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#anyways idk i m posting anywho
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━━━━━━༺༻ ━━━━━━ 𝙒𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 ━━━━━━༺༻ ━━━━━━ Ok sooooo I've been gone for a little while, college has been around my neck so I don't really have time to actually draw and refine my sketches. And when I do try I end up not liking it mid way, might post my W.I.P later but idk yet. So instead I will post this! It was simple and cute, ̶a̶n̶d ̶I ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t ̶m̶a̶k̶e ̶s̶t̶i̶c̶k̶e̶r̶s ̶o̶r ̶b̶u̶t̶t̶o̶n̶s ̶o̶u̶t ̶o̶f ̶t̶h̶e̶m. Anywho it's just a small drawing of Eden/Maeve/and my unnamed bunny man(who I still need to finish). It's just them with different expressions. But anyway I hope y'all have a wonderful day! 💜 █▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒10% ████▒▒▒▒▒▒30% █████▒▒▒▒▒50% ████████▒▒80% ██████████100% ⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙ ⋘ 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡... ⋙ ⋘ ᴛʀʏ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ... ⋙ 𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . . ↷✦; w e l c o m e ❞ #art #cute #cutedraw #cutedrawing #artist #artistsoninstagram #blackarist #blackartistsoninstagram #draw #drawingsketch #sketchoftheday #sketching #ibispaint #ibispaintxart #drawings #oc #ocart #femboy #bunnyboy #blackoc #artwork #digitalart #myart #digitaldrawing #digital #digitalartwork #digitalartist #ibispaintx #digital_art #myartstyle https://www.instagram.com/p/Cpoi9xKubMm/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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sungbeam · 1 year
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XNONIE PRESENT!!
i just saw ur post about werewolf at night & honestly i'm soooo excited to watch it !! it's on my watch list once i my schedule clears up ✋️😣 the concept is soooo cool!! i'm on a horror movie spree but don't worry i gotchu if u get scared, beam!
...from riiiiight here in the ask inbox 😀👍
ALSO DID U SEE SHE HULK BREAKING THE 4TH WALL IN THE 9TH EPISODE?? ICONICCCC "bruce smashes buildings, i smash 4th walls and bad endings... and sometimes matt murdock 😁😁😁"
anywho, i see u got an ask game going on like kiss/marry/kill, but not really k/m/k! so i'm gonna give u from our 2 fandoms hehe:
1. druig, matt murdock, quicksilver (either from the x-men movies or the mcu b/c they both make me feel things 🙏🙏💞)
2. park jisung, han jisung, & jay park LOL
XNONIE YOU'LL NEED TO HOLD ME BC I DONT LIKE HORROR MOVIES AT ALL 😁😁😁😁🫂 but i will stomach it to watch werewolf by night haha it IS such a cool concept??? like i was introduced to the character from like the ultimate spiderman animated series and it was just akfneknf ofc marvel did that like why am i not surprised?? they've been adapting so many more characters from the comics lately 👀👀✨ AHHHG i totally felt the schedule clear up thing like i'll prob save it until halloween night anyway 😗 or at least,, , the weekend of halloween lmao
KDBFISJDJD I JUST FINISHED WATCHING IT ACTUALLY LIKE WOAH okay tbh i kind of... didn't see that coming? and the ahem *additional* character at the end ???!? damn the multiverse is GROWING !!! I LOVED THAT LINE OMG HAD ME SQUEALING LIKE WHAT A GIRLBOSS THING TO SAY AHAHAHHA SHE IS SO ICONIC
omg the GAAAME 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 and those choices akfbejfbjd okay hmmmmm
1. slow burn w/druig, fake date w/quiksilver (the xmen ver), e2l w/matt !! BUT slow burn if it's avengers quiksilver haha, fake date w/matt, e2l w/ druig
LOL pretend i didn't cheat the system or anything 😁😁
2. aaaand slow burn w/jay, fake date w/han, and e2l w/jisung !!!! >;3
OMG u should totally lmk who YOUR picks would be 👀👀 i also just realized idk which kpop groups u stan and who ur biases r!! except svt lolol
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handgf · 3 years
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teacup-baphomet · 3 years
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G/t plot bunny 1
ugh generic title is generic but whatever.
so basically there are these two people - humans - and they are like ghost/cryptid hunters. 
in my head. There is one guy and one girl. The guy is very excitable and happy-go-lucky (an optimistic ray of sunshine type with his head in the clouds). 
The girl is more down-to-earth. A tad on the pessimistic side maybe. a little more rough around the edges. will throw hands at the drop of a dime to protect the people she cares about no matter how daunting the challenge is (like she will take on an entire gang herself is she needs to orr - well, you’ll see later in this plot bunny).
They are currently somewhere - idk where- and there is like big arse castle thing. Entirely made of stone. Ornate. and mostly like “f***off” big. like the theories/lore behind it is some ancient, archaic civilization made this castle for their god(s) as some symbolic gesture.
But the duo is here because it’s supposed haunted af.
