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#anyway when you were young insane song
bybdolan · 5 days ago
What does "I'm kind of like a prettier Jesus" mean. I am getting "60s folk singer comparing himself to Jesus" and "He doesn't look a thing like Jesus but he talks like a gentleman" vibes but at least those make sense.
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Claude And The Quantics Chapter 4
Hello lemon drops young and old! Today I bring to you a new chapter of Claude and The Quantics!
This would have been out sooner but my computer turned itself off and none of my drafts saved. 
Disclaimer: Line Without A Hook belongs to Ricky Montgomery. Way Less Sad belongs to AJR. Shout Out To My Ex belongs to Little Mix
“Stop touching the camera you idiot!”
“Make me you purple toed hippo!”
“Claude, our fans don’t want to see your disgusting nose pimples!”
“You’re right for once in your miserable life! The fans want to see my beautiful silken skin and my dashing good looks!”
Claude and Allegra had been fighting for close to thirty minutes.
It was getting exhausting.
“Stop fighting you two. You’re going to upset everyone.” Marinette chided from the back where she was setting up Claude’s drum set.
Allen stood on the outskirts of the camera, watching.
Félix came to stand by Allen. “Do you think they know the camera’s been filming this whole time?”
“Not a chance.”
“So uh, hey Quantic fans! This is Marinette speaking!” Marinette grinned and threw up a peace sign, winking at the camera. “Today we’ll be doing our first video concert live stream!”
Alya watched Marinette smile through the camera, a disgusted frown covering the reporter's face.
How was it that this bullying bitch became famous with a few terrible songs and a crew of idiots?
Well...Alya had never actually heard any of the Quantics’--what a terrible name--music. Alya had refused to listen to them in solidarity to Lila. They were probably terrible anyway.
Alya watched as Marinette handed the microphone to the snobby girl with a long, blonde braid.
“Hey! So today we’ll be performing the first tour song we’ve written, Way Less Sad! We wrote it while in New York for the first stop in Jagged’s tour!
The boy with darker skin, the one dressed in a green, leaned over the blonde girl’s shoulder to speak into the microphone. “Hope you enjoy!”
The Quantics began to play, And even Alya had to admit they were pretty good.
The second school had ended, the Quantics had bolted for Le Grand Paris. The five of them were planning their first video concert and needed everything to be perfect.
And now that they were all standing there, smiling at the camera, Marinette couldn’t even feel her nerves.
Singing calmed her in a way nothing ever had before. It was like her own personal zen garden living right there in her vocal cords.
As her friends began to play, Marinette took a deep breath and launched into the song.
Hey-hey-hey, hey-hey-hey, hey-hey-hey
Hey-hey-hey, hey-hey-hey (oh-oh-oh), hey-hey-hey
I should move 'cause New York is gettin' muddy out
There's L.A. but it's always kinda sunny out
And I don't wanna hurt no more
So I set my bar real low
Marinette couldn’t stop the grin on her face as she sang. Her friends played behind her, smiling at Marinette as she bounced around. They were happy to see her like this, joyful, excited.
When the other Quantics had first met their Mari, she was depressed and tired. Everything about her had screamed exhaustion.
I'm a-okay, I'm a-okay (ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah)
You say it but you just don't mean it
You're so insane, you're so insane (ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah)
Shut up and just enjoy this feelin'
It had taken a few weeks before Marinette had opened up to them. It had taken months before Marinette had begun to smile and laugh with them, but when she did, the ravenette was the most sunshine-y person to ever exist.
Allegra, Claude, and Allen had even taken to shielding their eyes whenever Marinette smiled. 
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad
And Marinette was happy. She was happy with her new friends.
Hеy-hey-hey, hey-hеy-hey, hey-hey-hey
But I'm way less sad
Hey-hey-hey, hey-hey-hey (oh-oh-oh), hey-hey-hey
But I'm way less sad
I wake up and I'm not so mad at Twitter now
Livin' sucks but it's suckin' just a little now
And I don't wanna cry no more
So I set my bar real low
When Alya had decided they couldn’t be friends anymore Marinette had thought it was because she didn’t deserve the ombre-haired girl. Marinette had even begun to believe her old class when they told her she didn’t deserve to live. That she should just die.
I'm a-okay, I'm a-okay (ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah)
You say it but you just don't mean it
You're so insane, you're so insane (ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah)
Shut up and just enjoy this feelin'
But the other Quantics had helped Marinette out of her funk, they brought her back to life with their love and support.
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet (happy yet)
But I'm way less sad
I may wrong, I may be wrong
It's stupid but it's all I have
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad
Well, I can't fall asleep and I'm losin' my mind
'Cause it's half-past three and my brain's on fire
I've been countin' sheep but the sheep all died
And I'm tryin' too hard but I can't not try
Well, I can't fall asleep and I'm losin' my mind
'Cause it's half-past three and my brain's on fire
I've been countin' sheep but the sheep all died
And I'm not dead yet, so I guess I'll be alright
The weeks following her isolation, Marinette couldn’t sleep. And usually, when she was feeling insomniac she would design. But with all that had been going on, Marinette couldn’t find it in herself to create anything.
That’s why she turned to writing.
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad
I may be wrong
I may be wrong
It's stupid but it's all I have
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad
Marinette finished the song with a smile on her face.
Holy hell.
Alya could only gape at her computer as Marinette sang.
She was good.
Really good.
And it annoyed Alya to no end.
The reporter clicked the volume up button as the next song started.
“Here’s our next song, sung by the ice prince himself!” Claude was grinning like a maniac as he practically screamed into the microphone.
Félix glared at the offending drummer.
“Hello. I suppose you’ll want to know the title of this song. It’s called Line Without A Hook and I wrote it for Marinette.” 
The girl in question flushed a bright red. Claude snickered.
Félix turned to smile at his girlfriend, who was shining like the sun. Félix gave her a small smile, one that was reserved only for Marinette.
Marinette returned the smile and took her place behind her boyfriend’s keyboard--he had taught her how to play while they were on tour.
I don't really give a damn about the way you touch me
When we're alone
You can hold my hand
If no one's home
Félix smiled, remembering all the times the two had fallen asleep watching a movie or just talking.
Do you like it when I'm away?
If I went and hurt my body, baby
Would you love me the same?
I can feel all my bones coming back
And I'm craving motion
Mama never really learns how to live by herself
It's a curse
And it's growing
When Félix first realized his feelings for Marinette were more than platonic, he hated it. Félix didn’t really handle his emotions very well, and he had never felt anything romantic towards another person.
You're a pond and I'm an ocean
Oh, all my emotions
Feel like explosions when you are around
And I've found a way to kill the sounds, oh
Félix gripped the microphone stand tightly. He wasn’t all that good at expressing himself. But when Félix had written this song for Marinette, even before they were dating, he had been able to poor every little piece of his soul into the words, trying so desperately to convey how he felt when he was with Marinette.
Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you
I need you here to stay
I broke all my bones that day I found you
Crying at the lake
Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden?
Oh, and if I could take it all back
I swear that I would pull you from the tide
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
I said no, I said no
Listen close, it's a no
The wind is a-pounding on my back
And I found hope in a heart attack
Oh at last, it is past
Now I've got it, and you can't have it
Once upon a time, the idea of falling in love had filled Félix with disgust. He thought the idea that someone would give themselves so entirely to another person was confusing and absurd.
But now Félix understood.
He had only been dating Marinette for a few hours, but he already wished to fight the moon and give her the stars if it made her happy.
Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you
I need you here to stay
I broke all my bones that day I found you
Crying at the lake
Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh
And if I could take it all back
I swear that I would pull you from the tide
Darling, when I'm fast asleep
I've seen this person watching me
Saying, "Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?" Oh
Guess there is something, and there is nothing
There is nothing in between
And in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer
Watching over me, he's singing
"She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a boy"
He's singing, "She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook"
Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you
I need you here to stay
I broke all my bones that day I found you
Crying at the lake
Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh
And if I could take it all back
I swear that I would pull you from the tide
Marinette, with her bubbly personality and passionate words, had stolen his heart completely. And he didn’t want it back.
If someone that didn’t know Félix took a nice long look, they would never have come to the conclusion that he could sing. Or that he would seem so happy doing it.
But as Marinette watched Félix sing  the song he wrote for her, she noticed the way he lit up. Even standing behind him, Marinette could see the tension leave his shoulders, she could see the way he seemed to relax.
It made her smile.
And blush so much that the ravenette wasn’t sure if her face would ever take on it’s normal pale complexion again.
Marinette’s blush didn’t end when the song did, either. It stayed all throughout Allegra’s introduction to the next song--one the girls had written together.
“So, when Marinette stops looking like a tomato, we have a new song that us girls wrote about stupid boys. But...I’m not sure Marinette’s feeling the whole ‘stupid boy’ shtick right now. So, up next is Shout Out To My Ex!”
Allegra smirked and winked at the camera. Then she nudged Marinette, who’s blush had thankfully begun to die down.
The blonde girl smiled like a shark and began the song.
This is a shout out to my ex
Heard he in love with some other chick
Yeah yeah, that hurt me, I'll admit
Forget that boy, I'm over it
Allegra smiled flirtatiously at the camera and raised the microphone back to her glossed lips.
I hope she gettin' better sex
Hope she ain't fakin' it like I did, babe
Took four long years to call it quits
Forget that boy, I'm over it
Marinette flipped her hair over her shoulder as she took the microphone from Allegra, feeling far more confident now that a mic was back in her hands.
Guess I should say thank you
For the hate yous and the tattoos
Oh baby, I'm cool by the way
Ain't sure I loved you anyway
Go 'head, babe, I'mma live my life, my life, yeah
Marinette couldn’t help but think of Adrien, her lost love. The one who got away. The one who didn’t truly love her. Even if they had never really dated, Adrien would always be considered a sort of ex for her.
Allegra threw her arm over Marinette’s shoulder and pulled her close so they could share the microphone between them.
Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the man
You made my heart break and that made me who I am
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now
Well, I, I'm all the way up
I swear you'll never bring me down
Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the man
You made my heart break and that made me who I am
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now
Well, I'm, I'm all the way up
I swear you'll never, you'll never bring me down
Allegra took the microphone and moved to stand on the other side of the stage, hand on her hip.
Oh, I deleted all your pics
Then blocked your number from my phone
Yeah yeah, you took all you could get
But you ain't getting this love no more
'Cause now I'm living so legit
Allegra flicked her braid over her shoulder, smiling like the cat that got the cream.
Even though you broke my heart in two, baby
But I snapped right back, I'm so brand new, baby
Boy, read my lips, I'm over you, over you, uh
When Adrien told Marinette to take the high road her crush had shriveled up in on itself and jumped off a bridge.
But she bounced back, she had better friends who cared about her. And Félix, who liked her and appreciated her.
And she loved him far more than she had ever loved Adrien
Guess I should say thank you
For the "hate yous" and the tattoos
Oh baby, I'm cool by the way
Ain't sure I loved you anyway
Go 'head, babe, I'mma live my life, my life, yeah
Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the man
You made my heart break and that made me who I am
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now
Well, I'm, I'm all the way up
I swear you'll never bring me down
Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the man
You made my heart break and that made me who I am
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now
Well, I'm, I'm all the way up
I swear you'll never, you'll never bring me down
You'll never bring me down
The music slowed.
Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the man
You made my heart break and that made me who I am
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now
Well, I'm all the way up
I swear you'll never, you'll never bring me down
Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the man
Marinette belted out the next part as Allegra continued with the chorus.
You're quite the man
You made my heart break and that made me who I am
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now
Well, I'm, I'm all the way up, I swear you'll never bring me down
Allegra and Marinette exchanged a small smile, and for the first time on stage, it wasn’t flirty or blinding or meant for the audience.
You'll never bring me down
Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the man
You made my heart break and that made me who I am
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now
Won't you just look at me now
Well, I'm, all the way up
I swear you'll never, you'll never bring me down
You'll never bring me down
Marinette let Adrien go as the song ended. It was a wonderful feeling.
Allegra was breathing heavily as she screamed at the camera, “Yeah! Fuck you James!”
“Allegra! There are children watching!”
@vixen-uchiha @apasponsor @clumsy-owl-4178 @queen-of-rants @bonusbuggy @pendoodlex @ravennm84 @corporeal-terrestrial @lady-bee-fechin @casual-darkness @buginetye @fan-written @aespades @ladybug-182
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jessie-writes-things · 19 days ago
I could have done so much better things with this poem. Maybe I'll try again at a later date. Anyway, this was meant to be a quick 30 minute thing. An hour and 1k-ish words later, here we are! I can't be bothered to edit it though, so sorry about that. 😅
Pairing: Marcus Pike x Neutral Reader
Words: 1k
Genre: fluff? angst?
Warnings: Mentions of alcohol / being drunk. A breakup on Marcus's end.
Summary: Your neighbour gets drunk after a breakup and you help him out.
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I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
- Mad Girl’s Love Song, Sylvia Plath
There were very few things you knew about Marcus pike. You knew he worked for the FBI, something in art, and you knew he left for work every morning at 6am on the dot without fail.
Except for the night…day he came home at 6am.
And you might not have noticed if you hadn’t forgotten to put your trash out on the curb the night before, dragging your ass out at the crack of dawn so you wouldn’t get another warning.
You had almost screamed when you first saw him. Marcus sat slumped against his door across from yours, disheveled suit staring up at you with a drunken smile.
‘You alright there?’
‘Need help?’
Marcus was still there when you came back, granted slightly slumped to the side, cheeks tinted red when he caught sight of you again, ‘Well, this is embarrassing.’
He giggled and hiccuped the entire trip to his bed. Face first into the plush duvet, Marcus groaned dramatically before nothing. He just laid there for a long moment and you watched but waiting became too painful.
You weren’t too sure being that drunk and on his stomach was the best idea. It wasn’t until you flipped him onto his back that you noticed the tears.
‘She left me.’
You weren’t too sure who she was, but she appeared to be important to him.
You crouched to take off his fancy work shoes so he wouldn’t ruin them by trying to kick them off, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘She wasn’t.’ He watched you slip off his shoes, setting them to the side of the bed, enough sadness in his eyes to last a lifetime.
Normally, you wouldn’t be this forward with a guy you barely knew. Maybe it was how he looked so downtrodden like all hope had been wrenched out of him. Or maybe it was how oddly handsome he looked, tipsy and half asleep with the last remnants of moonlight peaking in through his curtains to highlight his face.
Maybe you were just lonely and desperate.
Either way, you found yourself smiling up at him, holding onto his hands to steady him as he sat up, ‘You’re a good-looking guy, I’m sure you’ll find someone else.’
And that goofy smile that spread across his face was enough to have your heart, his fingers brushing over the back of your hands, ‘You’re very good-looking, too.’
The silence between two virtual strangers should not be so comfortable, and, yet, you found yourself drawn to him.
For a moment, you let him tug you closer to stand between his parted legs. You stumbled slightly, catching yourself before you knocked him over, both of you giggling like young loves meeting for the first time.
And while nothing more happened than Marcus’s hands in yours, his head resting against your stomach. He traced nonsensical patterns along your skin, a touch so light you weren’t sure it was even there.
You wanted there to be more. You wanted to kiss him so badly, wondering what his lips would taste like, if he had been drinking wine or beer or whisky to drown his sorrows. Wondered if he would be bad or good, he looked like he would be a good kisser, gentle and soft but with enough bite that it wouldn't be boring.
You wondered what it would be like to wake up next to him, surrounded by soft sheets and his warm body because Christ he was warm enough just sitting in front of you. How would he look with golden rays of sun falling on his face? His hair messy from sleep and that damn beautiful smile that had snuck its way into your soul, haunting you every time you closed your eyes.
But you were smarter. It couldn’t happen like this. You wouldn’t let it happen like this. Not while he was drunk.
Pulling yourself away from him was the hardest part. Each inch felt like another part of your being was ripping in two, and the subtle way he tried to cling on hinted it wasn’t so fun for him either. But you helped him drink some water and listened as he yelled instructions as to where he kept his pain meds, putting them on his bedside table so he wouldn’t have to find them when he woke up.
Marcus was asleep before you were gone.
You didn’t see him for three days. The third morning you were debating if you should knock on his door on the way to take your trash out, just to make sure he wasn’t dead.
He walked out, 6am on the dot.
‘So, to clarify,’ he fell into pace next to you as you walked down the stairs, ‘I didn’t dream the whole thing a few nights ago?’
‘And I was really that drunk?’
His eyes were wide, ‘I thought I had made up the whole thing.’
There was something about how relieved he sounded that made your heart flutter. A part of you thought maybe you had made up the whole thing, thinking the connection you had felt that night had been too good to be true and it was just him being too drunk to understand what was going on.
Marcus stopped at the entrance when you did, smiling sheepishly and your heart near damn stopped when he said, ‘Want to get some breakfast? With me? It’s the least I can do after everything.’
You eyed his suit, the same one but freshly cleaned, ‘Don’t you have work?’
It was stupid to question it. Why in God's name would you question it?
And for a second, you thought maybe you had ruined it. But then he opened the door, holding it out and he winked, fucking winked as you shimmed past him. ‘I can afford to be a bit late.’
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fanficfreek · 21 days ago
Idolatry | PJM | 27
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𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦, 𝑊𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝐿𝑖𝑠𝑡
Dress rehearsals were actually quite fun for once. We wanted to give Stardust a show that they’d never forget, even though we couldn’t be right in front of them to perform. We created a set list of oddities and rarely performed songs, like the ones from the Dark and Light albums, which split us up into the dark and light halves of the zodiac. We broke up into our Chinese Zodiac subunits, which they probably wouldn’t be expecting either. We also decided to add one of the hardest songs to pull off live, due to the immense vocal range.
“Even Goddesses need forgiveness, and your mercy too…” I began the song ‘Regret’ from the Zodiac: Dark album. “I must be crazy for what I’ve done to you…”
I couldn’t escape thinking about him in everything I did.
Singing ‘Goddess’ reminded me of MAMA.
‘Cupid’s Kiss’ reminded me of the last time I kissed him, just before he crushed my heart.
I had never been this devastated before. I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I was the person who turned the other cheek and moved on. I was the one who bounced back with a reset button that made my friends’ heads spin. Why couldn’t I move on from this?
On top of that, I was too proud to ask for my phone, so I couldn’t even call my other friends to get my mind off things. In only a week I had been so isolated that I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was going to crack if I didn’t speak to someone and the only one who met the criteria was Johnny.
He had consoled me before, plenty of times. He was a good big brother. Surely he wouldn't be too terribly angry at me, would he?
I had to remember where he lived by memory, because-ha. No phone. I was so focused on how I was going to explain to him that two of his best friends had been fucking that it didn’t occur to me who would actually answer the door.
Damn it.
“Hi…” he spoke slowly, an awkward vibe running over me like a lukewarm shower.
It was just my luck that Yuta would answer the door. Now I had to come up with a plan. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late,” I dropped my eyes. “Is John around?”
He studied my face closely for a moment. “What’s wrong, Rosie?”
He hadn’t called me that since we dated. I had assumed he’d remain pissed off at me for the rest of my natural life and would never utter my name again. His compassion at that moment completely blew me away. I looked up into his eyes and sighed. “I’ve given up my phone, trying to break a few habits.”
“That’s like a drug addict quitting suddenly, isn’t it?” he teased me.
“It’s forced me to actually speak to my friends in person, so… here I am.”
“Got it, hold on,” he let me in before dashing off down the hall.
“Who died? What’s wrong?” Johnny ran in fresh from the shower, his clothes sticking to him like a second skin.
“It’s not that vital,” I laughed. “Take a breath.”
“Oh, shit,” he caught his breath. “Okay. Beer?”
“Yes, please.”
“Right this way… you’re lucky I cleaned my room today.”
“Am I?” I glanced at Yuta who smirked and shook his head. “Who did you pay to clean it?”
“Jaemin,” he grinned.
We walked down to his room, where he closed the door and immediately began playing music from his phone. We placed the beers onto the desk and dropped onto his bed. I sighed before I looked up at him.
“We’re worried about you. Why’d you ghost everyone? And don’t give me the bullshit about a ‘phone fast’ or something like that. If you gave up your phone, it’s because you don’t want to speak to someone.”
Everything I had prepared to tell him left my brain as my chest suddenly felt very tight. My fingers began to tingle as I shook out my hands. He knew me too well. Damn it, I was going to have to tell him everything. “I fucked up,” was all I could manage, in a whisper.
“How? Like is it… JYP’s going to drop you and press charges?”
“No,” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“That’s good. Am I going to be an uncle?”
“God, no. Fucksake, John,” I growled.
“Ah. There she is,” he grinned. “What is so bad that you can’t go to Jimin with this?” His name. Why in the hell did he have to say his name? All of the work I had put into keeping my shit together crumbled as I threw my hand over my mouth and turned away.
“Oh no,” he sighed. “No crying. You know that’s my rule, Rose…” he reached across the bed to wrap his arms around me.
I rested my cheek against his and let it all out, finally releasing all of the anger and hurt I had been holding in.
“Rosie,” he massaged my back with his hand as he whispered against my hair. “What happened?”
“After MAMA, things felt… different,” I spoke through the tears. “We started dating and things felt like they were getting serious,” I pulled away. “I’m so stupid. He always had this look in his eyes like he wanted to tell me something. I knew that there was something wrong,” I shook my head. “I was just the side-chick.”
“No one knew we were dating, not a single soul. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this,” I grabbed onto his shirt with my fists and held tight. “You’re the only one I have, Johnny.”
“I’ve got you. You’re safe here. No one will hurt you,” he kissed my hair. “I just can’t…”
“What is wrong with me?” I whined.
“Nothing. Not a single thing.”
“Jae was too boring for you. That should never have lasted as long as it did.”
“Funny you should mention that,” he pushed away and looked down at me. “We got drunk the other night, I know, it’s a stretch, right? Anyway… he said that he was too young to appreciate you then. He thought you were too much back then and wishes like hell that he could have a second chance.”
“That’s why he’s being so nice,” I accepted the tissue he handed me.
“Jackson did a number on you,” he sighed. “You know he likes you more than he lets on, right?”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s over.”
He stared at me. “Why the fuck would Jimin finally make a move and then do this?”
“It’s confusing.”
“You don’t get it. In school, he said…” he threw his head back, realizing that he was about to break the ‘bro code’ and reveal a sworn secret just to help me. “The day I’m finally able to tell her how I feel, the heavens will open, and the angels will fill the air with beautiful song—that’s how perfect we’ll be together.”
I stared at him for a moment before dropping my eyes. “Yet when he finally had me, he didn’t tell me how he felt, and he didn’t break up with his girlfriend because she was on lockdown in Japan and he didn’t want to hurt her.”
“Not once? He never told you?”
“Only as I was grabbing my shit to leave,” a new round of tears threatened me. Fuck them. I was finished crying.
“What if he breaks up and then comes back?”
“How can I trust him?”
“Because he’s Jimin,” he pressed his hands together. “You both have an insane ability to justify anything in your favor. Plus... I don't think it's so much that you don't trust him, but your trust in your judgement has been obliviated. It's going to take time before your brain catches up with your heart."
“I need closure on this.”
“Then talk to him.”
“I can’t.”
“He’s your best friend, you can talk about anything.”
“He had a girlfriend and…” I shook my head. “I think it’s time for me to learn Chinese and take Kun up on his offer.”
He threw his head back in laughter. “That was the first Korean sentence he got right, by the way.”
“Our babies would be beautiful,” I repeated it. “He’s so cute.”
He handed me my beer as we hit them together and tipped back our heads. “You know NaYeon and Tae are together now.”
“I figured as much. That’s why I haven’t spoken to them, either. I don’t want to bother them.”
“I don’t think he’s told them. He texts us every day when he wakes up to ask if we’ve heard from you.”
“My members are protecting me. They think they know why, but… I’m thankful for their protection.”
“You’re not going to get over this until you confront him.”
“Probably,” I looked off, my head swirling with possibilities. Is this reparable? Could we move past this and be friends again one day? Perhaps. The wounds were still too fresh to consider it, though.
“I know you’re hella busy right now, but you’ll get a break after the show, right?”
“For two months,” I smirked.
“We’re breaking up for two months to gather our thoughts and decide how we’re going to proceed in the next year.”
“That sounds serious.”
“It is,” I fell back onto his bed and placed my empty beer bottle on his desk. “I feel like doing something stupid.”
He cocked his eyebrow. “Like eat two packs of ramen before a photo shoot stupid, or life altering stupid?”
“Like… the creation of a new hashtag stupid.”
“That’s simple enough. JCC!”
We both laughed as he opened his phone to look through his schedule.
“Johnny’s Communication Center! Triple date! The pigs from Zodiac and NCT. The Interwebs would go insane.”
“I feel like being a brat, and that’s perfect. I’ll have my people contact your people. The day after the show would be perfect.”
“Yes,” he held out his hand as I reached out to slap it.
And that is how I moved on.
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sassyduckqueen · 21 days ago
Miraculous: Rise of Anatis 56
~WARNING!!!~ this chapter contains scene of violence, physical and verbal abuse towards minors, mentions of child abuse and domestic abuse! Please be careful when reading this as it may act as a trigger ~WARNING!!~
So that is Mob Boss. This was a very interesting chapter to write. I got to go into some lore and history in this and there will be references. The ending scene was a little bit inspired by the Crow's final fight scene (you can watch it here). This chapter also marks the end of Issac's arc. He will appear again but he won't be causing Luka trouble anymore and probably won't have a speaking role. If he does speak, it will probably insane ramblings about demons. Anyway, hope you peeps like it :D
Chapter Fifty-Six: Mob Boss
Marinette frowned as she looked at her phone but no text had come through yet. It had been an hour and a half since Luka had left for the metro. Even if he was going to the Liberty, he should have gotten back and texted her by now. She picked up her phone and dialled his number, putting it to her ear as she paced. She bit her lip as it rang but he didn't pick it up. Instead, it went straight to voicemail, causing her to frown and hang up. She scrolled to the Captain's number and dialed it, putting her phone back to her ear as it rang.
 "Hello?" The Captain asked, sounding pretty merry. 
 "Captain, it's Marinette," She stated, frowning as she heard Jagged in the background.
 "Hello, Lass!" The Captain roared happily. "Did Luka get back to the Liberty ok?!"
 "That's why I'm calling," She replied, frowning. "I told him to text me when he got back but it's been an hour and a half and he hasn't texted. I tried to call him but it went straight to voicemail. I'm worried..."
 "Jagged! We need to get to the Liberty!!" Anarka yelled, making Marinette jump. "We're gonna go look for him and hopefully he'll just be asleep and had forgotten to text,"
 "Yeah..." Marinette replied but she had a terrible feeling that it wasn't that he forgot. No matter how tired he had been, he had always made sure to text her first when he got home. It was extremely out of character for Luka not to. He knew she would worry and worried she was. The Captain hung up, causing her to put down her phone and pace around her room. She bit her lip and poked Plagg, who was snoozing on his little bed. He groaned and woke up, ready to tell her off for waking him for his cheese coma but that thought dropped out of his head as soon as he saw her expression.
 "Dollface, what's wrong?" He asked, floating over to her as tears filled her eyes.
 "It's Luka... I don't think he's ok," She gasped, fear clear in her eyes. "He hasn't texted me to let me know he's home. He always texts to let me know, Plagg and his phone went to voicemail,"
 "You don't think he ran away again, do you?" He asked, frowning. He thought Luka had enjoyed the party.
 "N-No, he was in a good mood. He enjoyed the party," She gasped, making him frown before her phone vibrated. She hoped it was Luka and looked at it but it was the Captain. She swiped the answer button and held it to her ear. "Did you find him?"
 "No, he's not at the Liberty," The Captain gasped, sounding panicked. In the background, she could hear that Jagged and Penny shouting his name. "The gate isn't even locked. It's like he never got here..."
 Marinette's eyes widen as a possibility hit her like a ton of bricks. Her phone slipped out of her hand as she realized it was the only plausible reason as to why Luka wouldn't text back, answer his phone or not be on the Liberty. She knew he would text her or answer if she rang, meaning only one thing. He couldn't text or call her. She felt stupid as she should have realized it sooner. She quickly picked up her phone as she heard the captain calling her name.
 "C-Captain, call the police," She gasped as Plagg looked at her. "I t-think h-his step father-"
 "Oh god," The Captain gasped before she let out an angry growl. "If that son of a bitch has hurt my son, I'm gonna kill him!"
 "Captain, stay calm," Marinette ordered as she realized that Hawkmoth might try to take advantage of this situation. "Getting akumatized won't help him,"
 "You're right, Lass," She gasped before shouting at Jagged. "Lass, I need to get going to report this to the police so try and get some sleep,"
"R-Right," Marinette replied. She knew she wouldn't sleep until he was found. The Captain said her goodbyes, hanging up before Marinette pocketed her phone and took a deep breathe as Plagg moved over to her as she looked up at him. "We're gonna go find him. Plagg! Claws out!"
 She transformed into Lady Noir and climbed out of her skylight. She jumped across the rooftops and searched every part of Paris she could think of, trying to find Luka. Minutes turned to hours as she searched but she couldn't find him. She searched in the Eiffel tower, the sewers and the catacombs. She searched the different parks and his usual hangout places but he wasn't there. Finally, she searched the top of the Grand Paris, hoping that maybe he had gone back there but she knew the truth. Luka was missing and it was her fault. She should have insisted that he stay over at the bakery or she should have walked him back home. As the sun rose, she landed on her balcony and went back through the skylight as she dropped her transformation. Plagg flew over to her and hugged her cheek as tears rolled down her face.
 "It's ok, Dollface," He whispered, frowning. "We'll find him,"
 ~Issac's Warehouse, 1 am~
 Tikki and Kaalki carefully followed as Luka's kidnapper carried him inside a warehouse near Paris' airport but far from the main part of the city. They had managed to sneak out the drive there without been seen and had been following since. They hid behind some boxes as the kidnap dropped Luka on the floor as a tall man walked in. He had a cigar in his mouth and was dressed in a fairly nice suit. His hair was mostly black but he had some silver hair from aging. It was gelled back and he had a trimmed beard. His eyes were an ambery brown color and his skin was fairly pale. To a certain degree, he resembled an older, male version of Juleka, making Tikki gasp as she realized who he was. It was Luka's stepfather Issac. He moved Luka's face with his boot before tutting.
 "Handcuff his hands behind his back," He ordered, causing his goon to walk over to Luka and handcuff his hands behind his back. Luka groaned as he slowly came round, causing Tikki to gasp quietly as he did. As soon as he was fully awake and saw Issac, he tried to get up and away from him but failed, falling back onto the floor. He looked up at Issac with pure terror in his eyes, making the man smirk. "Hello, Luka,"
 "I-Issac..." He gasped as he got up and walked over to him, towering him. "W-what do y-you want?"
 "Did I say you could speak?" He asked before backhanding him, causing Luka to fall onto the floor. Issac sneered as he looked down at him. "It seems that you forgot your manners in the time that I've been gone,"
 Luka didn't answer.
 "First, you bite me and break my friend's nose then you ran away and now you speak out of term," Issac continued as he clicked his fingers. The goon who kidnapped him grabbed Luka's hair and made him sit up as Issac walked in front of him. "Clearly, I'm going to have to teach you a lesson, boy,"
 Tikki looked away, causing Kaalki to hold her as Issac slammed his fist into Luka's face, knocking him back to the ground before he began to kick him. Tikki gasped and covered her mouth as she heard a crack. Tears filled her eyes as she wanted nothing more to fly over to him and get him out of there but if she revealed herself, it would endanger Luka more. She and Kaalki held their breath as Issac continued to kick Luka. Tikki let out a small cry as she heard Issac beat him until they both heard a thump, causing him to look over. Luka was curled up on the floor, shaking as Issac fixed his hair, pushing it back as he looked at him with disgust. Issac walked away with his goon, leaving him there. As soon as they were gone, Tikki and Kaalki flew to him, scared for the young hero.
 "Luka," Tikki gasped, gently touching his face. He had a large cut on his cheek, a busted lip and his right eyes was swallowed up. She cupped her mouth as she realized he was crying. Kaalki hugged him as well. "It's ok. We're going to get you out of here,"
 He didn't argue, just nodded and tried to get but fell back down and cried out. He took a deep breathe as he tried to calm himself.
 "I c-can't..." He gasped, trying to look at her. "M-My r-ribs... I t-think he b-broke t-them..."
 Tikki went to say something but her and Kaalki gasped as they heard footsteps. Luka whispered to them, telling them to hide. Tikki carefully placed a paw on his cheek before Kaalki and her flew off to the boxes again. Issac's goon came in and dragged Luka over to a pillar near the boxes. He uncuffed his hands before moving them so they were around the pillar, trapping him there. Luka hissed in pain as the man walked off. As soon as he disappeared, Tikki and Kaalki flew back over.
 "We'll unlock the handcuffs and you can transform to escape," Tikki gasped as Luka tried to take a deep breathe but they both stopped as they heard footsteps again. Tikki and Kaalki hid behind the pillar as the goon came back in with a chair. He placed it in front of Luka and sat down, causing Tikki to frown. Now Luka couldn't transform. The two kwamis bit their lips as Luka carefully looked up at the goon.
 "W-what does he want?" He asked, making the man look at him.
 "I don't get paid to ask questions, kid," He replied, making Luka frown. He frowned even more as he heard talking. It sounded like a number of people. He heard a door open and multiple footsteps approaching him. He glanced up and saw Issac had returned with a number of other men. Like him, they were dressed in nice suits and were talking to Issac like they were friends. All of their heart songs were strange and messed up, making Luka feel more uncomfortable then he already did. One of the younger ones glanced over at him and frowned.
 "Who's the kid?" He asked, making Issac sigh.
