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antiodote · 10 months

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she can't finish and they fight - part IV

warnings: strong language, somewhat disturbing imagery

“what could go wrong? except for absolutely everything?”

part I, II & III

/ / /

y/n opened and closed the door as quietly as she possibly could. her effort of not waking her temporary roommate was in vain though, as jane was happily munching down on some takeout while rewatching her favourite episodes of new girl. without turning away from the TV, jane spoke.

“11:02 pm, that’s a new record, girl! do they chain you to your damn desks or what?”

her remark makes y/n chuckle, more out of frustration than amusement, though. coming home at this hour on a monday night was indeed a new record for her. without saying a word, she leaves her bag and coat at the door and moves to sit next to her friend. she steals a slice of her pizza and digs in without much thought, staring straight ahead and trying to catch up on what was happening on the episode. both of them were aware, however, that she was entirely elsewhere, mentally. so, jane stops the episode to gain her friend’s attention.

“rough day?”

y/n turns to face her friend and sighs in defeat.

“rough day, week or month? honestly, I can’t even tell anymore.” her shoulders slump and her gaze wanders as she searches for a way to describe her current emotional well-being or lack thereof. “I just feel exhausted, like, all the time.”

a short pause makes the air thick between them before jane comments.

“y/n…”

the exhausted one looks up to her friend to find her concerned expression etched deeply into her pretty features. suddenly, she feels a warm hand graze its way upwards the length of her arm, stopping to softly grab her shoulder.

“you’re burnt out, angel. maybe take some time off, hm? I’m sure you’ll benefit from it-“

“jane, I can’t. you know that I can’t.”

her friend was not having it. “why not, y/n?”

“jane, please. can we not do this right now?”

“you always say that. you never let me help you-“

“you’re helping more than you know already! if it wasn’t for you I’d be homeless.”

jane took a deep breath to brace herself for what she was about to say.

“and why is that, y/n?”

the girl looked at her friend, puzzled.

“what are you on about?”

“why are you in this situation, y/n?”

she groaned. “don’t fucking make me say it.”

before jane could interject, y/n put her hand up in protest. it was as if the bare notion of speaking about the recent happenings in her life made her physically ill. and honestly, it did.

they say a broken heart can kill. what about a broken soul? what does that do to a person? y/n didn’t know. all she did know was that she felt like the life had been sucked out of her, and not in a good way.

it was terrible. so, so truly terrible and horrifying.

y/n looked at her friend, who looked at her apologetically. she sighed, her walls slowly crumbling.

“I am in this situation, my dearest jane, because…”

y/n got up instantaneously to fetch herself a drink from the tiny bar cart right across from where they were sitting because it just felt like that kind of night. the silence felt thick and heavy and goopy and greasy and it felt like drowning in a pool of tar. however, as soon as the bitter taste of alcohol hit her tongue and ran down her throat, things felt a little less thick and heavy and goopy and greasy and like drowning in a pool of tar.

so, y/n chuckled.

“I am here because my lovely boyfriend kicked me out. wonderful, right? now, why did you make me say it?”

y/n drowns her drink before pouring herself another one.

“and why did he do that, hmm? what made your angel of your boyfriend treat you like that?”

y/n turned around, facing jane. she was honestly offended at what she was insinuating.

“are you seriously trying to blame me for what happened?”

“oh, don’t you dare. you know damn well why I’m bringing this up, y/n.”

“please, enlighten me.” she said, as the third drink was in the process of being consumed.

jane sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose with her index finger and thumb.

“god, y/n. look, I know you’re miss independent, as you should be! you’re strong and capable and one of the most resilient and successful people I know. however, and this is a big one, with how you don’t let your loved ones help you with anything at all, and with how you put work over anything, you’re doing yourself more harm than good. no, it doesn’t make you weak to ask for help, and it doesn’t make you incompetent to take a few steps back from work. you need a life, y/n. an actual life, not one where you keep running away from your problems and pretend like you’re the only person you can count on. it makes me feel like you’re shutting me out, and it probably made harry feel helpless as well. I’m not saying what he did was right, god no. what I am saying, though, is that the longer you keep doing this to yourself, the higher the chance is that you will end up alone.”

y/n doesn’t think she owns a knife sharp enough to cut the tension in the room. she looks at jane, who is red in the face with frustration, and tries to find some sort of flaw in her logic. she doesn’t know if this is some sort of fight for dominance, or just a friend expressing her concerns. y/n wonders if she lost the ability to trust anyone.

she truly wasn’t up for this kind of conversation right now.

“jesus, jane. time-out, please. I know you mean well, but I really can’t do this right now.”

jane sighs, y/n can no longer face her friend, and things feel uncomfortable.

