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booobooothefool · 1 year

Text

He spent so much time on them and for me he got lazy

Oh my sweet holy angels...this was something I started after Indigenous day last year (2021) but never got back around to finishing it. I've been having really bad writers block and haven't been able to finish writing the Dark!Thor fic (that I also started back in 2021) yet, but it's like 2/3rds of the way done...a lot has changed since I last posted a fic...for example I recently decided to take a break from school and dropped out of this fall term...I've also been working overtime so yeah...finally had a day off today and I spent it finishing this piece of junk... anyways, hope ya'll enjoy this trash dumped from my overworking brain (๑~๑) I also refuse to proof read...and I will die on this messy anti-beta reading hill (because my eyes hurt and I am too lazy to bother) this is also 8,798 f*cking words..so yeah

-Growing up, you were all alone until you met Steve and you two bonded over being outcasts, but after the serum, you're left all alone again...or are you?

*18+!!!*

WARNING: horrible grammar, NOT edited, bad English (please be nice I know my English is bad, it’s not my first language 🥺) mentioning of unprotected sex (wrap your willy before you get silly), mean and dark Steve, angsty, fat-shaming, ED, pregnancy, noncon, breath play, choking...honestly read at your own risk because I am a warning all on my own

...

You had the biggest crush on Steve Rogers, you fell for him the day you met him. The scrawny little boy who stood up for you when a group of kids cornered you and berated you for your weight, acne, and stubby stature. You two would get made fun of, pointed and laughed at whenever you two went out together, so instead you both would meet privately, getting away from your harsh reality to somewhere no one could disrupt you two, your shared safe space. You two began to date secretly, no one knew about you two, not even Bucky knew. When Steve would get set up with another pretty girl that was friends with Bucky's latest flame, you couldn't help but to worry if he'd lose interest in you. Steve would always reassure you that he'd never fancy such shallow women, that he only had eyes for you.

When Steve first told you that he was accepted and would be leaving soon to join the army, you fought every fiber in your body to not break down and beg him to stay, you understood that this was Steve's dream. That was the night you lost your virginity to Steve, holding him close before he would leave you for war. After Steve left you cried as you held onto the shirt he left behind for you, allowing yourself to let go off all the emotions you refused to show to within his presence.

Steve would come and visit whenever he could, whenever he came back, you two would spend most of your time together in bed, wrapped up in the sheets with every inch of your bare bodies touching. After Steve wrote and explained to you that he had received the serum you did your best to not let your fears get the better of you, this was good for Steve, he was healthier, happier, and could now achieve all his dreams with less roadblocks in his way. Steve stopped visiting just before receiving the serum, all you had left of him were his letters, but when those became more and more scarce you had to remind yourself that Steve had more responsibility now that he was the face of America, THE Captain America.

Your parents had sent you to buy things from town for dinner, as you were browsing the store shelves your eye caught a familiar blond man. He must’ve felt you watching him, Steve looked up and it was as if he was a child caught stealing candy. “Doll!” He quickly recovered and suddenly you were engulfed in muscular arms, “Y/n, what are you doing here? I was planning to surprise you.” You couldn’t reply and only stared at Steve with wide eyes, you hadn’t seen him with the serum and felt overwhelmed by his tall and muscular frame, you awkwardly returned his sudden hug.

"What happened to you Stevie? Why are you so..." you paused, your tongue stuck on what words to use that wouldn't be impolite and rude.

"Big? Healthy? Strong? Well it's thanks to the serum doll." Steve smiled down at your with his breath taking boyish smile, the same one that always made you swoon. "I've got something I must tend to, can you meet me at the Wellington Hotel? I am in room 214, be there by 10 sharp." Too stunned to realized what was happening you simply nodded your head as Steve roughly pulled away and left you standing in the aisle with all your questions and words floating in the unspoken air around you. After standing in the aisle like an odd buffoon, you managed to collect yourself and process what had just really happened. As you finished getting what you were instructed to and on your way home, you couldn't help but to wonder why Steve was staying in a hotel and not in his apartment that you helped upkeep for him in his leave, he still paid the rent regularly, you would know because you had just been there not too long ago to dust and care for his things so that they wouldn't ware away with time.

Your eldest brother's fiancé Jenny had asked for your help at the sewing mill, but instead of going you decided to use it as a cover to go meet Steve. You'd already talked to your parents and Jenny about working tonight so they wouldn't question where you were, and with the war becoming so intense they also wouldn't question you about when you'd return. Many people often found themselves working day and night in order to try and do their part for the country. Your father and brothers worked to scrap metal for the war, your mother worked to feed the family on rations, and you worked at the local sewing mill.

You did your best to be discreet in order to not draw any attention when you got to the hotel, it was indecent for an unmarried young woman to be meeting a man in a hotel like this. You carefully knocked on the door of room 214 and twiddled with your fingers nervously, you yelped when the door suddenly opened and you were yanked into the dark the room. "Wha-" Before you could finish speaking, you were silenced by Steve's hand covering your mouth.

"No one saw you coming here did they? You didn't tell anyone you were coming to see me did you?" You pulled Steve's hand away from your mouth and huffed a few breaths of air before replying, "No, it would be indecent, I made sure to be careful." Steve seemed to relaxed and sighed in relief, "Good, I don't want to risk anyone knowing." You wanted to question Steve as to what he meant and why the lights were off in the dark room but before you could ask him he was already pulling at your clothes and kissing your jaw, your mind clouded as you melted like goo in his arms.

You gasped as Steve lifted you and wrapped your legs around his waist, something you two had never done before due to your size differences. He walked you over to the bed and threw you onto it, he open the front of your dress and pushed down your bra as he slid down your body while his mouth bit and sucked its way down from your jaw to your breasts. The room filled with the sounds of your panting and moans of needing more, but Steve didn't seem to make a sound. When you reached up to hold Steve close, he roughly pulled away from your touch and grabbed your wrists, holding them down with one hand as he used his other to bunch up your dress around your hips and ripped your underwear off to place himself at your entrance. You could feel that he still had all his clothes on and had simply taken his cock out of his pants. Without warning Steve shoved himself inside of you, when you opened your mouth to scream from the pain of not being prepared properly Steve slammed his free hand over you mouth, covering your nose as well. As he barbarically pumped in and out of you, he finally began to moan, and instead of your name coming from his lips, Steve repeated another woman's name.

Peggy.

Your tears wouldn't stop as you felt yourself losing consciousness from the lack of air and pain of Steve's brutal thrusts. As you tried to free your hands and shook your head violently side to side in hopes of removing his hand from blocking your airways, you felt yourself becoming more and more tired until everything eventually faded and you lost consciousness.

It was still dark out when you woke up, you found yourself laying sprawled out on the floor in the cold with nothing covering you. Carefully gathering yourself and doing your best to stand on your aching legs as your neither regions screamed in pain, you looked around for Steve and saw him sleeping peacefully on the bed. When you couldn't stand anymore due to the painful aftermath of what Steve did to you, you decided to settle on the edge of the bed, but as soon as you sat Steve suddenly kicked you off onto the floor.

"Get out, people will be waking up soon." You sat stunned, unable to move as you replayed his words in your head over and over again. "Did you not hear me?" Steve got up from the bed and roughly grabbed your arm and dragged you towards the door, "Fix your rags and get out."

"Steve..."You felt as though the air was suddenly as hard as the bricks that made up the walls around you.

"Y/n, I gave you what you wanted, now get out. I will not be repeating myself." Steve's nose flared in anger as he glared into your soul.

"I...I thought you loved me?" Your tears began to fall again, your mind scrambled, unable to understand what was happening.

"Y/n, look at yourself and then look at me. I am every woman and man's dream, why would I be with someone like you? You are fat, your face is covered in acne scars and you are far too short for me. My status is too high to be associated with someone like you. Before the serum I was just as much a loser as you, but now I am the image of perfection, I cannot be with someone who is the definition of 'other'. After I received the serum I came to the realization that we couldn't be together anymore, I've also met someone else...last night was just me making sure that I truly loved her, and it can also be seen as a goodbye to you. I used to feel guilty, but being with you last night made me realize that your body does nothing but disgust me now that I've been with the true love of my life. Now get out before people start waking up, or else I will call for security and tell them that you are a crazy woman who came in here in hopes of harassing Captain America." Steve didn't spare you another look as he opened the door and gestured for your to leave. You quietly gathered yourself and limped out of the room as he shut the door behind you before you could turn around to say goodbye to him.

You limped and made it home before the sun finished rising, you decided to shower and scrubbed yourself clean of evidence from the previous night, hoping to scrub away the pain of Steve's brutal assault and his words with the crusted cum on your legs and breasts. After you finished cleaning off, you decided to sleep in hopes of sleeping away the pain and to avoid seeing your parents in your current mental state. No one disturbed your sleep, thinking that you had spent the whole night at the mill working.

When you finally awoke, you didn't know what to do or think...you seemed to go through the days with little to no emotions, you became quieter and withdrew from everyone around you more and more, feeling disgusted with yourself and replaying Steve's cruel words over and over again in your head, you began to skip meals. When asked about your sudden change, you simply blamed it on the stress of war times and that worked, until you came down with what you thought was a stomach bug that wouldn't leave. But even then you ignored it, even when your clothes started shrinking despite you starving yourself, or when your monthlies never came, you ignored all the signs and evidence of that night until you couldn't anymore. One night after you came home from the mill you found you parents and brothers all sitting in the dining room waiting for you.

"Sit y/n." Your father sat at the head of the table, in this house his word was the law. You sat and looked down at the table, refusing to look up and meet the eyes of your family members or down at your lap that was covered by your growing middle. "William asked Jenny about what happened at the mill four months ago, specifically the night when you limped home and refused to speak to anyone before sleeping the whole day and night away. She said that you never made it to the mill, so tell us y/n, if you did not go to the mill then who did you meet? Because whoever it is, I know that they are the father of that bastard child you are caring." You felt the tears fall one at a time until suddenly, all at once. You finally let yourself go and allowed the sobs to take over your body as everything you'd been ignoring came crushing down on you.

"Oh dear..." your mother came to your side and held you in her arms as your sobs violently shook throughout your body. She carefully wiped away your tears and whispered soft words to you. "What happened dear, tell mom, I won't be mad. Please, you are my only daughter, I've seen how you no longer smile, how you've become withdrawn and dulled."

After a few hiccups, you finally managed to whisper out the words you'd been dreading to face, "I was raped..." As the words left your tongue, your sobs grew louder and you felt your body give out, falling slack into your mother's safe embrace. Your brothers sucked in a breath and your father sat stunned, they seemed to piece together your mother's words and observations with their own experiences with you the last few months and digested it alongside the three horrid words you spoke aloud.

"Y/n..." Your eldest brother William whispered your name and looked at your broken state as the rest his words died before he could speak them. There were always stories of young girls being assaulted, but that was something that only happened to other people...except now it had happened to you, their little sister, and they didn't know what to do or feel.

"Did you see how he looked like?" Your father's voice cracked, betraying him as he tried to hold a strong front at the head of the table. You didn't trust yourself to reply, unable to lie to your family anymore, so instead all you did was cry harder, conflicted with what you were facing. Your mother cried tears of her own as she hushed you like a child and held you closer to her, she looked up at your father with pleading eyes and he understood what she was asking. Even without words, your mother's pained eyes pleaded at your father to not force you to speak and relive the pain you'd experienced that night, and although he wanted to know more in order to try and help you, he complied to your mother's unsaid plea and nodded at your brothers to hold their tongues. "Y/n, you are my only daughter, your mother and I love you very much. But in order to protect you, we must send you away. Your late uncle left your mother his farm, it is far but also close enough that we can come to visit you from time to time...it would be safest and best for you to live there. If you stay here then people will talk, and both you and your child may become endangered due to gossip."

You held your mother tighter, shoving your face further into her chest as you nodded and tried to drown out the sniffling of your brothers silently crying around the family table. The rest of the night was spent packing your things, by morning your things were all loaded into your brother John's work car and everyone waved goodbye to you as your parents drove you away from your childhood home.

When you arrived at the deserted farm your father unloaded the car as your mother helped you clean and unpack some of your things, the drive had taken a full day and night of traveling. You felt guilty and insisted your parents rested a day or two before they returned home, but because of work they ended up only staying that day before starting the drive back.

A month passed and you slowly became accustomed to the house, you worked to sew and fix up old clothes and shoes that Jenny would have William give to John whenever he came by to drop off necessities for you. Your belly grew bigger and it soon became harder to do things around the house, you often found yourself walking around barefoot on the cold hard wooden floors since it had become too hard to bend and put on your socks and shoes. Because John would come to drop off things for you to help patch up, you were able to make a few pennies on the side to prepare for the baby's arrival. You also sent letters home with him and received many from each member of your family, especially your mother.

But John suddenly stopped coming, and then your mother sent a letter through the mail telling you not to try and contact home until John came back. She didn't detail why but you felt that maybe some folks from back home may have started gossiping about your sudden departure, so you respected your mother's wish and stopped writing as instructed and waited for her to write you again or for John to visit and let you know of when this sudden ban would be lifted.

After 2 months of nothing but silence, you became worried. You wanted to return home to see if everything was alright, but now that you were around 6-7 months pregnant, you decided against it and did your best to sit tight in the nearly empty house. You missed seeing your brother, you often found yourself sitting in silence with your ears subconsciously searching for the sound of an old engine, hoping that John would be back to collect the items you'd patched up and with letters from your family with him.

One night while you were upstairs getting ready for bed, your ears caught the sound of an engine. You thought maybe your mind was play tricks, but the sound got closer and before your knew it, your legs began to waddle their way as fast as possible through the house. From the window you could see that there was a vehicle in the front of the house, you were a bit confused at first, you knew what John's work car looked like and it definitely wasn't the one outside, but you chose to ignore the bad feeling at the pit of your stomach after reminding yourself that only your family knew you were out here in the middle of nowhere.

There was a loud knock at the front door and you tried to fasten your pace to go open the door to greet your family after not seeing them for so long. Who you came face to face with stunned you, your instinct kicked in and just as quickly as you'd opened the door, you shut it again and locked it.

"Open the door right now doll, you don't know what I've gone through in order to be here." Steve banged his fist against the door over and over, each one harder than the last, "if you don't open the door then you're gonna regret it. I'm serious y/n, how do you think I found you? I have your family and if you don't open this door then you're never gonna see them ever again." Afraid of what he'd do to your family, you quickly unlocked and opened the door for him.

"What are you doing here?" Your words wavered like your bravery, showcasing your fear.

"Why else would I be here doll, I'm here for you and our child." You stared at Steve and carefully studied his features, he looked older, rougher, his hair was no longer the bright blond it was those months ago, it was now a darker dirty blond. After a while of standing and staring at each other in silence, Steve carefully pushed his way inside. "I know you must have more questions, but I'll explain more inside."

You numbly led him into the living room and stood away from him "Where is my family? What have you done to them?"

"I'll get to that doll, first come here and let me hold you, it's been so long since I've seen you." Steve walked over to you and wrapped his arms around you before you could get away.

"Let me go Steve, tell me where my family is now." You tried to pull away from his embrace but Steve just held you tighter.

"You know y/n, your reaction is a bit different from your family's..did you know I went missing? That I was presumed dead after saving the world by diving myself and a plane loaded with a bomb into ice cold water?" You scrunched your eyebrows together, not understanding anything Steve was saying, he was very clearly alive and in front of you. As if understanding something Steve laughed bitterly as he released you from his embrace and grabbed your upper arms to shake you, "You didn't know? You claim to love me and yet you didn't know that I, the father of your child, died?" He paused to think for a second and scoffed, "Well I guess it does make sense that you wouldn't know, after all, you're out here in the middle of nowhere all alone."

"Steve I don't know what you're talking about or what you want, so please just tell me where my family is and leave me alone." You became more and more frightened by Steve's odd behavior and the crazy things he was saying.

Steve shook his head and looked down at you, "Your family is safe y/n, they put up quite a fight when I came back from the dead to find you. They kept claiming that you'd gotten married and left, but I already knew the truth, I knew that you hadn't left because you got married. I checked for your records when I woke up in the future y/n, couldn't help but wonder what happened to you after I found out that Peggy went off and married, she lived a happy life without me. Should've known that the bitch would move on as easily as she was to fuck. But imagine my surprise and pain when I found out that you'd died in childbirth around 9 to 10 months after we'd spent our last night together?" Steve's hold on you became rougher, he pulled you to him and neared your face, "Imagine that y/n, learning that the one person who ever truly loved me, died trying to give birth my child all alone in a bathtub in the middle of nowhere with no one to be there for her in her last moments. I tried to find your and our child's resting place you know, but everywhere I looked all landed in a dead end, because you two were buried in some unmarked grave on a piece of random land that your parents sold after you died. If your brother hadn't confessed what happened to you on his death bed, then I never would've known about any of this." you gasped in pain as Steve's hold on your upper arms became unbearable, Steve held you closely against him, your bump being squished against his hard body.

Steve seemed to be deep in his own mind when you felt a strong kick from the baby, expressing their displeasure at being woken up from how hard Steve was squishing your bump between you two. Steve's eyes widened and his hold on you softened, he pulled back carefully and looked down at your bump. As if on cue, the baby decided to kick again and Steve saw the way your stomach slightly stretch out where the baby had kicked, he carefully placed his right hand over the spot and felt the baby kick a third time. Steve started crying as he fell to his knees and hugged your waist and rested his head on you stomach.

"I'm so sorry y/n, I never should’ve left you or did what I did to you. But I'm back now, and I can fix things, I swear, I'm not gonna let you and our baby die this time." You tried to pull away from Steve but with every attempted tug, he held on tighter and sobbed harder.

"Steve please get up..." You became more uncomfortable, but no matter how confused or scared you were, you also understood that this wasn't your Steve, this Steve was someone else, someone broken and far more dangerous. You had to be careful not to provoke him. Steve stood and hugged you, he buried his nose in you hair and inhaled the smell of your hair.

"I'm gonna make this right y/n, we're gonna be a happy family. Just like we always used to talk about." You didn't say anything, too afraid of this fragile yet dangerous man...all you did was nod slowly and carefully pulled away from him.

"You seem tired, how about we get some rest and talk more about this in the morning, it's getting very late... I understand what you said, but it's just hard to process... there's a spare room upstairs, you must be tired from driving..." You spoke with a soft tone, careful to not trigger the strange Steve, hoping that he would take this is an act of submission and he wouldn't become aggressive like before.

After leading Steve to the spare room, you returned to your room to sleep. As you were about to fall asleep Steve suddenly barged into your room. You'd debated locking your door earlier but decided against it, too afraid of possibly provoking Steve. Before you could question if he needed anything, Steve walked to your bed and climbed in alongside you and pulled you to his chest, resting his chin on the top of your head. "I can't sleep without you, I need to hold you. After everything I-... I refuse to spend another night without you in my arms." As uncomfortable as you felt, your fear greatly outweighed it, so all you did was nod your head and pat Steve's back in hopes of pleasing the stranger with a familiar face. After some time, you felt Steve's breathing even out and you followed him into your own dreamless sleep.

During the middle of the night you woke up with the intense need to pee, as you were carefully untangling yourself from Steve you accidentally woke him up. "What are you doing?" His rough and booming voice scared you.

"The baby is pressing on my bladder, I have to pee..." he hummed and released you from his hold.

"Hurry back." you nodded and headed to the bathroom out in the hall to do your business. After you finished peeing, you noticed the dry feeling in your throat and decided to get some water from the kitchen. While on your way back upstairs from the kitchen you passed the living room and saw the keys to Steve's car, you looked back and forth between the set of keys and the stairs leading up to where Steve slept, unaware of the idea that popped in your head.

You quietly grabbed the keys, slipping on an old pair of shoes that were too big for your feet, you carefully opened the front door as quietly as you could and walked out into the night towards the car. As you were unlocking the car and getting in to try and adjust the seat you saw the living room lights turn on and the front door swing open. Steve face twisted into the most horrendous look of anger you'd ever seen in your many years of being alive. Panicked, you shoved the keys into the emission and started the car.

"Y/n get the fuck out of the car right now and come here before I break your fucking legs." Steve marched his way towards the car, just as he was about to grab onto the car's doorhandles you stepped on the gas and drove away. As your sped away you heard the Steve growl angrily. You didn't know where to go, but you knew that you had to get away from here and closer to civilization. As you were speeding down the road you caught a glimpse of Steve running alongside the car, afraid you tried to press on the gas but that didn't seem to work. Before you knew it, Steve jumped onto the car and yanked off the passenger door handle, you stepped onto the brakes with full force and threw Steve off the car. The car swerved out of control and fell into a ditch, crawling your way out of the car, you felt your left leg shooting with pain, as you looked down at it you saw your bone sticking out. As you laid panting on the side of the road, you placed your arms around your bump and was thankful to feel the baby kicking away to show their unhappiness at the situation. You turned your head when you heard footsteps approaching you, look at the cut up bare feet and all you felt was despair course its way throughout your being, how had Steve survived?

He didn't say anything as he crouched down and pulled up your nightgown to check your stomach, spreading you legs apart to look between your thighs, "There's no bleeding, that's good, means you didn't hurt our baby pulling that dumb stunt of yours." He roughly grabbed your left leg and looked at the bone sticking out, without another word he grabbed your right leg with both his hands and snapped it at the knee, breaking it too, you screamed from the excruciating pain, "I told you I'd break your legs if you didn't listen. This your own fault doll."

Steve stood up and went to open the trunk of the car, "You know, I wanted to keep my words and let you see your family, to let you say your goodbyes before I returned with you despite my displeasure at them for keeping the both of you away from me for two whole months, but now that you've done this, I won't feel any guilt for refusing you your goodbyes." Steve came back with some weird looking clothes in hand, he first put it on himself before he stripped you and put the clothes on you as well. Steve pulled out some weird devices and scooped you into his arms bridal style before the world around you swirled together into weird shapes and colors, blurring together into muddled nonsense before everything went black.

You woke up feeling completely numb, you couldn't feel your arms or legs. The memories of what happened came crashing all at once, causing you to have a bad headache. As you opened your eyes you tried to ask for help, but instead of words rolling off your tongue, you moaned out unintelligible nonsense, alerting the nurse checking your vitals that you were awake.

"Oh, you're awake, I'll go get Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark, and Dr. Banner." The nurse walked away without further explanation and didn't to try and comfort your very clearly distressed self. Not long after she left, Steve and two strange men came into the room.

"The baby's fine, she's got a few broken bones, but considering that you were the one who deliberately caused one, I'd say there’s really not much to worry about. Just monitor her injuries for infection and try to get her some more nutritious food, the tests came back with some slightly worrisome lack of proper vitamins." The man with glasses explained to Steve with a small smile on his face, acting as if this was all normal and Steve purposely breaking one of your legs was a sort of joke between them.

"I had some people move and set up some things for her at your house. Pepper also had a field day with the baby prep stuff, just like when she went on a spree when we had Morgan." The man who spoke had an arm that didn't look human, he was holding a weird piece of glass in his hands spoke without ever bothering to look up from the weird thing in his hands.

"Thank you both, tell the rest of the team I said thanks to them too, everyone has been so helpful." Steve smiled at the two men and walked up to the side of the bed, he caressed your head and bent down to kiss your forehead.

These people were insane, how could they act as is this was normal. "No need to thank us Steve, you deserve some happiness, we all do...we've all been through so much." A woman with red hair suddenly spoke up from the door, she walked over and hugged Steve. "It's good to see you back, some of us worried when you didn't com back sooner."

"Hey Nat, sorry, got held up dealing with some people when I went back." Steve chuckled and shook his head, they all continued to ignore your presence and spoke amongst themselves before they all eventually excused themselves and went off to do their own thing.

"Well doll, those were some very important people, I'm glad you behaved. Bruce and Dr. Cho both gave the OK so we'll be going home after the ultrasound later." You again tried to say something but nothing came out, only a weak and course croaking sound came out. Steve quickly stepped towards you and carefully helped you drink some lukewarm water that was resting on the table beside you. "Sorry doll, your throat must be so dry."

After drinking some water with Steve's help you took a few deep breaths and looked up at him, "Where are we?" Your words so soft that it could've been mistaken for the wind blowing through the window.

"We're in the compound's hospital suite, after the OBGYN finishes giving one last ultrasound we can head home." Steve smiled down at you with a glint of a crazed look at the back of his eyes. He sat on a chair beside your bed and held your hand in his, he kissed your knuckles, drawing your attention to where he kissed you saw a shiny ring on your ring finger. "After the baby is born and you've completely healed, we can hold a beautiful ceremony. For now just focus on getting better doll." You realized what he meant and scrunch up your face is disgust, how could he expect you to marry him after all that he's done to you.

"I want to go home Steve...please...I'm sorry...please just let me go home..." you didn't know what else to do besides plead for Steve to let you go home.

"I know doll, we'll go home after they check on the baby one last time." He smiled at you reassuringly, clearly not understanding what you meant by home. Before you could correct him and explain, a woman came in with a strange machine contraption, she introduced herself as being a doctor and explained that she was going do something weird so that you could somehow see your baby on the machine, you didn't understand what she was saying but Steve kept nodding and seemed to understand everything. The doctor moved exposed your belly, she placed a weird substance on it and used an odd object to push along and spread the substance around your belly. The machine showed weird shapes as she moved the object around, she smiled and stopped when a big weird shape that looked slightly human-like showed on the machine. She turned and touched some things on the machine before the room was filled with the sound of a loud steady beating.

"That is your baby on the screen and their heartbeat sounds very strong." Steve had tears in his eyes as he held your hand and looked at the shape on the machine, you didn't fully understand, but you did understand that you were looking at your baby and you were hearing their heartbeat. The doctor moved the object and pushed into your stomach slightly as if searching for something and faced to you when she did find whatever it was that she was looking for, "Congratulations, you're having a boy Mr and Mrs. Rogers." she continued explaining more and talked with Steve for a bit, but you drowned out their conversation, all you could focus on was the news she'd given you. When you came back to, the doctor had cleaned everything up and was saying her goodbyes as she left.

