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#anyway I just like this vibe -u- can’t wait to have a basement of my own
kirby-the-gorb · 3 years
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ryoceann · 3 years
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Walker- 1x04 ~spoilers~
I know i’ve said this a dozen times...but Walker just keeps getting better and better and better! With every. single. episode. I loved everything about this episode so much and again! Jared live-tweeting it was the best!!! I watched this episode at 3 am lats night again help.
~spoilers~ last warning!!!
OK SO CRDIREZ BEAUTY EPISODE!!! YES! I loved loved loved loved the development of their friendship in this episode SO MUCH! 
First scene Cordirez and them badass rangers catching bad guys together YES!!! Walker trying to find out Micki’s middle name is so cute pls. 
I really enjoyed the case they worked here as well. It was both deep and emotional and that twist! YEPPPP SIGN ME UP.
THE BAR SCENE WITH WALKER AND MICKI. AGAIN THEIR FRIENDSHIP! The episode title fit so well here and I’m glad Micki and Walker have really reached a good understanding on a friend and partner level. THEY\RE THE CUTEST PLEASE I LOVE THEM. 
‘‘walker where’s my drink’‘ ok every word micki and cordell exchanged with each other was the best??? 
WALKER AND HIS KIDS AND BROTHER UNPACKING TOGETHER!!! I asolutely adore their relatioship. AUGUST IN THAT BLUE HAIR AND SUNGLASSES DHJHHF AUGUST I FUCKING LOVE YOU CAN I ADOPT YOU.
I really adored the tiny exchange between Stella and Walker. Speaks volumes of how much they’ve progressed since the pilot. Walker and Stella’s dynamic I ADORE so seeing them at really good terms is just beautiful.
Annnddd now August is being the rebellious kid. 
I’m glad they brought up Belle’s case here as well bc i thought they’d completely overshadowed it. STELLA AND BELLE ARE SO CUTE! I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THEM
OK NOW IK I SHIP CORDIREZ TOO BUT I SHIP TRICKI TOO. GOD.
They are so so so CUTE WITH EACH OTHER AND TREY IS JUST THE BEST I LOVE HIMMMM. 
Micki is such an epic artist??? HOLY SHIT GIRL HOW MUCH TALENT DO YOU HAVE HIDDEN IN THERE.
Micki and Walker working the case ‘off the books’! YES PARTNERS IN CRIME. or well soving crime. i didn’t like monty shaw too much anyways...idk bad vibes. WALKER DEFENDING MICKI AND SAYING SHE CAN FEND FOR HERSELF. I COMBUSTED.
THE CORPSE LADY WAS THE SAME ONE FROM SUPERNATURAL’S NIGHTMARE 1X14. HOLY SHIT.
*sigh* The Harlan Family. Classic Rich People.
‘‘can we keep this one off the books’‘ ‘‘OFF THE BOOKS???’‘ ‘‘are you kidding me off the books is my middle name. Just kidding it’s Beauregard what’s yours’‘ HHAHAH NICE TRY WALKER I LAUGHED SO HARD THEY’RE ADORABLE.
Cordell Beauregard Walker- such a fucking handful!
THE INTERROGATION SCENE. WHEN THAT GIRL WINKED AT WALKER AND HE JUST FLINCHED AND TURNED AROUND LMAO. WALKER WHAT HAVENT U HAD PPL HIT ON U BEFORE.
‘‘You got it ranger rick!’‘ PLSJJCDDFJFD. ‘‘that was so satisfying’‘ same micki same.
‘MICHELLE FLORIANA’‘ WOW??? I LOVE IT.
ALSO MUSKRAT! ADORABLE SO ADORABLE I WANT CORDELL TO CALL MICKI MUSKRAT ALL THE DAMN TIME.
‘‘on a scale from micki to muskrat where am i’‘ ‘‘floriana’‘ THAT LOOK THO.  HSHSHSHS DONT WORRY WALKER YOU’LL GET THERE.
-I love how this show is really taking the time to address the difficulties someone like Micki- A Female Latina would go through- the sexism, blatant disrespect and disregard. Micki’s character is also something that’s very well written and acted(Lindsey ily) and portrayed extremely well. One of my favorite things about Walker is how he really trusts Micki, views her as an equal, and wants to earn her trust, not demand it. It’s perfect(cordirez breakdown time). Micki is also slowly letting her fences down around him and it’s a huge and very delightful to see step. I love and adore their friendship and chemistry so much. 
MICKI SPEAKING IN SPANISH IS AN OFFICIAL TURN ON FOR ME BYE.
ALL OF THEM SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!! NOT JUST CORDIREZ BUT TREY TOO! WALKER AND TREY MEETING TOGETHER WHEN.
Trey is such an amazing boyfriend truly! THE TOWEL ON HIS SHOULDERS DJSFDJFD AND AH THE COMIC MICKI DREW??/ ADORABLE. Also love how encouraging and supportive Trey is. The men in this show are the best.
LIAM AND WALKER SCENE. I love their dynamic too and i wanna see moreee. Also more micki and liam scenes yes please.
‘‘thanks brother very supportive’‘ i sobbed when he called him brother. i just. *screams*
Ok so Abby and Bonham really had a bad falling out huh. Abby was in an affair with someone who still misses her??? Damn, can’t wait to see how this one progresses. ALSO WALKER FINDING THAT LETTER FROM GARY TO ABBY IN THE BASEMENT I FREAKEDDD,
THE ADDRESS. ON THE LETTER. IS THE SAME. AS THE LOCATION. OF JENSEN’S BREWERY. THE SAME BREWERY. WHO’S FIRST KEG OF BEER. WAS GIVEN TO JARED. BY JENSEN. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. HELP. HELP. HELP. NOT ME HAVING A J2 BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDST OF A WALKER EP AT 5 AM IN THE MORNING.
Aight so August and Ruby is a biG NO OK. Like idk idk idk just idk.
WALKER HAD AN AFFAIR(after emily so ok but still) WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHILE UNDERCOVER??? WAS IT JUST UNDERCOVER OR REAL??? I NEED ANSWERS STAT.
THE PHONE THAT WALKER HAD. ONE OF THE CONTACTS WAS WINCHESTER AUTO. W I N C H E S T E R  A U T O. Jensen coming to the show owning this shop and Walker going to him to get his car fixed when Jared Padalecki.
MICKI AND CORDELL(AND TREY!) SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!!
‘‘micki gives a play by play of the security footage’‘ ‘‘we’re watching the same thing micki’‘ *bitchface* PLS I LOVE THEM.
Holy shit Mrs. Harlan having an affair with Monty??? ENZO BEING BOB’S SON??? HOT DAMN THE CASE CONTINUES. Again. LOVE THE WORK/FAMILY BALANCE.
OK OK SO THE SCENE IN WHICH MICKI AND WALKER CONFRONT SHAW AND THE LOOKS THEY GIVE EACH OTHER BEFORE MICKI GETS IN THE CAR WITH SHAW WHEN THE MUSIC STARTS PLAYING!!! YES. YES. MY SOULFOOD.
I loved the way they worked it out. Phonecall, recording everything, THEM PARTNERING AND WORKING IT OUT SO BEAUTIFULLY I NEED SO MANY MORE CORDIREZ CENTRIC EPS YALL DONT EVEN KNOW.
‘‘walker! bulldog it!!’‘ HSHJDSHDSJ YES.
PLS I SCREAMED WHEN SHAW PULLED THE GUN ON MICKI.
BUT SHE IS SUCH A FUCKING QUEEN BADASS I LOVE HER.
Success!!!! The Micki and Walker and Larry scene at the end was so cute! I like how they’re actually invested in their jobs and want to do good it’s so heartwarming.
WALKER CALLING TREY TO FIND OUT MICKI’S FAV THINGS!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Also I genuinely love that Trey wasn’t weirded out by it or jealous or anything.  Can’t wait to see them interact I NEED IT!.
‘‘thanks for believing in me’‘ ‘‘i didnt. i trusted you.’’ HELP STOP MY FEELS.
‘‘thanks beau’‘ don’t mention it flor’‘ I DIED I DIED I DIED. MICKI AND WALKER I LOVE YOU. JKSJD MICKI WARMING UP TO THE MIDDLE NAME. THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST.
That last scene with Walker and his mom was so touching. Walker’s relationship with his parents is so sweet. His mom hugging him and comforting him when Walker said he missed emily so much *cries* I just wanna hold him please. 
August being worried for his father’s happiness I JUST. YOU SWEET BOY. I really think messaging Twyla was a baaaaddd move though.
WALKER AND AUGUST SELFIE. The way Walker so easily just picked his son and brought him to him, made him family photographer and that scene. THE BEST. 
I genuinely don’t think anything happened between Twyla and Walker. But we’ll have to see.
oKAY SO. Captain James??? It’s just an on and off thing. Do I trust him? Do i don’t? Why did he take those surveillance vids out??? I trust Liam with it and i’m glad he’s looking into it and all. Hopefully it doesn’t backfire badly. I have a very bad feeling that James had something to do with Emily’s death.
THAT STELLA AND BELLE INTERACTION. SO CUTE. Stella giving that jar of jame to try and make up and Belle being all cute and funny I love them. For a sec i was so scared Belle might yell at her but I’m very happy to see that they’re going strong despite all the circumstances- Belle’s parent’s deportation.
ALSO TREVOR IS SO HOT??? I like him and Stella they’re cute. Stella so obviously has a huge crush on him and they ride horses so well together. HHAHAHAH THAT DANCE STELLA DID WHEN HE FOLLOWED HER ON INSTA. SO RELATABLE.
The last Tricki scene mY HEART. ‘’you wanted a hero so you drew one. then you became one’’ Micki is going to be such an inspiration I love her. And the way they interacted, Trey getting a job!!! And Micki’s excitement, THEIR HUG!!! ‘’hugging is one of my superpowers’’ TREY BARNETT I LOVE YOU.
THAT LAST SCENE WHY LEAVE IT LIKE THIS. WHAT IS HAPPENING WHY DOES WALKER OR DUKE APPARENTLY HAVE TO GO BACK.
Anyways! As you can see the entire episode was so enjoyable and I loved it. The best part of this was definitely the Cordirez friendship development and i cannot wait to see where it goes from here!
Speculation/Thoughts for Episode 5:- So it’s for sure that Walker is going back undercover as Duke who’s a baseball...person? Idk he was wearing a baseball hat so :) Walker’s past is now very much mixed in with his present and I AM SCARED. What he’s doing is yet to be revealed but Tywla is coming back and that will just. mess. things. up. The scene in which Walker is yelling at August GOD SO NOT READY FOR THAT. It feels like him and his kids might go back to how they were before. I really don’t want that to happen. Also why am I expecting a major cliffhanger. 
