#anyways go nuts with this one folks feel free to add more

[dirt-grub]

okay. okay i said i was gonna share my 90′s au so here goes

(its more of a vague idea than a linear plot for anything, and its also still very open to change. i made this a few weeks ago for pure self indulgence but i found the community here and figured I’d share lol)

(also, feel free to add some of your own/take inspo from this!!! its totally fair game for anyone, if you wanna borrow some headcanons, add some headcanons, draw/write about it, go ahead!)

- This is an au where Fry never goes to the future, but the rest of the main cast already exists in 1990′s New York in time period appropriate ways; Fry is, well, Fry; Leela is a pilot-in-training and a member of the Manhattan Flight Club; Amy is an NYU grad student, etc, etc. 

-They’ve all met before New Years, 1999, at different times that are still yet to be decided, but somewhere around college age. Bender has known Fry the longest, followed by Leela, and then the rest of the crew.

- All non-human characters are human, however many of the traits of their original species will be integrated into their character (Leela was born blind in one eye, Bender excels at menial physical labor and has an incredibly high alcohol tolerance, etc.)

- Fry and Bender share a shitty cramped apartment in Brooklyn. Fry lived with Michelle for a little while before this, but they were so on-again off-again that Bender offered for him to stay at his place. 

- Bender is an up-and-coming musician, or at least, that’s what he tells people. He doesn’t really play gigs, he just throws parties and plays for friends, and they rarely ever give him money if he plays at one of their parties. The way he manages to pull an income is puzzling, but he manages; usually by doing odd jobs, showing up to Fry’s work at random, get-rich-quick schemes, and a wide array of illegal and/or immoral activities. Y’know, typical Bender.

- Fry has Seymour in this au, but he typically stays at Pannuchi’s overnight, as Fry and Bender’s apartment doesn’t allow dogs. Also, Bender pretends to be allergic to dogs and holds a grudge against Seymour, but its really because he doesn’t like sharing Fry’s attention. Leela calls him out on it constantly, but Fry believes him anyway.

- Fry and Bender totally fuckin like each other, but they’re also both oblivious as shit. Bender flirts with Fry and he hardly ever notices (but everyone else does). He has several pet names for Fry that seem casual (he calls him “red” a lot). Despite this, he gets extremely thrown off guard if Fry ever catches on and jokingly reciprocates or pays him a genuine compliment of any kind. 

- Bender’s full name is Benjamin. If you call him this he will hurt you. (Unless you’re his mom. Fry can get away with calling him Ben, but he’s on thin fucking ice.)

-Bender is MEXICAN DAMMIT. He has some other stuff mixed in, but he isn’t really sure what it is, so he makes it up as he sees fit. (The 90′s equivalent of the “I’m 40% __!” jokes come from this. On St. Patrick’s Day he claims to be 40% Irish, on Oktoberfest he claims to be 40% German, etc.)

- The nickname Bender comes from a few things, from the literal meaning of a wild drinking spree to his favorite sex position (which he details loudly and often, I’m sure you can guess what it is).

-Bender’s family speaks fluent Spanish, but his is shit. He only knows enough to communicate with family, flirt, talk shit and swear. Fry is impressed by it anyway, and Bender teaches him obscenities disguised as normal phrases, and gooey romantic crap disguised as obscenities. (Bender once taught Fry “Me cautivan tus ojos” and told him it was a rude phrase. He almost immediately forgot about it, so later when Fry repeated it back he had a fucking heart attack).

- He tells everyone he’s from Tijuana, but he was just born there. His parents are from Tijuana, and his mother went into labor early while visiting her sister back home. He was raised entirely in New York, but moved from borough to borough. He lived in the Bronx before the Brooklyn apartment.

- He’s actually pretty talented, but he’s not serious or focused enough to get anywhere with his music career. He loves to gas on about music and the rockstar lifestyle though, and sometimes when he’s drunk, he’ll tell Fry elaborate tales of how they’re gonna live once he’s made it big. 

-  Leela was still orphaned as a child. Her parents were immigrants, and they came to NYC to let her to get a good life while struggling to get a green card to come over themselves. In her adulthood they finally succeed, allowing her to build a relationship with them like she always wanted. I’m unsure of her cultural background just yet, but one that states the last name before the first name like in canon.

- Her parents traveled a lot, as her mother has her doctorate in linguistics and her father was a thrill seeker and sight seer. They decided NYC was the perfect city for Leela to experience the American dream in. They always knew she was going to be something brilliant, and while they observed and worried from afar, they never doubted she would be great.

- She’s smart and tough as hell, and manages to juggle school and several jobs. She’s always felt the need to prove herself, and is terrible at asking for help or allowing any kind of vulnerability show through. She’s extremely career motivated, but she has to work the same dead-end job as Fry and Bender, at least temporarily, to make enough money for flight school. 

- She has black hair naturally, but nobody’s ever seen it in person. She dyes it purple so habitually that you hardly ever see her roots. 

- She’s involved in a lot of charity work and activism (1990′s NYC was rough man).

- She was a star soccer player in high school, but didn’t make the cut in the high intensity world of college sports. She is constantly bitter about this.

- Amy’s an NYU grad student, studying applied physics under Professor Farnsworth (who they later find out is a distant relative of Fry’s). Her parents are rich one-percenters on wall street, but she was smart enough to get into NYU without their connections. 

-  She was spoiled as a child, but also damaged by her parents insanely high expectations of her and comments on her lifestyle and appearance. She decided to get her doctorate mostly to spite her parents, who just wanted her to marry someone rich and expand their business, but discovered her love for science. 

- I also hc her as ambidexterous for literally no reason.

- Leela had a one-sided feud with her in college, mostly due to Leela’s need to prove herself. She always deeply respected her and her intelligence, even if she played along and teased back. She’s a strong believer in women building up other women, but that doesn’t mean playful teasing and friendly competition isn’t allowed in her book.

- Everyone is gay because I said so (but there are specifics and nuances to everyone’s sexualities). There’s some implied internalized homophobia and compulsory heterosexuality bc the 90′s but I probably won’t focus on that very much (fiction is for escapism!)

-Fry doesn’t like to label himself, but he has the potential to get a crush on anyone. Early on, he thinks of himself as a straight guy who just happened to have a few crushes on guys, and later just opts not to call himself anything. 

- Leela is mainly sapphic, and is attracted to some guys, but has incredibly high standards for them in comparison to girls and generally leans towards those who present more femininely. 

- Bender is bisexual and is attracted to different things when it comes to different genders, but he’s generally pretty attracted to anyone. 

- Amy is pan and poly, and the most open about her sexuality. 

Oh uhhhhh I should probably mention more of the PE crew

- Zoidberg is a sketchy doctor with a history of malpractice that for some reason the Professor trusts to be his assistant.

-Hermes is head of the science department. No one knows why the fuck he puts up with Zoidberg and the Professor, but they all seem weirdly close. (Possibly because they all have blackmail on each other and tolerating each other is the best arrangement).

- Kif is an exchange student and Amy’s partner. They met when she was studying abroad, after which he transferred to NYU to be with her.

aaaaand there’s probably a lot more but this post is getting super long lol

anyways yeah ive had this idea in my head for a while and ive actually done some art for it so if i decide to post that here’s some context!

#connor talks #90's AU #futurama #ahhhhhh this took so long to write and theres still more in my google doc #anyways go nuts with this one folks feel free to add more

[seaofghouls]

DSMP FALLS! <1>

Ah! Summer break! A time for leisure, recreation, and taking her easy.

..Unless you're me.

A pair of triplets crash through a billboard with a go-kart. "AAAAAHHH!" Being followed by a monster of unimaginable horror. "It's getting closer!" One of the triplets cried. My name is Y/N. The boy to the right of me about to puke is my triplet brother, Tubbo, while the boy to my left screaming profanities is my other triplet brother, Tommy. You may be wondering what we're doing in this situation. "Look out!" Tubbo cried. "Agh!" Y/N screamed. "This monster is such a bitch!" Tommy cried. "Tommy!" Tubbo frowned. Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation!

... Let's rewind. It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air. They shipped us up to Gravity Falls, Oregon, to stay with our great uncle in the woods. "This attic is amazing! Just look at all of my splinters!" Tubbo cried. "..And there's a fucking goat on my bed." Tommy sighed.

Tubbo walked up to the goat.

"Hey, new friend! Yes, you can keep chewing on my shirt!" Tubbo giggled. Y/N giggled as well. Tubbo and Tommy seemed to look on the bright side of things. I, however, was having a bit of a harder time getting used to our new surroundings. "Boo!" "Aagh!" Y/N jumped up from their spot from under a tree. An old man took off a mask and started laughing. And then there was our great uncle Schlatt. That guy. Our uncle had transformed his house into a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack. The real mystery is why anyone came. And guess who had to work there? Y/N sighed, sweeping the floor. Tubbo reached out to touch something in this gift shop before Schlatt slapped his hand away.

"No touching the merchandise!" He said. Tommy snickered and touched it anyway out of spite. It seemed like it was going to be the same routine all summer, until one fateful day.

"Alright, look alive folks! I need someone to go hang up these signs in the spooky part of the forest." Schlatt said. "Not it!" The triplets said at the same time. "Also not it." Ranboo said. "Nobody asked you, Ranboo." Schlatt said. "I know and I'm comfortable with that." Ranboo smiled. "Niki! I need you to put up these signs!" Schaltt said. "I would.. but I can't.. reach." She trailed off. "I'd fire all of you if I could." Schlatt sighed. "Okay, let's make it eeny, meeny, miny, you." Schlatt pointed at Y/N. "Yes!" Tommy and Tubbo exclaimed. "Awe what? Gruncle Schlatt, whenever I'm in those woods I feel like I'm being watched." Y/N said. "Oh, this again." He rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, something weird is going on! Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out beware!" Y/N said, showing schlatt their arm. "...That says bewarb." Schlatt said. "Look kid, the whole monsters in the forest thing is just a local legend. Drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that." Schlatt pointed at a guy distracted by a schlatt bobblehead. "So quit being so paranoid!" Schlatt said. ... "Ugh, Gruncle Schlatt. nobody ever believes what I say." Y/N groaned as they hammer signs in the forest. They hammer another tree but stop when they hear metal. "huh?" They hit it the hammer again in curiosity. Finding a secret door with a machine inside, they mess with the buttons for a bit before something opens up behind them. "What the.." Reaching into the hole, they find a dusty old journal. They brush it off and start reading. "Woah.. trust no one, huh?" Y/N mumbled. "Hello!" Tubbo exclaimed. "What are you reading, some nerd book?" Tommy asked. "Uh-uh, it's nothing!" Y/N exclaimed. "Uh-UH IT'S NOTHING!" Tommy mocked. "What, are you seriously not gonna show us?" Tubbo asked. "..Let's go somewhere more private," Y/N said. ... "It's amazing! Gruncle Schlatt said I was being paranoid, but apparently, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side!" Y/N exclaimed. "WOAH!" Tubbo exclaimed. "SHUT UP!" Tommy pushed Y/N with a grin on his face. "Get this! After a certain point, the pages just stop! Like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared!" Y/N exclaimed.

The doorbell rang. "Who's that?" Y/N asked. "Welp, time to spill the beans! This guy's got a platonic date!" Tubbo grinned. "Platonic??" "Date??" Schlatt walked in as Tubbo came back in with someone. "Hey family, I want you to meet my new platonic boyfriend!" Tubbo exclaimed. "Sup." He said. "Hey." Y/N and Tommy said. "How's it hanging?" Schlatt finger gunned. "We met at the cemetery. He's really deep." Tubbo smiled. "..What's your name?" Y/N asked. "Normal.. Man!" He groaned out. "He means Norman." Tubbo giggled. "..Are you bleeding, Norman?" Tommy asked. "..It's jam." Norman said. Y/N stared at him in suspicion before Tubbo dragged Norman away. There was something with Norman that wasn't right. I decided to consult the journal. Y/N read the journal out loud. "Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes.. these creatures are often mistaken for.. TEENAGERS?!" Y/N exclaimed. "Beware Gravity Falls' nefarious ZOMBIES?!" Y/N gasped. "Zombies??" Tommy gasped. He was sitting there with Y/N. "Tommy, outside!" Y/N exclaimed. "Oh, no! Tubbo!" They both yelled. Norman lurched towards Tubbo, grabbed him, and put a flower crown on him. "Daisies?? You scallywag!" Tubbo gushed. "Is our brother dating a zombie or are we just going nuts?" Tommy muttered. "It's a dillema to be sure." Charlie said. "Agh!" Y/N jumped. "I couldn't help but overhear you guys talking to yourselves in this empty room." Charlie explained. "Charlie, you've seen Tubbo's platonic date, right? He's got to be zombie!" Y/N said. "Hm.. how many brains did you see the guy eat?" Charlie asked. "Zero.." Y/N sighed. "Look, dudes, I believe you. I'm seeing strange thing in this town all the time. Like, the mailman, I'm pretty sure that guy's a werewolf. But! You gotta have proof, or else people will think you're a major cukoo clock." Charlie said. "As always, big C, you're right." Tommy said. "My wisdom is both a wisdom and a curse." Charlie said. "Charlie! The toilets are clogged again!" Schlatt called out. "I am needed elsewhere." Charlie took off. Y/N and Tommy decided to work together to get some evidence. Throughout their studies, Norman certainly had strange behavior, but not enough to convict him of anything supernatural. "I'll talk to Tubbo, don't worry, sib!" Tommy said. "Alright." Y/N nodded. ... Tommy walked into the triplets' shared room. "Tubbo, we've got to talk about Norman." Tommy said. "I know! Isn't he great?? Look at this smooch mark he gave me!" Tubbo turned his head to show a large red area on his face. "Egh!" Tommy cried. "Hah! Gullible. It was just an accident with the leafblower. That was fun." Tubbo laughed. "No, listen, Tubbo! I'm trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems! The journal that Y/N found!" Tommy insisted. "You think he might be a vampire?? That would be awesome!" Tubbo gasped. "Guess again, big T! A zombie he is!" Tommy said. "A zombie?? Not funny, Tommy!" Tubbo frowned. "I'm not joking! Y/N can agree, it all adds up! The bleeding, the limp, he never blinks! Have you noticed that??" Tommy exclaimed. "Maybe he's blinking when you're blinking." Tubbo suggested. "HE'S GOING TO EAT YOUR BRAINS, BIG T!" Tommy shook Tubbo. "Tommy! Listen to me. Norman and I are going on a date tonight and I'm going to be adorable! He's going to be dreamy! And I'm not going to let you and Y/N ruin it with another one of your crazy conspirices!" Tubbo kicked Tommy out. "Ah man.. what am I gonna do??" Tommy slumped against the door. Someone sat down next to him. "How'd it go, bro-bro?" Y/N asked. "He's refusing to listen.. He kicked me out." Tommy sighed. Y/N frowned. "Not surprising. Hopefully he'll come to that realization in his own." ... The two out of three triplets were sitting on the couch, looking over the footage. "I guess we don't have any actual evidence, huh?" Y/N sighed. "Yeah.. I guess we can be kinda paranoid sometimes-" Tommy stopped. In the footage clip, Norman's hand fell off and he put it back on. "WAIT WHAT?!" Tommy and Y/N exclaimed. They leaped off

the

couch in a hurry. "WE WERE RIGHT! HOLY SHIT!" Tommy exclaimed. Racing outside, the two tried to find their uncle. "GRUNCLE SCHLATT! GRUNCLE SCHLATT!" Y/N called out. Schlatt wasn't paying attention.

"Wait! Niki has the cart!" Tommy suggested. "Good eye, Tommy!" Y/N grinned. "Niki! Niki! We need the cart to save our brother from a zombie!" They ran up to her. "Try not to hit any pedestrains." She winked, giving them the keys. "Alright, Tommy! Let's go save our sister!" Y/N grinned. They backed up before Charlie stopped them. "Dudes! This is for the zombies." He handed them a shovel. "Thanks." Y/N grinned, "This is in case you see a pinata." He handed them a bat. "..Thanks?" Tommy said. "Better safe than sorry!" He called out. Tommy and Y/N sped off to find their brother. They heard screams and drove to the direction of the sound. "LET'S GO!" Y/N exclaimed. "Get his arm there, Steve!" Tubbo was struggling against several gnomes. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Tommy exclaimed. "Tommy! Y/N! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they're total assholes!" Tubbo cried.

"Gnomes..? We were way off." Tommy mumbled. Y/N flipped open the journal. "Damn.. no weaknesses." They sighed. "Hey! Hey! Let go of my brother!" Y/N demanded. "This is all one big misunderstanding. Your brothers not in any danger! He's just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our king for all of eternity!" The lead gnome explained. "Give him back right now, or else, prick!" Tommy demanded. "You think you can stop us, child? You have no idea what we're capable of!" The gnome went on a tangent before Tommy scooped him up with the shovel and tossed him to the side. Y/N used that chance to free Tubbo, dragging him back to the kart with Tommy. "GO GO GO!" Tubbo exclaimed. "I wouldn't worry about it. See their little fucking legs? Those pricks are tiny." Tommy smirked. Tommy stopped when they heard the noises of a creature. A giant gnome creature, to be exact. "Damn." Tubbo said. "MOVE! GO GO GO!" Y/N screeched. The giant creature chased them through the forest. Gnomes launched onto the kart. "Agh!" Tubbo exclaimed. "GET OFF MY FACE!" Y/N cried. "I got you, sib!" Tubbo punched the gnome, while also accidentally punching Y/N several times before the gnome let go, revealing new bruises on Y/N's face. "..Thanks bro.." They winced. "Look out!" Tubbo cried. They crashed into the back of the Mystery Shack. They were officially cornered. The triplets hugged each other in terror. "W-where's Gruncle Schlatt??" Y/N asked. "It's the end of the line, kids! Tubbo, marry us before we do something crazy!" The lead gnome ordered. "There's gotta be a fucking way out of this.." Tommy muttered. "I gotta do it." Tubbo decided. "What?!" The other two triplets exclaimed. "Tubbo, are you crazy?!" Y/N asked. "Trust me." Tubbo said. "..What??" Tommy gasped. "Trust me, just this once, guys." Tubbo said. The two hesitated and then nodded. "Alright, Jeff. I'll marry you." Tubbo stepped forward. "Hot dog!" The lead gnome climbed down to Tubbo. "You may now kiss the groom." Tubbo said after the lead gnome put a ring on his finger. "Well, I don't if I do!" The lead gnome grinned, puckering up. Tubbo took that chance to hit him with the leafblower that was left outside. "Agh!" The gnome screamed. "That's for lying to me! That's the breaking my heart! And that's for messing with my siblings!" Tubbo shot the gnome off into the forest and the rest of the gnomes scattered away. As the triplets walked back into the Mystery Shack, Tubbo stopped them. "Hey, Y/N, Tommy, I'm sorry. You two were really just trying to look out for me." Tubbo sighed. "Oh, don't be like that! You saved our asses back there!" Tommy smiled. "I guess I'm just sad that Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes." Tubbo sighed. "Hey, look on the bright side! Maybe the next one will be a vampire." Y/N giggled. "You're just saying that." Tubbo giggled, punching their shoulder. "..Awkward triplet hug?" Y/N suggested. "Awkward triplet hug." Tommy and Tubbo said together, the three of them in a hug. ... "Yeesh, you three get hit by a bus or something? Hahah!" Schlatt laughed. The triplets ignored him. "Hey, um,, I accidentally overstocked some items, why don't you three take something?" Schlatt said. "What's the catch?" Y/N raised an eyebrow. "The catch is do it before I change my mind, now go!" Schlatt said. The triplets grinned at each other. Tubbo picked out a grappling hook, Tommy picked out a music disc, and Y/N picked out a a hat with a bat symbol on it. ... This journal told me that there was no one you could trust. But when you go up against an army of gnomes with side by side with two people, you realize they probably got their back. "Tubbo, can you get the light?" Y/N asked. "You got it, sib!" Tubbo shot the grappling hook at the light. "Oh, for fuck's sake!" Tommy rolled his eyes. Tubbo and Y/N giggled. Our uncle told us there was nothing strange about this town, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked? -------

#dream smp #dsmp au #dsmp #gravity falls #gf #au #reader insert #x reader #dsmp gravity falls au #dream smp gravity falls au #agaga

[ecoamerica]

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[livesincerely]

always yours, always mine

Also on Ao3. Rated E.

Disclaimer, this is another A/B/O fic, which I know isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, so feel free to skip over this one if that’s not something you’re into <3

00000

“Okay,” Davey says after the third time one of the boys flinches away from him: Albert, this time, who lets out a panicked yelp and all but tucks and rolls, head over ass, in his attempt to keep Davey from touching him. Given that Davey had only gone to clap a friendly hand on his shoulder while they line up to get their papes, this seems like a drastic overreaction. “What aren’t you all telling me.”

They actually have the gall to look surprised—as though they’ve been anything even approaching subtle in the not-quite fifteen minutes that have passed since Davey arrived in the square—and their guilty, hang-dog expressions might’ve been comical if he wasn’t so annoyed.

“Well?” Davey says, arching an eyebrow, his gaze sweeping over each of them in turn. “What is it?”

Race snatches Albert’s cap off his head and thwaps him with it. “Nice goin’ Albie, you done gave it away!”