And they want to either prove that or disprove that. 
all for the sake of likes on the internet. such a noble causes lol. nah. they get paid too so mostly there’s that.
anyways. as it turns out it is NOT haunted.
but rather someone - something? - BIG is sorta imprisoned in the structure. Not visible at first. Hidden away ... somewhere, perhaps an alternate dimension or something. Until freed. 
And the duo accidentally frees him. 
Anyways, the big guy is basically the result of a king from the long dead civilization getting super greedy and basically doing some weird ritual to get limitless power. It goes terribly wrong - for the king- and he ends up getting possessed, well more like completely hijacked and the king is kinda dead now - by some sorta being. a shapeshifting something that tends to be on the lorg side. 
The being didn’t really have a gender until he took over the king’s earthly form and then he decided “huh, guess i’m a dude” so he tends to shapeshift into a male form. typically big. typically kinda monstrous. haven’t thought of how monstrous. or if the shapeshifter being is demonic or not. or what does “demonic” even mean if so. 
kinda leaning towards a monstrous in a dragon-boy kinda way. wings. horns. rows of sharp teef. claws. scaly forearms and lower legs as well as various other patches of scales. glowing eyes. firebreath. 
with some hints of elderitch monstrosity. so maybe like a third eye on their forehead and perhaps a wee eye on each of the little clawed hand things on his wings. idk. plus the ability to make prehensile shadow tendril/tentacle things shoot out from his body. or something like that.
but i dunno. if i write this or not is hecking big IF anyways. like most of my ideas -writing and especially drawing. my muse is so dang fickle. i could come up with ocs and plots and dumb banter/dialogue and i can get to vague sketch stage with drawings but after that it’s like uhhhh... i lose steam i guess..
but yeah... how monster-y big dude is, is well up for debate i guess
but yeah. so he appears. and the shapeshifter monsterboy king dude is thinking it’s gonna go like ‘k. i’m free now. gonna just get rid of the people who freed me with a condescending thanks and then take over the world mwahahaha”
but it does not go like that. at all.
because oh no. the lil guy who freed him is adorable. and he’s so..so happy? but... why? and his first words to him are “wow. you’re amazing! so friggin cool! I wish i looked as bad*ss” or something like that
and the big guy is like all flustered because he’s used to people running and screaming at him and his monsterous appearance. that is partially why he likes to be monstrous looking to be frank.
he never considered how nice it is to be genuinely complimented. or you know to have friends. or even something more~
so he’s at a lost. which is something that’s never happened to him before. making him even MORE at a loss.
and he’s rather amused, impressed with the bravery the wee gal as well. as she looks ready to fight him herself if he even thinks of hurtin’ the lil ray of sunshine guy. it’s kinda.... endearing???
so oops. no world domination. ah, well...
instead he has a best friend and maybe something more with that lovely ray of sunshine man~
and maybe... just maybe... being good and kind... isn’t all that bad?
even if he is a monstrous eldritch giant maybe demon thing.
who says he has to stick to stereotypes. he’s BIG. he can do what he wants. right?
and i dunno after that..
I’m thinking. that this is when they find out he’s sorta attached to the castle for some reason. and thus stuck in his BIG monsterboy  mode (as well as stuck to a certain area). and thus beyond being stuck to the vicinity in the castle and near the castle atm he can’t temporarily shapeshift to human in order to more easily travel with them as they do their ghost/cryptid hunting anyways.
so the next phase of the maybe story is the human duo and their monster trying to figure out how to f r e e h i m. like even more so than they already did heh.
and once they do that - uh shenanigans happen i guess. cuz you can’t have a g/t story without big(s) and small(s) engaging in shenanigans. that’s like g/t law or something.
and that’s it. that’s the maybe story i will likely never write. 
anywho. if anybody wants to use this as a plot go ahead. i don’t care/mind. it’s not all that original anyways lol. it’s just a bunch of tropes thrown together to make soup (read: a plot) basically. i think. i dunno.
i mean let’s be real. i can’t even say:
people using the same plot in a g/t story? more likely than you think.
because we all effing know the same plots are used in g/t stories over and over again. ain’t no one able to pretend that isn’t common lol.
but that’s okay. because everyone has their own style of writing. and a lot of us are desperate for more g/t content anyway so we ain’t gonna complain regardless.
not sure if these last few sentences could be considered a call out or sh**post or something but i don’t really care. it is what it is.
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Imagine :
Imagine being in love with your best friends boyfriend, Bobby.
( y/n = your name. y/b/f/n = your best friends name. )
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• all three of you guys were friends, the closets set of friends anyone can have.
• you met y/b/f/n in second grade, you became friends with her after she stood up for you when you were being bullied.
• she’s kind, funny and a very lovable person so you two got along very well with very few fights.
• then here comes Bobby.
• a transfer student in the sixth grade and you always saw him alone.
• you didn’t want him to be alone so one day you sat with him during lunch offering him a friendly smile.
• your friend follows you of course, because she felt the same way.
•and then the dynamic duo became the three musketeers.