HEY BUT THERE’S SHIRTLESS WALKER AND! MICKI RIDING THAT MECHANICAL HORSE IN A BAR OR SMTH AND MORE INSIGHT INTO WHAT TREY IS DOING SO IM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.
And it’s going on hiatus. Idk how to deal with that. :(
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donnieluvsthings · 4 years
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anyway i’m still thinkin about roceit newsies au...this got SO LONG its basically a bullet fic of the whole plot at this point but uh enjoy!!! its has all the sides and remy and emile bc i rly wanted to shove them all in here aldkaldka
this is based on the musical mostly bc i have never watched the original movie all the way thru oops
roman is jack and remus is crutchie (thanks boop). remus does crazy stunts even with his crutch and roman is Constantly Worried TM and overprotective of remus even tho remus can DEF take care of himself
on the other hand remus knows roman hates working as a newsboy and just wants to escape to some small town where he can become a local artist of some sort. remus wants roman to go CHASE his DREAMS even tho he’s afraid roman might leave him behind
roman may be the actor but remus is great at coming up with gruesome yet intriguing headlines that get people to buy papers and would totally be a great author of some sort
ON THAT NOTE roman dreams of santa fe and can picture it perfectly but whenever he tries to explain it, it comes out as senseless rambling and longing. it’s remus who can really put into words what roman feels (bc theyre bros and they just GET each other)
virgil as davey, patton as les, logan as sarah (its the musical but they have an extra sibling okay. let me have older brother logan)
virgil and patton show up and virgil is super untrusting and hates that theyre basically lying to get people to buy papers but patton is just EXCITED to meet New People!!! and looks up to roman (and remus), like, instantly
it helps that roman promises to take them to a real actual theater after they sell all their papers owned by the one the only emile picani !!!
also roman is the one who first calls him “virge” which is like jack saying “davey” instead of david. yes this is necessary information
so they sell their papers (and roman briefly meets an ESPECIALLY handsome guy wink wink) and go see emile who performs some variant of That’s Rich like the star he is. u cant take singer emile away from me
roman also performs bc i said so. he spies someone watching him during his act up above the stage and climbs up there when he’s done
janus. its janus, if that wasnt clear or u dont know the plot of the newsies musical aldkaldlal
so yeah janus as katherine!! he may be pulitzer’s son but that doesn’t mean his father wants him to be a journalist. pulitzer thinks he should prepare to inherit the publishing company or be a banker or smth, not be a journalist
i just think janus’ “society is a LIE” vibe fits with katherine. i mean, just look at Watch What Happens. “give life’s little guys some ink,” “they’ll storm the gates,” “rich greedy sourpusses” .... idk it just SCREAMS janus to me
ALSO, katherine technically lies about her identity for like 3/4 of the musical, so
anyway! roman meets janus and janus is all suave and lowkey flirty at first but then roman starts flirting BACK and jan is like “uh oh how to talk to cute boys????”
so then he gets all “i have more important things to do” *hair flip* and goes back to the article he’s supposed to be writing about emile’s theater (a lot of his notes are about roman’s performance but nobody needs to know that shhh)
roman draws a portrait of jan and leaves it there and janus gently & dramatically picks it up, stares at it, and tucks it into his suit with a soft smile
uh oh prices for papers went up! virgil steps up and helps roman lead a strike. turns out his caution works GREAT with roman’s determination and they keep each other from going towards extreme overthinking (virgil) or extreme stupidity (roman). they are a TEAM and they are BESTIES.
remus: lets SET THE PAPERS ON FIRE
roman, starry eyed: HECK YEAH LETS DO IT
virgil: how about we dont do that and instead form a union
and then the twins are like GOOD IDEA and tell everyone else. virgil may be a cautious and untrusting and afraid of public speaking but he has good ideas dangit
the intro to seize the day yknow? virgil says a Good Idea (which can probably be traced back to him always listening to logan rant about his studies) and roman spreads the message in a Firm Rebellion-y way to the other newsies
and patton is there doing his absolute best. he may be small but he knows that this isn’t right or fair to the newsboys and he’s ready to physically fight someone
enter logan who is lowkey really proud of virgil for stepping outside of his comfort zone to do whats right. logan may be scared out of his mind for his little bros but he’s gonna help them as much as he can between college and trying to work side jobs to help their fam
basically logan knows janus and tells him that he should report on the strike bc logan wants to help his bros AND his friend however he can
cue janus seeing his opportunity and TAKING it. he’s gonna write about this strike even if no one else will!!! take THAT, father
he also maybe possibly wanted to see roman again. but roman never needs to know that okay what he doesnt know cant hurt him
seize the day happens!!!! they strike!!!! they r powerful!!! but then no one else from any other sections of new york strike with them and they lowkey get rekt
remus mocks the delanceys but that was a BAD decision cuz now theyre targeting him and he gets taken to the REFUGE
roman is SAD bc his brother’s been taken away, no one showed up to help them strike, his brother’s been taken away and he just wants to get OUT of there. run away to santa fe, his ideal world, but he can’t even articulate that because his brother is gone
how is that just act one. how have i written so much yet left out so much???
remus is at the refuge and he’s a little more scared, now, that roman really will just leave him behind even though he knows deep down that roman would never.
still. he writes roman a letter and maybe he goes into a little too much detail about his injuries and the refuge but hey, that’s remus. he writes about how maybe they can run away to santa fe together. he signs it “your brother” and i CRY because they are the best bros
roman reads it and ALSO cries. especially because there it is, the description of santa fe he can never come up with by himself. remus rly does know him, huh
total scene change: janus finds the other newsies (and logan) in a restaurant? bar? and is like “!!! ur on the FRONT PAGE on my newspaper” which i just decided is called the snake instead of the sun
virgil didn’t totally trust janus would follow thru at first but now he’s convinced. they did it!!!! theyre on the front page!!!! the world WILL know!!!!
cue tapdancing!!!!!! king of new york is an absolute bop. i need logan tapdancing daintily and then janus LAUNCHING into some complex tap routine bc the newsies think he too will dance daintily
i know they wouldnt,,, actually dance but just let me have this self-indulgence in this entirely self-indulgent au
the Bro Trio + janus go hunt down roman to show him the paper and find him painting stuff at emile’s all sad and upset bc, well, they lost and remus was taken
but virgil is trying to show him that they made progress!!! sure pulitzer won but he won the BATTLE and actually the poor guy’s head is spinning bc theyre gonna win.
“cmon, ro, if i’m is telling you to be optimistic there must be hope”
see virgil calls him RO and its cute bc roman gave him the nickname ‘virge’ and now virgil’s giving him the nickname ‘ro’ theyre just besties okay
roman is unconvinced but then logan, who roman has actually never met before, steps in with Facts and Statistics, and patton adds some adorable words of encouragement, and janus sassily waves their Front Page Story at him, and roman starts realizing they DO have a chance
but then uh oh pulitzer threatens remus and the Bro Trio and roman is forced to speak out against the strike or risk ruining the lives of everyone he loves. and also he finds out that janus is pulitzer’s son and is Betrayed TM
theres some “he’s just trying to build up a false confidence in u so u can plummet to even greater depths” parallels in there somewhere....u can’t trust many people as a newsie and when roman DOES trust someone turns out he’s the son of the guy ur trying to fight
so roman says overnight in pulitzer’s basement, sleeping on an uncomfortable old printing press, and makes his decision
now for the RALLY
remy is spot conlon bc he DESERVES to be the leader of the brooklyn newsies. brooklyn, flushing, richmond, etc all show up to a newsies rally and are like YEAH!!! STRIKE!!!!
virgil is trying to tame the crowd nervously and keeps waiting for roman to show up bc they work best when theyre working together!!!! finally roman’s there and virgil introduces him (the attention isnt solely on him now thank gosh)
but then roman starts talking about how they dont stand a chance and how they shouldnt go on strike and virgil is just. confused and upset and angry
especially when he sees one of pulitzer’s employees slipping roman wads of money
virgil corners roman afterwards and is absolutely RIPPING into him. roman could fix this if he would just tell virgil the truth, tell him he doesn’t care about the money, he just wanted to keep him and patton and logan safe—
but roman knows if he tells virgil, then virgil will turn all his anger towards pulitzer, will be able to convince roman to keep going, and roman won’t. he can’t put virgil, put his family, at risk.
so he lies.
he doesn’t mean any of it. but he says it.
and maybe he kind of understands why janus lied, too.
he says he’s never had anyone to take care of him or remus, not like virgil does with his parents and his older brother. he says virgil will never know what it’s like.
virgil scoffs and glares and beneath all his fury looks crushed. but there’s still fire in his eyes, a spark roman saw that first day that only grew and engulfed any doubts virgil ever had.
roman says he’ll take the money and go, leave new york behind.
virgil says fine. we don’t need you. because you know what? all those words you said were mine. i didn’t have the courage to say them back then but now i do. we don’t need you.
(because i watched that scene in the movie and like YES go OFF davey i mean virgil)
roman flees to his “bedroom” which is really just a fire escape and just longs for remus’ reassurance. he has the letter but it doesn’t seem as encouraging now, not when he’s lost everything else important to him.
then janus shows up and roman’s mad at him but not mad enough to kick him out. and janus watched roman just give up on everything they’ve been fighting for and just wants to know WHY. why did he turn his back on the newsies when they were so close?
and roman, tired and upset and defeated, just says they wouldn’t succeed. even if all the newsies went on strike no one would report on it, anyway, because pultizer has all the printing presses on lockdown, even the one janus published from. and they already lost once! what more could they possibly do?
roman looks out over the railing, chest heaving from his rant, longing for his imaginary santa fe where he doesn’t have to face his failures. janus stands next to him and puts his hand over roman’s.