Steve carefully helped you put on a loose dress and carried you onto a wheelchair that a nurse had brought in after the doctor left, he wheeled you past strange rooms filled with even stranger things. After placing you in a weird yet comfortable car, Steve drove you through a city covered in large screens that displayed odd images with vibrant colors, people wore weird clothes as he drove past them. Steve did not seem phased at any of this, acting as if this was all normal to him, "I know, it can be overwhelming at first doll, but don't worry too much about getting used to it, we won't be surrounded by all this at the house." You wanted to say something, ask all the questions that tornado'ed around in your mind..but you were left speechless and overwhelmed. As Steve continued to drive, you slowly felt the hum of the car moving lull you to sleep.

"Come on doll, I know you must be so exhausted, but you gotta wake up and eat some food." Steve's soft voice woke you up, this time when you looked around, you saw that you were in a room full of sharp looking objects, there was no warmth around. "I know, everything looks very monochrome and modern, but that's just Tony's style, we can get stuff and decorate the house more to your liking after you get better." Steve carefully helped you sit up on the soft bed and hand fed you food he blew on to chill.

You closed your mouth and turned your head, refusing to eat the weird food that he was trying to feed you. "Steve...where are we...I want to go home, I don't know what’s going on and why you're doing this or what I've done, but please just take me home. I don't know what you want, but I'll try to give it to you...please...just let me go home...I wanna see my family..." you cried as you finally managed to voice your pleas to Steve. He let out a frustrated sigh and placed the food on the table beside the bed.

"Y/n, you are home. I'm doing this for us, I know I hurt you with how I left, but I'm doing my best to make it up to you alright? I travelled through time just to bring you to the future so that we could have the life we always dreamed of. As for your family...that is your own fault, if you'd just listened to me then I would've let you see them and say your goodbyes, but instead you decided to put yourself and our baby in danger. Please stop crying and looking at me as if I'm a monster, I'm doing this for us, for our little family." Steve placed his hand on your bump and caressed it lovingly, "When I first came out of the ice and realized that I'd lost nearly 70 years, I felt lost and broken. Then after I managed to learn and adapt, I looked for answers. When I learned that Peggy had lived happily without me, I felt defeated, I'd saved the country and countless lives, but it cost me my own life and happiness. While I grieved the lost of Peggy, I had a dream of you one night. After that dream I remembered how I'd broken your heart and wondered what'd happened to you, so I searched for answers...at first every lead I had led to a dead end, it was as if you'd disappeared off the face of the earth...that was until I found out that your brother William was still alive, I eventually managed to arrange a visit with him and told him we were old friends in school, that we'd bonded because of our loser statuses and he opened up like red sea did for Moses. He told me about how your parents sent you away to live on a farm all alone after your family had found out you were pregnant after getting raped. He told me about how your brother John always drove back and forth between home and the farm house, how overtime John became frustrated and irritated that he was always the one who had to drive back and forth, he told me about how you would never talk about your rape, how John became suspicious that you knew who it was and was trying to protect their identity. William wept as he told me about how John had refused to come see you after you'd refused to talk to him about who had assaulted you. He barely managed to make out the explanation of how John and him found you dead and covered in your own blood, you’d died trying to give birth in a cold bathtub, all alone. How John blamed himself for refusing to drive to check up on you, William also detailed to me about how the guilt ate at John until he couldn't live with himself anymore and he took his own life as well.".

Steve reached out for your left hand and played with the shiny ring he'd placed on your finger without your permission, "When I asked where you and our baby was buried, William just stared off and said that he couldn't remember, that your family had buried you in what used to be the garden of flowers before you parents sold the old farm off to a company. When he couldn't grasp why I was so invested in what happened to you, I revealed to him the truth. That I'd been the one who raped you, I told him everything and I watched as your brother died of anger, frustration, and heartache. I could've called for a nurse or doctor, but I didn't I watched him die a slow, pained, and guilt-filled death. What I did to you wasn't right, but how your family casted you away and left you and our unborn child to die alone in a cold bathtub in the middle of nowhere was worst." You trembled and tried to pry your hand away from Steve's hold but he just clicked his tongue and continued to play with your fingers.

"I lived in regret, you'd spent your life loving me...truly loving me, and I'd thrown that away for someone who couldn't even wait a proper mourning period for me...but you, you died trying to bring a piece of me into this world..." Steve was beyond delusion, you hadn't gone through the pregnancy for him. Steve had built this narrative of his own, he believed that you'd died trying to birth a part of him so you could stay close to him, when in reality, it was simply because this was YOUR child who you loved, not because it was Steve's.

Before you could correct him, Steve went on, "When Tony found a way to go back to the past it hadn't even crossed my mind to use it to come back to you, in fact when I saw Peggy again I'd forgotten all about you, the old feelings of what I felt for her came rushing back...when I went back to return the stone to her timeline, I had planned to stay with her, but I saw that she had already moved on and I was beyond furious until I remembered you and our baby..." Steve released your hand and began to caress where your baby was starting to kick, "I came back and explained everything to the team, they all agreed that I deserved my happy ending too, so I traveled to the past one last time, this time it was to bring you two home, to save you two from your untimely deaths."

You didn't know if Steve somehow delusionally believed that his explanation was supposed to woo you, but you did know that it did just the opposite of that. "But your family was so selfish, they'd refused to tell me where you were, and when I'd confessed that I was the father of your child, they refused even more...so I did what I do best, I beat it out of them. It took your family two long months before William cracked after I threatened his precious Jenny. Despite how annoyed I was with them for keeping us apart for even longer, I was still willing to let you say goodbye and see them one last time before I brought you back to the future with me...but then you just had to pull that dumb stunt with the car..." Steve looked up at you and smiled smugly. "Y/n, this is home now. We'll be happy here, you can never leave me, you don't know anything about the future, and I plan to keep it that way. I'll never let you go now that I've finally got you back."

Steve climbed on top of you as he revealed your future to you. You tried to move away from him but stop when he purposely put pressure on your broken legs, "Don't provoke me y/n..." In a swift move, Steve tore off the blanket that separated you from him. Like a crazed animal he ripped off the loose dress you still wore, "God, I wanted to wait until you healed, but it's been so long since I've been in you doll." Steve squeezed your breasts with no remorse, your breasts leaked and squirted milk everywhere. Steve moaned loudly at the sight, he bent down and began to suck on your right nipple, drinking as if he'd been deserted for days without water. Just when you thought he was going to stop after he released your right nipple from his mouth, Steve began to suck and bite your left nipple as well, coaxing your breasts to continue feeding him its nectar.

Steve's hands roamed you body, rubbing their way all over until one of his hands wandered its way between your thighs and found the very sensitive nub you always tried to avoid touching after accidentally brushing over it once when you were showering. You thrashed you body around, trying to remove his hand from it, "Do you know what this is doll?" Steve gripped your hip and forced you still with his left hand as his right thumb rubbed circles around the nub between your thighs, "This is your clit...god you don't even know all the things I'm gonna do to you, if you thought what we used to do as teens was good, then you're gonna die of bliss from what I'll do to you tonight."

You felt your body grow warmer as an unknown feeling bundled at the pit of your stomach near your bladder. Steve continued to rub your 'clit' and ignored your pleas for him to stop, you began panting harder and harder, trying to catch your breath as the bundle of nerves near your bladder threatened to break loose. Steve bent his head and bit down on your right nipple, throwing you over the edge and breaking the bundle of nerves loose. Your back arched up, thrusting your breasts up towards Steve as your breasts both squirted and leaked milk everywhere and your thighs shook violently as the bundle of nerves near your bladder broke, you sobbed in humiliation as you felt and believed that you had just urinated on the bed. Steve moaned loudly and brought his right hand up to examine it, his hand was covered in a clear substance. You knew that the liquid like goo on his hand had come from your outburst, and to your utter shock, Steve licked and sucked his hand clean. "Fuck, doll, you taste to fucking good." You covered your eyes, refusing to look at Steve after what he just did to you. "Ah, ah, ah...what a bad girl...don't you dare look away from me." Steve grabbed your hands and roughly tied them behind your back with his belt, you hadn't even realized that he'd taken off his pants and shirt while his was drinking your breastmilk.

Steve lifted you like a rag doll and made you sit on his lap, your back on his front and making you face a big screen that was on the wall at the foot of the bed. "Jarvis, replay the footage of y/n cumming." After Steve spoke to no one, the screen suddenly lit up and displayed you sobbing and moaning lewdly as your back arched and spread breast milk everywhere. "See that doll? God you look so fucking gorgeous cumming like such a cock-hungry whore." As As horrified as you felt from watching yourself on the screen, you also couldn't concentrate because of Steve's hand that was once again rubbing your 'clit'. Steve slid two of his fingers inside you, making you throw your head back from the feeling of being stuffed with something after neglecting your needs for so long. "Jarvis, display live footage." the screen switched to you sitting on top of Steve who had his fingers pumping in and out of you and his thumb rubbed your clit. Steve used his free hand to force you to look at the screen. "Look at yourself doll, what a lovely whore you are...keep your eyes on the screen as I make you come again." Steve curled his two fingers inside of you and pressed up against a sensitive patch inside of you and made you watch the screen as you once again screamed out like a whore in heat and arched your back, breasts leaking and squirting milk all over your bulging stomach and broken legs that were both wrapped in casts. You held onto Steve's forearms in hopes of stopping him, but this seemed to just fuel him further. "That doll, was your g-spot." Steve laughed manically as he moved his hand from your jaw down to your throat, he began to squeeze harder, closing up your airway. As you became more light headed Steve licked you tear off your cheeks and removed his fingers from inside you to roughly pinch your clit, your body tried to jerk away but Steve ignored it and aligned his cock it at your pussy hole that was twitching from cumming twice. "Watch as I fuck you, watch as your greedy cunt stretches and swallows up my big cock. Just like it did the night I raped our baby into you."

You watched in horror as Steve tightened his hold on your throat, completely cutting off your airway as he thrust his cock all the way into you all in one go and pulled on your clit with the fingers that was pinching it. Your body spasmed and you saw nothing but stars as you cummed harder than the last two times, the feeling was so intense that the world went black for a bit before your regain consciousness and saw that Steve holding your hips to fuck you up and down his cock, treating you like the nickname he always called you...doll. "Fuck that as so hot, I can't wait to fuck another baby into you doll." Steve grunted and shoved you down onto him so hard that you felt in crush against and nearly past your cervix, even though you had just woke up, you found yourself cumming again. Steve moaned loudly as he came inside you, painting your insides with his cum.

Steve let go of your hips and your fell back against him, unable to move a single muscle or bone in your body. You saw yourself on the screen panting for air like a dog. Steve wrapped his arms around you and carefully caressed your bump, he kissed the top of your head lovingly, "I love you so much y/n, I can't believe we can finally live the rest of our lives together, just like we used to talk about..."

...

Goodbye all 🫡 now for me to go drown myself in some holy water and fall off the face of the Earth again...

#1940s steve rogers #1940s steve rogers x plus size reader #angsty #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x plus size reader #dark steve x reader #dark steve rogers #mean steve #crazy steve rogers #dark avengers #crazy avengers

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royalwriteroftheuniverse · 1 year

Text

Thanks Captain America

chapter 5

Next chapter (Chapter 6)

WARNINGS: 18+ just incase ptsd kidnapping drug overdose , drugs kidnapping psychological issues that can trigger anyone a whole lot of angst and heartbreak character death

Comments and Rebligs appreciated no publishing or reporting

Previous Chapter

Steve is upstairs working on a exfil plan for two shadows im Germany when he is called down the T.O.R.s (tactical observation rooms)

because a team clearing out a drug trafficking ring location, who have started to dabble in other Steves, found something he needs to needs to see - a phrase Steve rolled his eyes at. Steve throws down his pencil in a noise and huffy as he goes into the roof. Workers hand him an earned as he walks in.

But all he see is walls.

"This is what I'm called down for? Dirty walls?" He thinks, annoyed because there are two agents in trouble that need exfil yesterday and hes looking at walls for what? To decide what to repaint them?

In fact that's what thought. Exactly what he thought.

"He's here show us."

It takes Steve a second to figure out what they're showing him. Ok an iv connected to a body he doesn't-the face he recognizes the dirty grayed face. He swallow hard. Its been a year but It was her face, slightly skinner a malnourished faced barely clothed . Steve stopped paying attention to what they were saying but he heard "drug overdose"

"What?"

"Looks like a drug overdose sir. Probably a day or two ago. If it wasn't-"

"For the side mission I sent you on she'd be alive. If I didn't stop looking."

Steve shot up in bed covered in sweat. Panting he's had that nightmare ever since Hayden came to say you were missing. They only got worse after the restraining order when he knew he wouldn't be able to help her the way she helped him at night and he longed for nothing more than to just hold her.

Then there were others where they're too early by a day and you get put somewhere else until they're gone and he sees you as you see the quinn jett flying away above you. Cursing Steve, hating him because you think they aren't looking for you because you think Steve replaced you the one thought that Steve just has through is whole in is that he is afraid you thinknhe sees yiu like garbage, he's made you believeyou were gun bendable disposable always another peice on the side and that HE madeyou give up because his treatment. He knew it and it killed him Because he knew what you knew if he was looking for you then they would have found you. Other times Steve is walking down the street and passes a crime scene and he sees your face just before they zip up thr body bag, those the worst for him youbwere in the city the whole time. Right under his nose. A few block away and he still lost you forever. Hayden. Well Hayden could be temporary any lover or boyfriend or even husband could be divorxe was easy nowadays but death no one could come back from,, Steve only cheated it because of a technicality with ice. Bucky was cryo-perserved. But you wouldn't be. You'd-he stopped himself to look at the time the precious minutes wasting away. Barely 10 minutes have passed since the last time he looked. He couldn't have even gotten 10 minutes in but the nightmares keep coming you always you turing up somewhere or another his fault. But that's because it is. He knew it he couldn't lie about it to anyone no one could lie about it to him though no one was foolish enough to bring it up not after Steve had all but killed a High up Avenger Agent who said its been too long nd there were agents who needed his help now -she was a lost cause.

He was a lost cause too once but he had 70 years to wait you didnt have even a sliver of that.

Chapter 6

So Steve went back to the room that been a second home. No, not a second home, a room because nothing was home without you.

After a little while some.one had called for him to go down to a T.O.R. room he gulped heavily. This was how his nightmare started and he knew you wouldn't be waking him up.

Taglist

@nana1000night @sapphire-rogers @patzammit @hawkeyes-queen @sparklybarbarianninja

#avengers #chris evans #steve rogers #ari levinson imagine #ari levinson x female reader #chris evans x plus size reader #ransom drysdale #steve rogers fanfiction #chris evans characters #chris evans comfort #andy barber x female reader #ari levinson #angsty #sam wilson x reader #andy barber fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #tony stark

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soulofapatrick · 2 months

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All The Time In The World - Aaron Hotchner x female reader

Summary: You got kidnapped and in the aftermath you need Hotch to erase it all

Words: 3.3K

Warnings: mentions of attempted r; hurt-comfort; ptsd; fluffy and angsty

Notes: I need to be stopped 🤣 I do plan on writing more Spencer but Hotch has my whole attention rn 🤣

Y/N’s POV

I stand under the cascading of water, the heat searing my skin as if it could burn away the memories etched into every fibre of my being. The events of the last few hours replay like a horror film in my mind, each scene more vivid than the last.

I can still feel his hands, vile and invasive, creeping under my shirt, his putrid breath hot against my skin as he loomed over me with that twisted grin. The terror of those moments claws at my insides, threatening to consume me whole. But just as I thought I couldn’t fight him anymore, voice raw from screaming and back burned from the carpet below me as I fought to escape, my team burst through the door like avenging angels, their precise shots shattering the nightmare and saving me from the abyss.

The water pounds against my skin, relentless, as if trying to wash away the stain of his touch. I scrub furiously, desperately, but the memory lingers, staining my skin with it’s foul residue. The sob claws it’s way up my throat as I scrub and scrub. I must have made more sound than I realised because Hotch’s gruff voice, filled with concern, pierces my cloud of panic.

I manage only a small sound in response, my arms still wrapped protectively around myself, a feeble attempt to shield myself against the unseen horrors that haunt me.

“Do you need anything?” His voice, usually firm and commanding, is now softened with empathy, a balm to my wounded soul. In that moment, I realise what I truly need. Without hesitation, I find the courage to voice my plea, a fragile whisper that hangs heavy in the air between us.

“Join me.” I choke out, the words barely escaping my lips, carried by the trembling breath of desperation. I long for his presence, for the solid warmth of his body to chase away the chill of my fears. In him, I seek refuge from the darkness that threatens to consume me whole. I hear the hesitant shuffle of footsteps outside the shower curtain, a tentative response to my plea. And though the moment hangs in fragile uncertainty, I cling to the hope that he will hear the silent plea beneath my words, “Please, Aaron.” I whisper, the weight of my anguish heavy in the space between us, a silent prayer for him to bridge the divide and offer me solace in the midst of my despair.

The bathroom fills with a heavy silence, broken only by the soft exhale that escapes Aaron’s lips. I hear the subtle rustle of fabric as his shirt hits the floor, followed by the metallic clang of his belt buckle hitting the tiles. Each sound sends jolt of panic coursing through my veins, a stark reminder of the nightmare I’ve just escaped.

But then, like a lifeline cast in a storm, his arms wrap around me from behind, strong and steady, pulling me back from the edge of despair. I release a breath I hadn’t realised I was holding, the tension in my body melting away as his chest presses reassuringly against my back, a silent promise of safety in his embrace.

His touch is gentle deliberate, as he silently pries my hands from where they cling desperately to my shoulders, nails biting into flesh in a futile attempt to anchor myself against the chaos within. I have to close my eyes against the onslaught of memories, tears slipping unbidden down my cheeks, each drop a testament to the agony that lingers beneath the surface. The scent of shampoo fills the air as Aaron reaches past me, his movements fluid and sure, retrieving the bottle provided by the hotel.

I can’t help but tremble as his fingers thread through my hair, the sensation both soothing and agonising in its tenderness. His touch is a balm against the rawness of my wounds, a silent offering of solace in the world torn asunder by violent and fear. He works in silence, his hands moving with practiced ease, each stroke a silent prayer for healing, for redemption in the wake of tragedy. And though the tears flow freely, each drop a testament to the pain that will hold me captive for a long while, Aaron’s presence a beacon of light in the darkness, a reminder that he found me and saved me.

But, even as he tends to me with such care, such tenderness, I can still feel the ghost of the UnSub’s touch lingering upon my skin, a stain that no amount of scrubbing can erase. It’s a thought that threatens to overwhelm me, to drown me in a sea of despair and self-loathing.

As Aaron's hands tenderly cover mine, completing the ritual of washing away the remnants of terror that cling to my hair, I am consumed by a wave of overwhelming emotion. His touch is a lifeline in the darkness, a steady anchor in the storm raging within me. But even as he tends to me with such care, such tenderness, I can still feel the ghost of the UnSub's touch lingering upon my skin, a stain that no amount of scrubbing can erase. It's a thought that threatens to overwhelm me, to drown me in a sea of despair and self-loathing.

And then, in the aftermath of my turmoil, Aaron’s arms encircle me, drawing me close as if to shield me from the pain that threatens to consume me whole. The weight of his presence is both a comfort and a burden, a reminder of the fragility of my own resolve in the face of unspeakable horror.

My knees buckle beneath me, the weight of my grief too heavy to bear alone. I am lost in a tempest of sorrow, screaming sobs echoing against the tiled walls of the shower as Aaron cradles me in his embrace. Sobs so loud I’m sure the rest of the team can hear them from where they’re waiting on the other side of the bathroom wall, scattered across Aaron’s room. Aaron… He sinks to the floor with me, a silent promise that he will never let me fall, never let me drown in the darkness that threatens to engulf us both.

In the sanctuary of his arms, I find release, the floodgates of my anguish opening wide as I surrender to the pain that has haunted me for so long. I’m adrift in a sea of memories, each wave crashing against the fragile shores of my sanity, threatening to pull me under.

"It- I-" I choke on the words, my chest heaving with the weight of my sorrow, and yet Aaron waits patiently, his steady gaze a silent reassurance that I am not alone in my pain. And then, with a tenderness that takes my breath away, he presses a kiss to my wet hair, a silent vow to stand by me no matter the cost, "I can still feel him," the words are a whisper, barely audible above the rush of water, but they hang heavy in the air between us, a reminder of the scars that still linger beneath the surface.

“Do you trust me?” Aaron’s voice is a gentle murmur, a question whispered against the nape of my neck as his stubble brushes against my skin. I don’t speak, but nod, allowing him to pull me gently back to my feet.

He turns me gently to face him, his russet eyes holding mine with a tenderness that belies the weight of the world we carry between us. There’s a gentlemanly grace in the way he looks at me, a silently acknowledgment of the wounds we both bear. And then, with a steadiness born of resolve, he reaches for the body wash, his fingers brushing against mine in a fleeting caress.

I unfold my arms from around my was it, revealing the bruises and cuts that mar my skin, souvenirs of the darkness that still lingers within me. Aaron’s breath catches in his throat, a harsh exhale that echoes the pain written across his features. But there’s no hesitation in his touch as he picks up the shower sponge, his movements deliberate and unhurried, a silent promise of healing in the wake of devastation.

He cleans me with a gentleness that borders on reverence, his hands tracing the contours of my body with a tenderness that speaks of love unspoken, of wounds too deep to fully comprehend. Each kiss he leaves upon my tingling skin is a testament to the intimacy we share, a silent vow to stand by me through the darkest of nights.

But, even as the water prickles against our skin, a reminder of the heat that still burns within us, I find solace in the sanctuary of his embrace. His arms envelop me, a fortress against the storm raging outside, his face buried in my hair as if seeking refuge from the pain that threatens to tear us apart.

I lean into his embrace, my head resting against his chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat a lullaby in the chaos that surrounds us. In his arms, I feel small and fragile, but of so safe, cocooned in a love that knows no bounds. I want to hold onto this moment forever, to lose myself in the warmth of his touch, in the safety of his arms. But, reality intrudes, a harsh reminder of the world waiting beyond the confines of our sanctuary.

“The girl?” My voice is a whisper against his chest, a question that hangs heavy in the air between us. He acknowledges it with a sound, a subtle shift in the air that speaks volumes of the burdens we both carry. And then, with a tenderness that pierces the silence like a knife, he steps away, turning off the water and pulling back the curtain. The moment is over, a fleeting glimpse of paradise in a world torn asunder by darkness.

In the soft glow of the setting sun, Aaron stands like afire carved form marble, illuminated by the golden rays streaming through the window. His silhouette is a study in strength and face, even contour etched with the delicate touch of twilight. The light dances across his broad shoulders, casting shadows that play upon the sinewy muscles of his arms as he dries himself off, a vision of masculine allure bathed in the warmth of dusk. His dark hair, tousled and unruly, frames his face like a halo. His hazel eyes, molten gold in the fading light, fix upon me with a tenderness that steals my breath away, the corners crinkling with the ghost of a smile that sends my heart ablaze.

I can’t help but drink in the sight of him, from the proudest arch of his brow to the curve of his lips, each detail a testament to the beauty that lies within. My gaze lingers on the expanse of his muscled chest, the rise and fall to his breath a hypnotic rhythm that draws me in, until my eyes trace the line of his body, down past his happy trial to the heavy length settled between his thick thighs that has my eyes widening as he’s big. My mind going to what that would feel l-

“Eyes up here Princess,” his voice, low and commanding, pulls me from the reverie, sending shivers down my spine. It’s a command that I dare not disobey, though the temptation to linger upon the sight before me is almost unbearable. With a sheepish smile, I lift my gaze to meet his, the warmth in his eyes melting away the chill that lingers within, “Let me just get dressed, then I’ll give you a hand, okay?” His words are a a gentle reassurance, a promise of solace in the tumultuous sea of uncertainty that threatens to engulf us both. I nod in silent acquiescence, my heart pounding in time with the rhythm of his footsteps as he crosses the room.

Each movement is deliberate, purposeful, as he slips back into his clothes, the fabric falling against his skin like a lover's caress. And as he draws nearer, his presence envelops me in a cocoon of warmth and safety, a sanctuary in the midst of chaos. Every touch is a symphony of tenderness, a silent declaration of love that transcends words. In his embrace, I find refuge from the storm that rages within, a flicker of hope amidst the darkness that threatens to consume us whole.

As Aaron kneels before me, his touch a gentle caress against the bruises that mar my skin, I’m overcome by a flood of emotions too powerful to name. Each stroke of his hand is a silent prayer for healing, a testament to the depth of his compassion in the wake of tragedy. His lips leave sweet kisses in the wake of his touch, a balm against the wounds that still linger beneath the surface. I watch as his eyes flutter for a moment, a flicker of vulnerability in the depths of his gaze, and in that fleeting moment, I see the depth of his love reflected back at me.

With trembling hands, I cup his face in my palms, the warmth of his skin a welcome embrace against the chill that still lingers in the air. There is a tenderness in his touch, a reverence that speaks volumes of the bond that binds us together in the aftermath of despair. And then, with a courage born of desperation, I guide his face down, my heart pounding in my chest as our lips meet in a chaste kiss. It is a moment of vulnerability, of raw emotion laid bare in the quiet sanctuary of our shared grief.

As Aaron pulls away slightly, his eyes search my face with an intensity that takes my breath away. In the soft glow of the dimly lit room, I see a myriad of emotions flickering in the depths of his hazel eyes – love, longing, and a hint of vulnerability.

His lips brush against mine once more, a silent question lingering in the space between us. And then, as if drawn by an irresistible force, he leans in again, his kiss infused with a newfound passion that ignites a fire within me. I feel the heat of his touch against my skin, the warmth of his breath mingling with mine as our lips meet in a tender embrace. There is a hunger in his kiss, a longing that mirrors my own, as we lose ourselves in the depths of our shared desire.

