#anyone else have that auditory issue

[batstorm93672]

Deserve

Death is normal

It's natural

And for Damian it is a cycle and cause

He has caused many to die

He has seen death

He has died

So why...

Why did this one look so painful?

Batman told him not to go, but Robin went anyways. It was Scarecrow's work.

When Robin went in... he saw a disgusting amount of blood, people who went through so much torment in their fears.

They had clawed their eyes and face, someone had a knife in their shoulder, another to the neck. So much blood everywhere, Damian had killed people and seen people kill others. Yet never... never has he really seen this type of death. Their fears killed them, they killed each other in pure fear!

Is this what it's like... for those I kill who have families? For them to fear that they will be next and possibly take matters into their own hands because of me? What did I do? How many have I killed? How many of them had awaiting families? Those I killed I called it justice... but where is the justice for those who wind up to have seen their missing friend or mother or father at the end of it all? What if those I killed were forced into it? What if they had to get by and doing things they didn't want to because their families needed it? Those who I slaughtered without hesitation believing that I was doing good for the world. I'm no better... I'm no better than them! I'm no better than Joker or Scarecrow or Two-Face! I'm a monster, a psychopath, a demon just like them! I can't change! It means nothing to reverse the countless corpses I have trailing behind me!

He has to get out

Robin put his hood up and slipped out the window. Grappling to another rooftop, sitting by the gargoyle and gripped his hood more down his face, hiding himself.

Even when he closed his eyes, he could see the blood and bodies everywhere.

"Nngh"

His eyes teared up and he closed himself away as he held one hand over his mouth, afraid he'd throw up. How could such fear utter pain like that, to drive innocents to commit such atrocities. Then the fact... that he was no better. That he's been ignoring what his siblings have said upon meeting him... he's a demon. A monster! A lunatic! Maybe he deserves to be in the darkest depths of Arkham... it would keep everyone safe from the torment he caused.

"Hey kid"

Robin uncovered his mouth and closed his eyes already identifying the arrival of Jason Todd "...go away"

"I'm guessing you saw it"

"..."

"It never gets easier, something like that is... gruesome"

"I said go away!"

"Hey listen, I get it. You may be going through some shock after seei--"

"GO AWAY GODDAMMIT JUST GO! I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME ANYTHING! YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT MURDER IS LIKE!? WELL I DO, CAUSE I'M NO BETTER! I MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO CAUSE THAT SCENE BECAUSE WHAT ELSE AM I?! SO FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME GO AWAY!!"

The wind blew and Robin held his hood down as much as he could, anything to get away from all these thoughts. These... sick things inside of him.

The voices...

The images...

The rage...

It was all sickness.

Something that should be held back and kept away.

Something a villain would be.

Something he is.

He should be in Arkham... rotting away in the depths of it all in misery that he deserves.

Something pat his back lightly and sat down beside him.

"I said... go away..."

"I can't now, there's like a mini version of Golden Boy in my head telling me to be good and shit. So I don't wanna leave you alone like that. It's not safe for your own sake"

"What... do you want from me..? I have nothing to say to you or anyone...and if you came here to lecture me on why I shouldn't have come, then make no mistake I understand why Batman told me to not come here... now I know why"

"I'm not here for that, Batman already knew you would go on ahead. Like I would when I was younger, he knew you would leave and check it out. He just asked me to get you back at the Manor"

"...fine I can take a scolding from him... nothing new after all"

Robin got up and was immediately dragged back down and found himself wrapped in Jason's holding embrace "Hood! What the hell let go of me!" "Tell me"

"What?"

"Tell me what's wrong baby bat, I know you aren't okay. That moment after you spoke your body looked so tense no matter how much you hide it. I know you won't admit it to B or Dick because I wouldn't either. I'd let it stay in my mind and carry the pain on. You shouldn't go through that, so please tell me"

"...how many times have I caused such strife..? They killed in fear and panic, did I cause the same thing to those who I killed? Unaware of who they had waiting at home for them. Then I thought onto my illness... the auditory hallucinations... kinda make me as bad as the ones we fight who have their own mental problems as well. Joker is insane, beyond help though and he died... what if I become that? What if I go so far into how the voices talk and how the images appear that I can't stop myself? ...it feels as if maybe being sent to Arkham is the best option for me. For all of you, then if mother sees me... she would see no hope left in using me and then would leave me to rot... I probably deserve it too"

Robin let go of his hood and stared at his palms "I don't deserve this... this life I've built in Gotham... it doesn't feel right to me when I know deep down I'm an assassin and will most likely revert back to that role... Jason, I'm scared"

Red Hood held Robin a bit tighter and sighed "It... well it doesn't get easier, but I learned that with someone it can get better. The family is nice and caring, we have flaws and our own shit to work through. At the end of the day, we're still here for you. That goes for everyone in the Manor, even if they don't live there, they are still just as important. You don't have to be scared Habibi, I'm here for you as is everyone else back at the Cave wondering where you are and if you're okay because we care"

Red Hood squeezed Robin a bit tighter then let him go the two getting up. "Come on, I bet Alfred made some good food as always" "Yeah... yeah I'm sure he did"

#damian wayne #damian wayne has feelings and he wont admit it #jason todd #robin #red hood #batman #tw blood #tw death #tw auditory hallucinations #does anyone else get that feeling that due to the mental illness you carry that it feels as if you can make a horrible mistake #as if making a mistake is the end if the world hurts everything you've built and made to today? #i was really upset while making this #i have my own issues to work out i guess or something like that

[thisisaname-whatahappyname]

vent

i mean oh wow it's like she wants me to kill myself

all of this because i botched my hair and defended the fact that i ended up botching my hair and keeping it

heyy guys if i end up not posting for like. two months please kindly assume im dead lmfao

pfft i should probably screen shot some of the things she said in messenger dms when she isn't watching the screen just as proof that she said it

#edit tags glitched this was more cohesive and as well as properly formatted earlier folks so sorry about that it you do end up reading #ALL BECAUSE I ACCIDENTALLY BOTCHED MY HAIRCUT #she adds this to her list of me having a bandetta against hair because she complimented my hair and sometime later i cut it short #when one i didn't even hear that (<-auditory processing issues) and two even if i did i didn't mean to botch it #(didn't even did that to spite her was just thought it was too long and messed up my cut but sure as hell thinking of shaving it now) #also i noticed that she thinks that the world is out to get her inherently it's infuriating and depressing #and she's hurt too many people cause of it #and you can say and argue that it's a me specific thing if she didn't assume that with anyone else too #like. man. she needs to fucking go to therapy or else she has a big chancs of loterally killing me lol #thank fuck i got a handle on my anxiety before i turned into That i mean dear god #mann if this is how she reacts to a bad haircut cause her reputation was at stake apperantly (girlie cares Too Much on what idiots think #enough to verbally abuse bully hit more more times and threathen to hit me if i ever botch a haircut again apperantly.) #how am i going to get into a gay and in love relationship now :(( /j i will just won't tell her. #i will marry someone with my family just thinking we're friends if i have to. pull a byoonei even. #breaking news person who calls my aunt sensitive gets this offended over a bad hair cut #she also took my cutting blade too but hey it was getting dull anyways #ello this is a cry for help actually #there is a nice big cold ocean to jump in just two streets down from where i live and i can easily get out of here with two keys #tell me who i am guess i dont have a choice all because i cut my hair #oh if i ever get in a gay relationship i am not telling that woman #she's going to call me selfish for putting my happiness over the family's (read her) reputation #she would honestly put what idiots think of her over her own kids happiness lmfao #like. she's telling me to go attend parent teacher conferences and buy my own stuff because im ''so grown up nowyo there's a vent in the ta #parents

[five-crows-in-a-trench-coat]

When I mentioned my (apparently hot) take that I believe self-diagnosed people are valid, I got a handful of (my first!!!) hate comments.