“i don’t have a simple answer to that question....but here’s a start.”
and janus pulls out a paper with roman’s words (well, and virgil’s, because virgil said it first but roman rephrased it powerfully, and that’s why they worked as a team) typed out, words that make the strike not about newsies but about ALL working children in the city who are being exploited for their youth and naivety.
it’s an entire article, expertly written. if published it would get the word out to the other newsies that they haven’t given up and show other working children and adults alike that this is IMPORTANT and they aren’t going away.
and then roman remembers his drawings of the refuge and remus’ graphic descriptions and shows them to janus and hey!!! they have a plan!!! they just need to print it....
roman’s like yo there’s an old press in ur dad’s basement he’d never suspect anything
and theyre both so excited and theyre gonna DO this, FINALLY, and janus sees hope on roman’s face again, maybe permanently this time, and janus just leans in and kisses him.
its very sweet and cute and theyre in LOVE
they pull back and kinda stand there awkwardly for a few seconds before both of them start grinning
and they both know its fragile, that they’ve hurt each other and trust was cracked, but it wasn’t broken completely, and they can fix this. they believe in each other and that’s enough for now.
and then they go find virgil at his house
roman knocks on the door and virgil opens it and just. glares at roman. and roman starts rambling apologies and explanations and tries to tell virgil about their plan and did he mention he’s sorry
virgil kinda just stares at him as he goes on and on and the only thing that stops him is patton running out and launching himself at roman
then logan appears behind virgil, and virgil kinda just smiles
“glad to have u back. again.”
and then they go sneak into pulitzer’s basement and print the article with jan’s writing and ro’s drawings and remus’ descriptions and the other newsies go spread the papers ALL around the city
the next morning EVERYONE is out on strike!!! u cant get ANYWHERE without seeing ppl, newsies or otherwise, filling the streets with chants of “seize the day”
roman, with the Bro Trio and Janus trailing close behind, waltzs on in to pulitzer’s office and flings the money pulitzer gave him back on the desk and is like whatcha gonna do NOW, joe??
pulitzer angrily tells them he’s a fool for going back on their deal and logan steps in sayin pulitzer is a fool for letting this get so out of hand over a 10 cent price increase. his sales are down 70%!! objectively the price increase was like the worst business decision ever
virgil’s like plus it’s making u look bad that ur business is the reason most of these kids are suffering. people really love kids, mr pulitzer and patton smiles brightly but in like a menacing way
then emile walks in with a ~dazzling smile~ and is like ur son told me about this whole situation, it’d be a shame if i contacted my good friend governor roosevelt who won’t be as kind as these brave newsies since u tried so hard to stop him from being elected :)
((in the show roosevelt is actually there but i want emile to have a moment to SHINE))
so pulitzer’s like FINE and talks to roman alone and roman wears him down, throwing words from janus, virgil, and pulitzer himself right in pulitzer’s face until FINALLY they have a deal. he’ll lower the prices by half AND pulitzer will buy back whatever they don’t sell full price
roman bursts out of the office into the streets where all the newsies are waiting and is like WE WONNN
and since they published all that stuff about the refuge in the paper, the guy who runs it is being arrested and REMUS IS FREE
the twins hug for like a full two minutes
then pulitzer offers roman a job as a political cartoonist and roman’s like. well idk now that this is over i should probably...head out
bc lowkey he’s thinking virgil still doesn’t wanna see roman ever again and he did say he would leave, so
but then virgil’s like come on, ro, you don’t really think we want u to leave, do u? what’s santa fe got that new york aint? tarantulas? sandstorms? stampedes? you can’t go to santa fe what if you DIE—
and logan says new york’s got us!
patton: and we’re family, right?
then janus is like you got a union to lead! and...you got me.
and remus is like bro, anyone can dream, all you do is close ur eyes! but some made up world is all you’ll ever see. (bc he’s the wordsy one, u see. he helps roman have the poetic realization that his santa fe isn’t real, but this IS)
so roman says well if u guys INSIST.....and then he takes jan’s hand and kinda asks w his eyes and then kisses jan in front of all the newsies who proceed to cheer obnoxiously
when they break apart roman leads janus by the hand over to the paper-buying-cart and slaps some couns down on the table and BUYS SOME PAPERS BC THEYRE NEWSIES BABEY
and everyone lived happily ever after🥰
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nigelspookerjee · 5 years
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CRY💀 Thoughts💜
“Current assignment? What assignment?!” Nancy, you’re jinxing yourself already
I still remember the first time I played this game and that feeling I got when the warning comes up on the screen before everything begins. Sp00py nostalgia vibes 👻
Ned: “Hey Henry, I’m worried about you, but not worried enough to get off my ass and check on you myself. Imma send my gf instead and then bitch at her a few games later about how I never get to go anywhere.”
Not even in the house two seconds and I’m already getting attacked. Renée and Henry are the worst hostesses ever and this vacation already blows.
Nancy, you are taking a drink from someone you don’t even know; it could literally be poisonous. But go ahead, chug it anyways
Actually, if Renée just poisoned Nancy now, it would have saved her a lot of trouble in the end. Game over. Roll credits!
Henry: “maybe I should call THEM and leave THEM on hold and see how THEY like it.” Me when I’m on the phone with any customer service representative from any company ever.
Henry definitely wore eyeliner, had an emo swoop, and listened to “Ohio is for Lovers” on repeat in his angsty teenage years. But I’m not judging because honestly...same
But Henry is hot af. Broody definitely works so fucking well for him
Henry: “I come across as a little needy sometimes.” Be needy to me, Henry. Be my stage five clinger. I don’t care. Suffocate me with your broody love.
“My parents died in a car crash when I was eight.” Nancy *thinking to herself*: “damn, I didn’t even get the chance to ask him what happened to his mother.”
Henry: “no offense but are you sure you didn’t just pass out from the heat and humidity and dream that you saw this skeleton dude?” No, but in a few games further down the line, I will hallucinate seeing a ghost due to carbon monoxide poisoning. Hahahaha forshadow af.
“What was in that concoction you gave me?” You are supposed to ask this before you take a drink from a stranger, Nancy.
I. HATE. SPIDERS. ANIMATED OR NOT.
I love this game so much. The setting, the atmosphere, music, characters, storyline, puzzles, EVERYTHING.
“Finding Fish by Bill Kessler” OF COURSE BILL AND HIS NORTHERN PIKE POPS UP ONCE MORE TO HAUNT ME *eye twitches ever so slightly*
Henry: “Do you always go digging in other peoples’ fire places?” Actually, yeah. That’s how I found out some poor sap of a homeless handyman was living in the basement of the house he was renovating lol
Bruno and the Bolet family as a whole are so fascinating and I must learn everything about them
Nancy just ate a whole bunch of candy from Renée’s stash and then proceeded to vomit all over her bedroom floor. *places newspaper on top of puke and slowly backs out of the room, whispering to herself*: “I was never here...”
Ned: “it’s about time you called!” “Call again, like soon.” Um, I listen to no one or no thing, u controlling piece of cardboard
Ugh, I love Bess so much. She’s such a precious, innocent bean.
Bess is the friend who gave into peer pressure in high school: “you wanna underage drink and smoke some weed?” “Absolutely, unequivocally no.” “Come on, it’ll be fun!” “Ahhhh...okay!!”
Lamont’s Lament: Part 1
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*grits teeth* these motherfucking wasps around this mother fucking tree
Henry: “Don’t worry, we got plenty of food here, beds-“ CAN I SLEEP IN UR BED? I’LL BE THE BIG SPOON!
HOTCHKISS IS BACK. SWEET AS THE SMELL OF FRIED CHICKEN!
Poor Hotchkiss has early on-set Alzheimer’s and Nancy is shaming her for it
“Sorry ‘bout your loss.” “...my loss?” Nancy, you got so annoyed that Hotchkiss couldn’t remember your name, but you can’t even remember what you said just a minute ago..pot meet kettle¿
Yeah, scurry the fuck out of my way, you hairy eight-legged motherfucker and give me my damn key before I squash you with the bottom of my shoe run away screaming like a lil bitch
Great, time to talk to creepy Gilbert and cringe as he openly hits on a girl at least 30 years younger than him. There is no May-December romance going on here, buddy.
Thanks for the gumbo, Shorty, but it does not make up for the fact you attempted to murder my best friend. And no, she has not picked those vegetables for you yet
Okay, I just laughed my ass off. After eating spicy gumbo, Bess burped out fire. I had no idea she was a dragon
I played this goddamn skeeball machine so many times. The things I do for eyeballs and Easter Eggs.
Summer, Summer, Summer. Smh. Now I ain’t sayin she a gold digger...
Henry: “I bought her a bunch of CDs to keep her occupied while I was gone.” Yeah...Summer is just gonna sit in her room, listening to the CDs you bought for her on a loop, just waiting for you to get back...
YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN SUMMER. YOU DESERVE ME.
I love Iggy so much. Dressing him up is adorable af
🎶 Bernie with a tooth so sweet. Likes marshmallows but it’s you he’d love to eat🎶 (I sang this to the tune of Brigitte’s Ballad)
Renée: “oh my, I forgot to warn you about Bernie, didn’t I?” *grins evilly* Could you contain your excitement that I was almost devoured by a crocodile until I fucking walk away?
I actually like the cemetery scavenger hunt, a lot
I love how Iggy just huffs and dips the fuck out when you dress him up as a clown. “You get nothing for this. I ain’t coming back with anything. WHO’S THE CLOWN NOW?”
Lamont’s Lament: Part 2
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I seriously feel for Lamont. All he wants to do is run his curio shop in peace, and here comes this blonde twister wreaking havoc all over his night
Someone give Bess a Xanax. Poor girl is gonna have a panic attack with all of the stuff Nancy is asking her to do
Infiltrating the Jolly Rogers meeting is definitely my favorite sequence in this game
Y WOULD U CALL ME WHEN U KNOW I’M AT THE MEETING UNDERCOVER, NANCY? Thx for almost killing me, ur bff xoxo
Yup, just toss the priceless skull up to Renée like it’s a freakin’ football. You are not on the same team here, Nan.
Bernie the Immortal crocodile. Who would have thought at the beginning of the game, we’d end up with this resolution.
Hahaha of course, Lamont is out in the swamp looking for Bernie. If anyone in this game deserves the skull, it’s deff him anyways.
One of my favorite games, ever. So happy I replayed it🖤
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cynicalhag · 5 years
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Would you like to be a fly on the wall, observing someone else’s life? Don’t you wish that you could be a fly on the wall? A creepy little sneaky little fly on the wall? THAT, my friends, was a song that Miley Cyrus released in the weird period between Hannah Montana and Wrecking Ball Miley when I actually used to listen to her music. Would you be interested in building a water feature for a garden? ...No? Do friends come to you for ideas for things like haircuts? Not really? I find that they often decide on their own ideas and just tell me, which I prefer honestly. I can’t give any advice on that stuff. Do you know anybody, who’s gone to university at the age of 16? No wtf. Is that even possible? That must mean that you’ve graduated from high school at 16 which means that you skipped two whole years... Hm, I doubt it, hun.
