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corisanna · 2 years

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a long character/identity study for @catboy-von-seckendorff's Domestic Witches AU

Oktavia has a lot of feelings about her witch and human bodies

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Oktavia has some major problems in the aftermath of her rebirth. The biggest stem from being unsure of who she is now. She has an unwanted dichotomy in her head. One facet of that uncertainty is her new body. Her inescapable monster body.

Sometimes her witch body is perfectly comfortable. She is wholly "Oktavia" and this body is wholly "Oktavia." But sometimes she has "Sayaka" days and her witch body makes her feel a bit odd. Or more than a bit odd. More like very odd. Or more than that. A lot more than that. She fights the feelings, but sometimes they break through into something like a tide of disgust and rejection of her witch body. It happens less intensely and less often as "Oktavia" moves to the fore and "Sayaka" moves to the depths, but it is definitely a problem in those beginning months.

And beyond the beginning, sometimes. But she doesn't like to think about that.

Sometimes she loves her new body. It is her authentic self. She is "Oktavia" and it is "Oktavia." Sometimes she hates her new body. It is not her authentic self. It is not "Sayaka." But she is not "Sayaka" anymore, so that shouldn't matter. Right? Sometimes she is ambivalent about her new body. It is neither and both "Oktavia" and "Sayaka."

Her feelings are an utter mess.

In her first few weeks, she keeps having "Sayaka" days and feeling absolutely wrong in this body. She feels like an abomination, something twisted and cursed. The new position of her mouth especially horrifies her on "Sayaka" days. It would make her skin crawl if she had skin to crawl. On "Oktavia" days, it's perfectly fine and natural. That's just how her body works now. But the acceptance won't stay consistent at first.

On "Sayaka" days, she also desperately wants to be smaller again, wants to not fill a room, wants her human hands with their fine movement and ability to pick things up easily, wants a face that can smile or frown or cry. Why does she miss crying of all things? Maybe because she really wants to cry for all she's lost on "Sayaka" days. Just the internal feeling and her vocal expression of it feel like they're not enough. It's like a limit on how much she can vent "Sayaka's" misery that needs to be vented. That misery becomes darkness which fuels Oktavia's newly-acquired Moods, and though those feel like natural things for a witch they are still unpleasant.

"Sayaka" wails at the inescapability of this inhuman body. "Oktavia" can't see that there's anything to want to escape from.

Oktavia wants her human self to shut up. She is a witch now. She accepts that. She doesn't need this sabotage. But suppressing the feelings is hard in those first several weeks after her rebirth. She is still Oktavia-Sayaka half the time. "Oktavia" is strong, but "Sayaka" is still loudly wounded. She still rises.

Oktavia tries to keep her feelings to herself. Her friends worry about her enough without thinking she's not doing as well as she presents herself. But Kyoko figures her out. Kyoko is the one who hangs out with her the most, keeping that promise to stay by her side, and she sees more of her than the others while they're stuck in school. Her understanding starts out both distressing and a relief but quickly settles into just relief. In addition to understanding and not pushing, Kyoko respects her request to keep her struggle a secret. The others might talk together and poke Oktavia's wounds for the sake of their concept of "healing" and she wants no part of that. Her trouble is a quiet thing between the two of them and Oktavia is content with that. It feels safe. It is a minimal exposure she feels comfortable with while she figures herself out. So Kyoko is allowed to be with her on her bad days. She'll leave if Oktavia asks, but Oktavia rarely does.

One "Sayaka" day when she is Oktavia-Sayaka instead of just Oktavia, she sits on her throne in her labyrinth staring at her gauntleted hands as her orchestra plays a distressing requiem in the background. Staring. Just staring at the wrongness of her hands. Metal, not flesh. So big and hard, not small and soft. Not delicate. Unable to make fine movements. Something as simple as writing her name which name? with a pencil is beyond her now. She'll never dance her fingertips along a piano's keys ever again. Not for the first time, she wonders if this is what Kyosuke had felt when his fingers couldn't dance along a violin's strings. It feels like in blessing his hands she had cursed her own. And it's true, isn't it? She was reborn of curses.

Was her blessing worth her curse?

That is something she shies away from thinking about. Especially at times like now, when she is disturbed enough by her hands that she remembers Kyoko cutting off one and fleetingly wishes her friend had taken both because they are so. damn. wrong.

