They Keep (Just) Missing
ao3
Rating: M - WC: 13,760 - AU Modern, Angst with a Happy Ending, miscommunication galore, four times they should’ve kissed but didn’t, and one time they finally do.
First Time
“What are you doing here, Steve?” Eddie stares at the man standing before him.
“I came with Robin?” Steve doesn’t understand the hostility being daggered at him.
Eddie shoves his hands in his pockets and tries calming his breathing. It’s been a few years since Eddie’s laid eyes on the slender, ever-beautiful man across from him. The hallway of this very small, very smelly, cramped bar wasn’t making it any more comfortable.
“You ok, man?” Steve takes a cautious step forward.
“Yeah, uh sorry, thought I was seeing a ghost.” Eddie runs his hand over his face trying to remove the clear emotions from his expression. “It’s good to see you.” Eddie tries to lift his tone to pretend he isn’t nervous as fuck.
“Yeah, you too, man. Glad to see you’re still with the band. That’s cool.” Steve leans casually against the wall and crosses his arms.
Eddie’s stomach flutters at how gorgeous Steve looks. He has a little bit of stubble gracing his jawline and is wearing a tight white crew neck shirt under an unbuttoned yellow dress shirt covered by an oversized denim jacket. Eddie has to bite his cheek to keep his eyes from raking over Steve’s body.
“Yeah, still plugging along. Things are picking up, though. It’s been fun. Glad you’re here. So you’re in town then?” Eddie nervously finds his chain wallet hanging from his side and starts rubbing his thumb over the clip attached to his belt loop.
“Yeah, for Thanksgiving. Joyce invited me down, and I didn’t have anything else going on, so I thought I’d accept.” Steve watches Eddie carefully. He’s trying to understand the mood happening between them.
Eddie seems nervous, and Steve can’t understand why. When Steve left Hawkins about three years earlier, their relationship could be defined as friends, they’d gotten closer, but it wasn’t like they were best friends or anything. Steve didn’t keep in touch, but neither did Eddie. It felt like their friendship faded to what it was meant to be, just casual acquaintances. When someone would bring up the other one, they would smile and listen all about what was going on, like a fondness for a past life, but that was it.
“Oh right, the whole reunion of sorts. Very cool, um, maybe I’ll see you there.” Eddie needs to return to the band but can’t pull away. He wants to soak up every possible second with Steve because he knows he won’t get to see him again, and it’s been a while since he’s recharged his Steve fix.
“For sure, uh, do you need to get ready?” Steve makes a motion with his thumb back behind him down the hallway.
“Right, yeah.” Eddie looks behind Steve and sees Robin heading down the hallway toward them.
“Eddie! Oh my god, I’m so excited for tonight. Look who joined me,” Robin puts her hand on Steve’s shoulder and gives him a little shake.
“Yeah, yeah, I see that. You didn’t tell me.” Eddie narrows his eyes at her, trying to communicate silently.
“It was a surprise,” she widens her eyes and leans forward.
“Sure fucking was,” Eddie’s fake smile starts to slip.
Steve’s picking up on something between them and turns to look at Robin with his brows furrowed.
“What’s going on?”
“Oh, nothing,” Robin beams at him and then turns back to Eddie. “Gareth was looking for you.”
“Right, yeah, so I gotta find him. Glad you’re here, Steve. Good to see you.” Eddie heads down the hallway and bumps into Robin purposefully. “I’ll talk to you later.”
*****
“I thought you’d be happy to see him,” Robin admits to Eddie after he cornered her by the bar.
“Uh, sure, but maybe a warning would’ve been nice. Now I’m fucking nervous as shit and gonna fuck up this whole show.”
“Don’t you think you’re being dramatic?” Robin crosses her arms and leans against the bar top.
“No, no I don’t. He looks so fucking hot, and I hate you for that.” Eddie doesn’t feel Steve coming up behind him, and it’s too late for Robin to warn him.
“Who does?” Steve slides in by Robin.
“Uh,” Eddie almost chokes on his tongue, trying to find a responsible answer.
“One of the bartenders.” Robin butts in and gives Eddie a tight-lipped look.
“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie quickly agrees.
“Oh, who is it?” Steve starts looking around.
“He’s in the back.” Eddie tries to cover it up.
“Point him out when he comes back. I wanna know the kind of guy Eddie Munson thinks is hot.” Steve found out Eddie was gay years ago and, to Eddie’s relief, was just as fine with it as he was with Robin.
“Uh, ok?
“Have you asked him out?” Steve grins wide.
“No, no, I don’t think he likes me.” Eddie keeps looking at Robin, seeking assistance.
“Y-yeah, he’s still feeling it out,” Robin adds, hoping to help.
“So, the idea is to feel it out? See if he’s into guys too?”
Eddie nods, “mhm.”
“Are there like signs or something to look out for?” Steve looks between Eddie and Robin.
“Flirting, flirting is one.” Robin points out.
“I know flirting,” Steve wiggles his shoulders.
“No, you don’t, dingus.” Robin scrunches her face at him.
“Shut up, yes I do.” Steve crosses his arms.
“While you two argue about that, I’ve gotta go.” He grabs his beer from the bar, nods at the bartender, and walks up towards the stage.
“So point him out, ok?” Steve says to Robin.
“Who?”
“The bartender.” Steve reminds her.
“Oh, oh yeah. I’ll see if he’s still here.”
“What does he look like?” Steve starts looking around the room.
“Why are you so interested?” Robin tilts her head at him.
“I just, I don’t know, was curious what his type was like,” Steve replies, flustered.
“You wanna know his type?”
“Sure, why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“So what is it?”
“Dorks,” she rolls her eyes.
“Like nerds? I mean, I guess that makes sense.”
“No, no, not nerds, but giant idiots. Who usually can’t get their shit together and are oblivious to reality.” Robin doesn’t even try to hide it.
“Ok, that doesn’t really help.”
Robin rolls her eyes, takes her drink from the bar, and walks toward the stage.
“Just tell me. What does he look like?” Steve follows close to her.
“You seem interested in the kind of guy Eddie wants to bang, dingus.” Robin takes a sip and gives him a suggestive glance.
“No, pfft, I was…I was just curious.” Steve lifts his beer to his mouth and stares at the ceiling avoiding eye contact.
Robin pointedly turns and faces Steve. “He has a type. His type is a little Ryan Reynolds-like, probably a jock or was one in high school. Tall, prefers brunettes. Likes a man in tight jeans. I hate it. When we hang out, he’s always comparing every dude to this one guy, and it makes me want to sock him in the mouth. He won’t shut up about him, and it’s been fucking years.”
“Years?” Steve furrows his brows.
“Yeah, years.” She runs her eyes over him and then sighs and turns back to the stage, taking another sip of her drink.
“Wait, years? So do I know him? Who is it?” Steve starts wracking his brain through everyone from school. Steve must know him if he likes guys that are into sports. Unless he played baseball, Steve wasn’t on the baseball team. Although he could’ve because those little league games and his bat-swinging skills were monster-killing worthy.
Robin doesn’t reply but rolls her eyes again and is relieved when the lights turn down and the crowd starts cheering.
The other band members of Corroded Coffin come spilling onto the stage, waving to a few people in the crowd and getting themselves situated with their instruments. After a long beat, Eddie steps out of the darkness to a spattering of hoots and hollers, gives a wicked grin to the crowd, and grabs his guitar from the stand, slinging it over his shoulder.
“Hey, we’re Corroded Coffin, and I hope you’re ready for a life-altering dick-tingling experience tonight.” Eddie catches Steve’s eyes at the end of the sentence and sends him a flirty wink. He always feels more confident on stage.
The crowd cheers and hangs off every word. Steve starts understanding how rock stars can be worshipped. The way the spotlight frames Eddie’s face creates a halo glow in Eddie’s hair and brings a sparkle to his brown eyes. Steve thinks he looks utterly celestial.
The band played one of the best sets they’ve had in months. Whatever the fear and nervousness Eddie felt with Steve being there, he channeled and pushed himself through to perform his best version. When they were finished, Eddie was dripping in sweat, exhausted but running on excitement and adrenaline. The band started unhooking their instruments and heading off stage to the back, letting the next band set up.
“Can we go back there?” Steve asked Robin.
“Backstage?”
“Yeah, y’know, just to tell him… them that they did a good job?” Steve’s body was buzzing with the show’s after-effects.
“You wanna go back and tell Eddie he did a good job?” Robin asks teasingly.
“Shut up, never mind.”
“Come on,” Robin grabs Steve’s hand and pulls him to the back door.
No one stops them or confronts them, and Steve is surprised at how simple it is for anyone to walk to the back.
“Munson, you have a new groupie.” Robin shoves open the door to an office, and the band is mingling around in the room.
“Rob! Oh do I?” Eddie turns to the door while wiping his face off with a hand towel. When he pulls the towel down, his eyes meet Steve’s, and his stomach drops at the look he’s giving him. “Steve,” he swallows hard and tries to pull himself together quickly. “You gonna come on tour with us and hang out in the bus dressed in almost nothing, with your tits hanging out?”