Does your keyboard have a wrist rest? No. I didn’t know those existed until now.<<
Do you have plants in your house? If so, what kind/s? I only have one which is a Zamioculcas. One: I live on the basement floor so not that many plants can survive here, and two: I’m not a plant hoe so I don’t think I’d manage to keep any other kinds alive. I’ve had my Zamioculcas for two years and I barely water it lmao. That’s how easy they are to maintain. Do you consider the letter Y a consonant or a vowel? It’s a vowel. Period. Isn't that a well-established fact? When you’re really thirsty, do you go for still water or sparkling water? Still. If I’m really thirsty, I wanna chug it and you can’t chug sparkling water.  If you carry a water bottle, do you reuse the same one or buy a new one? I use the same one. At home, I have a glass of water next to me pretty much always, and then I have a reusable bottle in my work locker that I fill up at the beginning of every shift and then I place it on the kitchen isle in the unit and take a sip every time I pass it. Not up for getting dehydrated at work.  If you wear them, what are your loudest pair of earrings? I have a pair that’s an abstract face if that makes sense? They were trendy a while ago. I never really use them. Would you rather wear a tie or a bowtie? Lol, I’m not butch nor am I Avril Lavigne in 2005, so I don’t know why you're asking me this. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhm... Robins, magpies, jackdaws, white wagtails, curlews, mute swans, Canada geese and like... Obviously canaries and budgies and scarlet macaws and toucans. Oh and I’ve seen a marabou stork once so I know what they look like. And bald eagles. Maybe I do know some birds after all. Fun fact: my granny knows a lot about birds. It’s kinda random but she’s interested in them so she can look at a picture of any sort of small bird or chicken and say what kind it is. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? Just the regular ones. Robins, magpies, jackdaws, white wagtails and some swallows.  When’s the last time you had pot luck? No idea. Must’ve been like at a family gathering or something a few years ago.  If you don’t understand a reference in something, do you look it up? Yes because I always think about how annoying it would be if I stumble upon it again in conversation and I don’t know what it means. I don’t like feeling stupid. Are you the kind of person to look at accident sites, when passing them by? Well, yeah? I mean, I wouldn’t stop and oogle at it, but I would look at it through the window passing by. I also don’t drive so I rarely have a choice in stopping or not. Do you ever see candles burning by the roadside? As a memorial or whatever? I don’t think so. Accidents don’t happen that often here, I feel like. Did you ever make dolls or hand puppets in primary/elementary school? Maybe we did, I don’t remember. Aren’t baby chicks adorable? Yis! 
Have you ever seen a polydactyl cat? No. Do you find Polish folklore interesting? That is very specific, but I do enjoy folklore. I haven’t read about Polish folklore specifically, but I do listen to a podcast about folklore and it’s interesting. Especially the episodes they did on Baba Yaga from Russia and Penanggalan from the Philippines. If so, what are some of your favorite aspects of it?
I like the psychological aspect of it. Like, the reasons as for why people made these creatures up and believed in them. I find that it often has to do with the time period and what society at large was scared of at the time. Like, even with fictional monsters like Frankenstein and Dracula. Frankenstein was scary because it was created during a time where people started thinking about what would happen if science went too far, and Dracula, I can imagine, scared people because it was written in a time where people first started realizing that there were other groups of people in other places of the world and xenophobia started to become a thing. It’s the same with folklore.  Have you ever been interested in the Middle Ages at all? I’m really interested in the witch trials so in that sense, yes. But the Middle Ages, in general, aren’t that interesting to me.  Are there any languages you could try to work out what some words mean? Yes, obviously Norweigian and Danish cause they are pretty similar to Swedish. Especially Norwegian. The same goes for Dutch now that I know some basics and I’ve started looking into the language, I can tell what a lot of words mean since they’re pretty similar to English and even Swedish sometimes.  Has a friend’s parent ever given you a present just because? No? That’s weird.  What do you do with clothes you can’t wear anymore? I donate them. What is something you’re very particular about? I’m sort of a control freak and the way that I organize things in my apartment is sort of particular. I’m also pretty particular when it comes to olives. Lol, really random but I know exactly what brands of olives that are good and which ones that are not. Oh, and the same goes for potato chips. The best ones are OLWs lightly salted or Lantchips. That’s just how it be.  What is your dearest stuffed animal that you own? Why is that? I only have one which is the stuffed poodle that I carried with me everywhere as a kid, so I guess that one. It’s in my room at my parents’ house. Have you ever had to try to pronounce words that have letters with umlauts? I’m Swedish so I know how Å, Ä, and Ö are pronounced. And the German U with the dots over it is pronounced like a Y.  Are you more an Eeyore, a Piglet or a Tigger? Oof, major Eeyore vibes over here.  Name something awesome from another culture that is not part of yours: Fuck, everything that’s not Swedish is great lmao. Every kind of Asian cuisine, for example. Do you have an appliance running right now? If so, which one? No. What makes you wary about a person? If they seem like they’re trying too hard. I see so much darkness in that. Do planes fly over your area often? Yes, I frequently hear them from inside my apartment. When at a Chinese or Japanese restaurant, do you use chopsticks? Yes.  If you could, would you enhance your body with technology? Uhm. Would I get a high-tech amputation if I lost a limb? Yes. Would I get some weird AI inserted in my body? No. I don’t want a robot getting hacked and start to control my body in any way. No thank you. Can you tell that I’m reading Life 3.0 by Max Tegmark right now? Lol. ^If you would, what would you have done? I’d get an amputation, as I said. Ooh and I’d absolutely get a teleportation tool cause I’d love that. What are you grateful for NOT having? Allergies. Thank you, LORD. I hope that I’ll never get it. What’s something you can’t wait for about growing old? Not working, not going to school and the beginning years of retirement where you’re not necessarily suffering from that many ailments and your brain is still there and you can just chill without worrying too much about making mistakes cause what the hell, you’ll die pretty soon anyway.  How do you expect your life to go? How are you ensuring that? Ooooo don’t ask me this as I just turned 20 and I can already feel how stressful my 20s will be. Or do you just wing it as you go? I’m definitely not winging it. I’m way too anxious for that.  What’s a yard game that you still enjoy playing as an adult? I don’t enjoy any yard games lol. They’re so fucking boring and nothing makes me want to commit homicide more than that headass person at a summer party who suggests playing crochet. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? I once saw a gif of how seahorses give birth and I thought that was pretty fucking hardcore.<< YES. Also, octopuses are super cool. I’ve seen one eat once and it was so weird. The animal kingdom is wild.  How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? That is very hard for me, but I guess yoga helps with that. Or sometimes meditation, but I can’t always slow my mind down enough to enjoy it.  Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Yes, I have been to an abandoned asylum several times. There is one a bit outside of where I live.  What’s for dinner today? Korvstroganoff. I meal prepped two days ago so that’s what I’ll be eating for a few days now. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Everything is foreign to me lmao so yes – Black Mirror, Breaking Bad, Queer Eye, Hell’s Kitchen, etc.<< Lol yes. It’s always fun to not be American or English in a super Americanized survey community.
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laguanrodgers · 5 years
Text
While Waiting
(A Short Story by LaGuan R Rodgers)
I never liked when my stepfather would drive me to school. It wasn’t because I was embarrassed by his car; the ’87 Pontiac got us where we needed to be and then some. It was more so how I found him to be weak. He let my mom rule him, and somehow I thought his frayed machismo might find my skin like a plotting ointment. I found myself studying the sky for planes from that backseat window, most of all trying to guess exactly where a given hunk of traveling metal and its passengers were off to. I’m pretty sure my guesses were always confined to the states, as the geography of thinking beyond and what places fit where would get lost just around the time Sean’s car would halt and I’d shuffle to homeroom.
“Can I get you anything else, maestro?” my waiter asks. For the past twenty minutes or so, I’ve been slowly sipping a black coffee and picking at this dry blueberry muffin, waiting for Gianna to arrive. I’m not buying anything else. She is lucky I agreed to come to this damn diner. The parking is so so and some of our most memorable arguments happened in the booths here. Whoever made the menu goes skimp on the omelet and there’s something I don’t trust about their maple syrup like a station with gas prices lower than nearby spots.
“Thanks, buddy, but no I’m ok,” I reply. The waiter has pillows under his eyes, not the glaring hangover or mid-term up all night weights, but somewhat noticeable, especially by another night owl. He has yet to declare his name, and I haven’t cared to ask. I study his veiny hands, and though his short fingernails are without dirt, I suspect he still lets a family member cut his hair. And who the hell is maestro, anyway? I put my head down to tear at the muffin and shift my cup, yet he stays in the same spot. I’m hoping it doesn’t come to the inevitable. The stage where I have to get in his tired face and let him know I’m not with that sugary stuff.
“Their uniforms do nothing for me,” he says.
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask.
“The Trail Blazers’ uniforms,” he answers, pointing up to the flat screen positioned in the corner. A replay of last night’s game versus Oklahoma City is playing with the volume off.
“Red and black work together, but ugh, they can do better with those bending lines that take up most of the jersey. It’s all too…too…too…I don’t know, but once I think of something better, I should reach out to their people.”
Gianna told me the owner of Swan Street is originally from Portland, and the dude has yet to come to grips he is more than 2,600 miles from home. The pennants and postcards on the wall scream of everything Oregon and his Left Coast Is the Best Coast pie is a hit here in WNY. She made me try it the night we first hooked up. I didn’t like it, but I said I did.  
“I’m a fashion student at Buff State,” the waiter points out.
Oh, wow, that’s what’s up,” is my reply. I give him a look as if to ask why isn’t he serving other people, yet it’s mid-morning and empty, and the rush from the Larkin Building across the street won’t come about until lunch hour.
“Where do you go?”
“Oh, I’m not in school, right now.”
“Guy, I feel you. It’s not for everybody. When you think about it, they’re just teaching us how to make someone else money. Fashion is the closest thing to independence if you ask me. But I hear there’s a big need for the trades nowadays because all of the dinosaurs our grandparents used to call in the Yellow Pages are retiring, and few young folks are stepping into those jobs, you know.”
“Good point,” I say with a shrug. I forgot to put on my Timex, so I’m starting to stare at the spot where the tan line on my wrist will eventually be. Doing odd landscaping gigs two or three times a week every summer will do that. Gianna has been sending me e-mails of jobs here and there. I’ve filled out a few applications online, yet there’s something discouraging about completing questionnaires where you can’t tell the truth. Where the hell is she? For the past six months, we’ve been doing the distance thing after she moved to Albany for some job in a big library. I can’t remember all the details, but she’s happy and spends less time knitting uneven sweaters for her yorkie and sending me recipes off Pinterest she knows I’ll never make on my own. Today is supposed to be the day we decide.
“Coming!” the waiter whose name is Jackson shouts. I now know this little useless tidbit because a male voice from the kitchen yelled his name while I was staring out the window. Three tulips stand at attention from the flower bed that needs just as much attention as the blueberry muffin ingredients. She must think I have all day.
The entrance door swings open. A toddler boy wearing overalls wobbles over the threshold. His mouth already has stains of juice, and he wants no assistance from his parents who give off this que sera, sera vibe. The man and woman scan the room, and locate me in their tripod scope of discovery, only to flash grins at me before muttering some baby gibberish to the little one, as he has already rung the front counter bell enough to awaken something in the basement of a day failing to officially start.
Hey, fine folks, how are you?” Jackson asks the newest patrons, sort of doing some half-hearted skip to the front. “As you can see we are jam packed, but I’m sure we can find something cozy and comfortable for ya.” Everybody laughs, except the tike and I.