 "Jagged Stone's boy and our ticket to more money then we've ever gotten before," Issac smirked, roughly grabbing Luka's hair so he was looking at Issac's friends. Luka hissed and flinched as Issac smirked a little. "Micky, take a photo. I plan to send it his father,"
 Micky took out his phone and snapped a photo before Issac let go of his hair and walked back over to Micky. He took the phone and smirked at the picture.
 "Good job," He stated, walking away with the phone as he dialed a number. Micky glanced over at Luka, frowning a little.
 "What happened to your face, kid?" He asked as Issac spoke on the phone. Luka didn't answer. Micky frowned before looking over at Issac as he came off the phone and walked back over. "Hey, what happened to the kid?"
 "I had to rough him up a little as he tried to escape," Issac replied as he typed on his phone before he looked up at Micky. "You got a problem with that?"
 "Y-You're lying," Luka gasped before Micky or the other guys could answer, making Issac look at him in surprise. He honestly didn't expect Luka to actually try and talk back. "I d-didn't try to e-escape. You j-just s-started t-to b-beat me a-as-"
 Issac growled and backhanded him, cutting him off.
 "Did I say you could talk back?!" He growled, roughly grabbing Luka's shirt. Luka gasped in pain as his ribs ached before Issac punched him again before dropping him. He began to kick him again, causing Luka to try and curl up as best as he can. However, Micky and one of the others grabbed Issac and pulled him away. "Get the hell of me!"
 "What the hell, Issac?!" Micky gasped as Luka carefully breathed in. "Look, I'm all for beat the crap out of guys but we don't hurt women or kids... and that boy is a kid,"
 "That boy is a freak of nature!" Issac shouted, surprising his men and causing Luka to flinch. "And I'm in charge here so what I say goes and I say I can do what the hell I want to that bastard! Got it!?"
 The guys nodded fearfully, causing Issac to smirk.
 "Good," He stated, clicking his knuckles before turning to the goon who was guarding him. "Jose, I want you to keep an eye on him. I'll be back later. I have a meeting to attend,"
 Issac clicked his fingers and pointed towards the door, causing his men to leave before he followed, leaving Luka alone with Jose, who got up and out of sight. Luka frowned and tried to move his hands, seeing if he could free his hands but the handcuffs were too tight. Tikki and Kaalki flew back over and landed on his shoulder.
 "Kaalki has a plan," Tikki whispered. "She's going to go and see if we can get help to rescue you,"
 "H-Help?" Luka asked quietly. "A-As in Master Fu? T-Tikki, y-you can't... he's t-too old... Issac will hurt hi-him."
 "I know which is why we're not going for him," Tikki replied, causing Luka to frown. "Kaalki is going to the miracle box to the other Kwamis,"
 "W-what?" Luka gasped, hissing in pain. "Y-you c-can't bring them here..."
 "Luka, we have to get you out of here. Issac is dangerous and he is determined to hurt you," She gasped, making him frown. He knew she was right. His song was dark to say the least. In the time since he last saw him as a kid, Issac seemed to have gotten worse. "I'm gonna stay with you while Kaalki goes and gets the others,"
 "I'll be as quick as I can, Master Luka," Kaalki gasped, placing her hoove against his cheek as he slowly nodded before she flew out and out of the warehouse.
 "Ti-Tikki..." Luka whispered, causing her to look at him but before he could say anything, they heard Jose walking back over. Tikki quickly flew back over to the boxes as Jose came into Luka's line of sight before he sat down and began to read a news paper.
 ~At The Grand Paris Hotel, 5 am~
 Anarka paced up and down as she tried to remain calm. Luka had been missing eight hours now and despite calling the police, she had been told that she couldn't report him missing. She had screamed down the phone at that point and hung up. She had then gone on to phone Roger's personal phone and told him what had happened. Roger had told her to remain calm and he would do what he could. She took another deep breathe as someone knocked on the hotel room door. She walked over and answered it, frowning deeply when she saw it was Bob Roth.
 "What the hell do you want?!" She growled, surprising him. He blinked before holding up his phone. To her horror, she saw a photo of Luka. His right eye was closed up, he had a cut on his cheek and a busted lip. Issac was smirking at the camera as he roughly held Luka's hair. The message below it read as 'Bob, let Jagged know I have his son. If he wants to see him again, he needs to pay me five million euros and drop it off at the louvre. He has twelve hours to complete this or he'll never see his son again'. Anarka blinked before she suddenly grabbed Bob by his collar and dragged him into the hotel room. He tried to pull away from her but she punched him, sending him flying on the floor. "Where is Issac keeping him?!"
 "I don't know," Bob gasped as she grabbed the phone. "I swear, Anarka, I do-"
 "Don't lie to me, you pirate!" She screamed, making him blink as Jagged and Penny rushed into the room. "You know Issac so where would he hold him?! Where is Luka?!"
 "Bob?" Jagged asked, looking at him before Anarka shoved the phone in his hand. His eyes widen as he saw the picture and the threat before he looked over at Bob with a dark look that didn't suit him. "Roth, I want you to think very carefully about your next answer because if you know where Luka is and you're keeping it to yourself, I will not hesitate to feed you to Fang. Got it?"
 Bob nodded as he looked pale. He had never heard Jagged speak so calmly. 
 "Good," Jagged replied, still eerily calm. Fang came over. "Now where would Issac hold Luka?"
 "H-He has a warehouse near the catacombs," He gasped as he eyed up. "I don't know the exact address but I swear, Jagged... I didn't think anyone would hurt the boy-"
 "Shut up," Jagged growled before turning to Penny and Anarka. Penny was already on the phone to the police and Anarka looked like she was about to kill Bob. Jagged was honestly surprised that there were no akumas yet but right now, they didn't care. They couldn't rush to Luka's rescue as they didn't know the address but Penny was telling everything to the police that she was on the phone to. Within an hour, Roger and a number of officers were at the hotel and actually taking the case seriously. They took Bob away for questioning and asked a number of questions to Penny, Jagged and Anarka before promising they would do their best to find him before the deadline. Once they were gone, Jagged held Penny and Anarka as they sat in the hotel room, terrified for Luka.
 ~Back at Issac's Warehouse~
 Luka tried to move to try and get more comfortable as his ribs ached. He glanced up and saw the sun was slowly peaking through the windows, making him frown a little. Jose was still reading his news paper, making Luka frown. He moved his hands a little and glanced back over to Tikki, who was keeping an eye on for the other kwamis. Luka jumped as he heard the door open and Issac came into view. He tapped Jose's arm, making him look at him.
 "You can head back now," He stated, causing Jose to nod and get up. He folded up his news paper before walking off, leaving Luka with Issac. He turned to Luka. "I thought we could talk, Luka,"
 "Y-You never w-want to t-talk," Luka gasped, causing Issac to look at him as he gave him a nasty smirk. "W-What do yo-you want?"
 "Money," Issac replied, walking over to him and crouching down. "And your mother of course. She was the love of my life you know. We dated when we were younger and then she ran off to join the 'circus' so to speak. That's where she met that sinner, Jagged. He seduced her and then she had you..."
 He roughly grabbed his hair again, making Luka flinch as he leaned closer to him.
 "You should have never been born!" He snarled, making Luka flinch again. "But I guess that couldn't be helped. It wasn't Anarka's fault that she was seduced and I was even willing to look past you been the son of that devil worshipper... until I realized that you were a witch,"
 "W-What?" Luka gasped, looking at Issac in surprise. "I'm n-not-"
 "Don't answer me back, boy!" Issac roared, causing Luka to flinch again. "I saw you using magic when you were little. You would 'talk' to demons and evil spirits and your mother... bless her... she couldn't see what evil she had given birth too. She tried to say it was just imaginary friends and that you were just a sensitive child but I knew the truth. You're a witch and in league with the devil,"
 "Y-You're insane," Luka gasped, causing Issac to punch him. "I-I'm not a witch!"
 "Don't lie to me, boy," He growled, standing back up. "I know what you are and I made a promise to myself that I would protect Anarka and my daughter from you. I thought I could beat it out of you and force it out of you through pain. I came close but you used your magic on your mother and forced us to break up,"
 "Sh-she left you bec-because you were a p-psycho!" Luka gasped as Issac walked back over to the chair. He unbuttoned his suit jacket and took it off before unbuttoning his sleeves and rolling them up. 
 "She left because you enchanted her!"
 "I-I'm not a witch!"
 "Then explain how you woke up from a coma that you shouldn't have woken up from?! Or how you had no brain damage?!" Issac shouted, shocking Luka. He briefly remembered been in hospital for a number of weeks when he was younger but he didn't know he was in a coma. Issac growled and punched Luka before roughly grabbing his shirt again. "You are a witch and you should have stayed in that coma but I'm going put you back there and this time you won't wake up!"
 Luka's eye went wide as Issac punched him repeatedly. Tikki cupped her mouth as she tried to look around for something to distract Issac with. She saw a rope and flew over to it before glancing around in luck vision. She pulled on the rope, causing a chain reaction to make a number of boxes fall. Issac stopped attacking Luka and looked up, dropping him back down. Luka's head flopped down as Tikki back to her hiding place before Issac turned back to him.
 "What did you do?!" He growled, lifting his head. "Answer me,"
 "I... didn't... do... anything," Luka gasped, causing Issac to growl and hit him again before his phone rang. He rolled his eyes and answered it. He frowned and said something. He hung up and walked towards the back of the warehouse. He came a few minutes later with a roll of duct tape. He ripped some off and knelt back down.
 "Don't want you to draw any unnecessary attention, don't we?" He stated, pressing the tape over his mouth. "Now we'll have to continue this later so don't go anywhere,"
 He smirked and stood up before grabbing his jacket and leaving. Luka tried to look up but he was finding it hard to stay awake. He was in a lot of pain, felt close to collapsing and was more then terrified. Issac had made it clear that he had no intention of letting Luka leave this place alive. He flinched as Tikki flew back over and placed her paw on his cheek, frowning as tears rolled down his face. He was shaking as well, clearly close to having a panic attack.
 "I'm getting you out of here," She gasped, flying over to his handcuffs but she stopped when she saw an akuma and an amok fluttering towards him. "Oh no,"
 "Hmm?" He tried to say something, making her fly back towards him.
 "Luka, whatever you do stay calm," She gasped, making him look at her with a confused look. She decided it was best to warn him. "There's an akuma and an amok,"
 Luka's eyes widen, causing Tikki to place her hand on his cheek.
 "Just focus on my voice ok?" She stated, making him nod. "Hawkmoth and Mayura only target those who have no solutions but you are Anatis. You always have a solution,"
 He nodded and tried to take a breathe but he had to breathe through his nose, which was hard in itself as his nose was busted. He wasn’t sure if it was broken but it hurt trying to breathe. He flinched as the akuma and amok entered his bracelet, opening the connection between him, Hawkmoth and Mayura.
 "Escape Artist, I am Hawkmoth," Hawkmoth declared as Luka froze up. "You're trapped and afraid hm? Well, I can give you the power to esca-"
 The slightly buzzing noise interrupted his speech but it currently wasn't too loud.
 "All I ask in return is-" The buzzing noise got louder. "Miraculous,"
 "Escape Artist, I am May-" Mayura declared as the buzzing noise interrupted her as well, getting louder and louder by the second. "I will give you Cell who will assist you in your escape and help you capture others. It will be-"
 The buzzing reached a new height, causing his eyes rolled up in the back of his head again. Just like last time, his body began to shake and convulse violently but this time, it was more violent and he was finding it hard to breathe due to the duct tape around his mouth and his busted nose. Tikki flew over and grabbed the tape, pulling it off his mouth as he continued to shake and fit. It only eased up the seizure a little.
 "Luka, focus on my voice!" She gasped, feeling afraid too. She gasped as she heard the door to the warehouse opening and hid inside Luka's jacket. She tried to calm him down silently by place her hand on his chest.
 "Issac?" Mikey's voice echoed as he came in. She could hear other people walking as well. "Yo, Issac! Are you- oh my god!"
 Mikey rushed over and grabbed Luka's shoulders as he continued to convulse. He frowned deeply when he saw the akuma mask around his eyes.
 "Shit, John! Keys to the handcuffs now!" He demanded as blood dripped down Luka's noise as the seizure got more violent. Mikey moved his hand behind Luka's head so he didn't hit on the pillar. He was lucky that he hadn’t already. "Kid, can you hear me?!"
 John rushed over and unlocked the handcuffs, causing Mikey to move Luka onto the ground and place him in the recovery position. Mikey let out a sigh as he held Luka's head still and tried to keep him calm. He only knew what to do because his sister was epileptic. Who knew that Akumas could trigger seizures? 
 "What's wrong with him?" John asked, looking at Luka with concern. 
 "He's having a seizure," Mikey declared, making John frown. "He must be epileptic. Call an am-"
 "What the hell is going on?!" Issac roared as he came in. Jose walked behind him. Issac stopped and glanced at Luka with an emotionless look. "Nice try, boy but you can stop pretending now,"
 However, Luka continued to shake, making Issac frown. He pushed Mikey away and grabbed Luka by the collar, pulling him up. Luka's eyes were rolled up in his head and he was convulsing. The butterfly mask was clear around his eyes.
 "I knew it," He growled, dropping him. "Behold, gentlemen, proof of evil. The boy is possessed,"
 "By a fucking akuma!" John gasped, making Jose step back. "We should break the item! It might stop the seizure,"
 "He isn't having a seizure!" Issac growled, making them look at him. "It's just the evil inside of him taking a hold!"
 "Issac, he's having a fucking seizure!" Mikey gasped, surprised of the lack of empathy from Issac. He may have been a criminal but he had rules that clearly Issac didn't. He took out his phone and dialled 112 but Issac grabbed his phone and threw it on the floor, stamping on it until it broke. "He needs help!"
 "As I say before, I'm the boss and I say he doesn't!" Issac yelled, causing his goons to frown as Mikey knelt back down and put Luka back into the recovery position. "Besides, if we alert the authorities, they'll arrest us because in case you have forgotten... we kidnapped him! What do you think they are going to do if they find us?"
 "We can't just leave him like this!!" Mikey argued, making Issac frown. "We should break the item with the akuma,"
 "And let the akuma go free? Possibly possess someone else?" Issac pointed out, making them frown. "It's not like the bug is around to purify it,"
 The men mumbled as he had a point but they also couldn't do anything. It was clear that Luka needed help.
 "What if we did it as an anonymous phone call?" John suggested, causing Issac to look at him as the seizure slowly came to a stop. Issac and his men stepped back as the akuma and amok suddenly broke free from the bracelet they had been in. "Did he just reject them?"
 Mikey went to answer but to their surprise, the akuma lose it's purple look and turned white and the same happened to the amok, making it into a white feather. Issac blinked as Luka had stopped fitting but was still laid still. His eyes were still rolled up his head but he was still. However, his eyes moved back to their normal position and he suddenly sat up as if nothing had happened. However, his eyes were no longer blue but a beautiful silver color that resembled stars.
 "Demon," Issac growled, going to hit Luka but before he could, they heard the sounds of shouting, causing them to look up. Kaalki pointed to them as the other kwamis came in through the window.
 "Charge!" Kaalki declared, causing the kwamis to shout and flying towards Issac and his men. Issac tried to hit and attack the kwamis as his men ran away while been chased by them. One of the goons went to call Sass cute until he hissed and bit them, causing him to shout and warn the others not to be deceived by their cuteness. Barkk, Kaalki and Pollen rushed over to Luka as Tikki poked her head out. "We need to go, Master Luka,"
 Luka, however, didn't answer. He just simply tilted his head to the side.
 "Luka?" Tikki asked, looking up at him. "Are you ok?"
 "Tikki, his eyes..." Kaalki gasped, looking at them. Pollen and Barkk gasped as they looked at them. Tikki flew up and looked at them as well, gasping as she did. It was impossible yet there was no mistake in whose eyes they were and they certainly weren’t Luka’s.
 "...Finni?" She gasped, surprised. He merely smiled and placed his finger across his lips before he carefully stood up. He hisses quietly, holding onto his ribs before a golden glow came from his cuts. He reached into his pocket and pulled out Kaalki's miraculous before putting them on. 
 "Kaalki... full gallop," He whispered, transforming into Appalo. He turned his hand as he created a ring of energy. "Voyage,"
 It opened a portal out of the warehouse. Luka or Finni as it techqually was turned and whistled loudly, causing the rest of the kwamis to fly over after tormenting his captors. They all stepped through, causing the portal to close but not before Issac shouted and tried to run towards them. The Kwamis looked around as they saw they were now on some rooftop.
 ~Luka's POV~
 Tears rolled down Luka's face as he curled up and covered his ears, trying to push away the sound of the buzzing noise. Like the last time, he had ended up in the same hut that he had met Hao Feng but this time, he was alone. The buzzing sound was louder then ever and he was more scared then before. He thought the first time was terrifying but this time was a hundred times worst. He just wanted it to stop. The sound of footsteps caused Luka to glance up as someone walked over to him. They stopped in front of him and crouched down, gently placing their hand on his shoulder. He looked at them as the buzzing noise calmed down but unlike last time, it didn't go away.
 "F-Feng," He gasped, tears in his eyes. "W-Why is this happening?"
 "We have always been chased and condemned by those who are darkly influenced," Feng whispered, making Luka frown. "I can't help you today. Not in the same way I did before. The akuma and the amok are stronger together but I can bring you to someone who can,"
 Luka nodded as Feng held out his hand, causing the younger to take it. In an instant, Feng had pulled Luka to his feet and led him over to a door. He pushed it open and brought him inside. It was just a separate room and part of the hut but inside there was a pile of ash, making Luka blink in confusion. However, he slowly let go of Feng's hand and walked over to it. His instincts took over as he knelt down and gently touched the ash. To his surprise, it began to glow a golden color before swirling up in the air as it reformed to create a beautiful bird unlike anything Luka had ever seen before. It had orange, yellow and red feathers and had a golden circle on it's forehead. It's wings were multicolored and it had three feathers coming from it's head that were blue, purple and green. They also matched it's tail feathers. The bird's eyes opened, revealing that they were silver like Feng's but in a different way. When looking into them, Luka felt like he was seeing the stars. It was eerie but beautiful at the same time. He slowly reached out, causing the Phoenix to lean it's head forward, placing it against Luka's hand. Luka blinked as it nuzzled his hand a little before looking back at him. He jumped back in surprise as it suddenly disappeared in flames, causing him to look at Feng.
 "A Phoenix?" He asked, looking at Feng. "Why did it leave?"
 "To help you," Feng replied, walking back over to him. "He will be back once your body is safe,"
 "My body?" Luka asked, frowning before he gasped and looked at Feng as he sat down next to him. "I'm having a seizure again, aren't I? Why does that kept on happening to me? Is there something wrong with me, Feng?"
 Luka glanced down as he thought about Issac's beliefs about him. Issac believed him to be evil and right now, he was beginning to wonder if he was correct.
 "Am... I evil?" He asked, looking up at Feng. "Is Issac right about me?"
 "No," Feng stated with certainty. "Luka, your stepfather isn't right about you. You are not evil,"
 The way he spoke was bitter, surprising Luka but he didn't question it. Somehow, he knew that Feng understood what it was like to be an outcast. Feng gently placed his hand on Luka's shoulder.
 "Your stepfather is like most of his kind. He fears what he doesn't understand and unfortunately, that means he's afraid of you," Feng explained, making Luka frown. "But that is on him. Not you. He chose to be afraid. He could have tried to embrace your differences and gifts like your mother did but instead he refused to try and understand and his ignorance only fueled his fears,"
 "You know what it's like, don't you?" It wasn't a question but a statement. Feng frowned and looked to the side.
 "Like you, I was born... different..." He stated, frowning. "I saw things that other people did and had visions. I saw spirits as well and I didn't realize that other people didn't so I would talk to them. It caused my village and family to grow afraid of me. I would predict things and they became convinced I was the cause. They feared me and thought I was a demon too but I'm not. I was an empath like you and just happened to have the ability of foresight,"
 "You were an empath?" Luka asked, surprised as Feng nodded. "Did you hear songs as well?"
 "I admit I'm not quite the same level as you," Feng replied, making Luka frown. Of course, it made sense though. Feng would be more powerful. "You are much more advantaged than I was at your age,"
 "What?" Luka asked, surprised. "I am?"
 "Yes," Feng nodded. "But I know some ways to using that you don't. For example, you can give the emotions you felt to other people,"
 "I can?" Luka asked, completely surprised. "How do I do that?"
 "Hold out your hands,""Feng replied, moving so he's facing him. Luka nodded and did as told. Feng placed his hands on his, causing Luka to gasp a flood of emotion waved over him. He could literally feel what Feng felt but then he realized it was more then just feeling. He could feel Feng's experience. He could feel the way Feng pushed his emotions forward. Feng was sharing his experience with him, teaching him how to use the method without instruction. Luka closed his eyes and followed the technique. He took the emotions he felt and in his mind pushed them forward, showing Feng what he felt in return. He could feel a connection between them begin to forge. Well, it felt more like he was repairing a connection between them. However, Feng cut it off, causing Luka to frown and open his eyes. "You're not ready for that yet,"
 "It will hurt you if you do that right now," Feng replied before standing up and holding out his arm. The Phoenix appeared in a flame and landed on his arm. "Besides, it's time to wake up,"
 "What?" Luka gasped before suddenly it went dark. He blinked and looked around in confusement, finding himself on a roof surrounded by kwamis. His ribs still felt sore but not as bad and his other injuries were healed. He looked at Tikki as she floated over to him.
 "W-where am I?" He asked, glancing at her. "Tikki? How did I get out of there?"
 "Kaalki got you out but are you ok?" She gasped, deciding not to tell him the full story yet. "You had a seizure again and Issac had beaten you. Are your ribs ok?"
 She looked at him and blinked in surprise. All of his cuts and bruises had been healed. Luka moved his hands onto his ribs ad pressed them. They felt bruised but no longer broken.
 "I'm ok," He stated, making all of the kwamis let out a sigh of relief before they suddenly tackled him, making him smile a little as they hugged him. "Thank you for coming for me. Now let's get you guys home and then me. I'm sure Ma is worried,"
 He reached into his pocket and took out his phone, trying to turn it on but found it was dead. He frowned before calling his transformation on and heading towards Master Fu's with the kwamis.
 ~Hawkmoth's Lair~
 Both Hawkmoth and Mayura stared in surprise as their connection to the akuma and amok was completely cut it off. They couldn't even recall them back. Somehow, the Couffaine boy had not only rejected the possession but actually cut off their connection to it. However, it didn't put Hawkmoth off and he could feel a strong emotion he could take advantage of. Issac's anger made him perfect prey for his akuma. He held out his hand, causing a butterfly to flutter over but Mayura placed her hand over his.
 "Are you sure you want to akumatize him?" She asked, making him look at her. "He doesn't just dislike the boy. He loathes him and blames him for everything that has gone wrong in his life. What if you can't control him?"
 "Don't worry, Mayura," Hawkmoth smirked. "I can simply cause him a lot of pain to get him in order,"
 She frowned but let go of his hand, causing the butterfly to land on it. He turned it into an akuma before letting it fly away.
 "Fly away, my little akuma and evilize his angered heart," He ordered as it escaped through the window. A few minutes later, the connection between him and Issac opened, causing him to smirk. "Mob Boss, I am Hawkmoth and I'm giving you the power to hunt down Luka Couffaine and prove that he is in fact a force of evil. All I ask in return is for you to take Anatis and Lady Noir's miraculous and bring them to me. Do we have a deal?"
 "Let the hunt begin, Hawkmoth,"
 ~Back to Anatis~
 Anatis stopped on a roof and leaned his hands against his leg as he took a breathe. Despite been better then he was, he still felt weak, his ribs ached and he felt ill and warm, like he had a fever. He took a deep breathe and shook his head, jumping back across the roofs. He stopped a few more times but finally, he came to Master Fu's place. He jumped across and landed on the edge of Master Fu's window seal, opening it carefully before climbing inside and turning to the kwamis. 
 "Alright, you lot... back to the box," He stated, making them nod and head back apart from Kaalki. Wayzz headed in the back to where Master Fu was. He let out a sigh and turned back to the window but his yoyo buzzed, causing him to open it and press on the notification. He almost dropped it as he saw Anarka, Penny and Jagged on the video. The three of them were tied to stakes by the louvre and were surrounded by some sort of mob who were yelling and shouting as Nadja Chamack appeared on screen. Two of the members of mob shoved the mic in her hand and demanded that she report what they wanted her.
 "An a-akuma calling himself m-mob boss has taken over the louvre and- ah!" The akuma grabbed the microphone from and roughly backhanded before she was dragged off by the crowd. He turned to the camera, revealing his skeleton face and blazing eyes. He was dressed in a suit with a dark gray trench coat.
 "Luka Couffaine!" He growled, making Anatis feel pale. "I know you're watching this so listen up, you  brat. If you don't want your father, his bitch and your whore of a mother to burn then come and face me like a real man!"
 "I-Issac?" Anatis gasped, feeling sick and fearful. The kwamis looked at each other.
 "You have ten minutes or they will burn in your place," He stated before lifting his arms, causing the crowd to yell and chant 'burn!' repeatedly. Anatis shut off the screen before turning back round and swinging towards the Louvre. He landed in an alleyway close to the scene as the kwamis caught up to him. Issac was throwing up his arms, making the audience chant louder. What disturbed Anatis the most was he could see his friends and some family members there. Juleka and Rose were there and so were Marinette's parents. Luckily, Marinette wasn't there but he was concerned as to where she was. Mob Boss turned back to his hostages as the crowd continued to chant. "Time is almost up,"
 He roughly grabbed Anarka's chin, causing Anatis to flinch.
 "Still think your son isn't evil?" He asked, making her narrow her eyes before he laughed and let go. "Once that brat turns up, I'll be able to get rid of him once and all and finally things will be right again,"
 "You laid a hand-"
 "One minute!" Mob Boss shouted, causing Anatis to frown.
 "Tikki, Spots off," He whispered, making the kwamis gasp. "Stay here,"
 "Luka, you can't!" Tikki gasped but he shook his head.
 "I can't let him kill them," He gasped, looking at him. "And I can't be certain that he won't burn them if I turn up as Anatis..."
 "Luka, this-"
 "This is the only way," Luka replied, turning on his heel and running out of the alleyway as the crowd counted down. "Stop!"
 Mob Boss moved his arms, silencing them as he smirked evilly.
 "Let the witch through!" He shouted, causing the crowd to part. Luka took a deep breathe and began to walk through the crowd. Issac frowned and narrowed his eyes as Luka walked over to him. He roughly grabbed his arm. "Where are they?!"
 "Whe-Where are what?"
 "The demons you summoned!" He growled, making Luka frown. He must meant the kwamis. However, he apparently took too long to answer, causing Issac to hit him. Jagged, Penny and Anarka shouted out and tried to break free from their binds. "Answer me, boy!"
 "I d-didn't summon any demons," Luka gasped, making Mob Boss growled and hit him hard enough to knock him to the floor and bust his lip again. He roughly grabbed his hair, dragging him back.
 "You can burn with your father and his bitch," He snarled, going to drag him over to the fourth stake but before he could a baton came flying at him and slammed him in his face, causing him to stumble back as Lady Noir jumped down, causing Mob Boss to growl. He yanked Luka up and wrapped his arm around his neck and placed his other on his head.
 "Let him go!" She snarled, beginning to stalk as her eyes glowed a little. Luka couldn't help but feel a little fear of her. He had never seen Lady Noir look so fearsome. 
 "Move closer and I'll snap his neck," Mob Boss snarled, making her stop. "Now why don't you be a good cat and hand over that ring of yours, sweetheart?"
 "Lady Noir, don't!" Luka called out as she actually looked down at her ring. However, Mob Boss suddenly let go of Luka as he swore. Luka blinked and saw his hand was burn, confusing him but Mob Boss charged at him. A crack appeared in the platform as Lady Noir suddenly slammed her hand down onto the platform and summoned her cataclysm. The wood broke from Mob Boss's weight, causing him to fall through it as Lady Noir suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled her to him, causing them to fall and him to land on her, causing a blush to appear over his cheeks. "S-Sorry,"
 She didn't answer as she rolled them over and jumped up as Mob Boss climbed back up and threw fire balls towards them, using her baton to block them.
 "Get your family free while I distract him!" She ordered before jumping across and attack Mob Boss. Luka rushed over to Penny, Jagged and Anarka before freeing them. Anarka hugged him before pulling away and cupping his face.
 "How did you get away? Do you know why his hand got burnt when he touched you?" She asked, worry clear in her eyes. It become stronger as she noticed he was hot to touch. "Luka? What happened? You're burning up,"
 "I'm... fine..." He replied as Mob Boss punched Lady Noir and got on top of her, trying to strange her. Luka gasped and rushed over to the pillar, grabbing a plank of wood. He slammed it into Issac's face, causing him to stumble as Jagged and Penny helped Lady Noir up as Luka stumbled back, feeling dizzy. His eyes flicked silver but luckily no one saw it. Lady Noir rushed over to him and picked him up like a bride as Anarka punched Mob Boss before Penny broke a plank of wood over his head again, knocking him down before Jagged kicked him in the first. Luka held onto Lady Noir as she used her baton to propel them away from the scene as the three of them ran off, away from Mob Boss. Once they were a safe distance away, she lowered him down to the floor but he was taking swallow breathes, reminding her of when he got possessed by an akuma.
 "Luka, you're sick," She gasped, placing her hand on his cheek. Even through her glove she could feel how warm he was. "I need to take to the hospital,"
 "N-No, he'll look there," He gasped, making her frown. He was right. Mob Boss would look for him there. She frowned as she thought about the most unlikely place that Mob Boss would look. An idea popped in her mind, causing her to click her fingers before she picked up Luka again and jumped off. She set him back down and opened a manhole before helping him climb down. She closed the manhole as he leaned against the wall, breathe in and out but his breathing sounded heavy. She picked up again, making him blush a little but he held onto her as she ran off with him.
 "So why is Mob Boss after you?" She asked as they moved through the tunnels. "You don't seem the type to have enemies,"
 "H-He's convinced I'm evil..." He whispered, making her frown. He sounded out of breathe and tired. "H-He kidnapped me and I managed to escape s-so he's pissed..."
 "I know about the kidnapping," She stated, kicking open a door and bringing him in the room. She set him down on a bench and gently moved his hair, making him blush a little as she looked at him with a soft but concerned look. "Marinette asked me to look for you when she realized you were missing,"
 "S-She must have been worried since about me..." He sighed, looking down. "I o-owe her-"
 "No, this is not your fault," She gasped, making him look at her before her ring beeped. "I have to go and charge up my kwami then I'll deal with Mob Boss but you need stay here. As soon as Anatis and I have defeated him, I'll get you to the hospital ok?"
 He nodded, causing her to run out but only to wait a few moments before Tikki and Kaalki flew in. He went to get up but stumbled and fell back down, making Tikki gasp and rush over to him. 
 "I'm ok," He whispered, making her frown. "We need to transform and help Lady Noir,"
 "Luka, you're in no fit state to-"
 "I have to," He gasped, making Kaalki and Tikki look at each other. "I can't let her fight that monster alone,"
 They both remained quiet as they knew he was right. He took a deep breathe and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself and replicate the feeling he had when he faced Blackout. Slowly but surely, he felt his energy come back to him as the same feeling washed over him. He opened his eyes as they turned silver, causing Kaalki to gasp a little. 
 "Luka?" She asked, making him look at her. She wasn’t sure if it was Finni again.
 "I'm fine, Kaalki," He smiled, standing up. Both kwamis look nervous. "I take it my eyes are not blue right now?"
 "No, they're silver," Tikki stated, biting her lip. "Just like when you faced Blackout,"
 "Then it worked," He replied, making the kwamis look at him with surprise. "I kind of learn that I might be able to trigger the same thing that happened during Blackout from Feng . Admittedly, I still don't understand what it was but it gave me enough strength and energy to face him,"
 "I see," Tikki gasped, nodding. "So if you can trigger it, it would do the same,"
 "Exactly," Luka smiled before frowning. "I just hope I don't faint this time when I go back to normal... but we're worry about that when that happens. Right now, I need to help Lady Noir. Tikki, spots on!"
 He transformed into Anatis and took out his yoyo, opening it. He frowned a little as he saw Lady Noir's location wasn't moving but she was at the Louvre again. He put his yoyo away and gently patted his shoulder for Kaalki to sit on it. She flew over and did before he ran out of the room and to the nearest exit. He climbed up and threw his yoyo up, pulling himself into the air and swinging through the streets. He landed on the building opposite the Louvre, frowning as he noticed the flames surrounding the area. He scanned his eyes before noticing Lady Noir, trying to use her baton as a shield against Mob Boss' flames. However, he managed to knock her baton out of her hand and smirked to himself, stalking over to her.
 "Kaalki, hide," He ordered, causing her to hide in a nearby alleyway before he jumped down and threw his yoyo. It wrapped around Mob Boss' arm as he lifted it to punch her. Anatis yanked it, pulling Mob Boss into the air and slamming him down into the ground. Anatis freed his yoyo and rushed over to Lady Noir, helping her up.
 "You ok?" He asked, making her nod. "Sorry, I'm late,"
 "No worries, Annie," She smiled, pushing a bit of her hair out of her face. "You're just in time,"
 He went to answer but quickly blocked a fireball from Mob Boss with his yoyo, moving Lady Noir behind him. Feeling a shiver down his spine as they backed away, he took a deep breathe. 
 Any advice on facing him? He mentally spoke, hoping that Feng might answer.