Oktavia-Sayaka hates these hands. They are disgusting. They're not the hands of a human girl, which is what part of her insists she should be today. If these are the hands she is doomed to have, she would rather have no hands at all. She absurdly wonders if she could find her pretty human hands if she just pries off every plate of armor that makes up the gauntlets, wonders if they're simply hiding behind metal and whatever is concealed within that bleeds blue. It's a mental downward slope; she wonders if there's still a whole human girl hiding within this monstrous form, wonders if all she has to do is tear herself apart to find her--

She feels Kyoko enter her labyrinth and move closer. She wills her familiars to let her friend pass, but she doesn't look up when Kyoko pauses at the entry to the concert hall. She still doesn't look up when Kyoko walks right up to her. So Kyoko positions herself where she can be seen beyond the gap between Oktavia-Sayaka's too-big metal hands.

Kyoko stares up at her for a minute then quietly asks, "Wrong body day?"

Oktavia-Sayaka wants to cry but she can't so she just nods.

Kyoko frowns. "Want me to come up there and sit with you?"

Oktavia-Sayaka thinks for a moment. Maybe her hands would look better with Kyoko in them. She lowers a hand so Kyoko can hop into it more easily then lifts it back up.

Ah, Kyoko fitting in her palm emphasizes just how big her hands really are. And she has the horrible, horrible mental image of squeezing Madoka in her fist before Kyoko stopped her from doing worse-- an image that sometimes appears when a friend sits in her palm. Backfire. But she needs to get over this image. She has been working on it when holding the others up to talk to her. Maybe if she focuses entirely on Kyoko. Her body, her clothes, her face. Her face is best. It is mostly neutral, but Oktavia-Sayaka can see subtle concern and sympathy. Empathy. It makes Oktavia-Sayaka feel like her distress is valid. That someone understands. That feels good. She tries to focus entirely on Kyoko so her hands won't exist. Or will at least exist less intensely. She is glad that her sculpted face can't reveal her struggle with a facial expression. At least there's an advantage to her mask of a face.

Kyoko looks up at her with that calm face and conversationally asks, "Anything specific today?"

Oktavia-Sayaka flexes her fingers slightly and says, "My hands."

Kyoko looks around herself at the hand she's sitting in and back up at her. "You really okay with me sitting here?"

Oktavia-Sayaka is quiet for a moment, considering. "I want to try. I can't run away from them forever."

"If you're sure," Kyoko says skeptically. "But don't force it too much or you'll just make it worse."

Oktavia-Sayaka sighs. She knows it's true.

"Talk about it or talk about something else?" Kyoko asks.

"Something else," Oktavia-Sayaka answers immediately.

Kyoko nods and launches into a tale of Yuma and Charlotte's shenanigans that morning.

Oktavia-Sayaka makes it through a good fifteen minutes of Kyoko's wandering stories, but doesn't get fully distracted from her discomfort. Focusing on the sight of Kyoko isn't working. Her hands are still in sight. It disturbs her.

She shifts uneasily and says, "Hey, can you sit somewhere else? I see my hands while looking at you and... yeah. It was kinda working but... yeah."

"Sure," Kyoko says lightly. She stands, turns away from Oktavia-Sayaka, and clasps her hands together then throws them apart. Her lattice barrier appears before them, forming a tall cage like a box. It makes a platform for Kyoko to jump onto and sit at face-level with Oktavia-Sayaka, drawing her eyes up and away from her awkward, wrong hands.

Oktavia-Sayaka folds her hands in her lap and focuses entirely on Kyoko. Her friend keeps chattering about various things. It helps a lot. She is warm with gratitude as the knot of her twisted feelings loosens some.