Steve’s mouth goes dry as he feels Eddie’s eyes look over his body as if Eddie is thinking about Steve wearing an outfit like he’s describing.
“I’m gonna get another drink.” Robin leaves the room, pretty sure neither of the boys heard her.
Eddie moves closer to Steve, and Steve feels like he’s prey and Eddie is stalking him. It sends a chill down Steve’s spine straight past his shoulders to his hips.
“Yeah, you’d like that wouldn’t you?” Steve crosses his arms and cocks an eyebrow at Eddie.
“Maybe,” Eddie winks and then turns back, wrapping the towel around his neck and grabbing a bottle of water. “Enjoy the show, Harrington?”
While Eddie is turned away, Steve takes in the man’s form and lets his eyes rake over his entire body.
Has Eddie always been this sexy? Shit.
“Uh yeah,” Steve clears his throat and diverts his gaze. “It was great. Glad I was here for it.” Steve tries to sound as casual as possible.
Eddie turns to Steve and leans his hand on a nearby table, shifting his body weight and casually leaning on one foot. Steve tries to ignore the shudder rolling through him at the view.
“What are you doing later, Harrington? There’s an after-party at Gareth’s. You should come.” Eddie is trying to hold onto the confidence being on stage brings him.
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
Eddie puts his hand out, “give me your phone.”
Steve’s stomach drops, and he pulls his cell out from his back pocket and moves closer to Eddie, handing him his phone. Steve can smell sweat, cigarettes, and something faintly amber and musky coming from Eddie. When Eddie finishes, he glances up at Steve and offers the phone back.
“Now you have my number. I’ll text you the address. See you later, Stevie.” Eddie presses his tongue to the tip of his tooth while grinning wickedly at Steve.
Steve can’t find his voice and nods. His hand is tingling, and he wants to look at his phone, but he waits until he steps out of the room. Pulling the door shut behind him, he leans against it and sighs loudly. He looks down at the screen and swipes it open, seeing the last screen appear and the text Eddie sent to himself.
Favorite Metalhead ❤
Steve: I’ve never told you this before, but I think you’re the sexiest guitar player in the entire world
“What are you smiling at, dingus?” Robin appears holding two drinks and hands one to Steve.
“Oh, nothing.” Steve clicks his screen off and slides his phone into his back pocket. “Eddie invited us to the after-party. Wanna go?”
“Shit, can’t. I have the opening shift tomorrow. This show was late enough. I can’t be up until 3 am. But you should definitely go.” She clinks her drink against his and gives him a goofy smile.
“Yeah, it’ll be fun. Hang out with Eddie for a while.” Steve feels his phone buzz in his pocket, making him jump a little.
“Uh, you ok?” Robin looks at him, concerned.
“My phone just buzzed. It scared me.”
“Let’s go back out, finish this drink, and listen to this last band. Then I’m gonna go home.” Robin starts walking to the main area, and Steve pulls his phone out and slides it open.
Favorite Metalhead ❤: why Stevie, I had no idea you were so obsessed with me
Steve bites back a wide grin and shoots off a quick reply.
Steve: In your dreams, Munson
Steve sees the bubble appear that Eddie’s already replying.
Favorite Metalhead ❤: you hanging out in my dreams?
Steve: I don’t know what goes on in that head. It’s probably safer to stay out of there.
Favorite Metalhead ❤: for you? definitely. but I don’t know what you’re into. you might like it
Steve doesn’t realize he’s grinning at his phone when Robin looks back at him.
“Ok, who is it? You keep smiling at your phone.” She leans over, trying to read who’s on the screen, and Steve tilts it away from her view.
“No one, just reading something.” He clicks the screen off and slides his phone back into his back pocket.
******
Steve: You already leave?
Favorite Metalhead ❤: yep, bout 5 min ago. you ditching our date?
Steve: I didn’t realize this was a date. Would’ve worn something nicer
Favorite Metalhead ❤: you looked nice enough to me
Steve sighs and feels himself blush at the compliment. He doesn’t understand what’s happening but doesn’t want to stop.
Steve: You checking me out?
Favorite Metalhead ❤: like everyone else at the show
Steve: No one was checking me out
Favorite Metalhead ❤: you’re delusional, hurry up and get over here. i’m bored
Steve: You’ve only been there 5 mins
Favorite Metalhead ❤: that’s long enough
Steve: Send me the address
Steve clicks the link and pulls up the directions. Gareth’s house is only about 8 minutes away, and Steve’s relieved he drove separately from Robin.
“You ready to get out of here?” Steve taps Robin’s shoulder.
“Yeah, this band sucks.” She sets her watered-down drink on the nearby bar top, and they head outside.
“Oh shit, my ears.” Steve rubs his palm against his ear, trying to pop it.
“Well, have fun at the party, and be safe. Take an Uber if you get fucked up.” Robin opens her arms, inviting Steve in for a hug.
“Yes, mom.” Steve squeezes his best friend tightly.
“Tell Eddie I said hi,” Robin winks at Steve and waves back at him.
Steve: I’m leaving now, see you in 10
Favorite Metalhead ❤: can’t wait
Steve: Sounds like you’re the one obsessed with me
Favorite Metalhead ❤: in your dreams, Harrington
Favorite Metalhead ❤: *my
Steve pulls his keys out of his pocket and jumps into his car, following the directions through town. He parks down the street and can hear the thump of music floating through the air. When he gets to the door of the house, it’s cracked open, and he can hear many voices. He pushes the door open and looks around. There is smoke in the air, a mixture of marijuana and cigarettes pluming around. People are walking around with red Solo cups filled with something.
Steve: Where are you?
Favorite Metalhead ❤: i’m out back
Steve walks through the living room and lets his instincts guide him in a direction he feels is toward the back. He steps into the kitchen, notices a sliding glass door to a backyard, and walks through the darkness.
“Steve!” Eddie’s voice calls for him from somewhere to his right.
Steve turns and squints to see a red glow coming from that direction. He assumes it’s Eddie and heads over to it. His eyes start to adjust to the darkness, and he sees Eddie sprawled out on a ratty chaise lounger holding a joint to his lips.
“Still look good, Stevie.” Eddie motions to Steve’s outfit.
“It’s just something I threw on.” Steve runs his hand down his shirt and sits on the equally ratty chaise next to Eddie. “Why you out here alone?”
“Waiting for you.” Eddie offers the joint over to Steve.
Steve takes it and leans back in the chaise, looking up at the stars glowing above them. He wraps his lips gently around the paper and takes a pull, holding the smoke in his mouth for a second, then easily sucks in and holds it again, then slowly releases the smoke into the sky. Eddie watches in awe.
“Here,” Steve offers Eddie the joint back.
“Do you smoke?”
“I got my med card a while ago.” Steve sighs and enjoys the weed slowly spreading through his veins. “Anxiety, nightmares, I’m a fucking mess.”
“Shit, I’m impressed.” Eddie takes another hit off the joint and then passes it back to Steve.
“You sounded really good tonight.”
“Thanks, man. Yeah, we’re finally getting our groove.”
The two pass the joint back and forth as they continue their casual conversation. Once they’ve finished up, Steve notices Eddie’s shivering.
“Why didn’t you wear a real jacket? It’s November, dude.”
“My leather jacket is real. Shut up.” Eddie wraps his arms around himself, trying to warm up.
“My jacket is toasty. Mmmmm, so warm over here.” Steve antagonizes Eddie playfully.
“Don’t rub it in, Stevie. I shared my weed with you.”
“Come over here, man. I’ll keep you warm.” Steve slides over on the lounger and pats the small space next to him.
“Fuck, ok.” Eddie jumps off his seat and onto Steve’s, casually flinging his body over Steve’s. He wraps his leg around Steve and then slides his hand inside Steve’s jacket across his chest. His head curls onto Steve’s chest, and his whole body shakes.
“Your hand is fucking cold.” Steve curls his arms around Eddie, pulling him closer.
“You need to warm it up.” Eddie casually slides his hand up under Steve’s shirt.
“FUCK, dude, not cool.” Steve jolts at Eddie’s cold touch.
“Shhh, just your skin will warm me faster.” Eddie nuzzles closer into Steve.
Steve doesn’t know if it’s the weed, the alcohol from earlier, or Eddie being this close to him, but he’s in heaven. He shifts his body and turns a little. Eddie’s leg slides further between Steve’s, and their bodies face closer together. Eddie’s face is now just below Steve’s. Steve opens his jacket and tries to wrap it around Eddie’s body.
Eddie’s hand slides around Steve’s body and presses against his back, still under the shirt.
“It’s probably warmer inside.” Steve mumbles.
“You wanna go inside, Harrington?” Eddie looks up, and Steve’s stomach flutters.
Shit
“No,” Steve says honestly, surprising himself and Eddie by the look on his face.