“Oh no…no…no, Brady,” the mother says, smiling once she realizes her little person is running toward my booth. She is too late. He grabs the second menu from the table, and waves it wildly like my grandmother sometimes does with those usher appointed fans during stuffy marathon church services.
“You eat,” is what I make out from the boy. “Him eat, right?”
“I’m so sorry,” the mother says. “He’s a traveler.”
I look at the father who just shakes his head, as if there is more he wishes he could tell me over a Cuban and some bourbon.  
By now, the mother comes over to my booth and ushers away her little explorer by the arm.  
“Him eat, right?” continues the boy. “Him do it…”
“Yes, honey,” says his mom. “Go to Daddy.”
“This is why I hate going too many places in a day,” the father says in a tone somewhere between madness and unbridled surrender.
“It’s fine,” the mother says. “It really is ok.”
“Well, let’s get you guys seated,” Jackson breaks in, mustering up a manufactured smile he’s most likely perfected in the back kitchen or voguing outside one of his textile classes.
I look at the clock on the wall behind the front counter, and spread some butter on the muffin.
  When Gianna moved into her upstairs apartment on Claremont Ave. with her two girlfriends, I helped them. Being her boyfriend, I knew such heavier things would fall to me. We found a way to defy trigonometry, stubbornly bending half painted corners with used furniture and appliances. She is the organized type of XX and that day the Eisenhower in her began to bloom. She elected to drive the U-Haul with Jamie and Allison, as I was content to drive my own car and meet them at the new place. My commander of a woman backed the truck on to the lawn, got out and handed her troupe instructions and goals written on loose-leaf. I put the paper in my back pocket, and just grabbed labeled boxes. The first few trips, I placed them where they needed to be, the carefully taped cardboard containing shampoo, tampons, and razors found their home in the bathroom. Maybe it was because no one else’s boyfriends showed up until I was a sweat stained version of former self, or the way Gianna stood in the downstairs doorway with frustration when her full proof battle maps left no margin for things falling apart or how the summer rain would slap our efforts then back pedal into some distant pocket on the other side of town before I could adequately curse it, but I found myself unashamedly putting boxes in rooms where they didn’t belong. We later ate pizza and drank bottled water on the floor, a collegiate picnic of sorts. Both boyfriends whose names I dismissed looked as if they struggled to please any woman, and their talk of IPAs and invites to join a softball league only made my decision to leave more justifiable. “Oh, before you go, lover, can you help me hang these?” Gianna asked me, as she opened a box marked CLOCKS in black sharpie. It wasn’t her handwriting, and as her and I went room to room hanging ticking numbers with power drill and the dull need to be alone, the thought of that stayed long after I left.
 “Hey, Ian,” Gianna says. She leans over and kisses both of my cheeks before sitting down.
“When did you come in? I didn’t even see you.”
“I’m a love ninja,” she declares. “I move in silence.”
“Well, Ms. Storm Shadow, are you having your usual? There’s a new waiter working, and he is full of life.”
“Be nice, lover.”
“What makes you think I’m not.”
“I know you.”
“Do you, really?”
“I’d like to think I know if the man I love is being an asshole or not.”
I still hear the ongoing jabber of my toddler friend from the other side of the diner, and once Jackson discovers I am no longer solo, he darts towards the action.
“You didn’t tell me you were waiting on a lovely guest, my guy,” Jackson shrieks. “Exciting.”
“Good morning,” Gianna says. “Is it still morning? No…wait…it’s technically morning? Sorry my brain is in every county of the state today.”
“No worries, I understand,” Jackson replies. “It’s finals time, and I’m the same way. I’m living the dream, though. Stress and all.”
“If it isn’t too much trouble, I think I’ll try something new today.”
“You have to get our new red velvet pancakes,” our waiter urges. “To die for!”
“Hmmm, should I?” She calls my name, but I’m staring at little Brady who is biting his straw and too curious to be held at bay by whatever routine conversation his parents may be conducting.
“Ian?”
‘What’s up, GiGi?” I snap back onstage, knowing the second time she calls me is the important one of the two. I shrug and simply say it’s spring.
“I am a horrible server,” Jackson says. “I didn’t start by asking you what you wanted to drink. I’m so caught up in the vibe of you two chirping birds.” Gianna orders the pancakes and asks for orange juice to come when the food arrives.
“Are we going to do this?” she asks.
“I’m prepared either way,” I say.
“That’s not the right answer. It’s been three months.”
“But how are you feeling?” I ask, picking out blueberries I can find in the torn pieces of muffin.
“Ok, I guess,” she says. “I still get sick, and the new clothes fit now.”
I want to bring up something about how I’ve applied to the latest jobs she’s sent me, but I close my eyes and try to take it in every molecule of air in the building.
“What time do you have to be back tonight?” I ask.
“I don’t. I already called in sick for tomorrow.”
“Go easy, you’re going to need those days later down the road.”
“So you’re saying you do want this, right?”
“I want to keep you happy and occupied.”
I turn at the waist and find the tulips outside the window. I wish I could pick all three and the curtain would close.
“And here you go,” Jackson declares with a smile, waiting for immediate approval. “I present delicious pancakes, your juice and our in-house maple syrup.”
“It looks amazing,” Gianna says.
“Is there anything else I can get you?” It’s as if Jackson wishes he were the stack of crimson flapjacks with a melting cube of butter atop.
“We’ve got all the bases covered for now,” she says. With fork and knife in hand, the woman I met at a farmer’s market four summers ago, puts a piece of pancake to my mouth. I submit to her honor, and chew slowly so I can really give her the truth of it all.
“What do you think?”
“They’re actually really good,” I admit.
She takes a bite and her eyes become big with unexpected glee.
“Boy, you better get one more taste because I can’t promise I’ll save anything else.”
“Go ahead,” I say. “It’s all you. You need it for strength. After all…you know…”
“You act like it’s some sort of plague, Ian.”
“No, I don’t. It’s just…”
“It’s just what?”
“A lot.”
“No shit, man,” she says, now with a tear bubbling by the corner of her eye nearest the window.
“We can make it work.”
“Do you really want it to?”
“I’m here.”
“Have you even thought of names?”
“Of course, I have.” Really I haven’t, and now would be a fantastic time for Jackson to save the scene.
“Have you told your mom?” she asks, still eating.
“Yeah, she knows.”
“What are her thoughts?”
“You know my mom, GiGi.”
“I don’t want to play games.”
“I see no ball or joystick.”
“Answer a question for once in your life,” she shouts. By now, the tears have bullied the breakwall and run southward to a place I have little to no access to. It’s one of those classic embarrassing moments when I sense all eyes are upon us, yet I have no hard evidence to support it other than the intuition that comes from past battlefields still ripe with blood. The Larkin Building traffic infiltrates what was an empty place of business.
“My mother told me to be a man,” I say.
Gianna stares at me for awhile before she finishes the plate of pancakes, only leaving streaks of red mingled with the sappy sauce that is the Oregonian’s special recipe. Without as much time to devote to us any longer, our waiter gives me the check and says he hopes to see us soon. I tell him thank you and good luck with his exams before I make my way to the front counter where there is now a female waitress at the register.
“It seems you made a friend,” Brady’s mom says. “He hasn’t stopped talking about the man who eats by himself.” The family of three prepares to leave the diner, a precautionary measure on the part of the husband and father who doesn’t want to cause a scene I suspect.
“Maybe I’ll see you in this joint sometime soon, little man,” I say to Brady. “Be good for your mommy and daddy.”
I foot the bill and tip, and wait for Gianna to come from the bathroom. I know she will want to take a walk and possibly talk more on what is a pleasant afternoon in early May. Once again, I’m looking out the window where I see Brady and his parents walking to their car. The father has little patience, and if it wasn’t for his wife, who knows where that car would go. She is the reason her child gets away with picking one of the tulips I’ve been staring at all morning. That little boy doesn’t have to take unnecessary long walks. If anything, I am sure he fixates on passing airplanes.  
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Text
7x18: “Choose or Lose”
*SPOILERS DONT READ IF HAVEN’T WATCHED*
I love emison so much I know alot of the fandom hates them & how Marlene did fuck them up alot but idk my old fan girl heart from S2&3 still can’t help but scream everytime they do something cute :(
So that game board is supposed to be heavy af but somehow it’s still getting moved all over the place QUIETLY BY AN UNKNOWN PERSON?? I ain’t buying it. But whoever did move it HAD to have known that the cops were gonna get a search warrant.
Barry maples got such an attitude ever since he got promoted to detective 🙄
What was aria shredding? Oh wait it was the complaint about ezra being a predator. GIRL WHY U DELETING FACTS?? Scary ass.
Okay who tf is hiding in the dilaurentis house is someone still living in the basement or what?
HAHA DETECTIVE FURY HANDED SHIT OVER BACK TO THE OG DETECTIVE THE BITCH WE ALL LOVE TO HATE LADIES & GENTLEMAN WELCOME BACK MA GURL TANNER!!
Lmao spencer really trying to play dumb like tanner don’t know exactly how to see through her shit
I AM LIVING FOR DETECTIVE TANNER RN “I’m a closer.” Haha I love it.
“I’ve always been sure you & your friends were guilty somehow.. & now I’m gonna find out.” YES GIRL I BEEN WANTING TO FIND OUT THE SAME FOR YRS ITS NOT JUST DUNHILL I KNOW THEY HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH ‘THAT NIGHT’ (sorry for the all caps I was excited af through her whole scene..)
Ezra: “I’m going to get to the bottom of this”  ok boy like you haven’t been at the bottom of it don’t lie.
ADs burner phone just happens to be in the brew of course.
“Wear the uniform” I’m just a lil confused b/c didn’t Amoji or whoever was avenging charlotte throw all those uniforms away? So are these two different people? I hate this show.
Okay so is it just a coincidence that mona’s talking through a microphone in an A liar at the time aria’s talking to AD?
Ashley Marin is looking stunning as always but of course is freaking out about hannas well being, lol she’s never trusted her.
Why tf is the door open when they’re talking about murder…. these putas never learn
Loving everyone’s snark AD really is succeeding at tearing them apart
YASS & HERES MONA WITH THE TRUTH BOMBS! ok so now I think that only the last AD burner phone was from Mona b/c she wanted to really find out if Aria was A team she is so smart I love her
How does Mona know about the spencer/Mary recording fiasco anyways??
Oh nvm it wasn’t Mona she just listened in wow I gave Marlene to much credit haha nothing new
Ooooooooooooooooooooooo tanner is getting close af this really is endgAme!
Did Toby just ask spencer to run away with him?? Ok now those theories about him killing Yvonne actually sound true…
The girls confronting aria YES
Arias reason was stupid af & I am living for emily going off on her & Ali calling her out for choosing Ezra over them
“You can find your own ride” LMAO IM DONE
How emily gonna say what other evidence & then spencer say we get it there’s evidence? Lol what do you mean y'all just asked
“Wait for it” did that not just send anyone major Ali/Ali twin vibes???