Oktavia-Sayaka wishes she had a human body that could embrace Kyoko's.

~~~

Time passes. Oktavia gets far more comfortable with her witch body. She is "Oktavia" and it is "Oktavia." Simple. "Sayaka" is sleepy.

Then Charlotte learns how to shift into her human form.

Oktavia is surprised that she has to smother intense jealousy. "Sayaka" wakes up. She wants that ability so much. But Oktavia is fearful of being back in her human body. She fears that "Sayaka" will stay risen from the deep and overwhelm her. Sayaka Miki is dead. Right? This armored mermaid body is her true self now. Her human self is a source of despair and she fears that feeling, has been pushing it down as much as a creature born of despair can manage. She has been working so hard to accept herself, both her changed mind and her changed body, and she fears losing the great progress she has made toward that goal. Even if she can wear a Sayaka Miki costume, she will still be a witch. It is inescapable. She needs to protect her solidifying acceptance of herself. "Sayaka" and her pining for humanity and her old life can go to hell.

Everyone expects Oktavia to try to become human, so she does. But her feelings are tumultuous and her fear blocks her. She tells everyone she doesn't know why she has so much trouble even though she's pretty sure she does. Her sounding upset is interpreted as frustration with failing to shift when it's frequently renewed distress over her identity. She lets them believe the former.

But Kyoko is too perceptive and knows too much about her now. Kyoko had figured out her problem accepting her witch body. Somehow, Kyoko figures out at least part of her new problem, too. Again, Kyoko is the only person she will speak to about it. Not a lot, but more than she ever would with the others.

Oktavia cherishes Kyoko's understanding and empathy. Always empathy, never pity. She is an anchor in Oktavia's stormy sea.

Oktavia has to do a lot of work on herself in pursuit of that human form. Yes, she is "Oktavia" now. Yes, she will remain "Oktavia" no matter the shape of her body. Even with "Sayaka's" face, she will still be "Oktavia." Having a human form doesn't have to mean running away from "Oktavia." It doesn't have to mean throwing away her new identity. It doesn't have to be the inverse rejection of herself that she fears. What one part of her wants to think of as "Sayaka's face" will really be "Oktavia's face." It will. She has settled into being "Oktavia" now and she won't let anything or anyone take that from her. Not even herself.

She is very happy when she reacquires a human body. It's a very emotional time with the others who are overjoyed for her. There's a lot of hugging and contagious excitement. But she is unsettled to find that her human body feels as equally right and wrong as her witch body first had. She had half-expected it, but the strength of the feeling still almost surprises her. It really shouldn't. Of course it would be strange. Oktavia von Seckendorff is cold and hard and big. Not this warm and soft and small thing.

Had she really been this small? She objectively knows from everyone that her human body is actually bigger than it had been before, but it still feels so small. She has vague memories of being even smaller-- seeing things from a slightly different angle, having a shorter reach, being farther away from things above her, and other slight differences. She is both too small and too big at the same time. It is disorienting. She had wanted to be small again when she first became a witch but it is so strange to be so again. It's like she's shrunken to a size that her witch body's hand could smash like a bug. She is a little bug. She knows that's an exaggeration of the size difference, but that's what it feels like.

Oktavia feels both awkward and graceful in this human body. She can move around a room without filling it, without having to be exceedingly careful to not bump into the furniture and the ceiling. She can move into the smaller areas of the apartment like the kitchen and rooms down the narrow hallway. She's clumsy at first from lack of practice with legs but soon navigates quickly and easily, able to swerve and dodge around things she previously couldn't. It takes getting used to, but she reacquires grace. Her body is more flexible. Her dexterity with her hands is back. She can write her name with a pencil again. Definitely "Oktavia." She is able to go to her orchestra's piano and dance her fingers across its keys instead of likely crushing it with one finger in her witch form. It's wonderful and bizarre. As much as she likes it, it still feels wrong at first. It is just not how her body is supposed to move anymore. She had gotten used to being a lumbering giant.

Oktavia has a face that moves again. It can make expressions that display her emotions. Her friends can read her more easily now. She has mixed feelings about that; her helm had become a shield to conceal her more troubled moods so she is back to having to make an effort to hide them. This face is able to cry like she had wanted to; it feels good to be able to do so in private but trying to prevent it around her friends is another struggle she had forgotten would exist. Sometimes she slips and cries at something. Her friends get concerned and ask what's wrong. She says it's because she randomly got happy about being able to do whatever they are doing. That is true a lot of the time, but sometimes it's a spike of that uneasy discomfort with her new-old form.

Thankfully, the feelings are only near-constant for a couple weeks. Then they come less and less frequently. But when they do come, they are strong. She tries to tough out the feelings as long as she can before fleeing back to her true body. It's better than when she was adjusting to being a witch, but it still does give her difficulty for a few months after beginning to be human-shaped again.