“look, y/n, I get it. I really do. but don’t let your trauma stand in the way of what you truly deserve. you deserve a fulfilling career, not a soul-crushing one, and you deserve help, especially when the people who love you want to do nothing more. it doesn’t matter if you feel like you need it or not, because everyone needs it. you’re human, dude. try acting like one.”

and with that, jane got up from the couch and made her way to her room. she turned around halfway to say an earnest “I love you” to her friend, but she was staring straight at the bottom of her glass in misery.

the tears started flowing before she could help it, but she was entirely silent. she missed the time when things weren’t this messy. she missed feeling strong and most of all, happy.

and she also missed him, terribly so. and this time, she couldn’t help but stare straight at the obvious: she missed him more and more, every day.

she also missed the person that she was when they were together and was starting to wonder if she needed him to get her back.

/ / /

monday, 9:02 am.

harry had not seen y/n since their fight and he had honestly almost gotten used to her absence. it didn’t feel good to not have her around, but it didn’t drive him to a near overdose anymore.

where once used to be a feeling of existential dread and depression, now lives an ongoing flow of anxiety and panic. because he has to face her, today. for the sake of his friends. at least that’s what he tells himself.

a sudden sickness overcomes him for the umpteenth time within the last few days which makes him stop mid-run.

in through the nose. hold your breath. one. two. three. release through the mouth. repeat.

just like she had taught him.

god fucking dammit.

harry was now aggravated, more than anything. but he knew, no matter how negative his emotions were today, he had to go through with it. for mitch and sarah. and himself.

he arrived back home and took an icy shower. he thought it might help him be less of a wuss and prepare for the task at hand. but alas, his balls were still buried somewhere deep within him. so, time passes.

11 am.

12 pm.

1 pm.

2 pm.

3 pm.

4 pm.

by the time 5 pm rolled around, he had to chuckle bitterly. any other person would’ve been on their way home by now. but his lovely y/n was probably still buried knee-deep in any kind of work that was given to her. it pained him to think about her in stress and exhaustion. it pained him even more that she probably didn’t even realise how she was working herself to death.

he fondly remembers the time when she was the epitome of a free spirit; when nothing could worry her and life was a gift that she happily embraced with open arms. now, it seemed, she was trapped in a vicious cycle of self-destruction. it felt like the walls around her were at an all-time high. harry didn’t know if he could be the one to save her, if that was even within the realm of what she could possibly want. and honestly, for now, that didn’t even matter. they had a wedding to attend. everything else could be resolved afterwards.

as soon as that very thought came to him, harry wanted to punch himself in the face for how utterly stupid and selfish he sounded. well, if he’s lucky, y/n will do that job for him. at least then he could feel her touch again.

6 pm.

enough is enough.

harry fought the urge to throw up once more before he left the house. he decided to purposefully ignore the mind-numbing screams inside of his brain telling him to not leave the house ever again; to stay in his bed until he starved, shrivelled up and died without anybody ever having to look at his miserable figure again. the anxiety that has been constantly bubbling at the back of his throat like a jacuzzi in the french alps told him to never speak to y/n again. that they hurt each other and that he was in no way capable of fixing anything. as a matter of fact, he was certainly only going to make it worse. nevertheless, he pushed through, he had to. for mitch and sarah, or whatever.

he arrived at her office building at 6:23 pm. before he could think too much about it, he left his car, headed towards the building, greeted the intern at the front desk, got into the elevator and pressed number seven in it to get to y/n. easy enough, so far.

or so he thought.

when the elevator dinged to signal his arrival on the 7th floor, the sliding doors opened to reveal maude, y/n’s sweet coworker, who was probably leaving for the day. she saw him and harry wished he had just waited in the car for two more minutes.

“harry! sweet boy, how are you? it’s been ages! give me a hug you handsome thing!”

while harry’s neck was dragged down by maude’s short arms, panic rose in his gut as he became painfully aware of how y/n must’ve been alerted of his presence with how loud maude had just greeted him. matter of fact, the whole office must be aware now.

“hi maude, good to see you. I’m actually looking for y/n, is she still at her desk?”

unbeknownst to him, y/n was definitely aware of his presence. just like he had suspected, she was made aware by maude’s overly excited greeting. the second she figured he was here she wanted to hide, run, possibly jump out of the window. she wanted to do whatever she could to not face him. not right now, not ever. she wasn’t ready. so, while maude kindly offered to walk harry to y/n’s desk and bombard him with small talk in the meantime, she took the initiative and ran, as unsuspecting as possible, to the bathroom to at least try and get some proper air in her lungs. hopefully, no one saw the sheer panic in her expression.

harry and maude came to y/n’s desk to find it empty.

“oh, this is weird. I swear she was here just a moment ago.” maude said, looking around the room in a confused manner. harry had an inkling that his earlier suspicions were indeed correct. she knew he was here.