• T I M E J U M P
• so it happens that your best friend and Bobby started devolving feelings for each other and never told you.
• you obviously caught on tho, like, please the stares? And the obvious glances?
• you pretended to be obvious to it though, because you’re that good of a friend
• her and Bobby started dating during sophomore year and have been dating for one year.
• at first you are ecstatic for the couple.
• then as the relationship progressed, you were often stuck in the middle of the relationship problems.
• “well he said he didn’t mean it. Maybe you two should talk?”
• “n o ! He wants to act like that fine, you tell him that I said, he can find himself some other girl.”
• you always hated relaying their messages to each other.
• most of them you always ended up siding with Bobby because, most of the fights were cause of her assumptions.
• but Bobby always ended up apologizing first.
• “Bobby, she kissed a n o t h e r guy! Why the hell are you saying sorry?”
• “she’s right, I haven’t given here much attention lately. Plus, she said it was a dare.”
• however! Pass the fights they were an okay couple.
• except you couldn’t help but think you and Bobby had more in common.
• and like fate brought it, you spended more time with Bobby and enjoyed his company.
• you loved hanging out with him and his friends.
• speaking of his friends, they were kinda surprised he didn’t pick you.
• “but didn’t Bobby said that y/n was—”
• “Hanbin shut up.”
• “okay but, I’m sure he said that he thought y/n was—ow! Did you just kick me?”
• “junhoe said to shut up right?”
• this obviously made you curious but you ignored it because, you didn’t care. Bobby always says positive things about you.
• yes it was very positive :)
• anywho! You and Bobby had started to secretly go to the movies, arcades, ice rinks, and small cafés every time you guys hung out whenever your best friend cancels their date last minute.
• he even joked about having more dates with you than y/b/f/n
• which was true. He spent most of his time with you rather than her.
• suddenly, on a random night you went out on a date with a guy who liked you.
• “shut up, he’s almost here.”
• “he’s going to fall for your charms.”
• “ha, that’s what Bobby said last night.”
• at that moment your best friend didn’t like the fact that you told Bobby first.
• so after that first date she started acting cautious/suspicious around you.
• she started dragging Bobby away from you and you didn’t really know why.
• so after 2 whole weeks without hanging out with Bobby it dawned on you.
• “ geez, she’s hogging him. He’s my friend too!”
• “yeah but that’s her boyfriend.” One of Bobby’s friend reminded you.
• that comment made your blood boil. You didn’t know why it made you upset or something.
• you talked to Bobby about abandoning you and you two set a date where it be only you too.
• so when he showed up at your door in a newly bought outfit you wondered why because you guys were only going to the amusement park.
• “y/n I’m sorry but y/b/f/n rescheduled our date to today. “
• “no it’s okay, girlfriend comes first.”
• after apologizing one more time he left and you stood there behind the door crying.
• and that’s when you realized.
• spending loads of time with Bobby.
• laughing and having fun with him. Loving the way he would give you his jacket in the cold nights.
• the little winks and cheesy one liners he would throw your way.
• his smile being the highlight of your day, cracking whatever type of lame joke just to see it again if he was upset.
• you didn’t mean for it to happen.
• but you knew, you started to fall in love with Bobby.
• you spent the next week avoiding your best friend and Bobby. Only talking to Junhoe because he was a close friend.
• “maybe you should tell them. Be honest.”
• “no! I’ll lose them both. I rather keep it from them and try to move on from Bobby.”
• “that won’t work?”
• “junhoe it has too! He’s with her for god sakes! I feel terrible just knowing I love him.”
• and so you did. You tried going on dates with some guys who had interest in you. Even going to those blind dates people kept talking about.
• they were nothing compared to Bobby though.
• finally after what seemed like years, your best friend cornered you at your own house, trying to figure out why you’ve been avoiding her.
• “just tell me! Is it cause of me and Bobby? Being together?”
• “ no it’s not. “ yes it damn was
• “well then?”
• in the middle of the interrogation, Bobby hopped in not knowing what was going on. You forgot he knew where the spare key to your house was hidden.
• “you guys okay?”
• “babe, something is up and I’m trying to figure out what. She won’t tell me!”
• “F I N E! I’ll tell you!”
• well you kept it inside for this long. You mentally patterned yourself on the back for keeping your feelings shut.
• “listen, it just happened okay? I fell in love about a month ago......with Bobby. I fell in love with your boyfriend! I didn’t mean for it to happen but–but it just did. I can’t control how I feel okay?”
• you started to get choked up meanwhile your best friend was getting heated. She wanted to shout and curse at you but she knew deep in her heart, it was going to happen sooner or later.
• you took one look at Bobby, who was just as shocked, and you headed for the door. You left the two in your room as you cried out your soul walking away from the house.
• you were pretty sure you just ruined your friendship.
