! i unpacked this huge 1k+ page thick cookbook thing and remembered that i had a phase where i liked to cook #then i remembered that i had mistaken salt for sugar while making some meat dish with a ton of soy sauce and byebye cooking confidence :( #and to add to that i also read a past essay of mine about my culture and i remembered my grandma and i. yeah. #and i also saw stuff from my old hobbies that i had to give up on due to money/time constraints and i just. yeah. #and not to forget all the stuff from my former friends… i swear i always get ghosted the moment we affirm that we’re friends lol #am i a walking maxed social link or something? lol? yeah i have no irl friends. none. #i’ve gotten used to it though~ i don’t mind having no friends. it leaves me with more time for myself and my sleep~ #it’s just that… sometimes i get the urge to hop over the country border for some ~chewing gum~ shopping… but there’s no one to go with lol #or like when i see interesting-looking events going on at local attractions but there’s no one to check it out with… or something. #and that got me wondering… am i just wasting my life or something? it’s a new year right? so i should make some lifestyle changes too right? #…​and so i bought a hairdryer for the first time a few days back. yeah. that’s enough change for 1 year. lol #who needs friends when you can have a nice warm hairdryer? blast away good pal!!!!!!!!!!!! #anyways yeah. that’s my 3am rant of the day. sorry if you read this lol #sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂 #h e lp i forgot to disable rbs on this for a bit i hate 3am brain smmmm </3

[cryptidspaz]

happy pride month bitches

#love yall lil gay folk in my phone #anyways ive decided to be Even More Visibly Queer even if it gets me shot since i live in south texas #having body hair while being afab is already getting me weird looks & comments lullllll #like bruh its 100 degrees already im not gonna wear jeans to prevent cis men from being uncomfortable #its ur fault for trying check my dyke ass out anyways lmfao #whatd u expect ? im dressed like im a white coloradian who goes hiking every morning #big ass cargo pants hiking sandals and some national park t shirt #and the whole fit is light brown & dark green #thats on you. dumbass #my existence and my style and my Attractiveness is not catered to ur eye #flat chested butch dyke . & ur upset my legs r hairy lmfao #personal #sorry for the tag rant im just having Thoughts #but im not gonna change #other lesbians think im hot and their opinion is the only one that matters to do #im also gonna try to work out More #my arms are already toned but i wanna look like i could whip ur ass not just work on ur car

[cryptidapprentice]

im trying dating apps and like,,, idk how to explain that i feel a certain sense of.. immaturity???? compared to the other people in my age range??? like i think maybe it comes from the neurodivergence but like ill look at the profiles of ppl who are my age or like a year or two older or younger and i cant help but feel like we are Not The Same.

#NOT TO SAY that id ever date/be interested in someone way younger than me bc Ew. like im 23 and 20 feels too young #but point is like. is it a neurodivergent thing to feel. childish almost??? or is it smthn else?? #childish in comparison to ppl in my immediate age range i mean. 20-25/26 id say. #bc i know thats just a weird time in general and im smack dab in the middle of it but idk others just seem so... Different From Me #is how ill say it #like idk maybe its also the lack of expereince in general?? like life eperience?? ive no bitches n never really DONE anything #(NOT THAT ANYONE HAS TO AT ANY POINT) #but FOR ME it feels like maybe thats aprt of why I feel so immature in comparison??? idk idk idk #sorry now im just brainstorming/reflecting in the tags #marine myths rambles #and THEN theres the part of me that HATES the 'hi how are you' 'im good howre you' small talk that p much ALWAYS starts everything #like idk how to do that!!!! sorry!!!!! let me ask you what your favorite font is!!! or what minor character from a series you relate to!!! #tell me your 6th favorite color!!! #sorry im weird!! im a weirdo!!!! im the kinda person who makes riverdale references despite never watching it and never planning to!!! #anyways rant over someone teach me how to dating app like a regular person i guesa #dating app diary