So I thought I'd elaborate.

People who are self-diagnosed with anything might just end up being default settings. That's okay. What's not okay is denying someone aid on the basis that they don't have a diagnosis.

I always carry earplugs because a bunch of my friends have auditory sensory issues. None of them are diagnosed with anything, but I've helped them through panic attacks nonetheless.

If a stranger came up to me at a loud event and, seeing I have earplugs, asked for a pair, I wouldn't hesitate to give them. Don't bother giving them back, I buy in bulk.

Maybe that person was a neurotypical with sensitive ears, or maybe they were an autistic person with auditory sensory issues. I'll never know. But if my response was, "Do you have autism?" that would just make me a jerk. If their response was "Yes," and I then demanded paperwork as proof of their autism and therefore eligibility for ear plugs? That would mean I'm violating their privacy.

One of my friends had a panic attack at a loud event where she was working, and someone took her shift without question when they asked if she was okay and she said she wasn't. That's being a cool person. Saying "Well, you're not diagnosed with autism," and refusing to help her on that basis while she is clearly in distress is not cool. Even if she is neurotypical, anyone in distress merits help. Just because someone can swim doesn't mean they need breaks to keep from drowning, and refusing them a lifesaver on those grounds is just being a jerk, especially if there's no one else who could use the metaphorical lifesaver.

One of the main reasons I'm pursuing being a psychiatrist is so I can give my friends the diagnoses that I know would make their lives easier. I have the privilege to be diagnosed. They do not. I want to help give people free therapy and diagnoses since, at least in the United States, money is a huge barrier keeping people from diagnoses.

#nonbinary #queer #they them #queer pride #trans #adhd #neurodivergent #tired #autism traits #autism spectrum disorder #asd #autism #self diagnosis #self diagnosers #self diagnosed autism

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mother not to do certain things?

Let me start off by saying i'm homeschooled. I've been homeschooled my entire life. I don't have any friends offline, so I've pretty much come here to ask for outside opinions from my friend groups (online).

Prefer not to state ages, if that's okay. It makes me uncomfortable.

I have ocd, suspected autism, and either auditory processing disorder or misophonia (we're not sure which.) as well as a plethora of other issues. my mother is very aware that i have ocd (she has it herself) and i've mentioned misophonia to her several times. she doesn't know about my other mental issues, as for reasons you're probably going to see here, as i don't feel comfortable or safe telling her. (or, i've tried, and she doesn't listen, or tells me i'm "being dramatic.")

my ocd is quite crippling, to the point i've tried medication, herbal tea (chamomile seems to work a bit!), asking friends for advice, and even asking her for advice. as of the last year, it's had a grip on my life and has been quite a problem for me. i'm unable to do things i want or need to a lot, and especially struggle doing most things, even basic tasks. i'm unable to see a therapist/counsellor or psychologist/psychiatrist for personal/financial reasons.

a lot of my triggers (well, not exactly triggers for the ocd, but they stop me from doing things.) revolve around sound, especially people talking. whistling is a major trigger for my misophonia/apd, as are other high pitched noises.

my mother has a tendency to watch tv a lot, and i often ask her to not do this when i'm trying to do certain things, as it makes my ocd a bit worse, and it's often rather loud. (please note i wear headphones a lot of the time for sensory issues.)

however, when i ask her either to turn it down, pause it temporarily, or ask her to turn it off for a bit, she has a tendency to get mad/upset. to the point of throwing a bit of a fit over it, in a way that to me seems a bit attention seeking (in the bad way). she says things like "fine, whatever." and flaps her arms about dramatically or slaps her legs, or she says "i don't even wanna watch it now, it's ruined."

i'll go ahead and say she's a bit self-centered in a lot of ways. for years she has said i've "targeted" her and "treated her terribly" even though any time i was (to her) doing these things, i was usually defending myself or telling her to do something that she needed to do that had been requested for days/weeks/months/sometimes years. i also have a tendency to ask her what she's doing, either out of genuine curiosity, or because she has done something strange to me that i didn't understand. which she gets mad over.

she also gets mad if i ask if she's coming over here (i have a tendency to walk/pace in certain areas to music, it helps with stress/adhd/also helps me write/act things out. she is very aware of this and this isn't really a problem.) or ask how long she will be over here. she seems to think me asking this is telling her she can't come over, or desperately trying to get her to move. admittedly sometimes i DO want her to move, but 90% of the time i am just asking so i know if i need to move to a different area to walk or just stop temporarily.

sometimes when i am having a particular peak in my ocd/anxiety/whatever else, i ask her not to talk for a moment/few minutes, either so i can do something i need to, or because i'm afraid it will make it worse. she'll either get mad about this, or go on a tangent about "not catering to me" and saying things "the real world doesn't work like this, and nobody cares that you have ocd/issues." she has a tendency to take my issues as a personal attack on her, when in reality i would ask anyone to stop for a moment.

she has a tendency to belittle me in a sense for it. i've tried to explain some of it to her (without revealing details of my trauma she doesn't know about, as most of my ocd is linked to severe ptsd.) and she says it "doesn't make any sense" and i "need to stop" and i "need to just make myself stop." she has ocd, and knows compulsions are not always rational, and yet still says these things.

part of my desire not to go to a therapist is because of her. she claims they will either try to put me away take me to another home/put me in foster care, or drug me up on medication that will make me dull. (the other part is more personal, and unrelated to her, but to my aforementioned trauma.)

one of the things i especially ask her not to do is whistle, or make a few other certain noises (eating loud, using nail files around me, etc) because they are especially triggering to me. she'll either blatantly refuse and say i "don't get to tell her what to do" or i don't "control her" (please note i am just asking, but when i DO specifically tell her to stop, it is because she either already knows this sound is triggering to me, or i've already asked, and i'm losing my patience.) or she'll do it louder/more just to trigger me further (my father also does this. sometimes as a joke which in some ways is worse.) or she'll go on the "not catering + nobody cares" tangent again.

i know my ocd and other issues can be a bit interrupting, but i don't ask huge things of her or anyone else. all i ask is for them to not make certain sounds around me, temporarily ask them to not do something/stop doing something, or ask them to do it a bit quieter for me. please note she has the ability to watch tv/videos on other devices with headphones easily, she just chooses not to. and worse of all, they treat it like it's not interrupting to me, when it affects my everyday life in ways far worse than asking/telling them not to do something.

it makes me feel unwanted and unappreciated, and i'll admit, i've contemplated....not existing, if you will, many times over this issue and others.

i just don't really know if i'm asking too much, or if they're just being shitty. i want outside opinions on this.

so, AITA?

(id put a tl;dr in here, but i don't really know what to put. feel free to do it for me. also, i know this was kinda long, but i needed to put some extra things in, sorry if thats like an inconvenience or anything!)

(adding my sideblog here so i can get notifs, @ocdaitathrowaway)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[omnibused]

A comfort piece, related to this headcanon I posted a while back; about Ominis and his music box.

The clip contains sound effects, speaking, and music at the same time. For anyone with auditory issues or problems listening, a script has been included under the cut. I hope you like this one! ♥

[Sound of a metal door sliding open, burning braziers in the background.]

Ominis: I imagined you might be down here, even if a part of me wished it were under better circumstances. May I join you? Or, would... would you prefer to be left alone for now?

[Pause.]

Ominis: It pains me to see you like this, knowing there's nothing I can do to take it all away. I hope I can at least be a comfort to you, if nothing else. Here, take my handkerchief, dry your tears if you can. I'm here for you, little dove.

[Pause.]

Ominis: I know it's hard. I won't pretend to know what you're going through. We all carry our grief differently; some days it's much heavier than others. On the days it's lighter, we can help another carry their own. Take my hand, love, we can just sit here for a little while... if you're not ready to talk.

[Pause.]

