#anyway i am proud of myself for getting through this relatively well

[lilybug-02]

Happy 2 Year Anniversary to The Chara Timeline ✨

I FINALLY made drawing references for you guys, yippie!✨

It’s wild how long I’ve been working on this comic without reference sheets. I’m never that consistent with my art style, so I figured it was a waste of time 🫥💀😔 this is my first full comic okay…

Thoughts and Feelings About the Comic Below ❤️💖💕💞

Wow. It’s been 2 years??? I thought I would be done with this comic in 2 months! I don’t know whether to feel worried or accomplished!!

(With months between each update, I understand why it’s been 2 years. I’m a slow writer and artist and well- many things have come up in my life that had to come first, like my sisters wedding! 💞 and college 😅)

I want to thank my family and friends (WHO DO NOT READ THIS COMIC- THANK GOD) 💕 AND I want to THANK YOU! The readers! 💐💐

You guys are relentless! I’m as impatient as traffic and yet you guys wait for weeks or months at a time for like 4 pages?! You guys don’t even complain!!! I truly want to thank you all for that ❤️ it helps me so much. Being busy and getting burnt out are common and it helps me feel relaxed that i'm not on a timer. Literally tho- you guys keep this comic chugging I swear. Tysm 💐

Unorganized rambling about the comic ahead :) ⭐️🔥

—

My feelings with this comic are actually so complicated. On one hand I hate looking at my older art because GOD IT LOOKS SO OFF I want to stab it, and then on the other hand I am so so proud of myself for even continuing it this far. Ngl the weird route has been one of my favorite parts of this comic. It took me FOREVER to figure out an ending, but damn do I still get chills >:) hehe.

I’m still miffed that I named this project “Deltarune: The Chara Timeline” I could have gone for something so much COOLER. Doesn’t help I use like 7 different titles for it either. We got Deltarune the Chara timeline, Deltarune chara timeline, THE Chara timeline, chara timeline, Ct??? Man,,, I’m crazy. I take after my family so hard. We have 3 names for each of our dogs 💀.

Comic/Animation Tip i have learned. It is VERY GOOD to make the character relatively simple in design. Shape language is also super important, ((but I never really got around to doing that before I was half way through the comic, woops.)) These things can make ur process go by so much faster. This whole comic has been a HUGE learning curve. LIKE OH MY GOD. I had to learn how to draw backgrounds, write dialogue, plan a story, learn how to draw fast and draw noses (which god damn I really still can’t). And I had to learn how the heck to squeeze art into a tiny page and make it not look grainy. It's intense!

Anyways.... this has been such an awesome opportunity! Thanks Toby Fox!

I totally ran out of “art time” for my iPad and wanted to finish this today. So it’s a bit rushed. I’ll add weapons and possibly the other characters later :)

Oh shi- I forgot to add this grainy image of the next few pages lmao

#chara is literally built like a rectangle. idk why ive never noticed that #a thick greenbean #and Asriel is kinda half and half when it comes to standing on his toes or regular foot. He has a more top heavy approach to his balance #bread #undertale #deltarune chara timeline #my art #chara #asriel #character sheets #character references #art #deltarune #happy 2 year anniversary!!!! #college chara #college asriel #darkworld

[handweavers]

my uncle was a complicated man who often made it difficult to be around him - he was frequently abrasive, struggled to give affection freely, and his love and concern usually expressed itself through a harsh and abrupt, stilted demeanor. he could be very angry a lot of the time, a deep seated rage and a callousness at times that stung and wounded. but he had a difficult upbringing, and it was easy to understand why he was the way he was. he was born during the japanese occupation of malaya during ww2 when my family was interned, and many members of our family and the sikh community were targeted for beheading and lynching by the japanese imperial army. my family was very poor back then, and repeated traumas and losses and abuse had hardened him. he struggled with alcohol addiction all his life, like most in my family, and he could be very cruel when he would drink.

but i'll never forget how he made an effort to take care of me and make sure i knew he loved me. the first time i returned home to malaysia as an adult, on my own, after being kept away for many years by my father, i had to reconnect with my family on my own, with my home country on my own, without his help or guidance. and my uncle showed me a degree of kindness that no one expected, and embraced me without hesitation when i came out as trans, and enforced that among the family. no one could go against him, he was the patriarch of the entire extended family, and his word was law. his approval of me meant even those who would have shunned me had to tolerate me or risk being shunned themselves - he held that much power. and when i was going to fly back to canada he called me at the airport just to tell me he loved me and that this is my home and my family and no one can take that away from me and that i belong here and he will miss me. he rarely spoke like that to anyone, ever, even his own children. it was deeply uncomfortable and difficult for him but he did it anyway because he felt like it was important, that i was important. and he took care of me in many ways over the years, and if it weren't for him i likely would have been/would be homeless and would never have been able to go to university at all. and now without him i definitely can't afford any of that and i'm not sure what to do with myself. he made sure repeatedly and consistently to communicate in whatever way he could to tell me that he cared, in his own ways, and to step in where my father could/would not.