But even as the intensity of our passion grows, the kiss remains gentle, tender, a silent affirmation of the love that binds us together. In the quiet sanctuary of our shared grief, we find solace in each other's arms, our hearts beating as one against the darkness that threatens to consume us whole.

“That’s enough Princess, you need your rest. We have all the time in the world for this.” Aaron breaks the kiss, albeit reluctantly to help me finish getting dressed as my heart jackhammers in my chest but this time not from fear but from anticipation.

With his help, I slip into clean underwear and a pair of his oversized tracksuit bottoms, their warmth a comforting embrace against the chill that still lingers in the air. He tends to my hair with a care that speaks of love unspoken, his fingers deftly weaving it into a bun as if to shield me from the chaos that threatens to consume us both. I make a mental note to ask him where he learned such a skill, a reminder of the mysteries that still linger between us, waiting to be unraveled in the quiet moments between storms.

And then, with a quiet resolve that belies the weight of our shared sorrow, he holds out his shirt from the day before, a silent offering of strength in the face of adversity. I meet his gaze, the unspoken bond between us a lifeline in the darkness that threatens to tear us apart. With trembling hands, I slip my arms through the fabric, wincing at the ache that still lingers beneath the surface. He helps me button it up, each touch a reassurance that I am not alone in this battle, that together, we can face whatever demons may come. And as he leads me towards the door, the rest of the team awaits, their concern a silent testament to the bonds that bind us together in the aftermath of tragedy.

As Spencer's eyes meet mine, a kaleidoscope of emotions swirls within their depths, threatening to spill over in a torrent of tears. His words hang heavy in the air, suspended between us like a fragile thread on the verge of breaking. JJ's grip tightens on Spencer's arm, her own expression a mirror of his turmoil, while Emily's hand flies to her mouth in a silent gasp of shock and disbelief.

Morgan's jaw clenches with a fierce determination, his gaze a steel blade slicing through the tension that hangs thick in the air. Rossi's expression is stoic, a mask of controlled fury that belies the storm raging beneath the surface. And yet, despite the turmoil that threatens to consume us all, they remain steadfast by my side, a silent testament to the bonds that bind us together in the face of adversity.

I shift uncomfortably under the weight of their stares, seeking refuge in the sanctuary of Aaron's embrace. His arms are still wrapped around my waist, a shield against the storm that rages within and without.

"I-I don't want to be alone tonight," I whisper, the words a tremulous plea that hangs in the air between us like a fragile thread. And in that moment, it's as if a switch is flipped, the rest of the team springing into action with a sense of urgency that borders on desperation.

Morgan and JJ move with purpose, their movements swift and sure as they push the two double beds together, creating a makeshift sanctuary amidst the chaos that surrounds us. The others disappear from the room, only to return moments later with armfuls of pillows and duvets, their hands a flurry of activity as they arrange them with meticulous care.

With a courage born of desperation, I turn to JJ and Spencer, my voice a tremulous whisper in the stillness of the room. "Will you sleep with us tonight?" The words hang in the air, laden with unspoken emotion, a silent plea for solace in the midst of our shared grief. They nod in silent understanding, their expressions a mirror of my own turmoil. Rossi takes the couch without complaint, a silent sentinel in the night, while Emily and Morgan settle themselves on the floor amidst the pillows and duvets, their presence a silent reassurance in the darkness that threatens to consume us whole.

I nestle my head against Aaron's chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat a lullaby in the silence that surrounds us. Spencer's arm is thrown haphazardly across my waist, a silent vow to stand by me through the darkest of nights, while JJ's fingers brush against my hip in a gesture of comfort and support.

That’s how I fall asleep: My team, my family, surrounding me and the hope of something growing between me and Aaron in the future. Those words echoing in my mind.

We have all the time in the world for this.

Criminal Minds Masterlist TAG LIST - updated 21st Dec 2023

@guacam011y @rosaliedepp @kajjaka @alexxavicry

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illyrian-dreamer · 11 months

Text

Our girl – Part 1

Azriel x Cassian x Reader angst

Summary: Deeming you unfit for a mission, the Inner Circle have betrayed your trust and shattered your life’s mission to avenge you sister. And the two males you love most were at the centre of it all.

Word count: 5k

Super angsty IC dynamics, little bit of violence/blood. Injured reader.

--------

“It was my right!!” Your voice was shrill, breaking from the volume – but you couldn't care less.

“I understand that Y/N, but I have a duty to my court. And to you, to keep you safe.” Your Highlord was unmoved, professional and stoic, your anger washing over him like water against stone.

The thud of your heart was in your ears, the tips of them hot, and you were sure the rest of your family could hear it too. You tried to breath, to think, to let yourself see the logic in Rhys’s decision to let Azriel make the kill over you.

But it was all bullshit.

“He was mine to kill,” you seethed, your voice unrecognisable, an almost growl from the deep part of your throat that strained at you not to cry.

“Try to understand–”

“No!” you spat, marching up to the High Lord, your finger pointed at your chest. The rest of your family stiffened as you approached, untrusting of what you would do next. You could see Azriel’s shadows run down his frame, even though the male hadn't moved from his formal stance by the door. He kept his hands clasped behind his back, still unable to look you in the eye since the moment you had barged into the room. Feyre was biting the nail on her thumb, her face pained and distressed as she watched you march up to her mate. But it was Cassian who showed the least amount of trust, taking a step closer, ready to jump in if - or rather when he had to.

“She was my sister Rhysand, MY SISTER! Not yours, not anyone else's here. He took her in innocence, and his death was mine to mark.”

Rhysand’s brow clenched. “It had to be this way,” he offered softly.

You scoffed, running shaky hands through your hair as you paced backwards. “You expect me to believe that?” Sarcasm oozed from you as easily as the aggression. “I’ve only ever asked you for one thing Rhysand, one thing! Meryl’s murder was unjust, and you promised to train me to avenge her! You promised I would be the one to kill that male!”

Rhysand took a deep breath, his violet eyes pained, but his head remained high. “I’m sorry Y/N. It’s as I said, you’re not ready to execute a mission this big, and Alvar had intel on our court that we could not risk exposing.”

“I have worked my ass off for years for you Rhys. I have trained in hail, rain and shine, I’ve completed mission after mission with no complaint. I have fought for you, lied and stolen and killed for you. I have given my life to avenging Meryl, and you have the audacity to tell me I’m not ready?”

“I know it’s hard to hear. There’s no changing that you didn't have clearance.”

“From who?”

“Cassian and Azriel.”

And that was the last thing you heard before your heart broke in two.

The males you trusted most in this world, the two that had broken your walls, taught you to trust again, trained you and nurtured you, the very beings you loved most in this world,– had not only known of the task, but had been the ones to stop you from fulfilling your life’s mission?

They knew the depths of your reasoning for joining the Inner Circle, for training as a Velarian spy. They had known your one true desire to find Alvar Ashwood – Hybern’s lead assassin – and make him pay for the innocent life that he took.

You looked between the two of them now, your mouth agape as you tried to find the words, or even a sound that could come close enough to the anguish you felt. But no sound found you, even your shaking had stopped. Rhys was saying something, but his words were a world away, muffled and muted as heart-wrenching shock consumed you.

Cassian looked back at you with broken, pleading eyes. Azriel's head hung low in shame.

You would never forgive them for this.

“I-I.” You stopped yourself, gulping. You had nothing left to say. Nodding slowly, silent tears of realisation rolled down your cheeks. One thing was clear – there was no one left that you could trust.

“I’m sorry you’re hurt Y/N, truly. Please, take some time to rest, to process. We’ll discuss this further when you’re ready, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” Rhys’s stance had softened at your tears, his palms open as he dared to try and slip through your mental shields to sooth you.

Gritting your teeth, you slammed your walls up as high as possible, shutting him out and throwing him from the outskirts of your mind. You whipped your head back to your High Lord, a snarl ready at your lips as you took another stride towards him.

Cassian jumped into action then, stopping you with two large hands on either of your shoulders, his back to his Rhys as he blocked your path.

“Hey, hey, how about we go talk about this outside, ok?”

“Get off me,” you spat, shaking off his hold as you tried to eye Rhys over his shoulder.

Feyre had joined her mate now, their arms linked as they stared at you with pure shock. Neither of them had anticipated just how deeply this decision would cut.

Giving up against Cassian’s hold, you looked between both of them, their figures becoming a blur as tears welled in your eyes. “How could you do this to me?” you broke, your face crumpling. “I trusted you, all of you!”

Cassian pulled you close to his chest as he walked you from the room. “Shh, its alright, c’mon, come with me.”

You had nothing left to give. No energy, no fight, certainly nothing that could resist Cassian’s strength as he dragged you from that room, weeping.

You weren't even sure how you made it to the gardens, but the bite cold of the night shocked you enough to push the General off of you.

Bending at your waist, you held yourself up by your knees, your breath shaky and uneven as you struggled to breath in between sobs. Bile rose in your mouth, and you were unsure if you were going to be sick.

“Shh, its alright Y/N. Just breath.” Cassian’s large hand framed and soothed your back.You wanted so badly to give in to him, to throw yourself at his chest and let him hold you while you cried. But no – he had betrayed you, just like the rest.

“D-don’t touch me,” you managed to gasp.

“Alright sweetheart, alright.”

“And don't call me that!” Having regained a steady breath, you straightened to look at him, disgust seeping from your expression as your eyes darted between his. “You knew?”

Cassian sighed, closing his eyes and dropping his head slightly. “Yeah, I knew.”

“How could you not tell me?”

Another sigh from the General. “We knew you’d go after him if you found out.”

You blinked back at Cassian, biting your lip as you shook your head in disbelief.

“I know it might not make sense right now doll, but we did it for your own good.”

You shook your head faster, your frown deepening as you stepped further away from your once friend. “No, no no Cassian! No! There is no excuse!”

“I’m sorry you’re hurting Y/N, really, I am. I know what it feels like to lose someone you love, to need to avenge them.”

Your eyes narrowed. “That’s right Cass, you do. So where was our family to lie and deceive you all those months you spent slashing and killing to avenge your mother?”

Cassian’s eye softened as he took a deep breath. “You know that is the deepest regret of my life.”

“At least the decision was yours,” you spat, turning your heel for the gates at the back of the gardens.

Cassian was on your tail. “Please, Y/N. We did it out of care for your safety, try to understand.” You kept a stubborn chin forward, picking up your pace as you sought any kind of exit from this Gods-forsaken home that had once been your haven.

You had finally reached the gates, magic willing them to open on their own accord. You steered straight ahead – to the thick of the woods that bordered the house

“Where are you going?” Cassian asked.

You didn't answer the General. Before you, your destination lay clear.

“Y/N. The woods are dangerous.”

You scoffed, your pace and direction unchanged. A strong hand caught your wrist.

“Get off me Cassian,” you snarled.

“Look, I’m sorry, but I can't let you.”

“I said get off!”

Cassian snatched his hand back, a sharp breath drawn as he winced in pain. Your power – that unpredictable, uncontrollable current of energy now swarmed your skin like an electric coating. It was moments like this that your gift found you, unpredictable and dangerous, much like yourself. Surely part of the reason your family had decided you weren't good enough to find and kill Alvar on your own.

You had no room in your heart to care if you hurt Cassian. This was your window to flee, so you did, escaping him and heading to the depths of the woods.

————

The woods were crisp and dark, the usual brilliant array of stars hidden by tree tops. But you didn't care, your own discomfort numbed from the sheer rage that fuelled your every step.

Your breath was a smoky puff against the cold, twigs and branches crunching underneath the stomp of your boots while circular thoughts reeled in your mind, over and over again.

Rhysand had ordered Azriel to kill Alvar. Cassian and Azriel didn’t give you clearance and kept the mission a secret. Alvar was dead. You would never avenge your sister.

It was done. It was over. The last tether to your sister, buried forever. Everything you had worked for, the one motivation that kept you from falling apart at her death, that got you out of bed on those days when grief was an excruciating ache on your stomach – gone in an instant. And the people you loved the most were to blame.

Deep within your turmoil of thoughts, the shadows that slinked over your footprints went unnoticed, and the figure that flew overhead amiss.

The sound of a bubbling brook pricked your fae ears. You decided to follow it – perhaps a sip of cold water, or running your hands through a stream might calm the energy that still zapped at your skin.

Sure enough, not a short walk away was the brook. The water trickled down into a large pool, the tree tops cleared as moonlight danced in the reflection of the water. Under any other circumstance, you would have found this setting to be beautiful.

You bought shaking hands to cup at the stream, wincing as the cold stung at your power. But the liquid was quick to sooth you, and your spark began to fizzle as you bought your hand to your mouth, drinking intently.

After a few more sips, you sat back at the bank of the pool, closing your eyes as heavy breaths pushed through the ache in your chest. The sound of a small splash of water had you opening your eyes, and you jumped as unfeeling, black ones stared back at you from the centre of the pool.

A sickly pale face watched you unblinking, its figure still beneath the water from the nose down. Adrenaline was quick to fuel you to get the hell out of there, but you also knew better.

This was a kelpie. And it was too late to run.

The kelpie moved silently beneath the water, wading its way towards you. You took the few moments you had to scramble to your feet, patting yourself for anything to defend yourself with. Fuck – you hadn't a weapon on you.

Reaching the edge of the bank now, it stood on its long limbs, water trickling off its sickly figure, its own long black hair blending with the reeds that clung to its frame.

“Are you a royal?” it grinned, its pointed teeth yellow and rotted.

You forced a steady voice, calling on your power you so often stifled. “No,” was all you said, staring the creature down.

The kelpie ran an insidious tongue along its teeth, churning a nauseous feeling in your stomach. “Then why do you smell of it?”

You blinked – you hadn't realised you carried the scent of your family with you too. Perhaps a kelpie’s scent was more heightened?

“They are my family. Unrelated.” you explained, buying yourself more time for your power to gather. “They’ll fetch for me soon,” you lied.

The kelpie hissed and grinned at once, walking closer towards you. You took a few steps back, keeping your distance.

“You smell…,” the kelpie paused, its awful nostrils flaring against its face. “Delicious.”

“You best leave. They’ll kill you if you harm me,” you replied quickly, cursing yourself for the fear that you knew now tinged your scent. The kelpie caught it too, its grin growing wider.

“But I’m starrrrved,” it drawled, lowering its look to you. “I’m afraid I cannot contain myself, even if I tried.” A sickly chuckle racked through its chest.

You gulped, sizing up the creature in front of you. Ordinarily, you knew you could take down someone of his size. But you were without your weapons, and your power was unreliable at the best of times. If it took you in the water, you were sure as dead. Begging to the Gods, you clenched your fists, willing your power to find you in any shape or form.

“Any last words, non-royal?” it cackled, readying itself to attack.

You didn't have a chance to respond as shadows flooded around you, blue siphons glowing among them. The kelpie yelped and howled, and as the darkness cleared you saw its pale figure pinned to the ground.

“Are you alright?” Azriel was before you, his hands gripped at both your arms. Your eyes were wide with shock as you took him in. He had followed you?

The kelpie was deceivingly strong, and fought against his shadows, freeing itself quickly. It screeched as it lunged for you both, a darkened claw swinging for Azriel’s back. You shoved the Shadowsinger aside, the kelpie’s claws slashing across your arm as you yelped in pain. Blood began to pour from your new wound, and the kelpie hissed too, having being struck by your power on contact.

Azriel was on the kelpie in an instant, a blur shadows and muscle before you spotted the glint of truth teller. The next thing you heard was the kelpie’s final howl.

Its mouth agape, the kelpie bled black blood, crawling back to the depths of the pool, choosing to die in its element. Neither you or Azriel stopped it.

Azriel was panting, his breathing loud as the final sign of life from the kelpie bubbled to the surface of the water. You stayed still with shock.

Hazel eyes were before you now, scanning you over.

“Your arm,” Azriel said, touching you gingerly.

“I’m fine,” you said with a distant voice, your mind still with the hideous creature that attacked you. Your forearm was warm with your own blood as it gathered at your fingertips before dripping to the ground.

“Let’s get you to a healer.”

It was that instruction, that order, that snapped you out of your trance. You had heeded and trusted that voice for far too long. And in the end, it had betrayed you.

You snatched your arm away from Azriel, scowling as you met his eyes. “Do not tell me what to do.”

Azriel levelled a look at you. “This is not a regular wound, Y/N. You know a kelpie’s claw is laced with poison.”

You gritted your teeth, ignoring the burning sensation quickly spreading across your body, or the reel in your vision. How convenient that you so desperately needed his help.

“I’ll see to it myself,” you snapped, glaring deep into the Shadowsinger’s eyes. A muscle feathered in his jaw, Azriel’s tell-sign of irritation. He was far less patient than his brothers.

You made to step around him, before a strong arm circled your waist, pulling you back. Too weak to fight him off, a scarred hand covered your mouth to mute your yell of protest. Instead a quick rush of air filled your lungs as the forest folded around you, quickly revealing an infirmary wing.

Shoving yourself from Azriel’s hold the moment you landed, you stumbled forward, finding balance by clinging to the edge of an empty cot. A set of healers rushed to you, grabbing your arms and holding you up.

“A kelpie’s claw,” Azriel said before either of them could ask the question, one of the healer’s dashing for the antidote. “Where is Madja?”

“She does not work nights,” the healer’s voice was loud in your ear as you clung to her, barely able to stand. A small groan escaped you, the fire from the kelpie’s poison burning through your veins, your mobility slowing with every second.

“Fetch for her, please,” Azriel instructed, taking your limp body from the healer and placing you in the cot. A vial was bought to your lips then, the contents inside giving off a putrid smell. You jerked your head stubbornly, but the vial was tipped further against your mouth.

“Drink,” Azriel ordered, his cold hand lacing through your hair and pushing at the back of your head. You had no chose, swallowing the liquid while you still could. The fire in your veins began to dull, and you breathed, thankful for the quick relief.

“Good,” the Shadowsinger said approvingly. You hated that affirmation, but were too weak to show it.

The healers dotted around you, placing cold rags on your face and stitching your wound. Azriel watched, his arms folded and face etched with concern. Uncontrollable shakes racked through your body, your muscles jerking with pain and exhaustion.

Falling in and out of consciousness, you were too dazed to note Madja’s arrival, and with her, Cassian.

“What happened?” Cassian asked his brother, his eyes panicked.

“A kelpie,” Azriel said tightly.

Cassian clenched his eyes shut, punching the bridge of her nose. “She got away from me. I didn't want to chase her, she was already distraught.”

“I was tracking her too. I should have intervened sooner,” Azriel responded, his eyes not leaving you as a deeper frown settled on his face.

After a quick check of your vitals and words with her healers, Madja approached the two.“The antidote is working. She’ll recover soon.”

“She still looks sickly?” Cassian questioned, looking past the healer at your sagged and sweaty body.

“That is what I wanted to talk to you both about. Y/N is carrying symptoms of something else I can't place. Do either of you know if she was involved in a foreign mission lately, perhaps something of high risk or stress?”

The brothers shared a look before Azriel responded. “Not exactly Madja, but she… received some bad news today.”

“She was very upset,” Cassian added.

Madja nodded slowly, tutting softly. “Whatever has happened, it’s manifesting physically. She’s weaker than usual, and will need to rest for a few days. I suggest keeping her here, where we can tend to her.”

“Perhaps we can bring her home Madja. Would you see to her there?” Azriel asked, his arms crossing tighter. Illyrian’s being preternaturally possessive, he preferred you at home where he could keep a closer eye on you, help even.

“The choice is Y/N’s really. Let me do what I can while she rests, I’ll call for you when she wakes.” The brother’s nodded, making to leave the wing.

“Madja,” Cassian half turned, grabbing the healer by her arm. “Please, just, tell her we’re sorry.”

With a small frown, Madja reluctantly agreed.

————

When you awoke, you expected it to be light. Instead, the infirmary was dim, the soft glow of fae light warming the medical wing around you.

Memories from the night before returned, your stomach churning at the thought. The kelpie, hurting Cassian, the fight with your family. Your heart clenched as you were reminded – they had betrayed you, and you could no longer trust them.

Groaning as you turned to your side, you felt around for anything to catch the bile rising in your throat. You luckily landed on a pan, what little remained in your stomach hurled up as your gut clenched and heaved.

Madja entered at the sound, rubbing soothing pats on your back and taking the pan away when you had finished.

You fell back onto the pillows, your body clammy and weak. “What’s wrong with me?” you asked her as she checked your breathing.

“You were struck by a kelpie. Although your wounds are healing well.”

You looked at the ceiling, nodding as you recalled the horrific event. It was hard enough to almost die at the hands of a creature like that, but your heart ached at the thought that Azriel had saved you, yet you never wanted to see his face again.

“It would seem there is something else that plagues your mind, child.”

You looked at Madja now, blinking away the tears that were quickly building.

“Your family mentioned some kind of distressing news?”

Closing your lids, a silent tear rolled from each of your eyes. You merely nodded, your hands quickly brushing away the evidence.

“Its none of my business, but the General was eager that I relay their apologies.”

You froze, flashing a broken look at the healer you had known for many years. How many wounds and ailments of yours had she patched and cured in your career? But emotional wounds – this was new territory for the both of you.

As if finally in safe hands, your face crumpled, your anger and anguish overwhelming as you began to sob. Madja was ordinarily tough – she had no time for foolery and was unsympathetic for injuries of your own fault. But she comforted you now, hushing you and patting your back in a motherly way.

“What do you do when you no longer trust the people you love, Madja?” you asked through shallow cries.

She gave a small, tight smile, squeezing your hands that she now held in hers. “You spend eternity learning to forgive them.”

You bit the quiver in your lip. “I’m not sure I can,” you admitted.

She sighed softly, nodding with understanding. “You have the rest of your existence if you choose to try.”

Madja’s wisdom comforted you, your eyelids turning heavy and you fell to another bout of sleep.

————

Azriel, Cassian and Mor were eating breakfast at the House of Wind, none of them speaking as the weight of last nights events hung heavy.

With a sigh, Mor looked between the males. “She’s going to forgive you eventually, you know that right?”

Cassian gave her a sorry smile, while Azriel kept his eyes on his eggs. He gripped his fork tighter, his jaw clenched. “You didn't see the way she looked at us.”

“She just needs time,” Mor said. “This was her life’s mission after all.”

Azriel’s head snapped up, an icy cold glare fixed upon his face, a blanket over the sheer guilt he felt at Mor’s statement. “You don’t think I know that?”

Mor blinked at the Shadowsinger in shock – it was so unlike him to lose his cool.

“Easy Az, don't snap at Mor for things out of her control,” Cassian frowned at his brother, before shovelling another mouthful of oatmeal.

Azriel let out a sharp breath, clenching his eyes shut, ignoring the sting from the lack of sleep. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely, still unable to unlock his tight jaw. Mor waved him off, assuring him it was no big deal.

A gust of foreign wind blew as Rhys and Feyre winnowed into the dining room. The High Lord disregarding pleasantries, his hand clutching a letter, its broken seal the unmistakable symbol of the infirmary.

“I have received news on Y/N.” The High Lord’s tone was to the point, cold even, like he was only interested in discussing the facts.

“Is she alright?” Cassian asked urgently. Azriel’s grip tightened on his knife and fork as he held his breath.

“Madja says her recovery is slow, but she is making progress. One or two more nights at the infirmary and she should be strong enough to be discharged.”

“I asked Madja about attending to her here. Has she written about that?” Azriel asked.

Rhys’s lips tightened before he loosed a deep breath. Feyre, her face pained, jumped in. “Madja has also written that at this point in time, Y/N does not wish to return to home.”

The others fell silent.

“What does that mean?” Azriel gritted.

Tears welled in their High Lady’s eyes, and Rhys slipped his hand over his mates.

“She no longer wishes to live here,” he said, his violet eyes saddened and dim.

Mor gasped, and Cassian shook his head. “Where will she go?” The General stood, his chair scraping as he pushed it out behind him.

“It’s unclear at this stage. Madja has asked that we respect her privacy while she heals. I’m hoping we can talk to her when she’s feeling better. Perhaps even convince her to stay.”

“She won't come back.” The rest of the group turned to the Shadowsinger, his gaze darkened and his shadows building to his neck. “I could sense her rage, the hate she held in her eyes. To her, what we did is unredeemable.”

“Don’t say that Az,” Feyre begged, a lone tear rolling down her cheek.

Azriel’s pounded the table with his fist, his knife now stuck upright in the mahogany wood. “Would you prefer I lied? She’s worked her whole life to avenge Meryl, and we shattered that dream. I wouldn't forgive us either.”

“Surely there is something we can do,” Cassian looked between his brother’s, eyes desperate, almost pleading.

But Azriel kept his cold glare on the couple before him. “You asked me to find Alvar first. So I did. And now we’ve lost our girl.”

Rhys’s power coursed through the room as he bought his mate closer to his side. “Watch it, Azriel,” he warned. “Alvar had intel on our wards, our home would be forever exposed if he got away. I tried my best to give Y/N the opportunity. Let’s not forget the decision you and Cass made to keep her grounded.”

“She was going to get herself killed,” Cassian muttered, not defensively, but as pure fact. “The desire to kill him – it makes her power unpredictable. She would have hurt herself, or died trying.”

“We all did what we had to do,” Feyre said softly, bringing sense back above the tension of the room. Pained, guilty expressions reflected hers.

Azriel stood now too, making his way around the table and heading for the door.

“Where are you going?” Rhys asked.

“To go get Y/N.”

“She’s asked we give her some space Az,” Feyre reasoned. “We have no right to go barging in while she’s trying to recover.”

“I don't care. She’s angry, but that doesn't mean she knows what’s best. She’ll heal better here, with people that care about her. I’ll go–”

“Sit down,” Rhys interrupted the Shadowsinger, the air thickening with his power as he pulled rank.