And beyond the beginning, sometimes. But she doesn't like to think about that.

Sometimes she loves her human body. It is her authentic self just as much as her witch body. Despite its different shape, it is still "Oktavia." Sometimes she hates her human body. It is not her authentic self. It is "Sayaka." She is not "Sayaka" anymore, so it's understandable that feeling like "Sayaka" bothers her deeply. Right? Sometimes she is ambivalent about her human body. It is neither and both "Oktavia" and "Sayaka."

Her feelings are an utter mess.

One difficult day when Oktavia feels unsettled instead of comfortable in her human body, she sits in a theater chair in her labyrinth staring at her bare legs as her orchestra plays an eerie requiem in the background. Staring. Just staring at the wrongness of her legs. Flesh, not fish. Feet, not fins. So knobbly and angled, not smooth and curved. Delicate toes able to make fine movements. But the command she thinks to move those toes is supposed to wave fins. She has two extremities below her waist instead of just one and both can move independently, unlike her single tail. Not for the first time, she wonders if that mermaid who turned human in that old fairy tale had felt like this.

Her legs are wrong today, but they are a tolerable sort of wrong. Mostly. They're disturbing to look at, but she doesn't hate them and want to tear them off. She has a repeated graphic mental image of her tail splitting in half to make them that makes her skin crawl, though. Fins slicing into segments to make toes--

Oktavia feels Kyoko enter her labyrinth and move closer. She wills her familiars to let Kyoko pass and looks up when she pauses at the entry to the concert hall. Kyoko waves and cocks her head to the side, silently asking permission. Oktavia nods; Kyoko walks right up and plops into the chair beside her. She holds out a box of Pocky; Oktavia accepts the offering of comfort and easily pulls out a fragile stick without breaking it. She taps the stick against her lips but doesn't bite.

Kyoko withdraws the box, takes her own stick, then quietly asks, "Wrong body day?"

Oktavia sighs and runs a hand through her longer hair, which is another problem she doesn't want to think about. "Yeah."

"Anything specific today?"

"My legs."

Kyoko joins her in staring at her legs. Oktavia flexes her ankles and wiggles her toes. So strange. Like stubby fingers, but not as useful.

"How bad is it?" Kyoko asks.

Oktavia rocks her head side to side. "Not terrible, but I'd rather have a tail right now." She bites her Pocky and chews. Savors. Strawberry and sugar and cookie. The sense of taste is glorious. A wonderful feature of this human body.

Kyoko slowly turns to look at Oktavia's face, considers, and says, "So have one. Shift back."

"I'm fine."

"I don't think contemplating your toes along to depressing music counts as fine," Kyoko drawls.

Oktavia scowls. "If I'm going to be spending more time around everyone as a human, I need to not be creeped out by my body. I need to get used to it even when it's uncomfortable." She snaps another big bite of her Pocky and chews harder than necessary.

"I also don't think anyone wants you to be uncomfortable for them," Kyoko counters. "Look out for yourself first, yeah? Besides, forcing yourself when it's bad'll end up outweighing the being okay with it when it's good and you'll just sabotage yourself or get all confused."

Oktavia sighs. She knows it's true. But still.

She twists her free hand in the fabric of her shorts and extends her legs to their full length, holds them out tensely straight. "I want to be okay with this body all the time. I have to work at it. Shifting back feels like running away. Like being a coward."

"Keeping yourself from going off the rails in the creeps ain't running away," Kyoko said.

Oktavia chomps on her Pocky and sulks. Tears well up in her eyes.

Kyoko notices, of course. She looks uncomfortable for a moment, glances away and back indecisively. Then her face settles into a gentle but resolute expression that reminds Oktavia of the moment in their terrible battle when Kyoko said such soft words to her and her heart had--

"Oktavia. Sayaka," Kyoko says softly. "You have the ability to switch between bodies now. You can be whatever's most comfortable in the moment. If you're not feeling human today, be a witch. If you're not feeling witchy tomorrow, be a human. Being able to do that? Do you know how powerful that makes you?" She leans forward and looks commanding. "You have an ability a lot of people would want to have. Use it. For your own comfort and sanity, use it. It doesn't make you some kind of coward; it makes you rational enough to keep yourself from drowning in avoidable despair. Don't tell yourself you're not allowed to take care of yourself just so other people will be happy. Make your body what you want it to be to make yourself comfortable. Don't torture yourself letting that ability go to waste. Use it." Kyoko paused, looked away, and looked back. She hesitantly continued, "I... I hate to see you do this to yourself. I know what it's-- Please. Don't subject yourself to that when you don't have to."

Oktavia swallows hard and stares blankly at her rigid legs, not entirely seeing them. Kyoko makes it sound so simple. So much easier than Oktavia has been seeing it. She makes it sound like shifting out is a strength, not a weakness. Maybe she's right. Maybe Oktavia needs to stay in the kind of body that's most "Oktavia" at any given time instead of forcing it. Maybe she can... love herself more that way. If she doesn't feel trapped. She isn't trapped by circumstance anymore, just by herself. Maybe the true weakness is in hurting herself despite the opportunity to avoid it. Maybe she just needs to be herself, be "Oktavia," in whatever shape is most "Oktavia" at the time. Both shapes are "Oktavia" now, so is it really cowardice to choose one shape over another? Maybe... maybe Kyoko is very right.

