#anxious people audiobook

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Kickstarting the audiobook of The Lost Cause, my novel of environmental hope

Tonight (October 2), I'm in Boise to host an event with VE Schwab. On October 7–8, I'm in Milan to keynote Wired Nextfest.

The Lost Cause is my next novel. It's about the climate emergency. It's hopeful. Library Journal called it "a message hope in a near-future that looks increasingly bleak." As with every other one of my books Amazon refuses to sell the audiobook, so I made my own, and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/the-lost-cause-a-novel-of-climate-and-hope

That's a lot to unpack, I know. So many questions! Including this one: "How is it that I have another book out in 2023?" Because this is my third book this year. Short answer: I write when I'm anxious, so I came out of lockdown with nine books. Nine!

Hope and writing are closely related activities. Hope (the belief that you can make things better) is nothing so cheap and fatalistic as optimism (the belief that things will improve no matter what you do). The Lost Cause is full of people who are full of hope.

The action begins a full generation after the Hail Mary passage of the Green New Deal, and the people who grew up fighting the climate emergency (rather than sitting hopelessly by while the powers that be insisted that nothing could or should be done) have a name for themselves: they call themselves "the first generation in a century that doesn't fear the future."

I fear the future. Unchecked corporate power has us barreling over a cliff's edge and all the one-percent has to say is, "Well, it's too late to swerve now, what if the bus rolls and someone breaks a leg? Don't worry, we'll just keep speeding up and leap the gorge":

https://locusmag.com/2022/07/cory-doctorow-the-swerve/

That unchecked corporate power has no better avatar than Amazon, one of the tech monopolies that has converted the old, good internet into "five giant websites, each filled with screenshots of the other four":

https://twitter.com/tveastman/status/1069674780826071040

Amazon maintains a near-total grip over print and ebooks, but when it comes to audiobooks, that control is total. The company's Audible division has captured more than 90% of the market, and it abuses that dominance to cram Digital Rights Management onto every book it sells, even if the author doesn't want it:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/25/can-you-hear-me-now/#acx-ripoff

I wrote a whole-ass book about this and it came out less than a month ago; it's called The Internet Con and it lays out an audacious plan to halt the internet's enshittification and throw it into reverse:

http://www.seizethemeansofcomputation.org/

The tldr is this: when an audiobook is wrapped in Amazon's DRM, only Amazon can legally remove it. That means that every book I sell you on Audible is a book you have to throw away if you ever break up with Amazon, and Amazon can use the fact that it's hold you hostage to screw me – and every other author – over.

As I said last time this came up:

Fuck that sideways.

With a brick.

My books are sold without DRM, so you can play them in any app and do anything copyright permits, and that means Amazon won't carry them, and that means my publishers don't want to pay to produce them, and that means I produce them myself, and then I make the (significant) costs back by selling them on Kickstarter.

And you know what? It works. Readers don't want DRM. I mean, duh. No one woke up this morning and said, "Dammit, why won't someone sell me a product that lets me do less with my books?" I sell boatloads" of books through these crowdfunding campaigns. I sold so many copies of my last book, *The Internet Con, that they sold out the initial print run in two weeks (don't worry, they held back stock for my upcoming events).

But beyond that, I think there's another reason my readers keep coming back, even though I wrote a genuinely stupid number of books while working through lockdown anxiety while the wildfires raged and ashes sifted down out of the sky and settled on my laptop as I lay in my backyard hammock, pounding my keyboard.

(I went through two keyboards during lockdown. Thankfully, I bought a user-serviceable laptop from Framework and fixed it myself both times, in a matter of minutes. No, no one pays me to mention this, but hot damn is it cool.)

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/13/graceful-failure/#frame

The reason readers come back to my books is that they're full of hope. In the same way that writing lets me feel like I'm not a passenger in life, but rather, someone with a say in my destination, the books that I write are full of practical ways and dramatic scenes in which other people seize the means of computation, the reins of power or their own destinies.

The protagonist of The Lost Cause is Brooks Palazzo, a high-school senior in Burbank whose parents were part of the original cohort of volunteers who kicked off the global transformation, and left him an orphan when they succumbed to one of the zoonotic plagues that arise every time another habitat is destroyed.

Brooks grew up knowing what his life would be: the work of repair and care, which millions of young people are doing. Relocating entire cities off endangered coastlines and floodplains, or out of fire-zones. Fighting floods and fires. Caring for tens of millions of refugees for whom the change came too late.

But with every revolution comes a counter-revolution. The losers of a just war don't dig holes, climb inside and pull the dirt down on top of themselves. Two groups of reactionaries – seagoing anarcho-capitalist billionaire wreckers and seething white nationalist militias – have formed an alliance.

They've already gotten their champion into the White House. Next up: dismantling every cause for hope Brooks and his friends have, and bringing back the fear.

That's the setup for a novel about solidarity, care, library socialism, and snatching victory from defeat's jaws. Writing it help keep me sane during the lockdown, and when it came time to record the audiobook, I spent a lot of time thinking about who could read it. I've had some great narrators: Wil Wheaton, @neil-gaiman, Amber Benson, Bronson Pinchot, and more.

I record my audiobooks with Skyboat Media, a brilliant studio near my place in LA. Back in August, I spent a week in their recording booth – "The Tardis" – doing something I'd never tried before: I recorded a whole audiobook, with directorial supervision: The Internet Con:

https://transactions.sendowl.com/products/78992826/DEA0CE12/purchase

When it was done, the director – audiobook legend Gabrielle de Cuir – sat me down and said, "Look, I've never said this to an author before, but I think you should read The Lost Cause. I don't direct anyone anymore except for Wil Wheaton and LeVar Burton, but I would direct you on this one."

I was immensely flattered – and very nervous. Reading The Internet Con was one thing – the book is built around the speeches I've been giving for 20 years and I knew I could sell those lines – but The Lost Cause is a novel, with a whole cast of characters. Could I do it?

Reader, I did it. I just listened to the proofs last week and:

It.

Came.

Out.

Great.

The Lost Cause goes on sale on November 14th, and I'll be selling this audiobook I made everywhere audiobooks are sold – except for the stores that require DRM, nonconsensually shackling readers and writers to their platforms. So you'll be able to get it on Libro.fm, downpour.com, even Google Play – but not Audible, Apple Books, or Audiobooks.com.

But in addition to those worthy retailers, I will be sending out thousands – and thousands! – of audiobook to my Kickstarter backers on the on-sale date, either as a folder of DRM-free MP3s, or as a download code for Libro.fm, to make things easy for people who don't want to have to figure out how to sideload an audiobook into a standalone app.

And, of course, the mobile duopoly have made this kind of sideloading exponentially harder over the past decade, though far be it from me to connect this with their policy of charging 30% commissions on everything sold through an app, a commission they don't receive if you get your files on the web and load 'em yourself:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/red-team-blues-another-audiobook-that-amazon-wont-sell/posts/3788112

As with my previous Kickstarters, I'm also selling ebooks and hardcovers – signed or unsigned, and this time I've found a great partner to fulfill EU orders from within the EU, so backers won't have to pay VAT and customs charges. The wonderful Otherland – who have hosted me on my last two trips to Berlin – are going to manage that shipping for me:

https://www.otherland-berlin.de/en/home.html

Kim Stanley Robinson read the book and said, "Along with the rush of adrenaline I felt a solid surge of hope. May it go like this." That's just about the perfect quote, because the book is a ride. It's not just a kumbaya tale of a better world that is possible: it's a post-cyberpunk novel of high-tech guerrilla and meme warfare, climate tech and bad climate tech, wildcat prefab urban infill, and far-right militamen who adapt to a ban on assault-rifles by switching to super-soakers full of hydrochloric acid.

It's a book about struggle, hope in the darkness, and a way through this rotten moment. It's a book that dares to imagine that things might get worse but also better. This is a curious emotional melange, but it's one that I'm increasingly feeling these days.

Like, Amazon, that giant bully, whose blockade on DRM-free audiobooks cost me enough money to pay off my mortgage and put my kid through university (according to my agent)? The incredible Lina Khan brought a long-overdue antitrust case against Amazon while her rockstar DoJ counterpart, Jonathan Kanter, is dragging Google through the courts.