Damn I am loving spencer being called out emily should’ve called her out one more time & been like “what do u need to do huh???”
It’s funny how the first person Ashley suspects is Alison & even saying how she’s always at the bottom of everything?? Also Caleb ends up telling her the 'truth’ & that it’s something they need to get familiar w/ saying but I bet he didn’t even tell Ashley Hanna was the one who killed him he blamed it on Alison. Is this hinting towards Ali being more involved or an Ali twin??
I bet Ezra’s the one who got aria the alibi LMAO EZRA KNEW THE WHOLE TIME HAHAHAHA SHE FUCKED HER FRIENDS FOR NOTHING
Lmao the Haleb wedding is so haleb
It was pretty romantic to see all the ships together even though they all annoy me at times, but the spoby scene gave me weird vibes & then the fact that it’s 3:15am & all the girls meet & Spencer’s wearing a completely different outfit than when she was with Toby?? Spenceritta???
So Aria won the game & gets to go free? Marlene said by this episode we’d know who AD is w/ the clues but honestly I’m just even more confused
Mona lives a block away? Wtf it’s too easy for her to be AD it can’t be her.
Lmaoooo AD put dunhill in her trunk I knew it was too good to be true
WTF MONA HAS THE FUCKING GAME IS SHE SERIOUSLY AD
OK GUYS I AM REALLY SHOOK BY THIS EPISODE NOT GONNA LIE AND CONFUSED. It was a really good episode probs one of the best of 7B but idk if I can really believe that monas AD?????? Like this has to be a red herring if not I think I’ll be a little upset. Maybe. Right now after this episode my top suspects are: Spencer/Ali Twin as bethany young or unknown name (Shit maybe they both got a twin lmao who knows) & I mean I guess mona shit. But idk I think maybe she was just delivered the game. Im doing a rewatch of 7A to see who I forsure am laying my money on lol.
Anyways!! 
I give this weeks episode a 8/10 I think Marlene & co. really stepped up this week & i’m not gonna lie I’m excited for the last 2 episodes!!
Send me any last minute theories, questions, or just to talk about the show! It’s the last couple weeks & I wanna enjoy this fandom while I still can :)
It’s been a pleasure reading everyone’s theories!
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calvinlepesh · 5 years
Text
Purpose? Purpose.
My life was perfect til that day. I didn't even have a clue of how good off I was. Disrespectful, ungrateful, angry, but truly, sad. "From the beginning of my time or from the realization of the universe?" Very bold question I ask myself currently. How do I want to convey my knowledge? How do I want people to percieve what i will tell them? How will I word my stories and thoughts in a way that is too hard for normal people to understand? Can I? From the beginning it is! Now, Born Valentines day 1999 was chubby cheeked enthusiastically loved and cherished Lepesh. Born in Minnesota cold. Raised in Minnesota cold. Lepesh knew hot summer fun, running through the sprinklers, water balloon fights, Football, Basketball, Ice cream trucks, Chalk on the side walk/driveway, Biking with neighbors around our nitche. Biking by myself to the gasstation for candy. Waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement, Getting caught waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement. Lepesh knew winter fun. Snowboarding, Snowfuckingshoeing, Sleding, Snow tubing, Snowball fights, Huge snowmen, Snow forts along the cul-de-sac snowwall created by the huge cool snow plow! Wow! I thought to myself  mouth wide open with a smile, as the large plow on the front of the truck bursted through large mountainous snow mounds with ease. Creating wonderous mounds of snow in every frontyard across the neighborhood. Building snow forts and then having a war with snow balls. The point is my childhood was filled with fucking joy and happiness. It rocked man and Im super happy that it happened. I couldn't imagine this shit happening to me before.. Well before it happened. Its 2008. Its december as I sit on the couch with my brother and my parents..... well wait here theres a little more first. February 14th 2008 Im nine years old today. Im in Mr.Larsons fourth grade class. I enjoy creative writing, recess and lunch. although I didn't write much. I really love football and sports around this time. I decided to be a cowboys football fan when my dad said I could choose cause hes too nice to force me into being a Vikings fan. My parents especially my mom but definitely my dad aswell. Let us choose what we wanted. Which I disagree with now and will certainly not allow my childeren to decide what is right. Although Im sure I will at some point definitely not in elementary what the fuck?! Anyways. Decieded to be a cowboys fan cause my dad hates them and loves the Vikings. Which I now love today. Anyways. Im in the car with my whole immediate family driving. I ask where we're going or what we're doing. While heading west in the car my dad tells me we're going to Wisconsin and we're gonna stay the night at a hotel. The entire car ride their my dad is messing with me and im furious. Im certain today if I was in the passenger seat during the exchanges between my father and I I'd be laughing my ass off. But almost at the same time sad and angry of how ungrateful and disrespectful I probably was to my father. Idk maybe I just pouted, which I did alot lol.. anyways We finally arrive after probably an hour or so drive west, not infact in the direction of Wisconsin to a large farm in eastern Minnesota. 'There's nothing here' I thought to myself. It wasn't a desolate farm but damn near close. Large housing for live stock aswell as people. My father then reveals that im going to be getting my own dog for my birthday. I immediately light with excitement and smiles. Joy pulsing in my heart. Ive always wanted a dOG' i think to myself as I turn to my brother with excitement. I can only imagine how wide and big my smile and cheeks were to this day. Entering into the large barn with my family. Me, my brother, mother , and father all enter the barn to the amazement of dogs and insulation lol. From the outside it almost looks like a overly large stereotypical red barn, however the inside has another side to the story. Carpeted floors off to the left held the petting area with already free roaming dogs. while the right side of the room looked as if they did paper work and forms and whatnot. Going right wasn't even a thought in my head. LEFT. Headed for the dogs im stopped by my mom who is greeted by the worker/farmer. Im not even listening to her. I want a fucking dog. Moments go and my patience already thin is thinner. It takes alot for me to blow up even as a child. The problem was the things building up my 'meter of rage' as a child shouldn't have been. Anyway. Finally I head over to the dogs climbing the little fence even a little small for me already tall for my age. Immediately I spot an adorable smaller black dog. I kneel down to sit with it and attempt to hold it. Only to kneel right into a huge carpet puddle newly accompanied by its main ingredient dog piss. Nice. As i tell my mom she just laughs and tells me to be careful. Its what I did worst and least often. Unfortunately that was one of my biggest issues. After looking for awhile. I now realize my dad was probably ready to leave after 10-15 minutes definitely longer than that but Understandable nonetheless. After probably 35-45 minutes of trying to find a dog that didnt shed and was actually good looking. My mom had been carrying this one dog in paticular for a decent amount of time. Asleep in her arms as if a child beautifully sleeps my savior..... The car ride home Hank held the dog the entire time. Almost sinisterly which him being an older brother. acceptable, however frowned upon. Uncharacteristically careful I am as I hold my new dog. Smile from cheek to cheek and thats a long distance lol. Still carefully holding her i slowly bring her and a blanket along with hank to the basement. Where I lay out the fluffy green blanket and set Katy ever so gentely down. Standing next to my brother stareing almost in a daze like trance. We have a dog!' We were so happy. Hank and Lep happy? Together? very rare nowadays. I would certainly come to forget of such times even now almost a foriegn concept of us being so happy together. Now back to the OG storayyy............ Holding katy close weilding her support almost as a weapon to defend myself from such an awful thing. Its happening' I feel it' i just know' its happening' We are able to create our own reality because we (humans) designed a very primitive (in comparison to the universe) way to communicate how we feel. Speech. Speech is very important. Its our first amendment here in the US. say whatever u want. Pretty much. our speech is primitive because it doesn't describe things that we are uncertain of. We have to choose in our speech whether to Have no Idea Agree disagree yes no. Now of course there are exceptions to that. But not to normal people. Normal people can't understand this. If you are reading this right now and are lost for words but think you're 'awake' so to speak. just listen. This is a huge secret to life. Huge. It may change ur life over night. The best part about it is you get to decide. Ask yourself. Am I going to be open minded to what this man has to say? Ask yourself do I want whatever he says to be true in my life?... Just so I can touch as many people as possible and help the (working class which im apart of} hear me out. You may think im fucking crazy or that idk what life even is either and you're right I don't but all you have to do IS ACCEPT THAT WHATEVER IS/WILL/HAS EVER HAPPENED, Happened because you decided it was going to happen. Before you were even born. Before anybody way born. The best part about it. Is that it is unpredictable and it is fueled and directed DIRECTLY from our speech. Whatever you speak out loud for example say I said and I have. I want to fucking die. and I meant it. I really mean it. If you don't mean what you say then learn to do that before anything. Before u start this really take the time to realize ur worth not as a person but as you. Cause you created everything in your world. The best part you created it that way cause thats the way it turns out best for you. I hope atleast. Think about it. You get through everything. most things people kill themselves over. You're trying to make yourself strong for some reason possibly? or maybe catching myself up to everyone else cause I had such a nice and spoiled childhood? Past karma current karma. Thats what gets me. Theres no way a god created this world. But i could've created this world. Maybe im evil just like the world a little bit deep down. I am. Definitely a little evil. Its apart of my soul. Its apart of everyones soul in my world maybe not as much on some people and Ill never know why that is and I don't need to cause, I trust my judgement. It may be wrong sometimes but im still alive today for some reason that I decieded. thats the beauty of myself I truly never know what im gonna do each day specifically. Ill know if im gonna be tired or up for another 5 hours. Cause I will be and Ill feel it. Ill know when i need to fucking pee. But I never know what mindset is right or true for me. partially cause i have shitty short term memory and bad hearing and vision and a bad liver. im 19 lol. Anyway. Basically the secret is speak what you want and mean it everyday. You'll know if you dont want it as badly some days. you might even miss a day. All you're trying to do for yourself by doing this is getting yourself into a routine where you put those '(vibes) or Speech and words/ Communication. Communicate with your universe. Speak how you feel. Speak what you want. Speak how you're going to get it. Even if you're thinking theres no fucking way thatll happen. Theres no fucking way im ever going to pass through college. theres no fucking way id be able to get through law school. I can't be a chef I've hardly cooked. are my common misfires. Misfires however very common after the first few days to weeks will disapate if you PUSH ON! Just like you always have! This is what you were waiting to find. You created the world it is today for yourself today to see this and reconize for yourself today. That you're doing this wrong. Since starting my program I live with partial contentment as a human being. However I personally keep myself open to negative thoughts and wishes periodically to balance my life. However as for most of u assume this is rather stupid but selfless nonetheless. The reason I hold dark as I hold light is because this is what I decieded and this was meant to happen. The decision made by the creator of my universe which is me to write this to you and share what I have learned to help better your lifes for the benefit of them I do not know what I or they gain from this because it is beyond my comprehension aswell as yours. It could be for something of the lines of in 200 years cause I told you these secrets and my experiences and helped you better your life over time and you benefitted and you passed onto your childeren. that no your family lives on in the future 200 years from now. and they're good people. maybe not all. But if taught correctly and this isnt a cureall for everybody. But it significantly helps better improve overall mood and life tolerance in your life. It doesn't work immediately. It isn't gonna take it easy on you just cause you know now. In fact. If you are not open minded currently do not read because this idea sent and recieved and read and processed by a closed mind. Blocks the process from ever having the ability for your mind to hear and read properly as an openminded individual would.