Ominis: ...if I may. Here, take a look at this. I've never really shown it to anyone before, and if Sebastian's heard it at night he's has the tact not to say anything... [sound of a music box key being turned] surprisingly enough.

[Music begins. A music box rendition of 'Air on the G String' by Johann Sebastian Bach.]

Ominis: Y-Yes, just so. Just a little music box. I like to keep it with me, for when I'm having days like you are now, especially. It always soothes my aching heart, even if only a little.

[Pause, music continues.]

Ominis: Shh, just close your eyes and listen for a little while. Come, lay your head on my shoulder. Rest, dove... it's only you and I. We'll keep your troubles at bay, if only for a moment.

[Pause, music continues.]

Ominis: It... it was a gift. F-from my dear, dear Aunt Noctua, when I was just a boy. She did always have a way of helping me find my way; t-to find the light again, when I felt lost in darkness...

[Pause, music continues.]

Ominis: She told me, when she gave it to me, t-to... to remember that home and peace c-could always be found where I chose to make it... right now, I choose to make it... with you.

[Music continues, to end.]

#hogwarts legacy #ominis gaunt #ominis #ominis audio #ominis x mc #ominis x you

[figofswords]

has anyone tried loop earplugs for auditory processing issues, especially and specifically while working a retail job? I know originally they were for helping with overstimulation but the noise levels at my job aren’t enough to overstimulate me so I’m not really looking for anything that’s going to muffle things too much. the issue is if there is more than one conversation happening or if we’ve opened the door to the street I completely lose the ability to process what’s being said to me, like I’ll stand there absolutely fighting for my life trying to process the customer spelling their name for me and having to have them repeat each letter four or five times before my brain understands it, or fully checking out of one conversation and into another without noticing it and then having to fight my way back to figure out what the other person said, or even trying to figure out what *i’m* saying if I check out mid-sentence. my manager recommended I try loop so im wondering if anyone else with adhd and auditory processing issues has experience using loop in a retail setting and whether you think it’s worth it or not

#it’s literally so bad I feel like I’m wading through water against the current trying to stay on top of a conversation #I’ve always had some auditory processing issues but if I’m with friends or family I can just be like wait sorry I checked out repeat that? #but at work I’m standing there the customer is spelling their name two letters at a time #I cannot hold onto those letters for long enough to type them into the computer #I ask them to repeat they repeat at the same speed same volume and don’t break it into single letters OR syllable groups #each of which would be easier than two letters at a time #and the only thing that changes in their tone or face is a subtle expression of ‘oh this person is stupid’ #IM SORRY OK MY COWORKER JUST LAUGHED ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM MY MANAGER JUST YELLED SOMETHING FROM THE BACK #A GROUP OF FRIENDS WALKED PAST OUTSIDE TALKING LOUDLY THE BUS JUST WENT PAST #IM TRYINGGGGGGG

[italianlobster]

Matías Recalt x Autistic + Gender Neutral Reader headcanons

I need more fics with Matías and a neurodivergent reader qq

Warning: slight mentions of ableism

--

Matías would always wait for you to respond when talking with him.

He gives you time for you to understand what he said.

When something is too loud, such as the TV, he would turn it off.

When something is too bright like the lights, he would also turn it off.

He loves it when you share information of your special interest with him. It doesn't bother him at all.

He would go with you to therapy (speech, physical, occupational, etc).

He would absolutely destroy anyone if they make fun of you or discriminate against you because of your autism.

He respects your routines/rituals.

He would always buy you items of certain textures/fabrics that you're comfortable with, like clothes.

He doesn't judge you when you stim. You stim in front of him all the time, whether that be rocking or lining up things.

He doesn't stop you from stimming because he knows it helps you unless If you have harmful stims like headbanging or hair pulling. He tries his best to help you and take care of your bruises. For example, if you have a headbanging stim, he gives you a soft pillow for you to headbang into instead of a wall or if you have a hair pulling stim, he buys you a doll for you to pull its hair instead of your own.

He accepts you for who you are and wouldn't want you to change. He would only ask for himself to live longer because he can't imagine you being alone with no support if he passes.

If you're nonverbal, he tries his best to communicate with you by using gestures, sign language (which he is learning for you), writing, etc.

Whenever you're having a meltdown or sensory overload, he helps calm you down or gives you space when you need it. He doesn't touch you and keeps other people away from you until you calm down.

If you need a lot of support, he helps you with everyday tasks like tying shoelaces, brushing your hair, etc. It brings him closer to you and gives him joy to help you.

He doesn't force you to make eye contact with him because he knows it's hard for you.

You drop the mask whenever you're with him because you're very comfortable around him.

He buys you Fidget toys (if they help you).

He talks to you like how he would talk to anyone else. He doesn't speak to you like a baby or like you're dumb.

Also, if you have trouble listening or have auditory issues, he speaks to you slowly and clearly.

Whenever you're both outside and you're very oversimulated, he takes you to somewhere more calm like the park.

He doesn't care about what anyone says about him being with someone who's autistic.

He focuses on the positive.

He doesn't get mad when you don't understand his jokes or his sarcasm.

He reminds you to take your medication (if you take any).

That's all I can think of for now..

--

#matias recalt fanfic #matias recalt x reader #matías recalt #matias recalt

[amyintherapy]

ADHD & Sensory

Recently I talked to my therapist about how I think I may have previously thought that my sensory issues were social anxiety.

I find socializing or being in public draining, and I thought it was all from being socially anxious. And that certainly is some of it - but as I've done work on my social anxiety, I feel less anxious in public/social settings, but I still find myself feeling really drained by them.

And I've noticed that it's at least somewhat linked to sensory issues. I find it really hard to hear/listen/process conversations when there is a lot of background noise, so going to a party, or a restaurant that has loud music playing or something, is super exhausting for me when compared to like...going to the library or something else that is still somewhat public and social but not as overwhelming sensory wise. And also, it can feel like my ADHD gets extra bad in loud environments. It's harder for me to stay focused on a conversation, to connect my thoughts, and to turn my thoughts into conversation. My therapist shared a theory with me and said that there's some research to support this, but it's still a new thing that isn't confirmed...but that she thought it made a lot of sense. The theory is that perhaps distractability and inattentiveness seen in a lot of people with ADHD is actually driven by sensory processing issues more so than being a completely stand-alone issue. She used the example of how having auditory processing issues means we can't "filter out" background noise, so if we're talking to someone and a few feet away two other people are having a conversation, and an air conditioner is blowing, we're going to be hearing all 3 sources of sound equally loud. Where someone without auditory processing issues will have a brain that naturally kinda ignores or de-prioritizes hearing the a/c and the background conversation, so they hear the person they are talking to the loudest and that helps them greatly with maintaining focus on that conversation. So it may not be that they are able to focus better or more easily than us, but that their brain filters sensory stuff in a way that makes sensory issues not disrupt their focus. Because anyone would struggle to focus on one movie if there were 4 TV's each playing 4 different movies at equally loud volumes, right? And that's kinda what it's like having auditory processing issues. I just thought it was a really interesting concept that others might enjoy hearing. I feel like my ability to sustain focus is reduced even when i'm at home and have almost complete control of my sensory environment. So, my best guess would be that I'd have sustained attention issues even if I had no sensory issues. But it definitely seems true to me that sensory issues are a SIGNIFICANT component of what impacts my ability to sustain focus. Not just auditory but tactile and others as well. I think auditory is the hardest for me though.

#adhd #sensory processing disorder #spd #auditory processing disorder #my post

[utilitycaster]

hi! is s01e01 representative of midst as a whole? i tried it but couldn't get through it bc i found it very distracting with the bg music/noise and the tag teaming of the narration; it all kept pulling me out of my minds palace and i just couldn't get into it. however, a lot of people on here and on reddit highly recommend it so the story must be good, and i like good stories so id like to enjoy it. does it "get better", so to speak, in regards to the background ambiance and narration? is it available in written form anywhere, so that i could enjoy it by reading it? thank you!