“What was I s’pposed’ta do?” Albert says, disgruntled, rubbing his forehead. “Jus’ stand there?”

“No, but you were s’pposed’ta handle it discrete like, dumbass—”

“Oh, sure, ‘cause it’s just that easy—”

“None of you would know discrete if it socked you in the jaw,” Davey cuts in, his hands making their way to his hips as he stares down at them. “Now, what’s going on?”

There’s a long silence as the boys all glance at each other, shifting guiltily, but none of them willing to be the first to break.

Finally, Racetrack sighs. “This was a stupid idea anyway,” he mutters. He rolls his shoulders back and looks Davey straight on, opens his mouth to speak—

Henry elbows him in the side, hissing, “Race! Don’t tell him!”

“Albert already ruined it, we might as well come clean—”

“I didn’t ruin it!” Albert cries.

“You kinda did,” Finch says with a shrug. “You were really obvious, Al.”

"What was I s’pposed to do!”

“I say we just tell him,” Buttons chimes in over Albert’s protests. “Davey’s gonna figure it out eventually—”

“—and he’s gonna be more upset the longer we keep it from him.” Specs adds. Buttons points at him as if to say, yeah, see?

“You just don’t want Davey to be mad at’cha,” Romeo says, accusatory. 

“Do you want Davey to be mad at’cha?”

“....No.”

“I’m gonna tell him,” Race announces to the group at large.

Multiple voices interject all at once, shouts of disagreement and words of encouragement all jumbled together.

“Race, you can’t,”  Crutchie says with a shake of his head, his quieter tones just barely heard beneath the others’ bickering. “Yesterday was bad enough and you heard what Jack said! He doesn’t want to say anything—“

“Yeah, well maybe if Jack wasn’t such a moron, it wouldn’t’ve gotten so bad in the first place—”

“So, this is about Jack, then?” Davey asks, loudly, and the silence that falls is so sudden and absolute that it almost seems to echo.

The boys all look at each other, apprehensive. Then Racetrack blurts, “Jack’s in rut!”

“Jack’s… what?”  Davey says, startled, because out of all the possibilities he’d suspected, this wasn’t anywhere on the list. “I thought he was sick?”

“He didn’t want us to tell you,” Crutchie admits, apologetic. “He didn’t want’cha to know.”

“Jack’s in rut and he wasn’t going to tell me?” Davey says, confused and a little hurt. “But… why?”

“Because he’s an idiot?” Race offers, rolling his eyes. “He wasn’t exactly forthcoming with any typa explanation but he’s probably freaking out about some stupid alpha thing—”

“Hey,” Mush protests weakly. Sniper just shrugs as if to say fair enough. 

“—and he’s been all keyed up since Tuesday, stinking like frenzy and frustration—and not the fun kind,” Racer continues, wrinkling his nose at the memory. “Plus, he can smell you on all’a us when we get back to the Lodging House every evening; he nearly tore Buttons’ arm outta its socket yesterday when he caught your scent on his sleeve, just from wantin’ it so bad.” 

“He didn’t hurt me,” Buttons assures him when Davey looks his way, alarmed. “Nothing like that—you know Jack would never. But he’s driving himself crazy stayin’ away from ya, and havin’ your scent around without you there with it is only makin’ things harder on him.”

“But, why doesn’t he just…” Davey asks, trying to think of a delicate way to say fuck it out, even as something in his chest bares its teeth and snarls at the thought of Jack even considering a rut partner. 

“You’re kiddin’, right?” Race says flatly, thoroughly unimpressed. “Please tell me you’re kiddin’, because I can only deal with one of you bein’ stupid at a time and Jack’s already called dibs on this week.”

“So, what, he’s trying to just wait it out when he knows that I would—“ 

Davey stops himself, flushing. It’s no secret, how he and Jack have been circling each other—teetering on the brink of becoming  more,  just waiting for something to finally give—but he’s reluctant to talk about it too openly, the possibility of him and Jack still feeling oh so fragile where it’s tucked away in the deepest corner of his heart.

Because he’d thought that they were on the same page, thought that there was an unspoken understanding between them that one day, eventually… But if Jack didn’t want him to know about his rut, hadn’t asked Davey to keep him company through his cycle… Davey chews at his lower lip, stomach twisting up in knots.

“Didn’t I just tell you not to be stupid?” Racetrack asks—frowning, but with no real heat to his words—and Davey realizes that his scent has taken on a sour, anxious note as his thoughts spiralled. “You can’t possibly think that he’d want anyone but you riding this out with him.”

“Except, he doesn’t want me there,” Davey points out. “You just said that he didn’t want me to know—”

“Yeah, but not ‘cause he don’t want you,” Racetrack assures him, as though this is plainly obvious. “‘Cause he really, definitely does: he’s puttin’ up with the rest of us ‘cause he loves us and ‘cause he don’t gotta choice since we all live together, but he wants  you.  I think he wants you so bad that it scares him.”

Davey tilts his head, running his tongue over his teeth as he considers Race’s words. But it’s not even a choice that needs contemplating, really, not when it’s Jack.

“I’ll go over and check on him,” Davey decides, a little voice in his head whispering yeshelpprotectfixsoothe. “See if I can convince him to let me help him.”

The boys all sag as one—it’s clear that they hadn’t wanted to go directly against Jack’s orders but are relieved that Davey’s going to step in.

“Thank fuck,” Elmer mutters. “I can’t take anymore of his goddamn pacing.”

“Felt like I was havin’ sympathy pains, watching him prowl around,” Mush agrees, rubbing a hand over his chest like he can feel an ache there. “Don’t know how he’s managed to hold out so long—I can’t imagine tryin’ to get through a cycle without Blink now that we’re together—”

“I’ll handle it,” Davey says, determined, the feeling in his chest crystalizing into something solid and certain and unshakable. 

“We’ll let your folks know where you are,” Crutchie tells him, clapping Davey on the shoulder. “Just go an’ take care of him—god knows he ain’t gonna take care of himself.”

“And don’t let him run you off,” Race advises. “You know how he gets.”

“I’ll handle it,” Davey repeats firmly.

00000

Davey smells Jack before he sees him: the air is heavy with his cedar and summertime scent, undercut with the smoky sweetness of his rut, so potent that Davey almost goes dizzy with it.

“Jack?” he calls out, announcing himself out of politeness rather than any real need—he’s positive that Jack smelt him the moment he arrived. “Jackie?”

The hair on the back of Davey’s neck stands on end, his heart skipping a beat in his chest, and Davey turns just as Jack steps out of a side hallway, his face shadowed with tension.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” Jack rumbles, watching Davey with dark, dark eyes. He’s only wearing a pair of thin sleep pants, his skin dewy with a sheen of sweat, and even from where he stands, Davey can feel the heat rolling off of him in waves.

“Oh?” Davey says, arching an eyebrow. “Because I’m pretty sure this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.”

“Which one of ‘em squealed?” Jack asks with a growl of frustration, raking a hand through his hair. “No, don’t tell me, it was Racer, wasn’t it?”

“Why didn’t you tell me your rut was coming up?” Davey asks, getting right to the point. 

“I didn’t wanna put’cha in that position,” Jack says evasively, gaze falling to the floor.

“And what position would that be?” Davey questions, crossing his arms over his chest.

It takes Jack several seconds to answer. “Didn’t want’cha to feel… obligated or nothin’. Like you hafta be here, like you hafta help me with this, jus’ ‘cause we’re...”

“I don’t understand,” Davey says, watching him carefully, a spark of realization starting to dawn. “How is this any different than you helping me through my heat last month?”

Jack’s spine stiffens, tension thrumming through him like a live wire, but he lets it go just as quickly as it arrived. 

“Come on, Davey,” Jack says, voice heavy, his mouth pressed in a thin, unhappy line across his face. “You know what I mean. You know why it’s different.”

“Sweet, stubborn, overprotective alpha,” Davey murmurs with a sad sigh, shaking his head. “Jackie, you’re not going to lose control and go wild just because you’re in rut, it doesn’t actually work like that—”

“Are you sure?” Jack says darkly. “Are you absolutely positive? ‘Cause I’m feelin’ pretty fuckin’ outta control, here, Dave. Feels like I might bust outta my skin any second, my instincts are goin’ goddamn nuts, I can barely sleep, can barely keep my fuckin’ head on straight, and there’s this hollow, empty spot between my lungs that aches every time I breathe, and I can’t— I can’t—”

“Jack,” Davey says, low and soothing. “You have to stop fighting your instincts. I know you think you’re protecting me by holding yourself back, but I promise that there’s nothing to worry about. Let me help you, darling. Please?”

Jack wavers—not like he’s convinced, not like he’s found any sort of faith in himself, but like he no longer has the strength to keep arguing—and that more than anything has the alarm bells going off in the back of Davey’s mind.

“Jack,” Davey beckons, soft but firm. “Jackie, love, come here.”

Jack takes a stumbling, hesitant step forward. Davey meets him halfway and draws him into a tight embrace, one arm wrapped securely around Jack’s middle, the other guiding Jack’s head to rest against the curve of his throat. 

Jack’s hands settle cautiously against the small of his back, his nose tucked right against Davey’s scent gland. He takes in a single, shaky breath, then crumples like a puppet that’s had its strings cut, that salty, bitter note of distressed alpha finally fading from his scent.

“Dave,” Jack whines, snuffling desperately at his neck. “Davey.”

“I know, Jackie,” Davey murmurs, hugging him even tighter. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

They stand like that for several minutes, just holding each other—Davey pressing gentle kisses to the top of Jack’s head while Jack clings to him, relaxing more and more with every inhale. 

“Can you look at me for a second, love?” Davey asks, craning back as much as he can without letting go. Jack grumbles but obediently tilts his head back—now that they’re closer, Davey can see that his eyes are glassy with fever, his skin flushed beneath his tan. “When’s the last time you ate something? Or had anything to drink?”

“I dunno,” Jack says, shrugging. “A while, I guess. H’ven’t been keepin’ track.”

“Let’s get some food and water into you, okay?” Davey says. “You’ll feel better once you’ve eaten.”

Davey leads Jack along the hallway and down a set of stairs into the basement, following the traces of Jack’s scent in the air to find wherever he’s been hunkered down for his rut. 

He quickly discovers what must be the Lodging House’s cycle room. It’s cold, cramped, and uncomfortable, not a hint of carpet or wood or  anything  to cover the wall-to-ceiling concrete that encloses the space, and Davey’s heart aches at the thought of Jack waiting out his cycle here, alone, for these last couple days.

He takes stock of the room: there's a wooden bed frame with a lumpy mattress pushed up against one of the walls, covered in a plastic mattress protector and made up with a cheap set of sheets that are stale with sweat, and a single threadbare blanket to go with it—no pillows. There’s a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter sitting on a table in the corner, a mostly full pitcher of water and a glass next to it, and there’s a stack of towels and linens tucked underneath the table with a wash basin.

“Think you can eat something?” Davey asks.

Jack shrugs again but doesn’t answer. Davey decides to interpret this as a  yes. 

“Sit down for me, darling,” he says, making quick work of fixing Jack a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of water. 

Jack hovers close for a second, then finds a spot right on the floor, leaning with his back against the far wall. 

“Go ahead and eat this for me,” Davey instructs, handing over the food. Jack accepts it from him by route, but makes no move to actually take a bite. “Jackie, please. You need to eat something.”

“‘M not hungry,” he mutters.

“I know you aren’t, but that’s just the rut talking,” Davey says, running a hand gently along his arm. “You’ll feel differently once you’ve got some food in your stomach.”

Though he’s clearly not thrilled about it, Jack manages to choke down half of his sandwich and two glasses of water. Once that’s taken care of, Davey starts stripping the dirty sheets off the bed, piling them into the corner to be washed later, then remakes it with a fresh set.

“Do you want to try laying down for a while?” Davey asks as he finishes, smoothing away a wrinkle near one of the mattress corners. “You said you haven’t been sleeping well—”

“I think you need to leave,” Jack interrupts, the words coming out in a low, gravelly rasp. 

Davey goes very, very still, a sudden flare of heat prickling low in his stomach. 

He slowly turns around. Jack rises to his feet with all the grace and power of a jungle cat, his eyes shaded dark with hunger and his scent burning like a wildfire, staring at Davey like he might devour him whole, the air between them growing heated as the next wave of his rut kicks in. 

Davey barely resists a whimper, his own scent spiking sugar-sweet in response as desire pulses through him. He wants to rub himself all along Jack’s front, until that smoky-spicy-cedar scent is imprinted into his skin. Wants to lick the taste of it right out of Jack’s mouth.

“David,” Jack growls. His eyes are scorching. “You gotta go, sweetheart. You gotta leave right now.”

Davey swallows around a suddenly dry throat, his tongue feeling heavy in his mouth, but his voice is remarkably steady when he says, “What if I don’t want to leave?”

Now it’s Jack’s turn to stiffen. “Davey,” he says sharply. “I know you’re tryin’ to help, but trust me, this ain’t like your heats. You don’t wanna be here for this.”

“You haven’t actually asked me if I want to be here for this,” Davey points out, taking a single step forward. Jack’s hands ball into fists at his sides. “You’ve just assumed that I don’t.”

“Because you don’t understand how—” Jack’s jaw snaps shut as he cuts himself off, expression tight.

“Answer me this then,” Davey says when Jack doesn’t continue, stepping closer and closer until they’re standing toe to toe, chest to chest. Jack’s nostrils flare, the muscles in his arms tensing and flexing, and that mouth watering scent spikes even stronger. “Do you want me, Jackie?”

“Of course I want’cha,” Jack groans, and one of those big, hot hands finally curls around Davey’s waist—not pulling him any closer, really, but like Jack just can’t help himself. “What kinda question is that? This ain’t about not wantin’ ya.”

“Then why is it so hard for you to believe that I want you too?” Davey asks. “That I want you like this? That I want everything you’re willing to give me?”

“You don’t know what you’re askin’ for,” Jack insists, stubborn. Davey would admire his dedication if it wasn’t so exasperating. “I’m— I can’t control myself as well when I’m in rut, I get rough, possessive—”

Davey rolls his eyes. 

“You’re my alpha, Jackie,” he says dryly. “Possessive kind of comes with the territory.”

Jack’s eyes go wide. Two seconds later, Davey realizes what he’s said: this is the first time either of them have openly acknowledged what they are to each other, and voicing it aloud, saying it so plainly… something in Davey’s chest thrums with energy, with  connection.

“You... “ Jack’s throat works for a moment. “You think of yourself as mine?”

“Jackie, I’ve always been yours,” Davey says, cupping his hands around Jack’s face, so true and so tender that he aches with it. “And, I think you’ve always been mine.”

Jack pulls one of Davey’s hands away from his face and curls his own around it, pressing a kiss to Davey’s knuckles, then to his palm, and then to the inside of his wrist, his gaze growing more heated with each one. 

“Mine,” Jack growls, a hint of teeth scraping against Davey’s pulse as he pulls away. “You’re mine.”

“Yours,” Davey breathes. “All yours.”

Jack’s eyes flash red, then he’s drawing Davey in for a hard, demanding kiss, pressing a thigh between the hot space between Davey’s legs. Davey gasps at the first brush of Jack’s lips against his neck, the slide of Jack’s hands shifting down to palm at his ass, his fingers digging into the swell of Jack’s biceps for purchase. 

“Take these off,” Jack growls, yanking Davey’s shirt out from where it’s tucked into his pants. “Take them off before I tear them off you.”

Davey fumbles for the buttons on his shirt, liquid heat pooling low in his stomach. Jack’s hands trail greedily at every bit of his skin as he uncovers it, thoroughly distracting and too good to ignore, and after several minutes of scrabbling, interspersed with long, frenzied kisses, they eventually manage to get their clothes off. 

“Bed, cielito,” Jack says. “We need to— Bed.”

Davey hums in acknowledgment but doesn’t move, his face buried against Jack’s shoulder, biting at the skin there until it bruises.

“Dave,” Jack tries again.

“I’m busy,” Davey mumbles, mouthing at the sharp line of Jack’s collarbones.

“And I’m about two seconds away from pushing you down and fucking you right through the floor,” Jack says, voice laden with promise. “So get on the goddamn bed.”

“I really don’t see what the issue is,” Davey teases, still not moving an inch. “The floor is closer, isn’t it?”

Jack snarls, curling a hand around Davey’s nape and pulling him back up into another frenzied kiss.

“Mouthy— little— smartass—“ he pants, his teeth dragging along the tendon in Davey’s throat. “I’m gonna eat you out ‘til you cry.”

He wraps his hands under Davey’s thighs and hoists him up and back. Davey lands on the mattress with a soft bounce, barely given any time to situate himself before Jack is on top of him, pinning him down with rough hands and spreading him wide before following through with his threat, tongue lapping at Davey’s entrance in broad, greedy strokes.

“Ah,”  Davey gasps, fingers tight in Jack’s hair, scrabbling for some kind of anchor as Jack licks him open.

Jack lets out a low rumble of approval that vibrates right against where he’s most sensitive, his body growing even wetter, even slicker at the sound and feel of it. Jack swirls his tongue around his opening, making Davey’s toes curl against Jack’s sides, then presses in—Davey cries out, a harsh, desperate sound that tears out of him as he grinds up into the sensation.

“Jack,” he gasps, mindless, hips jerking uselessly in Jack’s unrelenting hold, body pulled taut and stretched loose at the same time, pleasure coiling in his belly. “Jack, I’m— I can’t—”

One particularly filthy swipe of Jack’s tongue has Davey’s breath hitching in his chest, head thrown back as the feelings swell and crest, and it only takes one more teasing flick before Davey’s coming with a broken moan.

“Jack,” he croaks when his lungs reinflate. “Holy shit.”

Jack’s mouth and chin are shiny with slick, his pupils blown wide and shaded with satisfaction. 

“Told you,” he says smugly. 

Davey tugs him down into another messy kiss, needing to lick that handsome smirk off his face. Then he rears up and flips them over so that he’s the one on top now, kneeling over Jack with his legs straddling Jack’s lap.

“My turn,” Davey murmurs, reaching down and taking Jack’s length—thick and hard and wet at the tip—in hand, lining it up at his entrance.

Then he takes a breath, leans back, and sinks down onto it in one slow, smooth downstroke. 

“Mmn,” Davey sighs, his eyes slipping shut as his body adjusts to the stinging stretch of finally being filled. He’s thrumming with tension, with heat, his thighs quivering where they’re spread wide around Jack’s hips, hands splayed against Jack’s chest for leverage, and it feels so good he could almost choke on the pleasure of it. 

Jack’s hands flex jerkily against Davey’s sides, then go wonderfully, bruisingly tight, thumbs pressing hard against the divots of his hips.

“Fuck, Davey,” he groans, staring up at Davey with dark eyes tinged with red, lovely and wanting. “You’re gorgeous, sweetheart. So fucking gorgeous and absolutely perfect for me.”

“For you,” Davey agrees, grinding down in a tight, deliberate circle, ass flush against the cradle of Jack pelvis, and Jack’s scent burns even brighter, smoky and sweet. “And you’re all mine, aren’t you darling?”

“Always,” Jack promises.

Davey rises up then drops back down, carefully at first but quickly finding his rhythm, rocking his hips in a  steady back and forth motion that sends liquid fire sparking up his spine. Every slip and drag of Jack’s dick inside of him feels like being shaken apart and pieced back together all at once, aching desire coursing through him with every slap of skin against skin.

“Davey,” Jack pants, his hips bucking up to meet Davey’s own as he rolls down again, and Davey moans through the bursts of bliss that explode behind his eyelids. “Oh, fuck, that’s good.”

“Jack,” Davey gasps, leaning forward to tuck his nose against Jack’s neck, nipping at his pulse point as he grinds down in his lap, the scent of summer and cedar and mate, mate, mate anchoring him even as he goes a little scent drunk on how  right  it all is. “Jackie, I— oh, yes, just like that.”

Jack pulls him down into the next thrust, hard and fast, and Davey cries out, twisting his hip as he sinks into it. 

“Perfect,” Jack grunts, those hot, rough hands squeezing tight. “God, Davey, you look absolutely incredible. So fucking pretty, sweetheart, feel so good riding my cock.”

Davey works his hips that much faster at the praise, so much so that the bed starts rocking underneath them, the squeaky creak of the wooden frame echoing through the room in time with his own heaving breaths. He’s so wet now that he can hear Jack fucking him, hears the slick, dirty squelch of Jack’s knot pressing a little deeper inside of him every time they clash together, driving closer and closer to completion.

“Harder,” Davey pleads, his thighs burning from the effort of keeping up his pace but still needing more. “Jack, please—fuck, alpha, please—harder.”

Jack snarls—a low, rumbling, dangerously sexy sound—and his eyes bleed red, his scent washing over Davey like blazing fire. He leverages his legs up, bending them at the knee with his feet flat against the mattress, and when he thrusts up into Davey on the next roll of his hips, it feels so impossibly good that Davey’s mouth falls open around a broken, guttural little keen.

“O-oh,” Davey says, the word catching in his throat, barely able to think with how completely and utterly Jack is destroying him, his knot starting to thicken and swell against his rim as their bodies meet again and again. Davey arches his back, planting a hand against one of Jack’s bent knees for balance, chasing blindly after his pleasure, and Jack makes a noise like he’s going out of his damn mind, a possessive growl tearing its way out of his throat. “Oh fuck.”