She knows she's going to have to work to completely convince herself of this, but it's a good start.

Oktavia lets her legs fall limp. She nibbles at the last of her Pocky as something to keep her mouth occupied until she thinks she can talk without it turning into a sob. When she can, she tearfully says, "Thank you. For everything."

Oktavia now has a human body that can embrace Kyoko's, so she does.

#Domestic Witches AU #my writing #gift story #angst go brr

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midnightsnackblog · 1 year

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*looks at my KRAN oc* hmm your boring, how about we add a bit of spice? (comes up with a lot of ideas in a few hours or so ) heheh yes, this is just right

#transformers #transformers oc #KRAN oc #kran frame type #Atlas #oh the ideas i came up with #heheheh #angst go brr

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isjasz · 4 months

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[Day 178]

More of this trio but OMORI STYLE since I've been doing that tdy :D

#dddaily4sherin #grian #goodtimeswithscar #pearlescentmoon #isdoodles #i love this style sm its so URJEHAJEUWJWJJWEH :( <3 #not entirely an au i really just wanted to draw them in this style and happy #:D #but if you guys want to angst this somehow feel free to go brr ig LOL

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jeena-says-hi · 4 months

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Secret life spoilers

Grian jumping off a cliff after winning third life

Scar jumping into a ravine in order to win secret life

Nobody talk to me, I am not ok

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khickuwa · 10 months

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paying my monthly luke tax

#luke pearce #xia yan #art #artist #fanart #tears of themis #sketch #illustration #illust #tears of themis fanart #a formal apology to everyone who follows me because my artstyle changes every damn season changing #but oeououoeouoeuh luke meow meow brainrot go brr.....#i have two modes #and that's it #it's angst #or thirst traps

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homicidal-slvt · 5 months

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"That character wouldn't say that!!!"

That's your opinion. However, I am fueled by the power of delusion and the need to fuck them. I do what I want and you can't stop me.

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artsycooky13 · 1 year

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murder boi doodles

#steven universe #steven universe future #my art #angst #chad steven #that a tag?#idk #hee haw hee haw sketch go brr #i was litening to nate's funny purble man songs #also some one give him a hug #he broke his cheeto stick :(

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qoeww · 2 years

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The Rise!movie was amazing!! (Spoiler alert)

If it was s/o Who managed to "portalchop" the ship and trap Krang on the other side, including themselfs, how would the turtles react?

Bonus scene: They got saved, of course

S/O SACRIFICING THEIRSELF TO DEFEAT KRANG

Warning: Angst and spoiler from movie

Characters: Turtle Bros

Writing type: Fic+ Hc

Author Note: Bruh this is my fav request, I love that type of angst >:] That was long, I hope you like it hun <3

No, you shouldn't be there, why didn't you just listen Leo?

Leo had expected Krang to crush him, not throw him. He hissed in pain as his shell rubbed against the ground. No, no NO! That wasn't a part of the plan!

You were the closest to Krang.

You looked at the chaos behind you for the last time. Fear was reflected in the eyes of your friends.

You grabbed Leo's ōdachi from ground and runned to Krang. Screams coming from behind you mixed together, only heard Krang and his disgusting voice. The expression on your his made you grip the ōdachi tighter.

You swung the ōdachi into his outstretched arm, there wasn't even the tiniest crumb of pain on his face.

"Really? That's all?"

You just grinned to his teasing.

"You thought so?" Ōdachi activated and you both dissappeared. Your voice heard from their wristbands.

"CASEY NOW!"

And the huge portal door disappeared like you and Krang.

LEO

"CASEY DON'T DO THİS NO-"

Before portal shouted, he could only shout to get his voice to Casey

Portal shout down and he didn't do anything

Everything was his fault.

His brain working so hard, he is blaming himself and at the same time he is trying to make a new plan

He ran to Casey and tried to grab the key

Yes, YES he will just take you from there and will close the portal again and everything will be fine

He got angry at first when Casey didn't give him the key, but he slowly grasps everything

You sacrificed yourself... Because of him

If he had done the plan better, these would not happen, if he-

Breathing is so hard, his chest is burning with every breath

DONNIE

He didn't do anything, just watched you disappearing without noise

He heard your voice, he knew it was coming from the bracelet but didn't believe

He didn't wanna believe what was happening now

The sound of the portal closing mingled with your voice and echoed in his brain

He didn't know how to react

He brought his hand to face when he felt the salty water in his mouth

He was... Crying?

His vision was blurred, his brain had a hard time understanding

He felt like this for the first time... So helpless

He couldn't do anything