Hi anon,

In terms of the narration style and sound design, yes, it is.

I've thought fairly carefully about this answer but in short: I think with podcasts (and frankly, anything), the medium is the message. There are transcripts, and you can read them. I think if you are hard of hearing such that the sound design makes it difficult to separate narration from the music or noise; or you have misophonia or auditory processing disorders or something similar such that it is genuinely uncomfortable, then the transcripts are available.

However, if that's not the case, Midst's sound design is in my opinion a strength. It is undeniable that if you choose to read the transcripts rather than listen, you will be losing a major dimension of the storytelling and worldbuilding: the sound is, fundamentally, part of the mind palace. And as someone who listens to a decent number of fiction podcasts that have background sounds or music, I actually think the design and the pure technical balance of Midst is one of the best there is, to the point that actually I find that some sounds fade into the background very naturally and I end up relistening when someone else brings them up.

What I would recommend, if you have only listened to the first episode, is to stick it out through a few more, because I suspect that if an auditory issue is not at play, you are actually having difficulty with the three-narrator structure. I personally found it initially difficult but quickly acclimated (and it too is a key part of the whole). Listen to the first 3-4 episodes. Episode 1 is barely over 15 minutes. Would you give up altogether on a TV show 15 minutes in? Give it another hour or so, and if you still don't like it, you can decide what to do from there.

I think just to wrap up I do want to admit that this might make me sound like a cranky millennial and also a completionist, and to be fair I am both these things, but I think there is a tendency in fandom spaces to want to be part of something whether or not it is working for you. This is an understandable impulse. However, I think this has unfortunately become entangled with a tendency I am less sympathetic towards; that of demanding things be catered to your existing preferences rather than allowing yourself to be a little uncomfortable. Naturally I don't think anyone should deliberately trigger themselves or be in pain; but perhaps we could all stand to be more patient, give things more time, be more willing to meet works where they are rather than trying to pull them towards what we already know and love, and listen to the songs on the album we don't love as much rather than skipping to the easy hits. And, if after a good-faith patient effort, it's still not clicking for us, to walk away instead of trying to find a way to sand it down enough to fit into our comfort zone.

#answered #Anonymous

[exuberantocean]

I am Not Ignoring You

I just...

I hate the issues that come with my processing disorder. I've been diagnosed with both expressive & recessive language disorder and auditory processing disorder. There's apparently some big debate among audiologists whether they're the same thing or not so it's anyone's guess if I have two separate issues.

But! I generally pass at work as not having a issue because quite frankly my chosen career is and ideal environment for said problems. Even there it has come up.

But it's a ongoing issue in my personal life. Inevitably someone says something and I don't respond and then they get angry with me for ignoring them. When really I either:

Failed to realize they even talked.

Realized the talked but failed to process their sounds to meaningful words.

Understood what they said but failed to create words back to them.

The third happens most when something else is going on that requires processing power. Like, I really can't do a thing and talk at the same time and most people don't get that.

For example, recently went kayaking with a friend (a thing I avoid for so many reasons but for reasons I don't want to go into, I did it).

I was up front, she in back. I needed to communicate needs like what direction to row. This...this did not go well. This went badly. This went really badly. I am surprised it didn't go worse. Because wording became extremely hard.

To make it worse, the whole set of issues is inconsistent. I mean, certain situations can make it harder, definitely. But sometimes even in ideal situations I struggle whereas sometimes I don't. So, you know, people think I'm just being an asshole because I didn't have an issue yesterday or whatever.

#auditory processing disorder #language processing disorder

[heartkade]

Post-Red Banquet -> Present Day lore recap!

Lore and arcs summarized for each character who’s part of the Egglore finale, up to present day. Just a basic refresher to know where each character is at currently

*Updated to Ponk’s lore stream “A Helping Hand” so it’ll be outdated for current egglore

c!Hannah

Was granted fairy wings from DreamXD

Sam employed her and c!Boomer to work under Awesamdude Inc. She is the bank manager. Boomer and her share a strange connection/familiarity, and became fast friends.

Sam holds what happened at the Red Banquet against Hannah, but she wants to move on since it’s “all in the past.”

Boomer tears off her wings accidentally, they declare each other as enemies and fight. Sam wants them to fix their issues for the sake of the business. She’s upset at both of them for not caring.

Currently: desperate to have her wings back, wants to ask DreamXD but can’t get in contact

c!Sam

Locked the Egg away after the Red Banquet, was still the Prison Warden. On the side, works on Awesamdude Inc. for the bank and Las Nevadas for Quackity.

Big reveal that he can transfer his soul between (possibly artificial) bodies that lay dormant all around the server. He knows c!Boomer from the past.

The whole giant Prison Saga which I’ll sum up very briefly: People die on his watch, he continues getting corrupted mentally by the Warden role. Allows violence, kidnaps and takes lives himself believing it’s for righteous reasons, and everybody escapes from the prison in the end. Very few people trust him now.

Gets locked in the prison as retribution. c!Dream visits every day, breaks down his willpower, and takes a canon life.

Has nothing else to do but throw himself into work with Awesamdude Inc. Regularly doing projects with Sam Nook and Foolish.

Egg Resurgence Arc. He finds out that the Egg is growing in power, realizes his methods to contain the entity didn’t work, and is worried about Bad.

Sam Bucket Saga

Currently: just disturbed by everything.

c!Ponk

Post-Red Banquet, moves into the Summer Home to regain Foolish’s trust and heal from egg control, they become good friends, and she later moves out

Confronts Sam for chopping off his hand. Finds out that Foolish went on a date with Sam and breaks off their friendship. Cuts off all ties and lives in a cave for a while.

Later rebuilds their friendship with Foolish.

Confronts Sam again after the prison break for what he’s done. Is disappointed in what Sam has become, when he used to be such an amazing person.

Still lives in a cave, not doing too well & had another bad encounter with Sam

Currently: desperate to get his hand back and went to the Egg for help (egglore finale)

c!Puffy

Still unsure of how she got to the dsmp, had gotten amnesia from her ship crashing during a storm.

Accepts that everybody on the dsmp is evil in some way, even herself for killing Antfrost at the Red Banquet. Ant and her mutually apologize. Was still upset at Bad.

Slightly involved in the L’Sandburg War arc

Gets her restaurant exploded. Later on decides to leave, wanting a new start.

Currently: birthday party

c!Eryn

Half demon, knows Tommy from childhood. His parents died in an attack on their village, and after many years of traveling he arrives in the dsmp. Tries to befriend Tommy again.

Immediately gets attached to Badboyhalo as a father figure. Views Sapnap as a brother.

Big reveal that they can relive past moments of war and violence as auditory hallucinations. Hears the Red Banquet but doesn’t believe that c!Bad would’ve ever hurt anyone.

History lesson from Eret. c!Dream prison escape happens.

Everybody on the server seems on edge and depressed now, Eryn is upset that he can’t help. Feeling lonely & also scared by the past violence he heard, they hide underground for several weeks until c!Aimsey comes and the two become friends.

Currently: deflecting their emotions but otherwise is doing okay

c!Antfrost

Apologized to everyone for his involvement with the Egg and Red Banquet.

Continued to work as a prison guard under Sam.

Takes his work vacation only to come back and find that c!Dream has escaped the prison. Sam blamed him for not being there to help.

Ant talks to Bad and they confront Sam for abandoning the Badlands and blaming them when he should be responsible. After more arguing, Ant quit the job and left.

Currently: unknown

c!Seapeekay (C!PK)

Fox that can travel to different dimensions and ended up in the dsmp.

Is given a tour by Ponk and later Badboyhalo. Bad repeatedly loses his memory of meeting CPK during this because of the egg trying to control him. Foolish quickly intervenes and brings the two to the Summer Home. Bad later takes CPK to the egg room, before managing to stop himself and disinfects the two in a panic. (this is one of my favorite lore streams)

One day CPK hears creepy voices, curiously goes to the source (egg room) then passes out.