________________________________________
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*CREDITS TO THE GIF OWNERS* Wow a pretty length post, at least to me, cause I did this on my phone 😂 anyway I hope you guys like it. Part 2? 🤔🤔 — Admin Kass
P.S: I wanna say, yeah, it was based on a personal experience 🙃
P.P.S: already have the last two planned but idk if I should do it. Let’s see how much love this gets then I’ll decide 🙂
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myjournal2022 · 2 years
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1/29/2022 ; My Desk ; 20:55
Heyyyyyy,
Quick little update on everything going on. Met a guy, he pretty cool, he pretty cute. Spent the night at his for the first time last night and it was definitely very fun... he very very cute. My little french fling for the time being. Anywho, now I’m just at home kind of just waiting until I go to Kathleen’s for a little soiree at her house with her roommates and some other international students. I’m excited to start getting to know some other international students because I feel like I’ve been lagging behind, but then again... the grass is always greener right. 
Surprisingly, I’ve been doing a pretty good job at like keeping a sane head while maintaining a MUCh smaller circle here than what I’m used to. Since like 16 I’ve always been surrounded by someone so it’s nice to see that I can do just fine without the chaos of like always having to do something/be with someone. Idk... it’s interesting.
Anyway, the subject matter that prompted this quick little journal post. So I’m just chilling in my room, just scrolling through the socials as I normally do (my screentime is definitely so high I need to go find a book or something to read). But yeah I’m scrolling and I see the same stream of “i’M AbROad!!!” posts from all the AU heads I follow and my knee-jerk reaction was: damn, I should post something soon just to show everyone else that I’m also having a good time. WHICH IS SO FUCKED. and like this wasn’t a one-second thought like I pondered “ok... i’ll post by xx date when i have xx amount of pics and blah blah balh” like I WAS PLANNING IT OUT. Like i know i’m gonna end up posting (bc duh) but like jesus not everything has to be so calculated!!!! and curated!!! i don’t have to prove anything to anyone!!!! If i’m ok, then guess what? I’M OK!!!!!!! this is literally why i hate this culture of “thriving” like i actually would be so fine if that word was erased from the english language. i feel like with social media (especially when i got to college) the word of choice to indicate that i’m doing good is “thriving” which has so much PRESSURE attached to it. Like fuck guys am i really supposed to be radiating 24/7 and shitting glitter and sparkles and rainbows and happiness and cupcakes always forever and ever and ever no matter what ever in the universe! like oh my god i’m so tired of social media for that reason and the whole “make insta casual again” movement has done nothing to help it. we went from posed and filtered attitudes to quirky and silly atttitudes. like idk but i do know that it reads the same but just in a different fucking font. like i cannot wait for the day that i just really stop giving a fucking shit about my socials because god it’s so exhausting. and it’s so much easier said than done to just leave it or take that mental space and use it for like idk literally anything else more productive. guess i’m just a product of my time but whatever (ew that’s so pretentious but i;m gonna keep it bc that’s legit how i feel).
yeah so to emma who texted me : “hi imy and hope you’re thriving” my response goes as follows:
miss u too. i’m so happy that i’m here and i hope you’re doing good too but who is ever fucking thriving all the time? there r ups and there r downs no matter where i am or what i do i am a fucking human being no news is fucking good news so yes im doing fucking grand whoopee take the thriving somewhere else pls :) 
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meowmerson · 6 years
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So, i told you a while ago (months? Years? Who knows) i was getting a cat but THAT DIDNT HAPPEN b/c my boyfriend is allergic. Unbelievable. Anyway, now i am for sure getting a hypo-allergenic cat. I have it reserved and everything. Its a Siberian Cat and they loook sooooo cooool. Like something from a fantasy novel. Anywho, that's my life update. You are still, OF COURSE, the best. Hope ur life is going GOOD. 💖🎉 P.S. Cat names? I have no ideas.
DUMP HIM AND GET A CAT omg i am totally completely kidding
but omgggggggggggggggggg I DIDNT KNO FLUFFY KITTIES COULD BE HYPOALLERGENIC IM SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT WAIT I CANT WAIT CAN U PLS SEND ME PICTURES OF UR KITTY WHEN U GET IT OR POST THEM ON TUMBLR ADN TAG ME OR   S O M E T H I N G   PLEASE I LOVE KITTIES make sure 2 brush her beautiful fur everyday adn tell her i love her while u do it OR HIM IDK THE GENDER SORRY FOR ASSUMING
as for kitty names ive always been a fan of outrageously human names for cats so like Susan or Linda or Geraldine for a girl or Jeffrey or Kenneth or Herbert for a boy BUT I ALSO LOVE food names liek Beans or Triscuit or Pancake BUT I ALSOOOO LOVE inannimate object names like Lunch Box or Loaf or Bucket. 
IDK MAN SOMETIEMS U JUST GOTTA SE THE KITTY CAT AND BE LIKE OH.........THIS IS UR NAME U BEAUTIFUL CREATURE so idk
ANYWAY IM SO HAPPY FOR U AND UR BOYF AND UR NEW CAT CHILD!!!!!! PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU NAME HER and send me photos of ur BEAUTIFUL KITTY CHILD 
IM SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR U AHHHHHH 
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altruistic-meme · 6 years
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alright my dudes, this post is going to go deep. in it, I'm going to talk about some rather triggering content. under the cut I'm going to tell you about my personal experiences with the mental illnesses I have and just basically try and give you an understanding as to why I sometimes act the way I do. so if you care to read, and reading won't in any way negatively affect you, then click that read more. if not, feel free to scroll on, no hard feelings. sometimes you aren't feeling up to reading dark shit and I can respect that, I get that way too. now, with minimal further preamble, the undercut and what lies beneath...