Eddie buries himself into Steve’s chest, and Steve is sure he sees a peek of red flush Eddie’s cheeks before hiding it.
Steve is no stranger to a man’s body. Over the last few years, he realized some things about himself that Robin had been trying to tell him for a while, and since then has spent many nights in men’s arms. He’s mostly had one-night stands or casual flings. He never felt comfortable enough or had a real connection with any of them for a full-fledged relationship. For some reason, Eddie wrapped up under his coat, their legs tangled together, and sharing a lounger feels more intimate than any sexual encounter he’s had in the past three years.
Steve holds his hips back, making sure instincts, or just human nature, don’t completely embarrass him. He doesn’t even know if Eddie knows he likes guys too. If he did, he probably wouldn’t be nuzzled into his chest.
He can feel Eddie taking slow, calculated breaths, not filling his lungs completely, and wonders if he’s nervous too. Steve’s chin rests on the top of Eddie’s head, and he inhales one long breath, filling his lungs with the smells of his favorite Metalhead.
“Are you smelling me?” Eddie’s voice rumbles against Steve’s chest.
“It’s called breathing.”
“Uh-huh, sure. Do I smell good?”
“No, you smell like you were sweaty earlier.”
“I didn’t realize you recognized the smell of a sweaty man.”
Steve pauses and thinks about what he should say. This is his opening. Does he tell him? Should he say something?
Fuck it
“I’ve had plenty of sweaty men in my arms before.”
Steve feels Eddie freeze, and Steve holds his breath, waiting for his response.
“W-what do you mean?” Eddie keeps his face covered in Steve’s chest.
“I’ve been with enough guys to recognize the smell of their sweat.” Steve continues to hold his breath in anticipation.
Eddie pulls back and stares up at Steve in shock. “I’m sorry, what?” Eddie starts to disentangle his body from Steve’s, and Steve begins to panic.
“It’s just…I, uh, yeah, thought you knew.” Steve stutters and wants to pull Eddie back into his arms, but he’s now standing next to him, staring at Steve in disbelief.
“No, I think I would remember that.” Eddie wipes his hand over his face while Steve tries to hold his panic back. “Uh, I’m gonna go inside. Fucking cold out here.” Eddie diverts his eyes and heads back inside.
Shit
Steve pulls his phone out of his back pocket and slides open the screen to pull up Robin’s messages.
Steve: I fucked up
Rob: You’re lucky I’m still awake. What did you do?
Steve: I told Eddie that I’ve been with guys
Rob: Is that how you said it?
Steve: No, but he freaked out. We were hanging out, and then he got all weird and left. I didn’t think he’d react like that. I mean, I know he’s gay. Why would he get freaked out?
Rob: Oh dingus. You poor poor innocent soul
Steve: What? What does that mean? What do I do? Is he mad at me? Should I just leave?
Rob: No, he’s not mad at you
Steve: How do you know? You didn’t see him. He was upset
Rob: I may have just gotten another text
Steve: Is it him? Is he pissed?
Rob: At me? Yeah. But not at you.
Steve: At you? Why is he mad at you?
Rob: Doesn’t matter, just know he’s not mad at you. Maybe give him space, just needs to adjust to this new information.
Steve: Why does he need to adjust to it? Nothing changes
Rob: Everything changes for Eddie
Steve stares at his phone. What does that mean? Insecurity seeps into Steve’s veins as he sits outside in the cold dark winter air. He thought they were closer than that. He thought Eddie would understand. He thought it would be him if anyone would, but now it changes everything?
Steve pushes himself to his feet and slides his phone back into his pocket. He needs to get out of there. He keeps his head down as he enters the house and pushes his way to the front door. He doesn’t feel a pair of dark brown eyes following him through the crowd.
Second Time
Eddie doesn’t text Steve, and Steve doesn’t text Eddie. They both think about it. They both want to. They both hold their phones and stare at their messages multiple times over the following four days, but they do nothing.
“Is he going to be weird?” Steve asks Robin as they drive to Joyce and Hopper’s for dinner.
“I mean, weirder than he just is naturally? I don’t know.” Robin tries to stay neutral, but she’s squarely in the middle of the two of them. She’s trying so hard to let them work it out themselves and just be good friends to the pair, but each day that goes by tests her resolve. “Just stay away from him if you need to. There will be plenty of us there, so you’ll be fine.”
They pull up to a ranch-style home surrounded by large pine trees tucked into a culdesac and see multiple other cars parked outside.
“Alright, let’s get this over with.” Steve pushes his passenger door open and exhales. His nerves are shot, and he’s on the cusp of throwing up.
Robin saddles beside him and wraps her arm through his, pulling him to her side. She shakes him gently, trying to help calm him down. He appreciates her kindness.
Joyce pulls the door open with a broad smile and hugs them both.
“Oh you two! Steve, I’m so happy you could come down. Come in, come in. Everyone’s out back.” She steps aside and lets them enter the cozy love-filled home.
It smells amazing when they step indoors, and Steve cannot help but close his eyes and inhale deeply. It’s been so long since he’s had a decent home-cooked meal, let alone Thanksgiving. The holiday of holidays for fantastic cuisine.
“Wow, I love this place.” Steve looks around the house and sees some of Will’s art framed and hanging on the wall. His pieces have become gallery-worthy, and it warms Steve’s heart to see them proudly hung on his mother’s walls.
“Oh, that’s right, you’ve never been here. Let me show you around.” Joyce slips her arm around his, and Robin smiles at him and heads outside to join the others. “Thank you for coming down. The kids have missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed them too. It’s quieter in Chicago, too quiet sometimes.” He squeezes her arm and follows her throughout the place as she shows him the bedrooms, bathrooms, basement, living room, dining room, and sprawling kitchen. He looks around at the dishes cooking on the stove and inside the oven and doesn’t notice someone join them.
“Eddie! I didn’t hear you come in. Come give me a hug.”
Steve spins on his heels to see Eddie nervously approach Joyce, his eyes watching Steve. When Steve catches eye contact, Eddie tries to give him a nervous smile, so Steve gives one back. Steve realizes this may be a really long day.
“Have you two caught up yet?” Joyce motions to the two men.
“Yeah, Steve was at the Corroded show on Saturday.” Eddie twists one of the rings on his left hand, and Steve catches the anxiety motion.
“Oh great! That’s nice that you were down early enough to see him. I heard your shows are getting bigger and bigger. That’s very exciting.” Joyce runs her hand down Eddie’s arm, and Steve sees the pride blushing in her eyes. He loves this woman. She’s a gem and is grateful she’s accepted all the kids as her own. He couldn’t have asked for a better surrogate mother, and he’s relieved she shares this with Eddie.
“Yep,” Eddie avoids looking at Steve again.
“Well, everyone’s out back. Why don’t the two of you join them?” Joyce begins ushering them out towards the back door, and they end up squeezing through awkwardly side-by-side.
Steve doesn’t speak. He doesn’t want to cross a line he’s sure Eddie drew the other night. They’ll be civil for the kids, he knows, but over the last few days, he’s started to accept maybe he didn’t know Eddie like he thought he did, and perhaps they weren’t the friends he hoped they were.
But Eddie speaks and puts one tiny crack into the wall between them. “Hey, man.”
Steve doesn’t know how to answer and stumbles on a response. “Heeey-hi.” Steve sighs a sense of relief when his eyes find Robin seated at the picnic table. He dips away from Eddie and rushes to her side.
“Hey, please save me.” He flops next to her, and she rolls her eyes.
“From what? We just got here.”
“Eddie.” Steve leans over and puts his forehead on the tabletop.
“What happened?”
“Nothing,” he rolls his head over and presses his cheek down, looking up at her.
“Steve!” Dustin comes bounding over, and Steve hears exclamations from the other teens.
“Oh shit. Hey, bud.” Steve groans when Dustin throws his arms around his shoulders from behind.
“When did you get here?”
“Just a few minutes ago.” He chokes out through the aggressive hug. “I just saw you yesterday. Why are you trying to kill me?”
“You’re gonna leave soon, so I need to get all the physical contact when possible.” Dustin releases Steve with a huff and then slides into the bench next to him.
“Ok, weirdo.”
“Can I sit here?” Eddie nervously asks while sliding into the other side of the picnic table.
“It’s the cool table now.” Dustin beams brightly.
“Eddie, hey, man.” Mike puts his hand on Eddie’s shoulder while he slides in next to him.
Steve sighs, and Robin nudges him privately.
“Food’s ready. Come on, dish up.” Hopper calls out from the other side of the yard.
“Thank god,” Eddie pushes himself away from the table, and everyone follows suit.
The large group lines up to pile heaps of homemade food on their plates. Everyone gathers around the three different tables and digs into their meals. Robin, Steve, Dustin, Mike, and Eddie return to the picnic table.
“Shit, this is good,” Eddie says to no one in particular as he shovels mashed potatoes into his mouth.
“Joyce always kills it,” Steve adds.