 Don't hold back. This man will take advantage of any weakness you show... Feng's voice echoed in his mind, making Anatis nod. Mob Boss growled and summoned fire balls in his hands, causing a few of his goons to flinch and he heard Lady Noir whimper a little. His flames grew in size, making Anatis gasp as he realized how his flames worked. Show him you're not afraid...
 "Of course... fear is his power..." He whispered as it clicked into place. Of course, Issac would be an akuma who feeds off fear. Mob Boss threw the flames towards them, causing Lady Noir stumble back in fear as they flew towards them at full speed. Mob Boss smirked evilly as Anatis stopped spinning his yoyo. Instead, he swiped it up and bring it down, cutting through the flames and destroying them. Mob Boss' smirk turned to a look of shock as Anatis glare at him, standing tall in front of Lady Noir, who was looking up at her partner with awe in her eyes. He turned to her and offered her his hand, causing her to take it before he pulled her to her feet. "He's just like Horrificator, Lady Noir. Fear fuels his flames, making them bigger. He uses his mob to power himself up by making them afraid. Well, I got some news for you, 'Mob Boss'..."
 Anatis narrowed his eyes towards him.
 "I'm not afraid of you," He stated, enraging Mob Boss. He summoned more flames and threw them at him, hoping to make him coward but Anatis didn't. Instead, he stood his ground, not even trying to block his attack. He had a feeling that the flames only hurt you if you were afraid. Lady Noir gasped and went to take out her baton but he gently placed his hand on hers, making her look at him. "Trust me,"
 She looked into his eyes and even though they were silver, she could still see what he was feeling. Smiling to herself, she nodded and turned to face Mob Boss as well.
 "We're not afraid of you!" She declared as the flames got closer but as soon as they touched them, the flames completely snuffed out. "Whoa!"
 "No!" Mob Boss screamed enraged before summoning a massive amount of flames. "I'll burn it!!! I'll burn it all!!"
 "Ok, he's lost it," Lady Noir gasped as Anatis took out his yoyo and threw it into the air.
 "Lucky charm!" He declared, causing a hose pipe to appear out of thin air as Mob Boss began to create a fire tornado. His mob became even more afraid, making it get bigger. Lady Noir stepped back as fear got to her as well.
 "Annie! Please tell me you have a plan!" She gasped as he looked around in his luck vision. It lit up a fire hydrant and the hose pipe. He smirked to himself.
 "I have one!" He declared, making her rush over to him as he opened the fire hydrant. He worked quickly, attaching the hose to the fire hydrant before standing up and pointing it towards Mob Boss, who's flames were huge. He was laughing like a manic as well. "Hey! Mob Boss!! I hope you like rain!"
 "What?!" He gasped as Lady Noir turned the switch on the fire hydrant to full power. A powerful stream of water burst through the hose and hit Mob Boss straight in the chest, sending him flying into a wall, causing him to gasp and splutter as he tried to push back the water. His flames completely disappeared as his influence on the nearby crowd weakened. Lady Noir ran up to him and summoned her power, tapping his ring. It turned to dust and the akuma climbed out as Anatis turned off the water. He threw his yoyo and captured it, pulling it back to him. He released the butterfly then unscrewed the hose before throwing it up in the air.
 "Miraculous Ladybugs!" He declared, causing it to burst into the cure and swarm around Paris, fixing the damage Mob Boss had done. With him defeated, he turned back to Issac, who looked around confused before seeing the heroes. Almost instantly, he jumped up and ran off, clearly afraid of what the heroes might do to him.
 "Should we go after him?" Lady Noir asked but she got her answer when her ring beeped. "Oh no! I need to go get Luka!! He's pretty badly hurt,"
 "Ok," Anatis nodded as his earrings beeped as well. "We'll track him down later,"
 She nodded and went off before Anatis went the other direction. However, he slipped into the alley Kaalki had hid in, making her fly over to him before he took out his yoyo, reaching into it. He took out the horse miraculous and put them on.
 "Tikki, Kaalki... unify," He declared, turning into the merge form. He threw out his arm as he created a ring of light. "Voyage!"
 It opened a portal into the room Lady Noir had left him. He stepped inside, causing it to disappear.
 "Tikki, Kaalki, divide," He ordered, causing him turn back to Anatis. "Spots off,"
 He caught Tikki before sitting down on the bench as his eyes began to turn back to blue. A wave of nausea to wash over him making him to feel weak again as he covered his mouth to stop himself from gagging. Slowly, a headache began to creep through. He took a shaky breathe and held his jacket open, allowing Tikki and Kaalki to hide in it. A few minutes later, the door opened and Lady Noir rushed in. 
 "Sorry! I had to charge my kwa- Luka?" She gasped as she reached him. He had closed his eyes and was taking short breathes as he felt himself warm up. "Oh god, you're worse than before,"
 "I-I'm... fi-" He started but she helped him to his feet and began to lead him outside. As soon as he stood, he felt very weak and ended up leaning against her. It didn't take her long to get him out of the sewer before taking him to the hospital. The doctors and nurses took him from her as she promised to bring his family. Soon, he found himself in a hospital room, lying on a bed while the doctors try to get down his fever as they asked him a number of questions. He answered them as best as he could, even telling them about the almost akumatization and amok. The doctors and nurses shared concerned looks when he told them about it but he felt tired and just wanted to sleep. Seeing how tired he was, the doctors concluded their tests. As soon as they left, he ended up falling asleep and when he next woke, the Captain was sat next to him. Her eyes were closed but he could see how stressed she felt. "M-Ma?"
 She groaned and stirred, opening her eyes.
 "Luka?" She gasped before standing up and hugging him. He hugged her back. "Oh I am so sorry, Lad. I should have walked with you-"
 "It's n-not your fault, Ma," He whispered, gently pulling away from him. "Issac was convinced that I'm the reason you left him. He said I was evil and a witch... I don't understand why..."
 Anarka frowned and sat back down, taking his hand.
 "He was afraid of you," She stated, making him look at her. "When you were younger, you had what I thought were imaginary friends but I realized very quickly it was something else when I saw you talking to something in your room. You must have been three years old when this happened but when I asked you who you were talking to, you told me it was your grandmother,"
 Luka frowned a little.
 "The thing was she had died two years before you were born and I hadn't told you about her at all. We didn't get on," She mumbled, looking down. Luka frowned as he listened. "You knew her name and described her down to a tee. I do not doubt that it was your grandmother but it scared me and I told you not to make up stories. You never told me if you talked to anything like her again after that but I would hear you speaking to other things but then Issac heard you talking to them and he became convinced you were 'in league with the devil'. That's what we argued about a lot of the time and it just got worst as time pass. I told him you had imaginary friends and were just sensitive but he didn't believe me. Soon, you stopped talking to things that weren't there and I thought you had grown out of it. I didn't realize Issac had hurt you every time he caught you talking to them. It got worst when you showed an interest in music. He would scream that it was the devil's influence and would break anything that could cause that then he went too far and you ended up in hospital in a coma for a week. It wasn't long after that when I realized he was hurting you. I had been at work that day and Issac had called me, saying you had fallen and hit your head. I only found that it had been him that had hit hit you and caused you to hit your head months later during an argument. It was the moment that I decided to leave him. I hated myself because I should have realized sooner that you were been hurt by him. I packed our bags ready to leave but Issac..."
 She took a deep breathe as Luka listened.
 "That was the day Issac got physical with me. He then threatened to take you and Juleka away from me if I left. I realized that I would need to be clever and crafty to outwit him so I saved up any spare money we had while trying to protect you and Juleka while we were still there. That's why we were so poor. Issac would spend whatever he had on booze and I was putting anything I could into an account he knew nothing about," She explained, making Luka frown as he listened. "The christmas he walked out, I saw a chance and got the locks changed but he kept coming back. He would try to kick the door down and even tried to take you and Juleka from school one day. After that, I had you both home schooled. Since you were frequently ill, it helped to keep you at home. During the time of having him locked out of the house, I contacted an estate agent and sold the house, which gave us our money. Since I had finally enough money, I brought the Liberty. I packed up our basics and moved us to Paris with the Liberty,"
 "How did we get away from him?" Luka asked, causing her to sigh. "Didn't he try to wait outside the house?"
 "I called the police that day and had him arrested. I knew he would get out but it gave us a few hours to escape. While he was in jail, we left the house for good. I don't know if you remember but I legally changed our names. Not by much admittedly but before our surname was Couphène but I had it changed legally to Couffaine. It's slightly different pronunciation and spelt differently. The change was small but it was enough that Issac wouldn't be able to find us. Besides, you and Juleka always pronounced it as Couffaine anyway,"
 Luka frowned to himself as he listened. He did briefly remember spelling his surname different and got confused when he was first corrected but he assumed that because he was a kid, he just didn't realize how to spell it properly. It never occurred to him that his mother had changed it.
 "Why did you change it?"
 "So if Issac ever looked us up, he wouldn't be able to find us. It's also why I brought a boat. We could move it and would never be in the same place," She admitted, frowning. "I thought it was safer that way...  but I should have protected you better. I'm so sorry, Luka.,"
 Tears rolled down her face as she cried, making Luka frown. He carefully moved so he was closer to her before opening his arms. Anarka looked up at him before moving so she was sat on the bed and hugged him. 
 "It's ok, Ma," He whispered, hugging her before they pulled away. "I was afraid to say anything and when I got old enough to say, Issac threatened to hurt you and Juleka. I wasn't going to let that happen,"
 "You shouldn't have had to," She whispered, looking down as she wiped away her tears. "I'm sorry.."
 "Ma, it's ok," He smiled, glancing to the side. "But I don't remember seeing them?"
 "The coma you were in..." She muttered, looking down. She had beaten herself up for ages when she had realized it was Issac who had caused it. She still felt guilty to this very day. "The doctors... they thought you wouldn't wake up and warned me that you would have brain damage if you did but then you proved them wrong and woke up. Despite been in a coma for a while, you only had a little bit of memory damage. You just didn't remember seeing spirits or ghosts... The doctors and I called it a miracle..."
 "But Issac saw it as proof of me been evil, didn't he?" Luka asked, making her frown. "He called me a witch and said I was evil..."
 Anarka frowned as she saw the expression on his face. He thought it was possibly that he was.
 "Luka Couffaine, you listen to me," She stated in a firm voice. He looked up at her. "Issac is wrong about you, Lad. You're not evil or wicked. You're a pure and gentle soul and he's the evil one for harming you. People like Issac fear what they don't understand... and I was afraid too but not because of you seeing ghosts. Our family have always been different and strange but that's what had me afraid. I feared that people would treat you differently and I was wrong. We should celebrate our differences and gifts, even if other people are afraid of them. If it turns out you are a witch then I will be proud of my witchy son,"
 "Thank you, Ma," He whispered, hugging her before pulling away. "Though I think Juleka might be the witch of the family,"
 Anarka laughed and ruffled Luka's hair, making him smile before someone knocked on the door and entered. He glanced over and smiled a little as Juleka, Rose and Marinette looked at him. Relief flooded their eyes and before anyone could move, Juleka had rushed over and hugged him, causing him to hug her back as she cried.
 "I'm ok, Jewels," He whispered, stroking her hair before he looked up at the other two and stretched out his arm. Both of them rushed over and joined in with the hug. Rose was crying worst then Juleka and Marinette was holding back tears. The three of them pulled away as a doctor entered and asked to talk to Anarka. She got up and walked out as the girls sat on the chair. "Is Dad here?"
 "He was talking to the doctors," Juleka mumbled as Luka leaned against the pillow. "And Penny is looking to get Bob Roth in trouble too. He's been arrested as Issac had sent him a photo of you with a message for Jagged. He wanted 3 million euros to release you,"
 "Why did he give the message to Bob Roth?" Luka asked, frowning. Juleka looked at Rose who bit her lip. "Jewels?"
 "I overheard Ma and Jagged shouting at Mr Roth... apparently he was friends with Issac. He admitted to confirming that it was us to him when Penny threatened him. He's the reason why Issac kidnapped you," Juleka explained, making him frown. "He tried to claim that he didn't know that Issac would do that but Penny, Ma and Jagged don't believe him,"
 "What about Issac?" He asked, looking at them. Juleka and Rose looked sad and pale and Marinette looked angry. Luka sighed as he felt their emotions. Disappointment and rage. "He got away didn't he?"
 "The police are looking for him," Marinette stated, taking his hand. "And they've placed an officer here in case he tries to come after you..."
 "I see," He frowned, making a mental note to track him down as Anatis. "I hope they find him soon. I want this nightmare to be over,"
 "I hope it ends soon," Marinette whispered, linking their hands together. Rose gently tapped Juleka and pulled her up, leaving the room so Marinette and Luka were alone. "I'm sorry..."
 "For what?" He asked, looking at her.
 "Letting you walk home alone and not insisting you stay the night. Mama and Papa wouldn't have minded. They like you," She whispered, looking down. "So I'm sorry..."
 "Marinette, none of this was your fault so please don't blame yourself," He whispered, making her look at him. "It's Issac. He's always hated me and this was just part of that,"
 "How are you so calm?" She asked, wiping her eyes. "You got kidnapped and you're in hospital and you must have been so afraid..."
 "I was..." He admitted, looking down. "It was terrifying. I was almost akumatized too but-"
 "Oh no, did you have a seizure again?!" Marinette gasped, looking more worried. Luka nodded and went to continue what he was saying. Only for Marinette to hug him again. "I'm so sorry!!"
 "It's ok," He mumbled, making her look at him. "I'm ok. The seizure... it passed pretty quickly and actually helped me escape. Issac and his men were arguing about taking me to the hospital so while they were distracted, I slipped away. Admittedly, it was hard because I was tired and just wanted to curl up but I got out. Anatis found me once I got out of the warehouse he kept me and helped me get away properly... but then Issac ended up akumatized and threatened to hurt my family so I slipped away from Anatis to go and save them..."
 "You're so brave, Luka," Marinette praised, making him blush as Jagged and Anarka came back in. Marinette gave them a small smile. "I'm gonna head home but I'll come and visit tomorrow,"
 "Ok," Luka smiled, nodding. She smiled back before getting and leaving the room. Jagged hugged him, causing him to hug back as Juleka came back in and took a seat with the others. He yawned and laid back down, trying to stay awake.
 "Go to sleep, Lad," Anarka ordered as Jagged sat down. "We'll be here when you wake,"
 He nodded and closed his eyes, drifting into a dreamless sleep.
 ~A Week Later~
 "You sure this is the place, Barkk?" Anatis asked as they stood opposite a warehouse. After he had left hospital, he went straight to Master Fu to ask if he could borrow the kwamis. He wanted their help in finding Issac. Since Master Fu was aware of the situation as he had visited Luka in hospital to make sure he was ok, he agreed to let the kwamis help Luka. It had surprised him but since Lika had decided it was time to end Issac's reign of terror, Master Fu had agreed to let the kwamis go with him so he had some kind of back up. At first, Master Fu had tried to convince to let the police do the work but Luka told him he couldn't let it go. Issac hadn't just tried to kidnap him. He was intent on killing him and hurting his family. He knew that if Issac got him out of the way, he would go after Juleka and his mother and he was not about to let that happen. No, he was done living in fear and he would protect his family at any cost. With his mind settled, Master Fu tried to come along himself but his back began to play up and Luka told him to stay back. Part of him wanted to ask Lady Noir to come with him as well but he also knew that this was something Luka had to do and not Anatis. 
 "This is the place, Master Luka," Barkk replied, making Anatis sigh before the little dog kwami looked at him. "But are you sure you don't want to go in as Anatis?"
 "I have to do this as Luka," He replied as the other kwamis surrounded him. "You guys keep back but the moment Issac shows any possibility of hurting me, attack him and don't hold back,"
 "Yes, sir!" The kwamis declared, saluting him before he jumped from the building and landed on the ground. As soon as he was on the ground, he detransformed and caught Tikki, giving her a cookie. She took it before flying up and kissing his cheek lightly.
 "Good luck," She smiled, making him nod before he walked over and tried to the door. It was lock so Kaalki flew over and unlocked it, causing him to smile and step in. He walked through glancing around as he recognized the place he was held in. He kept his hand on his phone as he walked through. He felt his fear sneak up on him but he pushed it to the back of his mind. He stopped as he looked around. The warehouse seemed completely emptied. He frowned but stopped when he felt someone walk up behind him. Judging by their song, it was Issac. He flinched a little when he felt Issac stop behind him.
 "Well, I knew you were dumb but I didn't think you were this stupid," Issac growled as Luka took a deep breath and slowly turned around.
 "You'd just come after me anyway," He answered, staring at the man who made his life a living hell. "I'm here to end this,"
 "You? Want to fight me?!" Issac laughed before taking out a gun and pointing to him. "You don't stand a chance,"
 "I'm not here to fight you," Luka stated, keeping his mind clear and calm. Fear would do him no good.
 "Then what do you want?"  Issac growled.
 "To prove you wrong," He stated, making Issac frown. "Hand yourself over to the police and let this grudge. It will only cause you more pain so please, give yourself in. It’s not too late to change,”
 "You are pathetic!" Issac growled, making Luka sigh. He had given him a chance. "You think I'm going to listen to an evil bastard like you!"
 "I'm not evil, Issac," He stated, sighing before his eyes turned silver, making Issac stare at him. During his rest in the hospital, he had dreamt a few times of Feng and the bird that he learnt was called Finni. Feng had finally told him that he had natural magic and started to teach him how to chanel it. He still had ages to go and he was still confused about a lot of things but Feng had taught him more about projecting emotions onto others. He could show them love, hope and even feelings like fear and sadness. "But I am different,"
 "Demon!" Issac shouted, going to fire his gun but the kwamis flew him, taking the gun out of his hand. "No! You trickster!"
 "I'm not a demon and I'm not a trickster," Luka stated, walking closer to Issac. He tried to back away but tripped over when Pollen, Kaalki and Barkk pushed a box behind him. He scrambled backwards until his back hit the same pillar that Luka had been chained to. He went to get up but the kwamis had handcuffed him to it, stopping him from getting up. 
 "No!" He gasped as fear caught up with him. He didn't expect Luka to reverse their roles. He was the one in charge here. Not the demon child. Luka sighed and crouched down in front of him. "You bastard!! I'll kill you!"
 "I have something for you, Issac," He stated, making him blink. "Something I don't want anymore,"
 He reached out his hand, causing Issac to try and pull away.
 "Don't touch me, you demon!" He shouted but Luka ignored him and rested his hand against his cheek, causing Issac to flinch. For a second, nothing happened but then Issac started to scream in absolute pain and terror as he looked at Luka, who eyes slowly turned from silver to a glowing golden color that resembled the sun. If anyone else had seen them, they would have described them as beautiful but for Issac, they just added to his fear. His eyes widen as he saw a golden aura round Luka that resembled a bird. However, he let out a scream of pain as Luka's touch actually hurt him. Slowly, Luka pulled away as Issac screamed and cowarded away from him, crying as he did. Tikki flew over to him as Luka stood up and looked at him with a mixture of pity and sorrow.
 "What did you do to him?"
 "I gave him the fear and pain he caused me," He explained, wiping a tear sliding down his cheek as the kwamis flew over to him. "All sixteen years worth and all at once..."
 The kwamis looked over at Issac, who was reduced to a crying, broken mess. Receiving all that fear and pain at once had broken him but they could not think of a better punishment for him. This way, he would never hurt anyone ever again. Luka blinked again and wiped his eyes before taking out his phone and placing a call to the police but hung before they could ask his name. He left the warehouse and transformed into Anatis before swinging off. Once he got to the Liberty, he slid in through his room and dropped his transformation before curling up on his bed and began to cry, surprising the kwamis.
 "L-Luka?" Tikki asked as Luka shook. She looked at the other kwamis as he slowly sat up.
 "I'm s-sorry," He whispered, wiping his eyes. "It's just... I find it hard to believe it's over..."
 "It's ok, my prince," Pollen gasped, hugging his cheek. The other kwamis followed suit and hugged him, making him smile despite his tears.
 "Thank you for coming with me,"
 "Luka!" The Captain called, causing the kwamis to hide as she burst in. "He's been caught!"
 "What?" He gasped, pretending to be surprised.
 "Issac! Officer Roger called me. They got a tip about where he was hiding and arrested him!" She gasped, hugging him. "It's over, Luka. He's never gonna hurt anyone again,"
Next Chapter: Coming soon
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coolfoxy4 · 22 days ago
Okay so here's some of the characters in Don't Starve I've made into an urban legend that may or may not be good, I'll try to update on their stories and the names of the urban legend! (These are drafts, also please don't get offended about the Warly and Walani stories!)
Trigger Warning
Wilson (Dr. Animal): A man who has respect for others but he saw way too many people being disrespectful and went mad (I have to think he inhaled too much mercury, cause he's a scientist and back then people didn't know about the affects of mercury), and the voices in his head tell him to turn people into what they are... Animals, he uses random animal parts and does a surgery by replacing certain limbs with animal parts (like arms or legs), pieces of skin, and finally cutting their tongues off and sewing an animal's head on them (disturbing i know). He then carves a word on their backs, "Animals".
Willow (Mother Fire): A young woman who uses fire to kill someone who abuses a child in anyway, especially parents. If it's just one she burns them alive, if it's both parents she burns the house down and takes any children present with her to an abandoned village where nobody knew existed. She'll follow a child if she notices any form of abuse and follows them to their home to watch the family, if it's someone else, they'll still get killed (idk if I should add the charcoal thing, if you see a piece of charcoal on your nightstand or bed, she's coming, and she wants you to turn yourself in or change your ways, if you don't... Death).
Wolfgang (The War Ghost): He died in WWI from gas leaking in his gas mask because his right eye on the mask got shattered and was put out of his misery. He came back as a ghost and will break your bones if you don't leave the battlefields. There will be rare occasions if the person finds him sleeping... If they tried to wake him, he'll wake up and punch them in the jaw, dislocating it, before running away as like it was some sort of instinct.
Wendy and Abigail (Weeping Twins): Wendy ended her life when Abigail died because they promised to be together forever. Their weepings can be heard by some people, if someone disrespects the dead they'll haunt and drive that person insane until they apologize or die from suicide. She will even sometimes put the person into sleep paralysis just to scare the living daylights out of them.
Wigfrid (Steel Teeth Singer): a opera singer trapped in her own world dies by the hands of a robber who had drained her of her blood, she came back from the dead as a vampire with steel sharp teeth, no one knows how she got her steel teeth, some versions of the story said her kidnapper forcefully removed her teeth and replaced them with steel. At midnight she killed her kidnapper and buried him in her yard. She resigns in her house, if anyone were to trespass on her property, she'll give them a warning, then tell them to leave. If they were to enter the house, then she'll attack them and drain them of their blood. She mostly feeds on the blood of farm animals but her favorite is humans blood, she'll put victims in a trance by singing her song and lure them into her home where she drains their blood.
Wes (The Hunger Mime): Wes died of hunger when someone kidnapped him and tormented him, he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Before his death, he swore revenge and wishes to come back as a unstoppable spirit. After he came back from the dead he immediately killed his tormentor by cutting open his belly and eating his stomach. He now hunts for animals and eats crops from farms, if anyone doesn't have any food on them or a someone interrupts him while he's eating, he'll eat their stomachs. Children are spared however, if they're lost in the forest he lives in, he'll take them back to their parents and give them a balloon and it is said if the child gave the Hunger Mime a hug, they'll receive good luck in the future.
Warly (Chef of Flesh): Warly was kidnapped by a group who practices slavery to gain goods and riches. He tried many times to escape to see his mother again but he would always get caught and punished for it. One of these punishments killed him, a ceremony was made to put his spirit to rest, but it wasn't completed due to it being interrupted by the slave owner, Warly came back as a tall Bakroe and killed the slave owners. Warly now roams the earth looking for people in a hate group, any hate group, and turn them into a pot filled with their flesh and blood, he carries a bag filled with items need to make for his bloody stew. He'll change his voice into a voice of a child to trick his victims, he doesn't feel any kind of pain, though fire can be used to scare him and do any damage to him, he has enough strength to carry an adult human.
Walani (The Siren of Hawaii): She died during a surfing contest when she was challenged by a man known for his big ego, he thought he would win by pushing her off her surfboard. Unfortunately, when he pushed her, Walani ended up falling on a rock, causing her head to split open, the onlookers tried to save her... But it was too late... She was dead. Two days later she came back as a Mo'o´s, or what others call... a siren. She lives in a sea cave and would often leave and take her human form to look for her prey, which consists mostly of men, she would take on a disguise and go to bars or parties to find her victim, once she does she tricks them and takes them to the shore and feasts on them. She would use the song of the siren to trick fishermen into crashing their boats or go overboard, on rare cases she can also trick people strolling on the beach at night to go in the water where they become her target.
Here's how I came up with these ideas:
Wilson going mad was based on how hat makers would get Mad Hatter's Disease because of the mercury in the hats they were producing (look it up to learn more about it).
Willow's icon shows burning houses in the background, she probably did that on purpose when she saw how the kids were being treated in the DST lore.
Wolfgang is said to serve in a war and I saw a scene where a guy loses his mask and was almost put out of his misery when he accidentally inhaled the gas (it was a WWI movie).
Wendy and Abigail... I like to think Wendy respects the dead and there's grave robbers out there and she would definitely scare them.
Wigfrid's legend was based on Scotland's urban legend called Jenny Wi' The Airn (or Iron) Teeth, a vampire that has iron for teeth.
Wes has bad luck and is hungry all the time, that's it... (I'm sorry for making him monster guys, I know you love him).
Warly was based on a Bakroe, I heard about it on one of Snarled's videos, watch it.
And finally Walani's legend was based on Mo'o´s, In Hawaiian folklore, if a person passes away, they could come back in a form of a Mo'o´s, a mermaid/siren/selkie that seduce men and drown them (I got this info from, her urban legend wasn't based on the dragon urban legend)
Mother Fire
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Hunger Mime
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(Should I even attempt making the spirits of his victims be turned into hunger bellies or is it just stupid?)
Don't Starve Belongs to Klei Entertainment
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sw4gg1e4life · 22 days ago
Yu Yu Hakusho (Reviewing 25 years later)
This anime is like a forgotten gem. It doesn’t come to mind as #1 first but when mentioned everyone goes oh yea that was like one of the best anime’s of all time. I feel like most anime’s don’t have the same level of action, adventure, comedy, drama, and growth that this show offered. Whether you watch it as a kid for action & childish humor or as an adult for the deeper drama, life lessons and adult humor, it’s great across generations and across time whether you watched it as a kid in the 90s/00s or now in 2021. 
Let me simplify it because there’s so much in-depth analysis I could go into.
Ratings per Arc/Saga:
Spirit Detective - 8/10
Dark Tournament - 10/10
Chapter Black - 8/10
Three Kings - 7/10
Deeper Analysis:
Spirit Detective - Honestly this arc had amazing parts to it, introducing the main characters, slowly improving enemies, and setting up for the Dark Tournament. I love the intro and how Yusuke has to undergo his ordeal showing his relationship with Kuwabara, Keiko, his mother, Boton, Koenma and everyone else around him. We’re introduced to a brat who doesn’t really belong but slowly finds his place and purpose starting here as Spirit Detective. I loved the deeper stories with introducing Hiei and Kurama. The introduction of Genkai was amazing, it showed there’s different aspects of growing and trying to master spirit energy. I only wish that section was a bit longer, maybe just 2-3 episodes of more unique competitors. The Spirit Beasts section is what made it a tad lackluster. This is their first real mission to spirit world and the abilities of the 4 spirit beasts just felt somewhat limited to me. Especially the fire-tiger beast, his tenacity just became annoying at some point. This is what dropped the Spirit Detective Saga to an 8 for me or else I would’ve made it a 9. The final part is amazing, it brings some backstory to Hiei by introducing her sister and most importantly the Toguro brothers leading to the Dark Tournament. 
All together, it’s probably one of the best intro sagas to any anime I’ve seen at least. There’s simplicity but also complexity at the same time depending on how deep you look into it. They didn’t just half ass the action like many of my other favorite action-packed anime (DBZ, Fairy Tail). There’s a lot of mystery, dark moments, and strategy for a supposed kids cartoon for the haters out there. 
Dark Tournament - This has to be the best saga in any ever because of the different strategies, emotions, growth, and somehow comedy still added in. I can’t help but re-watch this saga again and again every few years. We start with a mystery question: how much did the main characters grow in strength, abilities, and strategies? Now as a teen then now adult, the masked fighter is obviously Genkai because of the height, outfit and abilities, but as a kid, she was such a mystery for me haha. Anyways we go into the tournament and the committee seems hell bent on pitting everything against Yusuke & friends. I like that though Yusuke’s team comes out on top at the end of each fight, they do lose some individual matches for multiple different reasons. Instead of mindless matches purely on the fighting, we actually learn some backstory about many enemies and our main characters. It didn’t take long either; there wasn’t a ridiculous amount of episodes spent per backstory like Naruto or Fairy Tail. Genkai showed even more wisdom but also understanding of humanity as she knows her time is ending so she passes on her power abilities and most importantly wisdom to her favorite dim-wit. And throughout the story, we get to know more about Genkai and Toguro’s backstory and how power, morals and unfortunate events can change one’s future. The part that most people forget is the final episodes of the Dark Tournament: Toguro has been and wants to continue punishing himself. He actually does care for Genkai and Yusuke. He knows Yusuke has greater potential to grow into something great but needs proper and sometimes drastic measures and guidance to do so.
This saga had an amazing start, several related series of actions in the middle and a proper explanation at the end for many questions we had. On top of all that we’re left clues to the next arc, subtle clues you don’t realize until the next arc comes around. Episode 66, was shocking, Koenma actually granted Yusuke’s wish for his mentor and friend to be revived to live until the end of her life in peace as much as possible. 
Chapter Black - This saga was great. You really don’t know what it is until it’s fully explained. We all know there were stronger demons deeper in spirit world. But something deeper darker is coming and it’s crazy because after 66 episodes we realized we never wondered about a previous Spirit Detective. What happened to that one? Now we get a trio of test spiritually aware humans just to test Yusuke & Kuwabara, but the really interesting part is when Sensui and his team is brought in. A few abilities were obvious but others were so mysterious with a constant ominous presence and heartbeat music looming over. What is each unique opponent’s abilities and what is Sensui’s background and end goal? His multiple personalities each containing yet even more unique abilities with his desire for an open tunnel into the depths of Spirit World for A/S class demons is insane. It seems impossible for Yusuke to win here even with Kuwabara’s sacrifice again. But wow what a reveal that he does have a secret demon king lineage in his blood. I both love and hate this at the same time. It feels like a cop-out but also explains everything at the same time. It’s like Super Saiyan in DBZ but different because at least here it took until the 3rd Saga and several arcs to reveal it. I guess in the overall scheme of things it’s like having Dragonball before Dragonball Z. Anyways the ending is amazing as we see them fight and find out just why Sensui wanted this all along as well as his gay partner’s obsession over him. 
This was a great saga with a truly ominous back story and I love it. The only reason I keep it rated at 8/10 is unfortunately it happens right after the best saga ever in the Dark Tournament. At this point, power scaling and the use of demon king lineage in Yusuke just unfortunately puts the rating here. And we already know what the next saga is about for sure. There’s nothing left to really explore.
Three Kings - Here we go, the finale of Yu Yu Hakusho. We know Yusuke is of demon king lineage so of course he’s going to go train in Demon World. Hiei and Kurama obviously would follow along. Now with everything being obvious, why is it still interesting? Somehow the writers/producers of Yu Yu Hakusho find a way to bring even more back story in appropriate timing without it becoming filler. Learning about the deep ancient history of Raizen vs Yomi vs Mukuro shows how even as demons they have a human aspect: Raizen who ended up loving a human, Yomi who had a child and history with Kurama, and Mukuro with her tragic backstory that led to an odd relationship with Hiei. The ending is great with yet another tournament. As a kid, I wished they had a full tournament arc, but decades later I realized how much sense it makes that they didn’t show us the whole tournament, just key battles and how no one in our main crew won. Yusuke, Kurama and Hiei still has much to learn and grow. Yomi and Mukuro’s time has passed. A new brighter future awaits the demon world. Yusuke finally gets his happy ending with Keiko. 
This final saga unfortunately because of its timing and closure gets a rating of 7/10. For an ending it’s great and I’m not sure how to improve it. That’s why I’m not a producer/writer haha. But it is definitely amazing and I appreciate it. Yusuke went from a kid/teen to a young adult. The story we came to know and love is over and he did NOT end up obsessed like Toguro. He didn’t choose the demon life. He also didn’t choose a psychic path like Genkai. He chose his own path with his friends in the human world continuing as spirit detective but living as close to a normal life as possible. I love this ending, The ending and whole narrative makes me give this show a 10/10. Yes I know they released 2 specials in 2018 but why not that’s a small treat for us fans. They can do specials maybe every decade or so. I don’t actually want them to do a new continued series like Dragonball Super. Let the original show be what it is and be remembered in history as one of the most unique shows with catchy theme songs. Also the Eng dub is actually good haha. Listen carefully for the adult humor hidden in the show if you’re re-watching it. You likely didn’t understand every NSFW joke as a kid. I know I didn’t haha. 
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Survey #374
“doctor, doctor, won’t you please prescribe me something?  /  a day in the life of someone else...”