the last time i saw him was in august of this year when we had lunch together, and he told me i did well and he was proud of me to be the one to finally bring my dad home, knowing how awful my dad is. he and i were the closest living relatives to my dad and the people who knew him best, and i could go to him for help when my dad was making things very hard for me and he understood. he was the only other person still alive who could wrangle my dad, who could 'deal' with him, set him in his place. my other uncle could do the same, and he also took care of me and made sure to check on me and remind me that i am a part of this family and that i belong with them, but he passed away when i was 19. now it's just me left to deal with my dad without either of my uncles' help, and no one else alive who knows what it's like to be tied to him directly in the way that we are. and i didn't get to say goodbye, and i didn't get to attend the funeral nor help scatter his ashes to the sea. when i go home every part of him will be gone gone gone and never coming back and there's nothing i can do.

[lesless]

glowing, growing 🔮 🍀

It is gently dropping small, delicate flakes of white outside & the air is so still, quiet, like a whisper. My love took the dog & headed out to a town 2 hours away to meet his father so he can spend tomorrow working on an initiative that may prove to be a wonderful investment of time/energy/etc., but not without quite a lot of work first. I am proud of him in a lot of ways, but I will miss him. I do enjoy my down time though, so I will make the most of it.

I had planned on meeting up with a friend tonight after she had dinner with her sister, but neither of us wanted to do much once the sky grew grey & it began to snow. I wrote a list of what I want to do solo tomorrow--tea (I need to reign back my coffee consumption, again), journal, breakfast, eat, go to yoga, get a juice from the place next door to the studio, a bath with the bath bomb I bought at the botanical gardens. Then, get some work done on the photo and/or writing project, buy some yarn to make gifts, write xmas cards, then maybe meet up with that friend I missed today. It sounds like a great solo day, exactly the kind of thing I like to do! A little chill, a little activity/movement in the A.M., a little productivity, a little shopping, a little fun.

It is funny that since I sorted through my clothes & replaced them with quality items I enjoy wearing that I feel like I have SO many options but I have SUCH a small number of items now compared to when I started weeding out synthetics. I have reflected that life is funny like that, sometimes when we lack quality we go for quantity, don't we?

Being deliberate in purchasing/replacing items has been a years-long thing & lately I do feel surprised that interacting with quality on a regular basis is satisfying, though I have kind of always held the idea that spending extra $ on things you interact with daily will make your daily experience more enjoyable. A nice face wash, comfortable bedsheets, decent rubber gloves to wash dishes in. I suppose I will just never stop appreciating little things in life.

Sunday bb will return, we will relax & play BG3, spend our last little bit of solo time together until next year, quite literally. Tuesday our friend arrives, I visit the allergist, then Thursday my cousin arrives, then Sunday we fly to Texas, then it's holiday madness & remote work, then we fly to Mexico, the new year blooms, more remote work, & we return to life & a new semester.

In more mundane news, I told myself that I would learn how to french braid my hair while it's short so I can become accustomed to it as it grows out & I have stuck to my word! 3 successful braids so far, though my arms do get exhausted & I feel feeble every time I braid it. Just as I feel weak every time I do core exercises (2 down this week! pretty good considering I spent 3 full & exhausting days in the office today) at least I'm doing it! I will get better! I can't expect myself to be good at something right off the bat, as much as I want to be for my ego's sake.

I still always feel at least a little anxious after socializing with people I am not intimately close with, & I have done an assload of socializing over the last 3 days, BUT I feel relatively unscathed after this week. 2 fumbles, which I felt I saved, & maybe I shouldn't be cataloging my social blunders mentally but also maybe mentally I'm a little left of center & I should just be OK with that, too, instead of self-monitoring so heavily. Anyway, I think the level of comfort I DO feel has a lot to do with the fact that I really just feel delightful about the people I work with; I really genuinely like them all. They are all such characters, so knowledgeable, incredibly well-intentioned, & most of them are as sassy & quippy as I enjoy in a person without the malicious undertone that often accompanies that trait.

Anyway I am trying to remind myself that bettering is incremental & when I look back at how far I have come I am proud of myself, too. Lastly, perhaps, I must shake the scolding I want to give myself at every imperfection.

It is a beautiful night & I am comfortable, listening to music & watching everything collect a thin layer of white outside of my window. I have things to look forward to, people to love, people to love me back, humble goals, & a deep appreciation for the now. I hope you, too, find a quiet sort of peace as the year wraps itself in darkness & cold. I hope spring makes you feel like you can start over if you need to. I hope you treat yourself gently tomorrow.