Eddie’s eyes flick up, and he finally looks at Steve, giving him a small smile. Steve hopes that’s another crack in the wall. After everyone’s had seconds and sometimes thirds, the group begins to help clean up while Jonathan and Eddie sneak around the corner of the house unnoticed. Steve walks around with a garbage bag cleaning up paper plates and napkins, and when he has two full bags, he heads to the trash cans on the side of the house.
“Oh shit, hey.” Steve almost bumps into Jonathan’s side as he turns the corner.
Jonathan is holding a joint to his lips and lighting it carefully. Eddie is leaning against the wall, waiting his turn.
“Harrington,” Eddie says with an even tone.
“Just throwing these away.” Steve lifts the two bags up, steps around the others, and deposits the bags into the trash cans.
“Jonathan!” Joyce’s voice calls from the backyard.
“Shit, here, take this.” Jonathan hands the joint to Eddie and disappears, leaving Eddie and Steve alone.
“Wanna join me?” Eddie holds the joint up, offering it to Steve.
“Yeah?” Steve cocks his eyebrow.
“Yeah, come on.” Eddie lights the tip making a perfect cherry, and takes a long pull. When he hands it to Steve, he releases the smoke into the air.
“I have missed this while in town.” Steve takes the joint and leans his back to the wall next to Eddie.
Eddie’s eyes stay up towards the sky, avoiding looking at Steve directly.
“I know a guy,” Eddie smirks, and Steve rolls his eyes.
“I think I also know a guy.”
“Oh yeah? Is it the hot guy?” Eddie jokes as they pass the joint back and forth between each other.
“Maybe, do we have the same taste in men?”
“Doubtful, Harrington.” Eddie sighs, and they let the silence grow between them.
“Shit, I’m already high. Your guy has pretty good weed.” Steve blinks a few times, trying to focus.
“The best in town.”
Steve takes the opportunity to turn his head and look over Eddie’s face. He’s never really looked before. Sure, he’s seen him, sure he’s glanced, sure he’s noticed, but he’s never honestly looked. He can see the smooth curve of his bottom lip, those full soft, looking lips. Has Eddie always had perfectly kissable lips before? Steve’s eyes drop down over Eddie’s chin and follow a taut neck muscle down to his collarbone. It looks good enough to bite.
“See something you like, Stevie?” Eddie can see Steve watching him from his periphery.
Yes
Shit
Really?
Oh, no
“Really good weed. I should stop, or Robin will have to roll me into her car.”
“I can take you back.” Eddie tilts his head to look at Steve. “Where’re you staying?”
“Robin’s parents’ place.”
“There you are,” Robin’s head pops from around the corner.
“Eddie’s gonna drive me back.” Steve blurts out.
Robin looks pointedly at Eddie and raises her eyebrows. “Oh is he?”
“I’m very high,” Steve admits.
“Yeah, you are. Alright, then I’ll see you back at my place. There’s pie out here if you two stoners want dessert.”
Steve’s eyes go wide, and Eddie snubs out the joint. They both rush around the corner, almost knocking Robin over.
About 45 minutes later, the two boys leave the party a little sobered up.
“Wanna finish this joint before you head back?” Eddie holds it up between them inside his van.
Steve’s eyes fall to Eddie’s mouth for a split second before answering.
“Yeah,” his response comes out breathier than he’d hoped.
A sly grin squeaks across Eddie’s mouth. He turns the key in the ignition, and the vintage van roars to life. They pull into a relatively empty park a few minutes later, and Eddie backs his van into the parking spot. When they hop out, Eddie throws the back doors open and motions to Steve to take a seat. Steve hops up, letting his legs dangle over the edge. Eddie joins him and sits closer than Steve expected. He’s not complaining, but it is causing a buzz through his body.
Eddie pulls the partially completed joint from his pocket and starts searching for his lighter.
“Hold this.” Eddie hands the joint to Steve and then leans into his space to search behind them in the van.
Steve’s mouth goes dry because Eddie has had to twist his body toward Steve to search further in the van, and Eddie’s knee is pressed into Steve’s thigh, while the side of Eddie’s chest is pressed into Steve’s arm. Steve’s starting to feel lightheaded.
“Here!” Eddie moves back and smiles wide, holding his prize between his fingers.
Steve awkwardly smiles and nods. Eddie gives Steve a nod, motioning to put the joint between his lips and offering to light it. Steve nervously places the joint between his lips, and Eddie’s hands move to the snubbed paper flicking the lighter and holding it close. Steve puffs a few times, getting it lit, and that lightheadedness worsens.
Eddie pulls his hands back when Steve’s sufficiently lit and watches. Steve feels like he’s being scrutinized or inspected.
“What?”
“Just watchin’.”
“See something you like?” Steve jokes, calling back Eddie’s comment from earlier.
“Yeah,” Eddie admits, and it makes Steve’s stomach twist. Eddie squeezes the joint between his thumb and index finger, carefully pulls it from Steve’s mouth, then slides it between his lips slowly. “You gotta share, Harrington.”
Steve hums a sound of acceptance and then watches as Eddie expertly puffs out a plume of smoke.
“When are you going home?” Eddie asks, keeping his eyes pointed forward.
“Tomorrow, before traffic is stupid driving back from the holiday travelers.” Steve leans back on his hands and kicks his legs back and forth.
Eddie hands the joint back to Steve and moves his body similarly. Eddie’s eyes slide over Steve’s body.
“You do realize you’re one of those holiday travelers?”
“Yes, yes I do.”
“So, no big Harrington family holiday dinner? You get the year off to visit little ‘ol Hawkins?”
Steve takes a hit and then passes it back. “The Harrington’s don’t do holiday dinners. Never have. My parents travel out of the country on vacation over Thanksgiving. This is the time of year they think Fiji or New Zealand sounds nice.”
“Really? Then what do you normally do over Thanksgiving?”
“This, or the last three years, I stayed in Chicago. Just a free Thursday off to me.”
“What about when you were a kid?” Eddie is trying to understand what Steve is sharing.
“Well, when I was really little, I got to go on vacations. But I usually stayed in the room with the nanny or whoever they brought along to keep me busy. Once I was a teen and could stay home alone, I’d go to Tommy H’s place or even Nancy’s for one year. Then Dustin’s a year. Dustin’s mom makes the best pumpkin pie. What about you? Did you and Wayne go all out?”
Eddie waits before responding, letting Steve’s answers digest for a minute. “Yeah, sometimes. He didn’t have to work those nights, so we’d eat later than most families and go all out. We aren’t great cooks, but I got pretty good at making mashed potatoes. I still don’t know how to make gravy, but we’d fancy up the packets pretty well. We’d have leftovers for a week, and he’d get to eat well at work.”
“That sounds nice,” and he meant it. A tradition like that sounded heavenly, sending an ache through his heart.
“It was. I’m sorry you didn’t get that.” Eddie nudges his shoulder into Steve, and their bodies jostle pleasantly together.
“It’s alright. I didn’t know any different.” Steve’s feeling fuzzy, and he doesn’t know if it’s from the weed or proximity of Eddie’s body.
“But still.”
Steve only responds with a shrug.
The pair sit silently, letting the weed pleasantly cloud their thoughts. Steve thinks he can feel Eddie’s fingers brushing against his, but he doesn’t want to look, just in case.
“I guess I should take you back, huh? Robin will think I kidnapped you.”
“Hmm, yeah, send out a search team and everything.”
Steve doesn’t want to get out when Eddie pulls out in front of Robin's place a few minutes later. They both sit there for a beat, thinking of anything to say to prolong the conversation.
“Well, thanks, man. Had a good time.” Steve’s the first to break the silence.
“Yeah, good to see you, Harrington.” Eddie keeps his hands on the steering wheel but turns to smile at Steve.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Eddie.” Steve nods and then pushes the passenger door open.
“Happy Thanksgiving.”
Third Time
Steve hears the familiar ping of his phone and pulls it out of his pocket to see a new text notification.
Favorite Metalhead ❤: hey
Eddie?
It’s been 11 months since Thanksgiving at Joyce and Hopper’s, and the two haven’t spoken. Steve doesn’t want to admit that seeing Eddie’s text causes a surge of something deep in his stomach.
Steve: Hey
Favorite Metalhead ❤: Corroded has a show in Chicago tomorrow night. If you’re not busy, two tickets are waiting for you at will call
Steve glances over to his sleeping boyfriend, curled up on the other end of Steve’s couch. He looks back down at his phone and rereads the message. He doesn’t know why it feels like he’s doing something terrible. Eddie’s not flirting with him. There’s nothing implied in the context, but it still makes Steve nervous.
Steve: Yeah, that sounds great, man. Send me the details, and I’ll see you then
Favorite Metalhead ❤: can’t wait
Steve squeezes his eyes shut for a moment willing his heart to slow down, and when he opens them, he sees the text bubble popping up and then disappearing, then popping up and disappearing again. He holds his breath as he sees the bubble pop up and disappear three more times before it finally stops.