Does someone have a crush on you but you don’t feel the same way? No. Who do you feel most beautiful around? No one. What’s one makeup item you cannot live without? I could live without any makeup. What’s the most expensive thing you own? My snake, I think. Or my laptop, idr. Are you more of a book person or a TV person? Book. Relationship status? Single. What color are most of your clothes? Black. Did you french kiss before you were 16? No, I was 16. Last song you listened to? "The Heretic Anthem" by Slipknot. Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? Yes. What’s your favorite thing about life? That's a big question. I guess seeing acts of mass love and kindness, reminders that we're all in this together through all hardships. Who pays for the first date? Whoever asked the other person out, imo. Who has always been there for you? My mom. Have you ever written on a wall? No, at least not to my memory. Do you play any computer games, if so, what ones? I think anyone who reads these by now knows, haha. I don't much play anything else. I prefer console games. What would you name a baby boy if you had one? Probably Damien or Victor. What would you name a baby girl if you had one? Alessandra, no questions asked. What lyric means the most to you? I mean there's tons, but the first one that came to mind is "for such a little thing, you sure are in your own way" from "Get Up" by Mother Mother. Like in the big picture, we humans are so so so minuscule, but with brains that are too complicated for our own good. It's my own head that creates so many obstacles for me. Who is the smartest person you know? Probably my friend Girt. Have your parents ever been to jail? No. Do you share a bed with anyone? My cat, haha. Does it flatter you when guys open doors for you? It's flattering if anyone does, not just guys. Do you enjoy taking naps? Yeah. That's like part of my daily routine. If your friend asked you to hold their drugs, would you? Nope. Is there anyone you try to be a good influence for? My nieces and nephew, but I don't feel like I am. I'm a poor example of an adult. Do you own a pair of fishnets? No, but I have a pair of fingerless fishnet gloves. Which do you prefer: french toast, bagels, pancakes, waffles, bacon or cereal? All are great, but french toast. Yes or no: eyebrow piercings? I'd actually have one if I didn't have glasses. I think I'd look weird with one as I look now. When I say "The Beatles," what is the first song that comes to mind? "Hey, Jude." In your opinion, what is the very worst type of weather? Extremely hot and humid. You can only listen to one band for the rest of your life, who do you pick? Ozzy Osbourne, of course. Can you snap with both of your hands? Yeah, but it's harder with my left. What is something that you had to learn the hard way? For some people, promises don't mean shit. If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you paint it? Maybe like a light peach. When was the last time you got butterflies? I think not since Sara told me I look really pretty in eyeliner. ;_; <3 When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking? There was this one time I was listening to "The Ghost of You" by MCR a while after finding out about Jason's mom's death and I just like... broke. When’s the last time you were in a line? When I was getting my second COVID shot. Do you trust the media? HA! Fuck no. If you could kill off one species of animal, which would it be? At first I was appalled by this question, but like... do wasps serve a purpose? Of all fauna, they annoy me the most. I mean bees are already endangered enough, and they prey on them. They don't pollinate, so like... why are you here. I may be mistaken and they have a valuable role, in which case I take all this back. Who’d you last say I love you to? My mom. What’s the most overpaid job in your opinion? I have on idea. Most jobs are underpaid. What’s the last thing you wrote down? I was doing some paperwork at the TMS office on my first day there. When’s the last time you heard a gunshot? I don’t know. What are you looking forward to? Now that my tattoo (which looks fucking stunning, by the way) is out of the way, I can focus on other things. I'm particularly looking forward to hopefully seeing the results of TMS manifest (which should take 3-4 weeks). It sounds horrible, but I'm also keenly awaiting this dog we're stuck with to go somewhere... The person who gave her to my sister to give my mom won't take the dog back, and we can't find another option that doesn't risk her being euthanized, which we absolutely do not want. We just don't know what to do, but she's driving Mom and me INSANE. Do you listen to online radio stations? No. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? No. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Multiple things. Have you ever ate so much you puked? Ugh, no. That sounds awful. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? Very much, sadly. Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? I gotta say brownies. Which YouTuber have you learned the most from? I mean, this depends on the subject. From Mark, I've learned most about life and how (I think) to be a good person, but there's a lot of pet channels I watch that have taught me loads about proper husbandry. This answer just depends on what knowledge you're talkin' about. Who would you want to be the flower girl at your wedding? Probably a niece. Do you want to be married within the next ten years? It'd be nice. Do you feel like your life is too fast-paced, or do you wish it were busier? Ugh, I wish it was busier. My days are a COMPLETE, routine drag. What are some hobbies which you want to pick up? I want to just be more artsy. I wanna draw and write more, and I'd love love love to be in healthy enough shape to handle going on walks with my camera. There are sometimes I miss editing videos, too. I'm unsure about completely new hobbies. Does anyone encourage you to go after your dreams? My family and a few friends. Oh, and definitely my psychiatrist. What group are you most active in on Facebook? None, really. I mostly just observe. Are you ashamed of anything? A number of things. Primarily not having a job at my age or even being in school. What were your favorite Disney rides as a kid? I loved Splash Mountain, I think it was called. What were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? Never been. What are some places you want to visit that you’ve never been? South Africa, Alaska, Canada, Yellowstone National Park, Bahamas, Venice, Rome... What are some places that you’ve been that you’d like to go to again? Disney World, Chicago, and this one super clear lake I swam in once a few hours away that I don't recall the name of. Have you ever owned a succulent? No. While they're pretty, I've never been much of a plant person. Do you support small businesses? I REALLY want to start doing that more when I have the option to buy my own stuff/have my own income. As someone who wants to be a freelance photographer, I get it. Starting an independent business is hard as hell. If a brand were to sponsor you, which brand(s) would you prefer? Uhhh I dunno. Have you read the entire Bible? No. Do you make bucket lists for each season? No. That does sound kinda fun, though. How old were you when you first dyed your hair? I have no idea. Do you dye your hair regularly? No. :/ I desperately want to, though. It's just not something we can afford to spare cash on. What is the most comfortable type of pants, in your opinion? Pajama pants? haha Do you think you could ever be famous? No. I'm way too boring and don't want to be anyway. What are some jobs you’ve had in the past? Sales associate, cashier, and deli worker. None lasted long whatsoever. What are some jobs you want to or would like to have? List five. FIVE? I don't know. I just know I want to be a photographer. Well, being an artist or poet would be very cool. And a reptile breeder, maybe tarantulas, too, but that makes me kinda nervous with JUST how many babies they have. What are some jobs you have considered? In rough order from youth to now: paleontologist, vet, movie director, game designer, author/poet, artist, music video editor, wildlife biologist, photographer... Maybe there's more that just aren't coming to me. Are you thankful for social media, or do you wish it didn’t exist? Depends on the day for me, but I'm generally thankful for it so I can keep up with the lives of people who are important to me. It's just that it's a breeding ground for self-doubt and rampant comparisons that can easily depress me when I see some people are "further ahead" and more "established" than me. What are some of the best medications you’ve ever had? The combined efforts of Latuda and Lamictal saved my life. What was a video you watched over and over as a kid? There were lots of movies, like The Lion King, a certain Barney one when I was very young, and I watched Finding Nemo like crazy. Do you know a lot of people who were loving, and then turned cold? Jason????????????????? Is that you??????????????????????????????????????????? Do you own anything plaid? Ha, what a coincidence, I'm wearing my red plaid pj pants. Are you good at remembering names? Definitely not. Have the cops ever gotten on to you for anything before? No. What email thingy do you use? (yahoo, gmail, rock) ... Rock? lol anyway my main is Hotmail, but I inevitably have a gmail to have a YouTube account. What game system(s) do you own? PS2, Wii, Nintendo DS Lite, and a GameBoy Advance. Are you any good at Guitar Hero? I used to be; I played most songs on Expert, then some really tough ones on Hard. I was soooooo addicted to those games. I remember when I got the first one for Christmas, I literally played it all day. Have you ever played Call of Duty? Nah, not my jam. What is your favorite/most visited website? YouTube. Is your bed comfortable? Sure. I've definitely had way worse. Do you have a garage? No. Fun fact, I've never lived in a house with one. Should you be doing anything right now? What? There's a number of things I could be doing that are definitely more productive, like finishing decorating my damn room. Do doctors or dentists make you more nervous? Not really. I only ever get nervous to hear my weight at the doctor's. Did you ever think you were about to die before? I don't quite know. When I ODed, it was more like I didn't care if I did. Have you ever really had a near death experience? Was it cool? "Was it cool." Literally fuck off. I guess you could technically consider my OD a "near death experience," especially given how many pills I took, yet I somehow experienced almost no ill symptoms. Maybe because we got to the ER for fluids quickly enough, idk. I'm just glad I didn't die. What is your favorite kind of weather? Snowy! Like a steady snowfall of large flakes with no breeze and total silence. *chef's kiss* Ever tasted beer? Ugh, no. Just the smell makes me sick. It was my dad's drink of choice when he was an alcoholic so I just have a very negative association with it. Have you ever seen a dead body? Yes, at an open-casket wake. Ever poured salt on a slug? As kids, my sisters and I would get our parents to do it because they grossed us out. So, so cruel. I still have this weird but pretty extreme phobia of them, but I wouldn't torture the things like that.
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im-a-gay-frog · 24 days ago
I Hear A Symphony
Ships: Pannacotta Fugo x Guido Mista, Pannacotta Fugo & Guido Mista (could be taken as both)
Tag list: @phosphophyllite-halo @dead-kids-bride @muboo (to be added or taken off the tag list, send me an ask)
Tws/Cws: mentions of child abandonment, mention of nightmares (nothing specific though), Everyone Survives AU
Summary: Fugo finds Mista on the balcony playing his guitar. It was strange because Fugo didn’t even know he had one. Turns out, Mista even came up with a song and wants to show it to Fugo
Notes: This is so cute to me! I wrote it late last night (but not into the AMs again) so sorry about any misspellings. I had fun with this one. I haven’t written fluff in a while so it was a nice break from al the angst that I usually write. There’s no prompt for this so that won’t be at the end like last time. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy!
Obviously, Fugo wasn’t sleeping tonight. So much had happened that, it felt like sleeping was impossible. Horrible images flashed across the screens that were his eyelids every time he tried so he just decided to get up and walk around the house Buccellati had decided to buy. It was in the style of a house in the Victorian Era so there were uninhabited hallways everywhere.
As his feet slapped the cold tile, he made him way across the estate. There was old wallpaper with bright yellow sunflowers, which seemed so strange for a house of this size. After a while or walking, he saw light coming from where the balcony was supposed to be. More importantly, he heard music. Who even played music in this household? He approached the balcony and the music stopped abruptly before he could see who was there.
“Did I interrupt your walk, Fugo?” Mista asked softly, smiling a bit. His face seemed nervous, from what Fugo could see in the limited moonlight. He wasn’t wearing his hat, meaning he thought he was alone. He almost never took off so it was strange to him without it. He also didn’t see to grab for it either.
“Would you like to join me? I’m practicing my guitar, if you’d like to listen to it.” Mista said, pointing at a chair beside him. Only now did Fugo realize that Mista was holding the instrument. It appeared to be beat up, the body itself scratched all to shit. It seemed to be an acoustic guitar but where did it come from? He’d never seen Mista with it before.
“Sure.” Fugo sat down. “Where did you get your guitar?”
“My father left it, so I took it. Haven’t seen him since I was young so I figured he didn’t need it.” Mista said, his usual carefree tone replacing the panicked tone he’d used earlier.
“Ah.” Was all Fugo could think of how to respond. He felt kinda bad that Mista’s father just left him but to be honest, it was kind of expected. Everyone seemed to have some sort of issues related to their parents.
“I’ve been practicing this song I came up with. Do you wanna hear it?” Mista asked. Fugo nodded. It seemed to make Mista happy so why spoil his fun? Plus, he’d hadn’t much time to spend with Mista since everything had ended. With a grin, Mista prepared his figures along the fretboard and began to pluck the strings gently. His fingers moved quickly and soon, music began pouring out of the guitar. It was beautiful.
“I used to hear a simple song,” Mista began to sing. His voice was silvery, flowing through the air as smooth as butter. “That was until you came along. Now in its place is something new. I hear it when I look at you.” His voice turned fruity at the end, deep and strong in an appealing way. Fugo began to lightly bop his head. The music was simply delightful.
“With simple songs, I wanted more. Perfection is so quick to bore.” He began after a small silence of his voice, letting the music truly take over the night. “You are my beautiful, by far. Our flaws make us who we are.”
“I used to hear a simple song. That was until you came along. You took my broken melody, and now I hear a symphony,” Mista murmured sotto voce by the end as he smiled a bit to himself. He sang the last lyrics so softly, Fugo barely heard it.
“And now, I hear a symphony.” Mista brushed his finger gently against the strings of his guitar before laying the instrument down to rest. “So, what’d ya think?”
“It sounded good, Mista. Where did you learn to play guitar?” Fugo asked.
“Just kinda taught myself, ya know?” Mista said with a laugh. “By the way, it was almost perfect that you caught me practicing. I wrote the song for you, and I’m glad you liked it.”
“Me? You wrote it for me?” Fugo pointed at his own chest. There was no way that Mista wrote that for him. The song was just too good to be about him.
“Yep! Thought it’d be fun to write a song about my feelings. Plus, you did suggest I write down how I felt so it was almost perfect.” Mista said, his usual goofy grin presented proudly on his face.
“What’s the song mean?” Fugo asked.
“Well, uh, I kind of like you. Like, a lot.” Mista said. Everything he said sounded so blunt, it was insane what came out of his mouth sometimes. It left Fugo astonishes. That was the last thing he’d expect Mista to feel towards him. Hatred was what he expected, not that.
Of course, Fugo never really knew how people felt about him. He was always confused on how people perceived him. He did like Mista back, but he still didn’t expect this.
“I like you too, Mista.” Fugo said. There was no need to beat around the bush when all the cards were laid out on the table.
“Cool!” Mista smiled widely. Fugo smiled back. It was nice seeing Mista happy.
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nickeymouse · 27 days ago
🌸🥀🌼 for Sol, Rin and Wanda! 💜 - (adam-du-mortains) hehe
(send me some soft oc asks!)
🌸 What are some of their favourite things and why? List as many as you can think of!
sol adores flowers! she worked part-time at a flower shop for a few years, and she's always loved the different meanings and sentiments people associate with each flower. she liked to entertain herself by making up stories in her head about her clients, trying to imagine the reason behind each bouquet they'd have her arrange (whether they'd gift it to someone as an apology, as a confession, as a promise of affection, etc.). she also loves baking, especially if it is for others; she started young because as a child she thought everything that nick did was just the coolest thing ever and she wanted to do those cool things with him! he was happy to teach her, and she keeps all the recipes they've come up with together safely guarded. lastly, her favorite thing in the world is probably music. she likes that it's something that connects different people all over the world. it's also her main "defense" against ments, since she concentrates on music and song lyrics while out in public. she's always loved going to concerts and she enjoys singing too, although she's... terrible at it.
rin loves social media (insane, i know), although more specifically, she loves the attention she gets there. she's the self-proclaimed queen of selfies, and she actually has a youtube channel where she does make-up tutorials! she fully considers it an art form and she has mastered it. she always does nick and sally's make-up on halloween, and she's the only person nick trusts with his face before interviews. another of her favorite things has always been playing the piano. it's a bit bittersweet though, because her fingers always end up moving on their own, playing the notes to her mother's favorite song. she doesn't sit down to play for herself too often but, when she does it's like her walls disappear and she actually looks... soft, delicate. not like the woman that she's forced herself to grow into. secretly though, her favorite thing in the world are unicorns. she couldn't tell you why, but she's had a fascination with them ever since she was a toddler and no matter how much she tried to grow out of it, she still adores them. only nick and sally know about this.
wanda's favorite thing is feeling needed. it's more like they need to feel needed, really. they need to help people, to care for them, to give them their love. it's in their nature, and their sense of self-worth sort of depends on it. they also love fashion, and they keep up with current trends. they pride themselves in being able to predict what's gonna be in fashion next with an accuracy that gives even sally pause (they swear they called the clueless fashion era renaissance months before people started wearing scrunchies and plaid skirts again). they also love tabletop games! their favorite is vampire: the masquerade, but they really enjoy dungeons and dragons as well. they play with friends online through discord calls and digital dice, since they never had many irl friends growing up. they did try to play with sally, nick and their twin sister arlo one time, but they quickly discovered that trying to dm for two people who can read your mind and one who can read your emotions is infuriating.
🥀 How would your OC decorate a notebook or journal? What kind of things are written in there? Could you give an example of a nice entry?
sol has a few notebooks that are filled to the brim with recipes. nick's, her own, meals that they have come up with together, and plates that they've found online. she makes sure they are all beautifully written and legible by anyone that picks them up, truly pinterest worthy. she always uses yellow and orange markers to highlight the important bits! her class notebooks are almost equally pretty, but she does tend to get bored, and ends up drawing stick figures on the margins.
rin's handwriting is surprisingly messy. she developed an awful, cursive writing style meant for fast note-taking during classes, and that's how she writes down anything. she keeps diaries ever since she was a kid (sally got her into the habit), but she doesn't even bother locking them because she knows no one but her can decipher her scribbles. some pages of her diaries have pasted snapshots that she's taken on important days (like pictures of herself and/or sally on happy days; candids of nick if she was feeling particularly soft; herself in her graduation gown; many, many snapshots of random cats).
wanda also writes in cursive, but their handwriting is actually legible. they have a notebook for note drafts when taking classes, and another one where they later write down a neat and clean version of them for studying, or in case anyone else needs their notes. they mostly use red and pink highlights. they don't keep any diaries, journals or notebooks otherwise.
🌼 Who are this characters friends and found family? How did they meet, how long have they been friends for, could they ever be something more than just friends? What do they look for in a friend or a romantic partner?
sol's true found family consists of sally and gray (and nick obviously!! but he's her real brother so like), although (barring any heartbreaking plot twists that may be coming our way) glitch and kent will be part of it too. other than them, she has a little friend group that she's amassed over the years that she goes to her underground music venues with! it's a few metalheads and punks she met by pure chance in different concerts. she only meets up with them to go to music venues, but they do have a group text chat. what she looks for in her friendships is safety, companionship and laughter. she's not quite sure what she wants in a romantic partner, since she only ever dated one person before gray took the reins of her heart, and it was only a one-month long relationship. she does know that she wants to have fun, she wants adventure, she wants warmth and someone that will brighten up the room when she doesn't have the strength to. that someone is gray, it's always been gray, couldn't be anyone but him. (she was a bit horrified when she realized it, she hadn't gotten over the cookie incident yet. and it was over something as silly as him getting tomato sauce on his cheek while eating spaghetti with her and nick. he was trying to have a serious conversation about something or other, and she couldn't stop thinking about how ridiculous he looked... and then she couldn't stop thinking about him at all.)
rin's family are just nick and sally. she does consider gray a friend, and she's warming up to kent, but she wouldn't get to a point where she feels comfortable calling them family. sally gets that privilege because they grew up together and rin would be a mess without her - honestly, she considers sally's dads part of her family too, to an extent. ambrose will be family when rin becomes ms. kim lol... i'll say though, she doesn't really look for friends or romantic partners. she's very much used to shutting people out and (since most of the population can read her thoughts anyway) being as blunt as humanly possible, which often leaves people uncomfortable and at a disadvantage. she's had a few flings, but nothing serious; no boyfriends, girlfriends or datemates. if she was looking for a relationship, she'd want someone who sees her for who she is (not what she is, nor what she acts like), who treats her like an equal. she also wants to be adored, cherished and doted upon. her falling for ambrose was a huge surprise - sure, she found him hot but, rin wiseman? actually falling in love? for a man, no less? unheard of. she realized she might seriously like him when he laughed at her crypt pun. it shook both nick and herself to their cores. rin had a crush on sally growing up. up until rosy, she was the only person rin was ever serious about - but she considered it hopeless. not because of sally seemingly having a crush on nick when they were kids, but because during a game of spin the bottle during freshman year, sally refused to kiss her when the bottle pointed at her (because it would make things weird, because it might ruin their friendship), and rin took it as a clear rejection of her feelings. nowadays she does joke about it and she brings it up whenever sally questions her infatuation with rosy, but it actually still really stings.
wanda doesn't quite have a found family, since they never felt the need to find one outside their core one. it's them, their twin sister arlo, nick, and their parents - however far they are. they do often include sally when they think about family, though (especially because arlo has always been in love with her, so they're sure sally is really going to be their sister one day). they have gray, as well as a large online friend group that they talk to every day, and they are starting to really get along with a few of their classmates, as well as kent, glitch, and even rosy. they look for the same thing in both their platonic and romantic relationships: they want honesty, they want to be depended upon, they want to care for and for someone to care about them just as much. they want someone that they can share everything with. they've never been in a romantic relationship before because they don't really trust like that yet. they do have a weakness for bad boys though, which is what first attracted them to kent - he looks like one, even if he isn't. they're still not quite sure what to make of him, whether they can really trust him or not, but after he showed up and sacrificed himself to the press, leaving his puppy to cheer them up during the ride from the hospital to their house? bali does seem like a great place for a wedding. other than him, they could actually see themselves with glitch. she seems like an honest person, she's funny, she's strangely fashionable; wanda is starting to think she's beautiful inside and out. they'd make a magazine cover-worthy couple.
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mikeyhoolio · 28 days ago
Lamb of Love - day one
 I sat with my feet stretched out before me my body sunk comfortably deep into the luxury of a black leather recliner armchair, staring lost in thought as the heat radiated onto my face from the orange yellow hot flames of the miserable little open grate fire in front of me, I often thought, them grates are too small, it was a small suffocating little dingy wallpapered bedsit, with small but comfortable bed, the only important thing apparently if you had ever been homeless or would end up that way, plain prison or asylum like single wooden wardrobe and plain table and chair, the big bleak cold 6 ft high window looked out on a dark forbidding back lane and opposite big wealthy back gardens and 5 bedroom red brick houses, it was the dark smog filled Dublin of the 70’s.  I never looked out, always keeping the floral curtain s pulled,  A sense of optimism always filled the air, the country appeared to be evolving from what before was embryo form into a nation of its own identity and fervent Christianity,  the foreboding, towering dark grey granite churches were packed to the seams at mass times,  the sound of children’s laughter and shouts filled the streets in the evenings, and weekends,. In the family homes after 9.00pm, the families who settled from the countryside, would kneel , their arms resting on the seats and arms of the sofas and couches and recite the rosary, the priests telling them in his Sunday sermon, the family that prays together stays together, It was the policy then of the Irish Roman Catholic church, to try and transfer, the what they believed to be the strong core of Irish faith, the Irish farming family unit to the cities by creating little mini similar family units in suburban houses, self-contained often with front and back gardens, this was how they hoped they could maintain, the apparent strong faith in Ireland as a whole, Irish identity and sense of nationalism often being kept alive throughout later historical times by their faith in Jesus and Christianity, it was something they had always been able to cling to when there had been little else, As I child, repeating the prayers automatically, no sense of the meaning, just an eagerness to get it finished with but now as I look back, I realized what it gave people, the apparent strong belief in Jesus and what he preached, the love of your fellow man instilled in everybody the subconscious belief in the general good of humanity, you mightened actually be living the creed but it appeared everybody else must be and everybody the same I supposed.  I did not find it anyway funny, if everybody did practice the Christian faith truly, the world would be what Jesus hoped it would become, on earth as it is in heaven,
 At night sometimes drunken roars , laughter and shouts would be heard as late night knacker drinkers would knock back cider and red wine on the way to some party or night club, I preferred a social drink in a pub, sitting quietly sipping my whiskey or pint listening to the discussions of people I was with, especially if the conversation had turned to religion or philosophy, but that had been possible only a couple of times but now I was as a ghost and drink alone, whiskey or wine, beer made me feel bloated and full unless I had been drinking all day, this is a common faith of anyone whose life has been affected by the issue of sexual abuse in anyway.  It sounds like I have become an alcoholic when I say that that which in fact I am not, I have drunk a fair bit but never that excessively. I’ve often wondered why I haven’t since the pleasure from alcohol is something I can actually enjoy, I thought of alcoholics I had been with in the morning times, the phrase I’m flying and the happy smile of pleasure was often used, people would frown and disapprove saying you’re wasting your life but I had often thought thinking of my own long, lonely, silent days, them alcoholic had them blissful morning hours or hour and a half and it was something, better than nothing at all, I’m not an alcoholic yet  I smiled to myself and then leant my head back against the head rest of the armchair and cackled a laugh as insanely as I could, I do this a lot after spotting a down and out do the same one day,  he had been standing waiting to cross at lights in O Connell street, dirty and disheveled, with unkempt but not dirty hair, he had just had a realization or thought about something that was genuinely hilarious, an absurdity of something in his life and as I looked at him and peoples  reaction around him, as he chucked to himself with delight and pleasure I had the realization, buddha and Jesus had good ideas but that surpasses everything when it comes to having the ultimate insight into life, the reaction I saw in people was first a condescending ah poor man or the sort of half bemused or amused look seeming to indicate fair play to him, but I had noticed as he didn’t seem to be affected by these reactions, people began to seem fearful or angry, I realized their self-importance had felt foolish for a moment,  I had realized then pedophile thing was annoyed, the v and out was immune to its mind games, he was a happy even if he didn’t have the supposed  pleasure of social status , wealth, love and material things, hasn’t being punished and suffering like he was supposed to.  It was what had always been wrong in my life, I could never thrust the system I was part of and therefore anyone I met.  What or who is this pedophile thing, you would ask, it is the instinct that is there hovering around the real pedophile predators and everywhere you go there is one nearby. I’ve never had kids so I can’t comment or imagine, it is a truth in this world, if you haven’t lived it, you can’t or don’t know, not even imagine the worry of parents, or the supposed good of parents in a Christian society, it is important for me to state now, as the saying goes I never got it up the arse, lucky that I was,
I liked just sitting staring into the fire just thinking about things, in a happy, melancholic dreamlike state, pondering life’s mysteries, as I just told you I can now only  drink alone with sad music in the background, feeling melancholy, I sing along quietly to the lyrics, which aren’t that important, unless maybe when one of my favorite songs begins to play, then I sing the words with feeling and gusto, songs about God or the natural world,   I no longer smoked and this seemed to lessen the fun of drinking alone but it was still ok, you are born into this world alone, will die alone so why should the in-between be any different especially if you understand what people are really like, the early subconscious belief that had been instilled soon was replaced with what is reality,  not the good as the phrase says,im surprised I’m not an actual alcoholic already. For its what drink can do , it can fool you into the belief people are actually ok, and it does be nice, a happy hazy loving feeling, when everybody is really a decent good person at heart, I became aware of a small extra burst of burning fizzle fire to the left side of the pile of burning coal, my thoughts paused for a minute, fire is amazing, alchemy in plain visible action, the true nature of people is what everybody realizes at different stages of their life, its why unknowingly the psychiatric demon is set on you, the despondency and hole in your tummy, it’s better for the society at large if you believe it’s because your being irrational or even being shafted by a big brother entity.
Some people prefer to be drunk all day every day, can’t live with the knowledge that people actually aren’t the good., Not good is kind of an understatement, like saying Hitler or Myra hindley was prone to having petulant moods. It is true that when you see what you usually know as a nice, gentle person, suddenly, turns into a face filled with the demonic hatred and cruelty of Hitler in the podium at one of the mass rallies in Nazi Germany or young apparent loving mothers when a lone with their kids take the mask of evil impish kinky lust as she contemplates its sexual innocence, the only cheerful thing,  is the insane cackle at the absurdity of life and everyone’s feeling of self-importance. I sighed contentedly; I had just had a very melancholy feeling.  I listened and felt the feeling honestly, just a bit sad.  It wasn’t a bad feeling like when I faced honestly things that I had experienced in the past, that feeling is not possible to feel unless when it hits you unexpectedly when you’ve let your guard down, then you need a drink or a lot of it , it’s the level of hypocrisy and selfishness in anything that is similar to the Christian church that time in the 70’s, or any organization thar represents what  is the supposed good, in 2020  I don’t claim to be any different, I’ve often had demonic angry cruel moments or kinky lustful feelings, not for kids though, I’ve been lucky that way but when its accompanied by the knowledge, the sense of goodness doesn’t actually exist in anyone even yourself, any good has to have a self-serving end or reward,  the notion or idea is supposed to be, good is pleasure, bad is pain, more about that later as I discus the nature of a mental health section, no pleasure is allowed at all, no joy in life is let be and it never ends, a satanic evil force.
 But I’m not here to tell you about myself, but I actually am, a contradiction or paradox for back in 2020 where I originated, as I began practicing meditation and turned to god a few years ago, and then became aware of what I term the 4 dimensional world through the use of the aboriginal dreamtime. It’s a simple concept, a number of points make a line, a number of lines make a surface, a number of surfaces make a three dimensional body and a number of three dimensional bodies make a 4 th dimensional world,  As you read this look around you and think of the next 5 moments, imagine all the different options of things you can do in them moments, for example, put down the book, get up make a cup of tea, or put down the book scratch your head, reach for the tv remote and switch in the tv, put down the book, yawn shift your feet to a more comfortable position then pick up the book again. And this happens every moment of your life, and if an option exists it must exist completed or done. the upshoot of meditating on this and a secret Druidry knowledge of the tree of life enabled me to sit here in this bedsit at this I am now of this precise moment in time, a useful thing to do is to imagine all the feelings associated with the different alternatives and even if you don’t do them all options happen every moment, a myriad and mish mash of thousands of your own feelings at the same time, they have to or no reality all or no option can exist. All those alternative feelings happening every moment of your life, And each alternative option when completed has then multiple options to choose from and so on and so on, But some claim this anyhow saying that if the world ends which we know it does there can be no such thing as time since time needs the concept of infinity, But I would argue in finite is every moment in the micro and macro worlds , if you combine both concepts I’ve talked about, you see the reality that anything is possible.  I am of the world but also not of it, For as I sit staring into the fire, it is the autumn of 1975, I am 50 years old, but I was born in 1969.  Not far about 15 minutes in walk I lie now in my bed a 6 year old little boy, in my family home in working class  Dublin, 3 Ulster st Phibsboro,  I had arranged this set of circumstances carefully so as to be able to befriend myself briefly and give myself pointers subtly about what might help me in my future, horror tragedy filled life, I had decided to do this on a sudden whim not really having a definite plan of action once I would actually sit here as I pictured myself now, it had already started what would eventually turn into what has been 30 years of hell on earth. I would be lying in bed, apprehensive, nervous, worried, a sense of menace present all the time, I would be lying there unsure why I was feeling such things, I know now I had already been earmarked for the looney bin, I had  said something at the wrong time, that had indicated I was a problem, not a problem as such but I had to pay for the embarrassment I had caused, I won’t go into the details but as I sit here now, I think of the little subtle things that had begun to happen, It was clever, it would seem to always be people were being kind but was actually playing on my fears,  I hadn’t had had a hope I realized, the main thing done was the attack on the body that is subtle again, affected by physical occurrences elsewhere, only slightly, so the feeling of menace is mostly subconscious, you are subtlety led to believe it is being done deliberately, it is how this so called paranoid feeling is nurtured slowly in an individual, its cleverly done, no one but you knows of the little things done all the time to ensure you imagine you are being focused on and I had gone from an extrovert normal playful kid to being a quiet retiring and introvert one, , I felt sad for myself lying there, not knowing what lay ahead and what people are really like or are like if you end up in a looney bin, no one will ever be a friend.  From the day I had caused that embarrassment my family had slowly begun to treat me as different and would eventually when I was put in the looney bin, mentally and emotionally wash their hands of me, from the day I walked into John of Gods in 1991 I was as dead to the world, that was 29 years ago, I had though realized even the sudden deliberate nurturing of the paranoid feeling had been due to my little sisters birth or so it had been implied, I was a potential problem that needed to be dealt with subtle and cleverly. I had often wondered what people actually made of her, was she in some peoples opinion a portent to end times, if she was as I sometimes imagined her to be, she would have changed peoples concept of the world they lived in and the worlds view of religion, science and the afterlife and even the nature of reality itself, it had been why I had to be deemed insane for her very existence and the way she was proved all they believed was all mumbo jumbo. They then became more obviously what they had been intended to be, a form of social control and punishment, an organization similar to the Nazi gestapo, its main purpose to deal with individuals who had witnessed someone important doing something that would harm the image of a fair good humanitarian system, the question I didn’t know the answer to myself was, is the pedophile thing something that had become epidemic with her birth and why I had seemed affected  by the issue, what was definite in my mind was God was with me which meant, none of them were the good or ever had been  Had I believed my sister was special, yes but not in being different unless deliberately created that way or else just someone else in my life who done and pretend what they had wanted, for I had often realized , how would someone perceive of such a thing, it was probably suggested to every psychiatric victim, like the john Denver song Annie, it’s so you feel guilty or wont hate section thing which is like that with them staff or family members an evil non-human satanic thing, that tries to blame peoples own evil on some entity itself, not trying to help you that way but to keep you in as in hell,, I sometimes even imagined my parents were even led to believe such a thing but how, were they in fact dead, anything is possible after the last 30 years I’ve known
I smiled, it had been freaky or could I still use that term after some of the things I’ve seen in my life, but I had lain down on my bed, closed my eyes in 2020, had visualized the night sky, then the night sky of my dreams and then the night sky my dreams and so on till 9 worlds had been created as I had done this the method of leaving time as it is associated with space and movement became clear and I became clearly aware of how to wake up anywhere anytime in history, I then focused on the millions of worlds in alternative moments in the macro and micro world I had even vaguely visualized the bedsit I now sat in and the details of the scenario, then I had opened my eyes and I was in 1975
 What had given me the idea of trying to contact myself was a Hollywood movie  I had seen called lamb, about a man who eventually killed a little 8 year old boy rather than have him put in an institution, I had sat thinking of this film one day and had thought of myself at that age, now as I sat here, I knew that film had been at the back of my mind and it is what I had come back to 1975 to do, kill me before I end up in hell on earth which would be what my life would shortly become after 1975. I don’t understand my own hesitancy in this matter, for if I’m to consider honestly how I will feel the next 44 years, it is in  fact the kind thing to do, it’s the religious aspect that is the problem, there is no precedent for guidance but if my sister is how she seems to be, it is not really an issue, anything but God has gone out with the bath water, and I knew any hesitancy on my part would not be considering his feelings but being influenced by a daft notion that everything is as it was prior to aideens birth, I was a nice little fella I remember, nothing special, just normal, I looked forward to chatting to myself, I liked little me I realized. It was a bit suspicious I reckoned if you considered the biggest threat to modern Christianity and western civilization is a Muslim terrorist organization called ISIS, I cackled insanely, a loose connection they would claim, its them that are mad, I imagined little Michael was just the unimportant brother, sisters being the important ones or so it would be wise to let on I suddenly thought, I sat thinking of little Michael, was he in fact a prophet, it was why he was persecuted so much, Why not him rather than someone else is the question. Did I think I was a prophet, No I knew I wasn’t, I didn’t actually like people so it made it unlikely, shitholes I thought,  unless the new message was in fact that, a confirmation of what most people thought anyhow, yes id stand on a podium and announce it, yes you are all two faced abusive and cruel, and you have found everybody in your life the same if your to be honest, once you get to know them, then its fucking prick or fucking bitch and they would pause for a moment and realize. Yeah, he is right that is true but once Jesus comes back again people will become what you were told as a child they are like or on Tv or in books
I smiled happily, feeling the warm pleasant heat from the fire, I looked at the clock on the wall above the mantelpiece, it was 7,30pm. Time for a drink I decided and felt myself eagerly anticipate the coming relaxation and intoxication, like looking forward to an ice cold drink of water on a hot day, as  I stood and went to my little curtained off kitchenette and took a half bottle of whiskey from the top shelf, then I knelt plugged in my 400 pound record player and took my rolling stones album from its sleeve and placed it on the turnstile, it crackled as I put the needle at the edge then I sat and slumped in the recliner, twisted the cap off the bottle of whiskey and took a sip, the first few slugs always tasted too bitter but then the tongue numbed and the hazy pleasure began, this is brilliant I thought to myself, whiskey and an open fire. I began my relativity game, comparing my situation to others in not such a good position, a visualized a woman , naked I had tied up kneeling on the wooden floor in the corner, the psychiatrists who had shafted most of my life, now my prisoner and sex slave, felt her physical discomfort, her knees on the hard wooden floor, her uncomfortable forced posture, I stretched myself, and relaxed into the moment, enjoying the comfort of the soft leather recliner and the glowing warmth and my body relaxed as the whiskey hit my bloodstream.  How are the thoughts, anything worrying you, you know it’s what I’m here for,  imagined myself say She was even more uncomfortable than usual for she would have no hope of me riding her till I finished the whiskey which was at least 2 hours away, like the meds it would ease the suffering, I threw back my head and did my cackle of insanity again, she wasn’t actually there and I didn’t have a sex slave or I never even fantasized about that kind of thing sexually , it was just the idea of giving what you got, the humiliation and degradation, and I never felt like a ride after a half bottle of whiskey, I was usually just about able to make it to the bed and get my clothes off. So I let that particular relativity fantasy and imagery disappear from my mind, she was an ugly old cow anyhow, I sipped my whiskey thoughtfully, women are unlucky I’m not available since I don’t judge a book by its cover, they are all bitches apart from the equivalent of Holy Mary I will meet someday,  She’s some lucky cow, then I cackled again insanely. I enjoying this whiskey I realized, raising the dark green bottle up to the light of the window, Jameson, triple distilled I read, I had one a hundred pound on one of those Tripler scratch cards I remembered, the most money I’ve ever won. What other kind of relativity fantasy could I imagine,  feeling the comfort of the glowing warm fire and the soft leather, I began comparing myself with a homeless person at the side of a road somewhere, hard stone ground, exposed and cold, I sighed contentedly and took another sip of whiskey but then felt a bit guilty as I had been homeless for a while,  it might be unlucky, unlucky, I might be unlucky. I cackled insanely at the idea., I sipped the bottle of whiskey again, and began imagining someone who was gagging for a drink but didn’t have any, I cackled insanely again to myself, that’s  a good one I grinned to myself, the whiskey was beginning to have an affect now. I smiled to myself then and thought I will Imagine ways to kill little me, different quick and painless ways, pillow over the face,, then no more misery for poor little Michael, I sighed sadly but it would be the kindest thing.