Azriel’s shoulder’s tightened at Rhys’s order, halting his steps yet refusing to take his seat. “She belongs here, with us,” he gritted.

“We can't force her to do anything Azriel,” Mor whispered, her eyes soft as cast a sympathetic look at her friend.

There was silence in the room again, none of them knowing what to say next.

“This is my fault,” Cassian swallowed, his gaze distant in a deep frown.

“No one is to blame,” Rhys said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The situation is unfortunate, but I’m certain it will get better in time.” He breathed deeply, offering a broken smile to his mate before casting a stern look at the others. “We’ll keep you updated if we hear anything further.”

With a few quiet goodbyes, the High Lord and Lady winnowed back to their River Home.

“We–“ Cassian began.

“Don’t Cass,” Mor interrupted knowingly. “You need to leave bad enough alone.” She stood then, leaving the males to their breakfast.

Cassian cast a look to his brother, who was already looking at him. “Are we leaving now?”

“Not with all eyes on us. Wait until dark. Then we’ll go get our girl.”

“Deal.”

--------

Part 2 >>>>

AN: Ok, here’s that angsty piece I was telling you about....

I HAVE MISSED YOU GUYS!!!

Also I’ve been slack with my tag lists, very sorry! If you’d like to join a generic acotar one, drop a comment.

2K notes · View notes

fanficbarbie · 4 months

Text

❝barbie's joel miller recs❞

⋆ key ⋆ smut: 𖥔, fluff: ♡

a/n: okay so i realized i read a lot of joel content. this is the best of the best. the creme de la creme of joel fics. this is a part two to ❝barbie's recs❞ because that rec list was being clogged by our father in christ, joel.

this is constantly being updated because i use it instead of reblogging to limit blog clutter. if you like any of the fics mentioned, def follow them... but consider giving me a like and a follow for compiling this list. ofc read their content warnings before just diving into anything, but hopefully, the key helps. ─⋆✰ liv

Albums

angsty pregnancy fic by @avenging-fandoms ♡

Belong to me by @chloeangelic 𖥔♡

Best Man by @pedge-page 𖥔

Boyfriend's dad!joel by @joelscruff 𖥔

Elementary by @guess-my-next-obsession 𖥔♡ literally my favorite joel fic of all time. i have yet to find another to top it, no offense to any other writer. it inspires me so much and i can read it over and over again.

He Tells Me by @just-some-random-blogger this joel x reader x ellie combo and the sweetest pie combo are so similar and i love it

i know it when i see it by @bageldaddy 𖥔

My Best Friend Joel by @mannaima 𖥔

pretty little wife | morning glory by @beardedjoel 𖥔

say it with your hands & put your lips close to mine by @swiftispunk 𖥔 listen... i will say i am no better than a frat boy.

stay awake by @toxicanonymity 𖥔♡

strawberry | frosting by @joelsgreys 𖥔♡ arf arf. woof woof.

The life you’ve always wanted by @kkcauseway 𖥔♡

Without a Warning by @chloeangelic 𖥔

Singles

A part of you, a part of me by @apollyonsdarksecrets 𖥔♡

Attraction spell by @jksprincess10 𖥔

Cup of Sugar by @strang3lov3 𖥔

Damage done by @bluebeary-jay 𖥔

✦ 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃 by @psychedelic-ink 𖥔

Home by @poeticbarnes ♡ my comfort fic for obvious reasons.

in control by @talaok 𖥔

Lovers and Love. by @peterparkersnose ♡

pretty when I cry by @awesumsaus 𖥔♡

red dress (pregnant) by @toxicanonymity 𖥔♡

The Best Part of Waking Up by @atomicladytimetravel 𖥔

switching the positions by @cupofjoel 𖥔♡

toolbox by @palioom 𖥔

You're perfect, baby. by @amy172 ♡ foaming at the fucking mouth with this one

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scarlethexelove · 4 months

Text

I Did

Pairing: WandaNat x Reader

Word Count: 2261

Warnings: Mentions of torture, scars, mean tony. Nothing much else.

A/n: I want to give credit to Dolls.mcu.editz on tiktok where I saw the edit that gave me this idea. So after asking for a poll of who this should be with I made this. Starts a bit angsty but it is super fluffy at the end. Soft Natasha and Wanda 🥰 Hope you all enjoy.

NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN

You sit in the meeting room surrounded by all of the Avengers. On either side of you are Natasha and Wanda, your girlfriends. The conversation that is happening is making you uncomfortable to say the least. They are all talking about what is to be done if one of you is captured and possibly tortured by hydra or another entity. What would be protocols and procedures that need to be followed during and after the event. You’re quiet throughout and don’t add anything. Tony notices this and doesn’t appreciate that you are not contributing to the conversation.

“Y/n do you have anything to add?” Tony questions a bit of malice in his words. “I would rather not.” You reply, sinking more into your seat. Wanda placing a hand on your thigh in comfort. “You always have something to add so why don’t you actually contribute to the discussion.” He pushes. You scoff and look him dead in the eye. “You would not hold up well under torture.” You calmly spoke back to him. “Oh and you would?” He raises his voice. “I did!” You just about yell back to him.

Tony pauses a moment. Tears shine in your eyes as memories flash in your mind reminding you how you even got here. You don’t notice the sad looks around you from your fellow avengers. “Y/n I didn’t mean-” Tony is cut off by you. “Save it.” You mumble as you push your seat back and quickly make your way out of the room. Your ears ringing with the memories of your life before. You can’t even hear that people are calling after you.

Tears start to stream down your face as you quickly keep walking. You feel a burning sensation in your skin as you become overwhelmed. The scars that scatter your body make it feel as if they are open wounds again. The pain and memories still flood in as your body moves on autopilot back to your room.

Natasha and Wanda quickly rise and try to start following you. “Where do you think you are going? We aren’t done with setting these protocols.” Tony quickly jumps back in as your girlfriends try to go after you. Both of them turn around specks of red swirling in Wanda’s eyes as Natasha clenches her fist. “We are going to see if our girlfriend is ok. I don’t really care what you have to say right now.” Natasha spits back her anger with the man clear to everyone in the room.

“You can check on her later. We need to get these set.” Tony still protests. Natasha slams her hands on the table, a small crack forming where her hands hit the glass table. “Listen here tin man you insulted our girlfriend. I don’t care what you decide, we are going to comfort her.” The room is tense as there is a staring contest between the two. “Well she started it.” He comes back still trying to defend himself when everyone in the room believes him to be in the wrong.

Wanda tilts her head and red swirls in her hand. “Tony, you have no clue what she has been through. You may have been captured and held but you were never tortured. Natasha was raised and trained as an assassin against her will. Bucky was taken and experimented on as they constantly brainwashed him. I was experimented on and locked in a cell.” Wanda seethes, pointing towards the living quarters. “But she was experimented on, locked in rooms, tortured for days on end. Cut up just for fun, you have no fucking clue. So if you will excuse me we are leaving and you can fuck off.” Wanda grabs Natasha’s hand and they walk out of the room. Everyone in the room is left in show of the revelation. The only other person who is not shocked is Bucky, your best friend.

The two hear arguing ensue as they walk away towards your shared bedroom. They lightly knock on the door to not scare you but they hear no movement so they slowly open the door. They slowly enter the room but don’t see you but they see the bathroom door open. Light shines out and the sound of water pelting the tile floor is heard. “Detka.” Wanda calls out for you as they make their way into the bathroom but hear no response.

Wanda and Natasha enter the bathroom, their eyes landing on your form sitting in the shower, your knees pulled tightly to your chest. You're still in your clothes and shoes as the water beats down on you. Natasha quickly moves to you going around you to your right side crocheting down as the water hits her. Wanda moving to your left side. They give each other a look and look back to you. You’re staring off into space, your body slightly rocking. Both women know that sometimes in stressful times your mind plays back what happened to you. Not just your mind but your body has a physical reaction.

“Detka can I touch you?” Natasha asks. You don’t respond. She slowly reaches out for you and gently touches your arm. You jump lightly to the contact and she pulls back, but then you give a small nod for her to continue. She reaches out again and places her hand on your back gently rubbing comforting circles. “Detka may I?” Wanda asks and you also give her a nod. She smiles and follows Natasha’s lead.

“What can we do to help sweetheart?” Wanda asks you. You finally look over to her and she can see past the water that trails down your face that you are crying, your eyes red and puffy. You open your mouth trying to speak but nothing comes out. Your eyes telling Wanda what you want her to do. “Are you sure detka?” She questions before proceeding. You lightly nod at her. She smiles. “Okay.”

Her hand goes to your head as red fills her eyes and red whisps come from her fingers. She lets what words you can’t say fill her mind before pulling her hand back, her eyes turning back to their beautiful shade of green. She gives you a soft smile and small nod. She then looks up to Natasha who is watching the interaction.

“Her scars are burning and her clothes are overwhelming.” Natasha nods at Wanda’s words. They both work together taking off your shirt as you raise your arms. Natasha then moves in front of you. She takes off your shoes and socks, tossing them into the bathroom to deal with later. Wanda has removed your undershirt and bra tossing it with the rest. Working together again they work to remove your pants and underwear. You lift your hips to make it slightly easier on them.

Wanda gently runs her hand down your arm. “Do you want me to try and help?” She gently asks you. “Please.” You mumble lightly. She kisses your head. “Of course. Which ones hurt?” She asks you. “Big ones.” You tell her. She knows which ones you mean. Her hand going to your left side the scar runs from just under your breast down to your mid thigh. Red comes from her fingers as it seeps down into the scar. The burn slowly fades as you feel her magic calming the nerves. Her hand moves to your right shoulder covered in a large burn scar repeating her action. She then moves to your left thigh a large circular scar doing as she has done with the other two. Your nerves calming as the burning and pain disappear. “Better?” She asks you.

You give her a nod. “Thank you.” You tell her finally, letting your body relax as you lean into Natasha. Her arms wrap around you. “No need to thank me detka.” Wanda leans in kissing your forehead.

“Do you want to get cleaned up in the shower and get in bed?” Natasha asks you. “Mhmm.” Your reply comes in a hum. So that is what you all do. They help you up before they take off their clothes. Throwing them into the pile already on the floor. Gently washing your body and hair.

You love the close moments with your girlfriends. Nothing sexual about it, it is just full of love and caring as they take care of you. They quickly clean themselves before helping you out of the shower. Since you have already been sensitive and overwhelmed Wanda uses her magic to dry you three off. The feeling of her warm magic eloping you and calming your nerves even more.

Natasha picks you up. Your legs wrap around her waist and you bury your head in her neck as she carries you to bed. “My strong and tough super soldier.” Natasha chuckles as you whine into her neck. Which just causes her to chuckle more and you to poke at her side. “Heyyy.” She says. Wanda giggling at your two antics.

Wanda walks around to the other side getting into the bed. She moves the covers and opens her arms as Natasha places you into Wanda’s open arms. You instantly wrap around her and lay your head on your chest. Natasha crawls into the bed behind you wrapping her arms around your waist and cuddling into your back. She places small light kisses on your shoulder causing you to smile. Wanda then peppering your face with kisses which then causes you to giggle.

“There is my sweet girl.” Wanda smiles down at you as you nuzzle into her chest. The room becomes silent as you relax into your girlfriends. The skin to skin contact is doing wonders for you. Letting you feel a closeness that you wouldn’t get with clothes on.

Natasha kisses your shoulder again. “Marry me?” Natasha breaks the silence in the room. You look up to Wanda before turning to look at Natasha. Not sure if this is just in the heat of the moment or a true proposal. Natasha smiles before letting go of your turn and reaching into the drawer of her bedside table. She pulls out two small velvet boxes. “Wanda Maximoff and Y/n Y/l/n will you two do me the honor of becoming my wifes?” Natasha asks opening the boxes to show off two gorgeous rings. Each of them is set in silver with a beautiful garnet as the center stone and surrounded by smaller black diamonds. You can’t help but cry in happiness as you and Wanda answer in unison. “Yes!”

The three of you are now crying, happy to be taking a step forward in your relationship. “I was planning to do some crazy romantic gesture for you two but this moment just seemed too perfect to pass. I wanted you two to know how much I love you and that I would fight to the ends of the earth to keep you safe.” Natasha says through happy tears as you and Wanda cry harder. She places the rings on your fingers.

You kiss Natasha hard and filled with love before pulling back and kissing Wanda. Wanda then leans over you and gives Natasha a kiss. Wanda then chuckles and shakes her head a bit. “What?” Natasha asks. Wanda says nothing as she gets up and walks towards the dresser and opens her sock drawer. You whine when her body heat leaves you. “I’ll be right back detka.” Wanda chuckles.

You can’t see what she grabs as she turns and hides what she has behind her back. She walks back to the bed and climbs back in next to you. “Great minds think alike I guess.” Wanda says, pulling two more velvet boxes from behind her back. She opens them revealing similar rings that have a ruby at its center and diamonds surrounding it.

Natasha behind you chuckles. “I guess so.” She says. “So Natasha Romanoff and Y/n Y/l/n will you marry me?” Wanda asks. You and Natasha laugh before saying yes to her. Wanda places one ring on Natasha’s finger the other she holds out for you not exactly knowing what to do with it since you have one on already. “I can wear both.” You proudly say before putting it above the other one. “Y/n/n that isn’t going to work.” Natasha laughs at your antics.

“Wait, I have an idea.” Wanda gets back up and goes over to her jewelry box. You hear her digging through before pulling something out. She walks back to you and holds out her hand. You place the ring in her hand. She then reveals a necklace. She puts the ring on the necklace before motioning for you to turn. You turn around and Wanda secures the chain holding the ring around your neck. You smiled, placing your hand on the ring before turning back and kissing her again.

As the excitement wears down a bit you three settle back into the bed relaxing. “I love you both so much and can’t wait to be your wife and for you two to be mine.” You say snuggled between the woman. “We love you too.” Both women say at the same time and kiss each of your cheeks.

This day turned from a horrible day of overwhelming panic and pain into one of the best days of your life and you couldn’t be more happy than to be alive in this moment. Holding onto the loving memory forever and excited for what your future will hold.

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togrowoldinv · 4 months

Text

A True Love’s Kiss

Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

When Natasha gets brainwashed, it’s up to you to bring her back to her formal self. It’s not an easy task, but maybe your love for her is the key to unlocking her memories

Note: Woohoo Natasha. Just a fun (kinda angsty) little idea I came up with today. Enjoy this one!

Natasha Masterlist 1, Natasha Masterlist 2, Natasha Masterlist 3, Main Masterlist

It’s a quiet morning as you run through the park. Memories of the last few years flash through your head, but you shake them away.

It’s been six months since you’ve heard from any of the Avengers. The so called ‘family’ left you out to dry the moment that things ended with you and Natasha.

In hindsight, it was a terrible idea to date the woman you worked with. But you knew you were in love with her and life felt too short to deny that.

You’re on the way back to your car when you sense it. A few moments later, two of your ‘old friends’ walk into your view.

“Y/n,” Steve begins. You don’t look at him.

“Come on, y/n. Look at us,” Clint adds.

“Why should I? I haven’t heard from any of you in months. All you did was side with Natasha,” you say bitterly.

“We’re sorry,” Steve says. You hate that it really seems like he means it. “Things got messy and we weren’t there for you.”

“Understatement of the century,” you remark.

You decide you’ve had enough of this. You move to open the car door but are stopped short by Clint’s next words.

“It’s Natasha,” Clint says. “She’s been compromised and we think the only person she’ll talk to is you.”

You sigh.

“And why do you think that?” You ask.

“We’ve tried everything. It’s our last idea,” Steve says. His tone has a sadness to it. “Will you come with us? Please. For Nat?”

You don’t reply, but you simply grab a bag of clothes from your car and walk closer to Steve and Clint. They’ll take that as a yes.

After walking to the quinjet, Clint takes the reins while Steve explains to you what happened to Natasha.

“She’s not herself. None of us have been able to stop her from these missions she’s been on,” he explains. “It seems like it could be the red room again. Like they’ve brainwashed her.”

“How did this even happen? How did she get that far out of reach in the first place?” You ask.

Steve hesitates to answer.

“Tell her,” Clint says.

“Tell me what?”

“Y/n, when you and Natasha broke up she went into hiding,” Steve says. “You never heard from us because we’ve been busy trying to find her. Now that we have, we have to figure out how to bring her in.”

“We found her in Russia,” Steve continues. “She’s good at what she does, you know that. But her heartbreak made her incredibly vulnerable. Even before she left the Avengers, her focus was somewhere else. Probably on how she broke your heart.”

“So this is my fault?” You wonder aloud. You don’t know if that makes you angry or sad. Maybe both.

“No,” Steve says. “It’s no one’s fault. Nat chose to leave.”

“But she’s not choosing to act like this,” Clint says. “I can tell. I can almost bring her out of it when I mention my family. And since she’s in love with you-“

“Was,” you correct him. “She was. Not anymore.”

“Right,” Clint says noncommittally. “We hope once she sees you, she’ll snap out of it.”

“So all of this is based on a hope?” You ask.

“Well, yeah,” Steve says.

“Great,” you say sarcastically. You stand up and push your way to the back of the jet to sit alone.

Truthfully, you’ve imagined reuniting with Natasha a million times. In your fantasy, she would show up at your door in the pouring rain with flowers and a romcom style apology for how she hurt you.

But this reuniting will be no romcom. You can tell from the way Steve can’t really meet your eyes that it’s bad. He cares for Natasha as deeply as you and Clint do. You can sense his fear. And Clint’s.

“We’re here,” Clint announces, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Where’s here?” You ask. You look out the front and notice the landscape is not the Avengers compound where you thought you were heading.

“There’s no time to prepare,” Steve says. “You can do this, y/n. Approach the house carefully and expect resistance. We’ll back you up but if Nat sees us we’re sure she’ll be quicker to turn against you.”

“Here’s coms,” Clint says, handing you a piece for your ear.

“Okay. Here goes nothing,” you say, taking a deep breath.

You step out of the quinjet and walk over one hundred paces to where Natasha is supposedly staying. As you expected, she doesn’t answer the front door when you knock.

Instead, you’re struck in the back of the knee. She effectively brings you down to the ground. Her legs straddle your waist. Your breath is taken away in more ways than one.

She looks beautiful yet sad. You try to shake off the fact that you’re seeing her for the first time in so long and focus on the way she’s crushing your ribs.

“Natasha,” you say.

“You don’t know me,” Nat says.

“I used to,” you answer. That throws her off briefly and you manage to squirm free. Natasha catches up fast and pins you against the door this time.

“What do you want?” Natasha asks. She feels an odd attraction to you. “Why are you here?”

“I’m here to help you,” you say.

Natasha punches the wall behind you and wraps her hand around your neck.

“Okay, you don’t like that answer,” you whimper out.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now,” Natasha commands.

You bring your arm up to pull hers away from your throat but she doesn’t stop. You plead with her with your eyes and once again she hesitates long enough for you to slip away.

She pulls her gun on you, but waits to shoot. You hold your hands up in surrender. You try again to make her remember you.

“Natasha, please,” you beg for her to relent. “You know me and I know you. It’s me, y/n.”

She doesn’t appear to have any recollection, so you go deeper.

“You love peanut butter sandwiches,” you say. “And you secretly love M&Ms but only the red ones even though they all taste the same.”

“I-“

“And you get up every morning and go for a run not because you love running but because you like to see the world before it becomes too loud and unsteady,” you continue. “And you love me. Or at least, you used to.”

“I don’t- I’m not who you think I am,” Natasha says.

“Yes you are,” you argue back.

“I’m not,” she says. Her voice breaks. You feel like you’re making progress.

“Natasha, baby, please,” you say.

She’s fighting her internal turmoil. Her objective is to take down anyone in her way.

“Y/n, get out of there,” you hear Steve in your ear.

You don’t dare reply. She’ll shoot if she thinks she’s surrounded.

“You’re an Avenger,” you say. “You’re a friend. You’re a sister. You are an aunt to Clint’s kids. You’re the love of my life.”

Natasha’s hand shakes. She thinks she knows you, but she has a mission.

You look into her eyes as she aims at your chest. Steve and Clint run towards you knowing what’s about to happen but it’s too late.

Natasha fires the weapon and you feel a lot of pain before you feel absolutely nothing. Steve hits Nat with a tranquilizer before she can shoot him and Clint as well.

The next thing you remember is waking up in the medbay at the compound.

“Hey,” Steve greets you. “You’re okay.”

“Where’s Nat?” You ask, sitting up.

“She’s detained,” he says. “And asking for you.”

“What?”

“Welcome to the world again,” Tony interrupts as he enters the room. “Dr. Cho fixed your wound up perfectly as always.”

“Oh,” you say, remembering why you’re here. The ache in your shoulder becomes more noticeable when you try to move it. “I need to see her.”

“No can do, buckaroo,” Tony says. “We’ve got Hill in there talking to her.”

“You mean interrogating her,” you correct him.

“Maybe,” Tony replies. “But we need to know whose side she’s on now.”

“Steve, please you have to let me see her,” you say. “She recognized me. She just- she needed to continue her mission.”

“I don’t know,” Steve replies. “It’s too dangerous.”

“She already shot me,” you say dryly. “What else could happen?”

Steve relents. After a couple of hours of resting, you get dressed the best you can, putting your arm in a sling.

You approach the detainment area carefully. Natasha is sitting at a table with her hands cuffed to it when you enter.

“Take those off,” you instruct the guard.

“I’m not supposed-“

“Just do it,” you say.

“Ma’am-“

“Take them off,” Steve says over the intercom.

The guard complies and unlocks the cuffs. You frown at the way they’ve rubbed her wrists raw.

“Hey,” you say to Natasha.

“How’s your shoulder?” She asks.

“Fine. Why didn’t you shoot to kill me? I know you could’ve,” you say.

“So we’re jumping right in,” Nat remarks. “You said you know me and you told me facts that no one knows. I needed to talk to you more. I needed you alive.”

“Do you know me?” You ask.

“I don’t,” she says. You can’t help but frown. “But you do feel vaguely familiar.”

“You’ve had your memories of us taken from you,” you say. “Probably by the Red Room.”

“What did you just say?” Natasha asks. She stands up and pushes you against the wall.

“Nat,” you say. Your shoulder is throbbing.

“We’re coming in to help,” Steve says urgently.

“No wait! I can do this,” you shout. “Natasha please, you wouldn’t hurt me. Not again.”

“Stop acting like you know who I am!” She shouts. “How did you get that name? The Red Room? How did you know?”

“Because Natasha we dated for over a year,” you say. “You told me everything.”

“No,” she says. “I would- I would remember if I had loved you.”

“Natasha, I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“Stop,” she cries out. “Stop. You don’t- stop it.”

“I do. I love you. Please, I love you. Find yourself in me again, Nat,” you beg her.

Natasha’s eyes fill with tears. It’s beginning to click. You think of the last effort you can make to help her remember it all.

You lean toward her and pull her in for a hug. Your good arm goes around her waist and pulls her in. Natasha doesn’t hug you back but she doesn’t pull away either.

“Please, Natasha. I need you to come back to me,” you whimper into her neck.

It feels so familiar to her. Holding you in her arms as you bury your face into her neck, but she still can’t figure out who you are to her.

“I’m sorry,” she says, pulling away from your embrace. “I just don’t remember you.”

You nod in understanding. She doesn’t know why but she doesn’t flinch when you place your hands on the sides of her face. Her cheeks feel hot under your touch.

“Can I try?” You ask her. She gets what you mean.

“Okay,” she says.

You lean in and kiss her lips softly. It’s barely there, but it’s enough to make Natasha’s heart flutter. And yours too. Under different circumstances, it would be an amazing reunion kiss.

“Y/n?” She asks when you pull away. There’s a light of recognition in her eyes.

“Yeah,” you say.

“Detka,” she begins. You could cry at the pet name. “I don’t- are you okay? Shit, this is my fault.”

She tries to inspect your wound, but you just hug her again.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m so so sorry that I hurt you.”

“It’s okay,” you say. “You didn’t know what you were doing.”

“I did when I broke your heart,” she says regretfully.

“Natasha-“

“Let me just,” she interrupts. “Let me apologize. I’m so sorry, y/n. I love you. I haven’t stopped. It’s just I got so protective of you that I couldn’t let you go on missions. I was holding you back.”

“You weren’t holding me back, Nat. I understand that you’re protective over me, but I can handle myself.”

“I know that,” she says. “I’m just so sorry.”

“Let’s go home, Natasha. We can talk about this over a cup of hot chocolate,” you suggest.

“Yeah. Let’s go home,” Nat says.

You both ignore the other Avenger’s requests that you stay at the compound and they evaluate Nat’s situation and your injury.

The hope of a true love’s kiss curing Natasha seems to be really true. Maybe fairytales are real. Maybe they’re not. But you both love each other and you were always meant to end up together again.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #soft natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff comfort #natasha romanoff angst #steve rogers #clint barton #tony stark

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mrsbuckybarnes1917 · 4 months

Text

Request from @imagine-all-the-fandoms: You have a crush on each other but of course don't talk about it. Then one night you enter the living room all dressed up for a date and buck is totally flashed by you, until you ask for his opinion on it. When he realizes this is for another guy he gets all moody and leaves. Then instead of your date, you head to Bucky's room and decide to finally make a move and kiss him and admit your feelings, which leads to sleeping with him and afterwards lots of cuddles and cute Bucky?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female!reader

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: 18+ angsty feelings, some fluff at the end, reader's relationship with an OC, smut, p in v sex without barrier protection, jealous and possessive behavior from Bucky, very minor injury

Bucky Barnes was your best friend. Maybe you might not be his. But how exactly does one compete with Steve Rogers?

Anyway, that was how you felt. Bucky didn't open up to many people, and you felt honored to be included amongst his few trusted individuals. It had been a year ago that you became part of the Avengers initiative. It hadn't taken you long to be accepted as part of the team, become everyone's favorite confidante, in fact.