Starts changing his preferences to the color red & his fur becomes discolored.

Another day when cc!CPK is not at the computer, his character begins unconsciously moving on its own. He goes to the Egg and touches it, then runs away. 

He and Aimsey make a team devoted to fixing things but it doesn’t work out. He decides to destroy stuff instead and his house gets exploded.

Currently: unknown. probably not doing very good

c!Badboyhalo

Was not willing to apologize to everyone for his involvement with the Egg and Red Banquet. Trying very hard to repress it out of guilt.

Continued to work as a prison guard under Sam.

Decides to live with Foolish at the Summer Home, beginning the very long rollercoaster ride that is the Roommate Saga. Many arcs are part of it, in order we have:

The L’Sandburg War arc

The DreamXD Statue arc. We find out XD hates Bad for some reason.

The L’Cactusburg Prank War arc. Bad & Skeppy’s house got moved to Ohio.

Dream prison escape, Bad quits his job as a prison guard along with Antfrost.

Egg Resurgence Arc. One part being the CPK tour egg-control thing already talked about above. The other part follows Bad and Foolish trying to find out why the Egg is growing stronger, as bloodvines are growing around the Summer Home & Foolish’s builds.

Bad moves out, ending the Roommate Saga “for now”

Sam Bucket Saga

Currently: friends with Sam Bucket, concerned about the Egg and is gathering people for Puffy’s birthday party

The Egg

Got drowned in church prime by Foolish Post-Red Banquet

Tried to get revenge on Foolish and infect Bad again during the Egg Resurgence Arc

Successfully infected C!PK instead

Was “destroyed” by Foolish but actually just moved somewhere else (has similar properties to an ender dragon egg)

Momentarily stopped by Sam Bucket

Currently: growing more powerful. uh oh.

As for the lore of characters that also have a good chance of being in the finale:

c!Foolish

Post-Red Banquet, the Egg was in his head until he drowned it in prime water. They apparently have a long history that Foolish doesn’t remember.

The Roommate Saga & the Las Nevadas Saga happening at the same time

DreamXD Statue arc, became besties with XD and was granted immortality and knowledge of the Death Book.

Egg Resurgence Arc same as with Bad. Foolish used his immortality to destroy the Egg; the action kickstarting the Sam Bucket Saga. The egg moved locations and is now more dangerous.

Roommate Saga end & Las Nevadas Finale

Currently: fixing Las Nevadas with c!Quackity

c!Skeppy

Was slightly involved in the L’Sandburg War and L’Cactusburg Prank War arcs. Him and Bad’s house got moved to Ohio so they rebuilt it.

Currently: living quietly at his house

c!Punz

Has mostly been planning things with c!Dream after the prison escape

Slightly involved in Las Nevadas Finale

Currently: unknown

Sam Bucket

Was a victim of the Egg long ago. He wanted his dog Francis back and the Egg said it could help

Realized he was being controlled and discovered the egg’s weakness to iron. Buried himself with the Egg so hopefully no one would ever find it again. Now has an extended lifespan and teleportation powers

Badboyhalo rediscovered the egg and got corrupted. Sam Bucket wasn’t able to stop the Red Banquet & could only watch

Could physically appear as a result of the Egg Resurgence arc

Sam Bucket Saga. Is trying to protect people from the egg

Currently: saaaam bucket

———

#dsmp #dream smp #egg lore #the egg #badboyhalo #hannahxxrose #awesamdude #Sam bucket #Eryn #CPK #ponk #foolish gamers #captainpuffy #DreamXD #pretty sure I got everything important

[night-wyld-system]

Understanding Trauma

Many people seem to not understand trauma. This can be helpful to any and all people, regardless of whether or not you have experienced any trauma. Trauma can occur at any time or age. Being aware of how something is considered trauma is important so you can heal. Weather you were traumatized in childhood or adulthood, you deserve to be able to heal and understand that your struggles were indeed enough and valid.

What Is Trauma?

According to TIC "Trauma is a pervasive problem. It results from exposure to an incident or series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life-threatening with lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, and/or spiritual well-being."

Trauma is a very vast and nebulous concept. It is an incredibly broad umbrella term that covers any and all distressing experiences that leave an impact on the individual who experienced them. They can be real or imagined experiences as well.

The way we (as a system) personally process trauma from our experiences with side effects of a medication giving us auditory and visual hallucinations is the same as we process the rest of our trauma due to the nature of what we suffer from. The "smaller" traumas we have endured are no less or more distressing than the "larger" traumas, merely they are easier for us to accept the fact that they occurred.

No one person will have the same criteria for what constitutes trauma for their brain. Everyone has a different tolerance for what may or may not be traumatizing. For example, children are more likely to be traumatized by things that would not traumatize an adult. Children are less aware and less capable of thinking about the future, because of this they often do not seem to understand that events are not life-threatening. This is not something that is to be seen as a fault or personal failing, this is merely a part of human nature.

Types Of Trauma

So many people are not aware that instances in their childhood or adult life may be traumatic or can cause trauma. They may believe that either they themselves or others are being weak for being affected so much by the things they have experiences. We understand this issue very well as we have often degraded and beaten ourselves up over the idea that some of our "lesser" traumas were not as bad as our "greater" ones and should have been inconsequential. This is not fair to us or anyone else.

Bullying People often overlook this as a form of trauma due to the idea that being bullied is a "normal part" of childhood. However this is a very unhealthy and unrealistic standard that has been set which plays a large role in socio-cultural issues we see today. That however is a topic for a different discussion entirely.

Some things that are seen as normal childhood "bullying" but can be traumatic are, but not exclusive to:

Child on child violence

Physical (hitting, tripping, kicking, etc.)

Verbal (name calling, teasing, taunting, threatening, and sexual comments)

Social (spreading rumors, embarrassing someone in public, being purposefully exclusive)

Cyberbullying (sending negative, harmful, and/or false content electronically via text messages or email; posting mean things or hurtful pictures online through social media, blogs, etc)

Bystander (seeing someone be harmed and not stepping in, being unable to help, etc.)

Things that can come from it that can also be traumatic:

School avoidance, including missing or dropping out of school

Poor academic performance

Self-injury

Eating disorders

Suicidal or homicidal ideas or actions

Stress, anxiety, and depression

Loneliness and isolation

Feelings of rejection, or poor self-esteem

Changes in sleep and eating patterns

Poor relational skills/never learning how to socialize

Community Violence Yet another form of trauma that is often overlooked is living in a volatile and aggressive environment. Whether or not you yourself get involved in any of the conflicts that have taken place in your neighborhood, city, town, region, or country, does not matter. The environment itself and the general feelings of tension can be incredibly stressful.

Things that can fall under this, but are not exclusive are:

Exposure to acts of violence committed in public areas by those who are not known to the victim

Gang conflicts/fights

Individual conflicts

Shoot outs

Public stabbings/shooting/violent assaults

Group conflicts

Ongoing Wars

Terrorist attacks

“War-like” conditions (often associated with high rates of crime and large amounts of organized crime)

Exposure to homicides, sexual assaults, robberies, assaults, and weapon attacks of either those you know or those who are detached

Consistent or constant reasonable fear of ones safety

Further traumas that can come as a result:

Bodily injury

Always being on edge

Trouble with trusting people in your community

Flashbacks

Exposure to and heightened risk for substance abuse

Being in survival mode

Worry about family & friends

Natural Disasters The world itself can be a scary place at times. There are a whole list of ways that nature itself can be a cruel and traumatic force. Survivors of natural disasters, no matter how big or small can be left with lasting mental scars.