#me

[sunnys-serious-soliloquys]

Soliloquy of a Silver Tongue

So. Compulsive lying. We've all heard of it.

In case you haven't, here's a quick summary; you just can't. Stop. Fucking. Lying.

For some people, it's outrageous things like being related to a celebrity or being able to do completely impossible feats or just having dead family members or something like that. Relatively easily debunked. For others, it's more subtle; having all your work done, being exactly where you're supposed to be, making promises. While the former is more used as an example, I feel the latter can be far more harmful than its counterpart.

Why am I talking about this? Well let's rewind... say 4 years. I'm still smart, kind, loving, a picture perfect daughter. But above all, utterly honest.

My father will ask me what has changed since then. Why I can't be good and hardworking and helpful and truthful. I don't answer. I'm not entirely sure myself. There was no great tragedy, nothing that would flip a switch into the utter disappointment I am today. But I am, nevertheless, a disappointment. A moral failure in every way that my parents somehow can't help but love. Sometimes I feel that it would be easier for both of us if they didn't.

It's easy. Too easy, almost. To pretend I'm not broken by my own hand. A hundred thousand "I'm doing fine!"s and "I'll get it done."s and "Of course I can!"s. And the worst part is, for a minute I believe it. And then time flies by and since it should've been done by now, I pretend it has been. "I've submitted it." "Are you sure it's not there?" "Something must have gone wrong..." A million twisted words from a tongue suffocated in silver. And I tell myself, "I'll get it done", "I'll make it right", "If I get it done fast enough, then no one's none the wiser, right?", and letting myself down again and again. It feels like frost in my veins, crawling down my arms and legs and numbing my fingertips. I can't focus, I can't work, I'm trying to get things done but I just can't, and I keep lying because I know they expect me to be better than that, and I can't stand the thought of telling them I can't.

Because I should be able to, right? I've sped through the lower grades with straight A's and high marks, proud teachers saying how gifted and extraordinary I was, how happy my parents must be to have such a brilliant child. And, yet, here I am struggling to get a single assignment done. Frankly, it's pathetic.

Maybe that's where the lying comes from. Shame, the thought that "they can't see me like this because I'm not good enough for them". It begs the question; What came first? The chicken or the egg? The lying or the shame?

It's not like I've never been found out. I've pledged to stop lying more times than I can count, sometimes to myself but mostly to my parents time and time again. But in the end, a promise broken is just another lie, isn't it? It's hard to drag yourself out of the pit you've been falling into for four years, and sometimes your grip just slips and you've lost control again. In the end, what it really takes is a barbed hook to pull you out. Sure, it hurts like hell, and the wound won't heal for years to come, but it's sure not to let you go easily.

Anyway, any advice on how to stop lying? Any help would be appreciated!

#soliloquy of a silver tongue #sunny's musings #sunny's soliloquys #pathological lying #mental illness #lying #lies #compulsive lying

[xerospaced]

So it's taken me a ridiculous amount of time to attempt this course that should have been completed in 12 weeks. And I've only just finally submitted the assessment of my second unit (2 of 4). I did actually submit it initially on schedule but I was asked to add some info. And then after doing that was asked to add yet more info to another question! Ma'am!!

Anyway. This is not really anything to be proud of (to most anyway) but I am proud. I have attempted to get back to work on this course for a HOT minute. And each time I have sat down or tried to sit down to work on it I have ultimately failed and done, nothing.

Today, I actually REMEMBERED that my tutor had given today as a deadline to add this additional info as it was only a small amount required. Thankfully I remembered coz I had no reminders set, nor did I note it anywhere.

But, after having less than three hours sleep due to my period crippling me late into the night and a contractor turning up first thing to work on my en suite (which he didnt finish til about 1), and then - when I was finally thinking about decompressing in my space alone for a grip before approaching this task - I had to take my ma to the doctor on a last minute urgent thing.

I handled both disruptions incredibly well. Brought my ma home and went out to cop me some energy drinks and a couple snacks coz I'm still trying this maintaining glucose levels thing and I knew I needed to work.

I very almost started gaming when I got back in coz I cant stand going from external thing to focused thing without a transitional period. But I knew I was running the risk of getting sucked in.

Instead, I kept in my ear buds, danced around, started on my energy drink (and a cheeky glass of moscato) sat down to work - laptop tried to beef me so I got myself prepared for the task I had to approach while it sorted itself out. Got distracted by a linkedin email and found myself on the app job searching. Yes, productive. No, not conducive to the matter at hand.

Hennyway, I managed to shift my focus back to the assignment. Did one part and was gonna take a one song break (coz pressure from Encanto came on shuffle and I'm not gonna work through that coz like I NEEDS to belt) but ended up pausing it while I prepared the second part. Then ended up just completing the second part and submitting and now I'm done.