Steve: Eddie texted me
Robin: What did he say?
Steve: He’s gonna be in Chicago for a show tomorrow night and invited me
Robin: Are you going?
Steve: I kinda said I would
Robin: Is Jake going?
Steve: I don’t know. He’s asleep
Robin: Are you going to ask him?
Steve’s thumb hovers over the screen of his phone, waiting to reply. Was he? He should, right? But it’s not Jake’s scene, and he’s never met, Eddie. But it does feel like he’s sneaking around. Why does it feel like he’s sneaking around?
Robin: Steve?
Steve: I’m figuring it out 🤦
Robin: I thought you liked him
Steve: I do! I do
Steve: but
Steve: it’s Eddie
Robin: I thought you were over that whole thing
Steve: So did I. Then I get a text from the man and my stomach is doing fucking Olympic sized flips
Robin: You’re hopeless. Invite Jake, you like him, you’ve been together six months, and you’re having a good time. It’s just a concert and Eddie’s only there for one day. Don’t mess up a good thing over some guy you’ve never even kissed. The two of you are such a shit show
Robin: Oh look at that. Eddie just texted me to say he texted you. I swear
Steve: What did he say?
Steve: Rob?
Steve: Come on
Steve: ROBIN
Steve: Fine
Steve: Ok, I’ll invite Jake
Robin: Goodnight, dingus
******
Steve nervously hands his ID to the bouncer, who checks his list and nods Steve and Jake inside. Jake has his finger hooked into Steve’s belt loop and smiles widely at him as they enter the dark club. Steve’s eyes dart around the room, hoping to see and avoid a certain curly-haired metalhead.
“This place doesn’t look what I thought it would.” Jake has to yell over the music from the speakers mounted above them.
“Yeah,” Steve tries to smile naturally at him in response.
“Hey, wanna drink?” Jake leans in towards Steve’s ear.
“Yes, can you get me a rum and coke with a lime?” Steve turns his head as Jake leans in and kisses Steve’s cheek just as Steve’s eyes meet Eddie’s from across the room.
The happy, excited smile Steve was blessed seeing, for a split second, immediately fades into confusion and something else Steve can’t put his finger on. Steve’s chest aches to bring the smile back, and he lifts his hand to give Eddie a wiggle of his fingers in a wave. Eddie nods back but turns around and heads out of view.
Jake returns a few minutes later to Steve, still standing in the same spot and staring across the room. Jake offers the drink to Steve, who takes it and gives him a kind smile. When he takes his first sip, he feels Jake slide his hand across his back, making Steve want to pull away.
“Have you seen your friend?” Jake starts bopping his head to the music, looking around at the crowd.
“Uh, yeah, for just a second. Just waved, though. He’s busy.” Steve tries to occupy himself with his drink and finishes it too fast. “Uh, I guess I was thirsty. I’ll go get me another one.”
Steve pulls away from Jake and heads to the bar. He leans against the edge and sets his drink down. He pulls out his phone, hoping to see a text. When he doesn’t, he sends one of his own.
Steve: Hey, thanks for the tickets. I can’t wait to hear the band again! It’s been too long
Favorite Metalhead ❤: yeah glad you could use both of them
Favorite Metalhead ❤: enjoy the show stevie
Steve squeezes his eyes shut and inhales deeply.
“What can I get you?” The bartender brings Steve back to the moment.
“Uh, rum and coke with a lime.” Steve slides the empty glass over to him. He nods and walks away to mix Steve with a new one.
Steve: Saw Eddie and he saw Jake
Robin: Steve
Robin: Please don’t do this. I can’t do 3 months of this all over again. Enjoy the show with your boyfriend please for all that is holy. OR for once in your life actually have a conversation with Eddie and tell him WHAT YOU’RE FEELING
Steve: Fine
Robin: To which part?
Steve: The first part
Robin: Ok, then don’t text me again until it’s after the show and you’re telling me about the fantastic time you had with your boyfriend
Steve sighs and slides his phone back into his pocket just as the bartender arrives with his drink. Steve hands over his card, and the bartender gives him a wink when he hands it back.
Great
When he turns around, Steve sees Jake swaying back and forth to the Deftones cover band on stage. Jake’s holding the straw of his drink to his lips, and Steve thinks maybe Robin is right. He moves up behind him and slides his hand around Jake’s hip, pulling him to his chest. Steve rests his chin on Jake’s shoulder and kisses the side of his head. Jake looks over his shoulder and gives Steve a big smile before returning to the stage.
A few songs later, the band was waving to the crowd and moving off the stage, and Steve recognized a couple of the following band members moving equipment, and he knew Corroded Coffin was up next.
“This will be them,” he tells Jake.
Steve’s mouth goes dry while his entire body feels each second tick by in anticipation. He feels Jake slide his fingers through his hand and pull him close to his side. The dichotomy of emotions fighting inside Steve’s chest is making him nauseous. Steve swallows hard when the lights come up and watches as Eddie confidently struts onto the stage. His guitar is slung over his shoulder on his back.
Steve’s mouth falls open as he takes in Eddie’s appearance. He’s wearing tight black pants with a wide, almost bell bottom base and a black button-down long-sleeved shirt with four buttons undone, exposing his bare chest. A white vest covers the shirt, and Steve sees a glint of sparkle from two chains strung over Eddie’s neck. His hair is fuller and longer on the ends, but layers are added to give it texture. His bangs have grown out, and he’s got a pair of sunglasses on the top of his head. A smudge of eyeliner is swiped along his eyes, oozing sex appeal. He’s the epitome of mouth-watering, and Steve is gone for it.
“Is that?” Jake’s also taking in Eddie’s appearance. “Is that your friend?”
“Huh? Yeah, yeah, that’s…Eddie.”
“He’s hot,” Jake laughs and turns to Steve catching him gawking at the gorgeous man on stage. Steve doesn’t notice the scrutinizing gaze. “Did you two…hook up?”
“What?” Jake’s question breaks the spell. “No, no, we never…I didn’t even realize, no.” Steve shakes his head profusely, hoping Jake believes him.
The band sounds better than ever, and Steve’s entranced by their frontman, much like everyone else in the audience. Eddie is not short on fans. Women and men alike stare up at him as he owns the stage. His fingers glide effortlessly over his guitar, and somehow, he moves his body to the music. He’s perfected the lead singer persona, and it suits him. Steve wants to kiss him. He wants to inhale his scent and lick every inch of his sweaty body.
Fuck
When they come to their last song, Eddie pulls his electric guitar off his shoulders and sets it to the side of the stage. The rest of the band filters off, and Eddie picks up an acoustic sitting nearby.
“This is our last song, and about an hour and a half ago, I almost cut this from the setlist, but I’m a masochist. This is the only show on our tour to hear me sing this song. Enjoy, Chicago.” Eddie’s eyes slide upwards, and he immediately finds Steve’s.
Steve’s breath catches in his chest, and his fingers start to shake as Eddie begins to strum the song’s first few notes.
“A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face."
Steve feels caught in a trap. Something has him glued to the floor, and his shoes are stuck. He can’t look away as Eddie keeps staring directly at him as he continues to sing.
“I’m here without you, baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind
I think about you, baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you, baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it’s only you and me, yeah.”
Eddie finally pulls his gaze away at the end of the chorus, and Steve’s heart sinks to his feet.
Oh
When Eddie finally makes it through the rest of the song, he and Steve both have matching silent tears. Eddie’s glint in the bright stage lights while Steve’s fall anonymously.
Steve makes an excuse and rushes to the bathroom after Eddie’s left the stage, but he’s confronted with a long line. He sees an exit door down the hall and pushes himself through. The crisp fall air catches his skin off guard, and he shutters from head to toe in chills. He exhales hard and leans over, putting his hands on his knees, and huffs a few hard breaths. He startles when he hears someone to his left clear their throat and speak up.
“Hey.”
Steve thinks he’s seeing a ghost when his eyes fall on Eddie, leaning against the wall with a cigarette between his lips.
“Hey, uh, good show.” Steve’s crossing his arms in front of his chest, trying to calm his nerves. “You sounded… the band sounded good. That was really good.”
“Glad you could come, Stevie.” Eddie takes a slow drag off his cigarette, and Steve stares at his lips wrapped around the filter, noticing the tears drying on his cheeks.
“Eddie?” Steve’s voice shakes nervously
“Steve?” Jake pushes the back door open, searching for Steve. “There you are! I was worried. Oh, hey, man.” Jake sees Eddie leaning against the wall. “That was an amazing show.” Jake wraps his arm around Steve’s waist and pulls him closer. Steve feels detached and lets his body be jostled.
Eddie flicks the cigarette down on the ground and stubs it with his toe. “Thanks, man.” He licks his lips, and his eyes rake over Jake’s body, inspecting him. “Glad Stevie, here, could bring you. I’m Eddie.” He reaches out and offers it to Jake, who innocently juts his hand into Eddie’s and responds pleasantly.