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sadheartsongs · 5 years
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twenty one pilots • trench
hello and welcome to this blog. this is supposed to tell you about beautiful new and probably older records, depends on when i’m going to listen. haha. for now, i thought the perfect record to start this thing is the new twenty one pilots album. whoop whoop.
twenty one pilots • trench
i’m pretty sure that i wasn’t the only one who wasn’t on twitter, instagram and all that stuff like everyday in the past year, following theories, listening to their old stuff and impatiently waiting for the hiatus being finally over, one day after it started. i understand all of you, seriously. this band saved so many of us and made our lifes so much better, disappearing this way hurted a lot of us. anyway. it came to an end and this record came out, along with a lot of tourdates - if they’re playing near you, GO. it’s expensive but worth every penny. i can’t wait for my date(s). <3
• jumpsuit: i can’t believe how much i hate pressures of a new place roll my way. jumpsuit jumpsuit, cover me. // i remember listen to this song for the first time so well, this feeling was like the end of a very confusing time, the start of something new, like a new sunrise when you look up to the sky and feel relief and everything is finally going to be alright again. well, i think this was the perfect choice for the first single because this sums up the whole record pretty much? and it basically makes the perfect transition from blurryface to the new era like - spirits in the room, friends or foe? felt it when i’m young, feel it when i’ old. i’ll be right there but you have to grab my throat and lift me in the air. (well, i seriously so can’t wait to hear this part live) this are exactly the parts tyler has  always painted black on his body while being on stage. well.
• levitate: don’t feed me to the vultures ‘cause i’m a vulture who feeds on pain // i admit i’m probably going to jail because i listened to the leaked version. oops. but u feel me when you’re listening to this right? i’m always in awe when tyler starts rapping like this, i don’t understand how the twitter people always have this one on the last places on their trench ranking? have u ever listened to this song? and please think about the fact that josh also wrote lyrics for this, APPRECIATE IT; DAMNIT! and the ‘welcome to trench’ part at the end, how can you not love that. this song represents the beginning of the new era, the start of something wonderful. show it more love.
• morph: for if and when we go ‘above’, the question still remains, are we still in love and is it possible that we feel the same? // a lot of people say that morph is their favorite and i can totally understand. the shoutout to blurryface, named nicolas bourbaki (i really like that name), the ‘not done... josh dun’ part, you won’t ever get rid of that earworm again and catch yourself singing the lyrics in every situation ... and i love it when tyler hits the high notes. i like the alternative vibe of this. this is probably the song of trench. i guess that could be a single one day, remember my words. 
• my blood: when everyone you thought you knew deserts your fight, i’ll go with you. // the fourth song we got to hear - i already fell in love with the few secods we got to hear in that spot haha - the fact that tyler most probably wrote this for the clique makes my heart melt so much. the fact that he loves and needs us as much as we need him. and they were so afraid that we all cold be gone while the hiatus. fuck, we’ll never leave. do they know that i was grown with you? we’ll go with you, wherever this may be. we’ll hold your light, we grab our bags and go with you. and we’ll stay, you don’t need to run. stay with me, my blood. and again, i love those high notes, damn. 
• chlorine: sipping on straight chlorine, let the vibe slide over me. this beat is a chemical. // ahhhhh. here we are, my favorite song on this record. i knew it the second the song started and it hasn’t changed since then. i seriously just love everything about it. the beginning ‘so where are you? it’s been a little while....’ well i think that would’ve been the perfect first song for the shows but who asks me, haha. the beat, the lyrics, tylers voice, the fact that the whole song is about his time staying in dema (at least i guess so) - i’m running for my life. that he compares living with blurry / nico to sipping on straight chlorine. i love the slow part at the end. i’m sorry i forgot you. favorite song. i hate it that it’s not on the setlist. give this gem more attention. give it all the love you have. love love loveeee.
• smithereens: but if i’m feeling someone stepping towards you  can’t describe just what i’m feeling // how beautiful is the fact that tyler wrote this beautiful song about the love iof his life, jenna? you know i had to do one on the record for her like this. this is seriously the cutest thing ever, they have such a luck. i hope that this is forever. i followed jennas midnight cooking the past year on instagram, now we know that she did this to support tyler on writing and recording and this is so fucking heartwarming. if there’s one otp in this world, it’s definitely tyler and jenna. all the love for them, all the love for this song.
• neon gravestones: i could give up and boost my reputation, i could go out with a bang, they would know my name // fuck. fuuuck. this song hits me everytime i listen to it, real deep. the warm fuzzy feeling you got while listening to smithereens goes into a cold, freezing wind. a lot of the twenty one pilots songs are about (the thoughts of) suicide but i think this one is the one who hits hard the most, which gets you thinking about everything and everyone. i can’t find words for how this song makes me feel. but he’s so right with his words.’you mourn for a kid but won’t cry for a king - if i lose to myself, you won’t mourn a day and you’ll move on to someone else’ it’s actually like this, if someone ‘famous’ dies everyone is like oh my god i’m so sorry i was always such a big fan and stuff and the next day everyone has already forgotten about them. the world is so false and fake those days and that’s a pretty sad fact. and i hope, i pray (and i never pray usually) that we really never, never, never have to read or write such stuff about them. this is the kind of song you can’t listen to while doing something and just sing along. you have to get in and get in deep. and think about it.
• the hype: nice to know my kind will be on my side. i don’t believe the hype // am i the only one who thought of ‘wonderwall’ instantly? damn i love indie-influenced songs so much and that’s one of the reasons why i like this one so much. don’t believe the hype, it can be over anytime soon. or go on for months, years, forever? we also don’t believe the hype. but i’m happy that the hype exists so i got into them and this is one of the best things that happened to me the past years.
•  nico and the niners: east is up, i’m fearless when i hear this on the low. i’m careless when i wear my rebel clothes // the second song after the hiatus. i’ll never forget listening to this for the first time. i’ll never forget walking through london a few days later, singing this song the whole time. if you haven’t followed the dema thing during the hiatus this whole song might won’t make much sense to you. (but the video, maybe!) the whole thing about nico (bourbaki) and the niners (bishops) is pretty confusing but that’s the thing about this band, nothing is ever easy or instantly understandable. there’s much cryptic stuff and theories and you’ll be in conpletely or not at all. and its worth it being in at all. and you’ll have a earworm of this song forever, isn’t that amazing?
• cut my lip: though i am bruised faces of contusions know i’ll keep moving // i read another review of trench lately and they said that this one is a rather ‘boring’ song. well, i don’t think so. i like the kinda rebel attituide tyler has there. and another kinda indie-influenced vibe. and high notes! and the ‘i’m a lion’-part... they said it before. i like lions.
• bandito: i could take the high road but i know that i’ll be going low // bandito is the motto of the tour. the bandito tour. i love this. and this song is my secret favorite on this record. it has to grow on you, at least it had to grow on me but once it got you, you won’t get it off. ever. i love the slow beginning of the song and how it gets faster at the end and this is like the feeling you have shortly before your favorite band coes on stage and you get ore and more excited with every second. ‘i created this world to feel some control’  this world - trench. trench is the place where we can go. some kind of sanctuary. we all need a trench for our own.
• pet cheetah: my houses the one where the vultures are perched on the roof // oh dear. seriously, i don’t know what to say about this one haha. i like the beginning of the song, most of it but the ‘i got a pet cheetah down in my basement...’ part? the hell? haha. what the fuck? this song is like to personalities talking to each other in one head, maybe fighting or making up or whatever... i’d love to have this kind of drugs yo need to write this stuff and end up putting it on a record. but, i like it, it’s something you wouldn’t expect and that makes it special and kinda loveable. but i need to know why he called the cheetah jason statham.
•  legend: you’re a legend in my own mind. my middle name, my goodbye // tyler wrote this song for is grandpa who passed away lately. this ís one of the worst things that can happen to you if you’re a lucky one and be good with your grandparents (or family at all.) i love the ‘you were one of those classic ones’ part, this sounds like a own classic. like something you’ve already heard before, something you know and makes you feel warm and fuzzy. but the lyrics makes you sad again, it’s a bad feeling when someone you love suddenly don’t kow you anymore. but you have the memories, nothig can ever take this away. and there will be a day when you’re having lunch together again.
• leave the city: they know that it’s almost over // the last song on this album.in time i will leave the city but for now i will stay alive. this is like a metaphor i guess, there will be a time where we can leave the ‘city’, the prisons in our head, dema, whatever got caught us up. and until then we have to stay alive, better times will come. or at least better feelings. and if you’re lucky, you’ll end up far from home. in trench. in trench you’re not alone.
• • •
i guess the long wait and even the hiatus was worth it - for me, this is the album of the year. or more. i know i can’t write a objective review about this - i’m way too much up their asses for this haha - but if you need an album, which makes you cry and smile, dance and think, make you feel alone and not alone at all at the same time, listen to this. just close your eyes and listen to tyler singing and josh drummig. it will take you to a better place, you can forget about shit for a while. everything will be alright in the end.
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PLL series finale reaction post
I love how they gave Lucy/Aria’s ugly-cry a shout-out X’D
Ezria remains cringey.
Momma Emily <3
Pam and Ali in a secret meeting? Eh?
Melissa’s back again and wants the barn. Again. 
Turns out, Toby pulled a Forrest Gump...
If that little shit (i.e Addison?) has anything to do with the reveal I will throw the most epic of shit fits. 
There’s an A-wannabe on the loose harassing the new kids at school. 
JENNA KNOWS ADDISON? HOW THE FUCK DOES EVERYBODY KNOW THIS FUCKING NOBODY? 
Jenna’s a teacher too? Wow #creativewriting
A life-skills teacher nonetheless.
HANNA’S RED FLARE-SLEEVE DRESS IS AMAZING.
AW MONA <3 :’(
...and Hanna really does have a heart of gold <3
Tell Mary what?!
Mona’s disappeared. I bet she’s dead.
Hanna and Caleb... yikes.
LOL MELISSA IN A HOODIE.
At least Hanna is finally showing some legit remorse over pushing Mona into playing the game.
Emison not being subtle about wanting to get it on X’D!