“Say it again,” Jack orders, eyes on fire.

It falls out of Davey’s mouth, desperate and true: “Alpha, alpha, my alpha—”

“My omega,” Jack says, his voice low and gritty, rut and desire clouding his gaze. “Mine.”

They’re both teetering on the edge. Jack’s knot is catching on every thrust, fucking him open in torturous, delicious increments, and Davey wants, wants,  wants.

“Jack,” Davey’s head hangs heavy between his shoulders, his lower lip caught between his teeth as he pants and sighs. “Jackie, yes, give it to me, give it to me, please, yes—”

Jack’s hands slide lower, clench harder, and Davey has one second to delight in how much he loves the feel of those big hands curled around him before the world spins and he lands flat on his back again with Jack braced above him, his eyes wild and vivid red. He grabs the backs of Davey’s thighs and pushes his knees up towards his ears, hardly faltering at all before he’s driving back inside again, fast and hard and so, so deep, and Davey’s boiling, blistering from the feeling of Jack, always Jack, pulsing inside of him, etched right into the seams of his heart.

“Mine,” Jack growls again, nipping viciously at the base of Davey’s throat, tongue swirling over his scent gland like he’s already trying to taste his claim. Davey tilts his head back with a needy whine, unable to do anything except offer himself up to him, freely and wholly. “Mate. Mine.”

“Jack,” Davey whimpers. “Jack, I— I’m—”

“You’re going to come for me,” Jack orders, pistoning his hips even harder, and the new angle means that he’s tagging that sweet spot inside on every other thrust, fierce and relentless. 

“Yes,” Davey moans, sparks flying at the edges of his vision. “Yes, I’m— Don’t stop, don’t stop, please don’t—”

Jack presses him down, snaps his hips forward, sharp, and his knot finally catches, swells, and locks inside of him. Heat thrums, then surges through him, white hot, at the searing stretch of it and Davey comes so hard he goes lightheaded, body rippling and writhing through wave after wave of pleasure. Jack manages a couple more filthy grinds of his hips before he’s tumbling over the edge right after him, capturing Davey’s mouth in a breathless, bruising kiss as his orgasm rocks through them both.

When he feels like he can move his limbs again, Davey lets his legs slip down to wrap around Jack’s waist, looping his arms loosely around Jack’s neck. He turns his face towards Jack’s temple and inhales, smiling softly when he catches the smoky, spicy, cooling-embers scent of a sated, happily exhausted alpha.

“How are you feeling, darling?” Davey murmurs, brushing Jack’s sweaty hair off his forehead with a gentle touch. “Alright?”

Jack mouths something unintelligible against his collarbone, a solid, grounding weight sprawled bonelessly on top of him. Davey cups his hand around the nape of Jack’s neck, then strokes soothingly down his back, his mind a wash of hazy contentment. 

“‘M good,” Jack grunts. “I’m… fuck, Dave.”

Davey huffs out a laugh, then presses a kiss to the high point of Jack’s cheek. “Fuck,” he echoes hoarsely, still recovering from his high.

“You?” Jack asks, nuzzling clumsily at the column of Davey’s throat. “Feelin’ okay?”

“Better than,” Davey decides, his body aching deliciously around the hot, hard knot pressed inside of him, stomach sticky with with own release, his thighs wet with slick and come, neck littered with marks, the air thick with their combined scents, spring and citrus and cedar and sweet  melded perfectly together, and he feels totally, entirely, completely— “Feel claimed.”

Jack’s body twitches, his knot throbbing as he spills another burst of pleasure deep inside of him. Davey hums, pleased, some base omega instinct purring with satisfaction at how wonderfully full he is.

“Jesus, sweetheart,” Jack eventually gets out, voice rough and raspy and  wrecked.  “You can’t just— Have mercy on your poor alpha.”

“My alpha,” Davey agrees. “All mine.”

#newsies #javid #jack kelly #davey jacobs #*editor's note #*the writing desk #*final cut #tease series #yep yep yep yep #I’m sorry for nothing

[kipscorner]

Headernotes:

- THIS IS A LONG POST! - Anything in Parenthesis, feel free to change or remove - Feel free to change pronouns to match - Thank you for reblogging and using! <3

“(Name), can you explain again what we're doing?”

We're kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh...to embrace the majesty of the winter landscape...and select that most important of Christmas symbols.”

“We're not driving all the way here so you can get one of those stupid ties with the Santa Clauses on it, are we?”

“Some jackass is riding my tail.”

“(Name)! Don't provoke them!”

“Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.”

“Eat my road grit, liver lips!”

“(Name), stop it! I don't want to spend the holidays dead!”

“Will you just take it easy, (Name)? I'm in complete control.”

“(Name), we're stuck under a truck!”

“Do you think I don't know that?”

“For Christ sake, I didn't do this on purpose!” 

“My toes are numb.”

“I can't feel my leg.”

“(Name), that thing wouldn't fit in our yard.”

“It's not going in our yard, (Name). It's going in our living room.”

“She'll see it later, (Name). Her eyes are frozen.”

“Hey, (Name)! Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?”

“You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that.”

“I wasn't talking to you.”

“It looks great. A little full. A lot of sap.”

“Did I tell you I talked to my mother?”

“They've decided they're coming for Christmas too.”

“You're forgetting how difficult it's gonna be having everybody in the house.”

“(Name), they're family. They're not strangers off the street.”

“Yeah. And about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs. And your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip.”

“I want to have Christmas here in our house. It means a lot to me. All my life I've wanted to have a big family Christmas.”

“The question is, what will you do with that bonus? Gonna blow it on yourself, I hope.”

“Oh, my God, you're putting in a pool.”

“Layman's terms. None of that inside bullshit jargon nobody understands.”

“Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass.Happy Hanukkah.”

“Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if stores were less hooter--Hotter than they are.”

“You have your coat on.”

“There is a nip in the air though.”

“Can I take something out for you?”

“'Tis the season to be merry.”

“Folks! Folks! Folks! Merry Christmas!”

“Look at how big you've gotten!”

“They're not sleeping in my room. I'm gonna go crazy.”

“We're gonna have the best-looking house in town.”

“Come on, unravel these. You have to check every bulb. Got a little knot here. You work on that. I'll get the other box.”

“Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?”

“We're all making sacrifices, (Name).”

“Well, I don't know what to say except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.”

“And why is the carpet all wet, (Name)?”

I don't know, (Name)!”

“I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard, staring at the house in my pajamas.”

“Talk about pissing your money away.���

“Let's get in where it's warm.”

“Now, look, if you need any help...give me a holler. I'll be asleep.”

“Where the hell is that cold coming from?”

“I want to take off these clothes, sit with a glass of wine and kiss your body.”

“Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family?”

“Do you honestly think I would check thousands of lights if the extension cord wasn't plugged in?”

“You deserve a home like this to spend Christmas in.”

“You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.”

“I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the holidays.”

“You got a kiss for me?”

“Better take a rain check on that. (pronouns) got a lip fungus they ain't identified yet.”

“We named him that because he's got this sinus condition.”

“You pet him and he'll love you till the day you die.”

“If I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised then I am right now.”

“After that long drive, we could use a little private time together.”

“(Name), help me get some hot chocolate. It's cold.”

“A little tree water ain't gonna hurt him. Before we left, he drank a half a quart of Pennzoil. Boy, when he lifted his leg the next morning…”

“It's a crying shame the older kids couldn't make it.”

“She's got these big horns growing right out above her ears. Yeah, she's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. And a hell of a good cook.”

“Can I refill your eggnog? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to nowhere and leave you for dead?”

“Oh, that there? That's an RV.”

“Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of an important call. Get me somebody. Anybody. And get me somebody while I wait.”

“We're gonna fly down the hill with this stuff.”

“You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced because every time (Name) revved up the microwave...I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half-hour or so.”

“Nothing like waiting till the last minute, huh?”

“What are you doing up, sweetheart?”

“You shouldn't use that word.”

“I don't think he should be nervous and you shouldn't be either. Because if you're good, Santa knows it. If you believe in him and you believe in your mom and you believe in your...Your dad. If you've been good all year round, Santa is gonna bring you something.”

“Well, I happen to know for a fact that Santa Claus is real. And in the next couple of days… somehow I'm gonna prove it to you.”

“It's good you came to stay with us.”

“I think you'd better go back to bed now.”

“Aren't you having any breakfast?”

“Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn. The clean, cool chill of the holiday air.

And an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.”

“It's a sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match near it.”

“Merry Christmas. Shitter was full!”

“In seven years he couldn't find a job?”

“(Name) and I want to help you give the kids a nice Christmas.”

“This isn't charity. It's family.”

“If you don't tell me what they want, I'll go out and get it on my own.”

“Is your house on fire, (Name)?”

“No, those are Christmas lights.”

“Don't throw me down, (Name).”

“Oh, that was fun. I love riding in cars.”

“Oh, dear. Did I break wind?”

“You shouldn't have brought presents.”

“This box is meowing.”

“(Name)? (pronoun) passed away 30 years ago.”

“They want you to say grace. The blessing!”

“I told you we put it in too early.”

“I heard on the news that a pilot spotted Santa's sled on its way from New York.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you, (Name)?”

“If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas.”

“Look what you've done to my tree!”

“It was an ugly tree, anyway.”

“I'm sorry if I've been a little short with everyone lately.”

“...I didn't have enough in my account to cover the check.”

“I can't swim, (Name).”

“(Name), that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.”

“If this isn't the biggest punch in the face I ever got. Goddamn it!”

“I wanna look him straight in the eye and tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, four-flushing low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed ignorant, bloodsucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless ignorant, bloodsucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?”

“He's got that crazed look in his eye.”

“Turn that thing off and get in the house!”

“Aren't you a bit sorry we didn't get a Christmas tree?”

“Well, where you gonna find a tree at this hour on Christmas Eve?”

“Could you just keep it in mind the next time you go berserk?”

“I didn't go berserk. I simply solved a problem.”

“You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.”

“I'm gonna catch it in the coat and smack it with the hammer.”

“I'm going in with him.”

“You just march right over there and slug that creep in the face.”

“I can't just attack someone.”

“Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm

holiday emergency here.”

“We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fuckin’ Kaye.”

“And when Santa squeezes his ass down that chimney tonight he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nut house.”

“Worse? How could they get any worse? Take a look around you, (Name). We're at the threshold of hell!”

“You losing your temper with the whole family only makes things worse.”

“Are you gonna recite The Night Before Christmas?”

“No. It's your house. It's your Christmas.”

“You about ready to do some kissing?”

“I'm sorry. This is our family's first kidnapping.”

“I'll be more than happy to take the rap on this.”

“If you wanna come in, you are gonna have to break down the goddamn door!”

“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”

“I did something I shouldn't have, and these people called me on it.”

“It's Santa Claus!”

“She thinks she sees Santa.”

“No, it's the Christmas star. And that's all that matters tonight. Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees. See, kids...it means something different to everybody. Now I know what it means to me.”

“That ain't the frigging Christmas star. It's a light on the sewage treatment plant.”

“Merry Christmas, honey.”

#Christmas Meme #christmas inbox meme #christmas vacation #national lampoons christmas vacation #sentence starters

[miniherodesktales]

Moonlight, Madness, and Magic (5)

There was a wolf waiting for him just outside his bedroom door. At first Artemis thought that it must be the moonlight that caused its fur to glow, but then somehow he realised that the silver light was the wolf.

‘Who are you?’ he heard himself ask.

The wolf grinned its wolf-grin. 

‘I am the She-Wolf; I am the Moon,’ it announced. 

Artemis reached out his left hand to place inside her waiting jaws, but just as his fingertips brushed her leathery tongue he woke up.

His fringe and Randomosity t-shirt were damp with sweat. He held up his arm in the darkness to check for teeth marks but could see none. 

His phone began to buzz.

‘Artemis, hi! It’s me, Oliver.’

‘Yes, I know it is.’

‘Did I wake you?’

‘No, it’s only...’ Artemis glanced at his phone’s screen. ‘2.30 AM. I generally don’t sleep well anyway...’

‘Great, me neither.’ Oliver clearly was beyond the point of being considerate. ‘It’s the full moon, right? I can never sleep during a full moon, I have so much energy and everything feels wonderful. Do you feel like that?’

Artemis spared a thought for Holly and her team trying to manage the revelries of those fairies who could not resist the charms of a full moon night on the surface.  

‘No.’

‘I knew you’d understand. Do you think it’s because I have ma-’

Artemis smoothly cut across him before he could finish the M word.

‘Why don’t you just come over, Oliver?’

 With fairy tech constantly listening in on human conversations for certain key words, Artemis felt it would be a betrayal to allow Oliver to accidentally reveal his secret to the fairy folk. “Full moon” had probably been given a low level flag.  

‘What, really? I’m already taking a jog over the fields, but I could double back to your place and be there in 15 minutes.’

Artemis sat up.

‘Jogging in the dark, Oliver? How long have you been out there?’

‘Oh, all night, I expect. See you in 10!’

He hung up and Artemis rubbed his forehead.

‘We’re all mad here,’ he quoted to himself.

***

It was close to 3.30 AM and Artemis was searching through the kitchen cupboards for chocolate drops while Oliver stirred the cake mixture with all the speed of an electric mixture. Splatters flew everywhere, even to the ceiling.

‘Will sprinkles do?’ he asked, lifting down a padlocked box from the very top shelf.

‘Yep, it’ll make look like a beautiful rainbow. But, why is everything sweet locked away in your - oh, wait -’

‘Twins,’ they said together.

‘Thanks for keeping me company, Artemis,’ said Oliver, upending the jar of sprinkles into the bowl. ‘I drive my family nuts. They used to try to keep up with me but eventually they gave up....Now I just spend every full moon racing around the countryside...I think it’s getting worse...’

Artemis was watching the stream sprinkles as they pour onto the cake mixture. He was waiting for Oliver to take the jar away but he never did, so the bowl steadily filled up with a layer of sprinkles.

Oliver was equally transfixed. ‘It looks like the Bifrost.’

Artemis nodded. ‘I was just thinking that. Imagine if Asgard was a baked cake floating in the sky and Utgard was a bowl of sloppy, unbaked cake mixture, and all the cake giants live in the cake mixture and the gods travel to Utgard via the sprinkle bridge.’

‘Sounds plausible. How many sprinkles do we need anyway?’

Artemis shrugged. ‘None. We’ve already mixed together the vital ingredients to create the cake. The sprinkles are merely an embellishment.’

‘I’m going to add all of them.’

‘I won’t stop you.’

Oliver look sideways at Artemis.

‘So. When are you going to tell me what you know about magic?’

‘I know nothing about magic. I only know that you possess it.’

Oliver snatched up the bag of flour. He held it aloft and tried to look threatening.

‘You know that I can tell when you’re lying, Fowl. Spill the beans or taste self-raising!’

Artemis glanced upwards at the bag.

‘We both know that your manners are too good for you to deliberately make a mess in the house of a friend.’

Oliver relented. He crumpled down the top of the bag and crumpled up his face.

‘I don’t know why you’re keeping secrets,’ he said. ‘Secrets that could help me. Are you afraid that you can’t trust me? Because you can. You know that I don’t want to be alone in this.’

That hurt.

Artemis lowered his head. ‘I told you I was sick. I have never been skilled in the ways of friendship and lately seem to have become even worse. But I do know that I can trust you; I just may need reminding sometimes.’

He held out his hand. ‘Come on, I want to show you something.’

Oliver took his hand.

***

A multitude of stars shone brightly over Fowl Manor, scattered and sprinkled over a dark night sky. The full moon looked like it had somehow become stuck in the tree tops and no one cared enough anymore to free it.

They stood together on the roof, pressed back to back, holding hands as they looked up at the stairs.

‘Close your eyes, Oliver,’ Artemis instructed softly. 

Oliver drew in a breath and shut his eyes, gripping Artemis’ hand a little tighter.

He heard Artemis whisper: ‘For a short time I had also had magic; I had stolen a handful of sparks from a friend. Before I had to return the magic back to the Earth I could hear sounds that I never heard before...’

A cool breeze pulled at their clothes and hair, carrying a sweet scent with it.

‘The Musica Universalis...We’re living in the most magical country on the planet, Oliver; there’s more than just atoms and elements and empty space out there. We’re surrounded by magic, always, forever breathing it and out. Can you hear it?’

Oliver focused his mind. The faintest sound reached his ears, a mournful but sweet and scratchy sound floating around them. It grew louder. He opened his eyes: the sky above was no longer just a black canvas but filled with waves of colours. Blues and greens and pinks and purples, all shining and shimmering above them and around them, the music of the universe still playing its lullaby.

‘I hear it!’ he laughed. ‘I see it!’

Artemis tugged on his hand. ‘As long as you have magic you’re never truly alone in the world.’

As Oliver stared all he could say for the longest time was, ‘Wow.’ Eventually he managed a breathless, ‘Thank you, Artemis.’

 Artemis’ expression darkened. ‘All people used to have magic, but then we lost it. Or maybe we didn’t. I would very much like to find out.’

***

‘Wha -what is that?’ Artemis Fowl Sr asked, pointing at the “thing” on the plate.

‘It’s supposed to be a cake,’ said Artemis.

‘It is a cake,’ said Oliver.

‘It’s a mess,’ Butler muttered. 

‘It’s, uh, it’s....interesting...’ Fowl Senior managed. ‘Especially how it’s burnt on one side and almost liquid on the other.’ He looked at his watch. ‘Well, boys, you have two hours to go before school starts. I suggest that you roll up your sleeves and work quickly. I want this place back to being spick and span, just as Butler left it last night.’

‘But, Father, I’ve been awake all night!’

‘And whose fault is that? I don’t recall your mother or I giving you permission to invite a friend over in the early hours and bake a cake.’

Oliver threw an arm around Artemis’  sagging shoulders.

‘Leave it to us, sir!’ he cried, all enthusiasm and not in the least bit tired. ‘There won’t be a speck of dirt to be seen. All will be orderly; after all, the philosophers do say that dirt is simply matter out of place.’

He laughed, Artemis did not.

*****

Author’s Note: Concerning Artemis’ ramble about cake Asgard...maybe it’s sleep deprivation, maybe he’s a little mad too, perhaps it’s a combination of the two...either way, Oliver “gets” him.

#artemis fowl #artemis fowl fanfic #artemis fowl books

[thebibliosphere]

I just wanted to put out the ask to you joy, and any others. I have been diagnosed with food allergies, and I have two thoughts / questions. One, has anyone ever had an allergy that was present, then went away? My doctor diagnosed me as allergic to eggs, and then when I went back 6 months later, that allergy was gone, and replaced with two others (foods that I had been eating up to that point, and was now allergic to.) Next, what's a good pasta replacement for allergy to rice corn and wheat?

Hi @lilnizzie I’m going to throw this under a cut as it got pretty long, but I hope you are able to view this. Let me know if the readmore breaks it.

Allergies can and do fluctuate... but not typically in that way for most people.

Some people grow out of allergies, while others grow into them. And then there’s the people like me whose bodies cannot regulate histamine, (something which we all produce and need for important cell functions like healing and keeping us safe from pathogens) and who can develop fluctuating allergies depending on how overstimulated their mast cells are, which are the cells that regulate histamine release into the tissue and blood.

You may have seen me refer to my condition as MCAS, or mast cell activation syndrome. Basically, those all-important cells of mine don’t work quite right, and as part of that, I have developed a severe histamine intolerance or HIT for short.

So for instance, eggs, particularly the white of eggs, are high in histamine (the yolk is not, weird how that works right?) and some folk with histamine regulation problems (HIT) may not be able to eat them at all, while others are able to eat the yolk, or some folks like me who are able to eat eggs as part of an ingredient (say, cornbread) provided our “histamine bucket” isn’t overflowing.

Which okay, how do I explain this... so have you heard the phrase “window of tolerance?” As in, your threshold for being able to cope with things? Well, they used to refer to this reaction as being “histamine window of tolerance”, but since more research has come to light that suggests our inability to self regulate histamine is down to a stacking effect, hence the analogy of the bucket. The more you put into an already full bucket, the more things will overflow, and before you know it you are dealing with the overspill of problems.

This can either be caused by diet, elemental factors such as pollen, dust, pet dander, etc. etc., heat, cold, exercise, and yes, even stress. (This is because mast cells are in every tissue in the body, including the brain, and they do not like stress hormones, no they do not.) For some people, the reactions are mild and fleeting and may even be mistaken for hayfever, causing only minor ailments that can be regulated by taking anti-histamines. Some others are unfortunate enough to develop full-blown MCAS (or other mast cell issues) and are at risk of anaphylaxis and must carry an epi-pen at all times. I’m one of the latter. If it helps, think of it as a sliding scale disorder, with mild HIT on one end, and “What-in- the-name-of-God-is-this?!?” level of reactions on the other.

The condition can be managed, usually through diet and lifestyle changes for those with a mild case of HIT, and with the addition of mast cell stabilizing meds for those with the more severe MCAS.

So, why am I detailing all of this? Well, it might help to know that yes, the body can and does go off the deep end sometimes, and healthy people can and do develop new allergies over time. But I’ll level with you, all the foods you listed up there are poorly tolerated by folks with HIT when their “buckets” are full, and your fluctuating egg allergy might also be a clue that something isn’t quite working the way it ought to.