“Hey, I’m Jake, Steve’s boyfriend.”
Steve sees Eddie’s smile drop for a millisecond before adjusting back to a neutral position.
“That’s so great,” Eddie looks over to Steve. “So great. Well, it was good to see you, Steve. Nice to meet you, Jake. I gotta head back inside. Just so great. I’m happy for you.” Eddie’s smile dips again, and Steve can see Eddie fisting his fingers together as he moves away and yanks open the door, heading back into the cacophony of music.
“Hey, uh, I-I kinda have a headache. Can we go?” Steve feigns illness and rubs his fingers across his forehead.
“Of course, babe. Let me take care of you.” Jake bites his lip and gives Steve a playful wink.
“Oh, I um, actually, it’s pretty bad; it feels like one of my migraines. I’m just going to bed, so you don’t need to come back to my place. I gotta get up early anyway.”
“You sure? I don’t mind.” Jake rubs his hand over Steve’s arm, trying to comfort him.
“Y-yeah.” Steve feels unnerved and needs to get away from the club and Jake as soon as possible. His body feels like it can sense Eddie inside, pulling him toward the source.
“Ok, well then, I’ll see you this weekend?”
“Mhm, Saturday.”
Jake leans in and presses his lips carefully against Steve’s, who tries to respond naturally and kiss him back.
“Text me when you get home, ok?”
“Yeah, night.”
“Love you, baby.” Jake winks at Steve.
Steve hesitates for one millisecond before responding. “Love you, too.”
Steve feels rotten when he finally steps into his dark apartment 35 minutes later. He sends a quick text to Jake, letting him know he’s home, and then collapses onto his couch.
He swipes open his screen and clicks on Eddie’s messages. Maybe Robin was right; maybe it was time he said something, anything, to Eddie. He notices the bubble appear that someone was typing on the other end and sits up on the couch, clutching his phone closer to his face.
“Come on,” he whispers. He thinks about typing something, so Eddie sees the bubble on his side too. He doesn’t think about what to say because he’s going to delete it, but he just starts typing.
I’m sorry things got weird. I hope you don’t hate me. I almost didn’t bring him, but that would’ve been weird. I mean, he is my boyfriend. I’ve liked you for a long time and thought I had no chance. But then, tonight. You looked incredible. Fuck I wanted to kiss you. I bet you taste so good. I bet you feel even better. I’ve jerked off to you so many fucking times. I wish you were here. I like Jake. He’s good to me. But he’s no Eddie Munson. My fantasies about you are better than his and my sex life. You’re not even really there, and it’s fucking better! How is that possible? Does that mean if you were, my brain would explode? I bet you’re really good with your fingers. Fuck. Now I’m thinking about your fingers inside of me. No, I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend who I think I love. I don’t know. If I did, I wouldn’t be thinking about you fucking me. Fucking me. You. Fucking. Me. God, I bet that’s good. What do you sound like? I bet it’s hot. I bet you’re vocal. I bet you talk dirty. God, that would kill me. Shit, Eddie. You don’t even live here. What is wrong with me?
Favorite Metalhead ❤: I see you
“Shit.” Steve’s stomach drops, and he accidentally hits the send button out of muscle memory.
When the text moves from the box up to the screen, his brain recognizes what he’s done and, in slow motion, starts to panic.
“Oh god, NO, NO, SHIT. Uh, fuck fuck fuck.” He quickly presses the message and fumbles to delete it. The message disappears, and the notification that he unsent a message appears. His heart is beating a million miles a minute, and he prays that he caught it before Eddie saw it.
Favorite Metalhead ❤: what was that?
“Shit,” Steve squeezes his eyes shut, hitting himself in the forehead with the edge of his phone.
Steve: Nothing
Steve: Accident
Favorite Metalhead ❤: it didn’t look like nothing
Steve: What did you see?
Favorite Metalhead ❤: something about me not living here and you asking what was wrong with you
Favorite Metalhead ❤: but that was a lot of text
Favorite Metalhead ❤: is there something you want to tell me Steve?
“Yes,” Steve whispers to himself.
Steve: Just that I’m sorry, things got weird between us and it was really nice to see you. You looked
Hot
Sexy
Fuckable
Steve: good
Favorite Metalhead ❤: you looked
Favorite Metalhead ❤: good too
Steve: I liked the acoustic song
Steve: It was beautiful
Favorite Metalhead ❤: then I’m glad I didn’t cut it
Favorite Metalhead ❤: and that you didn’t miss it
Steve wants to ask him and make sure, but this moment feels too fragile to risk.
Steve: When are you going back to Indiana?
Favorite Metalhead ❤: tomorrow
Steve: Too bad I couldn’t stay tonight. We could’ve caught up.
Favorite Metalhead ❤: yeah but you and jake had to get back to your perfect little life and ran out of here
Steve: It’s not perfect. He went home. I needed to be alone
Favorite Metalhead ❤: you’re at home alone?
Steve: Yeah
Favorite Metalhead ❤: what are you doing?
Steve: Just hanging out on my couch
Steve sees the bubble appear and disappear a few times before Eddie’s subsequent text comes through.
Favorite Metalhead ❤: why’d you wanna be alone?
Steve: Just had some stuff on my mind. Wanted to think about it
Favorite Metalhead ❤: what’s on that pretty little mind of yours stevie?
Steve: I don’t really know
You
Favorite Metalhead ❤: then you should’ve stayed. I could’ve helped you forget all about it
Steve: I don’t know that weed would help this situation
Favorite Metalhead ❤: I never mentioned weed
Steve stares at Eddie’s text, his heart thumping against his ribcage. He thinks he knows what Eddie is implying and hopes he does.
Steve: How do you know you wouldn’t make it worse?
Favorite Metalhead ❤: would helping you forget all your troubles and make you feel good instead really be worse?
Shit
Steve sighs while his body betrays him, sending a few sparks to his midsection.
Steve: Maybe
Steve: Especially if it’s really good
Steve throws his arm over his eyes. What is he doing? What are they doing? What is even going on? They haven’t spoken in almost a year, and now? They’re what? Flirting? On the verge of sexting even? Steve groans, tosses his phone on the couch and heads into the kitchen. He ignores the ping from his phone as he peruses the contents of his refrigerator. After a few seconds of staring at nothing in particular, he slams the door shut and turns back to stare at the couch. He can see his phone screen lit up, antagonizing him.
He hears a second ping, pulling him back like a sea siren tempting passing sailors. He grabs his phone from the cushion and reads Eddie’s messages.
Favorite Metalhead ❤: I could come over
Favorite Metalhead ❤: if you wanted company
And oh god, does he. His dick is betraying him as the thought of Eddie coming to his door in the middle of the night, maybe pushing him against the wall and grabbing his throat, consumes his mind. He presses the heel of his palm into the hardening bulge in his pants, trying to adjust himself.
Steve collapses back onto his couch and stares at his phone. Why was this happening now? After Thanksgiving last year, Steve realized he didn’t just think Eddie was attractive, he didn’t just think he was sexy, but he realized he had a massive crush on him. Sure he wanted to fuck the shit out of him, but he also wanted to hold his hand. He wanted to brush his hair out of his face. He wanted to hear him talk about what kind of D&D dice he bought or what guitar strings were the best. He wanted to spend time with him. He wanted to hear him laugh, but instead, they had this partially constructed wall between them that made things awkward and weird.
Steve spent months talking to Robin about everything. He’d dissected every interaction, every breath, every side glance that happened that week he was in Hawkins, and eventually, she told him to stop. She couldn’t continue listening to Steve pine after someone he refused to speak to. She pointed out that he could find all these answers if he talked to Eddie directly. But Steve couldn’t do that. What if Eddie laughed at him? What if Eddie told him he was an idiot and then joked about it in front of Dustin and the boys? Or worse, what if he was disgusted? Steve couldn’t risk it, couldn’t risk his heart.
So he moved on. Then he met Jake, and things got better. Jake was fun, he made Steve laugh, and they had a lot in common. They listened to the same music. They have the same taste in food. They even both played sports in high school. It made it easy to find common ground between them. And Steve thought Jake was sexy. He was a little shorter than Steve but had an athletic build. He had blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Steve noticed as they sparkled when he smiled. He made him feel comfortable, safe even, and easy. But Steve was still hiding things from him. Steve couldn’t tell Jake about the trauma. He couldn’t explain the constant continuous nightmares he had this many years later. He couldn’t properly explain the scars and why movies with Russian characters were always off the table. But it was ok; Steve was still pretty happy. It was fine.
Steve: You don’t have to do that. I’m 35 minutes away from where you are
Favorite Metalhead ❤: still closer than 4.5 hours
Steve: True
Favorite Metalhead ❤: say the word stevie
Steve hesitates and doesn’t know what to say.