He wanted to stop crying, get up and do something

But there was no end of tears

Donnie hated to feel this way

RAPH

He failed

He didn't do his part

He was the big brother, he should save everyone

At a sound from his right, he turned his head, for a moment believing that you were there

As the portal closed, he took a wheezing breath and watched the chaos dissipate

He fell to his knees, he felt like he couldn't bear his weight

Weight or guilty? He didn't know

He tried to suppress the sobs that were struggling to escape his throat

He should encourage others, and make a new plan

His. Stupid. Brain. Stopped. Working. Think. THİNK!

He didn't even dare to look at his brother's face

The last time he saw the fear on your face turning into courage, the sob ripped out of his throat

"Why... WHY?"

If he hadn't been so stupid, if he hadn't gone and obeyed Krang...

The sobbings didn't stop

MIKEY

Hah... Haha...

His face contorted with pain

He looked behind, his brothers for support

But everything was worse than he thought, his brothers were crying

Maybe... Maybe Leo?

No... No

Was the situation really hopeless?

He felt his heart was disassembled

Tears were coming to his eyes

He clasped his hands in anger, he wasn't going to let that happen

He will not leave his love

He stretched out his hands, Casey told him he could make portals right? So he will.

His hands were shaking but he didn't care, he will do it, he can!

Nothing was happening, tears ran down his chin

After all, he was just a child, the child always being useless

NO, NO DON'T THINK LIKE THAT, I CAN HELP THEM

He focused more, he could hear your voice, you were talking with Krang

The heat on your fingertips hurt

IT WAS HAPPENING

The orange portal shined in chaos, attracted the attention of all to magnificent structure. Even Leo noticed the shining, noticed the hope.

Raph looked up at Mikey's voice, his brother… his brother was making it. Turned his head to Donnie, the emptiness in purple one's gaze was finally filled with determination. They both reached out to the portal to support their brother

"IT'S NOT ENOUGH!" Mikey shouted, he felt all the flesh in his body being roasted

The portal was getting smaller and smaller.

They didn't even hear the sound coming from their side, so Leo rushed over to them and held out his hands

"WE CAN MAKE IT!"

The portal returned to its former greatness, then the universe where you were Krang was reflected.

Blood was dripping from your nose, mouth and wounds. Raph activates his strength and reaches out to you, you weren't even strong enough to grasp it. But you made it, you were back. While portal shout down from your back you heard the Krang's voice for the last time.

"Oh, hey guys. What a day huh?..."

They all jumped on you, gave you a warm family hug

LEO

Leo stood on tiptoe to look at you as Raph pulled you

You were there, living

All he could feel was the relief in his body when the portal closed behind you

After group hug, he didn't want to leave you

He closed his eyes as he ran his fingers through your hair

He just, just wanna stay like this for a little bit

DONNIE

His hand were still shaking after you came too

He slowly pulled himself away after a hug

You can feel the pain in your eyes

Slowly, ignoring the pain, you raised your arms and invited him into the other hug

He walked quickly towards you and wrapped his arms around you

You can feel his nails rubbing against your back, he gripped you tightly like you were about to slip out

"I- I don't know how to feel-"

You whispered while rubbing his neck. "Everything is okay Donnie, everything will be okay."

RAPH

Krang hissed behind you as he tried to reach you and he felt panic trying to grip his body

He gripped you tightly but not hurtfully and pulled you

He was trying to use his strength as carefully as possible, even as he slowly put you down

He was the first to break the group hug, worried about your bones and scars

"We should go and get some-"

You grabbed his panicked face and kissed him, feeling his tensed muscles soften under a kiss

Tears wet both your face and his

MIKEY

With a final wink to Krang, he closed the portal

He's the one running for the first hug, he really held her body, he really made it

Even when he brokes hug, he was still very happy, she did it, she made it

He didn't even notice the tears running down his cheeks

His relief was reflected in tears, The stress inside was him flowing with tears

He opened his arms again and pulled you into a hug

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt x reader #tmnt x reader #rottmnt #rottmnt headcanons #tmnt headcanons #leonardo x reader #donatello x reader #michelangelo x reader #raphael x reader #take a handkerchief #haha angst go brr #save rottmnt

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crazyblueghost · 3 months

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Oops

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #pomni #jax #funnybunny #pomni x jax #my art #fanart #haha angst go brr

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badlydrawn-brostrider · 4 months

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READ TAGS OF DIRK BRO HUG.... can we see bro melting into hug w dirk. falls to knees please im so soft for melty bro so true

==> BRO: Melt into your splinters arms.

[ It's not so much melting as it is you falling apart when he pulls you in. He's solid and warm and so small. He shouldn't have to see you like this. ]

[ He never complains, or really says anything period. Just holds you for what feels like forever until you finally feel normal again. It's embarrassing how quickly his shoulder grows damp. You don't deserve this. ]

[ . . . For just a little while, you think you don't care. ]