The EU is taking on Apple, and French cops are kicking down Nvidia's doors and grabbing their files, looking to build another antitrust case for monopolizing GPUs. The writers won their strike and Joe Biden walked the picket-line with the UAW, the first president in history to join striking workers:

https://doctorow.medium.com/joe-biden-is-headed-to-a-uaw-picket-line-in-detroit-f80bd0b372ab?sk=f3abdfd3f26d2f615ad9d2f1839bcc07

Solar is now our cheapest energy source, which is wild, because if we could only capture 0.4% of the solar energy that makes it through the atmosphere, we could give everyone alive the same energy budget as Canadians (who have American lifestyles but higher heating bills). As Deb Chachra writes in her forthcoming How Infrastructure Works (my review pending): we get a fresh supply of energy every time the sun rises and we only get new materials when a comet survives atmospheric entry, but we treat energy as scarce and throw away our materials after a single use:

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/612711/how-infrastructure-works-by-deb-chachra/

Anything that can't go on forever will eventually stop. We have shot past many of our planetary boundaries and there are waves of climate crises in our future, but they don't have to be climate disasters. That's up to us – it'll depend on whether we come together to save ourselves and each other, or tear ourselves apart.

The Lost Cause dares to imagine what it might be like if we do the former. We don't live in a post-enshittification world yet, but we could. With these indie audiobooks, I've found a way to treat the terminal enshittification of the Amazon monopoly as damage and route around it. I hope you'll back the Kickstarter, fight enshittification, inject some hope into your reading, and enjoy a kickass adventure novel in the process:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/the-lost-cause-a-novel-of-climate-and-hope

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/02/the-lost-cause/#the-first-generation-that-doesnt-fear-the-future

#pluralistic #audiobooks #the lost cause #crowdfunding #kickstarter #spoken word #climate #climate emergency #monopoly #drm #amazon #audible #skyboat #science fiction #hope not optimism

[pianokantzart]

I headcanon that despite being a shy person in general, and a little anxious when talking to people he doesn't know, Luigi loves oral storytelling.

At the end of Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga, Luigi is shown talking on the plane ride home, eliciting laughter from everyone around him.

In Super Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, Luigi regales his brother with stories about his adventures whenever you talk to him at Rogueport. Even though Mario and his companion will fall asleep while the story is told, Luigi seems to pay no mind and continue unhindered, (and apparently it was interesting enough for a journalist to be drawn in and spin the story into a bestselling book, so there's that.)

On a quiz on the official Play Nintendo Website, Luigi is listed as a good candidate to speak at a graduation because "he'd probably tell great ghost stories."

And in Super Mario RPG, Luigi is the one who guides the player through the manual, and subsequently is the one who recounts the events of the first scene in story format.

I think if he's comfortable enough around you to talk freely, he'll immediately shift into audiobook mode upon request.

#if there's any other evidence out there I missed please let me know! #or if there's evidence of the contrary #but this is my headcanon for now #Luigi #super paper mario the thousand year door #super mario rpg #mario and luigi #mario #luigi #super mario bros #mario headcanons

[winters0689]

Lester Papadopoulos is a comfort character to me. I’ve been a huge Percy Jackson fan for years now, and I’ve loved many characters (Grover, Nico, Leo, Percy, etc) and when I first read TOA I loved it, but after rereading it…

I fell in love with Lester, this caring and complex character who had many layers to him, that came off as selfish, and yet just so happened to be one of the most selfless characters in the book.

He’s caring, he’s a former god, he’s selfless, he pees himself regularly, he loves his children, he drowned his ex that one time, he is a god of many things, he has had many lovers. He has so many aspects to him that makes him so interesting.

He has a redemption arc as he realizes that he has made mistakes, but also realizes that he has been abused by Zeus, that it most likely influenced how he view things, and how he may have picked up toxic behaviors from Zeus. He learns to be more human, which is such a beautiful arc to see him go through.

He cares SO MUCH about others. He grieves for Jason and Crest and Heloise and so many other people. He tried to sacrifice himself many times and has many heroic qualities, but he is an unreliable narrator and sometimes what he says doesn’t reflect what he does.

His and Meg’s relationship is one of my favorite friendships in the books. It feels like it’s the two of them against the world at times. Meg cares so much for him while also calling him out on his bad actions (like when they were on Sutro Tower) and Lester cares so much for her as he realizes that she has been abused, that she needs help, and that he wants to help her separate from Nero’s influence, that he is so proud of her for standing up to Nero. They both form such a strong bond with each other and I just- I love them!

He is also absolutely hilarious. I find myself laughing as he is just- so snarky sometimes? He also sometimes know random things? (Like the Goddess of Sewers Cloacina) He is also funny when he has no knowledge on how human things work (like not knowing the price of Tater Tot’s)

He also gets anxious and freaks out and cries and he just feels. He gets happy and laughs and gets sad and laments. He gets flashbacks and clearly has trauma but doesn’t let that excuse his bad actions as he feels guilt for his actions. He can also be quite harsh on himself, blaming himself often and sometimes projecting that onto others (like him saying that Piper is blaming him for Crest’s death??) He is such an emotional character and I love him for that.

I love whenever he gets his godly strength as it starts with small things and then it gets to the point that he can create fire with his hands just by simply mentioning cauterizing a wound and breaking Nero’s fasces and having enough strength to drag Python into the Underworld and is strong enough to hold on just enough to save himself from falling into Tartarus. He is such a strong person who has an incredible pain tolerance.

There are many other things that I love about Lester Papadopoulos/Apollo. I think I can positively say that he is my favorite PJO character. I often reread TOA more than the other books. I love the story and how dark it can get while also exploring the themes of how abuse affects you.

I just- I love Meg and Apollo. I need for fanfic of them!! I need more content of them! Their friendship is so underrated, so when I see people make fanfic of them I get so happy!

I also love the community. The fan-artists and the fanfic makers and anyone who just writes long posts, like me, are so talented and is honestly the best fandom I’ve been in.

I hope the PJO show becomes popular so that more people can read these amazing series. I hope there will be a day that TOA gets adapted, and even if it doesn’t, I still have the audiobooks to go back to.

Thanks TOA fandom, for still going strong, even years after the books ended and new books have come out and are still making fanfic about them. It feels like the books have never ended, like the TOA books are still going on and are still making posts.

I’m so happy to be part of such a passionate fanbase.

Anyways if anyone is willing to offer any good fanfics then let me know!

#trials of apollo #lester papadopoulos #meg mccaffrey #toa #sunflower siblings #i got sidetracked #this was originally supposed to be me gushing about Lester Papadopoulos and ended with me gushing about how much I love this fandom #anyways the TOA posts aren’t going to stop anytime soon #except for when Alan Wake 2 comes out #in which case I will be obsessing or Alan Wake 2 #toa fandom

[witchybitchypeachy]

How I found my Inner It Girl

things I did to become the best version of myself because I deserve to be her.

I lost the Extra Weight that was making me self conscious. I stopped eating recklessly, most Importantly i stopped drinking recklessly, I started exercising and moving my body and I am beyond happy and proud. I haven't lost alot of weight, only a few kilos, but i can see that I have more muscle now and less fat.

I ditched the 20 step skin care routine for simple active ingredients and my skin has never looked better. Retinol, a simple moisturizer, lots of SPF and that's it.

I stopped drinking alot. I still have an occasional drink when i go out, but no more 5 cocktails a night and no more finishing a whole bottle of pinot grigio on my own on a random weekday. I feel so much better, less anxious, less depressed, more motivated and energetic. life is so much better when you are not living in a constant state of hangover.

daily walks for an hour and sometimes more. I used to think this is useless when i started but it improved my mood and my life significantly. it really helps with anxiety and just helps you sort out your feelings. Sometimes i listen to audiobooks, sometimes music, sometimes I call people. but at the end of that hour i feel amazing. I started going on these walks cause i was depressed and frustrated and I just wanted an excuse to get dressed and leave the house and they changed my life(I know this sounds dramatic but fr)

I started Reading books. I don't force myself to finish them, and I don't read novels cause I hate it, but i started looking for books i might enjoy and read a few pages a day.

I stopped listening to Depressing music

I started being grateful. for everything. I have so much to be grateful for.

I drank my coffee in the sun. as pathetic as it may sound, this will actually make you feel like the main character. there is nothing more romantic. it's truly the best way to start the day.