And sure, all in all, it was about ten to fifteen mins of work. And yeah, it's a relatively minor thing in the grand scheme of things. But still! I did something and focused when I intended to and stopped myself getting distracted and stayed on task.

I will add that part of what helped the transition was D asking me if I'd submitted my poems for the competition yet just before I headed to the dr. [As established, deciding to work on my poetry was that THING I needed to get excited and motivated] It set me in a space where I was wanting to be productive. I sent him a few poems for his insight. He doesn't do poetry and all that so it was an odd choice but he is also not afraid to be critical and won't just tell me everything is great (also he gave v positive feedback to the poem which is like... the crux of me and the manuscript I'm gonna put together so omfg YES)

Long long long ass post coz I'm typing on my surface and not as limited as when I'm on mobile, plus typing speed lord jesus.

Anyway, I'm proud of myself. And even tho D didn't provide any overt or particularly hands-on application of accountability/responsibility, he did put my attention on a worthy task, and the best one he could've to kick me into gear.

#mine #Good things are coming #Even if I'm only productive for like an hour or two a day to start #I can do a LOT in a short time #So I'm excited for how this momentum will build #First monday I've had in forever where i've actually got off to an effective start. #So YAY #Also I'm pretty sure I've figured out which three poems I'm going to submit so that's awesome #But I would like to try to write something new as two are from 2020 and one is from 21 #So like... Yeah. #cc rambles

[zlatamosya]

Progress 2 // July 22nd, 2023

In my last update, I hoped to have finished revising the rest of Chap1, to decide future plot points, finish the "bare bones" of the rest of my chapters, and to start writing the poem- part of which will be featured in the beginning of each chapter.

I was able to do most of those. So that's good.

I finished revising almost all of Chap1, now I just have to edit one last bit of a scene until I can let myself move on to Chap2 [or let myself skip around between chapters and scenes], and I did decide some more future plot points. Those are the good things.

Unfortunately, I didn't start writing the poem yet, and I might not start that for a long time. I also didn't finish the "bare-bones" of the rest of my chapters, but that's alright- I do have my plot-list, which is what I start with anyway.

However, while I was writing Chap1, I did give myself time to plan out a few panel pages. I also made notes on what I could fix/add on my next revising period, and notes on little illustrations I could do. Also, I designed a small little section break thing, but I'm not sure how well it'll show up.

[Image ID: a large sun in the center, with a swirl in the middle spreading to the ends, creating the fiery ends of the sun with wavy lines and clouds from either side. at the end of the lines lies a single flower.]

I am doing this all on my phone [only option, and will likely stay that way.] The art updates will be relatively inconsistent because of this, but that's okay.

I started doing more in-depth research on child psychology and how trauma impacts them later in life [journals, articles, observing my family, books, self-reflection, etc.] as an adolescent and/or an adult.

I also did another male torso anatomy study to get back into drawing guys, although I fell asleep halfway through.

However, I have been neglecting the Italian [arguably one of the most important aspects of my novel.] Mi dispiace :[ so I will still have to rely on Google Translate for most of it, and checking with articles for various slang and fact-checking Google [quite tiring, but I can manage.]

I'm going to attempt to explain the relationships between my MC [Lu] and the rest of the characters here, because... Why not?

Lu [MC/himself]

He doesn't know how he feels about himself. Between how Az treats him vs. how Mae treats him, he is conflicted.

He is afraid of being perceived as ugly, or "flawed," and will do everything in his power to make sure that he is as perfect as he can be. [Academics, athletics, arts, as a person, beauty, and etc.] This is all I can say, at the moment.

Az [LI, kinda]

Lu&Az are close friends, and Az is essentially his only friend. Az takes it upon himself to make Lu feel as "precious as he is."

Once Lu opens up about imperfection, Az is just incredibly confused, concerned, and even kinder towards him. He even cut off a few friends of his because they [unintentionally] made Lu feel lesser than [Lu learns of this, initially feels guilty.] Az is also concerned for Mae's treatment of Lu. [Catalyst of Lu's villain arc]

Mae

Mae is the "villain." They're his Creator, Lu was literally made in Their image[in a way]. They overwork themselves constantly, and take out Their frustrations on Lu, whether drunk or not.

Mae is concerned that Lu won't "thrive" in Paradiso, especially being the heir to Venere, and that he won't be a fit ruler for Venere. Lu adores his Creator, but also despises Them. He appreciates what They do for him, and also hates how They treat him. [also conflicted]

Ma [Az's Creator]

Ma has been nothing but kind [and beyond] to Lu. She takes him in as Her own, nurses him back to health, tells Mae what She thinks of Their treatment. She's proud that Az has treated him so well.

Lu sees Her almost as a "mother." She treats him like a son.

Ra [Professor]

Her class is, by far, Lu's favorite. It's the quietest, and he likes Human Literature.