Some examples may include:

Hurricanes

Earthquakes

Tornados

Wildfires

Floods

Tsunamis

Landslides

Blizzards

Droughts

Extreme Heat

Extreme Cold

Wind Storms

Further things that may be traumatizing which come as a result of some natural disasters:

Displacement

Loss of housing

Less resources

Loss of personal property

Changes in school

Changes in work

Loss of income

Physical injury

Loss of a loved one

Loss of community

Separation Anxiety

Medical Trauma Dealing with injuries, medical conditions, illnesses, and chronic illness can also be traumatic. Not only from just merely being sick or in pain, but also from the experiences one may have in a medical facility. These are typically based more on subjective experience than the fact of the injury/illness/treatment itself.

Some forms of trauma may include:

Injuries

Invasive procedures

Non-invasive procedures

Hospitalizations

Shock and loss of control at a diagnosis

Life-altering complications 

Conditions of the medical ward

Conditions of the doctors office

Unexpected medical intervention

Delirium experienced by some patients

Children not understanding what's going on

Chronic illness and health complications

Excessive doctor visits as a child as compared to ones peers

Additional forms of child that may be experienced as a result:

Impair day to day function

Flashbacks

Lack of adherence to medical treatment

Impediment to recovery

Physical Abuse This is a much more tricky topic as everyone tends to already have an idea of what this is. However most people's understanding of these issues are lacking to say the least. Society would have you believe it must always be done with harmful intention and result in physical injury, but that is not always the case.

Examples of some forms of this trauma:

Punching

Kicking

Grabbing 

Slapping

Dragging someone around

Unwanted non-sexual touch

Hair pulling

Spitting

Object throwing

Physical restraints

Having your medication controlled/restricted

Use of weapons

Coercion into using substances

Scratching

Biting

Pushing

Pulling

Pinching

Burning

Withholding physical needs (physical neglect)

Injuring or threats to injure others

Seeing an abuser destroy objects

IPV, Intimate partner violence

Seeing IPV/intimate partner violence

Further traumas that may be experienced as a result:

Struggle to develop and maintain friendships

Flashbacks

Walking on eggshells

Survival Mode

Physical injury

Welts

Bruises

Scars

Red marks that may fade away

Sexual Abuse Sexual abuse is yet another touchy subject, and one that needs to be discussed more. There are so many different forms of sexual abuse.

Examples of SA:

Sex Trafficking

Forced/Coerced Prostitution

Forced/Coerced Sex-work (virtual)

Contact

Non-contact

Assault

Groping

Harassment

Rape

Leaking/spreading of nudes

Using force, coercion, guilt, or manipulation.

Exploiting a victim who is unable to make an informed decision

Laughing or making fun of another’s sexuality or body

Making contact with the victim in any non-consensual way

Exhibiting excessive jealousy resulting in false accusations of infidelity and controlling behaviors to limit the victim’s contact with the outside world.

Having affairs with other people and using that information to taunt the victim.

Withholding sex from the victim as a control mechanism.

CSA/Child Sexual abuse This is a subset of SA, consisting of any forms of it that occur to a child. This is about whether or not it can be traumatic and less about if there is purposeful harm (there is unintentional forms of CSA also known as covert csa)

Examples include:

Child on child CSA (when a child assaults another child)

Non-contact CSA (typically any form of CSA where a child is not directly touched)

asking, pressuring, inciting, or otherwise coercing a child to engage in sexual activities (whether or not it leads to physical contact)

sexual touch/fondling (even if fully clothed)

sexual activity in the presence of a child

causing a child to watch a sexual act

exposure of genitals to a child

viewing a child’s genitalia or breasts without contact

inappropriate sexual conversation

meeting a child following sexual grooming

using a child to produce child pornography

sexual grooming

emotional incest

spousification

Religious/Spiritual Abuse Preface: Religion and spirituality is okay and can be healthy! Religious abuse happens when religions are run in bad ways or by bad people. This is any form of distress that occurs within a religious group or institution and has a lot of overlap with different types of abuse and traumas. This is even more apparent in cults.

Enforcement of the idea “you were born sick”

Fear of being damned to eternal suffering (things like fear of hell)

Being kicked out of the church

Removing oneself from a religious group and losing connections due to it

Trauma from separating oneself from a long believed in religious figure

Belief in being constantly watched

Being told you are sinful

Puritanical abuse (shaming sexuality, shaming sexual thoughts, shaming abuse survivors)

Experiencing shame or being told you’re not worthy of love due to your thoughts or beliefs

Fear of expressing yourself or sharing your thoughts

Forced to follow your communities rules and expectations

Marginalization due to your gender or sexuality

The use of scripture to justify abuse or injustice

Not feeling free to leave your faith

Individuals in positions of power who force members to participate in religious ceremonies or use fear of hell or punishment to earn their abnegation

Suppression of normal child development through limited access to information and the teaching of dysfunctional beliefs

Stifling independent thinking and creating self-doubt, to diminish the agency of members

Financial abuse

Financial manipulation

Ways leaving religions or the effects of harmful religious groups may be traumatic:

difficulty with decision-making and critical thinking

identity confusion

lack of meaning

Sleep and eating disorders

Nightmares

sexual dysfunction

Rupture of family and social network

financial stress

interpersonal dysfunction

emotional, intellectual, social, and sexual immaturity resulting from the control of information and discouragement of critical thinking within the religious environment

Traumatic Grief Grief is something that almost everyone will experience, but sometimes this can infact be traumatic. Especially for young children. It is okay if your grief turned traumatic.

Examples of traumatic grief:

Sudden loss of a loved one

Learning a loved one was murdered

Learning of a horrific crime that resulted in a loss of a loved one

Unexpected losses

Loss of a child

Accidental death of a loved one

Stalking This is something that a lot less people have experienced but it is very important to be talked about nonetheless.

Types of stalking/examples:

Cyberstalking

Domestic Stalking

Lust Stalking

Love-Scorned Stalking

Celebrity Stalking

Political Stalking

Hitmen Stalking

Revenge Stalking

Intimate

Non-intimate

Being followed around

Having someone taking photos of you without your knowledge and posting them online

Seeing the same person numerous times around you

Constantly feeling or being watched

Finding your things out of place when you know for fact you did not displace things and do not have any memory issues

TLDR;

There is a large amount of things that constitute trauma. We skipped a few things being trauma that is experienced due to discrimination and trauma experienced due to survivors guilt.

Resource Document

#trauma #ptsd #did #cdd #osdd #traumatic #actually traumagenic #actually traumatized #traumagenic #cw csa #cw sa #cw stalking #cw abuse #cw natural disasters #cw violence #cw assualt #cw rape #CW FOR EVERYTHING #cw trauma

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for refusing to file for disability in order to pay bills?

I quit my job right when COVID started surging in 2020 because my boss refused to mask and I'm immunocompromised; I also didn't wanna bring that home to my partners (I'll call them Fox and Rabbit), one of whom is also immunocompromised, or our then-toddler kid either. (Plus, my boss wasn't paying me consistently on-time or the full amounts I was owed, but that's another can of worms)

However, I wasn't able to find anything work-from-home (I have auditory processing issues that make phone jobs impossible, plus we didn't have internet so I was just hotspotting off my phone to get online), and because of lockdown, safety concerns, and lack of a vehicle, I couldn't really get an in-person job either, so I did as much as I could taking care of household budgeting, conflict resolution, and looking after our 3-4yo kid along with Fox (who did most of the actual housework, as I wasn't able to be outside my room much because I was severely allergic to the pets there at the time).

Rabbit (kid's bio-parent) became work-from-home after a brief stint on unemployment due to their employer fucking around, staying over with their coworker/other partner (I'll call Rose) for the internet, and our other roommate contributed to rent until he moved out, so we were able to stay afloat and safely isolated for a while at least, and I started teaching our kid to read and write as my main share of the household contribution, which everyone at least claimed to be fine with.