Pilates and Deep core exercises

10. I distanced myself from people who made me feel worthless

11. I Kept the good news to myself.

12. I started doing things I have never done before.

13. worked on physical attributes that made me feel insecure.

#self care #self care tips #self improvement #self help #glow up #luxury #it girl #that girl aesthetic #that girl energy

[magpizza]

Mag's Sapphic Book Recs

Hey! @fairymascot sent a few of you my way who are looking for some sapphic book recs! I have compiled a list of 50 or so books, both Adult and YA, across the genres I read. These are just my personal favorites, and I encourage you to look further into any book that piques your interest!

For where I go for books, I go to my local library a lot and can't sing the praises of the Libby app enough for borrowing ebooks and audiobooks. I also always encourage those who can to get their books from independent bookstores or sites like bookshop.org.

ADULT

I wanna feel sad or stressed out! -Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily R. Austin - Gilda is anxious, depressed, and jobless, so she accepts a receptionist job at a catholic church and becomes obsessed with what happened to the woman who had the job before her. A book I felt really deeply as an anxious person myself. -All The Little Moments by G. Benson - Anna's career-focused world is turned upside down when her brother and sister-in-law pass away and she is left to take care of their two young children. This one is a real tearjerker and the romance with the woman Anna meets is very very sweet. I've read almost all of G. Benson's books and found them all to be absolute winners (Purposefully Accidental is excellent, also deals with grief though is more lighthearted and has some of the best dialogue I've ever read). -Landing by Emma Donohue - This is such a lovely, meaty book that explores the complexities of people, as well as the challenges a burgeoning relationship can go through. The MCs face distance, age difference, culture differences, different life goals, etc. The characters around them were also surprisingly deep and interesting. It had me on the edge of my seat as to how it would resolve. -I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself by Marisa Crane - this one is a bit sci fi, but I felt the sad outweighed the sci fi classification. A future world where you are marked by your crimes by being given an extra shadow, a woman has to navigate single motherhood with her daughter having been given an extra shadow from birth. It was somber, it was lovely, I felt so much weight in my heart. -Whisper of Solace by Milena McKay - If you like terrible women doing terrible things to each other in the name of their careers but also obsession and love, this one is for you! One of the most unique Ice Queen POVs I have read!

Okay, I'm sad enough, now I want a happy romance! -Wherever Is Your Heart by Anita Kelly - Even as a lover of romance myself, few books have made me swoon like this one. Two older butch women finding love much later in life and being realistic about their issues and problems, I just absolutely adored the grounded conversations they had. Also a very quick read! -Breaking Character by Lee Winter - This is one of the most enjoyable, fun, heartfelt romances. It's Hollywood, it's fake dating, it's age gap. Both characters go on such a lovely journey together. This is one I would highly encourage you to listen to the audiobook as Angela Dawe is amazing at doing all the character voices and accents. Additionally, there is not a single Lee Winter book I haven't liked, so highly recommend any of hers (The Awkward Truth is my second fave of hers, with a unique and younger ice queen). -The Carlisle Series by Roslyn Sinclair - You honestly can't have a sapphic romance list without this series. It's adapted and updated from Roslyn's Devil Wears Prada fanfic, but this is a story all its own and had me tearing up at the ending. I did the exercise of reading both the books and the fanfic which was very fun to compare! -Something's Different by Quinn Ivins - This is one of the sweetest books, I smiled all the way reading it. A woman has to step in to cover for her twin sister at her job while her sister goes off with her boyfriend, and she ends up falling for her sister's boss. It was a lovely book that also touched on mental health. I also love an academic setting, and it made statistics fun to learn about! -Bright Falls Series by Ashley Herring Blake - This 3 book series is so fun, just true romcom goodness. The characters are fun and interesting, they have complex relationships with each other, and I love how the author sets up these little ways the characters think is truth or reality, only to find how differently they perceived things.

Give me some scary ones! -The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling - cave spelunking in a tricked up space suit, being chased by ghosts, and not sure if you can trust the woman on the radio who's guiding you through it. Has just such a satisfying ending too. -The Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean - a vampire-adjacent book, it's a world where these beings eat books, but then sometimes one amongst them instead eats minds. A woman, book eater herself, runs away from her family to protect her son who is a mind eater. I felt this one was gutwrenching at times, with characters making tough and sometimes bad decisions, and it kept a grip on me the whole way. -Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant - this one is more of an ensemble cast as it jumps around to several POVs, but the sapphic romance pair in it is great. It follows a crew aboard a ship to figure out what happened to a previous ship where everyone just disappeared. Every character has a rich internal life of why they're there, what are their goals, etc. -Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield - a woman's wife went on a deep sea expedition and returns not quite the same. The book jumps between the two women, what happened on that expedition and what her wife is having to deal with after she returns. I also enjoyed Julia's book of short stories, Salt Slow.

Wow, that was pretty scary. What about some fun science-y adventures? -The Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson - a sci fi, multiverse traveling book. In the future, society can send people to alternate verses, mostly to steal resources, but you can only be sent if the other version of you is already dead in that world. The writing is fast-paced, really fun, and had some great quotes I even wrote down. It had so many little and big twists along the way, I gasped a lot. -The Founders Trilogy by Robert Jackson Bennett - kinda fantasy, kinda sci fi, kinda steam-punky, but a whole lotta fun! Fast-paced, it has one of the most interesting magic systems I've ever read. It's low on romance but the sapphic relationship that develops had my heart clenching by the last book. I read this series this year and already want to re-read it. -This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone - this book is a short but challenging read. It may not be for everyone. Treat it less like a novel and more like a riddle. It's feeding you bits and pieces as it goes and all will be revealed by the end. One of the most romantic books I've read.

Sure sure, but how about some escapism into fantasy now? -The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir - this one could've also gone in the horror or sci fi lists, what with the lesbian necromancers in space tagline. You've probably heard of it, it's dense, complicated at times, and will throw you for a loop when it quotes Linkin Park lyrics at you. Each book has such a different flavor too. A fun series to not only read but also reread! It requires a lot of attention, and I'm not too proud to admit I had to look up several word meanings as I read. The only series I have multiple versions of because I couldn't resist the special editions. -The Burning Kingdoms series by Tasha Suri - love me some fantasy set in a world inspired by the history and epics of India, some morally gray characters, complicated motivations, some betrayal of the ones you love most. This series is so lovely and such a fun and heartwrenching ride and I can't wait for the next book. -Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree - It's cozy, it's sweet, it just made me smile all the way through. The sequel I found just as lovely as well.

Enough with the other worlds! Got anything historical? -The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave - this one could also go on the sad list. It's poetic, lovely. A town of only women since their men all were lost in a storm and how the women manage to move on, deal with their grief, and face a dude who comes in later to try to "set their society right" or whatever. Throw that dude into the sea too. -Fingersmith by Sarah Waters - an absolute rollercoaster of a book. It's a long, great read with deception upon deception upon twists. I also highly recommend the BBC miniseries it was adapted into! -The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite - this one really surprised me. It's honestly really sweet. Two women come together to translate a French astronomy text and fall in love in the process.

Got anything with pictures? -Luisa Now and Then by Carole Maurel - drama, a woman in her 30s encounters her much younger self and they have to come to terms with who they thought they were and what they thought their life would be like. -A Guest in the House by Emily Carroll - heavy on the horror, not really a romance, but it is gorgeous, atmospheric, and didn't go where I thought it was going. -How Do We Relationship by Tamifull - drama, slice of life, one of my favorite series, it goes through some really complex character relationships and interactions. The main couple starts dating pretty quickly, and it only gets more complicated from there. -She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat by Sakaomi Yuzaki - slice of life. This one starts out simply enough, with two women who connect over food. Their relationship blooms slowly from there, and the latest volume introduced some additional characters that expand the discussion on how different our relationship to food and eating can be.