She has a standard teacher-student relationship with Lu, but eventually expresses concerns about Lu's home life and Lu is now in fear of what she may do to him.

This was a long one, but I think it's interesting. By the next Progress Update, I plan to have Chap1 fully revised [until next time], one or two illustrations done, better Italian, better knowledge on child/trauma psychology, better anatomy knowledge, and be at least halfway through revising Chap2 [or whatever chapter I decide to work on next.] This has been a hectic month for me, so I'm surprised I got anything done at all. :]

#LuANGCRPTN01 #Fallen Light #creative writing #prose writing #writing #author #writer #writers and poets #fantasy novel #psychological #thriller #fantasy #psychological thriller #progress #romance #wip #angel #fallen angel #corruption #progress update! #digital art #design #poet #zlatamosya

[sonkitty]

The Unlikely Project

As the year 2022 closes out and 2023 begins, I find myself at a crossroads.

I have finished writing a My Little Pony fanfiction, The Master Mev, that is over 275,000 words, which is similar to writing a long novel. The word "long" is a relative term here and compared to what I've read of beginner authors trying to get published. I wish I could have finished earlier, but I needed time and space to work on other things or shift focus at times.

I have been waiting for this point mainly for a new project that takes me by surprise.

My favorite MLP fanfic is the Austraeoh series written by Imploding Colon, also known as shortskirtsandexplosions. The series is incomplete and spans over 3 million words. I have never read a series this long, for anything. Often, once I read the first book in a series, that is enough for me.

Due to my Rainbow Dash obsession and longing for something to let her be awesome, well...Austraeoh fills that wish quite extensively. It's not all perfect, but it's still a story I enjoy a great deal. So much so, that I have wanted to do an audiobook reading of it for years. I have, in fact, done an audiobook reading of my favorite chapter in my favorite book already.

Anyway, so I just find it weird and I confess, a little questionable, that this is the project I want to do with my time. You see, Austraeoh is long. It is so, so long. I don't want to do only the first book. I want to do all except the currently incomplete one, Ofolrodi. The series could remain incomplete at its current point. By my calculations of handling chapters for my own fanfiction, working on such a project is something I might not finish before I die. It is not impossible to finish, but it is highly unlikely.

Yet...I *still* want to do it.

Why? Don't I want to do other things with my time? Animate, draw, play video games, write more stories? Of course! Yes! So very much yes! One of the things that truly shocks me about this desire is that an audiobook is auditory. I've always thought of myself as more inclined to visual projects, even if, when I truly think about things, writing can be found in either such form and is what I feel most comfortable at in the hobbies I spend time on. I usually read my work through the visual way and save editing it through speaking aloud quite far into a draft, for fictional chapters. I certainly never read it aloud for a post like this one.

I guess audiobooks do give me a chance for acting, which is another hobby and what I longed to do when I was a kid. I wanted to be a famous movie star, which admittedly, this type of project will not lead to that path. Still, acting *is* fun.

Anyway, I'm just a little down about what I am possibly giving up by choosing "Austraeoh audiobook reading" over so much else. At the same time, much else is in the calculation of how long the reading will take. I have admitted to myself that the project is so impossibly massive, I *cannot* abandon what needs to be done, such as basic chores at home.

With this very important factor in my head, I have actually been cleaning and tidying more at the house, in a very good, productive way, that makes me genuinely proud. This strange calling is helping me focus those things. And, I will hopefully, somehow, some way, make time for those other hobbies too. Some things will have to be given up, and that's what makes me sad. I will figure them out as time goes on.

Something else I don't necessarily *want* to do but am considering is looking for a means of passive income, either through POD designs online or writing books. Writing books somehow feels more possible with the completion of my most recent fanfic. The main issue with writing books for money is it might take some of the fun out of writing, which I mainly do as a hobby. Of course, that still might not make money if no one buys the books. This whole idea stems from not really seeing a retirement in my future. The amount of passive income I've made so far would never make up for it, but if I were more committed, maybe that could change. That's what it comes down to, though, isn't it? Is that something I wish to commit to? So far, no.

But...there's another part of me that thinks I'm going through a phase. I'll do this Austraeoh audiobook project for awhile, get tired of it, and move on. I do see this result as the most likely one. The part that doubts it is the part that's been waiting years to do it at all and motivating me to take care of the house. Regardless of how it goes, I won't be short on ideas of what to do. Commitment is the true question, and it is one answered with time. I won't resent myself if I give it up. I know how truly big of a project it is, and the other doors that open in turn. I might slightly resent myself if I stick to it, but not enough to stop myself. It's a calling I want to and will answer...for now anyway.

This content is mirrored at: http://www.animecentral.net/the-unlikely-project/ https://www.patreon.com/posts/unlikely-project-76754756

#personal #me #sonkitty #kazamacat #self reflection

[not-quitenormal]

This week has been a roller coaster.

Started off great, albeit low-key.