(potentially triggering content includes: discussion of depression and anxiety and  mentions of self-harm and suicide.)
well hello there, and welcome to the undercut. I'm about to take you on a journey through the messed up part of my mind. I'm gonna try and keep this short and to the point mostly.
A QUICK THING; it's probably going to be very incoherent, and if you are confused about something or would like more information about something, do feel free to visit my inbox or messages and ask! a lot of people are very uncomfortable talking about this stuff and lbr, I kinda am too, but I'm making an effort to speak up more about it, and to reach out a hand to those who need it, as I never really had one put forth for me. so do not be shy to ask about anything, that's what this post is about, hm?
let's just jump right into this, shall we?
HERE WE GO; I HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER AND MILD-SEVERE DEPRESSION.
neither of which are fun, lemme tell ya. (and I am totally in awe of people who have either or BOTH and are out there, working and being an adult in general like damn. u strong. go u.)
a disclaimer before I continue: this post is about MY PERSONAL experiences with these illnesses. this is NOT a post about the general symptoms of these illnesses. if you relate to anything I say in this post, I'm v v sorry that you are going through this, bc it's hell, not gonna lie. anywho, I had better see 0 bullshit about "oh, you don't have x bc you don't do/feel blah blah blah" not everyone goes through the same stuff, dipshit.
moving on.
symptoms yayyyy;
Anxiety: -I am extremely socially anxious. -this means going up to the counter to ask for a take-out container for leftover food at a restaurant? u m no. -talking to strangers? no. -it is also really hard for me to talk to little kids or older folks. -and then there is also; feeling anxious (wow) -having 209745 worst-case scenario's go through my head. -trying to sleep and instead having my brain interrupt and tell me "hey ya know what's cool? thinking about how you could mess up x" -actually that happens a lot. -a general thought process for me; "am i good enough? do I look okay? do I act like an idiot? am I charming or stupid? am I cool or a know-it-all? I talk about myself too much. what else can I talk about? them, talk about them. but that doesn't work either. I don't know what to say." -not fun. -and that is just what came immediately to mind. there are lots and lots of different variations. -don't even get me started on how doing my school makes me feel. -and a metric fuckton of second-guessing. -no panic attacks yet but I have felt like I was close to having one often.
Depression: -just. suicidal thoughts. let that sink in a minute. -also thoughts of self-harm. -like there are days where looking at a knife will make me want to cut and I have to hold knives on a daily basis pretty much so not fun. -can we see that self-deprecation?? yeah we can. -constantly wondering if my family loves me. -don't even get me started on my friends. -hiding in my room bc it's literally the only place where I feel kinda safe from myself -except for when I remember that I have scissors in here. -enjoying things I used to love whom?? -times where I have to take a minute to psych myself up for little tasks like carrying my dishes to the sink. -i n s o m n i a. all over. -some days I lose all will to eat, or just my appetite as a whole. -motivation?? don't know her. lack of motivation is the only one here.
ah, yeah, let's stop there for now.
another interrupty thingy!!: bc I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume at least some of my friends will read this, there are two things to assure you of; YES I know you love me but depressions goggles make it hard to remember that sometimes. and PLEASE don't freak out over the first 3 items on the depression symptom list I'm fine. I will explain in just a sec.
okie? okie.
so now ya know! not fun! kinda terrifying actually!
"oh, well, Ac, why don't you just try sleeping more? or going outside more? or drinking water? or eating regularly? doing yoga?"
all very good suggestions. yes, they CAN help improve mood, but at the point I am at, they aren't going to help much.
and for the sleep part, lemme tell you, I KNOW FULL WELL that I should sleep more. but guess what? I can't. like, I can. not. sleep. I want to sleep. I enjoy sleeping, I enjoy being fully awake during the day and I enjoy not feeling and looking like a fucking zombie. but you know what? Anxiety and Depression by themselves usually make it harder for people to sleep. combined? I'm fucked. sometimes, yes, I get a regular amount of sleep. but also sometimes I don't. I'm not yet sure what it is that triggers me into either cycle, but they can last from two months to four days.
and OK. I get that you have your ways of making yourself sleep. but you don't understand. I have had to sit through the same speech from my mother about "just picture a blank wall" 6. TIMES. your methods are yours, and while I'm very glad they work for you, it is highly unlikely they will work for me.
okay now, if you got worried when you saw the first 3 symptoms under Depression: I really do appreciate your concern, and I am touched that you care. I'm not going to say it's ok bc of course it's not, it's very not ok, but it is something that I am and have been working on. the first time most of these thoughts hit and hit hard was November 2017, and immediately after I calmed down from them I decided that I had to talk to my mum about going to therapy.