I was sick of the rolling stones album, but tried to focus and listen to the lyrics, most times it’s the same shite,little dramas of life over and over again, but then mothers little helper came on, good song and kind of relevant, brain killing tablets, suicide pills, mmm my mammy was up there in ulster st under the effect of those, helped her cope she would claim but that wasn’t the reason women take them, it was actually the start of the supplying of patients to line the pockets of big pharmaceutical companies, mad meds have huge profit margins, That sounds a bit bullshitty or farfetched, it was a double edged sword thing, modern life and women in the home unhappy and their situation was manipulated carefully to as I just said line the big pharmaceutical companies pockets,  It was exploiting a normal human feeling of searching for a reason for their dissatisfaction and reaching out to these seemingly wise doctors for an answer.  These doctors were laughing all the way to the bank.  I had read that the tests done to test the safety and effectiveness of these drugs were always rigged in such a way that thy were always deemed good.  Any Doctor taking part in these trial was handpicked for the quality of being open to bribes and coercion, The patients used were carefully picked to show the drugs were effective, as misleading as giving heroin to an addict and judge his reaction to be a normal response to drug not used before, All the trials were deliberately misleading, it has since been shown placebo tablets showed the same level of improve ment of mood, it was actually the idea or belief thar change was about to happen that helped these women,  I had seen similar feelings in my eldest sister, anytime her depression seemed to improve was the hope these tablets gave of change, the biggest improvement in her depression came when she seemed to be able to make a complete fresh start in her job following a settlement of a court case, it’s always hope of change that makes the difference nothing to do with the chemicals involved. It was the same with so called illnesses like schizophrenia, as the symptoms are slowly increased it is the hope of change once the section is over that makes any improvement happen and that only works the first time,  the cold hard facts of the truth were, the drugs didn’t help at all only giving a death like existence on them. People have examined the evidence and published the truth, but nobody wants to listen. If you were to judge in a legal sense. Prescribing these drugs is malpractice and leaving doctors open to being sued which I believe they should be if they are not willing or want to put in the effort to inform themselves properly of the harm these drugs are doing to their patients, I thought of the situation as it stands today, I in 4 or higher sometimes as much as nearly 2 in 4, is the amount of people taking mad meds either anti depressives or antipsychotics, but the horrific world affecting reality that is becoming now apparent is that it was not just the mad that were affected by these meds but also the family members and the doctors and staff too and all those people they met regularly in their lives, you will understand how this is or can be later in my story but the upshot is an ever-increasing vicious circle of people needing to take this meds in order for the pharmaceutical companies to keep their danger hidden and they people being affected by this stuff usually aren’t aware of it. And life once on this type of drug is as hell on earth, where if you think normally your brain will seize up.  I remember seeing a documentary about the development of x rays and how when it was first used it seemed to cure skin cancer, so for a period of six months, it was hailed as a miracle cure that could remove skin lesions, but then people started developing other cancers from the intense x ray exposure during these treatments, it was in fact millions of people in America were affected,  the two Doctors that had become billionaires literally overnight now found themselves being sued left right and center and eventually finished out their lives penniless and in prison. The point I imagine is that there probably is legal precedent for those who might sue doctors for prescribing them any sort of mad meds. For the fact is all they do chemical wise is kill the brain cells and that has already been proven. It is the truth that half the kids going to school in the 70s were affected by the mothers little helpers, the pharmaceutical firms laughed once these kids were anyway affected by these meds it became easy to manipulate them into a position of being caught in the mad meds trap, that says that once haven taken these drugs you will always have to take them under treat of hospitalization in an asylum if you don’t, it soon became the biggest money making racket in western civilization medicine.  I began thinking then of a possible link with the rise of child abuse and clerical abuse in this and the following period, the truth it is easy   to hide abuse in kids on meds.
 I thought of my mum, she had had three miscarriages in a row the years after I was born, I must have been an awful ugly little cunt when I popped out  I thought, she was nervous of what might actually pop out the next time or I wouldn’t be surprised it was because of what was to come, my little sister aideen, who was born the following year. it was that sense of impending evil like the victims of terrorist attacks like 9=1 sensed in their lives leading up to it, I threw back my head again and cackled insanely again. It in fact was a key thing to realize I knew that  the three miscarriages my mum had in fact symbolized everything in my life, was I the cause of everything bad or my little sister. The truth is in fact my little sister. It would never seem so because that would indicate a knowledge of the future which most people do not think is possible, but I know for a fact is possible.   I started to feel sad again it’s a common feeling people get when they consider their own lives I knew, no one ever does be satisfied, I sat thinking maybe it was buddha or a Buddhist affected my life, the idea once you had a little bit of some pleasure, you could never get enough, so to play it the safe way he had decided to give me none at all, cunty baldly goggled eyed wanker I said out loud. I suddenly then burst into song my finest work song I called it when composing it as a cleaner in a Garda station,  the pleasure is in the detail, and as Mohammed preached, one wipe is always enough, and your man Jesus, he was a very handy man too, Buddha was caught in the moment, no good overall view, a few other prophets had had their good ways but none like Mikey god knew, I was always winning no matter what I do, I win again , no matter where I go or what I do
Accompanied by a wiping your arse motion and then a whanking sign, I should have called it satanic verses I cackled insanely. I had been having one of my brief periods of loss of faith whilst cleaning a bog, God just laughed I am sure, he tends to when it comes to me, I am his light relief. You can’t piss my prophet Michael off, he is oft heard to say to his angels,  I sipped my whiskey contemplating the nothingness of my current existence and the previous 44 years of the same,  Gods lucky it’s not actually possible to kill him, I realized. Because I knew I probably would. I reminded myself it’s never a good idea to talk to yourself even in the current situation, for I had realized I had just got that instinct, its ok once you don’t expect anyone that could possible hear to be some kind of friendly entity, its usually what gets people put in the looney bin, it was what my sister had been at back in home farm rd. all those years ago and still at it to this day,  I had often sat drunkenly shouting abuse at the tv, which is fine, it’s fun but if it begins to feel like someone is listening, it’s time to shut up, I was going to think not for my own sake but then just sat why would I give a fuck. I sat thinking of how she expects sympathy and help from these apparent entities that know her business, for anyone who does that, do thy not realize it must be the very ones causing you all your misery, it puts them in a funny position I imagine, I would put a bullet in their head I laughed to myself, if I actually gave a shite about any of my sisters.
It was my goal to seek out who actually was making the decision to keep me incarcerated and had been doing so and then decide in a course of action ,maybe legal action, they would be penniless and in prison with other prisoners enjoying the pleasure of what must be their ample sized backsides, I cackled insanely and happily, it was a nice buzz I was having
This is a nice enough buzz I thought, a happy haze, tomorrow,  then I decided I would try and broach a conversation with little me, that was something to visualize and be enjoyed, I imagined it’s what a father might feel for a little son, a son, something I had always wanted, to read stories to at bedtime and spend hours playing FIFA football computer games or just sit watching tv together, cunts stole that possibility too I knew.  I thought, where and when,  I had already done the groundwork of times I usually left the house and where I go, on the way to or home from school was the best plan. I thought of myself how I would seem, a bald beardy white-haired old bum sort of man. the type I would be likely to run as fast as I could to get away from. But then I paused and realized that is probably not true, I had, been the type who would talk to anyone depending if I found it interesting or not which I usually did not. most kids don’t I remembered, I could say I was someone from the future if I had something techno like that might prove it and I had, my mp3 player How to manage to get me to relax and know I was no danger, Did I think that was possible, I suddenly nonplussed  this hadn’t occurred to me before, for I recalled I had even heard my dad say to me in the garden that he was suggesting about wanting to abuse me, obviously when I thin k back now and my mam standing doing the dishes looking out the back window, but I hadn’t believed it but not for that reason, there was something that had warned me, I t wasn’t what was being said, But the fact was that this was being implied all the time since that time I had embarrassed someone, I suddenly thought, mm I definitely wouldn’t talk to someone who looked like I do now, I was paranoid about the issue., it was like everything was inferring someone wanted to do just that, It did seem then it must have been some demonic force that was punishing me for suggesting a priest was abusing a neighbors which I don’t think he had been, it was just the embarrassment caused. , Does that make sense though, the subtle physical shafting, if it was just for embarrassment caused, it didn’t really matter, it was my feelings that mattered, and their importance was shat that day. Maybe I would just concentrate on what I could warn myself about, was it even possible if the demonic force could stop me hearing something that might lessen my suffering or stop it altogether. the lamb idea was a more logical one I realized. Still the illogical idea id be better off the way things panned out is rubbish, Maybe my never say die belief is the whole reason, they have never stopped shafting me, thrown everything but the bathroom sink at me, mental suffering wise, like the day it seemed like my dad was suggesting I let him abuse me, it always had to seem like it was delusional or paranoid. Is it logical to a so called sane person that a 6 year old well balanced extrovert happy child walks into the house one day and says I saw a priest go in to the house a few doors down, then add as a joke, which is out of character, probably to abuse a child, this causes consternation from his mum and his dad is angry and agitated, then from that time on, that little boy has incidences like hearing his father say will pull down your pants, but his mum was watching from the window doing the dishes, but then when he goes into the kitchen after ignoring his dad, his mum is in a fury and says something he can’t hear, Now the upshot of this little incidence, there is the doubt in the child’s head, did he say that or did he not, he recalled his tummy had sank with fear and horror, when he had heard his dad seem to say it but again it wasn’t logical what he had heard,, he realized now it was the same thing as the feeling got from the subtle shafting, the uncertainty of danger, that feels like it’s there but that is not logical, I sat quietly thinking if it only began after saying that about the priest. He knew to go on my own experience of people rather than books and tv which is mostly all I have known, most people would suggest it was psychological which proves all their mumbo jumbo is crap, since it definitely wasn’t that, I would believe it myself if I had never been the target of a mental health section process, Some cultures do suggest all dis ease is in fact caused by an invading or misplaced demon, but I now know that it is actually psychiatry set that demon on you.
I stared at the nearly empty whiskey bottle, what is in it fills the hole that life creates, it gives you the happiness and comfort that is never there otherwise and can never be, I sat thinking of little me up there in ulster st and me 44 years later,  I was feeling quite drunk which I usually did after a half bottle of whiskey which was the whole point of drinking it, I thought of the phrase the simplicity of addiction if all that concerned me was the next day’s drunk, life would be fine, that’s what someone who has never been an alcoholic might imagine or is it the opposite, do I really give a fuck, other people’s feelings, I would be mad to consider them since no one in my life once considered mine. I thought of the time between then and now and little me lying there, about three normal private conversations is all you will have in that time,44 years a long ,lonely silent time, and all the normal stuff going on inside, and when on meds you will be staring out as if a sane person in a mad mental cell, no one but you suspecting anything but that you are mad, it’s like something out of a horror novel I thought and nothing I will do will change it, except maybe kill you, I thought of all the dreams and hopes you will have, you will have the right to hate everyone I realized, and then I thought of the religious things that will come in your life, actual real-life miracles, unexplainable phenomena, god had noticed what had been done to you, I sat sadly but it will be just like the picture of Jesus in the mug of soup in a prisoner on death rows cell, God just letting you know, heaven is actually there
I would think about meeting little me tomorrow, then try on Monday morning maybe, I sat for a while and started to get that feeling, it was when the garda were patrolling nearby, no not just patrolling, they had their eye on someone and were going to pull them in, how would I explain that to little me, it’s got a lot to do with your VIP special branch uncle, it is what I had just thought but worse because I was his nephew,, I pictured me lying there in ulster st, trying to make sense logically of this feeling I was getting, mm I thought then the old fuck decides id be better off in a looney bin.  Life’s a cunt and then you die I thought, I felt a sad feeling, cunt thing probably will alright, then cackled again insanely  I sat thinking imagining trying to explain things to myself. We would be strolling along chatting,  Well you see, I’d say every time the gardai make an arrest, someone somewhere in the world would be having a cardiac arrest, do you know what that is, little me would nod yes and I would continue that this upset the world wide cosmic good vibrations, which is why you start to feel a bit alarmed, the main thing to realize is that everybody gets this feeling, not just you, you see the big problem is the gardai can’t know about this or they would be wondering why didn’t they get to arrest them before they did the bad thing, I could imagine little me looking up at me thinking, your being smart because you don’t like the gardai or something and anyway how do you know I feel that way. I would think, then, yeah that’s me alright, always have to know better than what someone else is telling me , I would smile down at him thinking, your right to be like that, its why I always liked you,. I know because I was watching your face, just before a garda car passed us ten minutes ago and I said to myself, he does not realize that when the garda make an arrest it affects people nearby. it is actually true though I’d say and remember it the next time you feel worried, its usually for that reason, then  I would say I was like that as a kid too and realized if I  thought that, then had no worries and I just enjoyed myself.  Then I would look down at him, tell you what, next time you get the feeling, if with your mum and dad or sisters just watch how they are feeling, it will be the same you will see, ok he would say looking up at me pondering and puzzling about what I had said maybe a sense of possible release and feeling.  I would feel sad then thinking of the entities that were watching him the whole time, the garda and psychiatry are the same thing, I knew how now, each one of them has a demon they use to manipulate and control the public when on duty, they put it on as if with their uniform, and they are always everywhere all the time, your barmy they would say, not at all I’d say, it’s not just them either, the other side if they can be called that use their demons to, anyone knowing your business is doing precisely that. I would look down at him again, is little blond fair hair with a calf’s lick it was called , a bit at the front that wouldn’t flatten down, I thought of the feeling he was getting, a tightening of the brain, like a worried thought and then the meds he was put on for 30 years, they know now, it actually kills brain cells . if a person taking them thinks at all, they begin feeling little pricks of pain in their brain, it’s a freaky world alright, and it will never end till you die little Michael id think, its why you will die knowing the true nature of a human being is a total shithole in every way and I was pleased he would know it before he died
It wasn’t that simple I| realized sighing sadly, he wouldn’t hear a word I’d say if I said that to him which when you think about that, if they can do that, I would realize it is the reason I was put in a looney bin it was a solution to a problem , he was an important man and I was just his nephew going nowhere.  My Uncle was dead now and I’m  left better off dead, anybody claiming different is the mad one, How can someone enjoy life if considered incapable of making a rational decision, it affects you wherever you go, people get that feeling around you, your crazy, stupid, imbecile. I thought of little me again , unfortunately it wasn’t even as simple as me not being able to hear for there was still the fact that I had been earmarked for the looney bin the garda presence and affect was being deliberately played on to make it seem like paranoia. I t would continue like that for the rest of his life I knew, it was simpler for everyone if I was mad. God knows that too I thought thinking of him lying there all those years ago., it must be some kind of freaky evil involved if god gets involved I reckoned, I didn’t want to dwell on the idea  I t might be an idea to grab him and go somewhere like Mexico, but I’m not really here the whole time continuum would blow up or something, I thought of the lyric of that song, changes that were never meant to be, the feeling I had got had gone, they were gone out of a certain range maybe,  stood, pulled off my clothes and got into bed, sorry I’m to pissed to pleasure you I said to the woman tied up kneeling in the corner, turned-on my side imagining her knees on the hard floor and in an uncomfortable posture and felt my body relax and stretch out comfortable, relativity I thought drunkenly I soon drifted off to a sleep as if dead
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gusu-emilu · a month ago
seven nights to turn (4/4)
chapter four: from first to fifth day
Ship: Jiang Cheng / Wen Ning
Summary: Jiang Cheng counts the passage of time by nights, not days. He’s spending the next seven in a cabin on the fringe of the Cloud Recesses. On the first night, he hears humming.
Rated E, Post-Canon, Oral Sex, Scar Kissing, Mild Burn Injury, Hurt/Comfort
< Ch. 1 | < Ch. 2 | < Ch. 3
read on AO3 (link in my bio) on Tumblr below
“It’’s late.” Wen Ning ducks his head. “Thank you for bringing me here. I’ll let you sleep.”
Jiang Cheng does not turn to watch him leave. Wen Ning sounds like he's halfway across the room when Jiang Cheng says, “I don’t sleep.”
That gets the footsteps to slow down.
He shuts his eyes tight. “…What else do you like to feel?”
That gets the footsteps to stop.
════ 第一天 ════
Word spreads fast in Yunmeng.
Jiang Cheng can practically see the news reaching each pair of ears as he escorts Wen Ning down the docks outside Lotus Pier. The gossip passes from merchant to fishmonger to servant to performer, the chatter even livelier than the splashes of boats setting off from the dock or the music in the distance or the strong scent of seafood and smoked spices. Perhaps even eyes from streets far out of view are fixed on the sight of Sandu Shengshou, who once punished demonic cultivators, now strolling alongside the Ghost General.
It isn’t that Jiang Cheng minds having the attention of his people. At one time, he craved it, when he was young and foolish and vying with Wei Wuxian for praise. Once he did hold the attention of the Jiang, much too early, it proved to be more pressure than he expected, but he grew used to it. Now it’s just another mundane fact of life, like filing paperwork or cleaning Sandu.
But this is different.
Every time Jiang Cheng returns to Lotus Pier with some spiritual item or captured criminal or esteemed guest, the people watch and gossip eagerly. But despite the sharpness of their prying eyes, they never see Jiang Cheng. They see Sect Leader Jiang. Sandu Shengshou.
But walking side by side with Wen Ning up to the front gate of Lotus Pier, Jiang Cheng feels uncomfortably seen. Each turned head causes another of his nerves to spike.
Worst of all are the grannies. Whereas others stare or point or whisper among themselves, the grannies just shake their heads and smirk like they know something, and it makes Jiang Cheng’s skin prickle.
Once they’re finally past the training courtyard and inside the bright hallways of Lotus Pier’s main pavilion, Jiang Cheng relaxes.
Then they turn a corner and Wen Ning stumbles over who knows what and bumps into him.
“Keep yourself upright,” he snaps, his nerves getting the better of him. “Are you tired from the journey or something? I thought you fierce corpses don’t get tired.”
Wen Ning is quiet for a few paces. Then he says softly, “Sorry. You got in my way.”
“Well, just…you should be more careful.”
“So should Jiang-zongzhu.”
Jiang Cheng’s ears turn pink as he unlocks the door to the guest chambers. He’s already failing as a host, and Wen Ning just got here.
They enter the guest chambers. Hopefully this makes up for his moment of poor hospitality, as the room is spacious and well-furnished, reserved for sect leaders and other guests of status. Wen Ning glances around with what seems like surprise and approaches the window overlooking the gardens, where several potted plants sit on the windowsill. He turns one of the pots, examining the small orange flower, then turns around. “Thank you.”
Jiang Cheng looks away, grateful that Wen Ning doesn’t ask about the plants. They are not a usual feature of Lotus Pier guest chambers. “I’ve arranged for a servant to give you a tour. Feel free to spend your time anywhere they show you.” He turns toward the door. “I have some last things to straighten out for the trade deal. Just…let me know if you need me.”
He leaves before Wen Ning can respond.
════ 晚上 ════
Nighttime in Lotus Pier.
Unlike the Cloud Recesses with its suffocating silence, there is always noise in Lotus Pier, even in the dead of night. Right now it’s the winter breeze gently playing a set of chimes in the distance, and the occasional echo of junior disciples who shouldn’t be out this late.
Jiang Cheng is so familiar with these sounds that normally he doesn’t notice them. But tonight he hears everything, because something is missing.
As he rolls out of bed and shrugs on his robes, he tells himself that he’s only going outside for a short walk so he can sleep better when he returns. After some wandering, he finds his way to the lake. The water is dark except for a streak where the reflection of the moon shines a bright, rippling silver.
Wen Ning is sitting on the dock, humming softly to the lake. The rhythm of the water gently lapping the shore mingles with his barely audible song.
“Don’t like your room?” Jiang Cheng says as he walks out on the dock to stand behind Wen Ning.
Wen Ning turns around, startled. “No, I— didn’t need to give me one so nice.”
Jiang Cheng scoffs and crosses his arms.
“Thank you,” Wen Ning says quietly.
“Stop being so polite.”
Wen Ning presses his lips together and faces the lake again. The water continues to lap at the wood of the dock.
Still no humming.
“Got bored of that tune already?” Jiang Cheng asks. “Need a new one?”
Wen Ning keeps his back turned to him. “I’m fine.”
Something sinks inside Jiang Cheng.
“But you can still show it to me,” Wen Ning says after a moment. “I like music.”
“I—I didn’t mean I had one—”
“Then I’ll do whatever you’re trying to get me to do.”
“What...what do you mean?”
The breeze ruffles with Wen Ning’s loose ponytail. Jiang Cheng finds himself wanting to fix it for him, give him something nicer, a braid or—
Wen Ning speaks, still addressing the lake. “You’re trying to get me to talk to you. Or come with you somewhere. Or something else.” His shoulders rise and fall as he awkwardly adjusts his hands in his lap. “I’ll do it.”
The water brushing the shore now sounds more like the lake is laughing at Jiang Cheng. Is he so easy to see through?
And why is Wen Ning so…willing?
“My room,” Jiang Cheng says before he can stop himself.
Wen Ning stands and follows.
* * *
As soon as they arrive in his room, Jiang Cheng wordlessly gestures for Wen Ning to sit and immediately flees under the pretense of needing to make tea.
What is he doing making tea? As if that worked so well for him last time. Wen Ning isn’t even going to drink it.
Then a terrible idea hits him.
It might be the worst idea he’s had in his life. In fact, he knows it is.
He brews the tea anyway.
When he carries the pot back to his room, he finds Wen Ning sitting peacefully behind a table covered with papers, his carefully-written work documents scattered all over its surface from earlier that night. He had been frantically reworking details of the trade deal after receiving new information from a minor sect. It was unlike him to resign to bed without putting anything away, and of course it had to be this night.
He feels like a twelve year old boy caught by a teacher. He should have cleaned his room before inviting company over.
“You must be very busy,” Wen Ning says, looking around at the papers as Jiang Cheng approaches the table.
“Hold this.” Jiang Cheng gives the pot of tea to Wen Ning and gathers the papers on the table.
He’s only just started clearing a spot when he smells burning.
Wen Ning is holding the pot by its ceramic handle with one hand, and by its metal bottom with the other.
“Are you insane?” Jiang Cheng shouts as he rips the pot out of Wen Ning’s grasp. “Your hand!”
Wen Ning looks down at his palm, where his grey flesh is now an angry red. “Oh.”
Jiang Cheng sighs. “Get up.”
Wen Ning staggers to his feet, awkward and lumbering, and hides his hand behind his back.
“Sit over there.” Jiang Cheng nods toward his bed. Wen Ning raises his eyebrows, hesitating, but after Jiang Cheng glares at him long enough he perches himself on the bed, still hiding his hand. He watches as Jiang Cheng grabs a cloth and a pitcher of cold drinking water.
“Hand,” Jiang Cheng orders.
Slowly, Wen Ning takes his hand out from behind his back.
The design on the bottom of the cup has burned the red outline of a lotus flower into his skin.
Jiang Cheng kneels at Wen Ning’s feet and dips his burned hand underwater for a few seconds before soaking a cloth in cool water and wrapping it around the wound. With his free hand, he channels spiritual energy into Wen Ning’s wrist, hoping it will interact with his resentful energy to manage some form of healing.
“Jiang-zongzhu, you don’t need to—”
“Don’t call me that.”
“I’m dead, I don’t need to be—”
Jiang Cheng stops and glares up at him. “I’m healing your hand whether you like it or not.”
Wen Ning’s fingers twitch, but he doesn’t pull away.
Jiang Cheng goes back to treating the injury, two fingers pressed into a spot below Wen Ning’s wrist where he is sending spiritual energy, his other hand gently holding the wet cloth against Wen Ning’s palm. “You couldn’t tell you were burning?”
“Not really. It just felt…hot.” Wen Ning turns his face away, sounding embarrassed. “Just dull and numb. Like how most things feel. Or, don’t feel.”
The dark red pattern on his hand starts to disappear. Jiang Cheng sets down the cloth and massages his thumbs into Wen Ning’s palm, smoothing out the burn marks with spiritual energy, wiping away the lotus flower with a tinge of regret. If Wen Ning is ever to wear something of the Jiang Clan, it should be by his choice, not by a brand seared into him.
He didn’t realize it was possible for Wen Ning’s skin to regenerate. There’s a small tingle of pride in the back of his mind at the knowledge that he’s nearly finished healing Wen Ning, that this new skin is born from his spiritual energy.
He looks up and meets Wen Ning’s eyes.
“Y-You make me feel a lot of things,” Wen Ning blurts out.
Jiang Cheng freezes.
His heart nearly stops.
“A lot of—a lot of emotions.” Wen Ning’s fingers close over the two thumbs Jiang Cheng has pressed into his palm, squeezing to the point of pain. “Not all of them are good.”
He wants so desperately to look at Wen Ning’s face, to see what the fuck is going on, but he can only stare at his thumbs being crushed. Wen Ning must not realize how hard he’s holding him. Or that he’s holding him at all.
“And—and—” Wen Ning stumbles through the words, “because of all the emotions, I think that’s why, when we—w-we did that, it made me feel, physically…”
Jiang Cheng inhales, but no air enters him.
“I felt more. All of it.”
Pain. The joints of Jiang Cheng’s thumbs are close to popping.
He strains to choke out a reply, only for his voice to crack at a mortifyingly high pitch. “Can you feel that you’re crushing me?”
“Sorry!” Wen Ning tears his hand away.
Jiang Cheng stares at his empty hand, then holds it out toward Wen Ning. “I’m not done.”
Wen Ning extends his hand again, trembling. Jiang Cheng means to work out the last traces of the burn wound, but all he does is caress Wen Ning’s fingers.
I make him feel things.
He looks up at Wen Ning’s face, only to see dark eyes dart away, panicked.
Jiang Cheng doesn’t know if this is a victory—doesn’t know what it is—but the realization seeps into skin, fills him with giddy energy.
Wen Ning’s emotions about him are so strong that they heighten his physical sensations. Make him experience things he normally can’t.
Wen Ning could hate him, for all he cares. What matters is that he makes Wen Ning feel things.
He has something to give.
He watches Wen Ning’s face as he continues to stroke his fingers, hunting for the smallest reactions—a twitch of the lips here, a few too-fast blinks there—and waiting for Wen Ning to meet his eyes. “How much can you feel?”
“A…a little.”
He stops playing with Wen Ning’s fingers.
As if possessed, he lowers his face to Wen Ning’s hand.
Slowly, gently, he kisses the back of Wen Ning’s hand, the skin cold and hard. His lips linger, lifting millimeter after millimeter as he reluctantly pulls away.
“I feel that,” Wen Ning says with more breath in his voice than should be possible for someone who doesn’t need to breathe.
Jiang Cheng wants more of that—to put more breath into Wen Ning until the man is a flustered mess—so he kisses Wen Ning’s hand three times, four times, pushes back the sleeve of his robes and kisses up his arm, follows the black veins snaking from beneath his sleeve. Kisses again, and again—
Wen Ning makes a strangled noise, yanking his arm away and jumping to his feet. He stumbles over to the table and stands in place, arms tucked behind his back.
“Jiang—Jiang W—you don’t need to—you don’t need to do anything for me.” He takes another few steps backward. “I’ve already done something I shouldn’t have.”
The words settle over Jiang Cheng as his body tingles at the memory of Wen Ning’s lips, hot from the tea remedy, and his cold fingers tracing his bare chest. Wen Ning is right, he shouldn’t have done that—
“It’s enough to let me stay in Lotus Pier.” Wen Ning jerks into a half-bow. “I—I’ll take my leave.”
Jiang Cheng catches him by the arm before he can get out the door. “Why are you stopping yourself?” He fights the frustration out of his voice, trying to sound gentle. “I can…I can…Why are you holding back?”
Wen Ning meets his eyes, then looks down at Jiang Cheng’s hand gripping his arm. He doesn’t move again, so Jiang Cheng tugs, guides him until they stand beside the bed again.
Jiang Cheng’s gaze darts to the teapot on the table.
Wen Ning follows his line of sight. “You want me to take the remedy so I’m warm again,” he says, the smallest amount of bitterness in his tone.
“What?” Jiang Cheng removes his hand from Wen Ning’s arm. “Forget that. You don’t need it.”
Wen Ning frowns slightly. “But you want me to take it.”
Jiang Cheng steps forward until their faces are inches apart. He glances at Wen Ning’s lips. At the teapot. Back at Wen Ning.
“Fuck the remedy,” he says, and kisses Wen Ning.
Wen Ning’s lips are cold and not exactly soft, trembling slightly against Jiang Cheng’s. With a pang of guilt Jiang Cheng wonders if this would feel better if Wen Ning had taken the remedy.
But Wen Ning begins to part his lips, bit by bit, as if testing how much Jiang Cheng is willing for them to interlock. Jiang Cheng fills the space right away, lets Wen Ning take the heat in his breath, lets him take as much as he wants.
It’s only then that Wen Ning kisses back, eager and ardent. He leans forward and grabs Jiang Cheng’s shoulder to draw him closer. Something flips in Jiang Cheng’s stomach. Flutters up inside him and sends a shiver all the way to his fingers curled in Wen Ning’s hair.
Suddenly Wen Ning pulls away.
Jiang Cheng’s eyes snap open. Wen Ning’s face is still close, but his eyes look far away.
“Why?” Wen Ning whispers. Why are we doing this?
Confusion—then indignance—rises inside Jiang Cheng. “Does it matter?” he says, his voice rough.