Of course, I’m not a doctor and I cannot give you any real concrete advice, only my own experiences of learning to manage this condition over the last 8 months after an astute nutritionist looked at all my food intolerances and allergies, and finally after years of suffering, offered me a diagnosis.

But what I will say, given that you’re already talking to an allergist, is that it might not be a bad idea to get your blood tryptase levels checked. It’s not an entirely accurate test, as you need to be in the midst of a flare to get a result, but for some folk it can tell the doc right off the bat if something is going awry, making it a good first stage in ruling out more severe conditions which may be causing your allergic responses to fluctuate in this way.

Now, I know that’s a whole wall of text right there, and I’d hate for you to be reading it and panicking, so allow me to say, if you do have issues with regulating histamine on your own, it is manageable. Since getting my diagnosis 8 months ago, I am a lot more stable than I have been for...probably my entire life tbh (Sure my pernicious anemia didn’t help, but the MCAS is its own ordeal.) I’m even getting to eat more foods as my body stabilizes and stops being in a state of continual meltdown. Which is amazing! Fruit! Iconic!

Sure there are some foods I’ll never be able to eat again, but eh, there’s better things in life :)

Also, just in case anyone recs it in the comments or reblogs, yes there is such a thing as a low histamine diet, but it is not a long term solution and should ideally only be carried out under medical supervision. The low HIT diet is extremely low on nutrients, and if done for too long can cause all sorts of other health issues. I was left on mine for over 2 years by a negligent doctor, and am only just now starting to recover from the extreme malnourishment this caused. Apparently, the longest you should do it for is 2-4 weeks to see if symptoms improve, and then you try adding foods back in one at a time to see what you can tolerate. Who knew? (I wish I had.)

Again, not a doctor, I can’t diagnose you and I am not even saying this is what your problem is, but given what you’re asking me, I feel it prudent to share my knowledge about the wonderful world of fluctuating allergies that seem to come and go with no rhyme or reason.

As for things you can supplement, oatmeal can be used to create a savory dish that is similar to rice. I used to cook mine up with a stock cube to make it savory, then add my vegetables into. It was like a very Scottish version of risotto, but I liked it lol. ETD tells me it tastes like “stuffing” which I dunno if that’s good or not, but he always eats it when I make it. If you have issues with stock cubes, cooking it up with salt and using things like fresh herbs will have a similar effect.

You may also be able to use things like coconut flour, or spelt flour, though not everyone can eat spelt if they have a wheat issue, so watch out for that. Tapioca flour is also an option, as are nut flowers if you’re trying to bake. Watch out for a lot of boxed gluten-free stuff though, xanthum gum is typically derived from corn.

Another option would be to make “vegetable mash” which is basically what it sounds like. I like to use potato for mine because it’s one of the few carbs I can get, mash it up, then dice in my other veggies (and meat of choice) and that’s basically how I avoided grains for as long as I did. Sweet potato works well for this too. Basically, if you have to avoid grains, which it sounds like you do, veggies are a good way to keep your carbs up.

Anyway, I hope some of this was helpful... I feel like I rambled, but... yeah, I know way too much about this kind of thing for someone who went to school for liberal arts lol

#chronic health tag #allergies #life with allergies #life with mcas #histamine intolerance #food #food mention #anyone got any recs for food? #lilnizzie

[crasherfly]

Weekly Update

It’s a privilege to write about personal shit this week.

There’s not much I can add to the conversation about the election, suffice to say it was both better and worse than expected, and I’m glad that society isn’t immediately collapsing, at least this week.

Which is to say I’ve never been so glad to focus on my stupid, deeply low-stakes life updates. Obviously, the future is still uncertain and there will be plenty of work to do in the days and years ahead, but a week ago, I wasn’t certain if I’d be witness to a reality where questions like “how did a week of not drinking go” and “what are you playing” still matter.

So without further ado...

It was a challenging week, obviously.

Not just the election- I’m talkin’ for like- EVERYTHING. Home life. Work life. Creative life. I could go on. You get the idea.

I went on full blown quarantine as of last Friday after learning a member of my household may have covid. You wouldn’t think it was much of a change from my normal every day, but man, I did not realize just how many little things were working together to keep my sanity together.

A short list- weekend walks to pick up morning coffee, Friday night carry-out sushi and pizza, my weekly groceries at the co-op, and most importantly- trips to the weight room- all suddenly off the table until testing results come in. 

In my state, testing often requires booking at least 3 days in advance, and it can take another 3-4 days just to get results back. Luckily, everyone in my home works remotely, so this doesn’t put us out too bad. I can’t imagine now non-remote workers manage. Even so, having to toss all the precious little things I’d managed to keep despite the pandemic stung. I even had to put my wrestling watch parties on hold- they took place on Discord, but one of my friends would normally come over to watch. 

I’ve worked through a lot of huffy anger and annoyance over the course of the past few days. Losing my ability to get to the gym as the weather turns especially hurts. As a weight lifter, I’m pretty reliant on what the gym offers. Early into the pandemic I got a lot of folks snidely telling me to go lift paint cans. I resisted the temptation to tell them they could in turn pay for my back surgery. Thanks to the pandemic I’ve learned that the gym is actually a need for me, emotionally and physically. Losing it, even for a week, feels awful. I can’t wait to get back to it. 

Until then, jogging and biking will have to suffice.

One positive- I’ve gone a week without drinking!

Based on my tracking, that’s actually the longest I’ve since June, which is nuts.

Predictably, I have gained weight. Because no good deed goes unpunished. 

I don’t know if I’d say I notice any life-changing effects yet. For all I know, my body is still adjusting to the sudden absence of all the shit it’s normally used to working in overdrive to break down.

A few things I’ve noticed- my runs are going slightly better, I can stay up later working on games or creative endeavors, and I’m actually experiencing REM cycles again- meaning I’m dreaming, and dreaming vividly. I also get incredibly hungry around 10:30 every night- because, surprise!- that’s when I’d normally sit down with a beer or glass of sake. So I’m working on finding ways around that.

I can’t say I’ve felt a huge urge to drink. I occasionally wonder when, or indeed if, I’ll grab a glass of beer again any time soon. But beyond that, it’s been pretty easy to lay off. The fatigue alone was just such a pain to work through, not to mention the way a glass of beer would just kinda pin me into place for the rest of the night. I like how active my brain is now in the late hours.

But I do watch a lot less anime now :(

On that note, here’s what I’ve been playing lately!

Outer Worlds (XBONE)

So, you probably missed it last post- probably ‘cuz I forgot to write about it in my first draft, but I wrote about my Total Kill Run that I just wrapped up in Outer Worlds. 

The short and dirty version for those of you who can’t be bothered to go back and read- I tried to do a run where I killed every NPC in Outer Worlds, a space RPG from the Obsidian, and instead got sidetracked with completing the nefarious Board’s story and ended up doing a Board run instead. 

I was surprised by how humor and wit the game brings to its commentary on your wanton slaughter. The devs were not bluffing when they said you could kill anyone and anything in Outer Wilds and they even prepared a few nice moments in anticipation that some players would try.

I was disappointed to find that the Board’s mission- and indeed, some of the progression points I followed on my own go-it-alone-and-kill-everything story, mirrored the Good Guy story beat-for-beat, basically shrugging and saying “well, you’re gonna do this anyway, like it or not”. At several given points you can kill everyone you like- but you’ll still have to find that keycard, access that terminal, or visit that far off map point now matter how hard you try to get out of it.

I was finally struck by how little I missed. I skipped A LOT of stuff- almost every sidequest and all the companion quests. And you know what? I had a fine time. I might even say I had a better time. So much time in Outer Wilds is devoted to fetching, traveling, and sitting in load screens. Turns out you do less of all of that when you just go guns blazing into every civilized map.

Some friends earlier this week were talking about revisiting old Bethesda-style RPGs like Fallout: New Vegas and Skyrim. It got me thinking about whether or not I would bother doing that myself any time soon. It’s true those are better games than Outer Worlds. But if the point of Outer Worlds is to echo those positive experiences so closely...what does my recent experience say about the source of that reflection?

Just a thought I’m chewing on. I don’t have a good answer. But feel free to HMU if you have your own thoughts!

NeoGeo Arcade Stick Pro- Art of Fighting, Samurai Shodown, Fatal Fury, World Heroes 2

Friday night I sat down at my desk, dimmed the lights and hooked up my NeoGeo Arcade Stick Pro. On my second monitor, I brought up move lists for King of Fighters ‘95 and started my fighting game learning journey.

I did OK, in my opinion. I stuck to just learning the hero team- Kyo, Daimon, and Benimaru. I even managed to trigger a few level 1 supers. I think I could safely beat the average player at an arcade now- but there’s definitely plenty of system I came nowhere close to learning all the ins and outs. However, after trying out a few subsequent KOF games, it seems like my learning should transfer forward.

I also tried out a few other games on the stick. Art of Fighting and Fatal Fury aren’t games I’ve had prior exposure to. In my experience, they seemed a little slower than KOF. The command lists were definitely shorter. Samurai Shodown was absolutely gorgeous and felt really, really good to play. I could see getting really into it. 

My big highlight was World Heroes 2, which I ended up playing most of the night. It’s a bit sillier than the previously noted titles, but it has a really fun roster and a good, medium-sized move list that isn’t too taxing to remember. I had seen some of the characters, like Johnny Maximum, on the Spriteclub roster, so it was cool to see them in their native environment.

Overall, the Arcade Stick Pro is holding up nicely. The stick itself is solid, and the deck is a natural fit on my lap or desktop. I’m not noticing any serious input lag and the buttons seem really responsive. Of all my retro consoles, this might become one of my favorites.

Endless Space 2

AMPLITUDE’s 4x sci-fi has entered hallowed realms of my “Games I will Be Playing 20 Years From Now” list. A massive, sprawling turn-based strategy about managing a spacefaring empire, Endless Space 2 is great for those weeks where I want to play a 4X that I can resolve within 20 hours.

For my most recent run, I once again took up my favored faction, the Riftborn. Every game is a learning experience, so this time around I was determine to try and tackle the massive and deeply inconvenient quests that Endless Space 2 mercilessly slews at you every_damn_turn.

I was mostly successful. I didn’t finish my faction’s quest, but I did complete the Academy quests. Throughout every game the Academy looms as this impartial faction that hires out heroes and provides boons to those who donate resources to it. In the endgame, the Academy offers a quest that forces every active civilization to choose sides regardless of existing alliances. Depending on the results, the last phases of Endless Space 2 can look very different

I finished the questline, unlocked a cool cinematic and learned that next time I should definitely not ignore those quests, however obnoxious they might be. The faction buffs earned from successful completion are....pretty wild.

Sunless Skies

Another week, another dead captain in Sunless Skies. This captain had a particularly long run- I had managed about...15 hours with him before losing him to some enemies that I was not at all prepared to fight. Death comes quick in Sunless Skies- a single bad decision can lead to swift death.

This run I at least managed to bank a ton of valuable supplies and upgrade my engine. My next captain will have a better shot as a result. I’m not sure when I’ll pick the game back up. After a particularly long run I usually take a long break- weeks or even months. We’ll just see what happens.

Pokemon Shield

I’ve finally, FINALLY beaten the endgame of Pokemon Shield. At least, I think I have. I’m sure there’s a few more things to do here or there, but for the most part, I think I’m done. I beat the champion and saw the credits roll. There’s some DLC to visit and more ‘mon to catch, but mostly, I’m done.

I had the opportunity to take care of some trade evolutions and partake in a friendly battle with a friend. It was the first time I’ve done that since...I kid you not...the playground in 5th grade.

It was...really fun?

I’m a deeply casual pokemon player. I don’t search for shiny ‘mon or suss out perfect numbers. I just use who I think looks cool and I try to keep type and consideration in mind. As a result, my friend and I had to agree on some ground rules for average levels- but the result was a compelling match.

I found myself afterwards making plans for another battle night. This tends to happen in November- I get really into Pokemon again for a few weeks. Historically, this is ‘cuz I’m normally traveling a lot for the holidays. That won’t be true this year, but old habits die hard.

Maybe I’ll even bust out my 3DS again soon. Who knows?

Quest 2: Revisited

Last week, I posted some thoughts about the Oculus Quest 2. I’ve spent another week with the headset, testing some new features and trying some more involved experiences. I’m happy to report my thoughts on the machine are still positive.

If anything, my impressions are MORE positive than before. My eyes have grown used to the world of VR. I’ve found a setting on the out-of-box headstrap that I don’t hate. And I’m finding more experiences than I initially suspected I might.

I’ve had a change to run the Link option, for instance, which allows you to use your Quest 2 as a Rift. It’s actually pretty seamless, requiring only a good desktop and a USB cable. My cable seemed to suffer from some bad speeds, so my experience was pretty laggy, but with an approved cable, I have no doubt the Quest 2 could handle just about anything you throw at it.

I finished Superhot, and have only raving reviews to offer. It is a perfect introduction to all the Quest 2 can do. Given limited space, Superhot places you in do-or-die situations where you must dodge, duck and shoot your way through enemies. When you move- time movies- so you will often find yourself forced to take stock of your surroundings before making your next step.  

It is sharp, offers a great mix of puzzle solving and brisk action, and even serves as an ad-hoc workout. Picking it up with your Quest 2 is a must.

Encouraged by Superhot, I gave Job Simulator a try. It is a zany VR experience that humorously simulates a number of white collar job environments. It is short, funny, and with no shortage of silly interactions. I spent several minutes in my digital office cube shooting staples into neighboring cubes and giggling at the angry responses of my co-workers. WHO THREW THAT. STAND UP.

Finally, I’ve taken some time to try and get into the streaming world beyond the Mozilla app. It has been both encouraging and...well, not so much. I’ve mostly been dinking around in Bigscreen, an app that offers a number of Pluto TV channels in digital theater environments. You log into a room with other people, who appear as avatars, and you all watch the shows together.

Well, sorta. Most people don’t really watch the shows so much as they throw digital tomatoes at the screen and shout upsetting shit at each other. The server population seems really low, so the massive theaters take on the quality of a creepy XXX cinema, where one always feels a bit apprehensive of who they might meet.

At its best, Bigscreen is genuinely funny. I’ve made nightly stops at the Star Trek theater, which plays old reruns of Next Generation. The most enjoyable moments come in the spirit of MST3K, with witty comments and memes as people throw digital refreshments at the screen. I’ve found myself giggling despite myself.

At its worst, Bigscreen is a deeply racist and sexist hideaway full of the types of folks you’d normally shush the hell out of in a real theater. You can mute people, but it’s a tedious task. A reporting function also exists, but who knows how or if its being enforced at all. Finally, unless you’re doing a film rental, you’re going to be subjected to commercials on everything from erectile pills to The Blaze. I’ve described it to others as being Peak Late Night Cable: The App. If that appeals to you, well, it’s there and it’s free.

I’ve tried streaming my desktop, both on Bigscreen and via Oculus Link. Both were very laggy. There’s a very popular desktop streaming app I could try, but it costs IRL money. Honestly, most of what I’d want out of my desktop streaming I already get from Mozilla. 

I like the Quest 2 a lot. I hope we see more experiences tailored specifically to it, as opposed to through the Link function or via desktop streaming.

Dungeons and Dragons

I finally wrapped up my improv sessions with my local DND group. Having just finished The Lost Mines of Phandelver, I wanted to take some time between campaigns to improv and get off the grid a bit.

The result was 4 sessions, 2 hours each, where I had nothing prepared in advance and I let my players take the lead. I gave them a map I’d built of the region and told them we could go anywhere they like.

My party ended up splitting into two groups- one heading to Castle Grayhawk, and one to Neverwinter. Antics ensued, personal quests furthered, and by the end, everyone felt ready for our next adventure at the Salt Marshes.

An interesting takeaway- when doing improv sessions, I had almost zero fights. I never once broke out the battleboard and only a handful of attack rolls were even attempted. 

I, personally, like combat a great deal. So I don’t think that will be my style forever. But it was interesting to see what my sessions could look like without it, especially after such a combat-heavy campaign.

Anime

I’ll be honest- I’ve fallen really behind on this season’s anime. I have so many hobbies, and one thing gets shoved aside for another, necessarily so. This time, it’s anime and manga. I promise I’ll get back on the horse soon.

As the year winds down, I’m already thinking about my experiences over the past year and what my end of the year experience list will look like.

I’ve seen so many amazing titles this year.

Like, I get deeply, viscerally emotional when I think about Re:Zero. 

My heart races as I think of the thrilling high points of Tower of God.

I delight in my inner goth kid as I ruminate in experiences like Gleipnir and Berserk.

I’m going to have a lot to talk about. Just thinking about it motivates me to get out there and see more.

[shirtlesssammy]

1x11: Scarecrow

Welcome to our harvest themed hiatus episode. Hope everyone enjoyed their freakin’ pie this week!

Burkitsville, Indiana

Sixteen Years One Year Ago

A young couple leave a friendly town after the townsfolk load them up with pie and gas for the car. “Everyone in this town is so nice,” remarks the wraith young woman. The man adds, “Yeah, what’s the catch?” The townsfolk’s daughter niece notes that the dude has a cool arm tattoo. 

Once on the road, the couple’s car dies. I love how the woman asks what happened and the dude is just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . They head into an orchard looking for help. They come across a scarecrow. 

The woman is a bit freaked out, and I would be too if I saw the damn thing move! They hear strange noises and start running. The camera work gets grainy so you know we’re in scarytime land. The couple gets separated. The woman runs alone until she finds the man again -faceless and dead on the ground. She screams and then the now loose and animate scarecrow is upon her! 

*John Winchester is a Horrible Father Alert*

Sam wakes to a ringing cell phone. He answers it and it’s John. He’s all evasive and apologetic about disappearing. He’s on the trail of the thing that killed their mom. It’s a demon! They have to stop chasing him. It’s not safe. Sam refuses. He wants answers. John jumps into drill sergeant father mode and Sam continues to balk. 

Dean grabs his phone, AND MY GOD, watching Jensen transform silently while Dean listens to John talk is magnificent. He just falls right into order, writes down the names of three missing couples, and the brothers hit the road. 

*Sam is driving Alert*

Ok, hold the phone, Dean’s giving backstory to the missing couples. They’ve gone missing every year in the second week of April. I --what? I should probably watch the whole episode before recapping, and I haven’t seen this episode in years and don’t really remember the secret. There were apples all over the orchard implying it’s the fall...hmm. Dean’s amazed at the level of research John did to figure out something was happening. He calls him “a master” and I just die a little knowing how very little John knows. 

Sam stops the car and tells Dean that they’re not going to Indiana; they’re going to California. 

John is on the trail of what killed Mary and Jess, and Sam wants to be there for it. Dean insists that John gave them an order (I’m having serious John/Chuck and Soldier Dean/Free Will feelings right now, give me a moment). Whew, Sam pulls the ‘My girlfriend just died six months ago’ card and insists that Dean can’t know how important this is to him. Dean continues to be a good little soldier though. Sam gets out of the car and tells Dean that he’s going to California. See ya! Dean tries pulling what I can only imagine the same move John pulled many times over the years, and tells Sam that he’ll leave him on the side of the road. That’s what Sam wants! Dean leaves. 

Oof, there’s a lot to unpack with that fight. I’ll just throw up @mittensmorgul​ post. I’m just so very happy to see how far Dean’s come. 

Dean pulls into the town in Indiana. He meets Scotty, owner of the local cafe. He introduces himself as John Bonham. “Isn’t that the drummer for Led Zeppelin?” How this hasn’t happened more over the years is beyond me. 

Dean asks about the missing people and Scotty dismisses him quickly. They don’t get a lot of strangers around the town. Dean tries flirting with the guy but the man is a stone wall. 

*Meg Alert*

Sam, meanwhile, continues to walk down the road hoping to see a passing car. He finds a young woman just sitting and listening to music instead. Like, wtf is Meg doing? Sam, how is this not suspicious activity to you? Anyway, a truck pulls up and offers to take only the lady. 

Dean asks at the general store about his “friends”. Emily, the young woman there, remembers them. Dean heads off to where the couple was last seen driving. Dean’s driving along and his EMF starts to go nuts. He’s right by the orchard and walks in to investigate. How is this April? Anyway, Dean finds the scarecrow and we’re gifted with the now iconic line: “Dude, you fugly.” 

He takes a closer look at the scarecrow and sees the tattoo on the arm. SMART, OBSERVANT BOY. 

Dean heads back to town. He stops to get gas and talk to Emily. (Sidenote: Can all guest stars wear a necklace with their names on it so I’m not scrambling to figure out names every week? Thx.) Emily tells Dean how she came to the town when she was 13. It’s the middle of nowhere, but she loves it. This town seems blessed compared to the surrounding towns. Dean’s not suspicious at all. Dean asks about the scarecrow. Emily admits that it’s always just been there. Detective Dean also finds out a couple is in town waiting on their car to get repaired. 

Sam is dealing with the nightmare that is the American Car Culture and lack of decent mass transit across our expansive 50 states. He runs into Meg again. This time she introduces herself. 

Dean heads to Scotty’s to find the couple (and eat pie.) Boy does he need to work on his casual chit chat. Scotty is suspicious AF at Dean and tells him to leave them alone. Dean doesn’t and even offers to fix their car for them so they can hit the road sooner. They decline his offer, and like, I get it, but HOW DARE they accuse Dean of not being a mechanic. 