There was something about you that people trusted, they would open up to you in a way that they didn't to anyone else. Your charms had even managed to weave their magic over one grumpy super soldier. And he was by far your favorite follower.

It had taken a few weeks before he had given in to your spell, finally admitting his love of pancakes to you during one of your midnight snack quests. It was the first piece of personal information he had shared with you and you always remembered it. In fact you'd joined him for a midnight pancake treat on many occasions since that day.

The way you smiled at him lit up his world. Bucky was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. He wasn’t the only one. Objectively, people wouldn’t have described you as the most beautiful person or the hottest, but there was something about you that shone, the expressiveness of your eyes, the kindness in your heart and the unknown bounds of your acceptance of others that drew people to you. Your personality was all anyone saw once they spoke to you and it was stunning.

There were times though, when it all became too much for you, listening to people's problems got a little overwhelming. It was these times that you sought out the company of people you trusted, the people who really saw you for who you were, a slightly nerdy introvert. The list was small; it included Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers and your favorite, James Barnes.

There was something about the solitary supersoldier that intrigued you. He didn't spill his problems to you like others did, you'd had to work very hard at gaining his trust but once you had, you felt like you'd discovered a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Bucky had an unexpected depth and his interests were surprisingly in tune with yours. Steve always seemed to be lost in documentaries when you sat down for down time with him and Nat found joy from horror movies which were far from your taste in cinematography. But Bucky was happy to watch a fantasy or science fiction film with you any time, dawn or dusk.

Bucky enjoyed your interests, but it was your company he enjoyed more. You made him feel comfortable, you didn't ask him intrusive questions, you forgave his selective mutism if he was having a bad day, making no irritating attempts to make him feel happier or better as the other members of the team were so apt to do. No, you let him be himself, in fact, you almost seemed to like his sullen silences.

What he liked the most was that you seemed to be a different person when he was around. You seemed more relaxed, the radiant sunshine demeanor that you exuded became muted, as though you knew that he needed a dimmer switch to help him cope. His scowls were far less ferocious when you were around but woe befell anyone who interrupted or invaded his time with you, his face would become dark and his mood would often turn sour. The only person who he would gracefully accept as an outsider to your pair was Steve. In short, Bucky Barnes was in love with you. Not that he would ever let it show.

The only person who could see Bucky’s feelings for you was Steve. He would smile in a knowing way when he walked in on the two of you laughing together, sharing a plate of nachos. He knew from the way you curled up at Bucky’s side that you harbored similar feelings. The only difference for you is that you had convinced yourself that Bucky couldn’t possibly feel the same way. Friendship was one thing, but you couldn’t imagine that he would want anything more than that. One day, when you had seen a female agent flirting with Bucky and he had smiled back, turned on the 1940’s charm that he apparently was famous for, that was the day you’d decided to put your feelings aside and move on with your life.

It was that decision that led to your current situation. A new dress and fancy heels later, you trotted to the common living area to get your bestie’s opinion. Your makeup was perfect, highlighting your prominent features and Bucky thought you looked radiant as you paraded your dress in front of him, seeking his approval. Naturally, you had it, you always had his approval, it didn’t matter what you were wearing.

“Where are you going all dolled up like that?” Bucky looked you up and down, admiring the view.

“Sidney and I are going out.”

“Oh, that sounds fun. You’ve been hanging out with her a lot. It’s nice that you’re getting along with the other agents too,” he smiled. Bucky was always encouraging of you, even if he would have preferred to keep you all to himself.

You laughed. Bucky usually reveled in the sound, but today he would be wishing he hadn’t heard it at all.

“Bucky!” you swatted his arm playfully. “Sidney is a guy. The guy I’m dating. I’ve told you about this.”

“Yeah, Buck, I did.” You pouted, “were you just pretending to listen?”

“What? No you didn’t.”

“Of course not, you said you were going to minigolf. You were so happy because you won.” Bucky smiled slightly at the memory. How you’d come home with red cheeks from the cold and the joy of winning at minigolf.

“That was our fourth date.”

Bucky was quiet for a moment. “Are you dating a woman?” he asked quietly.

“No, Buck. I mean I have, but Sidney isn’t one.”

“Oh,” Bucky mumbled, processing the information you'd given him.

Your sexual history didn't bother him, it was your present that did. Suddenly Bucky didn't want to look at you. Knowing you'd be spending your time with another man looking the way you did. He hated the thought. He wanted you to dress up for him that way, he wanted to be the one who ripped that pretty little dress off your body, he wanted to be the one who got to kiss you, to touch you, to claim every single part of you. But instead he got to watch another man sweep you off your feet.

“Well I better finish getting ready.”

You gasped as Bucky stood up suddenly.

“You're unbelievable,” he muttered, a darkness descending across his handsome features.

“What's that supposed to mean?” you asked, angrily.

“Nothing. Go have fun on your date.” Bucky stormed out without a backward glance.

He left you in the living room feeling lost and alone. Tears sprung into your eyes and your enthusiasm for your night out fizzled out completely. You couldn't understand his behavior, the sergeant had always treated you so well. Had you done something to upset him?

The sadness you felt was suddenly overcome with anger. Whatever it was that had upset him, you didn't deserve the attitude he was displaying towards you. In fact, you were going to tell him just that. But first, you picked your phone to make a call.

“Hey Sidney? … Yeah about that. I'm sorry Sidney. I know you went to a lot of trouble organizing tonight. I was really looking forward to it. But something’s come up here. I can't get out of it.”

You sighed, hanging up the phone. Sidney had been understanding, waving off your apology with such grace. On paper, he was the perfect partner for you, he was handsome, he shared so many of your interests and he accepted you for who you were. But you didn't feel butterflies when you thought of him, your face didn't light up when you spoke about him, he didn't fill you with warmth the way Bucky did.

Outrage still bubbled under the surface as you put your phone back on the dressing table in your room, so you decided to address the person who had caused the issue. You marched down the corridor, your stiletto heels clacking angrily as you made your way to Bucky’s room. As you pounded on the door, it flew open just in time for you to fling your hands up protectively as an object hit the wall beside your head.

Bucky’s eyes went wide as he saw the shock on your face. He had been pacing up and down his room and caught sight of a photo of the two of you smiling at each other. He couldn’t bear to see it anymore, to look at you when you didn’t look back at him that way. He had grabbed the photograph, letting it fly away from him in an attempt to extinguish the anguish he felt.

“Wow, do you hate me that much?” you asked. Your anger evaporated as quickly as it had arrived.

Bucky stood, speechless, as you bent down and picked up the smashed photo frame.

“Be careful,” Bucky warned you, as your shoe crushed a piece of broken glass.

“I know how to take care of myself.”

“And going out with some random man who knows nothing about you is what? … safe?”

“Why do you even care, Bucky?”

“You're my friend, you think I want you to get hurt?”

“What makes you think that I need that from you? I mean, if this is what you think of our friendship.” You held up the broken picture frame as a reference to your comment. A single tear slipped down your cheek.

Bucky had the decency to look ashamed of himself, at least that is how you interpreted the look on his face. What you didn't see was the guilt that bubbled under the surface, the devastation at the thought of losing you to someone else.

“He isn't good enough for you.”

You scoffed. “You don't even know him.”

“I don't need to.”

He approached you slowly and stopped right in front of you. If you hadn't spent months getting to know him, you'd be afraid of him, the way his vibranium fist clenched and unclenched repeatedly. But you knew it was a nervous tic of his, not a threatening one.

Bucky bent down and started picking up the shards of glass, then with a low voice, he mumbled something.

“You deserve to be with someone who knows how special you are.”

Had you heard him correctly?

You crouched down to help him with the cleaning.

“Leave that, I'll do it.”

“Bucky…” You picked up a small piece of glass between your fingers. “What do you mean?”

“You'll hurt yourself.” He took the glass from you.

You wrapped your hand around his wrist. “Bucky,” you whispered.

But Bucky couldn't look at you, that voice inside his brain that blamed himself for the actions of the Winter Soldier was the same one that often told him that he wasn't good enough for you. How could anyone as bright as you care for someone who held such darkness inside of him? He stood up, hiding his expression from you.

You sighed, reaching down to pick up one last piece. But you were hurt and careless and the sharp edge sliced your finger, drawing blood, making you hiss with pain.

“I told you to leave it alone!” He grabbed your wrist this time, trying to examine your wound. “This is exactly why I told you not to touch it. It won't hurt me.”

“I don't understand why you're upset.”

“This isn't deep.” He let go of your arm, walking away from you.

“What do you want from me, Bucky?”

“I don't want you to date him.”

You were surprised but you didn’t let it show on your face. “Okay.”

“Okay? Just like that?” Bucky frowned in confusion.

“Yeah.”

“No explanation needed?”

“I want you to be happy. And if this upsets you, I won't date Sidney.” You sighed, you hated that he had this power over you, that you were willing to give up a chance for your own happiness because Bucky said so. But you knew you would do anything for him, even if you ended up being single for the rest of your life. And it was all very overrated anyway, happy relationships, you didn’t know anyone who didn’t have problems with the people they had attached themselves to. Who needed a family, it was all nothing but trouble, you said to yourself.

“I don't want to lose you,” Bucky muttered.

“Bucky, you'll never lose me.” It felt like you were telling him you loved him without using the actual words. Rising up onto your toes, you pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. “I care about you, Bucky.”

Bucky brought his hand to your face, caressing your cheek with his thumb, wiping away the streak of fluid your tears had left. He leaned in towards you until you could feel his breath against your lips. You opened and closed your mouth, feeling like a goldfish because no sound would come out. The way Bucky was looking into your eyes had rendered you speechless. It almost felt like the love you felt for him was being reflected back at you. You wanted to kiss him but you couldn’t move. His nose brushed lightly against yours and then his lips were pressed against yours. It started out gentle, his mouth against yours, lips moving in tandem, until his tongue sought out yours. The taste of you seemed to ignite a deeper desire inside him because suddenly his arms were wrapped around you, pulling you closer, closer than you’d ever been to him, enveloped in his embrace as his hands roamed over your back, fingers pushing into you through the fabric of your little black dress.

You wrapped your arms tightly around Bucky's neck and as he straightened his back, you were lifted off the floor. The only way for you to support yourself was to wrap your legs around his waist, and Bucky's hands on your ass gave you the encouragement you needed to take this next step. Soon your core was rubbing against his crotch and Bucky stumbled across to the bed, laying you down with surprising tenderness. He knelt down between your splayed legs and smiled at you with an adoring gaze.

“I've wanted this for so long,” he whispered, as though a loud noise might wake him for this dream.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn't you?”

You laughed to yourself, both of you had been so afraid of losing the other that you'd missed out on the happiness you'd sought from each other.

“Do we have to talk about this right now? I want to go back to the kissing,” you pouted.

This earned you one of those rare joyous laughs from him, ones that he often saved for you. You treasured each and every one of these, they were so rare and precious. Bucky captured your protruding lower lip between his teeth, giving it a playful tug before going back to the heated lip lock you'd been engaged in earlier.

Only when he was grinding his hips into yours and moaning that a horrifying thought entered your mind.

“Bucky,” you called his name quietly.

“Mmm?” he hummed, not taking his lips off the spot on your neck that he was sucking enthusiastically.

“Buck… stop.”

There was a pop as the seal of his lips on your neck broke. “Are you okay?”

“I can't…”

“I'm sorry,” Bucky backed away, like he'd been burned.

“Buck, wait,” you reached for his hand. “I mean, I need to talk to Sidney.”

“Oh, yeah, right. Of course, you have a date.”

“Bucky, I need to break it off with him before we… I don't want to be that person. Do you understand?”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed, sitting down beside you as you pulled the straps of your dress back over your shoulder.

“Can you give me some time to go talk to him?”

Bucky nodded, not quite trusting himself to speak lest his voice betrayed his disappointment. But you knew him well enough to read his face.

“Hey, I'll be back. I promise.” You held out your pinky for him to take.

He smiled and linked his little finger with yours. One of the things he admired most about you was your integrity. You stood up, leaning back for one more quick kiss before you walked away, only letting go of his hand once you both couldn't extend your arms any further. You stole one last look at him before closing the door.

On your way back to your room, you called Sidney, asking him to meet you, before you changed out of your dress and into more comfortable clothes. A heavy guilt settled on your chest, you knew you'd be hurting him but you knew you couldn't offer him your whole heart, not when you knew Bucky was at home waiting for you. The next hour was a difficult one for you, you did your best to be gentle and considerate of Sidney’s feelings as you let him down.

“Look Sidney, I’m really sorry about this, I didn’t mean to string you along.”

“But you’re in love with someone else.” Sidney looked at you with a sad smile.

Your eyes widened in surprise. “How do- what makes you say that?”

“It’s the way you talk about Sergeant Barnes,” he said knowingly.

“I’m sorry.” You turned your head to hide the tears threatening to escape.

“He’s a lucky man.” Sidney leant down and gave you a peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you around.”

You sighed as you made your way back home, still feeling a little deflated about what you’d just done. But a promise was a promise and you didn’t want to keep Bucky waiting. It was the thought of Bucky that stopped you dragging your feet but you made a pitstop in your room to freshen up your makeup.

Before you knew it, you were back outside Bucky’s door and you were pretty certain your heart skipped a beat as you knocked nervously. What if he had changed his mind?

There clearly wasn’t cause for concern because Bucky opened the door so fast, you wondered if he had just been standing on the other side waiting for you. He wrapped his arm around your waist and scooped you into his chest, shutting the door with the edge of his foot.

Bucky kissed you as though he hadn’t seen you in years and you melted into him with a sigh.

“You were gone too long,” he pouted. “I missed you.”

“You okay?” he asked, a tinge of concern in his voice as he ran his thumb along your jaw. “I know that wasn’t easy for you.”

He was right, it hadn’t been easy for you to break off your relationship with Sidney. You never enjoyed hurting other people. You made time for people’s problems, even when you were exhausted, always ready to lend that extra helping hand. Your generosity of spirit was another reason that Bucky admired you. It made you smile, the way he understood your feelings without you having to explain them to him.

“Yeah, I’m alright.”

Being with Bucky seemed to make your problems disappear and your feelings for him surged to the surface.

“Are you sure?” he asked, nuzzling your ear and peppering the side of your neck with tiny kisses.

“Yeah, glad to be here with you,” you hummed, enjoying the way his skin felt against yours.

“You sure you haven't got any more men stashed away that I need to know about?” he mumbled.

You pulled away slightly, just to look him directly in the eye so he knew the sincerity of your next words. “No secret stash. Only you.”

“Just me?” Bucky put his hands on cheeks, putting his fingers under your jaw to tilt your face up to look at him.

“I'm all yours, Bucky.”

You leaned up, puckering your lips for a kiss and he obliged. Locked at the mouth, he led you backwards until your heels hit the edge of the bed.

“Tell me again,” he growled, pushing his chest against you til you were falling backwards onto the mattress.

Only your fall wasn't uncontrolled, Bucky's strong hands had settled on you back and he guided your descent. You grabbed the front of his Henley in your hands and pulled him down on top of you.

“Yours,” you claimed his lips hungrily.

“That's right, mine,” his voice rasped, making you tingle with anticipation.

He pushed his hips against yours, grinning proudly as you moaned in approval.

“You like that, huh?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you heard his belt unbuckling, hearing a clang as it fell onto the floor. He pushed his hand under the seam of your leggings and slid it between your legs. A wanton moan left your mouth as you felt his fingers rubbing on your clothed core.

"Look at you, Doll. You're so fucking wet...and I haven't even touched you yet." Bucky’s voice was low and rumbled through you like thunder.

He wiggled his fingers under your panties and between your folds, smirking into your neck and a gasp escaped your lips. Before you knew it, your eyes were rolling back as his fingers stroked your pussy.

“Bucky,” you whined as his fingers delved deeper.

It barely registered as his vibranium fingers pulled down your leggings and joined its flesh twin on your clit. Your breathing quickened to match the pace that he was pushing his fingers into you. Every push had you uttering a quiet sigh as he caressed your walls.

“So wet,” he hummed. “I’m the only one who can touch you like this. The only one who can make you feel like this, right?”

“Only you, Bucky.”

Before you could enjoy Bucky’s fingers more, they left your body. You whimpered at the loss. His hands went to the fabric around your waist, tugging it down until it was off completely and he used his hands to open your legs further. You tried not to gawk at him as he removed his clothes, layer by layer. It wasn’t as though you hadn’t seen Bucky shirtless before, but watching him strip between your spread legs was making you melt. He knelt down at your core, hands ripping apart your bra before kneading your breasts and rolling your nipples in between his fingers. You moaned out when Bucky pinched your nipples harshly.

“Nothing but you,” you repeated, biting your lip with anticipation.

“Doll, I’m going to fuck you so hard that you’ll completely forget who Sidney ever was. I’ll give you my love until you’re satisfied. You’ll think of nothing but me.”

“Good. Now let’s make sure that you will never be able to look at that man again without thinking of this moment," Bucky groaned as he began to nibble on your neck.

His lips sucked and nibbled at your skin, marking his territory. He tugged his underwear down his thighs, using his other hand to line his cock up with your entrance. Slowly and sensually, he rubbed his tip against you, getting lost in his own pleasure for a moment, forgetting to remind you who you belonged to. Loud moans escaped your mouth as he slammed into you with hardly any warning.

"Fuck, you're so tight, Doll,” Bucky groaned into your ear. “Feel so good.”

Bucky lifted your legs up onto his chest so your calves rested on his shoulders. He pulled your hips into his and started pushing into you repeatedly, almost mercilessly.

“Sidney only wishes that he could fuck you like this,” he leaned over so his face was up close to yours. “But no one will ever fill you up like I can. No one can make you feel good the way I can. You’re mine, Doll, only for me to have.”

“Buc-” you breathed, barely able to speak.

“What are you?”

“Yours Sergeant, I’m all yours. Promise. Yours. Only yours!” you repeated over and over.

Desperate for your release, you reached down to your clit.

“Don’t even think about it,” Bucky growled. “You come on my cock screaming my name or you don’t come at all.”

Bucky leaned forwards til his face was inches from yours, bending your legs right up to your chest.

"You feel that, Doll? You feel how I fill you up?" Bucky demanded.

You nodded, unable to speak at first. Eventually you gasped out the words, "I feel you, Bucky.”

"And could he ever make you feel as good as I make you feel?" Bucky asked before going back to fucking you hard and fast.

"No Bucky, never,” you moaned.

You could feel your orgasm approaching far more rapidly than normal and Bucky had gone back to marking his territory with his lips on your skin. It almost burned where he was sucking against your clavicle.

“Bu- Buck-”

“Yeah?” He slowed to respond to your attempts at his name.

His lips were only inches away from yours. All you wanted was to meet them, but instead, Bucky bit your lip harshly, making you throw back your head in pleasure as he kept sucking on you.

"That's what I want to hear," Bucky cooed as he finally kissed you.

He buried his face into your breasts as his thrusts became more frantic. His hands snaked around your waist, a surprisingly soft action for all the roughness he’d displayed up until this point. The moans he released into your ear alone would make you come. The feeling of his balls slapping against your ass, cock diving deep inside of you, sent you spiraling.

“Bucky!” You muttered his name, unable to focus on anything but the way his cock and hands worked your body, filling you to the brim. Pleasure completely overwhelming your mind and body.

“That’s right, Doll. You were made for me.”

“Please, Bucky, I want to come!” There was nothing that could stop the cry that leaves your lips, you needed it so badly, you wanted him so badly.

“Do it already,” Bucky goaded. “Come for me. Come because I want you to.”

“Yes Bucky, yes!” You as his words finally pushed you over the edge, his name leaving your lips as you finally reached your peak.

The only thing you could think of was his cock thrusting inside you. Your pussy clenched and tightened around his cock making him release with a grunt and a moan as he coated you in his seed. He stayed inside you, catching his breath, playing with your hair, looking into your eyes with such complete adoration that it almost took your breath away. At least until he pulled out of you slowly, making his cum spill out of you and drip across your abdomen.

“You did such a good job, Doll,” Bucky whispered to you as he softly kissed your forehead. “My pretty girl. You rest now, let me clean you up.”

You pushed yourself up the bed, trying to avoid spilling his seed all over the clean bed sheets. Bucky reappeared quickly with a washcloth and started wiping himself off your skin, parting your legs gently and cleaning over your folds.

“Bucky, I-” you reached out to stop him, suddenly feeling incredibly self conscious about this new level of intimacy. “You don't have to.”

Bucky sat down beside you, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “Let me take care of you,” he murmured, voice filled with tenderness.

He finished up and lay down beside you, giving you one of his looser fitting t-shirts which you slipped over your head gratefully. You tucked yourself into his side and rested your head on his shoulder, sighing as his fingers fluttered over your thighs and over the curve of your ass.

“Was that okay?” he whispered into your hair, his warm breath blowing against the bare skin on your neck.

“It was amazi-.” You started answering but your voice was interrupted by a loud growl from your stomach.

“Still hungry, huh?”

You blushed, hiding your face in his warm sturdy chest.

“Want to grab some dinner. Can't have my best girl starving.”

A warmth spread through you at his words. “Maybe in a bit? I don't want to move yet. Is that okay?” You looked up at him.

He smiled down at you, placing a small kiss at the tip of your nose. “Perfect.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fan fiction

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lis-likes-fics · 9 months

Text

A Deal’s a Deal (Pt. 2)

Pairings: Tommy Shelby x Gold!Reader Word Count: 10.4k words Warnings: NSFW, smut, spoilers, swearing, smoking, death, angst, phone sex, masturbation, age gap (Tommy is late 30s, Reader is late 20s), oral (f!receiving), heavy praise, breeding kink, Tommy is nice... A/N: So I decided to write a second part to show a completely different side of Tommy bc of course. This is not filthy as it is angsty. This contains spoilers for seasons 4 and 5 if you have not already watched them. I hope you enjoy this part, I put a lot of time into it! Thank you!

You wrapped Tommy’s jacket around you, draping it over your shoulders and admiring the weight of his scent wrapped around you. He’d just left you in the bedroom, left only in a bedgown as you waited for him to return to you after dealing with business that had shown up on the front lawn. But you were curious.

As you ventured toward the window, where the blaring lights from the car out front were shining through, even from the height of the first floor, you looked over the chaos of muffled shouts and cries. You tilted your head as you continued to quietly observe, trying to figure out who it was causing such a disturbance here so late in the night.

When you realised that you recognised the person yelling at Tommy, you were out of the door in seconds, panicked as you rushed through the hall and down the stairs. Once at the bottom of the stairs, you caught Charlie trying to peek out of the door in search of the situation which had caught his attention.

You knelt in front of him, offering a kind smile as you focused his attention on you. “Hey, Charlie,” you said in a sticky sweet voice. “Why don’t you come sit down while I go see what your father is up to, eh?”

He looked at you, only half interested. “Screaming,” he spoke in his tiny voice, referring to the men arguing outside.

“I know. Isn’t it just so annoying?” You stood and took his hand, leading him away until you could hand him off to a freshly woken Mary to take elsewhere. With Charlie out of the way, patting his head as he departed, you went back to the front door. You didn’t leave yet, choosing to stay there with the gun hidden underneath the table by the door and watch the men argue.

Aberama looked a mess, covered in blood and sweat. He was hysterical, and you could not understand a single word he was saying. Johnny Dogs was by the car, just as hurt as your father seemed to be, though less frantic as he clutched his side in pain. All you could hear were threats, loud, desperate threats spouting from Aberama’s mouth in Johnny’s direction garbled by anger and something deeper.

“Listen to me!” Tommy shouted, trying to catch his attention as he cradled his head and attempted to hold him still to get him to calm down. He forced him to look at him as he spoke.

“How can a one-armed man avenge the death of his son, eh?”

Your heart dropped in your chest and then leapt to your throat. The ground shook and the air stood still. You swallowed hard, wide eyed and not entirely sure you were still breathing. The word came out of your mouth but it was muffled in your ears as you took a step out of the door with breath caught in your lungs.

“Dad?”

Everything stopped as they all turned their gazes on you, a variety of emotions crossing their faces before settling on sudden realisation. You stared your father in the eye, ignoring the sting of tears as you took it all in—the suffocation, the shock. When did the world become so blurry?

Aberama looked away from you, his grief deepening as he turned his gaze back on Tommy with a new kind of rage. “They crucified my son…” he huffed, “for you.”

You felt paralysed as you stood there, helpless to find a way to fix all of this. You were supposed to fix it. You were the older sister, the family’s caretaker. You had to fix it, but you didn’t know how.

You were ripped from your spiral at the struggling grunts your father made breaking away from Tommy and grabbing the firearm discarded on the ground. He stumbled away to stand between you and Tommy, pointing the gun right at him. “You stay away from my fucking daughter!” he shrieked.

The blasting sounds of bullets shot into the air and stopped everything. You hadn’t even realised you were the gun shooting until words were leaving your mouth and you felt the tingling of blood leaving your hand from being held in the air for so long.

“Put down the gun, Dad,” you said, calmly at first as you stared him down with eyes that had not yet caught up to your body.

He looked at you and mumbled your name, nearly defeated as he watched you. The next words to leave your mouth were not so calm as they scratch at your throat with the force you used to scream them and aimed your gun at Aberema with an anger to be reckoned with.

“I told you to put down the fucking gun or I’ll shoot it out of your hands!”

He hesitated, taking you in before obliging. Slowly, he set the gun down and put his hands up to show peace. You didn’t lower your own weapon, though your hands shook and your jaw trembled with barely contained tears. Everyone stood still and watched you try not to unravel.

You took in a shaky breath. “Yes or no…” Your sigh was watery as you closed your eyes to steady yourself before looking back at your father. You licked your lips, “...Is my little brother dead?”

Aberama’s hands fell to his sides, swinging there as he let them go limp. His gaze broke from yours. He was slow to respond, not quite present but not as dazed as part of him wished to be. His voice was low, nearly inaudible. He opened his mouth, struggling to speak, “...Yes.”