( @badlydrawn-dirkstrider )

#for now this is the closest yall will get to him melting into dirk.......#touch starved sad bro go brr #sorry guys its more angst #bro strider #dirk strider #dirkin time #homestuck ask blog #hom3stuck #homestuck #anon asks #does this count as hurt/comfort #it still counts as soft melty bro its just SAD soft melty bro ABDJDN

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lovelyunknown · 4 months

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N’s Lament (One Moment More)

I know sacrifice. It’s worth the full price, To hold one moment more within my hands. I won't take your life. She can’t make me decide That the world is worth more without you. So hold my hand in yours, And spend one moment more With me, before the end of the world. Lets run under the dark With nothing but our spark And the ticking of the clock within our hearts.

#Nuzi angst go brr in my head so I made an N poem thats sad #Yes its supposed to feel like a response to eternal dream #murder drones #murder drones n #n murder drones #n md #serial designation n #nuzi #murder drones nuzi #biscuit bites #fan poem #poetry #fanworks by me

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tmcsartstuff · 1 month

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If Val still abuses Vox like stated in the old lore, would he and Angel be able to relate?

Tw: discussions of abuse

If you weren’t back in the early days of the fandom, back then we barely knew anything about Vox. All we knew was a few limited and obvious things like he was an entertainment overlord and one of the three Vees.

However, one of the things we later learned about him in a livestream is that him and Val are in some sort of relationship and that Val is obviously abusive towards him.

This was a part of the old lore and while I’m sure Val can get violent from time to time, it seems from episode two that this new idea of Vox has a lot of control over Val’s anger and wouldn’t really allow him to crack or break his screen.

But back then we didn’t know this. Remember when we thought Val would be the leader of the Vees?

Considering that we also still thought the Voxtagram stories a were canon and Val is shown to break Vox’s screen often, we had a very different interpretation of him.

And with the popularity of amazing fan song ‘eyes on me’ from paranoid dj that also shows their relationship as abusive at the end of the video, this was all we thought their relationship would be like. (Ok but honestly eyes on me is amazing I listen to it like every week)

Now, how did this relate to angeldust?

We knew a lot more about Angeldust because he is part of the main cast, and when addict released the show was making it very obvious that Val was his boss, abuser, and that hurts and affects him daily.

When the show released we get a sneak peak of how manipulative Val is in episode 2 when he convinces Angel to come to the studio, but it is the worst in the infamous episode.

This episode’s entire theme is about Val and just how horrible he treats Angel and has no regards for his feelings, body, or well being.

I could go into more detail on just how bad Val is to Angel, but that’s a sensitive topic that’s been discussed to death already.

But as we see at the end of ‘poison,’ Vox gives Angel a look that I can only describe as smug jealousy.

Which Vox, I love you, but that is disgusting.

In this frame it’s shown to us that Vox is jealous of Angel because Val focuses a lot of his time on Angel and not him, but… Angel is literally getting raped without his consent?

Vox may be Val’s on and off boyfriend, but he’s very aware of what Val does to his employees, especially Angel. It’s part of why he works with him.

But comparing someone who youre partly letting get abused in your workplace by you’re friend and work partner to jealously because they are getting abused and beat by that person daily to be jealous of because Angel spends more time with Val than he gets to?

I’m sorry Vox, but that sickens me to an extreme level.

Of course I could just be reading to far into that one frame, but in the context of the show Vox is an egotistical overlord who is already shown to not care for his own employees. So why would he care about what Val does to his?… except when they are the source of his anger and time.

Now, theoretically, let’s say that in the new lore Val is still abusive to Vox at times. Ignoring how close they were in the finale song in episode 8.

Val is poison to everyone around him, even the people he’s the closest to.

Would Vox and Angel be able to bond over this? I say no.

Angel is a sinner, which is on the lower part of the class system in hell. It’s normalized that someone like him can be treated however it applies to a contract they signed.

There’s no sympathy for him by others except when they care for him and what it makes Angel do to himself (Husk) or when they know just what goes down in that studio (Charlie)

But I highly doubt Angel and Vox are any sense of close.

Vox mainly works on his floor, and Angel works in the studio. They obviously have met and vox still has that.. *ew* resentment to Angel, but that’s really it.

Now, vox on the other hand, is a powerful level who is on the same level, if not more powerful that Valentino because he’s the leader of the Vees.

Even if Val abuses him sometimes, he’s probably… into that.

Look at that waist and tell me that man isn’t a bottom, you get the point.

Val and Vox’s story hasn’t been told to us yet, but by using background information like a old picture of them from presumably the 70’s and how close they seem, I theorize they met a little after Val died and teamed up to become more powerful. They were a little attracted to one another, but it never did and still isn’t official, even if they look and act gay as hell. (Heh)