Wen Ning’s eyes fill with hurt.
Grappling for an explanation, Jiang Cheng draws away farther, his brow furrowing as frustration begins to claw at him.
What’s the problem? What did I do?
Why don’t you want me?
He searches Wen Ning’s face for an answer, only to watch the sadness in Wen Ning’s eyes dissipate into a wary stoniness.
Desperation beats inside Jiang Cheng, begging Wen Ning not to leave.
Then the answer hits him.
What if Wen Ning feels just as insecure as he does?
Anger sears through him. What kind of man would Jiang Cheng be if, after everything in the past, he left someone behind now? If he left Wen Ning behind now?
“I want to,” he says through his teeth, his jaw tight. When Wen Ning just stares at him, he sucks in a breath, chokes out, “I want to kiss you.”
Something unreadable flashes across Wen Ning’s face. His eyes widen.
The reality of what he just said, of the situation, comes crashing in on Jiang Cheng like a wave.
Wen Ning became a traitor to his clan the first time they touched, when he carried Jiang Cheng out of the burning wreckage of Lotus Pier. Jiang Cheng has no memory of it.
He will remember this. Remember his turn to become a traitor to himself, as Wen Ning leans in and they kiss again, chests pressing against each other, hands finding places to rest and fingers finding places to curl, hot and cold meeting and fighting until they settle into a steady warmth.
Pulling away, Wen Ning blinks a few times, decidedly, as if trying to seal something inside himself with the fall of his eyelashes, savoring it.
“I like how that feels,” Wen Ning says.
If Jiang Cheng had any words to say before, the simple ring of happiness in Wen Ning’s voice is enough to steal them. Warmth spreads inside him, mellowing his nerves like wine.
They both glance down at the bed. Tension jolts between them, and Jiang Cheng’s heart races again.
Wen Ning seems to reach forward, then freezes and closes his hand at his side. Looks between the bed and Jiang Cheng with something like fear. “It’’s late.” He ducks his head. “Th-Thank you for bringing me here. I’ll let you sleep.”
Jiang Cheng does not turn to watch him leave. Wen Ning sounds like he's halfway across the room when Jiang Cheng says, “I don’t sleep.”
That gets the footsteps to slow down.
He shuts his eyes tight. “…What else do you like to feel?”
That gets the footsteps to stop.
He waits for another sound but hears none other than a nightbird and faint windchimes in the distance. He waits until it seems certain that Wen Ning is not going to move first, then looks over his shoulder.
Wen Ning stands in shadow just outside the room, his arms hanging at his sides with his fingers curled like he’s carrying a heavy bucket in each hand. “You don’t need to do anything for me.”
Jiang Cheng faces him, his arms crossed. “I only asked a question.”
“…What…what I like to feel?” Folding his hands, Wen Ning stammers, then manages to get out something that sounds like, “No one’s asked me that since I’ve this.”
Jiang Cheng chokes on his breath a bit. It’s stupid, that his breath should do that, because this is not surprising at all. It isn’t like anyone has asked Jiang Cheng this question either, and he has at least been a living person this entire time. “I would have thought Wei Wuxian had asked you at some point.”
There’s a little tug at the corner of Wen Ning’s mouth. Whether it’s of displeasure or good humor or fondness, Jiang Cheng can’t tell. “Wei-gongzi…he asked me what I want to feel.”
“Is there a difference?”
Wen Ning gives him a confused look that absolutely means, Of course there is, how can you not tell? But then he glances away and shakes his head. “I guess there isn’t now," he says, low enough to be speaking only to himself.
“…What do you mean?”
Wen Ning fiddles with his sleeves. “To feel what I want to, I’d need to be changed.”
Frustration beats at Jiang Cheng. Why must Wen Ning speak in puzzle pieces?
But Jiang Cheng would be lying to deny how enticing the challenge of fitting the pieces together is, the challenge of understanding the man he once hated.
For Wen Ning to feel what he likes to, he doesn’t need to be changed. Within the limitations of his body, he can still feel some sensations he enjoys.
Jiang Cheng can give him that.
Needs to give him that.
“So answer the question,” Jiang Cheng says. “What do you like to feel?”
Wen Ning leans forward an amount so small it would be imperceptible if not for a few amber rays of light that catch his dark robes. “Anything?”
Jiang Cheng’s heart jumps at the implication that Wen Ning's answer would somehow be…controversial. “Anything within reason.”
Impatience bites at Jiang Cheng, nervousness churning inside him. The sharp words come out like a reflex. “Well, either get inside and spit it out, or go on your way. The hallway is for you to walk in, not block.”
Wen Ning looks around as if assessing how much of the hallway he truly is blocking. Quietly but sternly, he says, “What I don’t like is when you talk to me that way.”
Jiang Cheng bites his lip. Suddenly he wants to shrivel up. “Come back inside. Please.”
Wen Ning steps into the warm light of the room, only to stop just inside the doorway. He fiddles with his sleeves again, and Jiang Cheng begins to wonder if he is looking for assurance, too.
“You can tell me your answer,” Jiang Cheng says. He swallows. “Anything.”
“Can I…can I show you?”
Jiang Cheng’s heart goes from pounding to flipping through an entire somersault.
What the hell is he thinking about?
“Yes, but just—just make it quick,” he says, struggling to keep his nerves from jumping into his voice.
Slowly, Wen Ning approaches him, his footsteps dampened as if he's stepping with extreme care. Once he reaches Jiang Cheng, he makes a small gesture toward the bed, stiff and awkward.
“Sit?” he asks with big eyes and a combination of sincerity and uncertainty so potent, so endearing, that Jiang Cheng might have to sit down whether he wants to or not, just to recover from it.
He seats himself on the edge of the bed, fingers twitching. After some visible internal battle, Wen Ning sits too, carefully positioning himself half an arm’s length away.
A full minute passes, and all Wen Ning does is glance around the room like he’s reading some story written on the furniture. It seems impossible that this is the same man who a few nights ago pinned Jiang Cheng against a door and nearly choked him.
Dread wracks Jiang Cheng’s entire body at that memory, mingles with anticipation.
He can’t be about to show me something like that, can he?
He looks over. Wen Ning is still feverishly studying the room as if preparing for a quiz on its contents.
“Are you going to do it?”
“S-Sorry.” Wen Ning’s eyes focus on the section of mattress between them, and that’s…progress, at least. Jiang Cheng would be glad about this progress if his pulse wasn’t pounding in his ears.
Wen Ning raises an arm and guides it to Jiang Cheng’s back. His hand rests between Jiang Cheng’s shoulder blades for a few seconds, quivering just enough for the tremors to be felt through the fabric pressing into his skin.
Jiang Cheng’s breath hitches when Wen Ning begins gently rubbing his fingertips up and down his spine. Somehow, despite the silent screams of panic in his mind, he instantly relaxes under the touch. Feels his muscles melt as long-buried tension leaves his shoulders and lower back. Perhaps even in death Wen Ning has some skill of a doctor’s touch.
This is what Wen Ning likes to feel?
He can’t blame him. It’s nice. Comforting.
Now that he thinks about it, it’s obvious that Wen Ning would miss something simple like this. Something that might be shared between family, or friends. Because whom does he have now, with both his clan and his body dead?
What is it like for Wen Ning in the Cloud Recesses, to be so close to people he cares about but still be alienated from them?
Jiang Cheng has not had to watch as his loved ones found comfort around him rather than with him.
He has not been surrounded by people who could have consoled him, but didn’t know he was in pain. He has just been alone. He has been alone for so long he has grown used to it, and although the pain has never subsided, it became easier to accept once he understood that there would be no one to comfort him when he needed it.
When was the last time he felt simple comfort like this?
A-Jie used to tuck his hair behind his ear and rub his shoulder…
A-Cheng, Lotus Pier has come back to life, you’ve worked so hard. A-Cheng, you should go talk to A-Xian. A-Cheng, don’t be sad, we’ll still see each after my wedding.
A-Cheng, don’t worry, A-Xian will be alright.
Yes, that might have been the last time.
Suddenly the touch disappears, and it takes him a few moments to register that it means Wen Ning has stopped and is now looking at him expectantly. Jiang Cheng swallows, although nothing really goes down.
“I once calmed Jin Ling down like that when he was little,” he says without knowing why. At least it’s better than memories of A-Jie.
He doesn’t know what Wen Ning is thinking, but he senses the shift in his face, notices him tense. “Jin-zongzhu has grown up into an honorable young man,” Wen Ning says as though choosing each word carefully. “You raised him well.”
Jiang Cheng scoffs. “I’m not sure I did much raising at all. The Jin did…a lot. Jin Ling belongs there, after all.” He leans forward and places his elbows on his knees, resting his chin in his hands. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking I’ve been like Lan Wangji, keeping Lan Sizhui for himself.” He means for it to come out sounding resentful. Instead it comes out sad.
“I don’t take back my words,” Wen Ning says. “You raised Jin Ling well. It’s obvious he admires you.”
That does…something to Jiang Cheng’s throat.
“I’m grateful to Hanguang-Jun for taking in A-Yuan. I always will be.” Wen Ning digs his fingers into his knees. His words are slow and rushed at the same time, tinted with shame. “I know why it had to be this way, but sometimes…sometimes, I wish that A-Yuan still had my surname. That he was still a Wen. Not a Lan.”
Jiang Cheng would wonder why Wen Ning is telling him this, but who else would he tell it to? He sounds guilty enough saying it to Jiang Cheng. How would he confide in Wei Wuxian or Lan Sizhui about this?
Wen Ning looks over as if waiting for something, the same way he did in the Cloud Recesses after talking about Mo Xuanyu. Then he turns away. “Forgive me. I—I’m just being s-selfish.”
Jiang Cheng folds his hands in front of his face. Frowns. “Maybe you are. But I can understand it.”
Wen Ning relaxes as soon as Jiang Cheng finishes speaking, as though a burden has just been lifted from him.
“You should be selfish for once. Lan Sizhui is your family,” Jiang Cheng says. “Of course you’d want him to stay that way.”
Wen Ning nods, plays with a piece of his robes.
“Sometimes…sometimes your family doesn’t seem like yours anymore. Or like they’re with you at all,” Jiang Cheng says into his hands. “They still are, though.”
He means for only his hands to hear that last sentence, but the little movement Wen Ning makes tells him that he heard, too.
“Thank you.”
Jiang Cheng freezes. Then he sighs. “You don’t need to thank me.”
“If you say so.” Wen Ning moves to stand.
“Where are you going?”
“I—I’ve already intruded for so long—”
“Come back.”
Wen Ning perches himself on the edge of the bed, farther from Jiang Cheng than before. “Why?”
Heat spreads across Jiang Cheng’s cheeks as he looks away. “Sit closer.”
Wen Ning inches over a distance that is comically short, and it’s only after Jiang Cheng glares at him that he moves close enough.
Holding his breath, Jiang Cheng lifts his hand and presses it into Wen Ning’s back.
“J-Jiang Wanyin, I—”
“Don’t talk.”
“Just relax, Wen Ning.”
Wen Ning gives him a look that might very well be terror, then slowly turns his face away and shuts his eyes tight, clutching a bundle of his robes.
Hoping that Wen Ning won’t be able to sense his nervousness through his fingertips. Jiang Cheng rubs along Wen Ning’s spine, feels the bumps of his vertebrae and realizes with a jolt of hot embarrassment that it takes effort to stop himself from letting his hand stray to measure the breadth of Wen Ning’s shoulders…
“Feel this?” His voice sounds strange.
“Y-Yes,” Wen Ning answers, his eyes still closed. Somehow it isn’t convincing.
Jiang Cheng presses harder than he thinks he needs to. “Now?”
Wen Ning does not answer, and that is much more convincing. A wave of gratification spreads through Jiang Cheng.
I make him feel things.
After a minute, Wen Ning’s expression becomes peaceful. Jiang Cheng thought he had lost the ability to soothe someone long ago. Probably never truly had it, with his barbed words and calloused hands, with a father who spent little time showing him how to give comfort. But Wen Ning needs a rougher touch as a baseline. It’s almost...almost as if…
His thoughts break when Wen Ning reaches back to grab his wrist. But once he’s pulled Jiang Cheng’s hand away, he doesn’t let go. They stare at each other, hands interlocked in the space between them.
Wen Ning is leaning toward him.
He feels a rush of adrenaline as Wen Ning curls his fingers around his thigh. Feels his heart climb up his chest when they kiss. Feels something else entirely when he is lying on his back and Wen Ning is on top of him.
Soon Jiang Cheng’s robes loosen, exposing his collarbone and upper chest. Wen Ning must notice, because he draws away and looks down. He hovers a hand over one of Jiang Cheng’s many whip scars. Jiang Cheng brims with anticipation, waiting to feel the chill.
“I remember these,” Wen Ning says with a hint of fascination.
“Well, obviously.” Jiang Cheng’s voice comes out as a whisper. “You just saw them not that long ago.”
Wen Ning shakes his head. “From Yiling.”
That gets him to close his mouth.
“You were so badly injured…even A-Jie couldn’t do everything herself.” Wen Ning’s fingers are still poised above the pinkish-red skin. “She had me clean and treat these.”
Jiang Cheng looks back and forth between Wen Ning’s hand and his scars, unable to speak.
Wen Ning closes the gap with his fingertips. Jiang Cheng inhales sharply at the chill, but soon the shock dissolves into comforting coolness. Wen Ning traces the scars hesitantly, as if the wounds might reopen if he presses too hard. “These could have healed better if you’d have let us take care of you.”
“…What do you mean?”
“Once you woke up, you wouldn’t let us near you.” Now his movements have slowed, and he barely brushes his thumb over the edge of a scar. “Because we were Wens.”
“I…my clan had just been—”
“I know why.” He begins tracing the scars again, and Jiang Cheng hopes that letting him stroke the wounds says enough. That he will not object to Wen Ning touching him now.
“I don’t mind having them,” Jiang Cheng says. “They’re proof that…” He trails off.
“That you fought for your clan,” Wen Ning finishes for him, with something almost like jealousy.
Jiang Cheng can still remember the strike of terror when soldiers grabbed him and dragged him down a dark alleyway as he watched Wei Wuxian slink away from the merchant’s cart. The lashes of the whip, the freezing cold, the rip at his core, all worth it for Wei Wuxian...
“Something like that,” he mutters.
He focuses on the sensations of the current moment to drive away the memory. Wen Ning’s entire lower body is covering his, and his fingers are still working at the whip scars. It’s all he can manage not to writhe under the touch.
Wen Ning starts using both hands, each stroking a different scar, like washing a stain out of delicate fabric. “I was never able to fight for my clan. Not until I was dead.” He mumbles his next words. “I was always just a burden.”
Memories of the Cloud Recesses return. Wen Ning—a living Wen Ning—with his clumsy swordsmanship but brilliant archery, his precarious health and apparent dependence on his sister. Jiang Cheng had almost forgotten that at one time, he was nothing but the Wen boy with low cultivation due to missing part of his soul, too young for Lan Qiren’s lectures and too timid to practice archery around anyone except Wei Wuxian.
It seems wrong that while Wen Ning was still alive, he had taken greater risks to save the Jiang than his own clan. Even once he was dead, he sacrificed himself to protect Wei Wuxian, who…who should have still been a Jiang. Is still a Jiang.
“You were…” He forces the words out. “You were brave.”
Wen Ning freezes.
“Brave. Clever.” He turns his face away. “The Wen were lucky to have you.”
Wen Ning’s fingers curl, pressing into Jiang Cheng’s ribs.
“And the Jiang sure needed you.” He looks up at Wen Ning. Has to look Wen Ning in the eyes as he says what he should’ve said years ago. Wen Ning deserves it. “Thank you for saving my family.”
It feels...cathartic, somehow, to finally say it.
Wen Ning gives a slow nod, as if allowing a moment for the words to enter him. Then he stares at Jiang Cheng with some strange need, some urgency that Jiang Cheng can’t interpret. He presses his palm flat onto one of the scars. “How…how cold is this?”
It is a bit cool, but it’s almost soothing. He shrugs. “It’s not like it bothers me.”
A battle happens behind Wen Ning’s eyes.
He leans down and kisses the scar.
A rush of icy pleasure courses through Jiang Cheng’s body. Wen Ning opens his robes more and kisses along the sensitive skin of each scar, slowly, methodically. His ponytail falls over his shoulder, and his hair brushes Jiang Cheng’s chest, tickling his nipple. Jiang Cheng can’t stop himself from bringing his fist to his mouth and biting down on a knuckle.
Wen Ning pauses and looks up.
“D-Don’t thop—” Only after he says it does he realize his hand is still in his mouth. He jerks it away as his face burns.
After staring at him for a moment, Wen Ning has the nerve to giggle. His laugh is adorable, Jiang Cheng wants to hear that all the time—
“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng hisses.
Wen Ning sucks in his lower lip in a failed attempt to curb his now silent laughter. The corners of his mouth curl up.
“Shut up!” Jiang Cheng says again, even though Wen Ning isn’t talking.
Wen Ning blinks a few times, seeming to ponder this.
“You shut up.” He goes back to kissing the scars, and Jiang Cheng smiles to himself.
By this point, the robes are loose and slumped around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders. Wen Ning pushes them back farther, and Jiang Cheng lets him pause to fully remove them before his lips meet Jiang Cheng’s skin again, straying from the scars and inching lower toward his navel. The sensation is bizarre and tantalizing, tenderness with a slight chill, and it doesn’t help that Jiang Cheng’s mind buzzes with the fear that any moment, Wen Ning might bite him. It’s even worse that just imagining that makes his cock throb.
“Wen Ning—”
Wen Ning pulls away immediately.
Once again, Jiang Cheng is naked, and Wen Ning is fully clothed. This is becoming irritating.
He reaches up to undo the ties of Wen Ning’s robe.
As soon as his hands touch the ties, Wen Ning jerks away. He stares at Jiang Cheng for a few seconds, panicked, then lifts himself from Jiang Cheng and sits on the bed next to him.
Surprised by how much he misses the pressure on his body, Jiang Cheng sits up too. “What’s wrong?”
“I—it’s okay.” He clutches the collar of his robes. “I can keep these on.”
“I’d like to not be the only one without clothes this time.”
The words this time hang in the air, at the acknowledgement that whatever this is happened once and is about to happen again. Jiang Cheng suddenly wants to cover himself with his robes, or the blanket, but he and Wen Ning are sitting on both of them.
Wen Ning shakes his head. “I’ll keep them on.”
Wen Ning stares blankly across the room. “It’s too horrible.”
“I can take it.”
He shakes his head again. “I’m cold.” He points to the black veins creeping up his neck. “And I have…these. All over me.”
Jiang Cheng remembers putting the heating talismans on Wen Ning’s chest. He had barely seen below Wen Ning’s collarbone, but he had noticed the black veins snaking down, thickening. “What are they?”
“Resentful energy.” Wen Ning looks down at the bed with shame, his shoulders slumped. “It holds my entire body together.”
“I honestly don’t give a fuck about that.”
Wen Ning’s eyes widen. He looks up.
Jiang Cheng never thought he would say something like this, when he had spent years chasing down demonic cultivators. But resentful energy enabled Wei Wuxian to survive coreless in the Burial Mounds. A demonic ritual brought Wei Wuxian back again years later. A fierce corpse saved A-Ling’s life.
Now that fierce corpse is sitting on his bed.
Jiang Cheng would be a fool to still believe that the world is black and white.
Wen Ning tugs his collar back and forth, lost in thought.
Jiang Cheng begins to regret saying anything. “You don’t have to take them off if you don’t want to.”
Something shifts in Wen Ning’s expression. He lowers his hand, trembling slightly. “You…you do it.” He says it like a test, a challenge for Jiang Cheng to not be revolted by what he finds.
Jiang Cheng swallows. “Fine.” He doesn’t move.
Wen Ning watches him. Studies him.
He forces his hands to steady as he positions himself in front of Wen Ning and begins undoing the thick ties of the robes. Wen Ning closes his eyes tight, his lip quivering.
The robes open loosely, hanging off Wen Ning’s shoulders and exposing his chest.
Inky veins crawl across his pale body, jagged like cracks in a rock, knotted like branches in a dense forest.
Beautiful like brush strokes in a painting.
Each cursed filament stems from a black tangle over his heart.
* * *
Wen Ning has never felt the absence of his robes like this.
The sensation of fabric upon his skin has always been more emotional than physical, hiding his ugliness. But now Wen Ning can feel the empty space where his robes have been untied.
No one has seen the bare skin of his dead body except Wei Wuxian.
His ears are ringing. He can’t open his eyes. He can’t bear to see the look on Jiang Wanyin’s face—
But why isn’t Jiang Wanyin saying anything?
Wen Ning has to stop himself from blindly reaching forward and feeling around for a body, desperate for any kind of reaction, to know and get it over with quick—
He raises a hand. Trembles. Closes on nothing.
Where is Jiang Wanyin?
He…he left me?
He can’t do it. He can’t open his eyes.
He opens them—
If Wen Ning had a heartbeat, it would stop.
Jiang Wanyin is standing beside the table, fully naked, muscles defined, every dip and bulge accentuated by the moonlight streaming through the window.
He downs a cup of tea like it’s a shot of baijiu. Wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Puts the cup on the table with a thud.
“Did you think I wouldn’t get back at you?” he says as he closes in on the bed.
Wen Ning is too startled to speak properly. “Wh-Wh—you—"
As his shadow covers Wen Ning, Jiang Cheng wavers slightly but squares his shoulders. “For what you did with the heating remedy I gave you.”
Understanding rushes Wen Ning at the memory of just what he did with that tea. Anticipation and disbelief wrack his body, making him so restless it’s like he’s vibrating. He crawls backward. “J-J-Jiang—"
Jiang Cheng climbs on top of him. Buries his lips into his chest and sucks along every black mark of resentful energy, up his arms and across his stomach and always returning to the tangle of black at his heart.
His mouth is hotter than anything Wen Ning has felt since he died.
* * *
Jiang Cheng might die.
He actually might die.
His face is burning as much as his mouth is.
He has no idea where he got the courage to start doing this, but he can’t stop. It only takes one kiss to learn that not only are Wen Ning’s black veins of resentful energy beautiful, they’re fucking sexy. They guide him to new parts of Wen Ning’s body, help him find spots on Wen Ning’s neck and stomach and sides that are made sensitive by his heightened emotions. Each moan, each shudder Jiang Cheng elicits only makes him want to kiss the marks more, to breathe in more of Wen Ning’s clean, woodsy scent.
As he follows the path of the veins, he realizes how endless they are. When he reaches the tip of one mark, another snakes right beside it for Jiang Cheng to follow back into the tangle. He could trace the veins with his lips for hours and never find a true beginning or end.
Jiang Cheng’s own scars have a clear start. A clear finish. The pain of the past will always be etched into him, but it dulls with time. The Jiang Clan has returned, Wei Wuxian is back, A-Ling is safe, and the future looks…promising, if not inviting.
Where does Wen Ning’s suffering end?
He will always be dead. His clan will always be gone. He will always be faced with those who see him as less than human.
There is no finding a beginning or an end to the resentful energy, so Jiang Cheng lets the marks lead him to the dark snarl over Wen Ning’s heart to kiss its center. Grips Wen Ning’s sides with his hands, caresses Wen Ning’s chest with his lips, sucks at the blackness. Not to take it away. Unlike the lotus pattern that had been burned into Wen Ning’s palm, he can’t take this away. But he can give part of himself to it.
After several long kisses at his heart, Wen Ning begins to squirm.
“Hold still,” Jiang Cheng breathes.
“No.” Wen Ning grabs Jiang Cheng’s shoulders.
The grip sends a shock through him. He shoots a glare at Wen Ning. “Hold still.”
Wen Ning begins to sit up. Jiang Cheng presses down on his biceps as if to hold him back, but he lets Wen Ning push him upright.
“K-Kiss…” Wen Ning seems to struggle to speak, but then he narrows his eyes and suddenly his voice sharpens. “Kiss me on the mouth.”
Jiang Cheng’s stomach flips, startled by the command. By that tone in Wen Ning’s voice made husky by death. He’s not sure what expression he makes, but Wen Ning seems to notice something in it. Jiang Cheng leans forward and kisses him.
“Lie back down,” he says into Wen Ning’s mouth.
Wen Ning holds him in place by the shoulders and kisses behind his ear, sending a shiver through him. He nips at Jiang Cheng’s earlobe. “No.”
“Just—stop moving,” Jiang Cheng says, his voice beginning to falter. Wen Ning pulls away, then slides a hand across Jiang Cheng’s shoulder to his neck and finally closes around his chin, tilting his head up. “And let go of—"
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
Jiang Cheng’s breath gets heavier. His cock throbs.
The corners of Wen Ning’s mouth twitch into the faintest smirk. “Stand up.”
“Stand up."
Jiang Cheng does not want to stand up. His nerves spike with a fear that the tables are turning on him, a fear that sends embarrassed heat coursing through his body and hums inside him with anxious pleasure.
“Stand up, Wanyin.”
He obeys.
* * *
As Wen Ning sits on the bed and studies Jiang Wanyin’s moon-drenched body, he can barely believe any of this is happening.
He follows the lines of Jiang Wanyin’s chiseled muscles, the subtle rise and fall of his bare chest. Stares especially long at the sharp dip of his hip bones, then continues wandering, drinking him in with his eyes.
Jiang Wanyin’s abdominal muscles tighten, and his shoulders tense. He clenches and unclenches his fists. “Such boring company you are. Are you going to actually do—”
“Stop talking.”
Jiang Wanyin’s cheeks flush as he clamps his mouth shut.
“That was rude,” Wen Ning says.
“...Sorry,” Jiang Wanyin says through clenched teeth. “If you’re—”
“No interruptions.” Wen Ning watches the frustrated heat in Jiang Wanyin’s expression, the way he works his lips to fight back his words. “I want to look at how pretty you are.”
Jiang Wanyin is now very hard. Wen Ning rests his chin in his palm and admires his work.
He never thought he’d enjoy ordering someone around this much. But then again, he never had a chance before.
During his life, his high position in the Wen Clan had been only nominal, earned by association with his sister. He had been too timid to give commands, had no desire to anyway, and the few times he had tried on behalf of Wen Ruohan, the officers only insulted him for his low cultivation as they begrudgingly followed orders.
Death gave him all the strength he needed to command others, if he had wanted to, but it had also stolen his autonomy. He would have done anything for Wei Wuxian—still would. But while Wei Wuxian could control him with a single whistle, the most authority he had over Wei Wuxian was to occasionally convince him to go to sleep.
Wen Ning had always taken orders. Orders from the Wen, from the Jin, from Wei Wuxian.
From Yin Iron in the dungeons of Jinlintai. From Baxia in Guanyin Temple.
But now, with his body still able to feel the warmth from lips tracing and accepting his lines of resentful energy, with greater arousal burgeoning in him than he’s felt in years, with Sect Leader Jiang looking like the embodiment of lust in front of him—how can he resist the chance to give orders?
He rises to his feet. Jiang Wanyin stands a bit taller, trying to close the few inches between them.
Wen Ning should be careful not to ask for too much. But he has been fantasizing about something like this since that night in the Cloud Recesses, and each time wallowing in guilt for it. Guilt for believing that anyone could bear to touch his body. For betraying his clan by daydreaming about a man who let them die.
But now things are changing so fast Wen Ning can barely keep up.
And it seems like Jiang Wanyin might actually be willing to share that fantasy.
Wen Ning wants this so badly it aches.
“What did you make that tea for?” He nods toward the table where the teapot sits.
“You clearly know. I did it already.”
Wen Ning’s voice becomes quiet. “That’s all?”
“It was to get back at you.”
“Are you done getting back at me?”
Jiang Wanyin chews his lip. A few moments pass, and Wen Ning’s heart sinks as he wonders if he really is pushing too much. How could he expect more than what Jiang Wanyin has already given?
Then Jiang Wanyin slowly begins to speak. “…No.”
Anticipation jolts through Wen Ning’s body. “Then finish.”
Jiang Wanyin drops to his knees and begins opening the rest of Wen Ning’s robes.
Wen Ning grabs his hands. “W-Wait!”
He looks up.
This is what Wen Ning wants, but suddenly it is too terrifying to receive. If Jiang Wanyin hadn’t noticed before, surely he has noticed by now, with his face in front of Wen Ning’s cock, that Wen Ning is stiff but has never gotten…completely erect.
Somehow, Jiang Wanyin had seemed to like his black veins, but would he…could anyone…
“Will you feel it?” Jiang Wanyin asks.
Wen Ning’s eyes widen in disbelief. He can’t get himself to answer.
After waiting a few seconds, Jiang Wanyin strokes his cock with his thumb. “Do you feel it enough?”
Wen Ning’s throat begins to close up. “You want me to feel it,” he whispers. He doesn’t know if it’s a question or a statement. Maybe he’s just mumbling to himself. “Stand—stand up.”
Jiang Wanyin blinks at him, then rises to his feet.
Wen Ning looks down at the table. “Drink another cup of tea.”
“My mouth is already hot.”
“Drink another.” He stares at Jiang Wanyin until he shrinks away and pours a cup of the remedy. Wen Ning watches his Adam’s apple bob as he downs it.
When Jiang Wanyin faces him again, he licks his lips, and that does it. Wen Ning can’t wait anymore.
“Kneel,” he orders, and Jiang Wanyin kneels naked at Wen Ning’s feet, slowly unfastens the last ties of Wen Ning’s robes and traces his tongue along the dark lines on his cock.
He moans as Jiang Wanyin fully takes his cock in his mouth.
Wen Ning squeezes Jiang Wanyin’s shoulders, causing him to make some gleefully pained noise around his cock, and a surge of both pleasure and worry courses through him at the result of his unintentional strength. He should try not to hurt Jiang Wanyin too much, no matter how much he seems to like it…
He digs his fingers in Jiang Wanyin’s hair, half to angle his head in a way that sends stronger pulses through his body, half to just have something to hold onto as his knees wobble and his thoughts fall apart.
He reaches climax, feels it much more strongly than he expects, as warmth spreads through him in shuddering waves.
If Wen Ning still had tears, he might cry with pleasure. He hasn’t felt something like this in so long, never believed someone would care to let him—
Then calmness washes over him, like the waters gently lapping at the shore of Lotus Pier outside. He rests on the floor in front of Jiang Wanyin, both of them kneeling.
“I…I guess you felt it?” Jiang Wanyin asks. His chest rises up and down with heavy breaths.
Wen Ning reaches forward and pulls him into a hug. Runs his hands over Jiang Cheng’s back, squeezes his side, buries his face in his hair. “I didn’t know I—d-didn’t know I could feel like that anymore.”
Jiang Wanyin does not reply, but he wraps his arms around Wen Ning and begins kissing his neck.
* * *
After Jiang Cheng’s own rush of pleasure and peacefulness—and pain, because apparently Wen Ning gets grabby when he’s excited—they lie beside each other in bed, not quite touching, but close enough to brush if one of them were to move.
Jiang Cheng drifts off to sleep to the soft sound of humming.
* * *
He wakes with a jolt as Wen Ning shoots upright, wrapping his arms around himself and breathing heavily as he rocks back and forth, shaking.
Jiang Cheng sits up and grabs Wen Ning’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?” He strokes Wen Ning’s arm, trying to soothe him. “Wen Ning? What happened?”
He rubs across Wen Ning’s shoulder up to his neck, and Wen Ning suddenly turns his face into Jiang Cheng’s hand, nuzzling his palm, eyes shut tight. He grips Jiang Cheng’s wrist and stays motionless like that for a full minute.
“What happened?” Jiang Cheng repeats once Wen Ning opens his eyes.
“I fell asleep again.”
Jiang Cheng strokes Wen Ning’s cheek with his thumb. “Maybe you shouldn’t try to sleep if you…you know. Or—” He turns toward the room. “I have leftover sleeping draught—”
“I lied before.”
“…About what?”
“That I only remember a few things from Jinlintai. I remember a lot.” His eyes glisten with pain. “I was unconscious then, so it comes back when I’m unconscious now.”
Jiang Cheng’s heart sinks. “Why sleep, then? You don’t need to.”
“I haven’t been able to sleep in so long.” Wen Ning looks down at the mattress. “I’m sorry, I—I should’ve expected this. I could’ve put you in danger if my resentful energy got out of control again.”
“Don’t apologize."
“I thought…I thought that if I was next to someone…”
Jiang Cheng’s throat constricts. “If it’s me, I doubt that’ll do much for you.”
“Why not?”
Jiang Cheng looks away, suddenly nervous.
“Jiang Wanyin?”
His breath catches.
Wen Ning is still shaking slightly, as if from lingering fear. “Can I…can we…”
Jiang Cheng lies down on his side and glances up at Wen Ning.
An almost tearful smile spreads across Wen Ning’s face, and he lies down too, facing Jiang Cheng, about to slip an arm under him when he pauses. “Are you sure?”
Wen Ning hesitates, then wraps his arms around Jiang Cheng and pulls him in tight. “But I don’t have any warmth,” he murmurs.
“Just give it a while.” Jiang Cheng runs his fingers along Wen Ning’s spine. “Soon you’ll have mine.”
Wen Ning melts into Jiang Cheng’s embrace as he rubs his back, with enough pressure that he's sure Wen Ning can feel it, because Wen Ning does not ask enough of him, has never asked enough of him.
And that’s fine.
Jiang Cheng will just have to give him more.
For the first time in years, Jiang Cheng hums one of A-Jie’s songs.
════ 第二天 ════
Wen Ning counts the passage of time by days, not nights, so for the next few days, Jiang Cheng does too.
It’s the first full day Wen Ning is spending at Lotus Pier. It will be two more days until Jiang Cheng visits Qinghe to discuss the trade deal.