You closed your eyes and gaze a silent sob one breath to escape. The tears that had been piling in your eyes finally slipped out. One, two, three slid down your chin and dripped to the gravel beneath your feet. You inhaled again, composing yourself again.

“Are my sisters safe?” you asked.

His eyes could only meet yours for a half second. “They’re with family.”

“Do they know?”

“Not yet.”

The sound of gravel crunching under someone’s shoes has you turning toward the sound with the precision of a trained marksman as you aim the barrel of the gun at Tommy, glaring at him trying to come nearer to you.

“Tommy, I swear to God, if you come any closer, I’ll fucking shoot you.”

He assessed you, taking in your anger, your pain, and deciding from there whether your words were empty. With another step, you gripped the gun tighter, but made no move with the trigger. He approached you slowly, testing you and your threat. By the time he was standing in front of you, you had done nothing but stare at him with a shaky grasp and breath. He placed his hand on the gun, pushing it down and snatching it from your hands. Emptying the barrel, his eyes didn’t leave yours as you watched him limply.

When his arms wrapped around you, the fire in your bones ignited. You were so much like your father in that way—your brother, too—a fighter, all of you. You fought him, you kicked and screamed and punched as you tried to get him to get off of you. Your brother was dead, your baby brother was gone, and you could never get him back and Tommy was standing here trying to hold you to him when you could never hold your brother again?

The touch was much too warm, the confinement stifling. You couldn't breathe, couldn't get the air to your lungs as your gasps made your throat hoarse and rough. The fight left so quickly as Tommy endured against your fight, keeping you locked in his arms until your anger relinquished and you dissolved into nothing but sobs into his shoulder. He held you as you stopped screaming, held you as the tears soaked his clothes. He held you as you trembled, too exhausted to keep fighting. Your legs were on the verge of giving out. He was the only thing to hold you up as you broke down against him.

“He’s dead, Tom,” you sobbed, finally putting your arms around him and holding him tighter than you ever have, your nails digging into him for something to hold on to. “He’s fucking dead. My baby brother’s dead.”

“I know, I know,” he shushed. Tommy cradled you as you rambled, trying to soften your cries as he listened and felt your sentiment too close to heart. The wounds of his own little brother’s death burned in his chest, and he hated you going through it as well. “I’m sorry about your brother. Really, I am.”

Your hands tightened around him, your nails digging deeper until your eyes met your father’s, watching the both of you with a look you couldn’t identify. Your grip on Tommy loosened, and you remembered yourself—the oldest, the caretaker, the voice of reason among voices pleading reparation and revenge. You let go of him, parting with a new numbness as he watched the anger, the emotional agony, disappear into a stone cold mask you’d pulled over your face to offer your father in accompaniment of his pain.

“I need to be with my family,” you said after a moment, your voice already sore and scratchy, your words full of frail strength.

Tommy watched you walk away from him and into your father’s arms, laying your chin on his shoulder as he pulled an arm around your back and held you. You didn’t reciprocate, you couldn’t. Not right now. Aberama held onto you for strength, and Tommy felt like he could see it draining from you by the way your shoulders began to sag.

Anerama’s cold, fiery gaze bore into Tommy, one full of despair and ruthlessness. Tommy sighed, raising a finger toward him. “If you want to take on the Billy Boys, you need me alive,” he warned, looking between the both of you with a variety of thoughts flashing in his head. “Everyone fucking needs me.”

You pulled away from your father, placing your hand on his shoulders and dragging your gaze along him. He was hurt. So was Johnny Dogs. You needed to take care of them. “I’m calling an ambulance,” you said, your voice a monotone droll of duty first. “Hold on, both of you.”

You supported your father’s arm around your shoulders, pulling him into the house to get him cared for as Tommy moved to do the same with Johnny.

Flames rose high, making the air around it dance from the heat and life rising with it. Your sisters, tucked under each of your arms, clung to you as they watched their brother's wagon burn, reduced to ash and dust of a life once lived.

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you watched the fire rise and rise, sucking the tears back in as you remained strong for your grieving sisters. You turned your chin, resting it atop the youngest's head. You glanced away from the fire, and your eyes caught a much darker figure lingering further from the scene, cap pulled over his head and cigarette between his lips as he watched you.

You both watched each other for a moment, neither moving or looking away. By the time your eyes were averted, you'd already made your decision.

When the fire had not roared so wildly and your sisters' quiet sobs were gentler tears, you passed them over to one of your aunts watching the fire burn. Your father was still recovering in the hospital, too hurt to move too far from the bed but too upset to sleep as he sat in bed and watched the time that marked as his son's funeral ticked away minute by minute. With a nod, she gestured you away to take care of them for the moment while you spoke with your mysterious visitor.

Tommy Shelby stood silently where he was as you joined his side. Neither of you looked at one another, your eyes still fixated on the flames. It was silent for a while. You stuffed your hand in the pocket of your jacket and hugged it close for a comfort you felt selfish for wanting.

"They killed him."

Your voice was nearly strained as you spoke, quiet and nearly raspy with the overuse of crying—or keeping from crying—over the past week. You were still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that it had been the first week in the rest of your life without your baby brother.

Tommy cleared his throat, taking his cigarette from his lips. He rolled it between his fingers, considering a response before he gave it. "Your brother will be avenged, Y/N." He flicked it away into the grass, stomping on it with the tip of his shoe to put it out. "I promise you that."

You sighed, late to a reply as you shook your head at his promise to you. "Do what you want, Tommy." Your eyes strayed where they always had, right back to your sisters huddling to your aunt, stricken with grief. You shook your head again turning to Tommy as you swallowed thickly. "But don't make me lose any more family. My sister's stay safe, my father's life or death will be left to his hands or mine."

He turned to you, tilting his head and raising a brow. "You don't want me to keep him alive?"

You looked down at his shoes, thinking for a moment to get your thoughts in order from the messy hurricane they had been in the past week. "Before Bonnie died, I was dreamin' of a big, black bird. Then he did die, and I thought, 'This was it. It got what it wanted, now it'll leave us alone.' But when I managed to sleep that night… that bird was staring me down, much bigger and much louder than before."

You let out a shaky breath, steadying yourself before you continued. "Someone is goin' to die again, Tom." You nearly shuddered at the idea, meeting his gaze. "Don't let it be my sisters."

Tommy looked over you—your well-hidden grief of concealed red-rimmed eyes, trembling lips, messy hair. You were so good at hiding it all, he realised, well-versed in composed disposition.

But you couldn't hide all that pain from him. Reading you was like looking in a mirror.

He took a small step closer and reached down to brush your fingers with his, swiping his thumb over the back of your knuckles momentarily before letting go of you and nodding. "Your sisters will be safe. You have my word." He looked your face up and down. "No black bird will come for them."

You stared at him and blinked once. With a short nod, you looked away from the intensity of his eyes. He lingered there for a moment, your warmth mixing together for a few seconds in the cool air. Without a word, he turned to leave you.

He'd gotten a few steps away before you spoke into the air. "Tommy."

He looked back at you again, waiting expectantly for you to continue.

You swallowed hard. "Stay alive."

His eyes bore into your own, staring as he processed your words. He began walking back over to you, digging his hand in his pocket as he invaded your space. He took your hand in his big palm, setting something in your own and closing your fingers around it before you could see what it was judging the object only by the feel of it in your hand.

He turned and left, didn't spare a single word as he strayed from you.

You opened your hand and stared down at the penny he'd left you with, finding a ghost of a smile in your mind but not yet on your lips as you turned around to rejoin your sisters.

Things changed after that. With your brother gone, you realised all too suddenly how fragile this family of yours was.

Throwing yourself into work and family was the easiest part. Your kids at the school were important to you, your sisters even more so. The children kept you tender, kept you from hardening with the loss of your brother as you held on tight to your joy in life. Your sisters, impossibly dearer to you now, were cherished and loved and you made sure of you. The older of the two got married and was working on her first baby. The younger was joining you as a teacher, which meant she stayed closer to you. That made you very happy.

The hard part was separating from Tommy.

It wasn't intentional. Your late nights with him became more and more scarce as time went on. Being with Tommy, basking in the throes of passion with him during the darkest parts of the night, wrapped in his bedsheets and screaming his name, was a joy you couldn't match with anything else in your life. He was a guilty pleasure, an escape from reality that allowed you to fulfil the darkest desires within your heart that could not be found anywhere else.

You'd tried, once or twice, to push Tommy from your mind by finding another man. You were known to be Gold's prettiest daughter, there were men lining up to have a chance with you, but they were frightened off of it when Tommy Shelby had staked a claim. Now that he wasn't so dominant in your life, they had chances.

And you gave a couple of them chances—you needed someone else, someone safer. But he had his claws so deep inside of you, buried in your body and bitten into your flesh, like he had fired that bullet and left himself permanently marked in your soul.

There was no man like Thomas Shelby.

Slowly losing him was not just a physical thing, though. You hadn't realised how deeply you'd attached yourself to him until he wasn't around as much as he used to be—especially when he'd gone away to America on business. Finding excuses to see him every once in a while included your father meeting him for business and you following after, you wandering into the pub some evenings when you were feeling especially lonely (or simply just missing him) on the off chance that you just might find him there…him calling you late at night desiring you in his bed once more…

He'd called you one night.

You were just getting ready to go to bed, muscles aching and feet sore from working. Just as you were pulling the comforter from your bed, the trilling ring from the telephone screamed through the night air. You sighed, a tired moan slipping from your throat as you dragged yourself to answer.

You picked it up, a soft answer of your name through the line encouraging the person to speak. He hadn't realised how much he missed the sound of your voice until he'd heard it.

"Hello, Miss Gold," he said, his voice deeper, rougher than usual.

You held your breath and felt the sparks of delight in your chest at the sound of his voice. "Tommy…" you breathed, holding the phone closer and sinking into your chair.

"Did you miss me?" he asked. He sounded cocky. You could practically hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke to you.

You nodded gently. "I still do…" He hummed, and the sound made you shudder. Your eyes flicked to the clock on your wall. "It's the early hours of the morning for you, isn't it? The sun isn't even up yet. You should be asleep, darling."

He hummed again. "Sleep was never really my friend."

You breathed a sigh. "You sound like you just woke up… Was it a nightmare, Tom?"

He didn't answer that. Instead, he let silence linger for a moment before he sighed. "I've been thinking about you."

You licked your lips slowly. "Me, too." You smiled a little. "But I think America is a little too far for me to go just to share your bed." Your smile faltered slightly. "I'm sure you could find some other woman to fuck tonight. A man like you has got plenty of options."

You weren't hostile as you spoke. Your voice remains gentle, if not dismayed by the proposal. Tommy supposed you sounded almost jealous.

"Maybe," his voice came. You swallowed thickly. "But none of the women here seemed to know how to fuck me like you." You heard him sigh. "None of the women here come close to you."

It was oddly comforting, but not comforting enough to be rid of your unreasonable agitation that he has, in fact, been with other women there. But what else did you expect? He wasn't going to stay celibate for you.

You brushed the fabric of the hem of your nightgown between your fingers, licking your lips. "Are any of them pretty?"

"Not like you."

The way he said it, his voice so soft and deep, brushed against your heart some kind of way. You found yourself wishing you were in his bed, not moaning with your back arched, but resting with your head against his chest. You wanted to feel your skin against his, his heart under your hand, his breath on your skin.

"I wish we spent more time together, you and I," you whispered, your voice soft as the whispers of wind. "I'm sorry we fell apart. I miss you." You didn't care how desperate you probably sounded repeating yourself like that. You let your eyes close, imagining him close again.

"Don't apologise," he said. He didn't go further, he simply left it at that with the implication that you knew what the rest of his meaning was. And you did.

"I want to be there with you." But my family needs me.

"I know." And I care so much that I am willing to wait.

You wanted to kiss him. You needed to kiss him. But you were oceans apart, and there was no getting past that quite soon.

You closed your eyes, inhaling the silence. "Say something to me, darling."

He sighed gently on the other side of the lines. His voice spoke in a way that made you shudder, absorbed in the depth of his timbre.

"I think of you every night, dove… I think of your body in my hands and your lips on mine."

If it weren't for the tone of the line, it'd almost be like you were right there with him, watching him stand over you as you listened to him speak. "What else?" you muttered.

"I think of your legs around my waist and your breath in my ear," he continued. "My name on your lips…"

The slightest whimper escaped you at the sound of that. You breathed in deeply, flattening your palm to your belly. "What would you do to me if I was there with you right now?"

"Oh, I'd fuck you," he put it bluntly. He hummed, and the sound rolled in his throat. "I'd push you against the wall, lift you up, and fuck you until you couldn't stand."

The idea made you weak already. The thought of him taking you rolled in your gut and whispered at your cunt as you clenched around nothing.

"And I wouldn't stop there," he continued, controlling your body with nothing but words as you buried your hand between your thighs and rolled your hips into it. "I'd throw you to the bed and spread your pretty legs apart. I'd taste you, feast on you until you came so many times, you shook. And then I'd fuck you again."

You whispered his name, your breaking trembling.

"I'd put you on your hands and knees, and I'd fuck you into the bed until my name was the only word you knew."

Your breath caught on a moan. You rubbed your finger over your clit, massaging it as you imagined him fulfilling his words. "Would you use my mouth?" you asked breathily.

"Until you could no longer speak."

You cursed under your breath, craving his touch all the more as you fed on the filthy images he put in your head. "I need you, Tom," you whimpered, chasing a high you could not achieve well enough without him.

"I know," he husked. "Keep moaning like that for me."

You did, pleasuring yourself as well as you could. You heard a quiet grunt in his voice across the line and smiled. "Are you touching yourself, Tommy?"

He huffed a breath, listening to you whimper again. "Yeah," he groaned. "Yes, I am, love. You make it hard not to with sounds like that."

You spoke between moans. "I am, too." Obviously, he knew that, but the admission made it all the more erotic. "My hands aren't as big as yours and my fingers aren't as skilled…" You sighed gently, "But your voice is enough to get me off."

Your fingers plunged inside of you, not half as fulfilling as Tommy's as you worked at your clit. "What else would you do to me?"

The sounds of his hand pumping his cock, fast and wet, reached the phone as you listened to the slick sound behind his sighs and groans. "I'd hold you down," he said. "I'd hold you down and shove my cock so deep inside of you." He cursed under his breath as your moans became a little louder, your limbs tingling with a daunting release. "I'd make you fucking scream for me when I hold you down and fill you up."

You moaned loudly that time, so close. Just brushing the edge of pleasure. "Tommy," your voice was insistent, higher-pitched and desperate. "Fuck, Tom."

He was breathless as he listened to you. "I'd fucking breed you," he whispered. "I'd fill you up and breed you, and you would carry my child."

You muffled a rough moan before gasping for breath. "I'm gonna cum, Tom. Fuck, I'm gonna cum for you."

"Then fucking cum."

Your release hit you then, washing over you like a refreshing wave. Not half as powerful as his hands would have made it, but certainly not discontented. His name fell from your tongue again and again as you came, clutching the phone tightly in your grip and wishing it was him.

"That's it," he rasped, his breath choppy. "That's right. Say my name, love."

"Oh, Tommy," you sighed.

You listened to a dark groan rumble in his throat, your brain becoming dizzy with the sound of his panting breath as his own orgasm burst through him. Your name was the word falling from his lips, as if your hands had been the one wrapped around his cock (as you wished they had been). Your heart pounded in his chest as you listened to him cum.

Silence settled as your highs subsided and your breaths steadied. The buzz of pleasure dulled until your hazy mind was cleared enough to think straight.

You were the one to break the silence, to long for his voice so much that the comfort of the quiet was not pleasing enough to keep you from feeding your addiction.

"When are you coming back, Tommy?"

He sighed. There was a pause. "When business here is done."

"When is that?"

"Soon," he said. "Soon." He almost seemed as dismayed by the answer as you.

Your chest ached. "I miss you." That was the third time you said that, bringing far too much truth and desperation to the words as you both let it settle in.

"Just keep talking," he spoke, his voice taking on a different kind of depth as it became soft once more. "Tell me about school. How are the children?" You heard the sound of Tommy's lighter as he flicked it on for a cigarette. "Or your sisters, how are they?"

Your eyes wandered to the clock again. "But it's late, darling, and you need sleep."

"I don't need to sleep right now," he dismissed.

You rolled your eyes. "Yes, you do."

He paused, and the silence built for just a moment before he spoke again. "Why don't we flip a coin then?" You raised a brow. "Heads, and I'll go to sleep. Tails, you tell me about your sisters and the school. Deal?"

Your lips twitched in a tiny smile, and you sighed. "Okay. Flip a coin, then."

You listened to some rustling for just a moment, and then relative silence on his end. When he spoke again, he seemed to be smiling. "What is it?" you asked.

"Tails."

"Are you lying to me?"

"Yes."

You laughed, actually laughed. He called you pathetic when you were moaning underneath him, but there he was lying to keep you on the phone for the pleasure of your company. And, although he'd never admit it, he was definitely the pathetic one when he was weak at the sound of your laughter.

"Okay," you said once your laughter eased to a small giggle. "Well, my littlest sister has officially started at my school. She's teaching the year beneath me. I'm so proud of her."

Tommy sat there and listened to you talk, keeping you there for hours. Every time you suggested it had been too long, he found another excuse to keep you talking, and you complied because you couldn't think of anything you'd enjoy less than ending your call. He may have been selfish, but so were you.

Even as the morning sun was beginning to bleed through his curtains, he listened to your voice. He listened to it slow, dragging behind as the exhaustion creeped in more and more. He listened to your words becoming quieter and quieter until you no longer finished your sentences. And when your words stopped altogether, he stayed back a little while after that to listen to your gentle breaths.

Then he hung up and pushed himself to his feet. He had business to take care of.

Fire and ash and dust. That's all your family seemed good for at this point.

Aberama Gold was dead.

Your father was dead.

Granted, a lot of people died that night but fuck. You'd lost your brother, and now your father has joined him in that shithole of a death and left your sisters in your care. Again.

It had been three years of relative peace. You had thought that maybe—just maybe—he would die a normal death. Tommy had returned from America after the stock market crashed, business got bad and foes entered the arena again. Your father, naturally, went to his side. You'd begged whatever cruel gods there were that what took him would be something natural—old age or fucking illness.

To be murdered the way he was… He wasn't supposed to die that way, he wasn't. You hadn't taken care of your family as well as you had for both your brother and father to be so violently killed.

Now the flames licked at the remains of his life, engulfed in fire and likely damning his soul to hell.

You were so tired of losing people. You hoped and prayed for it to stop as you tried to sleep that night. You begged for it all to end when you met that bird in your dreams once again after three short years of silence, feeding off your grief like a vulture.

Tommy had never seen you at such a low.

He'd seen the blaring lights of your car in the front, watched them shut off through the window. He didn't know, at first, that it was you. He just assumed it was someone coming for business—despite the hour—and that he would handle it when he got to it.

But when he heard voices in the main room, voices that were very clearly not from any man and wouldn't be from his sister, he stood from his desk and went to meet it.

He found you there with Charlie, holding one of his toys and laughing when he laughed as you played with him. Tommy watched, fine at first at the way you handled him, so gentle and sweet, a natural caregiver. Charlie's enchanted by you and your sweetness.

But something was off, and he knew it. You'd just lost your father and now you were here, likely waiting for him.

"Mary," Tommy called gently. You only noticed he was standing there then as you turned your head and gave him a wide smile. Your eyes were droopy and glazed over as you slouched where you sat.

Mary arrived quickly, awaiting instruction. "Take Charlie to bed please." She did, walking up to the little boy with a smile as she took his hand. He waved at you, and you waved back.

When Charlie's gone, you stare off in the direction you left with a sigh. "Your little Charlie's so sweet, Tom," you smiled, turning to face him for a moment. You sighed and let your hands fall to your belly, "I want one of me own one day."

He hummed, walking over to you. "Until then," he leaned down and lifted you to your feet, "you need your sleep."

"No." You shook your head quickly. Your words slurred together. "No, no, I don't need to sleep." He walked with you down the hall, and you fought him (although not effectively, just insistently). "If I sleep, I dream. If I dream, I dream of a big, black bird."

You turned around and started walking the opposite way down the hall as he tried to usher you toward the stairs. He followed after you, wrapping his arms around your midsection and holding you there as his lips lingered behind your ear. "The black bird came and went."

You shook your head, leaning your head back on his shoulder and staring at the ceiling with a far off look and a smile that didn't match your grief. "He's still there, darling." You sighed shakily. "Gets bigger every night."

He stood there for a moment with his arms around your waist before dipping down to pick you up in his arms, carrying you up the stairs like a bride. "No one is dying, Miss Gold," he ensured. "Not your sisters and definitely not you."

He carried you all the way up as you turned to face him, worry in your face. "And what about you, Tommy?" You stared at him as he continued down the hall. You raised a hand to his cheek cradling it for a moment. "Are you dying?"

He stared at you, standing in the doorway of his room. He could smell the liquor on your lips, he could see the glaze in your eyes as they stare at you, unfocused. He shook his head. "No," he said. "Not today." He licked his lips and walked farther into the room, closing the door behind him. "My work isn't done yet."

You chuckled, brushing your fingers along his jawline. "The black bird comes for us all." Your smile turned sour as you stared at him before your eyes dropped to his lips.

Tommy sighed. "Not tonight." He lowered you onto the bed, grabbing the covers to try to put over you. "Now go to sleep."

You pushed the covers off you, sitting up on your knees and taking his face in your hands. "I don't want to sleep, darling."

He held his hands to your waist. "No? What do you want?"

You put it bluntly, your words sticky and attempting sultry seduction. It's harder when you're drunk.

"I want you," you moaned, kissing his lips briefly as you speak. "I want you to fuck me. Want you to pin me to the ground and shove your cock in me, sir." You leaned back on your elbows, spreading your legs for him. "Take my mind from the pain in my heart and put it on the pain in my knees."

Tommy watched you. He leaned forward and cupped the side of your neck in his palm. His dark eyes looked up and down your face, lingering on your lips as you smiled at him. He shook his head, "I'm not going to fuck you." Your smile fell, and you looked like you would cry. "Not until I know you're okay, and right now, you need sleep."

He shifted you to lay back against the pillows. You still wouldn't comply, placing a hand on his chest and keeping me back. "Don't make me sleep, Tommy." You seemed almost desperate, but the fatigue was still etched in the expression on your face, there in the depths of your eyes. "Please. I can be such a good girl if you let me."

He was unyielding, urging you back with gentle hands. "Be my good girl and lie down." He kicked his shoes off, undoing the top buttons of his shirt to pull it over his head and unfastening his belt.

"Tom," you mumbled, still refusing, even if your movements are becoming weaker by the second.

"Come on, next to me," he said gently, settling into the bed with you as he pulled you close to him.

"Thomas," you whispered.

He shook his head, "Sleep now." He pressed his lips to your forehead, trying to soothe you. You shifted and kissed his lips, moving your leg over his body to sit on top of him as you smoothed your hands on his chest. You reached down to undo the button of his pants.

Tommy wasn't having it. You wouldn't be getting your way tonight if he could help it as he grabbed your hands. He rolled you over onto your back as he now hovered above you. His hands held your own at either side of your head, keeping you pressed into the bed as he stared down at you.

Your eyes bore into his own and you held your breath as he leaned forward. You lifted your head as much as you could, wanting to meet you in the middle. His face stopped just out of your reach as he shook his head. "Sleep."

He moved off of you, laying down and pulling you onto his chest. He took your hand in his, holding it as the other one rubbed soothing into your back.

You stared at him as he eased you to sleep, and he did the same. He watched your eyelid grow too heavy for you to keep open. He listened to your breath even out. He felt your body go limp against him as finally…you fell asleep next to him.

He kissed your forehead and rested back to do the same.

Breath filled your lungs as the bite of consciousness nipped at your heels. Your eyes fluttered open and you looked around, finding yourself in a familiar place with the familiar feeling of Tommy Shelby's chest under your cheek.

And for a split second, you forget everything. You forget the death of your brother, the death of your father, the grief of your sisters and yourself. You forget it all in favour of this moment with Tommy, peaceful and undisturbed.

But then it all came back, and you were shoved back to the reality where your family was dying and you still had to hold it all together.

Your mind was clearer now, the alcohol had washed away and made the weight of it all heavier to bear. You were tired, you were miserable, and all you wanted to do was wade off into the stream and sleep.

Your breath caught in your throat and shook. The pain in your chest and in your stomach twisted, wetting your face and encouraging the tiny sob you tried so hard to keep in. You didn't want to disturb, not when he slept so peacefully next to you with an arm tucked around your body. But your cries, however quiet, roused him from his rest.

He eased up to look down at you. Shushing you softly, he pulled you in closer and placed a hand to your cheek to have you look at him. His thumb wiped your tears away as it came, smearing them on the skin of your cheeks as he placed a tender kiss to your forehead. You want to cherish it more—tenderness is not a word associated with this man—but you can only lean into it and nothing more.

You buried your head into the crook of his neck, hiding your face there. "It hurts, Tommy," you breathed.

"I know it does," he said. He stroked a hand along your head, rubbing your back. "Go back to sleep."

You shook your head. "I don't want to sleep."

He sighed, pulling you from his neck to stroke your cheeks as he looked at your face, streaked with tears he wiped away. "Maybe not, but you need to."

You shook your head, placing a hand over his chest. "I want to feel something else, Tommy," you confessed. You smoothed your hand up the length of his chest, up the side of his neck as you cradled him. "I want you. I want you to take me like you did the first time." Memories of that night flooded into you. "Be rough with me, Tommy. Be hard and mean, make me cry."

You leaned forward, pressing your lips against his as your eyes fluttered closed. He leaned into you, slotting your lips with his as the kiss sank into a depth he knew too well with you, a depth he knew he shouldn't have had with you but did anyway. You sighed at the feeling of it, and he did the same.

As the kiss broke with a tiny smack, he cradled your cheek in his large palm. He sighed, "No."