Had two break-downs by the weekend.

I'm putting too much pressure on myself, as usual, because I want to make sure I'm at Peak Performance this time around. The last thing I want to be is a failure and start the spiral all over again. But it all still reminds me of infancy, of childhood, of adolescence, of young adulthood. Am I good enough? Am I worthy enough?

By whose worth am I trying to measure myself to?

I think I managed to pull myself together pretty well, though. When Devon and Joe consoled me - separate days, separate breakdowns (polyamory gets *fun*) - I listened to them instead of hyperanalyzing their behavior or countering them. They're absolutely incredible. I feel lucky every day knowing I'm with them. I tried to show that as best as I could in return. Hopefully I did right by them.

I'm proud of myself for making it through this week in relatively one piece. This was one of the weeks I've been dreading for a year. Next week feels like it might be more of the same, but I think I'll be okay.

...Taking a few precautions anyway, though.

Anyway. Got a Galinda Mauw in my lap, I'm playing video games with my husband, and I'm high as a kite in March. Happy Death/Phoenix Day to me.

#mental health adventures #max is a god in their own right #✌

[casspurrjoybell-17]

Hart and Hunter - Chapter 41 - Part 3

*Warning Adult Content*

It takes a few weeks for things to get back to normal... or the closest to normal that things get in Spring Lakes.

A good night's rest is all I need and Ingrid bounces back just as fast 'though she says she'll be happy to get back to New York, now'.

Fortunately, Danni recalls little of their ordeal and Savannah remembers nothing.

Erickson, while shaken, has emerged more or less unscathed, though Coleridge has taken my advice and placed him on paid leave.

I have a feeling he might reconsider his calling.

Coleridge herself has taken the supernatural revelations surprisingly well, having always suspected there was more to what went on around here than met the eye.

She promises to help us ensure the caverns are permanently sealed and has already put a motion before the town planning committee to have the old buildings brought up to code, which would include new, very solid foundations.

Meanwhile, an investigation has been opened into Rian Halloran's 'disappearance' and his colleagues in Ireland notified.

I've notified Leon Marsh, my accidental contact in the FBI, as well and he's already moved to have the case quietly shelved.

Officially, the burglaries and the deaths of Jeffrey Lagrange and Stephanie Wong remain unsolved, filed away in a drawer full of many others in the same category.

Coleridge has asked me to take a look at the backlog, just to see if any fall within my 'wheelhouse' as she says.

Of all of us, Julian is the slowest to recover and as usual, he's the one that worries me.

As the days pass, he remains quiet and withdrawn, eating little and sleeping a lot.

Most of his waking hours are spent staring out the window, lost in thought.

After I come home from a trip to the store and find him exactly where I left him hours earlier, curled up in the window seat, I confront him.

"Hey, Jules," I say, rubbing his shoulders as I sit at his side.

"You gotta let it go. I'm sorry about Halloran and about Rhiannon and sorry for all the shit that happened in the past but that's where you gotta leave it. At least for now."

He nods.

"I know. I'm just worried I made a mistake," he says.

"Giving the book to Eirnín. I just can't put it from my mind. Rhiannon said to guard it but in the moment..."

He bites his lip.

"Who could it be safer with than her own mom?"

His blood relatives don't have the best track record for trustworthiness but I keep that thought to myself.

"You couldn't read it anyway," I say.

"You still have the pictures you took of the pages, though, right? We'll send them to Noah. He likes puzzles. In the meantime, worrying about it won't do any good. It's a problem for another day."

He turns to me with a soft smile.

His guard is down and the full blast of his beauty makes my breath catch.

"Here's to another day, then," he says and presses himself into my arms and kisses me.

I hope it's because I got through to him and not because it's what I want and what he is but either way he does as I ask and let's the matter lie.

********

A month later, another full moon rides high in a clear sky and bright stars bless the night.

I stand in Wolf form... not upon the highest ridge or at the standing stones but in the open meadow right outside my front door.

A sense of peace fills my heart... the quiet confidence of knowing I am right where I belong, that I have conducted myself well and that my mother and father may be proud to call me their son.

The ritual is nearly complete, my life now wed to the land as much as to the life of my mate.

He stands at my side, his hand resting lightly on my back, while my sisters 'also as Wolves' look on as witnesses.

One last thing remains.

Tilting back my head, wolf-song rises from my throat on a ribbon of sound... a long ululation of praise to the lords of the hunt and to the Moon Goddess above, as well as a summons to any who would challenge me.

Three times, I fill and empty my lungs and three times I wait for a reply.

None is made and in the silence, the ritual is done.

The land is mine and I belong to the land, as Alpha.

I tip my head back one last time and let forth a different sort of howl... deep and long and filled with triumph.

My sisters join in with joy and Julian adds his voice as well, light and musical.