It will be three more days until Wen Ning leaves for Tanzhou to meet Song Lan.
As for the nights…
Counting this week by days has little to do with how Jiang Cheng does not want to number the nights he spends with Wen Ning, because then he would have to admit that soon they will end.
════ 第五天 ════
The winter sun shines on the gate of Lotus Pier. Wen Ning stands underneath, his hands folded, his hair neatly braided.
In the distance, Jiang Cheng can hear the calls and sword strikes from the training grounds, the laughter from the youngest disciples, the windchimes in the breeze, and it sounds more like home than it ever has.
Wen Ning smiles softly. “Thank you for letting me stay these few days.”
“...You’re welcome.”
Wen Ning steps forward and begins to bow. Jiang Cheng catches his arms before he can.
They stare at each other for a few moments, steady arms in steady hands.
Jiang Cheng releases him and bows.
“Safe travels.”
Wen Ning smiles. “Th—”
Jiang Cheng interrupts him before he can finish speaking. “Thank you.”
Wen Ning nods.
Pressure builds inside Jiang Cheng. He has to get the words out before Wen Ning leaves, has to gather the courage to say something. He looks away. Rubs his thumb over Zidian and swallows hard.
“You aren’t just welcome here.” He meets Wen Ning’s eyes. “I want you to come back.”
Wen Ning stares at him, lips parted. “I…” He smiles again, this time the kind of smile that pushes at his cheeks and rounds his face despite its stiffness. “As long as you have tea.”
“...I’ll buy some more,” is all Jiang Cheng can manage to say, the corners of his lips creeping up.
Then Wen Ning turns, the sun on his back as he starts his journey.
Jiang Cheng paces back to the main pavilion, already making a mental list of the things he needs to prepare.
The next time Wen Ning visits Lotus Pier, Jiang Cheng will be ready to make sure he stays.
* * *
Thank you for reading! If you liked this story, you can be a supportive sibling like Jiang Yanli by visiting me on AO3! Link in my bio.
author's meta on symbolism & parallels >
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Survey #363
(one more that’s a late upload from way earlier in the day, and i yet again don’t feel like updating the answers)
What brings out the worst in you? When I'm very anxious or having a PTSD episode, I can become very snappy and just not a joy to be around. What all did you eat today? This morning I had oatmeal, I had a rice cake as a snack, and lunch was ham and cheese on a tortilla. Some people were really destructive as a child, were you? No, I was a good kid. Who was the last person you were in a car with? My mom. Who was the last person you cried in front of? It was probably Mom. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them? I usually talk about them somewhere, like in surveys if I feel I can't with anyone else. Please be vocal with your feelings. It is so destructive to let them build up. Who was the last person you were with that smelled REALLY good? I'm unsure. Do you know anyone that is gothic? A good number of people, myself included at least in spirit. ;~; I can't really afford good attire, nor do I have the patience for so much makeup maintenance. Have you seen UP? I actually haven't seen the full movie, but I'd like to. How is your mom? Stressed as fuck and tired of everything. What color hair does your mom have? She recently dyed it black. Her hair is growing back totally gray now and she hated it. She's gotten so self-conscious as she's aged. When was the last time you were told you were cute? Idk. Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches? FUCK NO. Have you ever dipped french fries in a frosty? I tried it once and did not get the appeal. Did you have school/class today? No. My school endeavors are done. Do you have any paintings in your room? If so, of what? Yeah, I have my big painting of meerkats grooming above all my 'kat plushies. Have you ever had your photo professionally taken? As a child and by school photographers, anyway. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Last time you ate a salad? Like a week ago when we went to Ichiban for my sister's bday. Do you know how old your house is? No, I don't. Have you ever been described as ”adorable”? Yeah. Have you ever given a lap dance? No. They seem incredibly awkward to me?? Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make mega bucks? No. I can't do a job I hate for anything. I would be so depressed. Are you a moody person? Yes. What are you listening to? I'm watching Gab Smolders' new episode of Resident Evil 8: Village. I'm deadass watching four different LPers play it, I'm only moderately obsessed lmao. What video game could you waste the most time on? WoW, given it has like a zillion different things to do. Yet I still get bored lmao. What is your favorite condiment? Maybe Ketchup? I think I use that for the most things. What is the worst thing that you have ever done? I don't feel like getting into this. How old were you when your parents gave you the "birds and the bees" talk? They didn't; I learned in my school's sex ed in the 5th grade. Have you ever questioned whether or not you'd benefit from therapy? I have benefited from it. What would you like it to say on your gravestone? Hypothetically, idk. But I'd rather be cremated. Would you ever wear real leather or animal fur? NO. Have you ever completely failed a year of school and had to repeat a grade? No. Have you ever been bitten by an animal that wasn't a cat or a dog? Which? I think my old baby iguana bit me once or twice, not that it was very painful at her young age. I can't recall another animal. What type of literature are you most likely to read? (book, magazine, etc) Books. Do you prefer using candles, wax melts, or incense? Incense. Are you someone who actually doesn't have a Facebook? No, I have one. What kind(s) of Facebook groups are you active in, if any? I'm not really *active* in any; I just observe them and interact via "like"s. I'm actually in a whole lot of groups, though. Do you enjoy any herbal or fruit teas? What kinds? Neither. Do you hear any animals right now? No. What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? I know and like a few songs, especially "Dear God." Do you like Batman? Yeah, I like his "refuse to murder" ideology. The only thing is I kinda have a bad connection attached to him, because Batman was Jason's thing. Have you ever played fetch with a dog? Yes. Does your house have a fireplace? Yeah actually, but it might be fake? I don't even know lol. Have you ever pet a stingray? No. Have you ever dissected a baby pig in a class at school? Oh my god, no. I literally could never. I did dissect a frog in the 7th grade that wound up to be pregnant, though... I wasn't happy about it, but at the same time it was very interesting. Who is the last baby you held? My niece. Do you like Sunkist? The orange kind is fine, but the STRAWBERRY flavor? Jfc I love that shit. Would you ever consider being a cannibal? UM NO Do you have any scars from an animal? I have a lot of scars on my hands from playing with Roman. I scar extremely easily, so just his little scrapes leave marks. Have you ever seen an Igloo? No. Do you like Korn? Love 'em. How many animals do you have? Really two, but we have three in the house right now. Idk when this dog is going away. Are you more afraid of tornadoes or hurricanes? Tornados. Ever rode in a helicopter? No. Do you like rabbits? Yes, they're adorable. Do you like mushrooms? NO. What was the last movie you cried at? I want to say Logan, but I'm not sure. I watch movies so rarely that I really don't know. Would you rather work for a small or large company? Small. I'd feel more useful. What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? I don't know. Have you ever read the book 13 Reasons Why? Yeah. I thought it was good, but now I don't remember like... anything about it. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had apple and cinnamon oatmeal. How many times have you read your favorite book? Just once. I don't re-read books. Have you ever been on Omegle? No. Are you still in love with one of your exes? "In love," no. Do you think being born was a mistake? Yeesh, no. Has a relative ever been arrested? My psychotic uncle (by marriage) has been. Was it a serious crime? Quite honestly, I don't remember. I just know he's an angry and dangerous motherfucker. Do you think the Fountain of Youth exists? No. How about in a parallel dimension? Doubtful. Do you believe humans are part of a giant alien experiment? I ponder over the possibility of being a research simulation, kind of like a much advanced version of The Sims, but I honestly doubt it. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Was it a passing phase or is it something controlled by medication? Therapy and medication saved me. Is there a holiday you wish no one celebrated? Which is it? Why do you feel that way? Fight me about Christopher Columbus Day. He didn't discover shit. Have you taken any writing classes? How about art? I've taken a writing course in college, and I've taken loads of art classes. What’s your all-time favourite band? How about all-time fave singer? Ozzy Osbourne; Freddie Mercury. What three songs do you want played at your funeral? Why those particular songs? "Like A Woman" by Alice Cooper, "Life Is Beautiful" by Sixx A.M., and "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory. I just like them and find them suiting. Do you think most mythological creatures exist? No. Have you ever had lice? No. What is one superstition that freaks you out? Why is that? I’m not superstitious. Are either of your parents retired yet and if not, what do they do? No. Dad is a mailman, and while Mom doesn't ~officially~ work yet because she's recovering from intense cancer treatment, she very recently resumed lightly cleaning a church for a small payment. Kinda like a warmup. When did you or do you want to move out of your parents’ house? I wanna move out once I'm in a long-term, stable relationship with someone so we can live together. Me living alone is NOT a good idea. How do you like your current job, or if you’re unemployed, have you been looking for employment? I don't have a job, but when I go to my tattoo appointment, I'm going to ask them if they'd be interested in hiring someone for the front desk. I think it's def something I could do because I love the environment, there's really not that much I need to know (like where the Doritos are, dealing with exact change, answering a dozen unique questions), it's not insanely busy, and the occasional phone call would challenge my anxiety and just be a minor inconvenience to me until I got used to it. My partial hospitalization program really got me wanting to fight back against what gives me anxiety, to truly expose myself to what scares me, while not going totally overboard with it. It was encouraging to hear my therapist there thought it was a magnificent idea for me. I decided I wanted to ask while at the parlor getting work done to show serious interest (like I'm not just some random chick walking in and asking for a job), as well as let the people warm up to me. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but damn am I wishing. I want it so badly. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? I've never taken shots.
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oliver-perks · a month ago
Karate Kid/Cobra Kai survey
Thank you @alienfuckeronmain for tag the me
It's the year 2021 and you're obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?:  Babes I’m fantastic. This is my dumb fun comfort fandom when everyone else has gone insane. I come here like “heehoo hotboi get pegged” and y’all are just like ‘so true, king <3′ 
Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?: I’m new here! I saw TKK maybe once when I was a kid, but like it was probably on VHS that’s how long ago. I remember bits and pieces, and I’ve watched the entire rehearsal shoot at least twice now, but Cobra Kai was kind of my starting point this year.
We gotta do the basics. Favorite character: I love every singe adult on that show, and especially the ladies. For pure feels though I’m gonna go with Hawk. I adore his story and his low points and his comeback. I want to hold his dumb little face between two slices of bread and tell him hes an angst sandwich.
Favorite ship: Lawrusso. Binary bfs is cute but you can’t beat Lawrusso for decades of tension and repression and pure dumbassery
Underrated character: Aisha! I get what they’re going for narratively with Tori’s arc and Aisha was so not the right character for that blah blah blah but I still cannot shake my disgruntlement that they wrote her out in favor of this whitegirl boifeud, ugh.
Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol): Carmen/Amanda. They were definitely making out in the bathroom of that mexican restaurant after frightening their boytoys into civility and you cannot tell me otherwise.
Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?:  Sweep the Leg! Sweep the Leg!
Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?: Ok, so I don’t remember anything Daniel wore in TKK (and I never saw the sequels) But I did watch the low budget gay porn rehearsal version and the tiny baby short shorts over the grey sweatpants is iconique
Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver: So the lbgp version has this guy stand in for Kreese in the dojo scenes but also act as the referee for the tournament and somehow the giant 80s glasses and moustache really do it for me? I love him. Where is he? Gimme!
Scene that lives in your head rent-free: That bit from the tournament where Johnny gets popped in the nose and its bleeding and he scurries back to Kreese with like, this fear and disbelief in his eyes like hes seeking out Kreese’s comfort and reassurance and then Kreese holds Johnny’s face in his hands and wipes the blood away with his thumb Oh God Oh God the sirens that go off in my head for that appx. 3 seconds of movie!!! I die.
Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?: I dont think so? He’s too young to feasibly get wrapped up in the other kids’ nonsense and never was all that interested in karate anyways. I think he’s just there to be a walking joke about the state of Daniel’s marriage
You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?: Miyagi-do. I am a soft little beanie baby, for one. But for the other, My dad has been doing Aikido for decades and I did Aikido in college and that culture (at least in the dojos I attended) is much more like Miyagi-do than Cobra Kai.
What’s your training montage song?: A change Would Do You Good by Sheryl Crow. Its gonna be fun and chill and feelgood and also make fun of both Johnny and Daniel
It’s the crossover event of the century!  Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?: Uuuhhh Imma keep it real with you chief I don’t like TV all that much. I don’t know many TV shows? Uh okay how about early supernatural where Sammy and Bean show up because these dudes have started a feud that keeps breaking into massive violent brawls so there probably some witchcraft or possessing going on right??? Turns out everyone is just idiots. Dean nearly shoots Johnny but gets kicked in the face. Sam goes to investigate Daniel but gets caught/distracted by milf supreme Amanda who browbeats him into confessing what he thinks is going on and then she has to explain no they’re seriously just freaks try living with one sorry to have wasted your time but there’s no help for these dumbasses.
I dont know anyone else in the fandom, but if youre flying under my radar and see this, consider yourself tagged
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trashcatsnark · a month ago
Ooooh, gimmie those juicy, juicy Johnny backstory headcanons 👀👀👀
Okay, so I always feel kind of bad? I guess, talking about my ideas of his backstory because A) I feel like they’re very cliche, 
B) I know I don’t know every drop of TTRPG Lore, despite that not truly being canon to the game a lot of the time and also the cyberpunk universe timeline is kinda a mess, so i just do whatever i want (like samurai’s starting when he was 15 and also when the war he served in started, like the amount of overlap between the war and samurai’s active years is insane and the game can’t decide when Johnny was a soldier and when he was a grungy rocker)  
C) given CDPR still plans to expand on the game with DLC and stuff, I know it’s fully possible that my ideas will be debunked in the coming months. 
So, take all of these ideas with a grain of salt and as always if your headcanons conflict with mine; that’s cool that’s why they’re headcanons
I feel like Johnny had a rough childhood firstly, cause in the immortal words of Linda Belcher;  “Look at how you stand. People who had good childhoods don't stand like that.” Like everything about him screams shitty childhood. My brain for some reasons specifically imagines, alcoholic abusive father and enabling compliant mother. Which, again, I know is the cliche of shitty childhood backstories, but it is cliche largely because its an unfortunately common reality. I imagine his first guitar is probably one of the only nice gifts he ever got and music was largely an escape. I came up with the idea too of his father having been a blue collar worker who was injured on the job; unable to work afterwards, given barely anything for workers comp and ongoing unemployment. Leaving the family struggling financially. Fucked over by his employers, turning to abusing pills and alcohol to cope with pain and raging at Johnny and Johnny’s mother. Teaching and instilling habits that would follow Johnny too. 
I like the idea of Johnny and Kerry meeting first as kids, junior high to high school. And between the years of at least 13-15, the earliest conception stages of samurai started. And I do mean the earliest, messiest, barebones stages of Samurai; it was basically two teenage boys playing and scream singing their unrefined lyrics in a garage. Cause they were kids and just wanted something to do, something to get their mind off the shitstorm of life. Maybe, i debate internally, they do manage to meet Nancy, Denny, and Henry maybe they all grew up in Texas and with someone more competent even at their young ages, Nancy manages to get them actually going a bit as a young band. A few little underground grungy gigs playing at bars they weren’t old enough to drink in. 
Now again, formation of Samurai and Johnny serving in the war, lead to like the biggest question marks in his backstory because nothing lines up very well. The war he served in started when he was fifteen, albeit that’s not for sure when he enlisted. Given we’ve been told children can in universe be scouted by corps to be their soliders; its not out of the realm of possibility that he served before he was 18 and was drafted as a child. But. Johnny specifically states he enlisted, that he made that choice. I’ve stated before that given how long the war lasted, its fully possible he enlisted at 18, served so much of the last four years of the war then ditched following his friend dying for him. 
However, I have also considered and really do personally like the idea, that Johnny did enlist himself and did so prior to being 18, though not as young as 15. Because, he forged his documents to enlist. There’s incidents and documentation of people as young as 15 faking their birth certificates and high school diplomas in order to enlist. I could absolutely see a 16-17 year old Johnny, frustrated with life and thinking he could have a bigger impact in the world in the military, forging his documents and enlisting. This leads to of course Samurai breaking up for that time. 
He serves around 4-5 years, deserting and leaving around 2009. Spends his month spinning his wheels and staring at the Pistis Sofia. He comes out of his funk and is ready to send his message about the dangers of corps to the world and he knows just how to do it. Fully adopts the name Johnny Silverhand and goes to track down his old friend Kerry. Samurai is freshly reformed. 
Right around that same time, he meets Rogue. (which even this is fucky in canon????? Rogue says lets pretend its 2015 and idk what a bastard you are, Alt died in 2013, he’d already cheated on Rogue by then???? ANYWAY) They meet about the 2009-2010 mark as Samurai is coming back together. Personally, I like to imagine they met while she was on the job. She had to eliminate a target who happened to be at the venue Samurai was doing a gig and Johnny managed to stumble upon her snapping the guy’s neck or something. And she thinks her covers blown, but hahaha Johnny’s into that and is like “hey, you want a drink?” and is then like determined to get with her and they fall into a relationships. Then around 2011-2012 he fucks it all up, cheats, there in my opinion is definite overlap in his relationship with Rogue and his relationship with Alt. 
I also feel like he met Alt at a samurai gig? I can’t remember the TTRPG lore of it, but I feel like in general Johnny met most of the women he had relationships with at Samurai gigs, partially cause he’s a just...a liitle egotistical. Alt however was there as someone who was genuinely into the music, (Rogue at one point in canon condescendingly calls her a groupie and I can’t but feel there’s a bit of truth in thats how it started). But Johnny started to legitimately feel things for her, but being Johnny, he never properly articulated that and always had to keep fucking it up. They fall into a pretty whiplashy toxic relationship over the course of a year or two where they do genuinely feel for each other, but Johnny can’t ever let his walls down enough to tell her that in earnest and is constantly doing things to fuck up the relationship, cause he’s a dick. Until in 2013, well, we know what happens. 
Johnny has to spend some time with nomads, (probably after releasing Never Fade Away, because I do see this man as the kind of guy to postpone going in hiding just to release his song for Alt before doing so) as do Rogue and Santiago after the attack on Arasaka. Because Johnny’s busy trying not to be spotted. They wait for the heat to die down before Johnny comes back to Night City. Him and Rogue rekindle things for a time, but it ultimately is on and on and dies out again, because Johnny is stinky bastard man. Kerry had already been talking about going solo and by the time Johnny’s back in the city he had and Johnny does his solo thing for a while too. But ultimately Samurai reforms for a bit, in 2020, neither Kerry or Johnny quite ready to let it go yet. Somewhere also during this, Spider Murphy helps deliver a message from Alt about her status and asking him to let it go. He does not and joins the Morgan Blackhand mission to attack Arasaka Tower in hopes of saving Alt’s construct in the process. 
Thats the barebones of some of my thoughts and headcanons; Im sure some are not lore compliant, I’m sure my timeline is messy and clashes horrifcally with CDPR’s also messy timeline. But, these are some of my thoughts, headcanons and ideas that will probably be defunct and pointless in a week. 
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enhaflwr · a month ago
nobody had ever really noticed you before. you spent your entire life blending in with the crowd, despite dedicating your entire life to becoming a singer on stage. you’d always felt so unimportant and uninteresting. but to him, you were the bright splash of colour in a grey world.
PAIRING park jongseong x fem! reader
THEMES bassist! jay, vocalist! reader, fluff, highschool au
WARNINGS very light sex references
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the energy of the club whenever a band was performing was your favourite. everybody was dancing and singing along to what they knew, using those few hours to push away all of their responsibilities and just relax. for many years, you had witnessed it from the crowd with a yearning to be up there creating that energy yourself.
having taken up guitar lessons at a young age with an innate desire to perform, you knew that one day you’d get the chance. or, at least you thought you would. auditioning for a highschool band seemed like an ingenious idea at the time, until you got the part as sub vocalist. the girl that had taken your place as lead vocalist happened to be sleeping with the band’s leader... and the rest was history.
but the lost opportunity wasn’t going to get you down. especially not as you were standing in that very same club, sipping on your drink and eyeing the competition on stage.
said competition was the small group that had taken over the school with their good looks and musical talent. there was heeseung as the lead vocalist, a sweet boy who had already graduated. then there was sunghoon, the lead guitarist that had every girl and guy alike in the palm of his hand. and jake, he was the drummer but spent most of his time trying to be the top of the class and flirting with his fangirls. finally there was jay, the bassist. you didn’t know much about him, just that he seemed very chilled out and insanely popular for that reason specifically.
something about jay always had you wondering, though. he’d meet your gaze as you were sipping from your drink, keeping his eyes on you. it made you feel seen, and you felt stupid for feeling that way. in what world would jay park be interested in you?
as the last song came to a end, you turned back and made your way through the crowd. there your own bandmates were, chatting amongst themselves.
being in their band was a temporary fix. you weren’t their friend, nor were you a necessary member of the band. although you could easily be traded out for someone else, you really didn’t mind. at least you had the opportunity to be on stage, even if it was out of the spotlight.
‘we should head backstage,’ you reminded your lead vocalist before stepping away from them. making your way through the staff only door and heading up the steps, you came face to face with jay.
‘hey, y/n,’ he greeted with a smile, moving out of the way so that you could get past him. you mumbled a quick thank you before fleeing the scene and finding your guitar. jake and sunghoon passed by you as well, talking loudly about something. and then heeseung, who smiled at you before following the rest of the boys onto the floor of the club.
your own band finally showed up as you were checking the tuning of your guitar. the four of you made your way onto the stage, the lead vocalist getting right into greeting everyone.
it was routine. you started the song off with the strum of your electric guitar, and the energy began to pick up. the lead vocalist sang, the drummer played the drums, and the bassist played his bass guitar. you had small singing parts, usually as the backup for your lead, but it was enough for now.
jay was watching your every move. from your black painted nails to the pick between your lips to the way you gripped the microphone and sang so beautifully. his favourite thing was your baby pink electric guitar, perfectly preserved and a huge contrast to the outfits you wore on stage. he was completely mesmerised by you, but you didn’t have a clue.
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singing was your first love. you loved the rush of playing a guitar solo, but nothing felt better than expressing your emotions through your voice and lyrics. so every friday, as students began flooding out of the school gates, you headed to the music classroom for practice.
your piano skills were rusty, but you took a seat at the instrument anyway. although, there was one tune you would never be able to forget, which happened to be a song you’d written. your purpose in the band wasn’t to write music, so you’d never mentioned it to your bandmates.
as your fingers ran delicately against the keys, you began to hum. jay came to a stop outside of the classroom at the sound of your playing.
when you began to sing your lyrics, he felt himself mindlessly smiling. he always thought you had a better voice than your lead singer, and was confused as to why you were made sub vocalist. it seemed like you were overflowing with musical ability, and deserved a better place in your band.
‘that’s a pretty song,’ he stepped inside, making you jump. there was a horrible clash of piano keys coming together to make an awful sound that made you both cringe. ‘sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you.’
‘it’s fine,’ you turned around on the piano bench to face him. ‘how long have you been there?’
‘just since you started singing,’ he shrugged, but you felt your eyes go wide. nobody had ever heard your song before, so you couldn’t believe the first person to hear it was jay park. ‘oh... i’m sorry for invading your privacy. i just came here to pick up my guitar.’
‘seriously, it’s fine, jay,’ you reassured with a smile, watching him reach for his guitar. ‘but maybe knock next time so that i don’t almost have a heart attack.’
he laughed shortly at your words. as he was about to leave, he turned back around to face you. ‘you have a really beautiful singing voice,’ your cheeks began to heat up. ‘you know, heeseung has been considering leaving the band since he’s no longer a highschool student. so if you ever wanted to practice as a lead vocalist, the place is up for grabs.’
‘i think i’d like that,’ jay couldn’t help but smile at your words. ‘do you want my number so we can arrange a session together?’
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sunghoon and jake were tired of hearing jay go on and on about you. he’d been jumpy all day waiting for you to show up, so much so that heeseung felt himself getting dizzy.
when you did arrive, everybody already looked exhausted. it reminded you a lot of your own band practices, since everybody in your band was always so dull and boring.
‘y/n!’ heeseung called happily, dropping down from a barstool to greet you. ‘finally, you’re here.’
‘did i keep you all waiting long...?’ you awkwardly looked around the room. but nobody seemed too annoyed, so you were sure you were off the hook.
‘no,’ sunghoon started. ‘just jay—’ jake reached to cover sunghoon’s mouth, cutting him off.
‘let’s get you set up,’ heeseung suggested, gesturing towards the stage. you followed him up, the other three boys finding their instruments. ‘just choose a song you want to try and they’ll start.’
he jumped back down from the stage to sit back on his bar stool. at first you felt awkward, standing up in front of the band’s current lead vocalist. it didn’t help that you couldn’t see the three boys behind you.
but after a while, you started to feel more comfortable. and it was fun, taking control of the songs with your vocals. every couple of songs, you’d take a snack or drink break and sit around on the stage with the boys, just chatting amongst yourselves. jay was unusually quiet, watching you laugh with his friends from the sidelines. it wasn’t jealousy, he just liked seeing you happy and carefree.
after the session was over, you packed up your pink guitar and said goodbye to the boys. jay followed you out, catching your wrist to spin you around.
‘you’re amazing, y/n,’ he spoke, holding back a smile. ‘i’m not going to force you to leave your own band, but i want you to know the position is being offered to you. so think about it, please?’
‘i will,’ you nodded, beaming with pride. ‘thank you for today, jay. i’ll see you on monday.’
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you were sitting with your back against the tree, snack in one hand and a book in the other. considering it was a sunny day, you thought it was a great idea. well, you were wrong.
‘enjoying that, y/n?’ you lowered the book to see your lead singer standing in front of you. ‘i just came to see if the rumours were true.’
‘what rumours?’ you closed your book, setting it down beside yourself. she was standing with her arms crossed, an annoyed look on her face.
‘just that you’re the new lead singer for jay and his little buddies,’ the tone of her voice was mocking. a smirk was on her lips, as if this whole thing was nothing more than a joke to her.
‘well, they’re not true,’ you defended. ‘heeseung is leaving and jay asked me to practice with them. he said he really likes my singing voice and that they’ve been wanting a female touch to the band.’
‘well, they’re kind of true,’ she squinted her eyes, staring down at you. ‘if you want to fraternise with the enemy, then go ahead. but you’re out of our band, and we won’t be taking you back.’
‘fine by me,’ you stood, slipping your bag onto your shoulder. ‘good luck sleeping your way to the top, we all know that’s the only reason you got lead singer.’
as you tried to walk away, she just kept going on. ‘do you really think i’m that stupid, y/n? the only reason jay is offering you a place in their band is because he’s hoping to sleep with you.’
‘unbelievable,’ you turned back around. ‘can you just drop it? i really don’t care for your opinion.’
‘not an opinion, y/n,’ she stepped forward, a smug smile on her face. ‘just a fact.’ shoving past you, she disappeared inside of the building.
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there was a knock on the door and you looked up from your lyric book. ‘hey,’ jay greeted, letting himself into the music classroom. ‘i heard what happened.’
‘hi, jay,’ you smiled weakly. ‘yeah, it was pretty bad... but please don’t pity invite me into your band.’
‘can i sit here?’ he gestured towards the piano bench you were occupying. you nodded, sliding over a bit to give him more room. ‘i’m not pity inviting you. with heeseung leaving, we need a talented vocalist to take his place. i’ve seen you sing and perform, and i just genuinely think you’re an amazing artist.’
‘thanks,’ you bit back your smile, looking off to the side. ‘that means a lot. but i do have one question.’
‘i’m sure i have an answer,’ jay shrugged.
‘please bare in mind that i really don’t see you as the type to do this,’ your words made him tense up. what could you possibly need to ask? ‘but ever since she mentioned it, i couldn’t stop thinking about it. you’re not asking me just because you want to sleep with me, are you?’
‘no,’ his answer came quick. he didn’t want you to see him as that type. ‘i can’t say that i don’t have feelings for you, but i wasn’t looking to pursue you. i’m sensible, keeping work and play separate.’
‘work and play?’ you laughed, resting your hand on his arm for support. ‘work hard, play hard type of guy? not very surprising.’
‘nah, that’s jake,’ he laughed along with you, eyes moving down to where your hand was. feeling awkward, you removed your hand and cleared your throat. ‘but seriously, the spot is yours. i’d love to see you up there thriving on stage.’
he stood from the bench, sending you one last smile before turning out of the room. shuffling your things into your bag, you ran to catch up to him. ‘jay, wait!’ you called, seeing him stop in his tracks.
‘yeah?’ he asked cluelessly. you got closer, a bright smile on your lips. leaning up, you pressed a kiss to his cheek. jay felt himself tensing up, his entire body warming up at the gesture.
‘thank you, jongseong,’ you smiled, then leaving him to stand there looking like an idiot.
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bluewinnerangel · a month ago
Thinking about this, you should do a reading of his Another man mixtape
Hi anon! Oh no that parallel isn't painful at all sobs. 
Ok I’m going to dive into this mixtape but I gotta be honest I'm a little bit scared. Reading (into) Harry's favorite 10 songs of all time is a bit of a daunting task and I don't want to dissappoint (myself). But let's just talk about it and see where it leads.
Quick background info: in 2016 Harry was interviewed for Another Man which, besides the interview and the photoshoot, came with his most treasured possessions and his top 10 favorite tracks of all time presented in the form of a mixtape
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spotify playlist here
Pink Floyd - Breathe
Elvis Presley – Can’t Help Falling in Love
Paul McCartney – Heart of the Country
Crosby, Stills & Nash – Helplessly Hoping
Ray Charles – Drown in My Own Tears
Blaze Foley – Ooh Love
Simon & Garfunkel – Bridge Over Troubled Water
Van Morrisson – Tupelo Honey
Travis – Flowers in the Window
Patsy Cline – She’s Got You
A reading of Harry's Another Man Mixtape - top 10 songs of all time below the cut:
I'm just staring at the first song pretty much thinking oh shit im in trouble already. 
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It’s easy to see why this is H’s favorite song, I mean how can you not love Breathe. It's a masterpiece. I kinda don't even wanna touch it and let it speak for itsself. I interpret Breathe as well, life. And to choose your path carefully. It starts with a heartbeat+baby crying / rollercoaster ride, which, well, both symbolize (the start of) life. The first verse being about enjoying life while you're young that bleeds into the second verse, getting older, the 3rd verse could be interpreted as the grind, the last verse issuing that warning if you dont ride the tide, if you don't find that balance, when the high's too high (and the low's too low) I guess, that's just gonna be it for you.
I don't think I need to relate that to H, it relates to everybody. For us regular boring peoples it can easily be interpreted as finding that balance to enjoy life and not waste it away working, the way society tells you is the standard, while for artists that applies as well, but also they're living the very high highs and some lose themselves in it, "race towards an early grave". I’m sure there are also parallels between Breathe and Harry’s lyrics, but I mean both artists are ~~nice and vague~~, so I don’t think it will be easy to spot them (I tried briefly and didn’t see much but I might be blind)(but don't get me started on Wish You Were Here)  
Also, overlapping themes with Harry's work (I think I found a way to kinda go over these songs):
Nautical theme (ride the tide, wave) 
Crying (tears you'll cry)
wet (^) 
Sun/shine (forget the sun)
Flying (high you fly) 
high highs and low lows (verse 4) 
don't want to be alone/ staying/leaving (leave, don't leave me)
growth (like the whole song) 
looking for somewhere to belong 
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Well if this isn't up there with the most universally loved sappy lil oh he in looove songs. This is just a beautiful beautiful beautiful song but I don't think there's much to say about it, the lyrics speak for themselves.
Hopeless romantic (I mean the whole song)
don't want to be alone/ staying/leaving (shall I stay / take my whole life too) strike 2
nautical theme (like a river flows surely to the sea) strike 2
wet (^) strike 2
looking for somewhere to belong (some things are meant to be / in an "i belong with you" sense) strike 2
But also
Don't blame me for falling - To Be So Lonely
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Again I just LOVE these songs, I'm gonna find a quiet place to settle and it's gonna be beautiful. This song is also doing this lil trick of changing single words in a line to change the meaning as you get to later verses (Looking for a home -> living in a home, I want a sheep -> I got a sheep), taking the listener along on a trip through time, just with tiny tiny lyric changes (Flowers in the window / Sunflower vol 6 do this too).
high highs and low lows (I Look high, I look low) strike 2
growth (where the holy people grow) strike 2
"Home" (yes generic af, but do you really expect me not to aggressively point at each and every mention of home when Harry just Sweet Creatured that shit to the Canyon Moon and back)
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This song is fun! I mean... the song is sad and all, but the wordplay is fun:
Helplessly hoping her harlequin hovers
Gasping at glimpses of gentle
Wordlessly watching he waits by the window and wonders
Heartlessly helping himself
Stand by the stairway you'll see something
Certain to tell you confusion has its cost
Love isn't lying, It's loose in a lady who lingers
I’m really really resisting the urge to turn that chorus into a larry
Hopeless romantic strike 2
flying (wishing he could fly) strike 2
don't want to be alone/ staying/leaving strike 3
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Jesus Harry this is really hopeless. Ok.. pff.. ehh...
really hopeless romantic strike 3
a whole lotta crying strike 2
"Home" strike 2
don't want to be alone/ staying/leaving strike 4
looking for somewheretobelong(this is getting excessive)strike 5
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"blue" strike (blue eyes even this time) 2
hopeless fking romantic again strike 4
don't want to be alone/ staying/leaving (see me/her again) strike 5
And as @ladychlo points out, "If I Could Only Fly" this is on the same album, which had me comparing this album to IICF, and, welp you can make this comparison:
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Which yep not painful at all no. I really like the “If only I could fly” vs “If I could fly” + “[for your eyes] only”.