YOUNG ADULT

That was a lot. I'm ready to be sad again. -We Are Okay by Nina LaCour - a girl leaves everyone behind to go to college, and won't talk to them about why or what happened that changed her in those few weeks before she left. Her best friend comes to visit her and what follows is a slow, anguishing tale of grief, regret, and love. Honestly, for a sad time, you can always depend on Nina LaCour. -Forget Me Not by Alyson Derrick - this one might not work for everyone if you don't like an amnesia story. It had so much longing, loss, confusion, and a romance strong enough to attempt to get through it. -6 Times We Almost Kissed (and One Time We Did) by Tess Sharpe - Don't let the meme-rific title fool you, this book wrung out my heart. The characters are rich, deep, conflicted, and complicated. Deals with grief, with lost opportunities, with complicated friendships and complicated love. -If Tomorrow Doesn't Come by Jen St. Jude - what happens if you were already suicidal, but then the world is going to end soon anyway? This book deals heavily with depression and the end of the world, in many different meanings. -Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo - this one broke my heart a few times. Two girls who don't know they are related lose their father in a plane crash, and it only gets sadder and more complicated from there as both their words begin to connect.

Wow, all this sadness has made me angry! -Harley Quinn: Reckoning by Rachael Allen - gotta love a female rage revenge book. This book is a really engrossing read, it weaves a lovely mystery, and has one of my all time favorite twists and love interest characters of any book.

I've angered myself out, can we have some happy romance? -She Gets the Girl by Rachael Lippincott and Alyson Derrick - a lovely lovely contemporary romance story. Nothing surprising, just all the good stuff. Also writen by a wife team! -How to Excavate a Heart by Jake Maia Arlow - a very sweet holiday romance that starts when one of the MCs almost runs over her love interest. -Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School by Sonora Reyes - with the topics this one deals with, it could've very easily made the sad list as well. The overall uplifting ending is what kept it more in the happy list for me.

Okay, okay, I'm ready to be scared again! -These Fleeting Shadows by Kate Alice Marshall - this one has it all, creepy house, family trauma, falling for the weird girl in the woods. It all built up to a really great twist too. I recommend the audiobook, it had great production and acting, and even legit scared me and I couldn't listen to it at night.

I like horror, but got anything a little more sci fi? -The Meadows by Stephanie Oaks - along the same lines of A Handmaid's Tale, a dystopian future where the government has a lot to say about what your role is in society and what you are supposed to do/be. At times a little slow, but at all times really heartwrenching.

Anything related to history? -A Million to One by Adiba Jaigirdar - four girls band together to execute a jewel heist on the titanic! Which sounds very exciting and it is! I also bawled at the end. Honestly I will read any and all Adiba Jaigirda books too.

Okay let's get into that fantastical escapism! -Fractured Fables series by Alix E. Harrow - based on fairytales, these two novelas are very quick reads, very engaging and I especially loved the romance that developed in the second one! -We Set the Dark on Fire series by Tehlor Kay Mejia - Handmaids Tale adjacent as well and the backdrop is Latiné inspired. A really great read, both books had be gripped by the chest. Good twists too! -The Winter Duke by Claire Eliza Bartlett - inspired by sleeping beauty, the prince set to inherit the throne falls asleep and his younger sister has to figure out how the hell she keeps it all together until he (hopefully) wakes up. -Cinderella Is Dead by Kalynn Bayron - a society built after the very real Cinderella story, where all ladies of age go to the ball to be selected as brides, and then the story of a girl trying to fight against all that. -Forgotten Gods series by Marie Rutkoski - A girl who lives on the poor side of town meets a rich girl who seems ready to take her on adventures. I really enjoyed the main character's journey and how she changed oh so very drastically throughout the story. -Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst - I've recced this to friends who did not like it as much as I did but I'm still putting it on this list. Maybe it's just this book has all the things I like and that's fine. A princess betrothed to a prince is hiding her magical abilities and ends up falling for her fiance's sister, oops. -Sofi and the Bone Song by Adrienne Tooley - what drew me to this story was the quiet mystery it weaves. Sofi wants to take her father's place as a Musik (the few musicians in the country allowed to compose music) but then an unexpected, untrained lute player shows up and just absolutely outplays her. Sofi is determined to prove this new girl cheated with magic. Adrienne Tooley overall is an author I always enjoy. -Nampeshiweisit series by Moniquill Blackgoose - only the first book is out so far (To Shape a Dragon's Breath) but boy am I invested! A young girl finds the first dragon egg to appear in her remote island in 15 years, but the colonists of her land have strong opinions of who is allowed to have a dragon, how they need to be trained, and what they should do with dragons.

Phew that was a lot of words. Got anything with pictures again? -Thieves by Lucie Bryon - a really sweet and surprisingly deep story about two girls who steal shit. -Belle of the Ball by Mari Costa - a high school love triangle that worked in all the right ways. I loved the art, and as someone with vision deterioration, one of the easiest reads I've had recently! -Twelfth Grade Night by Molly Horton Booth - the original Shakespeare play Twelfth Night was formative for my lesbian realization, and this cute adaptation was so well done and modernized the story in a really fun and fantastical way. -The Princess and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich by Deya Muniz - continues the running theme of girl pretending to be a boy falls for girl, oops. Has a historical and modern twist to it all, very fun and loved the expressions. Do Not skip the author's notes at the end where she talks about what inspired the story, it was a highlight as well! -Squad by Maggie Tokuda-Hall - Mean Girls meets werewolves -Cosmoknights series by Hannah Templer - princesses, space travel, giant robot fights, this has got it all and some very lovely art to boot! -Honor Girl: A Graphic Memoir by Maggie Thrash - one of those comics that perfectly captures what it feels like to be a young girl falling in love with another girl for the first time. It's a little bit emotionally devastating at times in how expertly it expresses and pinpoints those specific feelings.

#sapphic books #sapphic book recs #this took me all morning #now I can rest

[cosettepontmercys]

books read in 2024!

books read so far: 58/100

— book blog: http://teatimelit.com  — bookstagram: @cossettereads — gr: http://goodreads.com/cossettereads — sg: https://app.thestorygraph.com/profile/cossettereads

as always, askbox + dms are open if have any questions or would like to chat about books! 🤍

⊹ indicates any (new) favorites of the month! previous months are under the cut!

april ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

1) the goodbye cat by hiro arikawa (reread) 2) the traveling cat chronicles by hiro arikawa (reread) 3) this is me trying by racquel marie (arc) 4) kill her twice by stacey lee (arc) 5) the pairing by casey mcquiston (arc) 6) swiped by l.m. chilton (arc) 7) lies and weddings by kevin kwan (arc) 8) the odyssey by homer (audiobook)

january ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

1) beach read by emily henry (reread) 2) on palestine by noam chomsky & ilan pappé 3) valley verified by kyla zhao (gifted) 4) the wind at my back: resilience, grace, and other gifts from my mentor, raven wilkinson by misty copeland & susan fales-hill (gifted) 5) check please: year one by ngozi ukazu (reread) 6) check please: year two by ngozi ukazu (reread) 7) check please: year three by ngozi ukazu (reread) 8) check please: year four by ngozi ukazu (reread) 9) raiders of the lost heart by jo segura (gifted) 10) the frame-up by gwenda bond (arc) 11) everything i never told you by celeste ng ⊹ 12) forgive me not by jennifer baker (gifted) 13) ever after always by chloe liese (gifted) 14) the summer of bitter and sweet by jen ferguson (gifted) 15) the lily of ludgate hill by mimi matthews (gifted) 16) last call at the local by sarah grunder ruiz (gifted) ⊹ 17) the sun and the void by gabriela romero-lacruz (gifted) 18) a line in the dark by malinda lo (gifted) 19) biting the hand: growing up asian in black and white america by julia lee (gifted) 20) play it as it lays by joan didion → january wrap up

february ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

1) mister hockey by lia riley * 2) collide by bal khabra (arc) * 3) a curious beginning by deanna raybourn (gifted) 4) breaking the ice by k.r. collins * 5) if only you by chloe liese (gifted) * 6) anxious people by frederik backman ⊹ 7) the catch by amy lea (gifted) 8) weekends with you by alexandra paige (arc) 9) happily never after by lynn painter (arc) 10) klara and the sun by kazuo ishiguro 11) good material by dolly alderton 12) in the event this doesn't fall apart by shannon lee barry 13) the night ends with fire (arc) by k.x. song 14) the good, the bad, and the aunties (arc) by jesse q. sutanto 15) where sleeping girls lie (arc) by faridah àbíké-íyímídé 16) sophomore surge by k.r. collins * 17) lighting the lamp by k.r. collins * 18) glove save and a beauty by k.r. collins * 19) home ice advantage by k.r. collins * 20) power play by k.r. collins * 21) grounded by k.r. collins * 22) line chemistry by k.r. collins * → february wrap up

march ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

1) happy medium by sarah adler (arc) 2) a darker shade of magic by v.e. schwab (audiobook) 3) expiration dates by rebecca serle (arc) 4) divine rivals by rebecca ross (book club) 5) the siren by katherine st. john (gifted) 6) light in gaza edited by jehad abusalim 7) how to end a love story by yulin kuang (arc) // reviewed here 8) rising from the deep: the seattle kraken, a tenacious push for expansion, and the emerald city's sports revival by geoff baker 9) les misérables by victor hugo (reread) → march wrap up

#post: 2024 reading thread #i love starting the year out with a reread of a favorite! takes the pressure off <3 #and since allison started reading beach read last night i decided to join her!!!