Dean tries to warn them again but just comes off as creepy and they brush him off. Dean laments the lack of Sam’s puppy dog face, and then Scotty calls the local law enforcement on him. They literally chase him out of town. Lol. 

Meg and Sam bond over a romantic bag of Cheetos and some beer. She’s on the run from family expectations too! Looks like they’re made for each other, friends. (This is the nicest damn bus station I’ve ever seen. It has NAPKIN holders! And tables! And beer!)

While Sam’s enjoying a meet-cute, the couple from the restaurant clutch each other in the apple orchard, the scarecrow in hot pursuit, when Dean appears. He shouts at them to run back to their car and shoots fruitless holes in the scarecrow. The moment they all arrive back on the road, the scarecrow disappears. 

On his phone, Sam gets the hunt recap from Dean while he watches his new friend sleep at the station. Dean figures that he’s dealing with a god because the killing happens once a year, it’s always couples, and “you should see the locals. The way they treated this couple. Fattenin’ ‘em up like a Christmas turkey.” It’s ritual sacrifice, baby. While Dean’s talking, he’s driving out to a local community college to meet with a professor there and get some information about what kind of god he might be fighting. He tells Sam that he’s proud of him for defying their father and going his own way in life. Dean wishes he could do the same. To quote Boris, excuse me while I fling myself into a volcano. 

Dean chats with the Cigarette Smoking Man a professor in the nicest damn community college I have ever seen. He asks about pagan lore and the origin of the residents of Burkitsville. They were Scandinavian which leads to Dean’s next pointed question: he’s looking for a Scandinavian god who might live in an apple orchard. They pull down an ancient book of lore - the kind that is standard issue in every community college classroom - and start paging through looking for a “woods” god. 

Dean spots a creepy scarecrow drawing. The description lists the scarecrow as a Vanir, a norse god of protection and prosperity which keeps villages from harm. Worshippers built effigies of the Vanir in their fields, and some practiced human sacrifice. They’re tied to a sacred tree. Dean, my best and direct friend, asks, “So what would happen if the sacred tree was torched? You think it’d kill the god?” LOL, there’s no such thing as gods, young man! Dean bids farewell to the professor and immediately gets conked out by the Burkitsville sheriff. SIGNIFICANT LOOKS™ are exchanged between the professor and sheriff.

Later, rain falls heavily on a group of older folks standing outside under umbrellas. Three of them plead with Harley, the gas station owner. His wife tells him that the trees are beginning to die. It’s the “seventh night of the cycle” and they have one more chance to appease “it.” Dun dun DUN.

For Pretty Shot Science

Cut to a cellar door opening. The cadre of elderly conspirators hauls a tearful Emily down to be trapped alongside Dean. Her aunt comfortingly tells her that it’s for “the common good.” (This REALLY makes me want to rewatch Hot Fuzz again!)

At the bus station, Sam and Meg’s bus finally arrives. But Sam’s got a problem. His brother hasn’t answered his phone for the last three hours. He’s got to go to Burkitsville! “You’re running back to your brother? The guy you ran away from?” Meg implores Sam to go to California with her, but Sam tells her he can’t. His family needs him. 

In the cellar, Emily freaks out about her newfound knowledge of a murderous scarecrow god and her accomplice relatives. Dean describes human sacrifice as “classier” than plain murder and…Dean Bean. More helpfully, he tries to put together a game plan with Emily. He asks her about an old tree - one the locals might treat with respect. Emily does know about a tree that the locals call “the First Tree.” Subtle naming, dear locals!

They’re seized from the cellar and tied in the orchard as evening approaches. Emily pleads for her life, but her aunt tells her that family bonds aren’t enough to save her. “That’s what sacrifice means. Giving up something you love for the greater good.” (I’ll just...look directly into the camera.)

Much later, night’s fallen and Dean is still working on a plan to free them both. Something insidious approaches and….wait, it’s Sam! Dean’s practically giddy to see his brother, who stole a car to get to town in time. What a good, thieving bean! Dean tells Sam to keep an eye on the scarecrow because it “could come alive any minute.”

In classic horror movie fashion, Sam asks, “What scarecrow?”

The scarecrow’s on the loose, but our trio is finally free in the orchard. They’re prevented from escaping by the four town elders penning them in with shotguns, however. Harley tries to convince Emily to give up (and die) when the scarecrow’s sickle slices through him, killing him. It drags Stacy and Harley away, having claimed its yearly couple at last. 

The next morning Sam, Dean, and Emily walk through the orchard with a can of fuel. They find the “First Tree” which has runes carved into its bark. Sam douses it with gasoline and Emily lights the tree on fire. Look at this wholesome tale of youth dismantling a toxic system!

Back at the station I finally get a good look at the bus company. It’s called “American Freedom Coach Lines.” LOL, if you need me I’ll be picking myself up from the floor after being hit by this symbolic brick. 

Emily boards a bus headed towards Boston. Dean gleefully anticipates the murder-town’s slow, god-less demise before asking Sam about his plans. “I still wanna find Dad. And you’re still a pain in the ass. But, Jess and Mom…they’re both gone. Dad is god knows where. You and me. We’re all that’s left. So, if we’re gonna see this through, we’re gonna do it together.” Can I get a yee-haw?!

Meanwhile, Meg’s hitched a ride with Creepy Driver Number 2 and suggests “pulling over” when he asks her where she wants to go. He pulls a little way off the road and she takes out a silver bowl. “I’ve gotta make a call,” she tells him before slicing his throat open and filling the bowl with blood. She stirs it, mutters an incantation, and then asks the bowl why she wasn’t allowed to just kill Sam and Dean. Someone clearly gives her orders and she says, rather ominously, “Yes, Father.”

Natasha: This is one of my favorite episodes! What’s not to love about creepy scarecrows and murderous fertility/prosperity rituals?

____________________________

I Hope These Quotes Were Frickin’ Worth It:

I’ve given you an order

I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man

Dude, you fugly

Nice tat

My brother could give you this puppy dog look and you’d buy right into it

Indiana isn’t really known for its Pagan worship

I hope your apple pie is freakin’ worth it!

Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.

____________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 1x11 #scarecrow #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural season 1

[radio-charlie]

Too fatigued to find that list of things to do while stuck at home so will just put my own add-ons here:

Karaoke on ur phone - there are two apps that let u do this for free: Smule and WeSing. i like the latter more because u can sing solo for free, whereas with smule, free accounts need to look for folks who wanna duet with someone on the song u searched for. WeSing also lets u take videos of urself singing (with the option of adding filters), and if u choose to make ur songs public the community can come and like them, leave comments, follow ur channel etc.

Keep a video call with ur other homebound friends going while u guys just do ur own thing - self-explanatory. no pressure to keep a conversation going since forced shit like that just makes u feel even more lonely and depressed. someone reads, someone cleans, someone’s on social media - just like housemates chilling together. if all of u have flat-rate wifi to rely on, u can just keep the call going the whole day if u want.

Do relaxing things near an open window - doesn’t matter if the view is shit or ur neighbors failed compost heap is right outside. the fresh air makes u feel better and being near a window helps u feel connected to the outside world, also lets u look at changing scenery to stave off cabin fever.

Set times to have treats that are at least a few days apart - having something to look forward to, no matter how small, helps the time pass faster. and if u are really strict with urself about adhering to ur schedule, the treat will feel all the more satisfying. i’m giving myself this sunday to eat one of my nata de coco and litchi jellies, and the happy anticipation of such delights is something i think will help as the days go by. jesus christ this sounds a bit like the log of some stranded space captain who’s steadily going nuts huh. but well if it works it works! it also helps u build willpower!

Don’t force a positive attitude all the time - these are trying times and it’s only natural that u will feel like shit sometimes. there’s no shame in feeling frustrated, angry, even a bit self-pitying from time to time. and anyway, ur body has to feel what it wants to feel. the trick is to not let yourself wallow. if the feelings have gotten so terrible that they won’t go away, writing very self-indulgent posts in ur personal blog/journal helps. 

#these are what i can think of for now. feel free to add on anything or correct whatever might turn out to be harmful for many

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS Episode 12 commentary (FINAL!)

Crunchyroll was awesome this time! 

No significant complaints on the subs!

You guys were awesome this time! 

So many people stuck around for the late viewing in the stream and even after just to chat! 

Now on to the actual episode. 

Once again sorry this is so long. But with this being the last one, can you really blame me.....?

.....As much I love this episode, this scene was just so painful. Worse than Shine’s show. Worse than that whole last episode combined. 

A lot of my predictions about Part 4 were wrong (will discuss later) but I was absolutely sure of one thing. I knew no matter what happened in Part 4 just one thing was FOR CERTAIN. And that was... I was going to have to see Shin cry. This precious boy who deserves nothing but love is going to suffer. And I tried to prepare myself. I tried. 

But somehow. Even though I knew. EVEN THOUGH I KNEW... It was way worse than I could have ever imagined.

I always assumed he would cry because he found out about something terrible about the past. But instead HE NEVER KNOWS THE TRUTH and we get him sobbing over something entirely NOT HIS FAULT... in front of everyone.... HOW.... HOW COULD THEY.... DO THIS... TO.... HI...M................ 

This scene upsets me so much I don’t know if I have ever even seen the whole thing. I always end up turning away at some point, or just curling up into a ball.....

Did anyone else feel like they were watching a totally different anime for a few seconds here? I’m having trouble telling if the style actually changed or if I.... just am not used to seeing Shin make expressions like this............. ba.....by..............

Leo always cries when anyone else is crying.

Even though everyone claps for him at the theater at cheering shows, it doesn’t make me feel better. AT ALL. Because Shin never knows the truth. NONE OF THEM DO. Okay we’ll talk about this more later but just..... gah it hurts........................................ So much that it actually hindered my enjoyment of what amazing thing comes next......

Back in the first movie era, the idea of a full CGI show of the Edel Rose boys with Shin as center was something that I could not imagine coming true even in my wildest dreams. And I love this show. I just wish it wasn’t proceeded by so much suffering. 

Shin being their center was something they decided at the Christmas live (before performing Dramatic Love for the first time) BTW. While it seems obvious to us that Shin would be center, it wouldn’t necessarily be as such in-universe. They had to decide at some point! And I’m glad it was a part of that story. 

I LOVE THESE OUTFITS. 

THEYRE PERFECT. The rainbows, the stars, the colors. Everyone looks AMAZING. And I know the rainbows are probably an homage to Over the Rainbow... BUT..

its just so gay

Prism stone beam???

This is orange I guess? It looks more yellow to me. A lot of the hand colors are kinda vague and I’m just like... WHO DID YOU TOUCH 

For anyone who read my I THINK I MARRIED ALL THE EDEL ROSE BOYS. OR THEY MARRIED EACH OTHER. ANYWAY EVERYONE IS MARRIED NOW shitty out of context spoiler I wrote in a comment obviously it was this ahahaha

I really do love this show, and like with the new Shuffle’s show last week I’m so glad I can finally watch it without the.... suffering. 

The first time I saw this in theaters, this exact frame right here was when I first started feeling any semblance of better after all that had happened. He looks so confident and gallant and his eyes are shining and he just.... Shin............... I love you so much....................................................................

Also this is a good spot to talk about their feathers I guess. So these are different from the other (male?) wings Shine had. Why? What does that mean? 

*throws hands in the air*

So, some folks may not be aware of this but the feathers from Rainbow Live were a feature of the arcade game. 

You could unlock them by raising the PairTomos, and even the night dream feathers look like they were available at one time during an event it seems?? I am not entirely sure how it all worked since I never played the game back in the heyday. (You can no longer obtain all the feathers now even if you bring a memory card to a currently running Pretty Rhythm machine since some just aren’t available anymore.)

But anyway, the actual point I was trying to make is that the feathers had a set  structure within Rainbow Live since it was grounded by the arcade game. But in King of Prism...... that just kinda do what they want.... s....o.............

The first time I went to cheering for this it was the premiere date, and it was also the first time I ever did cheering the same day. In between the morning/midnight showing a whole bunch of people had the idea to go to the 100 yen shop and get glowstick rings just for this scene. I was like daaaamn. 

But then...

Our first official non-Crunchyroll translation of prism no kirameki? 

Even the Juuouin group worships “the prism”. 

And I can’t help laugh at the irony that Crunchyroll abandoned using “the prism” but also just ignored the translation ALREADY ON SCREEN

I can’t take his scream here. It’s just like.... HE WAS ALREADY DYING, WHY DID THEY HAVE TO SPEED UP THE PROCESS. 

LOUIS. 

LOUIS NOOOOOOOOO. 

Even as late as it is, I am really, really grateful how they took a few seconds to establish for the new audience exactly how much of their shows are powered by prism sparkle. 

Note that they did not change out of their costumes though. But my headcanon on this is that Leo just prefers to make the real thing because he can. 

Singing at cheering shows is also everything I have ever wanted. 

I feel bad though since I pretty much always get tongue tied here every time. It’s hard to just sing acapella to a song you’re not that familiar with. Especially with the sparkely lyrics appearing and disappearing like this. I actually don’t hear that many other people singing in the theater, perhaps for that reason? But I always try my best. 

And now that this is finally out, I can finally practice at home and nail this down with confidence just in time for...... SSS to leave theaters..... um............ ye....ah........

I also mess this up like every single time ahaha. It’s just slightly too fast for me to read. 

Someday I will succeed in properly marrying all of the Edel Rose boys. Someday. 

(Also I don’t think this was rainbow-colored in the theatrical version.)

So Edel Rose and all their fans just up and created a prism goddess so we don’t need the prism gods anymore. Can they do that? Can we do that? I guess we can! 

WE DID IT GUYS

It’s oddly fitting that Hijiri is kind of an ugly crier. I mean, he’s just so beautiful the rest of the time. It’s only right. 

So let’s unpack this for a sec. Unbeknownst to them, because the Edel Rose boys all married each other they put a new seal on Shine. But this seal is entirely dependent on their marriage their bond with each other. 

How literal is that I wonder?

Because like.... Edel Rose won’t last forever. Kakeru, Minato, and Yukinojo are gonna be going to college in a year and a half.... ahah ha.....

I just imagine like. A couple of them meeting on the street in the distant future being like “Oh man I haven’t seen you in forever!” “Yeah! We really lost touch! Hey, have you heard from Shin lately?” “No, you?” And behind them is like a TV report of Shin become Shine destroying a city or something. 

.....................Reminder again that this commentary is coming from the place where I am after having a couple months to let this all sink in and get to the point where I am comfortable joking about it.... ahah ha........ 

This is one of my coping mechanisms for dealing with the idea that my favorite character basically has the devil living inside of him trying to take over at any moment.....

Another one is thinking back to older King of Prism media and wondering what Shine was doing at that time. Like, I imagine him floating there inside Shin all bored and pissed off making sarcastic comments at whatever the Edel Rose boys are doing. And I find this hilarious for some reason. I’d make a webcomic about it if I could draw.

ANYWAY 

So my understanding of this scene (which may or may not be totally correct) is: The Edel Rose boys’ rings put a seal on Shine which drags him down back into the depths of where Rinne first plunged him. But before he goes, he installs(?) his powers into Shin so that Shin is free to use Shine’s powers on his own now. (Up until now he was just like borrowing them?) 

If you also briefly wondered how they could have gotten a perfect score after failing a jump, my guess is the Prism System just wasn’t recording at that time due to the lack of prism sparkle ahah ha. 

They absolutely mopped the floor with the new Shuffle, and it did not matter.

What makes this so nuts to me is that even before I saw Part 4, like way back after I first saw episode 5 I was already comparing Joji to a twisted Hiro. (Elaborated on this in my episode 5 post.) And then this aha. 

So in the theatrical version I swear the crowd here has light blue lights. And I wondered if it was on purpose to be like inverted Hiro (who goes from light blue -> yellow in the Prism King Cup, so Joji went yellow -> light blue?) but nope, I guess somebody just forgot Joji’s theme color is yellow ahaha. In the TV version they just made it multi-colored. 

So to add more context to some things, you may remember I mentioned before that Part 4 premiered in Japanese theaters in the gap between when Taiga and Kakeru’s episodes aired on TV. So by the time Joji’s episode aired on TV... I already knew this was gonna happen. I already knew we were watching the number one prism show. THE CHAMP. The only 2D prism show.... SO MUCH IRONY. 

But you know what. Despite his show being what it was..... After all the time to let it sink in.. After all the dust has settled.... the one solo song which is my clear favorite..... The only one which has gotten stuck in my head WAY MORE than ANY other.... is Joji’s. 

(Well, Ace’s. But still.)

So. 

Congrats Prism Champ. 

Never thought I’d say this but poor Jin. Even when he ACTUALLY TRIES to do something fair for once...... still......

(Goddammit Shine.)

Poor Joji? Or not. It’s hard to feel bad for him when he’s THE PRISM CHAMP ahaha. Like. He made it. He has everything he ever strived to obtain. On the surface anyway. 

How Nori-kun feels about this though, who knows. Will we ever?

DOES IT REALLY NOT? Haha I really don’t understand this at all. Like. Was it really political pressure? Did Jin fold since he didn’t win in the way that he wanted to? Did Kakeru pull some strings behind the scenes again?

*throws hands in the air*

AND THIS

It’s framed to be this super significant scene but

WHAT DOES IT MEANNNNNNNN

I have already touched on this in separate posts, and this post is so long already that I’m going to kind of leave it hanging here but I consider Kakeru’s plot in SSS to be a loose end. He was the only boy who did not have a plot with some kind of resolution about himself. Instead Kakeru’s plot was only about other people.....

FINALLY, the ultimate conclusion to the infamous curry plot of Pride the Hero.

AND FINALLY

YOU

GUYS 

I WAS SO MAD 

The official King of Prism Twitter and such were actually pretty good at hiding Dorachi before Alexander’s episode aired. But Torachi was just EVERYWHERE and I was like COME... ON. REALLY.

So you may have noticed this but he was added to the opening too. For us seeing SSS in the theaters, we only get one OP per showing. So this means Japan actually got this spoiled before episode 10. 

But I didn’t. I didn’t even notice because I just wasn’t thinking to look for it. (Also I guess sitting in a terrible seat to the far right twisting my neck at an angle may have had something to do with it but.) When I first saw the reveal of Torachi in episode 12 it was TOTAL SURPRISE for me......

But as much as I love Taiga though, Dorachi is my clear favorite. My Dorachi merch collection will start as soon as I can get my hands on ANYTHING

Also I wonder at what point Alexander figured out that DJ COO was Rei, because he sure knows now ahah. 

But anyway, speaking of spoilers....

I know I said at one point Nikkanen and the twins didn’t have any significant appearances in SSS, but that was before Part 4 and I just decided not to correct that and let you guys be surprised AHAHAH you’ll just have to hate me *BLASTS OFF INTO THE SUNSET*

(I’m so glad they seem to have cleaned up Nikkanen’s face a little. He looked so weird in the theater. Or like.... weirder at least.)

(If you don’t know these boys they are already established characters introduced on the Prism Rush mobile game.)

And what do THESE feathers mean..... 

LOUIS ISN’T DYING ANYMORE DONT CARE *NYOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM* 

By the way I can’t believe the prism sparkle disappearing and Louis becoming the protector of the world WAS FORESHADOWED IN ROAD TO SSS 9. That’s why I reblogged this post the other day.

It’s so funny how much of Road to SSS didn’t matter. Then you get to event 9 and LITERALLY EVERYTHING MATTERS. 

And again.... speaking of spoilers............

The week before Yu’s episode aired I AGONIZED about whether to put in some kind of vague hint that the Edel Rose boys new unit name was revealed in that episode (as part of Yu’s prism jump). Ultimately I decided not to. Because even though I didn’t figure it out at the time, I think with even a vague hint I probably would have. Because even when I saw it back then I was like.... “...... huh........” 

So you’re just gonna hafta haaaaaaaaate ahahaahah ha sorry

But anyway! Now I can finally stop referring to our seven stars as the “Edel Rose boys” and from now on call them SeptEntrion! Since calling them just the “Edel Rose boys” isn’t really accurate anymore since it would also include the twins and Nikkanen, etc. I’m happy that the main seven finally have a good name to distinguish them. 

(Now I need to learn to remember how to spell SeptEntrion....) 

Also

You guys in the livestream ruined this for me so I’m ruining it for everyone too.

Look at the red letters. 

Then flip over your desk and storm out of the room like I almost did when I noticed. 

WHY

THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS NOT ON PURPOSE

WHY 

So, a few weeks ago I was in Tokyo and I decided to stop by the Yotsuya station area.

I found the site of the supposed Yotsuya Credit union  (which is actually a lottery ticket stand) and the KPO KFC almost immediately. 

I also found out there is a Catholic university in the area, and although it doesn’t look anything like Edel Rose that seems like not a coincidence. 

So I started to walk around that area, but try as I might I could not find any little  shopping streets like the one in the anime. The area didn’t look like it would have that sort of place at all. Also it was POURING RAIN, I was just at Aqours 5th live the previous day, I had at least 6 hours to get home, and I was anxious to make it there with plenty of time for the stream of Alexander’s episode which we were doing that night. I decided to give up and head to the KFC to console myself over chicken, coleslaw, and biscuits before beginning the journey home when LOW AND BEHOLD 

RIGHT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE KFC

WAS THIS 

IT DOES EXIST 

And there is not nearly enough room for SeptEntrion to perform here ahaha. 