Again like all my posts I have to emphasize when pointing out song parallels I’m not saying that the song that came later is definitely intentionally is purposefully inspired by the other one, effectively made out of bits and pieces of the other one. I don’t know that. You don’t know that. Who knows? Is Olivia even a person? Was it ever a family show (it wasn’t)? I’m just saying, it’s possible that the artist, H in this case, took inspiration from it as he has said so himself he writes music as a fan of music and this is in his top 10 songs of all time. So in this case specifically, it’s maybe not thaaat crazy to think that If I Could Fly is effectively a Blaze Foley fanpiece? (and that that doesn’t invalidate any interpretation of what IICF meant to H, that that’s what he felt at the time of writing it either) I mean ... look at it... That shit looks *inspired*.
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Again all these songs are SO GOOD but would you expect anything less? One problem with this one tho, reading it like this all I’m seeing is Through The Dark. But I don’t want to make this post about songs Harry didn’t write
So I made a seperate post about this
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Anyways I’m seeing loads of parallels with Harry’s music with this one,
Falling as the feeling on the other side of this song in a way, or let’s put it differently: with Falling describing how Harry is feeling, I understand he would take deep comfort in this song. (crying again)
more parallels:
Sail on silver girl, sail on by 
She: He takes a boat out, imagines just sailing away
All your dreams are on their way 
She: She lives in daydreams with me
Your time has come to shine See how [your dreams] shine 
Lights Up: Shine, step into the light / Shine, I’m not ever going back
If you need a friend (I’m sailing right behind) 
She: And not telling his mates, he wouldn’t know what to say
Also “Oh, if you need a friend, I’m sailing right behind”:
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a whole lotta crying strike 3
nautical (bridge over troubled water/ sail on (by)) strike 3
yep it has both it's really damn wet again strike 4
sun/shine (see how they shine/it's time to shine) strike 2
high highs and low lows (down-and-out) strike 3
looking for somewhere to belong strike 6
don't want to be alone/ staying/leaving strike 6
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bzz bzz it's bees and honey.... 
And I can’t not mention my only angel, although that song doesn’t really share a theme
nautical theme strike 4
which makes wet strike 5
"blue" strike 3
LOOKING.FOR.SOMEWHERE.TO.BELONG (sail around / road to freedom) STRIKE 7
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Pretty convinced he took inspiration from this song writing Sunflower vol 6.
I discuss Flowers in the Window here
but also:
that snowman is melting so wet strike 6 lol
really fucking hopeless and romantic strike 5
growth strike 3
Did he say he’s looking for somewhere to belong yet strike 8
don't want to be alone/ staying/leaving strike 7
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hopeless romantic strike 6
don't want to be alone/ staying/leaving strike 8
Here another anon came in with the realisation that this is basically Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart/Girl Crush/Woman
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This parallel is just massively painful:
I’ve got these little things, she’s got you
JALBOYH: Just a little bit of your heart is all I’m asking for
And indeed, just like JALBOYH, Girl Crush, and Woman, this song describes thes singer seeing this other woman with their lover, basically driving them insane, only having these little things, having to share the one you love with her[unaffectionate]. Great, like I needed a 4th song telling me how shitty bearding is.
Ok I’m making stupid parallels with this song, just let me ramble for a bit, I’m going feral, don’t mind me
And I just saw a painful awful why did I see this parallel with Sunflower vol 6:
I’ve got your picture, she’s got you
Sunflower vol 6: I've got your face, Hung up high in the gallery
I’ve got your memory or, has it got me
Sunflower vol 6: Sunflowers, Sometimes, Keep it sweet in your memory
Also She: Lives for the memory, A woman who's just in his head
I’ve got the records, she’s got you
Canyon moon: She plays songs I've never heard
All of these are hurting me. Even the ones I don’t think are meant in this context.
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So in conclusion, themes in these songs that Harry also writes about:
“Home” 2/10
Flying 2/10
Sun/shine 2/10
Growth 3/10
When the high’s too high and the low’s too low 3/10
“Blue” 3/10
Crying 3/10
Nautical 4/10
^But putting them together -> wet 6/10
Hopeless truely very hopelessly romantic 6/10
Don’t wanna be alone / staying/leaving 8/10
Looking for somewhere to belong 8/10
Excuse me while I go crying in a corner.
Other posts about this playlist:
Bridge over Troubled Water
Flowers in the window
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maine-writes · a month ago
A New Challenger Has Appeared!
An older Connie and Steven led Vonvon, followed by their younger selves, back to the beach house. All the while, older Connie scolded her child for their barely thought out time adventure.
"Do you have any idea what you could've done?" she continued, her kid stubbornly pouting, "You could've messed up our timeline! What if you made yourself not exist?! Your father was extremely sensitive during this time, he could've been evil!"
"Now, hon-" older Steven began, but as he thought about it, it might not be such a good idea to interrupt Connie in the middle of a motherly panic.
"Okay, I get it mom." Vonvon said as they walked up the steps to the front door, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to see you guys when you were on your adventures. You guys just made it seem so cool."
Older Connie and Steven gave each other a worried look.
"Maybe we left out a few details." Steven admitted. "Some things you were better off not knowing."
"Like the time you got your Gem yanked out?" Vonvon asked, ignoring the fact that their father is still bothered by that event. "Or the realization that you broke every bone in your body throughout your childhood? Or the time you got sucked out into space? Or that time when you and Peridot were stuck deep underground? Or that time you had a near mental breakdown at the Stanford Hotel?"
"Ok, that's eno-...wait, the Stanford?" Steven said, wondering why he cannot remember the failed vacation at an alpine retreat.
"Now, where's the Hourglass?" older Connie asked. "We're going home."
"I threw it in the ocean." Vonvon sheepishly replied. Of course, their parents were far from enthusiastic about this.
"You...threw it..." Older Steven muttered.
"Into the ocean..." Older Connie finished as they both looked out at the vast stretch of water and said:
"Ah, beans."
They decided to postpone the recovery of the Hourglass until the next day, when they would recruit the Crystal Gems, who were staying at Little Homeworld for the annual "Surviving Earth" camping trip. For now, they would stay the night.
Younger Connie momentarily returned home to explain to her own parents that there was some weird Gem problem that needed her attention for the night. Surprisingly, although hesistant, they accepted this and allowed her to return to the beach house.
"Hey, I remember using that one when I was in college." Older Connie reminisced.
"What?" wondered her younger self. "Why?"
"Mom and Dad wanted to drop by." she continued. "But I hadn't seen Steven in a while, and he was in town, so-"
"S-So, anyways!" Older Steven interrupted, his cheeks flushed red. "We should probably head to bed, long day tomorrow! Have to explain everything to the Gems, but I'm sure Garnet's probably already told everyone not to panic."
And indeed, somewhere out in the middle of the woods, somewhere out in the middle of the state of Delmarva, the Crystal Gems and two dozen other Gems were sitting around a campfire, surrounded by an assortment of tents.
"By the way guys," Garnet began, stopping in the middle of her catchy campfire song, "Don't panic tomorrow. Especially you Pearl."
"What? Why would I panic?"
"Well-...Maybe it's better I don't explain."
But that may have only made it worse.
Meanwhile, save for the rhythmic rush of the waves, all was silent, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a rat.
But then, a shifting shadow lurked behind the kitchen counter, peering over at the couch Vonvon was sleeping in, who was facing away from the middle of the room. Younger Connie and her future self were sleeping in Steven's bed, whilst young Steven, and his future self, were wrapped up in sleeping bags on the floor beside the bed.
The shadow loomed over Vonvon.
"Yes..." the sinister figure hissed, "Soon, all will be well..."
But when they gently turned the sleeping form, they found nothing but a crudely made dummy.
"Judo Chop!" Vonvon screamed, striking the figure with a chop at the shoulder. The shadowy stranger grabbed Vonvon, pushing them to the ground.
"You fell for my Vonvon Clone Jutsu!" the child laughed mockingly. "My most powerful technique!"
The two struggled on the ground for a few seconds, the ruckus stirring the others awake. Someone flipped the light switch, filling the room with light.
To their surprise, on the floor, yanking at hair, kicking at shins, and gnawing on shirts, were two Vonvons. One was wearing Cookie Cat pajamas, of course, the other wore a pseudo-ninja outfit.
"Aha!" our Vonvon declared, "I knew it! There's always an evil twin! Let me guess, you're from the timeline where everyone's evil and you're here to replace me?"
"How did yo-?" Evil Vonvon began.
"I've been sleeping under the bed and leaving a dummy in my place for months now!"
Both versions of Steven and Connie looked over at Vonvon, wondering if that child is either insane or a genius.
Then Evil Vonvon looked at the older Steven and Connie, their little eyes beginning to water.
"Oh no." Vonvon, the one we know, said. "You're not evil, are you?"
"I'm from a timeline where I never knew my parents." They explained. "I was raised by a glowing pink version of Papa and Grandma and Grandpa."
"Aw man," Vonvon groaned, "You're not evil, you're just sad!"
"Well, there is a sort of evil timeline." Not-Evil Vonvon mentioned, "Except, its not me. It's a big pink version of Papa, and he's like the king of Homeworld."
"Wait, there's a timeline where I become evil?!" Young Steven panicked.
"Not evil, just Pink Diamond" Sad Vonvon explained.
"Why are you here?" young Connie asked.
"This Vonvon's time vacation opened a lot of timelines." Other Vonvon explained, "And I thought, since I'm here, I could replace them for a while until you find the Hourglass."
"But what if we found it tomorrow?" older Steven asked.
"Oh, you wouldn't." Alternate Vonvon said, pulling the device from their pocket. "I found it shortly after Vonvon threw it in the ocean. I was going to give it back after spending time with you."
"Wait, our kid's time travelling opened other timelines?" Older Connie wondered, "What exactly does that mean?"
"Other Vonvon's were able to get their hands on their Hourglasses." said the other Vonvon. "It's really complicated and doesn't make much sense."
"You met other me's?" Prime Vonvon asked.
"Yeah, there's one from a timeline where Papa never got the attention of the Diamonds." They said, producing a small scrapbook from another pocket. "There's a Vonvon who is wandering the timelines, they're giving out these scrapbooks that have pictures of their adventure."
As it turned out, there were over a dozen recorded timelines in the scrapbook. There was a Vonvon who was raised in Japan. Another who lived with the Gems in a similar situation as Steven in his younger days. There was even an insane Vonvon who only had a sock puppet as a companion and frequently broke out of the asylum to unleash chaos upon Beach City. That was the closest version of an Evil Vonvon.
"There's a Vonvon who only knew the Crystal Gems as parts of Gem Tech from the war." Other Vonvon explained. "They said that they looked into the future of our timelines with their Garnet machine. It all works out in the end. No big bad problems."
"None?" Future Connie and Steven asked.
"See?" said Main Vonvon. "Everything works out in the end. It's the Will of the Force."
"Vonvon," Older Connie said. "The Will of the Force is just an excuse to explain away things that would've been too troublesome to explain."
"But since we're here." Older Steven said, placing his arm around his wife's shoulder. "Don't you think we deserve a vacation too? We could see the old sites, finally get some time to ourselves."
"But what about th-"
"We'll be in disguise. Besides, it might be fun."
Connie thought, and she thought. Perhaps it was time they had a break from the relentless demands of work.
This was the start of a wonderful vacation. A time vacation.
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chinchuqui · a month ago
Ocina Diamond-The Ocean Navigator
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Ocina Diamond The Ocean Navigator 392-454 Reign: 413-439 Married to: Saturn Landoma Children: Naterine the 2nd Diamond, Florine Diamond
Travia’s BIO:
Florine’s BIO:
Ocina Diamond was born in 392 as the second Princess of Queen Travia Diamond. She was born with blue hair, blue eyes, and yellow tridents as her cheekmarks. She had an older sister. The first Princess, Shella Diamond (390-402).
Ocina was often entertained as a young girl. She spent a lot of her first few years with her Grand Aunt Muna Diamond (she thought her as a grandmother). She never really saw much of her parents. They were often out on adventures. So she and her sister were considered jewels of Sunar since they saw them more. She did attend her 2nd cousin, Rose's Song Day Festival with her mother. Then Ocina would be allowed to go on a lot of adventures with her family. She and her sister grew even closer during those trips.
In 395, Ocina would attend her Aunt's wedding only being a toddler. She was shocked to see so many nobles there. Many trying to get close to Shella since she was to be the future Queen. Some even tried to connect to Ocina. Later in mid 395, she would gain two new siblings. Princess Shore and Prince Capto Diamond. Ocina was so excited to be a big sister, but bummed out she had to stop traveling. She and Shella would then invent a new game: Water Tag. It was a simple game, the monster tags people and they too become monsters. Many could see that the Princesses were in love with water.
And the time would come in 396 when Ocina and Shella would constantly pester their parents by begging to be allowed to sail. They really wanted to see what great treasures the sea would hold. The King and Queen after long discussions told the girls they could sail once Shella turned 10. The two would have to wait for four years.
In 397, Ocina's little sister Princess Seasta Diamond would be born. Ocina was four years old turning five soon. On her 5th birthday, she was taken by her parents to the docks to see the ships. Ocina spotted a crown surrounded by hearts in the water. She loved it and felt like it was calling out to her, but her mother panicked and rushed her back to the castle. She was dragged to Shella's room to see that all was fine.
In 398 Ocina attended her uncle's wedding. She was dubbed as the cutest one there.
The year 400 was the best one to come to the young girl. Her mother took a lot of Sunar's people and took them on an adventure. But Shella, Ocina, and Adrien did not attend. Instead, they went on a two-week voyage. This was before Shella's 10th birthday, so it was an early treat for the two.
Ocina enjoyed the trip so much, even more than her sister. All the sights and islands they passed. Seeing her father be a grand captain. It was all inspiring for the Princess. She never wanted the trip to end (this is where her Waters side of the family began to show). She then knew exactly what she would want to do. Making a list, she told me, "While Shella is Queen, I will do her a favor and sail around the lands to make bonds!" She even made a list and showed it to her father. His Majesty beamed with joy and began to boast to the other crew members how great of a captain she would be. She then ran and showed it to her big sister. The Crown Princess simply smiled and patted her head while whispering to herself, "Yes, Sunar is in good hands."
All the weddings, town events, meetings, nobles, and just Sunar tired out Ocina that she would pass out as soon as she hit the bed. Not only that, it all bored her to an insane degree. She didn't want to be Queen and kept telling me, "Make sure to protect Shella so she becomes Queen!" She would later yell at me for not keeping my word.
Ocina's 10th birthday in 402 would be dubbed the worst birthday of her life.
While she, her mother, father, and grand-aunt were all laughing and talking with each other, her sister was setting up her present: Her very own boat. While looking over it from the docks, she slipped and fell. Not being able to swim, the Crown Princess dies that day. Ocina was so upset, and her grief only worsened when she found a letter her sister left for her. It read, “To the best little sister in the world, Happy Birthday Ocina! I just wanted to say how much I love you! Congratulations on turning 10, a big number I know. I can’t wait to see you follow your dreams. From your dear older sister, Shella Diamond.” So many thoughts and feelings, but all Ocina knew was: She was to be the next Queen.
To make matters worse, in late 404, Muna Diamond would pass away. Ocina's grief was at it's all time high. Shella used to describe that once she got the wand, she would dress her hair in a bun. To honor Shella, Ocina did the same. Ocina often begged her mother to let her sail, stating how she didn't want to lose her last connection to Shella. But Travia refused to let Ocina sail, fearing she may suffer the same fate.
In 406, Ocina Diamond inherited the royal wand. There was still a .lingering pain in her heart. In 407, she had her Song Day Festival, "The Ocean." Her mother then allowed her to go off to learn with other children about boat sailing. Ocina was to learn how to be a captain. There was a boy named Saturn (391-454). They were rivals and often played nasty tricks on one another. When Ocina got her Magestity form, he made fun of it. Ocina would be visited by Magestia and the two talked about losing their sisters by drowning.
The two children would keep poking at one another. Ocina made fun of Saturn's pink hair and eyes, stating he looked less aggressive. In return, the boy made fun of Ocina and her cheekmarks. The two even made fun of each other's choice in fashion. And the two would also change their looks to accommodate the other's tastes.
Ocina's 16th birthday went by the same as every year, pain and sorrow. Ocina sobbed uncontrollably each year, missing her sister more and more. Saturn then found her all by herself. Dread came over her as she was sure he would make fun of her. But to her surprise, he actually held a conversation. He let her cry for 10 minutes before she explained what happened on her birthday to her sister. Saturn would then pull her into a tight hug. He explained he lost his mother when he was 13, and she was so much like Ocina. A strong and brave woman who wanted to take him out to the seas. The two became friends that night, which surprised many. Ocina's birthday memory would soon shift into the night she began to get to know her future husband.
Ocina continued her training in becoming a captain. She also worked hard in her studies to become Queen. She noticed that a lot of the skills required were already ones she had obtained in her training. She chuckled to herself, "Ha, is this really why Mother allowed me to go out?" Saturn and Ocina often raised each other up now, scaring the other children. "It's like they were hit by a love spell or something!"
Saturn and Ocina's relationship would grow a lot. They began to date which really weirded out their friends. In 411, at the age of 19, all of the children now adults returned to Sunar. Sunar was happy to see their heiress. But Ocina came back with Saturn which concerned her parents, but they were happy for their daughter. In 412, a day after Seasta's Song Day, they were wed. Later in late 413, Ocina was crowned Queen on her 21st birthday. She was celebrated for being the 20th Queen of Sunar. She and Saturn were very happy together and ready to start a new family.
The early years of Ocina's reign was voyaging and searching for new lands. Both the King and Queen decided to try to discover the Hidden Land of Wonders. They traveled for two months straight. They would find the place in late 413 after almost giving up. "My ancestor, Mysteria Diamond, had apparently created this land. I had found out about it when I read her chapter. Some say her spirit resided here before The Great Diamond War. Anyway, there is a bunch of strange stuff here. Dancing flowers, living trees, and huge goblins! It's so weird. We decided to leave here tomorrow. I get such a horrible feeling."
The crew would set off once again in early 414 to find the Land of the Sea Creatures. All was going well until in mid 414 when Ocina began to report being seasick. It got worse to the point she would lean over and vomit every five minutes. Everyone, especially Saturn, were worried it may be serious. Some considered it to be the deathly illness CEAO since one of the symptoms was motion sickness/seasickness. They had planned to return to Sunar in mid-late 414 until one of the crew members suggested pregnancy. Ocina hadn't even considered it, but they waited for a while. Her growing belly and cravings would confirm the suspicion. Saturn decided to carry her around since it helped with her aching feet and a little bit with her sickness. She was very thankful to her husband. They made it back to Sunar in 415, right before the birth. Travia had been updated on Ocina's motion sickness and grabbed Saturn by the ear yelling, "You! You did this to her!" Ocina tried to calm down her mother by getting her excited to be a grandmother.
There was little time to prepare for the baby. Ocina hadn't informed anyone about it since she wanted to surprise Sunar, but that would prove to be a mistake. Servants rushed around the castle, trying to prepare the rooms and keep them safe. Nobles scrambled to try and get gifts for the young royal. The people rushed to try and get banners ready, both for if the baby was a boy and if it was a girl. Physicians were trying their bests to get to the castle in time to help deliver the baby. And the monarchs were mentally preparing themselves for the new baby. Then Ocina fell into labor.
After hours of painful labor, Queen Ocina Diamond gave birth to her eldest daughter and heiress to the throne in early 415. Her name, Princess Naterine Diamond the 2nd. She was a sweet baby girl who had black hair, pink eyes, and trees with vines as her cheekmarks. The kingdom rejoiced for the birth of the new princess, and the King and Queen were excited to start their family.
Two weeks after the royal birth, Ocina reports, "I heard Naterine cry, so me and my mother went to go and hush her. When we walked in, there was an eye! It felt so distant yet familiar. But it was beaming up my baby! After sending it away, Mother told me to remove Naterine from the line of succession. She seemed so scared and panic. I shut that idea down, she is my only at the moment. And there is no reason to remove her."
In mid 415, Ocina would give a toast at her sister, the now Duchess Shore's wedding. Ocina felt bad for not being close to her siblings due to her voyages and fear of losing them as she had Shella. Naterine was such a delight to Sunar that many began to wonder when another addition would come to the family. Ocina loved the idea of having one more child, but she decided to wait a while. Ocina would then fall pregnant in late 416, her motion sickness being worse than her first pregnancy.
Ocina was quite excited to give Naterine a younger sibling. But her mother's distress only worsened when she was informed about the pregnancy. Not even Adrien could calm down the Queen mother. Nobody knew what to do and Travia would distance herself in this time. The rest of the kingdom was booming and preparing for a new royal.
In mid 417, Ocina gave birth to her youngest, the Princess Florine Diamond. She had pink hair and eyes, and pink flowers (___) as her cheekmarks. She was a female copy of her father, only having her mother's face shape. Saturn and Naterine were happy with the new baby, and so was Sunar. In late 417, Ocina would give a toast at her younger sister, Seasta's wedding.
In early 418, Ocina and her crew left back to sea, taking the two Princess with them.
Ocina and her crew set off once again to find the Land of the Sea Creatures. The journey was harsh and long, but Ocina had her sweet daughter Naterine to keep her entertained. Naterine had taken an interest in plants (trees for the most part) for no particular reason. When Ocina asked her daughter why, she responded, "Plants help us live! They feed us and provide us air! And they grow so nicely!"
In 419, they found the Land of the Sea Creatures. Ocina and her crew were so happy. A lot of them set off to go and see what exactly was on this island. "Turns out they have a hatred for Sunarians and Sunarians only! Great. They were just fine with Saturn and the others, but they saw me and my cheekmarks and began to attack. I almost lost my head to this rabbit thing! (Saturn saved me) Thankfully I left Naterine and Florine on the boat...with five members of the crew...only three minutes away...I messed up." Ocina and her crew fought the creatures, trying not to harm them too much. The Princesses watched from afar. Ocina eventually won and they sped away. Their next stop, the Lands of Rainbows and Unicorns!
In 420, Ocina found the Magical Lands (outside her country)! During their camping, Ocina found out that Florine too loved plants (more on the flower spectrum). Luckily for both the Princesses, the lands had plenty of flowers. Ocina writes, "This place is full of so much joy and love! Or at least was. Last night one of the crew members drank a bit too much and she began to play with fire. Next thing you know there is a massive fire spreading. I focused on getting my girls to the boat, but was too late to save the lands. The people were angry and cursed us Sunarians. We left. Their swords were made from gummies, so it was fine." Florine also showed that she had major motion sickness (which explained Ocina's sickness while pregnant with her). Many thought it to be the flu. But after questioning, Ocina confirmed it to be seasickness. She knew all too well what that was like. It was hard to have a three year old constantly crying and vomiting. Ocina devoted herself to care for her daughter, leaving her hands full. Saturn offered numerous times to help care for his daughter, but Ocina refused. "It was my choice to force her on this voyage, I shall atone for my sins." "Dear, it's not that serious. It's not like you killed a man," Saturn chuckled. But Ocina did have Saturn keep Naterine away from her little sister when she finally managed to fall asleep. Oh yeah! Florine had a very hard time falling asleep at night, and staying asleep. Parenthood slapped the monarchs.
In 422, the ship reached The Caverns of Death. Ocina, Florine, and Naterine stayed behind to care for the second princess who had thrown up eight times that day. While Naterine played with her dolls, Ocina tucked in her daughter who had passed out. Ocina reports, "Just as I finished tucking Florine in, I could hear the cries of my crew mates out of the cave. I was scared and placed Naterine on the bed, preparing my wand for battle. They all returned just fine, and my husband says that skeletons awoke and the bats were huge. They had been attacked, and five of our members were injured. They're fine now, everyone else was able to leave unharmed. Well...physically. Just hearing the others describe the moments scares me and my eldest daughter. We all agreed mutually to not tell Florine. Now we set off to the mermaids!"
While sailing, Naterine and Florine were playing Queen (Florine in bed of course). When Florine called her, "Queen Naterine Diamond the 2nd," Naterine yelled at her and threw a fit. She hated the thought of being queen. A lot of time passed and in 425, they would make it to the mermaids. Ocina, Naterine, and Florine all left leaving the rest behind to care for the ship. Ocina conducted a spell, "Mermaid the tail." "So turns out the mermaids are rebels that fled their kingdom after the king mistreating women horribly. They kill men that pass through, tearing their boats apart. They adored my daughters and played with their hair. However, when it was time to go, Naterine disappeared. I found her but she seemed hesitant to come with us, like she wanted to stay. I told her she was to be Queen of Sunar, and now she won't speak to me. I wonder what has come over my sweet daughter."
While sailing to the last planned expedition, Ocina noticed the difference in act between her daughters. Naterine was quieter but had a very short temper, throwing tantrums when something didn't go her way. Florine was louder but well-composed, often keeping her feelings to herself. It seemed both had unhealthy habits to control emotions, but to Ocina and Saturn, the universe seemed to have wanted Florine to take the crown.
In 427, they arrived at Vine Valley, only to have to rush back to the boat. The vines attacked the people and almost killed half of the crew. Ocina noticed Naterine was gone and she instantly ran into the forest of vines. Saturn shouted for her, holding Florine in his arms. But she was too fast and he lost her. She ended up finding Naterine struggling in vines, slowly losing consciousness. The Queen saved her only to be yelled at, "I wanted to die! Leave me alone!" Naterine ran off and shut herself in her cabin. Ocina followed only to stare at the door, speechless.
Ocina eventually walked in, it broke her heart to see her daughter in such a state. She asked her what was wrong, and Naterine responded, "I don't want to be Queen! I hate the thought of it! I don't even know Sunar! I've been on a boat all of my life! I feel Florine even is closer to Sunar and more fit for the role! Please Mother, I don't want this." Ocina didn't know what to do. She talked with Saturn and they made the hardest decision. They ended their sailings, and headed back to Sunar.
Ocina and her crew returned to Sunar in 428. It had been a decade since Sunar had last seen their Queen, and they were relieved to see her and her heiress well. Ocina as soon as she returned made an announcement, "I Queen Ocina Diamond of Sunar hereby abdicate The Crown Princess Naterine Diamond's right to the throne. My second daughter, the Princess Florine Diamond, will take her place as Crown Princess and heir." Sunar was so shocked. All the pressure fell on Florine. Ocina and Saturn shed a few tears that night. They now would take on the duties as the monarchs. Ocina's stress only worsened. She had less then a decade to teach her daughter how to be a Queen, a girl who spent all of her life on a boat.
Florine had always had a love for plants, especially flowers. This love only grew since they were no longer on a boat, but land. And land could plant flowers. Let's just say Florine was one of the main reasons why the castle garden didn't wither away. In 430, Naterine had her Song Day Festival, "The Broken Vine." Many saw this title fit, but Ocina was enraged that she ordered the title be changed to, "The Brave Vine." The title would be reversed after her daughter's banishing. In mid 431, Florine finally inherited the royal wand. Her spells contained flowers to nobody's surprise. Ocina still did her best to teach the young girl all about being Queen. Florine did well and many were feeling well about her reign. In mid 432, Florine had her Song Day Festival, "The Flower." Sadly in late 432, Queen Mother Travia Diamond passed away due to natural causes. Ocina sobbed for what seemed like lifetimes. She hardly spent anytime with her family ever since Shella's death, and her mother passing only made her regret that decision. Florine seemed to be the only one that could cheer up the weeping Queen with her spell, "Poppy out!" This spell would be nicknamed the "Cheerful Flower." Ocina would encourage her two daughter's to form a close bond, not wanting them to make the same mistake as she did.
Many could see the differences and similarities between the two royal princesses. Ocina often wondered how at last one of them didn't have a sense for adventure. She got hers from Travia and Adrien, so how didn't they? Saturn told her that not all children are like their parents, and that they've only known the sea for majority of their childhood, so of course they would want something knew. Ocina figured he was right, and she didn't want to oppress her daughters. And she didn't want to end up like Salvia and Violaina Diamond. In 434, Ocina's aunt Cana passed away. In 435, Naterine married a man named Ret Roko. Ocina and Saturn were both so happy for their daughter, and expressed it in their toasts. Florine would also meet her future husband at the dinner table. In 436, Ocina's uncle Feline would sadly pass away.
In mid 437, Florine married Prince Jet of the Kingdom Carterback (415-478). Ocina, although happy, felt a little bit upset to see her youngest already married off. She gave the toast at the wedding and welcomed the new member into the family. The connections between Sunar and Carterback grew. And in 439, Ocina passed down the crown to Florine Diamond, ending her reign at age 47. Ocina was so proud to pass down the crown, and Sunar was at peace knowing their new Queen would most likely not run away to the seas. Ocina then found herself having a lot of free time. In late 439, Naterine would give birth to her only, Lord Galix Roko Diamond, Ocina's first grandchild. She would spend a lot of time playing with her new grandbaby. Florine kept making the castle gardens more vibrant that every morning, Ocina and Saturn would take a stroll to enjoy them. Ocina began to study more into the lives of her mother and grandmothers. She wanted to educate herself more and maybe help the future heiress that would come.
In 440, Queen Florine Diamond would give birth to her first, Prince Sunsta Diamond. Ocina was happy with her second grandson but a bit worried, a Prince hadn't been born first ever since Mysteria Diamond. Many wanted Florine to have a female heir. Yes a boy could rule, but they can't use magic for some odd reason. The wand would be vulnerable when he's crowned until he has a daughter, which is not ideal. Ocina calmed herself down and tried not to stress her daughter who already had enough stress on her plate. Besides, more children would come for sure.
In 442, Florine gave birth to her second child, Prince Newbius Diamond. Sunar once again got tense. This time the tension was noticed by the Queen herself, but she hid it from Ocina and the rest. Ocina was happy with the new baby nonetheless.
Ocina loved to play with all of her grandsons. But she could notice a hint of sadness in Florine's eyes. Her daughter could never truly hide her feelings from her mother. Florine had always talked about wanting a daughter when she was younger, she wanted to be just like her mother. The pressure from the nobles and people only made Florine feel worse, and Ocina could see that. In mid 443, Florine gave birth to Prince Cladius Diamond. The tension grew throughout the kingdom which only made its Queen get even more upset. Enemies would provoke the family. Ocina did her best to calm down her already broken daughter.
Florine would fall pregnant once again with her fourth child. Many began to notice a pattern and believed this next one would also be a boy. In 444, the fourth royal baby was born, a royal Princess. Florine had given birth to a girl! The child however was one of prophecy, she was to be a star queen. Florine had done something that hadn't been done in all the years the kingdom had been around. She named the child, Princess Mornsia Diamond. Mornsia meant Mother of Stars in the first Sunarian language. Sunar had it's first star princess. Many expected great things from this child, and Sunar was at ease with an heiress. The Diamond family rejoiced with the new addition, and the Princes were excited to have a baby sister.
Ocina loved all of her grandchildren, each having their own personalities. It was wonderful to see them all play together. Golix, their cousin, would also visit frequently. He and Sunsta would often be in charge of the younger ones. Saturn and Ocina certainly spent majority of their time with the babies, and ensuring that Mornsia wouldn't fall ill. Many thought Florine was done, but she then announced her fifth pregnancy, everyone was excited. And in 447, Florine gave birth to the Princess Shortsta Diamond, another heiress. Mornsia was happy to have a baby sister.
Then tragedy would strike. Although Ocina and Saturn couldn't see it, Naterine slowly grew angrier and angrier with each passing day. This anger would finally lash out in early 448 when Naterine stormed into the castle, blood covering her dress. Florine and Ocina were so startled. Florine was pregnant at the time, and she didn't want to stress herself as to not hurt the baby. Naterine demanded that Florine gave her the crown, as it was her birth right. Ocina jumped in between the two and scolded, "You begged me to remove you from the line of succession Naterine! You didn't want to be Queen." Naterine began to seethe in rage as she lashed out and attacked Ocina, Florine cried for the guards. Her king and dozens of guards came in and arrested Naterine. Naterine apparently killed her husband in an act of madness. Florine ended up banishing her eldest sister. Golix was given to is paternal aunt. Ocina couldn't believe what had just happened.
In mid 448, Florine gave birth to Princes Briloght and Prince Marius Diamond. Many began to joke around saying, "The Princesses kept us on our toes, we waited for a girl for years!" The Diamond line was pretty much secure with three girls. Florine and Jet finally decided to take a break and the Queen focused on the gardens once again.
Ocina loved Mornsia like no other, it was pretty evident that Mornsia was the favorite grandchild. The two spent a lot of time together and played a lot. Ocina often told the princess stories when she went on adventures with Travia, her father, and elder sister. She told the stories of when she was at sea for ten years.
She even teased Florine a bit of her seasickness. Mornsia was in love with the stories. "Will I ever go on the marvelous adventures Grandmama?" "Perhaps when you're Queen my dear, you get to decide."
In 450, Florine would give birth to Prince Maxecus Diamond. Yet another royal baby. Ocina was wondering if Florine would keep going until she could no longer have children. And finally in 451, Florine gave birth to her youngest, Prince Gocal Diamond. The castle sure was loud with all the little children running around.
In 454, the whole family was celebrating Prince Sunsta's 14th birthday. Everyone was happy, but the Queen had to leave early to put Gocal and Maxecus to bed. Although they lost some members, the family didn't let the party die down. But that partying soon grew too much since Briloght and Marius began to throw up. Most of the elder kids assisted them with taking them to bed or ordering servants around. King Jet told Sunsta to relax while he went to go and get a physician. Sunsta, Ocina, and Saturn all relaxed and chatted the night away. They then would all drink the remains of what seemed to be orange juice. The next morning, Ocina, Saturn, and Sunsta would be found dead. Queen Mother Ocina Diamond was poisoned along with the Queen Father and eldest Prince. She was 62 years old.
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