[a-big-apple]

ok locked tomb fam, we’re getting closer to october and the original release date for Alecto, and i’ve been seeing an uptick in anxious/aggravated fans in the tags wondering when we’ll get any new info. waiting is very hard, i feel it too, so i wanted to share some things i have gleaned about publishing through a masters degree and a decade of bookselling!

the book is not coming out in october. the marketing would have started months ago if it was—and there’s no way that the final book in a series as on the radar as TLT would have less marketing than the previous books did. the galley isn’t out there yet either, as far as i’ve seen. i think a fall or winter release is extremely unlikely at this point.

book publishing, for the most part, is not willy nilly. marketing has to thread the needle between starting too early (risking losing the attention of the casually interested) and starting too late to build a good buzz. release dates have to take into account what other books are coming out at the same time—not just what Tor is putting out, but likely what their parent company, macmillan, is putting out. i know this is capitalism at work, but this is the system we live in: they don’t want similar or similarly big books in the same company or imprint competing with each other, it can hurt sales all around. 

Tamsyn said in an interview back in december ‘22 that Alecto was written, but editing had not begun yet. editing takes a lot of time, and marketing steps are frequently linked up—announcing a release date hinges on how close the book is to being ready, especially since the original release date is no longer applicable, and getting books ready for print takes a lot of time and a lot of steps!

the biggest times of year for book releases, especially highly anticipated books, are Oct/Nov before holiday shopping starts, and Mar/Apr/May. obviously that’s not true for every book, but this is a big book for Tor, and big books get better spots in the release calendar. if i had to make an educated guess, i would wager Alecto will probably come out in spring ‘24, and we won’t start to see announcements or marketing until after the official release of the Nona paperback on Sept 12. again, this is sales driven: news about Alecto could muddy the waters for the Nona paperback and impede sales, especially since there’s new content in there. i think it’s likely we’ll hear something a little later in the fall.

i’m not as plugged into publishing as i used to be, so i am fully prepared to be wrong about any of this—it’s just assumptions based on what i’ve experienced of the book industry.

either way though, a point i want to make is that nobody at Tor is witholding information from us maliciously. there are a million moving parts in making and marketing a book (and i’m sorry, but huge Hollywood movie releases that are topically resonant but not actually related do not have any effect on publishing schedules). most of those moving parts are human beings: Tamsyn, trying to tie up the series under enormous pressure, still during a pandemic; her editor, who has other books to edit at the same time, and surely wants to do this work justice; Moira Quirk, hopefully, bringing her genius to recording the audiobook; copy editors, designers, marketing people, all of whom are people, many of whom are overworked and underpaid in an industry that is largely not unionized. 

they’re not trying to fuck with us. i understand where these impulses come from, but getting angry, begging, pestering, none of that is going to change the plain fact that you can’t market a book until you have an almost-ready book, and Alecto is one that Tor will want to put the best tactics and timing behind. be patient a little longer. fuck corporations and capitalism, but have empathy for the individuals who will put Alecto in our hands from within a very flawed system. Tor has a long and successful history in speculative fiction publishing, they know what they’re doing.

#the locked tomb #alecto the ninth #and while i'm here #support your local indie bookstores! #support your local libraries! #peace and love on planet earth

[floral-poisons]

driving with prefects

in honor of constantly being reminded that leona can drive, i am writing up a brief dorm leader head canon post. i just think it would be a fun set of head canons, you know? (also it’s been a bit since i’ve posted like content).

i haven’t read any translations for the new event ft. leona and whatnot. so if my head canons don’t align with canon...take it with a grain of salt.

for the sake of these head canons, i’m mostly thinking about manual cars. because i know magic enhanced technology exists within twst. but when i think about driving, i’m thinking about like...regular cars, you know.

malleus draconia

unfamiliar is malleus with manual cars. after all, they’re so different from vehicles operated by magic alone. when he gets behind the wheel, he’s very cautious. sometimes, the things he does are reckless (your heart was beating so fast it would have exploded). but that’s because he isn’t used to driving with stick. or even having experience with manually shifting the car into different modes. he also needs to put his seat as far back as possible because of how tall he is and he needs a tall car so his horns aren’t squished. it can get very uncomfortable very quickly.

child of man, this car is very confusing. how do i activate the windshield wipers? i would not want us to get into an accident.

riddle rosehearts

getting on the road is honestly the worst for him. riddle is an anxious driver. he hates traffic, hates people honking at him, and most certainly hates getting on parkways and highways. he doesn’t mind driving in the countryside where he can drive smoothly and as fast as he desires. no one’s around after all. but with other people, he becomes a mess. he also has a bit of road rage within him. you’ve never heard someone curse as much as he did when someone cut him off. riddle also happens to follow the rules a little too well. he’s always going under or at the speed limit, always checking his blind spots, always signalling his turns even in parking lots. he is, arguably, the best parker.

oh come on! didn’t even signal while switching lanes! cut me off and everyone else too! there’s more than you in the world you know!

vil schoenheit

vil is an awful driver. not in the sense that he doesn’t follow the general rules of driving (because great seven forbid he gets into an accident and it becomes a scandal) but in the way that his braking tends to be...janky. his turns can range from being smooth to jarring. and the man lacks the ability to park. he’s horrible at parking. you learned your lesson when you got into the car with him driving (better off with rook). ironically, he’s a lot better at driving while he’s multitasking, like touching up his makeup or answering phone calls. honestly, he just needs a little practice. with every drive, he improves even in the slightest. he has no problem dedicating hours to practicing driving either. he just doesn’t have the time right now.

normally i don’t drive. my father had drivers for me. but i can. it’s just...been a while. i’m a little rusty is all.

leona kingscholar

leona, having driven for a while now, is one of the best drivers amongst the prefects (and arguably the whole school). he follows the general rules but definitely enjoys going fast. he especially likes to take scenic routes (there’s something peaceful about late night drives, you know). however, he is very possessive of the aux. you’re not allowed to play your playlists unless it’s a really long trip. besides, he prefers to listen to podcasts and audiobooks while driving. he kind of has a conversation with the audiobook or podcast. it’s cute to watch leona react in real time.

that is ridiculous! doesn’t she understand that he’s the bad guy? that he’s awful? she’s better off getting with the second lead anyways!

azul ashengrotto

putting a creature from the seat into a car is a bad idea. there’s only one person that is, arguably, worse than vil. and that is azul. now, it’s not really azul’s fault. he’s not really used to land traffic rules. but that doesn’t take away from the fact that you have almost gotten into a plethora of accidents with azul behind the wheel. he gets pretty anxious while on the road and does his turn signals, lane changes. but he’s pretty awful at guessing distance and lacks spatial awareness. naturally, this also inhibits his parking skills. his parking skills are pretty awful.

the coral sea traffic is not nearly as bad. i mean half of these rules don’t even make sense (y/n)!

kalim al-asim

kalim is a wonderful driver! his driving is really smooth and he’s a joy with to be in the car. there’s always something to talk about while he’s driving. and he’ll let you play your music, podcast, audiobook. the two of you have had so many lovely conversations while driving. there isn’t much to say. plus, kalim is pretty great at parking too. he’s always willing to go on errand runs with you and take you out on late night drives.

oh (y/n)! you need to get something from the grocery store? i was heading there anyways. hop in!

idia shroud

much to your surprise, you learned that idia is not an anxious driver. he seems like he would be. but no. he feels like he’s in a video game whenever he drives. and he absolutely loves the adrenaline rush that he gets from going fast. slamming on that gas petal is extremely satisfying to him. furthermore, traffic becomes a puzzle to him. a puzzle to solve on how to get out of traffic. everyone else becomes npcs. and you have almost thrown up from how motion sick you’ve gotten in his car.

ohohoho! traffic? guess we can play a game of how to escape! it should be relatively easy considering how all the normies drive.