this started a kinda long process including telling my gf, my friend, and my sister before telling my mum. and then of course when I did tell her in December we weren't able to actually try and setup an appointment until January due to being out of insurance. and ofc after that we find out that the recommendation I had gotten the previous year for anxiety was expired and this resulted in me having to go back to the doctor, then to the ER bc that was the only way to get their on-hand therapist to come that day, and then I had to spend 2 hours there bc they were v v concerned and I was almost admitted for a few days bc of my thoughts.
and yeah, it was a mess.
but I do now have a therapist who I've been seeing for a few weeks, and we have a safety plan in place, and he was v v impressed with my knowledge on coping mechanisms and just my symptoms as a general.
random story: when I was maybe 14 I had already self-diagnosed that I had some sort of Anxiety disorder, and I mentioned it out loud in front of my two sisters and one, who had had panic attacks that had sent her to the ER before, was like ah, yeah. and the other one, who as far as I know STILL doesn't have an anxiety disorder let alone had one back then, said basically "no you don't. god. like, I believe that you have anxiety bc everyone does but you don't have REALY anxiety" which is, ya know, why she didn't know why I was going to therapy until my mum told her several weeks in (and even then idk if she evens knows the full reason, but she hasn't asked me so fuck that)
anyway, i'mma try and wrap this up now!
tl;dr, basically; I have Anxiety and Depression. I have had suicidal thoughts (in the past and recently) but I am working to get rid of them, and until such a time occurs, I do have a plan for if they show up that will result in me being protected and safe. I have coping mechanisms and I use them whenever I feel like I need to, and sometimes when I don't simply bc I enjoy them. I'm currently in once a week therapy with someone who let's me talk and laughs with me when I crack a joke and listens to my stances on issues. I know that you have your methods for things, and I'm very glad they work for you, but do NOT try and force them on me.
I hope you now understand a little bit more about me and why I sometimes react to things the way I do.
have a great day, month, year, life.
~Ac
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keepingupwithmilo · 4 years
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How I fumbled the bag...multiple times
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been so used to pushing people away. I absolutely hate having people care for me (i’ll explain that one day, but just hear me out). Whenever people try to get close to me, i’ll let them but i never warn them that one day *poof*, i’ll be gone. idk what it is, but anywho, as you can imagine, this has impacted my love life. 
there have been guys interested in me. everything would be going well, then a little voice in my head tells me that i shouldn’t be experiencing happiness. depression? anxiety? check and check.
anyway, there’s one guy in particular that i can’t stop thinking about. i definitely f u m b l e d the bag with him, and there’s no returning from that. this was four years ago.
this boy was everything a girl could dream of. sweet, attentive, caring...and i was selfish. 
i was a freshman in college. i met him in one of my classes. he asked me to save him a seat, and i gladly did that for him. 
we got close after that. really close. he was my best friend. i would even skip one of my classes to play badminton with him. 
at the time, i was in a relationship with my ex boyfriend. he treated me like absolute shit, and i dealt with it because i had no idea how to be alone. (i’ll make another post about him) i didn’t know how to be my own person. he cheated on me twice. ( I didn’t find this out until a year later, but I had suspicions). I knew I deserved better, but i tried to believe that everything was okay. 
the boy from my class loved me. I knew he did after a while, but i wasn’t aware of it at first. at the time, i didn’t even love myself. 
this boy showed me what it felt like to be cared for. when i mentioned my favorite candle to him, he placed it inside of a box and left it at my front door. 
whenever i was going through something, he would always be there to listen. 
we liked the same music, shared playlists with each other and would be on face time for most of the day. he even made a SONG about me. he made me feel happy. happier than I ever have been. 
I was still in a relationship with my ex while getting close with L. Why? because i was a very fucked up individual. want to hear something even more fucked up?
i think i was having a guilt trip because I was still in a relationship. I tried not to exceed my boundaries with L, but sometimes it was just too hard. There was one incident when he came over to my neighborhood. He was going through a lot and needed someone to talk to. We went to a cut in the woods near my house, and talked while sitting on a bench. One thing led to another, and we ended up kissing. For once in my life, I felt as though I had a deep connection with someone. During the moments before our kiss, we were transparent with each other. I listened to him and I sympathized with his pain and vise versa. 
-
there was this one guy that would workout at my gym. i fucked him. I got into a heated argument with my ex, and did something to almost retaliate in a way. I could have fucked L, but for some reason I couldn’t. It’s not that he wasn’t attractive, but I didn’t want to throw myself at him like that. He seemed sweet and fragile..idk. what i can tell you though, is that i am very fucked up for this. I regret making that decision to this day... L found out about this through one of his group chat.
he was devastated, that’s the only way I would feel too. he was beyond upset with me and I don’t blame him. I was upset with myself. i’ll come back to this story later, because it’s making me upset thinking about it. 
here comes the wave of guilt, regret, and stupidity.