BOLD MOVE SPENCER. GET THAT TOBY PEEN GIRL!
Or not.
I really DGAF about Ezria’s cookie-cutter vanilla sex. 
The nod to Ezria’s first time exceeded mythe cheese-limit allocated for all remaining Ezria scenes combined.
OMG Haleb are trying for a baby?
Aria y u cry?
YES FINALLY! YOU SEE IT! YOU CAN’T MARRY EZRA!
OMG MELISSA WAS ACTUALLY MONA IN A MASK. 
So what is it with Ezra no longer being Aria-marriage-material? 
Well Mona definitely isn’t AD since she’s speaking to them on the phone (presumably anyway).
Oh. Poor Aria :( Now I definitely wish it was her finally seeing Erza for the creep he really is.
Mary Drake in shackles makes me very sad.
Hanna, I get you’re nice but taking Mona to Aria’s wedding rehearsal dinner is not on.
Mr Montgomery, I would have punched Ezra’s lights out. Fuck you giving him your blessing.
I still want a PLL spin-off with the mums. Just drinking wine.
THIS IS WHY I SOMETIMES LOVE THIS SHOW. THEY’RE FINALLY ADDRESSING HOW THE MUMS GOT OUT OF THE BASEMENT!
NOPE. LOL MARLENE U TROLL. 
NO1CURR ABOUT ADDISON.
LITERALLY NO ONE.
See; I told you. The PLL mums are a riot. 
Wow Ezra. Way to be an asshole about your almost-wife being infertile
Also, fuck you for judging her for not telling you immediately because she wanted a second opinion. 
Or a third. 
Did it occur to you she may have been having a really hard time accepting that?
YES. TELL HIM TO STOP MAKING IT ABOUT HIMSELF ARIA. 
So, he apologises for being an asshole but then goes all passive aggressive?
Ezra, die. 
Please. 
Make these seven years worth my time and fucking die. 
Ali is proposing to Emily. As problematic as this shit is I fucking love it <3
Pug shirt and all.
My heart is dead.
If I weren’t so BPD I’d be able to cry right now.
Oh well.
Next!
How much damage can Mona do in one night? Oh Caleb, you naive fuck.
“Wanna make a baby?” *Haleb invokes Ezria cringe*
I know that at this point there’s no time for Twincer but god, the Spencer-seducing Toby sounds nothing like Spencer.
More boring vanilla sex.
Troian’s an amazing actress but can’t do a convincing sex scene to save her life. 
Is this banger not what Mona was playing on the piano the first time Toby was revealed to be A?
Oh sweet lord. Them throwback vibes. 
WOAH! MONA JUST FUCKED SPENCER UP!
Why did PLL suddenly turn into ‘The Cube’?
TWINCER IS REAL?! 
OMG.
CANNOT COMPUTE.
CANNOT BELIEVE.
MASSIVE RESPECT TO ALL TWINCER THEORISTS.
SO EXCITED OMFG.
Mary Drake?! Whut?!
Yepp. Drake escaped from jail.
...and just shot up Spencer with some tranquilizer.
Oh Spence. WTF. :’( [Started glitching the fuck out at this point and had to stop the show at the 44.01 mark. So I decided to go buy my cat some meds and food while I mellow the fuck out]
What’s with Ali’s really bad wig? 
It is a wig, right?
Spencer is on a hospital trolley hooked up to a blood pressure/heart monitor  while in shackles. Okay.
Twincer speaks with a non-American accent. 
“British”..
Maybe she’s related to Wren? 
Who even fucking knows anymore?
Troian can’t do much of a British accent. 
Twincer is Alex. Alex Drake.
Wren rans into Twincer (she’ll always be Twincer) randomly, in a pub in England. Okay.
GOOD QUESTION SPENCE. IS WREN A PART OF THIS?
So Twincer pulled this whole stunt because she ‘never felt so close to someone’ i.e. Spencer, who she learned about through Wren. 
And when Charlotte died she needed closure so she pulled this whole stunt.
Spencer who visited Hanna in the barn was Twincer.
Twincer has successfully been impersonating Spencer.
Spence said it right: like mother like daughter.
Troian’s British accent remains painful.
So this is AD? Twincer is AD?
Oh god. 
This is so shitty. 
Twincer shows up out of nowhere and wants to fuck over Spencer for being the luckier one in the luck of the draw.
After avenging Charlotte.
Twincer I know life’s been well ‘ard and all but no1curr.
Twincer wanted Wren to shoot her. So she could impersonate Spencer successfully. Okay.
Twincer didn’t want to be Alex anymore. She wanted to be Spencer. With Wren. That was the plan.
But he always thought of her as Alex.
And now he’s dead.
WREN IS DEAD. HE HANGS AS A DIAMOND FROM TWINCER’S NECKLACE. [insert mini-break here]
The girls look adorable in their bridesmaid dresses. 
Aria’s wedding dress isn’t my kind of thing but it’s PERFECT for Aria. 
Twincer tells one of Emison’s twins that she has ‘daddy eyes’. 
WHO’S THE DADDY?!
IT’S FUCKING WREN.
WREN IS EMISON’S TWINS’ DAD. 
Twincer’s the new dollhouse master. 
And AD.
Mary and Spencer are her captives.
But earlier Mary stabbed Spencer with a syringe.
So yeah?
Ugh.
This is so messy.
And bad.
Mary technically sold Twincer to get her ass out of Radley (hospital).
Twincer has been out on her ass since she was ten.
Mary and Spence are hugging. IDGI.
And now Mary’s locked Spencer back in ‘The Cube’. 
‘The Cube’ is giving me shower-incident and freezer-room throwbacks.
SPENCER YOU GENIUS; YOU SIPHONED MARY’S BOBBY PIN! YOUR ESCAPE IS NOW GUARANTEED!
Did Ezra just do a runner?
Or did someone else send that “I’m not coming for our wedding” text to Aria?
WORK THAT BOBBY PIN SPENCE!
EZRA IS IN ‘THE CUBE’ NEXT TO SPENCER’S. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
Oh, yeah. Twincer attacked him after that scene they had together at the Radley (hotel). 
And brought him to ‘The Cube’ next to Spencer’s.
After he almost figured out she was not Spencer.
Poor Aria. I hate that she’s so heartbroken. Even if it’s over Ezra.
Twincer’s back at Cube Central. 
Can’t be too far from the Radley (hotel) then.
At least Twincer calls it like she sees it. Toby did settle for Yvonne.
Still so bummed about Twincer being AD. 
Might as well have been Yvonne's fucking zombie.
Twincer is also doing this so she can be with Toby. Among her other motivations.
What even happened when Mary saved Spencer at the blind school?
Jenna and Sydney worked for Twincer.
Sydney was a one-off.
Jenna recruited Noel Kahn to find Twincer because she knew Charlotte had a sister.
She wanted the cash to be able to see again.
Twincer had the cash because Charlotte left her everything.
Jenna somehow knew Charlotte had a sister although she didn’t know the sister in question was Twincer. 
Is the Carissimi Group supposed to explain that?
Next: Sarah Harvey. 
This is going way too fast
Charlotte told Sarah she hid her greatest treasure in the Radley (hospital).
It was a file the PLLs found. 
That gives me - personally - zero things to work with.
Maybe this Charlotte and Rollins-Dunhill flashback will help.
They’ve just met!
Wren’s caught up in it now. 
He’s calling Cece on the phone to tell her a woman is waiting for her at the bar.
Oh! She’s meeting Alex a.k.a. Twincer. Her sister.
Rollins-Dunhill’s Ali stunt was all him; had nothing to do with Twincer’s agenda.
Before Charlotte came back to Rosewood she and Rollins-fuckface went on double dates with Twincer and Wren.
I literally give zero shits about Alex/Twincer.
This is as tragic as I anticipated.
It feels like filler.
A finale shouldn’t feel like it has filler in it.
There’s still hope that Ezra will die before the end of this show.
Twincer wants that.
Twincer’s now at the Radley (hotel), in Emison’s room.
Caressing Aria. Like a doll.
And now she’s at the ranch.
Will the horse call her out on her bullshit?
Knock her the fuck out?
Will nature save the day?
Already?
Please?
Almost!
Girls are running a search for Ezra.
A blonde Dali shows up at the door.
David Davids of hot air ballon rides asking for Mrs Fitz?
Oh... that’s the reservation Ezra was making earlier the other day before Twincer cracked his head open.
Twincer set up Jenna to get legal advice from her mum’s firm after Addison’s harassment.
Jenna literally smelled Twincer out.
And told Toby.
And now Toby’s going to tell everyone.
Wow. Even the cast seems like it can’t fucking fake it.
This finale is as weak as they come.
Nice shout out to the theorists though.
Mona knows that the PLLs and their SOs know about Twincer.
She calls for Plan B, while calling a mystery caller!
Does this mean the AD that showed up on Aria and Mona’s phones wasn’t Twincer?
Momma Drake and Twincer flashback!
More about how Twincer wants Toby to be her forever-peen.
Mary Drake knocked out by Twincer!
Mona is informing the PLLs and SOs that Wren came to Welby to kill her but she convinced him not to by telling him she could get Mary out of jail. 
Mona has coordinates.
Of Mary
I think.
They lead to Toby’s house. 
The one he built for Spencer (or Yvonne?)
Which he then sold.
Spence and Ezra have managed to break free from their cubes.
Twincer’s coming after them with an axe.
Cube Central is a huge-ass underground bunker. Duh. 
And now the rest of the PLLs and SOs (and Mona!) are entering it too.
Ezra bashed his head in against a rock after a surprise attack by Twincer.
Is he dead?
Please be dead.
Spence rugby-tackles axe-wielding Twincer. Lord help us!
Toby has a gun.
Handy that.
Maybe from his cop days?
LOL how is he going to know which is Spencer and which is Twincer?
Ezra isn’t dead.
A poem from Spencer’s favourite book is going to save the day.
Twincer has been identified.
A cop that looks vaguely like the twinkly guy from ‘Twilight’ has arrived on the scene.
Who even called the cops?
Of course Mona did.
A literal fizzle. That’s what this finale was.
On to Ezria’s wedding.
Boring wedding ceremony. No1curr.
I. Marlene King makes a cameo as a photographer.
No1curr.
Let’s hope the girls’ final scene is worth a shit.
Hanna’s pregnant.
Ezria is going to adopt.
Obligatory hugs.
Mona opened a doll shop in France.
And is still being shady.
Flashback of Mary and Twincer drinking tea.
Nope. Some how Mona has them.
Unless it’s her ‘hyper-reality state’ (remember that?)
Please don’t tell me it’s ending with Addison and her loser friends.
It did.
With a reshoot of the barn scene where Spencer tells the PLLs Ali’s gone missing.
But with Addison’s clique instead.
Goodbye seven years of my life I will never get back.
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