#twst #twisted wonderland #disney twst #disney twisted wonderland #dorm leaders #diasomnia #ignihyde #pomefiore #savanaclaw #scarabia #octavinelle #heartslabyul #malleus draconia #riddle rosehearts #vil schoenheit #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #idia shroud #kalim al asim

[ridrawsart]

Me, a lesbian going through trauma therapy, deciding to cope by *check's notes* drawing other traumatized lesbians.

I reread Gideon the Ninth because the last time I read it I listened to it on audiobook while studying in college so I retained nothing haha. I haven't finished the other two books yet (I'm a slow reader and I'm going through a time right now so I'm even slower). Normally, people would say "don't spoil it for me" but I love spoilers, spoilers make me less anxious. And even if someone spoils it for me I doubt any of the scenes in The Locked Tomb series make any sense out of context. Even in context, it doesn't make a lot of sense lol.

I've obviously been deep diving for fanart on here so it's not like I don't already know a few spoilers. I just like knowing what's going on in a book about a lot of characters dying and... not dying. XDDD

#gideon x harrow #gideon the ninth #gideon nav #gideon the 9th #harrow nonagesimus #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth #the locked tomb #ridrawsart #my art

[khoirkid]

some of my personal headcannons along with art - lyrics are from When the Devil Speaks by ThxSoMuch

Lark isn’t as angry as people think he is, more anxious

Nicky enjoys Harry Potter and enjoys listening to the audiobooks on nights he has a hard time sleeping (probably pirated versions too)

Lark keeps Christmas candles around to remind him of Nicky

Nicky learned some Spanish to communicate with Lark

#dndads #dndaddies #dungeons and daddies #fanart #nicky foster #lark oak garcia #nark #kiddads #dndads2

[jadejedi]

Fantasy Book Review: A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland

JJ's rating: 5/5

How feral did it make me: 5/5

My book reviews

I’ve been reading (or listening) to a lot more books this year than normal, and I have realized that I need an outlet to talk about them. I considered making a goodreads account, but hey I already have this! So I will be reviewing the books I’ve read this year, and depending on how long it takes me, I might just start reviewing all my favorite reads. I'm probably going to add links to my blog to make them easier to find.

Let’s get into it. This book is so good. SO GOOD. I listened to it on audiobook, which normally means while I’m at work, driving, or at home doing chores, but I literally listened to the last 2 hours of this book at home doing absolutely nothing, just on the edge of my damn seat! 

Here’s a quick summary: the very anxious Prince Kadou accidentally causes a serious incident that leaves multiple of his personal guards dead or injured. In the aftermath, he is assigned a new guard by the sultan who is known for being an uptight rule follower. As their personalities clash, they have to solve a mystery and learn to work together…

I want to preface this review by saying that this is definitely a romance novel with a fantasy setting. The world building, especially for the main country this novel takes place in, is great and extremely vivid without unnecessary info dumps. The main plot of the story is perfectly serviceable, if a tad predictable, but it 1000% does what it needs to do for the romance. 

But, the romance. THE ROMANCE. This book was advertised as an “enemies to lovers slow burn romance” and it 100% delivers on both. Now, when some people think “enemies to lovers” or (even better imo) “enemies to friends to lovers”, they imagine that at least one of the parties involved is a horrible villain and the relationship is probably abusive in some way. I’m sure there are plenty of books out there where that is absolutely the case, but Rowland gets what makes that trope so good. It’s about two characters who are both good people, but initially clash. It’s the mutual hatred born out of a fundamental misunderstanding of the other’s character, it’s the eventual begrudging respect, it’s THE YEARNING. THE PINING. 

Both of these characters are so wonderful. We get both POV’s throughout: Kadou’s anxious desire to do what’s best for his country and not fuck anything up, and Evemere’s steadfast, noble determination to understand what makes the prince the way he is. 

I don’t want to give too much more away, but this book is filled with ALL the delightful romance tropes you could ever desire. 

Can we talk about pacing?? Pacing is so, so important, especially when writing a slow burn romance, and this author GETS. IT. Sometimes if the romance is resolved too early, all the tension goes out of the story, because if it’s a romance novel, we’re here for the romance, not the plot. But in this story the whole novel is centered around the romance, and the pacing just works so, so well. 

Also, the way that queerness is written into this story is wonderful. Third gender pronouns abound and  same sex attraction is fully accepted, and it’s really refreshing. Also, there are multiple female characters who play significant roles in the story who are fleshed out characters, which I feel is sometimes lacking in M/M romances. 

I have not been able to stop thinking about this book since I finished it like four days ago. I listened to the audio book, which had an excellent narrator, but have also ordered the paperback with my favorite version of the cover. Please, do yourself the favor and read this one. Also, if you do read it, the author published a 10,000 word fanfic epilogue on AO3. It’s called What spring does with the cherry trees, and it’s a goddamn delight. 

#a taste of gold and iron #book review #fantasy book review #mlm #slowww burn #meet ugly #romantasy

[heyitssashag]

Yesterday, the kid and I travelled to the mainland and met up with my sister. It was nice to catch up in person for a few hours but holy crap, I was exhausted.

We are staying with my Aunt and Uncle until Sunday.

This morning, I left at 9am for my comedy class. The first time I’ve gone in person in years. It was really cool to see everyone. I ran my set through and it got big laughs so I feel pretty good about the show tomorrow. There is just no way I can memorize it, though. I could go over it a thousand times but my brain goes blank when I’m nervous and anxious. I love making people laugh, but I have a hard time being the centre of attention if that makes any sense. Apparently, the show will be recorded. If/when it’s uploaded, I’ll post the YouTube link here.

My kid collects Sonic the Hedgehog stuff and they really wanted a certain collector doll for the past year. I kept saying no because I didn’t think they needed another Sonic stuffie. We saw it at GameStop yesterday and their eyes lit up. Again, I said, “no”. Plus, I didn’t want to carry it around. After class today, I went back and got it for them as a surprise... and surprised they were. Super happy.

Instead of heading straight to my Aunt and Uncles, I went a bit out of the way to my old stomping grounds and walked partially along the trail I used to run. I’ve must have run this trail a thousand times. I made it as far as the dyke but decided to not go any further. I was sore, didn’t have the appropriate footwear, too tired and overdressed. There was no bus stop close by, either. So I called an Uber to the trailhead to take me back. lol

When I got back, we all chatted for a while and then had a nice dinner. We watched a bunch of episodes of Port Protection on Disney+. It’s one of those survival shows where people live off the grid and the barriers they face. The people are pretty likeable and the cinematography is beautiful.

The last few nights, I haven’t had much sleep and it’s really affecting me. Hopefully I’ll get a decent sleep tonight. For now, it’s audiobook time.

#metastatic breast cancer #life update #so tired #comedy #trail walk #blogging on my blog

[dirtytransmasc]

Ok but what do you think the experience of teaching the kids to drive was like for Alicole? I’m literally laughing at all of the images lollll

Alicole is gonna have some grey hairs after teaching 4 kids, their kids in particular, to put it one way.

all of them are, lovingly, nightmares when it comes to driving, and they give their parents a run for their money with how many ways they can be nightmares.

Aegon's a natural driver, he's just anxious as all hell, he has no trust in people or the rules of the road to actually keep him safe, he stalls and flounder's a lot, especially when crossing lanes of traffic to get somewhere. he's convinced driving is useless the first close call he experiences, cause this is just too dangerous and there are too many variables and people are stupid. but as time goes on and he is forced to drive more and more, his parents supporting him to just let himself get used to it, he begrudgingly goes for his permit and then his license, and while he's still an anxious driver, he doesn't mind it. (he likes driving late at night on back roads, cause there's never anyone out there). he definitely choked both his mum and his dad with his harsh stops, initiating the seat belt lock as they slam into them. Criston nearly lost it when Aegon stalled out on a 5-lane intersection, they don't like to talk about it.

Helaena is very literal when it comes to rules of the road. she's definitely like me when I first learned to drive, going exactly the speed limit, trying to drive straight by making sure her steering wheel is perfectly center instead of making little corrections here and there, so she ends up going more or less diagonally at times, a little heavy on the gas. plenty of things that makes her parent's anxious, especially cause a lot of people on the road get angry about her going "so slow". but once she gets the hang of it she's a good driver, though she prefer's to be a passenger princess, as she likes to be able to continue her daydreaming, and is a bit of a speed devil. definitely listens to audiobooks and bug documentaries in the car.