And so, with the strange yet fitting combination of a Wolf and a Fae at its head, the Spring Lakes Pack is born.

[putyourlipstomine]

1/23/2024

I’ve always wanted to write here for a minute but always slacked. We don’t talk anymore so this might just be an entry for me and the ghost of old times passed. That sounds dumb, honestly I know there are better words for what I’m trying to say but I was never the writer between us two. You always did inspire me though, to think I could. Anyway, it’s a new year. I thought about texting you after our falling out but a lot of things were said that we really shouldn’t have. I was really mad with myself because of the things i could’ve said to you but didn’t. I was mad with myself for even wanting to say hurtful shit to you even if some of the things you said hurt me, but I hate the feeling of that these days. I hate having to feel like I have to fight back against everything, instead of everything just being relatively calm. I know nothing is going to be perfect, but i’m trying to find that softness, the kindness in my heart again to be soft with people. I have felt so much anger, so much negative emotions, and it has consumed me so much in the last few months. I took like two weeks off the gym when i was going 6 days a week, but i’ve been so depressed lately. I haven’t felt myself in months and I don’t know why. But I want to get better you know? I wanna be able to get myself right to learn how to love myself and to stop feeling like I deserve every bad thing that happens to me because of the mistakes I’ve made. I’m more than that. I want to celebrate my accomplishments and actually feel proud of myself, not just brush it off like I got lucky. Cause I work hard. I’m trying my hardest this year. It took me some years, but I’m finally here. I wanted so badly to text you and tell you about it, but i had my first appointment with my doctor and I’m starting my hormones soon. I’m finally doing something for me. Of course, the insurance is being a pain in the ass and not wanting to cover it so your boy might just go broke tryna get rid of this dysmorphia but goddamn. I was so happy today at my appointment. I guess that’s why I’m at least here sharing it with you through this forgotten blog. I doubt you’ll look here anytime soon. Unless… the universe does that weird thing where we get drawn back to each other when we’re dealing with shit. You know that stupid weird intuition type shit like we shared a brain bluetooth that doesn’t unpair. That’s a stupid analogy but again, i am not the writer. I need to stop trying to be funny but it’s funny because this is awful. Anyway, again - I’m starting therapy again. Granted, even though I know that I’m completed mentally and emotionally broken i don’t want to do the medication. I’ve felt so much of nothing, of pain and anger and frustration that something in me switched and I can’t cry. I never wanted to get to this point. It hasn’t been this bad since i started seeing my psychiatrist for the first time as a kid. And I’m scared because I don’t know how to just release everything I’m holding in because even though I can’t cry, i can’t release these feelings I’ve got wound up in me, it’s got this grip around my heart. It’s got me in this dread that the grip is gonna keep getting tighter and it’s gonna break my heart. And I’m not even heartbroken over my relationship, but because I’m losing myself and knowing how to value the things I love in my life. I’m so “well, i guess it wasn’t meant to be then” instead of fighting for the things I love because I want them there. I’m so afraid of showing I still care, that I still love, that i want people around because I’m tired of people leaving me. Of feeling like I’m not wanted. Or i’m not enough. I want to feel the way i felt before, you know. Where you have so much love to give someone it pours out in abundance and you have no regrets because you know the love you give is going to someone who’s gonna keep you safe, who’s gonna accept all your love for what it is and be soft with it. I miss the innocence of that and I hate that everything these days, nobody cares to fight for. Because either things are too complicated, or everything’s too much.

#to the librarian

[gentlethorns]

okay actually i am very proud of myself. this past week was so stressful but i got through it with flying colors. took it in relative stride, my performance at work didn't suffer, i connected the dots and did what i needed to do without being too insensitive of the situation (i was like a little just by nature of having to ask for the things i had to ask for, but i feel like i handled it with as much grace and empathy as i possibly could despite the really shitty circumstances). i didn't let the stress get to me too badly, didn't impulse spend or do reckless things to cope with it, didn't snap or get short with my bf or anyone else really except in very small instances that honestly people on the outside might not have even noticed, and i excelled at communication (which i'm very strong in communication anyway, which is a miracle in and of itself considering the communication patterns people around me used when i was a child, but even in these really stressful circumstances i communicated patiently, clearly, and effectively). i've always known that i operate really well under intense, real stress (less so under like small-scale stressors which i think is fucking stupid lol) but this was honestly on another level, lowkey like my biggest triumph to date. i'm so proud of myself for being able to lead the logistics of such a batshit situation with organization, empathy, grace, and clarity. when i compare this situation to another very stressful situation that occurred like last year the difference is like night and day, not to mention that i would say that situation was actually less stressful than this one, and seeing that growth in myself is really gratifying. it feels weird to find a positive like that in all this

#she bork #tbd #even my bf told me that he was really proud of me for navigating everything the way i did. it's just crazy when life presents you with an #opportunity to see how far you've come and developed as a person and i'm really proud that i handled everything the way i did. it gives me #confidence in myself that i really can field anything life throws at me

[mixdown01]

Adaption: Final Reflection, POTP

{youtube link xoxo}

And that's post wrapped!