You frowned and ducked your head against his chest. "Please, Tommy," you whispered, broken and helpless.

He lifted your face again, pressing his lips to yours once more in another very slow and very soft kiss. The warm feeling washed over you and provided a comfort you find it hard to keep. "Don't worry, love," he said as he pulled away. "I'll make you cry."

He sat up, turning over so you laid on the sheets and he leaned over you, his hands on either side of your head in the pillows. "But I'm not going to hurt you," he kissed your lips, "and I'm not going to yell," your jaw, "and I'm not going to call you names," your neck. His hand stroked up your chest, and you thought he'd clasp it around your neck. Instead, he held his palm gently against the side of your neck and kissed you again. As he pulled away, he stared into your eyes, his piercing blues and little less piercing and a little more soothing. He looked at you like you were the stars.

"I'm going to make love to you."

He leaned down and kissed your neck again, tilting your head away to give him more access to press his lips against the skin of your throat. They slid down, not a trace of teeth, only lips and tongue and a kind of tenderness that made you shiver.

One of his legs, buried between your thighs, shifted up to ghost over the ache there. You bit your lip, a small mewl slipping between them at the feeling of your pleasure.

But you didn't want tenderness. You didn't want him to make love to you. You wanted him to shove you to the floor and fuck you like you weren't worth anything. You wanted him to take you over his lap and smack your arse. You wanted him to make you take his cock down your throat and keep it there until he decided it was enough.

But that was not what he did.

Tommy kissed you and kissed you. He ghosted his hands over your body and stroked your skin like you were made of glass. He slipped your clothes off of you and set them neatly to the side, doing the same to the rest of his own. He grazed his lips along your body and let his tongue adore the flesh he could reach. He tasted the sweetness of your skin. He filled your body with pleasure and intimacy and so much care.

"Relax," he whispered, his voice rumbling in his chest as he spoke. "You're alright, love. Let me take care of you."

You couldn't take it. It was too gentle, too fond, too much filling that ache inside of you that had become so permanent in your life, you'd forgotten it was ever even there. Even as you tried to press his head closer, he was gentle. Even as you moved your hips up to meet him, he was gentle. Even as you dug your nails into his skin, wanting to rile him up until he forgot his care and took you like a dog, he was gentle.

Because you needed it.

He lifted your thighs over his shoulders, settling between them as he darted his tongue out and licked a long strip up your pussy. You sighed when his lips closed around your clit and he suckled on it. His tongue licked you up in slow, soft laps, dipping between your folds and curling.

"Tommy, please," you begged, tangling your hands in his hair and tugging. The feeling was too nice, too kind. It writhed in your gut, tingled in your fingers. You needed the burn, you needed the fire. But he would only give you the warmth and closeness that made your throat tight.

His finger played at your pussy, coating him in your slick before slipping into you, a slow thrust in and out as he pushed it in deep. You watched him, whimpering pathetically and hoping your weakness will make him dangerous.

That's how it goes right? Taunt a beast with fresh blood and he'll attack?

But Tommy didn't seem to be holding the values of a beast tonight. His kind fingers filled your pussy and stroked inside of you. He licked and kissed and stroked until you began to tighten around him. His thumb pressed to your clit, rubbing slow, sure circles into it to build you higher and higher.

You were so used to his cruelty, the way he brought you to your pique with gentle hands was so foreign as you moaned. The pleasure wasn't blinding. It unfurled in your belly and then spread over the rest of your body. It loosened all the tension in your muscle and bone, it soothed your blood and lessened the crushing weight on your shoulders. You opened your legs wider, spreading yourself open for more as you keened for his touch.

"Good girl," he whispered to you, his fingers still working away. "Good, breathe." He didn't stop, even as you were coming down from your high. His fingers kept at it, his lips kissed the slick from your folds and whispered praises to you that you never thought you'd hear from him. "I'm right here. You're not alone."

"Tom," you huffed, cradling his cheek in one hand. "Thomas."

Your breaths filled your lungs, made you dizzy with him, surrounded by his scent and his touch. "I know, love," he said. "You're doing great."

His lips met your clit again. His tongue delved into your cunt and licked the wetness off of you. He kept you spread open wide for him as he painted his empathy into you.

He continued to whisper to you as he stroked your clit through to your second orgasm, watching your back arch and your chest expand and listening to your breath shudder through your weak moan. The pleasure washed over like waves on the shore of a beach.

Tommy let your legs down and kissed your belly, an open-mouthed kiss that let's his tongue graze your skin. He moved back up your body, aiming to kiss you again before stopping at your breasts. He took one of them in his hand, squeezing gently and brushing his thumb over your nipple.

Shivers rushed down your spine at the feeling, even more so when he leaned forward and took your nipple into his mouth. His tongue flicked it, hardening it to a peak as he licked the tip into your nipple. He rolled it in his mouth, playing with it in the way only he knew how, feeding off your sighs of pleasure.

When that one was hard enough, he switched to the other side, giving it the same treatment as he rolled the other between his thumb and forefinger. You brought your hands to his hair, your grasp much looser as you held onto him.

"Tommy, please kiss me," you sighed as he spent too much time away from your lips. He relented to you, roles reversed as he moved to do exactly that. His lips were warm and plump against yours, still tasting of your slick as his tongue brushed your own and he sucked gently on your bottom lip.

He pulled at you, staring with pupils wide as dimes. His knuckles grazed along your jaw. "Do you want my cock, love?" he asked.

You nodded, crossing your arms at your wrists above your head and wrapping your legs around his waist. "Yes, sir," you nearly begged. "I want it rough."

It was a last ditch effort.

But Tommy shook his head, taking your wrists and pulling them back down to kiss. "No," he said. "You're not getting it rough." He moved your arms around his neck, and you held them there.

Your frown deepened. "Please, sir."

He shook his head. "Use my name."

"Sir?"

"Use my name," he said again, his voice holding a whisper of the dominance you were used to while remaining the soft and gentle whisper you weren't. "What's my name?"

"Thomas Shelby." You were really just trying to get a rise out of him. Again, last ditch effort. Maybe he'd break and fuck you like you wanted it. So hard, you forgot everything that had been hurting you.

"What is my name?" he repeated himself. You felt like it was the last time he would.

"Tommy," you whispered, leaning forward to rest your forehead against his. He did the same, kissing your lips quickly.

"Do you want me?"

"Badly."

"Then I'll give me to you. I'm going to make love to you," he lined himself up with you, stroking the hard length of himself a couple of times. "I'm going to be gentle," he kissed your lips, "and I'm going to be slow," he pressed the head of his cock at your folds, "And I'm going to make you cry."

With one thrust of his hips, he pushed himself inside of you, splitting you on his cock and filling you with his length. A deep sigh slipped out of both of you as your eyes fluttered. He pressed himself all the way inside of you, buried to the hilt and lingered there.

"I'm going to do this because you deserve it," he continued, his voice strained with a slight grunt. His hips eased back, pulling out slowly to the tip before pushing back in. "Because you are gentle," he rolled his hips into you, "and loving," he pulled out to the tip again, "and you don't get nearly enough of it back." He filled you again, you gasped.

His body weight on top of yours was a comfort. He didn't drop all of his weight on top of you, but what he did give was a pleasant pressure on your body. You wrapped yourself as tightly around him as you could, trying to bury your face in his shoulder and being stopped when he pulled you back to look him in the eyes. He stared at you, gazed into the depths of your eyes as he continued to speak, his words a whisper and his tenderness a salve to a broken heart.

"You deserve so much," he grunted. The drag of his cock inside of you was intoxicating, and you wanted more. But he did not change. His pace was slow and steady and filled you with so much emotion, you felt you were going to burst. You were struggling to hold it all in.

"You're beautiful," he said.

You shook your head, "Stop."

"You're lovely."

You tried to turn away, he kept you looking him in the eyes. "Tommy, please."

He held your jaw, still kind, and gazed into your eyes like he was afraid you wouldn't hear him otherwise. "You're fucking perfect."

You broke into a sob, quiet but all-consuming. His hips didn't stop, he kept thrusting in long, deep strokes, grinding his hips into yours and wiping your tears. "You hear me? Eh?" he said, kissing you again. "You're fucking perfect."

His praise was too much for you. He was too nice. You were too used to nice, but kindness coming from a person like this—a man who had fucked you into the floor and called you a filthy whore, a man who had bought you with a penny and used you like a toy—it gave a kind of pleasure you couldn't quite explain as he stroked your cheeks and wiped your tears and told you that you were perfect.

"Anyone who tells you different is a fucking liar," he whispered in your ear, grinding in deep. "You're fucking beautiful and you're lovely and you're perfect. I need you to know that, I need you to know how fucking perfect you are."

You cupped his face in your hands, cherishing him as he spoke, as he thrusted into you, as he filled you with his care and praise and promise. "Do you hear me?" he asked as you closed your eyes shut, overcome by your tears. "Open your eyes and look at me. I need you to see me when I call you my fucking girl."

You whimpered, sighing with every thrust of his hips and holding him to you with your legs and arms. His breath shuddered as he pressed himself deep inside you, your bodies pressed flat together, and rolled his hips into you, stroking that deep part of you that had you gasping for breath.

"Thomas, ahh," you keen, your breath catching on a moan.

He was pressing kisses into the crook of your neck, ghosting his lips where he could reach pressed so closely to you. Your breath shook and your eyes fluttered as you focused on nothing but Tommy, being his girl, being his. You wanted it more than you wanted to admit.

One of his large hands pressed to your cheek as he turned you to look at him. "You said you wanted a baby of your own, eh? I'll put one in you right now. I'd have you growing round with my fucking child." His hips jerked once, a stuttered thrust pulling a moan from you at the idea. "The perfect mother for my child."

A broken sob pulled from your chest at his words, the thought of him having such a claim on you intoxicating you with warmth. Your heart pounded in your chest, and you still pulled him in closer as your bodies were pulled flush together.

She watched him above her, his eyes not quite as cold and piercing, his lips two kisses from swollen, and his cheeks pink with the blood rushing through his veins. His hands on your hips tightened as you met his gaze. Then he let go of you, and you missed the warmth of his palms until his finger intertwined with your own and his thumbs brushed the meat of your palms. He pulled them above your head, pulling both hands into one of his and burying his other hand between your thighs to play with your swollen clit.

"Thomas," you whispered, your voice shallow and breathy and teetering on a moan. You whispered his name again, and again, and again as you felt the pleasure building within you.

His rhythm began to falter, his hips not as steady as before as your whispers of his name beckoned him closer to his release. He cursed under his breath, his chest heavy with breath and something else.

He felt as your pussy tightened around him, squeezing and warming his already hot cock as you grew closer to that tender embrace of ecstasy. "Fuck," he muttered. "Cum for me, love. Let it all go."

And you did. Your back arched and your jaw went slack, your muscles tightened and you fluttered around his cock as you came. A loud moan rolled out of you like the tidal wave that washed over you. You stuttered out his name as you felt him bury his cock deep inside of you as he ground his hips, groaning roughly as he finally came with you.

You wrapped your legs tighter around him as he spilled inside of you, filling you with his cum and making the warmth of it all spread throughout your tired limbs. "Tommy," you whimpered, your voice caught in the pleasure. "Fuck, I love you."

It was a string of words that left your lips in a rush, a fantasy that clawed its way to the surface and revealed something you weren't quite sure you knew yourself. It took you a moment to even realise what had left your mouth, you were so drowned in the dreamlike state he put you in.

Tommy's thrusts slowed to a stop as he stared at your face, his lips parted and plump. He didn't pull out of you or say a word. He lifted a hand to your cheek and brushed his thumb over your skin. You stilled as you stared at him, your heart pounding in fear of his response.

He still didn't speak for a while, watching your face and wiping away the fallen tears streaking on your skin. He licked his lower lip.

"Say it again."

Another tear slipped as you watched him, swallowing the lump in your throat. "I'm sorry," you murmured. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it. It's nothing."

He lifted his chin slightly, rolling his thumb on your bottom lip before releasing it gently. "So you don't love me?"

You didn't respond. You couldn't lie to him, even if you tried. You had only just realised it yourself, only just succumbed to your rogue subconscious and blurted out a secret thought in the heat of the moment. A thought too true for you to deny as you stared at the blue eyes you had spent months—years—memorising, the plush lips your own had kissed a million times over.

"Do you love me?" he asked, his face barely an inch from yours once again. "Hm?"

You swallowed thickly, your voice was hardly a whisper. "Yes."

"Then say it again."

You sighed shakily and licked your bottom lip. "I love you…Tommy."

He closed his eyes and breath in deep, letting it out slowly and softly as he repeated the words in his head like a broken record. You waited in anticipation of his response.

He leaned forward and met your lips with his own, the kiss slow and soft and endearing, brimming with care.

"Good," he whispered back, his voice rough and quiet. "Because I love you, too. Right here, right now, without a doubt… I love you."

You brought your hands to wrap around his neck and pulled him in. He thought you were going to kiss him, but you just held him tightly against your body as you closed your eyes and cried. For the longest time, with your bodies pressed together, with his cock still snug inside of you, with your tears slipping down your cheeks and into your hairline, you cried.

He petted you, stroking his hand along your hair and holding you to him. He let you cry without interruption, without shushing you and telling you "it's okay". He let you sob against him with all the love and grief and care and anger in your heart.

And when your cries subsided and you were able to breathe again, he rolled onto his side and brought you with him as he kissed you again, just as tender and loving as the ones before.

You laid your head on your chest, sniffling gently as your finger smoothed along his skin. "Do you really love me?" you asked quietly.

He nodded, thinking on the way holding you right then made him feel, the nostalgic feeling that filled his homes at the reminder of a love he'd once held in the past, one that still haunts him to this day and only eased with the idea of you. "Yes."

You nodded gently. "You ever been in love before?"

He was a little more hesitant this time, but he still nodded once more as his hand stroked your shoulder. "Yes." He glanced down at you, "Have you?"

You shook your head, "Not like this…" He didn't reply, and you swallowed thickly. "Do you…" You let out a tiny breath. "Do you think I'm going to have a baby now?"

He looked at you and grinned, a look that made you warm. "Hopefully," he chuckled. He leaned back again and closed his eyes, "Gives me an excuse to put a ring on your finger."

You sat up and looked at him, surprise written across your face. "A ring? Already?"

He opened his clear eyes again, still smiling. "I've already decided I'm not letting anyone else have you. So, yes, already." He leaned forward, meeting you halfway in another kiss. "I'm marrying you, love."

You smiled slowly, letting it grow and grow and grow until your cheeks hurt and then after. Glancing away from his face, you let out a tiny chuckle. You eased your way out of the bed, out of his embrace, and went to his coat where you fished a coin from his pockets.

Slipping back into bed next to him, you fiddled with the coin between your fingers. "I'll flip you for it," you smiled. "Heads–"

He took the coin from your hand. "Heads, you marry me. Tails, I marry you. Either way, we're getting married, we're having that baby, and you're stuck with me forever." He tossed the coin away so it landed somewhere on the floor where you couldn't see it with a loud drawl.

You bit your bottom lip, failing to contain a beautiful smile. You nodded, "Okay." You kissed his lips, grinning still as you just kept nodding. "Okay."

"Good," he said, holding you close again and stroking your side. "You're mine, Mrs. Shelby."

You couldn't hold in the chuckle that slipped from your lips. "Well," you sighed happily. "A deal's a deal."

Peaky Blinders taglist: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @goblinjnr @papichulo120627 @globetrotter28 Tag yourself here...

#tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby #tommy shelby smut #tommy shelby x reader smut #tommy shelby x female reader #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader smut #thomas shelby smut #thomas shelby fanfiction #peaky blinders #peaky blinders fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #smut #reader insert #female reader

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loki-cees-all · 4 months

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Hello and hi, my lovely!

I have this scenario for you that I sometimes think about.

How would Loki react if you (the mortal he might have feelings for but he’s not quite certain yet) were the only one to acknowledge his birthday? Maybe you put up a few balloons and even buy him a little cupcake with a candle on it? How would he react?

Happiest of birthdays to you! You’re a joy to know!! I love you!! 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

Cupcake For a God {Avengers!Loki x Avengers!Reader}

Cee's Loki Fic Masterlist / AO3 Link

Pairing : Avengers!Loki x Avengers!Reader

Summary : Loki’s birthday is approaching, and it forces himself to reconcile who he wants to be versus who he actually is, and to reflect on his almost certainly unrequited feelings for you.

But what if the feelings weren’t unrequited?

W/c : 1.9k words

Content/Warnings : Angst, a bit of fluff

Author's Note : I swear I tried so hard to make this not so angsty! Please forgive me, Saz! 😭😭😭

⊱ ── ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅ ── ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ── ⊰

There were a lot of things for Loki to dislike about living on Midgard.

For starters, he was being forced to live there, inside Stark Tower with the other Avengers as penance for his crimes. It was only fitting, they’d told him, that he should assist in their efforts to keep the mortals safe because he was the reason they needed protecting in the first place.

Loki didn’t bother telling them what Thanos had done to him after he fell from the Bifrost; truthfully, he still didn’t quite understand it himself. That entire year was a blur to him - a painful concoction of lies and manipulations and tears and blood that left him unable to tell the difference between fact and fiction, even almost two years after the torture had began.

He didn’t want anyone to know how weak he was, about how much he’d lost himself. If they knew how vulnerable he was, they might decide he wasn’t worth the trouble and send him to the dungeons of Asgard instead.

Another thing he disliked was the forced pleasantries and unnecessary rituals humans had developed with each other, and by extension, him. The humans would smile as they past him by on the street, but it was a falsity every time; the sentiment never reached their eyes, and Loki could smell their fear from several blocks away.

Loki knew they didn’t actually care how his day was going, that their concern only went as far as making sure he wasn’t on the verge of invading with another alien force under his command. He wasn’t, but honestly, if it meant everyone kept their distance, then he wasn’t going to argue with it.

It wasn’t fair to say that Loki preferred being alone, but he was certainly used to it, and that was in direct contradiction of the forced socialization he had to endure on Midgard - press conferences, team building exercises (which Loki believed was just an excuse to consume copious amounts of food and drink), training sessions, something called “movie nights”, and missions across the world to dismantle S.H.I.E.L.D.’s various bunkers and bases.

It was so much talking, and even more listening. So much lying and pretending that everything was fine, that Loki didn’t feel like a caged monster, and that everyone else wasn’t waiting for the littlest thing to completely set him off.

But Loki was trying as hard as he could to ignore the dull ache that haunted his dreams and every waking moment. He knew he had hurt people, he knew he needed to make up for his grievous transgressions, but he didn’t know how else to make up for it all. So he pressed on, through the discomfort and awkwardness, in the hope that one day everything might become a little easier.

The one bright side to all of this, the one shimmering ray of light amidst the sea of gray, was you. Loki didn’t quite know what to make of his attraction to you - was it real, or was it just your absence of fear in his presence? Had it just been too long since he’d felt the touch of another, or were you actually everything he’d ever wanted?

Loki almost didn’t want to find out, in case it wasn’t real. Because your smile reached your eyes every time you looked at him, and your laughter was like sparks blowing across the embers of a dying fire…but he couldn’t shake the fear that it could just be another trick.

Perhaps his mind still hadn’t fully recovered from Thanos’ torture. Maybe Thor had put you up to this, as a way of making assimilation easier for him.

Because why else would you look at him like that? Why would you go out of your way to sit next to him during the team’s movie nights? Why else would you lean towards him on the couch and fall asleep against the shoulder of a villain, of a monster, of a fool?

It was stupid, and pointless, and illogical, and just like him to irrationally want something he couldn’t ever have. He was a God, and you were a mortal, and it would ultimately end in heartache either way. So while he had the chance, Loki forced himself to remain content and to just linger in the question of what if you could want him too.

The final thing about Midgard, and the one he despised the most, was the mortal obsession with birthdays. Loki was grateful the Asgardians never paid any attention to such silly and exhausting traditions - which was surprising, considering how much Asgardians loved frivolity.

So he really shouldn’t have been shocked when Thor discovered, and subsequently fell in love with, the concept of birthdays. His brother immediately requested his mortal companion Jane to perform the necessary calculations to determine the Midgardian equivalent of Thor’s birthdate - and Loki’s as well, which his brother gleefully announced to the entire team and embarrassed him to the deepest pits of his soul.

A massive celebration was planned for Thor, with enough food and drink to sustain a small country, and on the special night, flashing lights and loud music bathed the massive common room of Stark Tower in merriment and laughter. Everyone was invited, and it would have been rude for Loki to not make an appearance - but it wasn’t because he wanted to admire you in your party dress, although that was a very lovely bonus.

But as gorgeous as you looked - the longer the party went on, the sadder Loki became. Everyone was talking, smiling, and dancing, congratulating Thor on his many accomplishments and swapping happy stories of all the good times they’d had together. It was painful to witness, to know for a fact that no such party would be happening for himself when his birthday rolled around.

Loki tried telling himself that he didn’t want it, and that he’d be miserable during it. He tried convincing himself that it would be too loud, and too bawdy, and vain, and that he didn’t need other people’s reassurances that they were happy he was there with them. He told himself he didn’t need it at all, that he was completely fine without it. But it was a lie, so of course it didn’t work.

As the days approached to Loki’s birthday, he became even more withdrawn than usual. With the exceptions of necessary missions or training, he stopped leaving his room. He was silent during travel on the Quinjet, and refused your invitations to further movie nights, even though the disappointment on your face ripped him apart in ways he’d never experienced before.

He felt like he deserved to suffer, to collapse in on himself like a dying star because he knew he’d never be worthy of the love and attention his older brother seemed to collect so effortlessly. It wasn’t Thor’s fault; it was just Loki’s lot in life. And the further he receded, the more likely his heartache would be justified, and he couldn’t be surprised if he was already disappointed.

The evening of his birthday was the worst night he’d experienced in a long time, not since the day he let go of the Bifrost. Loki didn’t even come out of his room for dinner that night, choosing instead to feast on pain, and anguish, and regret, and all the feelings he hadn’t ever had the time to process over his thousand years of existence.

Thor tried several times to lure him out of his room, to no avail. Loki wouldn’t leave - no, he couldn’t leave. He couldn’t bring himself to witness the fact that they’d done nothing special for him, even though he’d be furiously uncomfortable if they did.

As the hours passed, he tried to distract himself with sleep, and then reading, but neither did the trick. Eventually, he curled up on the window seat of his private quarters, wrapped himself in furs and pressed his forehead against the glass, watching the tiny little mortals going about their nights in blissful ignorance of the god suffering fifty floors above them.

And Loki was so lost that he could barely respond to the cautious knock on his door, the one that threatened to pull him away from his misery. But his heart leapt in his throat when he heard your voice calling his name, and he wanted so much to let you in, to feel you next to him.

But the urge to say something cruel, to push you away and continue on alone, was just as strong. Loki didn’t know which to concede to, even as his feet slowly carried him to the door. He didn’t know what he was going to say, even while his fingers raked through his messy curls and rubbed the pain from his eyes.

He felt ridiculous as he hesitated to open the door; he was a God, and once the most fearsome villain this entire planet had ever seen - but here he was, nervous and split open and too raw to simply open a door and look upon a beautiful woman while he was hiding away from his birthday.

There was a soft rustling sound on the other side of the door, and Loki’s forehead rested against the wood as he heard your footsteps quietly retreating down the hallway. He’d waited too long, paralyzed by his self-indulgent indecision, and it had pushed you away.

He thought about yanking the door open and calling after you. He considered begging for you to come back. He desperately wanted to wrap his arms around you and to pull you closer, but all he could manage was to gently pull the door open after he was sure you were gone.

On the floor of the hallway, waiting patiently and comfortably for him, was a beautifully-decorated cupcake and a note resting on a small paper plate. A single candle rose out of the emerald and sapphire swirls of frosting, and the pink paper was folded in half, with his name written in the loveliest cursive on the outside.

Loki fought back tears as he retrieved the gift from the floor, and he cautiously balanced the plate in one hand while holding the note in the other.

Hey Loki,

I know birthdays are hard; they’re hard for me too. But hopefully this treat makes you smile, even just for a second.

I’ll be awake for a little while longer - stop by my room if you need to talk. I promise I won’t find it weird :)

XOXO

P.S. I’m really glad you’re here, even if you’re not ready to accept that yet.

He swallowed hard as he stared at the most generous gift he’d ever received. He didn’t know if you even fully understood what you’d just done for him. He fervently wanted to go after you, and he desperately wanted to continue hiding.

But you’d extended an invitation, one he could feasibly take you up on. No one would argue it wasn’t in his right to do so. And Gods above, he wanted to, more than anything else he’d ever wanted. But would it be worth it, or would it just make everything worse?

Loki tore his damp and heavy eyes away from the note and glanced up and down the hallway. He shut his door, just as quietly as he’d opened it, wondering if it would be a mistake to allow his heart guide him to where he’d rather be.

⊱ ── ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅ ── ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ── ⊰

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brooooswriting · 6 months

Note

Hi. I really love your writing. I would like to request a natasha x female reader shot. They have been dating for a long time, which started only two months after y/n joins the team. They are a very happy couple. One day, y/n had a mission with clint and he ended up getting injured. Natasha blames y/n as he is her best friend and they met long before nat started dating y/n. Even when y/n said that she did try to protect clint, nat did not believe her. They had a huge argument and nat says something that hurts y/n. After the fight, y/n try to patch up her relationship with natasha. Even when nat keeps hurting and ignoring y/n, she never gives up. Two weeks after the fight, they have a mission together with Yelena. Nat stays on the quinjet and yelena and y/n enter the base. They were then ambushed. Even though y/n is already injured, she just thinks about keeping yelena safe as she is afraid that nat will get even more angry at her if yelena is injured. Yelena get out unscathed but y/n is seriously injured. Before she pass out on the quinjet, she says " i hope you are no longer angry at me. i saved your sister." at natasha. Either y/n survives or not i will leave that up to you. Please keep it long and as angsty as possible. Sorry for the long request. I just really love your story. Happy writing.