---------------------
09/09
Okay, I’m back ya’ll. 
anywayyyys, where was I..
After that incident, L became somewhat distant. Our connection wasn’t the same (of course). I apologized to him and he accepted it (even though I knew he didn’t). He acted as if everything was fine. I couldn’t bear talking to him knowing that I hurt him badly. 
i ended up transferring schools and barely spoke to him after that. 
i wouldn’t even accept my own apology, so why bother with second chances. 
ahhh, fml
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princess-megz · 6 years
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Who do you ship your mutuals with and why?
this post is basically me giving lots and lots of love to my dear mutuals; i don’t wanna spam y’all so it’s all gonna be under here! nfkajsndc also this is in no particular order i love all of y’all so much based off of broduce trainees! 💖
@simplicitwannaone • laulau🐮hi first of all i love you second of all i ship you with senwoo i mean what i ship you with me ???? ?? not me i didnt say that i ship you with pjh your ultimate bias ?? i ship you with me i need to stop and do this serIOUSLY i ship u with your ong!!!! i ship you with gong seongwoo because first, your introverted personality irl will match with his outgoing loud one, also hes 179cm perf for your giant height u hardcore tol!!!! third hes also down to kabedon you give you cuddles so yall can be tol softs together
@heochannies  • meike 🌸visuaL!!!! i missed you welcome back minhyun bc yall give me ceo couple vibes daniel!! bc yall would look so so soft at home just cuddling and just you cooking and him just hugging your waist i just- awwwwwwww buT THEN LIKE if yall were going to like a fancy gala and you just dressed up in a long fancy gown and your face beat and him with his hair slicked back o my gosh yall would look sO GOOD i need to stop but yall would be couple goals jsndckjnak
@laji-101 • krissy❣️krISSY !! huehuehue i ship you with gunhee? guanlin? me? hehehe i ship you with guanlin! hes so soft irl and you wouldnt crush him when you hug him!!!! hed probably crush u but thats besides the point you guys awww soft awks couple best ship wow one tol and one smol how cute and u cant forget!!! guanlin is such a meme hes a s-swaggy rapper ;))
@seungkwanslowqualityenglish • mom!!!mom!!!!!! i feel like wine mom would look good with ahjumma jisung!! aside from the fact that yall have a lot of motherly instincts i think that you would smother each other in love and treat each other to cute lil dinners and he would buy you cute lil rose bouquets and i feel that this would be a rlly cute rlly domestic relationship d’awww but i lowkey ship u with jaehwan
@thegentlemanukulele • natnat 👑naTTT!!! Official Visual™ whats good i ship you with minhyun wait no dingdong but also minhyun stop what about dingdong mINHYUN I SHIP YOU WITH MINHYUN yall will be the official ceo organised couple u cuties i feel like with your soft innocence and his hardcore exterior w his soft heart yall will be so cute and there will be lots of cuddles and and and and jusT EVERYTHING about this ship is so adorable and uhngkasdckn its so cute youre so cute
@dae-vil • daEDAE ♡( ◡‿◡ )daedae!!!! are you feeling better i hope you are
@jihoonslattee • chiii ( ̄ε ̄@)chiiii!!! i ship you with jihoon !! anD NOT BECAUSE YOU BIAS HIM nksndckjn but because your lovely welcoming personality would be able to support him when hes feeling down :(( also i feel like you would be able to tolerate his lil aegyo moments unlike christy who would probably just roast the shit out of him and his somewhat cute fashion sense aww ^^ anD yall,,,, dance couple,, need i say more? the potential duet covers yall could do,, :’) thE BEST!!!