“I’m sure she just went to the bathroom, maude. I can wait here, thank you.”

before harry could interject, maude offered to wait with him. “I don’t always get the chance to have you all to myself, harry! need to use it, don’t I?”

they both laughed at her attempted, slightly inappropriate joke. harry shrugged it off and blamed it on the fact that the woman is the same age as some of her aunts or her mother, even. lord knows, maybe she genuinely enjoyed his presence.

while they continued their chitchat, y/n had yet to properly calm down. what was she going to do? does she face him? could she? was there an alternative? not really, she thought. she had to come out before it raised any suspicion. not that people cared, really. she just didn’t want to make a fuss. however, the thought of facing him right now made her want to rip her nails out, one by one.

her frantic back and forth through the office bathroom came to a halt when someone else came in. she tried to smooth over her anxiety by pretending to have just left a stall and make her way to the sinks in a calm and collected fashion, though, anybody could probably smell her nerves from miles and miles away. she washes her hands, rapidly, and takes a good look at herself afterwards. her hair was in place, her suit somewhat clean and her makeup looked good enough. to strangers and coworkers, she probably looked fine. she knew, however, that harry would probably see the pain in her. she wonders what would cross his mind when he lays his eyes on her. then she thinks again, a sudden rage aflame within her. she shouldn’t care what he thinks. after all, the bastard kicked her out! the newfound emotion was enough to carry her feet from her current position to her desk. purposeful strides, stiff back and high nose.

here goes nothing.

when she gets back to her desk, she finds maude telling harry some story about a comically large fruit she saw at the farmers market. harry seemed to listen to every word until he found y/n to be standing in front of them. they looked at each other for the first time since their fight but had no time to dwell on any emotions as maude filled the silence instantaneously.

“there you are! your lovely beau is here to pick you up, lucky girl! do you know where you’ll be having dinner tonight? oh, there is this wonderful italian place that I went to recently, let me give you the address!”

maude rummaged through her handbag to retrieve her phone and look up said address, which gave harry and y/n enough time to exchange glances. harry knew that she did not want to involve her coworkers in her personal life, which meant that as of right now, she was probably going to lie.

“yeah, I’m one lucky girl, huh? don’t worry about the address, though. I’m sure harry’s made reservations somewhere. thank you, though!”

he did know her too well.

the smile and tone she put on were enough to fool the average person, so it was good enough for now. and honestly, he was glad she took the initiative, as he truly did not feel like having lovely maude know anything about them on a personal level. so, he played along.

“yes, I think we’re all set. we’ve been wanting to go there for a while, anyways. thank you so much, still!”

maude stopped looking for a phone and looked up at the supposed couple. “alright if you say so! I’ll just give y/n the address tomorrow so you lot can go there some other time. anyways, I’ll leave you two to it! have fun!”

she bid her goodbye and walked towards the elevators once more. one last time she turns around with a devilish smile on her face as she practically shouts through the entire office: “also, I want to hear wedding bells for you two, soon! chop, chop!”

she laughed as the pair went pale in the face and happily went on her merry way home. what she didn’t know was that the suggestion currently made both of them nauseous for a multitude of reasons that they, however, could not dwell on for too long. once maude left the building, the two of them forcefully faced each other.

y/n tried to look strong and determined. whatever happened, she wanted to stand her ground. harry had a goal that he was going to reach no matter what.

“how are you?” he tried to ask carefully, but y/n wanted none of it.

“what are you doing here?” she asked, bitterness seething from her tone.

harry knew the fight was pointless and wanted to get straight to his point.

“look, I need to talk to you about something. it’s really important.”

y/n first looked at him and then around to figure out her next move. a sudden need for fresh air made her speak up.

“let’s go to the roof.”

/ / /

harry’s heart was practically beating in his throat. her presence made him utterly nervous and the stakes were really high, unfortunately. the quiet journey to their current location at the rooftop terrace of her office was tense enough, and he just hoped their conversation would be a little less so. he looked at a questioning y/n who had her arms crossed over her chest with her bum leaning on the railing. she looked unamused, so he had no time to waste.

“the wedding. mitch and sarah’s. it’s on friday.”

a sudden glimmer of surprise washed over her features. much to harry’s surprise, she had forgotten. in an instant, her face found purchase in her hands, a languid sigh leaving her mouth.

“fuck, I completely forgot. and the rehearsal dinner is-“

“tomorrow, yeah.” harry finished.

“god, that’s why sarah called me. I thought it had something to do with you! I was supposed to get some things sorted out for-“

“I took care of it.” harry, once again, finished her sentence and chose to ignore the bad aftertaste of her statement.

her rushed rambling came to a halt and y/n gave harry a puzzled look. before she could ask, he explained himself.

“I figured that you might have some other shit to deal with, so I took care of it. you also took tomorrow off months ago, so don’t worry about it.”

she let his words linger. for some reason, she was more confused than before.

“uh, okay. thank you. why are you here then? you came all this way just to remind me?”

“well, no.”

harry paused briefly, a sudden wave of anxiety hitting him. maybe this was too ridiculous but there was no going back now. he looked up and spoke.

“look… I know that things aren’t good between us at the moment, hell, I don’t even really know if an “us” exists right now. and I also know I’m not in the position to ask for any favours because-“

“-you kicked me out, correct.”

once again, a defining silence hung in the air.

y/n looked at harry in way that somehow combined hurt, anger, disgust and maybe a tiny bit of longing, or so harry imagined. his own shame that is attached to the situation by thick, heavy chains pulled him down into a very specific sort of depression once more, almost knocking the air out of his lungs. he tries to move on, desperately.