Fast forward a bit, and both me and Rabbit got extra people in the household mix; a partner who I'd been involved with online for some time (Chomps) moved in with us, and Rabbit married Rose and moved in with her officially, with the kid staying on non-workdays with them and otherwise being looked after mostly by Fox and I. Eventually, with leases on both our places running out but with all of us outspokenly committed to working together, we all moved into Rose's parents' house (while they were overseas on vacation; they wanted caretakers there to look after Rose's younger sibling, who is disabled). Rose's parents--who are also polyam and very well-off--offered to bankroll a new home for all of us so we didn't have rent to pay for a while and could just catch up on things. Chomps even secured a decent-paying job. Things were going very well!

Then, a significant wrinkle came when Chomps needed to quit due to COVID concerns (anti-vaxxers in a high-risk environment, no vaccines available for small kids yet so we were mostly worried about the kid as we'd all been vaxxed at that point otherwise). At the time, everyone agreed that was a good idea! So, everyone braced for financial belt-tightening, and Chomps quit.

At this point, I was barely eating one meal a day out of guilt for my inability to contribute much, but I was also homeschooling our then-pre-k-into-kindergarten-age kid, and helping cook food and handle chores. Due to both Rabbit and Rose working from home and complaining of connection issues whenever anyone else used internet, me and Chomps could barely job-hunt (our phones didn't really get signal out there either), and without the ability to drive or a consistently-available vehicle, we worried constantly about providing for the household. Still, Rose and Rabbit reassured us that it was fine and getting handled.

Until one day it apparently wasn't, and Rose started getting onto me specifically (having been jobless for a couple years at this point, only getting two interviews despite putting in literally hundreds of applications) about filing for disability. Her opinion was that I could "just be on it until [I] got a job". That is not how disability works, and I told her as much, and refused to even start that process instead of continuing to look for work that I could feasibly do (which, frankly, was already taking as much time and effort as a full-time job, just with no financial benefit).

Granted, I could probably qualify for disability benefits, since I have physical and mental issues that make my range of possible employment pretty limited (though, as I'd been able to put in hundreds of applications to things I was sure I could do, it's far from impossible for me to work). However, the type of disabilities I would most easily and likely qualify with are the kind that would also very probably have my autonomy removed (this has been confirmed by two doctors and a therapist independently of one another). Plus, I'd be unable to marry Fox (as we'd agreed to do years and years ago) or get a job again without risking the loss of any benefits I could manage to secure, and also making it incredibly hard to recover those benefits if/when I further deteriorated down the line due to age, injury, or other factors and actually couldn't physically work.

So, while continuing my (unexpectedly unsuccessful) hunt for employment beyond a once-monthly gig that paid ~$75 (which is how I bought my own essential toiletries and groceries), I homeschooled the kid (which was a success, to the point that they later rolled into 1st grade with reading, writing, and math proficiency well above their peers!!), did most of the house troubleshooting and repair, and used as few resources as possible to minimize my impact on household finances, to the point that I averaged eating only one meal each day for years. Still, AITA for not just biting the bullet and giving up on the job hunt to prioritize securing disability payments?

(It's been about two years since that point and our current situation is stable despite partial dissolution of the polycule, with Fox and Chomps both working and paying the entirety of my portion of "rent" on the place Rose's parents bought her, while I continue to job-hunt with help from the state's vocational rehab dept. Fox and Chomps reassure me every time that they can see I'm doing my best and they're happy to take care of me as needed; I still feel fucked up about not being able to contribute financially and take care of them and everyone else in the same way, and wonder all the time if I made/am making the right call by refusing to pursue disability benefits unless I absolutely physically cannot work.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Autistic Penny hcs+ (maybe )autistic Ocean

combining all these asks, but of course!!

(i have ADHD, but A Bunch of my friends who have autism have said that i give off the same vibes, so i’m gonna talk to my pediatrician about That when i see in October)

(i decided to color code the names of the kids for this one because, coincidentally, it may be a little hard to follow cause the headcanons are All Over The Place)

Ricky and Penny have autism, and Ocean has both autism and ADHD because, come on, her having ADHD is SO OBVIOUS

Ricky was the first one to point out that maybe, just maybe, Penny and Ocean aren’t neurotypical

Penny eventually gets diagnosed once her parents go to jail, and she gets her social worker

Ocean is undiagnosed

Penny has God Awful auditory processing issues

Noel: Hey, do you know what time it is?

Penny: Huh?

Noel: I said do you kn—

Penny: OH IT’S TWELVE-THIRTY

Ocean will make food and then won’t eat it because she isn’t hungry anymore

Penny will sometimes look at people’s mouths when they speak because it’s easier for her to follow along

Penny and Ocean both NEED subtitles when watching shows

Misophonia? Misophonia

Forks scraping against a plate will make Penny full-body cringe

If someone smacks while eating, Ocean will have a viscerally angry reaction

Also misokinesia with Ocean!!

If someone is bouncing their leg in her peripheral, she gets So Mad for Literally No Reason

If she bounces her leg, though, it’s fine, but it’s a personal offense when anyone else does it

Also pen clicking!! Only SHE can click her pen. Nobody else. It’s illegal.

Textures? Textures

Ricky’s favorite textures: Fur; aloe vera; pebbles! like the small, smooth ones!; butter; leather; rags when they’re wet

Ricky’s least favorite textures: Grits; fish (it’s too chewy); school paper towels (they’re so scratchy for NO REASON); when you’re drawing with chalk and your nails scrape the sidewalk or asphalt; dry sponges

Ocean’s favorite textures: BEAUTY BLENDERS!!!! (she’s CONSTANTLY stealing Constance’s just to squeeze them like a stress ball); fur; pebbles (same as Ricky); cotton balls; silk; soft ice

Ocean’s least favorite textures: NAIL FILES (she can’t STAND nail files, they make her SQUIRM); wet paper (it makes her want to GAG); bouncing off of that, paper straws (she wants to like them SO BAD because they’re better for the environment, but she just CAN’T); wet bread; mascara (makes her face feel sticky and itchy); bananas (bad feeling in her mouth); that gross slimy sensation of oil on your hands after you try (and fail) to wash it off with water; lotion (similar to the oil, it just makes her feel uncomfortably slimy)

Penny’s favorite textures: Velvet; anything soft and fluffy; makeup brushes (even without makeup; she likes to just brush them against her face); styrofoam; that green plant foam stuff; silk; mini M&Ms

Penny’s least favorite textures: Wet paper (she seconds Ocean’s hatred, that stuff is straight from HELL); jeans (scratchy, tight, and uncomfortable); anything denim, really; rubber gloves; clothes tags

When Penny feels a nice texture, she’s gotta touch it as many times as possible

If she can, she likes to rub stuff on her face because, GOD, there’s nothing quite like feeling a good texture on your face

Ocean and Penny are SO PICKY with their food, mainly due to texture, but also taste

Ocean doesn’t eat meat, but Penny does, and if the meat makes that gross crunch-squish when she bites into it, she’s spitting it out without hesitation. She doesn’t care who sees her, she Needs It Out Of Her Mouth

Kinda similar to textures, these three will discuss wanting to eat things that are most definitely NOT edible, and the other three in the choir are just like “WHAT”

Ricky, signing: consider: fiber glass

Ocean, nodding: that’s a good one, that’s a good one. like, why would they make it look like that, and then have it be filled with millions of tiny glass shards??

Ricky, signing: RIGHT??

Ocean: what about drywall? i feel like drywall would be so good.

Ricky, signing: yes!!

Penny: i wanna eat polly pocket clothes so bad

Constance: what the FUCK are you guys TALKING ABOUT

They all mutually agree that they would eat lava if they were physically able to

Ocean’s special interest has been The Crucible/Salem Witch Trials for about four years (she’s me fr)

Echolalia with Penny!