I can’t help but notice that while they used Prism One performance snapshots for all the other boys, Shin is in his old Over the Sunshine outfit. Well I mean. OF COURSE HE IS. But.....

But I really can’t help but wonder what the boys are thinking nowadays in retrospect about what happened. 

I mean, not that they shouldn’t love and trust Shin. Of course they should. 

But if my friend turned to pure evil for a solid 15 minutes I would be.... CONCERNED for him? ?? To say the least. 

The fact that THEY DONT KNOW AND MAY NEVER KNOW really just eats at me

I suppose Louis or June could tell them. But I don’t think Louis ever will since he just wants to protect Shin, and June..... where would she even start. 

Not to mention what does Yamada-san think about how Shin just BECAME Wataru Hibiki like I.... I just have several questions but......

The cheering audience for the half second we can see Torachi here: “..............................................................AHHHHH!..................................................”

I wondered for weeks what the TV ED would be for this episode, and as soon as Boy Meets Girl started playing I was like...... OF. COURSE.

Hahah I’m glad though. So far the only SeptEntrion version Boy Meets Girl we’ve had was live (at MRS) and I often thought of ripping the audio from the DVD just to have it, but now I won’t have to. The TV audience never got to hear the theatrical ending 366 Love Diary though, which is kind of a shame. That song is such a big part of SSS to me.

So when we do the livestreams, I often have the live episode playing on my actual TV with the sound off. The stream is delayed by a few minutes so it’s been great for cues to help prepare stuff to type into the chat about things coming up.

While you guys were still in the meat of this episode, I casually glanced over my shoulder and saw THIS on my TV

Shin in the outfit Leo originally made him for the Prism One.

And just started having a seizure that lasted until the credits ended BECAUSE THEN THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE.

Playing to the left is the theatrical weekly video we got in the third week of Part 4. 

(It has actual dialogue in the theaters, but here they just muted it and laid it over the credits. I went to the theater yesterday JUST to take notes on this for you guys ahaha. Glad I didn’t need to though.)

But like. When I first saw this in the theaters... 

I was so SO sure this was a joke. I mean Prism 2!?! Seriously!? 

But now I don’t know WHAT to think. 

ESPECIALLY ABOUT THIS

But um. Someone tell me the anime references I’m missing here:

And which of these are newly revealed YMT29 boys ahah:

And..... that’s it....

This is Louis’ coded way of telling Shin he’ll love him forever I guess. 

Aw man

you guys

we made it

ROUND OF APPLAUSE 

Ahhhhhhhhhh

ITS BEEN A JOURNEY

So Part 4 turned out way differently than I predicted. When the episodes were first announced and episode 12 was “Unknown”, my immediate thought was “it’s gonna be Shine.” Especially since the quote for Shin’s episode was something like “what have I done,” I assumed he would gain some memories of the past in episode 11 and was talking about something he/Shine did in the past. Then I thought Shine would perform in episode 12 and cause a bad end. Even though we knew Edel Rose was scheduled for a unit performance, I was skeptical if it would actually happen or not as I doubted Shin would be in any condition to perform in episode 12. (I also wondered if maybe we already HAD already seen their unit show in the OP and thus wouldn’t be getting a new song.) 

But when the CDs were announced and I saw the last one said “unit song” I was like.... ohhh.... I guess they will perform as a unit after all? That’s good? 

Turns out I was right at least in predicting that Shine would get a show, but not that he would STEAL SHIN’S SHOW, and that Shin’s “what have I done” quote was about THE PRESENT DAY and something that Shin DID NOT DO. AHHH THE PAIN. 

Although it really cuts me deep that Shin never learns the truth, I am grateful we got that unit show and a happy ending. 

But.... 

OR IS IT? 

says a voice in my head.

Shine’s coming back someday. And we can’t kill him without blanking Shin. Hghkhgkdhlkdh.

If I didn’t know any better I’d say the grand endgame climax of King of Prism would be SeptEntrion teaching Shine to love. But we already know from director spoilers that supposedly the grand climax is about saving Jin. I have a sinking suspicion Shine and Jin may be connected in some way though. 

Who fucking knows where we’re going from now. 

Other than WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON with Jin, another one of my big questions is does the Prism King Cup even matter anymore? Since the Prism One was supposed to replace it, but that didn’t go so well. HAHAH are we REALLY doing the Prism Two come on now..........

But anyway. I suppose there is no point in drawing this out it any further

for now

this is THE END

Thank you all SO MUCH for coming on this journey with me

It’s been such a joy sharing all this with you

And I hope to see you around

SHINY SEVEN STARS FOREVER

EDEL ROSE SPARKING

#king of prism #king of prism sss #shiny seven stars #king of prism shiny seven stars #kinpri

[that1nkyone]

I think one of my favourite Moomin comics so far is Conscientious Moomins. 

Besides being a bit of a commentary on society valuing duty over passion, and the culture of ambition and feeling guilty when you’re not ‘making something of yourself’ (*cough*HMM*cough*), it’s probably got some of my favourite interactions between Moomin and Snufkin.

It’s the same comic that has Moomin tracking Snufkin...

... but everyone’s talked about that part, so I’m just going to go to the shenanigans. Snufkin knows that things are about to go nuts from the get-go and makes himself scarce.

This eventually leads to each Moomin character getting a job (even though they don’t really need money in this setting and can just provide for themselves). Still, they all become self-conscious when they feel they’re not doing anything ‘meaningful’ enough or dutiful.

Moomin doesn’t get a job initially, but eventually feels pressured to improve himself in the eyes of society. Snorkmaiden gives him a personality building course.

I think I just love Snufkin’s ‘Dude, what are you on about?’ expression in the 2nd and 3rd panels. The following strip kinda resonates a bit on certain days, I admit. But I like Moomin’s idealism about the whole thing, as if building a personality’s something like writing a paper. ‘Wanna get this done so we can go do fun things.’ 

Snufkin’s pretty patient with the Moomins in general in this one (though he also hides for most of this strip and bails as soon as things start changing at the start).

 He even helps Moominpappa construct the office for his business, even if he’s solidly skeptical about the whole thing.

It doesn’t really work out, needless to say, and Moominpappa starts up a gambling den in there, instead.

Meanwhile, we’re unfortunately at that time in history where comical couples butted heads about stuff frequently and it’s always played for laughs and that’s just how it was. Snorkmaiden’s drawn to a fellow worker because he’s more responsible than Moomin, which leads Moomin to give up on this brand of self-improvement.

What I do find funny about this strip is Moomin going “See?? SEE?? I showed her!!” and Snufkin (who probably isn’t really tuned in to the scenario) is like “yeah just a smidge i guess. you go, bud.”

Anyway, Snorkmaiden quits the job after the ambitious dude isn’t quite up to her speed, personality-wise. 

Oh yeah, and by this stage Snorkmaiden was the only one working a proper job. I love how they’ve set up a Payday Party. Nowadays we celebrate that by feeling invincible for maybe a day. Or very relieved. Or, well, low - but let’s not get too into that.

Meanwhile, Moomin takes up a job that seems to be a perfect fit for him! Folks want paths decorated with seashells, so he’s been hired to collect some!

Yeah, this resonates too, unfortunately. It probably also resonated with Jansson, who reportedly came to tire of working on Moomins after working on this comic strip for so long (She would soon meet the love of her life, though, so things looked up eventually. Plus her brother would willingly take the reins of this particular beast, and she was soon free to do as she liked). 

Speaking of freedom, Moomin finally gets tired of capitalism this hectic and diligent way of life, and turns to Snufkin for help.

I find it funny that Snufkin was just waiting in the background for Moomin to figure stuff out. He probably could have thrown a spanner in the works of this whole thing from the start, but he also probably wouldn’t have bothered unless Moomin specifically asked him to help out.

I also like how he’s like ‘Alright, I’ll help. But first - here’s a song to chill to.’ It’s a warm kind of setting.

The rest of the comic is basically Snufkin convincing everyone to give their jobs to folks who really need them - and for Moominmamma (who was wrapped up in the idea of being conscientious and hating it) he convinces her to stop making all the jam she produced in her fit of diligence. She’d made so much that it was starting to ferment.

Which leads to this happy ending.

Anyway, I guess it’s not this simple nowadays, or perhaps anydays.

I don’t really have much more to add on this front. Only that this was fun.

I recommend giving this stuff a read, if you prefer the sillier (but occasionally more societal commentary-ish) side of Moomins. Oh, and it’s got a wealth of standalone images, but I think folks have already dived deep down that well.

#Disclaimer: the writer of this post may have her facts mixed up here and there so take some claims with a grain of salt. #Cheers! #Moomins

[autismgavemychildvaccines]

FREEEEE! FREE-BLEEDIN’! (A requested topic)

Hey y’all, your (probably not) favorite public health worker again, this time wanting to talk about free bleeding. And as this is a requested topic (thank you punkrockmxfrizzle , who is quite the wonderful artist!) I will write this with the same composure, even handedness and nuance that I approach all topics with. Anyways, let’s do this, shall we?

Right. For the uninitiated, free-bleeding is the act of menstruating without any sort of mechanism to prevent the expelled blood from running down your leg, taking a peek at the neighborhood, and quietly judging said neighborhood for having an HOA that disallows “wildflower lawns” as opposed to those dreadfully boring grass lawns that are as useful as  a chunk of Styrofoam is to protect you frOM A GODDAMN INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC MISSILE. 

Sorry, blacked out for a second there. Where were we? Right. So that’s basically free-bleeding, letting it all hang loose, as it were. Maybe drop it like it’s hot? Idk.

 At any rate, this recently has been a sort of trend in certain circles to commit to as a means of promoting the idea of feminism or feminine strength. And to their credit, in the cases of the Luxury Tax protests (where tampons, pads, etc were labeled and taxed as luxury goods, which is fucking insane), this sort of demonstration had a pretty jarring, visceral, media-grabbing effect. Some may argue that menstrual blood being openly displayed like that was enough to cause some political sway. And that’s actually amazing. But what would not be amazing, is the continued pattern of doing this as a normal, every-day thing. Let’s take a look at why that is, what good points the movement actually does have, and some healthier alternatives for you, and the public. 

So, fun thing about blood. Menstrual blood, blood from a cut, scrape, cow, pig, chicken, child, potential cult sacrifice, any blood, really. All of it has one big fucking thing in common. It is real hard to tell what blood is safe (clean of pathogenic bacteria and viruses) and what isn’t safe, especially in public places like street corners, subway seats, or seats AT Subways. And, as a matter of course for a long time, we as public health folk and you as the general public will often treat blood that you don’t know as dangerous. 

Now, I don’t want it to be taken as I think all the free-bleeding types have STIs or something that could be transmitted from blood to whatever. I don’t. Statistically, they are just as virus and bacteria ridden as the rest of us, so take comfort in that any way you can. However, even if it was some ichor of purity, the most clean blood in the world. You know what we’d do?

Sanitize the shit outta whatever that was on. And that could really add up in environmental and municipal costs quickly, let alone the potential for something with a decent incubation period and the ability to jump from blood to skin easily, making for a motherfucker of a potential communicable disease incident, and anyone who’s read my shit knows how much of a clusterfuck of expense and worry and people being put at risk that is. Also, people will understandably be upset about touching others’ blood, or sitting in it, etc and it would cause a mess, literally, even if it’d just be that. 

Oh, speaking of environmental impact, so let’s quickly go through the Free Bleeding’s one actually decent point on their position: How bad these products can be for the planet. 

To quote a fairly well sourced document out of Harvard   :  “ Close to 20 billion sanitary napkins, tampons and applicators are dumped into North American landfills every year. [1] When wrapped in plastic bags, feminine hygiene waste can take centuries to biodegrade. The average woman uses over 11,000 tampons over her lifetime, leaving behind residue far beyond her lifespan. [2]This colossal waste burden however, isn’t the only ecological impact of disposable feminine hygiene products. A Life Cycle Assessment of tampons conducted by the Royal Institute of Technology in Stockholm, found that the largest impact on global warming was caused by the processing of LDPE (low-density polyethylene, a thermoplastic made from the monomer ethylene) used in tampon applicators as well as in the plastic back-strip of a sanitary napkin requiring high amounts of fossil fuel generated energy. [3] A year’s worth of a typical feminine hygiene product leaves a carbon footprint of 5.3 kg CO2 equivalents. [4]” So, that’s bad. And they are claiming they have a zero carbon or landfill footprint (isn’t true, sanitary costs and such would cause more waste per person). Can something else be done that isn’t either of these options if you find them shitty?Why yes, yes there is.  First off, for those who really want nothing up there, there are perfectly safe, 100% fine idea period proof panties that just don’t let the blood out. As long as no one else is coming in contact with it and there’s no pathogen risk, fuck it, go nuts dude.  Then for others there are such things as Luna Cups that do pretty sweet blood collection and are pretty easy to clean, as well as environmentally friendly.  Lastly, there are also durable cloth pads that can be found fucking ANYWHERE from a bunch of small manufacturers that come in all kinds of designs whether you want plain or cute or whatever. Cleaning them can be a pain in the ass, but still, pretty environmentally friendly and safe from a public health perspective. Plus, supporting small local artisans, yay! Now, none of this is meant to hurt anyone who needs to use pads or tampons due to issues with feeling blood or anything like that. Do what you gotta do, no stress. I’m just saying, you can have your period and free it too. Just not into the general public. Or the public. Or the General, if said general isn’t like a direct relative or partner or whatever.  But yeah. Blood everywhere, as usual, bad thing. Being environmentally friendly? Decidedly not bad thing. And uh.. That’s... That.  Feel free to send topics, if ya like. Have the question and submission boxes open. 

#free bleeding #people who menstruate #period #menstruation #blood #public health #health #personal health #menstrual cup #menstrual underwear #Modibodi #Luna cup #MCUK

[hersikish-blog]

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[firebirdsdaughter]

Hee hee hee...

... I found a Zi-O 14 raw...

I’m gonna watch it!

(I’m still tired though, so this’ll likely be a speed through and then I’ll do another post later, but anyway, more below!)

(So it turns out I lied. I got way to into the episode. Sorry.)

In no order:

YES! Geiz you softie, I knew it. Even if you’re gonna defend it by saying it’s bc you want to be the one to kill him or whatever, I knew you weren’t gonna leave it at that.

It’s making me think of something from the musical ep of Buffy (disclaimer: I have not actually watched Buffy I just have the music from that ep bc... I love show tunes. No. Really. That’s why.). Weird comparison, I know, but hear me out--Spike’s got this line that goes (w/ some less applicable parts removed) ‘I hope she fries ... I better help her out.’ Literally, I feel like that's what happened here. Geiz is like ‘I totally do not care at all that he is dead, absolutely not, not for any reason whatsoever, I’m going to leave now good-bye. ............ OkaymaybeI’mgonnagosavehim. But only bc I want to be the one to kill him. Not bc I care at all in any way even a little bit.’

RYUKI!

Yeah, yeah. I know it’s just Tsukasa, but, I mean... Ryuki.

Aw, he did the henshin kinda like how Takeru used to do it. ^^ God, Tsukasa, what are you doing giving me warm fuzzies?

THREE GHOST NO WAITING.

TSUKASA LOOK WHERE YOU’RE THROWING YOUR SHIT GO PICK THAT SWORD UP RIGHT NOW!

NO! MY BABY! WHY HAVE THE LAST THREE TAGS BEEN IN ALL CAPS?

Okay, yeah, but... We already know Takeru has one/it. So... Hm. Does Tsukasa know that? At this point I just never take anything this man says or does at face value, so...

Ooop. Yup. Guessing he dropped that on purpose. What is your plan here, Tsukasa?

SOUGO JUST LOADED TAKERU INTO THE TIME MAJIN. HE’S MAKING HIM DRIVE. I LOVE THESE TWO GOOFBALLS THEY ARE SO CUTE.

Wait. Is future¡nonRider¡Takeru gonna meet past¡Rider¡Takeru?

OH. Oh... Wow. Okay. Not the plan I was expecting to be implemented. A... Apparently Takeru’s new Force Push works on physical stuff, too. Alright then! Sure, I’ll take it!

WAIT IF GHOST SOUGO ISN’T THERE HOW IS TAKERU GONNA GET BACK???

Oh, hey Woz. I guess. He seems... A little frustrated about something?

Sougo, why are you making a face like you got caught talking in class? You don’t have to feel bad about this. You did a good. A... Side from semi-stranding Takeru in the past?

Wait... If the incident never occurred, then Another Ghost was never created, then Takeru never lost his memories, then he never got deRidered... But the Ghost Watch exists so he should still be deRidered.... Augh! I knew I didn’t have the brain for this time travel stuff! I’m gonna stop thinking about it.

And now Uhr (or whatever his name is) is gonna pout. Which is probably gonna be destructive.

But also... MAKOTO!!!

Though... Why is Makoto here? Though, I guess I’m not sure when exactly this would fall during Ghost, since we weren’t given any timeline indication for it. Seems to be after Takeru and Makoto made up, though... I guess he was in the area? And then saw Takeru getting attacked.

Yeah, okay, so he’s still Spectre, which means the Ghost timeline hasn't been erased yet.

Aw, and he doesn’t know it’s not the Takeru from his time. So... Are we gonna have two Takeru’s? I’m curious.

IT JUST APPEARED! NOW IF PAST¡TAKERU SHOWS UP WE WILL HAVE FIVE FOUR GHOSTS!!!

Unfortunately, we lost one bc Tsukasa is a dick.

I’m assuming Takeru’s memories are back, too.

Makoto is just staring at him (looking absolutely fantastic, might I add) like ‘dude wtf are you okay? What’s going on?’

THEY DID THE POSES THEY SAID THE THINGS

Uhr, why are you surprised? Did you not do your research or something? YOU PICKED A FIGHT W/ THE ACTUAL KAMEN RIDER GHOST.

I realise this is all gonna get erased by the end of this (come to think if you erase the Ghost Timeline... What happens to Makoto and Kanon? I mean, Takeru never dies... Do they never get sucked into Gamma? Bc the accident never occurs, or bc Gamma never exists? And if Gamma never exists... What about Alain? And his family? Oh Dear.) so this won’t happen, but it’s really funny think about Makoto mentioning this to the Takeru of the past later and having 2015¡Takeru be like ‘Makotonii-chan wth are you talking about?’ and Makoto is like ‘Wth do you mean wth? YOU WERE THERE!’

SWARTZ JUST SHOWS UP TO SCOLD HIM. I love this evil time manipulating family that hates each other.

Okay, but Uhr is gonna turn the brother into Another Ghost anyway... But now he’s not dead, so destroying the Another Ride Watch isn’t a moral dilemma anymore.

And there go Makoto and Takeru.

EXCEPT THAT’S TAKERU FROM THE FUTURE HOW IS HE GETTING BACK.

Wait... Is Geiz still in 2015? Maybe he can give him a hand.

Sougo, did you just realise that Woz does not actually have your best interests in mind? I’ve known that since nigh ten episodes ago.

I feel like Makoto was either just like ‘Takeru what the hell is going on?’, ‘What are you doing here?’ or, ‘Weren’t you wearing something else half nd hour ago?’ (okay, probably not that last one). And now Takeru is scrambling bc he can’t very well be like ‘yeah I’m actually Takeru from the future who forgot he was a Kamen Rider etc.’

Mika there w/ the accidental save. I’m sure a little sister looking for her brother is gonna hit a nerve w/ Makoto, too...

Poor Makoto. He’s getting Gaim Arc Tsukuyomi’d. It’s okay, honey, this’ll all have never have happened by the end of this episode.

He’s still, like, two dimensional, though. Physically, I mean. Like, Flat Stanley. He can fit through tight spaces if he turns sideways.

Takeru is such a terrible liar he has to look the opposite direction. It’d be really funny if the Takeru of 2015 came running up right after they leave. Poor Makoto would be so confused. Even more than he already is.

Poor guy, I’m so sorry. Don’t worry. Like I said, by the end of this, this’ll never have happened.

Aw, Geiz came back. I’m glad he’s alright.

Also... OH MY GOD I JUST NOTICED SOUGO MOPING IN THE CORNER.

It sounds like he’s complaining, but I don’t speak Japanese, so I’m not sure. I’m really confused as to why Takeru didn’t tell them, though... Like, did he think they wouldn’t believe him?

Oh, yeah... What’d they tell Junichiro? He doesn’t seem as worried as he’d presumably be if he knew Sougo was technically dead...

Tsukuyomi taking one for the team w/ this conversation. Geiz is just sitting there like ‘this is one of the most awkward moments of my life.’

Oh my gosh, they just came in. Poor Takeru’s running around so much. His feet have gotta hurt by now.

Takeru don’t talk to Sougo when you know no one else can see him, for pity’s sake.

See what I mean? Everyone is looking at you like you’re nuts.

Oh for... SERIOUSLY? YOU’RE ONLY TELLING THEM NOW? You bloody little troll. It’s okay, I still love you.

I’m... Pretty sure they just mentioned Akari. Aw, that’s sweet. They couldn’t get her back, but they didn’t forget her.