So Vox is on the same level as Val and has been close to him for 50+ years. They’ve had plenty of good moments, even if they are both awful people.

Oh yeah, let’s talk about that.

Since Vox is also on the same level as Val, he still is a awful person as well see in episode 2,4, and 8. (His appearances)

Even if he Dosent sexually assault his employees, he still treats them horribly, as does Velvette. I assume this is common practice for overlords to treat their souls poorly, but it’s still not a good practice. I feel bad for the fish guy who had to make angelic security on the spot, he looks as stressed as me.

He hypnotizes people into trusting him and buying his technology, which is just evil businessman behavior. Someone said he reminds them of lord business from the LEGO movie, and I see it.

He is also very petty towards Alastor in almost every way, immediately trying to brainwash his audience to not listen to him.

I’m not saying being petty is a sign of being a awful person, but for Vox it contributes.

There’s the… look in episode 4, which I’ve already discussed, but it’s important to note that Vox is in Val’s studio DURING Val shooting and mistreating his stars.

If he regularly does this is then he is more than aware of what Val does to his employees and only gives them disgusted stares back. Like all he sees in them is what Val sees, useless whores for content.

Which is obviously not good lmao

And then in episode 8 (and partly episode 6 if you look into it)

Vox is shown to have spying technology all over the city which is how he regulates his users behavior. He uses this tech to spy on alastor and the others and make fun of them like he’s watching football.

At the end of the episode, we see him happily dancing with Valentino and Tounge kissing him, showing us even more that they’re in love in their own sick twisted evil way.

Angel on the other hand, is shown to be better.

He’s in a hotel for redemption and throughout the season we see him slowly kicking his old habits like self destruction, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, distancing himself, etc.

(With the help of Husky ofc huskerdust for life)

And by the end of the season we see Angel being a lot more genuine to the others in the hotel and I only imagine he gets better once they find out it’s possible to be redeemed.

Vox is not shown to want to be morally better in the slightest, if not worse.

He wants to one up Alastor, he wants to take over hell with the other Vees, and he will do it however he wants because he’s a cartoon supervillain.

I’m not going to touch on what I Think of Val and Vox as a ship in this but what I will say is that Vox is a cartoon supervillain, doing things that even though horrible in the universe are just seen as goofy to us viewers.

Val on the other hand is scarily realistic, a abuser who manipulates his victims and forces them to have sex for his own benefits. I think that’s the main thing that sets me off for them, even if they are evilly perfect for each other. (So I’m gonna steal vox from Val)

Vox is in a much different position with Val than Angel is, equal to if not above him while Angel is very below him. We see Angel stand up to him in episode 6, but I just know he was beaten the hell out of the next day and broken even further.

Vox would belittle him, so the only way I see the two even talking genuinely is if Angel starts it.

This isn’t like Angel and Husk, where they’re both washed up losers who are going through situations similar enough to bond, there’s an extreme power imbalance that wouldn’t make it as meaningful as Angel and husk’s talk.

There’s an amazing comic, I’ll add it below, but it’s actually what got me thinking about this topic.

If Vox comes out with his screen cracked after Angel was also hurt just to yell at the other becuase he’s ruining their image, then I see this potentially working.

They could share a sweet line like Angel showing concern for Vox’s cracked screen considering that’s his face and it must feel like having you’re skull cracked open. Angel has probably been driven to that level before.

However I have this one image in my head.

If Vox and Angel are both slightly talking and then they both say, “Val can be… rough.”

I think that perfectly shows how different the two’s situations are with him.

Vox would say it all horny with a tint of love to his voice, while Angel would say it actually despaired and quiet. They see Val’s actions differently because they are affected differently by it.

Vox isn’t scared of Val because he is on the same level as him, and I think that’s the main reason to why they wouldn’t kconnect.

Besides, both Vox and Angel are either too egotistical or have too many walls up to have a legit conversation about Val without knowing each other at all.

If anything Vox is only a contribute to why Val focuses on Angel so much, their relationship is toxic af and we see in ep 2 that Val likes to get a reaction out of Vox. It’s sick and twisted but I wouldn’t put it against him to do something like that.

So, in conclusion I don’t think Angel and Vox would be able to relate to each other because their situations and relationships with Val are so different, even if Val lets it out on Vox time to time his main target is Angel. Angel gets hurt almost every day and I’d say Vox only gets hurt every couple months on a really bad day.

We know a lot of the lore has changed since the pilot and the Voxtahram stories most of these claims come from arent even canon, so I probably just ranted about nothing.

Regardless Thank you for reading, and goodnight. If you have any genuine thoughts about this feel free to share in the comments and reblogs, I’m curious.

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