“look, y/n-“

“say it. say that you kicked me out. then we can continue this conversation. say it first.” she demanded.

harry swallowed hard, the weight of y/n’s demand heavy in his heart. he understood that she needed him to acknowledge his actions, his mistake before he could ask anything of her. but even now, amidst all of the shame he felt, he was still hurt, himself. he was hurt by the fact that the woman he considered to be his forever didn’t trust him. he was hurt because she lied. he was hurt because she wouldn’t let him help her. he was hurt because apparently he was just another man to him, after everything. it made sense with her past, but the naive part in him thought they moved past it. alas, it seems like they haven’t. so, he says what she wants to hear. he closed his eyes for a brief moment, gathering his thoughts, and tried to summon the strength to confront the truth.

“yes, y/n. things went even more to shit between us after I kicked you out. after we fought because you lied to me and because we haven’t properly spoken in weeks. after I freaked out and did something that I will probably spend the rest of my life apologising to you for because it was an idiotic thing to do and truly, I am sorry. unbelievably so.”

y/n understood that she wasn’t the only one who was hurting. she was painfully aware of the fact that she had previously done some things to bring him to that point of mental and emotional torment. she knew that he wouldn't just treat her like that out of the blue or without reason, but even with all of that knowledge in her mind, it didn't make the situation any less painful. she looked at him with a look that could only be described as purely and utterly defeated. she thought about arguing with him, right then in there. she wanted to scream at him, to slap him right across his cheek and tell him to go to hell and to never speak to her again. but alas, she refrained from doing so. instead, she sighed, deeply, wiped away the flyaways that were stuck to her forehead and looked at him one more time.

“right. what is it that you wanted to talk about, harry? I really don’t have time for this.”

harry chose to ignore how her complete ignorance for his apology or her statement of utter disinterest stung him deep in his chest and continued.

“what I was going to say is that I know that I am in no position to ask her any favours because of-“ he paused and closed his eyes: “because of what happened. but I need us to ignore our personal drama for their sake. just for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, that’s all.”

y/n’s brows scrunched up in confusion. “what do you mean?”

harry felt more and more stupid as the conversation went on.

“look, they're some of my closest friends and they’ve been waiting for this wedding for too long. I know that sarah always acts like she’s whatever about anything and that mitch pretends he’s too cool to actually want a nice wedding, but I know that they both secretly deeply care about it, and I don't want to be the person to spoil it all. I don't want to be the person who draws the attention onto himself. I don't want our personal lives taking any attention away from them and potentially ruin it all for them, I could never live with myself if I or we did that to them. so, I guess what I'm trying to ask you is: do you think there is a possibility that we could press pause on this whole thing? the fight, I mean. I'm not saying that we need to do it for the entire week, only for the rehearsal dinner and for the wedding. let’s just try to be normal and grit our teeth the entire way through, if we have to. I’m only asking because I know that sarah would do everything in her power to figure out what was wrong, even if she was in the middle of that fucking dance floor and is supposed to be having the night or for life. I know that they will probably pull us aside and ask us a million questions because they've done it before, but I cannot do that to them. not on their wedding day. not when we should be giving them all of our attention. we might’ve spoiled this for us but I cannot and will not do even the slightest bit to spoil it for them.”

harry paused his rant to look at y/n, almost entirely sure to get rejected. however, he’s surprised to find her deep in thought. almost as if she was actually considering it.

“so, what do you say?”

y/n knew how ridiculous this entire thing would probably end up being. she knew that if she even had to pretend for a second to hold his hand, or to laugh at his jokes, to dance with him or - god forbid - kiss him, she would end up either crying in pure agony, throw up in a random corner, or actually go clinically insane. but, despite it all, she understood where he was coming from and she was well aware that his request was rooted in place of sincerity. hell, the selfish part in her was even excited because this way she’d have two more days with him. two more days of pretending like everything was fine and nothing was bothering them. because realistically, it would all be over afterwards, anyway. so, she did the unthinkable-

“okay, I’m in.”

harry stared in disbelief. “really? you’re absolutely sure?”

without missing a beat, she nodded. “I mean, you do have a point. I wouldn't want to spoil their wedding plans either. I'll try my best to suck it up for two days and we'll see where we’ll go from there, deal?”

she stretched her hand out for him to shake. he looked at it hesitantly and decided that now was the best time to ask for the other pressing request on his mind. so, before shaking her hand, he continued.

“there is one more thing, y/n…”

she pulled her hand back and nodded for him to go on.

“listen, you can absolutely say no to this, but I just wanted to put it on the table in case you were interested. I- I don’t even know where you’re staying right now. are you at jane’s?”

she nodded once more, annoyed at how well he could calculate her moves.

“right. so, you know that our home-“

“your place.” she deadpanned. “I really don’t think I can refer to that place as ‘home’ right now, but go on.”

once again her words stung but he tried his best to understand.