It's been a long semester, and I'm stoked to have learned as much as I have and to have developed the skills and knowledge I now have for the future. I don't have too many photos of post because I was really hunkering down but I'll try to find some to put in!

I'm proud of the work I managed to do in the time we had after picture lock and before the crit. I think an extra day or two to sit on sound and let it marinate would've be nice, but considering, I think I managed my time and schedule well and am glad of that.

(pretty long post so pls open the readmore ive put in!)

I'll start with a quick location sound review - I had no issues, beside the usual nuisances that come with filming outdoors and in businesses. I did what I could to minimize this (the angle/direction of the shotgun really does matter) and it worked, for the most part. I'm going to utilize wingman more in the future, because the sound notes put into the app can be seen in AVID next to the video files- I hadn't realized the info is "burned" into the files like that but this makes communication between sound and camera notes really nice. Of course ill do physical sound notes still, but in addition to wingman too.

Now onto post!

I was stressed about this, I admit. I hadn't done such a dialogue heavy film before, and was only vaguely familiar with the proper workflow. Common sense when organizing is huge though, and the project wasn't messy at all. Initial checkerboarding went smoothly. One thing I was irritated to notice was the quality of the park atmos changed very much depending on what angle we were shooting at relative to the road, which of course I knew would happen when we chose the location, but was still very blah this sucks about. I managed with minimal tension headaches and I think it is very minimally noticeable, if not noticeable at all, in the final product so yay for that.

Leveling and doing a temp mix for their lines, though.... I abused automation and I was holding myself back (to be fair I didn't overuse it but I definitely used it a lot). In one line the actors would start off quiet and then their voices would spike and go loud, which is a combination of delivery and boom oping I think. (It never peaked, and worked for some instances of topic and character and etc but I wanted it not to go up and down always) I gave my boom ops very very very Very basic rundowns on 'How To' and I wish I had sat them down for a more in depth lesson, and I WISH I had headphones for them - but we couldn't get a splitter, or didn't. Going to push for this if I keep outsourcing Ops and don't record and op myself.

ANYWAYS. Finished with that and then went to my favorite bit: DESIGN!!!!! I was very slumped and depressive at this point, so it really picked me up. I wish I had more time to look into certain music choices for scenes, but I am happy with the piano we got scored for the end sequence.

One thing I will say: I had a lot of trouble and internal fighting with How Much I should put in. Originally we had wanted something very stylized and Edgar Wright-esque, but that didn't really end up happening with the coverage we got, and in turn with the edit (which is definitely fine!). But this left me trying to balance not overdoing it, since sound is supposed to mesh well with the edit and visuals, but I felt like I HAD to make it stylized in order to try and get closer to what we wanted OG. I think I did an okay job - in the crit Olivia said the sound did all the heavylifting, which I still cannot decide is a compliment or a detriment. While I'm half glad it got noticed in a- positive?- light, im also kind of eh about it since technically it should enhance the world and match it, not 'heavylift' it.

Through the process Anne Marie helped me a lot with suggestions and notes: here are some I found below from my phone, they probably make no sense heh, I also had markers on pro tools I was referring too as well

Phew, that's long. I'll end on a happy note before I go into things I will incorporate into the workflow for next time. I'm glad I didn't have any technical issues, and all my qualms were creative. Even though I will be pushing for earlier picture lock on future films, because I feel I haven’t been able to breath when sound is left for minute (mainly because I’m trying to balance getting it all done and doing work I’m proud of) I'm content with what I managed to get done in the time I was given. I started Sound 7 days before the crit when picture was locked, and I managed to do what I think is an alright job! So, success, and a good test of my time management skills, because I had to learn to stop nitpicking cause more often than not it's fine and no one else can hear it but you.

THINGS TO INCORPORATE/MAIN TAKEAWAYS~

Wingman notes for the editor

set the edit window and sound window DURING PRE PROD, not during production. See if people can give you a week and a half at least for sound so it can breath a little bit and you don't waste away in SAS. Also so you can do a proper Mix and not a temp one

TEMP SOUND IN AVID - have a meeting with the editor to see what you can give them, and to say they can put in temp sound if they think something similar should go in certain places. Mainly for music and timing instances.

Decide on a color coding system so I use the same colors for everything always moving forward and It doesn't vary depending on the project (look up industry standard)

VOICEOVER IS A SCRIPT/STORY/PRODUCTION ASPECT not a sound department aspect

Drink more water to avoid tension headaches

xoxo I really hope everyone a good summer and to lots of learning and growing in their field!

#subtitles #filmadaption #behindthescenes