Are you recovering? You've been eating so much lately!
71 notes
·
View notes
TW: Mention of Su*c*de and SH
I keep typing “su*c*de” into my search engine…
I look at what comes up, like I have 1,000,000 times before and I wail in disappointment at the lack of knowing what to do.
“Text 988”
I think about it.
But what would I say?
“Hey I am going to end my life tonight.”
no… they might send someone to my house.
“I need help. I keep cutting myself.”
no…they might send someone to my house.
“I can’t breathe, my thoughts are drowning me and I’m in the bathtub thinking about how I could kill myself right now.”
no…they might send someone to my house.
Not that they shouldn’t.
Yet not that they should.
They tell you to text or call if you want to die.
I want to die but I’m too afraid to text or call in fear that I’d be wasting their time.
Something I was taught strictly not to waste growing up.
Something I seem to waste without trying
along with other things such as space and air.
I want to die.
But I’m too afraid to text.
I’m too afraid to call.
So I only search up “su*c*de” on my search engine
and
wail at the disappointment of not knowing what to do.
37 notes
·
View notes
I went completly insane, ate 3,114kcal. And I find it funny( i'm crying for 3 hours) i'm never gonna eat again. I hate it🎀
13 notes
·
View notes
I used to always be very overweight around 68 kg to 70kg (149 lb to 154lb) and 3 years ago started losing weight more and more and more and got to 45kg (99lb)
But after 2 years I got better, and started gaining the weight back 😭
Now I'm back where I started trying to get back to my lowest weight again.
2 notes
·
View notes
por fin viviendo sola, ahora si van a ver de lo que soy capaz
2 notes
·
View notes
Since relapsing , I have most of the restrictive behaviours of before but not the ideology .
Nothing that I used to belive I have kept .
Such as :
I don't think being thin or extra thin is any prettier than curvy or bigger women or average.
I don't want people to worry for me , I am an not dependent on others care and attention .
I don't want to feel dizzy or have grey skin or be unhealthy. It's too much of any inconvenience for me .
I don't want to go to hospital like I used to so badly . Cause I honestly don't care .
BUT I still have all of my behaviours of restriction and starvation back so I'm kinda in this limbo of not eating but not actually caring about the end result .
11 notes
·
View notes
i found photos of myself from when i was skinner and i wanna d13
14 notes
·
View notes