Favorite Metalhead ❤: or I could just text it to you
Favorite Metalhead ❤: tell you instead
Steve’s skin sizzles at the idea, but his stomach twists in knots. As badly as he wants to read exactly what Eddie is implying, he can’t do that to Jake.
Steve: You don’t have to do that
Steve: I can imagine it pretty well
Steve: I should go to bed anyway. I gotta wake up early in the morning
Favorite Metalhead ❤: then I guess we’ll just stay in our imaginations
Favorite Metalhead ❤: goodnight, Harrington
Steve: Night, Eddie
Fourth Time
Steve’s phone rings and he is surprised to see Nancy Wheeler calling him.
“Nance?”
“Hey! So, Robin’s birthday is coming up, and I’m trying to throw a surprise party. Would you be willing to head to Indy next Saturday? You can crash at our place.”
“Shit, yes I’m in. What do I need to bring? Or when do you need me there? I will adjust my schedule.”
Nancy and Robin got closer after the Upside Down. They both moved to Indianapolis for college and developed feelings for one another. Steve was a little uncomfortable with that at first because he always viewed Robin like a sister, so her dating his ex-girlfriend was weird. Eventually, though, he realized the two were a much better pairing than he and Nancy ever were. They’re both geniuses, match energies, fall into the perfect yin and yang, and now he could never imagine them with anyone else.
“If you wanted to come up Friday, you could, but you can’t stay here that night. So that’s up to you, but after Saturday, you could stay as long as you wanted if you didn’t care we had work and school to go to.”
“Well, I’ll shoot for Saturday then, and we’ll go from there. What time can I come to your place?”
“Any time after 11, and you’re good.”
“Perfect.”
“Oh, um, just so you know. Eddie’s coming, and he’s bringing someone.”
Steve’s stomach drops. He hadn’t even thought about Eddie maybe being there, and now Nancy’s telling him he will be and bringing a date? Great.
“Oh, ok. Cool, yeah, thanks for telling me. That’s cool. Cool. Yeah.” It was clearly not cool, but he was trying to convince himself otherwise.
“You gonna be ok?” Nancy asks gently.
“Me? Yeah, I’m fine. It’ll be great. I haven’t seen him since his show back in October. We didn’t get to hang out that night, so it’ll be great.”
Steve hadn’t told Robin about the texts from that night. He already knew what she was going to say, so he didn’t see any point. Steve did end up breaking it off with Jake. It took him a few weeks, but it was apparent that Jake wasn’t the one. Eddie and Steve haven’t texted again since. Every once in a while, Steve will open the messages, reread them, and wonder what could’ve happened. What would’ve happened if he’d invited Eddie over. Steve tells himself it’s ok, though. It’s for the best. He and Eddie just can’t get it together, and now that he’s apparently dating someone, they miss their timing again. Maybe it’s just not meant to be, but that’s ok.
“Good. You know she’s worried about you?”
“Rob? Tell her she doesn’t need to. I’m good.”
“You go on any dates lately?”
Steve knows she’s fishing.
“No, it’s been nice. I need the break.”
“You’ll meet someone, Steve. You deserve a storybook romance.”
“Thanks, Nance. I’ll see you next week, ok? Text me if you need me to bring anything or pick something up that day.”
“Will do. Oh hey, we’re gonna have karaoke, so make sure you warm up your vocal cords.”
“Oh great, can't wait to listen to Robin’s drunken rendition of Melissa Etheridge’s I’m the Only One. Again.” He emphasizes the last word.
“Yeah, me either.” She replies in a thoughtful tone.
“I don’t get it. Alright, well I’ll see you next Saturday.”
“Bye.”
Steve busies himself between then and Saturday and ends up showing up at Nancy and Robin’s place around noon with an armful of balloons. He helps Nancy finish setting up with a few of their college friends, and when the rest of the guests arrive, he directs people to hiding spots. He had kept himself so busy that day he’d forgotten Eddie was supposed to be there.
Around 7 pm, Robin turned her key to the apartment door while everyone was hiding in the dark.
“SURPRISE!”
15 of Robin’s closest friends jump out and scare the crap out of her. She drops her purse and clutches her chest while holding her right hand out as if she were gripping a weapon. She wasn’t, though, so it looked like she put her fist out in front of her body, holding an invisible wand.
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” She yelled, and when her brain registered who everyone was, she dropped her hands to her side and let her head fall backward, exhaling loudly.
“Shit, babe? Oh I’m so sorry. We just wanted to surprise you.” Nancy rushes to Robin’s side and puts her hands on her shoulders.
“I know, I know, and I love you for that, but holy crap, Nancy.”
Steve steps over to them and puts his hands carefully on each of their shoulders. “You ok?”
“Oh god, Steve, you’re here? Oh, Nancy.” Robin looks up at Steve, and tears start to fill her eyes.
“Of course, I’m here. I’ve driven over here for way less. The least I could do was be here for your surprise party, dummy.”
Everyone laughs, and someone in the room turns the music back on. As the group disperses and starts enjoying the party, Robin wraps her arms around her girlfriend and best friend. They squeeze each other tight and then feel another set of arms wrap around them.
“I’m glad I didn’t miss group hug time!”
They break apart and see a wide-grinning Eddie Munson beaming brightly.
“OH EDDIE!” Robin flings her arms around his neck and squeezes him tight. Eddie’s eyes find Steve’s, and he gives him a polite smile, and Steve nods in response.
“Hey, I want you all to meet Zach.” Eddie bites his lip and turns to grab the wrist of a man standing behind him. “Zach, this is Robin, the birthday girl. Nancy, the girlfriend of the birthday girl, and Steve, the best friend of the birthday girl. Everyone, this is Zach.”
Steve’s heart thuds as he recognizes the smile Eddie is giving Zach. He’s seen it before pointed in his own direction, but being in the presence of it while it’s pointed at someone else, hurts more than he could’ve imagined.
Zach gives all three of them a nervous wave, and Steve feels Robin slide her fingers into his hand and give him a comforting squeeze. Zach was handsome, Steve would fully admit. He looks exactly how you’d imagine Eddie’s boyfriend would look. His hair was dark brown, clearly dyed and fading from black, a little longer on the top but shaved tight at the sides. Steve bets with a little bit of product, it becomes a mohawk. He has a nose ring in his right nostril and an eyebrow piercing. He’s wearing a worn-out Suicidal Tendencies tee and a studded belt. There’s not a single thing on the man that resembles Steve. It’s glaringly obvious Steve never had a chance.
“Where’s uh….” Eddie snaps his fingers, trying to remember someone’s name. “Jack? No, Jake, where’s Jake?” Eddie’s asking casually, but Steve wonders if it’s more than that.
“We broke up months ago.” Steve awkwardly replies.
Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up, “oh, sorry.” Then Steve notices a quick glance Eddie gives Robin before looking back at Steve.
“It’s fine. Good to see you, man. Nice to meet you, Zach.” Steve smiles pleasantly, trying to hide the jealousy coursing him. Steve doesn’t see the knowing glance pass between Nancy and Robin.
As the night progressed, Steve threw caution to the wind and leaned hard into ‘fuck it.' He was doing shots with anyone that wanted to join him. He tried to get a beer pong competition going, but he just drank all the beer instead when no one participated. He’d avoided Eddie and Zach the rest of the night. Every time Eddie started to come near him, he’d immediately stop whatever conversation he was in and walk away. When Nancy pulled out the karaoke machine, Steve was willing to be the first volunteer.
“I’m gonna go first, me, gimme.” Steve grabbed the microphone from Nancy and smiled wide. He found the song he needed to sing and looked around the room as the first few notes played.
“Shit,” Robin exclaims quietly as she sees Steve from across the room.
“Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
I’m not the first to know
There’s just no getting over you”
By the end of the first verse, the whole room had quieted while listening to Steve belt out his rendition of Hopelessly Devoted to You. His words were slurring, but everyone could still understand him. His voice was surprisingly beautiful. Everyone was entranced not by the disaster that usually happened during birthday karaoke but by the surprising talent performing in the middle of Robin’s living room. But the only person Steve could see was Eddie. He had been leaning against the wall in the kitchen talking to Zach when Steve started, but he’s moved a few feet closer by the end of this verse.
“I know I’m just a fool who’s willing
To sit around and wait for you
But baby, can’t you see there’s nothing else for me to do?
I’m hopelessly devoted to you”
Steve’s head is swimming, and he has to lean against the wall behind him to keep his balance. Eddie’s gaze is digging deep inside of him and making him weak.
“But now there’s nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I’m out of my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you”
Steve doesn’t notice as Robin heads near him. She sees her best friend breaking down in front of everyone in that room and wants to protect him. Tears fall from his face as he tries to continue the song. His voice is getting shakier, but he can’t tear his eyes away from Eddie’s face.
“My head is sayin’, 'Fool, f-forget him'
My heart is sayin’, 'Don't let g-go.'”