“right, uh, my place. you know it’s about two hours from the venue and getting there from jane’s apartment would make the journey almost 40 minutes longer. also, all your stuff is still at my place and I might need some help carrying all the things that sarah asked me to collect. also, we were supposed to help with the setup-“

“are you asking me to stay over?”

truthfully, he was asking her to come back, but he knew that it wasn’t going to be this easy. maybe, at this point, it was entirely impossible. but he tried his best, anyway.”

“I’m just saying it would make everything run a bit more smoothly tomorrow. like I said, you can say no. I’ll just come and pick you up from jane’s or we can meet up at mine beforehand… whatever works for you.”

once again, y/n’s selfish side overtook her mind. she suddenly became hyperaware of the fact that she could possibly share a bed with him tonight, have him wrap his strong arms around her sleeping figure and feel peaceful for the first time in what feels like forever. in another reality he might even fuck her senseless, and she wouldn’t even have to fake her orgasm. in another reality she wasn’t constantly stressed because of work and wasn’t constantly anxious because everything was falling apart around her. in another world it was just harry and her spending the night together in their shared home, doing all the things that couples do, before they help their friends with their rehearsal dinner. harry would never have to lock himself up in his studio for hours on end to finish a song or be on tour for months and months on end, and y/n wouldn’t have to stare at a screen until her eyes were dry and work on reports and samples until the early hours of the morning. it would just be them, together, and it would be blissful.

she knew that none of those things were actually going to happen, but the sheer possibility was enough for her to agree to his proposal.

“you’re right, it’ll be easier this way. let’s do it. I’ll just have to pick up my stuff from jane’s but I’ll head to yours after.”

harry didn’t want to show it but he was filled to the brim with hope. maybe they could resolve things after all.

“well then, we have a deal, y/n.”

this time, he was the one stretching out his hand for her to shake. she looked at it momentarily before meeting him in the middle and intertwining her hand with his. and then, they just stood there. hands interlocked and gazes on one another. time stops for a moment, both of them focusing on the feeling of touching each other again. neither of them really wanted to let go but eventually, they had to. y/n was the first one going for release but before she could let go, harry squeezed her hand tighter. he spoke before she could interject.

“for what it’s worth, y/n, I’m willing to fight for this. until the very end. I don’t care how corny I sound, either. I mean it and I want you to know.” he said, pure and raw honesty dripping from his voice like honey.

she couldn’t say anything, she couldn’t even look at him. all she could do was to let go of his hand and shift her gaze towards the sky. it was way too beautiful outside for her insides to feel as stormy as they did.

“you should go, I’ll meet you at yours later.”

her response left harry feeling cold all over. it was okay, though. he just hoped that they could be better, one day.

“right, then. see you tonight.”

/ / /

shortly after harry had left, she decided that her work day was over, as well. it was getting close to 7 pm and she’d finished her work so she wanted to leave as fast as she could. everyone else was already gone, anyway. so, she collected her belongings and made her way to her boss’s office to officially sign out for the day.

she knocked softly and was met with a cold “yes?”

y/n opened the door to find her boss, cynthia, at her desk with a coffee in one hand and future designs in the other. as always, the woman looked uninterested, bored and arrogant. a true the devil wears prada type of villain. y/n walked into her office, set any and all reports down on to her desk and tried to make her way out again when cynthia called for her, again.

“where do you think you're going?”

y/n turned around, dreading what was coming next.

“excuse me?”

“you need to look over maude’s mood boards. they’re sloppy and entirely useless. I need them done by tonight.”

y/n had no energy left. usually that meant that she would wordlessly do the overtime. right now, however, she wished for nothing more than to be asleep next to harry with his scent surrounding her and his warmth embracing her. so, she did something that she hadn’t done before.

“I won’t be able to do that, cynthia. please, ask maude to rework them. I have tomorrow off and need to be up early and-“

“I didn't ask for your entire life story y/n. I just need you to redo maude’s work, that is all.”

it was as if she couldn’t possibly fathom that y/n had denied her request. so, she went again.

“cynthia, I'm going to go home now. I honestly don't care who finishes that work for you but it won't be me. have a good night.”

adrenaline rushed through her veins as she made her way to the door. unfortunately, before she could leave, cynthia made sure to leave a mark.

“you know I gave you that promotion because I thought you were capable of handling it, right? not because I thought that you were going to end up being lazy once you have it. I can take it away from you just as fast as I gave it to you. I want you to know that before you decide to go home now and enjoy your day off tomorrow. we'll see how long you stay at this company with this kind of attitude.”

y/n turned around, red in the face with rage. “you can call me a lot of things cynthia. you can call me an overachiever or you can call me a pushover or a perfectionist or a crippling workaholic; all those things are true. I know one thing though, I am not lazy. since the day I started working here I have worked my ass off to prove myself. I don’t need your excuse for recognition, but I demand some fucking respect.”

cynthia and y/n looked at each other like gladiators would look at one another in the colosseum, fighting for their lives.