She’ll hear someone say something, and she’ll repeat it for the rest of the day

She once would Not stop saying “beet roots” underneath her breath because Mischa said it one (1) time

In similar vein, she and Ocean will both mirror the people around them, but especially the other kids in the choir

Like, Mischa will have his hands on his hips, Ocean will see him standing like that, and she’ll unconsciously do it, too. And then Penny will see them both doing that, and she’ll copy them. So then three out of six of the choir kids are all standing like a mom who just found out their toddler colored on the walls with a marker

Unfortunately, some people sometimes take this as them mocking them

Which isn’t the case!! They aren’t trying to mock anyone by mimicking them!! It’s just this sort of instinct they have!!

Ocean is the understimulated to Penny’s overstimulated

One of the reasons why Ocean is always doing stuff is because she’s so desperate to FEEL, to be ENGAGED because she starts to feel horribly worthless when she isn’t doing anything. She gets restless and NEEDS to be doing something. Nothingness overwhelms her.

And then Penny just needs everything to STOP. Everything is going too fast, and there’s so much happening, and she can’t keep up, and her brain isn’t processing ANYTHING. She needs just one second to breathe.

Meanwhile, Ricky, a worried, properly medicated neurodivergent, is like “are you two OKAY”

Ricky has the BEST stim toys, fight me

You know those stim toy boxes? His parents get him those!

He once let Penny play with one of his fidget cubes before

He never got that fidget cube back

Speaking of stim toys!

Stimming!!!

Ricky:

Shaking his head out to do a “reset”

Biting his lips

Big blinks

Clicking his tongue

Running his tongue over his teeth

Tangling and untangling his headphones

Penny:

HAND FLUTTERS!!!

CHEWING!!

She looks like she would chew on CapriSun straws (which are the BEST to chew on, fight me)

Rocking from side-to-side

Clicking her fingernails together like she’s a baby pangolin

Lightly tugging on her earlobes

Trilling/chirping/squeaking!! I can just TELL this girl would have vocal stims like that!

Bumping someone with her head

Rubbing her thighs

OR: rubbing the surface of smooth things like desks or tables

STRETCHINGGGGGGG

Kneading things with her hands and feet

Ocean:

Idk if this is a common stim, but I do this All The Time, so: she LOVES to fold small pieces of paper. Sticky note? Folded. Receipt? Folded. A hall slip for school? Folded. She’ll fold them until the paper starts to, like, disintegrate into little flakes, and she has to get something new because it isn’t satisfying or fun when it’s deteriorating all over her hands.

Also if a bottle—or anything for that matter—has a label, it’s probably gonna get peeled off and then folded by her

Touching her neck/chest, especially when she’s focused or reading something (another thing i’ve started doing recently; idk why)

Just like Penny, she’ll click her fingernails together like she’s a baby pangolin

Pacing

Twitching her nose like a rabbit

Drumming her finger midair to the beat of a song

Walking in time with music

Ocean talks a lot, we all know this, but one of the reasons she talks so much is because she’s constantly branching off into different topics in the middle of a story. She can’t stay focused on one singular topic. It’s like she’s going on a side quest. And then another side quest. And then another side quest. And then another side quest.

She also talks Super Fast sometimes and is constantly being asked to slow down

Similarly, Ricky tends to sign Very Fast, especially when he’s engaged with what the topic of conversation is

Unfortunately, however, sometimes it’s a little hard to understand him. I took ASL for four years, so I can tell y’all that keeping up with signs is WAY HARDER than keeping up with speech.

And it’s just so frustrating for Ricky because he needs to slow down, but he has all this ENERGY and EXCITEMENT that makes it really difficult for him to sign slower

Keeping with the topic of speech habits, Ocean tends to interrupt people without really meaning to. She just gets this URGE to speak, and she can’t stop herself before the words start coming out

On the other hand, Penny is the type of person to zone out in conversations and then ask for someone to repeat themselves

Ocean has very, VERY poor impulse control. She doesn’t think before she speaks a lot of the time and will just Say Stuff that may come off Really Bad. And usually she doesn’t mean to be rude or inappropriate, she’s just Saying Stuff, and then she’ll get mad when people are angry at her with just making a comment. She just has No Filter.

Penny will forget stuff after 0.2 seconds of thinking about it

Or if you give her, say, a task with five-step instructions, she’ll have forgotten at least three of the steps by the time you’re no longer talking. So it is VITAL that she has written instructions. It’s easier to follow and remember stuff when it’s written down for her to see. If it’s not written, she WILL probably forget.

Ocean gets extremely frustrated when she can’t do something the way she wants to do it

Penny is the “can’t read that block of text, it’s too long” to Ocean’s “MUST READ IT ALL” and then Ricky’s “i’m trying to read it, but i keep going over the same line over and over again”

Ocean will forget to eat and drink for several hours, usually because she’s too focused on something, and if she breaks that focus, she Will Not be able to get it back

Penny and Ricky will both just. stare at a wall. for no reason.

Ricky is really *lets his device run out of power even though the charger is literally right there in front of him*

Stemming from her ADHD, Ocean has RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)!

#ask #sorry for the wait for these! coincidentally my adhd made me put them out of sight out of mind #i don’t really like how this post is organized but it’s FINE #anyway not saying the other three choir kids aren’t neurodivergent but these three just give the strongest Vibes #ride the cyclone #rtc #rtc headcanons #ride the cyclone headcanons #ocean o'connell rosenberg #penny lamb #jane doe #ricky potts #constance blackwood #mischa bachinski #noel gruber

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Actually the most annoying thing my dreams have started doing is a combo of

I don't realize I am dreaming which for me is weird

2. I "wake" from one dream into another dream

3. Each layer of dream is progressively more probable and realistic until I examine how I got there

Thankfully once I am actually awake I can tell and immediately think to check in with myself so it isn't as confusing as it could be for someone who might struggle with feeling like they are actually necessarily awake when they are, but this has resulted in weird shit like:

I have a really fucked up dream where I end up fighting a government conspiracy with my mind powers, then I 'wake up' and am friends with my first husband again and we're joking about how he used to be able to borrow my clothes and I try to tell him about my fucked up dream. the effort of remembering the first dream wakes me from another dream layer.

Finally I am annoyed and fully awake laying in bed, pissed I have been interrupted multiple times trying to relay my weird ass dream to someone, only to realize now I am alone and saying the dream out loud accomplishes nothing because no one is there listening.

It's also started resulting in this thing where I have a dream that seems really mundane and move on, logging it like a memory basically, and then it isn't until I am triggered to recall the dream while awake that I think "Oh hey, that's not something that happened, that was a dream that makes no sense!", but like, until trying to recall it, it was just sitting there in the "mundane shit I did today" pile.

This is the fuckery I start to deal with when I force myself onto a regular sleep schedule. This, the migraines, insomnia, and other bullshit is why I have never been able to maintain a regular schedule.

If my sleep cycle is 'too' inconsistent my body will just sleep when it's tired, get more restful sleep and dream only if I have the energy for it and am sleeping at a time I have tended to be awake really often lately.

If my sleep schedule is regular, my brain starts thinking I need less and less sleep. I stop getting restful sleep, I start getting insomnia, migraines and really weird sleep related cognitive errors.

Looking forward to the possibility of sleep paralysis, night terrors, and mild auditory hallucinations as I am falling asleep coming back to haunt me the way they did as a child when I had parents forcing me onto a schedule for school.

They say regular sleep reduces stress and is better for your health but I am really starting to question if that is always true.

I am putting it to the test as hard as I can though. Edit: For the record I probably have some kind of sleep related disorder and this isn't an argument against anyone else needing regular sleep, this is just an explanation of why I have always struggled with it, in addition to other issues I have mentioned. People are individuals and sometimes a person with a disorder can be an exception to something that's generally a "universal" rule. If you suspect regular sleep is actively not good for you, you should probably talk to a doctor about that. Do not take my experience as an excuse for why it's okay to stay up late or sleep like shit, I am very broken.