At that moment, Robin slides up to his side, wraps her arm around his waist, and takes the microphone from his shaking hand. He smiles at her weakly and nods. She finally cut the invisible cord from Eddie’s eyes. The room watches silently as Robin guides Steve to her and Nancy’s bedroom. Robin looks for Nancy and is relieved when she hears the music come back on and cover up Steve’s crying. When Eddie tries to approach them, Robin shakes her head at him and tells him ‘not now.’
“Here, lay down, ok?” Robin carefully sets Steve on their bed and helps him untie his shoes.
“Why am I not good enough?” He quietly asks.
Robin presses her hands on Steve’s shoes and feels her heart rip apart.
“You, Steve Harrington, are more than good enough, and if he can’t see that, then fuck him. Lift your foot up.” She guides Steve’s legs as she removes his shoes and helps him lay back on the mattress. “Shhhh, just go to sleep, ok? It’ll be better in the morning. I love you, dingus.” She runs her fingers through his hair, brushing it off his forehead.
“Love you, too.” He murmurs as he quietly fades asleep.
Robin looks up at the door and sees Nancy hugging her chest. When Robin stands up, her girlfriend slips into their bedroom and pulls her into a firm hug. Nancy squeezes Robin tight through her tears and understands. Neither of them hears a quiet ping hit Steve’s phone.
Favorite Metalhead ❤: 💔
Last Time
Steve never replied to Eddie’s text. When he’d woken up the following day in Robin’s bed with one of the worst hangovers he had in years, he pretended nothing had happened. He didn’t remember anything, so for him, it was easy, but Robin filled him in. He vowed never to show his face around her friends again and promised not to mix alcohol in her presence.
Now, six months later, Steve was headed back to Hawkins for Max’s 21st birthday party. He’d checked Corroded Coffin’s show schedule and was happy to see they would play that Saturday night. He couldn’t bring himself to text Eddie, but he needed to see him. He would sneak into the show and watch from the back, avoiding anyone he might know. Max’s official party was Sunday afternoon, so he was secretly showing up one day early. He’d rented a room at a motel since Robin, Nancy, Dustin, and his parents had all moved out of town. Max was still living at home with her mom, and it would’ve been inappropriate to ask her to crash there.
He brought a few outfits to wear to the concert. He knew he was supposed to be in hiding, but he wanted to look good just in case he got caught. He blamed it on being out, being at a concert in general, but it was obviously for Eddie. It’s been almost two years since Steve came out to Eddie while wrapped together in his jacket. It feels somehow longer and shorter at the same time. Robin told Steve when Eddie broke up with Zach. He knows she did it in hopes of pushing him to finally say something to Eddie, but it felt too late to Steve.
He’s been busy with work, school, and volunteering but has remained single. He needs to put more time and distance between his feelings for Eddie and other people on the planet. He knows if he does it too soon, they’ll only be compared to that Metalhead and never stand a chance.
Steve slides his brown suede jacket over his denim button-down shirt. It’s a lighter shade than the straight-leg jean he has rolled up over a pair of light brown boots. His hair has grown a little longer again. It’s swept to one side, and he can feel a curl wrapping around his right ear. He inspects himself in the adequate motel mirror and adjusts his belt carefully. When he feels happy with the view, he sprays a few spritzes of his cologne across his chest.
Ten minutes later, he parks his car and heads inside. He shows his ID to the bouncer at the door and moves up to the bar.
“What’ll it be?” The bartender asks.
“Rum and coke with a lime.” When the bartender walks away to mix Steve’s drink, Steve leans against the bar and looks across the room.
There are plenty of people already milling about. The music is loud, but there isn’t a live band playing yet, so it’s not crowded.
“Y’know, if you’d told me you were coming, I would’ve gotten you in for free.”
Steve turns to find Eddie standing right behind him. He didn’t feel him come up. He didn’t feel him invading his space. He was so busy searching for him that he missed him completely.
“Shit, uh, hey. I know, but I didn’t want to bother you.” Steve’s heart was racing.
“That’ll be $8.50.” The bartender sets Steve’s drink down on the bar, and Steve has to turn away from Eddie to pay his bill. He uses the brief opportunity to take a deep breath and collect himself before turning back.
“You could never bother me, Stevie. It’s good to see you.” Steve watches as Eddie’s eyes graze over his body. “You look good.”
“Yeah, thanks, so do you.” Steve’s grateful it’s dark in the bar, so Eddie can’t see his blush.
“I’ll look even better later.” Eddie grins and gives Steve a playful wink.
“Yeah?” Steve attempts to lean into the flirting.
“Oh yeah. What are you doing in little ‘ol Hawkins, Steve?” Eddie puts his hand on the bar next to Steve and leans over, invading more of Steve’s personal space.
“Uh,” Steve’s mouth goes dry. “Max’s birthday tomorrow.”
“And came a night early just to see me?”
Yes
“I saw the band was playing, so I thought I’d come down.” Steve’s lungs are filled with Eddie’s scent, cedarwood, and amber mixed with something citrusy. He could swim in it.
“What are you doing after the show?”
“I was…nothing,” Steve shakes his head.
“Hmm, for now. I better get backstage.” Eddie pushes himself off the bar and stands in front of Steve. “I gotta add a sudden last-minute song to the set.”
Steve swallows hard as Eddie takes one last leering glance at Steve. His nerves are shot by the time the band gets on stage. Now that he’s been caught, he doesn’t feel the need to stand near the back. He moves closer to the stage and takes his position in front of Eddie, a few people back. He’s not right up front, but he’s close enough to be seen.
Eddie wasn’t lying when he said he would look better later. When he waltzes on stage wearing tight leather pants and nothing but a leather jacket over his bare chest, Steve is sure he will have a heart attack. His hands are laden with chunky metal rings, and a lone dagger earring hangs from his right ear. He was fucking hot.
Eddie winks at Steve throughout the concert, sending shivers up his spine. His whole body is on fire, watching Eddie in his element. Every time Steve enjoyed seeing Eddie on stage, it was a different experience for his senses. This one felt like the first time he was actually seeing him. It was an incredible turn-on.
“Ok, this is gonna be a change of pace. The band is gonna take a quick break while I hopefully don’t make a fool out of myself. They’ll be back, and you fuckers will love it.” Eddie turns to the band members, and they all slide off stage. Steve sees one of them smirk and roll their eyes.
Eddie motions to someone in the room, and music comes over the speakers. Steve thinks he might faint.
“Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
I’m not the first to know
There’s just no getting over you ”
Even though he didn’t remember singing that night, Robin gave him every ounce of detail so he could create a memory in his mind. He bites back a laugh while the rest of the crowd murmurs in confusion. Eddie nervously sings and tries to keep eye contact with Steve, but it’s obvious he’s anxious about how Steve will react to the song.
“I know I’m just a fool who’s willing
To sit around and wait for you
But baby, can’t you see there’s nothing else for me to do?
I’m hopelessly devoted to you ”
Steve finds it easier to move closer to the stage as the crowd moves around to refill drinks and take bathroom breaks during the unique genre change. Eddie uses Steve’s actions to build his courage and shift his tone from nervousness to a confident frontman.
“But now there’s nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I’m out of my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you”
When Steve finally makes it directly in front of the stage, he looks up at the man who’s been ruining his life in the most absurd, frustrating way for the past several years. Eddie moves forward, his toes at the edge of the stage, towering over Steve. They both exist in the space as if they were all alone and not surrounded by a couple of hundred strangers.
“My head is sayin’, 'Fool, forget him'
My heart is sayin’, 'Don't let go
Hold on to the end', that's what I intend to do
I’m hopelessly devoted to you”
Eddie moves his body and kneels to get closer to Steve. Steve can feel his heart fluttering like a hummingbird in his chest. His mouth falls open, and he doesn’t know if he’s even breathing. Eddie’s hand reaches down and brushes against Steve’s cheek sending sparks flying through his veins.
“But now there’s no way to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I’m outta my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you”
As the music fades and a smattering of applause breaks out in the room, Eddie drops the microphone and grabs Steve’s face, leaning down and crashing his lips onto his. Steve feels his chest constrict and reaches up to hold Eddie’s face as they pull each other toward their mouths. Just as they are about to forget they’re in public, the room erupts in applause. There are whistles and cheers and encouraging clapping surrounding them. Steve’s eyes shoot open, and he hesitantly pulls back, staring at Eddie, who grins wide.
“I should’ve done that two years ago, actually shoulda done that five years ago,” Eddie whispers. “I’m gonna finish this show, and afterward, this time, you’re gonna let me make you feel good. Ok?”
Steve silently nods in easy agreement.
Notes:
1. The acoustic song Eddie sings is Here Without You by 3 Doors Down.
2. Steve singing Hopelessly Devoted to You was inspired by jayshifts on TikTok saying Steve would have a beautiful singing voice and sing open mic night at the hideout. I took personal liberties with that idea but fell in love with it and Harry Styles' rendition during his Halloween show that she plays under her TikTok video.
3. They leave the show and have some of the best sex of their lives and live happily ever after, because I said so
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