“y/n, if you seriously expect me to kiss your forehead and give you a gold star for doing the work I expect you to get done here, then you have chosen the wrong company to work for. I would suggest you start to toughen up a little and look alive if you see yourself having a career in this industry. no go, do whatever you need to do. I’ll get someone else to do the work that you were too incapable to do.”

y/n wanted to pour that piping hot coffee over her head and watch her scream. she didn’t, though. instead, she was left to think about a moment that harry and her shared about a year ago; a fond memory.

“dude, I swear to god, she just fired the girl out of nowhere just because she couldn't get her the damn bag from the other city of the city in like 10 minutes which is, oh I don’t know, physically impossible!? and before she fired her she basically verbally abused her in front of the entire team, and I just had to stand there and say nothing! what kind of a person does this kind of thing? like, is she crazy? is she actually the devil?”

y/n shoved another spoonful of pasta into her mouth while harry gave her an amused look. he tried desperately not to laugh, but the rosy tint on her cheeks that she got out of sheer frustration was nothing short of adorable. luckily, y/n started chuckling pretty quickly herself.

“and then, oh my god, and then the girl just started crying and we all thought she would be a puddle on the floor, but no! she starts throwing shit on the floor and literally called cynthia a ‘raging fucking nitwit of a cunt that deserved to rot the deepest pits of hell’ and suddenly the entire office was involved!” - another laugh - “soon enough, security comes barging in and literally carry the girl out while she’s flailing in steve’s arms like a hyperactive, very angry puppy, and god, harry, I felt so bad! but it was so funny! not the fact that she was getting fired, god, no! but the way she handled it was so iconic! I wanted to kiss the ground she walked on!”

by the end of y/n’s story, both her and harry were laughing until their tummies hurt. harry continued to listen to her crazy work stories during dinner, after dinner when he washed the dishes, on the couch with her laying on his chest and him playing with her hair, and ideally, for the rest of his damn life.

the memory made y/n giggle.

“something funny, dear? do you need a cordial invitation to get out of my office?”

y/n just smiled.

“good night, cynthia.”

with that, she was on her merry way.

///

“and you’re absolutely sure that this is a good idea?”

jane stood before her in her doorway. y/n had told her everything as soon as she got home and they ended up talking for hours.

“honestly, no. but I have a gut feeling that this might be the right thing to do.”

concern is etched deeply into jane’s face. a heavy sigh and a shake of her head later, she replied.

“look, just be careful. and no matter what, you can always come back. you have a key and my bed always has an open space for you. no shame.”

y/n felt so much love for her concerned friend in that moment that she stopped the act of tying her shoes to give her a tight hug. “I know.” she mumbled into her shoulder. “thank you.”

they detangle and y/n grabs her duffle off the floor. one last knowing look is exchanged before y/n takes the first stride towards her car. jane waves her goodbye. when she sees y/n leaving her driveway she grabs her phone in an instant to send a text to the one and only. two words, and nothing but sincerity behind them.

“good luck.”

/ / /

6.3k, not entirely proofread, lowercase intended

after a billion million years, here's part four. i know it's a bit of a filler but I have some nice stuff planned for the remainder of this story, so please bear with me.

thank you and all the love <3

-ve !!

598 notes · View notes

gimmethatagustd · 1 year

Note

hi!! it was my birthday yesterday so i decided to come to one of my fav author and request smth :p i was thinking a sub! jk smut where he’s not feeling well and sucks on reader’s tits for comfort ? 👀 idk if u’re comfortable with kinks, but a mommy kink would go sooo well w this 😭 thank you in advance!

antidote | jjk

You know exactly how to make your boyfriend feel better when he's feeling down, but he has his own plans.

» pairing: sub!jungkook x soft dom(f)!reader

» genre: BTS | 18+ | established relationship | pwp | fluffy smut

» wc/date: 2.3k | January 2023

» notes: i'm ngl i haven't ever written something like this before, so i hope i did it justice and that it was everything you wanted! happy belated birthday, friend 😌💜🎂 i'm honored to be one of your fav authors and write this for you!! it made me really happy to see this request

» masterlist | AO3 | send me ur thots 👅

» what was jai listening to? mmh - kai

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Kinda sad,” Jungkook whispers. “Dunno why.”

The two of you are cuddled in bed, Jungkook lying in between your legs to rest his head on your stomach. You’re not sure how long you’ve been there, all tangled limbs and gentle touches.

It’s not unusual for your boyfriend to fall into moods like this. While he has always been a bit shy, sometimes feelings overwhelm him. You try to be attentive and you never force him to talk about his feelings unless he wants to. Sometimes it even makes him feel physically unwell, especially when he overworks himself.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You offer, just in case.

Jungkook shakes his head. The two of you lie on the bed in silence for a few minutes, only the sound of your breathing heard in the room. Jungkook twists his fingers in the hem of your t-shirt, his knuckles occasionally brushing against your skin.

“Need you close.”

You almost don’t hear his whisper, but he’s so close and the rumble of his chest against your body signals that he’s talking. When you peer down, he’s avoiding your gaze. You know what he’s asking for without him having to say it; his unwillingness to remove his face from hiding behind his sleeved arm is telling.