Aemond took forever to learn to drive, cause he not only had to learn the basics, but he had to learn to drive down an eye and with a bunch of driving accommodations. he's really committed and not all that bad at it, his parents anxiety mostly comes from the fact that he wants to drive a big ass truck and that he is a very confident driver with multiple large pinches of road rage. it's a lot less of them trying to teach him to drive, he picked that up over night, it's trying to keep him from committing vehicular manslaughter.

Daeron, like always, as he was raised by his siblings, picked up both the best and worst of them. He's very all or nothing, he's either going smooth and fast or slamming the breaks, super focused or his head's in the clouds, can be very apologetic on the road, but if he gets pushed around too much, he's going nuclear. he's truly their source of grey hairs, after Aemond, they make him wait till like... 18 or 19 to actually get his license, and it isn't helped by the fact that he's the baby of the family, so they're naturally a little overprotective. funnily enough, when him and his siblings are doing things they probably shouldn't, he's the designated driver, even prior to him getting his license (just wait till Alicole finds out they're going to have a stroke).

the kids all stressed them out, but they love them.

Bonus: The kids and their cars.

Aegon has an older Volvo sedan, it might have been golden at one point, but the paints worn to hell, so it's now a yellowy silver color, its like his baby, not in like... a car fanatic way, but in the teenage boy with his first care type of way... there's a difference I swear. its got black leather interior that he takes care of like his life depends on it, the passenger seat is only clean of trash for his sweet sister, the outside is all sorts of dinged and scratched (mostly prior to getting it) but he still takes it to get washed every two weeks, spends an hour in the self help section vacuuming it out and using all the sprays and tools. he defintly has to do a little dance to get it driving but he refuses to get rid of it till after the babes come and they need to upsize (he kept it and planned to give it to his kids when they got older, ignoring the fact it was pothole away from crapping out).

Helaena has a white kia soul, probably from the early 2000s. she saw it at a used car lot and liked 'face' it had (I think those cars look sorta... buggy? Idk I'm not a car person, it just felt like a car she'd float towards). takes good care of it, but isn't like Aegon. she keeps it clean, gets it cleaned once a month or two, and decorates the hell out of it. Crocheted steering wheel wrap, seat belt covers, seat covers, things to hang from her rear view mirror and hand holds, etc. (all the kids had her make ones for them too) and they're all bug/nature themed.

Aemond has a huge green truck, I'm talking diesel 4-door, you have to use the footstep to get into it and even then you need to like, pull on the seat to give yourself enough momentum. this thing is his baby, in the car freak sorta way. its getting cleaned every week, he puffs it and waxes it and does all that weird 30 different products, 12 microfiber towels, and a blood sacrifice shit car guys do. it has extra mirrors for him so he can see easier.

Daeron has a jeep, his car's newer, does basic upkeep on it, but is a little rough. he likes taking her (he definitely refers to his car as 'her' and 'she' and 'my girl') off road, likes taking his dog with him (mentioned in a previous post, he has a dalmatian) after going on hikes and to watering holes. she's seen some shit, is covered in a perpetual layer of dirt and dog hair, but he loves it. keeps the top of 90% of the year. his dog is his passenger princess. his siblings sit in the back 9/10 if Tess (his dog) is with them. only person who gets the dog booted is his mom and dad, and later on once they've grown a bit, his niece and nephew's. (I do think Daeron would be the sibling to fix up an older sports car, but I can't decide on what he would pick to fix up)

#sorry for the later response #had to rack my brain for this one #helaena and aegon are me #daeron and aemond are my little brother #had to project for this one #my brother is a little freak on the road and my mom kept him from getting his license cause he was *scary* #anywho #I do think Hel can have some spice on the road #but like #she's cursing you out to the sounds of a bugs chirping (she listens to those background noise compilations) #she won't flip you off though #she's just cursing your family line #Aegon only has real road rage if his family is in the car. otherwise he's just murmuring under his breath about people being dicks #Aemond and Daeron are scary #Aemond's *Aemond* #so thats not surprising #but I don't know if you've seen bungo stray dogs #if you have't just look up Kenji #he can be so sweet and *so* scary on the flip of a damn switch #alicent hightower #criston cole #pro criston cole #pro alicent hightower #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen #helaena targaryen #aemond targaryen #daeron targaryen #pro team green #hotd

[small-strong-bookish-butch]

"If you learned how to have a conversation from movies, you might think that people regularly hang up the phone without saying goodbye and no one ever interrupts anyone else. If you learned to think out loud from news programs, you might believe that no one ever "ums" or waves their hands while searching for an idea, and that people swear rarely and never before ten p.m. If you learned to tell stories from audiobooks, you might think that nothing much new had happened with the English language in the past couple hundred years.

If you only ever talked when you were public speaking, you'd expect that talking always involves anxious butterflies in your stomach and hours of preparation before facing an audience.

Of course, you did none of these things. You learned to talk domestically, conversationally, and informally, long before you could sit through an entire news report or deliver a speech.

...We learned to read a formal kind of language which pretends that the past century or two of English hasn't really happened, which presents words and books to us cut off from the living people who created them, which downplays the alchemy of two people tossing thoughts back and forth in perfect balance. We learned to write with a paralyzing fear of red ink and were taught to worry about form before we even got to consider what we wanted to say, as if good writing were a thing of mechanistic rule-picking rather than of grace and verve. Naturally, we're as intimidated by the blank page as we are by public speaking.

That is, we were until very recently. The internet and mobile devices have brought us an explosion of writing by normal people."

—Because Internet by Gretchen McCulloch, p. 1-2*

*several paragraphs cut for clarity

#because internet #currently reading #linguistics #language #gretchen mcculloch

[iasmelaion]

1,000+ Hours??

Steam tells me I've played over 1,000 hours of Stardew Valley. WILD! In my defense (?), that's over about 7.5 years, so it works out to about 130 hours a year, but still, it's by far the videogame I've played the most, and now that the 1.6 update is coming out in a couple of weeks, I got to thinking about just why that is, and why I enjoy the game so much.

For anyone who doesn't know, Stardew Valley is a farming life sim in pixel art style, where you inherit your grandpa's farm and are tasked with fixing it up and revitalizing the town it's in. It was created by a solo developer, ConcernedApe aka Eric Barone, as a passion project that took him years to make, because he did everything: the coding, the art, the music, all of it, while he had a part-time job and his girlfriend supported them.

It's a hell of an underdog story: solo developer labors away at this passion project for years, and then when he finally releases his game, it becomes an enormous hit. In the past eight years, it's sold over 30 million copies. At around $15 a game, all it takes some quick back of the envelope math to calculate that, even accounting for the cuts various platforms and past publishers have taken, discounted prices, and his overhead now that he has a small handful of staff, ConcernedApe has made hundreds of millions of dollars.

I mention all of this because in a lot of ways, Barone is living the dream. He did it, he hit it big: he worked really hard on this thing he loved, and it was a success, and people love it, and now he's set for life. Of course it came with its own costs: this GQ profile points out that it took a near obsessive dedication to pull off, and obviously, he couldn't have managed it without the financial support of his partner. But like, damn! It more than paid off!

The fanbase almost universally adores Barone: not only is he an incredible underdog success story, but he's released multiple updates for the game for free. Like, dude absolutely could have charged for the 1.5 update, it added a lot of content and the players would've been happy to pay for it, but it was free! He also personally helps people out sometimes, when bugs break their game saves, and he's supportive of the lively modding community (in fact, the 1.6 update includes a lot of updates that are specifically meant to make modding easier).

All that external stuff wouldn't really matter to me if I didn't actually like playing the game. But I do, and as I've thought about why I love it so much, I know part of it is the knowledge that it was, in fact, this one guy's passion project, and very clearly a labor of love that he devoted a ton of care and attention to. It's an inextricable part of what makes it feel good to play the game. (Also, it's nice to know the game isn't, like, evil, lol. No exploitative labor practices [other than the creator's own perfectionism], no microtransactions, no dark patterns meant to make you throw more money at it, though it is for sure an addictive game play loop.)