@peachiejihoonie • jiejie 😍wow my actual jiejie hows life with our parents been in the us???? good????? thx for leaving me behind in hk thx sis rlly appreciate it sjNCKSJN anYWAYS back to the point i ship you with lowkey minki??? mostly bc yall would be able to roast the living shIT out of each other with no feelings hurt bc ur a highkey savage and hed also be able to make u laugh a lot whicH IS SO CUTE and he’d act all tough when hes out on a date with u like ‘smh stay away creeper dudes this is mY gIRL’ and youd probably smack him but youd lowkey be shimkunging aw speaKING of creeper dudes although minki is lanky i think hed also be able to prOTECC u not that u need it but i feel like he’d have a protective instinct over u idk why bUT awwww jiejie youre so cute pls dont fight chi bc i shipped her w jihoon
@wildereyes • rach (ノ*°▽°*)raCH!!!! hehe hi!! i ship you w donghyun!! hes so soft and adorable and if youre ever having a bad day i feel like he’d be the type to do anything to make you laugh again :’) anD JUST him singing and you dancing and nsdkjackjsndkacn amAZING i support 101% yall would be so cute and i feel like yall would have compliment wars u know!! like ‘you look so cute today’ and his entire face would just light up and ‘nOOOooOOo youre the cutest’ and cue a never ending bickering match wow i love this nsdjnk
@kakaotaeks • eggslurper #2 lenlen!!lennie!!! we miss you so much pls come back when you have the time !! u know i gotta ship my homegirl with hyeongseob,, both yall wILD i mean who could forget the time when you got into fnc and started twerking #neverforget but when yall are together.. its just so soft,, so domestic with the cuddles on the couch and soft pecks while watching probably like a horror movie or something idk some sort of action/romcom d’aww
@ladynightmareii • snazzy :’)snazzy snazzy snazzy i hope youre well and getting better :also pls dont hurt me yes i do realise the age gap but this is just purely hypothetical pls dont hurt me :c
@imagineproduce101 • rinaaaa (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)rinaaa!! local v*dka aunt i ship you with jonghyun! bc ur kinda wild aaand hes basically the equivalent of a clumsy big bear plush, yall rlly balance each other out well! i highkey imagine yall spending a day at the arcade and running around and winning all the tickets possible, ending the day with a light stroll in the park with ice cream in your hands and just u know that cute wartortle smile he has and he just grins and you and wOW shimkung everywhere and omg when you get chilly he just takes off his jacket and puts it on your shoulders aWWW yall suit each other so well this is so cute im so soft for this
@scorpionallday • m!!!ahh u closet fangirl i see u ;))) short but sweet; i ship u with woojin bc ??? hes basically your other half ndckajndak i sweAR yall just- d’awwwww skdn asndka jsnc him with his low voice raps??? u and your harmonies. couple dances?? yes. hiS satoORI ;))))))) u and ur claimed ‘american accent’ smH
hehe i hope you guys enjoyed reading your lil paragraphs
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aplaceofnonsense · 7 years
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The Ask Meme to End All Ask Memes
WELL LOOK AT THIS 
finally getting to this tag @lupintyde ;) this is gonna be fun it only took me my entire life to do this aha -
anyway the rules! o,o
RULES
1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people (or however many you want)
                                   my answers and more below the cut!
1. Do you think the red M&M friendzoned the yellow M&M or are they secretly a couple?
I think it is strictly platonic sorry :P
2. For those who watch Miraculous, which side character would you want to befriend?  For those who don’t watch Miraculous, go watch Miraculous >:)
Why must you ask such a hard question - Nath, or Nino? or both? Both
3. Have you ever cosplayed?
Once as Fem!Chat - wore a black dress and a horrible, horrible blonde wig - and yes, i did have cat ears that i got from ebay 
4. Do you have any famous relatives?Ok so fun story- Machel Montano? my grandma claims he’s my (distant) cousin and because you know, west-indies, I’m related to half the Trinidadian island I swear– anywho– he’s a reggae/calypso/socca artist! i don’t believe the hype though…I need DNA test to prove this 
5. Have you ever actually laughed yourself sick?  What’s the story? 
laughed myself sick? don’t think so but if i did it was probably because of whatever anime i was watching at the time
6. What is the thing you didn’t do in your life that you regret the most?    Hmmmm…..honestly? I’m a very ‘screw it’ kind of person who typically does what she wants; so the only thing i can really answer this with is never studying in time for exams and having to cram…much like i am doing now….
7. What piece of advice would you give to someone that you wish someone had given to you?                                                                 
grades don’t define your worth? it’s ok to say no to get togethers you don’t want to go to? people are jerks, don’t let the 3 people who hurt you discourage you from trusting the one person whos always stuck by you? its ok if it takes you all day to get small tasks done with huge breaks, you gotta do what you gotta do to stay sane/mentally stable?
8. What is the most memorable online username you’ve seen?     
honestly? don’t remember- I don’t pay attention to peoples usernames, I kinda just know online peeps by their avatar?
9. What animal’s fur is He-Man’s underwear made of?     
if its he man wouldn’t it then be made of his own? 
10. Have you ever experienced something inexplicable and/or paranormal?
No,unless you count the time  I saw my aunt who passed away in my dream one time that was sweet, we were at a party or something and she had a gold dress! it was also the last time i ever ‘saw’ her- never dreamed of her since which kinda makes me sad…. 11. If you take your age times the atomic number of Palladium plus the number of followers you have plus the total square area (in km) of Luxembourg, in what year will cats completely take over the internet?
I am an arts student. You are making me use numbers what is this? anyway apparently in the year 3785 cats will take over the internet and i am sad I will be long gone by then 
                                        My Questions!
1. If you were a meme, which meme would you be?
2. You’re in a fight, which meme do you use as backup?
3. describe your life in a gif 
4. you have a chance to rewrite history- what do you do?
5. you can stay in any dream you ever had, creating your own au- where would you go?
6. pusheen or peep the frog?
7. describe your life using a movie title 
8. the worlds thrown into chaos and the only meme to save us all is-
9. are you more of a protagonist or antagonist? 
10. you have the power to create anything. What do you do with it?
11. If you could revisit any unfinished dream what would it be?
I tag!
@grimmforest @deceptiveskull @animelunatic @hey-mr-darcy @ha-tep @erikaszostak @morning–d3w @teresatc24-blog
&anyone who wants to do this!
idk guys but have fun! ;D 
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