Your fault

Natasha Romanoff x reader (romantic), Maria hill x reader (platonic), avengers x reader (platonic)

Becoming a part of the avengers was the best thing that has ever happened to you. You finally felt like you did something for the society, you used your time right and you met some of the greatest people ever. Including Natasha, the love of your life. Only two months after joining she asked you out and the rest has been history. That was now three years ago and you two were the happiest and best couple anybody knew, you were communicative and understanding. Every argument you ever had was solved in a matter of hours.

Until one particular mission.

You were out with Clint and everything went wrong. Every. Damn. Thing. It started with some wrong coordinates from a newbie you’d definitely get fired once you were out of this. You ended up somewhere completely different, making you way later than you were supposed to be.

But at that time, you and Clint thought it was going to be okay. After all the building was supposed to be empty, two to three agents at max. So you went inside with barely any equipment or weapons. The only thing you were supposed to do was clear the hardware, something the two of you had done countless times. Out of nowhere a couple of dozen agents started to appear, forming around you. It was a hard fight and you both barely got out, once you got out of the building you saw an agent aim at Clint. You immediately tried to push him away into safety, or at least out id the bullets way, but he did the same to you and in that moment he was stronger than you.

Three shots later, Clint was bleeding and slowly loosing consciousness making you carry most of him back to the jet. “You can’t die buddy. Cmon you got family” you mumbled over and over as you put the compounds coordinates into the jet before running back to put pressure on to his wounds. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. Alarms Cho, Bruce and Tony. Clint needs to go into the OR immediately” Clint was shifting in and out of consciousness. “You shouldn’t have jumped in the way you idiot” you grumbled as tears formed in your eyes.

Twenty minutes later you arrived. Clint was unconscious and the moment the jet touched the ground doctors streamed in and got Clint out. One doctor and Maria hill walking towards you, you had some scratches, some bruises and one deeper wound on your stomach but nothing against Clint. You saw Nat running alongside Clint, it hurt you a little that she didn’t even look for you but you got it. She knew him for such a long time and after all he was the one who saved her. “Are you alright?” Maria asked as she saw the blood seeping through your uniform.

“Yeah, I’m good” you told her with a smile that was way less convincing once you stood up and nearly fell over. The S.H.I.E.L.D agent was quick to catch you with her arms around your waist and helped you into the hospital wing of the compound.

“What the hell y/n” Natasha said as she stormed towards you, an angry look on her face as Maria helped you sit down on a stretcher. Before you could even open your mouth she started to scream. “How could you let this happen?! He has a family and now he’s bleeding out in the OR” she was heaving and her eyes were squinting at you.

“I’m sorry Nat, he-“ she didn’t even let you finish before she started to scream at you again. Alerting everyone in the wing.

“You’re sorry? Do you think that is going to fix anything? No, it isn’t! You should have done something! You should have thought this through. But no, of course you didn’t. Why didn’t you do anything? Why weren’t you more cautious?”

“I tried to do something, I tried to push him away but he did the same to me Nat. Do you think I wanted this? Don’t you think I know that he has a family?” You asked, your voice still calm as you didn’t wanna fight. You were scared for Clint and everything hurt, the last thing you needed was Natasha screaming at you and giving you the fault for things that you already knew were your fault.

“You tried? You tried to push him away? How can you fail at something so easy?! God, you’re useless. He has people that love him and value him, not like you. It should have been you y/n, you should be laying in that OR fighting for your life. Because your death wouldn’t even impact half as many people as his does. You don’t deserve to sit here with a small wound crying, you should be in there dy-“ before she could finish Maria jumped in, all of the other avengers standing around you too shocked about what just happened.

“That’s enough Agent. Leave the room right now” she ordered making the redhead scoff but leave, everybody else still standing around your bed. You tried to keep your tears in as best as possible as you didn’t want the team to see you cry. “Everybody out, right now” nobody dared to argue with her so they quickly left the room, Wanda shooting you a soothing smile.

The moment the room was empty you cried into Maria’s arms. “Do you wanna sleep over tonight?” She asked carefully, understanding if you didn’t wanna see Natasha tonight. But before you could answer one doctor spoke up.

“She’s sleeping here tonight. It seems like hydra experimented with some substances that makes them heal slower and it makes everything more painful, so we wanna keep an eye on that” he explained before leaving.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“No, it’s alright. I guess you got a lot of paper work to do now” she chuckled slightly at you. “But for real, it’s okay. It’s just one night but thank you” not long after she left, but not before bringing you a book and some tea.

Three hours later Tony came into your room, shawarma in his hand and your phone and headphones. “I thought you could use something to eat and an update about Clint. Turns out the bullets were infused with something that thins out his blood which is why he lost consciousness so quickly, but the bullets hit nothing vital. We could get the bullets out and stitch him up without any problems. He’s connected to some blood and should be up in an hour” he explained as he gave you the food, a small smile on his lips.

“Thanks tons, but I’m not hungry and I’m happy to hear that Clint is alright. When he’s awake can you tell him that I am deeply sorry?” You asked, looking at your hands instead of Tony. There was a moment of silence, and you knew he was contemplating wether to say something or not but he decided against it and only gave you an okay before leaving.

Two hours later the door opened again and Wanda entered. While you were happy to see the witch you had hoped that it would be Natasha. “Hey” she mumbled as she sat on the chair next to your bed, two teas in her hand and a book under her arm.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” You asked as you took the tea and thanked her.

“Well, everybody is camping next to Clint’s bed and I could hear your thoughts scream. So I thought you could use the company” she explained, placing a hand on yours in a comforting manner.

There was a moment of silence after she told you that Clint was doing well. “What Natasha said was out of line y/n, you don’t deserve that and there are a lot of people who would have missed you” she said as she looked up from her book.

“She was right, he has family and so many people that love him. The only person that loves me, or well loved, just told me that she actually doesn’t. But I promise I tried to protect him Wanda. I really did” the witch took your hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

“I know y/n, the memory keeps replaying in your head and it is so loud that I can’t blend it out. But you know, when Pietro died sacrificing himself for Clint and that child I was devastated and so mad at Clint. It took me a while to realize that there was nothing that Clint could have done to stop him, and that I had no reason to be mad at him. But it took me some time you know?” Her voice was so soothing that nearly all the weight of the terrible day fell off of you.

The next day you were finally let out of the hospital but you weren’t really allowed to do anything. After a long discussion with the doc you could finally convince him to keep quiet about your condition, if he would talk about it it would just steer up certain arguments again.

The first thing you did was visit Clint, or rather you tried to but before you could Natasha appeared in front of the door. “Where do you think you’re going?” She asked in her Black widow voice, not her normal soft voice that she had with you.

“In there, I wanna talk to Clint. See how he’s doing you know, say how sorry I am for what happened” you explained, fiddling with your fingers.

“You’re not going anywhere near him. You don’t deserve to say that you’re sorry. You don’t get the relieve of having the opportunity to apologize” she hissed making you take a step back.

“Nat, come on. Can we talk about this?” Your voice was small and timid but she didn’t care. She turned and walked away as if you were nothing to her, as if you hadn’t been in a relationship for over three years.

You noticed how tired she looked so you decided to make her and Clint some coffee, hoping that that would lift her spirit. So you made each coffee to their liking before putting it on to a tray with a small note that read ‘you looked tired. Hope it makes you feel better. Love, your girlfriend’. You put it down in front of Clint’s room and knocked before turning and walking away. Hoping that you were giving her the space she needed.

When Natasha opened the door she couldn’t help but roll her eyes as she saw the tray, immediately knowing who had left it there. She still picked it up and carried it inside, both her and Clint could use the coffee. “Oh, that looks like y/n coffee. How is she holding up?” He asked as he grabbed one of them weakly, a small smile on his face at the thought of a hurt you still making them coffee.

“She’s good” Natasha only mumbled as she stared into the mug, avoiding eye contact with her best friend.

“What is going on between you two?” He asked her but she was quick to brush him off. It was suspicious and he was 95% sure that she did something stupid but he was too weak and too tired to solve it right there right now, especially if she didn’t wanna talk about it.

Later that day you sat in your shared bedroom with Natasha, staring at the door hoping that she’d come but no luck. When it was around 11:45 p.m. you decided to go to bed, the pain killers were slowly wearing off and everything started to hurt again, so you laid in bed and hoped for her to come and hold you.

She did come, at around 1 a.m. but she laid as far from you as she could. She made a point of not touching you as if you were contagious. It broke your heart even more but you just pretended to be asleep.

The next morning you woke up before her to bring her breakfast in bed which turned out to be a very stupid idea. When you arrived with the breakfast on a tray the redhead was already awake checking her phone. “Hi, I made you breakfast” you mumbled as you put the tray down on her nightstand.

“No thank you” was the only answer you got, she didn’t even look up.

“But-“

“Do you think that everything is just forgotten? Or that some lousy breakfast is going to undo everything?! The only reason I came back here yesterday is because Hill got my old room and Clint told me to go sleep in a real bed” she hissed making your eyes tear again.

“I’m sorry, I’ll leave” you told her as you grabbed the tray and disappeared into Hills room. The brunette sat on her table working on some paperwork when you came in. “Want some breakfast?” You asked her with a small smile.

“Oh, thank y- what happened hun?” She asked when she saw your red eyes, she had been your first friend here, she was the person who recruited you.

“It’s alright, can I just lay here for a bit and watch you work?” You asked carefully and immediately received a nod, so you settled into her bed and watched as she tipped and scribbled and did whatever she had to do.

The next days were exactly the same, you tried to fix whatever you and Natasha had while she destroyed all your attempts. You cooked for her? She threw it away in front of your eyes. You bought her something? She gave it away. You entered a room? She left. You tried to talk to Clint? She wouldn’t let you. You tried to talk to her? She’d say something rude. You could deal with the being rude but what really broke you was the ignoring and neglecting you, it was as if you hadn’t spend three years together.

The whole team could see that it broke you, Hill and fury too. It got to the point where you were sleeping at either Maria’s or Wanda’s, too scared of Natasha’s anger to sleep next to her. Everybody tried to keep Clint out of it as he still wasn’t as fit as he was supposed to be but after 12 days of this they just couldn’t anymore so Steve decided to talk to him and explain the situation.

“She’s been ignoring her for 12 days because I got hurt?” Steve nodded at him, his lips pressed into a thin line. “But she tried to save me, I just refused to let her. Didn’t she say that?” Clint asked and Steve sighed explaining that you tried to but Natasha didn’t leave you a chance.

That was the same day that fury informed you if your mission. You, Yelena and Natasha, and while you normally loved missions like that this one was a complete horror. “Fury, please. Send anybody else” you begged him but he refused, nobody had the skill set you three had. It got even worse when he explained that you and Yelena had to go inside while Natasha stayed in the Clint jet.

The ride to the location was terrible, Yelena was on a vacation with Kate and didn’t know what happened which was why she was very confused why Nat didn’t talk to you. You sat at the far end of the jet with your headphones on, painkillers in your hand for when you were going down. Natasha flying the jet, having a light conversation with her sister unless she asked about you.

“What happened?” She asked as she saw your eyes closed and head leaning against the wall. It was weird to see you like this, normally you were upfront, singing with them and laughing.

“She nearly killed Clint, she’s… just forget it. We are there in 2, wake her up” with that Yelena made her way towards you, carefully shaking your shoulder.

“2 minutes then we arrive” you nodded and got everything, already putting your parachute on your bag and getting a water for the painkillers.

“Alright we are here. Remember, get inside unnoticed, there shouldn’t be anyone really, get the hardware and then outside again. Is that clear?” You and Yelena nodded as you opened the bottle.

“Don’t kill my sister” was the last thing Nat said to you before turning to her sister. You were quick to take the painkillers and put the bottle away, only Yelena noticing it. You already knew that the fall was going to hurt your stomach.

When Yelena gave you the go the two of you jumped, carefully landing a couple of feet away from the facility. “What did you swallow before we jumped?” She asked forgetting to switch to a channel where the redhead couldn’t listen. You closed your eyes with a sigh before shaking your head at her and pointing towards the jet making her mouth a sorry as you walked towards the building.

“What?! What did you swallow y/l/n?!” Natasha kept on nagging until you finally snapped.

“I took some painkillers alright?!” After that you just tuned her out, she was distracting you and that was the last thing you needed. “You keep watching, I get the hardware alright?” You asked Yelena who stood at the door and gave you a nod as you started. “Nearly done” you mumbled after a minute, wanting to leave as soon as possible.

Suddenly there was an explosion in the room next door making you jump. You quickly got everything you needed before pulling Yelena towards the exit. Your way was suddenly interrupted by an agent pointing a gun at you. “Natasha, we are being ambushed” Yelena said into her intercom while you tried to figure out a way out. You quickly shot the agent before pushing Yelena into a room on your left side.

“Get into the vents” you told her, already getting rid of the covering. “You will follow that vent until you get to the roof. We will meet up there alright? The moment Nat is there you get onto that damn jet” you helped her up, while she protested of course. “See ya” you told her as you pushed the cover back up and exited the room, Yelena seeing how you were immediately circled by agents. In the minute she watched she saw you nearly getting shot two times and some blood forming on your lower abdomen.

She stood on the roof for five minutes before Natasha arrived but she refused to go up, she needed to see you alive. “Yelena Belova! Get up here right now” her sister screamed into the intercom but she refused.

“Not until she’s here, she was bleeding” the blonde said shortly before the door to the roof opened, a bloody you exiting.

“What the… Belova, get up there right now” you screamed over the distance but she shook her head.

“No! You’ll need help up, so come on” she was right, you could barely move, your hands were pressing against your lower abdomen as your stitches ripped open and getting up that ladder was going to be a fight but you couldn’t care less right now.

Suddenly you became suspicious, it was too empty and quiet. So you looked around, focusing on every detail until you saw it; two snipers, their guns showing your and Yelenas way. “Fuck, move Yelena” you screamed but she was too focused on you to notice so you took of. You pushed her out of the way and made her stumble, she held onto the ladder giving you the opportunity to completely save her. So before the bullets his you you called out to the redhead. “Pull up Natasha”

And she did with Yelena holding onto the ladder. The blonde could see the two bullets penetrating you, you falling to the ground and suddenly agents storming on to the roof. There was a puddle of blood forming around you. “I hope you’re no longer angry at me Natasha. I saved your sister” you weakly mumbled into the intercom before it went silent.

“What are we gonna do Nat?” Yelena panicked as she climbed up the ladder. Her sister immediately standing up and checking her over.

“Are you alright?! Do you have any wounds?” She asked her, tears pooling in her eyes.

“No, the moment it got dangerous y/n pushed me into a vent and made me go to safety. Fuck, I shouldn’t have let her do that. We gotta get her Natasha” the redhead shook her head, the tears now streaming down her face.

“It’s my fault. Not yours. I’ll figure something out” she mumbled as she kept checking Yelena for injuries.

“No, you’re gonna come back here and we will figure something out together Agents” Fury’s voice sounded over the coms making Yelena flinch for a second.

“No, we can’t leave her here” yelenas protest was immediately shut down by her sister and fury. There was nothing she could do for you at the moment.

“What happened?” She suddenly asked after a longer while of silence, turning towards Natasha.

“What?”

“You heard me. What happened during my vacation? You ignore your own girlfriend, you neglect her, you leave her to die. So I’m asking you again, what happened?”

“She nearly killed Barton”

“What?! I saw him today, he was hurt but fine Natasha. What are you talking about?”

“They were on a mission and she came back slightly hurt while he nearly died in the OR, because she couldn’t protect him. He has family Yelena” Natasha told her, a harsh glare on her face.

“So you are leaving her to die because she couldn’t protect a grown man who is doing that job longer than she does?! Unbelievable” we’re Yelenas last words before they touched ground, she was immediately of the jet.

“Romanoff. Clint needs you in the hospital wing” Steve said, making the redhead run. She nearly crashed into dozen of people, ignored everyone who tried to talk to her and finally crashed through the door.

“Finally. Took you long enough” Clint said as he sat on a chair in his hospital room, book discarded on to the table.

“What the hell?! You are fine. I thought you were dying” she said accusingly, plopping down on the chair in front of him, her breath slightly heaving.

“No, but I’m gonna be the reason you’re dying soon if you don’t get your shit together” he was dead serious making Natasha furrow her brows when she looked at him.

“What do you mean with that?” Her tone was slightly shocked.

“I mean that you have been ignoring your girlfriend for like what? 2 weeks? Because I got hurt? How stupid can you be? It wasn’t her fault Nat, she did what she could but I didn’t let her. So you’re gonna get your ass up and into your room and you’re gonna apologize to that girl until she’s not mad at you anymore. Because god forbid you two break up, my kids really like her” he finished his monologue and just stared at her. “Oh no, what are you not telling me?” He asked once he realized that something was wrong.

“We lost y/n, her and Yelena were ambushed. She did everything she could to get Yelena out unharmed, she was shot and we had to leave her” now that the adrenaline was going down she realized what just happened. Or rather realized what has been happening over the last two weeks.

“Romanoff. Burton. We need a plan to rescue y/l/n” Tony said as he and the team entered. “We have only hours until we loose the last trade of her” he added as they sat down around the table.

“I’m sorry, are you speaking about y/n y/l/n, the one who came here with a lower abdomen wound?” The doctor who has been in Clint’s room spoke up making everybody turn to him. Maria nodding her head.

“She wasn’t allowed to go on a mission, her wound hasn’t even nearly healed. The substance she came into contact with at the mission slowed her healing process immensely” he explained before going away, leaving the team to do their stuff.

“Why didn’t you know that Natasha?” Bucky asked, overwhelmed with the situation.

“Because she decided to ignore y/n because of a mistake that wasn’t even really hers” Wanda said, glaring at the redhead. Suddenly a whole argument started to develop, until Bucky, Yelena, Wanda and Maria just stood up.

“Where are you three going?” Sam asked breaking the argument.

“We are gonna go find y/n” one of them answered.

“Wait, I’m coming along” Natasha said as she also jumped up. Her last words to you couldn’t be “don’t kill my sister”. She was met with a scoff from one of the girls but still decided to follow. The rest stayed and tried to work out a plan.

Two hours later the five arrived at the station, something in these two hours happened to Nat. They didn’t know what it was but it was definitely needed for the mission, she was laser focused and a war machine. Nobody hit as many targets as she did, she was cruel as if she really cared about you again.

“We will go different ways, hoping that we can find her faster. Yelena, wanda you stay down here, Bucky Natasha and I will go through the rooms upstairs. Say something the moment you got her, we wanna get out of here as fast as we can” the brunette commanded before walking her team up the stairs.

“Bucky, left side. Natasha, around the corner. I will take the right side” and they did, the redhead disappeared behind a corner. Kicking down each door, praying that you’re behind it, sitting on a chair with a small smile, just waiting for them to save you. But she was so so wrong when she heard Bucky gasp though the intercoms.

“I got here, third room left side” he said alerting you all. In a matter of seconds Natasha sprinted past him to kneel next to your lifeless body. She fell to her knees, her hand hovering over you unsure of touching you.

Yelena came sprinting inside too, falling to your other side. Her hands immediately went to check your pulse, “there’s none” she mumbled making everybody stop in their tracks. Suddenly Natasha’s body rocked in sobs, Bucky stared straight ahead, Yelena let her tears fall silently, Wanda tried to feel a pulse herself while Maria left the room to cry.

After a minute she came back inside. “Bucky, can you pick her up and carry her to the jet? We can’t leave her here, she deserves a real funeral” the brunet said.

“I’ll do it” the redhead mumbled and picked you up, she had already wrapped the jacket she took with her around your abdomen. Even if you were already dead. She pressed you tightly to herself, breathing in your scent what would be the last time. She couldn’t believe it, her last words to you were “don’t kill my sister” and that was the reason why you died.

Everybody sat in the jet, there was an absolute silence as Yelena flew them all back down. Your corpse laying on the bed not far. “She can’t be dead, I can still feel her. She just can’t be” Wanda mumbled as she looked at your body, her tears streaming down her face.

The whole compound was devastated when the jet landed, you were brought into the hospital wing again where they classified you as dead. “I’m sorry but there is nothing I can do for her. She’s dead” the doctor told the team after checking you and closing your abdomen wound. “If you want to we can already order a coffin and get somebody to plan the funeral” he added with a ‘comforting’ smile.

“No, she can’t be dead. On the jet Wanda said that she can still feel her so that means that she can’t be dead” Natasha cried out as she watched your bloody body. “She can’t be. This can’t be the last thing she heard from me and the last thing she remembered from me. She can’t be dead” it broke all their hearts to watch her cry like that, they had never seen her cry. Some tears? Yeah but full on crying? Never.

Clint and Steve tried to calm her down but she only pushed them away, her body hunched over yours. “Let’s give her some times. She needs more time to say goodbye to her than we do” Tony said and gathered everyone out of the room, except the redhead.

“I’m so sorry love. I was so terrified of having to tell Laura that Clint died that I just, I fucked up and I didn’t realize. You can’t believe how much I hate myself and I hate myself even more when I think about the fact that I can never tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am” she whispered as she cleaned your arms with a sponge. “Even though I know that you’d never forgive me, I really wish you were here right now. Screaming at me for being an idiot” Tony stood at the door and watched her talk to you.

“I can’t believe I didn’t appreciate the last time I saw your eyes” she cried into your shoulder, one arm carefully wrapped around your stomach as if she could hurt you. Tony decided to leave the two of you a bit longer, even though she treated you like shit he couldn’t imagine how much it must hurt her to never be able to fix it.

“We should give her an hour more” he said as he came back to the others, everybody was looking for comfort in each other. Even Fury coming back from wherever he was to say his last goodbye to you. Wanda struggled the most though, something was just not right.

“If she’s dead, why can I still feel her?” She cried out, everybody looking at the ground. Not knowing how to answer her.

“Let’s go, we have to say our goodbyes” Fury said and stood up to lead the group to your hospital room. By now Natasha fell asleep in the position, making even Fury’s eyes water.

“Wait, Natasha” Tony called out, carefully waking the redhead up. “Did you wrap her arm around you?” He asked when he noticed your position changed. She shook her head not realizing what he meant. “Get up Nat, Bruce give me the stethoscope” the spy jumped up and Bruce quickly gave him the stethoscope. “Wait- I can hear something” he told them once he pushed it to your chest.

“Y/n?” Natasha called out as she pushed past Bruce back to your side. “Her hands are warmer” she realized as she grabbed your hand again.

“Let me try something” Wanda mumbled, her hand glowing red in front of your forehead. “I can feel her stronger now, she’s dreaming” a small content smile build on Wanda’s face, the first one since you went on that mission.

With small help from Wanda you woke up, your eyes fluttering as your face was filled with color and your heartbeat strengthened. “Yelena?” Was the first thing you got out shocking everybody. They were guessing that you’d call for Nat or Maria since she’s your best friend but Yelena? Sure, you were friends but still.

“Yeah?” She asked as she pushed her way through to you, pushing past sobbing Maria and Natasha. Her hand carefully found yours as your eyes looked into hers.

“You alright right?” You asked a small smile on your lips as you saw her smile and shake her head.

“Yes, I am. Thanks to you” both of you chuckled before Maria and Wanda threw themselves at you, hugging you closely just to hear you breath and feel your heartbeat.

“What happened?” Steve asked into the room, the question was directed towards you but also towards Tony. You were dead, no questions asked.

“They gave me a shot, muttering something about me dying slowly and painfully. It definitely was both of that, except for the fact that I didn’t really die I guess” you explained, still confused about… well everything.

“I’ll send the scans and blood work to my lab. Bruce, let’s go” Tony said before hugging you quickly. He hoped to figure out what happened to you.

Tony seemed to have set an example as everybody else hugged you before ‘giving you some time’ which was meant to be a code for ‘talk to Romanoff’. She kept back while everyone was there, silently crying in the corner of the room. She didn’t know what to say to you, there was nothing she could say that would make her behavior right. Never.

Once everybody was out you started to slightly shake and spoke up. “It hurts Nat, it hurts so bad” you mumbled as you tried to hug yourself to give some comfort.

“I’m sorry, give me a sec I’ll hook you up on an IV and some painkiller” Natasha told you and quickly worked around you, carefully inserting the needle into your arm. “There, it should get better now” she said, one hand instinctively coming to your cheek.

“We should probably talk about what happened huh?” You said, your body still shaking but the pain going down. Nat nodded timidly unsure of what to say and where to start.

“I- I am so so so sorry for what I said, it was completely out of line. And don’t even let me get started about my behavior. I was so scared of having to tell Laura that Clint died that I just snapped, which was stupid because everything I said was so so wrong. Fury, Nick Fury, leader of S.H.I.E.L.D came here today because you died, you know what kind of honor that is? There are so so many people who would have missed you if you were dead. Including me, I deserved to lay in that OR dying for what I said, not you. You had done everything you could” she told you, her eyes red from the constant crying and her voice small and unsteady, which was new for her.

“You hurt me so bad that I thought I deserved to die Natasha” was the only thing you said, you could see her flinch at the usage of her name. You almost felt sorry but in the end was she the one who has started it.

“I know, and I hate myself for it. And I would get If you wouldn’t wanna give me a second chance but if you, by any means, feel like giving me the opportunity to fix what I destroyed I’d happily take it and I wouldn’t disappoint you”

You thought for a moment but the fact that you were here, still alive after you were dead makes you believe that maybe this was your guys second chance. “I’m not saying that it’s okay, because it definitely isn’t but I appreciate that you apologized and you have the opportunity to make it right” you told her, proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and not just backing down.

“Thank you” she mumbled over and over again as she pressed kisses all over your faces causing a giggle to erupt from you.

Who knows if Natasha can really completely fix what she broke but she’d try for the rest of her life if that’s what it took for you to forgive her.

A/n: not the biggest fan of this but I hope you like it anon :)

#reader insert #brooooswriting #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha x you #natasha romanoff imagine

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