With a small laugh, you give in to his silent request.

“Come here.”

Jungkook lets out a small whimper of satisfaction as he scoots closer to you. One of his arms slips beneath you so he can press his hand against the small of your back. The placement forces you to arch your spine and you allow yourself to loosen up in his hold. It feels nice to be enveloped in the warmth of his embrace, lost in the heavy scent of his cologne that makes your nose tingle.

The thin material of your t-shirt clings to your body, doing nothing to hide the way your nipples harden under Jungkook’s touch. Except, he hasn’t even touched you yet. Not there.

He must not feel that bad because he’s wearing a cheeky little smirk as he brings his face to your chest.

“It’s cold in here,” you snap with a playful roll of your eyes, already knowing what he’s thinking. “Don’t give me that look.”

An unspoken threat you’re both all too familiar with lingers in the air.

Jungkook’s lips pucker into an innocent, albeit exaggerated, pout. From the moment you met him, you knew by his pouty lips that he’d cause you trouble. Those sparkling Bambi eyes are the final nail in the coffin.

But what’s worse than all of his innocence combined is the way Jungkook’s face easily morphs into a sly grin half obstructed by his teeth capturing his bottom lip into a bite as he practically moans, “Yes, mommy.”

You don’t want to admit that you don’t know what to say. Jungkook never teases you. He’s always so compliant and eager to the point of being whiny. You’re the one who finds pleasure in teasing him.

Stunned into silence, you watch Jungkook lean into your chest. His eyes flutter close as he presses his cheek to your tits before slowly turning his face to run his nose along each mound. His bottom lip gets caught on the fabric of your t-shirt, pulling downward as he moves his face. It’s cute how it exposes his bunny teeth.

You let out a shuddered breath when Jungkook reaches up with his tattooed hand to squeeze one of your tits— the one he isn’t currently smothering himself with.

“So soft,” he mumbles, nuzzling your chest. “You’re so warm and safe.”

Your body tenses when his nose brushes over one of your nipples and Jungkook tightens his grip around your waist.

“Can I, mommy? Please?”

Your breath gets caught in your throat when those big, sparkling, innocent eyes shine up at you. He always looks so precious begging, even when he’s being a little shit about it.

“Mmm, of course. Want my baby boy to feel better.”

Though, what really has you speechless is the way Jungkook can look at you with such innocence while his teeth graze your hardened nipple through your clothes. He maintains eye contact with you as he unwraps his arm from your waist. Using both hands, he slowly pulls your t-shirt off, tossing it to the floor.

Jungkook looks tired; now that you’re up close, you can see the bags under his eyes. They make guilt wrack your heart. You haven’t paid enough attention to your baby, somehow letting him work himself ragged.

There’s no time for feeling sorry, though. Jungkook immediately attaches himself to you. His tongue is hot and wet as he runs it across your nipple. He makes sure to flatten his tongue as he licks you. The technique means he’s able to flick the small, stainless steel ball of his tongue piercing against your nipple. You let out a breathy moan at the sensation. It’s a new one; Jungkook had only recently gotten the piercing. Now that it’s completely healed he’s been having a fun time learning all the ways he can use it beyond just looking pretty.

Tilting his head, he swirls his tongue around your nipple, puckering his lips to suck your tit into his mouth. He continues massaging the skin with his tongue, every suck of his lips making his lip piercing scrape against your sensitive skin. It doesn’t hurt, only serves as a reminder of how fucking hot your boyfriend is.

“You’re so adorable, baby boy,” you say softly. When you run your fingers through his fluffy hair he hums against your skin.

Encouraged, Jungkook snuggles closer to you, one hand gently holding your waist while the other massages the tit he isn’t suckling. You know he loves the praise without having to see how pink his cheeks are, but it’s still nice to see the effect you have on him. It isn’t the only way for you to receive validation, though. Jungkook shifts his body weight and you feel his hard cock press against the inside of your thigh.

“Mommy.” Jungkook lifts his head to watch you with bright eyes. His lips are swollen and pink. When your eyes drop to admire them, he squirms in your embrace. “Let me be inside you, please?”

“Will that make you feel better?” You question him with a raised eyebrow, not ready to give in. He squirms again. “Or are you just trying to trick me into fucking you?”

“No!” Jungkook whines.

“Are you sure?”

He nods his head hard enough to make his bangs fall into his eyes. You run your fingers through them, brushing them away from his face so you can see his eyes properly again. They’re bright and, paired with his furrowed eyebrows, make his desperation obvious.

You fight the urge to rip his clothes off right there. Instead, you lean back against the pillows and give him a small smile.

“Take my underwear off for me?”

It’s posed as a question but you both know it’s not. Jungkook scrambles to pull the clothing down your legs. His eyes flit between your parted thighs and his own crotch as if he’s trying to decide what to focus on first.

“Come on, baby boy. Mommy’s cold without you.”

That gets him moving.