I’m starting to wonder if the Ghost cast just have a group chat and Takeru’s actor was like ‘hey who’s free during this time period?’ and these are the folks who could make it.

Aw, Geiz is embarrassed. I saw you doing the awkward embarrassed thing. Poor Tsukuyomi just collapses in a chair.

Oh my gosh... Geiz is mad that that they made him embarrassed and have feelings, so he’s got both Sougo and Takeru by the shoulders like an angry big brother or something, and poor Takeru’s trying to explain, I love this episode. I also love how bad Geiz is at feelings.

Wait, though... Did they give Sougo his body back, or did they just temporarily revitalise his ghost? Bc I seem to remember that while Takeru was a ghost, he was capable of being corporeal at times.

I love how Sougo is just nodding along w/ what Takeru’s saying like ‘Sempai, save me!’

Geiz is like ‘You asshole... I GOT DOUBLE RIDER KICKED FOR YOU!’ He’s totally gonna try and kill him again for this...

This is totally like that moment in Dekaranger when Hoji got huffy about something and stalked out and the rest of the team just started giggling and someone literally said ‘He’s so bad at feelings!’ Bc Geiz is very bad at feelings. I love him, he’s so hopeless.

Yeah, it’s fine, Takeru was able to make it so he was no longer reanimated. And confused the hell out of poor Makoto in the process!

Geiz is also embarrassed about the Ghost Ride Watch getting destroyed. It’s okay, peaches, you got double Rider Kicked, remember? Anyway, Takeru’s got one. Well, I mean... Presumably it’s the same one. Just... It’s in a time loop. And it will be until we finish changing time. At least we know it’ll always come back, bc Puma Zi-O has to have it for Geiz to steal in the first place.

Aw, the Time Jacker sibs are working together! Guess Dad frustrated.

Robot fights? In my Kamen Rider? It’s more likely than you’d think!

Aw, look at that. They just got their gamers on.

Oh, nope, now we’re Build and Cross-z.

God, you boys REALLY SUCK at not being in sync. Are you sure you weren’t meant to work together?

Woz here, trying manipulate Tsukasa. Please. You don’t play a player.

Still excited for the day Geiz uses Sougo’s name.

Geiz here, sharing the powers again.

Tsukasa is sitting in this construction equipment like one of your french girls.

I think Tsukasa just asked Woz who he was talking to, and Woz was like ‘Uhhh... I dunno?’

I just realised... Sougo’s Decade Armour has a barcode on it?

YES! THANK YOU! I knew I could count on you, Tsukasa. He just yelled at Woz to either stop or be quiet, I’m pretty sure, snatched the book and closed it. Bringing back Masahiro was a great choice, I love this. So long as he can keep it up. I hope he’s not overdoing it between this and Jinga.

Either that or he said ‘too long,’ which is also true.

Oooooooo. He can use two Riders at once on the sword.

Woz, are you just realising Tsukasa is doing what he wants, not what you want? Seriously?

Like I said, I do trust Tsukasa to at least have noble intentions/goals, even if his methods are rather... Questionable at times. I do believe he does take his post as a Kamen Rider seriously. Even if he’s... Tsukasa.

The Decade Armour is chanting ‘HEI-SEI HEI-SEI HEI-SEI etc. etc.’ and I’m afraid I must admit I love it.

Aw, Tsukuyomi and Takeru waited for him to wake up. Geiz isn’t there bc he’s embarrassed.

Junichiro is scared of Tsukasa, and you know what, valid.

Also Geiz is gonna kill something and for once it might not be Sougo. It’s okay, dude. Like I said, at the end of the day, he is a Kamen Rider, the goddamn leggy bastard.

HE’S JUST EATING THE FOOD OH MY GOD THIS MAN IS UNSTOPPABLE.

I love how he apparently takes the camera off to eat.

And Tsukasa is still himself, even though the Decade Ride Watch exists... Hmm... So either the thing about there being two Koutas was true, or... There’s something else going one w/ leg asshole here that allowed him to keep his memories when even Fruit Jesus lost them.

That’s... Actually an okay photo? Tsukasa, have you improved?

Geiz is gonna try and kill him again. Sorry, sweetie, he’s just like This. I wouldn’t advise picking a fight right now, he’s been around the block multiple times. He’d just trash you again.

Is Woz... In the scene? Or is he... Not? Is he trying to predict Tsukasa? Oh, this’ll be interesting. Tsukasa vs Woz.

Geiz is still glaring, Tsukuyomi looks a little like a frightened rabbit.  Zi-Ot3 isn’t sure what to make of the leggy bastard just yet.

So, the preview...: Is Puma Zi-O planning to beat his past self into submission? That’s... Dark. What’s the relationship between Woz and this Kisshan fellow? Did Puma Zi-O feel like Woz was screwing up, so he sent Kisshan back, or was this the plan from the start? Does Woz even actually work for Puma Zi-O? Is he just playing a part and biding his time for something else? Looks like, as a comment I saw put it quite well, Puma Zi-O is entering the chat next week. Kisshan is gonna throw Geiz and Tsukuyomi around, much to Sougo’s horror, it appears. And Tsukasa... Not sure what Tsukasa is up to yet. Not that I expected to know.

Oh, yeah, and wasn’t there a recent scan leak of Geiz’s Time Majin using a Diend Ride Watch? So... Are we actually gonna be seeing Kaito, or... What? Bc Kaito and Geiz, that’d be a pair. Kaito would probably tease him, and Geiz would fall for it every single time. We’ll see. I have no expectations as far as returns go bc I know they’re limited by availability and willingness, so let’s just go with the flow!

Alright. I’m sorry this was so long. Virtual toffees for anyone who read all that. I still love Geiz, he’s bad at emotions and embarrassed by feelings, I love it. Presuming we’re gonna have a ‘Puma Zi-O is my enemy, Tokiwa Sougo is my friend’ moment at some point (kinda like Ryuuga had over Katsuragi and Sento respectively). Poor Tsukuyomi is trying to wrangle these idiots, but I wish they’d give her a little bit more to do. Tsukasa remains Tsukasa, not surprisingly. Hope to see more of the bitter Time fam that hates each other in the future. Who knows, since Sougo is going to 2068 next week, maybe we’ll even get to meet Goggles.

Also, for anyone wondering why it says ‘Puma Zi-O’ all over this... Well, my computer kept correcting ‘Ouma’ to ‘Puma’ and I eventually decided that ‘Puma’ was funnier. That’s all.

Here’s a shot of Makoto looking attractive despite poor quality to finish off:

#Kamen Rider Zi-O #Zi-O Spoilers #i loved this episode #though poor Takeru ran his little feet off the sweetie #Geiz was embarrassed by feelings #and Makoto had the most confusing day of his entire life #which was then erased from time #if i spelled anything wrong i'm sorry #it's late and i shouldn't be up #i'm too tired to check anything #also too tired to tag so #have I mentioned I love Geiz? #I also love Makoto and Takeru too #and the Zi-Ot3 #onward to the next! #^^ #Timey Wimey Rider

[thetradeway]

Session 38 27 Mar 2021: The Flesh Ripper - “We can salvage this!”

The world is a massive bollocking twat this week, so nobody is super happy. Luckily it’s D&D day! Ed reminds us that Melaina did 46 damage in one hit last week, making us all feel inferior. Foul noises are coming from roll20, worrying all of us. Maybe it’s a chest opening noise!

Joe suggests a different noise, one that sounds like a very large beast doing a cross between a belch and a roar, and this one kills Matthew’s sound card. Too much gain on the monster noises.

Matthew heard a news story about a baby shark getting swallowed whole by a crocodile. Tiktok is going to go nuts for that one, they love baby sharks. Ed says he heard about how sometimes baby sharks eat each other in the womb, and it’s the most metal thing he’s ever heard of. There’s a verse for the baby shark song. (We all conspicuously do not sing it, for the sake of Sophie who has never heard it.)

There’s some waffle about the clocks changing while we wait to see if Mina is joining us; she hasn’t been on the group chat today. I send her a message but it doesn’t seem to get delivered. We wait a few minutes to see if she’ll get back to us. Just as Joe gives me control of Kessler, she pops in. lol.

There are some Ever Given memes on the group chat, and then we get started. We are in the Flesh Ripper’s lair…

The arcane casters (except Melaina, who doesn’t have a high enough spell slot yet) all get the Woundbind spell, which they can add to their spell lists.

The doorway on the other side of the canal where we defeated the Black Puddings is blocked with carcasses and bones. Does it look like the flesh has been ripped off them?

DM: “Yeah.”

Ahleqs: “ohhhhh noooooo……”

Kessler rolls Investigation on the pile of... stuff and gets a 15. It’s made of bones and gristle and fat from all manner of creatures from rats to trolls or ogres. The limbs look torn off. (It’s a wookiee - we just need to make sure we let it win.) She can see it will take some strength to shift the bones if we want to get through that tunnel. The roar comes again; we see the back of Ahleqs’ head as he makes a break for it. We could go back and say it wasn’t in…?

We go around the other corner instead and Melaina is immediately attacked by something, finding herself suspended in… something, and her flesh begins to burn.

(Sophie, reading the description of the attack: “‘Engulf’. Bollocks. That sounds awful.”)

She makes a DEX save and escapes. It is a gelatinous cube, AKA, the Dungeon Roomba! (This would explain why the rest of the sewer is so immaculately clean.)

Tarragon Thunderwaves it but it makes the save. She backs up a little. Grease Wizard is up next. He moves closer. “Oh! That thing’s horrendous, look at it.” He throws some acid at it, believing it to be not very dexterous. He is correct - its save is -3, so that is a fail. (Ahleqs, seeing this, warms up a Fireball - forgetting about the gas pockets Shanks warned us about. DM says he can make a Perception check as a free action to see if he smells gas. He rolls a 13; he doesn’t smell anything flammable and is very pleased about this.)

Kessler is up. She is reluctant to punch it, in spite of the potential to make it wobble like a jelly. Ahleqs suggests eating her way out if that happens. She opts for the crossbow instead, and hits it for 5 points of piercing damage. She reloads and fires again for another hit and 10 damage this time. She makes a hide attempt as a bonus action, but she’ll be doing it at disadvantage because she’s trying to hide in nothing. (Cue the Bumblebee gif again.) She rolls two tens and is not hidden. She decides she IS hidden, because she has her hands in front of her eyes. “Close enough.”

Melaina moves and makes a hide attempt, as she is on the other side of the cube now. Nat 20 for a 30 total, she is now in the ethereal plane. She shoots with Sharpshooter, rolling a 21, for 21 plus 13 damage. It wobbles like dropped jelly, and cracks start to form.

Like a blancmange when it goes bad? Well, blancmanges are MADE bad, they don’t GO bad, but yes, like that.

Brother Carl can’t do much. Does he have any paperwork he needs to catch up on? He needs to safeguard both his hit points anyway. He rolls bad on his DEX check to get out of the water and can’t manage it, so he sits down in the water like a toddler having a tantrum in a paddling pool. Not having enough movement to stand back up, his turn is over.

Matthew: “Poor Carl!”

The Cube moves to engulf Ahleqs and Brother Carl - no wait, we’ve missed Ahleqs in the order. Okay, it’s his turn. The cube moves politely back to allow him to go.

The roar comes again and we all immediately panic. Is the ripper approaching?

Ahleqs makes a DEX check to get out of the water on the opposite side to the cube - the same side we found the pile of bones and limbs. He rolls a 21. He scampers up like a gazelle and administers two Eldritch Blasts to the Cube, in short order. “Zap!” A 12 and a 17 for 4 damage total. “Yeah, he better wobble!” Does he sense that it fears him? (Probably not.)

Brother Charity gets a go. Does anyone need any making less poorly?

Us: “You, maybe?”

He slams a potion, regaining 16HP. He holds a healing spell in case something awful happens.

DM: “Okay…. Wheeee!” Oh no. ‘Wheeeeee’ is never a good sound to hear coming from a Dungeon Master.

The cube zooms forward and engulfs Tarragon and Brother Carl, but we both make our DEX saves. It throws a pseudopod at Tarragon but whiffs badly with a nat 1.

Tarragon has had enough; she Rages and hits it with her quarterstaff for 11 damage.

We can see lots of splits in the cube now; it looks in a bad way. Like a chewed Haribo. A sad sight to see stuck to a window in town. Gideon is up - with a little manoeuvring he can throw a Thunderwave at it without hitting Carl or Tarragon. It seems to have a high CON score though so it will likely make its save again… He decides to do an Aganazzar’s Scorcher instead. He stretches out his hands and a big flaming line flies out of them like a flame thrower and burns the shit out of the cube, and Gideon chuckles to himself.

“Engulf this!”

It fails its DEX save and takes 11 fire damage. Woohoo! Does he want to move? No, Gideon is no coward, he’s a stalwart Dwarf dammit.

The small folk are putting the bigjobs to shame today. Kessler gets the how-de-do-dis with her Firebolt. Hey! The bolt penetrates the cube and blows it apart from inside “because I love that kinda shit.”

Melaina is up - wait, what? I thought we did-dis?

There will be a Reason, Duncan is sure. Melaina is AFK so Matthew shouts to the kitchen to ask Sophie what she wants to do. She is cooking ribs. She can’t see what’s going on so she moves forward to attack the cube, not knowing it’s dead. and Joe asks her to show him the path she took. Oh no…

She stumbles into another gelatinous cube. She can make her DEX save, and glides right out of it on the other side to do a backflip and taking no damage. She gives it a stabby with her rapier with a ten, which hits for 7 piercing damage. She yells to let the rest of us know what’s happening around the corner.

Carl stands up and makes another attempt to get out of the water. Really focusing now… a 7. If he goes up to the plank the DM will let him make a STR check to climb up the plank. He rolls a 17! Yeahhhhhh.

It’s the second cube’s turn. Melaina must repeat her DEX save - Matthew will click it for her. a 24!

Brother Carl still gets an attack, so he swings with his mace for a natty 20! Crit table says “Bonk on the noggin. Max damage and roll the damage dice again.” And the mace dissolves…? No, it’s fine. Phew.

DM goes to get more wine, but Ahleqs is up next after that. Would he like to do some spells and shit? He doesn’t want to waste any slots though… Flesh ripper and all…

He will Eldritch Blast again. Zap! Just a hit, with a 20 and a 21 for 13 damage total. Nice.

Charity: “Carl, be careful!” With that, can he scooch past Tarragon? Good luck, she’s raging and all elbows, and will probably do an opportunity attack on him. He slides down the side of the canal instead and goes around her. He clambers back up - well he tries, but rolls a 9 on his DEX check. He goes through all his spells. “That won’t work… Nor that…” He opts in the end for Eldritch Blast and 12 damage total, insisting that it’s ‘divine energy’. Hmmm.

Tarragon rushes forward, still in her red mist, and smacks it with her quarterstaff for 9 more damage; she would move back out of the way to let everyone else get in, but it doesn’t occur to her so she doesn’t.

Gideon does a Chill Touch: “Hyahhh! Ohhhh…” He hits with an 11 for 3 damage. “I’m helping!”

Kessler shoots another Firebolt. 25 to hit and 12 fire damage “to old Blobby.” Kill it with fire!

Melaina backs up and hides, and shoots. She is literally the only competent one among us. 15 hits and 29 damage. Howdy Doody! “It implodes on itself like a nasty custard.”

We beat the dungeon! Yay!

DM: “Nope - not even close.” Aw beans.

Melaina moves forward and finds a loot chest. Too excited to check for traps, she tears it open to find a carved ivory lion with gems for eyes.

Brother Charity scoots around, avoiding Tarragon’s eye line. She growls at him as he goes by, but no-one hears that.

Gideon finds another chest and tries to kick it open but it just rocks back and forth. It doesn’t seem locked upon inspection, so he flips it open to find a blue gem and a sheet of parchment (first level spell scroll). He rolls a D6; a 3. It is a sorcerer spell. He has a bunch of spells so he offers it to Ahleqs.

Gideon rolls a d20 - he gets a 9. It is a scroll of Feather Fall. “Ah! That’s useful!” If he copies it into his book instead of casting it from the scroll, he can learn it. He’ll stuff it into a pocket. He checks on his flumph; it is safe in its pocket-aquarium.

Does Ahleqs want to interact with the chest he’s found? He’s seen others do it; he will try to remember what Melaina does after she says “I’ll check for traps”. He rolls a 17 and doesn’t find any. He can’t find the macro to roll for treasure at first; he gets it together and opens the chest to find 140sp.

Have we looted this part of the dungeon already - oh shit there’s some kind of slurping, gurgling growl. Melaina runs back to hide behind the pillar. We might have to deal with them bones, the ones blocking that pathway... 

Brother Charity sweeps dramatically down the stairs toward Tarragon and attempts an ode - Matthew plays the worst audio I’ve ever heard. It’s a very badly sung song, ending with a marriage proposal.

Tarragon: “Does 23 hit you?”

Charity: “23 hits the fuck out of me.” She does 9 bludgeoning damage with her quarterstaff.

DM: “So you were actually singing that?” Ohhhhh nooooo. This is DM speak for ‘good luck fuckers, the Flesh Ripper heard you.’

We all immediately shit ourselves, but nothing happens straight away. We are all still digging in the bones. Kessler moves forward to Goblin Smash the pile; not the most stealthy tactic. We persuade her to wait a moment before going ham on the bones.

Melaina thinks she could squeeze through the little gap at the top. She and Tarragon make Stealth and Dex checks while Brother Carl helps Brother Charity up; Charity takes a health potion.

Melaina can’t quite get through the hole, but Tarragon scrambles up and through it - not quietly, however.

She finds the Flesh Ripper.

Tarragon presses herself into the wall on the other side - she makes a stealth check with Guidance and manages to keep out of its sight. (Notes are a little spotty from here as I am panicking.)

Tarragon makes a Minor Illusion of the thing on the other side of the pile of bones so the others can see it.

Ed: “Put that away! Put that back in the monster deck!”

Ahleqs casts Mage Hand to cover his eyes, only then realising that its translucent.

Can we fit the armoured goblin through the gnome hole?

Charity asks if he can cast a proprietary spell; Gideon wants to know how many musical numbers are involved. None, his solar plexus has learned his lesson.

He scrambles up and tries to follow his true love through the hole. He’s doing great stealth, but his DEX isn’t going so well so he is struggling to scramble through. He manages eventually, and joins Tarragon on the other side.

Tarragon whisper-apologises for hitting him but says she doesn’t want to marry him. He presses his finger to his own lips, and then to hers; she bites him. He rolls CON to keep from yelping with pain but fails, and we roll initiative.

FUCKkkkkkkkckKKKKCKKkk!

Joe mutes his microphone so he can laugh, and the Flesh Ripper descends upon Charity and Tarragon.

It does something called Whirlwind of Claws which forces a DC19 DEX save. (DC! 19!!!) Tarragon and Charity both fail and take 44 - that’s FORTY FOUR - points of damage. The attack pushes the rest of the bones out of the tunnel, letting the others in behind us thankfully. Charity also does some cold damage to the thing when it hits him.

They all roll initiative and join us.

Joe: I will say one word to you before we start: Primara. (The unicorn!)

Gideon goes first and busts out the big guns. He can cast Fireball at the thing’s head and miss us, because it’s so huge. He also thinks the stonework will take a blast, so he goes for it. It fails its DEX save, ha HA! That means that it takes 27 fire damage and anything flammable in the area also bursts into flame. “Take that, you big monstrosity - die!”

Can it see those of us on the other side of the little tunnel? Yes, because it’s crouching down and looking for us.

Ahleqs also does a Fireball.

Tarragon, panicked, Rages and goes Brown bear.

Melaina shoots with her bow, with a 22 which hits. She does 28 damage. How de do dis??? Please??? She moves back into the water.

Kessler runs at the thing and smashes it with her Thunder Gauntlets. Dirty 20 to hit, for 11 Thunder damage. She uses Fury of the Small to do another 6 damage on top, and goes for another punch. 22 to hit, and ten more Thunder damage. Good opening salvo. As she’s using Guardian armour, she can force disadvantage on the Flesh Ripper if it attacks anyone other than her for the next round. Noice.

Brother Carl is up. He prepares himself for another round of combat in a water trough, as Matthew forgot about him. He makes a DEX check to climb up the side and rolls an 8 which is a failure. He uses the rest of his movement to stand up and look sheepish.

Brother Charity, and the Flesh Ripper is on deck. “I think we may have got off on the wrong foot here…” he casts Magical Glove, aka Shillehglghlbhgllehhlahh. 23 hits, and he does 12 bludgeoning and 2 fire damage. Fire damage? Huh.

The flesh ripper makes a multi attack which gives it FIVE ATTACKS. It misses Kessler with its bite and goes for a slash with its claws, so she reaction-shields. It claws again and misses, and goes for another which also misses.

It does Whirlwind of Claws again. Charity and Kessler go down, and Tarragon is almost re-gnomed.

Gideon calls us back, hoping that those of us still up can hear him. He then does a Ray of Enfeeblement on the Flesh Ripper. He misses. “BALLLLLLLS!”

Kessler, raising her unconscious head for a moment for a spot of sass: “I really dislike that dwarf.”

Gideon: “At least I’ll be alive next round.”

(Savage. lol.)

Ahleqs calls Primara, who rolls initiative to join us.