Anyway, it's been one of my emotional support videogames over the past seven and a half years I've played it. The great thing about my anxiety, to the extent there can be great things about it lol, is that it's very easily distracted, and games like Stardew Valley (and Hades) are A++++ ways for me to break out of an anxiety spiral. Very useful during the Trump times and the pandemic! Also, even when I'm not feeling notably anxious, it's just a super chill and satisfying game to play, one that gives you that sweet, sweet dopamine for accomplishing tasks, plus it's a great game to play while you're listening to an audiobook or podcast.

But like, I'm still kind of baffled about why this game. I've tried a bunch of different games that are similar, and none of them have hit for me like SDV. Like, objectively, I should be sick of SDV! Even with the amount mods add to the game, I've basically 100%ed the game with two different saves (the achievements I haven't gotten are the ones I'm NEVER going to get: never gonna do a Joja run, and never gonna come close to beating the Journey of the Prairie King minigame). And yet, here I am, still playing it!

Other games like it that I have tried, and even enjoyed, but that haven't held onto my attention like SDV has:

Animal Crossing: New Horizons: Like probably everybody else, I downloaded this just as pandemic quarantines and restrictions were kicking off in the US, and it became my Emotional Support videogame while I was stuck in my apartment. It was charming and comforting and cute, and the routine it added to anxious, isolated days was a true gift. It has plenty in common with SDV: farming and foraging mechanics, decorating a house, befriending villagers. But I abruptly dropped it in July of 2020 and just...never went back to it. It served its purpose for me, and while I think of it fondly, I don't really have any desire to play it again.

Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom: Not, strictly speaking, in the same genre as SDV. But I've played a lot of it, and it has some of the same vibes, if you will: gorgeous scenery, the ability to play it however you want, foraging, great music, a chill vibe (when you're not fighting monsters). And indeed, I do occasionally come back to these games! They truly are beautiful, and genuinely thrilling at points. But there's not quite enough structure here to make for a comforting gaming experience.

Littlewood: a cute little RPG with some of the same mechanics as SDV. I played about 40 hours of this, but got bored with how grindy it started to feel. SDV also has a fair amount of grind, but I think what keeps it from feeling too grindy is the amount of variety. Littlewood's grindiness felt like it was just about making Number Go Up. With SDV, you have a bunch of different kinds of grindiness: making money, catching all the fish, collecting stuff for the community center, collecting enough resources to build stuff, going into the caves to mine and fight monsters, etc.

Spiritfarer: billed as a "cozy management game about death", and not really fucking around with that description. Has farming and fishing mechanics, plus you get to explore the world by sailing to various destinations, but there's not really any replayability here. Also it is emotionally devastating. Like, you start it, and you're like, oh, the art is so pretty, the music is so nice, how lovely, how charming, there is an adorable cat here as well, and then the game reminds you, hey! you are here to help souls release their earthly burdens and move onto the next stage of the afterlife! And you will cry. Like, seriously, this is the only videogame to have ever made me cry.

Cult of the Lamb: darkly funny little RPG about being an adorable little lamb who's building a cult to your dark god. The vibe here was funny, with the juxtaposition of the cutesy art and the dark humor. I got bored with this, plus it got pretty buggy for me on my Switch, but it was fine!

Sun Haven: farming sim RPG, much heavier on the fantasy and anime vibes than SDV. I gave up on this one after 15 hours. There were a lot of little things that just piled up and annoyed me too much to keep going. Something about the game's balance and pacing also just felt off to me.

Dave the Diver: like, yes, this is about a guy diving into a Big Blue Hole to catch fish for his sushi restaurant, so objectively quite different! But honestly, this was a delight to play. It juggled its various different aspects in a fun way, cycling between the fishing, the RPG stuff, the restaurant management, and even a little bit of farming. The art style is neat, the cut scenes are funny, and it's pretty nice to just swim through the water catching the occasional fish. Again though, not super replayable, and the gameplay loop does get boring once you've played through the main game.

Roots of Pacha: this is basically SDV, but make it prehistoric. I liked the pixel art a lot, and it's a neat tweak on the SDV formula. I had fun playing it! But again, I finished the main game and felt no real urge to go back to it, or to grind out all the achievements.

Wylde Flowers: another cozy life/farming sim, but this one includes witchy elements. An art style reminiscent of Pixar movies, which tbh, is really not my jam in video games. This one stands out though for how it's fully voice-acted, which is a neat touch. Nothing out and out wrong here, I just got bored, and as noted, the art style is not my favorite. I think the gameplay loop here just wasn't as satisfying as SDV.

And finally, Hades: this is nothing at all like SDV, obviously. The only thing they have in common is a fishing minigame. But it and BotW/TotK are the only other games I've played anywhere close to as much as I've played SDV. Hades, like SDV, offers an immensely satisfying gameplay loop, one with enough novelty to keep you playing, and the art is gorgeous. An incredibly fun gaming experience, and yeah, I come back to this one every so often. It's pretty relaxing for a rogue-lite fighting game, at least, once you've gotten the hang of it!

Graveyard Keeper: I haven't played this, but I did watch some Youtubers play it, lol, and counted it a bullet dodged. Not because the game looked bad, but just because it looked the kind of grindy that would CONSUME me but that would be ultimately unsatisfying. Way better to have saved myself ~50-60 hours and just watched Youtubers play through it instead.

After all that, I'm still not quite sure what keeps me coming back to SDV over and over rather than other games in the same or similar genres! I'll keep giving other games like it a try: I'm especially excited to try Coral Island when it comes out for the Switch, and Chef RPG whenever it's released. But for now, I'm super excited for the 1.6 update, and can't wait to start a new save.

#stardew valley #games

[bacchicly]

Email/text to my boss I am posting here instead of editing ad nosium and agonizing whether to send it not send. Keeping it in my drafts is not a strong enough "tonic" / interrupter of the behavior I am trying to stop/explain.

Note: I just realised half way through that I am literally writing the sfd (shitty first draft) that Brené Brown talks about and it is working. I am not sure if I am chuffed or irritated.

Hi, My daighter was sick yesterday (she is back at school today). I then allowed myself to fall into the "I will log in and do the last few things I promised to do just before I logged off on Monday - as soon as I have just done xyz " trap. Which is, of course, a shame trigger itself, which then makes it harder to stop the cycle of behavior I am trying to reduce in myself (not following through on promises, not informing proactively as soon as I realise I am not doing what I said I would do, not setting clear boundaries between home and work) - all of which I am clearly not doing as successfully as I would like to be is another shame trigger in itself.

I also am super frustrated with myself because my usual strategies aren't working (or I am not practicing them correctly) to interrupt the cycle and I am just getting more and more anxious - which is in itself perpetuating the cycle.

And the pure question of should I "hide my challenges" or "proactively disclose the situation" is creating even more "noise" in my brain. I am also starting to play the mental game of "if they really needed me they would reach out" and it's sinister shittier cousin "if they cared about me and trusted me they would have reached out to ask if I was ok when I ghosted them". And then I "have to" take time to argue with those stories I am making up since I am aware they are stories but also that I am trying to be true to myself and try to trust my impulses... which is time consuming and awful too.

It's feels like the behavioural equivalent of feeling like I need to smash into the boards to stop because I haven't learned to stop properly on skates.

Anyways - in an attempt.to both be kind to myself and clear with you. I need to:

Check if cats need crunchies and laundry.

Eat

Then at 2pm exactly I will log on and do 3 things:

Review my email and teams (this is the first source of my anxiety/procrastination loop) because I am afraid that I will be "in trouble" or that there will be a surprise that I will not be able to handle. (I still don't trust others to speak up for themselves or go the extra mile - whether going the extra mile is actually required is moot - I still feel that it is...but I don't feel that it is required enough to be justified in asking other people to go as far as I would)

Send the email (staffing related).

Follow up on session 2. (Shame trigger because this shoulda been done mid last week and it is time sensitive.)

Many thanks. Yours to Niagara falls,

Bacchic

Shut up brain. Shut up brain. Eat. Do the thing. Stop thinking about how you hate taking time off and suck at it and should could be better. You are working on this and yes you suck at it but you will get better. You are here now. Now feed your body and set your timer and GOGOGOGO. Turn on your audiobook tooooioo! Focus. Be kind to yourself. But go!

#life with adhd #adhd #bacchic dances