Jungkook pulls off his sweatshirt and joggers, his briefs flying with them onto the floor. Sometimes you push him to spend more time begging, but today you just want to remove the frown from his beautiful face.

You try to keep in the moan that builds up in your chest when Jungkook slips a finger inside your pussy. The surprised sound he makes when he finds you already soaking wet is too delicious to not react to, but you keep it together. Even after he slides two more fingers inside of you. Luckily, he keeps a hand on your waist, pressing you into the bed to prevent you from moving if you try to buck your hips. You don’t, though. You know all he’s doing is making sure you’re relaxed enough for his cock. Still, he’s suspiciously maintaining a steady rhythm against your front wall. You’re not complaining, but you know if he keeps it up, you’re going to cum and this is supposed to be about him.

“Jungkook,” you scold. His eyes widen from getting caught.

“Sorry, mommy. You’re just so wet…” There’s that cheeky smile again, so sly and deceiving.

“Don’t make me change my mind, baby.”

He nods quickly, but you’re not convinced he’s going to behave when he leans forward to roll his hips into yours. Again, you know he’s just prepping by smearing your arousal onto his cock with every movement, but he’s pushing it. A raise of your eyebrows makes him reach between your bodies to finally line his cock with your entrance. It’s cute how his teeth dig into his bottom lip as he slowly bottoms out.

A soft moan slips out of you despite your efforts to stay quiet, but Jungkook only smirks.

“Feels good,” he says softly as he settles back on top of you. His face finds your chest again, lips wrapping around one of your nipples while his arms wrap around your waist.

“Good,” you say with a sigh. You return to playing with his hair. “You’re doing so good for mommy, hmm?”

As much as having Jungkook inside of you while you cuddle is meant to make him feel comfortable and safe, you can’t deny that it’s good for you, too. You like feeling full of him, as close as you possibly can be to him. Coupled with the weight of his body against yours, there’s not much you love more than this.

The silence between the two of you is comforting, though you occasionally break it to give Jungkook more praise. He hums with satisfaction, and it’s nice to be gentle and vulnerable.

After a while, Jungkook shifts to adjust the way he’s holding you. The movement forces his hips to press into yours, driving his cock a bit deeper inside of you. The suddenness makes you gasp.

“Sorry,” he whispers against your throat where his face has migrated. “Arms were falling asleep.”

You open your mouth to accept his apology, but a moan tumbles out instead of words. Instinctually, you dig your fingers into Jungkook’s scalp to hold onto his hair.

“Jungkook,” you scold with another gasp.

He ignores you and continues subtly thrusting into you. It’s slow and deep, his hips barely lifting from yours to dive back into your pussy. He reaches deep inside you, grinding into you with the small circling of his hips.

“Sorry, sorry,” he pants, lips wet against your throat, but he doesn’t stop moving.

The slowness of his movements is driving you mad. Your clit has already been throbbing and hot pressed against Jungkook’s pelvic bone while you lay in silence. It doesn’t help that his hands start roaming your sides, squeezing your waist to hold you in place.

“Mommy, just, please, please let me fuck you.”

His panting is getting whinier and more high-pitched. Every slow thrust is companied by the neediest chanting of “ahh, ah, ahh” in time with the movement of his hips.

“Fuck, Jungkook.” You throw your head back when his hips start slapping into you harder. He pulls back, pounding into you with more fervor.

“I need you,” he practically sobs. His lips scatter kisses down your chest, eventually finding your nipples to suck again.

By this point he’s fucking into you with full force, one hand squeezing your thigh to hold your leg against his hip. His blunt nails dig into your skin, but you don’t care. You're a moaning mess beneath him. Your plan of having a peaceful moment of intimacy with your boyfriend is shattered.

“Harder,” you moan, tugging his hair.

You rip him from your tits to bring his face to yours, crashing your lips into his. It’s nowhere near a proper kiss. The two of you are moaning too much. You keep your mouths hanging open to at least brush against each other, occasionally licking into each other. Jungkook does his best to keep you from inching upwards, but with how hard he’s fucking into you it’s inevitable.

“Wanna, wanna,” Jungkook digs his teeth into your shoulder. “Wanna make you feel good.”

You’re already close, so hearing Jungkook’s sweet, whiny promises is all it takes to have you clenching around his cock. You arch into his chest as you cum, doing your best to encourage him to let go, too, in between moans of his name.

Like the good boy that he is, Jungkook holds out until you’re laid back and boneless in his arms before he cums with the cutest sob of a moan into the crook of your neck. He collapses onto you, arms once again wrapping around your waist to hold you tighter against him. Little hums against your skin tell you that he’s satisfied, but you still ask.

“Are you feeling okay, baby boy?” His bangs are sweaty, but you don’t stop running your fingers through them. He leans into the touch, so you keep it up.

“Mhmm,” he hums, pressing a kiss against your neck and raising goosebumps over your already hot skin. “Thank you, mommy.”

He promises to clean you up after he’s done getting his fill of cuddling. His cock softens inside of you; you’re happy he doesn’t pull out. You both crave closeness, and you’ve got all the time in the world to bask in it.