That was his bonus action. He apologises to Primara for getting her killed, then does another fireball. It makes its save and Ahleqs rolls low on the damage, so it only takes 8 fire. Ahleqs, to himself: “Do I run away?”

Primara moves forward to do a Healing Touch on Brother Charity, who regains consciousness and 11HP. He assumes it was something he did. She then casts Shimmering Shield on Tarragon, which gives her a +2 bonus to her AC.

Bear-Tarragon makes a multi attack and hits twice; the thing is starting to look ‘mildly wounded’. She’ll take it.

Melaina tries Hideous Laughter. “Bazinga.” It fails its save, yay! It falls prone, and incapacitated. We have a choice here - we can cut and run or marmalise it. She rolls to see which way it falls - it collapses on bear-Tarragon, who is trapped underneath it and takes 9 damage.

Kessler makes a death save and rolls a 7 - a fail.

Brother Carl tries to get out of the stuff again. (Maybe he and Popcorn should babysit each other.) He rolls a 4.

Brother Charity is up next. He takes a risk and uses a bonus action to use his healer’s kit. He has to roll 13 or more - and gets a 24. (He injects himself with adrenaline. “I’M ALIVE!!!!”) He Cure Woundses the living shit out of Kessler with a fourteen and shlblgheghldsdllghhs the Flesh Ripper with a Nat 20! Stunning blow - Max damage and the target must make a DC14 Con save or be stunned. (If this fails, it’s back on its feet as it has saved from the Hideous Laughter now.) He lucks out - the Ripper rolls a 7 and is stunned!

It misses its turn as it’s stunned. (It automatically fails saving throws now.) Boom for big fireball damage from Gideon - but no, it only takes 21 fire damage.

Ahleqs is up. “Okay. Um. Do I have to climb out?” (of the bone rubble). Yes, a DC10 DEX check to get out. “It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine, check this out. Yay! Just enough.” He rolls an 11. He stands behind Charity and casts Burning Hands at level 2 for 14 fire damage. It looks a bit bloodied. Huh. Ahleqs gets a nosebleed and takes a few steps back.

Primara is up next. She comes up to Tarragon and does a Healing Touch to give her 11 HP back, and then Shimmering Shield again, and darts back out of range. Me, OOC: “Thank you, I say in Bear.”

Bear-Tarragon does another multi-attack - one hits the other misses, doing ten damage total.

Melaina takes aim with her bow, with encouragement from Goose. 28 damage! (Sophie, OOC: “That’s actually pretty disappointing damage.”)

Kessler is next. She gets up and clicks her neck. She goes right for the groin with her Thunder Gauntlets, 18 to hit and 6 Thunder damage. The second below the belt shot is only a ten so it misses. She dodges around it and disengages as her bonus action.

What does Brother Carl want to do? Splash around in the water? Play with a rubber duck? He decides to try the plank to help himself get out and rolls an 8 STR check. He punches the wall. DM is feeling charitable; he can make a DEX check as well if he likes. Nat 20! He basically levitates out of the water. Ahleqs holds up a little placard with ‘9.5’ on it.

Brother Charity is up. “Ohhhhh balls.” He sighs and does shillebblhlghsfflgjhheh. “Twelvesies?” That’s a miss. “I gently pat him on the shin.” Bonus action - healing potion. Wise. He regains 5HP.

It does the whirlwind again - Tarragon is gnomed and knocked out, and Charity also goes down. The flesh ripper crawls over him to get to the others.

It then hits Brother Carl with a 30 and a 19 - 49 slashing damage total. He goes down, no duh.

Gideon is next, and he casts Haste on Melaina. More speed, AC, DEX and attacks. Woo! He’s basically turned her into a superhero.

Kessler: “Or a super villain.”

Melaina hurriedly: “Shut up…”

Ahleqs is up. He doesn’t need to be in melee with it so that Melaina gets advantage, right? Cool, then he will cast Misty Step and not needlessly throw his life away. For his action he can do a cantrip, so he does Eldritch Blast and uses ToC. “Is that a good idea…?”

Chorus of “Do it do it do it.” Big money, no whammies. Two hits! 7 damage, plus 3. ten total, and he rolls on the old chart. 51: A spectral shield hovers near him for the next minute, granting him +2 to AC and immunity to Magic Missile attacks. He’s protected from Kessler if she goes more rogue than usual, sweet.

Primara moves forward to gently nuzzle Tarragon and brings her back with 11HP. She gives her a quizzical look, and says “teleport?” in her head in Elvish. Tarragon is good in here, but thanks. She politely declines and prepares to do some more battering.

She casts Greater Shilldhbbblhlshggewehh, and hits with a 21 for just 9 damage. “What? This spell is BALLS!” (In addition to the ‘DM win’ button, Joe apparently has an ‘offer false hope’ button.)

Melaina rolls to hide with a 23. “Hidden?” Yes. She shoots twice; thanks Ed. She misses twice. “Sorry, Gideon, I’m wasting my gift.”

Kessler is going to - let’s see… Magic Missile…? Would need to cast it at level 2… That would be four darts… (Ahleqs from the back, sounding pleased: “I’m immune to that.”) No, she thinks her crossbow will do more damage, so she takes aim once at each head. the first misses, as does the second. Bonus action she drinks a GHP.

(Matthew OOC: “Can I just point out that Magic Missile would have hit four times.”)

Brother Carl makes a death save, and passes with a 14. Charity rolls a death save and passes. He gets HP back… It’s a thing he can do. Hmmm.

He is still under the flesh ripper though. He casts Vampiric Touch on it. Can’t miss, as his face is pressed against its undercarriage. Can he have ADV on the roll? Yeah, okay. Oh, apparently he can miss. 

Tarragon and Kessler see, to our horror, the wounds on the hide of the thing start to knit back together.

Tarragon: “Ah, fuck.”

Kessler: “That ain’t right.”

It turns around and does the whirlwind thing again; Tarragon goes down. It crawls over her and attempts to eat Primara. It attacks with a 22 and does 14 slashing damage, then attacks again with a 30 for 19 damage. Then attacks AGAIN with a 22. Then it bites her with a 23 and does 10 piercing and 2 poison damage.

Primara casts Heal Self - phew! Then she teleports herself and Tarragon out of there. Gideon’s turn.

He can see the flesh ripper’s weird grey bits, so he has line of sight. He doesn’t have an awful lot of time for this creature so he burns it again, hoping that the burning prevents the regeneration. DEX save! He is running out of spell slots though. It rolls a 19 - “Ah, that bitch!” It’s still engulfed in flame though. He might have a scroll here somewhere… He has invincib - no, invisibility. (Invincibility would be pretty fuckin’ useful.)

Gideon may cut and run, it depends how the rest of this goes. For the time being, he will hang around. How generous. “Use fire!” he directs us all.  

Ahleqs spends some time calculating distance before casting Eldritch Blast with ToC. He rolls a dirty 20 and a 17 for 8 total Force damage. “That’s a small number!” Creatures have Disadvantage on saves versus his next spell for a minute. That’s good.

Now comes the sad moment where we see the unicorn removed from the turn order, probably. She has a legendary action and uses it to heal herself. So not dead just yet, but she can’t do much else this turn.

Tarragon passes a death save. “Yeah. Winning at life.”

Melaina has been watching the ripper with her beady little peepers. (Ed returns from somewhere. “Is it dead? Did we win?”) Can she hide, on the basis that she can see it but it can’t see her? Yes, so she rolls a 27. She is hidden! She shoots with a 21 for 27 damage, and takes her second attack. She risks using Sharpshooter again, but misses. She has extra movement from the Haste spell, so she uses it to step over Brother Carl’s body and move a little further away from the Flesh Ripper. 

Kessler rolls a death save - an 18.

Brother Carl rolls a death save - a 2, so a fail.

Charity rolls a death save - a 5, so another fail.

The Flesh Ripper takes a turn, and uses it to do whirlwind of claws against Ahleqs and Gideon. Even if he passes, Ahleqs is going down. Oh, also Melaina gets to roll versus this attack as well, Joe says. Gideon, predictably, fails the save. Less predictably, he is still up after the attack. Melaina makes the save so she only takes 22 damage. Only! No wait - she has Evasion. No wait, no she doesn’t, we’re only level 6. She has Uncanny Dodge though, so she takes quarter damage, so 11. “No thank you! Not today!”

It’s still got four attacks. Aw, fuck.

It bites Gideon. “That modifier is monstrous, I hate it.” He goes down. “I should have run away, no!!! Oh, what a horrible place to die!”

Melaina is the last one standing.We could legitimately be looking at a TPK, here...

At least our bones will all lay together.

The only thing Primara can do is resurrect us if we die, and she can only do that once; she darts away and tries to hide so she can emerge and save us if we actually die.

Gideon rolls a death save (ten - pass), as does Ahleqs (also a ten). Then Tarragon (18).

Wait - Gideon’s Haste spell in Concentration. When he goes down it drops. Ed, reading the spell description for the first time - “oh no! Oh fuck! Ohhhh…” In his defence, he wasn’t expecting to get mullered in one round.

Melaina can’t move on her turn now, or take actions until her next turn because the Haste has dropped. Can she go limp and slide into the water like an octopus? The DM - very generously - lets her take a bonus action to hide. “I can feel a natural 1 coming on…” She rolls a 14 total - the thing’s Passive Perception is 12, so she is hidden. Skin of our knickers.

Kessler makes her next death save with a 17. The Brothers also make saves; Carl rolls an 8 and Charity a 19. Ahleqs rolls a death save and gets a 9 - a fail.

Ed, OOC: “We can salvage this!”

Primara has a go at Entangling the flesh ripper; she thinks it’s probably pointless to try, but it rolls a 13 to save versus the spell and is entangled! Yay!

Tarragon fails her next death save. Melaina is up. Can she get past it? She can dash as a bonus action… She shoots at it while hidden first, using her ‘everything-I’ve-got’ button. 18 hits, but she only gets 27 damage. DM tells us not to run - we are SO CLOSE to killing it. Melaina runs to join Primara, whose space she can share because the unicorn is Tiny.

Kessler makes her death save and stabilises. Brother Carl rolls a nat 1 - and dies.

Fuck.

Brother Charity rolls a success on his save with an 11. The Flesh Ripper tries to break free of the Entangle - and fails! Yay! It regenerates some HP though.

Gideon makes a death save - and gets a 19. He’s closer to being alive than dead - but in a death save sense, not a general sense. Ahleqs rolls a ten - another success.

Ed realises he missed a death save, and rolls it now - he succeeds, and Gideon stabilises. Yay! That was a good decision.

Primara is up. Joe checks some spells… She can’t do anything to help so she stays put. Tarragon fails a death save. (Next turn, either way...) 

Melaina sneaks to the door and hides, and shoots - but misses with a ten. She recedes back like a turtle into her cave.

Kessler stabilises.

Brother Carl is dead, so Brother Charity rolls a save and he stabilises too. Phew.

Flesh Ripper goes next, and tries to break free but is still Entangled! Here’s our Hail Mary.

Ahleqs rolls another death save - and succeeds, stabilising. “In a number of hours, I can crawl my horrid carcass…”

Tarragon fails her last death save - and dies.

Fuck.

Melaina rolls a 13 to hide. She shoots with an 18 and hits, for 28 damage - how-de-do-dis!

The arrow goes into one of its’ horrible heads, which looks at the other head and goes “what the fuck!” And it dies. Joe plays some horrible audio. Final Fantasy Fanfare!

Primara comes out and says she has the power to bring one of us back - but only one. They have to choose - Brother Carl, or Tarragon.

Gideon thinks it’s not a hard choice. Melaina doesn’t want to say it too quickly.

They wait an hour while Primara goes about raising Tarragon from the dead, by casting the spell Raise Dead. Some of the others regain consciousness over the course of the hour. There are no more monsters around, so we can take a rest if we want.

We very much do want.

On the plus side, we can level up - yay!

#dnd #thetradeway #campaign diary #character death

[peterstestkitchen]

Circus Peanut Peanut Butter

Rating: 5/5 ~ 16 votes

Time: 5 minutes (omnivore, unhealthy version), 7 minutes (vegan, unhealthy version), 1 hour (vegan, healthy version)

Every Thursday when I was a kid, my mom would plop me and my brother down at the local library for children’s storytime. When it was over and the head librarian had dismissed us, I would roam the library in order to gaze upon my favorite library things: the model ships, the strange YA cartoon books, and the aisle where every book had a blue sticker of a man smoking a pipe. When mom showed up again and it was time to go, a video cassette—the Star Trek episode, “The Trouble with Tribbles,” usually—was clasped between my grubby paws. In my brother’s, the latest installment in the Hank the Cowdog children’s book series. Ahh… just thinking about the VHS section and I can smell the polypropylene-imbued air sure to be found when in close proximity to the clamshell case palisade!

Come spring, a box of circus tickets would appear on the library counter suspiciously close to the checkout machine. The circus was coming to town! ...And our parents would never let us go. ...Until the day they did.

In truth, I don’t remember much from the circus. It wasn’t in a tent, it was in the town’s hockey arena—and poodles took the place of elephants. In fact, I didn’t even eat circus peanuts while there! Get this, my dad bought a box of Cracker Jacks—for himself! However, this was the genesis of my love affair with the circus. Sorry, honey. There’s someone else… and his name is Barry Lubin! (Barry Lubin is a famous clown.)

Fast forward to the near present and after getting the quarantine spring jibblies, I finally snapped and declared, “If I can’t go to the circus, well, in fact, I’ll bring the circus to me!” (Side note: still to this very day I have only been to the circus once. It’s more about having the feeling that I could go to a circus if I wanted to, rather than the feeling of being barred from a yearly ritual. After all, circuses are generally banal and raise many animal treatment issues. Again, it’s the romanticized circus I like. The Idea of Circus.) So I decided to acquire some circus peanuts, having never actually tried them before.

“So, from where did circus peanuts first appear, even?” you ask. Well, it appears no one knows. They are believed to have come onto the confectionary colosseum sometime in the 1800s, making them one of the oldest continuously produced candies. Well, I shouldn’t say continuously produced, as they originally were a seasonal treat before better packaging techniques were invented! Thank you, science! :) My best guess is that they originated as an ersatz peanut product, similar to how the hazelnut was used as a filler with which to cut chocolate products during a cocoa scarcity in Italy during WWII. (More talk about hazelnut spreads below!) Whatever the case, this homemade recipe is on scale! :) Okay, so back to business.

Acquiring circus peanuts in quarantine was a bit harder than expected. Every store I visited was sold out: Fleet Farm, Walgreens, Kwik Trip—all out! Alas, toilet paper wasn’t the only thing people were snatching up! Curse you, omnivores! (Side note: lest we forget this pandemic would have never happened had the world been vegan. I don’t think it’s wrong of me to suggest that everyone who consumes animal products from factory farms should have to pay the unemployed vegans an extra $600 a month. Why should I, a humble plant eater, pay for the mess of the omnivores yet again? Stop eating meat, y’all! Factually stated, 41% of all land in the United States is used for livestock! What a fuckin’ waste! And excusez mon français!)

So instead of continuing on a wild goose chase to find these golden eggs, I decided to take a radical approach and make my own circus peanuts. (Plus, I found out after Googling around that circus peanuts aren’t even vegan! For shame!) This is where things start to get a little tricky. You see, I’m a bit of a health nut. Well, maybe a little more than a bit of one... I may be a full-on health peanut! Peanuts like me would never eat something so processed anyway... But who’s to say I can’t have a taste of the circus in a healthy, vegan way? Why not make homemade circus peanut peanut butter? And better yet, why not use duckweed as a base instead of circus peanuts? You get all the goodness of the circus but in a spreadable way with all the health benefits of the most nutrient dense plant known to humanity. For yumzeez! :)

World’s healthiest food

For those who only know duckweed from smelly retention ponds, duckweed (also known as water lentils) is actually a great food for humans. It has more protein than soy, has many antioxidants, and is a natural source of B12. Get this, the bacteria that make B12 grow in a symbiotic relationship with the plant! Question: How neat is that? Answer: That’s pretty neat! And by the way, omnis, B12 comes from bacteria in the dirt that vegan animals eat. Given that most cows and chickens eat feed that’s been washed, these animals too have to be given vitamins—the meat you eat is trash :) 

So I finnicked for a long time to get the duckweed circus peanut peanut butter spread consistency right (we’ll save that process for a different post!), bought some peanut-shaped molds from eBay, found some food coloring in the back of the cabinet, and I was off to the races! Err, Circus! I had done it! I had made circus peanut peanut butter! Granted, it tasted more like an artificially flavored banana salad than candy, but it’s the thought that counts!

So… days go by and I get tested and find out I don’t have the coronavirus. Yipee! Time to see my folks! ...But I couldn’t serve that to my family. They’d think I’d lost my marbles! So instead, I came up with a more palatable, albeit less healthy, option. Instead of duckweed, I would use Trader Joe’s brand vegan marshmallows, dye them to the proper color, and mold them in shape. Then I could serve my folks organic, gluten free, non-GMO circus peanuts, or I could blend them to make totally delicious circus peanut peanut butter. Then maybe make a circus-y themed fluffernutter? Mmmmm!

And there’s even an option for the omnis among us: get real circus peanuts and follow the same procedure. (Just know if you do that, the gelatin you’ll be consuming will be from the bones, skin, and hooves of dozens of different cows or pigs.) For simplicity’s sake and also because I am collaborating with an omni for this post, we ended up going with regular circus peanuts. She had already purchased the circus peanuts before I could alert her that it had to be vegan. My bad! :^O “’Tis better to use the food you have than to let it go to waste.” Plus, they were Spangler brand, the classic choice for circus peanuts!

Aforementioned, I called in the big guns: food stylist, chef, event planner, and artist, Kendal Kulley. Check her out on Instagram! She assisted me as we made her favorite sandwich with the addition of my favorite ingredient: the Circus Peanut Peanut Butter and Pudding and Chocolate Peanut Butter Sandwich! First, take lightly toasted Whole Wheat bread (100% whole wheat works best). Then, slather a thick layer of homemade circus peanut peanut butter followed by a smathering of lemon pudding (Snack pack brand is my favorite, lemon is her favorite flavor (within the Snack pack brand family)). Next, add a sprinkling of hemp hearts for a bit of protein and roughage—not to mention polyunsaturated fats!

After that, Kendal likes to add a squidge of chocolate flavored peanut butter or hazelnut spread to thicken the whole thing up. Please note that I do not condone the use of most flavored peanut butters or products like Nutella as they often contain palm oil, a cash crop leading to rainforest deforestation. The same goes for cocoa. Instead, I propose we continue to advocate that the UN apportion monies to residents of poorer rainforested countries so they can live comfortably and keep our biggest source of oxygen intact. I’m happy pitching in a handful of dollars every year if it means I can keep breathing clean air :)

Then, simply close it up and enjoy! Buuuuuuut, if you’re feeling really ambitious like we are, you can make… wait for it… a TRIPLE DECKER! Just repeat the process over again with a third slice and add it on top! YUM. Cut it in half and there you have it! A perfect guilt-free (provided you followed the vegan duckweed version and omitted the peanut butter and used a more hearty bread) lunch item! Bon appétit!

I hope you enjoy this recipe and let me know in the comments how it turned out! It shouldn’t take any more than five minutes if doing the omni method (grrrr!) and about one hour for the healthy vegan method. It makes one jar worth and will last three to five days in the refrigerator—but it never lasts that long! Oh, and if you do end up having sandwich leftovers, it works great for a morning hash! But again, I, for one, almost never have leftovers! :)

Peace!

Peter 

Omnivore version (unhealthy):

Ingredients:

1 package Spangler brand circus peanuts

4 tbsp water

If making chunky, set aside one circus peanut to mince in a food processor or with a knife. In a large bowl, add the circus peanuts and water. Microwave for two minutes on high or until the circus peanuts have expanded to twice their size. Serve immediately or add to an airtight container.

Vegan version (unhealthy):

Ingredients:

1 package Trader Joe’s brand vegan marshmallows

4 tbsp water

2 drops natural banana flavor

4 drops orange food coloring

In a large bowl, add the marshmallows and water. Microwave for two minutes on high or until the marshmallows have expanded and softened. Mix in the food coloring and natural flavor and microwave for another minute. Add to mold and set sit until at room temperature. When fully set, add to Vitamix and blend until desired peanut butter consistency is achieved. Serve immediately or add to an airtight container.

Vegan version (healthy):

Ingredients:

6 cups fresh duckweed

4 tbsp flaxseed meal.

4 drops natural banana flavor

12-18 drops orange food coloring

If making homemade duckweed, follow these instructions and skip the next step. If collecting from a pond, read on. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees. In an Instant Pot or lesser pressure cooker, steam the duckweed for one minute on high pressure with the valve set to sealing. Do five minutes of natural pressure release. Blend in the Vitamix with food coloring, flaxseed meal, and banana flavor until it becomes a fine mush. Put in peanut mold. Place in the oven for 10 minutes, or until the peanuts have mostly dried out. Put back in the Vitamix and blend until you have the desired level of consistency. Serve immediately or add to an airtight container. 

Captions:

Oh look! An ant wanted to join us! Hello, little ant!

Comments:

Feel free to email me your comments and I will add them below :)

OMG this looks so goooood!

Thanks for the post, Peter! I just wanna say that I too used to go to the circus with my family every year and loved it! I will try this recipe ASAP.